#ill get back to that in like 2 years or smth

[maiyz]

a pearl

yuji x reader | masterlist

01: nice binder goob

wc 0.8k

you arrived at jujutsu tech in early february, it gives you about 4 months to plan an assassination of sukunas vessel, a first year student named yuuji itadori.

your tactical boots specialized in traction and protection crunch the winter leaves below you. its just about 6am, you woke up early today.

you plan out the killing in your head. come to think about it 4 months is a lot isnt it? you typically like making it quick and simple, although you have little experience in actual killing people.

perhaps bidding your time would be the best option. jujutsu tech is filled with many powerful individuals who would most likely kill her if they knew her intentions. your biggest fear is the 10 shadows user, he appears to have the closest relationship to sukunas vessel.

at around 7am she arrived outside the classroom, where gojo sensei would be waiting to introduce her to the measly 3 first year students inside.

“everybody!” gojo shouts at a volume way too loud for 7 in the morning. “we have a new student! give her a round of applause!”

sukunas vessel and kugisaki clap lamely while fushiguro makes no attempt to indulge in gojos acts.

you enter the classroom and bow slightly before walking to the single empty desk. “thats yn zenin! which puts the first year class at 4 students! hooray!” gojo shouts.

you have no intention on talking to the other students, or anyone for that matter. while gojo talks about paired missions all you can do is fight the urge to fall asleep, maybe waking up early was a bad idea.

“ok! we have an even number of students sooo…! were gonna do paired missions! nobara and megumiii in one pair and ill supervise yuji and yn!”

is gojo ever quiet.

oh, me and sukunas vessel?

thats good. i could probably kill him easily. what about the veil though? i surely wouldnt be let out if gojo is supervising.

well its still good to figure out some information about sukunas vessel.

you enter the car driven by gojo, the mission you were assigned to is a grade 2 curse in an abandoned hospital about 45 minutes away. you stare out the window on to the dense forest near the road.

the car stops before gojo tells you and sukunas vessel to get out of the car. you stretch slightly when getting out due to sitting for too long before starting to walk to the mission site.

gojo lowers his veil trapping you and sukunas vessel, hopefully he doesnt like. kill you or smth.

you walk around looking for a 2nd grade curse, checking the patients rooms, waiting room, the roof. although you just cant put your finger on where it is.

while youre looking, sukunas vessel keeps blabbering on and on, to the point where youre starting to tune him out.

he taps your shoulder which throws you off guard, causing you to step back away from him quickly.

“just trying to ask a question” sukunas vessel says.

i thought he was gonna kill me. he couldve just now.

“what.”

“why did you become of a sorcerer?”

theres a brief silence before you say. “its none of your business”

“thats fine, you remind me of fushiguro in a way! youre both very grumpy you know?”

after about a couple minutes of fighting with the curse you end up surviving the mission relatively unharmed, sukunas vessel took most of your heavy hits for you.

you and sukunas vessel end up both going to ms leiri for her expertise in reverse cursed technique. not that you needed it, you just tagged along.

you tagged along because you had to. not because you wanted to.

you, the other 2 firsts years, and sukunas vessel get treated to. revolver sushi. or something similar to that. you expected this is be a gun shop or maybe the name of a brand, not a type of restaurant.

“what you and kugisaki never been to a revolving sushi place? you have to go its so cool! its for the experience!” (ita)

“they dont have those where i grew up. revolving sushi is cheap isnt it? lets go somewhere expensive since gojo sensei is paying” (kugi)

“but i want it! its not about how expensive it is, its about the experience!” (ita)

“you say that until you get food poisoning.” (kugi)

“you agree with me, right zenin!??” (ita)

you shake your head in disagreement.

“see i told you! zenin agreed, were gonna get steak!” (kugi)

“when did zenin agree to get steak” (fushi)

“shut your mouth.” (kugi)

extra!

lol im so stupid instead of ln i just use zenin frigg

can u tell dialogue is my least fav thing ever. ngl everything non smau is.mmmlol

my friend said i was the type to read ao3 and bl. i ask her hiw did she know what that meant and she was like. i have my sources. ok freak

i played volleyball and i hit it and it bounce onto my face or smth ow

my chromebook got power washed wuess by who. me. i did on accident my bad 💔✌️

took soso long for this I SPENT LJKE 2 weeks. next chapter in 6 weeks stay stuned

ok gn.

taglist! (0/50)

[moonpaw]

@heropartnerweek

free day!

[puppppppppy]

id fumble him so bad

[somethingsomethingcomic]

gay and stupid

[auriidae]

i had forgotten what it was like to go crazy insane over fictional characters >_<;; apologies for the many posts recently but there are Guys In My Brain

[phagodyke]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[yujiqi]

match made in heaven

stranger!hyunjin x wealthy f!reader

synopsis: you’re feeling desperate tonight so you decide to look for someone to hook up with on a dating app and it seems you guys could be more than a one night stand

genre/s: smut, fluff

warnings: oral f!receiving, vanilla sex, lil bit of dry humping

wc: 1.7k

a/n: listen to singularity - bts while reading! i wrote this 2 years ago so it’s not that good but i feel bad for not posting so heres a little smth! mostly proofread!

you long for evenings like this. sipping on a glass of wine, taking a hot bath with a rich lavender essence filling the bathroom.

"miss y/n, your food has arrived. shall i leave it here?" you hear your butler from the other side of the door.

"leave it on my coffee table, thank you"

you hear his footsteps fading away. being wealthy is fun. many people say money cant buy happiness but you think that's false. they're just saying that because they don't have money.

you live alone, your butler and the others that do your housework come early in the morning, but by midnight, it's just you. a part of you wishes you had someone to spend your nights with. you’re the ceo of the company your dad owns. some say you were born with a silver spoon. they aren't wrong, but it does bother you how people badmouth you behind your back when you could easily end their career.

you take the last sip of your wine and set the glass down. you carefully step out of the bathtub and wrap a towel around yourself. the aroma of food fills your nostrils. you ordered lobster with a couple other sides. your butler left a new bottle of wine right by it. you usually don't have big meals like this but it’s friday and it’s been a tiring week. you hear your phone ring and you hesitate for a moment. you don't feel like talking to anyone right now. it’s your mom calling. she's always bugging you about how you need to get married.

"hello" you finally answer the phone.

"y/n. what did i tell you about ignoring my calls." she sounds mad.

"you know i'm busy, mom"

"too busy to answer the woman that brought you to this planet?"

"mom," you pause for a second because you really don't wanna do this right now. "i have to go"

"when are you going to get married, y/n" you feel like she can practically hear your eye roll at this point.

"why are you so worried about that when i'm literally the ceo of a company? i'm well off, i don’t need a man" you protest.

"i just think it would be best if you settled with a man, have a kid that will soon takeover the company too"

"i'm going to sleep. goodnight" and with that, you hang up.

you’re 26, she seriously needs to back off a bit. although you do feel you should find a man. you don't want a man to settle down with though, you want a man to satisfy you and pleasure you. lord knows you need it. you can't remember the last time you had sex. maybe 3 years ago? you’ve been so busy, you haven't had time to think about yourself. you look at your phone and can't believe what you’re about to do. you open the app store and type in "hookup apps".

you’re shocked you’d stoop this low, but you’re feeling really desperate tonight. you open the app and it asks for the basics. name, age, city, and a few extra questions. the app is very quick to find matches. none of them interest you until someone catches your eye.

hyunjin, 23, seoul

cool, hes 3 years younger than you but you can make it work. you send a request to him and he immediately sends a message.

hyunjin: into younger guys i see?

me: im gonna be honest... im really desperate rn

hyunjin: oh yeah? dont u wanna know even a little bit about me?

me: not really

hyunjin: i could be an old white man yk

me: the fact that ur saying that alr lets me know ur not

hyunjin: true

me: ill give u my address then

hyunjin: already???

me: i told u im desperate

you send him your address and anxiously wait in the lobby area of your penthouse. you mess with the strap on your velvet robe. you’re not wearing anything underneath so easy access, right? you get a message from hyunjin asking for the gate code. you give it to him and soon you hear the doorbell chime throughout the house. you quickly get up and open the massive door for him.

"woah" his mouth wide open, pure shock on his face

"you like it?"

"i'm not talking about the house, i'm talking about you" he says.

well that's a first. you don't get many guests, but when you do, all they talk about is the house.

"you're bold" is all you manage to let out. he's fine. incredibly fine. the way his long black his falls perfectly onto his shoulders. you notice the mole under eye. how unique. he's also very tall, much taller than you at least. he has long, slim fingers and your mind can't help but imagine what he can do with them.

"do you want a glass of wine?" you ask him

"i thought you were horny"

"i am, i'm just building up to it" you look up at him with those eyes. the ones that make any guy melt. you grab his hand and lead him upstairs to your room. we sit on the couch and you pour him a glass. even while he drinks, he doesn't take his eyes off of you. he looks hungry and you like it.

"this is a nice place you have" he says, setting down the glass.

"yeah, i'm the ceo of my dad's company" you’re not really one to brag so you don't know why you said that, internally face palming. he nods and continues to stare into your eyes. he then looks down to catch a glimpse at what you’re wearing. the hunger in his eyes grows even more. with the way he's looking at you, you don't think you can sit still any longer. you get closer to him. he watches you closely. you look at him and ask,

"what do you want?"

"you" is all he says before placing his lips on yours. he kisses you so slow and sensually, just how you like it. you wrap your arms around his neck and your hand moves to the back of his head. he deepens the kiss, if that was even possible. he adjusts himself on the couch, making you sit on his lap. you can't help but to slightly grind against him due to the lack of friction. he lets out a slight groan into the kiss. so he likes this... good to know.

"hyunjin, please" you breathe between kisses

he only lets out a low moan in response. his hands find your robe strap. he wastes no time unraveling it. you get goosebumps from the cold air. but the second his hands land on your bare chest, you feel hot. he plays with your breasts for a while before breaking the kiss. his lips move to your jaw, then neck, then collarbone. you start to breathe heavy as you wait for him to put his mouth where you want it the most.

he kisses the area right above your left nipple and takes it in his mouth soon after. you almost immediately moan at the sensation you haven't felt in forever. you run your fingers gently through his hair as his face is shoved in your chest.

"hyunjin, the bed" you whisper into his ear. he stops feasting on you and looks into your eyes with that same look from before, but this one more desperate. he hurriedly picks you up and places you on your king bed, white satin sheets. your lips connect again with the slow and sensual pace as hyunjin climbs on top of you. it feels like you’ve been doing this all night but its only been a few minutes. you pull his shirt over his head. he has a slim appearance, but also has visible abs. what a sight. he's so beautiful, you admire him before he starts to kiss down your stomach. he gets closer and closer to your pussy and you want to moan before he even does anything. you like that in this moment, no words are needed. you’re taking things slowly. you desperately want him to touch and feel every part of you. he looks up at you before eating you out like you’re his last meal. with every movement of his tongue, you feel like you’re in heaven knowing you’re far from it. you thrust your hips, shoving yourself further into his mouth. he pulls your legs further apart, trying to taste every inch of you. there's that familiar yet unfamiliar feeling building up in you.

a breathy "hyun m’gonna" is all that can come out of your mouth.

"not yet love" he moves away from your pulsing cunt. you’re about to whine before he shuts you up with another kiss. he sits up to unbutton his pants. he discards his boxers as well. he pumps himself a bit before leaning down to place more kisses onto your lips as if he'll never get to feel them again. he adjusts himself before thrusting into you slowly. gosh it's been so long since you’ve felt something this good. he leans forward onto his elbows, his cock buried deep in you. you feel his breath your my ear. you wrap your arms around him tightly. the way you are right now feels so comfortable. it's like you’ve known him your whole life even though you met 30 minutes ago. he ruts into you deeply and passionately.

"y/n you're doing so good" he breathes out. he holds you tighter, kissing the skin by your ear. his thrusts start to get faster as you both get closer to your orgasm, and your moans get louder. there's that feeling again, except it's much more intense this time. with one final thrust, you both release. it's interesting how you’re so in sync with everything. you don't want this to be your last night with him. you guys catch your breath for a second before he removes his head from your neck to look at you.

"you're amazing" he smiles at you, a sincere one.

"you too" you smile back.

for some reason, it feels like you don't need to say anything else. like you both know what the other is feeling and thinking through everything you just did. it's connections like this that you should cherish. you plan on sticking with him.

"lets stay like this for a while, then get cleaned up, yeah?" he says

you just nod, his hair tickles your chin.

you’ve finally found your match, your match made in heaven.

[charbored]

Doing one of those note things

3 notes and ill wear a small pride pin on my bag [done!]

5 notes and ill try to take better care of myself both mentally and physically [in progress] [eeeeeeeh well i am trying atleast]

10 notes and ill focus and do my schoolwork on time [doing better than before]

15 notes and ill cut half of my hair off [i want to]

20 notes and ill [try] to come out as transmasc to one of my best friends irl on saturday [or another time idk]

30 notes and ill try to tell my family i wanna do theater or art

300 notes and ill try to come out as transmasc to my mom

310 notes and ill come out to the rest of my family

311 notes and ill try to get my new school that i go to next year use my real name and pronouns on everything

EDIT:

Omg i expected this to flop completely and get like 2 notes or smth then some hours later get back to this😭😭😭im rlly gonna have to lock in

But srs thanks yall i rlly needed motivation for this

[spxdyr]

okay look. ill never say 9-1-1 has perfect writing. hell, i might not even say they have particularly good writing. but the one thing the show is, is intentional.

i saw a post talking about all the plot holes in season 8 so far, and to be honest none of them were really holes.

1. where did the bees go? this feels like a silly question mostly because the show literally explained that they were moving with the wind or smth. like the plane emergency was only barely triggered by the bees.

2. what happened to the madney/henren conflict over mara? i saw what they were seeing but hen & chim are grown ass adults who realized the goal was to get mara home. the conflict never needed to happen because madney is having a second baby.

3. why is eddies years & years of repression solved with one conversation? it wasnt. he's still repressed the only thing that changed about eddie in 8x06 was him trying to stop punishing himself for the mistake he made with chris. nothing else has changed. idk what they were seeing with that one.

4. why has denny dying had no longlasting impact on henren? two things with that one. one, this was a buck & eddie focused episode. we got no furthering for storyline for anyone else, that's just how network tv works. two, when has 9-1-1 really ever given us longlasting impact. the closest we got was buck's leg crushing (which technically, at this point, has seen no further repercussions-not even a limp) and the shooting, which was more the emotional repercussions than any physical. lets not jump to conclusions based on an episode that didn't focus on henren at all.

5. and the most important, the bucktommy breakup. if i have to keep beating this goddamned horse about this fuckin breakup im gonna lose it. the breakup was written in the script from the beginning. from the: leaving buck on the side of the road, the dismissiveness around buck and his lil curse. and its not even the dismissiveness, because eddie was also in disbelief about the curse. its about the "your five minutes of screen time is up evan" and the comments about having a team that acts as family when tommy never had that. it was even the distance between at the funeral scene. because if we look back at the other funeral in season 7, eddie was right there next to buck because it wasn't just a buck moment. buck needs that support.

that's it for now

[wellperfumedbead]

Okay but what if I wanted to ask you about vampire squids? I love autism ramblings about marine life.

:000

Okokok this is going to be very unstructured but sh

Ok so despite their name, they're not actually squid, infact they're probably closer to octopuses are in. And well, they were initially (and wrongly) classified as cirrate octopuses (like the flapjack octopus). And you can sorta see why really

So they're not squid, they're not octopuses but they are cephalopods, their own group of cephalopod of which they are the only known member. Their classification was rectified about the 1940s or 1950s. And this was in a German expedition whose purpose was to prove there was life below whatever number of metres, I can't remember how deep it was.

Anyway, they get about 30cm and live at depths around 600m-1200m (sorry idk how much that is in the imperial system). And they live in practically any the oceans in oxygen minimal zones/the oxygen minimal layer. In the OML there's very very little oxygen, like 5% oxygen or smth. That can be bc of circulation in the oceans and that water just isn't moved around as much (there's a name for those little pockets of ocean but I can't remember it). But they have blue blood that is copper based (?) and it binds oxygen really well. I don't know much about that bc I'm not much of a chemistry guy. But they also just use very little energy and have lots of surface area on their gills to absorb as much oxygen as they can.

They have remained largely unchanged for like 300 million years which is cool. In captivity they have been recorded to live for about 2 months but it's estimated they live for almost a decade in the wild.

Now they're called "the vampire squid from hell" (that's what their scientific name translates to) bc of their appearance. The red colour, the large red eyes (that are actually clear but appear blue or red in certain lighting) and the fleshy cirri (little spike things) that lines their webbing. When they are threatened they pull their webbing over their head and it makes them look scary and pointy but really the cirri is soft and squishy.

I'm gonna go back to the eyes for a second bc they are huge compared to the 'squids' body. Like pretty sure they're the biggest eyes compared to body size in any animal or smth. Really cool.

Oh and btw they do have suckers as well but only small ones on the furthest half of the arms from the body. Argh I want to talk about the arms but I want to finish talking about defence mechanisms first. ILL GET BACK TO THE ARMS!!

Ok so they have really weak muscles so their ass is not going anywhere fast, which is a problem when things are trying to eat you (things like sharks, larger cephalopods, fish, and even some diving whales). Their top speed is like 2 body lengths per second. So apart from the spines, they also have some bioluminesence up their sleeves. They have two large light organs on top of their head that kinda look like eyes and one on each end of their arm. So when they pull up their webbing around them and you look at them from the 'top' BAM suddenly you've got lots of scary eyes looking at you. Also they don't squirt ink but do squirt a sticky bioluminesent goo that either distracts the predator, or sticks to the predator so and even bigger predator comes along and eats them. I think this goo can stay glowing for about 10 minutes? I'm not sure. Im pretty sure that this is symbiotic bioluminescene tho, which is where the animal cultivates glowing bacteria to use rather that mixing all the chemicals for bioluminecense in their body themselves.

Ok ok ok arms and 'tentacles'. So they have 8 arms yeah but no tentacles. Instead they have two looonnngggg filaments that they store in little pockets in their body

You can see one there. These are like 8 times their body length and they connect directly to the 'squids' brain.

FOOD!! Unlike pretty much every other cephalopod ever, they are detrivores, which means they eat essentially garbage. Rotting organic matter known as marine snow and literal shit. They way they eat this is they catch the detritus with sticky cells on their filaments and use mucus to make it into something more easy to pass into their beak.

We don't know a whole lot about their breeding and stuff but the males pass a sperm packet to the female for storage so she can fertilise her eggs when she likes. When the babies hatch they are very teeny and don't have their webbing yet. The parents don't tend to their children at all and until they can feed themselves, they eat their egg sacs. They grow pretty slow bc there's not many nutrients and stuff available for them in the deep.

A cool thing about the babies is that when they hatch, they have one pair of swimming fins, then as they grow they develop a second pair, and then eventually they loose (its absorbed into their body, cant waste it) the first pair and just have their second pair. Sorta like we have adult and baby teeth

Another thing that sets them apart from other cephalopods is that they reproduce multiple (up to 20) times in their life, until they die. Other cephalopods usually die after the first time. This makes them iteraparous, while other cephalopods are semelparous.

Ok almost done I promise. A few more things:

-adults use their fins to swim while juveniles use propulsion

-the ICUN has not evaluated them

-they have very good balancing organs like the ones in our ears

-they can not change colour like other cephalopods bc their cromataphores are underdeveloped

THATS PRETTY MUCH ALL I KNOW SO FAR ABOUT THEM!! When I research, I like to try to exhaust every single reliable site with information about them and write it down so I dont think I missed anything too important when I first was researching them :)

Have some more pictures!!

[localsunnet]

monn rach lore because i cannot keep it to myself anymore sobbing (pt 1)

You read the title, monn rach lore (pt 1) because two people said yes

ill try to make it make sense because my grammar kinda sucks ass and i dont know how to properly explain things (and i’ll split it into 2-3 parts because i don’t want the post to be too long 💔💔💔💔)

also if it’s historically inaccurate im so sorry ,,

presented by yours truly (warnjng: i suck at writing)

Monn was born into the religious Rach family in Leipzig on 13th of March 1784, and is the youngest one among his siblings, Meier and Martin.

Since his father was an officer in the Prussian army and wasn’t usually home, Monn’s mother cared for him and his brothers alone, and she usually brought them to church. (you guys will not like his father, trust me)

When Monn is 2 years old, his mother started noticing weird behaviours from him, like not being able to speak properly. At first she thought it was nothing and figured he’ll grow out of it, but those behaviours followed him to his 5th birthday, and since the family’s religious she reaallyy started to believe that he’s cursed in a way and started ignoring him, only feeding him but basically just gave him no attention in fear that he’ll attract a demon or smth (this will NOT cause problems later on /sarc). Luckily his brothers think that’s bullshit so they started to care for him instead and taught him life skills, though mother would always warn them to not interact with him. Monn during this time also started to have small cannibalistic thoughts, which will NOT spiral guys!! /j

So Monn was no longer given attention by his mom and pretty much started to distrust her, only daring to approach his brothers for help. During this time he found an interest in cats, black cats to be specific, and he started to dream of being a veterinarian when he grows up.

One day during mass at age 6, he met Father Silvio, a new chaplain in St. Thomas, and he immediately trusted him with every atom of his being due to him looking like a white cat and followed him around, even though Silvio kind of didn't like him and would push him away every time they’ll interact. (he will come back later in clutch so keep him in mind)

When he was 10, Monn met a scholar (who I didn’t name but feel free to suggest) who was willing to teach him sign language and help him read and write properly after school. Most of Monn’s happy childhood memories came from his time with the scholar and he feels like he owed him a lot for it. Sadly the scholar had to leave Leipzig 2 years later and he never crossed paths with him ever again. Before he left, he did gift Monn a grey wool scarf as a sign of appreciation.

His life after that wasn’t super interesting, his routine was just wake up, breakfast, go to school, come back, dinner, sleep. Maybe add going to mass on Sundays but thats really about it.

And I’ll end it here for this part because im gonna TWEAK after using my brain to write this for 2 nights (which is apparently when my brain usually goes “write now”) (yes i did get sleep because i got tired) im so sorry guys for not writing the entire thing guh…

hopefully you guys can understand this and LIKE MONN’S LORE!!! (Any suggestions and criticisms are VERY welcome, making situations is also VERY allowed!!)

monarchy out and until i return

[narcfyodor]

hiii, i saw your post about being open to answering questions about your disorders. how was the process of getting diagnosed with npd? do your npd and adhd interact in a certain way? how does traits of a disorder being recognized differ from a full diagnosis? do your diagnoses put you at any risk, like possibly not being taken seriously in a medical context or smth? thank you for your time!

Hii thank you for the ask! Remember that this is partially personal experience and diffrent people will have different experiences.

how was the process of getting diagnosed with npd?

It was a bit uncomfortable/it was an inconvenience. I had to talk to a psychiatrist, explain how I think, feel and give examples. The psychiatrist gave off a weird vibe during and was colder after the test. As for how the process goes. First I filled out a test with over a 100 questions asking about common thoughts and behaviors of every personality disorder. Once I gave it back and they had the results I sat down with a psychiatrist and we went thru every personality disorder. She asked me specific questions, I had to answer, give examples, and explain if necessary. Based on my answer she circled either 0 (symptom isn't there or only very lightly), 1 (symptom is there but doesn't fill the entire criteria) or 2 (symptom is very strong). It took about 6 and a half hours for me.

do your npd and adhd interact in a certain way?

Yes, definitely! In my childhood I went thru a lot of ableism because of my adhd. I used to have a special form of dyslexia, I was born with it but with years of therapy I was able to get rid of it and my reading, spelling and so on is on a average level now. So that paired with ADHD often made it really hard for me to do anything school related. I was always behind in class even tho I put way more effort and time into it than other people. I was constantly comparing myself with everyonr and almost everyone was better than. I was furious at them for not having to go thru what I do. These expirences definitely play a part in how my npd developed and how it expresses itself.

Aside from that the strong and intense mood swings from ADHD and BPD make me crash more often than most people who have NPD.

how does traits of a disorder being recognized differ from a full diagnosis?

Having traits of a disorder is often considered as having a lot of the symptoms of the disorder but not enough to get the diagnosis. As an example you may match 2/5 diagnostic criteria for a disorder but to get the diagnosis you need 3/5. As far as I'm aware, or at least where I live, you can't diagnose traits, only medically recognize them. A "full" diagnosis is given when you match enough (as and example 3/5) or more than enough (5/5) of the diagnostic criteria.

Do your diagnoses put you at any risk, like possibly not being taken seriously in a medical context?

In some contexts, yes. Before I got BPD diagnosed my therapist told me that it's all my ADHD without even looking into it. Sadly I've met ableist psychiatrists and therapists more than once. I'm currently also looking to move into a therapeutic living group for people with mental illnesses and when I apply it could be that they reject me because of my diagnosis, especially npd.

TW mention of Suicidal thoughts, hospital

When I go to the hospital because I'm feeling suicidal it could be that either, I have to stay there for a longer time due to my BPD diagnosis, or that they don't take me seriously because I have BPD and think it'll just pass after some time.

Outside of a medical context it's mostly loosing "friends". I rarely tell people irl that I have NPD but when I do it can get pretty uncomfortable. That isn't really a risk but just something annoying. Teachers are also more likely to be ableist and weird to me.

I hope I could answer your questions well enough anon! Have a great day/night ahead!

[silusvesuius]

i trust ur opinions the most out of any skaighrhim fan i know of, you just never miss

i wanna know your sexuality headcanons

exactly.. speak! i truly never miss; but thank you 🤗💗💛 here i go precursor i think most skajrimlian males hate women so that will be explaining most thoughts here so just put a pin in that OK?

no asteriks in this post because it looks annoying 2 me ; brace yourselves

ulfric is definitely gay but only with relation to galmar (mutualism), he hasn't really ever liked anyone since enough to pursue. he is also gay only because he detests women and finds them disgusting after spending some time with elenwen in the torture dungeons, the events shuffling his neurons. same as ulfric, galmar is also light in the loafers, except out of choice. i just don't think he'd find the same 'excitement' in women. he sticks with ulfric atm because 1. of duty and 2. he's very much obsessed with the security ulfric's mental illness and need for reassurance brings him. He just makes him feel good! and ulfric's not even necessarily trying to. iykyk rikke is straight only cause she hasn't had the chance to experiment (always surrounded by men). she likes a responsible manly man. currently likes tullius and is failing at life Hard bc of it. probably used to like ulfric and/or galmar back when they were bffs but never got to join their men-only pond bathing sessions tullius is bis😁exual! and it drives him nuts, cause he's not allowing himself to get into male-on-male action fully. imagine that paired with his blossoming altmer fetish. it's a hard life to live let me tell U that ....... likes women when they're interesting enough and is more 'attracted' to men. he's more likely to Like an altmer woman. for men it's just a bonus. a big bonus. if he's an altmer. elenwen My daisy flower rose petal Goddess is straight but also i think she's above having a sexuality. i think she likes others based on how interesting she thinks they are, similar to tullius. don't waste her time elisif is bisexual but not in a way she's ready to comprehend with her frail mind (concussion after ulfric's shout that evaporated her boo boo hubby into slop also threw her against a wall), she just kinda searches for literal crumbs of Anything from anyone, will start liking someone if they're nice to her in many ways. bonus if you see her as a snelf like me: she tends to fall for th*lmor very easily cus she sees them often and likes being in their presence due to feeling some sort of familial elf-tie with them (tired of being around humans all the time) hmmmm.... these are most important so i'll talk about anyone else under the cut

fasendil my cuteums is the straightest man(mer) aliiive i think it's cus of the empire's influence. as i mentioned before tullius would have an eye on him but fasendil would swiftly reject him and lose any respect for him completely. he and rikke would be cute and have a very lukewarm Milk boiled water unsalted soup relationship, saying this nicely, i like them talvas my sweety ugly butterfly Apple fairy (sorry i didn't mean to call you that) is gay but he's not registering that information yet in 'canon' events; he's not really interested in love and isn't seeking it out. can't you see he's preoccupied.. with learning.. unlike you lowlifes.! probably never been attracted to a girl, doesn't think about them. he feels happier when praised by men, too. neloth is .... it's hard to tell tbh, but first and foremost i'd say he likes them YYYYOUNG (around 20-30 in human years) and prefers guys over women, just cus he thinks women are harder to deal with, annoying and r fussier. he probably isn't a fan of the usual affection that comes from women, makes him cringe really hard. prefers more of a hesitant type. why not say smth about this bozo: morgul is defffo gay. Bruh you left orc society to hang with ugly twink elves in some ashy stranded island?? 😂😂 bye maybe slitter lets him hit sometimes (is the pay that good?) lleril is an interesting case to me actually, i just remembered when i was reading up on adril it was mentioned he doesn't sleep in the same bed as his wife and it made me laugh really loud; Wow........ explains it all rly. lleril probably thinks nobody can tell he's gay even tho everyone.....can.......... and adril is literally walking around that dinky town doing backflips for him so.. Hm ancano is gay and likes the younger impressionable ones because nobody cares about his ugly ass ever. those always tend to be altmer, or just thalmor subordinates savos is also a blooming pansy with No experience. i think he's pretty good at making his feelings not known (and generally tends to not interact with a bunch of people) so yeah....... nothing LMFAOO this is why he needs some talvas twink action stat i think i ran out of thoughts for now but if anything else comes 2 mind i'll add it later😝

[phagodyke]

allll good so far also realised only reason i felt sick was bc i had milk w breakfast LOL... just gotta finish this assay n email results + book training then I can take lunch + then I have protein analysis which will be a pain bc all the samples are powdered so I have to do them at 4x dilutions not 2 plus theyre lipases so they hate dissolving....... and then a gel IF I get them all done + a quick meeting then home taking a short nap eating a snack + GYM TIME WOOOO

soooo tired I feel a little nauseous but we stay strong

[spaceytoxinz]

TODD INGRAM HCS THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR

Im returning to my roots, this is about comic todd btw cause hes a dick and i hate hjm [hes my second favorite ex next to gideon]

He’s still easily flustered ofc, though not really in the sense where he gets bashful and coy like the anime conveys, he just gets frustrated about it. He will either deny the situation at hand or straight up tell someone to shut up when they point it out. Usually happens when he’s conflicted with his own thoughts regarding his sexuality or when proven wrong about smth

This is an old hc i had based on seeing this one image like early last year and immediately thinking he was zesty:

Hes definitely in denial about his sexuality. absolutely bisexual [duh] but he has internalized homophobia and focuses more on “potentially coming off as gay” than realizing he can be bisexual. Especially since he kept putting up this whole “fuck you im a rockstar” type of act. Seems very macho. Almost forced at times even if most of it comes from a place of genuine arrogance. [Angel lore implied lmfao oops]

His awakening was probably from joking around with his guy friends about gay shit [the straighter they are the gayer they act, i thought people were joking around about it] and one day they did something a little more physical as opposed to just saying gay shit [realistically they probably whispered in his ear from behind or smth] and from that day forward he’s had to convince himself that occasionally everyone thinks about getting physical with someone of the same sex but it “doesn’t mean anything”

basic but he dyes his hair blonde booooo obvious hc

surprisingly a decent cook. Originally he would make the typical cis”het” man meal [rubber tires with fried rat or smth idk] but because hes vegan he practically had to teach himself how to make food that wasn’t bland. Dont get me wrong, vegetables on their own can taste good but i feel like if anyone had to eat nothing but steamed vegetables with nothing else for a long ass time, it would drive them insane at some point. [plus envy probably told him to get his shit together and cook a decent meal for once]

Hes not ripped to me, hes like slightly pudgy. idc if its canon that he has abs or whatever. Hes still muscular ofc, but like its not super obvious unless he flexes. I guess like a sleeper build but everytime i search it up, it mostly shows skinny sleeper builds. Maybe ill draw it one day. just look at his arms in that image above.

out of all the evil exes he truly believes that hes the absolute MOST important one. Like everyone else does too but his level of arrogance is up there with Gideon’s. Unlike Gideon though he probably never shuts up about it, ESPECIALLY to Lucas. Its mostly because he punched the fucking moon. He doesn’t even like Ramona anymore. He’s just annoying

Nobody in the League fucking likes him. He probably gives Matthew and Roxy weird looks. Gideon straight up doesn’t care for them. The twins can tolerate Todd but talk shit about how annoyingly arrogant he is behind his back. And Lucas?? MF GOT PLAYED BY THIS ASSHOLE. Todd originally didn’t bother much with lucas and would sometimes tease him about their whole high school ordeal but when Lucas pointed out his faults, Todd just got defensive. So now he hates Lucas for nearly no reason when Lucas has more of a reason to not like Todd.

Hes still thought about doing it with Lucas at least once during their bickering lmao

Hes also tall as shit. Tallest in the league at about 6’. This is based on the video game sprites though so idk if it counts as comic Todd. But him and Lucas are not the same height.

alr im tired it’s almost 2 in the morning. I just make it sound like hes pissed al the time

[kroosluvr]

i'm genuinely curious I WANT YOU to outline how the shu/ake/sumi romance/and-or/situationship would unfurl in a post-p5r reality (where akechi lives, of course). what are the bullet points for what would happen between them. would they have a falling out. are they doomed. would they be horrible at communicating. would they finally be good at it. which pairing comes together first, if any at all. or would all 3 pairings happen at the same time at the same pace. or are they all in a limbo, not romantic nor platonic but a secret third thing.

OMG HI. HIIIII ok so. i havent actually thought about it that much (SURPRISING I KNOW) because i honestly suck ass at timelines (in regards to canon. tennis au on the other hand...) BUT I WILL DO MY BEST a lot of this is loose too.... im totally up for most anything but this is how i see it most of hte time heheeh (TY FOR THE ASK I LOVE THINKIJGN ABT THESE 3.)

this is .. kinda.. long.. ahem

pre-p5r: sumire is acquainted with goro thru her dad's show: they're not friends, but she's talked with him more than her sister. so when goro meets 'kasumi' at the cafe something strikes him as odd but it doesn't quite register: like ehhhh well why should i care / maybe my memory is just wrong / not worth my time

during p5r: 'kasumi' has a crush on akira, a kind of on-the-surface adoration of "wow i think you're really cool and we get along well!" nothing that's super advanced on or anything, and akira doesn't see her as anything beyond friends anyway.

she drops the crush upon reverting back to sumire, and it builds slowly over the course of 3rd sem but is also never really actualized - like she likes him ok whatever but then what..??

3rd sem (long winter au): long winter barebones: maruki's idealized world starts like on christmas or smth (havent thought this out TOO much LOL) and royaltrio-centric part of 3rd sem lasts for quite a while, at least 3 weeks-1 month. how does this work w the timeline i have no idea. BUT it leads to tense moments like spending new years together with the idealized thieves and trying to stay upbeat during all that, all the attempts and failures at breaking them out of it, and a LOT of tension during this time.

they argue and fight and are irritated with each other a lot of the time (goro the most vocal abt it obviously, sumire kind of drawing back into herself, and akira doing his best to stay optimistic. i think when akira starts to lose his spark is when the others r like oh we gotta make up for that slack and they finally up their game a bit) and yeah even sumire argues with akira and with goro and etc. im figuring this out PROMSIE ill come up w stuff and draw comic/write fic for it...

also 1/9 sumire fight is probably the beginning moment when goro starts to respect sumire more/see her more as a friend/comrade than a teammate. bc she almost kills joker and then him LMAO really giving them a run for their money... and also he really sees the pain she feels at being herself and resonates with it, either unconsciously or consciously

also upon seeing her Past broadcasted on maruki live television:tm: he makes the connection and is like oh so that's what happened. so all this time she was just masquerading as someone else. hmmm

anyway they're all very fragile and scared and sad during 3rd sem so they stick to eachother closely bc they're all they got to lean on. i think they have a lot of skinship during this time? handholding hugs leaning on each other sleeping in the same room (they hang out at leblanc A LOT bc 1) they're kind of afraid of being alone during this time 2) they're afraid of the OTHERS being alone during this time 3) leblanc is "untouched", compared to other parts of maruki's reality. can u imagine if even goro's apartment suddenly became nice overnight LMAO) but its like no feelings attached, just pure comfort kinda thing

kissing could also happen during this time but also no feelings attached, purely Why the hell not etc sort of vibe.

also goro and sumire get on first name basis during this time. this comic i drew w goro dying in my head which is Why he initiates first-name basis, but we can operate off the idea that he thought he'd die but somehow magically didnt. YAY!

but they have impeccable communication w each other and are very honest with their feelings. (goro avoids talking about his past tho. so maybe not THAT honest.) but they all achieve a really strong understanding of each other to survive maruki's winter wonderland...

i do think they develop feelings for each other during this time but they're all confused whether it's feelings of like comfort/security with each other or like romance/yay. so like nightmare situationship basically. so they all individually decide to hold on to this happiness while it lasts bc they sure as hell know it won't last (when have any of them been able to keep good things)

3rd sem: the thieves join yay! i think they'd notice that the 3 of them have become very close-knit (bouncing off eachother insanely well in battle, talk to eachother casually, and are generally pretty affectionate with each other. weird but ok! at least they (akira goro.) aren't trying to kill each other all the time.

this is also nice for sumire bc she had those 3-4 weeks to kinda Figure herself (sumire) out btwn akira and goro so she's less like down in the dumps about not being 'kasumi' anymore and more secure in herself and stuff like that. yay!

they beat maruki and stuff. YAY!

post-p5r: akira moves back to his hometown for 3rd year of highschool and college, goro is who-knows-where (i imagine he gets back on his feet of his own making and then goes abroad for school somehow. idk just seems like smth he'd do esp since i think he'd avoid everyone during this time) and sumire stays at shujin for 2-3rd year, then probably goes to a uni in japan but goes abroad for 1-2 yrs (gymnastics and etc.)

the "goro doesn't die and reunites with akira/sumi" timeline

goro, walking into leblanc on 2/4 or whatever: hi guys i didn't die actually

sumire: haha why would u silly? lol

akira: WHAT THE FUCK

the end.

i think they do go to separate universities though and theyre like damn wait i miss those guys but they go thru school and keep pretty decent contact w each other and see each other during vacations and stuff when they can and then when they come back to tokyo it's like no time has passed btwn them and they just pick up where 3rd sem left off but like better and happier and more peaceful. YAY!

i haven't really thought of how they "CONFESS" or whatever but i think all of them just feel (TWINGE OF JEALOUSY) at the idea of any of them dating someone else so theyre like ok well thats that i guess. we're a thing now (they refuse to use any other terms like that i think. For a while at least. until maybe one of the thieves etc gets engaged/married and then theyre like ok we can grow up about this. but basically they're just A Thing and Offlimits:tm: and etc.)

COMMUNICATION IS GOOD HERE!!!! i think for sh/uakes/umi i prefer them becoming a Thing at once rather than 1 couple happening first (esp since i like the idea of "none of them rlly understand romance and stuff so they just say 'fuck it' and become Thing" like thats kinda funny asf to me.)

i also feel like to anyone else they just seem like a group of besties until u see exchanged kisses or hugs or interlocked arms/hands and ur like wait....? hm. well idk. (bc they don't either. no one has any idea)

the "goro doesn't die and avoids them" timeline

also in my head sumire doesn't endeavor for the olympics/world stage/international fame and just kinda sticks around national rankings while she still figures herself out (in this timeline. also probably true for the other one but shrug IT CLD GO EITHER WAY I THINK)

somewhat relevant is my shsm fic where i elaborate on sumire's emotions more during this time (especially while thinking goro's dead). <- actually this is pretty recommended cele sumire reading bc this basically totally encapsulates how i see her. the first oneshot is 6k words tho ITS A MOUTHFUL.. SORRY

she and akira drift farrrr apart. she feels extremely guilty and also bitter and frustrated about goro's death and the fact that akira didn't tell her (or goro, in fact.) and he feels guilty and sad about it too, that he should have done something? anything? for him or for her, and he couldn't figure it out and now its over. so now the two of them r grappling w this and trying to overcome it and forget each other even tho the memories during 3rd sem, although painful and haunting, still were sweet and nice and they don't want to forget but they HAVE TO MOVE ON... RIGHT....

meanwhile goro's probably thinking like "damn i miss those guys." but they also think he's dead so hes also like "this is stupid i have to move on(?) Or whatever." ok imma be honest i didnt really think THAT much into goro's thinking during this time (YET.) bc i think he'd be floundering a LOT with everything during his life and being kinda just miserable.

also during this time they try to date other people and it all is miserable and falls apart and also they havent forgotten about the other two so theyre like fuck.

akira - 25~, sumire - 24~, goro - 26~, eventually goro moves back to tokyo and kinda just goes about his life hoping he'll see them again. or maybe find out what they were up to and finally get some closure. wow he does! they kinda all go back to tokyo at the same time wow shocker soulmate things IM JOKINGGGG but they all kinda hold that sentimentality of ok so much time has passed maybe i'll feel better about this place now. and then when they run into each other again its like no time has passed at all. HAPPY ENDING YAY!

communication is less good in this timeline now they're healing from the "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD" stuff. so thats a whole nother can of worms. probably ironically in this universe they try to actualyl figure out how this whole romance thing works so they can label each other as partners and be like OK DONT RUN OFF AGAIN. ANY OF U!!! DO NOT!!!!

ok this shit is so long im so sorry. HI. SDGSHKJFHJKDSHG THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK IM BAWLING i really havent thought much of post-3rd sem stuff as u can tell........... but i WILL ipromise.

edit: LAST ADDENDUM im very passionate abt shsm being nightmare situationship. guys who never got together but got divorced 50 times. sh/uake fits into this category as well i think. i can also kinda see ak/esumi like that but ironically i feel like they'd have the most stable situationship out of the 3 individual ships..... idk.. need to let it all cook in my head a bit more BUT VERY PASSIONATE ABT THE SHSM THING.