#if you want me to point you in a direction for educating yourself i can do that

[emakataken]

Part 3

Idea: After a chance meeting at a firefighter bar, Tommy Kinard a guarded Air Ops pilot and Buck, a restless academy recruit, fall into something neither of them saw coming.

Part 1 - Part 2

~*~*~

It’s been eight weeks since Buck squared his shoulders and told McDaniel not to breathe near the memorial wall. Eight weeks since Tommy followed him into a bathroom without thinking twice.

A rough kiss turned into a number in his phone. That number became a rhythm they haven’t broken since.

Tuesdays and or Thursdays at the gym. The occasional Friday bar crawl or Saturday night trivia with cheap beers and questions Buck never really gets right, though they almost always go home with the prize.

They don’t talk about whatever’s between them.

The selfie hits at 9:58 pm. Tommy, shirtless, mirror smudged, hair damp, towel low. Need a spot for leg day?

Buck stares, his brain shorting out in the sizzling way it always does when Tommy flirts without apology. That’s not safe for my cardiovascular system, he texts back. Or my GPA. He adds after closing his textbook.

Good form should be studied.

Buck snorts and drops onto his bed. Is that what you’re calling it now?

Yep. Educational material, for my favorite motivated recruit.

Buck doesn’t mean to smile, but it happens anyway. Speaking of, he types. You got a sec?

Depends. Is it a trick question or a thirst trap?

Academy stuff, Buck replies. But I can send a thirst trap after if you need balance.

Fair trade. Hit me.

Buck flips to the notes app on his phone. What’s a third reason a two-person hose advance fails under pressure? I’ve got miscommunication and bad angle on the nozzle. I could crack back open my text book but indulge me.

Anchor loses balance, Tommy replies. Line whips. Nozzle drags. Shit goes sideways.

Buck plugs it in. You make this sound easy.

Another pause, shorter this time, Buck hadn't even selected what playlist he wanted to listen to.

It wasn’t when I was learning. You’re wired for it. Don't stress.

Buck swallows. The words sink in, he closes his eyes and lets himself feel them, steady and sure.

Still waiting on my thirst trap, Buckley.

Buck huffs. Flips his camera. His hair’s a wet, curling mess. He angles the shot just right: shirtless, sprawled lazy across rumpled white sheets, the navy-blue waistband of his briefs peeking out, faded HANES logo barely visible.

Fuck, Tommy texts. And you’re lucky I’m home.

Buck blinks. Then the phone starts to ring. He stares at the screen. Tommy’s name. “Didn’t realize this was gonna be oral feedback,” Buck says, voice low.

Tommy laughs, and it’s not fair, the sound does something to Buck’s chest, hot and direct and too easy. “You send me a photo like that and expect me not to call?”

“Wasn’t expecting a grade,” Buck murmurs, dragging a knuckle along his stomach. “But if we’re handing them out…”

“You’re looking at a solid A-minus,” Tommy drawls. “Points docked for lighting. And the fact that I can’t currently crawl through the phone.”

Buck shifts, the sheets rustling. “A-minus, hmm?”

“We'll work on it.” There’s a pause, it's not awkward, just full. Electric. Buck can hear the way Tommy’s breathing, low and even but not calm. It does shit to his brain that makes him want more.

“You touchin’ yourself yet?” Tommy asks, voice deeper, a little rougher the way it drops when he has him pinned.

Buck swallows. “No.”

“You waiting for me?” He doesn’t answer right away. Tommy hums pleased. “Good boy.”

Buck lets out a shaky breath, he really should figure out why that phrase set him off.

“Hand under the sheet?” Tommy murmurs.

“Yeah,” Buck says, voice catching just slightly.

“You hard?”

Buck nods, then realizes and clears his throat. “Yeah.”

“Thought so.”

There’s a rustle on Tommy’s end. Fabric, maybe. Like the sound of someone stretching out across a bed. “You know what I’d do,” Tommy says, quieter now. “If I had you here?”

Buck closes his eyes and fists himself.

“Start slow,” Tommy continues. “Mouth on your stomach. Just above that waistband. Hands on your hips, holdin’ you still. Not for long. Just long enough to make you ask.”

Buck’s breath stutters out.

“And you would ask, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes sir,” Buck whispers through a hiss.

“You already sound so fucking gone baby,” Tommy says. “I bet you’re already halfway there.”

He is. The tension’s coiled tight behind his ribs, heat sinking down low.

Tommy keeps talking, voice low, coaxing, warm with intent, but by the time Buck spills over with a broken sound, he doesn’t say anything. Just listens. Breath caught somewhere between a grin and something adoring. Lets Buck feel whatever he needs to feel.

Buck breathes through it, chest heaving, the world narrowed to the sound of Tommy on the line and the pulse drumming down his spine.

He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t know what to say.

Because this, this is the only time it’s ever felt like this.

He’s been touched before. Wanted before. But not like this. Not through the grainy static of a voice calling him kid and good boy in the same breath, not with someone steadying him like they see him.

And Tommy doesn’t know.

Doesn’t know that he’s the first man Buck’s ever been with. Not just like this, but like this. With heat and hunger and something that looks too close to care. He presses the heel of his palm to his eyes. Sucks in a shaky breath.

“You okay?” Tommy asks, finally. The quiet’s gone long enough that his voice is gentler now.

“Yeah,” Buck says. He doesn’t trust his voice, but it holds.

“Alright. Then get some sleep, Evan.”

Buck exhales, soft. “Don’t hang up.”

“I won’t.”

“Can you talk?” Buck asks, words loose now. Neediness crawling out. “Just… say something. Anything.”

Tommy shifts, lets out a long breath, “Alright,” he says gently. “You ever fly over the Mojave before dawn?”

There’s silence for a moment before a quiet, “No,” fills the line. Then, after a beat, Buck says, softer now, “But minutes before twilight in the Hindu Kush Mountains… those were always my favorite. But fuck, that might’ve just been the altitude talking.”

Tommy stills.

Buck keeps going, like the words are rising from somewhere deeper. “But those seconds always felt still. Breathtaking. Right before the world woke up and hell’s cage rattled open.” His voice doesn’t shake, but it’s close as the memories rise up. His jaw’s tightens, breaths shallow. There’s nakedness in his tone he hadn't meant for.

Tommy doesn’t say anything right away. But Buck knows he’s still there.

“I figured,” Tommy says finally. Quiet. Solid. “Didn’t know where. Didn’t need to.”

“Talk to me about the Mojave,” Buck murmurs. “Please.”

Tommy s takes a deep breath and starts talking. “The Mojave’s different at dawn,” he says, voice low and sure. “Sky’s not blue, not yet. Just this weird mix of slate and copper."

Buck doesn’t answer. Doesn’t need to.

“I used to fly recon loops outta Barstow,” Tommy continues. “You catch it just right, the sun cuts through the mountains and lights up the dust like gold.” His voice softens, just slightly. “For maybe thirty seconds, you forget what the mission is. It’s just you and the wind, and everything quiet.”

There’s the faintest sigh. Tommy doesn’t stop. Keeps going. Describes the sound of the rotors spinning up, the taste of sand in his teeth, the way his hands used to hum after hours gripping the throttle.

Letting his memories push Evan's away so he rest. He’s halfway through a story about watching storm systems roll in when he realizes Buck’s gone quiet.

Tommy smiles, voice dropping further. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “That’s it. You’re good, kid.”

He doesn’t hang up. Just rolls onto his side and settles in, and lets the line stay open as his eyes drop shut.

[masoncantthinkofaname]

Death, respawning, and more

I've had multiple people approach me about these topics recently, and I have also seen a few posts about it. So I decided to throw in my two cents, for those interested.

Obviously, be warned for the topics that will be discussed here, skip past this if you're uncomfortable. But if anything this is meant to be reassuring, not scary. Also keep in mind I'm not promoting anything, simply educating.

Yes, I have died before, in a reality similar to the one we're in right now. Got an internal bleeding in my stomach, died, and went to an afterlife. That afterlife was more like a waiting room of some kind, I don't know whether it had all the comforts I needed, or if things manifested instantly, but my husband was there, it was nothing scary. When I realised I died, and wanted to go back, I came to a version of this place where I didn't die.

You are immortal. You always will be immortal. Death is an experience in the 3d. You are not the 3d, you are simply experiencing it. Nothing, and I mean nothing can ever stop you from shifting. You die? You shift. You want to shift? You shift. You don't want to shift? You still shift. There's no end, no beginning, just existence.

That's why I always say there's no pressure, no rush, no hurry. There's no clock you're racing, because you literally have infinite time.

Whatever you want to happen after death is exactly what you will experience. You're always in control.

What about respawning? Permashifting? ''Cutting ties''

To be very direct. It's made up, just a comfort belief. There is no cutting ties when there were no ties to begin with. There's nothing to cut, nothing to let go of. You're not connected to this reality any more than you are connected to the reality where you have eyes between your buttcheeks.

Not only is there nothing you have to do to cut ties with here, there's also nothing you CAN do. The most you can intend for is that you simply don't remember this place, if you truly don't want to associate with it at all. But I promise you, nothing is tying you here, nothing is connecting you to this place.

But that also means, you always can come back, if you want to. You're infinite, remember? You always have a choice, in every single thing you do. Even if you permashift, respawn, or anything else, you can always come back if you feel like it. And similarly, you can always forget about this place and decide you never want to return.

As many of you probably know by now, me and my husband have sort of respawned ourselves. A fresh start, a new life, with no memory of this place. Except we intended to remember it at some point, which, after like 300, maybe 400 years, brought us back here for now.

Again, it's your life. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want it, however you want it. Like I've said before, the only rule is that there are no rules.

You're exactly where you're meant to be. No need to put pressure on yourself, enjoy the ride. Nothing can take this ability away from you, I promise! 💚

[victoryai]

SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL HOUSES

You can reblog↪️ but please have the decency not to steal 🚫 my work.

🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱.

🚍SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 1ST HOUSE: This year's focus is doubled on you. This year is almost like taking a journey back to the year you were born. This year has your name written on it. It's going to be easy for you as you'll feel so much in your own skin. This is a year to solidify your life purpose.

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 2ND HOUSE:This wonderful year (with more favourable positions) is pointing to an increment in your finances, wealth and self esteem. If afflicted, it may be pointing to financial losses. If your planning to change your diet or eat more healthy , then go for it this year. You'll see the changes

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 3RD HOUSE: This nervous 😆 year is bringing forth more school work to you 😂. It's inviting a lot of movement. You might have a new sibling too. I had this the year when my lil sis was born. I also wrote a major exam and became a senior in 🎒 school that year and was learning new courses. You're always on the go. Stay away from crazy gossip with friends pls 😂

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 4TH HOUSE: This year ahead shows a lot of staying indoors. I had this when I was 2 so I was always with My Momma and indoors too. Where else would a two year old child be? 😂. If you're grown already you might spend more time with a lot of extended family members. If afflicted it might show issues at home. You might buy a new house or reconnect with family more😊

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 5th house . This year you might get pregnant 😮 so take it easy 😉. If you're looking for love (more casually)there's a 70% chance you'll get it. if your a parent already, focus on your kids pls. It might also be a year you decide to take things light and fun . However it might also indicate that your taking a short time educational course. If you love Casinos, you're likely to bag 💰 it this year. Go baby!

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 6TH HOUSE: I see that someone here needs to start developing good habits and taking extra care of your health. Pls avoid getting into conflicts or court cases. You might be if service to persons who need help. If you're a doctor or health worker expect more in your plate. You need to be clean this year 😮‍💨

🚍SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 7TH HOUSE: So chessy 😊, yet so unlike you. For most people, this will indicate a new love affair or meeting the one 💘, being a spec, random compliment from strangers. For those that are married, take care of your spouse and marriage too. For a few , it could make you uncomfortable 😣 because you're sitting in the house of other people who are so different from you. You might not understand yourself lol.

🚍SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 8TH HOUSE: This year is exploring your natal 8th house. With a year like this there's a chance of entering into a joint account or business with someone else. Make Sure you can trust that person. You might also receive large amount of shares or inheritance . When this year ends you could be richer or poorer. If you're considering surgery, you might go ahead this year.

🚍SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 9TH HOUSE: 😋 This seems to me like someone is about to travel and stay away for a long time. Matters of education also arise too. You might start or finish college. The year I had this, I travelled and started going to college . You just want to explore the world and meet new minds. Religion is also highlighted.

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 10TH HOUSE: This year is about your job and your boss. Your energy is directed towards your job. You might also become famous. Get an increment or promotion. Become a role model for many too. Its going to be a year packed with responsibility too

🚍 SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 11TH HOUSE: Those midnight wishes seem to be coming true😇. Those long term goals manifesting. You might be very different and innovative this year, maybe you become more interested in technology. Make more friends. Do something online and become famous.

🚍SOLAR RETURN ASC IN NATAL 12TH HOUSE: 😭😭😭The year I had this , it seemed like some bad luck just followed me. I had a few losses too(not financially tho) I almost fell into depression but I'm glad I didn't. I started to learn astral projection. I was surprised that I easily let go of addiction too😊. If you're familiar with this house it wouldn't be hard for you

[sweetdispatch]

You’re my dream girl - L. Hughes

6 days of kinkmas pairing: Luke Hughes x girlfriend!reader summary: Other girls made Luke's girlfriend feel insecure about her look and he's there to show her how gorgeous she is warning: NSFW, graphic sex (18+), body worship, oral (f receiving), hair pulling, rude comments, insecurities note: i need biblically man like this🧎‍♀️

You and Luke have been dating since high school. You were for him on every step of his career. Like yesterday, you remember coming to his college games and celebrating with him being drafted to the New Jersey Devils. When Luke moved out, you left behind in Ann Arbor. As much as you wanted to go after him, you knew how important your education was. You were coming to as many games as you could but always, you were only around him and Jack. 

You finally graduated from university and could go to live with Luke. He moved out from his brother’s apartment and you two rented a different place. It was like a dream come true. You and Luke after 5 years, finally have been living together and fulfilling careers. The first months you lived together in a bubble of love and happiness. You two barely were leaving the apartment during free time, wanting to spend as much time together as you could get.

December came really quickly. Luke asked you to go with him to a Christmas party with his team. You were stressed because you haven’t met other partners of the players. You knew you had to agree but the stress you had was insane. It was a party day. You wore a black dress, not wanting to bring much attention to yourself. Luke could see your anxiety rising in the car and tried to calm you down.

“Stop overthinking babe. Everything’s gonna be fine” He placed his hand on your thigh, eyes never leaving the road. 

“What if they don't like me? I don’t want to be an outsider” You sighed and started playing with his fingers.

“You won’t be. I’ll be there. If you feel alone in between them, you can always come and grab me or Jack” 

Luke parked the car and looked at you. He could tell from your facial expression that you don’t want to go there. “We can always come back home and I’ll come up with excuse” 

“No. I’m fine. I’ll survive” You leaned in to kiss him. 

“That’s my girl” He kissed you again. 

Luke came out of the car and went to open your door. You two walked hand to hand into the restaurant. You put a smile on your face trying your hardest to hide your real feelings. Luke went and introduced you to other girlfriends and wives of the players. They all looked so nice in their dresses and you started feeling unsure about your presence. 

Luke leaned in and whispered into your ear. “Remember, I’m here so if would like to get back home, just come to me” He kissed your cheek “Have fun” 

You sat on one of the empty chairs and listened to their conversation. You decided not to speak until spoken to. You knew you were the new one here and the last thing you wanted was to show up. One of the girls saw that you’re sitting quietly.

“So Y/N, tell us how you and Luke met” 

“We met in high school. Common friend introduced us and we got along with each other really quickly” You smiled at the memory.

“How long have you been together?” 

“We celebrated 5 years last month” 

“Don’t you feel scared that he might replace you?” One of the girls asked and you gulped. 

“What? Why?” 

“No offense but you don’t look like a wag type. Luke’ getting popular and might be wanting to date a woman on his level. A model or something like that” They started pointing out all of your flaws in your look and you felt the tears growing in your eyes. You didn’t want to give them the pleasure of making you insecure. 

“Umm… Excuse me” You couldn’t stand this anymore. You went to search for Luke. He stood in the corner laughing with Curtis. When his eyes laid on you, he knew something happened. “Hi, can we talk?” You asked him, not trusting your voice.

“Sure” Luke answered. “We’ll come back to this conversation” He directed those words to Curtis as he left the two of you. “What’s going on?”

“Can we go back home please?” You were on the edge of crying.

“Yes, let’s go” He grabbed your hand and said goodbye to the guys. 

The road back to the apartment was quiet. You haven’t said a word to him, all the way looking through the window. Luke pulled to the parking spot and you left the car. He followed you, observing you from behind. He could tell that something is bothering you. You unlocked the door and walked into the apartment going straight to the bedroom. Before you could walk into the closet, Luke gently grabbed your arm. You turned around to face him. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” He asked politely.

“Nothing, I just felt tired” You lied.

“Y/N, I know you and I can tell that you’re lying” He closed the gap between you. “Please tell me the truth”

You took a deep sigh. “They were saying that I don’t look like wag material. That you’re getting more popular and deserve someone famous and not me” You sobbed. “They also started saying that the dress was a bad choice because my stomach looks too round and how my thighs are too big and they even said that I should consider started working out” 

Luke was furious hearing your words. He couldn’t believe someone would say such words about his girlfriend. He loved every inch of your body. For him, you were the most gorgeous woman in the whole world. 

“You know that none of these words are true right? You’re beautiful babe” He pulled you into a tight hug. You two stood like that for a minute.

“I don’t know… Maybe working out is a good idea” You said quietly, almost whispering.

“Stop. Don’t you ever say it” Luke placed hand under your chin so you could face him. “You’re gorgeous. Inside and outside. You’re my dream girl and only you” 

“I just don’t want to lose you because I’m unattractive” You admitted.

“If you think that you’re unattractive that means I’m doing a bad job in showing you how stunning you are” Luke placed a kiss on your forehead. 

“Luke…”

“No, I need to show my girl how breathtaking she is. It’s all about you today” 

Luke pulled you into a passionate kiss. He places his hands on your back and unzips your dress. Slowly, he started taking the dress off. You stood in front of him only in underwear and blushed. It wasn’t the first time but tonight, you felt overwhelmed by the emotions. 

“You look adorable when you’re blushing. I love that after 5 years I still have this effect on you” He whispered into your ear and looked down at your body. You felt his gaze on you and tried to cover yourself with your hands. “Don’t do it. I want to see my beautiful girl and the smokin’ body I have for myself” You smiled at his words. Luke’ hands return to your back and he unhooks your bra. 

“I feel so weird standing here naked when you’re fully clothed” Luke chuckled at your words and kissed you. Quickly, he took off his clothes and stood in front of you only in his underwear. 

“Lay on the bed” You listened to him. He slapped your ass when you turned around to go to bed. “Sorry, couldn’t help it” You giggled and laid on the bed and waited for his next move.

Luke was towering over you. He started kissing your whole face. Your nose, your cheeks, your jawline going lower with each kiss. You placed your hands on his curls and played with them. Luke kissed your soft spot on the neck and you moaned. 

“I love the sounds you’re making” He kissed your collarbone. His eyes were on the same level as your chest. “You have gorgeous boobs. I could stare at them the whole day and never get bored of seeing them” 

Luke placed his lips on your left boob and sucked your nipple while his hand went to the right one. He was giving all the attention to them. While he was placing kisses and sucking your left nipple, his left hand was playing with your other boob. He changed his moves and now, his right hand was playing with your left boob when he was spreading kisses on your right boob. 

Your hands were still in his curls, slightly pulling them. You were moaning at the affection he was giving you. Luke went down and kissed your stomach. 

“I love your belly. It’s adorable how it looks. I think it’s perfect just like the rest of your body” His hands were roaming on your hips when he was kissing your going lower. Luke spread your legs and could see the wet spot on your panties. “I can see that you’re turned on. If telling you how wonderful you are makes this effect, I should say it as a mantra” 

His hands started caressing your thighs. That was always the part of your body that he was obsessed with. Luke loved laying on them while you were playing with his hair. Always have your hand placed on your thighs. That’s why he knew he had to share them with all the love.

“This… this is my favorite part of you. Your thighs are beautiful. You know how hard it is to keep myself composed when you’re walking without your pants? You have an insane impact on me. That’s why I can’t keep my hands off you” You blushed hearing those words. He placed two kisses on your thighs, one on each. Luke placed a kiss on your still covered pussy and took off your panties. “Let me take care of you. Just lay there and look pretty” 

Luke licked your pussy and you moaned. “You taste like heaven babe” He dived in and started licking and sucking your clit. You were pulling his hair harder. You were stimulated by his words and now, he was giving you pleasure while eating you out. 

You loved the feeling of his mouth on your pussy and you couldn’t get enough of it. Luke eats you out like a starved man. You tried to close your legs but he firmly grabbed your thighs and pinned them to the mattress. 

“Luke!” You screamed loudly when you cum but he didn’t stop. Instead, he added two fingers inside of you. You felt overstimulated by his moves. He was gentle with you, and wanted to prove to you how incredible you are. 

“Relax babe, you’re in safe hands” He was thrusting his fingers into you while placing kisses on your stomach. You don’t even know when the second climax hit you. He pulled his fingers and licked them clean. You were breathing heavily. 

Luke took off his underwear and grabbed a condom from the night stand. He positioned himself and thrusted his whole length inside of you. You moaned loudly but he leaned over you and kissed you. He started moving, his lips never leaving yours. You were moaning into his mouth. 

“You feel so good, like you were made for me” Luke praised you and you grabbed his shoulder. You dragged your nails being sure that you left marks but at that moment you two didn’t care. You were too caught up in a moment. 

“You’re gorgeous. I never saw such a beautiful person like you. If I could, I would spend whole days just watching you and showing you how hot you are” He grabbed your thighs and placed them on his waist to have a better angle and go deeper into you. 

You were close, you felt overwhelmed but didn’t want him to stop. The sex was full of love and care. You adored this side of Luke when he was paying attention to the smallest details. You cum for the third time this night and your scream was heard in the whole apartment. The orgasm hit you like crazy. 

Luke was still thrusting into you, trying to get his own release. When he cum, he pulled you into a kiss and laid on your body spreading kisses on your neck and face. He finally pulled out of you and you felt empty without his cock. 

“You did an amazing job babe. I love you so much” He returned and laid next to you in bed hugging you tightly. 

“Thank you for that” You kissed his chest. “I love you”

“There’s nothing to thank me for. It’s been a pleasure to show you how beautiful you are. It’s my job to be sure that you feel confident” Luke caressed your arm. “Now c’mon, we have o get clean and than we can go to sleep” 

“5 more minutes?” You asked him. He laughed looking into your eyes.

“5 more minutes” He placed a kiss on your head.

[honeytonedhottie]

how to be rich and luxurious⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🌺

we must first understand that being rich is a state of mind. you could be broke and not poor. never poor. poor is a state of mind. and that choice that u make to be rich or poor is ultimately yours cuz u control ur thoughts.

so how do we radiate luxury and become luxurious? through having luxurious thoughts. we know that what we think manifests so lets think things that make us richer in every aspect of our lives. 

LUXURY IS AN ENERGY ; 

when you exude the energy of luxury, YOU’LL ALWAYS BE LUXURIOUS. the luxury that u exude will manifest. thoughts manifest. have luxurious thoughts -> a luxurious reality WILL manifest. its rly that simple ✨

CULTIVATING LUXURY ENERGY ; 

u cultivate luxury energy, like i mentioned before, through luxury thoughts. but if ur not used to thinking luxury thoughts/have a lack or poverty mindset, here are some affirmations to start and guide thinking. 

im grateful that im so abundant and rich in the things that i love

im like barbie cuz i have more then enough of everything

i have SO much, that i can bless others with my riches

i live my life lavishly

you can cultivate luxury by doing things that make u feel rich and luxurious. some things that help me to feel that way are. 

drinking drinks from a designated cup or wine-glass 

silky robes are EVERYTHING. or wearing lingerie and matching bra and panty sets

consistently practicing self care every single day 

wearing jewelry 

ofc everyone has different things that make them feel rich and different classifications for what luxury is and isn’t and that’s your choice to make ultimately. 

i recommend making a list of what makes u feel luxurious and doing that often. literally when i go to costco or a whole-sale store and have free samples i feel luxurious 😭 bcuz im INDULGING. 

that goes to show that u dont need to do the most to feel luxurious right at this moment. and that leads me to my next point. 

INDULGE YOURSELF ; 

don’t deny yourself the things that u desire and the things that you want. if u want ur fun little drink, have ur fun little drink. get ur nails done, take urself shopping every now and then. if u can’t afford to get these done, do it yourself. 

you have the ability to make yourself feel special and luxurious. the idea to this is to cultivate the feeling of being rich or the feeling of abundance and luxury. 

start a collection that you can have a lot of, change the perspective in which u see the things that u already own. kind of like seeing a cup have full then a cup half empty? 

THINGS TO BE RICH IN ; 

be rich in knowledge, be rich in culture, be rich in relationships, be rich in beauty. be rich in whatever interests that u might have. 

to be rich in knowledge -> seek higher education, study, read lots of books, start writing and seeking knowledge in whatever interests you 

to be rich in culture -> learn more about ur own culture and the culture of other people. explore and educate yourself on religion and customs that interest you. be well versed in another language or in something that’s important in todays media and pop culture

to be rich in relationships -> don’t close yourself up to meaningful relationships that you have. don’t take everything seriously and practice being social. 

to be rich in beauty -> take impeccable care of yourself and your body. pamper yourself every single day and pick up habits that serve the highest good for your appearance. 

to be rich in ur interests -> become well versed as i said before in whatever it is that interests you. there are countless resources online that can help give you information and direction on going about ur interests. 

[starlightkun]

❧ word count: 12.2k ❧ warnings: cursing, they go kinda skinny dipping at one point (wearing underwear) ❧ genre: fluff, a little suggestive, modern magical creatures/fantasy au, college au if you squint, summer camp au, dryad jaemin, human reader, camp counselors jaemin & reader, same universe as strawberry sunday ❧ extra info: this work is set in the same universe as strawberry sunday but can be read as a standalone! there is no continuing plotline between fics in this universe, they simply take place in the same world/magic system and may have overlapping characters (neos may pop up in more than one work!) ❧ author’s note: ah it feels so good to be returning to the strawberry sunday universe after so long! everyone blame thank lottie for not letting me forget abt dryad jaemin. i wasn’t sure abt posting a summer camp fic in february but it seems like the people wanted it, so i hope it warms y’all up (unless it’s actually summer for you rn, then i’m right on time 😎)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ explore the strawberry sunday universe more here!

You learned three things about Na Jaemin on your first day:

One, he was a clumsy dryad—somehow, someway, those existed, and you were now stuck as lead co-counselors with one for the next month.

Two, he went to your college as well, Magical Ecology major, and worked at Camp Pineleaf every summer between spring and fall semesters.

And three, he was a dangerously smooth, sweet-talking, flirt. You’d have to be careful around him, for your own sake.

WEEK ONE

It was way too fucking hot out. From the rough directions you were given by the camp director, you were pretty sure this path led out to the river. Fuck it, you might wade out a little while you were here in order to not overheat and die. No fucking way you were going to haunt this place forever in the event you became ghost.

Despite your pessimistic thoughts as you trudged along the forest trail, you were actually very excited. Today was the first day of your month-long stint as a counselor at Camp Pineleaf. You were an education major at the university in the city, and had been recommended to the gig by one of your professors. One interview with the camp director later, and you’d been hired on the spot. You were part of the set-up crew, responsible for getting to camp early to get the camp set up and welcome the kids when they arrived. The other half of the staff were riding over from the drop-off point with the campers. So here you were, walking the perimeter to make sure all of the off-season markers had been taken down.

The camp was a small part of a nature preserve, and the rangers designated the different areas to visitors by colored markers on trails and trees. When the camp was closed in the off-season, the river that it bordered was open to visitors, so the flag markers on that border would be blue. But now that the camp was open, the blue ones should’ve all been replaced with bright orange flags. You just had to keep an eye out for any remaining blue flags, or for anything else that could be awry.

You knew you were getting closer to the river when you could hear running water, and the air around you started feeling less heavy and a lot fresher. The trail under your feet turned sandy as you finally emerged from the trees onto a shoreline by the river.

You immediately froze, though, not expecting to see somebody else at the riverside. It was a man pulling himself up out of the river onto a rocky formation. He was shirtless, his biceps, shoulders, and all other sorts of muscles flexing along with his motions. His eyes were closed as he shook his wet hair out, then pushed the damp locks back from his face with both of his hands. The sunlight made him look like he was glowing, every drop of water that ran down his body sparkling like a jewel, and you couldn’t make yourself look away.

He looked like he’d been sculpted by the gods. Which you supposed he had, or one in particular at least, you realized, as his eyes opened and settled on you as if he’d known you were there the whole time. They were the color of ferns, but shifted to a lighter mossy green under the dappling of the sunlight. Dryad. Son of Pan. Or so the legends go.

“Hi?” Despite his voice pitching up to make the greeting sound like a question, the wide, cocky smile on his face told you that he definitely knew that you’d been stood there ogling him for an embarrassing amount of time.

“Sorry!” You cringed at the sound of your own voice. “I didn’t realize there was anybody out here.”

The dryad started picking his way down the rocks towards you carefully, grabbing something off one of them as he went. A neon yellow shirt. When he finally dropped onto the ground a few feet in front of you, he gave the shirt a twist to wring out a few drops of water.

“I’m Jaemin,” he said, gripping the shirt even tighter and giving it another twist for good measure. You pretended like you didn’t notice the veins in his hands or the way his forearms tautened with the motion. He shook out the shirt to show you the logo on the front of it, a smiling evergreen tree that matched yours. “I’m also a counselor at Camp Pineleaf this year. We must’ve gone to different training sessions, huh? Anyway, I was walking the perimeter before the kids got here and I kind of—”

Jaemin stopped, a sheepish sort of look coming to his face as he ducked his head almost in embarrassment.

You looked around in confusion. “You what?”

“I fell in the river.”

“You fell in?” You stared at him. You couldn’t tell if he was messing with you or not. What kind of dryad—

“I know, what kind of dryad is falling in rivers?” He pulled the shirt on over his head, which you could now see he had cut the sleeves off of. “Aren’t we supposed to be connected to nature and all that? I still don’t know how it happened, one second I was just climbing the rocks and surveying the river, next thing I knew, I was in the river. Then you showed up.”

Clumsy dryad. That was a new one.

“I’m Y/N.” Introducing yourself was only fair since he’d already given you his name. “Seems like we’re head counselors of the Swallowtails this year, Jaemin.”

It was then that he seemed to notice the matching colors of your shirts, and his features lit up in recognition. “Hey, looks like it!”

You checked your watch. “We should be getting back, the kids are going to be arriving soon.”

“Right!”

“Besides, if I have to stay out here any longer, I’m going to pass out from heat exhaustion.” You groaned, pulling the front of your shirt off from where it had stuck to your skin, using it to fan yourself. “And there’s no way I’m dying out here and risking getting my ghost stuck in the middle of nowhere for forever instead of somewhere cool.”

Jaemin suddenly had a look of alarm on his face, and you looked around with an eyebrow raised.

“What? Something I said?”

“No, sorry, thought I heard something,” he shook his head. “It was just a vole. Lead the way.”

You hadn’t heard anything other than the usual forest sounds, but chalked it up to superior magic hearing, and started back on the trail to the main camp.

“So, why did you come out here, Y/N?”

“Same as you, walking the perimeter.”

“And… I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude, but what are you?”

You looked at him curiously. “Can’t you tell? I’m a human.”

He blinked as if shaken from a trance. Then he offered you another heart-stopping smile. “Right, of course. Sorry about that. Must’ve hit my head when I fell in the river.”

“Must’ve…”

You learned three things about Na Jaemin on that first day:

One, he was a clumsy dryad—somehow, someway, those existed, and you were now stuck as lead co-counselors with one for the next month.

Two, he went to your college as well, Magical Ecology major, and worked at Camp Pineleaf every summer between spring and fall semesters.

And three, he was a dangerously smooth, sweet-talking, flirt. You’d have to be careful around him, for your own sake.

That third one you didn’t come to understand until the after-bed bonfire that all the lead counselors were holding on the shore of the river. With all of the campers tucked in and being watched over by your high schooler junior counselors, the grown-ups were doing their own first day celebrations and icebreakers, which included one or two bottles being passed around as you got to know each other. A lot of the staff had been there for previous summers like Jaemin, but there were a few newbies like you.

It had been someone’s bright idea—Yeeun, a fairy, one of the lead counselors of the Bluejays—to do Truth or Dare to loosen everybody up, instead of like, just some more campfire songs or something. The guitar was forgotten by Jaemin’s feet in favor of this game, and you had survived your first couple rounds just on Truth—it wasn’t really your prerogative to embarrass yourself in front of your new coworkers on your first day.

It had just been Chanyeol’s turn (the Assistant Director, mind you, was even participating), and the werewolf let out a long, low burp as he held the bottle out for somebody to take. His truth had to been to admit why some counselor from last year had gotten fired—it apparently was the hottest piece of camp gossip last summer that nobody could figure out until now (it turns out the guy was drinking on the job, which you didn’t miss the irony in right now).

Jaemin took the bottle from him happily, tipping back his head to take a sip.

“You only have to drink if you don’t do your turn, Jaemin. Remember?” You nudged him with your left knee. He was not going to be a very helpful co-counselor tomorrow if he was hungover and miserable.

“I know,” he grinned.

“Alright, Jaemin, Tr—”

“Dare!” He declared, cutting off Chanyeol as the werewolf went to ask him the routine question.

Your coworkers all rubbed their chins thoughtfully. Yeri suddenly let out a dramatic gasp, as if she’d just been struck by the best idea ever.

“I dare you to pass the bottle to the prettiest girl in the circle,” she declared smugly.

“That’s it?” Jaemin arched a brow.

“She’s so wasted,” Sooyoung scoffed under her breath, but nonetheless, the siren brushed some stray hair and rose petals out of the dryad's face as she teetered in place.

“What? You want something more racy?” Chanyeol snickered. “Unfortunately, I am still kind of your boss, and while I will sanction this, I draw the line at daring anybody to do anything sexually promiscuous, alright?”

“I don’t mean like that, necessarily,” the dryad shrugged. “But it’s a bit tame, doesn’t tell you much. Why not the person that I want to kiss the most? Or, that I want to—”

“Jaemin.”

“Alright, alright,” he sighed dramatically, holding up the bottle straight out with one arm and drawing back his other to aim it around the circle like a bow and arrow.

“You better not hand me that nasty fucking thing, Na Jaemin,” Yeeun practically growled, crossing her arms over her chest.

“In your wildest dreams,” he scoffed, jutting his arm to the right at last. You turned your head that way, trying to figure out who he was handing it to. You were at the end of this log bench, and the next person in that direction was Eunseok, a gryphon and newbie like you.

“Y/N,” Jaemin pushed the bottle against your knee.

You took it and whispered, “Right, and who am I handing this to?”

“Nobody, gorgeous,” he whispered back, shooting you a wink.

Your hands were suddenly sweaty where they were wrapped around the neck of the bottle, and you could feel everybody’s eyes on you. With your gaze fixated on your lap, you coughed out a, “Oh, okay.”

“Alright, Y/N!” Chanyeol announced dramatically over the titters that had erupted around the fire. “Truth or dare?”

You took a swig of the drink to steel your nerves, trying not to think about how Jaemin’s mouth had just been on the same bottle—and everybody else’s, but that didn’t really matter to you as much in the moment. “Truth.”

Jaemin leaned in towards you, and you were suddenly wrapped in the contrasting smells of pine and roses as he dropped his voice, his mouth hovering right by your ear. “Are you—”

The sound of footsteps running up towards the campfire distracted you from whatever Jaemin was about to ask, and you whipped around to see Ningning, your junior counselor, heading right for you.

“Y/N!” She skidded to a stop on the other side of your log, clearly out of breath from the run down from the cabins to the riverbank.

“Ningning, is everything alright?” You asked the breathless witch.

“They’re crying and asking for their parents. I tried to—I can’t calm them down. I’m sorry, can you please—”

“Yeah, of course.” You put the bottle down in the sand, standing up and gesturing for the girl to lead the way back.

“You look exhausted,” Jaemin declared, setting a cup of coffee down in front of you at the dining hall the next morning.

“I am,” you sighed, rubbing the back of the little witch girl who had finally cried herself to sleep an hour before wake-up this morning. She was still passed out on your lap, and you wished you could be that dead to the world too. “Finally got this one asleep about an hour before wake-up.”

“Oof, an all-nighter,” he nodded sympathetically. “Wanted Mommy and Daddy?”

“First time outside her coven.” You took a sip of the coffee, delighted to find that he had somehow already made it to your exact preferences. “Two creams and three sugars…? How did you know?”

The dryad shrugged, “Something sweet for someone sweet, right?”

“How do you know I’m sweet?” You narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously. “I could be the biggest ass— jerk you’ve ever met.” You winced at yourself nearly forgetting the child in your lap.

“Something tells me you’re not the biggest assjerk I’ve ever met,” he snickered quietly. “You’re up against stiff competition in that department, anyway.”

“What sort of people have you met, Jaemin?”

“Curious about me, beautiful?”

“I think I’m allowed some natural curiosity about my co-lead counselor, yes.”

“Ouch, I’ve been co-lead counselor-zoned.”

“What other sort of zone were you hoping to be in?” You snorted, taking another long sip of your coffee, not expecting an actual answer to that.

“I think you have a pretty good idea, gorgeous,” he grinned. “Anyway, I’ll fix you a plate for breakfast so you don’t have to disturb your little friend.”

“Wait,” you stopped him as he went to walk away, craning your neck to try to see the buffet line. “What do they have?”

“I think I know what to get you,” he declared confidently.

Jaemin did in fact come back with all of your favorite breakfast foods loaded up on a plate, which only made you even more suspicious as you dug in. All your other campers and junior counselors were sitting at the table with you two, though, so you couldn’t interrogate him about it.

This morning, the Swallowtails were going on a nature walk, and you were more than happy to let Jaemin and his junior counselor, another dryad named Sohee, take the lead on that.

It was cool enough in the morning shade that you didn’t feel the need to throw yourself in the river this time. Ningning stayed in the middle of the group with some of the girls, and you brought up the rear, holding hands with your new best friend, Soongie. The little girl that you had consoled all night had not left your side since, nor said a word, which was honestly fine by you.

Jaemin had stopped everybody to explain something about the importance of all of nature working together, and how even all of you in this group were part of nature too—a fine message, by all means—but a little chittering in the treetops above you caught your attention, and you looked up to see some kind of light reddish-brown critter running across tree branches. Another ran after it, and you were pretty sure those weren’t squirrels, but you swear you hadn’t ever seen anything like it.

“In addition to those birds we had seen earlier, you’ll also see a lot of animals like squirrels and frogs up in the trees too.” Jaemin had apparently gone back to lecturing about the wildlife again while you were distracted. “There’s actually something special about this park, does anybody know what it is?”

Sohee raised his hand, which made you and the kids giggle as Jaemin looked at him disapprovingly.

“Not you, Sohee.” Your co-counselor shook his head. “Anybody else?”

Everybody looked around at each other, shaking their heads and giving various ‘no’s in response.

“There is actually a species of chipmunk that can only be found in this park. It likes the area around the river the most, and you’ll know you’ve seen it because it has reddish fur, and white front paws.”

You tilted your head back up at the trees, squinting your eyes as the creatures ran back out again, then paused overhead. And you swore you saw white paws.

“I think Y/N has already spotted some!” Jaemin announced, startling you.

As the kids all started crowding around you and clambering to try to get a good look at the animals, while you were looking dead at the older dryad, wondering how he knew exactly what you were looking at. He easily met your gaze, tilting his head and smiling.

After lunch, your team was in the arts and crafts cabin. There were multiple stations of different crafts set up, and you were helping Soongie with the friendship bracelets and necklaces. You hummed to yourself as you carefully selected your beads, arranging and rearranging them on table in front of you.

Soongie tugged on your sleeve, and you looked at her attentively. She held her nearly finished bracelet up, tapping the two ends together indicatively.

“Do you need it tied together?” You questioned.

She nodded.

You gingerly took the bracelet from her, tying it up and handing it back. “There you go, Soongie.”

The little witch grabbed your arm, and you let her pull the bracelet onto your wrist with only minor difficulties. She patted your hand, seeming satisfied with herself.

“Oh, is it for me?” You asked, wanting to clarify in case she only wanted you to model it or test the size for an adult back home.

She nodded again, turning back to start picking out more beads.

“Thank you,” you beamed, patting her head appreciatively.

“Miss Y/N, can you help me tie this please?” Another camper requested from further down the table.

“Of course.” You set your materials down, standing up to walk around to where he was sitting. “Here, I’ll do it with you so you can practice.”

Guiding his hands through tying the knot on his elastic string, the two of you finally got it. You gave it one last tug to make sure it was secure, then he put his bracelet on.

“Thank you!” He chirped, jumping up from his seat. “I’m gonna show Mister Jaemin!”

He darted off across the cabin to the craft table that your co-counselor was at, and you took the opportunity to walk around your table and check on the campers while you were already up. Continuing to hum quietly to yourself, you whipped around with alarm when you heard Jaemin start singing. Not just because he was singing, his voice was perfectly pleasant, a lovely tenor, actually. But because he was singing the same song that you had been humming, joining in exactly where you were. You were not loud enough for anybody at even the next table over to have heard you, much less him on the other side of the noisy cabin. Dryads didn’t have exceptionally acute hearing like some other creatures such as vampires, they were only attuned to the sounds of nature, e.g., the vole he had apparently heard by the river yesterday.

Jaemin was showing the camper you had just assisted the accompanying dance to the song. It was a song that you had learned when you were a kid at your own summer camp, which was why it had come to your mind now. A few other campers abandoned their crafts to join Jaemin in learning the dance, immensely focused.

The dryad’s eyes shifted from monitoring their footwork to you. He stopped singing to call out to you, “Do you know this one, Y/N?”

You swallowed to wet your parched throat before answering. “Y-Yeah, I learned it at camp when I was a kid.”

“Remember the dance?” He asked with a grin.

“I mean, I don’t know, it’s been so long…” As you hesitated, a chorus of insistent cries erupted around you from the campers, begging you to join in. “Okay, okay, I’ll see what I can remember.”

You walked over to the open space that Jaemin and the kids had gathered in, followed by cheers.

“From the top?” Jaemin suggested, a twinkle in his green eyes.

The next day, Jaemin sidled up to you in the buffet line at dinner. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, helping Soongie on your other side, who couldn’t quite reach some of the food options.

“I’d skip the gravy surprise if I were you.”

“I was about to tell you that,” you quipped back, depositing a heaping serving of smiley fries onto Soongie’s tray, then yours. “It looks alive and artificial at the same time somehow.”

“A modern miracle, truly.”

The both of you snickered as the line moved up. Jaemin loaded up his own helping of fries. Soongie pointed enthusiastically at the honeydew melon, and you scooped that out for her too.

“I wanted to ask…” Jaemin leaned in to murmur by your ear, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You didn’t flinch away though, intrigued by whatever he felt the need to whisper to you in the loud mess hall. He continued in his low voice, “Will you meet me tonight? Thirty minutes after lights out?”

You inhaled, which was a mistake as you sucked down the smell of pine and roses, and the line scooted up while you were still frozen. Quickly, you nodded and choked out a quiet ‘okay’ before catching up with Soongie. Jaemin smoothly followed after you, engaging one of the counselors across the buffet from you in light-hearted conversation.

After lights-out, you laid awake, staring up at the ceiling of the cabin, listening to the hushed whispers of the girls fade into soft breathing and the occasional snore. You checked the time on your watch every two minutes, and it was only when you had five minutes left until your promised time to meet Jaemin that you realized he hadn’t told you where to meet him, and you’d been far too flustered to ask. You didn’t want to cluelessly wander the campground after dark, not only for fear of being caught by administration, but also because you didn’t know what was out at night. You were here because you were an education major, not because you were exactly a hardcore nature enthusiast.

Finally, with just a minute to go, you peeled your covers off as silently as possible, slipping your hiking boots back on. Lord knows what Jaemin had in mind. Your bed was by the entrance anyway as a safety precaution, so it was easy to get to the front door and slip out. You took your phone and the cabin pass with you from next to the door, just in case. Your phone, so that people could still get in contact with you, and the cabin pass so if Ningning woke up in the middle night and saw you were gone, she would think you were using the bathroom or something.

Outside your cabin, you didn’t immediately see Jaemin. You decided that if you didn’t find him in five minutes, you’d head back. Whatever this was, was not worth losing your job, or your girls’ safety, or yours, for that matter. You’d hardly turned away from the girls’ cabins towards the center of camp when you saw him strolling down the walkways from the direction of the boys’ cabins. Speak of the dryad.

Halting your search, you waited for him to approach you instead. He was wearing what looked to be his pajamas as well, sweatpants and a tank top, and his slides smacked against his heels with every step.

Jaemin stopped in front of you, not bothering to hide that he was eyeing you from head to toe. He had that same easy-going smile as always as he assessed, “Hiking boots and pjs. Cute.”

You suddenly felt too exposed in your sleep shorts. “Oh, shut it.”

“I meant it. You’re cute.” He was leaning down to peer at your shirt closely now. “It’s dark, I can’t see—Who’s on your shirt?”

“My eyes are up here, you know,” you jested, crossing your arms.

“Ooh, a bit hypocritical, hm?”

“I was startled—”

“Yeah, when I’m startled, I also make a cartoon ‘awooga’ sound—”

“Oh shut—!” You smacked his arm, not intending for the sound to echo so loudly in the quiet area. Your heart leapt to your throat, and you rushed to cover your mouth with two hands, hushing your gasp.

Jaemin, meanwhile, was grabbing the area you’d hit while he keeled over, his whole body shaking with silent laughter.

When administration hadn’t come swooping in after a few beats, you shook your head at the still-laughing figure of Na Jaemin. Pivoting around on your heel, you had the full intention of heading back to your cabin. Just a step away, and his hand shot out to grab yours. It was a light grip, you could shake him off and leave if you wanted, but you stopped anyway.

Still with your back turned, you waited for him to catch his breath and say something.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said, still with a hint of a smirk in his voice. “Can I still show you something?”

Unfortunately, your interest was piqued. You turned around, narrowing your eyes at him—he was smirking. “Show me what?”

Whatever Jaemin wanted to show you, it was deep in the forest, on a trail that was closed off from camp. Now you were glad that you’d worn your hiking boots, despite his earlier teases. The trail clearly hadn’t been used in a few years, overgrown with plants so it only fit one person across. You kept your eyes on your feet, you didn’t want to risk tripping and injuring yourself and having to make up some story about how you sprained your ankle using the bathroom in the middle of the night. Embarrassing.

“Are you going to kill me?” You asked plainly.

Jaemin looked at you over his shoulder, teasing glint in his eye. “I’m a dryad, not a siren, Y/N.”

“We’re also not by water, so I didn’t think you were going to drown me,” you snorted.

“We’re almost there,” he said simply. “I think.”

“Do you know where we’re going?”

“Of course I do, I’m a dryad—”

“Thank you for reminding me, I almost forgot in the last twenty seconds.”

“—therefore, I have an intuitive connection to nature, okay? So I know it’s going to be right through these trees.”

You gave him a doubtful look, but stayed silent. He gestured ahead, and you watched as leaves and branches seemingly parted on their own, welcoming you through. You followed Jaemin under the passage that he’d made, the foliage closing up again behind you. You’d entered into a clearing illuminated by nothing but the stars. It was a new moon, but you found that you didn’t really need its light, as the stars shone brilliantly on a night this clear. The clearing was carpeted with soft clover and patches of wildflowers of all shapes and sizes.

“This used to be the archery range, when I was a camper,” Jaemin explained. “They moved it as the camp got bigger.”

“You came here when you were a kid?”

“Yep.” He picked a spot and sat down. “Chanyeol used to be junior counselor of my cabin.”

You smiled faintly as you sat in front of him. “Really?”

“Mhm.” He started picking clovers from the bottom of the stem, close to the ground. “You ever made a clover crown?”

“No.”

“I’ll show you how.”

As he walked you through the steps of weaving together a clover crown, you tried your best to follow along, but yours still ended up a weedy mess, falling apart in your hands. You sighed, letting the greenery drop through your fingers and back to the dirt.

“Here, use mine,” Jaemin offered patiently. “Sometimes starting is the hardest part.”

“No, Jaemin, it’s so pretty, I don’t want to mess it up,” you insisted.

“I’ve probably made thousands of clover crowns,” he reassured you, moving around to lower his hands over yours. “It’s fine. Go ahead.”

You let out a deep breath, taking the partially-woven clovers from him. Jaemin stayed there just to guide you through the first few uncertain crossings of stems, then he sat down again next to you, gathering more materials to start another crown.

Keeping your eyes trained on your shaky fingers, you said, “I don’t get you, Na Jaemin.”

“Well you hardly know me,” he pointed out humorously. “But I feel like I’ve been straightforward with you. Is there anything specific you think is so mysterious about me?”

“That’s the problem.” You bit your cheek and paused as you focused on the clover crown for a second. Then, you continued, “You’re so upfront I feel like you’re hiding something. Like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“What? Because I’m being honest, that must mean I’m dishonest?”

“Yes, because people don’t just act like this, Jaemin!”

“Like what? Like they’re actually interested in somebody they want to know better?” He asked incredulously, eyes wide. “This can’t just be a human thing—Are you like, okay, Y/N?”

You felt tears welling up at the corner of your eyes, and once again dropped the clover crown to wipe at them. “Fuck—I guess not. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “I’m sorry too. We’re barely more than strangers, I let myself get caught up and I was pushy. I’ll take you back.”

The dryad stood up and offered you two hands to get up. Hanging from one of his elbows, you saw a completed clover crown. Curious, you pointed to it. “Can I see…?”

Jaemin obliged, shaking it from his elbow to his hand and offering it out to you. Still sitting in the same spot, you turned the crown around, admiring his delicate handiwork. It was more intricate than the version he had been showing you how to make, wildflowers woven together to make hearts or stars and then integrated into the design, and he’d finished it so quickly too.

You held the crown out for him to take back. “I still haven’t made a clover crown… If you want to stay.”

He brightened up. “Third time’s the charm.”

When your alarm woke you up in the morning, you were at least more well-rested than the first night, but not by much. Groaning and sitting up, you rubbed your eyes before opening them, eyes blearily trained on the floor. The first thing you saw was your hiking boots, your completed clover crown resting atop them. It ended up taking four tries for you to finally finish one, and it was messy and at risk of falling apart any second, but you were proud of it nevertheless. A fond smile tugged at the corner of your mouth as you remembered when you had finally closed it off per Jaemin’s instructions, and smacked his arm with excitement, too afraid of even breathing. Instead of being offended at you hitting him again, he was as elated as you, somehow finding a million things to compliment about your ugly little clover crown.

WEEK 2

After your cabin’s wake-up routine this morning, you were back in the cafeteria. You didn’t bother looking for Jaemin, feeling pretty confident that the dryad would find you on his own. Sure enough, just a few minutes after you and Soongie had sat down, your co-counselor was standing at the end of your table, gesturing to the empty seat across from you.

“May I?” He asked.

“All yours,” you replied, cutting up Soongie’s pancake for her.

“We’re doing canoeing with the Bluejays this morning,” Jaemin reviewed your itinerary for the day.

A small hand grabbed your arm, and you looked over to see your little witch practically vibrating in her seat.

“Soongie’s excited,” you chuckled. “And then it’s free swim until lunch.”

“Uh-huh,” he hummed, finger following the schedule on his clipboard. “Then it’s us and the Barn Owls for free time until two-thirty. Then we’re going to archery also with the Barn Owls and the Tree Frogs, and tie dye before dinner. Oh, and a campfire after dinner tonight.”

“Will—”

“There will be s’mores at the campfire,” he said knowingly.

You smiled. “Took the words right out of my mouth.”

“You know, Soongie, you could help a little bit, sweet,” you chastised the girl fondly, being the only one actually paddling between the two of you.

The camper was sat ahead of you in your canoe, her paddle long forgotten on the floor as she looked around her in delighted wonder. You were far too endeared by her to really be upset, which she obviously knew, as she did nothing to assist. There was a small splish on the surface of the water to the left of the canoe, and Soongie gasped, immediately scooting to that side of her seat.

“Woah!” You grabbed the sides as the small canoe rocked with the shift in weight. “Careful, Soongie. I know you’re not very big, but remember what Miss Yujin said, we don’t want to—”

As you were talking, the little witch had been leaning further and further over the side of the canoe to try to get a better look at whatever had caught her attention before. Right as you had grabbed the back of her life jacket with the intention of scooting her back into the middle of her seat yourself, the canoe flipped entirely, sending the both of you into the water. You two popped up immediately thanks to your life jackets, underneath the shell of the overturned canoe.

Turning the girl around in your arms, you checked on her, “Are you okay, Soongie?”

She regarded you with wide, terrified eyes as she nodded hurriedly.

“Good, good. I’m not mad, sweet,” you reassured her, hugging her close. “It’s okay, now we know not to do that next time, right?”

She nodded again, slower this time.

Pulling away, you asked again, “Are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t get hit by the canoe or anything?”

Another nod, more certain.

“Good, alright.” You let out a deep breath, looking around at the canoe over your heads. “Now, I need you to—”

A loud knocking on the outside of the canoe cut you off, and you let out a scream in surprise. The next second, a third person had joined you two under the canoe, surfacing behind you.

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asked, wiping water out of his eyes.

“Other than the heart attack you just gave me and the canoe on top of us?” You scoffed. “Yeah, peachy, Jaemin.”

“You weren’t coming up, I was getting worried,” he frowned.

“We’re okay,” you said more sincerely this time. “Promise.”

“Okay, good.” He then pointed to his right. “You and Soongie go out and swim over there. I’ll flip the canoe back over the other way for you. Swim a good distance away, just in case.”

“Alright, thanks, Jaemin,” you smiled, patting his cheek fondly. Turning back to Soongie, you said, “I need you to close your eyes and hold your breath while we go underwater so we can get out. Can you do that for me, sweet?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, breathed in deep, and plugged her nose.

“I knew you could. Let’s go.” You grabbed her by the head, pushing her under at the same time you went down too. You kept your hand on top of her head both to keep her down against the buoyancy of her life vest and to act as a bumper in case she accidentally bonked the canoe on her way out.

Once you had surfaced, you pulled her with you as you paddled away from the canoe a fair distance. Scattered in the water around you were the oars and your shoes. You knew your sunglasses were long gone, lost to the bottom of the lake. A few seconds later, you saw one of Jaemin’s hands wrap around the edge of the canoe, then he slowly lifted the side facing you, breaking the seal with the water, before he heaved the canoe to his left, successfully flipping it rightside up. You heard distant cheers and applause from the dock, and looked over to see other campers standing there, bundled up in their own little life vests.

Swimming back over to Jaemin and the canoe with Soongie, you two also gave him a small round of applause above the surface of the water.

“Our hero,” you jested.

He grinned, holding onto the end of the canoe to keep it from floating away. “Well…”

“Y/N in first, that way you can help Soongie get in,” he explained.

“Okay, you wait here with Mister Jaemin for me,” you requested, passing her off to the dryad.

“Can you hold onto my shoulders Soongie?” He moved her around to his back, then made an exaggerated choking sound. “My shoulders, not my neck!”

Soongie giggled and changed the placement of her arms.

“Oh, thank Pan,” he breathed out in relief. “Alright, Y/N, up you go.”

You hauled yourself back into the canoe, then worked with Jaemin to hoist Soongie in as well. Finally, Jaemin pulled himself in too, shaking out his wet hair like a dog.

“Ah!” He sighed, pushing his hair back from his face, annoyingly handsome grin once again landing on you. “Well that was a successful rescue mission, huh?”

“Hate to burst your bubble, Jaemin, but uh, we don’t—”

“Have oars?” He finished your sentence, still grinning.

“Mhm.” You looked down into your empty, soaking wet canoe, then at the distant dock pointedly.

“Not a problem!” A vine shot out of Jaemin’s palm, splitting into two, each end grabbing a wayward oar and pulling them back up into the boat. He offered one out to you to take, and secured the other in his hand.

Soongie giggled and clapped, to which Jaemin bowed. “Ah, thank you, thank you.”

After free swim and free time, everyone had time to head back to their cabins and shower before going to archery. You only had a second to rinse the lake water off of you before changing and corralling your campers to archery.

The new archery range was bigger than the old one that Jaemin had taken you to, able to fit more targets than you were sure the other one could. As the two instructors began teaching the kids, the counselors hung back to make sure everyone was paying attention and served more as support during the lesson. God knew you had no clue how to shoot a bow and arrow.

“You know how to do this?” You murmured to Jaemin as you watched the instructor notch her first arrow.

“May have won a few ribbons back in my days as a camper,” he jokingly bragged. “Want a private lesson?”

You elbowed him lightly and shook your head, even as your heart skipped a beat. The instructor let her arrow fly then, easily hitting the bullseye. You clapped along with the campers, snickering, “I think maybe I should ask her instead.”

Whoever put tie-dye after free time was the bane of your existence, as there was no time for the girls to properly wash up before dinner. If tie-dye had been before free time, then they could’ve done it before showering. You and Ningning had your hands full helping them scrub dye off their hands, and your entire cabin ended up being late to dinner. Stomping into the mess hall with a gaggle of starving girls, you hurried them ahead of you towards the food line, wincing when you saw a few options empty or nearly empty already. Soongie hung back with you as always, joining you last in the line.

You made your two plates, and struggled to find empty seats in the packed mess hall. Thankfully, a hand shot up among the throng, waving you all over. Jaemin stood up so you could see him better, and you called for your girls, who were all looking around rather lost, to follow you over there. The dryad was instructing his campers to scoot around and make room, and finally, with some squeezing, everyone was able to fit. Jaemin let you scoot onto the bench seat ahead of him, and you still had to eat with Soongie on your lap and one of Jaemin’s legs sticking out into the aisle. His other leg was pressed against you, elbow bumping into yours as the two of you ate.

You tried not to glare at some of the other cabins who had made no attempts to accommodate you all, empty seats and plenty of room at their tables, some of the adults even propping up and spreading their legs out on the benches as they ate and chatted with each other.

“Just leave it, Y/N,” Jaemin murmured, nudging you with his arm. “Good example.”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Jaem.”

“Hard time washing out the tie dye?”

“Yeah. How’d you guys clean the dye off so fast?”

“Who says we cleaned the dye off?”

That made you look up from your food for the first time, carefully studying the hands and arms of the boy Swallowtail campers around you, seeing that they were in fact, splotched with every color of the rainbow. You burst into laughter, covering your face with your hand. “God—Is that going to come out before pick-up?”

“Yeah, a couple more dips in the lake, it’ll all be gone.”

“Work smarter, not harder, huh?”

Jaemin grinned. “Exactly.”

At the campfire, you helped your younger campers roast their marshmallows for their s’mores safely, while Jaemin and Chanyeol led the entire camp in sing-alongs. In a lull with your campers preoccupied with eating their s’mores, you quickly prepared one and brought it up towards the front. Chanyeol was tuning his guitar while he and Jaemin discussed which song to do next, and you tapped the dryad’s shoulder as you lowered the paper plate into his line of sight.

Jaemin looked up at you beaming, accepting the s’more. “Thanks, beautiful. How’d you know I wanted one?”

“I’m a mind reader,” you replied humorously, mussing up his hair before you headed back towards the Swallowtails’ benches.

“Ask her! Ask her!” Came excited, hushed whispers from behind you as you had just returned to your seat among all your campers.

Turning around, you spotted a gaggle of both girls and boys gathered behind you, and raised your eyebrow at them inquisitively. “Ask me what?”

“Miss Y/N?” One brave girl finally piped up. “Are you and Mister Jaemin boyfriend-girlfriend?”

You covered your mouth to not laugh directly at them, instead tilting your head at them curiously. “Why do you think that?”

“You just made him a s’more!” One said.

“And he rescued you and Soongie today!” Another added.

“And he always calls you beautiful and stuff!” Said another. “That’s what my dad calls my mom.”

“You can tell your friends that they’re beautiful,” you informed them dutifully. “I tell you girls that you’re beautiful, don’t I?”

They all looked at each other, obviously conflicted.

“You should always help somebody in need if you can, like Mister Jaemin did today when Soongie and I were canoeing,” you continued. “And how many s’mores have I made for all of you?”

They began murmuring among themselves at your very good points while you tried very hard to control your face. Technically, you and Jaemin weren’t boyfriend-girlfriend. You were… something. And these children didn’t need to know all the (sparse) details of the nature of your relationship with Jaemin anyway.

Chanyeol had started strumming his guitar again, drawing everyone’s attention as the next song began.

WEEK 3

All outdoor activities had been canceled today because a huge storm had rolled in overnight. Rain pounded against the roof of the meeting center as lighting flashed and thunder boomed outside. The Swallowtails and Tree Frogs were in here for the first block of the day watching movies on a projector. The movie was occupying some of the kids while others quietly played cards in a corner, others napped, and the counselors hung out in the back of the room.

“You okay, Jaem?” You asked the dryad, bumping his shoulder with yours. “You’ve been… off since breakfast this morning.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he reassured you, shifting his gaze from the dark grey skies outside over to you. His eyes were a deep forest green, so murky they almost blended in with his pupils. He tried to offer you a half-smile as he nudged your arm back. “It’s the weather. Dryads are sensitive to it. Mother Nature gets bummed out, so do we.”

You looked over at Sohee, noticing that the younger dryad was also less upbeat than usual, leaning against the wall and zoning out as he listened to the junior counselor from the Tree Frogs go on about something.

“I like the rain,” you tried to offer some positivity. “Good napping weather.”

Jaemin chuckled. “I’ve never been able to sleep well when the weather’s like this, but now that you mention it…”

“Big fuzzy blanket or two, the sound of the rain, oh it’s perfect.”

“Mm, I might be able to get on board with this.”

“I’m just afraid the kids aren’t going to be able to sleep tonight if they can’t get their energy out,” you sighed, already able to picture them bouncing off the walls come lights-out.

“Yeah, we’ll have to make them run laps in the gym after lunch so they’re not bouncing off the walls when it’s lights-out.”

“Exactly what I was thinking.”

“Speaking of lights-out…” He leaned in closer, resting his hand behind you and letting the smell of pine and roses entirely wrap around you. His lips ghosted against the shell of your ear as he requested, “If the rain lets up by then, will you meet me again? After lights-out?”

You turned your head to whisper back, “To do what?”

“It’s a surprise. Is that a yes?”

You hummed, pretending to think it over. Finally, you answered, “Yes.”

In the middle of dinner, the rain finally stopped, and you pretended not to react, even as the entire cafeteria erupted into cheers. Jaemin tapped your foot under the table with his. You kicked his back as you lifted your smiley fry to your mouth.

After putting your girls to bed, you once again waited thirty minutes before putting your hiking boots on and slipping out of your cabin. Jaemin was exactly where you had found him last time, blinding grin visible even this late at night. He had a couple towels tossed over his shoulder, but was otherwise in the exact same clothes as last time.

“So where are we headed?” You asked, looping your arm with his.

“Somewhere special,” he replied vaguely. “The rain should’ve made it perfect.”

You squinted at him, but didn’t press for more information. As soon as he turned off the main path, you realized he was heading towards the river but taking an unfamiliar route along it. He was heading towards a part that the camp didn’t use in their regular activities. You heard the rushing water before you spotted it, and when you emerged from the treeline, you could see a waterfall. Not huge, but without the extra rainfall from today, this area probably wouldn’t have been more than a trickle.

“Perfect,” Jaemin declared, stopping by a rock further from the water’s edge. This one was dry, safe from the spray of the waterfall. He set the towels down before toeing his shoes off, and you already knew what he was going to do.

“Isn’t it going to be cold?” You asked knowingly, despite taking your boots off too.

“Probably.” He pulled his tank top off before hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his sweatpants. “You’re behind.”

“You’re pushy,” you teased back, yanking off your socks.

“Undress how you want, my apologies.” He put his palms together and bowed ninety degrees, making you giggle at the juxtaposition of the formal gesture while he was in nothing except his briefs.

Your shorts joined the pile too, but you left your sleep shirt on since you had nothing else on under it. Jaemin was already at the river’s edge, his back to you as he stood in the water up to his ankles.

“Is it cold?” You slowly picked your way closer to the water.

“Would you believe me if I said no?” He answered with a question.

“Try.”

“It’s like a hot tub.”

You clicked your tongue, “Nope, didn’t believe you for a second.”

“Can I look?” He still hadn’t turned around, even as you were just a couple steps behind him.

“No, Jaem, I want you to swim with your eyes closed all night.”

“I’d do it if you asked,” he jested back in a slightly sing-songy voice.

“I know you would.” You hugged your arms as you shook your head fondly. “You can turn around. With your eyes open.”

Jaemin turned around with his eyes squeezed shut first, then squinted them open one at a time, a soft grin spreading across his lips as his gaze didn’t trail anywhere other than your face. He offered his hand out, and you set yours atop it. Slowly, he pulled you towards him, and you braced yourself as you took the first step into the cold water. You let out an instinctive shiver at the chill zipping up through you.

“Hot tub, yeah,” you scoffed.

“It slopes down from here.” Jaemin started wading out in front of you, keeping his loose grip on your hand. You followed him, keeping an eye on how fast the water was rising up his legs to estimate the depth for yourself.

When the water was about waist-deep, you hissed at the temperature, squeezing his hand tighter. His thumb rubbed the back of your hand as he started guiding you towards the waterfall. “Come on.”

In the back of your mind, you wondered if you were going to get sick from this.

“If you catch a cold, I’ll nurse you back to health.”

“If you get sick, I’ll laugh,” you mimicked the way he cooed at you sweetly.

Jaemin stopped the two of you a little ways away from the bottom of the waterfall. He let go of your hand before walking forward, pausing right under where the water was pouring down, thoroughly drenching him. He let out a whoop presumably at the burst of cold. Poking his head out, he wiped the water from his eyes and looked at you expectantly. You sighed but went to join him, grabbing your shoulders tightly and gritting your teeth against the rush of cold water soaking the rest of you. A mix between a yelp and a laugh escaped you instinctively, and you heard Jaemin laughing past the sounds of crashing water. Admittedly, the chill served as a shock to your nervous system, thoroughly waking you up and making every inch of your skin tingle.

You ducked out of the waterfall, under the overhang of rock, wiping water off your face as you giggled. “Ah! Cold! Fucking cold!”

“It’s refreshing, right?” Jaemin asked with a grin.

“Kinda, yeah,” you admitted, putting your shoulders back under the waterfall. You held your arms out. “C’mere.”

He obliged, shuffling closer to you and letting you wrap your arms around his neck. As soon as you felt how warm his skin was, you pulled him even closer.

“You’re warm!” You gasped.

“I’m a dryad, gorgeous,” he hummed, lowering the two of you in the water. His hands landed on your knees, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist and cling onto him even more. “Always the perfect temperature.”

“You’re really proud to be a dryad, hm?” You questioned, not a hint of sarcasm or taunting in your voice this time.

“Of course. I love everything about it, never wanted to be anything else. Sure, other things are more powerful, and plenty of dryads hate being sensitive to the weather, but I love it all.”

“Can you understand animals?” You knew that not all dryads could talk to animals, and those who could, would usually only be able to talk to a certain kind (birds, fish, reptiles, etc.).

“Small to medium land mammals. Anything bigger than a dog is usually a no-go.”

“What about a really big dog? Like a Great Dane? Or a Newfoundland?”

“Haven’t tried. When I do, I’ll let you know.”

“Do you have a favorite animal? Or is that like picking a favorite kid?”

He chuckled, and you could feel it against you. “I like cats.”

“Me too.”

After a beat, he asked, “Can I tell you something?”

“Can I stop you?”

“The first day of camp—”

“—when you fell in the river—”

“—when I fell in the river… I didn’t really fall in.”

You pulled back to be able to look him in the eye, nose scrunching up in confusion. “What? So you just… went swimming in your clothes for fun?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I was walking the perimeter, like I told you, and then suddenly I got this really strong urge to just jump in,” he explained. “One second, I was perfectly fine, enjoying the Sun, and then I thought to myself: ‘It’s too goddamn hot and if I overheat and die there is no way I’m going to let myself end up haunting this place for eternity.’ And the river was right there so I jumped in and cooled off. And then when you showed up, I figured it was better to look clumsy than like… well whatever that was.”

Dread had settled deep in the pit of your stomach, and your jaw dropped with mortification. “Jaemin, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’m the one who made you jump in the river,” you confessed, pushing on his chest to get him to let you go and stand on your own again.

“What?” He tilted his head, obviously confused and caught between trying to decide if you were joking or serious, half a smile on his lips.

You turned away from him, covering your face in horror as everything suddenly dawned on you at once—way too late, you should’ve fucking known, it was so fucking obvious. “Not on purpose. God—”

Jaemin was surprisingly calm as he asked, “What are you talking about?”

“You know how we’re like… scarily in sync sometimes? Like it’s almost like you can read my thoughts?”

He grinned and chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. “So you noticed, too? I mean—”

“It’s not great chemistry or anything. I’m literally accidentally putting my thoughts in your head,” you interrupted him, desperately trying to get across how seriously bad this whole thing was.

The cocky smirk dropped right off his face, and he turned curious and skeptical instead. “Wait, really? How?”

“My great-aunt called it something one time. A savvy,” you snapped your fingers as the word popped into your head. “Said that’s what they used to be called before all this modern-day science took over magic instead.”

“Savvy,” he repeated uncertainly.

“Yeah. Humans that could talk to plants and make them grow faster like dryads, or fly but just a couple inches off the ground, things like that,” you listed off a couple examples. “Her theory was that with integration, people didn’t find their savvies anymore because they were around all this extraordinary magic, there was no reason for their little pockets of it to ever make an appearance.”

“What’s your theory?”

“Kind of similar. I think the people with them might notice it, but we see all this incredible stuff every day, so if your plants are growing extra fast—hey, that was probably just the magical fertilizer you bought at the store, why would it be the fact that you were singing to your succulent? Magic is so ingrained into the fabric of our lives from outside sources, I don’t think we’d ever stop to notice if it ever started coming from inside us.”

“That’s so…”

“Sad? That humans would never stop to think that we had magic in us too?” You chuckled cynically.

Jaemin shook his head, brow furrowed as he obviously both deep in thought and deeply perturbed. “I was going to say, hard to imagine. I can’t imagine what it feels like not having magic in you.”

“You’re made of magic. I’m not.”

“Well that’s not true. You’ve got something. You’ve got a… savvy.” Jaemin smiled and pointed smugly. “It’s what confused me the first time we met.”

“Right.”

“So how did you find out?”

“According to my parents, I didn’t talk until I was almost four. I didn’t need to, they just somehow always knew what I wanted. Used to chalk it up to good body language. But the way that people always finished my thoughts before I did, and didn’t even realize they were doing it. I hated that. It felt like they were in my head.” You clutched your arms self-soothingly at the memories. “Until I got a little older and realized that actually, I was in their heads.”

“Do you know why? Why you?”

“We’re all human, my family, as far back as we can tell. Unless someone had an affair somewhere that we don’t know about but—” You shrugged. “I’m just a human, who can think and feel really hard, and things happen. And because someone said so, that’s magic. But if I lived with a bunch of humans—and not my great-aunt—I probably would’ve gone my whole life just believing that I was really good at conveying my thoughts. Or really shit at hiding them.”

“So you can… what, exactly?”

You knew what he was asking—magic powers all had names. So what was yours?

“I don’t know, project my thoughts? Still don’t have a good name for it,” you admitted with a dejected shrug. “I don’t do it on purpose, it just kind of happens. I can never choose which ones, or who gets them, I’ve just kind of figured that that it tends to happen with ones I’m more focused on. But not always.”

“So it wasn’t great chemistry, huh?” He joked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Ah, sorry, Jaemin,” you said sheepishly, then tacked on, “But I can tell you, I’ve never had someone so… receptive to my thoughts before. Like, no one person has ever gotten so many in such a short amount of time. I don’t know why, or what it means, or if it even means anything. And I do feel the need to apologize, I imagine it’s clearly been… invasive.”

“For one, don’t apologize. You said you’re not doing it on purpose, and I can’t imagine what it must be like for you, always worrying about which of your thoughts someone is going to get, who’s going to get it, and if they’ll know it was you. Don’t also worry about apologizing to me just because I listen a little better than other people. If anything, I should be apologizing to you for eavesdropping.”

“You don’t need to—”

“Now you know how you sounded,” he replied pointedly.

“Damn.”

“Anyway, I think I know exactly why I’m more… receptive.”

You eyed him curiously. “Enlighten me.”

“I’m a dryad,” he reminded you for probably the hundredth time since you met him. “We’re in touch with nature, which includes humans, and their thoughts and feelings.”

“So it’s not our great chemistry?” You trepidly quipped.

“So you agree!” He lit up. “We do have great chemistry! Aside from the magical thought-sharing?”

“I think it’s including that?” You fidgeted with your fingernails. “Because despite everything I just told you, you’re not running away. Even though I literally made you jump in a river the first time we met. Or, before we ever met.”

“I think I’m starting to get better at telling what’s your idea and what’s mine,” he said confidently. “And you’re also not running away, despite the fact that you know that your thoughts are even more available to me than other people.”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “I trust you with them. You’re the first person that I’ve told who’s… really thought of it like that. That you’re listening in, instead of me forcing something into your brain.”

“Thank you. I’m honored.”

“So uhm, while we’re talking about the first day of camp… What were you going to ask me? At Truth or Dare?”

“Still thinking about that, gorgeous?”

“Apparently. Do you remember?”

“‘Are you thinking about kissing me, too?’” He stepped closer to you again. “Though, I think I know the answer now.”

You nodded, eyes glued to where a droplet of water raced from his hair down his forehead, over his browbone, his nose, and finally between his cupid’s bow into his parted lips.

“I know I can literally hear you thinking about what my lips feel like, and exactly where you want my hands on you…” One of said hands had caught the hem of your shirt floating in the water, gently tugging it back and forth. Jaemin leaned in closer, warm breath washing over your cheek as he held eye contact with his request, “But can I also hear you say it out loud? Just once, gorgeous?”

You immediately folded, grabbing his forearms as you pleaded, “Jaem, please. I want you to kiss me, I want you to—”

“I know, beautiful, I know,” he hushed you gently, cupping your cheek and sealing his mouth over yours. His other hand let go of your shirt hem to wrap around your waist and pull you closer. Your fingernails dug into the muscles of his forearm as you pressed against him, chasing more contact in any way possible. He alternated soft bites to your bottom lip and deep kisses that left you dizzy. The cold water didn’t even register anymore as you fell more and more into Na Jaemin.

Jaemin finally drew back, leaving you with a peck on the tip of your nose. He was still looking at you with an absolutely blindingly soft smile, cradling your face with two hands. You grabbed his cheeks, kissing his nose too.

“It’s only fair,” he snickered.

“Exactly what I was thinking,” you replied humorously, pushing your forehead against his.

The sky was a beautiful crystal clear blue the next morning, and you noticed the change in Jaemin’s mood before you even got to the mess hall for breakfast. Your cabins converged on the walkway there, and you spotted Jaemin at the front of his boys, giving one a piggy-back ride as four more chased them around the rest. Sohee was actually leading the gaggle of campers, laughing and joking along with the older dryad. Without you even calling out to him, Jaemin gently dropped his camper back to the ground before turning around and giving your group a big wave.

“Morning, girls!” He grinned.

“Morning, Mister Jaemin!” They said back in a loud chorus.

You just so happened to glance down to make sure you weren’t going to step on one of the kids’ heels when you noticed that Soongie’s sneaker was untied.

“Oh, hold on, sweet. Your shoelace.” You tugged on her hand to take her to the side, out of the crowd. Kneeling down, you dutifully double-knotted it. “There. Let’s go.”

You’d just started walking and brushing the dirt off your knee when your foot got jerked back by your own shoelace which had come untied and was subsequently caught under someone’s foot. Before your face or hands could impact with the concrete, however, something sturdy wrapped around your waist and caught you. You realized it was a thick, leafy vine at the same time that two hands grabbed your arms to stand you back up, and the vine unwound from around you.

“Woah, you alright?” It was Jaemin, of course, already checking your hands and arms over for injuries.

“Yeah, Jaem, I’m fine,” you smiled as he fidgeted with your beaded bracelet from Soongie. “Tied Soongie’s shoe and completely missed the fact that mine was untied too. Thanks for the save.”

He dutifully dropped to one knee to tie your shoe for you, and you wanted to be embarrassed at being treated like a child, but really, all you could think about was pulling him back up when he was done and kissing him.

“Not here, beautiful,” he grinned and winked at you.

You rolled your eyes and pushed his head away from you, but you knew it was all negated by your fond smile and thoughts.

WEEK 4

The Swallowtails were back in the arts and crafts cabin, and you were hard at work at the friendship bracelet station. You may have sucked at making clover crowns, but you weren’t half-bad at this, at least. Searching through the piles of beads, you secured a few more green and brown ones, as well as some in the shape of white daisies to add.

Jaemin was at the bead table too, and you pretended not to be interested in what he was making, even as he had not-very-quietly whispered to one of your girls sitting next to him asking if she knew what your favorite color was. The camper had told him with a giggle, some of the other campers pitching in with their opinions on whatever he was making throughout it. You acted like you hadn’t heard anything, looking up from your own craft only to survey the cabin or when someone called your name asking for help.

You’d just secured the clasp on the necklace you had been working on when a throat was cleared across from you. Looking up, you raised your eyebrows at Jaemin curiously. “Yes…?”

His project had disappeared from in front of him, but one of his hands was behind his back, so you had a suspicion as to where it went. The dryad held his other hand out palm-up on the table between you two. “May I?”

You put out your arm that already had your friendship bracelet from Soongie on it, and he grasped it gently. “Close your eyes?” He requested.

Amused, you did so, feeling when he slipped another bracelet on your wrist. You peeked one eye open, immediately spotting the bracelet that was comprised mostly of beads of your favorite color. You grinned, spinning it around to admire it.

“It’s perfect. Thanks, Jaem,” you said. Picking up the necklace, you declared, “Your turn.”

Standing up, you walked around to stand behind him, fastening the clasp at the back of his neck for him. “There you go.”

It was a shorter necklace, resting right at his collarbones, so he had to use his phone camera to look at it. His fingertips ran over the beads, then he reached back to squeeze your hand that was resting lightly on his shoulder.

“I love it.” He tilted his head back to absolutely beam at you.

At dinner, you weren’t even surprised when Jaemin joined you and Soongie in the line to get your food. You fondly noted that he was still wearing the necklace from earlier.

Leaning in towards him, you breathed in the familiar smells of roses and pine, then murmured, “Will you meet me? After lights-out tonight?”

“I had this weird feeling that you were going to ask me that,” he teased. “Yes.”

“So where are we headed?” Jaemin asked as soon as you found each other that night.

You didn’t hesitate to take his hand, lacing your fingers with his. “I want to try to make clover crowns again.”

He started tugging you down the walkways. “Let’s do it.”

Taking a deep breath of the fresh air that was all around you, you let out an unintentional sigh after. “I can’t believe we’re going back tomorrow.”

“It always amazes me how fast a month goes here.”

“We’re going to—I’m going to see you again, right? When we get back?”

Jaemin screeched to a stop in the middle of the trail, turning to you with a startlingly severe look on his face. “What kind of question—Of course. We live in the same city, go to the same school. I meant everything I said, Y/N.”

“I-I know, Jaem.” You glanced up at the stars peeking through the treetops. “I guess this whole month sort of felt surreal… I’m worried about what real life will be like for us.”

“It’ll be better,” he said confidently. “Because I can take you on real dates there.”

You chuckled, squeezing his hand. “I don’t know, the waterfall was pretty romantic.”

“I’m glad you think so, beautiful.” He started down the trail again. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

The camp was in a fairly remote location, so everyone loaded up onto buses in the morning to drive back into the city, where the children would then be picked up by their parents. Since you had volunteered for the set-up crew, you weren’t staying for break-down, which meant you were going back with the kids and monitoring pick-up for your campers.

Most of the kids (and counselors) were napping on the bus, thoroughly tuckered out from the month of camp, and having to get up early to eat breakfast before the buses departed. Soongie was curled up on the bench seat with her head in your lap as she slept, and you yawned just looking at her.

“Tired, gorgeous?” Jaemin murmured from his aisle seat next to you. The three of you probably didn’t need to squeeze into one row, but there was no part of you that wanted to tell him to move.

“Mm, a bit,” you admitted, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“Sleep.” He shifted to wrap his arm around you, encouraging you to rest your head in the crook of his neck.

After waking up, pick-up went surprisingly smooth. Most of the campers’ parents were already at the pick-up location, so it was just a matter of checking IDs and sending the families on their way. Soongie excitedly tugged you over to a trio of adults, one of whom looked far too old to be her parent, and another looked far too young—your age at most. They introduced themselves as her covenmates, and one of the witches was in fact her biological father, the one who looked between the other two in age. You chatted with them for a little bit as they confessed to being nervous since this was Soongie’s first time away from the coven. You filled them in on how well she did at camp, downplaying the horrors of the first night to put their minds at ease. Soongie gave you one last big hug before all four of them left with huge smiles on their faces.

Ningning was driving herself and some of the other junior counselors home, and you sent them off with a wave, the witch honking her horn in return. When things around the lot were finally quiet, you saw that all the campers were gone, and the lead counselors were even beginning to disperse as well. Jaemin was already walking up to you, his duffel bag on his shoulder.

“Heading out?” You asked, trying to hide your disappointment.

“In a minute. Now that pick-up’s done…” He grabbed one of your wrists with one hand and tugged your friendship bracelet from Soongie off with the other.

“Hey, that’s—”

“Your bad luck charm.”

You looked between him and the gift in confusion. “What?”

“Soongie didn’t do it on purpose. Witches that little have no control over their powers. I didn’t say something before because I know you wouldn’t have gotten rid of it while you were still around her, and all it’s been doing is minorly inconveniencing you.” He turned the bracelet around in his fingers to look at the plastic beads. “If it was seriously hurting you, I would’ve intervened.”

“Wait, so when I tripped on my shoelace…?”

“And when the canoe flipped, and all the spots at the mess hall being taken, and probably anything else that went wrong this whole month.” He tossed it up in the air and caught it before pocketing it. “Unless you’re usually that unlucky?”

“No, I just figured it was because this was my first year. Learning the ropes and stuff,” you shrugged, still bewildered as suddenly everything was clicking.

“Unintentional sabotage.”

“Well, good thing I had you then, huh?” You joked, nudging him with your elbow. “My guardian dryad.”

He pretended to wipe sweat off his brow. “It was tough work, keeping an extra close eye on you.”

“Aw, and here I thought you were hanging around me so much because of our great chemistry?”

“That too.” Jaemin looped an arm around your shoulders to pull you into him, peppering kisses on your cheek as you giggled and futilely tried to hide your face from him. “Mostly that.”

⤷ anthology masterlist | blog masterlist

@annenakamura @bee-the-loser @lotties-readings @ppddpjdr @reiofsuns2001 @snowyseungs @tearinka @yoursyuno @yutasputa69 @winkeuu

@ihatefrvits @classicroyalty @fairvtale @giirlfriendd @shaqs-oatmeal @sofipolii01

[ivesambrose]

🤍 WHAT YOU'RE MANIFESTING NEXT 🤍

1. 2. 3.

Starting off new pick a cards with something sweet and simple that everyone can look forward to.

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at ivesambrose@gmail.com

Masterpost

Services Offered

Thank you for the tip

Picture 1

Its likely you've felt rather helpless and alone, as though life has been testing you to the point it feels like a schedule to get to them and tick them off in your mental notepad once done. It is likely you've felt extra strained in your home environment or hometown, you may have attempted to leave but something or the other comes your way. You may have felt consistently blocked or unable to leave or unable to find a solution to a problem you've been facing in regards to your house or family.

A small part of you then decided to turn the worst case scenarios in your favour somehow. One of the ways being, "all of these sufferings will be rewarded. At least, mine will." I imagine you said this to yourself through gritted teeth. I want to tell you that the first thing you're manifesting is learning and accepting that suffering for rewards and accomplishments as poetic as they sound, shouldn't be the default settings you function under.

You're manifesting -

• A solution and clarity. No more illusions that worry you from taking the next step or making a decision.

• A community that allows you to bloom. New friends and network.

• Relocation.

• An end to apathy and boredom.

• An end to turmoil, stagnation and feeling of lack and helplessness.

• The beginning you've been anticipating as everything ends around you.

Timings: The coming 3 months.

Picture 2

You may have felt a lack of proper guidance in your life. That no matter what mentor came through or what ever path you sought to follow, everything somehow got complicated when you looked up to it. So many contradictions and so many lies. So you decided the only constant guidance are your own experiences and intuition. There's a life of adventure you seek, a career that lets you live the way you've wanted, for your words to inspire others without coming off too preachy and pretentious. Life has lacked stability likely due to external forces because you've time and time again done your best to obtain the stability that had been taken away from you. There's an intention you had set some time back and that is finally coming into fruition. Thing is, you knew it was going to happen anyway no matter how dire it seemed, you just needed to water this intention by directing your energy to it. You're manifesting -

• Increase in creativity with the energy to express it as well. Feeling in charge of your life. Leading rather than being led.

• Travelling to foreign locations for higher education or job/career. A career that lets you travel or involves travel.

• More money or increase in finances in general.

• More things or subjects to learn and achieve proficiency in.

Timings : Sooner than you expect. (Likely Gemini season for some)

Picture 3

You don't really shy away from challenges but certain incidents have made you question your faith and entire belief systems, later people and lastly yourself. You're trying to find a middle ground for yourself and also wondering how many transformations till your quiet breakdowns stop. Some of you really want to leave, something that brought you comfort is only bringing you anxiety now and giving you extreme mood swings. It seems as though you're wondering if any efforts you're putting into what you want is even worth it. Quiet your mind for some time. Even for a minute. Till the minutes eventually pass and your mind feels quiet for once. It's okay to have a head full of no thoughts at times. You're manifesting -

• Emotional regulation.

• Better health.

• Luck and expansion.

• Knowledge that you can put into use.

• For some better relationship with a maternal figure or their parents.

• Sudden wealth or unexpected wealth or property.

• Protection from distrustful and downright vindictive energy.

• Success, recognition and enjoying the fruits of your labour. Succeeding in anything you've been wanting to manifest for yourself actually. No extra steps or rules and regulations to follow. Simply acceptance.

Timings: Within 2 months.

[energ00n]

Hey, Jazz anon here. Before I begin, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I was way too confrontational in my original ask because I was angry at the time, and as such I think it muddied my original point about tactness I was trying to make lol.

I'll try to keep this as short as I can, but I'd also like to go in more depth than my original ask so that I hope my point is better understood.

The point I was trying to make is that the writing choices we make in our narratives will always be indicative of the real world since we are real people writing from our own experiences. It doesn't matter what the setting is, or that "they're robots!," especially if we are dealing with a character that has parallels with the real world like Jazz. As such, it's very easy to fall into stereotype pitfalls when writing since everyone has been exposed to media that pushes stereotypes. I think we should ask ourselves why we are putting an unequivocally black character in a situation that is similar to real-world stereotypes of black men being used as an obstacle or road block in a relationship.

That is to say, I don't think you're racist. At all. I don't know why you said that I accused you of racism since even in my original spiteful anon I specified that I didn't think you were intentionally leaning into negative connotations about a black character. I just wanted to make you aware, but I admit, it was a poor explanation.

I'm going to address a couple quick points here that I have seen:

-"you just don't like jazzop!" No? Jazzop is unironically one of my favorite ships right now, which is why I want it to be portrayed well.

-"the AU isn't about racism" That's true, it's not. But that doesn't take away Jazz's blackness either, so I don't really see why the setting would change that.

- "Why did you not bring up Megatron?" I originally considered doing that in my original ask, but I was mainly too lost in the jazz sauce to include it in my original ask. But you said it yourself: Megatron is black, and as such, we should also be writing him with the same tact that Jazz deserves. I could divulge into the way that black men are similarly written to be hyper possessive in fiction, which also rubbed me the wrong way, but my ask is getting way too long and I think that it all ties back to educating yourself on common harmful tropes directed at black people.

I really hope this doesn't come off as pretentious because that was the furthest thing from my intention. Also sorry if I scared you with a freakishly long ask, I just wanted to have a dialogue properly. Thank you

I just woke up and my brain my be straying but I do commend you for coming back to expand upon your point. However you’ve still yet to answer my question: What tempting Jazz did to Orion?

If you’ve read my work beyond a few words, you’d know by now that this “love obstacle” doesn’t exist. Do you see your partner/crush having friends as an obstacle? Are you projecting? Jazz doesn’t “steal Orion’s away” (Doesn’t count if you turn off your brain and read everything through 3-word tropes). Not once did he take the initiative. It’s Orion who understandably wanted to hangout and catch up, it’s Orion who wanted to borrow the visor and took it before Jazz answered, and it’s D who suddenly views Jazz as an opponent upon sight. The whole thing wasn’t about Jazz being a home-wrecker, it’s about D and his emotional constipation, his insecurities.

Now that you actually mentioned Megatron, it’s extra ridiculous. Megatron, not TFO Megatron, MEGATRON, has been perceived as an angry possessive mf for years before TFO came along but the only thing you got out of it is this how we’re badly portraying black men. At this point I have to ask why are you so obsessive with racial stereotypes to such an uncomfortable degree? Did you think the movie was racist for making Megatron so aggressive and eventually became the villain too? You had to have because I’d start thinking you’re playing pick and choose.

I think I’m slowly seeing how you view things anon and it’s… pretty gross. You view them as their races before they’re characters. You diminish characters’ personalities, motivations and values just because they’re black-coded, you wouldn’t have a damn issue if I flip the table and draw SG!Orion being grossly possessive. To your own logic, black-coded characters should never be intense or have strong emotions, they should all be mild-mannered and I think that has a much more disturbing implications.

I want to clarify there’s a time and place where characters can really be used to harm folks of the minority group, like shit, I’m Asian, I know how it goes. But is this really the one? Really?? This AU? This AU even before I actually delve into its actual topic of racism in the story?? Dang.

I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it again, I do not like cheap tropes, leave alone racist stereotypes. And you’re sitting here accusing me of not only tactless writing but also indulging in this ugly thing that’s not even a part of my culture. It’s not fun. You didn’t directly call me a racist but really, if you can conclude that Jazz was being portrayed as a picture of racial stereotypes from the handful of time he’s actually appeared, I can easily take how the previous ask pinned me as someone ignorant to my racism. Easily.

I think it’s high time we parted ways, anon. Clearly my story isn’t for you and I personally don’t want you around. I hope you’ll find a different media you’re more comfortable with

[canichangemyblogname]

Hot take? A show with queer people in it from the beginning was never queerbaiting and— very literally and technically— never could. In the first episode, a gay man comes out to his family. And he doesn’t stop being gay after that; it’s a major plot point and part of his character going forward. You’ve had a married lesbian couple from the jump who are proud and unapologetic about their love for each other. The story has also portrayed several queer couples and stories in episodic plots, including featuring queer weddings.

Buck didn’t suddenly “become” bi. Queerness is not when straight people “turn” queer. He has been attracted to men the entire time; he has always been bi. Understanding yourself and your sexuality as a queer person is often so difficult under heteronormativity. Sometimes, it takes time.

Hell— Buck checking a guy out some time in season 3 or getting flustered by the idea he might like a guy, etc, etc, are not even examples “queerbaiting,” nevermind how the show already features queer stories.

I genuinely think some of y’all are just mad that he’s not sucking face with the man you want him to, and are being weirdly homophobic about it. “Buck kissing this man is kinda off-putting, lmao.” “Buck and his bf’s relationship is awkward. IDK, but it weirds me out.” “There’s something so cringe about Buck’s relationship—” “Who dates someone they haven’t been friends with for years first? It’s kinda creepy…” “I think their relationship is a weird mess. It’s not as meaningful as a slow burn.”

Life isn’t fanfiction and fanfiction tropes don’t make good writing. Most relationships start out with a “hey, I’m interested in you, let’s get to know each other.” You’re just transparently uncomfortable with two men expressing that interest in each other outside the arbitrary rules you’ve established to make a mlm relationship “legitimate” or “meaningful.”

[Fanfiction] tropes— from “there’s only one bed” to “we’re forced together, but fall in love anyway”— are responses to the sex-negativity and purity culture norms forced upon gender and sexual minorities. They provide a workaround for these norms but never a direct challenge. It’s like the Family Guy episode “Prick Up Your Ears,” where conservative Christian abstinence-only sex education leads to kids having ear sex. Ear sex is the workaround to the abstinence and purity rules they’d been taught, not the challenge. We still have stringent rules around who can touch whom and under what circumstances. Tropes reflect this. So, a trope like “there’s only one bed” provides the characters with a justification for their intimacy without directly challenging why it is taboo.

You’ve convinced yourself that shipping— and thus the tropes it employs— is more subversive than actual representation, and the people caught in the crossfire are actual queer people.

Also— for the love of fuck— stop comparing every mlm relationship to RW&RB.

[redsugarx]

[EVENT RECAP] Spring, Skirts & Serpents: An Exploration in Hanfu

HELLO I am not dead! I see that some of my informational guide posts have been garnering attention recently; I will return to continuing that series soon, I have just been very busy x-x

I wanted to recap on this event that ate up my entire spring break (I posted about it a bit ago but I'm taking that post down so it doesn't get confusing). The event description is as follows:

"We will be presenting at “Spring, Skirts & Serpents: an Exploration in Hanfu” at Fremont Main Library (2400 Stevenson Blvd, Fremont, CA) on 3/29 from 1pm-2:30pm! We’ll be showcasing some of our Year of the Dragon + Year of the Snake designs runway style, followed by an interview-style talk (with me it's me I'm getting interviewed).

The event is in English and is free and open to the public, but space may be limited on the day of, so we’ve made sure you can preregister as VIPs and guarantee yourself a seat!"

As indicated, the event was held at Fremont Main Library in Fremont, CA. In addition to sharing some photos & videos, I want share the inner workings of making this event happen as well as reflect on some highlights/improvements that could be made.

Purpose

Several months ago I was approached by my past Chinese teacher Tung Laoshi (ya boi went to Chinese school for many years like a good little child, but transferred to private tutoring after elementary school) with an invitation to run a showcase event. For context, with the high concentration of Chinese-speaking families in the bay area, there's a fairly extensive network of Chinese teachers here—the circle closest to me is primarily Taiwanese (so we learn traditional characters instead of simplified). Tung Laoshi is a teacher in the Palo Alto area where I grew up. Wu laoshi was the other primary event coordinator, another Taiwanese Chinese teacher from Fremont, where the event was held, bringing in the support of the Wang & Wu Foundation.

Basically, the people organizing this event (other than me) were mostly coming from a Chinese education perspective. It's gotten harder and harder for these teachers to pique interest in Chinese language & culture from American-born kids. I'm not an exception to this, I hated going to Chinese school as much as any other kid, but due to a combination of factors including switching to private tutoring, higher-than-average immersion in Taiwan, and getting bribed with sweets, I ended up with a better handle on the language than a lot of other ABCs and ABTs (and running Cloud9 Hanfu DEFINITELY improved my language skills via immersion). From what I could gather, one of the questions at the core of their reasoning for holding this event was, why are you so interested in Chinese culture? How can I make my students/kids interested in it too? How do I get them to enjoy it enough to seek it out themselves, like you did, rather than needing to force them into begrudgingly learning it?

Honestly, I don't have a direct answer to that question. My appreciation for culture is multifaceted, driven by a combination of factors that aren't necessarily controllable. I can only hope that by sharing my work with everyone I can help inspire someone—if not the kids learning Chinese, then the teachers teaching it, to keep doing what they're doing.

On my side of things, this was an opportunity to share my work in person. I rarely hold events myself—Yulan deals with most of that, and has experience with several shows under her belt—but I have to say that, sort of like the Feynman technique, looking at my work through the lens of presentation to other people helped me get a lot of my thoughts in order and develop the concepts I wanted to express into intentional points.

I'm typically very very uncomfortable with public speaking, and will take any possible opportunity to move out of the spotlight, but I suppose I won't get better at it if I don't practice, and there will be times when it's necessary. After all, understanding the artist is crucial to understanding the art, so if I want to share my work then I will, to some extent, have to share about myself. It wasn't perfect, but it was an experience that I'm glad I went through :)

Prepwork

Preparations for the event were mostly concentrated into t minus 2 months or so. I was still in the depths of midterm hell for most of these two months and our MC Sandra was in Taiwan/Japan so we had to rely on Zoom for most of our meetings. Over this period we worked together to decide on an overall agenda, what sets we wanted to show, and the content of what we wanted to focus on for the interview.

Originally the event was supposed to be focused on the Year of the Snake collection alone, but our contact from Fremont Main Library felt that focusing on snakes only would drive away audiences that didn't like snakes, so we compromised on showing 4 sets from the Year of the Dragon collection and 5 sets from the Snake collection. The styling was mostly up to me, so during this time I put together the components of each of the 9 looks: the set, shoes, accessories, hair, makeup (kinda), etc. and made the necessary purchases.

Our 9 models ranged in age all the way from 7th grade to 31 years old. They were recruited from various places, some being students of the teachers, some being server members of Cloud9's discord. None of them had experience modeling, and very few of them had experience performing in any regard, but I think that choosing fresh faces to participate is a good thing: it gives new people a chance to experience hanfu, not limiting it to a small circle of people who are already invested in it.

We had one rehearsal a week before the event and another rehearsal on the morning on the 29th, so in total the models had maybe 5-6 hours of practice time to learn how to move around in clothes they'd never worn before, posing, coordinating with the MC etc.

The morning of was—not unexpectedly—a giant chaotic mess, but still fun nonetheless! I had to do nine people's hair in roughly 2 hours and barely finished before the event started. At the end of the day all nine models exceeded my expectations and presented beautifully :)

The interview portion was as terrifying as I expected but mostly went smoothly. I think I looked awkward as hell, but I at least didn't look like I wanted to dissolve into the floor, which is how I felt, so I'll count it as a success. For some reason the interview was cut really short, so there was a lot of content that we didn't really get to discuss, but I'm glad we got some of it out there: explaining the inspiration behind some of the sets in the snake collection, describing my experience & interest in hanfu, taking some questions and answers, etc etc.

Runway Lineup

KUKRI / 赤松子

Year of the Snake, Warring States Period, based on the Kukri snake, modeled by Natalie Chung. Natalie is in eighth grade and does competitive dance, and presented some of my favorite poses during the show. Her control of the giant sleeves was phenomenal, especially considering she had so little time to get used to them.

HUNDRED-PACER / 百步蛇

Year of the Snake, Han Dynasty, based on the hundred-pacer snake/Chinese moccasin, modeled by Edith Huang (ig: @ediithhuang). Edith is in eighth grade and has the tiniest waist I have ever set eyes on. I keep saying that it's like this set was made for her.

SPIRIT / 白素貞 + DRAGUN / 翠青兒

Year of the Snake, Northern & Southern Dynasties (specifically Northern Wei), inspired by the Legend of the White Snake, modeled by sisters Emma (ig: @eeeeemma_wang) & Audrey Wang (ig: @audreyolafz). Emma is a third year at UCSB and Audrey is a first year at UC Berkeley. They went up together with a pair of oil-paper umbrellas and executed the umbrella-spinning moves perfectly.

EQUINOX / 天欲暮

Year of the Dragon, Tang Dynasty, modeled by sword gremlin Kevin T. Wong (aka Sword Kevin or Sevin) (@ktw-shu). His aerial & sword flowers were a crowd favorite. During q&a we asked a little boy which set was his favorite and it was, unsurprisingly, this one. I also dared him to dab onstage.

HESPERUS / 升天行

Year of the Dragon, Tang Dynasty, modeled by Anyka Chan (ig: @an.bri.ka). Longtime server member. I don't know exactly what it is, but she carried this set with that kind of energy that just radiates out from her like she's glowing. The Tang beizi was not presented because we lowkey lost is oopsies.

AQUARELLE / 海霞紅

Year of the Dragon, Song Dynasty, modeled by Alicia Ho (ig: @lala38520). Alicia is in 7th grade, our youngest model this show, and I'll admit I was a little concerned, but as soon as the clothes + makeup + hair went up it was like she walked out of a painting. The white crown on her head is called a guan, popular in the Song Dynasty. This one was 3D printed.

MARQUIS / 隨侯珠

Year of the Snake, Ming Dynasty, modeled by Xing Chan (ig: @xingnificant). Xing Chan is a chemistry student at UC Berkeley. He has the most luscious hair ever and I will never stop asking for his haircare routine and then immediately forgetting what he said, causing me to ask about it yet again a month later.

SERAPHINE / 雲化龍

Year of the Dragon, Ming Dynasty, modeled by Lydia Wang (ig: @lydiaa_wang). Lydia is a sophomore in high school. As soon as she picked up the ruyi scepter on the day of rehearsal I knew I'd chosen the right model to close the show—this is a very elaborate set and can be hard to hold up, but she executed flawlessly.

Reflections

The Good Stuff

The models!!!!!! I am so thankful to everyone who volunteered their time to help out at this event but especially to the models, who had to spent hours on hours drilling their poses and had to go on stage one at a time all by themselves. Modeling isn't just as simple as walking across a stage either; the number of things that you have to remember at the same time is WILD: posture, expression, eye contact, focusing on shifting weight, coordinating timing with the MC, all while remembering the choreography that you're supposed to be doing. Everyone worked so hard and I'm so so grateful for their efforts, the results turned out beautifully.

Kept putting down our water bottles, losing track of them, and then needing to get a new water bottle because we couldn't remember which one was ours. I think I went through like five separate bottles.

Another thing was the Chinese teachers that helped out or attended as part of the audience. I haven't been in Chinese school in years, and when I actually was there I certainly didn't notice, but a lot of these women are really very hardworking, passionate teachers who find meaning in what they're doing. It was like I could see a ray of light shining in their eyes when I went up there, something to indicate that their efforts would not always be in vain. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of hating on Chinese school too, but after hanging out with a lot of the aunties & teachers it's clear that, as immigrants, it really does bring them joy and inspiration to see cultural continuance. It was very heartwarming.

I think what makes it even more personal is that these were specifically Taiwanese teachers. Many of them still struggle with English, but they came anyway because it was worth it to them. And for me these are the voices I grew up around and how I learned the language (many people from China will mock Taiwanese accents, but it feels very familiar and comforting to me). It was significant to them that I—the person being interviewed—was Taiwanese too.

Katy Wu from Wang & Wu Foundation

Overall I think I gained a lot of exp from the event! I still hate public speaking with a seething passion but it did make me think about some of my motivations and ideas more cohesively, since I needed to present my thinking to the public. Ultimately I think I came out of this feeling even more strongly about what I do, and I'm glad I did it.

The Error Analysis

When you have events that have expenses and higher-ups in politics or big nonprofit organizations are invited, you have to spend a lot of time acknowledging sponsors and shaking hands. I will not lie, I didn't know like 80% of the Important People that I was told to shake hands with, all I can offer is that I'm glad they came to watch anyway. The whole PR side of things isn't something that I'm very comfortable doing, though, hence why I usually leave it to Yulan, and it was definitely not my favorite part of this event.

Other limitations including time and audience also made it so that I had to cut out a lot of what I wanted to say during the interview. We did briefly talk about what topics to focus on before the event, but otherwise the interview was entirely organic. Unfortunately that also meant that a lot of it was out of my control. It's hard to describe without getting into detail, but I do think that there were subjects that the other event organizers wanted to focus on that I didn't want to focus on, and things that we knew the audience would want to hear about that I didn't think were important. Compromises have to be made!

Anyka doing her eyeshadow :>

Chaos is mandatory during event planning, but I also think that switching the topic from year of the snake -> snakes & dragons made it much less cohesive. I talked about the inspiration behind the year of the snake collection during the interview and highlighted a few specific sets for their connections to folklore & adjacent cultures, but the dragon sets were kind of just not mentioned. Not sure if audience members noticed it but it felt weird to me.

Another thing is that after discussing with my parents after the event (it's a thing we do, my dad likes to Get Deep into things), I realized that the event presented me as a designer and only as a designer. This is similar to how I depict myself online usually, but the truth is that there's more behind it that I didn't do a good job at communicating: I don't just draw pictures of clothes, I do a mind-numbing amount of research, international logistics tracking, supply chain management, etc. etc. to make this happen, and I do sometimes wish I was able to express that, because it's a big part of what I'm doing.

Conclusions

I am SO TIRED, this ate up all my energy for two months and then I had to take my special relativity midterm right after the event. I'm probably not going to have the energy for something like this for a while! That being said, going through the whole process was really fun and interesting and I'm curious about more events—informational, in person, online, whatever—in the future. With any luck, the more I do them the better I'll get at them, right?

Backstage shenanigans. Screenagers smh

Anyway, this post is long enough as it is. If anyone who attended sees this, hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for coming!!!!!!!!! Otherwise I will go gorge myself on post-midterm snacks to untwist my brain from quantum physics. <3

Press:

SF Epoch Times - 穿越千年時光 灣區漢服秀展現華夏章服之美

Worldjournal - 「蛇龍舞春 漢服演繹」活動 洪兆寧設計9套漢服 感受傳統魅力

OCAC News - Cultural Fusion on the Runway: ‘Spring, Skirts & Serpents’ Highlights Hanfu Designs

快樂方程式 - 認識漢服之美 由Ariel 與董秀婷老師介紹蛇龍舞春的漢服活動

[librarycards]

I like your point about something being "pretentious," because I also think the term is used only to silence people who are bringing around important ideas.

I've seen you defend the complexity of academic writing in disability studies, which I also love and advocate for. I'm curious, however, about how you make space for people with intellectual disabilities, reading disorders, and other disabilities that make it a lot more difficult to parse overly academic writing. I remember this came up for me specifically when I was reading Jaspir Puar's "The Right to Maim." It's complex, necessarily so, but I found it deeply inaccessible.

I wonder, can disability studies truly be inclusive if it conforms to norms of academic complexity while sacrificing readability and engagement directed towards individuals with intellectual disabilities? I don't know if there's an answer, and I'd love to hear of any recommended reading you have on making space for people who exist outside of traditional modes of academic knowledge and research in a field as diverse as disability justice and Mad studies.

this is a common question, and i'll try my best to do it justice here -

first and foremost, it's important to remember that disability studies is not an activist project, nor is it one primarily concerned with providing social/academic support to individual disabled people per se. it's an academic discipline with roots in critical theory, queer theory, and literary/cultural studies, with its own intellectual genealogy, roster of normative terms, and citational background. when people -- puar, for instance -- write books like 'right to maim,' they're not writing for a general audience, disabled or non-. they're writing for colleagues and students interested in a particular set of arguments, drawing on a particular set of sources, and operating under the assumption that one has already done the (disability studies, ethnic studies, (post)colonial studies) readings - and, if you haven't, that you'll avail yourself of the lit review portion before engaging deeply with the book.

in short, part of the issue many people have when it comes to disability studies and their frustrations with it is that they do not take it seriously as an academic discipline among other academic disciplines. being disabled doesn't make me a disability studies expert any more than being a human makes me an anthropologist. the inaccessibility, as it were, of disability studies is a result of its specialization. this specialization isn't a bad thing - it's what happens when a field has been built over generations, on the shoulders of earlier fields, and requires extensive background knowledge to engage with. there's really no way around that when it comes to niche scholarly disciplines about things deliberately obfuscated in "normal life." this doesn't mean that nothing can be done to support wider uptake of CDS ideas among activists beyond the academy, but it does mean that our collective liberation as disabled people cannot and should not rest on universal understanding of or agreement x y or z element of a specific scholarly text.

that brings me to the next question, which is mostly about bringing disability studies scholarship to disabled people outside the academy, especially those whose disabilities make it difficult to access higher education. i don't think there's a way around reading the difficult texts if you want to be well-read and familiar with disability studies - or any other field - simply because people don't use complex language and syntax for no reason. we need to make up words for things that never had words before. fortunately, however, there are ways to introduce difficult concepts stepwise and in community, namely, through coursework - because as much as these texts weren't meant to be read by non-experts, they were also not meant to be read alone.

in my own experience teaching disability studies to classes wherein many, if not most students, are disabled, the best way of introducing these concepts is with regular old pedagogical tools like scaffolding, introducing background reading, approaching topics socratically, and encouraging group discussion informed by outside reading and personal experience. it is often helpful to go sentence-by-sentence and break down a particularly salient paragraph, or return to a particular citation to understand where one author's points link up with another's. one might go from puar back to saïd, for example, and also forward/sideways to mel chen or nirmala erevelles. put simply, i think reading these works together - in classrooms, in groups, in pairs, or even alongside others who have analyzed them before you (there are tons of analytical essays about most of these books on academia.edu/google scholar for example!) is one of the most reliable ways to improve your comprehension, and is certainly the method i use to help students better understand what they're working with.

lastly, and i think most importantly, i want to stress that the way many undergrads are taught to engage with any theoretical discourse is really, really damaging. it's damaging to expect an eighteen-year-old to consume and instantly "get" ideas that take multiple lifetimes' of debate to get worked out, if ever. being confused, not-knowing, asking questions, getting frustrated, taking a break and coming back -- these are approaches which many disabled students in particular have been pathologized for, but are actually the best (and certainly most predictable) responses one can have to a challenging text. i did not understand a lot of puar the first time i read her. i have read right to maim several times now, and am still puzzling over new things. a great deal could be done to support inclusion in all of our fields if abled/sane/NT people would stop bluffing and admit that they get confused, too; what an opportunity for scholarly interdependence that would be.

anyways....that's a long answer about something i'm very passionate about, so thanks for reading if you did! my main advice is to keep chipping away at challenging texts, because the process of reading and comprehending, especially done in community, is worth it, and helps lay the groundwork / build the muscle for engaging more difficult texts in the future.

as far as more disabled/Mad scholars thinking about academic literacies/classroom accessibility, there's Mel Chen, whose recent monograph, Intoxicated, deals with research, brain fog, and cognitive disability; Margaret Price, OG Mad Studies powerhouse, has also written at length about both pedagogical and personal approaches to mental disability in the classroom, and recently published a book called "Crip Spacetime" that is functionally an exposé on academic inaccessibility of all sorts.

I would also like to strongly recommend my beloved friend and colleague Helen Rottier, who does disability studies scholarship and works at a university disability cultural center, typically with IDD students. We co-authored a paper on Mad pedagogy that should be coming out...someday? Publishing is slow. But definitely check her work and I'm sure she'd welcome questions from you if you wanted to reach out!

[astropookie]

astro thoughts pt blablabla 🫴🏼

pinterest

Leo mercury + 6H, she’s a perfectionist and has such a creative, intelligent and confident mind. she’s PRACTICAL and knows her worth -describing a friend-.

Uranus/Neptune retrograde could mean struggle to exit a toxic group, “friends”.

Mercury retrograde not necessarily represents obvious or visible problems/conditions with speaking, stutter or dyslexia, etc. I’ve noticed they could seem rude, too direct, not diplomatic, they could have difficulties explaining themselves. they could generalize often or they don’t ask about certain things bc they’re ashamed.

when your mars is in their 2H you feel so comfortable with them. in other words, the other day I hooked up with the person I share this synastry and I felt incredibly comfortable, seeing each others naked and don’t feel ashamed or judged. idk it’s funny to me, I’ve never felt that way -casual situation-, like I could even fart and he won’t even judge. too explicit I’m sorry 😭. I’m gonna stop with the mars 2H synastry

I’ve read a lot of comments about black moon in lilith 7H that says they could be part of a 3rd party or be “the other women”. I have that placement in my natal chart and already a couple of times my friends who end up a 2 year relationship propose me to be their sneaky link. also, it could mean that the girlfriends/ boyfriends/partners of your friends could be jealous of you, the Lilith 7H person.

9H stellium in solar return signifies improvement, learning, to expand your horizons, to start a new period of high/education/learning.

in this whole period of time I’ve learned about my needs and how to communicate them (Chiron 3H in solar return): for example, I’ve seen people and I wanted something casual but didn’t know how to make myself understood. I didn’t even know what I wanted, so I’ve learned it during this period. It doesn’t count only in situationship stuff, it’s an example.

Uranus 4H in Solar Return: yes, it doesn’t mean you’ll end up moving to another country. I’ve seen a CHANGE in my family dynamic. believe me, if my “me” from one year ago observes my family dynamic now, she would be SHOCKED.

Solar return mars conjunct Part of Fortune: yes, I’ve been 🤓📚🫦

Solar moon square uranus: I was a good girl all that time 🥰 I was suffering, struggling so hard so things will be in order, pretty and diplomatic… My feelings and ideas didn’t match what I usually used to do: do whatever I want (uranus ruled). I wanted but my subconscious was telling me to keep calm so all the trust or time i gave to build that environment won’t be wasted. then, unintentionally, I broke that diplomatic environment after my birthday. it felt really good, like it was me again😩

natal saturn 1H why so conservative and traditional? I’m not affirming is a bad thing but this placement often behaves exaggeratedly, too disciplined/formal. they could be too focused on what should be and how things should work instead of appreciating the whole situation. they could end up judging others too much, evidencing the amount of criticism they have on themselves.

pluto 9H not everything has to do with politics. -yes and no, it’s debatable-. my point is, relax, sometimes life it’s not how you wanted to be. let things be🧘‍♀️

Lilith (mean) 5H you were the experiment of your parents, don’t you?

Node trine Jupiter tells me you can overcome challenges in your life even if you have a lot of chiron aspects in your natal chart 😭 idk if it’s understandable. What I mean is that the universe has your back, this aspect goes through deep experiences that have the previous mentioned effects on them.

Ascendant - Mercury aspects: job that has to do with communication 🤪 too obvious but I’ve noticed. lawyer, publicity, etc.

sun opposition sun synastry: opposites attracts.

pluto opposition juno natal tells me you have to work first on yourself to enter a relationship, to solve those control issues. also meaning that if you didn’t work on yourself, you could have being the one directing the relationship.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings

❀ English is not my first language

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[tobiasdrake]

It's easy to be spiteful. I'm mad. I'm so, so mad. I am absolutely furious in a way that leaves me with little sympathy for the people who put us in this situation.

It would be one thing if you got in the car drunk and drove into a lightpole, and now I was standing over your bed in the hospital.

But I was in the car next to you. My family was in the car. You hurt us too. In fact, you probably hurt us worse than you hurt yourself. It's hard for me to muster sympathy from the hospital bed next to yours.

I'm angry. I'm so angry. And scared. And hurt.

...

But I keep coming back to the Civil War. Something that I don't think we, as a country, ever truly reckoned with was how the Civil War ended.

We think of the Civil War as, "There were these people who betrayed the country and tried to form their own country to enshrine slavery, and we beat them." That's the end of the story. The Confederates were defeated, slavery ended. We won.

But. Like.

We didn't. Like. Get rid of the Confederates and their ideology or something. At the end of the war... they and their ideas became Americans again. Their voices rejoined our own, equally weighted. That was literally the goal of the conflict.

The Confederacy didn't go away. It just came home. It was still there, burning in the hearts of all those people that were made Americans once more. And it perpetuated and grew and spread unchecked while we got drunk on stories of how we'd vanquished it.

...

There is no version of the future where we drive all the Trump Supporters into the sea and then Trumpism is never spoken of again. When all is said and done... they're still going to be here. With their ideas and their beliefs, adding their voices to our own. If we make it through this, we will still be in community with these people. That is how democracy works.

I see people talking about conversations they've had with Trump regretters in their lives. And it's so easy to be cynical about it. You fool. You absolute fool. If someone voted because they wanted the price of eggs to drop and now they're just pissy that the price of eggs hasn't dropped, I do not trust that person not to sell us out to the next charlatan who comes along.

...but if someone voted because the news was lying to them about how cool slashing regulations would be and now they're realizing that they're going to lose healthcare and their children's education is going to take a hit? I don't know. If they're starting to realize that they're being duped, then maybe that is a learning opportunity. But only if they have someone willing to teach them.

A long time ago, I saw political activism put on, like, a five point scale. Like, 1 and 5 are people with dug-in Left and Right politics. These people are not here to be convinced. They know what they believe and they think you're a sucker at best and the enemy at worst if you start spouting the other side's talking points near them.

3, in the middle, that's people who are completely unengaged. They're up for grabs.

And then 2 and 4, those are the voters who are leaning in one direction, but can be plied by the other side. They haven't hardened their beliefs into the iron wall of a 1 or 5, and it may be worth trying to convince them to come across the fence.

So if you're talking to a 5, you should save your breath. It's a waste of both their time and yours to try and get them to see your point of view. But a 3 or a 4 might be worth the time to sit with and discuss their beliefs and politics if you're trying to bring more people over to the Left.

...

On the macro scale, as far as the Midterm elections go, none of this matters. Nothing Trump's doing right now will be relevant in November 2026. This is a dirty little secret of politics.

After every election, there's about a 12-18 month grace period where you can do whatever you want without fear of electoral consequences, because people vote in November of Current Year based on how they are feeling about the state of the country in that moment. They do not take a referendum of all your political actions over the course of your term. They just vote based on the vibes they're feeling at time of voting.

You know how a kid can misbehave he wants for eleven months out of the year but then has to put on his best face for Santa when December rolls around? Politics are kinda like that. As destructive as this is, none of it will matter in the Midterms. What Trump does from January to November of 2026 is what will matter in the Midterms, with increasing relevancy the closer it is to that election.

If someone is upset with Trump today but then he gives them free vaccines or something in September 2026 then they'll think the Republicans did super well for those last two years. He is currently gleefully indulging in his consequence-free grace period.

But.

If the chaos he's unleashing on his own supporters is enough to momentarily crack a 5 and bring it back down to a 4?

...

Feelings don't care about your facts.

Cults don't build membership based on their ideas. Their ideas are stupid. Nobody listens to someone ramble about how the lizard people are working for Xenu to trick us all into thinking the moon exists and goes, "Yeah, that sounds reasonable. That's accurate to my life experience. I think this guy's making some solid points!"

People join cults because they're isolated. They're lonely. The cult offers a sense of community, a sense of belonging to something. People are social creatures, first and foremost, and they follow where their desire for a group dynamic leads them. They embrace the ideas that the community embraces. The rhetoric is their cost of entry. And they shun the ideas that the community shuns.

A key element of cult indoctrination is isolation from outside voices. So that they're only hearing these ideas, they can only find acceptance with these people. They will do the mental gymnastics that they need to do in order to be embraced and loved by someone, and the cult makes sure they feel that the only someone who ever could embrace and love them... is the cult.

But when that rhetorical armor cracks?

It can be repaired. Left to their own devices, they can do the mental gymnastics. They can find a way to make this make sense, so that they can return to the only community that will ever accept them.

Or they could let it break. Take the slap in the face, take the sudden shock for what it is, and walk away.

There's no way of guaranteeing what a person will do. But they're more likely to leave if there are people waiting for them outside, willing to take them by the hand and walk them out the door.

On a macro level, nothing Trump does today will be remembered in November 2026.

But if what Trump does today cracks someone's rhetorical armor, and they walk away? If they change what they believe between now and then? They might not go back to him.

...

I don't know what to do with all of this.

I am so, so angry. There are people in my life that I feel personally betrayed by. I don't want to hear that I should be patient with them. That I should be civil towards them. IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB TO EDUCATE YOU, YOU STUPID PIECE OF--

...

But if someone is suffering a crisis of faith in conservatism, the voices that guide them through it can't be Ben Shapiro, Jesse Watters, and Andrew Tate.

Because when all of this is over, they're still going to be here. And we're still going to have to try and move forward as a democracy, with their voices joined to ours.

...

I don't know where we go from here. I don't even know if we'll survive this moment in history.

I just have a lot of feelings.

[cardentist]

Fam how can one be trans in the direction of their assigned sex? I'm not even trying to make the idea sound ridiculous or anything. I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I thought the whole meaning of trans was that you feel or act in the opposite direction of your assigned sex; if you're transfem but you're afab then to me that's just cisgender??? But like please explain to me how that's not the case if that's what you and others strongly feel so I may grow my compassion

Context: [Link]

well ! while I personally am not intersex, I DO want to highlight intersex people first and foremost.

gender and sex are very Very complex, and I think generally people don't consider the way that being intersex can play a big role in that!

there are intersex people who are afab who are also trans women, there are intersex people who are amab who are trans men, there are intersex people with many Many different relationships with sex and gender and anywhere in between !

an afab person can be born with masculine sex characteristics and transition the way trans women often do. that person May identify as trans, they may not ! that trans person may not even consider themselves a woman depending on who they are and what they want !

I Do think there needs to be an effort to be aware of and make space for intersex people within the trans community, and really the wider queer community as a whole. as it's often something that's given a footnote without deeper thought into the ways that intersex people Actually interact with our communities.

which I don't blame people for not already knowing ! that's the whole point of trying to educate people in the first place ^^

.

and as for Myself

labels are, ultimately, a form of gender presentation. what you call yourself is an extension of not only how you see yourself, but how Other People perceive you.

I could call myself nonbinary or I could call myself trans masc, and both would be Accurate. but people have certain traits and expectations and associations when they see those labels. there are assumptions made about the kind of life that I live, the things that I want, the things I might experience, that change depending on which labels that I use.

and that's not Inherently a bad thing ! I mean, that's part of why people Like labels. but it Can be a struggle for people whose gender is Funny.

I could Also describe myself as genderqueer or multi-gender or genderfluid or gnc or-. I've tried on lots and lots of labels, and for the most part I haven't thrown any of them out, I just keep them in a box under my bed and take them out when relevant.

I've been wrestling with the feminine aspect of my identity for a very Very long time. I've been aware that I'm some level of trans masc. that part was easy. I want a deeper voice, I want things about my body to change, I don't want people to look at me and see a cis woman.

but I Also like femininity. I've found that after accepting myself as trans masc and slowly growing an environment where I am Perceived as masculine, I've started getting euphoria at presenting femininely in the Same way that I did (and do!) get about presenting masculinely.

but that feeling doesn't carry over when I'm perceived as a cis woman. it's Quite Uncomfortable for obvious gender reasons.

and while I may not know the exact Words that I'd use to describe it (as I've said, I've been chewing on it for Many years now), I've gotten a clearer idea of how I Feel.

I want to be Visibly trans. I want to be perceived masculinely And femininely. I want to transition masculinely to present femininely (and sometimes butch, sometimes like your dad at the ace hardware store, I contain multitudes).

and of course, figuring out what I have going on has involve a lot of exploration ! it's the same way I figured out the whole trans masc thing in the first place. seeking out other trans people and other Things About trans people feeling things out.

I find ! that I have a lot of shared experiences with transfeminine people. both in how I feel about certain things, some of the presentation that I want, and in how people would React To said presentation.

my femininity Is Trans, I don't relate to cis womanhood. but I Do relate to trans femininity. which is really awkward for me, because it's difficult to describe it to other people fjksldljkasfdjklfasd

(I don't personally consider myself a trans woman mind, but I'm certain there Are people who are trans men and trans women at the same time. gender is complicated, sex is complicated. labels are malleable and sometimes situational)

Could I describe myself with a different label? probably ! I've got lots of them. but when I Don't put emphasis on this aspect of myself people assume that it's not there. insist that it Couldn't be there, and I don't know what I'm talking about. and those people who Would act nasty towards me probably aren't gonna change their mind just because I changed my bio. but it feels Nice to assert that aspect of myself when other people are trying to tear it down.

.

part of me feels like I should post the intersex portion of this by itself, because people tend to engage more with shorter posts and there's nothing Short about my gender situation ljkfdasjkls

but ! I dunno, if this makes even one person understand the gray areas of gender and presentation a little more it'll be worth it.

thank you for taking the time to ask ! and especially for doing so kindly ! I do hope you'll see this

[dollishmehrayan]

random as ever, but do you have any tips for learning new languages?

Hii, okay so I gathered a list for you to learn but I definitely know one thing is that all the languages I know became easier for me because I surrounded myself with people who speak it too and just thought that I would share that first because it takes me about 9 months to fluently master pronunciation + speaking + writing and etc and all the languages I listed I have no problem speaking today so yeah , okay so here’s my list!

1. Immerse Yourself in the Language

Surround yourself with the language through movies, music, and TV shows and like if that specific language country has memes so like any social media app changes your algorithm yk?

Change your phone, apps, and social media settings to the language you're learning, like for me my whole phone is in dutch too from back when I was learning but I’m luckily now highly fluent in Dutch but I’m trying to navigate slang words though

Try to think or talk to yourself in that language during the day, like try to talk to yourself in that language in your mind or try to read / pronounce whatever language you want

2. Practice Daily (Consistency is Keyy)

Dedicate at least 15–30 minutes daily to learning or practicing at your desk or just anywhere (I would recommend 30 minutes a day)

Use language teachers but I would NOT recommend duolingo even though it could be used as a small fun activity for you since you’ll learn some small words

Focus on speaking, listening, reading, and writing in equal measure so you don’t get stuck on only being able to write the language or like speak it

3. Learn Vocabulary First

Start with the most common words and phrases (basic greetings, numbers, and survival words, 1,2,3,) just etc

Use flashcards too but you can always find someone to like help you while they hold whatever you wrote while you try to memorize it

Label everyday objects in your brain to your specific language

4. Focus on Practical Phrases

Learn phrases you would actually use in daily life not just very formal like google translate does but instead maybe a bit of slang && casual stuff for everyday and etc

Practice introducing yourself, ordering food, or asking for directions even if you aren’t in that country

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Speak

Even if you're a beginner, try to speak the language early on even though you might be embarrassed slightly it’s okay and it just means the more progress

Practice with language exchange partners or tutors online

6. Grammar Isn’t Everything at First

Focus on getting your point across rather than being perfect but later on try to fix your grammar as you go on yk what I mean?

Learn grammar in small doses; prioritize understanding sentence structure basics and being able to understand

7. Surround Yourself with Native Speakers

Join language meetups or local groups or like pen pals or online friends

Watch native speakers' content on platforms like YouTube or social media watch those specific people from certain country you want to speak its language

Use social media to follow creators in the target language too

8. Make it enjoyable

Learn with activities you enjoy

Listen to music and look up lyrics of specific song

Watch dubbed versions of your favorite shows or cartoons in that language (try to watch educational shows in that specific language)

Play games or read books in the target language

9. Practice Listening Early

Listen to podcasts or audio content designed for learners

Pay attention to pronunciation and intonation even if you don’t understand everything yet but it will help later

10. Use a Notebook or Journal

Write down words, phrases, and grammar rules you learn in your notebook daily

Practice writing short sentences or stories daily

11. Test Yourself Often

Take quizzes, do language puzzles, or play word games to test your memory

Use apps or websites that provide exercises and feedback

12. Be Patient with Yourself

Learning a language takes time and effort, so don’t rush it into months and weeks and don’t quit early too

Celebrate small wins, like understanding a phrase or having a short conversation with someone whether irl or yourself or online

13. Expose Yourself to Different dialects of specific language (if it has any)

Languages can vary by region of like specific country

Listen to different dialects to develop a broader understanding of the language

14. Track Your Progress

Set achievable goals (e.g., learn 50 new words a month, or hold a basic conversation in three months) promise yourself something rewarding like a night out or etc

Reflect on how much you’ve improved, even if it feels small and try to kinda romanticize it too

15. Never Stop Being Curious

Learn about the culture behind the language instead of just learning the language and try to connect with the culture and respect it too

Ask questions, explore idioms, and understand humor in the language and quirks and words that they only have in that language

Okay so that was all my list so I hope you enjoy <33

[thefallenangelsgang]

I know entering this into the main tag is going to invite opinions I do not want and probably put me on a few blocklists. I don't care. This is me holding this series to a personal standard that I am aware other people do not hold it to. You can keep your hatemail to yourself, thank you very much.

Somehow this review is spoiler free... enjoy that I guess

Whenever me or my sister complain about hating a book, my mother tells the story about the one book she has ever thrown out in 50 years.

It was a book she was really looking forward to and had saved up money to buy (it being a reasonably expensive book in the late 80s/early 90s and also a lean time in my mothers young adult life.) She spent the entire time absolutely dumbfounded by the quality and plot and the moment she finished the last line she walked over to the trashcan and pitched it.

I have spent my entire life wondering how bad a book would have to be to get me to that point.

I just found it.

Sunrise on the Reaping is a... baffling turn in quality from a woman I upheld to be the last great bastion against YA authors selling out. There are crumbs of gold in it but the plot screams for a second pass by eyes not connect to someone yes-anding Suzanne Collins into another movie deal. There are plot lines that desperately need trimmed and references that read as fan service at best and lazy writing at worst.

Where the original trilogy and Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes feel as though they have direction and purpose Sunrise comes up despairingly short. I spent the entire 382 pages grasping at straws looking for the thesis of this book and have come up completely dry. I know what the book is telling me its thesis is. I read the quotes, I was paying attention to the political messaging (maybe even paying more attention than typical given my above average education in political theory/philosophy), I read the fucking title. But that doesn't change the fact that the book rather quickly loses the plot in that regard, almost in favor of the Poe-inspired madness, which would have been well and good if Haymitch had been sold to us as mad character. But he wasn't. He's an alcoholic and he's smart as a whip but he was never crazy in the way Poe liked to write madness. (and I am intimately aware of how Poe writes madness, my writing pseudonym wouldn't be inspired by his name otherwise)

I just wasted 18 hours of my life and I'm $30 poorer and I'm pissed off to boot.

Where is the focus Suzanne? Where is the prescient political messaging? I count your books as treasures among my political fiction collection, next to greats like The Handmaid's Tale and Animal Farm and 1984. How the fuck am I supposed to put this unfinished draft of something that could be great next to them in good conscience?

I'm fucking pissed and I wish this book didn't exist. I would rather it didn't exist. My only consolation is I bought this damn thing at a local woman-owned small business. I can only hope that makes up for what a nightmare this has been.

Do better Suzanne.