#if anyone who knows me in real life happens to see this post and recognizes my face

[totalswag]

unfold — RAFE CAMERON

authors note sorry for not posting as much with fics, life got a little to serious for a moment. huge thank you for 600+ followers you guys are absolutely amazing ugh. this idea came in mind randomly one day and rafe little unfolding with his enemy is...

summary you have been rafe camerons shit list for a long time now. what happens when you attend a party at tannyhill and somehow make Rafe cameron fold

warnings mentions of smoking, drinking, cussing, partying

Rafe Cameron, kook king, as people would say.

He’s one of the most popular people in outer banks. Just hearing his name sends shivers down people's spines. He has girls practically on their knees for him left and right. There’s something about him that captivates them.

But, you don't want to mess with him either. You don’t want to be on his bad side. When he walks into a room, everyone stops and looks at him with fear or wondering what he's gonna do. He loves the fact that he has that effect on others. It helps boost his ego.

Rafe Cameron, on the other hand, has had you on his shitlist for a long time. You enjoy antagonizing and teasing him. You enjoy seeing him furious when you do things that irritate him. People warn you, but you dismiss them since he never does anything about it. He’s never and will never do anything in ways to hurt you physically. 

Rafe’s throwing a party at his house tonight. Of course he didn’t invite you. He knows you’ll show up regardless because that's how you are. Word spreads quickly on the island.

"Y/N, I didn't expect to see you here?" stated one of your close friends, Hailey, smiles as she hugged you.

You initially stated that you would not attend a party because you were not in the mood to do anything this weekend other than sit at home and watch movies. However, once you found that Rafe was throwing a party and happened to live down the road from you, you had no choice but to come and make your presence known. 

“Oh well you know me, gotta make my presence known” you chuckle, taking a sip of your drink, scanning the room.

“If you wanna find Rafe, I’m pretty sure he’s somewhere in the living room or doing coke out back with the guys” Hailey whispers in your ear, winking.

Hailey is very well aware that you enjoy annoying the crap out of the Cameron boy. She claims it's for her own entertainment. She's waiting for you two to crack because she knows you are into each other but won't confess it.

"Let's go on the dance floor?" You insist as you take her hand in yours and walk her past the crowd to the living room.

The two of you start dancing to the beat of the music. A few people you recognize from school come up, catching you off by surprise. You girls end up dancing with each other for half of the night alongside the crowd.

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom real quick” you whisper in her ear. 

“Okay, be safe” she replies back, squeezing your hand before you start walking away.

You bump into a muscular body on your way to the bathroom, and you look up to Rafe, who is already glaring down at you with a stern expression, as if he's about to argue about the fact that you're at his party. You can sense the tension in his body building. You like it.

A smile forms on your lips, and your pointer finger grips and plays with his chain, "looks like someone isn't happy to see me, huh?" You sarcastically remark, waiting for him to snatch your hand away from his chain.

"My night was going great before I bumped into you, Y/N," he replies with a harsh tone with a slight hint sarcastic, rolling his eyes. 

"Aw, are you not excited to see me?" you cynically pout.

Rafe is trying so hard to go off like he usually does with you. You know how to get under his skin unlike anyone else. He hates that you have that effect on him that just snaps.

"You really don't want to start it with me right now, Y/N," he says harshly and sternly. Looking in his eyes, you can see he's had coke and drank.

"Oh, but I really want to start, Rafe," you remark as you move closer, chests meeting.

You couldn’t help but feel the sexual tension growing between the both of you. This is the first time you are feeling it. You’ve always wondered why he never did anything about your behavior towards him. Actually, no one doesn’t know why, only Rafe does. 

Hailey stood a few feet away, watching the whole thing unfold. She had to remove herself from the large crowd of people around her to watch her best friend.

Before Rafe can respond, Kelce walks up to tell Rafe to go in the backyard because there’s something he needs to show him.

"Oh, hey Y/N, it's good to see you and looking beautiful as always" Kelce smiles giving you a warm hug.

"It's to see you too Kelce and thank you" you reply while pulling away from the hug.

“Nice seeing you Rafe” you wave innocently, smiling, then flipping him off with a straight face.

You both know you’ll run into each other again tonight.

When you make your way back to Hailey, she’s laughing over the interaction she watched. You tell her to shut it before she says anything else. You drag her down the hall into the bathroom to pee and talk about what happened.

“I love seeing you do that to him” Hailey laughs, taking a sip of her drink, jumping on the bathroom sink.

In answer, you grin, lifting your finger and moving it back and forth, "The way he was ready to go off on me but cut off when Kelce told him to go in the backyard made me wanna laugh in his face."

After the bathroom, you both headed into the kitchen to get another drink from the coolers. The kitchen was occupied with people getting drinks or simply standing and talking.

Hailey began talking to this guy she'd been eyeing for a while. 

You lean in to whisper in her ear, "I'm gonna let you be, call or text me if you need anything," and she smiles back, reassuring you she’ll be okay.

You scan the room, unsure of what or who you're looking for. Something inside you tells you to go find Rafe and annoy the living shit out of him. Topper and Kelce noticed you examining the room from afar and approached you. 

The two wave as they approach you, you wave back smiling.

“Hello boys” you smile, “enjoying the party?” you ask, taking a sip of your drink.

The last time you saw Kelce he was drunk but not drunk enough. Now here he is half an hour later crossed.

“Fuck yeah, we are crossed” Kelce chuckles, throwing his head back.

Topper agrees with a nod.

“Oh, I can tell,” you reply.

Topper turns around when he sees Rafe making his way over. The two boys take a step back, revealing you. Rafe stops his tracks, rolling his eyes, tongue runs over his bottom lip, annoyed.

Perfect timing to annoy him.

The two boys let out a chuckle, shaking their heads from the look on Rafe’s furious look. 

Something leads you to take Rafe's hand and lead him to the large crowd. You follow your gut and approach him gently. You gaze up to him, who is already staring at you with such intensity that it sends shivers down your spine. You grab his hand in yours and bring him towards the large crowd in the living room.

Topper and Kelce’s jaws dropped when they watched Rafe follow you into the crowd. For one, Rafe never does that with you, ever. They give each other the look of you just saw that too look.

"Please tell me Rafe just let her do that?" Topper blurts with confusion spread all over his face.

Kelce rubbed his eye to make sure he was seeing the same thing as Topper.

When you come to stop, turn around and face him. You can tell he's irritated that you dragged him to the center of the dance floor. But you're wondering why he let you do it.

"Why did you lead me here, Y/N?" Rafe questions.

"I wanna dance, Rafe, and you are gonna dance with me," you chuckle, grabbing both Rafe's hands and resting them on your waist while maintaining eye contact with him.

He shrugs his shoulders, turns your body around, making you gasp, catching you off guard. Now your back is against his front. 

You tilt your head back, swaying your hips to the rhythm of the music while his hands rest themselves on your waist.

As you continue to dance to the music, Rafe leans down to your ear, “you are playing a dangerous game with me, Y/N” the thrill in your blood went through the roof by his comment.

With a smirk, you close your eyes and place your left hand on the back of his neck, drawing his head down so you could whisper in his ear. The sound of his steady breathing may be felt against your skin.

"What kind of game are you implying?" you asked, touching the ends of his hair behind his head.

"C'mon, you can't tell me you haven't been enjoying this, Y/N? You know what I mean," he says, knowing what he means as he’s directing both hands from your waist to the center of your stomach and back to your waist, attempting to catch you off guard, but you refuse to let it happen.

You know that he knows you love annoying the shit out of him but he can tell by the way your body reacts to his touch that has him a little intrigued.

In reaction, you back yourself into his front, drawing a sigh from his lips before spinning around, stepping on your tiptoes and putting your arms around his neck.

You feel something hard pressing against your stomach. In that moment you knew where the night was gonna take you both.

You two make eye contact.

You notice his eyes looking at your lips then your eyes, going back and forth.

“If you’re gonna look at my lips you should just kiss them” you remark with sass which didn’t make him quite happy but you didn’t care.

He leans closer, and your faces get inches closer and closer. At this time, both of your breaths are increasing, but no one is moving. You lean forward and extend the tip of your tongue, allowing it to touch Rafe's upper lip.

Rafe's demeanor shifted, which concerned you a little because you'd seen how aggressive he can be but he'd never hurt you. He grabs your wrist and brings you through the enormous home and upstairs to his bedroom, which is down a hallway and out of hearing. 

As you passed past people, they were taken aback to find you holding hands with Rafe Cameron as you walked the stairs. You can imagine the amount of discussion and publishing on social media.

"You never know when to shut up and take a hint, little one," he says with his back to you, locking his bedroom door before turning around backing you up against the edge of his bed.

"I actually do know when to shut up, mister," you respond, still standing firm. 

Rafe catches you off guard by pushing you onto his bed, opening your legs so he can stand between them, and smoothly moving his hands up and down your thighs. 

"Oh, do you, Princess? Let's see how that goes while you're screaming my name beneath me.”

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[cupcakeslushie]

I dont usually send asks, mostly cause im shy and don’t know what to say lol, but I wanted to share my appreciation for your Kendratello AU, cause it’s helped me recognize a toxic relationship in my own life.

I’ve never been a victim to SA or anything of the likes, so I can’t say I’ve been EXACTLY in Donnie’s place, but something that unsettled me early on when reading your AU was how…NICE Kendra would seem when alone with Donnie.

In a lot of media, especially in the media I saw growing up, the manipulative antagonist almost always had very obvious tells that show they’re evil when interacting with the victim. Maybe they’re talking about committing a very clearly villainous deed, keep the protagonist prisoner, something like that. But Kendra didn’t. Well, not always.

Kendra destroyed Donnie from the foundation up, and then rebuilt him back up to be who she wanted him to be, would punish him but then spin the situation around to be his own fault, but the rest of the time she would seem kind.

Only recently have I realized that someone very close to me has been toxic for most of our lives, and the reason it took me this long to realize it was because they would treat me kindly only until it became in their own interest to act otherwise. But I would take it, because I loved them and didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and I assumed that since they loved me, they wouldn’t ACTUALLY (emotionally) hurt me.

Spoiler alert: they did.

I’m not going to get much more into it, but your AU’s been very comforting to me ever since this happened, because it’s helping me come to terms with the fact that what happened wasn’t my fault just because our relationship seemed nice most of the time.

Your depiction of Kendra manipulating Donnie so realistically, and Donnie slowly but surely realizing that Kendra was hurting him is so powerful, and I thank you for that.

I’m so happy for you Anon 💚💚

It’s good to see these patterns, and depending on how toxic the relationship is, to speak up for yourself, or cut the person out, if they are unwilling to change.

Kindness is often a tool used by manipulators. But the biggest thing to ask yourself is exactly what you saw. Is this person only nice to me when they need something from me? And if so, then this isn’t real kindness. Good for you for knowing your worth!!

⚠️

sa related ask and discussions of very toxic relationships…

Personal experience rambling below. Toxic friendship and sa mention.

I’ll only be discussing this once, here, in this post. So I’m afraid if I get anyone asking for further info, I’m not going to reply /lh

I’m very sorry for what you’ve gone through. I hope you can find what you need to heal. Everyone’s traumas are so different, so please if you can, and haven’t already, speak to a professional that will give you help catered to you.

But I do want to immediately answer your question and say, yes, I have healed, for the most part. It took a lot of work and self-reflection that I didn’t want to do, because it was scary. But when I finally talked to someone, and realized I needed to take action in order to heal, that was when the process started.

For years, I thought my only options were to suffer in silence, and that what happened to me was my own fault, because towards the end, I was consenting. But I didn’t understand how my mindset and self worth had become so twisted.

My person (let’s call him J) was one of my best friends growing up. But as he got older, and more interested in…mature things, he changed. J would only ever agree to hang out together unless I offered to give him something to make it worth his while. Eventually I started to think these acts were all I was good for, as that’s all that made him happy to be around me. Pretty soon, J didn’t even have to push the ideas onto me. He only had to act uninterested or busy, and I would sit there and beg to do whatever he wanted.

The idea of rejection grew to be so painful and terrifying as he was one of only two friends that I had (the other being his sister. So if I lost one, I was so scared to lose the other). And I’d recently lost one of my closest childhood friends. Which he often used her cutting contact with us in his manipulations as well.

(It wasn’t until years later that she contacted me through Facebook and revealed that it was J that made her feel too uncomfortable, and as she already lived two hours away from us, and only visited once a year, it was just easier for her to cut off contact. I don’t blame her now, but without that knowledge, the thought that it was something I did, only helped J manipulate me.)

As I grew older, and I got better friends, I started to learn just how much I’d been pushed into only ever doing what he wanted, and how one sided of a relationship it was. He moved away, and that distance I was so scared of became a reality. But it was the best thing to ever happen. I still wonder what would’ve happened if he’d stayed in town. If we might’ve gotten married or if I would’ve finally stood up for myself. But all that matters is he is gone. There is always the danger of him coming home and me seeing him—we were neighbors, so his parents and mine still live right next door. Holidays can be kind of a high stress time lol.

That cafe comic is actually probably the most therapeutic piece out of the whole Kendratello AU I’ve done, as it’s always been a fear of mine that I could just turn around and he’d be in town visiting lol. Sending Kendra through that portal was highly cathartic. But even if that were to happen now, I have my coping skills, and I’m in a much better headspace. I think I would be able to handle myself.

I’m still a people pleaser, I don’t think that’s ever going to go away, even with all the work I’ve done. The biggest thing is, I know I’m worth more now. I can see real kindness, and catch the fake stuff much better by looking for those same toxic signs. The real friendships I’ve made have shown me what connection is truly like. It’s not a one-sided negotiation every time you get together. And if it is, then it’s probably not a healthy give and take. I’ve healed, but it is a constant effort.

Every new person sets off some kind of anxiety in the back of my head, but I don’t let that fear control how our relationship will develop. I’ve got the final say in what happens and what I get out of it.

[fullsunstrawberry]

PREVIEW

Love Beyond Labels

synopsis: the misunderstood "rich girl," reveals her academic struggles to a loner with his own challenges. In an unexpected twist, they form a unique friendship—she gets study help, and he gains a true companion.

genre: slice of life, humor, fluff, angst, smut

warnings**: swearing, bullying, joke of “social suicide”, smut (more to be added)

word count: estimated 10k (preview 1k)

release date: December 10th

a/n: thank you guys so much for 2k followers AHHHH so i decided to post my first ever written fanfic…this took forever to write btw lol

taglist open! (18+)

School is easy, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty. Well, that's what all your classmates thought. They didn't know how difficult school was for you. You never got what was happening in class. Anytime you got an answer wrong, no one batted an eye because who expects the rich pretty girl to get an answer right? But little did they know you would cry in the janitor's room after each time. You just hated feeling so dumb.

"Ugh, I'm not ready for today's test," Jaemin huffed, plopping down beside you.

"Wait, there's a test?" you sighed, already predicting the outcome.

Mr. Moon whispered a half-hearted "good luck" as he handed you the test, before moving on and finishing handing out everyone else’s tests. He already knew how it was going to go. You hated how even the teachers knew you were stupid.

After the test, you already knew you failed it. You were the last one to turn your test in, when Jaemin asked if you wanted to meet up with him, Jeno, Mark, and Chenle for lunch. You nodded telling him you had to stop at the office real quick.

Instead of walking towards the office, you sped walked to the janitor's closet, already feeling the tears threaten to escape. You knew you failed that test. Even though you acted like you didn’t know you had a test, you lied. You’ve been studying for it for a long time. Even canceling plans. But you would never admit it to anyone. You studied your ass off but still failed, that’s even more pathetic than forgetting about it.

You quickly took out the keys and opened the door quickly so no other student would see it. You thank the janitor for being so forgetful that you could easily steal one of his keys. He has a bunch of copies, one missing wouldn’t hurt. Right as you locked the door you sat in the corner, not even bothering to turn the lights on.

you were always an ugly crier, but it was okay cause you bought the most expensive waterproof makeup for these occasions. Only a quick bathroom stop is needed before meeting your friends for lunch.

As you were drying your tears you heard the door jiggle and then open. you quickly hid your face just in case it was someone you knew.

"Y/N?" a voice you didn't recognize spoke, interrupting your quiet moment in the janitor's closet.

Confused, you wiped your face and looked up at the mystery voice. You kind of recognized the thick black glasses boy in front of you. You knew he was in some of your classes but you couldn’t think of his name.

Fearing the worst you cleared your throat before asking “What do you want?”

“Uh, I don't want anything!" the boy replied, swiftly stepping into the room and closing the door. You noticed he had his lunch tray with him. "This might sound pathetic, but I like to eat my lunch here."

confused, you asked him “Why would you do that?”

“Well I don’t really have friends and I don't want to get picked on” he explained sitting down next to you, not having much of a choice because there wasn’t that much room.

"Oh, I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll just go," you said, preparing to stand up. But before you could, he quickly called out your name, making you look down at him.

"You're not bothering me! You can stay and talk about what's going on. I know we don't talk, but I can listen to you." His hopeful eyes convinced you to sit back down. You quickly wiped away your tears before confiding in him.

“You can’t tell anyone this!“ You put your pinky finger up and put it near him. “promise?

“I don’t have many people to tell” he let out a small laugh while putting his hands up defensively. “promise!” he took your pinky finger in his

“okay” you nodded “I failed my psychology test today”

you looked at his face and he looked confused “What?” you questioned

“Oh it's just, you always fail your tests. Everyone knows that”

As he said that you felt the tears start to come back. Of course, he wouldn’t get it. Why did you ever think he would get it?

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m so sorry” he panicked “I shouldn’t have said that!”

you turn away, quickly wiping away your tears again. “no I get it, I’m the dumb girl”

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Hey, want to hear something embarrassing about me? I'm only here because of a scholarship. That's why no one wants to be friends with me!" he confessed.

you start to giggle “That’s not embarrassing!”

“It made you laugh! But here is something actually embarrassing, my teacher forgot my name today. Even though I've had her for the whole year.”

Your eyes widen, feeling bad that you forgot his name.

“ahh you don’t know my name either”

you smile “If you tell me your name, I’ll forgive you”

“haechan”

“That's a nice name, haechan” You smiled at the way it rolled off your tongue.

“thank you, I have a proposition or a proposal”

“I know what proposition means” you teased

he giggled, “I’ll help you study”

your eyes lit up, “really? What can I do for you?”

he avoided your eyes and cleared his throat “Be my friend”

your eyes softened “That’s not hard, I was going to be your friend after this conversation anyways” You pushed his shoulder.

He finally met your eyes and smiled at you. “then you don’t have to do anything, friends help friends”

As the bell faintly rang, you pulled out your phone. "Here, give me your number so we can talk."

he paused for a second before taking your phone

standing up and thanking him before you quickly left to go touch up your makeup in the bathroom. Reminding yourself you would have to tell Jaemin you were sorry for ditching him and the guys.

[whimsicalwritingsandmore]

Replay | ateez x reader

Pairing: pirate!ateez x adventurer!reader

Genre: adventure, fantasy, time travel, poly

Warnings: mention of a panic attack, mention of a sharp object.

Word Count: 1475 words

Summary: You're given a second chance to change things. But will you go or stay?

a/n: hello hello! welcome to my first one-shot! (but not really hehe) if you're new and found my account for the first time, I hope you enjoy my stories and it's really wonderful to have you here! :) In an update a while ago, I mentioned that I currently have a plethora of story ideas that I would love to develop into a full-length series one day, but for now, in order to not overwhelm myself, I will be posting these stories as one-shots/imagines so that I can share it with all of you and come back to it later on! This is my first one inspired by Marry My Husband and set in a world like the Choices' game Blades of Light and Shadow! Let me know what you think and happy reading! <3

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You're standing at the plank, back against the sea, tears streaming down your face. You refuse to look up at your lovers. There's a rollercoaster of emotions going on inside you, ranging from pain, hurt and betrayal to anger. 

They chose her over you, believed her melodious and cunning lies, and expect you to apologize to her. You're not looking up but from under your eyes, you can see her figure cozying up next to Wooyoung's. He's telling her not to cry, wiping away those crocodile tears in contrast to your real ones. 

Raw rage is slowly thrumming through your veins and resentment is coiling in your stomach as a vortex of anger gradually swirls inside. You've had enough honestly and you were no longer going to bend to anyone.

"Just apologize Y/N." Hongjoong remarks in a cold and distant voice.

His sword is right in front of you, barring you from getting off the plank.

"For what?" you respond icily,  "I've done nothing wrong."

Hongjoong grumbles under his breath and another person steps in, you recognize its Seonghwa by his boots.

"Please Y/N, don't be childish. Aera is younger than you, she needs us to look after her. You can't get jealous so easily."

Jealous. Such a funny word coming out of your lover's mouth. It's hypocritical rather, because your eight lovers lose it over the slightest glance someone casts in your direction.

You find it ridiculous.

The girl weasled her way onto the ship, and you had a bad feeling about it since day one. But you didn't think it would come to this. 

Love. That's all you ever wanted, and you found it in these eight men, who you had been with since the age of 16. They loved you more than anything, at least, that's what they said.

The only thing you want more than anything right now is to go back and choose differently. 

"I—" you declare, "I hope in my next life, true love finds me."

"Y/N what—" Yunho begins but you cut him off.

"I hope I meet someone who truly loves me and I hope it isn't any of you." 

You raise your head and look at Hongjoong directly in his eyes. He's taken aback at that cold and empty look in yours. He can see the wheels turning in your head but he’s not sure what you’re planning.

"Traitor." You verbalize before running into his sword.

"NO!" All eight voices ring out.

Shouts and screams erupt from all eight men as your blood begins to stain Hongjoong’s sword.

"Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Hongjoong screams.

You pull away and stumble backward towards the edge. San tries to reach for you but you pull your hand away and fall into the sea.

You're thinking this is where your story ends but actually dear one, this is only the beginning.

-

You startle out of your trance. You're in the fortune teller's shop. Blinking around haphazardly, you try to zero-in on your surroundings. Memories flood into your mind as you recognize where you are. This is the shop you visited when you were in the town of Maverick - it would be a month before everything happens.

You're dumbstruck by what just happened. Just moments ago, you were on the plank, ran yourself into Hongjoong’s sword and fell into the cold raging sea. Now, sitting in front of you, the elderly tarot reader draws some cards and gives you a reading.

"You're in for a big change dearie. I see the wheel of fortune is in your favour but be warned, the justice card reversed suggests there is dishonesty somewhere. "

“And this one?” you ask, pointing to the death card.

“In its upright position, it reveals that beginnings and change is expected. You’re nearing the end of a cycle.”

You don't ask for a further explanation, you pay and leave, walking back to the tavern where the boys are currently in. But as you walk out the shop's door, it begins to rain.

No...

Immediately, memories rush into your mind as you recall the timeline of events. It will rain and then the dam that's near the town will break, unleashing a flood. Aera is already with you all, the boys bringing her back home to her father after she got herself caught up with some misfits. But when the flood hits, everyone will scamper and she will come back with you all, joining the crew and then ruining everything you had with the boys.

Reaching the tavern, you watch from outside: all the boys are sitting around a table while Aera's father brings another round of drinks, and says something to Hongjoong. Aera stands at the far back of the room but you can tell there is something on her mind, that dubious and suspicious glint in her eyes. Her father walks back, she asks him something and then he scolds her before walking away. She balls her fists but then regains her composure before hopping over to your boys.

Previously, none of this had happened, as far as you remembered. After visiting the tarot reader, you waltzed into the tavern, pecked San and Jongho on the cheeks before placing yourself next to Yeosang who drew you closer to sit on his lap, his arm around you bringing you in closer. Aera did not come and sit with you all.

This time you hesitate entering the tavern, wondering if wandering around, accidentally getting lost or going the other way would be better. 

Love. That's all you ever wanted and you thought it would be with these eight boys. Now, you weren't so sure.

Little did you know, this moment of hesitation will change the course of your life. As you continue to think about your next course of action, a figure runs into you, bringing you down with him.

"What the—" Before you can even question, the figure jolts up, ready to run again. But you're quick on your feet too, and you grab the person by their wrist.

"Now wait a minute Mister," you begin but you're cut off by shrill shouts.

"There he is! Get him!"

You turn to the voices but before you can look at the person, he grabs your hand and pulls you with him. 

You have no idea why you're even running with him. You're strong enough to break free and go your merry way but as you study his back, you're intrigued — this black hair guy has a pretty feathered twist in his hair and silver dangle earrings. Something about him entices you.

He leads you down an alleyway, over a wall and then into an open field. The next thing you knew, you are on top of a hill that overlooks the town. He brings you behind a tree and you rest against the bark, trying to regulate your breath. The stranger crouches down attempting to do the same.

"You're insane." You remark.

"Yeah well, you were slowing me down so I had to bring you with me if I wanted to get away."

He doesn’t seem dangerous but rather, very amiable. The rain has stopped and there is only a slight drizzle, but from on top of the hill, you can see the dam that’s about to burst.

"No...the dam..." you mutter in-between breaths.

The stranger turns to the dam’s direction and his eyes widen. The dam erupts and rains down like a waterfall. You watch in fear and fright at the sight and your mind races to the boys, but deep down you know that they'll escape. 

But this time, you're not with them. You're with this stranger, now apart from them. 

"Hey are you okay?"

There's a wave of emotions and you feel yourself spiralling into panic. Your heart pounds in your chest and a familiar grip of fear tightens your chest, each breath of yours shallower than the last. Suddenly, the stranger holds you gently, looking at you with a reassuring calmness.

"Hey, don’t look there, look at me okay? Deep breaths, you can do it, take your time and follow me."

You do as you're told, the stranger running soothing circles on your forearms provides a sense of comfort and relief, and after a few minutes you finally compose yourself, staring out at the now submerged town. It's heartbreaking. 

"Where are you going to go?" he asks.

"I don't know." You answer.

The stranger hums and thinks for a minute before getting up and stretching out his hand for yours.

"Let's get going together then."

You're taken aback by his boldness but fascinated and captivated at the same time.

"I don't even know your name." you voice out.

He helps you up and gives you a polite smile, one that is soft and heartfelt.

"Yoonghoon. My name is Kim Yoonghoon."

[thepersonperson]

The Reproductive Horror of JJK Part 1 (The Loss of Bodily Autonomy)

Part 2

Notes before we start.

1) This analysis deals heavily with topics of nonconsent, grooming, abuse, reproductive manipulation, and pregnancy. Please proceed with caution.

2) This post was inspired by @hermitw

3) I will be mainly using the TCB scans for the manga because of their accessibility. 

4) Written as of JJK 265.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Preface 

This was written with the assumption you've also read these other analyses:

Thoughts on Sukuna and Kenjaku’s relationship as of JJK 258.

Please give it a quick glance at least.

Quiet Horror

Jujutsu Kaisen is a unique piece of horror writing to me because the most upsetting aspects rely almost entirely on implication. Immensely triggering topics such as sexual abuse and rape are never shown, only implied. I personally have difficulty consuming/cannot consume media that depicts these kinds of things graphically, which is why JJK’s framing of it intrigues me. Rather than being sent into a panic, I find myself deeply unnerved. I’ve decided to call this “quiet horror” since I don’t know how else to describe it.

The quiet horror of JJK has been there since the start—the dehumanization, the loss of autonomy, the idea someone’s body does not belong to them and therefore ok to use… It’s right there in your face starting with Yuji becoming Sukuna’s vessel. But the horror is not just that those things occur, it’s that hardly anyone recognizes this as a problem.

These insidious ideas are persistent across the narrative and accepted. And its primary victims are the female characters.

Misogyny

The fascinating thing about misogyny in JJK is how it is rarely outright depicted. Characters will talk about generational abuse spawned by it, but we never actually see it in action until Naoya. And even that is mostly implied. 

That’s how it is in real life too. When people experience overt misogyny, it’s often when they’re isolated. For example a family gathering where the men leer at girls and say horrendous things is witnessed by only those attending. If one was never around this, the only way they’re made aware of it is by a victim discussing it.

And this is exactly what happens with the Zenins.

What’s troubling about this exchange is Momo laying out everything wrong with systemic misogyny and that’s it. She offers no solution to it because she has none. Nobara is told, this is reality and you need to accept it.

Mai falls into the same defeatist trappings, angry at Maki for trying to do something about it.

You can’t really hold this against her. She’s been abused to an extent Maki wasn’t aware of and Maki is the only person Mai can lash out at without consequence.

To be clear, it is heavily implied that Naoya molested her. Some of the first words out of his mouth are him sexualizing his underage cousins. And later as a curse, he taunts Maki for being an adult with Mai. 

It’s easy to dismiss this as Naoya mocking Mai for not reaching adulthood. However, Mai has incestuous thoughts about Megumi and Maki (seeing them as her first crushes per the fanbook), which can be a very unfortunate side effect experienced by incest victims (huge content warning for the linked source). Combine that with the knowledge of Naoya’s earlier sexualization and the implication is heavy.

Mai’s abuse is not the only one framed this way. Naoya’s mother is without a face or name. The only hint of her abuse is the word いっぱい (ippai) which means many. Naoya has many older siblings who aren’t named. He is the next head before Gojo’s sealing due to his Cursed Technique (CT) being the same as his father’s. From this it can be inferred his mother was treated like livestock and used by Naobito until she produced a worthy heir. 

Rika’s character profile is included here because her story is much like Mai’s—her abuse at the hands of her father is heavily implied. Her intense dislike of older men, being aware of predatory gazes as a child, and even using that for manipulation—these are all traits child victims of sexual assault may display (huge content warning for the linked source).

It’s hard to pick up on these things unless you’re in the know. But it is there and it is consistent. …And most of the cast doesn’t do much about it. Maki and Rika are different in that regard. They react to these transgressions violently, killing their abusers (and in Maki’s case the enablers too). Neither of them are in the wrong for doing so. It’s just really sad that they had to take matters into their own hands because no one else would stop it.

Hidden in Plain Sight

The misogyny female characters experience is very subdued and never graphic. Creepy behavior towards them is never shown outright, it’s all implied. We don’t see Naoya leer at Mai, we hear him discuss her figure in her absence. (I think that’s what helps make this less triggering. We don’t have to see them be victimized.) The same cannot be said of the male characters.

Ui Ui is a character that makes most people extremely uncomfortable because the grooming he experiences is in your face, pedophilic, and incestuous. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as a ruthless capitalist, Mei Mei exploits her brother this way for the sake of money.

Through warped affection she has convinced a child that his body belongs to her and that he is only to use it for her. 

What makes this situation go from bad to worse is that everyone around them just tolerates it. The most opposition we see to this relationship is Yuji side eyeing them. Otherwise people are more than happy to look the other way and even enable it by paying for their services.

This contradiction is especially glaring when it comes to Gojo, who very much is against the enjoyment of youth to be stolen away from his students. Why does Gojo pay for and tolerate this woman who is very clearly preying on her brother? Is it because Ui Ui seems happy with situation?

Well, I think it’s because he’s used to it too.

To acknowledge that what Mei Mei is doing as wrong and intervening would be admitting to himself that he was taken advantage of as a child. It’s not like it killed him, you know? He’s strong and he’s beautiful. Everyone wants him for his body. That’s just how things work.

In the fanbook Gege says that Gojo can never be fully honest with a woman. And that is a response to the question: “He (Gojo) seems to be aware of his own handsomeness, does he want to have a partner?”

It’s a bit concerning that Gojo is avoidant with women while having a history of them attempting to prey on him as a child. It doesn't help that in the Gojo Booklet interview, Gege reveals that Gojo would apparently be a sugar baby to someone much older than him if he didn't have to be a sorcerer.

The framing of these scenes as comedic is very uncomfortable. It’s a bit too similar to how male victims are portrayed in real life too. I’m not sure if this is intentional on Gege’s part, but regardless the result for me is horror. These terrible things are happening and nothing is being done about it.

Ui Ui and Gojo are taken advantage of by these adults because of what their bodies can do for them. This is a recurring theme in JJK not much different from how the women and girls are treated by the men of the Zenins. All of this stems from dehumanization that results in objectification. 

I’ve said before that Gojo and Sukuna are twin flames. And in this aspect they’re very similar I think. Something awful happened to Sukuna right in our faces and most of the readerbase didn’t take it seriously because he’s The Strongest and a man.

This is sexual assault point blank. A naked person forcibly put her body against Sukuna and he didn’t want that to happen. And just like everyone else, Yorozu did this because she wants Sukuna’s body for herself.

It’s framed like a joke, but the horror persists. Sukuna is going catatonic here in part because losing means entering a marriage he has no interest in. The implication here is distressing—Sukuna sees this as losing his bodily autonomy and being raped for the rest of his life. Likening that to death is understandable.

Hopefully you can see the pattern now. Sexual assault and exploitation is commonplace in JJK. It’s just subtle enough to make people vaguely uncomfortable without making them realize it’s ongoing theme. That’s the quiet horror of JJK.

The Dehumanization of Vessels

Vessels represent everything that makes my skin crawl in JJK. Someone’s body no longer belongs to themself—it’s a thing, a container that is for someone else to use. They aren’t even afforded the dignity of their name most of the time, being referred to as Someone’s Vessel by others.

Itadori Yuji

It goes without saying, Yuji’s dehumanization is the most blatant. He’s called Sukuna’s Vessel by most of the people around him and slated to be executed for the crime of existing as it. The other teenagers around his age are taught this dehumanization by those much older than him.

It’s absurd. Despite Yuji being born with and living in this body of his for 15 years, it’s suddenly not his. All because Sukuna “tainted” it.

And look at this declaration from Uraume: “Whose body do you think that is?!”

They phrase this as if it was never Yuji’s to begin with. 

On some level that is true, Kenjaku created Yuji to be the perfect cage for Sukuna. Uraume didn’t know that the time Yuji was literally bred into existence by Kenjaku to be a tool, but it’s interesting nonetheless. It’s even more interesting that Kenjaku is not the only one guilty of claiming a child’s body from birth for use by an adult. Tegen has a whole bloodline that gives them vessels for consumption.

Star Plasma Vessels

Amanai Riko is introduced as The Star Plasma Vessel while naked in a tub. Symbolically this is striking—she is a blank slate that can only be projected onto. Clothing reflects a person’s lifestyle, personality, and tastes. Riko being denied this in her introduction demonstrates her lack of autonomy. 

And just like how the Kyoto kids were groomed into dehumanizing Yuji, she is groomed into dehumanizing herself by the adults around her. It’s ok that she’s a vessel and someone else will use her body to live because it’s for the greater good.

Those aren’t her true feelings though. Deep down she wants to have her body and her life. And an adult still winds up taking that away from her. 

Isn’t it interesting how Gojo does this same song and dance to himself as The Strongest? Knowing this history and his adamancy towards Yuji’s autonomy (especially in the light novels) is all the more heart wrenching.

But this didn’t start with Yuji, it started with Riko. …on Tengen’s orders.

It’s strange that the individual taking away the lives of hand-picked young girls would be this considerate, right?

JJK never tries to frame characters as completely evil at all times. I appreciate that because it makes depictions of abuse far more realistic. We don’t see Naobito abuse his wife or enable Naoya, we see him half-drunk fighting like a pro without openly antagonizing Maki. If you didn’t know about the Zenin Clan, he’d just be a funny old man. This dichotomy is often why abuse victims aren’t believed. The people they tell only know the good side. And someone who is capable of that goodness can’t possibly be that bad. 

It’s the same way for Tengen. They’re not a creep that salivates over young girls, they’re a calm and reasonable individual who has convinced themself and many others that these actions are necessary. Yuki is the only person that calls them out for how screwed up this all is.

Before Gojo, she was The Strongest. And before Riko, she was the Star Plasma Vessel. Her body and her life was going to be given away in service to someone much older than her under the guise of a necessary evil perpetuated by religion. She rejected that and escaped her fate by becoming uncontrollably strong.

Yuki has every right to be this angry. What Tengen is doing is very messed up. All kinds of excuses and softenings are made for them, but in the end they are using the bodies of young girls to sustain themself. That’s why it’s all the more horrifying that these girls’ souls are still present and coherent enough to speak.

I really like that Yuki won’t let Tengen know what they’re saying. She’s right to assume that Tengen will just excuse whatever comes from it. However, the fact she’s this angry implies those voices aren’t anything pleasant.

Incarnation

The horror of being trapped in a body that no longer belongs to you doesn’t just exist for Tengen’s Plasma Star Vessels, it’s the very foundation of Kenjaku’s vessel incarnation. Which of them came up with this idea is first unknown. They ultimately do the same things to vessels but for very different reasons.

Incarnation works on two layers of screwed up:

1) The host’s soul is suppressed to the point where the invader cannot detect them.

2) It’s next to impossible to return them to who they were once before.

Following the quiet themes around sexual assault, this bears an uncanny resemblance to victims dealing with the aftermath of such an event. Your body no longer feels like it belongs to you, becoming invisible to those who favor the perpetrator, forever tainted after being used by another.

And following the quiet themes around misogyny, this becomes reproductive horror. A body stripped of autonomy and permanently changed after being forced to give someone else new life—Incarnation is a visceral depiction of forced pregnancies.

Pregnancy Horror (Kenjaku)

I think it’s deliberate that mothers in JJK are hardly given faces or names. That’s all a misogynistic society wants them for anyways. Their bodies are to produce someone worthwhile. A tool for those in power to use for their own ends. 

Our first introduction to this is Kamo’s mother, who despite playing a central role in his life, remains unnamed. She gives birth to a worthy heir of the Kamo Clan and is immediately discarded. 

Thankfully Kamo eventually abandons his clan in favor of supporting his mother. Learning a hard lesson from Maki, he seems to conclude that clans existing through misogynistic practices cannot be reformed into a place for women. 

And this misogyny of the Kamo Clan’s is historical. Enough for Kenjaku to take the place of Meiji-era Kamo Notoroshi to commit the most heinous sexual abuses known so far. And despite this history, the modern Kamo Notoroshi is named after him. Another awful secret known by those in power that is never fully condemned since they ultimately benefit from treating women like broodmares.

Death Painting Wombs

The Kamo Clan’s greatest sin is the coverup of Kenjaku’s actions as Kamo Notoroshi. I’ll be going much more into depth with its severity, be warned.

We’ll start with the facts. The faceless and nameless mother of Choso and his 9 brothers was raped by Kenjaku and a cursed spirit 9 times and had those fetuses aborted 9 times. 

I’ve been on about the loss of bodily autonomy so I’ll be focusing on the abortion process itself. Historical abortions were incredibly dangerous things. Though they varied by region, a lot of the methodology converges.

I will quote the favored methods in historical Japan directly from this article:

“Natural methods included drinking poisonous substances or herbal concoctions, all of which lacked a scientific basis. Many had adverse effects. Other means included acupuncture, cold water immersion, and vaginally inserting sharp objects such as burdock roots to break the amniotic sack.”

Kenjaku is someone that does not care about others’ suffering since everyone is just a thing to be played with. I doubt the victims of these experiments were offered any pain relief. Choso’s mother was made to endure one of these methods 9 times.

When Mahito feeds one of the fetuses to a man, we can see that it is slightly smaller than their palm. Here’s a helpful guide for the size of a fetus by week based on the size of a fruit.

I think a lime or lemon best represents the size and shape. A palm sized fetus is somewhere around 12–16 weeks old. Methods that involve inducing a miscarriage via ingesting medicine or poison decrease drastically after 8–12 weeks. (I’m basing this off the abortion pill that actually works.)

Kenjaku wanted to make sure the fetuses remained intact, so inducing a miscarriage by puncturing the amniotic sac to trigger labor-like contractions was most likely the chosen method. I’m not sure if Kenjaku can use Reversed Cursed Technique (RCT) on others to heal them, but that would allow for C-sections to be possible too.

It takes several weeks or months to become pregnant again after a miscarriage. Let’s standardize this as a range of 2–24 weeks. (Based on the earliest known conception at 2 weeks and the recommended conception time of 6 months.) Choso’s mother endured this without pain management 9 times.

12–16 weeks of pregnancy.

2–24 weeks for conception.

9 Times.

She endured these rapes and abortions ranging anywhere from 126–360 weeks or 2.4–6.9 years. 

I’m harping on this point because unless you know the details, this bit gets glossed over. The struggles of those who are pregnant both willingly and not are often downplayed or kept out of sight. Whatever symptoms she had for the first trimester of pregnancy (0-12 weeks) were repeated without support and knowing it was to be terminated 9 times over.

Here is a list of possible symptoms for the first trimester from the Cleveland Clinic.

Sore Breasts

Nausea: "Morning sickness is one of the telltale signs of early pregnancy. Despite its name, it can last all day and all night."

Mood Swings: "The sudden rush of hormones may put you on a rollercoaster of emotions. You may alternate between feeling anxious or scared to excited or weepy within a span of 30 minutes. It may be helpful to talk through your feelings with a friend or your partner.

Fatigue

Frequent Urination: "Your uterus begins to grow to support the pregnancy. It may begin pressing on your bladder, causing you to need to pee more often."

Acne or Other Skin Changes

Mild Shortness of Breath

I do not blame Choso for only referring to this as Kenjaku toying with his mother. The full breadth of her suffering is not something her child should have to bear.

Kenjaku repeats a similar kind of trauma for every incarnation born of a human made to swallow an object. Their bodies don’t belong to them anymore—they’re just hosts to the life of someone they never wanted to have.

To what extent the incarnated know they will be inflicting this harm on others is unknown. It’s just very uncomfortable knowing that Kenjaku created this method in a way that makes the violation of bodies mandatory. 

Tengen

This obsession with forcing pregnancies onto others does not end with incarnation or the death painting wombs. Kenjaku’s absorption of Tengen is a culmination of these experiments. 

Tengen is turned into a pregnancy. Who we’ve established to be hosting a mass of young girl’s bodies. The yonic imagery is incredibly overt for this process.

Tengen is put into a womb that resembles a vagina before becoming a fetus. Kenjaku’s Domain Expansion (DE) contains the literal decapitated heads of the pregnant. (More faceless women being used for their bodies.)

The DE name itself refers to Garbhadhatu which is the Womb Realm in Buddhism. You could translate this as all-enveloping womb.

What this symbolically means, I have no idea. There is, however, a consistent, misogynistic disregard for consent and the bodies of those who can bear children when it comes to Kenjaku. And that’s horrifying.

Sukuna 

Initially Kenjaku bears the Merger pregnancy using the stolen dead body of Geto Suguru. So even though Kenjaku consents to this pregnancy, the person whose body is being used for this doesn’t get to have a say in it.

But we already know how upsetting that is. We’ve seen how much this has pissed off Gojo Satoru who blames himself for his loved one’s defilement. What’s not being discussed in depth is Sukuna’s being inadvertently made a victim from this.

Sukuna’s fingers, a cursed object explicitly made by Kenjaku, are able to create cursed wombs. Since these fingers were created long before the death painting wombs, it appears that Kenjaku’s first attempts to birth evolved humans started with him.

Note how the finger bearers have 4 eyes, just like Sukuna.

I’ve been over why Kenjaku would target Sukuna and how Sukuna does not desire relationships or progeny and how his strength has prevented Kenjaku from forcing that on him directly. What I’m trying to draw attention to is how this appears to be the start of Kenjaku trying to workaround his boundaries without getting killed.

Knowing the extent to which Kenjaku is willing to turn others’ bodies into breeding stock makes the fact Sukuna’s fingers are essentially capable of birthing powerful curses very alarming.

Kenjaku didn’t stop there. The binding vow between them was still made to produce these cursed objects and the context of its formation is still missing. The other culling game players make it very clear Kenjaku either manipulated or tricked them into becoming cursed objects. There is not a single named character Kenjaku didn’t betray in some fashion after misleading them with false promises.

For Sukuna, Yuji being a cage instead of a vessel already indicated Kenjaku was not being honest with him. I think there’s more to it than that though. The details of the Merger and what activates it are something Sukuna and Uraume do not fully understand. Kenjaku tries to explain a little bit to them, but they both shut it down.

And without knowing the full breadth or implication of their binding vow, I don’t think Sukuna expected to be forced into a pregnancy that requires birthing.

I appreciate that Sukuna falls victim to this manipulation despite being the strongest. It goes to show that anyone can experience the loss of bodily autonomy.

Itadori Jin & Kaori 

His identical twin is not spared of this reproductive manipulation either. Jin is manipulated into having a child with the corpse of his wife who is piloted by Kenjaku. But I want to take the time to give Kaori the dignity Kenjaku has denied her.

Even if Kaori wanted a child, there is no meaningful way for her to consent to this pregnancy. I’m not even sure if Jin fully understood there was someone else wearing Kaori’s body. There is a real possibility she didn’t want a child to begin with. We just don’t know since everyone except her gets to discuss it.

She’s exactly like Choso’s mother here. Her body no longer belongs to her and she has no spoken dialogue. Her personhood is denied on introduction. What she was like or what things she aspired to is treated as irrelevant—she’s just another woman Kenjaku used and discarded like a tool.

Visceral Femininity 

Bloodborne is a game about. Well it’s a game that happens at you. There is little plot or reason to the Lovecraftian horrors that drive you and the characters mad. But when you examine the fragments of lore hidden both in plain sight and on item descriptions…you go insane.

There are patterns though. Seemingly unrelated pieces of this ethereal puzzle can be stitched together with a keen eye. Someone made a video on it and concluded it was about motherhood.

After watching this perspective, this reading seems obvious. With all the disjointed umbilical cords, births, abortions, and blood. It’s a proper reproductive horror.

To me, JJK resembles Bloodborne in that way. And after I was granted the eyes to see, I’ve noticed that this body horror has been here as early as JJK 0.

In fact JJK 0 and first chapter feature female characters being groped by curses. (Sometimes the word Geto uses for violated can be translated as rape.)

Motherhood, and everything that causes it, is something JJK uses as a vehicle to discuss the undiscussable—bodily autonomy and its loss for exploitation. Rather than presenting it as something we’re familiar with, it’s a symbolic, pervasive theme in how the bodies of others are seen as tools for those in power.

The organs and bodies of those who can become pregnant are twisted into things that inflict pain. In the case of Naoya, he quite literally becomes a cunt that torments the surviving twin of the girl he molested.

And his hand sign references a deity who manipulates bodies in the womb, changing females to males.

It’s never quite stated outright or even properly addressed by the characters, but you still feel that sickening pit. There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way things are. Why is so little being done about it?

[pyschedtrickster]

TADC Ep 2 - Depression and the Meaning of Life

Well, I may or may not be a day late to release of the episode, but I've watched it three times so far and I have some thoughts. Let's get the gritty stuff outta the way.

First of all, The Amazing Digital Circus belongs to @gooseworx and therefore everything I say here is just my personal take on the episode. I could be wrong, talking out my ass, etc. But this episode really spoke to me, so good job Goose.

Secondly, spoilers <3

Third, I think I've written enough that people won't get jumpscared with spoilers. This is gonna be a long read, so bear with me. This post will contain ALL my thoughts on the episode, both meaningful and just silly things I liked.

BUBBLE

So anyone who knows me from Bunnydoll Burrow knows I love Bubble. They're my favorite so far and this episode only cemented that further. They're wonderful comedic relief and even if they don't have any character development (which I don't think they will), I will always love them.

Caine Cares Too Much

While watching this, I was immediately off-put by Caine's reactions, even beginning with him calling Zooble back. He sounds so... dire? I don't know if that was intended to mean something or if it was just to put emphasis on how much Caine cares about his creations. Caine is AI, so world-building is likely his ONLY goal, or his prompt if you will. It wouldn't surprise me if that was why he was so upset by everyone's reactions.

But I can't help but wonder if this will play into his character arc. We understand that Caine is ambiguous right now and there's no real explanation of what his intentions are in the Circus. Something about this just really set me off. It made me feel unsafe in a way as if staying behind would result in danger of some kind. Obviously, it couldn't be that bad, as Zooble did stay behind and turned out fine. Still, I can't shake the feeling that this is foreshadowing.

Zoobie

Hilarious. What a solid nickname, I've seen so many headcanons that Zooble would be a stoner in the real world. This only makes it better. They are now Zoobie in my mind.

Pomni's Child Comment

While I'm sure this was just a silly comment to be made, I kinda liked it. Just a little in-show reminder that through all of this, Pomni is a real, grown-ass woman stuck inside some digital Hell. The whole first episode, we see her wallowing and panicking, justifiably so. Finally, we get to see her grow more serious and stable.

Through the episode, we see more of her being a good character and becoming more at terms with her situation. I'll touch on this more soon.

Gangle

My girl CANNOT catch a break. Gangle is such a funny character and so, so sweet. She's level-headed in my opinion, even through her emotions. She seems to have a good grip on the shit happening around her but has a hard time communicating properly because she has a lot of feelings going on. Me too, honey, me too.

Even in the face of violence, danger, and overall shitfuckery, she doesn't shut down. Sure, she cries. But I've cried plenty of times while still holding the fort down. I think I just relate to her.

Lastly, I NEED to know what this means like I need oxygen.

Government Mandated Shipping

I dunno man, I just really liked this. I'm a shipper at heart. I've been writing fanfic since middle school. I saw pure fanfic material when I watched this scene.

Kinger and Raggs

This scene made me smile. It's a cute nod towards how Kinger is the longest-standing character and, according to some lost post of Goose's, Ragatha is the second. Plus, all of episodes one and two, we see her trying so hard to be a rock for Pomni. She tries to include everyone, keep everyone cheerful, and be a stable constant in a realm of chaos; Seeing Kinger recognize how far she's come and using that to bring her back to reason was just so refreshing. Ragatha deserves more appreciation like that: less about what she does for others, and more about what she's done for herself.

Jax's Disappointment

So we don't know much about Jax besides how Goose loves him and says he's an asshole who may or may not be irredeemable. When he started talking about violence and getting excited at the thought, I chalked it up to him being an ass. But it struck me just how much this mattered to Jax in this scene. I have questions, man. But I'm about to go on a wild tangent, so hear me out.

Jax is happy when being destructive. He gets immediately upset when things go well. And in the circus, we can assume that there have been a lot of traumatic, wild things that have occurred. I wonder if the chaos, the violence, is a comfort for Jax because of those traumatic experiences. As a person with trauma, I've learned that there's a funny cycle that I and other traumatized people experience.

We don't like the situations we're in, but when faced with normalcy, it's so much scarier than the damaging situation we come from. So, we run from 'normal' back into the suffocating arms of our traumatizing situations for comfort. Going back to the situation means more trauma, more trauma means a harder time finding peace in a safe, normal environment, which means more trauma... you get the picture.

So am I saying a fictional purple bunny is using violence in a digital realm to cope with the very real topic of trauma? Maybe. Yes. Yes, I am. This is how I cope.

Depression, Finding Your Place, and the Bigger Picture

Now you may be saying, "hey! You skipped over some major scenes to talk about silly stuff! What gives?"

Well, as the title of this post suggests, I had some heavier stuff to address in this episode and wanted to compile it all in one section. So that meant skipping over a scene to bunch it in with other ones. I'll break it down.

Depression

Let me begin with the fact that I have been diagnosed with depression for years now. I've been hospitalized for it and I've had family members struggle with it around me. This heavily influenced how I viewed this episode and specifically this scene.

Gummigoo had a perfectly reasonable reaction to seeing the perfect replica of him that is his model. Seeing something like that would shatter your world, and we see that happen to him immediately.

But when Gummigoo talked to Pomni and asked why anything matters, it gave me this really familiar feeling. Thoughts of being nothing, of feeling meaningless, the mere idea of being an obstacle--I've experienced all of these. I'm sure others have. Pomni was right when she said it's normal. Everyone has felt down from time to time.

But what Gummigoo is talking about really hit home with my depression. Thoughts like these, especially when they linger for long, change how you view the world. Everything is tinted blue and desaturated. You feel empty and eventually, so does the world around you. You feel like when the party is over and everyone leaves, you disappear--or you think you should, at least.

"Why are you trying to cheer me up? How does this benefit you at all?"

And it's so, so hard to accept help when feeling like this. Depression is a bitch in the way that it wants you to stay depressed. It feels like everyone around you wants you to feel better because it is a convenience for them. It almost feels transactional if you smile.

But Pomni says it so beautifully; "I guess I just don't want you to feel like you're nothing. I don't want anybody to feel like that."

The way she says it makes me feel like she knows the feeling too, and in reality, she says she does understand in a way how Gummigoo feels. But that? That made it real for me. I don't know why. This whole scene, the entrapment and loneliness despite not actually being alone, just embodied how I've felt for years. What amazing writing.

Finding Your Place

This scene was really the cherry on top of everything I just spoke about. We see that these two understand each other, at least as much as they can. They recognize all of this, it's ridiculous. They're hurtling through space into the unknown, hoping everything works out. They may feel empty, but they're not alone. They've got each other, for better or worse. Maybe they don't know where they belong in this liminal space, but they know where they stand in each other's minds.

And then we get this ending scene. God. Fuck.

I knew that there was obviously something to that dream Pomni had in the beginning, but somehow I didn't expect this to be the conclusion to it. I guess I was too distracted by everything else. So when I got to this shot, I got all warm and teary-eyed.

Pomni finally feels like she's got a pack, a place in this digital circus. When you don't feel mentally alone anymore, there seems to be a weight that's lifted off your shoulders. It doesn't cure the sadness, but at least you know that if you need to be picked up, someone will be there. Depression wants you to be alone, but it just lost that battle. The internet has said it best: A win is a win.

The Bigger Picture

We all know where the end of the road is. How we get there is the mystery. This thought can really make a person feel small, especially when depression comes in to tell you that you in fact are small, according to the chemicals in your brain. But the power of numbers and knowing your place in the world makes facing the unknown a little easier.

I'll be honest, the words are kinda lost on me at this point. Our demise is a really hard topic to broach. I've lost a lot of people, especially some major players in my life (shoutout to the Dead Dads club), and still, I don't understand it all. But the best way I can explain it is through my own experience and how I applied it to this episode.

I had for a long time gone through life trying to prepare and prepare. I played the role of the strong, unaffected individual after being hardened by trauma in childhood. I didn't want to be outwardly emotional, because if I was I would have to admit defeat.

It made me feel weak, especially when my depression would whisper nasty things to me about my self-worth. The bigger picture at that time didn't even exist in my mind. I lived to serve and die. It was no way to live.

Only recently, with time, a couple grippy sock vacays and therapy have I started to form my own, new big picture. At the center of this is my interactions with others. Family, friends, and strangers, all of them are affected by my actions. Even during the days when I feel worthless or alone, I remind myself that even the little things I do have a spiderweb effect. I have worth, more so than serving others or being some obstacle. I can simply walk down the street and perhaps I'll be the person who some kid looks at and hopes to look like when they're older. My existence is so much more than just a give-and-take situation with everyone around me.

It felt like Pomni found her purpose in the circus, and it was more than just playing along until the end. Rather, it was to befriend the people around her who have proved in one way or another way that they care. Abstraction wasn't in vain to them. Lives mattered, and therefore so did Pomni.

In a vast, digital world where chaos looms like a grey cloud, Pomni always mattered. She just had to realize how, and it was much more than being an obstacle or a pawn. And so do we, I think.

[sophieinwonderland]

Now, why would you dare me to embarrass you and your pals like that?

I appreciate how you wanted my attention so bad you posted me to not one, but two subreddits.

Makes a girl feel special! 🤣

I have actually never seen Wikipedia cited as a source about endogenic plurality. Though I do see anti-endos all the time, when asked for sources, telling people to just Google things.

Anyway, here's @guardianssystem's document filled with academic papers about endogenic plurality:

I've compiled my own, but honestly, theirs is better organized than mine.

And in the interest of fairness, here are all the anti-endo papers debunking endogenic plurality:

Sorry, I forgot. Those don't exist. Oops. 🤷‍♀️

Echo chamber? LOL!

Weren't you the one spouting a bunch of lies on Tumblr, got totally debunked, posted the people who debunked you to r/systemscringe to have a hugbox where fakeclaimers could assure you how the people who contradicted you are all fakers, and then blocked everyone who disagreed with you?

Weren't you also the one who, when shown a quote from an expert in dissociative disorders who worked on the DSM-5 saying that a disorder isn't a disorder if it doesn't cause distress, argued that the people who defined what disorder are must be wrong about that definition?

You're a misinformation machine who can only find support when huddled in cringe subreddits. Don't try to talk about people in echo chambers.

Also, you know most of psychology is just... listening to people? That's how it's been as long as the field existed. DID (or MPD at the time) was a recognized disorder since long before the first brain scans were conducted on DID patients. It's saying something though when basically every single scientist who has ever researched endogenic plurality has said they believe it's a real thing, or that it could be. While absolutely zero academic papers have expressed that it's fake.

There is also an fMRI study into tulpa systems that's been in the works, but results have yet to be published.

Sure, if that's what you'd like me to call you, Crazy. 😊

Anyway, Crazy, you should know that just because you personally find something scary doesn't mean everyone will or that the thing is bad. Personal preferences are a thing.

In a study of tulpamancers though, most generally reported their lives becoming better after the practice.

78% reported improvements in their mental health, and 91% on overall life.

There are many out there who would jump at the chance to have someone there with them that knows them intimately, and to never have to be alone again.

If it's not for you, then so be it.

But it's certainly not something to be afraid of.

And maybe, for those who are willing to commit to the practice while America struggles with an epidemic of loneliness, it's something worth being open to.

This is actually pretty fair.

But that's now, and I'm looking at course of history and trends of plural acceptance.

300 years ago, any plural would be viewed as demon possessed and end up tortured or killed for their plurality.

70 years ago, all plurality was seen as a mental illness, and it was common to force plurals, as well as anyone else associated with mental illnesses, into asylums.

30 years ago, the first real plural communities were able to connect on the internet and form in small numbers.

8 years ago, the first studies into endogenic plurality started being conducted. 4 years ago, the ICD-11 acknowledged that you could have multiple distinct personality states without a disorder. 2023 marked the first, but certainly not the last, time a system used their system name as an author of an academic paper.

Recently, new plural resources have been designed and put into use. More servers than ever are using Pluralkit. And Simply Plural went from 100k users at the end of 2021 to 210k at the end of 2022.

Progress is happening far more rapidly than you realize. And you had best be ready for it.

BOO! 👻

Oh, hey, I just realized... this is literal pluralphobia!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

And yes, The Future is Plural! 😜

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

I'm sorry for the way I acted and spoke.

No ifs, and, or buts about it. Not gonna try to justify the way I acted.

I was aggressive and uncouth, and I know I definitely hurt people, if nothing else, by being aggressive.

I didn't mean to start a "witch hunt" on any of the blogs involved in the screenshot post, including @soapskneebrace , @groguspicklejar and @glossysoap .

But I know that I *am* guilty of causing a commotion and causing people to view those blogs in a bad light.

I deeply regret the fact I was aggressive, that I caused a commotion/"witch hunt" and that I basically "broadcasted" a bad image of these blogs to my followers (and anyone else who saw my account/posts on the dashboard).

That was wrong of me and I won't try to justify it for any reason. I was blinded by my hurt, but that doesn't make what I did any better, nor does it suddenly make me innocent.

This makes me a gigantic hypocrite, because I did not realize, in my anger/revolt, that I was guilty of doing to these blogs the same thing I was accusing them of doing to Myka.

I apologize if my actions caused anyone to go harass any of the three of you and, especially, the ones that have had to turn off their anon asks, because I assume you got some hate as well. I didn't intend to encourage anyone to speak to you in a disrespectful way, if that was the case.

I don't think any of the blogs involved are bad people. I don't think they're evil. I only wanted them to recognize a bad behavior. Their behavior doesn't suddenly make them bad people. They made a mistake. And I don't want any one of them to think I believe they're a bad person.

My actions came from a place of hurt, worry, and, especially, frustration, at the belief that someone (Myka) who was already not doing well mentally was shown so much disgust and hatred that they were driven to a point of harming themselves for it.

Not just that, but it also frightened me, very much so, to see people be so callous about someone taking their life. I felt like those blogs should take accountability because realistically their actions still hurt another human being. But that doesn't mean they/you deserve harassment or to be treated poorly.

I would also like to add that Gaz erasure *is* a real thing and I whole-heartedly agree that there are plenty of situations of that in the fandom. Have seen them myself and even Activision often excludes Gaz from their own materials. I don't support Gaz erasure in any way.

My hashtag was in poor taste and I know it can and likely will be taken out of context. I enjoy Gaz as a character, love him, and did not intend to ever make it seem like I ever believed Gaz erasure didn't exist. My hashtag, however, spreads a harmful narrative and viewpoint that I don't believe. That is not what I meant when I used it but it is what ended up happening, and for that I'm deeply ashamed.

All I was trying to do with the hashtag was call attention to the misinterpretation of the original post, because it was never meant to exclude Gaz in the first place. The hashtag wasn't meant to say Gaz erasure doesn't exist.

I understand how disgusting that tag is and how easily it can/will be misconstrued, as well as the fact it will give way for bad people to say bad/toxic things about Gaz as a character. I will be deleting the hashtag off all my posts and I appreciate wholeheartedly that you all called me out on my use of that hashtag. You were all correct, and my behavior was wrong.

That being said, I try to be an honest person. I'm not gonna delete any of the posts I made, nor any of the asks I've answered, much less the first post I made explaining my actions. I don't think it would be fair or right of me to delete them and wash my hands of them or act like it didn't happen. I want to be held accountable for this. It happened, I'm sorry, and I'm not going to delete them and hide.

Finally, you're free to call me gullible for believing sheheal when it comes to Myka's death, and I will embrace that, because I'd rather have stood by them and have it be proven to not be true/be a hoax, versus not have stood by them and have it be proven true and feel like I was complicit in it. I know it's selfish of me to want to ease my conscious or feel less guilt, but I don't want to be a cynic about someone's death or pain.

I hope you're all okay, this was not an easy situation to deal with, for anyone involved and I hope you all have support systems in place and ways of clearing your heads. I hope you're all healthy and safe.

All of you are welcome to reach out to me if you need to. We can discuss it more because none of us acted alone and I don't want any of you to feel alone.

[ayeliiss]

My two cents on MHA430 and Izuku's character

Disclaimer: this is NOT a hate post against Horikoshi and his manga. Simply, I need to lash my disappointment out somewhere and write my feelings down before I implode. I'm not trying to sound like 'ugh, I know better than them' at all, although I am aware some of my claims may give the 'why does the author think he knows so much?!' vibes, but keep in mind this is just my irrelevant opinion and it won't change anything anyway. So, please, don't come at me with 'lacking reading comprehension' or 'you're coping' (yes, I am) because I feel like fans are allowed to be upset at this ending even if you think differently! To each their own opinion, as long as it's respectful! Also, this might be unnecessarily long so, I apologize in advance.

Discussion about Izuku's character

First of all, if you're satisfied with the ending and what Izuku did/became, I'm genuinely happy for you. Truthfully, I envy you so damn much because I personally couldn't stop feeling empty and crying at night for him, and before you come at me with 'girl, he's fictional, it's okay you'll move on', yes, I know I'm a drama queen and I shouldn't be in one hell of a state for a fictional character, but I can't help it. I've grown as attached to him as I've ever grown to any character before, and there's no turning back. MHA is the first manga that ever moved me this hard and it'll forever remain a masterpiece for me, but it doesn't mean it's not flawed and should be free of criticism (always with respect for Horikoshi's work).

Funny thing is, I didn't even like Izuku when I first met him. He was the typical crybaby and too-optimistic MC I tend to dislike when I read a manga. Yet, the more I read, the more I started to understand him, the more I sympathized with him, and the more I loved him. I realized I related to him to such an outlandish extent, though I know we remain different in the way we act or think. But Izuku, even before Katsuki (and my friends know how obsessed I am with this blond lmao), became my first and greatest over-fixation and my main reason to continue reading/watching MHA. This manga changed my life; Izuku did too, and this isn't an understatement.

Just like him—and probably just like many of us—, I've endured bullying, been made fun of for being different, felt unwanted and hated, been belittled, and treated like shit for most of my teenage years. I think that's what really endeared him to me. I wanted to watch him grow, to watch him make real friends, to watch him receive the apologies and respect he deserved, to see him succeed. I wanted him to realize he was worth it and loved and, oh God, I wish he could know just how much his fans do love him.

And for 200+ chapters, I got what I wanted. Izuku got to live his dream, be around his idol who recognized him, and made new friends who admired him and wanted nothing but to be by his side. Then, the Vigilante arc happened, and everything changed. I won't dwell on the fact that, for me, this arc was the beginning of the decline of his character. It's worth noting though that it's at this precise moment that we've lost track of all his thoughts, but I'll focus on the ending, and how the way Horikoshi handled Izuku's character remains my biggest disappointment.

I sometimes joked with a friend of mine, saying, "Hori's favorite character is Katsuki and it shows so much, he even forgets he isn't his MC!" but I don't think it's much of a joke anymore.

Again, I'm very happy for those who are pleased with Izuku's closure. But, honestly, I can't grasp their process of thinking (I wish I could) because there's no way I can understand how it makes sense. It's not about him being quirkless—actually, I think this choice was cool—, it's about his obvious fucking depression.

After his initial withdrawal, there is never any resolution. He has never talked about his feelings to anyone, never opened up about all the things that bugged him, never taken it out on anyone. He just stopped having development, and never learned how to 'control his heart' (one of the biggest plots of the story, remember???). So, he continues to take everything up on his shoulders by the end of the story, and eight years later, he is feeling lonely, as he says himself:

Yes, I can read, and I know he's also saying he's happy with helping/encouraging other people. But it's literally denial. Izuku is in denial and it hurts me so much. He's alone (I'm not talking about how he's barely seen his friends, I know they didn't abandon him or anything, I'm talking about how he is feeling in general), deprived of his dream, and never got to talk about it to anyone (at least, on-screen. And if it's not shown, then it didn't happen). Even the adults around him don't see he's in pain—or, at least, don't think it's worth addressing. Aizawa can't even simply answer 'yes, you're cool' when Izuku obviously seeks praise and needs nice words after everything he's been through. He doesn't even get fans (except for two, waouh!) after saving the fucking world. He doesn't get a statue, no recognition. Katsuki leads a project for him to get a suit, but not the government? After everything he did? Why isn't he more recognized and acknowledged for his hard work? Killing him would've almost felt like a better choice lol (#it's a joke).

Even if, in the end, he gets to join his friends again and be a hero with them, he's still not opening up. How is it sane/healthy for him???? How will he even be able to maintain good relationships of any kind if there are already so many and huge miscommunication issues?

I hate this—I dislike how it's basically saying 'his feelings weren't that important!'. Izuku deserved better, a better closure. So much is missing from him; from this bitter ending, and I can't find any way to make myself feel better or to cope with it.

I am devastated, I feel empty for him, I just want someone to take him to therapy, to help him.

Some rumors have started to spread, about how 'Horikoshi has been forced to shorten his manga' but I don't believe this—MHA has been SJ's money-maker for a while. And even if it were to be true, the epilogue could've been handled differently. Hori could've focused on the most important parts (that he hasn't even shown/resolved at all) and left the irrelevant ones out (why introduce a new character if not to make us feel hopeful to see Tenko again, lol). He chose to not address the most important aspects of his story (including his MC's resolution and growth) and left us with huge plot holes. And now, we're stuck with our imagination, as usual.

I just can't with 'open endings' and 'it's left to interpretation' stuff. It's too easy to do that. I'm tired of mangakas not taking risks, rushing their own plots, and not digging deeper into their own MCs' traumas. I don't know what happened, but among the many issues left regarding this last chapter, Izuku's conclusion remains my greatest ick. I'm so sorry to say this, but Izuku didn't grow. He never learned from his mistakes and just didn't change—oh wait. Yes, he did change on one crucial aspect—his biggest trait, being obsessed with his childhood friend, totally disappeared! Maybe he started to stop caring about 'Kacchan and the others' and put himself first, to the point of forgetting the said childhood friend died twice for him, who knows? :))) (yeah, I'm especially pissed off at this lol don't mind me).

In my imagination, I see him being a pro-hero who continues to suppress his feelings and continues to act recklessly, to risk his life in the face of any danger that shows up. This is what happens when you leave it to fans' imagination, after all.

I know fanfictions exist, and I'm very happy this unclear ending motivated some writers to challenge their creativity. For me, it had the opposite effect. I'm disgusted, I am angry at Izuku and I know I'll struggle to finish my fics where he's involved because I don't want to deal with his character anymore. I'm too attached to canonical representation.

Man, I'm just devastated. I have no other words. And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I feel betrayed. Shitted on. I'm dying inside and there's nothing I can do because it's over. Just like this long-ass essay, btw lol. Thank you if you're still here, thank you if you've read this! I'm pretty much open to discussion so if anyone wants to try and reassure me over some aspects or respectfully explain why I am wrong (I know I probably am, yet again those are my own feelings), please don't hesitate to do so. Also, I definitely need friends with whom I could talk about this deeper... so, my DMs are open too if you'd like to!

Much love to Izuku though; one of the best MCs I've encountered in my life, despite how he turned.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

I've been reflecting recently on why I love Bad Batch SOOOO much (no, seriously, I've been obsessed since the show first started airing and my obsession isn't fading anytime soon) while also still having some issues with the finale. And I think it's because the story reminds me so much of my own family. (Note: my ramblings in this post do get personal.)

I loved Clone Force 99 from the moment they were introduced in The Clone Wars. A band of clone misfits who are instantly recognized as different but also are close to each other and work together seamlessly with plenty of banter? Give me more! The amazingly resilient Echo is brought back and of course joins them? YES!!! So when it was announced that the Bad Batch would be getting their own show, I was thrilled! Yay for more crazy sibling shenanigans!

And then season 1 happened, with the squad almost immediately fracturing amidst all the changes occurring with the rise of the Empire. Ooof, hello reality.

I grew up in a large family with lots of siblings. We were all super close (and kinda crazy 😂) growing up; as we've become adults, however, personality differences have led some of my siblings to stop talking to each other which then bled over into them not talking to anyone else in the family. Not gonna lie, the past few years have been really hard, trying to figure out how best to navigate things so as to not push any of my siblings away but also give them their space.

Needless to say, I saw my family reflected in the Bad Batch. The Bad Batch were so close for so long, and then started falling apart. When Crosshair not only wouldn't go with his family in the season 1 finale but also seemed to be rejecting Hunter's statement that they could pursue different paths without being enemies, my heart broke even more. I know it will be a long time - if ever - that my own family members all reconcile with each other, so I really wanted this little clone family, at least, to get that chance. (Living out my hopes and dreams in fiction, I guess?)

Season 2 continued the season 1 trend of showing us both sides in such a sympathetic and nuanced way. I like to try keeping an open mind and seeing a situation from different angles/POV, both in real life and with fictional stories; so I think a big part of the reason why I adore this show is because it gave us the opportunity to consider both the main squad's AND Crosshair's perspectives, which honestly was a great exercise for me over the past few years in keeping an open mind regarding my own siblings' experiences and opinions (even if I don't always agree with them). And I was still holding out hope that this little clone family would have a chance to reconcile and be whole again.

And then Tech fell.

I'm crying right now just thinking about it.

(Tech was my favorite OG CF99 member since the moment he first stepped on screen, so his death would have been excruciatingly painful regardless; but the fact that he apparently died before the family could be fully reconciled... Well, I already know such a scenario - someone dying before reconciliation - is sadly possible with my own family, but having it happen to this fictional family just hit WAY too close to home, and I would have been equally devastated about this if any other Bad Batcher had died.)

Going into season 3, I knew there was a chance Tech wouldn't come back, much as I wanted him to. I LOVED watching Crosshair build a relationship with Omega, rejoin the family and reconcile with his other brothers, but... Tech is his brother too! With each passing episode, it was a struggle between hoping Tech would come back so the family would actually get their chance to be whole again, while also looking for any closure, any indication that Tech's memory and legacy would be acknowledged and honored by all the siblings he'd sacrificed himself for. I wanted Tech to be alive to get his own happy ending for his own sake, but if a comeback wasn't happening I wanted his life and sacrifice to clearly serve as an influence and motivation for his family. And for his siblings' sake (ESPECIALLY Crosshair's), if Tech was really dead and there wasn't going to be a full reunion, at least let the whole family heal from the loss, at least let the family honor the brother who gave everything to give them a chance to reunite.

The finale concluded, and I realized we got neither: there had been no full family reunion, and there had been no real closure/healing for the family regarding Tech's sacrifice either. (And I don't think it's at all unreasonable to have assumed the show would give us one or the other.)

Look, I'm one of those people who walked into Rogue One assuming it would have a happy ending. (Oh, those days when I was so young and naive...) So let me tell you, that ending traumatized me almost as badly as the ending of ASM2.

But, while other tragic/bittersweet endings have shaken me, it was the Bad Batch finale that literally left me feeling physically ill for days afterwards. Like, I was so relieved that everyone else lived? But it was so strange to be told it was a "happy ending" when, out of the entire family, only Omega kinda sorta maybe (if you squint) had a moment to honor their fallen brother? The family goes through all that trauma and loss and we end the show without actually resolving it, without the family actually healing? Tech's sacrifice made the Batch's eventual retirement possible, and the show won't even just say it? And to add insult to injury, after an entire season with the narrative teasing the possibility of Tech still being alive with CX2 being the forerunning explanation for it, it's all "well, we're still not going to provide any real closure on this plot point, but aren't you glad you can maybe assume Tech ISN'T CX2 since Hunter ran that sucker through without blinking an eye? Look, happy ending!"

I'm still stuck in "season 1" with my own family, so watching this story play out and ultimately conclude with this fictional family not getting full closure regarding one of their own siblings who had never been anything but supportive of all of them was... unsatisfying, to say the least. I LOVE that the clones, who were created by Palpatine to be discarded, managed to (unknowingly) strike a significant blow against Palpatine's plans. I LOVE that Omega and some of the other clones were able to choose to live peacefully on Pabu. I LOVE that Crosshair came back to his family. Still, I will never get over how Tech was handled - both the character himself and the characters he was closest to.

And I think this is part of the reason why I really hope the Bad Batch's on-screen appearances aren't completely over yet - and why, even without factoring in all the narrative ambiguity in season 3, I'm still rooting for Tech to return. Tech himself definitely deserved better, and his family deserved better too.

So there's my long-winded explanation for why there's not a single day that goes by that I don't think about this show 😅

[lemotmo]

I don't know if you want to share this but I thought I would send it just in case. Also, I agree with this. This makes sense. Hope you're having a lovely day!

Q. How in the world is an off screen breakup less satisfying from a storytelling standpoint than an onscreen break-up? A breakup is a breakup.

A. An off screen breakup does not allow the character any agency in their own breakup. It's that simple. The audience needs to see Buck recognize and acknowledge what it is about the relationship that doesn't work FOR him. The relationship is entirely about and for Buck, don't @ me Tommy people, that is the reality. The relationship is entirely about giving Buck an opportunity to grow. You can't see the growth if all you get is a throwaway line about the relationship fizzling out. The audience has seen Buck go through relationship after relationship without really learning anything. And then we watch him repeat the same thing a few months later. This relationship and breakup needs to be about Buck finally figuring out the wrong patterns he keeps repeating. He dates people who do not actually SEE him. He dates people who like the wrapping he comes in. He dates people who are physically attracted to him but aren't interested in or are annoyed by the real parts of him. Every single relationship he has had has followed this pattern. The audience needs to see Buck acknowledge that and officially break that pattern. It's that simple. For better or worse, like or not, Tommy is always going to have been the first. Irregardless of yours or my personal feelings about the relationship, from a life lesson for Buck perspective, it needs an onscreen breakup. Especially if the show is truly going to put him with Eddie. You cannot have a season of personal growth and acceptance from Eddie and not show Buck growing in some capacity as well. He won't be heavily featured but an onscreen breakup is the correct way to go from a storytelling perspective.

Oh no Nonny, I'm definitely posting this. Thank you so much!

As much as I hate to admit it, I do agree to some extent here. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved it if Tommy had just quietly disappeared, but I guess I always kinda knew that wasn't going to happen. I always believed that Lou would be in season 8.

So now that we know for certain that he's there, I say let them play out the story the way they intended before all the craziness started in fandom. The orgininal story was always about Tommy being Buck's first relationship with a man, but it was never meant to last very long. We know this from what Tim said in an interview, what Lou himself said in his interview and Oliver's very clear hints in all his interviews.

So, let's see how they're going to deal with this. Let's see how Buck and Tommy struggle to connect and how they maybe start to realise that they might not be very compatible. I also think that Buck has very real feelings for Eddie at this point, but he has never confronted these feelings, so that might inadvertently also be a factor in BT not working out.

Let's see how they'll eventually break up so that Buck's story of growth may continue during season 8.

And ultimately, if they go with the queer Eddie narrative like we all strongly suspect, this will give Buck the chance to finally take a closer look to his feelings for his best friend and come to the realisation that the thing he has been looking for has been right in front of his nose for years now.

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[chaifootsteps]

I think you may have deleted the post, but I wanted to talk about that insta story Amir posted with the lesbian flag fan and the “#king of the lesbians” comment.

I want to start by saying I don’t know Amirs gender identity or sexuality. Everything I could find stated that Amir’s pronouns are he/him, but there are he/him lesbians, and there are also trans lesbians who aren’t out yet, and still pass publicly as male. I don’t know if Amir identifies this way, and don’t really want to say anything super critical that would pressure him into coming out if this is the case.

I know a lot of helluva criticals are also a bit critical of his online presence, but he does seem to have acted as a pretty good ally, and talked about how **requiring** pronoun disclosure for work can accidentally have the side-effect of forcing people to out or mis-gender themselves, which is a good point.

Despite knowing all of this, as a nonbinary lesbian, seeing that post did make me anxious. I think it’s mainly because, even if Amir IS a lesbian (and I know some people may even laugh at that thought, or act like that could never happen, but the truth is we DO NOT KNOW Amir, and do not know anything about his inner life or identity that he has not explicitly shared) but even if he is a lesbian, seeing *anyone* proclaim themselves “King of the Lesbians” just sets off alarm bells in my head.

I think its most likely because since I don’t know if he’s part of the community or an ally, it feels very much like someone claiming to speak for us or be representative of lesbians.

And I’m VERY sensitive of celebrities or people with influence claiming to speak for us or have clout with us—especially since JKR started using lesbians as a shield against all criticism of her transphobia.

I know I’m probably overthinking all of this—over something I’m pretty sure was posted as a joke (and I don’t even know if the “king of the lesbians” caption was made by Amir himself, or a social media manager).

But. Idk. Regardless something about that post just gave me a real big ick. My initial reaction when I saw that post was “no, you’re fucking not. If anyone is king of the lesbians it’s Tracy Chapman, not you.”

It’s something minor, and I know I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but I can’t help but get frustrated by it. I want to say, “okay, what the hell have you done for us then?” You don’t just announce that you’re a gay or lesbian icon. It’s something that is earned and given to you by the community. Even if you are a part of the community I still think it’s something that has to be earned.

I know I’m just rambling now, but I wanted to let you know that yeah, that post was not okay with me either. I think I would have even liked the post if it had said something that was more supportive of lesbians like “let’s go lesbians!” Or “shout out to the lesbian fans!” Or something.

Anyway. Thanks for letting me vent. I know this is probably ridiculous to vent about but I wanted to get these feelings out, and didn’t feel safe talking about it on my own blog.

Nah, it's an entirely valid frustration. There are ways to show solidarity and that wasn't it, and also high five for recognizing Tracy Chapman as the queen of the lesbians she is.

(For the record, I deleted that post because apparently it's not yet common knowledge just how incredibly fucking creepy Amir is. Someday.)

[trafficblr-confessions]

I'm sorry I just can't keep it in anymore, I need release - people need to Shut Up about the content creators and their personal dynamics.

A comment on one of the Takeout Trio/Skranchers vods (Jimmy's vod to be specific) was complaining about how they're so refreshed seeing him playing with people that are "actually nice" to him and how they're sick of all the picking on him and it just.. Jesus christ, butt out? Jimmy is a 27 year old man. He has known his friends for years and doesn't need any of us policing him on who he spends time with or how he spends time with them!

I get it, I really do: I love Jimmy and I love seeing how he's improved and am happy to see him keep going! That moment during the Hermit x Empires crossover when everyone kept saying the best parts of Tumble Town were the pranks genuinely made me feel a bit sick in my stomach because it's just really tough.. but I just click off. Because I know that we see a very limited portion of the interactions between these people in real life. Because I know that if anyone was genuinely uncomfortable about something, it wouldn't really be our business and that the CCs can talk to each other about it off camera.

Beyond that, I love seeing what the fandom does with it! I love seeing the angst, I love seeing the hurt/comfort, the hurt/no comfort.. but then people make it about the CCs or they completely mischaracterize the characters and it's just so-- disheartening.

This happens with a lot of CCs and Characters, but I'm more specifically thinking about Jimmy and Joel (mostly because they're who I watch a lot and I love these silly guys) and how everyone seems to think that nothing but malice stands between them and it's so? Telling? Of how many perspectives they get?

If you just watch Jimmy's or any-outside-the-dynamic povs you might think Joel is Just mean to him,, but like,, good GODS these MEN make me INSANE. First of all, all forms of Joel express their love via pranks and tomfoolery and whatnot. Have you HEARD some of his intros? How he talks about himself between player Joel and editor Joel?? He is mean, yes, but it's GENUINELY like a love language for that man I swear. Jesus christ. What is his deal. Additionally, anytime he visited Tumble Town to prank Jimmy, he almost always ends up complimenting the buildings and how far Jimmy has come and Oh My God this MAN.

Fuck this, this confession is turning into a Joel fan rant. I love Joel. All my homies love Joel. That silly man is an ogre with LAYERS. He has loyalty, but where it lies is less within session to session and more season to season. He can be careless, but it doesn't mean he doesn't Care. There's so many moments in so many series and it's just YAHAGEGEH. Mans is SO... GRGRGGRGRGRGGAAAAAAGH.

One of his intros was literally addressing the fans with "You're all stupid, I love you." completely deadpan. LET THIS MAN. LET THIS MAN OKAY. LET THIS MAN.

"Am I socially awkward?" YES. YES YOU ARE. YES HE IS. HE IS SO FUNKY AND HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS HE IS JUST AWKWARD AND SILLY. I DONT NEED TO BE COHERENT JUST WATCH HIS VIDEOS AMD YOU'LL KNOW.

Also I can't find the post or remember who posted it, but know that whoever the person is that said something about how in every universe and every life Joel recognizes and loves his wife and then there's just his death game assigned soulmate Etho, know that I love you.

End of confession or I won't shut up.

.

[peijizerojournal]

2024/5/24 ❅ “honeymoon” and “the lin kuei archives” update

Let me preface this update by emphasizing that this is just an example and explanation of why I have chosen to not allow the internet to see my Mortal Kombat 1 works anymore. I have no intent to instigate any drama or anything of that nature. I'm just getting some things off my chest here, and then I will likely never write a post about this again.

Thanks to another “Lin Kuei Archives” reader, I’ve been informed of another 'questionable' post that mimicks my original work. I will not be linking it or mentioning the name of the tumblr account, but for those who regularly browse the ‘Bi-Han’ or the 'bi han x reader' tags, you will have likely seen it already as it was posted in the last couple of days.

In short, the post reads as an almost complete, ordered summarization of “The Lin Kuei Archives: Sub-Zero” (part 1 of TLKA series) which I completed in November 2023. From beginning to end. Even the epilogue. Even the little things. The only real differences being Reader herself and a few other things. But, essentially — in so many words — it is the bullet point version of my story down to even the most minute details. It is not the first time I come across something like this, and I'm usually one to brush it off, however this time it's gotten under my skin a bit more than expected.

For the readers that have been wondering about the issues I've been facing in the last several months, or if there even has been an issue in the first place: well, in short, it’s cases like this that have been particularly tiresome.

Oneshots, headcanons and stylized ficlets that have been structurally twisted with a few changes here and there are often hard to find and are sometimes buried in the tags. These are almost impossible to deal with since they are inherently different in terms of formatting, but if you are familiar with my story and read part one especially, you’ll be able to recognize it right away, as the reader who notified me of it was able to. From things such as Bi-Han’s reluctant hospitality towards our dear reader (who also happens to be staying with the Lin Kuei at the request of Liu Kang, hmm) to specifics like 'brunch in the gardens.'

(These are the only references to the post that I'll make. I really don't want to give the poster any more of my attention.)

Unfortunately, it is always Part 1 that is making its rounds, as during its tenure, it reached quite a broad audience of viewership. I also left it unlocked and open for all eyes to see for quite sometime; having only restricted it on AO3 sometime in March 2024 before hiding it just last month on the 16th (when I posted the original series update.)

I know that there is a reasonable amount of risk that must be considered with sharing your work on the web so openly like this, but let this be an example for anyone out there who wants to post their work to AO3 and Tumblr, especially: Not all who are subscribed to your fic have the best intentions. And -- on the other end of the spectrum -- your work may and likely will influence others’ creations, and you’ll have to come to terms with that or at least accept it/be okay with it. Once even a few eyeballs have glazed over it, that’s that, really. Your work will be out there for the taking, and, to some extent, you’ll lose creative control over it.

I have come across other authors and fics that have taken inspiration from my own and some have given credit while others have put enough of their own spin on it to the point where the similarities are irrelevant. I am not naive: I know perfectly well that it’s possible for two individuals to have shared ideas and similar plotlines, even eerily so. Coincidences happen. That's life.

But stuff like this, in my eyes, is too adjacent to go unnoticed. When it’s condensed like this with a smattering of very specific details interwoven within, it makes it hard for me to defend myself, as I would basically have to screenshot or repost or publicize my entire fic again. And — knowing that there are a few people out there who have routinely tried to circulate my work on other websites — I am simply too terrified to do that, as I know “Honeymoon” and the other parts might instantly be downloaded the moment I choose to make them public again.

(Further info on this: when you privatize your work in an AO3 collection, as I have, the moment I list it as ‘revealed,’ all who are subscribed to me or my fic will receive email notifications that there’s an update, even if there is no new chapter. I hope that makes sense. For anyone who wants/needs to privatize their work on AO3 for whatever reason, this blog post does a great job explaining the process.)

Maybe I’m too old-school or sensitive or paranoid for modern fandom culture… but to that one anon that told me “this happens, too bad:” well, it’s this sort of thing that makes me want to protect “Honeymoon” and prevent the entire series from seeing the light of day ever again. As of right now, it will likely stay hidden on AO3 indefinitely. I have never cross-posted and do not cross-post anywhere, so if anyone ever sees the entire fanfic anywhere at all, please reach out to me and let me know.

If you are a trusted reader/friend/mutual of mine, chances are you already have access to the story and that’s all that matters to me. 🩵 And if you were a regular reader-commenter, I appreciate you so much and thank you deeply for your engagement, insight and support over the last several months. 🤍 Thanks for reading and I hope all have been having a lovely spring season so far. xo

[fierymiasma]

✸ Monstrous ✸ // Sebastian Sallow x f!MC

Summary/Request: Could you write about a Hufflepuff's thoughts post-Solomon-dying? As the only house that sees Azkaban, I imagine they'd have a strong opinion on what to do about Sebastian.

♪ Tags: Slight Dark!Sebastian, angst, sadness, manipulation, making out, heartbreak

A/N: This is a slight variation of what actually happened in the game.  Takes place after they have been dating for quite a while.  Mostly Angst.  Thought Sebastian's life was a bit too easy, you know? 😉

Word Count: 2.5k 💔

|| Masterlist || AO3 ||

Her lungs were burning with exertion as she chased Sebastian through the dark dungeon. 

"Sebastian!  Sebastian!  Wait up, please!" 

Part of her couldn't believe that any of this was real.  Solomon.  Anne.  The killing curse.  It was hard to wrap her mind around it all.  She never thought Sebastian, the love of her life, was capable of killing anyone.

How did it all go so wrong? 

Seeing the blight streaks of sunlight pour through the entranceway of the cave, she used the last burst of energy to catch up with the fleeing boy in front of her.

The Hufflepuff tackled him.  Her hands fisted into his robes, begging him to slow down, to wait for her.  Huffing, she bent over trying to catch her breath.

"Sebastian, why wouldn't you stop?"  She gasped wetly, trying to even her respiratory rate.  "I was calling after you!"

He broke off from her grasp, pacing frenetically back and forth.  "Anne won't survive this. She's writhing away, inside and out."  His arms were shaking, with anger or fear, she couldn't tell.  "Solomon's never been there for us, not really. You saw him, didn't you? He was going to ruin her life.  He attacked us first.  I had to defend myself, defend you."

She gaped at him.  "Sebastian," she whispered quietly.  She's never seen him so unstable before.  "S-sebastian, that's…that's not what happened.  You struck first.  I saw it, with my own eyes."

He paused, face trained on the ground before him.  His eyes darted back and forth, thinking of something.  "I couldn't let Solomon hurt you.  He was going to take the both of us to Azkaban."  He finally looked up to meet her eyes.

She took a step back from him, what she saw scared her.   Sebastian's eyes were wild, full of fury and awful promises.  Who was the man who stood before her? 

Perhaps sensing her unease, he approached her gently.  His rough, tremulous hands cupped her cheeks, willing her to stay in place.  To be not so frightened of the monster in front of her.  "It's all right, my love.  I got you now.  He'll never hurt you."

She wanted to throw up.  A tear rolled down her cheek.  Sebastian gently brushed it away from her face. "Sebastian, that's not what I'm afraid of.  I don't care if Mr. Sallow tries to hurt me, I just care about you and Anne, Sebastian.  Professor Fig says the dark arts leave a mark on the very fabric of our souls."

Sebastian's twisted into an ugly snarl.  "Solomon attacked us, love.  He attacked you.  Was going to lock you up in Azkaban forever, throw away the key."  His grip on her face tightened.  She winced.  "He's already given up on Anne, already ruined her life.  I'm not going to let him ruin yours."

She shook her head harder in disagreement, trying to release herself from his grip.   

Sebastian tried again, more soft and pleading this time.  "Please, sweetheart, you need to understand me.  I couldn't let him hurt you."

Finally, she dared to return his gaze.  He was startled.  Sebastian was able to see his reflection in her glistening eyes.  He didn't recognize the man he saw.  "No, the killing curse is never necessary.  You could have used a myriad of other spells."  The usual shy Hufflepuff stood her ground.  "Goodness knows, we've dueled enough people to know how to handle ourselves."

Sebastian floundered.  His sweet Hufflepuff always took his side.  Against the professors, against Uncle Solomon, even against Ominis.  "You don't understand.  I had to do it.  There was no other choice."

She scoffed, tired of his excuses and his constant twisting of his words.  "There has always been choices, Sebastian.  You just chose to make the bad ones."

Her mind was already racing, trying to repair the damage Sebastian had inflicted.  She wasn't sure why, but it was always her instinct to cauterize the wounds to Sebastian always left in his wake.  She wasn't sure at what point in their deep connection to each other she had fallen so naturally into this role.  But, nevertheless she always covered for him.

Oh Merlin, Anne, Ominis.  Two people had bore witness to Sebastian's crime.  Two people who always protested against the more heinous of Sebastian's misdeeds.  Already, she knew what the future had in store for her lover. 

"Sebastian, you're going to go to Azkaban."

He froze.  All his protests and pleads stopped.  Sebastian's eyes were trained on her ghostly pale face.  She blinked, she hadn't realized she said that part out loud. 

"Ominis…he was on the way to speak with Headmaster Black.  The second he hears of your uncle's fate…" she couldn't bring herself to finish her thought. 

'"Love, I never intended on hurting anyone."  His eyes brimmed with tears.  "I did the right thing.  Protecting the both of us.  I know you, you wouldn't send me to Azkaban.  You know I don't belong in Azkaban."

Something in her snapped.  She was done with his pleads, his sly words, his excuses.

"No, Sebastian, you listen to me." her eyes felt hot.  It was hard to see Sebastian's face through her tears.  "The only reason why you're not in Azkaban is because, I have been there.  I have seen what it does to people.  The only reason why you're not there is because I don't believe anyone should be in there.  Not Rookwood, not even Ranrok."

Sebastian was stunned silent.  He had no idea what to say.  Had all of his sweetheart's good will and patience towards him finallly run out?

She shook her head, deflating quickly, as most Hufflepuffs did.  "S-Sebastian, I just need to think.  I..We need to find Ominis."

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

How did everything go so wrong?  Standing alone in the Undercroft, she didn't know what to believe anymore.  Ominis's words rang in her ears like a death toll before an execution. 

"He clearly regrets everything, Ominis."  She pleaded.  "Sebastian had promised me that he won't do anything like this ever again."

Ominis lifted his head, turned slightly towards the sound of her voice.  She shivered.  It was almost as if Ominis was seeing right through her.  "We've both heard that before.  You are so in love with him.  Ironically, it is you whose been so blind to his misdeeds." 

Her throat was dry.  She had no defense. 

"Sebastian deserves to pay for his actions."  Ominis decided.  His fingers left deep imprints in his palms as he struggled to release his clenched fists. 

Her heart leapt in her throat.  Crazed eyes, blood tinged, decaying teeth.  Emaciated individuals shivering in the cold damp cells.  Dementors sucking the soul of everyone in Azkaban. 

No, not Sebastian.  Not her darling. 

She reached up to brush the tears collecting at the corners of her eyes.  Was Ominis right?  Was Sebastian manipulating her?  Just as he manipulated Ominis into opening the Scriptorium for him?  It was no secret that Sebastian had a way with words, of charming people into what he wanted.

She thought of the way he looked at her, the way Sebastian begged her to convince Ominis to do the right thing.

"Make Ominis understand, love.  He listens to you."

She found herself acquiescing to his wishes.  "I'll talk to Ominis."

Sebastian looked relieved.  "Thank you love.  No matter what happens.  I am glad to have been with you." 

He surged forward, giving her a bruising kiss.  His mouth was hot and rough.  Her lips were already half parted in shock, allowing Sebastian's tongue to slip inside.  She quickly fell apart, as she always had to Sebastian's strong will.  His firm body was pressed flush against hers.  Dark sparks were igniting in her chest.  The warm smell of his rich cologne was dizzying and confusing.

What did that kiss mean? 

She never once believed Sebastian as evil or malicious.  He'd had been so of youthful boyhood and charm when they first met that she could never think of his actions as nefarious.

Now she wasn't so sure. 

The heavy iron gates of the Undercroft creaked open, interrupting her deep thoughts.  In strolled the very man himself.

She smiled grimly at Sebastian's appearance.  "I've got your owl.  What news do you have for me?"

Sebastian's face was dark and cold.  "Ominis spoke with Anne.  She believes I should pay for what I did, but she decided not to turn me in.  I suppose I have you to thank for that."

She gave a small nod in agreement.  Her heart felt a bit looser now that the threat of Azkaban had passed. 

'The thing is, I think I lost my sister, lost my best friend too, forever."  He looked up at her.  "And I might be losing the love of my life too."  He approached her, gauging her reaction closely.  "I can't blame them.  I wouldn't blame you either, if you gave up on me entirely.  You've always believed in me.  Always stood by my side.  Always defended me when I flirted too far with the dark arts."

Her breath was caught in her throat.  What were Sebastian's motives using such flattery on her?  Were they empty words or soothe his frightened prey or pleas baring his fragile heart?

"I realize I can't undo what's been done.  But I can try."  Sebastian looked up into her eyes.  "At least, with you by my side I know I have someone who won't let me stray."

She was incredulous.   So, that was it?  Mr. Sallow's death swept under the rug to become a distant memory.  Anne, so fragile, so reliant on her former guardian, now alone forever?  And Sebastian, escaping unscathed from the jaws of punishment?

What if everyone was right?  What if, under all the coy looks, butterfly kisses, and whispered sweet nothings, Sebastian was using her?  What if Ominis's fear and Professor Fig's hesitancy had merit?

What if she was flirting with evil, and she had been too lovesick to even notice?

She thought of all that she did for him.  She stood up for him over the inferi relic, knowing with every fiber of her being how evil the artefact was.  His sweetheart covered for him whenever Ominis looked too closely at his questionable actions.  Merlin, she even cast Imperio on Ominis, a sweet boy who just wanted his friends to be safe and be good. 

This…this wasn't right. 

She wasn't sure if she had the power or the strength left in her to say it.  Anne was right to not turn Sebastian into Azkaban.  No one belonged in Azkaban.  Not even the darkest wizard themselves.  But…that didn't mean that Sebastian didn't still deserve some form of punishment.  With tears in her eyes and conviction in her trembling voice, she issued her judgement.  "No Sebastian, I know a punishment that is far worse for you than Azkaban.

He scoffed at the idea.  "And what's that?"

"Me."  She replied.  "We're through, Sebastian."  Something was screaming inside her heart.  She could feel its fibers being torn to shreds.  "I don't know what we were.  I don't know what we are, or what we could have been."  His eyes were glassy, tears swimming in his eyes.  "But I know now, I cannot be with you.  Y-you're dangerous.  The effect you have on me." 

If it had been Sebastian who was incapacitated, if it had been Solomon willing to strike the final blow on Sebastian, would she have used the killing curse?

If Sebastian had asked her harder to consume Isadora's magic to use it for evil, would she? 

She was afraid of the answer. 

"I love you so much Sebastian.  The things I'm willing to do for you.  The things I have done for you."  She shook her head, the tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now.  "Sebastian, this has to stop.  This is too dangerous." 

He looked like he was mortally wounded.  She's only seen that expression once before, when Solomon had passed.

He shut his eyes tightly, "I understand.  You're well within your right."

She bit her lips, ignoring her every instinct that she screaming at her to look away to turn from the intensity that was his fierce eyes.  "Unless everything stops and you go back to the man that you once was, I don't know if I stand at your side anymore."

Sebastian was in free fall.  He'd never felt more alone in the world.  His parents.  Anne.  Uncle Solomon.  Ominis.  Now her too.  The only good things that was left in his life was now leaving him.  His Hufflepuff, his moral center, his emotional rock, his everything.  Gone.  In a blink of an eye.  Their relationship and friendship were both drawing to their end.  He despaired, thinking of their secret kisses in the dark, her warm embrace as she held him, her beautiful eyes looking at him with such joy.  He looked up calculating, gauging her reaction.  There was an uncertainty in her eyes that he could pinpoint.  A part of her that was pained to have this conversation, full of regret for what she was doing.

It was enough of an opening for Sebastian. 

His voice was about to crack.  "Can I kiss you goodbye?  Just this one last time?"

Against all of her better judgement, she gave a slight nod, almost afraid of saying yes out loud.  It was all the permission he needed.  He inclined his face towards her, capturing her in his lips.  His jaw moved, devouring her hungrily.  Sebastian couldn't help but deepen the kiss into something more risqué, almost forbidden.   One last reminder of what she was leaving behind.  To his delight, she was kissing back, as if starved for his love and attention despite every fiber in her body telling her what an awful this whole affair was.  His teeth nibbled on her bottom lip dangerously.  His kiss was full of promise of what Sebastian could offer, if only she succumbed to his wishes.

Her chest pressed against his, he could feel her quickened heartbeat against his.

They broke apart, panting.  She refused to look at him in the eye, less she lose even more control of the situation.

"Good bye Sebastian." She declared with an air of uncertain finality. 

Sebastian licked his lips, chasing at the last remnants of her taste on his lips.  His eyes tracked her as she turned her back and left him.  As the iron gates of the Undercroft shuttered close, he couldn't help but grin.

He would get what was rightfully his, in due time.  Just with a little bit of patience.

He thought of how exceptional she was, how forgiving of his sins she would.  He would change.  For Ominis.  For Anne. For her.  He would do everything to be the man that she deserved.

He just hoped that it wasn't too late. 

[disappearinginq]

I’m so excited you like Steve Crain too! He’s been a favorite character of mine for years at this point, and doesn’t deserve the hate he gets.

It bothers me when people don’t recognize the responsibility that weighs on characters. They essentially lost both of their parents at the same time, and you know Steve had to be the one to step up.

This isn’t just applicable to Haunting of Hill House, of course. But I’ve noticed that fans vilify the characters that aren’t victimized as obviously / aren’t the main character.

Anyways, just wanted to share with a fellow Steve-enjoyed lol

New Bestie - same. I got into a very heated discussion about how if the Crain siblings are supposed to represent the 5 stages of grief, the fandom has Steve and Shirley switched around, because everyone says that Steve is Denial and Shirley is Bargaining.

Meanwhile, in the show, Steve spends his adult life going around not necessarily trying to debunk ghosts, but hoping that maybe this time, it will be ghosts, because then maybe his family will just be a different kind of crazy. He says his mom and his sister are sick, and they needed help. He reminds me more of Fox Mulder - the "I want to believe" vibe. But he also is in the unique position of seeing ghosts and not knowing about it. All of his ghosts are people with jobs, moving around the house like normal people. Everyone hears the dogs at night, not just him. He doesn't hear banging on the walls, he doesn't see creepy zombies in the basement, he doesn't have his future self freaking the hell out of him his entire life. He sees his mom - and as far as he's concerned (because this is a horror show, not supernatural, the world he occupies is the one we're in - no vampires and ghosts, etc, and that is Understood) it's just the mental illness that has gone through his whole family finally catching up with him. Anyone in this world who has a family member swear they're being stalked by a faceless ghost while they're high on drugs is going to come to same conclusion Steve does, which is that they're nuts. BUT - he looks for any signs that he is wrong. And I'm still mad that they cut out part of the first episode that has Steve refusing to write about his family anymore, no matter the price, while driving by an accident where he sees multiple people standing around, but when he turns away and the camera is the only one on the accident, you only see the firefighters/first responders.

Meanwhile, Shirley is 100% in denial about everything, including what her own ghosts were. In her House Nightmare at the end, she even denies what actually happened - in her version, she doesn't have an affair. The House actually calls her out on "But that's not what happened, is it?" When Steve is doing CPR on his dying brother, Shirley's first words are "This isn't real". She denies Luke from going to Nell's wedding. She denies that their mother had anything wrong with her, she's in denial that she's running her own business into the ground, she's in denial about the death of the kittens, she's in denial about ghosts too - even though she has much more explicit contact with them with the knocking, and with a witness both times (Theo). She's in denial about the night that they had to flee Hill House. Like if she says it often enough, then it will be true that her family is fine and nothing is wrong.

Sorry. Long rant. But I love this character and this show so much and no one ever wants to talk about it (except @amandagaelic, and she has listened to me for literally hours at this point). One of these days, I will actually finish the Haunting of Hill House fic I have, and it will be posted.

We might all be dead from old age, or so senile we don't even remember the source material, but I'll stipulate in my will that it has to be posted. :-D

AND YES - people have a weird habit of like...picking one character to defend and that's the end of it. No one else can do any right and that character can do no wrong. I see it in Yellowstone fandom a lot. Or in Marvel (the Steve/Tony argument made me leave it altogether). I don't know if it's because fandoms are now predominantly younger, louder/more obnoxious from the safety net of internet anonymity or what, but Seeing Things from Someone Else's Point of View seems to be a lost art in both media and reality.