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Seven Sentence Sunday

Okay, I got tagged...either a week ago, or three days ago, by @thewildballyntynesgrow for Seven Sentence Sunday and then COMPLETELY FORGOT. So...Seven Delayed Sentences Wednesday?

From a partially completed BTHB card for Ear Injury for Slow Horses - River would definitely have some hearing loss after standing three feet away from an exploding grenade, lots of gunfire in an enclosed space over a prolonged period, and then again when Patrice fires the gun three inches away from his ear. So.

River hated the fact that his hearing never really recovered from the explosion that nearly killed him at the archives. It wasn’t like he could get hearing aids, or even mention the issue if he wanted to keep his job. Perfect hearing and non-corrected 20/20 vision were requirements for field agents, and for good reason. He wasn’t completely deaf, which is the only thing that saved him, and he suspected Lamb knew - or was at least suspicious - that he still had a lingering ringing in his ears, or that some sounds were muffled, like listening through a particularly thick door.

It wasn’t too much of a problem. He just had to intensely focus while at the office, and make sure he was looking right at Louisa and Catherine - especially Catherine - when they were speaking. Everyone else had a tendency of yelling, or their tone was in a lower range so it didn’t get drowned out by the tinnitus.

And I think I am supposed to tag people, so now I'm using this as an unsubtle ploy to get more snippets so no pressure tags:

@cartwrong @tenderhooked @abubblingcandle @altschmerzes @amandagaelic

And anyone else who wants to play and I don't know that you're working on things you would like to share.

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some sentences sunday!

from camcorder kidnapping chapter 4 :)

Salt stings at the back of Lamb’s tongue. He remembers that afternoon with a precision that’s been bothering him for weeks: the achingly devastated crumple of River’s face as he’d entered the bar, fresh off of settling old Cartwright senior into his new home, and the way that he’d beseeched Lamb so silently to speak a word of comfort, perhaps even two. But though there had been many things Lamb had wanted to say in that moment, he hadn’t quite been able to pry them from his chest and offer them for the light to bear witness to. It had been enough, he’d thought, to sit there in the quiet and share a whiskey together. It was something, at the very least. It was something that didn’t have to mean anything. And so long as it didn’t mean anything, he could wash his hands of it and never again have to be afraid.  Fuck, how he regrets that now. That drink. He should never have afforded it to the kid. If he hadn’t, there would be no measure of honesty in Payne’s words. No truth to slide between River’s ribs and bleed him dry. Because Lamb can see how it’s already beginning to—how the panic, the terror, is sinking into him like sharp talons, puncturing flesh, piercing the heart. There’s a raw, flayed wound of startled understanding etched across River’s face, and Lamb could chastise him for it in the same breath that he could chastise himself. God damn you, Jackson Lamb. You can’t help yourself, can you. Haven’t you learned by now not to reach your hands out for things you’ll only break? But, Christ, the kid had been so alone. And it had soothed a part of Lamb, to have River back again, to have him back and whole. He hadn’t been able to send him away. He couldn’t have even tried. 

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a comic about fix-it fanfics

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been doing a LOT of analog note-taking / journaling / planning lately (new years' resolution fulfilled! yes!), and I've slowly but surely started writing mostly in cursive again.

that said, I'm old (almost 35, ew) so I have questions.

if you want to RB this and put you age / locale / whatever else you think is relevant in the tags, that'd be very cool

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20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

thank you for the tag @thewildballyntynesgrow

1. How many works on AO3?

42 - but I have not imported all my stuff from ffn.net which I should do eventually. I think over there I have 56, but I also have things on AO3 that I didn't put up there, either, so...

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

526,625 - but I anticipate an uptick now that I have been devoured by a new fandom and have 30k words on just 2 half finished WIPs

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

Only Human in Lucifer fandom at 2,449, which honestly surprises me

Damnatio Memoriae - also Lucifer fandom at 2,293 which doesn't surprise me just for the sheer size and scope of what this project was (and it made me 'famous' on ffn.net)

Sand Castles - for Merlin at 1,761, which was written while I was enraged at the TV show while also stuck on base with no car for like...6 months and nothing else to do

Limits - Outer Banks fandom, which is another surprise. It doesn't have that much interaction, and like nobody has come from AO3 to talk to me on tumblr about it type thing, but it's a sleeper hit at 906 for being a one shot written in season 1 before I got mad at the writers

Carry On - and back to Lucifer for another one shot with 885 that was part of a fic exchange

4. What fandoms do you write for?

God, most of the fandoms I just listed I'm not even in anymore. And I am too lazy to type them, so:

Magnum P.I. (TV 2018) (9)

Lucifer (TV) (6)

Common Law (TV) (3)

The 100 (TV) (3)

Deception (TV 2018) (3)

Captain America (Chris Evans Movies) (2)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (2)

The Defenders (Marvel TV) (2)

Hudson & Rex (TV) (2)

White Collar (TV 2009) (2)

Daredevil (TV) (2)

Iron Fist (TV) (2)

Merlin (TV) (2)

Supernatural (TV 2005) (2)

Constantine (TV) (1)

Time After Time (TV 2017) (1)

Doctor Who (1)

Arrow (TV 2012) (1)

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV) (1)

Yellowstone (TV 2018) (1)

Outer Banks (TV) (1)

However, for written but unfinished and unpublished - Slow Horses, Haunting of Hill House, So Help Me Todd, Hudson & Rex, The Rookie, Tracker, 9-1-1....and I think I am missing some. I can probably guarantee I am missing some. PSYCH. I wrote for Psych!

5. Do you respond to comments?

I TRY AND I FAIL. I AM SO BAD AT IT. And then because I leave it, it gets worse, and then I leave it longer, and yeah. So bad at it.

6. Angstiest Ending?

Probably Wrong Side of Heaven in Magnum fandom, only because I haven't posted all of it and it's been left with Thomas in a coma. Whoops.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

Either Into the Night or Miracles for Daredevil/Iron Fist because those are literally the only blatantly happy endings - or Imperfect for Lucifer, which ends with a birthday cupcake.

8. Do you get hate?

Miggy twats from Magnum PI made life miserable - in so far as the little bitches had a thing for anonymous hate and my anger outpaces my typing speed.

9. Do you write smut?

Ew. No. I don't even like holding hands. A smooch to the forehead is pushing it. Smut is a hard pass.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Only things that are already crossed over, like Marvel, or Lucifer and Constantine.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Stolen? No. Ripped off? Yes. But it was immediately taken down when I asked about the copious amounts of similarities between their fic and mine.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I am aware of, but it would be infinitely awesome if it DID happen.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

I tried, as part of a fic exchange challenge, but apparently I am no better at group projects now than when I was in high school, so it did not go well, and was abandoned.

14. All time favorite ship?

Ugh. No ships but Friendships. If I must pick one, the Enterprise and Kirk.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Left Behind for the 100. One, because the show just degraded to the point I stopped watching and will never go back and rewatch. Two, because I mentally already completed it (and anyone who wants to know what I had planned, just shoot me a message and I will tell you everything) and my brain just went "Ok, well it's done now" and went onto other things

16. Writing strengths?

I don't know what you would call it, but the "oh no" whispered in horror at the end of the chapter factor. I spend a lot of time trying to flip expected story lines for no reason other than to make things worse.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

It's more like an impediment. If I can't imagine it, then I get stuck on realism/likelihood of something happening. Like someone being blackmailed/forced into doing something they don't want to - ok, I, the writer, NEED them to do The Thing, but their Nature forbids it, HOW DO I MAKE IT HAPPEN? And it leads to a lot of back and forth "welll.....maybe? but no. How about? no."

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I tend to throw it in when I want a character to not understand another. I do it a lot in Left Behind, and anything with Magnum.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Without realizing it, Sliders, when I was like...10

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oooo, that's a tough one. Um. I like them all for various reasons, but the one I probably go back to the most is either Running Up that Hill for Agents of SHIELD because that story had a mind of its own and nobody was more surprised than me how it panned out, or Damnatio Memoriae for Lucifer, because I did a lot of digging into various lore for that one, and despite being written in season 1, I predicted a lot for the series, which I am very pleased with.

No pressure tags: @amandagaelic @cartwrong @tenderhooked @altschmerzes @dragonnan @itsjustdg and anyone else who wants to play and I keep spelling your name wrong so Tumblr won't let me tag you - you know who you are

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Check out my stuff!

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Camcorder kidnapping update? 👀🤞🙏

okay i am VERY aware that this ask was sent to me long before i even posted chapter one however. WE ARE GONNA IGNORE THAT!!!! and in fact i wanna share a bit from much, much later on in camcorder, like extremely later on. so! here's a clip from scene that i was working on a couple weeks ago that is very near and dear to me:

“River,” Lamb says, and is horrified to discover that his voice is wrecked to the ear; no, no. He needs to be staid. For River. He clears his throat and says again, “River, lad. You remember what that—what that bastard told you? The very first day he had you, he told you that the reason I chose Slough House was because nothing matters, and no one is meant to get hurt.” He pauses for a brief moment, just long enough to witness how the words shudder through River’s body, how his head tucks fleetingly into the pillow in a vague nod, and then continues before Payne’s voice has a chance to rise up in River’s ears and drown out everything else. “He made you think it was your fault, didn’t he. Sid, Min. Marcus. Jackson Lamb only ever wanted one thing, and River Cartwright took it from him.”

A sound escapes River; an awful, wretched whimper, the rest of him clearly too exhausted and worn-out to do anything more than shiver in the way of an animal left to the whims of winter, poised to receive the punishment that it’s convinced will be inflicted upon its body. It’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking, and Lamb nearly gives in again to the urge to take River into his arms and bundle him to his chest, soothe a palm down the curve of River’s skull, murmur gentle, comforting nothings until they were all River could hear. But he restrains himself. If he touches River, if he ruins this fragile blossom flowering between them, he will never be able to come back. He’d have to cut himself from River’s life like a tumor, so he wouldn’t infect him ever again.  The prospect of it is nauseating. To be without River now would be to have a limb removed, would be to have a map with no compass rose. Lamb has to keep him. For himself as much as for River. He has to keep him and protect him. So, without knowing precisely where he’s going, he continues, “He lied, River. He lied. None of them were your fault. Not a one.” Carefully, with unerring precision, he settles his hand flat on the mattress. Not anywhere near River, but close enough to prove that he’s not going away. His fingers flex against the bedsheets, a spasm that he can’t control. The anger is molten within him; he has to let it harden somehow, or else it’ll burn his boy to the core. Because it’s not anger with River. No, never anger with him. It’s anger at Payne. At what he did. At how he stole River and wounded him with the noose of Lamb around his throat. How dare he. How fucking dare he. “I didn’t blame you for them then, and I’m not blaming you for them now. I won’t ever blame you for them.” He allows the sentiment to settle in the air and takes the pause to drink in the sight of River, bathed in the quiet lamplight. The familiar length of him, the soft mop of his hair. It looks redder beneath the lamp, a burnished russet that makes Lamb think, inexplicably, of a small boy with bright eyes and a toddling walk, a laugh that could have brought even the old bastard to his knees with devotion. And then, later, a small boy with a hot welt swelling plump on his cheek, a cowering fright of those who were supposed to protect him turning him ever smaller, ever more delicate, ever more precious. He’s looking at his River but he’s seeing another River altogether. The River he didn’t get to save. The River he didn’t get to love. It splinters within him, that loss. God, if only he had known. If only he had known. There’s an unsteady breath that travels up River’s spine, a sharp burst of inhale-exhale, and his head turns ever so very slightly. Still smothered by pillow, still hidden to Lamb. Yet it’s everything. If it’s all Lamb ever got, he would be content with it. With the knowledge that he hasn’t frightened River away from him forever.  “A baker’s dozen,” he says, soft, and his hand fists again around the bedsheets as though it’s River that he’s holding tight and safe. “Remember, lad? By now, I’ve lost ten times that. No one is meant to get hurt but that doesn’t mean no one ever does.” Tentatively, he inches forward on his aching, throbbing knees, unable to quell the desperate need to at least be close to River, if he can’t cradle him. “And you—you’re hurt, River. You think I want that? You think I want you hurting? I—never in my life have I wanted anything less.”

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rare vent art from a few months ago

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Started off with a one shot idea. Something sweet and kinda campy. Maybe 1000 words. Simple. Just a snack.

As I look at my 16k words of River Cartwright and Jackson Lamb bonding over the years:

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Icelandic descendants of Vikings singing a hymn in a German train station. They totally need to be on the next Thor soundtrack.

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Stories where the main thematic and dramatic weight is centered on a friendship!! Everyone give it up for stories where the main thematic and dramatic weight is centered on a friendship!!!!

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Working on any fic involving characters with parental issues where even though they still hate said parent/al figure they still want approval is proving to be a challenge I was not prepared for

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Did anybody ever write a fic about Lamb finding out that Whelan put a kill on sight order out on River at the end of Season 4?

Because if not, that is something that needs to happen. Or, if it has happened, please send me a rec so I can read it.

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I am beginning to suspect the reason why I like River Cartwright so much is that he starts off wanting to be a part of the Big Machine, thinking that their intentions are Good and For The People, but as the series goes on, River realizes that he would rather be looked down on by people in charge for doing the Morally Right and Accountable Thing and 100% commits to being a menace.

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Nothing like having the one guy in my chain of command that I ever respected tell me Elon The Goddamn Nazi Musk has our best interest at heart by dismantling Medicaid and stealing literally every scrap of information from American citizens make me want to fucking punch something in the face.

Namely, that guy.