#idk. it just feels so right.
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for songs that have to be listened to 5 months after a loss, rather than 5 days after a loss,
no wonder it didnt stick back then. this is a song for now.
#speculation nation#music#audio#i am just... yeah#when it was fresh everything was a backdrop of pain. i was compartmentalizing like crazy just to get through it all.#that first week especially. working to get his house packed up. working to arrange the funeral. going through all those pictures#because I was the one in charge of putting together the slideshow.#there was no peace. it was just exhausted perseverance. just trying desperately to hold on. one foot in front of the other.#but this. 5 months later. ive been healing. little by little. but as this song states. Everything is different now.#yeah. this album is hitting so much more now. i really did need to wait 5 months for the loss to be less fresh to really get it.#i think this song might be my favorite from the album now. just because. this song feels like my constant state of being.#the past is in ashes. the past is a basket that catches all that's tragic.#the future's an intruder that will seduce you. the present is a madness that's impossible to catch. and the past is a bastard.#just the old grief chapter.#idk. it just feels so right.#Spotify
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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can't believe that skeleman has turned on us, and Halloween Prom is tomorrow.
(what a top-tier UM...we are about to be just totally obliterated in the absolute silliest way. what possible use could this power have outside of bringing us to the brink of utter holiday disaster.)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#unique magic posters#this was so unforseeable!#i hope malleus gets pumpkinified immediately and sebek has to carry him around on a little velvet cushion#i hope jade puts his plant knowledge to good use by being extremely judgy about the firmness of everyone's rind#i hope that everyone is still wearing their silly little hats as pumpkins#(i know they won't. but if we don't have hope we have nothing.)#and i'm still feeling like oogie's gotta show up later and menace jamil just by existing#perhaps we'll have to team up against him with the scullsman or something 👀#also just to get it out before being proven entirely wrong#my theory is still that he's from the past and we gotta teach him about the True Meaning of Halloween (aka candy and funtimes)#so he can go back to his own time and become the founder of modern-day candy and funtimes halloween or something#bootstrap paradox be damned#i could be entirely off-base but that's what i'm thinking right now#idk he just has the vibe of an old-timey boy to me#he's had the great misfortune of being born before there were hot topics where he could meet other jack skellington fanatics#too late for the black plague too early for the black parade 😔
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tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY
#i literally JUST finished hill house a few days ago and i already want to reread. Badly. it's sooo so so soo sooooooooo good <33333!!!!!#also completely enamored by shirley jackson's writing style i NEED to read everything she has written ever like right now..#opening lines of ALL TIME btw 👆❗❗❗#r.txt#the haunting of hill house#ALSO i've seen commentary videos on the tv show they made of hill house but from what i remember of it it's SO different from the book???#i think they were all siblings in the show which is??????? like why would you change that part?? i love sibling relationships as much as the#next guy but i feel like the fact that none of them knew each other was such an essential part of the story like why would u change it....#also eleanor was like. an entirely different character who was also already dead in the show i believe??? and dr. montague doesn't exist??#hill house could've been really good as a show idk why they changed it up like that...like was the original story not interesting enough for#you or something?? WHO decided to make that change i just wanna talk 🤨
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People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again
#My art#One Piece#Long post#Sir Crocodile#Nico Robin#Alternatively panel 5 would've been a close up of Crocodile's face from Robin's POV where he looks like he's giving her a death glare#Not intentionally he's just a big scary bastard with a Resting Murder Face and Robin is a small traumatized child#But I wanted to focus on the silliness of the moment so you get the goofy version instead#IDK man there's just something very funny to me about the idea of Robin just randomly info-dumping about a subject she's read about#And Crocodile being like ''?????????????????????? The fuck you talking about??''#Robin leaves the ship's kitchen and Crocodile just stares at the tomato like ''...It's a fruit? Forreal?''#(Meanwhile Robin is sweating bullets like ''I called his favorite vegetable a FRUIT right in his FACE he's going to KILL ME'')#Robin grew extra feet from the bottom of her feet to reach the counter and that actually isn't me trying to explain bad art away#In the original Papadile comic there was a panel of Robin doing the dishes with extra feet to reach the sink but I cut it out#(It was a stress relief comic I did not feel like drawing a complicated background in detail) (BUT YES I THOUGHT OF IT)#Nico Robin Age 11 is *more* than capable of cooking Crocodile just does not trust her with his food. At least not yet#She did start doing the dishes unprompted and continues to do so (mostly out of fear). Croc told her she didn't have to but allows it#IDK a lot of people seem to headcanon Crocodile as incapable of cooking and like. Surely Mr ''I don't trust people'' knows how to cook#Like he doesn't have to be a master chef or anything but and maybe he enjoys not HAVING to cook (pain in the ass with one hand + knife/hook#But surely he can cook decent enough. SURELY#Botanists don't @ me I know the ''tomato is a fruit'' thing isn't fully accurate this is just a silly little haha comic
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if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.
Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.
#assholes still do not deserve to be victims of bigotry#people will crow this up and down until they find someone they think is a big enough asshole to really deserve it#watch your cognitive dissonance kids#i really am only speaking to white people here. as a white person.#POC can feel however they feel.#though i still don't think it's an appropriate sentiment to turn into Political Praxis there is of course a need to vent#like idk i don't find any marginalised suffering under fascism funny. i think it's fucking sad.#i think it is sad when right wing gay people experience homophobia and i think it is sad when right wing trans people experience transphobia#and when right wing disabled people experience ableism and when right wing women experience misogyny#leopards eating faces is funny when it's about like. rich people or misogynists or whatever it's.#do you understand that this is punching down?#why are we wasting our energy hoping for the victimisation of specific marginalised people#this would be a great time to do some outreach but instead everyone is just fucking MOCKING THEM#you're so fucking stupid you don't care about The Cause you care about Winning#this shit makes me furious.#have some compassion#the system speaks#USpol#Trump#racism#politics
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personal happiness or what the fuck ever
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#jeans here too but ssh#snap sketches#i havent posted anything in what feels like forever and i GUESS i have to remind people i do draw sometimes. whatever.#aka in my brain i have at LEAST a five-page doujin where this gets incredibly nsft but i dont have TIME for that these days do i#so for now we get just. these scribbles. ill be able to make something exemplary again someday i swear <- optimistic#i think im going to close my comms off for the rest of december once i get through the batch i have now#which ... doesnt sound hard since the amount i have will probably take me to the end of december anyway 💀#i just need everyone to believe me i have better visions for yaoifying issue 309 .... the opportunity is right there...#like wdym the dream sequence is gon end on a panel of erik's eyes as he reinforces the idea charles needs happiness like scott and jean's..#call up your ex. right now charles.#what got me peeved about this issue is i have no idea what color eriks outfit could be vjaeLVKEJARK its like.#is he wearing a lab coat over a suit .... i think thats the intention ... or maybe it is a trench coat....#idk shit for me to figure out if i ever get the time to explore this thing again#LIKE UGH IM SCREAMING i have Such Visions that i dont have time to execute and theyre killing me#maybe ill just write them down idfk <- trying to write fanfiction ends even worse for me than trying to draw#anyways. im gonna drive myself mad good night everyone#i have to go to a christmas party tomorrow night. later tonight. whatever.#BYE
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Doodled some Gelphie ponies for fun (because combining my unrelated interests is my specialty, and for some reason my mind can't stop thinking about this elaborate Wicked MLP AU)~
More details down below!:
Design Details:
They're mostly based on the movie depictions, with some musical and book characteristics mixed in. Elphie has her sharp teeth from the book, and I can never let go of the height difference of the musical OGs lol. (Although I did draw a version with no/little height difference like in the movie, cuz why not~ I like em' both)
Elphie is part changeling (either half or quarter) from her dear old father, The Wizard. It's subtle, and she doesn't have any changeling powers, but her design has some touches of their metamorphosed designs. Like the slightly curved horn and forked ear tips, etc.
Galinda can be easily described as Short n' Sweet (Available now for streaming). Her horn is short and stubby. She often dresses up to hide her blank flank, which she's embarrassed by.
Pony AU Ramblings:
Like in the musical, not many creatures can use magic in Oz. Unicorns are somewhat rare, compared to the other pony species, and almost all can't use magic. They must learn how under the few who do know, like Morrible, which is still difficult to achieve.
Elphaba is unique in that she was born with magic and a lot of it, though she can't control it. Which led her to be ostracized, among her other unique characteristics.
Galinda is the same in that she wants to be a sorceress and learn magic under Morrible. She's insecure about her blank flank, but hides it under her charms and tells others she'll get it when she becomes a full-fledged sorceress.
Everything about the animal plot is the same. The Wizard is an un-metamorphosed changeling that wants to silence and control animals.
#wicked#gelphie#wicked 2024#elphaba thropp#glinda upland#galinda upland#unicorn#my little pony#mlp#mlp au#I've already thought up what when and where they get their cutie marks ; I just gotta draw it#i'm also thinking up a pokemon au >:3c#still gotta design the rest of the characters ; but i'm too gelphie pilled right now so I can only think about them lol#idk why I keep drawing elphie on the left side and glinda on the right ; i guess it feels most natural to me?
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Zevwarden friendship is so important to me... I love them so much
#dragon age#zevran arainai#crow rambles#it's a shame that hell be the last companion i romance... hes genuinely my second fav from that game#morrigan is first obviously#i think his and isabela's friendship with the player feel so. idk rewarding?#like i HAVE played isabelas romance and its still very good. but oh... her friendship with hawke#i either need to start my zevwarden playthrough or just bite the bullet and watch a playthrough of it#oc: aviae surana#worldstate: mage rights#zevran has always been aviae's closest friend even in older versions#she considers him family after a while. similar to how she does anders
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cheesy af but pussydrunk Vi accidentally mentioning marriage?
she... she would tho.
so painfully 18+, mndi, merry xmas to the gays and only the gays
just fucking you slow, after pulling a good few orgasms out of you already with her mouth and her fingers, after you've also made her eyes roll back with nothing but your tongue on her clit, your fingers reaching up to tug on her pierced nipples, the buds made that much more sensitive by the metal rods, her mind caught somewhere between her lips and the high cap of the ceiling in your dorm, the winter sun pale and timid, peering behind a sheaf of clouds, shining through the half-drawn blinds.
"fuck, sweet girl -- feel so good -- mmm --" she mumbles, not all that sure what she's even saying anymore, her hips rocking against you of it's own accord, her thumb pushed against the pad of your tongue as you moan around her finger, spit slicking across your lips.
"vi -- vi -- please, please, please --" you groan, hips bucking up weakly even as she rucks down over you, her breath breaking at the catch of your oversensitive clits rubbing against one another. she squeezes out a breath, frowning down at the mess of slick skin and reddening skin at the place where both your bodies connect, her mind a blissed out smear of want and love and not much else.
"feel so good, pretty, wanna make you cum again -- yeah? you want that?" she asks, hooking one of your legs over her shoulder, you tossing your head back into the sheets, fingers scrabbling at her thighs as she adjusts her angle and your cunts are slotting against each other in just the right way.
"wanna make you mine -- you mine, pretty girl? holy fuck --" and she's rambling, she knows she's rambling, the words just pouring from her before she has the chance to think them through, "all mine -- mmngh -- gonna be mine forever? yeah? god fuck, wanna fuck this pussy for the rest of my life -- you want that, pretty? wanna be mine forever? want me to wife you up? fuck yeah -- that'd be nice wouldn't it?"
you keen, the sound going straight to her clit as she gasps, and then you're cumming too, hard and fast, gushing against her, the peak of it so sudden she doesn't quite know what to do, but its so hot watching you come undone like this that it has her gasping a second later, her high hitting just has hard, her fingers digging into your thigh as she rides her her orgasm against you, even though you're oversensitive and twitching, she holds your hips, rocking into you till you're squirming, pushing weakly at her arms.
"holy shit vi..." you breathe, fighting to catch your breath.
vi chuckles, collapsing down next to you, an arm thrown casually over your middle as you cuddle in next to her.
after a few seconds you turn.
"d-did you mean it?"
"mean what, pretty girl?" she asks, turning slightly, her eyes still glazed out and dark, her cheeks bright with the glow of her recent orgasm. you lick your lips; she's so, so beautiful like this, fucked out and messy, and a little lovesick as she looks over your face.
"when you..." you gulp, "when you said you... wanted me to be yours... forever...?"
vi blinks at you for a few seconds before her pink cheeks stain an even darker shade of damson.
"holy fuck -- i -- sorry, i didn't know i said that out loud -- i didn't mean to --" she scrambles up, shaking her head. you chase her up, tugging on her arms.
"no, no! it's -- i mean -- i didn't mind -- i just --" you swallow, licking at your suddenly dry lips, "did you... did you really mean it?"
"i -- i don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable or anything but..." vi peers at you, almost shy as she twists her fingers in her lap, the blush now spreading down her neck into her chest and back. you bite back a giggle as you pillow your cheek on her shoulder.
"it... it doesn't make me uncomfy, i just... i just wanna know if you meant it."
vi licks her lips, glancing back at you.
"i-if i meant it... would you... would you say yes?"
you chew on the inside of your cheek, your eyes flickering up to meet hers.
a beat of silence passes between you before you smile, slow and indulgent.
"yeah. yeah... i would."
vi's expression breaks into shock, and then unbridled ecstasy. she stares at you, her eyes so wide they almost look like dinner plate, before she's dragging you forward into her lap, kissing you so hard you have to thump your fists against her chest to remind her to let you go.
"i -- sorry -- fuck -- that was -- i -- you -- god i love you so much, you know that?" she asks, cupping your cheeks and pressing her forehead to yours.
you laugh, toppling into her, the pair of you still naked, but the room is bubbling over with warmth.
"yeah, i know. i love you too, vi."
vi laughs, nodding, before she traces both thumbs along your cheeks and tilts your face up towards hers again.
"hey pretty girl... tell me again..."
you let out a shy little giggle, but vi holds you fast. her eyes soft on yours.
"will you marry me?"
you nod, your cheeks still squished between her palms, but your own hands find their way to her wrists as you turn to press a soft kiss to the pad of her hand.
"yes, vi. yes, i will."
#⛈ monsoon season#♨ steamy#arcane#vi x reader#arcane x reader#vi smut#arcane smut#vi x you#arcane x you#lesbian#wlw smut#wlw fanfic#lesbian smut#vi arcane x reader#vi fanfic#vi fluff#arcane fluff#HAPPY HOLIDAYS ALL MY VI OBSESSED BABES#HERE IS VI PROPOSING IN A SMEX INDUCED HIGH LMFAO#and yes. this is in my college vi verse#college roomate!vi x reader#bc like i can so see her doing this during ur last semester right like#winter sem right before ur about to graduate in may of the following year#the both of you choosing to stay in ur apt over the winter for idk why but u do#cuddling for warmth and just.... once break starts shed be fucking INSATIABLE teLL ME SHE WOULDN'T BE#(she would)#smex in the morning smex the afternoon smex at night before you guys go to bed#and vi would get so pvssydrunk cause like shes the kinda person who gets more turned on the more emotionally connected u guys are right#cause i feel like being kinda sorta touch starved thats just who she is as a person i fear#uh anyway. there's sesbian lex and also tr i b b in g so :) ENJOY????
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Thinking about human behaviour compared to animal behaviour again.
It's funny to hear people (the older gens) complaining that "kids these days are lazy, they don't wanna work, etc." What do we get for busting our asses? There is no reward. Many will never own homes. Many are unemployed, trying to find work, and nobody will hire them because they don't have a million years experience and a masters degree OR they want people to work for minimum wage??? People are giving up because there is no reward. Why would we do all this for nothing?
Same as a dog that won't recall when you haven't reinforced it with a reward. Your dog isn't going to do what you tell it to if there is no incentive. No, your dog SHOULDN'T listen just because you're boss and it should respect you. That isn't how it works. They don't think that way. And honestly neither do people.
When we went hiking Sprocket wasn't always taking treats gently from me when I recalled her or she checked in and I rewarded and my one friend told me to stop giving her treats. I told him I won't work for free so why should she. And he said "I do things for free all the time because I want to do them," and I didn't say it then, but I wish I had, but if you like doing it, that's the incentive. It's a self-rewarding behaviour. Just like anything else a dog does, like chasing a squirrel or sniffing things or getting into the trash. Heeling instead of going off to sniff stuff or recalling off of something they want to chase is something you have to reinforce. You have to give them something better so they make the choice you want them to make. They won't make it just because they *respect* you. They won't willingly recall off of exciting prey out of RESPECT. You need to give them a tangible reward for that. You cannot possibly expect your dog to listen just because and then punish them for disobeying you.
Yeah, Sprocket bit my fingers a couple times. The one time pretty hard. But she was excited. She knows how to take gently and I reminded her and she tried very hard to be gentle most of the time. I wasn't going to stop rewarding her for checking in with me and recalling while we were off leash hiking in the woods. I want her to know that coming back to me is good and in the event of an emergency I would like her to not blow me off.
#barkin up some trees#personal#the way my friends train their dog is not the way I would ever train a dog#in fairness he isnt food or toy motivated#and i dont have issues with ecollars#but they dont actually reward him for anything really#praise but little to nothing else#like yeah of course he is gonna blow you off to jump in the lake#lake is more rewarding than recalling to you when you have nothing to offer him in return#the way they recall him is that he has to come to them and then give a hand boop#and if he doesn't make contact they keep asking him until he does it#and then no reward#other than praise#which he doesnt seem to really care that much about#idk it just doesnt feel right the way they train him and i dont take advice from them on training#they also basically never have him on a leash even tho it is required by law in town#after the hike we went to the lodge restaurant and luckily we had an extra lead in the truck#otherwise they hadnt even brought one along so they were gonna leave him in their car while we ate#idk like i love my friends and they are nice people but jesus christ
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Peepaw Starlo struggles. Autism 2 autism communication struggles.
#undertale yellow#uty#uty au#lucky clover au#frisk ut#starlo uty#ceroba uty#martlet uty#dalv uty#feisty four uty#the cowboy hat draws#FALLS OVER. THIS TOOK OVER A MONTH.#Mostly because of being busy IRL but also because I decided on a new rendering method#Aaaand it was ten times as time consuming and I don't like the end result at all. LMAO. You live and learn I suppose#I hope this is comprehensible um. I think a lot about Starlo being so used to understanding Clover easily and being one of their favorites#And going to Frisk and 1. not really understanding how they communicate and 2. feeling like he isn't their favorite LOL#Idk how well that reads but! Peepaw Starlo musings#Starlo tries his best and doesn't always get it right but he's in a better place now#I know Clover's absence feels very strange here but I just couldn't find a place to put them oops.#Drawing this made me realize I really gotta practice my backgrounds. Hough. Definitely in the new year!#Also I haven't played poker in years so anything that's wrong? Uh monster poker is different. Yup. Thumbs up emoji
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spare some spy hcs? 👀
OKAY. ok. so i have been putting off answering this ask because i’m admittedly very shy and very afraid of sharing my headcanons. and also because i have A LOT OF THEM.. but here we are!
here are my headcanon spies :) René works for RED and Jacques works for BLU!
where to start, where to start… i have a LOT of headcanons for them, i’ll be talking for FOREVER here. i’ll just start with story because why not! xP
René’s parents were also agents/spies, so he was always destined to be one as well. And he lives up to his parents’ legacies! He’s most notorious for destroying gangs and mobs and the like from the outside in. He was brought to America years ago to take out a dangerous mob boss, but unfortunately found himself infatuated (and involved) with the boss’ daughter. Luckily for him, the boss’ daughter wanted the guy dead, too.
René’s story is honestly a lot more fleshed out than Jacques’, but here goes anyway:
Jacques’ father was a very rich and powerful man in politics. Jacques himself was the result of an affair, and to keep it hush-hush, his father decided to raise him. Raise is a strong word, though— but he did help his father gain intelligence and blackmail on opposing political parties. Jacques proved to be a promising spy since childhood.
If anyone has any suggestions/ideas for Jacques’ story, let me know haha x) he didn’t have the greatest upbringing per se…
last thing on this section i wanna talk about is the Scouts. René is related to both of the Scouts; he’s RED Scout (Jeremy)’s biological father, and he’s BLU Scout (James)’ adoptive/step-father. Jacques has no relation to either scout, but acts as a guardian figure to BLU Scout.
anyway, this is the part where i continue talking about other miscellaneous headcanons! and these come with doodles :)
You couldn’t catch René DEAD without his mask, or his suit! He’d neeever take them off around other people (‘other people’ is mainly just Scout. For obvious reasons.) Meanwhile, Jacques is pretty lenient in letting his teammates see his face! Everyone on BLU’s seen his face at least once.
A big part of why René refuses to strip down is also due to the fact he has a LOT of tattoos. No doodle for this one because I’ve yet to decide on what tattoos to put on him (ideas are very welcome!!), but yeah! Most of the tattoos were ‘forced’ onto him/he had to get for jobs and ‘fitting in’ with bad crowds, but a good few of them were of his own accord, too.
Jacques doesn’t have tattoos, but he has a myriad of another thing: scars! Lots and lots of scars on this guy. Faded and old, sure, but they’re there. Most prominent ones are the one around his neck (from when the RED Medic beheaded him) and the ones on his forearms (those are from the LAST time he was imprisoned— looong story…)
René doesn’t cook very often for his team, but when he does, everyone’s always BLOWN AWAY by this guy’s cooking! René’s really bad at taking compliments, though— (“Cooking food that’s remotely edible isn’t a compliment, it’s basic survival.”) —but rest assured he’ll be thinking about it for the next month. Jacques, however… Do NOT let this guy into the kitchen. Ever. The BLU base has a special fire extinguisher “In Case Spy Decides To Turn On The Stove”
oooh, this one is an hc and a HALF to me. René much prefers working alone. It’s just in his nature, being isolated and whatnot. He likes to deal with things by himself– maybe he doesn’t want to burden others? On the contrary, Jacques NEVER works alone. It’s a trait he’s had even before being hired to BLU. You never know when things could go wrong, so it’s best to have someone else to fall back to… or someone else you can blame!
these hcs both have something to do with how René and Jacques show their trust in other people :) it’s a bit convoluted but it gets there:
René is, amusingly, very bad at remembering names. Almost laughably bad. There have been many-a-story of his days before RED where he’d get a target’s name wrong, even after he’d repeated it in his head dozens of times over. Names are difficult for him, so if he remembers yours, it means you mean a lot to him! He prefers using his teammates’ names rather than their titles. René is unaware of how charming this specifc trait is to his coworkers (they saw how much work and effort it took for him to memorize their names, they’re just happy with how far he’s come!)
Jacques has a… to put simply, very complicated relationship with food. But the one thing he’ll never turn down is sweets. His favorites especially being chocolate bonbons. Jacques has a hard time eating in front of others, let alone sharing his food! But if he genuinely likes and trusts you enough, he’d have half the mind to share with you. Admittedly, he hasn’t brought himself to share with most of the members of his team yet, except for a select few. Mostly BLU Medic and BLU Sniper.
—
and of course, eventually, EVENTUALLY, these two also become friends! it took a little bit but believe me, they both respect each other’s skill in their job :)
AHHg i could go sooo much longer about them— from things like their physical traits (how much teeth they have? it’s a pressing question) or different periods of their life (why did rené have to leave his family? why was jacques imprisoned for the last time?) BUT this post is so… so, so long. My fingers hurt from typing
If you’ve managed to read through this Beast, THANK YOU RAAHH!!! thanks so much for asking this, too. i hope to spare more hcs someday. hehe ^_^
#team fortress 2#tf2#spy tf2#tf2 spy#era.png#id in alt text#VERY LONG POST !!! very text heavy aaouhg#ok its taking all of my courage to make this post but i promised myself i’d get it out before i-#-turned nineteen LFJDKG. so. here they are :) rené and jacques my pookies…#UMM… idk what else to say here. thanks for asking and if you read this: THANK YOU ALSO ^_^#tumblr does NAWT want to format this post properly im going to pull my hair out#smoking#ask to tag#JUST IN CASE !!! there’s some slight implications of stuff here and there so if anyone needs anything tagged then feel free to lmk!#i also evidently have. a LOT of hcs regarding the BLU team. coughs. dont worry about that right now. Dont worry about it#era.txt#anon
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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if you ever wonder why I don't interact with the traumagenic community as a traumagenic system this is why
#they claim endos want to traumatize children with “the future is plural” (not what it means)#but then say shit like this#“you got to go through worse than suffering to be a REAL system so why not put them through it if they wanna be one so badly?”#idk how you even say that and think for a second you are in the right#if I would've been introduced to the plural community through an anti endo lens in a vulnerable state#then MAYBE I would've perceived endogenics the same way#but really all I've ever seen is the most nastiest shit out of antis mouths and endos just trying to get by#and literal misinformation too#if they feel entitled to fakeclaim other systems then I will never trust them sorry#plurality#plural system#sysblr#plural gang#traumagenic system#endogenic system#cdd#actually osdd#actually pdid#pro endo#endo safe#syscourse#tw syscourse#tw anti endo
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