#idk what to do when i 'force' myself

[callsthefaithful]

b4 death B) - angel w a little hat below cut <3

tried to stick to their death dates a bit but. idk i only googled for like 5 mins. also i wanted those old news print colours 😌

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw

[zerodaryls]

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

[pearl-kite]

goodbye october

[rebouks]

hi becca! i was just curious, as a huge fan of your storytelling, do you have a method to how you do it? is that something you've talked about before on here i may have just missed? do you write everything out as a sort of script or just kind of go with the flow? i love hearing about how people create! i hope you have a wonderful day <3

ooooh what a fun question! and ty for being a fan too!! 😭🧡

i suppose i do have a method but it's a bit chaotic as i mostly work everything out as it happens and don't really plan ahead other than a few ideas or a direction i wanna go in u kno? like i have nothing written out for my next arc yet.. only a few ideas for a few scenes 😱 ideas do be forming tho! i may have a first scene in mind 👀

i mostly ask myself where i'm going and/or what i want to show! for example i have a bullet note for the future that says "someone gets injured/breaks smth and [redacted] faints" because said someone is squeamish abt that kinda thing so i want a way to show that rather than tell! all my notes are abt as vague as this & i'll only flesh em out with dialogue/poses closer to the time along with figuring out how they fit into a timeline of other events which is also pretty random depending on what's going on 😅

there's pretty much two things that make up my story.. 1. overarching themes that span a long time eg. Robin struggling with then somewhat gaining control of his gift - these usually centre around character growth or lack thereof! 2. random ideas - the kind of scenes i usually think of in the shower or bed & think YES i need to do that at some point skdjskj i have so many of these for Robin/Wren especially 🤸‍♀️

tldr: 2% last minute planning 98% brain rot 🧠

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back

it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it

[autumnhobbit]

would you all think that continually rescheduling even up to the last minute before an appointment, regularly switching from call to texting even when i’ve said i find texting less helpful because it comes off more brusque, no consistent linear topic directing, constantly directing focus to my day to day life/relationship rather than anything else about me even if i express concern about the rest of it is reason to consider breaking up with a therapist

[lupismaris]

..

[skitskatdacat63]

Painting 🖼

[bunnihearted]

꒰୨୧꒱

[clawsextended]

on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

[designedparadigm]

Also the more I think about it, the more I realize I really don't want to lean into anything fluff/gentle/fix-it with Ghost. It's just not inherently his character to me and I just? Don't fuckin care for it. I lose my interest in it so fast and I can't pin why I just know it's not up my alley for him. His journey is not one that gets a happy ending. He's damaged, broken beyond repair, and it's about acknowledging that and learning to live with it. Some things are too late to be repaired. There are other ways to live and still live up to the fullest. There are people with jagged edges that fit his jagged edges. It's bloody and it's rough and that's what he needs. He lives and breathes a bloody and violent existence, he needs someone to slot that back in with.

There are like one or two exceptions I've had to the rule but... I mostly find myself struggling to connect if it goes too mushy with him. Wherein Ghost himself would pull back and push against it. Not want it. Because it's foreign. It's? Disgusting to him in a way. It's not him, it feels like a perversion of what he is. To think he wants that in any way has him curling up his lips, sneering. It's not him.

So I think I might? Lean more into going through that arc and journey with him. His was never a healing story. And it never will be. It's coming to terms. Finding your way around that. Flaws that are cemented, flaws that someone else can work with.

[eonars]

um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it

[cerealmonster15]

drawing a scene from the fic ive been writing today

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

most nights kinda suck. but sometimes youre relaxing in a nice motel and one of the tv channels is playing 9-1-1 episodes <3 and everything feels like it'll be okay for a few hours <3