#idk what to do when i 'force' myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bacchuschucklefuck · 2 months ago

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caps from comic Im doing

#not art yet. sorta #yeah that's one piece #outing myself this year as a sanji enjoyer #idk what compelled me to come back here (that's a lie I know 100% and it's haterism) but I did finally sit down and put down #this idea I've sat on for a Long time. bc I think I just. finally feel ready for it #or rather. both it and myself have been worn down and moulded enough by just. time passing. to be able to sit with each other in peace #but yeah I'm now neck deep in this (almost halfway thru inking!!) and Im learning a Lot #whatever u say abt one piece oda is a Phenomenal comic artist. one piece art-wise is dense on a level that makes me feel insane #like you barely see more than one type of screentone used and it's mostly to separate planes. its Just Ink. its fucked up #and drawing this comic is forcing me to show up on my a-game on a craft level as well. I love so much a Large part of it so far #comic is good guys. did u guys know that has anyone said this before #but yeah this one will! probably get posted to my main blog when the posting version is done. which is why I said in the prev ask #that the spheres might intersect soon lol #Im aware this is a stupid way to go about it if u look at it from a marketing/advertising angle. but thats not what Im here for #Im showing u cool bugs I made basically. and when the exhibit happens its gonna have mostly nothing to do with this #but yeah. if u see a comic with these caps in it in the future u will Know #otherwise we keep up kayfabe yeah? for fun. for comfort

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callsthefaithful · 1 year ago

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b4 death B) - angel w a little hat below cut <3

tried to stick to their death dates a bit but. idk i only googled for like 5 mins. also i wanted those old news print colours 😌

#alastor #niffty #angel dust #hazbin hotel #fanart #i wanted to like. idk not necessarily match their designs but what i think they'd have looked like when alive #a lot of people give angel heterochromia which i dig but i like the idea he's got the same thing as david bowie - 2 different sized pupils #i wanted 2 make niffty deranged but also sweet bc i love her dearly but i do think she killed people #alastor i tried to like give him a cab calloway vibe like charming but then also his scary little smile #Had to give Al the little glasses chain for extra cuntitude #angel i think was strange to make bc. he's the least human out of these 3 to me. so he could've looked like anything.#you can pry him being a bleach blonde out of my cold dead hands tho this man has dark hair naturally #needed him to look Fruity. but only a little. the amount of times i'd give him makeup then had to force myself to remove it #i love talking abt visual headcanons im so shit at writing to so you'll have to put up w drawings just so i can ramble abt them in the note #human niffty #human alastor #human angel dust #.ctf

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flovoid · 6 months ago

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WTH. SINCE WHEN I REACHED 1K FOLLOWERS IN SIMBLR WHAT-

#thats insane. THATS INSANE #the crazy part about this is that I dont feel like that number is real. WHO HACKED MY ACC #yk what funny too? even after I got back in sims community I didnt think my posts going to have much attention or I will be making friends-#-its insane to me. especially since my latest posts gets like over 100 notes LIKE YALL STOP #honestly tho im so grateful for all that love yall are crazy and I love crazy ppl mwaha.#also ngl I hope this attention dont last (yes the hell is wrong w me) cuz IDK WHY I FEEL LIKE WHEN THERE IS TONS OF PPL FOLLOW ME #I WILL ALWAYS FEEL LIKE FORCING MYSELF TO CREATE AND THAT YK. LEADS TO BURNING OUT #but yeah my friends dw dw I am now a different person and I always have that mindset that I will post whenever I want #and yes especially w now? my mind likes to createpost w zero dialogue and short stories that is not clear but I just wanna do it. yk #like those edits on tiktoks from shows that u see n have no idea whats goin on but u r lowkey likin the edits #yes that the path im takin now MWAHAHA #anyways I love you guys I genuinely dont deserve this community (but yall are my biggest inspiration too its insane)#rando flovoid shit

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oceanwithouthermoon · 7 months ago

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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw

#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together #(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai #idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad #i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that #why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it #its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one #usually on tiktok or tumblr #if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you #theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen #it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs #and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE #AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF #the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me #and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess #okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway #meows post

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pilonciillo · 2 months ago

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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works #why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being #released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy #last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get #panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the #parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to #steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out #all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone #spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli #telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s #nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank #track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the #business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and #video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me #FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s #not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m #much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel #safe #OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she #got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like #that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s #crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull #shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to #mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told #me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check #key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS #allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no #consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way

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rebouks · 8 months ago

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hi becca! i was just curious, as a huge fan of your storytelling, do you have a method to how you do it? is that something you've talked about before on here i may have just missed? do you write everything out as a sort of script or just kind of go with the flow? i love hearing about how people create! i hope you have a wonderful day <3

ooooh what a fun question! and ty for being a fan too!! 😭🧡

i suppose i do have a method but it's a bit chaotic as i mostly work everything out as it happens and don't really plan ahead other than a few ideas or a direction i wanna go in u kno? like i have nothing written out for my next arc yet.. only a few ideas for a few scenes 😱 ideas do be forming tho! i may have a first scene in mind 👀

i mostly ask myself where i'm going and/or what i want to show! for example i have a bullet note for the future that says "someone gets injured/breaks smth and [redacted] faints" because said someone is squeamish abt that kinda thing so i want a way to show that rather than tell! all my notes are abt as vague as this & i'll only flesh em out with dialogue/poses closer to the time along with figuring out how they fit into a timeline of other events which is also pretty random depending on what's going on 😅

there's pretty much two things that make up my story.. 1. overarching themes that span a long time eg. Robin struggling with then somewhat gaining control of his gift - these usually centre around character growth or lack thereof! 2. random ideas - the kind of scenes i usually think of in the shower or bed & think YES i need to do that at some point skdjskj i have so many of these for Robin/Wren especially 🤸‍♀️

tldr: 2% last minute planning 98% brain rot 🧠

#ranswers #i love this kind of question #<3 #but i also have no idea how to answer it #lmao #it's like when someone asks u how to drive or ride a bike n u really have to stop n think #but even then ur kinda like uhhh?? idk i just do it #i just have ideas/arcs that randomly come to me or are important for particular characters n find a way to slot em all together eventually #i don't rlly force it or anything #the main thing i ask myself is what i wanna tell/show then think of fun ways to do so n run with it #or stuff randomly comes to me n i fit it in somewhere later

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honeybard · 26 days ago

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adhd advice will be like people with adhd struggle to get their thoughts organised. also to get diagnosed you need to get your thoughts on why you have adhd organised in advance in order to convince the doctor you have it

#sorry for the vent incoming but #both my sister (who is diagnosed with adhd and autism) and my mother have been saying they think i might be adhd for like a year now #and like thatd be cool bc adhd can be medicated right? so maybe i can get help with my disaster life after all #except the problem is every time i think about the task of calling the doctor i get overwhelmed and cant #unfortunately asking my family for a list of why they think i'm adhd is not helpful bc theyre always like #“idk just whenever we talk about [sister]'s adhd i think how it sounds like we're describing you” & then none of them can give me an exampl #all ive come up with myself if when i was a kid i remember i was either quiet or so chatty that i forget the other person needs to speak #or like i'd try to join in a conversation and many times people would say like 'thats not really related to what we're talking about'#i no longer and super chatty bc i learned fo shut the fuck up pretty quick or you get made fun of but yeah.#i also forget things but i'm also very good at writing them down bc i know i'll forget and make people annoyed if i dont #so like idk if that counts like i feel like in my life ive been forced to learn how to cope and fit in so its like #is it adhd and i'm masking or is it not #like this is always the problem when i seek professional help they find out i can do hard stuff and they say you seem like you're okay #but like. hard stuff i can do is still hard. is everything supposed to feel this hard then? i hope not #vent #anyway other points are my thoughts keep me awake at night (its like loud jumbled thoughts of tv quotes and music and conversations ive had #and also obviously i struggle to make appointments. and i get distracted when i'm doing something boring even if i remove distractions #from my sight bc if i have no distractions i just start daydreaming. is this anything #this post itself is distracting me from work #i also connot make connections with 99% of people i meet socialising is so hard for me #maybe i should just send this tumblr vent to my doctor and see if it gets me a referral would that work

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asmodeusamaryllis · 1 month ago

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Honestly despite being f2p player I honestly just thinking fuck the 300 primos I'm not that desperate for it actually

#Tbh I do typically do everything to get those free primos #N naturally I got the 40% on the first area #N yeah maybe it my fault for leaving everything to last min so now I'm scrambling n so everything is pissing me off #N honestly if that how it feels to play a game? Idk I rather not play actually #I'm having like rlly bad server issues despite my internet being decent? The creature gameplay being Jacky so it also pissing me off #Tbh making me feel like I'm force to play lest I loose out on rewards? Yeah idk #It making me not want to play ig? Cuz with every other region till natlan I was like rlly good at doing the #Archon AND world quest that I typically never have quests in my logs that some ppl were like wtf @ me #N there was no rewards for doing that but alas they start rewarding u for natlan n Low n behold im uninterested #Ig it also the fact of how much I despise the mechanics in this region that making me not want to explore the region naturally #Tbh even w the natlan character story I only did mualani despite getting rewards for that too #Anyways I was just thinking staying up to do 3 world quest n explore to 80% without a compass?#Yeah no I'm not torturing myself like that especially when I don't have mavuika she least make everything less painful I rather loose what?#3 or 4? Extra pulls? Yeah fuck that actually #There apart of me where I wish I hadn't left it so last min but actually playing again in the region n getting pissed again cuz of that #But I know I would have felt piss even earlier n honestly yeah no rip to my wanting to complete everything to get the rewards self but I #Rather have some fun so rip to those rewards cuz I rather wait till I get mavuika the all terrain girly

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lucky-clover-gazette · 3 months ago

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vent

did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives

#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience #but still #it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication #and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate #which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it #i lose myself #so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say #like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy #but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have #that’s why i’m better off alone #or with people who are also deeply unchill #but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent #and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing #with men and women #i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it #and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…

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autumnhobbit · 8 months ago

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would you all think that continually rescheduling even up to the last minute before an appointment, regularly switching from call to texting even when i’ve said i find texting less helpful because it comes off more brusque, no consistent linear topic directing, constantly directing focus to my day to day life/relationship rather than anything else about me even if i express concern about the rest of it is reason to consider breaking up with a therapist

#i like my therapist but i’m just getting to the point i kind of wonder why i’m paying for it #i don’t feel like anything has really been resolved and i feel like there’s kind of #idk unrealistic expectations of how a man should act when you throw therapy talk at him?#idk #but moreover i just don’t know #i don’t like the constantly being rescheduled #and then also she always says i can ‘reach out to her any time with problems’#and then when i do i get an ‘oh i’m on vacation so i’m not reading that till next week’#or ‘have a crucial conversation’ i KNOW that #i know that’s what i SHOULD do but for various reasons i can’t #maybe a ‘how’ would be helpful which is what i’m looking for #i want to express that i do in fact know my relationship has issues that need to get worked out #but therapy makes me feel like it’s kind of my job to force him to change some things and i can’t #i feel like any attempt to ‘force’ this stuff would just build resentment/contempt and not actually be useful #and again #it’s not being EXPLAINED.#it’s just ‘well hold him accountable’ HOW #i have had this therapist for like 3 years and while I’ve made some progress i don’t really feel like it’s because of therapy per de #i feel like my eating disorder has gotten NO in depth attention whatsoever #like it’s just ‘why do you think you do that’ ‘how do you think you could stop’ wow thanks i could ask that myself (and have)

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lupismaris · 5 months ago

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..

#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match #i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum #but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now #that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match #when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured #im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me #idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for #thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them #certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently #as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me #the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself #hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out

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skitskatdacat63 · 7 months ago

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Painting 🖼

#need to draw for myself more lmfao #i wish i felt this comfortable using saturated colors like this in other art but #its difficult #i feel like i can only do it w original art #AAAAAGGHHH I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT #im rly proud of the clothes. very leyendecker to me #its weird how much i like the pink considering i never use hot pink 😭😭#its just very fitting for this idk #also i was gonna draw a different outfit #but before i knew it i sketched 1700s stuff 😭😭 i cant help it #its too perfect yknow....#also funny anecdote i must tell you #when i was in middle school we had to do an assignment related to the monkey's paw #and one of the questions was like: whats a wish you cna think of that doesnt have any possible caveats #and mine was: oh i wish i could draw ruffles well!!!#and here i am. however many years on. STILL FUCKING WISHING I COULD DRAW RUFFLES BETTER #theyre okay in this. but i force myself to draw them a lot bcs theyre still difficult as hell to me #well anyways. personal art wooooooo. cause i need to force my brain back into drawing for myself mainly #well actually i always draw for myself bcs every piece is pretty esoteric #but my brain is still like: notes??? does anyone even care???#catie. i care. your own self cares <3 #catie.art.

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halfdeadwallfly · 20 days ago

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watching my friends spend time together while consistently cancelling plans with me and promising they want to hang out they just cant

#boink #vent post #idk if this counts as a vent #but it /is/ rather self pitying so i thought i may as well be safe #ive stopped asking bc i dont want to be pushy #ofc ik that things happen and sometimes youre just not in a place to be around people. or even certain people #but its just demoralizing when im the only one who ever reaches out #and im never the one who has to cancel #and theyre always with other people anyway #sometimes i think my loneliness is my own fault #i make myself alone and tell myself that no one wants me so i dont have to deal with the confrontation of that being true #but the incidence of relationships that just. drift #maybe its me. maybe its something about me #ive just been trying so hard to get over the fear of reaching out and being the one to approach people #i tell my friends i love them #i ask if they need me to help or to listen or to stay or to go #i really really want to be a good friend #i try not to be too clingy but to also reach out and not make myself retreat because im scared #i just really would like to have a friendship that doesnt feel entirely like me forcing it #i thought i had that with the friend i made at school #but its been starting to feel like shes avoiding me #and i ask if theres something wrong. and she says she would tell me if it was. but then she avoids me and i cant even talk to her at all #i dont know #i dont know what to do

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sangelune · 8 months ago

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Also the more I think about it, the more I realize I really don't want to lean into anything fluff/gentle/fix-it with Ghost. It's just not inherently his character to me and I just? Don't fuckin care for it. I lose my interest in it so fast and I can't pin why I just know it's not up my alley for him. His journey is not one that gets a happy ending. He's damaged, broken beyond repair, and it's about acknowledging that and learning to live with it. Some things are too late to be repaired. There are other ways to live and still live up to the fullest. There are people with jagged edges that fit his jagged edges. It's bloody and it's rough and that's what he needs. He lives and breathes a bloody and violent existence, he needs someone to slot that back in with.

There are like one or two exceptions I've had to the rule but... I mostly find myself struggling to connect if it goes too mushy with him. Wherein Ghost himself would pull back and push against it. Not want it. Because it's foreign. It's? Disgusting to him in a way. It's not him, it feels like a perversion of what he is. To think he wants that in any way has him curling up his lips, sneering. It's not him.

So I think I might? Lean more into going through that arc and journey with him. His was never a healing story. And it never will be. It's coming to terms. Finding your way around that. Flaws that are cemented, flaws that someone else can work with.

#psa #headcanon / simon ghost riley #idk!#it's personal to me as well so like #yeah #i guess because my own mental health is like? pretty much unfuckingfixable. i won't ever be OKAY or NORMAL.#i don't really feel comfortable being lovey-dovey when i feel the way i do about myself? and that's okay.#there are ways to cope and deal with it. things you can figure out and do that end up healthy for you.#not everyone gets “fixed” and has that tooth rotting ending. i sure as shit don't want that for myself.#just as ghosts muse doesn't want it either.#we were not built for the fairytale bullshit. we were built rough and ragged. let us figure it out and have it our way.#forcing anyone into the “you need this fairytale ending” i think is actually really wrong to do but ayo that's me #anyway yeah #i'm allowed to focus on this. it's okay and healthy to find your own way. if it's not what “normal” people do then whatever.#we're not normal never gonna be so!#we find the least fucked up way to exist and fulfill ourselves and that's okay!

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clawsextended · 7 months ago

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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando #snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time #because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if #something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time #it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an #anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social #person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED #to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I #apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested #writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and #im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online #etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]

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adore-gregor · 2 months ago

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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭

#and i hate it bc i miss being on here #but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it #bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often #and that includes tumblr #it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl #meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life #the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever #i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year #whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally #when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else #i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better #maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point #and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better #but mid october to november is awful #this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse #i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk #but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation #usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate #but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely #luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done #sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer #but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier #but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better #i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot #and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again #besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol #i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible #but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work

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