#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online

[clawsextended]

on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

[jacedified]

things i cant stop thinking about !!

most of this is going to imperium related so enjoy my brain turning mwah

also pls ignore my mid sentence rambling i have a serious problem

warnings: gore/mentions of death , violence , imperium , swearing :D , adult with internet access cant shut up

- yandere caller being a shade

(someone said this on a hc list and now im actively running with it)

- sams eyes being brown

(as a brown eye haver i know he misses them dearly and i wnna give him the worlds sweetest biggest longest hug)

- the idea of gavin “slicing” peoples threads for kody in imperium

(forcing my husband ((i need therapy im married to a fictional incubus)) to do such acts simply because you want to you sick freak ILL FUCKING KILL U- oh wait gavin already did xoxo kiss my ass from hell kody)

- the look on kodys face at the end of it all

(as previously stated i wanted that man dead.. i just wanna make sure hes actually gone yknow)

- what asher’s smile looked like when him and david were together (imperium)

(knowing that david was gone, hearing the random audience member asking for david to be alive and left alone in the first imperium video, knowing they were mates, knowing how heartbroken asher was after his death i just wanna see them happy maann ((it feels criminal to use emojis on tumblr)) 😭😭)

- if lasko calling freelancer “my dear” when you first met him in the haven was a sneak peek for his later ((is the word prime for like normal redacted universe characters i can’t remember, like prime lasko yada yada)) listeners name

- if no one was watching gavin WOULD HE HAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IMP!HUXLEY???

(the amount of shit talking hux did when freelancer and gavin first get to the haven had me ready to fight in an instant ((it mightve just been my overwhelming adoration for gavin but still)) like he was acting like an annoying jock who gets a job as security for some fuck ass rich university and thinks hes on top of the world like dont piss me off huxley or damien gets it in the other universe so help me god)

- is anyone else as attracted to the tension between vincent and asher in imperium as i am..

(i have no words for how “yippee kicking my feet happy smiley kiss now kiss now what if u kissed rn” i was when asher and vincent are talking but also i feel like pet ((is that vincents listeners name or vegas I CANT REMEMBER PLS)) was behind a door listening in and getting jealous bc “that should be me holding your hand..”

… excuse the outburst)

- vampire milo.. thats all

(GAWD hes so hot like he always is and always has been but jesus FUCKING christ theres something about him having been a vamp did something to me that i cant even explain)

- what was avior saying to lasko to make him irritated with him..

(i mean yeah hes a yapper but i feel like it was just “hey we need help down here” and lasko rolling his eyes and waiting two weeks before actually doing anything)

- WHERE TF IS ELLIOT WHERE TF IS SUNSHINE CAN I BEAT BLAKES ASS??

- what would have happened had milo not broken the ward

(again someone else mentioned this ((i would tag them but it was 6hrs ago and i was just scrolling and reading)) and now i cant stop thinking about it)

- what is avior hearing in his last video

(its been a while since ive actually listened to aviors playlist again but there was a voice or sounds he was hearing after getting out of the meridian and its just been on my mind)

- gavin having a myspace account

(he would love myspace i just know he would and i feel like he’d be an avid tumblr user but like its just him posting his favorite pics of himself from the week and updates on whatever small pet him and freelancer would very obviously inevitably get bc he saw it in a pet store or on the street and couldnt resist)

- what happens when freelancer gets old..

(freelancer is just that.. a freelancer. they arent a vamp, or a demon, or even some secret third thing.. what happens to them and gav when they get old. have they had that talk yet? i shouldnt think about this bc it makes me spiral into a bucket of tears and sadness bc its the same thing with sam and darlin’ like we wont know what theyll do when their partners get old and they are still young and immortal.. sigh 😔)

- can i cut the meridian open with a knife if i tried?

(how thin is the meridian? how easy is it to access? how long would it take me to literally stab it open? ((i have serious issues)) )

- imp!damien..

(yea i have a crush on him or whatever nothing crazy)

- is the person asher catches in imperium baabe or is it just random listener #18683 ?

(obviously my first thought when i listened to imperium like a year ago i thought baabe nd asher would be together ((i was delusional and on an asher high)) but then when it was revealed that he and david were mates in that universe did that mean baabe just doesnt exist or are they the person that gets caught by him or again some secret third thing)

- what happens to angel in the mess that is imperium, honestly what happens to all the shaw pack listeners

(obviously sweetheart is left out of this equation bc them and milo are still happily obsessed with each other in every universe BUT angel, baabe, and darlin where yall at??)

- WHERE ARE THE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPATHY DEMONS IN IMPERIUM UNIVERSE??

(this just popped into my mind but WHERE IS MY SON?? what have u done with my son WHERE IS MY SON??!!?)

- is anyone else as obsessed with just erik and his mind?

(that handsome blessing to my youtuber universe.. i could listen to him babble for hours and will do so bc it feeds my “listening to nerdy man babble on abt his fixations” quota)

- what imperium versions of characters do people prefer over their counterparts

(personally i prefer imp! huxley, damien, and vincent over their prime versions ((still dont know if im using the term prime in the right context)) idk what it is but well i know what it is for huxley and damien but we dont need to get into why i dont like hux and dames rn :D but for vincent i just like seeing a different version of him i think.. hes so confident with his decisions, and knows what he wants in imperium i just want that for regular vince too.. sigh)

uhh anyways.. i think thats enough thinking for now, going back to sleep

stay safe out there

[carpememes]

10 Minute Power Hour Starters

"You gotta warn me because I was just about to yell 'Remember who made you cum?' and how embarrassing would that shit have been?"

"We've got ____ here. Can you believe it?"

"Alright, shut the fuck up, everybody."

"No, not the stegosaurus!"

"Oh! We're giving samples. I've done this before."

"Can you Urkel your way to a win?"

"I don't love this."

"Glug glug glug, now I'm drunk."

"WOO! Show us how it's done, baby!"

"It's what all the kids on youtube are doing."

"Where is this piece? Did you steal my piece?"

"Bro, I'm killing it."

"Am I right, the youth?"

"You didn't even savor the peelies."

"You just ripped it off like a barbarian."

"Sizzle sizzle, baby bitch."

"It's gonna be really dramatic and cool!"

"I don't want a pumpkin growing in my belly."

"What a fool he is, to get wood confused with food items."

"I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said 'no thank you'."

"___ said I look like the floor of an arcade."

"My heart is beating so fast right now."

"Spin the wheel, you bitch."

"We're visible to lots of people, but it feels great to be truly seen by someone special."

"Well, not like my BEST best friend but he's definitely in that class."

"That's too much plastic crap."

"You look like something they'd serve at 2 in the morning at iHop."

"I feel like i just came back from a mythical creature bukake."

"This is what the ladies are into. A big ol brain horn of goo."

"I'm an ex-man. Which means I used to be a man."

"Yeah you won. Everyone's great. Three people need to go to the hospital but hooray you won."

"Thanks for invalidating my win, dude. I worked hard for this."

"You popped which means you are legally obligated to not stop."

"Please. No laughter."

"I feel you should've said something."

"I has bro! Do you has bro??"

"Well, I think you get double points for that."

"You got a serious buttchin and you need to admit it and use it!"

"YOU DID THIS!"

"We're losin it. We're losin it! ___, we're losin it!"

"This shirt's better now."

"No don't! ___, fucking, god damn it!"

"That was the most legit anger I've heard out of you in so long."

"Why is it filled with chestnuts?! And a lemon!"

"Thanks for celebrating my birthday. This was really fun and not depressing."

"Hold on! I have to do some research."

"Jesus. Reginald. Christ."

"You did it! It's a nightmare."

"What do you think? You think i look sexy?"

"Am i out kissin vandals and vagrants?!"

"Imagine I'm rubbing your thighs."

"I'm going to open a tube of goo now."

"You're a sucky friend!"

"I'm doing all of the colors, you fuck!"

"I know what makes green! Magic and jesus!"

"Oh cool! It looks not that great!"

"It looks like somebody's pancreas exploded over here."

"Anyone wanna be on camera?"

"Drink it, you armadillo."

"Have you witnessed me?"

"Ew, ewww- EEEWWW!"

"Nooo, I don't wanna be the hulk anymore."

"There we go. That's a big boy."

"Are you gonna attack or are you too scared?"

"Admittedly you wield a lot of power that I was not aware of."

"It makes magic fun!"

"That's not what I wanted at all."

"I feel like a cat that just fell in the bathtub."

"YES! Eat the worms!"

"Early 2000s is retro?"

"What is the best time of day to shake a baby?"

"Oh no! It's making the connection that I'm it's mother!"

"We dont have all day. Im becoming sterile wearing these jock straps."

"So you can stick your little emoji faces in here when you write your diary about how much God has betrayed you."

"That is one of the worst shirts I've seen in my life. Put it on."

"What? Oh, I suppose you want to KISS about it?!"

"I dunno. I guess cuz I'm an asshole."

"What do you mean 'is that really what it looks like'? It looks magical!"

"In this world we must all tilt.... But we also a-whirl."

"Look around you. All you see is death and chaos... Here is a kirby."

"Every birthday is like the grim reaper moving one peg on the abacus of your life."

"Everytime I try to solve it i'm just making things worse. Which is just an analogy for my life."

"I was brewin' in the nutsack of an older man."

"It was like having Chuck-e-cheese right in your house."

"The ooze doesn't smell great."

"Parents killed each other to get this thing."

"I threw up a lot more in the 90s than I do now."

"It's about to erase your memory."

"____, Im so sorry, but there's something your mother and I have to tell you."

"It's not your fault! Don't ever think it's your fault!"

[left4deadstuck]

You bite your lower lip. You don't think being straight to the point with Karkat would be a good idea… Though you considered it heavily before ultimately choosing to go with an apology.

Okay… Here it comes.

Dave: hey. Dave: im… sorry Dave: im sorry man

Your voice is quiet. Maybe too quiet, making you think the other didn't hear you. So you look up to glance at the other.

Dave: genuinely i Dave: i didnt think wed see each other like

You don’t get the chance to finish before he raises his hand to cut you off.

Karkat: YOU KNOW IF I WANTED TO WATCH SOMEONE VOMIT THE FLIMSIEST APOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH ONE OF THE INFECTED ASSHOLES OUT THERE THROW UP THEIR GUTS ONTO THE PAVEMENT. Karkat: AND IT WOULD STILL BE A BETTER "SORRY" THAN ANYTHING YOUR BATTER BRAINED SKULL COULD CONJURE UP RIGHT NOW. Karkat: SO SAVE US BOTH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND SHUT UP FOR GODSAKES

You scowl, back straightening. Goddamnit now you remember. Remember how much of a crabby jackass he is.

Dave: oh Dave: because sitting in the dark while silently death glaring at each other is productive Dave: cause we got all the time in the world to just kick back and do absolutely nothing but seethe at each other Dave: not like i was trying t

Karkat: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY? BE REMORSEFUL? BE ACTUALLY APOLOGETIC WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE DESPITE KNOWING I CAN BE OF USE TO YOU? Karkat: DO YOU HONESTLY TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?! Karkat: THAT I WOULD EVEN HUMOR THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SORRY?!! Karkat: THAT I'LL JUST TOSS MY RESENTMENT AND FRUSTRATION OUT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE BECAUSE POOR OL' STRIDER IS JUST A PATHETIC LUMP OF BRUISES! Karkat: *FAT FUCKING CHANCE.* Karkat: YOU COULD BE FOLDED INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING AND AGONIZING EXAMPLE OF HUMAN ORIGAMI AND I'D STILL BE "SEETHING" Karkat: SO YEAH, *I’M SORRY* THAT I DECIDED NOT TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY HEARING YOUR LOUSY ATTEMPT AT A HEART TO HEART

Dave: … Dave: sigh

Once upon a time Jade had asked you and your mutual group of friends to test out the latest version of her new project. A mental inventory system that had a very convoluted retrieval and sorting system. Luckily her team was quick to fix that after your group’s trials with it.

Jade never really told you exactly why, but you always speculated that some people on her team, or well, someone, didn’t really trust your legitimacy enough when signing your NDA. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you though, after all you have made a name for yourself with your bizarre level of spectacles you do for the sake of irony.

It did not thrill you to find out the next morning that you would now deal with the living embodiment of “stick up the ass” as your personal bodyguard for however long the trial had to last for. Despite your best efforts to get rid of the guy, you’ve quickly learned a few things about Mr. Vantas here. One of those things being that he is skeptical and stubborn to a fault.

Well, there it goes, your plans being haplessly thrown out the window! Poor sons of bitches didn’t even have a chance-

You hear a snap next to your ear

Karkat: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP MUMBLING TO YOURSELF FOR A SECOND AND PAY ATTENTION

Dave: what Dave: you have another drawn out monologue about how god awful i am? Dave: are you sure your throat can handle that shakespeare Dave: ya dont exactly have the voice for stage anymore with all that smoke Dave: but lets be real here Dave: its probably a good thing that you cant blow out anyone within a 10 ft radius of you eardrums anymore because you decided to make causal conversation

Karkat: YOU MOUTHY FUCKING PRICK- Karkat: CAN YOU DO THE WORLD Karkat: AND ME ESPECIALLY Karkat: A FUCKING FAVOR TO SHOVE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN YOUR WINDPIPE AND FUCKING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

Dave: ok sir ill be on my best behavior for "five fucking seconds"

Karkat:THANK YOU, GODDAMN. Karkat: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO JUST KICK YOUR USELESS ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOUR POTENTIALLY TRIGGER HAPPY HELLSPAWN. Karkat: AND ALTHOUGH I THINK IT’S WITHIN MY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS LEVEL OF BRIGHT HOT ANGER TOWARDS ALL OF YOU… Karkat: SIGHS … I

He looks up at the ceiling as if his next few words are the greatest offense that any higher power could have subjected him to utter.

Karkat: (GOD I MUST BE MORE SICK THAN I THOUGHT.) Karkat: I, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE SEEING AS I HAVE DEALT WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR TOTAL TRASH FIRE OF A PREDICAMENT, BUT HERE I AM EVER THE GLUTTON FOR MORE SELF-INFLICTED MISERY

Dave: yeah yeah i get it Dave: im a dick get to the point

Karkat: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU COMPLETE JACKASS!

Karkat: AND I HATE THAT CAUSE THAT RISKS MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE I ABSOLUTELY DON'T OWE SHIT TO, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRY TO THINK OF A REASON TO JUSTIFY IT TO MYSELF I CAN’T. Karkat: I CAN'T LIVE EASY KNOWING THAT IF SOMEONE DIED, EVEN IF THAT SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU...I Karkat: I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SURVIVORS GUILT YOU YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Dave: oh Dave: uh Dave:th Karkat: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP Karkat: FUCKING Karkat: NO!

Karkat: HAVING A SENSE OF COMPASSION STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S EITHER I HELP OR I DIE. Karkat: DON’T TAKE THE FACT THAT I SOMEHOW STILL HAVE MY MORALS INTACT AS FLATTERY. Karkat: INSTEAD BURY THAT IDEA SO FAR IN THE WORTHLESS SLUDGE YOU CALL A THOUGHT PROCESS UNTIL IT ATOMIZES INTO NONEXISTEN-!

He must've worked himself up. You watch him as he moves out of your space to turn and hack up a cloud of smoke. Well, if this isn’t just the perfect time to digest the clusterfuck he has given you. While it is great that he is going to help you out, he’s doing it out of fear and as fuck up as it is, it’s an advantage you have over him.

Though is it a good idea to go along with that? That could risk him fucking you all over and abandoning all of you last minute. You could gain his trust, maybe offer him something that he might want, but even then what would you give him, you have no clue if you have anything to offer him, not to mention that again, he could still just ditch the plan when the opportunity shows up.

What are you going to do?

===> AUDIENCE

[sshireens]

2, 6, 8, 12 👉👈?

THANK YOU YINNIE 💓💓💓

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

this requires me to narrow down my favs, which is so much more difficult than i ever could have expected. yin if i don’t answer the ask quickly this was why. catelyn tully would never top because ned lays pipe and she’s a freak like that. saw a ss of a reddit post that was like ‘my wife likes to get blitzed and then come home and have me fuck her brains out’ and thats her. brienne is never bottoming and jaime is never topping because jaime has some kind of reversed gender thing going on that makes him want to be a girl but not to another man. and brienne lives to serve. she literally is a sword. and thats a penis metaphor as we all know. margaery is never topping men because despite being the first ally in westeros she thinks thats weird. these are compelling arguments to me! daenerys stormborn is NEVER. NEVER NEVER NEVER. never bottoming because A). thats the prince that was promised B). jon likes to get dicked down C). i personally believe that being sold and traded will lees her to discover (amidst her several trysts with irri jhiqui and doreah (bc u cant tell me otherwise. irri is canon first of all)) that she, as the breaker of chains and mother of dragons and khaleesi of the great grass sea, is not inclined to experience things at the whim of others but rather the opposite. is that appropriate to say.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

oh god. SORRY PLEASE DONT SHOOT ME EVERYONE! daemyra (this might be biased bc i just dont like daemyra) some sansan ppl really get under my skin…. LUCEMOND JESUS CHRIST. almost forgot about them (was almost free). wow sorry lucemond shippers first place for annoying. its not that im an omegaverse toxic incest yaoi anti its just. Its the people it truly is i cannot even enter that circle. there is a blog on here though i can’t remember the url of that makes cute sfw art that doesnt frighten me and ive been known to browse, even hit like once or twice. lucemond still stay away from me please

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

daenerys is not going to be queen of the seven kingdoms NOR SHOULD SHE BE. if daenerys takes the iron throne the whole series is pointless

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

what qualifies as unpopular. also what do we consider like. because i consider like as in ‘this is a fun character to see interact with the world’ and NOT!!!!!!!!! ‘i support this guy’. just to clarify for any other viewers at home. a character ive seen a lot of people Dislike but i think deserves to be heard out is criston because he’s funny and thats it thats why everyone should like him. but i dont consider him unpopular? hmm tough tough …… will i get flayed if i say larys like i mean he’s just sick i love wondering what is going on in that head. in regards to characters i think are not given enough attention: jaehaera targaryen. ‘she’s a little girl shes a non-character’ SHUT UP. she’s a little girl exactly. she didn’t get the chance to be her own person she is alicent’s pain helaena’s pain and her own. GOD MY BABY GIRL….. she names her dragon death…… AUGH DONT EVEN TALK TO ME DOONNTTT EVEN. um also rhaella, daughter of rhaena the lesbian AND! mother of daenerys. bc first of all rhaella and aerea switches thats true. so like. rhaella septa rhaella wondering if that was meant to be her. wondering if maybe it would have never happened if she hadn’t traded places. is it kinder to force her twin into the faith or to let her die? Augh. also daenerys’ mommy just… why dont we know about her i need more people on here like me willing to band together to make up canon. i guess thats not really a reason why people should like them. ALSO SHIREEN BARATHEON I DONT KNOW IF YOU CAN TELL BUT IM THE BIGGEST SHOOTER FOR SHIREEN THATS BABY THATS MOTHER THATS THE PRINCESS THATS MY DAUGHTER THATS ME I LOVE HER SO BAD OH NY GOD SHIREEN PEASE COME HOME THE PEOPLE MISS YOU. and i know everyone dgaf about baby boy bowl cut brown boba eyed broken bran. but i gave birth to him. and thats why you should like him.

i don’t consider myself a targ girlie and then it comes to questions abt asoiaf and i can only answer in reference to them 😔 tried to be diverse 🤞

[autisticempathydaemon]

im here for the redacted matches thingy if ur still doing them !!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? - turn the lights off by tally hall, specifically the lyric ‘everybody likes to get taken for turns, to see how bright the fire inside of us burns’ bc it scratches the right itch in my brain and reminds me of my horror obsessed friends 😋

What is your Enneagram type? - type 2 helper

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? - i love wendigoons ones, especially his fnaf lore and vhs tape ones !

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend. - i used to be obsessed with the rainbow magic fairy books when i was younger and my favourite was heather the violet fairy so whenever i’d see anything purple i’d imagine she was with me

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? - listening to lana del rey, any redacted video or the new jersey rats

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?) - probably lilian, idrk why it’s just a really pretty name

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? - regulus’s rewriting your memories video, it’s so creepy i love it

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) - DAVID. (also avior but i haven’t listened to any of his audios bc when i did i had a panic attack)

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. - mean girls lmfao

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? - asher or huxley !!

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) - usually my cats but my friends have said i started waffling about ash from fantastic mr fox then passed straight out more than once ??

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. - unfortunately i am british so anyone i can find as long as it’s not on fire

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. - this 12 hour long playlist called pancakes (all of my playlists are named after breakfast foods) that has every song i’ve ever liked on it

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why? - audio roleplays bc it’s been my coping mechanism for so long i don’t remember why it started 😭🙏

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! - erm im an ENFP i have ocd im a hello kitty girl im obsessed w melanie martinez and i have a weird obsession of the psychology behind yanderes :D

There are so many reasons, big and small, for this pairing, and that’s why I like it. Personalities need to match, of course, but also you and Milo and all your cats are gonna make such a cute, blended family.

Your personality types give me the vibe of an energetic, outgoing person- effusive, fun, and interesting which would make you such a good match for Milo who has a similar temperament. I factored your OCD and panic attacks in my choice since it’s canon Milo handles his partner’s anxiety and intrusive thoughts well. I also based my choice off your being a horror fan and British, because it’s so silly to pair that scaredy cat with horror fans, and I think y’all’s accents would be fun together- just so many reasons, like I said, big and small, for why I think y’all would be a cute match.

I can’t imagine a cozier home than the one you two will share. It’s so fun to imagine the process of the two of you getting used to each other’s cats and them getting used to each other. (Marie really has her work cut out for her when she cat-sits.) I can so clearly picture you watching a Wendigoon iceberg video and Milo walking in like “Jesus Christ, Sweetheart, this is how long?!” Also, Milo doesn’t really get Sanrio, but he gets you a little Hello Kitty something whenever he can, maybe one of those blind boxes he hears Angel talking about all the time~

Song:

If I lay here/ If I just lay here/ Would you lie with me and just forget the world?/ Forget what we're told/ Before we get too old/ Show me a garden that's bursting into life/ Let's waste time/ Chasing cars/ Around our heads

One, this is a perfect, classic, romantic song. If Milo doesn’t know all the words on his own volition, he knows all the words because his parents love it. Two, you could be an adorable shitstarter and use this as an opportunity to make a wolf, shifter, dog, chasing cars joke.

Runner-ups:

Huxley is a runner-up because his affectionate, soothing manner would be a really good match for a Type Two partner, especially one who might deal with anxious, compulsive behaviors. James, I like because I think he needs an Extrovert partner to get him out of his shell. Also, I think he’d really like your cats once he gets to know them.

note: thank you for waiting and submitting an entry 💜

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[frizzy-frizz-frizz]

I wanted to copy and paste my fave bits of what you said about kevjean but all of its amazing and I love it "kevin and jean are so intrinsically tied together, they know each other first and foremost." Kill me now jesus christ "kevin had to leave and jean couldnt." Literally just stab me in the chest "that is where the song ends almost as abruptly as the books" im screaming???? I literally did not think of this but you're so right oh my god let me go listen to this song again right now

"Also is it just me or does it feel like neil josten, 'demisexual who never really understood his own attraction' is listening to this while making a kevin day binder on the run" you've honest to god read my mind that's exactly what I'm associating when I listen to the song. His obsession and jealously and the binder and if one of them had to make it he wanted it to be kevin. Also "I can't dare to dream about you anymore" him on the run for sure but also when both of them thought neil was going to be dead by the end of the year

"oh to be a random exy fan in the aftg universe." Honestly the edits ppl would make would be incredible

"NEIL REMEMBERING WHAT KEVIN WAS LIKE AS A KID" BABE YOU GET ME THIS IS SO IT "known for who you know, you know you'll always know me" kevin being the one thing from his past that he wanted to keep that he was still attached to. Also the song reminds of the name of the game by dayurno (it killed and revived me) and Neil just watching Kevin's game in chapter 2 and just fucking marvelling over him

BELIEVE?? The way he has so much faith in Neil and Andrew the way he sees so much potential in them and insists on dragging it out

THROUGH THE GHOST?? "ITS SO KEVIN" You're so right tho the world will never know him like he knows himself him looking at his past self not being able to recognise himself anymore it's all so good

Also I know I said I've never considered nothing new with him in mind but now that I have him in mind it's just "HOW DOES A PERSON KNOW EVERYTHING AT 18 BUT NOTHING AT 22" ALSKSK "WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I WAS NOTHING NEW???" MY GOD

I adore him to primadonna I've always thought the song was so him and I'm glad for the agreement "all I wanted was the world" "the rise the fall" "you say that I'm kinda difficult" "I know I've got a big ego I really don't know why it's such a big deal though" LIKE HELLO IT WORKS SO WELL

ALSO I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS ON MY TEARS RICHOCHET "And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home" Kevin directly after leaving the nest??? Or directly after joing it "And you're the hero flying around, saving face" the ravens pretending it was a skiing accident??? "You turned into your worst fears" Honestly there are a couple of ppl that could be referring to

TEEN IDLE "The pretty lies the ugly truth And the day has come where I have died Only to find I've come alive" him leaving the nest thinking his life was over to everything that came after

You'd be paranoid too is a song I've literally never heard of but jesus christ "I learned to live with these eyes in my closet Hands in my pockets Alone but surrounded" growing up famous?? In the nest?? ALONE BUT SURROUNDED???

Overwhelmed is literally every anxiety/panic attack scene from the books and I lost a friend kinda makes me think its about him towards riko in like a very "how did I lose a friend I never had"

God this is probably longer than the first message I'm so sorry its gotten out of hand but unfortunately I'm not done

My brain fucking perked up when it heard my alcoholic friends I have no idea why is sounds so familiar but its such a great rec I'm obsessed it fits and it's such a fun song to bop to for some reason

I'm obsessed with willow as a kandrew song kevin is so "They count me out time and time again" and "I come back stronger than a 90s trend"  "Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife" HELLO "I'll meet you after dark" night practice??? "Show me the places where the others gave you scars" That one fucking scene where Andrew takes his left hand and checks it over I can't deal

This is me trying is so very very Kevin it's hard to just pick a singular line. ALSO Liquid Smooth LIQUID SMOOTH

Anyway I think this is longer than the last ask lmao

i dont mind at all that this is longer than the first message. in fact i am ECSTATIC. im so glad you're liking the playlist, its the BEST feeling

the kevjean dynamic has me in a chokehold i cant stop thinking about them. i feel so validated rn FINALLY someone gets my attachment to that song

"Also "I can't dare to dream about you anymore" him on the run for sure but also when both of them thought neil was going to be dead by the end of the year" GOD and when he looks at kevin that night, kevin who wanted to give him everything the world has to offer and, "will you still teach me?" "Every night" i am DECEASED. THIS SONG. IT MAKES ME THINK OF THAT SCENE AGAIN

SAME dororthea and liability and lost remind me so much of 'the name of the game'...i should reread it again...

believe hit so close to my heart AND YEAH YOU GET IT. kevin's unflinching faith and trust in those two always astounds me. he's the kind of person who just see right through you. past the words and pretensess, right down to your core. just looks at you and sees everythinig you are. everything you could be. and THEN he tells you that you can make it. that you can do it all. he puts the world and all it offers within your reach for the first time and- OF COURSE andrew and neil are obsessed with him. and, no one had ever told them they were worth it before. these three will be the end of me i swear.

"LORD WHAT WILL BECOEM OF ME ONCE IVE LOST MY NOVELTY" YES YES EXACTLY. it so perfect. even the AGES are right.

YES my alcoholic friend s sounds so familiar and i think its cause it sounds like a marina song?? somehow?? but mostly i added it cause of the last verse, "Should I choose a noble occupation? If I did I'd only show up late and sick,

"And they would stare at me with hatred Plus my only natural talent's wasted on my alcoholic friends"

KEVIN FEELING LIKE HE'S TIED TO EXY LIKE. he will keep going back to exy. even if he got to choose to do something else, showing up late and sick, his natural talents only on display on a court.

"ALL I EVER WANTED WAS THE WORLD" YES THANK YOU its works so so well

disclaimer: you might not agree with me at all about my tears ricochet and that's totally fine, my interpretation is VERY self indulgement.

hear me out, i associate my tears ricochet with post-baltimore kandrew. specifically the fallout and the arguments and guilt and pain that followed. because not only does andrew have to earn back kevin's trust, they both have to rebuild their relationship from the ground up. SO imagine my tears ricochet as that process

"I didnt have it in myself to go with grace, cause when id fight you used to tell me i was brave" kevin is all caustic, brutal honesty. he would hurt, and he wouldn't soften the blow. but he'll always come back

"Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, you turned into your worst fears" I FIRMLY believe andrew has had some horrible horrible thoughts about being like every person who's hurt kevin. of kevin being afraid of him. he would throw all of himself into

"We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring" kevin and andrew know each other all too well. they're the only ones who can truly push each other. remember when kevin walked intllo court with a raquet in his right hand and andrew was right behind him?? When kevin made andrew TRY for the sake of it?? ('UNSTOPPABLE FORCE VS IMMOVABLE OBJECT' DYNAMIC MY DARLING)

"And you can aim for my heart, go for blood,but you would still miss me in your bones" You think after calmed down from the fear of losing neil he'd see those bruises on Kevin's throat and NOT panic?? That the thought of losing kevin wouldn't send him into a full blown panic? Bullshit. and KEVIN who after it all keeps choosing andrew, who keeps putting faith in him, WOULDN'T keep trying to rebuild?? listen those two are practically melded together okay

"and I still talk to you (when im screaming at the sky)" ANDREW ON THE ROOF

"You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same" IM SOBBING THESE TWO THEY END ME I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM

I HAVE MORE KANDREW SONGS THAT I HAVENT ADDED YET BUT I WILL

I have so many kandrew songs

I think of them too often

To be honest, I associate 'I lost a friend' to kevin and jean. specifically kevin thinking about jean and all the emotions that come with. this is, once again, about kevin running away to the foxes and jean being at the nest. BUT for extra sad you can remember all the drafts nora wrote where Jean died.

ALSO I like you thoughts on the song being about kevin and riko. riko who he was friends with once, when they were very young. who promised him they'd make court together. who got worse and worse until, soon enough, there might as well have been no trace of the boy who was kevin's friend

WILLOW KILLED ME ITS SO THEM YOU'RE SO RIGHT

"Wherever you stray, ill follow, begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans" not kevin and andrew barging into each other lives and refusing to let the sink, stubbornly staying afloat and lifting each other up. utterly craving each others plans and expectations of the future. Andrew digging his heels into the ground and yet following Kevin and he promises andrew the world and them drags him towards it

"Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind" and "Like you were a trophy or a champion ring, and there was one prize I'd cheat to win" ANDREW ABOUT KEVIN who pushes and pushes and constantly gives all he has and demands the best

"Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark, show me the places where the others gave you scars" Just. THEM. IM SOBBING

more kandrew recs:

Silence by marshmello, Im not okay by weathers, 505 by arctic monkeys, I am not a robot by marina, (twin sized mattress and lost are already on the playlist), and MOST IMPORTANTLY,

wolves without teeth by monsters and men THIS SONG IS SO. THEY ARE SO. its perfect to me.

[bingoboingobongo]

my kaleidoscope thoughts/review

(spoilers under the cut. also im still shocked so this shit makes no sense)

holy shit holy shit HOLY SHIT WHAT TJE FYCK HOLY SHJT OHMFG HOLY SHIT KALEIDOSCOPE IS A FUCKING PRODIGY WHAT THE FYCK THAG SHIT ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY WTF WTF WTF HELP OMFG IM IN SHOCK I XANT WHAY BELP MDNSJSJJS NO FUCKING WAY THAY WAS FUCKING INSANE WHAT THE FUCK NUGGETS SHIT BALLS LOLOLAPOOLAZA WAS THAT WHAT THE FUCK IK IN AWE GIANCARLO ESPOSITIO SERVES AS DUCKING ALWAYS GOLY MOLY BAJJSJSJS SOMEONE CALL TJE FUCMING COPS WHAT OMG I NEED TI BREATHE WHAT?????? EBVRLEPQICOJSJSJD

holy shit okay so um Jesus Christ I'm fucking fahahsh that was easily the best experience I've ever had omg that's giving money heist a run for their money holy crap okay um

alright so ngl when i heard the concept of showing episodes in random order I was hyped and i wanted it to be hype but tbh i kinda expected it to be ass and omfg damn this show was so good wtf. that being said, the episodes in random order didn't exactly have much impact on the story but it was a fun idea and i liked it in the end. at first i was worried, especially when i got to the after the heist episodes (which showed right before the white episode for me) bc in my mind i was like okay but like ik the outcome so like what's the point but damn was i wrong bc oml the twists Jesus Christ that shit had me in a damn pretzel.

alright so like my thought process. So i saw the pink episode right before the white one, and first can I just say that even tho i didn't like bob im glad he got to see his pink sand beaches even tho it was technically blood but whatever. anyways omfg tho did judy ditch Stan? I think so idek anyways that's irrelevant rn. okay so i was literally devastated when ava died i love her but also it definitely wasn't as bad as money heist so I'll live. BHT OMFG LEO'S DEATH BRUH I THOUGHT RJ KILLED HIM BUT IT WAS SALAS' SON BRAD?????? WTF THAT SHIT CAME OUT SO OUT OF LEFT FIEKD OMG JSHSJSJS

like i saw the shirt and i was like hmm that's kinda a nerdy shirt it seems like something rj might wear. AND THEN IT WAS BRAD TJE SON WEARING IT IN THE WHITE EPISODE. AND THEN RJ FUCKING DIED AND THEN IT WAS JUDY THAT FUCKING KILLED HIM BUT THEN SHE SORTA KILLED BOB LIKE WHAT THE FUCK OMG MY BRAIN MY JAW WAS LIKE GONE LIKE OMGJSSJJSJS

like ngl in the beginning I wasn't vibing with judy but then she killed rj and i really wasn't vibing BUT THEN SHE KILLED BOB AND MAYBE I WAS VIBING????

omfg and THEN HANNAH CAME IN AND HIT CARLOS AND THEN TOOK ALL THE MONEY LIKE WHAT JSJSJS AND LIKE IK ITS FIR THE BEST BECAUSE THE CREW PROBABLY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN KILLED BY THE TRIPLETS IF SHE DIDN'T BUT GAWD DAMN LIKE I WAS LOW-KEY HIGHKEY SAD LIKE TF

OMG AND THE FUCKING FEDEX GUY BRUHHSHAJS AND HER SISTER BRJSJSJS IM LITERALLY NSJSJSJSN WHAT

also her hair and her black suit in that one outfit remind me of natasha Romanoff so bad omfg

KSJSJJSJS AND THEN BOB USED THE PEN HE STOLE TO SAVE HIMSELF BITCH THIS SHIT WAS LIKE TWNETY BAZILLION CHEKHOV'S GUNS

IT WAS CHEKHOV'S FUCKING GUN RANGE TF LIKE OMG IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE SHOUT OUT TO ERIC GARCIA OR ERIC GARZA MAN I DONT REMEMBER TOJR LASY NAME BUT THIS SHIT SLAPPED GOD DAWM EXPECTATION FUCKING EXCEEDED BEHWJAJSJJSJSJSJS

holy shit holy shit AND WHEN THE FUCKING MACAU AD WENT OFF DAMN KUDOS TO AVA BC I WOJLD HAVE BURST OJT LAUGHING JESUS CHRISR TNO IT WAS SO GOOD

ngl tho idek if it actually randomizes the order u watch it in i started out with the jail episode with stan and ray tho so idk tell me if u guys get anything different

[slowdripsunrise]

BOOK REVIEW AGAINNNNNNN yippee i have actually been reading... not a lot but well i am ! kinda forgot about this blog ok thats not true i was just lazy and didnt want to write a post. well anyways heres a big post for all the stories i read there are 4 - things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca, paradise rot by jenny hval, soft science by franny choi, and the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard ! spoilers under the cut

ok first i read things have gotten worse since we last spoke because i wanted to go on a little kick of reading weird crazy people books at 3 am. and i did! chose this one because i saw it was very short so. anyways i thought this was.... okay. i think what made it a little worse off for me is that i already knew about the whole parasite thing from tiktok, so it wasnt that crazy to me when it actually happened. gonna be honest i do Not remember how the book ends at all so i dont even know if it was satisfying or not. was my experience worsened by it being 3am and me not having any thoughts at all? probably. would i do it again? yeah. i was a lil bit disappointed in the apple peeler part too... i thought it was going to be more relevant than it was unless there are some hidden symbolism meanings motifs going on that i didnt get... actually now that im thinking about it big long unbroken peels of apple + a big long probably worm-like parasite? next to each other thats kinda cool. other than that thought i literally just had now typing this out i didnt see anything else. omg speaking of seeing the tagline and also its mentioned in the book, "what did you do today to deserve your eyes?" crazy ass fuck sentence. i kinda love it actually and this is maybe where i would have like to see the apple peeler come in. she takes the apple peeler to her face and peels her eyes out of her head idk. also i feel like either on tiktok/goodreads they were supposed to be ballerinas? but that wasnt mentioned at ALL? i might be misremembering but that also could have been a cool little anecdote. anyways all this to say i thought the book was alright. i was entertained for like 2 hours. my favorite part of this experience was going on goodreads after and seeing a one star review of the book that just said "men stop writing trauma porn about lesbians." which is SO FUCKING FUNNY. because 1 im pretty sure the author is nonbinary, so hes not a man. 2. WHO IS GETTING OFF TO THIS. sorry i do absolutely not see any fetishization here, and also i think they write stories like this in like collections,, so there are probably people other than lesbians in them. idk i just thought that was funny. jesus christ this is getting long and i'm only 1/4 done. i pity anyone who opens this.

next i read paradise rot by jenny hval, which i had heard was dubbed the "bisexual piss book" intriguing and also a short little story i read at 3am. i did like this one, i thought it was fun and interesting and im a big fan of rot. just in general. vibes were on point. this book was moist. however, not as much piss as i expected. as in like quantities on page. they did talk about piss a lot and by they i mean the narrator. not as horror-esque as i thought it would be but i did like it! ohhh to simply rot away...... would not recommend this to normal people and i like that about it.

soft science by franny choi !!!! really liked this! im going to be honest i do not remember more than one poem from this collection. but i do remember liking them !!! sorry i think i need to train my brain to like and remember poetry more. and not just like the ones from tumblr webweaves even though all of them slay.

finally i read the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard. i liked this, thought it was super interesting,,, ok i didnt think it was super interesting i thought it was good. god i am trying to program myself out of academic reviews of stupid dumbass books i was forced to read. this isn't like that at all. anyways i thought the whole grief aspect was done very well, the sadness at knowing literally nothing will work or come together to make your life go back to the way it was, go back to being whole again. and that deep deep sadness of not only losing their daughter but also the life they had before, the life they had with each other,,, losing all hope. it definitely got to me i did almost cry i think. i think i have more to say about this but i don't remember it. oh well. i thought the vibes of a hostile small mountain town were cool ! i think one of my favorite scenes was when the lavoie's kid falls from the antenna and they are just standing there doing nothing and simon has to go save him... idk the fact that they were shown as perfect parents for their perfect children and how not great they actually were <- this thought is dumb and obvious you get what im saying. one of my main issues is that the ending did feel rushed... and i was a bit confused,,,, the last line "a bird starts to sing" i couldn't tell if that was meant to be marie and simon hearing birds in the afterlife, in the woods by the bowling alley? or was that just the birds in the town finally starting to sing? because if its the latter i don't really get how simon and marie dying would bring the birds back.. the town is still dying and tragedies will still happen... idk its probably the birds in the afterlife but oh well. ok final thought i think but i think the title in french is interesting. it's called "ici, ailleurs" which means "here, elsewhere" or more like "here, something better. here, a new beginning." i like that, obviously it's what the book is about, and idk i think the translator did a good job at conveying the message. i think i would read this book again but in french, mostly to practice because my french is shit but i think since it only really stays in one setting, there's not a lot of characters, concepts are pretty easy to understand, i think it would be fun !!!! ok im done those are my reviews of all the books ive read in the past week or so thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing you are crazy. peace and love

[creativebrainrot]

so usually when i post any kinda personal text post its venting and i feel bad about that cause like ive made so much positive progress too. so im gonna share how happy i am about all that shit for once (vent posts help though and i wont mute myself on my own blog because ive held my tongue for long enough in my lifetime.)

couple of months ago i forced myself to reach out. it was just a post asking about any gw2blr discords or guild, but jesus christ did the thought of posting that scare me. i drafted it like three times.

then i made myself post it before i went to bed. "whatever happens, happens." and i got help. i got an invite a server and pointed towards a guild. (i never actually asked about the guild. at the moment, being the person to dm someone still causes my brain to seize up. im working on it, and its ONLY Being The One to Start to conversation. chatting with people in dms is not the actual issue.)

then, I Forced myself to talk and introduce myself to the few people online when i joined the server. I was frightened to accept but i remembered some invites close after 24 hours and i didnt want to deal with explaining i needed another one because i was too anxious to accept the first.

and since then ive been able to take steps forward without any of my worst experiences happening again. I love that discord server. I finally have a friend group for the actual first time in my life. no one has been rude or mean or brushed me off or ignored me like i was fucking petrified would repeat.

I was right all along. only that person treated me like that. my dad was right all along. the most innocuous, normal shit can really change someone's day, or life.

Now it hurts to slip backwards into habits of assuming ill be thrown away or ignored- silence isnt a weapon anymore, my words arent twisted into the worst possible interpretation. no more interagations, no more demands to justify myself, no more feeling like i have to justify EVERY SENTENCE I say.

no more making myself be quiet and invisible out of fear alone.

so next step forward is getting over my fear that the simple act of Being the person to Start a private conversation is an invitation to be slapped away. To be brushed off again.

I'm finally fucking free and i dont worry ANY WHERE NEAR as much as i used to, im so fucking free and i cant wait to move forward.

I can finally be myself. I am finally happy.

[frankmillerturnonyourlocation]

oh dammit i also need to build two more pages. Sigh okay as a reminder to myself and also because i want to talk about them messily here's my two wills that ive been procrastinating on giving tags:

Will Stanton!

From The Dark Is Rising (book series). Wildly dense British fantasy from the 70s that's gonna require more nuanced understanding of western European history to fully analyze and appraise than I have in me to give. With what I've got: it's, uh, definitely a British fantasy series from the 70s, with pieces of all the flaws you'd expect and possibly some exciting new ones, but it's good-hearted overall, and damn if it isn't beautiful.

I picked up a really old copy of the second book in the series from an elementary school that was giving them away during possibly the coldest, darkest, most socially hostile period of my college experience. Real leaving in the dark and coming home after dark vibes. I ended up finishing the book in the following semester, on a bench in town right before a beautiful spring storm. So, like, of course it's tattooed onto my heart.

Will is a twelve-year-old boy who lives on a farm and is also the last of a group of ancient, magic, impossibly wise guardians of all things ontologically good or whatever and he's no longer counted among humans as one of them and he's a little shit to his big sisters and he sings soprano. He walked into the woods with a teenager who wanted to hurt him and he never again acted entirely like a child. He tried to tell his favorite brother about it once. His brother didn't understand. He is the only one of the series' many child heroes who will remember any of it, and he will remember it forever, because he will not die. and im his weird time-lost best friend babysitter he shares a soul bond with and we have small companion dragons that are manifestations of our souls and its rad as fuck okay dont worry about it istg this is as far outside of canon compliance i have gotten with a self ship thus far

and thennnn.

William Shakespeare! (THE CHARARCTER FROM SOMETHING ROTTEN!)

Musicals are so fucking fun. It's like, cool, this thing rewired my brain, and I'm never gonna see it again. And we just do this to ourselves on purpose because live theater is so special and powerful like that. We do this on purpose.

And THEN it's like cool, cool, I'm researching contraceptive methods from the renaissance now, awesome. I'm spending my one wild and precious life thinking about meetcutes with Literal Playwright William Shakespeare. Nobody unfollow me for this. It's barely even rpf.

He's a little BITCH and a PLAGIARIST and a ROCK STAR and a CYNICAL ROMANTIC. I am CROSSDRESSING as a TEENAGE BOY to safely and legally CROSSDRESS AS A WOMAN to play BIT PARTS and get HECKLED onstage. And we slowburn until we develop a deep reliance on each other as two people with few healthy and reciprocal relationships with anyone else.

At some point, he lets me write some scripts and have them performed under his name. We all fucking hear me right now, right? Jesus Christ. It's not historical rpf. But I am saying that I would allow fictionalized, slutty William Shakespeare plagiarize my writing if he let me direct a little bit and also we were in love about it. I am saying that. And we're all still here.

[cowes]

Ordeal By Innocence anon again, for real, I love to hear your thoughts: It does seem like every time Rachel does something she instantly has a lot of regret, with Hester, with confessing Kirsten's secret to Jack, she immediately regrets it, but the damage is still done you know. And yet she hates what she's done in the name of image, but she just can't quite let it go. And also, if Hester is 18 when the show starts... jesus christ that's so much to deal with at that age. And not to word vomit, but 4 episodes was not enough to sit with these guys. Like we see that Mickey has issues with self harm from such a young age. How did that start and where does that impulse come from. Like where did each of them come from, what are their backgrounds. I don't even know how to articulate everything. But you're right, Ella's performance is really sweet, but not exactly innocent, like that moment with the constable? I think in episode 2 where she smiles and acts friendly with him and then sends that look to Tina. And she's the one that is the most outwardly guilty, but also understanding? Like she understands why someone would snap, maybe better than any of them, for the depths of what Rachel did to her. And Mary digs at that and she's the one to get physical first in response. But then Mary is the one holding her when Rachel is murdered. And then her hiding the liquor in the bathroom, like is she a teenager, early twenty year old just hiding booze from her parents or did she develop a problem after everything that happened. And also that scene after Philip assaults her like smoking under the tree and physically trying to erase what happened... man I could go on and on

hey bestieee. (laughing at 'ordeal by innocence anon' as if i have any other anon) as usual u have it so right, this time about rachel. what a fascinating character. she loves kirsten so much that its actually a bit confusing that she just spills her deepest darkest secret in a moment of spite. and then begs for her forgiveness, scared and confused, when she's been hit on the head and is dying. (in a way that's very reminiscent of her panic attacks in the prepper bunker). also the existence of the prepper bunker is so interesting. jack said this:

You're such a gutless fraud, Mother. Smiling like there's nothing wrong. But you built a nuclear bunker in the cellar in case the bombs start falling, so I know you're terrified, I know you're a mess. Just admit it. Stop smiling. Stop pretending. And, in return, I'll stop.

and he has her completely right. i suspect that was the writers using jack as a mouthpiece.

as for the children's backgrounds. i remember this. mary was adopted first, quite young, but unknown background. jack was second, born from kirsten and leo. hester was third, unknown background. tina and mickey were adopted last, at the same time - seems like it was during ww2 bc of the gas mask boxes. mickey seems like he has a london accent (?) and its possible that they were just billeted at first but later adopted - but that's my speculation.

um - i hate to break this but this interview with ella says that she was 18 in the main timeline (c. summer 1956) but younger in flashbacks. (im pretty sure flashbacks begin summer 1953 and end with the murder on christmas eve 1954, which would make hester 15 - 16ish years old). it's all pretty yikes. personally i imagine her as older. because my brain cant handle all that. so "early twenty year old" - once again, u r sooooo right.

mickey is very quiet, but he has a lot of personality ur so right. and the self-harm thing i think i only really picked up on in rewatches. cut himself during childhood lessons with rachel, had to eat with a spoon at dinner because not trusted with a knife, cigarrette burns, has MULTIPLE knife tattoos?? bruh. theres a lot going on there, so much, but he isnt going to talk about it. i think he struggles a lot with self-image. the fact that he's kept his accent. the fact that mary suggests he try to seduce gwenda to stop the marriage.... it all suggests a certain image that certain members of the family (rachel, leo, mary) have of him that he possibly leans into for protection. but the self harm is.... yeah, lot to think about.

mary. oh mary. i love you mary. so cruel and insecure and tragic and petty. horrible husband. horrible life that she isnt happy with. i truly think that after the events of the story she could have been the most well off. rid of the terrible people in her life, new relationships with siblings, new sense of purpose. of course all that would come with crushing anxieties and trauma but we stay positive in this house!!!!

lastly, i just want to say that i never read the books and from what i gather from r/agathachristie is that they dont like this adaption. its okay. all of this extra, dark stuff is added by sarah phelps. ultimately i enjoy it but if we're speculating on why it exists in the story when none of it gets really properly examined, i think that it was added for edginess. that said, i think it was really really effective. i love worldbuilding, i love hints at deeper characters, i love using my imagination. the demons got me on this one.

[pinkchampagneproblems]

i wish my brain had a transcription button (is that even a thing? transcription i mean - the button probably is not) so i could put in words everything i've been feeling for the last (???) years - siily random fun fact: everytime i used the ? on this keyboard, it takes me back to feb 2020 when i thought this keyboard had no ? button and i sent it on the gr.... holy fucuking shit i was typing and remembering and i swear to god i have no idea if this is february 2020 or december 2021 and this doubt just occured to me cause i remember talking about christmas when i sent the text... time isn't real hanna time isn't real. a whole new crisis is about to begin - i really wish i was writing this on a paper (and in portuguese.. my brain is tired) but my hand always gets tired and i don't think i have the time to sit and write everything i want - i would take me decades. i wish my brain had a voice (hey, artificial intelligence!) and a recorder, so I could just sit and listen to my own thoughts without having to make an effort to think and remember them. remembering has been a problem for me, my memory is awful. speaking of it, wait a sec, im sending the clinic a text to know when my results will be available - i need them so go to my ($$$$$$$) psychiatrist to have a diagnosis (have a paper confirming what i know for at least 6 years - something is pretty wrong with my brain). i should be doing other stuff (with i hate with all my heart and have absolutely sure that i would rather die than spending my whole life doing this) in this office, and i will do these things as soon as i finish it here but i need to get it out of me first.. why am i still so unhappy? why do i keep doing things that i hate so much and doing nothing i really love - or even like? why am i still waking up early to go to college just to have no classes and pretend pretend pretened? why am i not following what my heart wants? why am i so afraid of letting people down other than letting myself down? so many questions but i feel like i'm - i was interruped becaused i had to take a call where i have to answer things that i have no idea Jesus Christ Please Help Me Save Me I Hate My Life

[cyberdragoninfinity]

1, 8, 19, 23!!! :3c

1. Song of the year?

if we're strictly including songs released this year--Daytona Sand by Orville Peck is probably up there. Bronco was one of my fav albums this year and I think that's my fav song off of that. It's just good, I love the vibes.

picking off of songs NOT released this year--jesus christ alive i listened to so much Barenaked Ladies this year. Gotta give it to the live version of Brian Wilson which was my top spotify wrapped song this year for a reason. i chose to blame atticus gx.

8. Game of the year?

to quote the tweet i made yesterday:

like STRICTLY PICKING 2022 RELEASE YEAR GAME it's violet. oh my god, it's violet. the love and joy in my heart of pokemon being genuinely fun and engaging again. my GOD.

otherwise, tag force. like. as a series. if you like the ygo spinoffs go emulate or watch a LP of the tag force games im begging you. theyre GOOD. theyre making my BRAIN MELT.

if we're picking based off of "game i put the most hours in this year" though it's duel links. again. 🥴

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

god i don't even know. gonna go see the Mountain Goats again in April, that'll be fun :^) OH GOD ALSO ALL THE FIGURES I PREORDERED. ARE COMING. FUCK. BLACK ROSE DRAGON.....

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

oh good fucking god. "HEY DANA IT'S ME. HEY REMEMBER THAT GIANT WEIRD GUY THEY ADDED TO DUEL LINKS LIKE A COUPLE WEEKS AGO?? HAHA OK COOL. NO REASON. ANYWAY HAVE FUN WATCHING 5DS IN A COUPLE MONTHS. LOVE YOU. BYE."

[hardyslave]

HOW PEAKY BLINDERS MEN TEXT

Includes: Thomas Shelby, Alfie Solomons, John Shelby, Arthur Shelby, Michael Gray

A/N: this is so stupid LMAO

THOMAS SHELBY

- he is SO dry.

- also a grammar nazi ://

- he texts so formally like he’s sending an important email every time

- takes HOURSSS to reply

- you’re lucky if he even replies at all

- a slow texter, he’s a complete grandpa with stuff like that

- taps his screen with his pointer finger LMAOO

- “ (Y/n), what does ‘DILF’ mean?”

- “DID SOMEONE CALL U THAT HSLSJAWJEKJX”

- “Yes? What does it mean? and what does hslsjawjekjx mean?”

- ghosts you then texts you for family meetings

- “tom do you want to go out later? :)” *on read for 2 weeks*

- *after two weeks* “Family meeting at 8. Don’t be late.”

- “that rhymes” *read*

- shows him what a meme is

- he pronounces it as “meh-meh”

- only replies to polly and the shelby groupchat

- you, arthur, john, and alfie are on mute (almost on block but he doesn’t know how to)

ALFIE SOLOMONS

- HE’S KIND OF NEW TO ALL THIS

- BUT HE TRIES HIS BEST

- he’d just accept whatever you say to him like

- “okay, alfiee. brbb”

- “What the fuck does that mean?”

- “it means be right back”

- “Ohhh okay IWFYLWYCH”

- “what”

- “It means I Will Fuck You Later When You Come Home”

- “uhm.. okay alfie :)”

- u both send pics of ur dogs

- “HAHAHAHA look alfie he’s humping my damn leg again”

- “He fucking what now?”

- when you and him are both at a meeting together he texts you horny or funny shit just to rile you up

- its either: “FLCP is so small” “what tf is an flcp alfie” “Future Lung Cancer Patient. He’s 5’7. Can you believe that?”

- or “Let’s get out of this fucking meeting before my balls explode, pet”

- in conclusion; he is a grandpa, but a cool one.

ARTHUR SHELBY

- stuck in 2013 im sorry

- sends chain messages still and those old tumblr girl quotes unironically :(

- sends bible verses to the group where linda’s in

- proceeds to send videos of him killing someone in a groupchat where linda’s not in :)

- takes great pleasure in giving tommy false information about the internet

- tom: Alfie, DILF.

- alfie: You’d like to fucking what now, Tommy

- y/n: HAHAHAJAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT DID U TELL HIM NOW ARTHUR OR JOHN

- tom: It means Die in London, Fucker..?

- finn: love is love, we accept you tommy 🏳️‍🌈

- john: HAJAHHAHAHHAHAHAH WHAT THE FUCK THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE TOMMY

- tom: Then what the fuck does it mean, eh Arthur?

- arthur: No idea tom

- that was the first and last time tommy tried modern slang

JOHN SHELBY

- both you and him are the only ones who laugh in caps lock

- “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH”

- quotes vines constantly on a daily basis in the shelby groupchat

- you, finn and him are the cultured ones

- so you all have inside jokes in text that no one else seems to understand

- john: do you guys remember that pineapple thing on twitter

- y/n: NO STOP THAT WAS DISGUSTING

- finn: jesus christ now it’s in my brain again

- *everyone else*: wtf are they talking about

- texts the gc at questionable hours of the day

- *at 3 am* john: Who wants to go to mcdonalds?

- y/n: me

- finn: me

- alfie: At this fucking hour?

- alfie: Me

MICHAEL GRAY

- tommy fan boy #1

- does NOT accept the tommy slander you, alfie, arthur, finn and john dish out to his favorite man

- michael: Leave him alone, guys he’s new to all this

- finn: not the tommy stan talking ??

- y/n: tommy shelby (degrading)

- john: Don’t be a pick me, Michael

- alfie: I dunno what the fuck they’re saying but I agree

- arthur: Hahahaha

- would text tommy everyday

- “Good Morning.”

- defends tommy in the groupchats with his life

- at this point you, alfie, arthur, finn and john now have a seperate gc just to slander tommy’s social media skills

- BECAUSE MICHAEL GETS SO HEATED

- in conclusion he’s a tommy apologist

[thenatashapulleyuniverse]

thoughts on natasha pulley's new story "the eel singers"

these 30 pages have singlehandedly ripped me apart and live rent free in my head.

spoilers below

“They were an accidental sort of family. She had used to work for Mori, hired out by the local workhouse, but one day he just hadn't taken her back there and now she lived in their attic. She had said she was happy to adopt them both permanently, if they remained polite and quiet”

Going crazy. I love Six so much.

Thaniel scolding Six and Mori on the angel Gabriel and the virgin Mary. Mori saying “But do me a favor and run away if some demented stranger tries to come unto you with his holy spirit.” THANIEL MAKING A FIST AT HIM. IM DEAD

The second footnote...was this a reference to the titanic??? Is Mori going to be alive to witness that event???? BRO

“The light was honey-colored and full of home.”

brb gonna scream

DRUNK SIX!! AHHHHHHH

the WHAT CHART????

THE SIGNIFICANT THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN TODAY CHART IS A THING. A REAL AND CANON THING.

The bombing making experiments...with icing...all of them doing this as a family…i want to tear myself into pieces

As this is pre-pepperharrow...angst! No communication whatsoever!! Thaniel still believes he isn’t enough for Mori!!! I’m going to throw myself into oblivion!!!!

“It didn't mean that he was in love only that he was being polite”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

“Thaniel [was] grateful when he could be for anything. He wasn’t, generally.” literally shut up you stupid hopeless man

The both of them close under the blankets….Thaniel doing anything to make Mori feel better...crying in the library rn

Why the angst natasha...literally what for...I mean I love it but I also just want to seem them happy

New thaniel lore dropped. He worked in service. (That adds on to: Gamekeeper’s son, worked at a locomotive’s factory as a ledger’s clerk, telegraphist home office, clerk at foreign office, music composer)

Six looking at all the adults around her laughing: weird.

For people being controlled by some other worldly being that eats memories, it’s very hospitable.

“Mori laughed, and Thaniel’s heart hurt…” listen this story had more laughs and smiles than watchmaker and pepperharrow combined.

WATCH ME NOT HAVE HYSTERICS LOOK

DO YOU FEEL IMMORTAL ALL THE TIME

There are some spots in the world where Mori’s clairvoyance just doesn’t work...what if...bedlam was also a place like that hm? Possible AU??

I like that Natasha remembered to include the thing about Mori’s accent.

“[Thaniel] always thought he was getting pretty good [at Japanese] but then someone told him about politics and all his brain would come up with was that he'd like octopuses”

LMAOOOOHJSAFJK

Okay so mori HAS a kimono with him.

Not the casual mention of Mori’s older brothers going to war. ;-;

WE GOT ONE KISS*

*forehead kiss

Not thaniel feeling ashamed and like a child and thinking mori is just doing this because he has to. Not the pain...what the fuck man

MORI STARTING A SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!

Six: I am absolutely...not going to do that

Me: smart girl. Intelligent. The biggest brain. How does it feel carrying all the brain cells in your family?

“All white people look a bit lunatic albino trollish so it's hard to tell when that's particularly the case”

Mori you get me. I agree

Thaniel, sleepwalking: wait go back...we forgot our shoes.

MORI AND THANIEL BUILDING A SNOWMAN* TOGETHER

*snow spider

Mori’s grandmother beheading one of her sisters in the name of honor...girlboss

Six jumping over the gate...girlboss

Six winning the card games...i love her so much

Mori and Thaniel fall asleep holding hands.

Okay hold on a second...hold on T-T

The caretaker in regards to Mori: We haven’t see one of you in--oh a thousand years...Since the saint came

Okay so you can NOT JUST DROP THIS ON ME. THIS IS PURE WATCHMAKER LORE WHAT DO YOU MEAN SINCE THE SAINT CAME?? JESUS CHRIST??? WHOOOOO

Six saving the day basically!!

“I went wrong, at the workhouse” “Six you seem exactly right to me”

Crying shaking

Once again I’m impressed at how seamlessly this story fits into the watchmaker timeline.

Now theory time!

So this “thing” that’s taking their memories was in the water and snow, not the eels or the people or the singing. It’s as old as the vikings, hence the song being super old english. We can assume the people it’s taking have probably been there for years?? Well they probably lived their normal life span, but they are being fed off from.

I think the “thing” is a spider-like creature living under the water. The water looked dead and deep with several things in it that show that people and animals drowned under it. And the spider shape is explained by the snowman mori and thaniel made.

There are other spots in the world Mori mentioned, but do they also work like the Fens? Russia, the himalayas, these are notoriously cold places, just like the fens. So a thing that can shut off Mori’s clairvoyance is related to cold places

This brings me to my Bedlam crossover AU, where Thaniel and Mori take up Merrick’s offer to join him in Bedlam, only to discover that Mori’s clairvoyance is shut off. But not in the eel singers fashion, more like on and off like a light switch.

Also the caretaker mentioning they haven’t had a clairvoyant since the saint came like lady im going to go insane what the FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

Anyways, I loved this short story. It was more humor and Mori-Steepleton family shenanigans than horror and I wholly appreciated that.