#idk if im ever going to do this again 😭 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mynameismckenziemae · 2 days ago

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K so apparently everyone is putting in asks for body image issues so i thought i'd hop on the trend real quick. (i apologize in advance for the rambling/yapping. i dont have coherent thoughts)

so i have big thighs, which like, i know is usually considered a good thing and i actually like my thighs a lot. however i have like massive hip dips that i can never get over my insecurity of. its weird

so could you maybe write something about... probably tyler ( i just rewatched the movie and im on a kick for him again) noticing reader always wears baggy pants (i do that) and when he asks her about it she tells him its to hide her hip dips. and he like comforts her and shows her theyre not ugly or something

idk i feel like im just yapping😭😭

It’s funny because no man (that I know) has ever complained about a woman having hip dips. It’s like they don’t even see them.

But we see it ☹️ I don’t really have hip dips but I do have cellulite and stretch marks and it’s all I can think about when I wear shorts or a swimsuit…even though I NEVER see another woman with it and think “gross.” Apparently it’s only gross on me 🤦🏻‍♀️

Tyler would be absolutely oblivious to it too.

“Where’s your wranglers?” He’d ask, teasing you before the rodeo, “cowgirls don’t wear sweatpants.”

You had debated wearing them. Hell, you had even put them on. But all you could see is your hip dips.

You can’t help but laugh when you tell him so, he looks so puzzled.

“Go,” he smiles, turning you back to the bedroom with a sharp swat to your ass, “put ‘em on for me. I’ll show you how much I love the way you look in them later when I peel ‘em off.”

#tyler owens #hip dips are sexy #so are thick thighs

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outfoxt · 6 months ago

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I finally taped my chest for the first time and...well. I don't really know how to feel about it? I know that I'm not supposed to be completely flat, esp with a bigger chest but the person in the tutorial made it look flatter than what I got. it just looks like I moved my boobs. which is like. the opposite of what I want. there is still a visible tit outline in my shirt which is what I liked the most about my binder--the fact that it got rid of the tit outline :/ I'm gonna keep the tape on for the full 5 days I think but I'm just... dissatisfied I guess :///

#not to mention i wasted two pieces trying to get it on #he makes it look so easy in the video #but its really hard to contort your arms like that #all of my pieces got stuck to themselves or wrinkled or whatever #and i ended up having to cut patch-up pieces #idk if im ever going to do this again 😭#id rather just wear a binder

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thebirdandhersong · 2 months ago

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Lol

#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting #with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy #and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because #your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED #OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered #being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal #anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this #can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws #worries #and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please #also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up #in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite #but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying #you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents #but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents #not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up #that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY #you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard #i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation #and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far

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purpurussy · 4 months ago

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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adustoflove · 2 months ago

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Every time I cry, my first thought is just I wish Scrabble were here 😭

#personal #I miss him SO bad and everytime I cry im just reminded of how many times id just scream sob to him about things 💀😭#he probably thought this fucking dumb bitvh again 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😔😩😔😔😔😔😔#does she ever STOP crying 💀#and I love marley but hes just like. a different vibe to me. like he doesnt understand im sad and is happy to sit there #whether I throw up scream cry or not #i felt like scrabble kinda understood. . .. he probably didn't but he never...#well no he was just a huge fucking idiot #one time I was sobbing and I'd left my window open by mistake with scrabble in my room #and I had to pause my sobbing to run out on the roof and chase him back inside 💀#which happened fairly often ...or more than I'd like to admit #he WAS ALWAYS SAFE THOUGH I PROMISE........i just remember going outside once and him staring from the roof down at me on the sidewalk #💀😔 maybe it was more like ik youre crying but despite it all I am about to wreak chaos #marley is like idk what youre doing but I'm here to sleep as close to your face as humanly possible and then get annoyed when youre too #close

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lemongogo · 1 year ago

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hi

#yall ths art block is so bad its actually making me so stressed out😭😭😭#its been awful plenty of times before BUT THISSS???IT FEELS NEVER ENDINGGG #so fucking frustrating-__- and i was finally working on smth i had started to like yday #but i hit this mid point where i didnt know How 2 break thru from like .. rough > finished #and im like T__T . brah . head in my hands #IDK WHAT TO DOOOOOOO . < lamenting . < woe is me .#sry i luv talking abt it . its therapeutic tbh . what do u guys do when u are in this position #i also try to go back to basics and j do gesture studies until i feel more capable #but im like shakig the bars of my cage . let me do smt fun again. please ❤️ PLEASEE ❤️#i think part of it is also imposter syndrome whre like .. u see so many people u look up to doing so many cool things w their art #and its like . falling back into the trap of comparison and feeling like nothing u make can replicate the feeling of seeing those other #things ykwim🤔#sick in da head . i think its also a twt issue #like ever since i started posting on there ive been feeling like i have 2 make . quote unquote good things which . obviously dookie sentimen #bc any art is objectively good art there isnt like . U CANT BE BAD YKWIM HELP #but when i j posted to tumblr it was like . u send it off like slapping a horse on the ass and u see it ride away and its so lowkey #and fun.. the community here is so muchc fun .. j dont feel pressured here #smiles sweetly #<gi influence #maybe ill delete the app 4 a while until i feel normal again #guys we need to kill all social media #guys we need to go back to drawing sheep on rocks (<giotto ref(#if i had 2 elaborate ig it feels like . i am following the path of most resistance -__- like wading hesdstrong in2 waves that keep pushing #me back . theres so much i want to do Wish i could do but its like damn i can barely draw like two complete things over the course of 2-3 mo #from how HARD IT ISSS🚶and my aphantasia compounds it . fumbling arnd in a dark room hoping smth sticks #graa.. i think its the realization that i couldnt ever do art professionally bc im such an obstinate artist T_T #tbh saying all this now its like looking up in2 the eyes of all my art insecurities looming over me #CASTING 100 FT SHADOWWWW🧍#whteve . check back on me in 2 months hopefully i feel normal ab it then

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago

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I meant to write more for a pt 2 lore post earlier but didn't end up doing so, so pls take these AU sketches(Mark & Jense and then some assorted sketchies)

#i should never have drawn them as catboys bcs now they appear as catboys in mind half the time 😭😭#its only on paper but i drew more catboy sketches of them than whats included here 😭#seb reminds me of my cat where hes being all nice and cuddly and then will bite you out of nowhere #seb in his frilly nightgown is very important to me!!!#i meant to draw both of them in nightgowns but brain wasnt worked too well tonight #so thats why these are mostly half finished #the bottom seb is too remind myself i have a regular art style 😭😭😭#mark in this au is so funny to me. bro is tortured by having to be with seb like practically every waking moment #he basically is a offically provided live-in bestie 😭😭#*based on real life thing. i think its funny how you can be royalty yourself +#but bcs youre not part of the imperial family you can still be reduced to the job of having to dress the emperor 😭#^ so thats mark in this au #seb promoted him to an important role when he became emperor but still makes mark do his old duties 🤭🤭#jense is in charge of all the horses and transport and things. thus: ye olde horse girl #im sorry but in historical AUs all f1 drivers are legally obligated to be horse girls. its literally canon #so sorry for the catboy sketch. it will happen again.#but ig i dont wanna go too deep into lore stuff in these tags cause yeah. another post in the works!!#i think about it and have talked about it a lot. but its hard to like contain all of it to bullet points and such #my brain is not built for writing fic i think so idk of youll ever get that from me. but lore yes i will deliver #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #jenson button #mark webber #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art.#formula 1 #boy king au

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nomairuins · 4 days ago

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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww #i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces #but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this #video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one #supposes the point of all of this but idk #its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no #anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when #the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein #like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale #i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to #me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to #refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i #was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing #game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking #regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have #shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i #come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking #to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond #which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the #i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed #with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this #and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have #like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i #dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti #off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh

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orcelito · 3 months ago

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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !

#speculation nation #negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february #actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when #so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh #i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it #and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it #and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found #but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots #which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies

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kideternity · 8 months ago

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A side effect of getting into digimon is that it’s like. Really made me appreciate Mechas more and robot designs? Combined as well with reading comics like Atomic Robo and then last week watching bang brave bang Bravern. For years my interactions with mecha media was like, Trying to force myself to enjoy transformers, and unfortunately I just don’t think it’s a media franchise for me and it really stifled my ability to enjoy mecha as a genre because of trying to pigeonhole into that. I suppose this is a very roundabout way to say that if anyone has any mecha recommendations hit an ant up about this. And that I've also started getting into gunpla/mecha model kit building- I've made two so far (: and I have another kit I'd like to make soon. If you wanna see pics send me an ask and ill dm them

#dinu yells into the void #dinu yells in the void #tbh honestly at this point this isnt even a comic book blog no more. this is just like. ants general im doing whatever the fuck i want blog #i should really redo my card to reflect that lol 😭😭#but im lazy as hell #anyways. i think ive always genuinely liked robots #like i really love 853rd hourman whose like an android #i liked watching ghost in the shell #but i dont think i was ever properly hyperfixated on them or wanted to try and draw them like This Year #thanks to digimon #again no hate at all to transformers but trying to force myself to be a transformers guy really fucked with my relationship with mechas #or general robot media #i just cant make myself get invested in the lore for tf ) : im sorry #tf is like my lovely long distance friend that ppl i know are rly into but who i only know in passing and thats fine with me #im trying to rebuild my relationship w mech stuff hence the mecha model kit building. i literally just bought that shit on a whim tbh after #remembering gundam kits exist when going to comic con #but it was honestly really fun to do since ive also been trying to repair my relationship with sculpture crafts #via trying to make my own puppets and more abstract forms of sculpture #idk any of the lore for like gundams or mecha kits #so far my like buying philosophy has been getting the kits under 20 euros that just look really cute to me #maybe one day ill get into gundam for real. im open to any media suggestions!#anyways byeee i gotta get ready for the day

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martyr0l0gy · 9 months ago

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why are wrap-ankle ballet flats more expensive than the cost of actual damn en pointe ballet slippers 😭🎀

#im so upset rn fr you guys #i just want silly little ballet flats with ankle ribbonssssss #im going through a Phase of wanting to begin ballet again #i just always xatch myself doing it in the kitchen etc #but i dont want to take classes really #just get a barre and train by myself #but my flat is wayyyyyy too small #where is my 5 bedroom house with wooden floors throughout #idk if id ever go en pointe again because that fucks your shit up #but 😭#ive had a pair of practice soft slippers in my internet browser for 3 months now #plus my legs were Insane in hs #like the muscle was OOFT #coquette #ballet #ballerina #soft girl

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yunogf · 1 year ago

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#been sitting in my car for 30 min after clocking out then just making up errands to have an excuse to do smth #so i dont have to go home &be alone until i have smth to do again (go to work the next morning) :(((((#hate how u can go a whole day w out seeing someone &think ok maybe i can get a good nights sleep but then they show up #10 min before u leave for the day &then ur night is ruined bc u have trouble falling asleep #then have stress dreams when u do finally fall asleep #😞😞#ik its bc i havent confronted anything but i dont see myself ever doing it or rather initiating the confrontation bc idt it's my place #like what right do i have to disrupt what someone else has going to bring myself some ease #idk this probably doesnt make any sense i just need to vent bc i have cried in my car everyday after work for a month 😭#im ok ive just landed myself in a particularly shitty situation but only for me #everyone else is fine 🫠#&im a chronic overthinker so i have all these thoughts just swirling around &festering #im driving myself insane &then whenever im around.....the other ppl in this situation.....theres never a chance to let any of it out #im gonna explode at some point i know it &i dont want that to happen bc i dont want to be mean :(( but i also dont want to grow to resent #anyone bc this shit hasnt been properly dealt with :(((((#ugh .#changing of the weather isnt helping i feel like im 16 again in my dark bedroom driving myself insane 😭😭

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jaeyooniverse · 1 year ago

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sometimes i'll be listening to sf9 and it just hits me like this is why i'm still here with them, this is why i love them

#like i dont always have to energy to keep up with everything #or post abt them #so sometimes i feel like i'm falling off again but then #theyll come up on shuffle and i'm just like 🥺🥺 yeah i do really love sf9 🥺🥺🥺#i have similar feelings a lot of other times when i revisit groups i havent listened to for a while but yeah today we're in a sepgus mood #which i mean 9/10 im in a sepgu mood skgskshsk #like the emotions i feel when i listen to them sometime really just validates the fact theyre my ults 😭#esp my ult biases...you know those guys....... literally started tearing up hearing their voices 😭#just love hearing them and also thinking abt how much theyve done since i started stanning 🥺#idk where i was going with this but um #i just really love them :(#like even if i ever stop posting / dont post as much i am still very much loving them #tawa.log

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nomairuins · 3 months ago

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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day

#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this #which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is #like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again #but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier #but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare #since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how #ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only #likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me #unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate #but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or #gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that #week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go #buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family #r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask #abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt #being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa #kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of #me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to #fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i #shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr #n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy #that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid #like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of #my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to #handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i #cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much #if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything #it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are

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hecksupremechips · 7 months ago

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Pissy cuz I got re2 on my switch like a damn moron without really properly reading the description and it’s a version that requires internet connection to run and so I couldn’t even fight the first zombie cuz of how awful the game was cutting out 😭

#the klock keeps ticking #the good news is the game was on sale and i didnt spend actual money cuz i had funds from a gift card #but like. i still wasted 15 gift card dollars that i couldve used for a game that didnt need internet to work #i am such a fooool why didnt i read the description it like said it in big letters REQUIRES INTERNET TO WORK #i was just so excited to see the pretty leon and the pretty claire 🥺#maybe if i go somewhere with good internet i can try again aksjka but yeah lol trying it here is hopeless #our internet is sooo bad i was playing as leon and it starts with the gas station convenience store #couldnt walk and move the camera it was very laggy and the game kept flashing at me like BAD CONNECTION GRRRRRR #then when i went to shoot the funny zombie like damn i must hold the world record for worst attempt at a tutorial enemy ever #i obviously couldnt aim cuz the zombie was moving and everything i did was lagging behind and also when i went to shoot #i literally get possessed and just shot all my bullets at the wall like what the hell whyd i do that 😭#so yeah my fear of playing these games cuz i dont think id be very good at them is more than justified aljdks #im still upset though like i wanted to play this game dammit this sucks #idk why the switch version is like that it sucks and i am mad and angy 👺

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orcelito · 8 months ago

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Genuinely thinking about giving at least some of my alcohol away. Not quite wanting to get rid of my favorite vodka flavors yet, but the other ones + the ciders in my fridge...

Just kinda don't want them lol

#speculation nation #i still haven't had any alcohol since february 14th & i still dont know if ill ever want to drink again #the thought of alcohol just kinda makes me sick now.#ive enjoyed it in the past but now it just makes me think about how my dad died from alcoholism.#ive never been a binge drinker bc if i have more than 4 drinks at a time it Will make me nauseous #and ive only really drank maybe once or twice a month. usually no more than once a week at the most.#so like it's not like ive had much of a problem with alcohol before now #but it's also been my go-to for calming down my brain when im freaking out #and i have a history of using it as a form of self harm.#so a part of me knows that alcohol isnt good for me. and a part of me is scared of turning out like my dad someday.#better to just have nothing to do with it entirely. i dont want it. i dont want anything to do with it.#but at the same time my peach and strawberry vodka bottles are still relatively new and relatively full #and it'd feel like a waste of money to just give it away...😭😭😭😭#so maybe ill hold onto those. for a bit longer. idk.#i dont even know if this current mindstate is gonna keep up. it's only been a bit over a month.#maybe someday i'll feel leas uncomfortable around alcohol again #... but today is not that day. i dont want this fucking alcohol.#negative/#i guess. im just kinda trying to sort out my thoughts on it.#self harm ment/

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