#idk but I’m tired of feeling like this
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Can’t wait for the moment I won’t worry about my health anymore
#I honestly had enough#everytime I lil something weird about I panic#tomorrow is my MRI#I Hope they find the reason why am like this#everyone is sure it’s anxiety but even tho I never been diagnosed I know I’ve been dealing with anxiety since forever#maybe it did get worst but out of a sudden like this ??? it’s just so weird to me#except my health nothing makes me more anxious than I was last month or even last year#I feel like I’m even more at peace with what makes me anxious….#idk but I’m tired of feeling like this#i also hope whatever the answer will be that it’s not dangerous for my life#and that there’s a solution cause I’m going to go insane#the concert was great but I feel like it may have fucked up my body again I climb so many stairs cause I was at the balcony 😭#alex.txt
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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idk what we’re all calling the concept of fiddlestan working together but i’m calling my version the portal partners AU 🙏🏼
#gave it a name bc i was kinda tired of calling it the Fidds and Stan Work Together on the Portal AU#it’s called portal partners bc they’re partners in fixing the portal partners in running the shack AND partners in life#ik i’m not the only one to think of an au where they start working together after ford goes missing#but i don’t see a lot of people really showing the older version of them ? i don’t think ?#like i’ve seen canon older fiddlestan but not older fiddlestan after working together for 30 years ? idk#also figured fidds would look different in a world where he doesn’t lose his mind in his 30s#🤷🏻♂️#gay old men#yay#stan looks and acts the same btw he just happens to also have a very longterm bf to be gay with#gravity falls took place before gay marriage was legal (jesus christ that’s crazy to think about) so that’s why i say very longterm bf#(this means ford would be back in time to attend their wedding tho so. best man ford real. fidd & ford may be sort-of-exes but it’s fine)#gravity falls#gravity falls au#fiddlestan#also… petition to start calling fiddlestan fiddley#bc fiddle(ford) + (stan)ley …. fiddley… u see the vision????#fiddley#🙂↕️🙏🏼#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart#idk man i’m gonna tag the au too ig#portal partners au#gravity falls portal partners au#???#my art#(i guess? used a fidds base then redrew it with my changes so idk)#rystiart#sorry if someone’s done smthn similar bc i feel like this idea of them working together is pretty popular maybe 😭
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I’m sending this anonymously but this is NOT anon hate
You are such a good person, i think. Your latest post(as of 4:10pm Arizona, US time) spoke to me really hard. My father is a cop, in the united states, arizona, duh. And he used to be such a good person, he was a security guard and a damn good one too, and later in he became a prison guard because it paid better, and then he joined the police force.
I’d like to think that hes one of the good ones, and for the most part he is. A lot of my delinquent friends over the years who’ve had run-ins with him say that he gets them breaks, he takes care of them, hes a good cop. I’ve even seen body camera footage of him in the field and i’m proud to say that hes my dad. He calls out bad actors where he sees them, and he gets punished for it. He doesnt see the system or how his punishments are by design. And he continues turning in his cog, begrudgingly, and slightly out of time, but he thinks hes making a difference
Sorry for the ramble and essay, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog and i think you are a very nice human being. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
P.s. i’m totally basing an oc off of your outlook on security. You strike me as more of a superhero than a security guard.
-🦕 anon
Oh, that’s a super flattering take and a valuable perspective- so thank you! But I’m a gullible dumbass, and not even an incredibly smart or fit one- I just want people to be happy and safe. That’s all. And I don’t want to BE a cop, I’ve NEVER wanted to be a cop, but every time the request comes around I feel like I’m wearing down.
I keep wondering if I could help MORE in a position like that.
Probably like your dad did.
Here, people know they’re safe with me because I shut down the gunhappy jerks, but I don’t know how long it would take to truly make a difference in public security, or how many of my morals I’d have to compromise to get to that point
I feel objectively like a system so archaic and flawed can’t be changed from the inside, but another part of me says that you don’t need to change an entire system to make a difference where it counts
I believe that so many bad situations and life-changing moments can be diverted or changed by a single person in the right place at the right time- and I figure, if I trust myself to do the right thing and BE the right person, shouldn’t I do my best to put myself in those places?
But good intentions, roads to hell, you know? I don’t WANT to be a cop. But I want to be able to DO SOMETHING about the thinks I dislike seeing in conflicts. SOMEONE has to be willing to do that, right?
I’m not religious, you know? But the devil can be very convincing
#I don’t trust cops#I’ve met bad cops#but a lot of bad things have been done by people in systems of power willing to go against orders#And boy howdy am I good at going against orders#And I like people#I genuinely like people#The hero thing is very kind of you#But mostly I just like feeling like I can make things better#We all need to believe that we can make things better#idk#I’ve met shit cops#But ive also met shit guards#And here I am as a guard#stealing their place#so as long as I’m here#they can’t be#I outrank the bastards now#So they have no power#Is that a healthy five year plan#or do I need to talk to my therapist some more#Fuck my life I’m tired#Do you think your dad was a good person anon?#Do you think he made the world better?#Teablart#tagging for later
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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phinktober day 11: ur fav AU
i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo
(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)
ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3
#soz copied caption from twt i have been drawing for 7 hours straight i need to drink water eat something take a piss and a shower and sleep#no braincell rn#goodbye it is wine time#hope yall like this idfk what people what these days other than ship art but im not doing that so sorry no knights fucking for you#just me making them look like me bc i’m a narcissist etc#god i am way too tired to be yapping rn i have no filter whatever ABYWAY HASHTAG DANIPHIW#art2 and craft2#dnp#phanart#dan and phil#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#phinktober#punk edits irl come back to me please#i’m missing a fkn hashtag i just know it whatever i don’t CARE im TIRED i have eaten nothing but half a jar of picked today i feel so goblin#idk why i tunnelvisioned w this piece it’s not even that good or detailed LMFAO#actually the tattoos were a BITCH and also made me sad bc of my whole failed tattooing career etc#OH MY GOD WHY AM I YAPPING SO MUCH SOMEONE EUTHANISE ME#good NIGHT !!!!!!#pickles not picked btw but i’m not retyping all of that#now i’m sad bc i’m out of pickles and it’s 10pm and everything is shut:( hate my stupid gay life
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Chat…. I haven’t drawn in 5ever… here’s some Postal Dudes…
#fades back into the Highschool Horrors Shadows#BUT SERIOUSLY I PROMISE IM STILL ALIVE#schools just been giving me the worst art block uhhggg#but this guy is fun to draw and I really liked the brush soo… IDK IDK I’m tired#art#my art#sketch#fanart#postal#postal dude#I don’t. feel like tagging which dudes they are
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“This Is A Bad Idea”
“I Don’t Care”
Uhh HAPPY VALENTINES DAY *throws guys kissing at you and runs away*
If you wanna see more of them I have a LOT on my Patreon. Uhhhh yeah bYE —
#I’m so tired of being afraid of sharing simple smooching#what’s some making out between two dudes in their mid 20’s?#they are down bad#*shakes them in a jar full of marbles*#kissing#smooching#make out#idk how else to tag this#leoichi#LeoSagi#they ARE ADULTS OKAY#(hate feeling like I need to defend myself before posting anything but it’s my art and my au and I can do what I want)#I hope ppl like this#I just really love how the arm and hand on Leo came out#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME
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So uh…. That pose, huh?
#Jeff absolutely ate#what an absolute icon#I love the narrator#never getting over that eyeliner#but yeah I know I’m definitely not the only one to have drawn him doing this pose#just because it’s so good#dare I say we are all based for doing so#I drew this yesterday but I’m just posting it now#because uhhhhhh#I do what I want I suppose#also don’t worry I’m not forgetting about the fun facts- I’m just really tired and I don’t feel like it yknow#I gotta collect some more and then I’ll come back with em#but yeah I had a cool idea for a bigger CC piece that I’m really excited to draw#so that’ll happen eventually#idk ive got a lot to work on so it might take a minute#but yeah there’s that#cinderella’s castle spoilers#cinderella’s castle#cinderellas castle#cinderellas castle spoilers#cc spoilers#starkid spoilers#Starkid#team starkid#the lands that are#the narrator#jeff blim#my art
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Steve being indignant over the girls in Hawkins not being interested in Eddie and Eddie's like I mean, it's fine, I'm gay, I'm not interested in them, and Steve's like that's not the point! You're hot! What's wrong with them?
#steddie#Steddie headcanon#this feels unfinished but it was in my drafts so have it anyway lol#Steve x eddie#pizzaqueentxt#anyway then they move somewhere else and the girls are all over Eddie and Steve is like nope don’t like this either! 😂#does this even make sense??? I’m so tired#clearing out my drafts#also this is assuming girls don’t show interest in him which idk I’m sure some do but it doesn’t work if they do what am I sayinggggg ugh
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tee hee it’s the little guy
wanted to draw them cause they’re a cutie patootie fr fr
also i couldn’t decide whether he looked better with or without the backsplash so here’s both
headshots ig
ya know this was also an excuse to draw his freckles
and test out my new colored pencils lol
#ink sans#utmv#ugh#little guy#he’s so skrunkly and i’m tired of pretending they’re not#also i love his fangs#and i decided to give them a ✨little tail✨#idk how to feel about it#but i think i like it?#maybe#it might disappear 😔#noooooo the quality 😩#where did it go???#sleepies art
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Can I be real honest and admit how much it saddens me that Instagram doesn’t even let me check if my friends or mutuals liked a post or story without slapping me with “insights” and how good or bad I’m doing regarding my content. I? Don’t care? God forbid I just want to share drawings or funny stories just for the heck of it . why does everything have to be about your account’s performance.
#pix habla#being a people pleaser and struggling with being good enough makes this worse for me#not right now I’m doing so much better really#but it makes me sad to the point of tears this is all that matters#I miss simpler times when it was just about sharing stuff with friends or people who’d enjoy it#I also made the mistake of opening comments on popular posts and it’s all just ? complaints ? people asking for more and complaining when#it doesn’t cater to what they want#I’m really tired 👉👈 idk#it just feels like keeping up with the algorithm ruins art and even just people’s feelings in general#it shouldn’t be about that#Eugh#anyway I can’t even check who likes my stuff it’s just a number now#a number attached to an analysis about performance and account activity#again… that’s so incredibly depressing#but I digress pffft#:’> I’m ok just had to get that off my chest#it’s been bothering me#I see artists I look up to struggling to stay in the algorithm and it shows their art has suffered for it#it kinda hurts to see it yknow#but again. I digress!!!#-sad shimi dance- Shakira Shakira…
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misa my love
#death note#misa amane#alcohol#i adore her i love her sm she’s perfect and i love her very much#i drew this at a ridiculous hour and i’m also writing this at a ridiculous hour and also i might even post this at a ridiculous hour so#that’s how it is#anyways i tried using thinner lines for once thicker lines like feel better to draw and shit they work better for my style i think but#i like thin lines too they’re just sneaker to me yeah they’re sneakier they like do things that thicker lines don’t and they feel different#w my pen even though they are just smaller idk they have vibes that are different anyways goodnight goodbye i’m tired
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Seeing other aroace people who ship Radioapple is the best
It’s like, no matter which way you ship it, you get it. Like some deeper sense of understanding we all have?? Does that make sense?
#this is just me ranting a bit#idk how to explain this I’m a lil tired#like a deeper sense of community and understanding#and the freedom to explore how that relationship would work while trying to navigate our own feelings surround it??#I know that doesn’t specifically apply to every aroace but it’s something I see a lot#radioapple#appleradio#ship talk#text post#also applies to any other Alastor ship#I just personally only enjoy appleradio out of all of em
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Why the hell are people whitewashing Steven Rudboys???
I look at fan arts and sometimes I just see Steven with light skin…
Respectfully, I’m not going to post other ppl’s art. U guys can look for urselfs. There is some art that make him with a light complexion.
#thats not my neighbor#tnmn#thats not my neighbor game#that’s not my neighbor#tnmn fandom#steven rudboys#tnmn steven rudboys#I’m tired to seeing fan art where he is white as a ghost#I’m scared of white Steven Rudboys#i headcanon him as Mexican#stop whitewashing#I feel like this needs to be talked about more#idk if a lot of people notice#that’s not my neighbor Steven#it’s not cute or funny to whitewash characters#it erases diversity#Steven is handsome the way he is#I see it on tumblr too
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do you actually view nonbinary people as non-binary or as binary people too scared to come out
this is a wild thing to ask someone who’s very openly not binary. like what even prompted you to send this? even if you didn’t know that i’m not binary trans, what have i said that would lead you to think i don’t believe in nonbinary people? is it just the fact that i’m a trans man and talk about being one on here? because sometimes it really feels like that’s all it takes for some of y’all to just assume i hate nonbinary people, as if those are mutually exclusive categories (which is ironically an exorsexist assumption in itself).
anyway, if it needed to be said, of course i view nonbinary people as nonbinary. it would be very silly of me to feel differently given that i’m not a binary trans person myself and that most of the trans people i’m close to in real life are nonbinary. i would strongly encourage you to ask yourself what it is about me that made you feel the need to ask me this in the first place.
#i am. so tired#anon hate#<- idc if it wasn’t meant as that or doesn’t seem that way to other people bc at this point? i’m done treating these as genuine questions#like this is what i mean when i talk about how frustrating it is to be a trans man with a complex gender#bc it really feels like other nonbinary people will just. see that you’re a man and assume not only that you’re not part of the community#but that you must be actively hostile toward it#idk. maybe i’m reading too much into this question but it feels shitty and i’m not gonna pretend it doesn’t
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