#and that there’s a solution cause I’m going to go insane

[yoohyeon]

Can’t wait for the moment I won’t worry about my health anymore

[drewharrisonwriter]

Donor

Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Pairings: Bestie Henry Cavill x OFC A/N, Warnings: 18+, Talk of artificial insemination, peeing in a cup, sperm, and more. LOL I wrote this in an hour, IDK where I pulled this from. Not beta-ed. Also, I'm pretty sure this doesn't make so much sense in terms of plot, and being realistic. But come on, let this delulu queen live her life. You're welcome to join. Summary: You ask (beg) your best friend, Henry to donate--sperm.

I’m AO3, too as MoonDjarin ^_^

“Hank, pleaaaase…” You pleaded, dragging the last word. Henry laughed at your frustration but still could not wrap his head around what you’re asking of him.

“You’re going insane.” He jokes, causing you to drop your back on the carpet with a soft thud, covering your face with your palms as you landed.

“It’s just like peeing in a cup.” Your reply came out muffled. Henry just snorted and tried his best to stifle a laugh.

Nearly 18 years of friendship and here you are, seemingly at the end of your rope, asking your best friend to father the child you so ache for and he laughs at your ridiculous solution, telling you he’s not going to be responsible for a “turkey baster baby”.

“I don’t like peeing in a cup. Besides, why go the turkey baster way when you can go… au naturelle?”

“You know exactly why…” You said, sitting up, and gathering the profiles of sperm donors from the (sperm) bank. You and Henry had been going through each profile over the past few hours, laughing and making faces at the notes.

“And I thought Tinder was bad.” He commented earlier.

Henry got up and took the bottles of beer on the coffee table and walked back to the kitchen to open new ones.

“Tell me why won’t you do it?” You asked him, eyes round and glazed with tears that are threatening to fall any second.

He hates seeing you like this.

He sighed and admitted, “If I were to have any children of my own, I’d rather have them borne out of love and not out of… desperation after a really bad break up.”

“But I’m not asking you to be… a father. Just a donor.” You countered.

"Darling, please. Reaaally think about what you're asking of me."

"I have! I wouldn't be asking you if I haven't. Come on, Hank..."

"Right, not more than an hour after dropping sperm bank Tinder and you've thought this through." He said sarcastically and you pouted.

"Well, think about it, too!" You asked of him. "It's the ideal situation."

"How? Tell me exactly why it's so ideal." He said, running a hand through his face and resting his chin on his palm as he waited for your brilliant idea.

"Well, first of all, we love each other. So the child won't be borne not out of love." You began, mocking his accent and his statement from earlier. He snickered and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Jesus," He muttered.

"Plus, I won't ask you for anything, Hank. No child support, no emotional support. You don't have to see them. You're not even going to be on the birth certificate."

Henry winced at each of your points. "Darling, you know so well that I'm always your emotional support. And d'you really think I can go around just being Uncle Hank?” He replied with an eye roll as he took a sip of his beer.

"Yeah, how hard could that be?" You exclaimed.

"Very." He said sternly, looking you straight in the eye.

"Y/N." He began. "You know so well I won't be able to sit here with you holding a child knowing it's mine and not be involved in all ways."

“God, you’re too emotional.” You rolled your eyes at his response as you drank from your beer bottle.

“I am! And I’m sorry, darling. I can’t just give away my children. They’re not the meals you make for me every week.”

You laughed at that. "So you admit it, you don't like the meals I prep for you?"

"That's beside the point."

You'll get back to that later. You sighed out loud as you both drank.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why do you desperately want this?”

That ought to get you thinking hard.

You sighed and asked yourself the same thing, reflecting on what started this vision of yourself with a child, and what turned it to longing and aching, then desperation.

Growing up without present parents, you basically become an extended Cavill sibling. The sister they never had, or as the youngest Cavill, Charlie, would like to joke, the no-choice sister. That family took you in like their own kin, having you over for dinner almost every evening, and spending weekends and vacations with them.

It's not that you're not well off, financially. Your parents were just really successful actors who don't pay you much any attention but showers you with plenty of lavish gifts and an American Express Black card. Which, Henry's mother found really heartbreaking and his father pitied you on.

You were 15 when you met Henry. He was already a budding actor with a couple of productions and a movie or two in his portfolio. You were a bright and young singer-songwriter from Italy, about to break it into the English-language audience with a catchy single that Henry happened to star in the music video of.

It was easy falling into a friendship with Henry. He was kind, funny, a little nerdy, but he's also such a gentleman, and treats you and talks to you like an equal despite the five-year age gap.

It didn't take long before you met his family when he invited to his birthday party. You didn't know exactly how the events played out that day, but somehow, at the end of it all, you walked out of their home being a part of it.

You got along so well with his brothers, you and his mother already sharing secrets. You figured she was excited to have a girl in the house as none of her children would bring their girlfriends for them to meet. His father was so easy to please, a couple of jokes here and a few football arguments there, and you won his heart. Not like you were even trying, but you were glad that you got along with all of them.

Henry drove you home that night and when he parked in your empty driveway, he jumped out to open the door for you. You cried in the passenger seat with the door open and he stood there, leaning on the doorframe as you confessed to him your jealousy and longing for that kind of family.

He pulled you in and wrapped you in a tight hug beneath the street lamp.

"Hank, you know so well there is nothing I want more in life at this moment than to have a family."

"I don't get it, Y/N." He said quietly, "You're definitely the smartest person I know. You're a literal genius..." He thought of your first few conversations on the set of your first English-language music video, and learning that not only you spoke several languages fluently, but you are also about to start university at such an early age. It impressed him so much.

"You've accomplished so much in your career, you're still young, there are so many things you can do with your life, why do you go back to this?" He asked and you just shrugged.

"I feel incomplete. What can I say? A dream is a dream."

"Gerry was a dream, too." He said and you looked at him surprised at bringing up your ex fiancé.

He was indeed a dream. You met Gerry at an evening talk show as a fellow guest. He didn't hide the fact that he was so enamored by you and that he's such a big fan of your music. You, being a fan of him, too, was just so happy to hear him say all that in person.

It was an instant connection, and it didn't take long for you and Gerry to start a long, and at the time, seemingly, lasting and perfect relationship.

"Sorry." He muttered. "But it makes me wonder, you never talked about it, just casually said that things didn't work out. Knowing you, things don't just not work out like that."

And he's right, you know he's right.

Gerry loves you a lot. You love him, too. But for all the years you've been together with the high-profile action star, the talk of kids almost never came up, at least the serious talk about kids. Until you brought it up soon after he proposed, and he confessed that he had a vasectomy shortly before you met.

You were not mad. You understood, vasectomies are reversible. But Gerry didn't want to have it reversed, ever. He admitted that the reason he got it in the first place was to not accidentally have kids as he fully intended to be childless.

You understood that, too. But it broke your heart.

Regardless, you had a clean break up, but never felt the need to tell people, even your friends or family as to why. Just that things didn't work out.

"Gerry didn't want to start a family." You told Henry.

"What?" He asked, surprised. His brows furrowed and his mouth hung slightly open at your revelation. You just nodded.

"I don't understand, you were to be married." You just nodded again, and took a sip of your beer. You told him the truth about Gerry, and Henry felt his heart breaking for you.

Henry reached for your hand from across the coffee table, enveloping your tiny hands in his big ones.

"And that's a deal breaker for you." He said softly, coming to the realization.

"Yeah." You replied. "So... there you go."

"But you know what comes after the last one, right?"

"What?"

"The next one." He joked, trying to make the air in the room lighter. He smiled at his success when you snickered.

"I'm tired, Hank. Tired of getting to know new people. I've been with Gerry for four years, and before that... well you know." It was Henry's turn to snicker.

He knows so well. All the heartbreaks, disappointments, even the rebounds, met most of them. He was always there at your highest of highs, and always down with you when things didn't work out.

"I get that." He finally answered, thinking about his own strings of ex girlfriends, and an ex-fiancé. At one point, you both feel very proud of the situation you found yourselves in, both engaged to beautiful people at the same time.

You even toasted to it last New Year's eve, not knowing that both promises of a lifetime of love would fall apart in a matter of months. He, too, wanted what you wanted. A family of his own, being the only one amongst his brothers to be single and childless.

He thought he might have had that with his ex fiance. Telling him she was pregnant when she caught a whiff of him about to break things off. He was caught off guard when she told him and he didn't even waste a moment to put a ring on her finger, falling for her lies.

Maybe it was not so bad, making your dream come true. You can always discuss co-parenting, he thought and he's sure you'd allow it.

He pondered on it some more.

Henry rested his head on the cool glass top of the coffee table, his hand never left yours. He let out a breath, fogging the glass beneath him as he gently squeezed your hand.

He shut his eyes tight, and muttered to himself, "Please don't make me regret this."

"What?" You asked, not quite hearing what he said.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, I'll do it. I'll--be your turkey baster baby's donor."

With that you burst out crying and he stood up, took your hand and guided you to his arms. He wrapped you up in that big, warm hug, that you always find comfort in.

"Set an appointment in the morning, darling." He whispered and you cried some more and muttered a yes, thank you.

18 years of friendship with Henry Cavill, and this is where you find yourself: at a crossroads that neither of you could have predicted.

The weight of his decision settled between you like a tangible presence, and as you hugged each other tightly, you knew that this was a turning point in your relationship, an uncharted territory.

Read next part: Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[radawayghoul]

His Little Dove | Chapter 1

The Plan

Warnings: cursing, slight age difference, innuendos, height difference, ummm calling people names, angst, i think i switched from second to third POV at a certain point so..bad/subpar writing is a warning lol, 18+ only, MDNI

Pairing: Lee Russell x Reader (AFAB)

Word Count: 2,123

A/N: it's finnniisshheeddd!! ugh i actually am so insanely proud of this chapter!! thank you so much to everyone who has been waiting to read this!! i'm genuinely so honored and am starting chapter two as we speak!! the comments and stuff really motivate me so much 🥹

 Following behind Lee and Neal, Y/N listened in on their conversation, a bit confused as to why you’d been invited. 

“Oh, Jesus Christ, the bloodbath begins,” Lee said around a mouth full of smoke, “She’s got me off my rocker, Gamby. We gotta act quick,” Lee adjusted his hold on his cigarette, “Now, she’s tied up in teacher reviews for the next 72 minutes. That gives us some time.” 

Y/N arched a brow. “Time to do what, Lee?” You questioned him, “Who exactly are we sabotaging?” Y/N knew the name of Lee’s game by now. 

“Oh, great, Russell, why did you invite her?! She’s not even familiar with the parameters of our plan!” Neal exclaimed, yanking his toothpick out from between his teeth, pausing in the middle of the school parking lot. 

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Gamby!” Lee whined, “Treat Y/N with a little respect! Ohhh, Y/N, darlin’, I’m so sorry for this fat fuckin’ losers disrespect, please just ignore him, okay, pretty bird?” Lee gave you a sickeningly sweet smile before turning back to Neal with a disgruntled look, “Loosen the fuck up or I will do this shit on my own motherfucker. Now, let’s go dig up some dirt on that grimy bitch.” 

Neal scoffed but followed after Lee begrudgingly, Y/N speeding up her steps to keep up. 

You had no idea WHO you were sabotaging but you weren’t one to say no to Lee. You never said no to Lee Russell. And you absolutely never fucking would. 

-----------

The three of them rolled up on a house that Y/N knew all too well. Lee’s house. This did little to lessen your confusion but you trusted Lee. 

“Is this where she lives? What a shit-hole.” Neal chuckled. 

Y/N snorted as Lee ripped off his sunglasses. 

“This is my house, motherfucker! It’s a mid-century sea ranch!” Lee yelled, huffing a sigh before continuing, “Now, stay here, I gotta go get somethin’.” Lee got out of the car and strutted towards his front door. 

“You should go easier on him, Neal. Really.” Y/N said, crossing her arms, leaning back into her seat. 

“Oh shut up, Y/N! God! Stop being so pretentious.” Neal groaned, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. 

Y/N looked over as Lee was followed out of the house by his screaming mother-in-law, Mi Cha, looking stressed to the heavens. 

“Shut up! Shut up! All I hear is gibberish from you, shut up! Go back in the house!” Lee yelled before turning to walk towards the car, “Like nails on a fuckin’ chalkboard.” He groaned, stopping when he got to the car, closing his eyes in frustration as the woman kept screaming, “GO BACK IN THE HOUSE!!!” He yelled louder this time, pointing angrily at the open door. 

“FUCK YOU!” Mi Cha yelled, finally walking back inside. 

Lee grunted as he got back inside the car, a noise that made the butterflies in the pit of your stomach stir, shoving a bag into the back of the car into your lap. 

“Y/N, would you be a dear and hold this?” Lee smiled at Y/N, always being so sweet with her, even if he was out of breath. His smile dropped, however, the minute he turned towards Neal. “Go.” Lee demanded.

“Everything okay?” Neal questioned. 

“Just go.” Lee sighed, leaning heavily into the passenger seat. 

Y/N’s heart hurt for Lee. He was always under so much stress. Ever since his mother-in-law moved in, he had not been doing so well. He’d been a bit…wilder than usual. Always wanting to get into something scandalous or cause some sort of raucous to relieve his stress. Was it always the best solution? No. No it wasn’t. But, Y/N wasn’t going to deny Lee any sort of stress relief…even if it did mean they’d have to cover for him. 

-----------

Neal cleared his throat as the three of them continued their journey to wherever it was that they were going. 

“So, uh, was that woman your wife?” Neal asked, looking over at Lee nervously. 

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle slightly. 

Lee looked at him completely disgusted. “Don’t be asking me personal questions. We ain’t fuckin’ friends, okay? This is business.” Lee scoffed. 

“Leeee..” Y/N said quietly, leaning up slightly to rest their hand on Lee’s shoulder, “Breathe.” Y/N massaged his shoulder, trying to help him relax. 

Lee relaxed a little into Y/N’s touch, taking a deep breath. Y/N was really the only one to have this sort of effect on Lee. She could calm him in almost any and all situations unless he was really, really stressed. 

“Friends?” Neal laughed, “I am not trying to be your friend.” 

“Over here tryin’ to make a fuckin’ friend and we about to do a mission.” Lee scoffed, leaning back into Y/N’s touch even further. 

Neal looked between the two of them with a raised brow, “You’re the one trying to make friends the most.” Neal challenged. 

Lee sighed, slipping his sunglasses back onto his nose. “Just shut up, Gamby, god!” 

Y/N shook her head at the two of them, pulling her hand off of Lee to sit back once more. 

-----------

The group of them rolled to a stop in a very well-off looking neighborhood. 

“Who are we here for, Lee?” Y/N questioned, peering out the window of the car. 

“Dr. Brown’s deep, dark secrets.” Lee smiled mischievously, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“Belinda?! Lee…honey, I need you to bring yourself back to earth for a moment. You know I support you in all that you do but this is a suicide mission, sweetheart.” Y/N told him sweetly, sighing a little. She knew this man was up to something scandalous. 

“Don’t start, Y/N. God, you both just really wanna piss on my parade, don’t you? Maybe you two should be fuckin’ butt buddies and I’ll do the work that fuckin’ matters.” Lee grumbled, getting out of the car. 

Y/N sighed, following after him while Neal awkwardly stayed in the car. 

“Lee, sweetheart, you know it’s not like that at all!” Y/N said, walking over to place a hand on his back, “Don’t get all grumpy with me like that, it hurts my feelings, doll.” Y/N frowned up at him. 

Lee scanned Y/N’s face with his famous sad puppy dog eyes before letting out a frustrated sigh. “Alright fine, fuck!” He exclaimed, looking down at his feet, “I’m sorry, okay? There I said it. Now, come help me take this dirty bitch to hell?” Lee looked at Y/N with a cute smile, batting his lashes at her. 

Y/N closed her eyes. “I’m gonna regret this..but fine. I’d do anything for you.” Y/N muttered, shaking her head. 

“Are you two weirdos finished? We’re running out of fucking time!” Neal grumbled as he stomped over to them. 

Lee rolled his eyes, grabbing Y/N’s hand to drag her towards Dr. Brown’s house. “Shut up, Gamby!” 

The three of them shortly arrived at Belinda’s house where Neal and Lee began digging their way through the woman’s garbage. 

“Ugh,” Y/N gave them a disgusted look, “Lee, I love you, but that is fucking repulsive.” 

“Oh, please, just pretend I’m digging in your ass, that’ll make the picture a whole lot prettier.” Lee winked at Y/N with a smirk.

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat, heat rapidly rising to her cheeks. “Lee fucking Russell, do not say that shit to me,” Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, feeling sheepish. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t love it when I talk dirty to you, darlin’.” Lee’s smile grew as he took in her red appearance. 

“So..uh..I’m confused, are you two like..dating..or..?” Neal questioned, watching the pair with an expressionless face. 

“NO!” Y/N said much too quickly before steadying herself, “No, we’re just friends. Lee just doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up.” She grumbled. 

Lee placed an offended hand on his chest. “That no was a little too quick for my liking. What? Am I not good enough for you little miss honors English teacher? Huh? Not good enough for the little straight A, fuckin’ teacher of the goddamn year?!” Lee scoffed, his brows narrowed slightly. He looked genuinely hurt by her rushed response. 

“You’re fucking married, Lee!” Y/N yelled at him, eyes wide, “Why the fuck would I ever agree to someone asking if we’re dating, idiot?!” 

“Oh, don’t you start callin’ me fuckin’ names now, missy!” Lee pointed an accusing finger at her, scrunching his face up the way he does when he’s upset about something. 

“Right. Okay um, it seems like you two have a lot to work out and I really don’t care to hear the rest of this conversation because you’re both fucking stupid and I don’t care about either of you.” Neal ranted awkwardly before walking towards Belinda’s steps.

Y/N and Lee rolled their eyes at each other, following after Neal. 

“Oh..there’s no fucking way we’re breaking in here!” Y/N scolded, giving Lee a disapproving look. 

Lee shrugged, shooing Neal towards the door. 

Neal popped off his tie, wrapped it around his hand, and busted open one of the windows on the back door before sticking his hand through to pop the lock. 

“Jesus Christ,” Y/N muttered, shaking her head. She pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh, “what are y’all getting me into?” 

“Oh shush.” Lee scolded, waltzing into Belinda’s house behind Neal. 

Y/N followed close behind. “Lee, we should not be doing this. You’re smarter than this.” 

Lee stopped and turned around to give her a cold gaze. “Am I, Y/N? Hm?” He challenged, walking towards her dangerously slow, “You don’t really know me all that well, do you?” He smirked, standing so close to her she could feel his breath fanning her face. 

Y/N gulped, trembling slightly as she peered up at him. “Stop it,” She said quietly, looking away from him, “You always fucking tease me and it’s not fucking fair, Lee, jesus.” She snapped, immediately turning and walking back out the door. 

Lee chased after her, grabbing her by her elbow. “Hey now. What's the matter with you?! Where the fuck are you going?” 

“Back to my fucking job, Lee. I am not doing this. Belinda hasn’t done shit to me. Look…I love you, Lee, I really do. You’re my best friend but this job is my fucking life. But you wouldn’t get that, would you? Because you’ve got fucking everything. You’re married, you’ve got a beautiful home, a nice car.” Y/N took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. She was overwhelmed with her feelings. His teasing usually never bothered her but today...today was different for some reason. She just couldn't go through with this any longer. “I understand why you’re doing this..and I want to help you, Lee, believe me, I do. But I can’t lose this job.” Y/N finally looked up at him, almost taken aback by the sincere look on his face. 

“Go,” He said, softly, “I’ll meet you back at the school..okay? For lunch. Like always.” Lee held out his pinky. It was their tradition to link pinkies when making plans as a promise to not let each other down. 

Y/N nodded, curling her smaller pinky around his larger one. “Like always.” She pulled her hand away, starting her journey back to the school on foot. It wasn’t far, she wouldn’t have any trouble getting there but leaving Lee behind like that when he had been counting on her to help him really broke her heart. But she couldn’t lose this job. It was all she had that kept her connected to Lee and she’d be the first to go if anyone found out about this scheme. She couldn’t risk it - couldn’t risk her livelihood and her job. Lee was everything to her. Everything. Lee was and always will be her livelihood. 

-----------

Back at Belinda’s, Lee walked back into the house with a determined look on his face, now upset that his one and only friend bailed on him. 

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” Neal said while scanning the wall of Belinda’s photos.

“What the fuck did you just say to me, Gamby?” Lee said pissily, narrowing his brows at him. 

“That girl loves you..and you’re just blind to it..I’m not good with women but you shouldn’t use her the way you do.” Neal shrugged. 

“Shut the fuck up, you ass face, you have no fucking idea what you’re even talkin’ about.” Lee scoffed, stomping off up the stairs of Belinda’s house. 

That couldn’t be right, could it? Could you really love him in that way? 

‘No,’ Lee thought, shaking his head, ‘There’s no way…right?’ 

Right? 

--

tag list: @one-of-thewalkingdead @itsyellow @ajeff855 @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @casiaregina @dried-mushroom @justme12200 @wtfwhyanyway @sequoiassoul @saturnbourne @ryankaylamartin96 @avidreadee123 @theweirdoneee @saltysultry @radskull-69 @deviantgamergirl @caligrl1992 @littlenosoul @sir-henry-may @spatialwave @danveration

[hypnoneghoul]

i saw a tweet saying “doggy style so we can both watch the movie” and it immediately made me think of Phantom saying it to whoever he was watching a movie with lol

so maybe if you are up for it, may I request it for a fic?👉🏻👈🏻

its short cause i didnt know to do with it hjdhfsd

anal, objectification if you squint

Phantom and Swiss were watching a movie in the latter’s room. It was peaceful and relatively quiet, until the younger ghoul started getting handsy, which in turn became Swiss getting handsy with him. As usual, one thing led to another, and soon enough they were both hard and needy. 

That’s when Swiss made a joke about how Phantom really wanted to see the movie they were initially watching and how it all turned out. He took it seriously, though, and came up with a…solution to their problem.

“You’re not serious…right?” was what Swiss had said at first. Phantom was serious.

“Yeah, no, why pause the movie if we can…you know? It makes sense!”

 This is how they ended up in their current predicament.

With Phantom on his hands and knees on the edge of Swiss’ bed, the multi ghoul fucking him from behind as the movie they have picked earlier played on the laptop propped up against the headboard.

“Oh, fuck–that’s…that was stupid,” Phantom moans out and Swiss has no idea what he’s talking about.

“W–what, shit, what’s stupid?” he asks, snapping his hips against the other ghoul’s ass and making the loud noise of skin slapping on skin drown out the sounds of the film. Swiss couldn’t care less about that stupid movie. How could he, with Phantom’s tight ass gripping his cock like a vice?

“Everybody knows not to–ah—walk into creepy buildings like that,” the quintessence ghoul says and Swiss figures it’s about the movie and not them fucking. That would be an interesting metaphor.

“Uh–uh,” he replies dumbly, having absolutely zero idea about who was walking into where as he shoves himself back into Phantom again. He moans at the abuse of his hole, arches his back even further than he already was and Swiss can’t tear his eyes away from his round asscheeks and his pink hole all stretched around his dick.

Phantom’s own eyes, though, are still somehow locked on the screen.

“Are y–you gonna do any–oh–thing?” Swiss grunts, all but jack-hammering into the younger ghoul. At this point he just wants them both to cum and get this over with because that movie is still fucking playing. Swiss is going insane.

“I’m watching,” Phantom moans, “and you’re doing o–okay, you feel so good.”

The multi ghoul only growls with his teeth bared, gripping the other’s hips tighter and pulling his back onto his cock like a fucking fleshlight.

He thinks it’s him who’s a toy—a dildo—now, rather than Phantom being one, and, fuck, does it turn him on even more.

Phantom continues watching the movie, bouncing with Swiss’ powerful thrusts and moaning, but not really caring about the whole…having sex thing. He’s not having anything, really, more like just…getting.

“Cum inside,” the quintessence ghoul breathes out after a while, “I don’t want to have to pause if you cum on the screen.”

Swiss obeys.

[musclesandhammering]

Something about the fact that the Loki writers have confirmed multiple times that his variants all look so different because of their inherit chaotic nature.

Something about the fact that it says in the show that the universe wants to be free so it manifests chaos in the form of Lokis.

Something about the fact that Loki is the TVA’s most common variant because every version of them refuses to adhere to their ‘destiny’.

Something about the fact that there was a scene in the show where Ravonna said “this is about order & chaos. I’m order-“ and then a loki variant violently burst in, implying “I’m chaos.”

Something about the fact that the entire story arc of the Loki series was about him choosing to free the sacred timeline & embrace all the anarchy & endless possibilities- positive & negative- that came with it instead of continuing to enforce the absolute order that would keep them all safe.

Something about Loki literally sacrificing himself so chaos could reign.

Something about the fact that Loki tried for years to beat He Who Remains through playing by his rules, and was only able to do it when he came up with a solution so insane that HWR didn’t anticipate it.

Something about the fact that messing with people’s minds & using tricky and unorthodox means of fighting has always been Loki’s Thing.

Something about the fact that at least one loki variant has the natural ability to rewrite the laws of time, space, and reality.

Something about the fact that Loki is literally the god of chaos- in the series, in the comics, and in Norse mythology.

And also..

Something about the fact that all of Wanda’s variants look and act exactly the same.

Something about the fact that the TVA never mentioned Wanda whatsoever despite her being a Reality Breaking Cosmic Anomaly.

Something about the fact that Wanda fans thought her reading the Darkhold caused the multiverse to open but Kevin Feige confirmed it was Sylvie killing He Who Remains that opened the multiverse, and in turn allowed Wanda to hear her kids through the Darkhold.

Something about the fact that Wanda almost always uses her ‘chaos magic’ to control people/events & bend reality to her will, which directly contradicts the meaning of chaos.

Something about the fact that Wanda has never once had any sort of symbolic arc or subplot or character dive directly linking her to chaos as a concept.

Something about the fact that the only thing about Wanda you could consider overtly chaotic is her propensity to go on destructive rampages when she doesn’t get her way.

And finally..

Something about the fact that, in the mcu, Wanda is constantly awarded with the chaos moniker- they decided to keep the ‘chaos magic’ name from the comics, fans call her the queen of chaos, and she gets credited as the token reality breaker pretty much constantly… while they’ve never even acknowledged on-screen that Loki’s the literal God of Chaos.

[biceratops7]

Victor nikiforov and empathy:

Following my fifth (?) rewatch I found yet another reason to be completely in love with Yuri on Ice, and that is Victor being a wonderfully accurate and non-demonized example of someone with low empathy. Seriously as someone who’s autistic and can’t relate to the influx of “actually we’re all super in tune to other’s feelings and have the MOST empathy!”, watch these scenes because this is what it’s like.

This line at first seems to be Yakov thinking that Victor is arrogant, but Yakov knows him extremely well. He knows that Victor has a hard time viscerally placing himself in another’s shoes, and that’s a major obstacle as a coach.

Victor has trouble understanding what to do in situations that are highly emotional for Yuuri. Instead of being able to directly consider things through Yuuri’s perspective, we see him rely pretty often on environment cues, behavioral cause and affect, or straightforward commands.

He gets his habit of scolding yuri after a routine from Yakov because that’s what he’s familiar with. It’s not something Yuuri responds to particularly well, but it’s only when Victor pays attention to how others react when Yuuri finishes skating that he changes tactic. Victor sees how the crowd is going wild at the (Japan nationals) and it’s only then it occurs to him that Yuuri’s confidence may be jeopardized if he chooses that moment to criticize his performance. This is something he likely would’ve realized much sooner if he could share Yuuri’s stress easier instead of merely observing that it’s happening.

Then later on in episode 7, we get to the scene that actually inspired this post.

At first Victor approached the situation almost like an experiment, trying out cause and effect to disastrous results. When you have a much lower threshold for being able to experience another’s feelings second hand, it’s difficult not to think of other’s negative emotions simply as problems that need to be solved. Problem: Yuuri won’t perform well because he’s too anxious, he will only be MORE upset if he loses, and Victor has already tried to reduce his anxiety to no avail. Idea for solution: raise the stakes and see if increased pressure can replace his nerves with resolve, causing a good performance. Afterward, Yuuri will be proud of himself and happy again. Execute plan, observe results, adjust accordingly. When comfort doesn’t come naturally, this tends to be kind of the default. From experience it comes from a genuine place of caring even when it backfires (and it actually doesn’t at times), basically trying to actually fix the thing upsetting your loved one instead of play acting feelings you don’t get.

… however Yuuri was COMPLETELY within his rights yelling at Victor because regardless of intent he picked the worst thing on planet earth to say in that exact moment. I mean I’ve had my fair share of “oh crap someone is upset and it’s my responsibility” fails but my fuck-

He’s shown to be pretty shit at comforting Yuri/ detached emotionally from the situation, but he is neither coldly unbothered nor strategically hiding it. It may appear callous to bluntly say “I don’t know how to help you” to a loved one who’s crying, but as someone who’s been there, that’s an insanely vulnerable thing to admit. “I don’t feel your pain, I don’t get it. But I love you, and just because I’m not feeling it myself doesn’t mean I don’t care that you’re hurting.”

When Yuri finally just straight up tells Victor what to do, he is relieved and simply does it. Things are different between them after this episode because Yuuri finds the power to communicate his needs clearly and effectively. Victor doesn’t speak “subtlety” well. Yakov and Yurio both speak their mind to him directly regardless of if it’s polite, Which is quite telling because they’re the two characters he has the longest history with. It shows us the kind of communication style Victor is accustomed to and needs to navigate interpersonal relationships.

I’m not making a statement that Victor is autistic or even disordered per say. I feel his unusual circumstances provide enough explanation, but I really do see that he consistently struggles with empathy in the same way I do. He’s probably the only character I’ve been able to see that aspect of myself in with scenes that aren’t played for jokes.

[roronoagem]

I keep thinking about Law and breeding kink but he doesn't want to risk it with pills. So anal it is-

-🦊 (I'm going insane for Christmas)

characters: trafalgar d. water law

content warning: +18 nsfw, anal sex, oral sex, afab!reader, dirty talk (i tried), law being a sweetheart btw + not proofread bc i’m scared of my smutty fics alright.

a/n: OH MY GOD I’M SO FREAKING SORRY, I THOUGHT I ALREADY POSTED IT LIKE A WEEK AGO ??? fuck. i’m even more sorry because i don’t think it turned out that good . . bc i realised that i haven’t written a breeding kink fic in a long time, i’m a bit scared about this piece LMAO.

now that i think about it, law would actually avoid pills and such because he knows of its negative effects, so he would never risk it. but he also feels this burning desire to fill you up, in a way or another.

when the solution came to you at the same time, law took the matter seriously as he decided to focus on preparing you and make sure it would be pleasurable for the both of you.

he basically spent days preparing you before actually try anal. when the day finally arrives, law would try his best to go as slow as possible as not to hurt you, he would always check on you, ask if it’s okay, if it hurts, etc.

trust me when i tell you that the second he sinks in bare he whines, low sounds escape his lips as he keeps his eyes closed, enjoying the moment fully. he grabs your hips and thrusts slowly into you. the soft mewls slipping out of your mouth spurs him on, as he starts moving a little faster.

“ah, you’re so tight… fuck–“ he groans, pulling you closer to him, getting your ass up from the mattress. he sneaks one of his hands between your thighs and searches for your clit, keeping in mind that you have to feel good too and he would never neglect your pleasure.

“law…” you moan softly into the pillow, the sound of skin slapping on skin filling the room accompanied by your moans and his grunts, as he momentarily gets lost in the pleasure.

“gonna fill you up…” he growls before sinking forward, thrusting into you a bit harshly. you can feel him twitch inside your tight hole, sinking your face further into the pillow as you desperately grip the sheets as two of his fingers play with your clit.

“look at how well you take me.”

law groans while hiding his face into your nape, squeezing his eyes shut as he reaches his climax, warm spurts of cum start filling you up. his thrusting slow down a bit, before halting completely as he breathes fast.

“you did so good, law,” you praise him, biting your lips. his fingers stop working on you, even though you aren’t done. “hmm,” he lazily pulls out, his gaze goes down and he watches as drops of cum slowly leak out of you.

he suddenly flipped you over, making you gasp in surprise. law swiftly finds himself face to face with your cunt and uses his hands to push your legs further open.

“sorry darling,” he murmured lowly before wrapping his lips around your throbbing clit, you moan and arch your back, hands flying to grab his hair as he finishes you off, holding you in place even after you just came right into his mouth.

“thank you,” law cups your face and kisses your lips gently. “did so good, so fucking good,” he praises you lowly, causing your already warm cheeks to heat up even more.

[razorblade180]

Random MHA chapter 427 thoughts (spoilers duh)

Midoriya is a better man than me because I’m not getting called a murderer hatefully by someone who worshiped The Hero Killer. Sir, your idol tried to kill my friend’s brother who’s just a nice person.

“You should make it a comic” is unironically a really cold response. That’s crazy.

It makes complete sense society does not give a fuck about Tomura. There’s a difference between sympathy and empathy; even if they learned everything, it’s a hard sell to make people care about someone who took their sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, etc.

I do find it a little obtuse to pin society for people like Tomura and Dabi specifically when the main reason they were such a problem is literally because the personification of evil (AFO) was plotting on these for decades. Yeah Endeavor is major key for Dabi but that boy would’ve burned to death as a child or been found by his dad/firemen if AFO wasn’t being unhinged. Honestly if we’re talking about Hero Society failing anyone specifically by its structure, it’s Toga cause not having any solution for child development regarding taboo quirks like hers is insane. Spinner’s issue essentially racism and that’s a complex problem before hero society. That’s just a societal problem in general! I personally can’t pin that blame on hero society specifically.

I see so many people hating on Deku after reading this and I just don’t get it. The 15 year old boy literally did everything he could and gave up everything but his life for a person who by no means was going to turn over a new leaf and did not feel bad about his actions.

Overhaul has been nothing but a mentally broken/unstable double amputee that’s been in confinement ever since he lost. Don’t really understand why there’s a need to kick this guy more since the villain he was has been dead forever. He’s also objectively done less atrocities and yet nobody seems to feel bad for him. Dude was also an orphan taken in by organized crime too but since he abused a child we got to learn about he deserves no sympathy? Okay. Oh we’re supposed to feel absolutely devastated by Tomura though? Pfft, I’m not. “You should feel bad about Eri forever.” Okay, but can you he do that with prosthetics and a mental institution since Y’know… he doesn’t have a quirk.

Seriously, if the message is “society should do better when it comes to how villains happen” then at least give Overhaul the ability to eat without help. I agree with the idea of Eri not seeing him but like… that dude could rebuild Japan quickly with his quirk. That MF could probably fix Dabi if he tried. Maybe I’m not hero material cause with Eri’s consent, I would’ve negotiated giving his arms back so he could fix grandpa; but before he gets to save grandpa he fixes the country and gravely injured heroes. Does it cheapen some events? Perhaps. Do I want Bakugo and Deku to not have medical problems at 22? Also yes. I’m typically not big on undoing lots of things but it’s not like the heroes didn’t earn a portion of their life back. You can spin it positively. If Endeavor isn’t in a wheel chair, then nobody has to aid him cause I’m pretty sure his wife and Todoroki are just nice enough to wheel him around but they could be doing better things.

[wistfulrat]

・❥・lesbian wangxian reccs ・❥・

ao3topships poll gate made me realize there are hundreds nay thousands of u who dont know abt lesbian wangxian ?? that’s so sad can i proselytize u real quick

mimilamp cinematic universe (the ppl’s mcu) sorry for starting this list with a whole author catalog. as if it's my fault!! these gave me covid. no listen mimilamp fics have feverish lesbian angst levels of hot horny despair that could paralyze a large forest animal. and on a sentence level it's just stunning. messy dykes fumbling toward love confessions while making emotionally insane choices and the sex scenes fuckn bang ??? god is real

good, good - 13.5k E Wei Ying has two broken wrists and now she needs Lan Zhan to help her do stuff (jerk off)

here’s a story - 46k E Wei Ying reluctantly joins her recently-dumped best friend, Lan Zhan, on a couples' holiday retreat. Snow! Drinks! Truth or dare! There's a s-s-s-single bed! You'll never guess what happens next.

out of your system - 20k E “Maybe you should get me out of your system,” Wei Ying blurts. “Maybe that’ll help.” // Wei Ying finds out her best friend Lan Zhan is in love with her and offers a really super solution.

exposure therapy - 14k E Wei Ying clambered up from the floor, put the joint on the corner of the night stand, announced, “Exposure therapy,” and got into Lan Zhan’s bed. // Lan Zhan doesn't like to be touched, Wei Ying likes to touch.

know no one else - 20k E Lan Zhan moves out, Wei Ying's boyfriend moves in. Six months later, Lan Zhan visits, they go to a party, and Wei Ying has something to tell her.

74243 this author should be studied in a lab bc these 2 fics ruined my life. a pulitzer prize short fic with immaculate tone followed by the fuck nastiest shit you will ever read. "wei ying swipes right" still a top 3 bar of all time re: fic summaries. like people died.

chef’s kiss - 6.5k E Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.” “There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.” // (Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

pull out game weak - 22.7k E Wei Ying swipes right.

plonk this is the only fic in many ways. dyke nmj's mustache academy award winning breakout role. possessive hot dyke lwj. the sentence "don't knot her you freak." have u ever seen a group chat get rabies in real time. the slut rot breached containment. it was a public health crisis. it brought back horny cinema. cultural reset.

good friends - 11.5k E “I could invite her over for when the game’s done,” Nie Mingjue offers. Lan Zhan hums, considering it. They do that sometimes. Take omegas down together.

occultings will i ever get tired of -wwx thinks she's straight and wants to practice being gay with sadsack lwj who is like sure im in love with u and this will cause me psychic damage but mayhaps that's the cost of being homiesexual--? no i dont get tired of the classics it's called taste

give me one good honest kiss - 25k E The text keeps flashing over and over in Lan Zhan's head like the bulb lights on a marquee. They’d been talking about homework directly before that, swapping notes on music theory in the baroque period. Then, like a fork of lightning out of a clear blue sky: wanna practice kissing? 😚 // Wei Ying suggests an arrangement. Lan Zhan, in love, deals.

saltyfeathers ok so like sure it's ill advised to get your cartilage pierced at claire's but if you wanted the experience of participating in deranged hysteric behavior that kinda bangs in a badgood way? well then.

the mall that has it all - 8k E She introduced herself in the food court, breathless after sprinting across it in Lan Zhan’s direction and vaulting over a table only to crash into the seat across from her, ask, “Can I have a sip?”, spring forward with both elbows on the table to wrap her burgundy lips around Lan Zhan’s smoothie straw, wrinkle her nose, and say, “What is that, kale? Not really my thing, as like, a mall goth. Oh!” A pleased, chaotic exhale. “My name’s Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said, after taking a moment to fully process the last forty-five seconds, “What?” or; mall goth au

[carryonafi]

a little more ‘touch me’.

ashton irwin x reader; SMUT!!! 🔞

a/n: i’m so sorry i haven’t posted in MONTHS but!! don’t forget about me!! this is a little thing i’ve been working on for a while now to mourn the sad sad death of the superbloom era. black hair ash we will never forget u ❤️

enjoy an annoying meet-cute with smut and the super respectful man ashton is :P

words: 2.9k

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Someone had definitely given your upstairs neighbor way too much encouragement when it came to pursuing his passions, or simply never told him no. The reason being all you had been hearing for weeks after he moved in was the loud pounding of drums, loud guitar sounds, laughing— it was a nightmare. No matter how much you prayed that the sounds would stop, they never came to an end. The frustration ended up giving you enough confidence one night to deal with this yourself.

How you ended up knocking on your upstairs neighbors door with shark slippers on and pajamas that were definitely way too big, you had no idea. The realization that your confrontation might be dramatic just hit you now, but it was too late to turn back. The handle had already clicked and there was someone staring back at you. A taller guy with thick black hair, a few tattoos exposed with the tank top he was wearing and an equally surprised expression on his face.

He cleared his throat. “Can I… help you?”

Your heart skipped a beat, that accent… was it Australian? There was no way, your cheeks were instantly warmer not just from embarrassment, but how insanely attractive your disruptive neighbor was.

“Yeah, actually— Yeah.” You nodded, clearing your throat as well and crossing your arms over your chest. His eyes gravitated, sparkling in wonder.

“It’s almost midnight, and all I can hear are your drums.” You caught his attention again, he blinked innocently and tilted his head to the side. A loose strand of hair fell in front of his eyes, which he immediately tucked back.

“And..?” He asked, and how he was playing dumb definitely made your temper wire very short.

“And I’m trying to sleep.” You replied in the same obvious tone, appalled he would even ask you to elaborate. “I have work early in the morning, and I’m sure other people do too.”

It clicked for the drummer, his eyes lighting up as he nodded and leaned against the doorframe.

“I see.” He nodded, wetting his bottom lip as if to appear in thought. “Well, this is sorta… my job.”

“I guess that’s where we have a problem.” You raised your eyebrows, almost mirroring his expression.

“This is gonna happen often, isn’t it?” He crossed his own arms, eyes burning straight into yours. You didn’t dare to break this eye contact, even though the forestry adorning his irises was physically causing you chest pains.

He let out a sigh. “As long as it’s you comin’ up here to tell me off, you got your phone on you?” The first few words were nothing but a slight mumble under his breath, but you didn’t care enough to question what he had to say or if you were simply just hallucinating. You nodded in response, reaching for the left pocket of your pajama pants.

“I’ll give you my number, that’ll be easier for both of us.” His eyebrow quirked yet again.

“Mm. Smooth, I guess..” Your response even surprised yourself, as you were opening your phone you could see a smile start to tug at the corners of his lips. He was holding it back, you could tell. Something told you that this solution he offered wasn’t going to do much, if anything this might make your situation worse. That sort of depends on what outcome you consider as being “worse”.

As you got your phone back, the contact in your phone simply read “Ashton” with the standard blank icon. That was such a drummer name, Ashton… you nodded and shoved your phone back into your pocket.

“I’ll make sure to keep it down for you, ‘kay? Bug me if I’m ever too loud.” He assured you, flashing a similar smile to the one you saw earlier. Strangely enough, you smiled back. Ashton eyed your appearance up and down one last time after you bid your “goodnight”s and closed the door quietly with purpose. It worked out, because you definitely got good sleep that night. The next two nights actually weren’t that bad… but the third, he was at it again.

Your head was already pounding, the bass drum or… whatever it was, all of the moving parts started to piss you off again. Ashton did give you his number, and in his words, advised you to bother him.

‘dude. please shut up.’

You slammed your phone back down onto the pillow, facedown. The noise paused for a few seconds, then immediately started again.

‘please oh my god, can you be quiet?’

Once again, your phone went down onto the pillow. It didn’t stop for at least a minute, in fact, it seemed to just get worse. It was all nice when people explored their passions and whatnot, but there came a limit to thinking of those around you. Especially your downstairs neighbor which got each kick of that stupid loud bass drum.

No response during that minute and a half, then the sounds stopped completely. You squinted at the text bubble, appearing then disappearing, then reappearing… finally a response.

‘Come up here and tell me yourself.’

Accompanied by one of those little emoticon smiley faces that you knew was purely passive aggressive, an exasperated sigh left your lips before you even had the chance to leave your bed and process that you were going to do this. Ashton wanted to be told? There wasn’t a doubt that you would be challenged.

Hair still messy, oversized shirt and shorts that were only meant for sleep, you were walking with purpose and frustration through the halls again. It had only been 2 minutes since Ashton sent that text, but you were already knocking on his door. You swore it took him longer to answer than it did for you to get here, but of course, it was a very short amount of time. As soon as the door opened and you were met with his familiar face, bright eyes narrowed at you as he propped the door open, you fired.

“I told you to shut—“

He kissed you. This man swiftly leaned in and pressed the most gentle kiss to your lips he could despite the circumstances, it lasted a hot second. Your eyes were wide open, but his were contently shut before you pulled apart with one of those really satisfying kiss sounds you only heard in movies. Ashton slowly opened his eyes again to see yours staring dead into his, every little detail of his face you could see in a very… strangely intimate way. An angry blush settled on your cheeks.

“What the fuck was that?” You demanded, sounding out of frustration, but the way he had caught you off guard made you slightly defensive.

“Did you not like it?” Ashton replied in a much calmer tone, straightening his posture and he became restless in his own nerves. Shuffling against the floor, twirling his thumbs as he waited for some kind of answer to come from you. All he was getting were a few short huffs of breath.

“I… well, I mean.. it’s— it’s not that I didn’t like it.” You mumbled, your own hands weaving together at an awkward attempt to ease the tension within you. For a moment, you both hesitated. Where should this go, and how? Your answer fueled something in Ashton, you saw the shift in his gaze and the moment that he made up his mind.

He was kissing you again, and you weren’t fighting it. Your hands went to his chest, placed firmly on him as one arm snaked around your waist to bring you into his apartment. Within the short moment, Ashton had turned you around without breaking the kiss to kick his door closed and press your figure against the surface.

“Love seeing a pretty girl like you so fucking pissed off ‘cause of me.” Ashton murmured against your lips, like a desperate plea to tell you how he felt.

“Stop talking…” You breathed, feeling his hands creep lower towards the hem of your sleep shorts and catching in the elastic. His lips moved to your neck, leaving gentle kisses as if he could break you.

One needy whimper from you drove him to use his teeth, nipping and sucking the sensitive skin like he had forgotten his whole gentle act.

“Oh—“ You let out a gasp of surprise, tightly gripping Ashton’s shoulders as you briefly looked around the apartment. Worn black sofa, records hanging above the T.V, miscellaneous items strewn about like pencils, pens, notebooks, earplugs… he wasn’t just playing the drums for fun. It seemed like this guy had a real career. The hallway was a bit darker, but you couldn’t see too much because of those thick black curls obstructing your view. If you were to guess, that’s where the culprit of your sleepless nights were.

However, those ‘black’ curls didn’t seem to be natural. The dirty blond roots of his hair were starting to grow in and it made you smile to yourself, sneakily so Ashton didn’t see your amusement. Learning these little things about him… it felt so sweet.

“You’re blond..?” You breathed, feeling Ashton’s lips halt on your neck before he slowly pulled off of you. He laughed, this fucker. He laughed at you.

“Yes?” He cocked an eyebrow and blinked knowingly.

“Well, your roots. They’re long, y’know? And… You’re really close to me right now, okay?” You blurted out, pure embarrassment all over your face as you flushed and tried to swallow down the feeling of your cheeks turning bright red. Ashton simply stared back at you, stars in his eyes as he pressed another one of the softest, sweetest kisses to your lips like you had been together for years.

“Maybe that’s something you could do for me, yeah? Give me a touch-up.” He mused, rough hands feeling delicate as they traced indescribable shapes on your sides.

“Is that what this is now?” You huffed, still heated from your flustered moment.

“Mm?” Ashton hummed, a non-verbal way to get you to elaborate… but there was nothing. Just scrambled up, useless thoughts as you looked at him and eventually shook your head. He got the hint, starting to kiss you again and eventually moving you to the couch where your legs were on either side of his hips. This felt like an absolute workout, trying to keep yourself contained as he kissed you and the realness of it all finally pressed against you in the form of his erection against your thigh.

“How far?” Ashton whispered, holding you close like you would slip away from him if he let go. There was a sweet, playful glint in his eye.

“Huh?” Your mind was all dazed from how kiss-drunk this was making you.

“How far do you wanna go?” He was a bit more clear for your mind, clearly overwhelmed with dopamine. You still had to blink and process how thoughtful that question was.

“I.. don’t know. Not all the way, I don’t think.” You replied in a more useful tone of voice as well, and this— this you thought, would be the moment Ashton kicked you out because he wasn’t getting what he truly wanted. Although, he just smiled and his hands stroked your thighs.

“I want us both to be happy.” He said genuinely, leaning a bit closer with a hand now braced on the small of your back to keep you steady as he leaned you forward. “And honestly, doing anything to you right now would make me the happiest man in the fuckin’ world.”

God, who was this guy? His admission made your jaw slack with excitement and disbelief, stunned to the point of pure silence as you nodded in understanding. Ashton was still grinning, even more so when he saw the effect his words had on you.

“Would you let me eat you out?” He asked like it was a simple task and not a fantasy, those little ink-patterned freckles in his eyes you could see so clearly… and they were hypnotizing you.

You realized that you needed to say something, nodding and licking your lips since your mouth had gone completely dry. “Y.. Yeah. Yes- please, actually.” You stammered, watching the playful expression on his face grow.

It didn’t take long, Ashton had skillfully laid you down on the couch and kneeled between your legs, pushing your oversized sleep shirt up and kissing his way down your torso.

“Soundgarden? Nice choice…” He mumbled against your skin, nuzzling his nose into your hip appreciatively and the casualty of his words had you laughing in disbelief yet again.

“You’re really cute.” Were just about the only words that could make it past your lips right now, earning a huff of air from Ashton and a gentle bite to your skin. You moaned unashamed, a hand moving into his fauxly black, messy curls and guiding him lower.

He easily tugged your shorts down, gesturing for you to lift your hips so they could be discarded onto the living room floor. Ashton made eye contact with you, a stray lock of hair falling in front of his left eye. However, you could still see that beautiful gaze boring right into yours. Right as he spread your thighs open. You felt the crescent shape of his nails digging into your flesh — but it still seemed so gentle. Ashton leaned forward and pressed the flat of his tongue to your clothed core, causing a needy ache to rock your nerves as you let out a loud whimper.

“I wanna hear you.” He muttered, the low vibration of his rough voice sent shivers down your spine and a ripple of pleasure all throughout your body. Their neighbors heard him enough… it was time for a change.

Ashton was doing the same that he did to your sleep shorts, tugging your panties down in one more swift motion and immediately diving in. He didn’t take a single moment for himself, purely making sure you were basking in pleasure.

It worked, another loud moan tore through your throat and both hands were tangled in his hair. He was working nothing but magic with his tongue, and those sweet pink lips… worshiping you with everything he had in him. Ashton only broke eye contact to blink, feeling prideful in the way that he could make you moan and squirm.

You tried to close your legs from the overstimulation, still moaning, but his grip was too strong on your thighs and he was simply too willing to make you cum. Ashton was so attentive, occasionally squeezing your thighs and stroking them soothingly to calm you down, but it only drove you more insane.

It was to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore, endless gasps leaving your lips as you brushed Ashton’s hair away from his face and tilted your head back. Eyelids fluttering shut, your muscles tightened then relaxed, even showing him signs of an orgasm.

“Ashton..” You whimpered weakly, and even then Ashton didn’t stop. He knew what was coming, keeping a tight grip on your thighs as you trembled and the intensity shook your body to no end. Your back arched off of the couch, leaving Ashton with a mess on his tongue that he did not complain about one bit.

In fact, he still had an award winning smile on his face. Ashton sat back on his heels to watch you come down, his chest heaving as he caught his breath and looked at you with adoration dilating his pupils. “You liked that?” He had the audacity to ask. You opened your eyes to the sound of his voice and giggled.

“God, yeah. Yeah I did.” You paused, taking a moment to slowly lean forward and pull Ashton back up. “I think I forgive you for waking me up.”

Ashton’s lips twitched into a smirk at your statement, but it ended up turning back into that stupid smile you were really starting to love.

“Don’t know what I would do if you didn’t.” He teased, scrunching up his nose before kissing you slowly. It lingered for a moment, but it didn’t leave you wanting anymore, Ashton was happy, you were happy, everything was completely fine.

—

A knock on your door woke you up this time, rolling over to check the time. It felt so early, but it was actually around half past 10. There was another knock — so you felt compelled to get up out of bed and trudge over to the door so you could answer whoever this person was.

Sleepy and grumpy, not ready to face any other human being today, you opened the door to a bright face and twine-wrapped bundle of Baby’s Breath.

“I know you said you forgive me, but…” Ashton began, the pink in his cheeks making you smile despite the night before. “I just had to say sorry, for botherin’ you and all that. Not quitting when you told me to.” He shrugged sheepishly, extending his arm and holding the flowers out to you. “I just wanted your attention.” He admitted, a bit intimidated at your silence despite how you were beaming like an absolute idiot. You stepped forward, wrapping Ashton in an endearing embrace and pulling in the scent of his body mist. He hesitated for a moment, but hugged you back and rested his hands on your back.

“I definitely forgive you.” You spoke muffled into his shoulder, needless to say, Ashton was relieved. His shoulders immediately dropped and he let out a sigh, pulling away from you and shaking his head.

“Like I said, I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t.” He replied dramatically, raising his eyebrows in hopes that his joke would make you laugh that contagious laugh again. “I’ll take you out for coffee?” Ashton suggested after a moment of appreciating your satisfaction, a calmer smile crossed your lips as you nodded.

“Of course- yeah. Let me put these in a vase. Make yourself at home, I guess.” You blushed, still smiling with a shrug as Ashton stepped inside and graciously closed the door behind him. He gave himself a mental pat on the back, admiring the difference in your apartment to his as you floated around and spoke to him all throughout your process of getting ready. This was what he had worked towards, and he wasn’t complaining.

[jiaoqiu-s-bitch]

Surprise me. ❤️ please and thank you

let’s go with doing a counterpart to your first ask then… enjoy~

————————————————————————

Isagi Yoichi - spicy hcs || 18+

• he loves eating you out, but when he does it while you’re laying on your back he tends to get distracted easily, both by the noises you make and by the way you move

• so his solution? why having you sit on his face, of course.

• mans canonically LOVES thighs, so what better way to put yours to use than by squishing his head in between them?

• don’t even come at him with the "What if I’m too heavy and suffocate you", he will look you dead in the eye and say "Perfect."

• so don’t you dare not put your full weight down, else he’ll MAKE you do just that

• will wrap his arms around your thighs to keep you in place, moaning into your core cause you just taste so fuckin good

• at some point, he may or may not have actually passed out for a few seconds due to the lack of oxygen, but rumor has it he still kept going-

• Isagi is a switch, so depending on both your and his mood, your lovemaking sessions can differ a lot… it’s all about who takes the initiative tbh

• he’s the type of boyfriend to give you anything you ask for and more, but if you give him sass he will return it tenfold

• you can literally see his deep blue eyes darken with lust whenever you use the two magic words on him… "Make me."

• you’re guaranteed to get his more dominant side that way

• his whole demeanor switches up in the blink of an eye, a smirk resting on his lips, his every move slow and deliberate

• he’ll keep his eyes fixed on yours, one of his hands finding its way to cup your cheek as he’s tracing your bottom lip with his thumb

• his voice is low and deep when he speaks up again: "Are you sure about that, sweetness? You know that once I get started, there’s no going back…"

• on the other hand, he will become PUTTY for you if you call him your "good boy" or "my sweet Yoichi", even if it’s in a joking way

• you can tell by the way his face drops for a moment and how the tips of his ears turn red that you’ve got him right where you want him

• he’ll get even more flustered if you tease him about it, but he won’t shy away from just pulling you into his lap and grazing his teeth along your neck, clearly signaling his impatience

• "Are you gonna keep teasing me, or are you finally gonna give us what we both need, hmm~?"

• he’s obviously still got some attitude left in him, but that’ll change quickly once you finally sink down on his already throbbing length

• he lets out a shuddering breath at the feeling of your velvety walls enveloping him, throwing his head back in bliss

• "After all this time… how can you still be so fucking tight…" he curses under his breath

• depending on how needy he is, he might need to keep you still and just ground himself for a moment to not end up finishing too quickly

• but if you really tried to push him over the edge, he wouldn’t be able to contain it, he’s wayyy too weak to the way you feel around him

• whoever doms or subs though, Isagi will always make you feel like a literal goddess, cause that’s how he genuinely sees you

• like, everything about you is just divine and you’re the only one that manages to drive him insane in every way possible, so how could he not think that??

• "So damn beautiful, taking me like that… gosh… promise you’re always gonna be mine"

[1moreff-creator]

Matching the DRDT Characters with their Roman Numeral Quote (LGI MV)

So, I immediately fell in love with newest Literature Girl Insane MV, and I have to drop everything I’m doing just so I can talk about it. Although there is so much to discuss I don’t even know where to begin, one thing which immediately caught my eye was the crosswords which flashes on the screen for a moment.

As many have figured out, it’s made up of the names of everyone in the cast, plus Mai Akasaki, minus David. As the footnote on “Now” says, it’s better to use full names instead of nicknames (such as Julia instead of J) and to exclude the protagonist of the MV.

Here’s the solution by raspbeyes, who I believe may have been the first person to upload it to Tumblr.

However, what’s really interesting is that, by the nature of a crosswords, it connects all characters with a Roman numeral. And these Roman numerals show up throughout the video, attached to different sentences. That way, you can connect the characters to these sentences. And so, you get some pretty interesting stuff. With that in mind, I went through and collected all the Roman numerals (it’s not very difficult, apart from one exception), and I wanted to share my thoughts on them.

Now, the numbers don’t actually show up chronologically for the most part, and the only real logic they seem to follow is “they show up after the crossword flashed on screen”. I’ve decided to list them in the order of the actual number instead of the chronological order, as I don’t find the latter to be very important (apart from one case).

That said, I will actually start by number two, since number one is a bit of a special case. You’ll see. For now:

II - Rose ~ Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum

We have some latin to kick things off! “Ego cogito ergo sum” is the ever famous “I think therefore I am” philosophy, but in latin! This phrase (from what I understand) claims that the only thing we can be truly and absolutely sure exists, is our own reasoning and consciousness. This fits Rose decently well, as she’s established her photographic memory causes her trouble separating what’s real, what’s a memory, what’s a dream, etc. Even more so, it sorta fits with the song “Cartoons” from the now vanished character playlist, which some theories placed as Rose’s.

However, there is also the addition of “turbatus” to the saying. Turbatus, from a quick Google search, means something like “disturbed”. Thus, the full meaning is something like “I think, therefore I am disturbed”. This fits Rose even better, considering her scene with Teruko and Nico in the dress-up room. Don’t think I have to go too far in explaining this one.

III - Charles ~ If you doubt brittle things are broken

So, is this about his dead brother he doesn’t remember? As in, “if you doubt your memories, as they’re brittle, they’ll break? Or is this talking about the relationships between the cast? “Distrust will lead to our collapse”, sorta fits the talk he had with Teruko early in chapter 2.

However, I actually lean more towards the brother thing, because of the blue, long quote which is flipped upside down on top of the image.

“And now here’s my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye”

So, here’s where the Roman numerals become sorta weird. Does this count as part of Charles’ quote or not? I assume it’s at least related, especially seeing some of the other stuff we’ll see in the background.

Now, to the actual quote. I recognize it as a quote from the fox in “The Little Prince”, a book which if you have not read, you should honestly read. It’s a surprisingly sweet book to attach to Charles, but I can honestly see him blushing while talking about it, so it fits.

The quote itself is simple to understand; the material things in the world are not as important as our feelings, relationships, hopes, dreams, all that which can only be seen with the heart. This could be talking about the group’s relationships like I mentioned, but I lean more on thinking it’s referring to the memories of our loved ones, aka, Charles’ memories of his brother. Yes, the fact the quote starts by talking about secrets influences this interpretation.

IV - Arei ~ Right now, why do you cry?

Not much to talk about here. Arei’s the victim of this chapter, that’s why she cries. You can read into it a bit more and claim it has to do with Arei’s bullying of other people (“why are you crying, you wimp?” is something which could conceivably come out of her mouth), or more optimistically, it’s talking about how Arei used to only cry crocodile tears, but as she’s grown more empathetic, she now cries for her friends. Or some sappy shit like that.

Yeah, it’s still probably just about being the CH 2 victim.

V - Ace ~ Right now, why do you go insane? [flipped]

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda laughed a bit when I checked which character this one belonged to. Yeah, it’s pretty fitting, Ace is always going off for the most inane stuff.

More interesting is perhaps the background quote, “a cat has 9 additional lives”. Considering we’re talking about one of two people who’ve survived murder attempts so far, it makes sense, though I wonder if it’s going to come into play again later.

… Also, this just confirms in my mind the song from the playlist which belonged to Ace was “Yesman”. Undead, undead! and all that. I swear I’ll make a post about it eventually, I’m just more focused on this at the moment.

VI - Arturo ~ mind exercise 1 2 3 4

… Uh, well, as a surgeon, he do be exercising that mind though? Or something like that. Yeah, frankly I got nothing. This is just another moment where we Arturo enjoyers gotta take the L.

(Yes, I did just come out as an Arturo enjoyer-)

VII - J ~ Do it like that, let’s live together!

Another one I have no answer for. Like, what do you want me to say, this implies J’s the mastermind? Because it sort of does, seeing as she’s telling everyone to live together. But I really don’t see anything too interesting in the main quote.

However, the background quote may be more noteworthy. Anything in brackets is covered by something else but can be guessed with context.

“The Moral La[w] causes the people to be in com[plete accord] with their ruler, so that they wi[ll f]ollo[w] [him] regard[less of] their lives, undis[mayed] by any danger”

Had to look this one up. J’s quote is from Sun Tzu’s “Art of War” of all goddamn things. The Moral Law the quote is talking about is, from basic research in Google, some sort of unity of purpose; the idea that if the followers and the rules have the same interests, their side will have an advantage in war.

… What?

Yeah, this one’s a bit odd too. For now, my best answer is that it may have to do more with Mariabella than J herself. If you see Mariabella as a sort of leader, and her fans as the followers, it could be talking about how the combined pressure of Mariabella and the media overwhelm J, the “other side” of the “war”.

But if you’re really into the mastermind J idea, you can read it as “she’s the leader of the killing game, with the followers being the people at home that have the same purpose of wanting to see despair and keep the show running by watching”. But I really doubt we’d be getting this sort of mastermind allusions in an MV from chapter 2 of all things.

If anyone has better ideas on this quote or any other, I’d love to hear them.

VIII - Nico ~ even if i try to think, idk!

Another one I can’t talk too much about. My best guess as to what this means is “Nico tries to think about social cues, but doesn’t get it”. Relatable, but also nothing new. Maybe I’m missing something big, but it’s what I got for now.

IX - Levi ~ look, aside from the usual, give me that medicine

Disclaimer, the words don’t actually appear in that order in the MV, but this phrase makes a lot more sense than “look aside from that the usual medicine give me”.

I really don’t know what this means. I mean, I can guess Levi might take some medicine? Whit did say some people took prescriptions apparently. But I really don’t quite understand why this is the first time we’ve had his character associated with medicine.

EDIT: The last few paragraphs about Levi are dead wrong, I’m just leaving by them up so you can laugh at how stupid I was. Here’s a correction with a better analysis.

The background quote doesn’t make it much better. It’s just talking about the orbit of a thing, something something representative trajectory… something something Jupiter… something something 1930…

Oh shit, it’s about the discovery of Pluto! That’s what Google seems to think when I put those keywords in, anyways. Well, as fun an astronomy tale as that one is, I actually have no idea what it means for Levi’s character. I guess it’s something we’ll see in the future.

… Or maybe, crazy idea. You know how Pluto was first thought to be a “planet” but then got reclassified as”dwarf planet”? Maybe this means my theory is right: Levi will get “discovered” as the blackened of the second trial, but then “reclassified” as an accomplice when they find out Eden is actually-

Alright, I’ll stop. I’m joking, obviously… (unless?)

X - Min ~ Democratic-ly

Wait, hold on a second, you may say. That is an X, but it doesn’t really look like the rest of roman numerals font-wise. There are plenty of times X’s appear in the video aside from here, such as… well, the blank death portrait that’s always in the background.

And yes. To my joy, Min got given a bit of special treatment, since the roman numeral for ten, being an X and all, can be seen all throughout the video. However, there is one reason I believe this is absolutely Min’s X.

You see that tiny little 10 next to the X? That’s a footnote. And footnote number 10 is “The Roman numeral for 10 is X”. Of course, the reason we’re reminded of it here is because that X isn’t just a bunch of blood, it’s a Roman numeral.

Of course, Min gets the biggest numeral because she is just that much of a girlboss.

Anyways, numeral oddity aside, it’s pretty obvious why this is Min’s. The background text is just the description of the rules of a class trial, a trial where the outcome is decided democratically, and the reason Min died. This scene is directly followed by more references to class trials, which although they have some interesting implications for the MV as a whole, only help to solidify Min’s connection to her line.

As for other footnotes, footnote seventeen on the word “democratic-ly” is just an objective fact (“Not a real word. Can’t be found on any dictionary”), though the fact “democratically” is spelt wrong could be a reference to Min’s execution, where she was forced to get a lot of things wrong before dying.

Final note is footnote 12, on the class trial definition, which talks about majority rule and how, because it’s the fairest way to make decisions in a group, “murderers never complained when we voted for them to die”. There are implications here about the fact Teruko also received votes in the first trial, but for Min, there isn’t anything new here.

And yes, Min got three footnotes. As she should.

XI - Mai ~ God is dead

Honestly, I guessed who got this line before even checking the crossword. It just fits what we know of Mai too much. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s enough to know she would get a line as dramatic as this. If you want a proper interpretation, Mai is sometimes treated like a god by the others considering the secret quotes, but now she’s dead or gone or something.

Of course, that’s the literal meaning of that phrase. When you look at it through the lens of Nietzsche (and Wikipedia to make sure I didn’t fuck up anything), the phrase “God is dead” refers to the idea that as christianity became increasingly non-universal, the ethical and sociocultural elements of society which had been built on it would be questioned and revised. So, “growing lack of faith causes shifts in the status quo”, or something like that. It’s something which, again, may fit Mai from what we know of her backstory. Someone everyone had unquestioned faith on, who did something which had consequences, so maybe that caused a breakdown of that original faith, or something? Anything involving this character is always extremely speculative, but I frankly think the more literal interpretation works better in this context.

In any case, this phrase is about as cryptic and dramatic as everything involving Mai, so it fits.

XII - Eden ~ ???: But you’re in my way, aren’t you?

… Alright, Eden, I know I believe you to be the CH 2 killer and all that, but you gotta at least try to defend yourself against the allegations! The hell is this?

In case anyone was wondering, I think she’s the killer who wants to get out to meet back up with the girl she kissed (who I’m starting to get convinced is Mai but I’m not ready for that conversation), so this line reads like something she’d say to Arei in that theory. However, it’d be kind of a weird thing to put in the MV before the chapter ends, and besides, there’s an interpretation I like more.

You see how there’s a triple question question mark there? There’s a chance someone is saying this to Eden. I’ll actually get back to this later, because I have to talk about XVI before I cover my theory on this. Apologies.

CW for XIII: Suicide

XIII - Teruko ~ or

… He. Alright, out of context, this is kinda funny. But if you let the MV play, it’s “… or not to be?”, from “To be or not to be?” Shakespeare and all that. That said, the video does, in fact, only keep the number on screen while it says “or”, so I choose to notate Teruko’s quote as just that. Also, as raspbeyes noted in their original post, the number thirteen is considered unlucky, so Teruko.

With that, I have to talk about how insanely dark it is to cut that phrase off at the “…or not to be” section. For anyone who hasn’t read this speech from Hamlet (which I hadn’t either, btw, had to look it up), the phrase “to be or not to be” is actually about suicidal ideation, with the word ‘be’ serving as a synonym for ‘live’. Therefore, cutting the phrase off at just this section leaves behind only suicide as the option.

It had already been implied Teruko has attempted suicide before (see: her telling Arei that failed hangings hurt a lot), and that her luck is the only thing keeping her alive. This just seems to imply it’s a much more present issue than we believed.

Then there’s the background text. From my research, the one on the left is a quote from “Murder on the Orient Express” and the one across the bottom is from “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”.

“Murder on the Orient Express” is easy to tie in, as it’s literally a murder mystery novel. Uh, spoilers for the novel, I guess, but it ends with the main detective, Poirot, concluding that the murderer was either no one in the train or everyone there. That sort of ties into Teruko’s hidden quote of “It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all”, I guess? For the line itself, it seems to be about a character hatefully looking at the detective. You can take Poirot to be Teruko because she’s decent at class trials (as opposed to everyone else being horrible at them), and the person looking at her to be… any blackened, or anyone, or David, take a pick.

“The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” is a bit weirder. It’s a short story about Omelas, an utopia which is the perfect life for everyone there, except for a young child who is forced to live in mysery for the sake of the others. The quote in the video expresses this pretty succinctly. I guess it’s talking about class trials? How the happiness of everyone hinges on one person being very unhappy? Teruko’s the protag, so it makes sense she gets a line like this. There could be other interpretations, but I think that’s the most straightforward one.

XIV - Veronika ~ Things like substance of the arts

I mean, it fits. Veronika’s talent is artistic in nature. It seems a bit… non-dramatic for Veronika? But I guess there’s nothing wrong here.

… Well, there may be, but I’ll get there in a moment.

XV - Whit ~ Remaining ignorant, isn’t that “happiness”?

(Trust me, that’s the order the words show up on screen)

This one’s also easy. Whit’s secret is “Your mother is dead. You omit this truth”. This, combined with his behavior in the killing game, characterizes Whit as someone who prefers to ignore tragedy rather than process it, remaining “ignorant” in a way. The footnote attached, 15, just talks about the phrase “ignorance is bliss”, which is pretty much what the quote is.

…

The problem is the background text.

Thinking Time: “Subtract 4 due to tetraphobia”

That’s the phrase in the background, which appears as both Veronika’s and Whit’s lines are there. This is noteworthy because this is the only time in the MV that two different Roman numerals appear on screen at the same time. The phrase is also attached to footnote 4, which defines tetraphobia:

“The practice of avoiding the number four; it is most common in Eastern Asia. This superstition arises from the fact that the number 4 can be read similar to the word ‘death’ in several languages”

This connection is further implied because the character with the Roman numeral IV is Arei, who died this chapter. There is special attention brought over and over again to the number four, and this phrase asks us to “subtract” it.

And of course, this phrase chooses to appear when two “characters” are on screen, to make sure we can’t figure it out definitively.

Let’s start with Veronika: If you substract four from fourteen you get ten (astounding maths, I know). That connects her to Min and “democratic-ly”… which is the part of the MV most related to class trials and the killing game. Because if there’s a way to look like the mastermind, you bet Veronika’s hopping right on that train!

Other than being “Veronika playing mastermind footsies” for the fiftieth time, and the fact she sorta enjoys class trials, I don’t see any other connection between her and Min’s section, so.

I should address, too, you can remove 4 from 14 in a more literal way, and end up with 1 (doing it with Roman numerals just gets you ten again). This would connect her to Xander, whose line I’ve yet to cover, but trust me on this, I don’t think it connects to Veronika.

However, that’s for the line itself. Veronika might actually have a connection to Xander himself, because of their lines about Mai. Xander’s is “she couldn’t stand to do nothing” and Veronika’s is “a girl who didn’t foresee the consequences”. These are the only lines which allude to whatever big thing Mai may have done. If Xander and Veronika have a connection, it is likely through Mai.

And then there’s Whit, who is also on-screen at the time. Or, well, his Roman numeral is.

Alright, Whit. Veronika’s being super suspicious, so the tetraphobia line has a good chance of being about her. All you gotta do is be normal about this “subtract four” thing, alright? Good.

When you subtract 4 from Whit’s 15, you get 11, which is Mai’s “God is dead”-

For fuck’s sake.

He really just can’t dodge these mastermind allegations, can he? Anyways, if this is about him, he killed Mai, or something, and thus is likely the mastermind.

I’m joking- well, kinda. There are other interpretations, like maybe he… was the first to lose faith in her, in the Nietzsche interpretation of Mai’s line? I don’t know, but the murder is the more straightforward answer for this, if you ask me.

The problem, of course, is that there’s no way to tell which character the “subtract four” thing applies to. Well, the use of the word “tetraphobia” feels more Veronika leaning, what with phobias being related with horror and psychology, but to counterbalance, the line only appears when Whit’s numeral shows up, so it’s even again.

Anyways, back to the last numeral in sequence.

XVI: Hu ~ ???: Go and cry

Alright, you don’t have to be so mean-

In all seriousness, I believe this relates to Hu’s reaction to David’s reveal. And possibly her secret if it’s the one Veronika has.

However, what’s interesting about this line is that it seems to be a direct quote from a character, because of the triple question mark at the beginning. And this is where my theory comes in.

I believe triple question marks is David. This would fit perfectly with this line, as it’s totally something David would say post-magical girl transformation. And with him being the protagonist of the MV, it makes sense for him to be involved.

And that takes me back to XII. If you remember, I said I would talk about Eden’s line a bit more after talking about XVI.

Well, it’s pretty simple, really. Eden’s line comes right after Hu’s in the video, so it’s reasonable to assume ??? is the same person for both of them. In other words, I believe it’s David who tells Eden “but you’re in my way, aren’t you?” This still implies Eden’s the CH2 blackened, by the way. As in, “you’re getting in my way because now I need to figure out a murder”, or something like that. There really isn’t any other thing it could be referring to. Unless it’s like, “you’re getting in my way because you’re so nice you’re preventing murders from happening” or “you’re getting in my way of manipulating Arei by befriending her”, but the first one is too abstract and the second one doesn’t work since David didn’t know about their friendship until after Arei died. So don’t go thinking I’m giving up on that theory. It just changes the context a bit.

-

And with that, we’ve successfully gone through the sixteen numbers. Except, wait! Don’t think I forgot about the funny British boy!

Well, to be frank with you, there is a reason why I chose to save Xander for last. And that is… I didn’t want to start the list with disappointment.

I - Xander ~ Inconclusive

See, the problem is that Xander runs into much the same issue as Min, but without a footnote to help solve the problem. The Roman numeral for 1 is just “I”, so any time the word I appears, Xander’s Roman numeral appears.

Now, maybe you think this is stupid. Obviously any time “I” appears as an actual word, it’s not meant to be Xander’s numeral! We just need to look for the time it’s not a part of the lyrics or a phrase in the text!

This is obviously the most intuitive solution, and it does arrive at… an answer. So, I present, the First Possibility.

First Possibility

I - Xander ~ (the world of abnormal sentiment dances)

Now, at first glance, this works! You have the numeral next to a phrase, and there’s nothing else it could be!

Except, the problem is that that only extends to the screenshot. In this part of the video, the same phrase is on the screen for a good few seconds, but the “I” disappears and gets replaced by several numbers, then the “&” symbol, more numbers, and what seems to be a “=“ sign, maybe? But could be II sideways. Don’t know, looks like code, not my expertise.

The issue here is that this would be the only time a character’s phrase lingers longer than their numeral. This is pretty inconsistent with the other phrases we’ve seen, which is what gets me to hesitate and wonder if that “I” is actually made to be part of the code and not the crossword thing.

That, combined with the line itself. Because what does “the world of abnormal sentiment dances” have to do with Xander? I looked it up, but it’s not the name of a book or anything. Maybe I’m missing something, but I really don’t think this is related to Xander in any way.

So, I looked for other possibilities. The problem is that, like I said, all other possibilities are part of lyrics or phrases, not a standalone numeral.

And yet, there is one which stands out to me as a good candidate. This has a high chance of being wrong, but I’ll bring it up anyways because I think it’s cool.

Second Possibility

I - Xander ~ I hate the things that I love, and I love the things that I hate

… Well, I know it’s hard to read it in that clusterfuck, but that is what the red text says.

This line has a bit more to do with Xander, or at least, David’s feelings towards Xander. We know he probably did like him based on some scenes from the MV, but he’s sad about his death. He hates him for leaving, but his heart loves him anyways. That could be read as romantic or platonic… hesitant on the platonic-

That said, the problem is explaining why I believe this is the Xander line. And that comes down to the background text.

… Yes, that background text.

You see, in the MV, it slowly fills out in a way which lets you read it somewhat. I’ll tell you what each part of the text means, but if you want visuals, I’ll ask you go to the video.

What first appears is white text on top and the right. The white text on top is Big Clue #1, as it’s a definition of electrocution. You know, that thing Xander died from.

The text on the right, meanwhile, seems to be an excerpt from “Alice in Wonderland”. The specific passage seems to feature Alice lamenting how much “pleasenter” [sic] things were “back home”. And well, for everyone but Teruko, their homes were likelier “pleasenter” than the killing game. However, in this context, it could be an analogy to David missing the past, when Xander was still alive.

Then, more white text appears on the bottom as yellow text appears under the white text on top. The bottom text is, again, more talk of electrocution, but the yellow text is a bit more complex. This is the line (from Google, exact wording may vary):

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world...”

Another “The Little Prince” quote, another straight banger (I love that book). Imma need the hornier of you to not focus too much on the “taming” wording and focus on the important part. This one speaks of the beautiful simplicity of relationships; everyone is “just some dude” until you meet them and establish a relationship, and then, they become unique.

This is an especially wonderful quote for Xander and David’s relationship. David truly wanted nothing more than to be “a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes” instead of the idol Xander saw him as. He wanted a genuine relationship with him, where they were not just each other’s idols, but something bigger; each other’s boyfriends :D

Alright, sappy stuff aside, this quote is related to Xander, that’s what you need to know.

Then there’s the big pink text. It says “note: can’t read”. Yeah, fair.

But before that note appears, some cyan text begins sprawling out. It’s not a quote from anything as far as I can tell, so here’s a transcript:

“…man crushed by reality puts on a s[how]…

…[of end]urance. If that’s beyond your

[com]prehension, dear reader, then you a[nd]…

[I’ll n]ever understand each other. Life’s…

[short?] so we might as well make it…

[count?] real life is a realm th…”

So, yeah, I’m sort of guessing half the words here, and I can’t even tell what the last line is, but I think we can get the gist from this. Reading this with the context that Xander’s probably connected, it’s easy to figure out. David was crushed by reality when Xander died, and he put on a show of endurance after that. The insult to the reader is a bit uncalled for, but I don’t particularly care, it fits David.

So, with the idea that this little breakdown is related to Xander, it’s safe to say the line “I hate the things that I love, and I love the things that I hate” (not a quote from anywhere I could find btw) is linked with Xander as well.

And, well. There are other references to Xander, but they’re never paired with an “I”. And there are other instances of the word “I”, but never in relation to Xander, at least not as much as this little breakdown.

This clusterfuck of text also forms directly after the crosswords shows up. And while most of these aren’t in chronological order, number II through V do. Wouldn’t it make sense for I to appear right after the crosswords and make I through V in chronological order?

In any case, I believe this is a decent alternative to the “world of abnormal sentiment dances”, whatever that means.

Conclusion

This was really fun! I am satiated for now, the content drop was awesome, I loved it a lot. There’s so much more I want to talk about in this MV, but this was priority number one in my mind.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, you deserve your own Roman numeral, all for yourself! Take care!

[kckt88]

Take My Breath Away XI.

Summary:

Vaeryna confesses her secret to an unlikely person, Cregan Stark arrives at the Red Keep and a betrothal is made.

Warning(s): Time Skip, Language, Confession, Anger, Hurt, Deceit.

Word Count: 5434

GREENS WIN - ENEMIES TO LOVERS.

A.N - 14 YEARS LATER!!

A.N - I USED SHORT HAIR DAEMON FOR AEGON III FACE CLAIM.

Tag List - @a-beaverhausen, @ammo23, @immyowndefender,

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.

“We cannot keep stalling mother, Cregan arrives within the month” whispered Daenerys.

“I-I know, but your father-“ replied Vaeryna.

“-Will be angry, but mother he loves you surely he’ll understand,” said Daenerys.

“I just don’t know Dany” muttered Vaeryna.

“It’ll be ok mother” urged Daenerys.

Since the birth of Daenerys, Vaeryna had slowly began to make plans with Jeyne and Cregan on how best to bring her brother back into the fold.

It had taken fourteen years for this plan to come to fruition, she had made numerous visits with Daenerys and Rhaegar to the Vale over the years under the pretence of visiting Jeyne, but really it was too slowly introduce Daenerys and Aegon, in the hopes the two of them would get along.

Jaehaera had once told her that Daenerys was Aegon’s way home, and a marriage between the two was the obvious solution and the fact that he’d unknowingly lived in the North for years and not caused an uprising.

However, there was of course Aegon and Aemond to deal with. As the only living son to Rhaenyra and Daemon her little brother was a threat to the King’s reign and the fact that she colluded with Cregan and Jeyne for almost seventeen years was bound to anger Aemond.

It had taken forever to convince Aemond to consider a potential betrothal between Cregan’s alleged son 'Aaron' and Daenerys.

Aegon of course, was all for it. He saw the marriage as a way to bring the North back into the fold as Cregan had remained staunch in his support of Rhaenyra and had politely declined all invites to Kings Landing since the war had ended.

But 'Aaron' wasn’t Cregan’s son, he was really Aegon and Vaeryna knew if this was going to work then she would need both Aegon and Aemond on her side. But it was working up the courage to tell them which was proving difficult.

Which was why she found herself hiding in the bushes in the gardens, quite ridiculous really considering she was a woman grown. But it just seemed like the perfect place to get away from the rigors of duty and gather ones thoughts.

Apparently, someone else had the same idea, as a shadow loomed over her.

“I noticed someone stole my hiding spot” said Aegon smirking.

“There’s room for two” replied Vaeryna as she shuffled to the side.

“So, what has my twat of brother done now?” asked Aegon as he sat down.

“What makes you think he’s at fault?”.

“What other reason would there be for you hiding in the bushes” mused Aegon.

“I’m hiding because there’s something I need to tell Aemond and he’s not going to very happy when he finds out” replied Vaeryna.

“Your not with child again, are you? I mean it’s not like he can be angry about that considering how regularly he deposits his seed-“

“-No, I’m not with child again” said Vaeryna quietly.

“Then what is it?” asked Aegon.

Never in Vaeryna’s life did she ever think that she would become close to Aegon of all people, but over the years a friendship of sorts had blossomed between them and they would often spend time talking with one another, of course, Aemond didn’t initially like the idea that his wife was spending time with his older brother, and he would get insanely jealous and sulk for hours on end until Vaeryna put every effort into making sure her husband cheered his miserable face up.

“I-Its Aegon” muttered Vaeryna.

“You do realise I’m sat right here”.

“Not you. My brother Aegon” said Vaeryna.

“What about him?”.

“H-He’s alive” whispered Vaeryna looking around cautiously.

“He died in the Gullet” said Aegon furrowing his brow.

“No, he didn’t. We just let everyone think he did” replied Vaeryna.

“Wait, so your brother didn’t actually die?”.

“No, he’s alive. We faked his death” said Vaeryna.

“We?” asked Aegon.

“My mother sent a letter to the Vale asking for my help, but I arrived at the Gullet too late, most of the Velaryon fleet had been destroyed and the survivors from the Triarchy had moved on, I found Vermax and Stormcloud dead on one of the island outcrops, Aegon was there with Jace” said Vaeryna.

“Y-You were there?” exclaimed Aegon.

“Yes, I was. I managed to get Jace and Aegon back to Dragonstone, but Jace later died in my arms” said Vaeryna sadly.

“H-How did he-“

“Shot by arrows, one hit near his heart and he survived long enough t-to m-make it h-home’” sobbed Vaeryna her breath hitching in her throat.

Aegon wrapped an arm around Vaeryna’s shoulders and pulled her close to him.

“What happened after that?” asked Aegon quietly.

“My father initially came up with the idea to fake Aegon’s death, he figured that it would be safer for him. It was only supposed to be temporary until-“

“-The Blacks won the war” said Aegon firmly as Vaeryna nodded.

“I took Aegon back to the Vale with me and we were told to stay there-“

“-So that’s why you never joined the war, I always wondered why. I mean if Vhagar was our biggest, then the Cannibal was your mothers-you were protecting your brother” said Aegon.

“Yes, but then both my father and mother died, and we were stuck in the Vale, with everyone else believing Aegon was dead, and I was the last”.

“Is that why you agreed to marry my brother?” asked Aegon.

“Yes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I couldn’t risk you coming to the Vale and discovering that my brother was alive, because let’s face it you would have come for me eventually” replied Vaeryna.

“I-Is Aegon still in the Vale?”.

“No. He’s in the North with Cregan Stark” mumbled Vaeryna.

“Isn’t he coming here with his son 'Aaron' to-“ said Aegon the realisation dawning on his face.

“-Yes” nodded Vaeryna.

“Stark doesn’t have a son called 'Aaron', does he?  Because the boy is really Aegon, and your planning to marry Daenerys to her uncle”.

“That was the idea. He’s been in the North for almost seventeen years, he’s no threat to you or your reign” said Vaeryna.

“It doesn’t matter, he’s still the oldest surviving son of your mother, what happens when the Lords that supported her discover that her son lives. We’ve had many years of peace, and whilst I might not be the best King, I will not subject the realm to another war”.

“So, you’re going to have him killed? My brother has committed no crime. He’s spent his childhood in the North, he doesn’t care for the throne, he just wants to come home, please Aegon. He’s all I have left. I can’t lose him” sobbed Vaeryna.

“Obviously Cregan was in on the plan to fake Aegon’s death?” stated Aegon.

“As was Jeyne Arryn” replied Vaeryna.

“My good sister, the Warden of the North and the Lady of the Vale, all guilty of conspiracy against the crown, a crime punishable by death” said Aegon sternly.

“If you desire to punish someone, then you shall punish me alone. I shall not argue, I only ask that my children and Aegon be spared” replied Vaeryna sadly.

“You would sacrifice yourself for them?”

“Yes, I would” confessed Vaeryna as she wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Aegon’s grip on her shoulder tightened and Vaeryna winced slightly, she desperately wanted to move away, but she couldn’t.

“I will not order your execution”.

“But-“ muttered Vaeryna.

“I-I love you” whispered Aegon.

“What?” gasped Vaeryna.

“Gods not in that way. Aemond would slit my throat, I love you as a sister. I was never a good husband or brother to Helaena, and it fills me with regret everyday that I did not treat her the way she deserved”.

“Oh” uttered Vaeryna.

“I never imagined we would have the friendship that we do, and I know my brother doesn’t like it-but fuck him, anyway what I’m trying to say is that I won’t hurt you or your brother, I love you too much to cause you any pain” said Aegon softly.

“Even though I committed a serious crime?” asked Vaeryna.

“Yes, plus you’ve kept Aegon hidden in the North for the last seventeen years, that’s quite an achievement. Lord Stark must really like you-probably a good idea not to mention that to Aemond though”.

“Cregan is an honourable man, he pledged himself to my mother and when she died, he pledged himself to me as did Jeyne. If you grant the marriage of Aegon to Daenerys, you will have earnt their loyalty and respect” said Vaeryna firmly.

“I’m assuming Dany is aware of 'Aaron’s' true identity?”.

“Yes of course, and Rhaegar also knows” said Vaeryna.

“Oh, seven above, Aemond is going to implode”.

“Now you know why I’m hiding here” muttered Vaeryna.

“I could tell him for you, try and soften the blow a bit” offered Aegon.

“I appreciate your offer” whispered Vaeryna as she grasped Aegon’s hand tightly.

“I mean for all his threats surely; he wouldn’t kill his own brother”.

“Why not? He killed his own nephew and uncle” replied Vaeryna.

“That doesn’t help” exclaimed Aegon.

“No, it does not, I apologize” said Vaeryna.

“Look, he needs to know and soon. Lord Stark will be here within the month, and I’ll need all the time I can get to convince Aemond and the council not to have your brother killed as soon as he steps foot inside the Red Keep” said Aegon.

“Thank you for this Aegon, I truly appreciate it” said Vaeryna as she placed a gentle kiss on Aegon’s cheek.

“If you really wanted to thank me you could always-“ suggested Aegon smirking.

“Don’t push it, besides Aemond would definitely kill you” said Vaeryna.

“Do you think he’s told him yet?” asked Rhaegar.

“You never know, father might be ok with-“ said Daenerys jumping as the door suddenly flew open and Aemond marched into the room closely followed by Aegon.

“OUT!” shouted Aemond.

“But father-“ urged Rhaegar.

“I SAID OUT” yelled Aemond.

Rhaegar and Daenerys cast their mother a concerned look as they hastily left the room.

“Don’t even think of ordering me out of here” warned Aegon sternly as he shut the door.

“Is it true-what Aegon has just told me and the council?” asked Aemond.

“Yes” replied Vaeryna quietly as she glanced at Aegon who offered a slight smile.

“Almost seventeen years and you’ve been lying to my face”.

“I-I’m sorry, please my love” said Vaeryna softly.

“NO. You do not get to call me that, not after what I’ve just been told. All of your visits to the Vale, and your sneaking around with Jeyne Arryn and Cregan fucking Stark” raged Aemond.

“It wasn’t malicious, I was protecting my brother” replied Vaeryna.

“That boy is a risk to my brothers reign, what of the Lord who supported your mother, what happens when they find out that he’s alive?”

“Nothing will happen, Aegon has promised to swear obedience in front of the Iron Throne, he does not wish incite another war. He just wants to come home” said Vaeryna firmly.

“-And you think that’s enough to assuage those loyal to your mother? They will want that boy on the throne, they will whisper and collude until some cunt gets the bright idea to see their plan to fruition” snapped Aemond.

“No, Aegon does not desire the throne”.

“It doesn’t matter what he wants, it’ll be those around him, dripping their poison in his ear until he has no choice” retorted Aemond.

“He will not rise up against the King, no matter what anyone says” said Vaeryna as she subconsciously moved closer to Aegon.

“If you believe that then you’re a fucking fool, it is not just my brother that’s at risk, it is my niece and our own children. What of Rhaegar? He is heir to the Iron Throne; he will be put to the sword” said Aemond.

“NO. STOP” shouted Vaeryna as she pressed her hands over her ears.

“What’s the matter is the truth to hard to handle, your reckless decision could cost our children their lives” snarled Aemond as he advanced on Vaeryna.

“Aemond that’s enough-“ warned Aegon.

“YOUR NOTHING BUT A LYING DECEITFUL WHORE”

“Now wait just a second, she is nothing of the sort” said Aegon firmly.

“How do I know that? She’s been sneaking around behind my back and conspiring with that northern dog, how do I know that she hasn’t been opening her legs for him too, why else would he go to such lengths”.

“Because he is kind and honourable” sobbed Vaeryna.

“Tell me Ryna, how many of my children are his? How many of them are BASTARDS?”

“None of them are his, I have never taken Cregan to bed. All of the children are yours; you only have to look at them to see the truth of it” replied Vaeryna shaking.

“You’ve been lying to me for almost seventeen years, why should I believe a single word that comes out of your lying mouth”.

“Because I am your wife” cried Vaeryna.

“No wife of mine would ever act in such a manner” snarled Aemond.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Vaeryna.

“You have lied, conspired and risked our children-“

“-No, our children are safe” retorted Vaeryna.

“As soon as your brother arrives in Kings Landing, he’s dead. I’m going to kill him myself”.

“NO” screamed Vaeryna.

“You would seriously put the life of your brother over the lives of your own children?”

“Hang on, no one said anything about killing your children your being rather dramatic there brother” said Aegon.

“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH”

“No, I will not. I am your King, and you will show me respect” said Aegon sternly.

“I will show respect when you deserve it” snarled Aemond.

“You speak of respect when your screaming at your own wife like a damn banshee, maybe if you took your head out of your arse and actually sat and talked her then you might understand why she did this” replied Aegon.

“What’s there to understand, she lied and now I will deal with it-“

“-No please, Aemond I beg you” pleaded Vaeryna her lip wobbling.

“By order of the King you will not lay a hand on Aegon. The boy will be welcomed to the Red Keep alongside Cregan Stark and his men, the betrothal between Daenerys and Aegon will be given my blessing, and you will not interfere” said Aegon sternly.

“Daenerys is my daughter” snapped Aemond as he picked up a vase and hurled it across the room. Vaeryna jumped as the vase collided with the wall and smashed.

“You need to calm down” ordered Aegon as he placed himself in front of Vaeryna.

“No, she lied to me. I won’t have it. I will-“ balled Aemond as he began tearing the room apart in his temper.

Vaeryna clung to Aegon terrified as they wordlessly watched Aemond destroy everything he could get his hands on.

“Aemond. Stop. Please” said Vaeryna as she reached out and placed her hand on his back.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME” shouted Aemond as whirled around and pushed Vaeryna away from him and she landed on the floor with a heavy thud.

“AEMOND” yelled Aegon as he shoved his brother away from Vaeryna who was sat on the floor looking up at her husband, the tears running down her face.

Suddenly Aemond seemed to come back to himself, his face once twisted with rage was now filled with regret and concern.

“I-I’m sorry. Vaeryna. Please” exclaimed Aemond.

“Step away from her. NOW” ordered Aegon as he helped Vaeryna off the floor.

“A-Aemond” sobbed Vaeryna her hands clasped to her chest.

“I didn’t mean too, ābrazȳrys” replied Aemond as he reached out towards her. (Wife)

Vaeryna moved away from his grasp and then fled the room, ignoring Aemond and Aegon’s concerned calls.

Aegon checked Vaeryna’s usual hiding place in the gardens, but she wasn’t there.

“I-Is she there” asked Aemond frantically.

“No” replied Aegon.

“Well Cannibal hasn’t left the-AEGON WHAT THE FUCK” exclaimed Aemond as Aegon tackled him to the ground and punched him in the face.

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT” shouted Aegon.

“Aegon. Stop” gasped Aemond as he grabbed hold of Aegon and rolled him over.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME” snarled Aegon as he writhed and struggled against his brother’s vice like grip, after a few minutes he managed to wrench himself free and he attempted to punch Aemond again.

“Enough” said Aemond as he attempted to apprehend Aegon once more, but his brother was as slippery as an eel and every attempt Aemond made to subdue him was consistently thwarted.

Eventually the scraping brothers were pulled apart by the Kings Guard.

“You are confined to your chambers until further notice, and I suggest you clean up the mess you made” ordered Aegon as he dusted himself off.

“Brother-“

“-Don’t bother, Ser Colton escort my brother back to his chambers and make sure he stays there until I say otherwise” snarled Aegon as he turned on his heel and stormed away from the gardens.

“Yes, Your Grace” said Ser Colton bowing slightly.

Aemond glared at the Kings Guard but acquiesced and went to his chambers. Now that had calmed down somewhat, he surveyed the damage and cringed.

He’d let his anger get the better of him and worst of all Vaeryna had witnessed it.

Some of the things he’d thrown around the room in his temper were salvageable, but some weren’t, no doubt he would get an ear full off his mother when she found out what had happened, but he couldn’t think about that right now.

After he’d made a decent attempt at cleaning up the mess he made, Aemond sat in front of the fire and thought about Vaeryna and the lie she told. It angered him beyond belief, that she could keep something like that from him, but on some level, he understood why she hadn’t told him.

Especially when his first idea was to kill her brother. Aegon was right he should have sat and listened to Vaeryna instead of kicking off and now she had disappeared, and he was confined to their chambers.

A soft knock on the door broke Aemond out of his reverie, at first, he thought it was his mother coming to scold him for his behaviour but when the door opened her was confronted with the eldest of his daughters.

“Dany” exclaimed Aemond.

“Mother is in a meeting with Aegon and the council” replied Daenerys softly.

“Where was she before that?” asked Aemond.

“With my brothers and sisters,” said Daenerys.

“I should be with your mother in that council meeting”.

“Yes, you should be, but she’s not alone. Rhaegar is with her” muttered Daenerys.

“Good” said Aemond.

“You definitely could have handled that better”.

“I let my anger get the better of me, she lied to me Dany, for the entirety of our marriage, her decision could have placed you and your siblings at risk” explained Aemond.

“If mother had told you from the very beginning, what would you have done?”

“Even though my brother had reclaimed the Iron Throne after the war, his reign was still on shaky ground and the boy would have been a risk” said Aemond honestly.

“So, he would have been killed, and you wonder why mother lied. He’s the only family she had left, Baela and Rhaena don’t bother with her. Imagine how lost and alone she must have felt,” said Daenerys.

“Dany I-“.

“I understand why your angry, but what if the roles were reversed, and all your family had been killed and it was just you and one of your siblings left, how far would you go to ensure their safety?” exclaimed Daenerys.

“So, I just forgive her for lying to me?” asked Aemond.

“I’m asking you to understand the situation she was in, I know all about mother’s first husband and what happened to him-“

“S-She told you?” gasped Aemond.

“You know how close we all are to mother; she is our entire world” replied Daenerys.

“Yes, I know, she’s a good mother to you all” said Aemond smiling slightly.

“Now Imagine how she must have been feeling, of course she was going to do whatever it takes to keep her little brother safe, she even sold herself to the man who killed her own brother and father,” said Daenerys.

“I-I love your mother very much” whispered Aemond as a lone tear trickled down his cheek.

“She loves you too, but mother sacrificed everything for Aegon” replied Daenerys quietly.

“I’ve ruined everything haven’t I” muttered Aemond sadly as he wrenched off his eyepatch.

“All is not lost. You both need time to process what’s happened and then maybe you can talk and try to sort this out”.

“When did my daughter get so grown up?” asked Aemond.

“It happens to us all father” whispered Daenerys as she wrapped her arms around her father and hugged him tightly.

“I love you Issa dōna tala” replied Aemond as he held his daughter close (My sweet daughter)

“Avy jorrāelan tolī kepa” whispered Daenerys (I love you too father).

It had taken almost a month for the council to stop foaming at the mouth and agree to let Aegon the Younger return to the Red Keep.

Some Lords were of the same opinion as Aemond whereas the others were weary of having the boy executed. Even after all these years there were still supporters of Rhaenyra that existed and having her only son beheaded may cause an uprising.

The loyalty of the North was also a contributing factor to the councils acceptance of Aegon, he wasn’t the biological son of Cregan Stark, but he was raised as such and with the North finally back in the fold, the Vale would soon follow.

Of course, they were insistent that Aegon publicly bend the knee and then he would be kept under close supervision for the entirety of his time in the Red Keep.

Which of course Vaeryna agreed to, but she was insistent that even though he was considered a man grown, Aegon would be placed under her care.

Eventually the day arrived for Cregan Stark and Aegon to arrive and the Red Keep was a buzz with activity, the King insisted on having a great feast and everyone was busy making the preparations.

Rhaegar had insisted that he take Dreamfyre to meet Cregan and his men on the Kings Road and escort them to Kings Landing.

Vaeryna was helping Daenerys get ready and the rest of the children were with their father and Aegon.

“Must I wear this” moaned Jaehaeryn.

“Yes” replied Aemond sternly as his youngest daughter Caelee settled herself on his knee.

“But it itches though”.

“Boy cease your whining; this is an important day for us all and you will wear what we tell you too” snapped Aemond firmly.

“Yes father” muttered Jaehaeryn sulking.

“What’s wrong with my father?” asked Vharla.

“Like he said this is an important day and you all need to be on your best behaviour” urged Jaehaera smiling as she finished twisting Vharla’s wild silver hair into a braid.

“Were not the ones complaining” whispered Aerys.

“Oh, shut up” quipped Jaehaeryn.

“No, you shut up” snarked Aerys sticking his tongue out at his older brother.

“Both of you shush up” said Saeryna as she hoisted herself up on Aegon’s knee.

“Where mama?” Caelee as she rubbed her face on Aemond’s shoulder.

“She’s with Dany, remember I said that your sister is meeting the boy she will marry”.

“O-Our uncle?” asked Caelee.

“Yes, mama’s little brother Aegon” replied Aemond quietly.

“But we already have an uncle Aegon” said Aerys cocking his head to the side.

“I know it’s confusing but-“

“-Obviously I’m the best one” said Aegon loudly.

“You’re the King” said Saeryna.

“Indeed, I am little one” replied Aegon.

“Rhaegar will be King one day” said Jaehaeryn.

“I-If Rhaegar is King then that means uncle Aegon is dead, I don’t want him to die” said Saeryna sadly, her little eyes filling with tears.

“Don’t worry kid, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon” exclaimed Aegon.

“Y-You promise” whispered Saeryna.

“I promise” said Aegon as he hugged his niece tightly.

For all the stupid decisions he'd made, Aegon was quite close to all his nieces and nephews. Saeryna in particular was very fond of her uncle and she would often be found trailing after him asking a million questions or simply wanting him to read stories to her.

In his mind, he couldn't change the past, but he could learn from it, especially with his daughter Jaehaera.

Suddenly the roar of a dragon shook the walls of the Red Keep.

“Dreamfyre’s back” cooed Caelee.

“Right, that means it’s time for us to take our places in the throne room and remember children you need to be on your best behaviour or else” threated Aemond as he stood up with Caelee still clinging to him.

“Come on little Princess, it’s time to go to see your grandmother” whispered Ellen gently.

“No-No I want to stay with daddy” cried Caelee.

“Remember sweet girl, you and Saeryna are going to stay with grandma for a little bit” urged Aemond as he passed his struggling daughter to the nanny.

“But uncle Aegon-“ whined Saeryna.

“Best do as your father says, otherwise he’ll get grumpy, and you know we don’t like a grumpy daddy” mocked Aegon.

“He’s already grumpy-mother won’t let him kiss her” said Jaehaeryn.

“Boy one more word-“ warned Aemond.

“He’s right though, surprised you haven’t sprouted cobwebs down there, how long has it been brother?” whispered Aegon smirking.

“Keep talking and I’ll slap that smirk straight off your face” snapped Aemond.

“Daddy stop being a bully” urged Saeryna.

“Yeah daddy. Stop” mocked Aegon.

Aemond took a deep breath and closed his eye, today was not the day to be trying his patience but his moron of a brother seemed determined to rile him up.

“Right Saeryna, go with Ellen and Caelee. Be good for your grandma” said Aemond sternly.

“I will as long as she doesn’t start talking about the history of the seven, it’s boring” replied Saeryna as she took the nanny’s hand and left the room.

“That girl, honestly” muttered Aemond.

“She’s an absolute diamond, and of course my favourite one of your many children” said Aegon smiling as he smoothed down his robes and put the conquerors crown on his head.

“Right, let’s get this over and done with” muttered Aemond.

“Remember, if you act decent today. Your wife might let you back in her bed”.

“Do not talk that way in front of my children” snapped Aemond.

“Oh, come on brother, you’ve been so frustrated of late, you need to get your end away”.

“Aegon” warned Aemond as he ushered Jaehaeryn, Vharla and Aerys out of the room.

“Must you tease him?” asked Jaehaera as she took her father’s arm.

“Oh, my sweet daughter it’s the best part of my day, surely you cannot deny me the chance to have a little fun” replied Aegon smiling.

Everyone in the throne room waited with bated breath for the arrival of Cregan Stark and Aegon.

Vaeryna fiddled nervously with the rings on her fingers as she stood silently next to Aemond.

Admittedly in Aemond’s mind it was nice to be stood next to his wife, since their argument a month ago they had barely spoke, Vaeryna hadn’t even returned to their shared chambers, she had taken to staying in one of the guest rooms, which upset Aemond more than he wanted to admit, as he couldn’t sleep properly without his wife next to him.

They had remained polite in front of their children at mealtimes but it broke Aemond’s heart when Vaeryna would turn away from him and leave him to return to his chambers alone.

Today was important and Aemond was determined to make things right with his wife.

The doors to the throne room opened.

“Lord Cregan Stark, Warden of the North and Prince Aegon Targaryen”.

Cregan walked into the throne room flanked by his men, Aegon trailed behind his face obscured by his grey hooded cloak.

Vaeryna suddenly took hold of Aemond’s hand and squeezed it gently, and in a show of silent support he squeezed back.

“Jaehaeryn, stop fidgeting” whispered Vaeryna softly.

“But mother, I’m too hot and it itches” replied Jaehaeryn.

“Boy, listen to your mother” warned Aemond.

“-But father” moaned Jaehaeryn.

“Brother that’s enough” snapped Rhaegar.

“Welcome Lord Stark, I trust your journey from the North wasn’t too perilous?”

“No, Your Grace it was fine and thank you for inviting us to Kings landing” replied Cregan his deep voice echoing around the throne room.

Vaeryna was nervous as her brother stepped forward and there was an audible gasp when Aegon removed his hood.

His short roughly shorn silver hair tumbled over his forehead, and even though there was slight narrowing to his face, he was the exact mirror image of his father Daemon.

The Rogue Prince come again.

His piercing amethyst eyes never left the King as he lowered himself to one knee.

“I Aegon the Younger of House Targaryen, recognise and pledge my loyalty to you, Aegon of House Targaryen the second of his name, King of the andals, rhoynar and the first men, Lord of the seven Kingdoms and Protector of the realm” said Aegon loudly as he bowed his head.

 The King pursed his lips for a moment before he levered himself off the Iron Throne and walked slowly down the steps.

Aemond kept hold of Vaeryna’s hand as she moved forward slightly.

“Don’t” whispered Aemond his eye never leaving the King.

Vaeryna watched anxiously as the King approached her brother.

“Rise” said Aegon sternly.

Aegon the Younger slowly stood up and was stunned when the King offered his hand.

“I accept your pledge of loyalty and welcome you to Kings Landing”.

“Thank you. Your Grace” replied Aegon as he shook the Kings hand.

“Do not make me regret this.

“You won’t, I can promise you that Your Grace” replied Aegon.

The members of the court who had been stood in silence, began to applaud.

Vaeryna let out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding when her little brother looked at her and smiled.

“Sister”

“Brother” exclaimed Vaeryna as she let go of Aemond’s hand and ran towards her brother engulfing him in a tight hug.

“I missed you so much” exclaimed Aegon as he buried his face in Vaeryna’s silver hair.

“-And I’ve missed you” replied Vaeryna.

“I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me” said Aegon.

“Your my little brother, I would do anything for you”.

“Daenerys” gasped Aegon his eyes alight with wonder and awe as he caught sight of his betrothed.

“Hello Aegon-” whispered Daenerys shyly.

“-Brother, this is Aemond” said Vaeryna.

Aegon visibly blanched a little at the mention of Aemond’s name and he stood rooted to the spot as his gaze caught sight of Dark Sister resting in the holster on Aemond’s hip.

“Pleasure to me you Prince Aemond” said Aegon politely bowing his head.

“Aegon” said Aemond nodding his head sharply.

Vaeryna and turned to face Cregan who was deep in conversation with the King.

“Lord Stark” said Vaeryna politely.

“Princess” replied Cregan smiling as he wrapped Vaeryna in a one-armed hug, ignoring Aemond’s noise of protest in the background.

“Thank you for everything” whispered Vaeryna.

“Your welcome” said Cregan.

“Oh where are my manners, obviously you know Rhaegar and Dany, but these are my sons Jaehaeryn and Aerys-“

“-Pleasure to meet you both” said Cregan nodding his head.

“-And this is my daughter Vharla, you’ll meet my other daughters Saeryna and Caelee later at the feast” exclaimed Vaeryna.

“-Beautiful, just like your mother”.

“Hello My Lord” said Vharla politely.

“I would also like to introduce my husband, Prince Aemond”.

“Prince Aemond-” muttered Cregan flatly.

“-Lord Stark” replied Aemond through gritted teeth.

“Right, now that introductions have been made, I think it’s time I made an announcement” said Aegon firmly as he retook his seat on the Iron Throne.

The lively chatter in the throne room quickly quietened down in anticipation of the Kings announcement.

“Today has been a great for welcoming back a brother and making new allies, discussions are currently underway with Lord Stark to further solidify the North’s relationship with the crown and to further unite House Targaryen, it is my pleasure to give my blessing for a marriage between my niece Princess Daenerys and my nephew Aegon the Younger”.

The throne room erupted into thunderous applause as Aegon bowed to Daenerys and presented her with a courtship gift, a brooch emblazoned with the Targaryen sigil.

Vaeryna smiled as she recognised the brooch that once belonged to their mother.

After almost seventeen years, she had kept her promise to her mother. Aegon was safe and he was home.

[bsd-fan]

Dazai osamu: Evolution

In a lot of ways this is where my Dazai analysis will really start, this is going to be insanely long so be prepared. It also has spoilers of the manga, anime, and most of the light novels.

I’ve talked about how is a mistake to measure Dazai’s character growth in terms of morality, because that has never been the main point of his characterization. Being a “good” or a “Bad” person is not as important as the fandom makes it to be. Dazai is unapologetically a morally grey character and he will always be. However, this doesn’t mean that Dazai hasn’t changed.

He has and it goes far beyond him changing into a boring trench coat and calling himself a detective. He has changed so fundamentally speaking that I’d go and say that right now is the most developed character in this area and the thing that make this even more surprising is that his character growth has not finished yet. He keeps evolving.

To understand this let’s start analyzing him chronologically:

Fifteen year old Dazai is probably the lowest we’ve ever seen Dazai. Starting fifteen, Dazai is showed to us as someone who genuinely wants to die, he is /not/ attempting suicide as a joke, is not a comedic relief. Fifteen year old Dazai wants to die with a desperation that borders on madness. He is so tired of living, so bored of life and the people that surround him, about how predictable they are, about how easy is to manipulate them, there’s not a thing in this world that can surprise him, he is living in this permanent state of numbness. He is completely lonely in a world that will never be able to understand him. And let me make a pause to talk about the fact that it has been /heavily/ implied that Dazai was living in this situation for a long time. People loves to blame Mori for Dazai’s personality but this is simply and canonically speaking not true.

Dazai has already formed most of his worse personality traits by the time Mori found him. Let me remind you that they met when Mori saved Dazai’s life /after/ he attempted suicide at fourteen. Fandom loves to act as Dazai was a perfectly healthy kid that Mori ruined when that’s not true. Mori made it worse, yes. But he wasn’t the cause of it.

“Miscalculation.

You misjudged the situation, he told himself. You failed to pick the optimal solution. You shouldn’t have chosen this child to help you. Dazai is unpredictable. He can be sharp but in a dark, twisted way. He’s observant. He’s cold and calculating with no equivalent even in the mafia, where the most evil reside”- Mori about Dazai, ligh novel fifteen.

I will talk about this more depth in another essay about Soukoku and the mafia but this is important to aknowledge. Dazai was like this even /before/ Mori’s influence, Mori was scared of him even when Dazai was just a child because he saw how deeply disconnected from his humanity he was. How cruel, cold and calculating he could be.

So going back to the main idea, at this point of the story, Dazai is already numb, manipulative, and machiavellian, he doesn’t trust in anyone and his only real connection is with Mori that looks at him like a convenient weapon to wield. But the most important trait of Dazai at this age? Is how deeply apathetic Dazai is to everything. At this stage of life Dazai lives in a pure nihilism, he doesn’t believe in /anything/, he conceives life as completely meaningless, he doesn’t see a point in existing when there’s no a reason for it. It’s so bad that it’s funny. Mori knows about the /raw/ potential in Dazai, about how valuable he can be as a tool but he can’t use him because Dazai is so unmotivated that he simply doesn’t give a damn about anything. He is a genius and he only uses his intellect to try to kill himself. He can’t be bothered with anything else, even breathing is an annoying task and a waste of effort and then…this happens:

I’m not pointing this out as a soukoku shipper because this is not even a soukoku analysis, this is all about Dazai. People will always talk about Fifteen importance for chuuya, but fifteen was also fundamental in Dazai’s arc.

Cold and apathetic Dazai was literally kicked in the face by his biggest narrative foil. Chuuya who is loud, and ridiculously emotional, who can’t for the life of him hide his expressions, who is a terrible liar, impulsive, pathologically loyal to the point of idiocy, and so fucking full of vitality, so hungry for life. And so /unbearable human/. And then Dazai gets annoyed, and surprised, and out of nowhere he is screaming at the top of his lungs, showing /emotion/, he is curious, he is intrigued. He went from saying that breathing is such a hassle to fucking throwing a party and singing happily while he, in person, decorates, he even got a cake for fuck’s sake.

He doesn’t understand chuuya, he is curious about the sheep dynamics and as the story progresses we realize that this is probably the first time that Dazai fucks up, he failed to predict a situation, he didn’t saw it coming.

He wasn’t able to realize that Chuuya was Arahabaki, he didn’t even thought about that possibility. Because since the first moment, he never thought that chuuya could be something else than human. He didn’t saw Rimbaud coming because the idea of a person going that far for someone else? Is ridiculous, it doesn’t make sense, is illogical. It’s not how people are supposed to act.

“-So it’s all for your partner-Dazai said listlessly- Betraying the mafia, spreading rumors about the old boss’s resurrection, this fight we’re in now…it’s kind of hard to believe, to be honest

-Maybe for a slimeball like you it is- Chuuya scoffed. He looked up at Randou- Throwing everything away for your friends is a perfectly respectable reason to risk your life if you ask me”- Dazai and chuuya, fifteen years old. (Pause to scream about how much I love chuuya, help)

So basically every thing that happened in fifteen leads to this:

And this guys, is one of the angular stones in Dazai’s development.

“The boy’s eyes were as clear as the sky on a sunny day; they lacked any shred of trepidation. This was not something earned, for only those determined to live could possess their heavenly blue sparkle”- about Dazai, fifteen.

This is the /only/ moment in the entirety of the series where Dazai not only doesn’t want to die, but that he /actively/ is looking towards life. The only moment in all bsd, Dazai is excited at the perspective of living. Fifteen is so important because this is the first time, Dazai’s view of life is challenged. Dazai was wrong. He made mistakes. People are not as predictable and boring as he thought. Dazai doesn’t suddenly start thinking that life has meaning, but he starts thinking that it /may/ exist, he just hasn’t found it yet.

This scene makes a radical switch in Dazai’s character because his primary goal changed from wanting to die to finding a reason to live.

In fifteen Dazai found hope, and everything that came after is possible because of this.

And it’s logical to an extent. He doesn’t understand life, but maybe if he understands death he can come closer to understand it. People always lie but when they are about to die? People become genuine, pretensions disappear, what do you cling to when you don’t have anything? When you’re dying, why do you keep fighting? If he can understand this, then maybe he can understand the sense in life. Maybe he can connect with his own desires and emotions. Maybe he can find his own reason to exist.

Unfortunately this doesn’t last.

By stormbringer, Dazai falls into despair once again, he goes back to looking for his death.

“Dazai glanced back at him, perhaps amused by this, then he muttered as if he was talking to himself. -I couldn’t find anything in the end’- Dazai osamu, stormbringer

“It seems true that he wants to die. It seems that all the value standards of living reflected in his eyes are just as worthless and ugly as scrap iron”- Oda about Dazai, The day I picked up Dazai osamu side A, translated by poppopretty

For a long time, I thought that was the culmination of Dazai’s development as a character. He went from wanting to die to trying to find a reason to live, he struggles but he is trying.

I was wrong.

Chuuya solves his main conflict in stormbringer, Dazai doesn’t. To understand this, we need to understand that one the main themes in Bungou stray dogs is existentialism.

In simple (extremely simple) words existentialism can be defined as: “ the philosophical belief we are each responsible for creating purpose or meaning in our own lives”. Which means that in a way existentialism also understands that life can be meaningless, that maybe there’s not a big purpose in existence BUT that doesn’t have to mean that it has to stay that way. Existentialism defends that people can find their own purpose and maybe is not something big, it may be not life changing for others, but is something people cling to and that’s enough to give sense to the world. I will be talking more in depth about this in chuuya’s analysis but right now the important thing is to understand that this is not enough for Dazai.

He /needs/ a bigger purpose, a better answer, something objective and logical, something that can’t be debated. Because if it’s not, then Dazai’s genius mind will pick on that and he will once again be drown in desperation. Dazai needs an absolute answer.

Enter oda, the catalyst of Dazai’s next biggest arc as a character. But first let’s understand sixteen year old Dazai’s perspective of live, shall we?

“- you said it is foolish to die, right? So here is my question. If dying is foolish, then why do we have to die?

(…)

-So, you mean life is not something to regret?

-No, it is worse than that. Even though we are all promised death, from the beginning, all human beings were born with a present desire called “I don’t want to die”. This is also one hundred percent true. That is why, that desire will never be fulfilled”- The day I picked up Dazai Osamu, transplanted by poppypretty

So, to summarize Dazai can’t understand what’s the point in living if by the end there’s no real point in it. There’s nothing there, there’s not a reason to suffer so much because that’s what he is doing. He is suffering. He is all alone, feeling like an alien in a world of humans, just using a mask and trying to hide how really inhuman and empty he is behind all of that and for what? The world is senseless. Worse than that, there are not a lot of things he cares about but when he finds something worth preserving, he loses it. Dazai is in a horrible situation because his intelligence alienates him and isolates him from other people but it’s not enough to win against the senseless of life. He lives at edge, trying to predict and control everything to protect himself and the things important to him, he purposefully goes along with the alienation and isolates himself more thus going farther from his humanity, and at the end is worthless. Because it doesn’t matter how intelligent he is, is still not enough, he will never be able to control everything, he will never be able to predict everything with 100% of accuracy because life doesn’t work in that way, is all about chaos. And Dazai can’t deal with that.

Time passes, by eighteen years old, Dazai in a lot of ways gets worse. He is the “Demon prodigy” destructive, cruel, a master in torture and his mental state continues to get worse and worse but funnily enough he is still standing and that’s thanks to two things:

1) the hope he found at fifteen and never let him. Yes, Dazai goes back to wanting to die because life sometimes becomes unbearable but his goal is still to find a reason to live. And that didn’t changed.

2) his friends. Odasaku, Ango and Lupin bar are important things for Dazai. He is still lonely but it’s a little better

Then everything goes to shit.

But I want you to understand this. After Oda decides to die, Dazai tries to stop him and this is what he says:

“-Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be something…Hey Odasaku, do you know why I joined the mafia? (…) I joined the mafia because of an expectation I had. I thought if I was close to death and violence-close to people giving in to their urges and desires, then I would be able to see the inner nature of humankind up close. I thought if I did that…I would be able to find something-a reason to live”- Dazai Osamu, Dark era.

This is frankly tragic, because just as I said in previous analysis. Dazai’s worse trait, the real cause of all his suffering is his complete lack of self awareness. His main problem is not his lack of understanding of life, is the lack of understanding of himself. He thinks that understanding human at their most basic, desperate state will make him understand better humankind and that ultimately will make him closer to his humanity. But that’s not how it works. He can’t just watch from afar and expect that to be enough. Dazai needs to connect with himself, even the worse parts of himself, even the parts he doesn’t want to see instead of covering them up, he needs to let himself bond with other people, he needs to connect with his own emotions and desires. He needs to leave his overly complex ideas behind, to go down from the high horse he is in, to stop with the omniscient being act that aggravate his isolation and alienation, the things that ultimately make him perceive himself as something inhuman. He needs to accept that at the end of the day he is just human, just like the rest of the world and he is just as powerless as them.

Now let’s go to arguably Dazai’s most important scene as a character: Odasaku’s death

People love to make this scene about soukoku and it’s fucking ridiculous.

People will take this scene and put it as evidence for the “Chuuya’s always the second choice” theory that they came up with (even if the whole theory is fucking ) but specifically this? Dazai leaving the mafia? Has nothing to do with chuuya. It’s part of his /individual/ character development and exactly what it should be.

Let’s start analyzing it

Dazai arrives and Oda is dying, he is desperate to save him even when he know is too late and the Odasaku says something. And this, this guys is what ultimately leads to Dazai’s character growth.

“-you told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live (…) you won’t find it-Odasaku said in an almost whisper. Dazai stared at him- You should know that. Whether you’re on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity”

“ That was when Dazai first realized: Sakunosuke oda understood him much more than he’d ever imagined- right up to his very heart, almost to the center of his mind. Dazai didn’t realize until then that someone had known him so well. For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted from the bottom oh his heart to know something. He asked the man before him:

-Odasaku, What should I do-“- Odasaku and Dazai osamu, Dark era

This is the most important scene for Dazai. He has always been lonely, he has always lived with the knowledge that it doesn’t matter how much he tries, no one will ever able to understand him but then just minutes before oda’s death he realizes he was wrong. To say that he left the mafia for oda is as inexact as saying that he decided to live for chuuya. It’s simply not true. He was heavily influenced by both of them but at the end of the day it was for himself.

“People live to save themselves”

I’ve say it before but this sentence is the core of bsd. If you want to analyze a character in this series, not matter who, you need to start by this quote. Dazai is not the exception to it.

He joined the mafia trying to find his own salvation, to get closer to his humanity, to find his reason for living, to find answers and he left because he realized it was useless. He always knew in a way, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave because this was his only chance, the mafia was his only hope, was the only thing he was clinging to. Even in his worst moments, Dazai still clung to the idea that he would find what he was looking for. But then, while dying oda talks to him and he realizes that there was someone who understood. Someone who knew about his pain, someone who understood his desperation, someone who looked through the mask and realized how utterly broken he was. And thing is, he failed, he tried the logical option and he found nothing but then maybe oda, oda who knows him best, oda who probably understands him better that he understand himself can tell him what to do. That’s why Dazai is so desperate in this scene, asking what to do. Because this is a new chance, there’s new hope. What Oda said might sound horrible but it was exactly what Dazai needed to hear and is the reason I was wrong.

Dazai doesn’t read as a character who went from wanting to die to wanting to find a reason to live.

Because to begin with, what Dazai was looking for was completely unreachable because it doesn’t exist. He can be looking for a reason to live all his life and he won’t find it because there’s not an absolute answer. There is not a bigger motive. The world really is senseless, that’s how it is. And Dazai needed to understand that. That’s why oda tells him to forget all about that silly hope. Because is useless.

“Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but…saving others is something just a bit more wonderful”- Oda Sakunosuke, dark era.

But that doesn’t mean than living is worthless

And this is how we come to Dazai’s real change as character. Dazai goes from nihilism, to a failed attempt of existentialism to absurdism.

Absurdism is the philosophical theory that existence in general is absurd, meaning that the world lacks meaning or a higher purpose. It also refers to the discrepancy between two things such as: the conflict as a colission between a rational man in an irrational world. In simple words, absurdism refers to the struggle of the man to find sense in a senseless world and we can see the mental impact of this struggle in the form of existential crises (yes, just like Dazai) Okay so I swear this made perfect sense in my own language, I’m gonna try as best as I can to explain it in English. Absurdism is different from existentialism because it doesn’t think that you can find a sense in the world, it really defends that not matter what you do, you will never find anything, that it doesn’t matter what you cling to in the great scheme of things it still means nothing, and in a way this need to find a sense in life will lead to more chaos BUT it also defends that you have to keep living despite that, maybe out of pure spite of it. Things doesn’t need to make sense to be worthy.

Absurdism says that there are three options to deal with this problem

Suicide: the pure desperation of trying to reach something that doesn’t exist will lead to the rejection of life. But this is not the correct answer (Cough, young Dazai, cough)

Religion: trying to cope, clinging to the idea that there’s a higher purpose. (Cough, Fyodor, Cough)

Rebellion against the absurd: which is the right answer, the individual needs to learn to accept the absurdity of the world and of his own existence but keep opposing to it. Which means, that the individual keeps living clinging to little things that may not have sense, but that are still worthy and valuable. In even simpler terms, absurdism says “do what you have to do to stop from killing yourself, not matter how stupid that thing is”

Cadmus explained it even better using this example:

You all know about Sisyphus, right? If not is basically this man that was punished by the gods. The punishment consisted of rolling a massive rock up a hill, but it doesn’t matter how hard he tried, at the end of the day, once the rock reached the top it would roll down again. So it was a completely senseless punishment. Not matter how Sisyphus tried he could never win against the absurdity of it. And this also happens with human lives, we do meaningless things all the time, knowing that at the end we will die. Not matter what we do, if we end up as vagabonds or if we find the cure against cancer, the result is still the same, we will all die, so everything we do in life is pointless. BUT Cadmus said that you still can’t give up. Because at the end, sisyphus needs to stop caring about something that he can’t change, the result will always be the same but the important thing is the instant of happiness when he comes close to finishing his job. The moment when the rock reaches the top? seconds before it rolls down, that satisfaction? Is what life is really about. And that’s exactly what Dazai is trying to do right now.

He won’t find sense in life, but being in the ADA is a little more beautiful and that alone is reason enough to be there. Maybe he is not a good person, maybe he doesn’t understand morals but he is with people he has come to appreciate in a better environment doing something that he enjoys more and that’s enough.

There’s this omake in bsd that shows a conversation between Atsushi and Dazai. And Atsushi asks Dazai, why he is in the ADA because someone as intelligent as Dazai can surely find a job with better pay, and Dazai looks at him and tell him that it’s true, but he is fine where he is because he likes to use his brain to help people. That guys, is absurdism right there, Dazai acknowledges that it may not makes sense but he likes what he does and that’s enough.

This change has been gradual and Dazai still struggles with it. He still has problems with the idea of letting things go, he still is a manipulative bastard and that will never change, because at this point is just a part of his personality, he still is trying to control everything but at the same time he also is ready to accept that sometime you just don’t have the answers and that’s part of humanity. This is one of my favorite panels on earth:

Dazai is trying to convince kyouka of living, to choose to do something different from the things she’s good at, if that what makes her happy. This is one of the few scenes Dazai accepts that he is not omniscient, that there are no answers for all the questions, and that we are all a little lost because of it. This is also the first time Dazai is not in desperation while saying it. His growth is not about becoming a good person, he still does horrible things, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t changed. To accept that life is senseless but it still is worthy, to accept that he can’t control everything but the possibilities of it are not necessarily something to be afraid but opportunities? /That’s/ his character growth

This whole arc is a masterpiece because it highlights Dazai’s growth. He is against Fyodor, who in a lot of ways is just like him but at their core they are completely different.

This hands down is my favorite Dazai’s panel because is all about his growth. Because he can see what Fyodor doesn’t. Fyodor see himself as a god, Dazai doesn’t because he knows that it doesn’t matter if they are pulling the strings, they are still isolated and alienated from everything, the people that really is moving the world is the one out there, the people that jumps even when they don’t know if they will be caught. The people that don’t know half of what they know but still are able to move in the middle of the uncertainty. And that’s something that neither Fyodor nor Dazai are able to do. But Dazai is no longer in pain because of that, he now understands the problem and is trying his best to overcome it. Dazai stopped resenting the world for being senseless and illogical and is learning to accept it and just adapt as best as he can to it. To give everything for the people he cares about even when there’s no guarantee that it will end well, but Dazai is trying and that’s what matters.

I really wish I had the time to make a better analysis but I don’t. Even then, I wanted to share my pure love and admiration to this character. Dazai is so beautifully written and by far the most complex character in this whole story, all of his development as a character is simply fascinating and the way Asagiri is writing him right now has me screaming and running in circles.

[youthnighttarot]

Umm…..so like tf going on? (What’s happening to you right now) PAC

Pile 1

Cards Pulled: FoC, KoS, SoSwrv

Reading: What I’m getting from what’s happening right now is some form of loss, grief or trauma that you’re focusing on. You may be carrying this emotional burden with and this could be causing some form of instability within your life. You need to build a routine and not just any routine a routine based around you and what brings you true happiness. You may need to have a conversation with someone who is responsible for this or even with yourself. Find the strength within yourself stand your ground fully and wholeheartedly. Some people are unwilling to change and you can’t use that as an excuse why you let them treat you the way that they do. You may have recently gone through a relationship separation whether it may be romantic, platonic, or familial. Don’t allow them to take you for granted. You are not going to heal overnight it is going to take some time and you have to be comfortable with that. Sometimes you may slip back but don’t allow that to become a pattern an later another bad habit. You may be detaching yourself from personal matters thinking of things that make you or made you feel guilty. You also have to be willing to change even if that means cutting people off. Create some self-discipline within your schedule and your time. You need some self-care ASAP. Relax and allow yourself to breathe your so tight and anxious and this only causes more stress and pain to your mental state. For those who have been wronged the bases revenge especially for those who have been monetarily abused…the best revenge is your paper 💰💅🏾. You really need to clear your mind and space pile one it’s almost suffocating this is not good at all. So I got the sugar baby card and the message I was most drawn to is “you need to get more independent…help yourself”. I need really getting this has to do with you it’s more so someone else….however if you feel this resonates with you then this is your message. This person more than likely constantly take from you and would rather use you than love you or give to you. This person needs to help their damn selves it’s not your responsibility to take care of a grown ass selves. Stop allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by this person or your current situation. It’s not helping and if you continue down this road it will continue to delay the am healing you desperately need. You definitely need to reconnect with your inner child because your beginning to lose yourself it’s as if your inner child barely knows who you are anymore. Talk to your inner child they need you to tell them everything is going to be ok. That you’ll get through and one day this nightmare will be a distant memory. This person or possibly you deserves and Oscar for the performance that they put on…it’s actually ridiculous. The literal fucking gaslighting that they do is utterly insane. Who would have the audacity and nerve to use someone trauma against them and even if that specific scenario doesn’t resonate…this person definitely gaslights you and it’s honestly weird….because you seem to be a genuine person and they see that as a way to use you or they take as an opportunity to

Advice from spirit: You need to heed these spiritual warnings because it will lead you to utter chaos if you don’t. You have the angel number 44 {“Angel Number 44 brings a message that you are being surrounded by helpful, loving angels who wish to bring you peace of mind and joy of heart. Angel Number 44 indicates that you are being given support and encouragement along your path, and when faced with an obstacle, rest assured that your angels are most willing to assist. Be assured that solutions to any issues or problems will soon be revealed. Angel Number 44 is a message that the angels and Archangels are with you, encouraging and guiding you. They are offering you inner-strength and support to enable you to get the work done that you need to in order to attain and achieve your goals and aspirations. They know and understand that you have been toiling diligently towards your goals, and encourage you to continue on your current path to achieve the success and results you desire. Work with the angels to ensure success in all of your endeavours.”} You need to absolutely do more work within the 3D realm because you have a lot of support from the 5D your team is supporting they got you. For some of you could be an air sign or you may have it in your chart. Or you may need to stop detaching and ground yourself some of you have been quite aloof lately almost lethargic. And all in all you need to relax pile 1 allow yourself to truly heal you need it.

Pile 2

Cards Pulled: 4oPrv, 2oWrv, KnoWrv

Reading: Pile 2 you are walking away from the old your shedding that old residue in a corner and leaving it. You may have spent so much of your time in the past giving to other people. Putting other people before yourself. They “y’all eat before I fix my plate mentality“ you were too open, and too generous to people who didn’t deserve it. Deep down you know this but may have chosen to ignore it. (Tbh this may be pile 1 after you heal for some of you) Your leaving behind this reckless behaviors. You were scared of changing that if you made the decision there was no turning back. But now you refuse the mu and not allowing yourself to be held back because of your past. Again I’m getting there were a lot reckless things you’ve in your past you or this person may have been careless, violent, loud and overwhelming obnoxious. You or this person had shown zero self discipline don’t allow people to put a chip on your shoulder and or don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder. You need a blank slate pile 2 or you’re starting a new beginning in your life where you start over. Again I’m getting in your past you may have had a lot of problems because of risky decisions you’ve made. Now is also not the time to make risky choices take some time to think it through. Is it really worth the risk that your taking if yes go for but if you feel deep down it isn’t don’t go for it. You don’t want to rush into things without any insight going in. Your life path number could be 11, 22, 33, or 44. Or those my be numbers that could pop up often around you. But you’re learning new things about yourself…taking new journeys that will lead to your life path journey. You can never give up or fail at what’s destined for you. So CONFIRMATION you already knew what was up with this person deep down but you ignored your feeling/intuition but now you definitely know why you felt the way you felt at the beginning. For some of you, you were dealing with a dust bucket and you had to get the hell out of dodge cuz they were on some next shit. And for the rest this person had red flags all up and through them but you that you could “fix” them. They may have interfered with your summer last year and caused a lot of real problems for you. This summer is gonna be different ain’t nothing gonna break your stride. (Go listen to that song 🎧)

Advice from Spirit: You took your healing path one day at a time…and it paid off. But you still have to make an ongoing effort to continue along this line because it will not always be easy. With tenth house energies coming out there could be a big career move happening or something having to do with recognition and financial stability. Also look into your natal 10th house as well as transit for April that may also give you some insight. You have angel numbers 134 and 33 popping out {“Be Keen On Your Physical And Mental Well-being.Angel number 134 comes with a message from your guardian angel that you are working effortlessly to realize your desires and goals. However, it also reminds you that you should not abandon your well-being to achieve your goals. Try as much as possible to get a balance between your health and your hardworking lifestyle. You can do so by altering your hardworking lifestyle to fit in some time to catch your breathe and relax.” “Master Number (Master Teacher) and resonates with the energies of compassion, blessings, inspiration, honesty, discipline, bravery and courage. Number 33 tells us that ‘all things are possible’. 33 is also the number that symbolizes ‘guidance’. The Master Number 33 is connected to the Ascended Masters, and the repeating Angel Number 33 is a message that many Ascended Masters surround you and are offering their assistance. All you need to do is ask, as the Ascended Masters are waiting to answer your prayers.

Read more at: https://trustedpsychicmediums.com/angel-numbers/angel-number-134-meaning-and-symbolism/

Pile 3

Cards Pulled: 2oCrv, AoS, Justicerv

Readings: You may have ended a partnership or relationship that was causing a lot of disharmony within your life. There wasn’t a lot of balance between you and this person or group of people. You may have constantly been in arguments with one another. This person was really unfair to you pile 3 and I’m sorry for that. You may have even lost a couple of friendships behind this person. You are finally seeing this person through a clear mind or you and this person could have had a breakthrough with each other and been able to communicate but that only feel like that’s for a few of you. For a lot of you thought you’re finally seeing the truth about this person or group of people’s true self…how unfair they treated you how they never took accountability for being wrong but somehow could always point out when you were in the wrong. The hypocrisy of it all 🙄. You’re creating new plans and ideas without them and they probably can’t stand it. You able to see the truth for the first time and since then you never went back. There’s a pattern of mental clarity in all these piles so feel free to look at another one if you resonated with. You are finally receiving justice for everything you went through…..the scales are finally balance. You are now a force to be reckoned with nobody is gonna challenge your worth again. Take some time off and relax binge watch that series you’re always talking about or finish that book you’ve been looking at for months. Illusion from your past may be brought back up and this will be a testament to your will and strength. Though you went through this now is not the time to retreat in a shell entirely go out meet new people. Have a fling or two but most importantly heal yourself from within so that it may shine on the outside. Remember who you are and others will act accordingly. Yea so you know you don’t even have to worry and if you don’t now you know. This person is about to have all their shit aired out but whom I don’t know when I also don’t know but I hear soon. You need to let go of trying to fix everything and everyone….you can’t fix what’s already broken. Let the past go the longer you keep trying to fix it the more you will regress. You may be asking yourself why this person or group of people would even act this way. “WHAT WAS THE REASON” in my cardi voice. And all they can do is look at you stupidly like really. That being said they‘re not up worrying and thinking about you so why are you giving them your time and energy knowing they aren’t worth it.

Advice from Spirit: Divine teachings is what you will be receiving or you have already received and will continue to receive. Trust that these lessons do have purpose no matter how much they may hurt you or cuz you pain. Angel numbers 22 and 88 popped out {“If you find yourself in the midst of chaos or disorder, the angel number 22 is a sign from your angels that they are with you, and that harmony will soon be restored.This angel number 22 is also a reminder to stay positive and to have faith that all is working out for your highest good.Trust that your angels are guiding and supporting you, and know that everything will eventually come into alignment.” “The 88 angel number is a powerful message from the angels. It signifies new beginnings, abundance, and karmic connections. The 88 angel number is also a lucky number, and seeing it is a sign of good things to come. As such, it also represents financial abundance, success, and good fortune. Moreover, it’s a reminder that you are always connected to the spiritual realm and that your thoughts and actions have an impact on your life path. Perhaps most importantly, it’s a message from the angels, telling you that they are with you and helping you through whatever challenges you may be facing.”

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[rev-wrath]

I’ve been thinking of the albatross duo again and our previous conversation about how the two of them fit each other perfectly. (I wrote a section of a chapter in a bout of inspiration after that btw) And now I’m thinking in terms of the pack/flock dynamics.

There’s no traditional ‘pack alpha’ cause it’s always Bruce and R. They share that title and all the responsibilities it carries. When one of the numerous pups call out for the alpha, the duo take turns going to them. It’s all sweet cause they’re true equals but the angst potential post R death is gonna be insane.

Bruce being so tired as there’s a call for the alpha. But there are no footsteps to answer the call but his own. There is no gentle touches preceding them, assuring Bruce can rest for a moment. There is just his weary body and heavy heart. And then he’s presented with the problem from his pup(s) and all he draws a blank on a solution. All he can think of is how he’s failing as an alpha again, how they would know what to do in this situation. The two of them were perfectly balanced. With the two of them there were little problems they could not solve. But that was before, and this is now. But that’s not the way things are anymore. And all this just makes Bruce wish they could fall into arms again and hide a little. Flesh or feathers.