#i've been trying to take some breaks from online and just focus a little more on my life for the sake of both my mental and physical health

[silverselfshippingchaos]

i wish everyone a very f/o cuddles!

[fereldanwench]

I didn't want to completely sit out a year-in-review, but for reasons I'll explain at the end of this post and under a cut, doing the traditional pick-one-pic-from-each-month approach just wasn't going to work for me. So instead, here are 20 of my favorite shots (in no particular order) of Valerie from 2023!

(I'll share solo Goro shots and shippy/story shots in two other posts before the year ends.)

Some thoughts about this year (cw for anxiety and depression mentions):

So yeah. I actually hadn't planned on joining in on the virtual photography year-in-review fun in part because... Well, frankly, I wasn't sure if it would actually be fun for me.

Although I do have pictures for every month, the first third, maybe even half, of the year was a struggle on almost every conceivable level. A lot of it was shit that carried over from the end of 2022, which was also an incredibly difficult year for me. I don't really want to delve too deeply into why--Some of it was personal, some of it was professional, some of it was fandom, and if you know, you know.

The main obstacle I had here is that looking at a lot of the shots I took from about January to May (give or take a few weeks on either end) honestly reminded me of Bad Times™️. I've worked really hard to pull myself out of that depression/anxiety cycle and return to a healthier approach to fandom and online socialization in general, but I just didn't want to spend a lot of time in that mental space. There are a few shots from those months that made it to my favorites, and I hope one day I can look back on that stuff and just feel the good from it again. Alas, that day is still not here.

But I am happy to report that the other reason I wanted to approach the review differently is a lot more positive! It's also two-fold: 1) I spent the earlier part of this year exploring more of a technical side of virtual photography and 2) I was really prolific the last third or so of this year so trying to narrow faves from about August until now was just not possible.

One of the few good things about the end of 2022 was being able to upgrade my graphics card, which meant I then had a rig that could support ray-tracing and hot sampling. As a result, I started putting a lot more focus on lighting and getting acquainted with new tools. I also was trying to work with the new AMM posing system, which is very convenient in some ways (100s of poses without reloading the game!) and a complete pain in the ass in others (can't move characters without their poses breaking!). Custom photomode poses + Nibbles Replacer has been the game changer I've been waiting for.

Or to put it more succinctly, December 2022 through about April 2023 felt like a relearning/return to basics kind of creative period, which is essential, but also means I just don't really like a lot of what I did, lmao.

Then, shockingly (I'm not shocked at all), starting treatment for my anxiety and depression in the second half of this year suddenly made creating a lot easier and fun again! Crazy how that works.

Even bumping this little review up to 20 shots instead of 12, there are still pictures from the past few months that I had to cut as favorites. There was just no way I could condense the amount of fave shots I took from August to now in just 5 options.

I also owe quite a bit of this revival to modders for asking me if I wanted to take shots for them--Exploring more of a fashion photography approach to my shots I think did a lot to build on what I had learned earlier in the year and encouraged me to try something new. I don't want to tag anyone in this long-ass glorified diary entry, but if you invited me to take mod shots for you, just know that it really meant a lot. ♡

And that's where my head has been with a yearly review! Is filling out a little template with 12 pictures this serious? No, it definitely is not, lmao. But hey, overthinking shit is still something I'm working on. ✌️

[marzgurl]

OH, MAN! WHO WANTS AN UPDATE TO THE VIC MIGNOGNA MURDER PLOT LONGPOST?

I'll also be tacking a chunk of this onto the end of that reblog, if you happen to see that floating around, but I'll be cross-linking ASAP. But basically, Vic more directly addressed the Farah situation on his Twitch livestream today! Boy, Farah's not gonna like this one. Especially because we have proof that things did not go the way he said they went. He does not address the murder plot itself, but addresses the fact that, yes, he did in fact have this relationship and he's just mad at how Farah is handling learning about who Vic really is.

Watch the video above, but also, I'm putting a transcript of what he says here. I'm putting the transcript behind a cut, followed by personal commentary on how he's trying to dodge responsibility, lie, and gaslight despite the fact that we have information contrary to what he's saying.

Before that, though, I want to make it clear that before this specific block of video/transcript, he spent about 10 to 15 minutes saying that he is the way he is because his dad walked out on his family when he was like nine years old, and so he started getting really desperate to overachieve to gain everybody's attention and affections, got himself into a marriage with a wife and two of her kids at the age of 35, then she divorced him, and that's why he pursued anime and conventions as hard as he did because he just wanted to feel like people liked him (it's a really weird way he excuses a lot of his shitty behavior). Like I said, it goes on like that for, like, 10 to 15 minutes. And THEN he talks about his interactions with Farah. And boy, is it wild. Transcript and elaboration below:

"There's been someone online  and I'm not going to say their name, who's been making a lot of noise  and trying to cause a lot of trouble.  Not just for me, but even for people that care about me,  even friends of mine, which is just crazy.  And what's really nonsensical  is it's all private personal interaction. 

The simple truth here is  that I met this person a little over a year ago  and we both agreed when we met  that we were not interested in some kind of relationship  or some kind of long-term, deep, romantic thing. We both said that.  And so I felt like, okay,  we were honest from the very beginning  and we set the ground rules and fine. Just meant to be kind of fine and casual.  But several months in,  this person started expressing deeper feelings. And I was like, whoa, whoa, that's not what we talked about.  We said that we weren't gonna do that.  And there was someone in my life that I loved  and wanted to--I wanted to express--I wanted to focus more attention on that relationship. 

And so I told this person, the one that I was just casually, occasionally connecting with,  that I needed to break that off,  that I needed to stop that  because I wanted to focus on this relationship. Well, they didn't take it very well.  I started to back away.  I told them that I wanted to focus on this  and that I felt like the right thing to do  was to end the connection with them. And they did not take it well  and since then have been doing any damage they could to me or anyone connected to me. 

Now, this person claimed to love me and care about me. And I don't know about you,  but flaming somebody,  illegally recording conversations,  releasing private messages,  those are not the actions of somebody you care about. You know what I mean?  That's not what you do  to someone that you care about.  I mean, and by the way, that's a crime. Can I just point that out, everybody?  It's illegal.  I haven't committed any crimes.  I mean, I've definitely made some bad mistakes. I've hurt people, I've made bad choices that I regret,  but recording someone's phone conversation  without their knowledge or their permission  is against the law, much less releasing it. 

And I don't know about you,  but I could never do those kind of things  to somebody that I genuinely cared about. And you know what's interesting, you guys?  It's easy to love someone who loves you back, right?  Right?  It's so easy to love someone who loves you back. That doesn't take much work.  The real test of true love  is loving somebody who may not feel the same way  or loving someone even when things don't go  the way you wanted them to. That is the test of true love.  Caring about somebody enough  that you don't react badly, you don't seek vengeance or try to hurt them  because things didn't go the way you wanted them to.  That is not love.  And the real test of love is caring about somebody  and demonstrating compassion and grace and mercy  and understanding and kindness  even when things didn't go the way you wanted them to. If you are Christians and I--and I--I am and I want to be better at it, you can't treat people that way. 

God loves us and extends grace and forgiveness to us  that we do not deserve.  And we are called to do the same thing. We are to forgive because we've been forgiven.  We are to extend grace because grace has been extended to us.  We are to be compassionate in the face of anger or hatred  or whatever because it was extended to us by God.

Nothing was ever meant out of malice or vindictiveness  or deceit in my mind.  I have just struggled for a long time as I told you  because of my own past and my own upbringing  and things that have happened in my life  that have made me struggle very, very hard  to feel that I was worthy of love, that I was worth anyone's time or attention or love.  And I suspect that a lot of you do as well. 

So that's the only thing I'm going to say.  I would like to encourage you guys once again, do not engage, do not engage and fight or argue  or post or reply to this stuff  because you know what the overarching umbrella  over everything that I just said is? It's nobody's business.  Your private life, your private interactions with somebody  are yours and theirs business, nobody else's. And just by virtue of the fact  that a lot of people may know who I am,  makes it very inviting for someone to make a big stink  and make a lot of noise on social media. Why? Not because it's gonna change anything,  but just to get attention or to somehow seek revenge  because you're hurt or things didn't go the way  you wanted them to. Don't engage with these people online, okay?  Can I ask you that?  Please, please don't, for yourself as well,  for your own sanity. 

The, these people are so desperate to feel important. They want so badly to feel noticed.  In fact, think about this, you guys.  They probably don't think very highly of themselves. Do you see the connection?  Do you see the similarity between me  and my childhood and my upbringing? Do you see it?  Not feeling worthy.  Not feeling like you're a very much value.  A lot of people feel that, and the only difference is how they deal with it.  How does it come out?  Some people will do just about anything  and say just about anything online or in person  to get some attention because that attention  makes them feel valuable. It makes them feel noticed.  Do you see it?  Do you see it? 

I remember a psychology class when I was in college.  And I remember them saying that,  I remember the professor one day saying  that children or people in general  would prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Think about that for a minute.  They would rather be known for something bad  than not to be known at all. They would rather be noticed for creating a scene  or destroying somebody's career  or trashing someone who they don't like  rather than not be known at all or noticed at all.

And the problem with social media,  I'm sorry, but this is important.  I'm sorry that I'm talking about this,  but the problem with social media guys is  you don't have to prove anything. You can get online and you can say anything you want.  You can make any claims you want.  And nobody really knows whether it's true or not. And I'll tell you something else.  If any of you have ever worked with Photoshop  or editing programs, you can edit text messages, you can edit emails, you can edit photos.  You can make something appear to be a certain way.  And I happen to know for a fact  that there have been an awful lot of lies, flat out lies that have been propagated, that are not true.  But there's nothing you can do  because people have the right to say whatever they want. Social media has given everybody a voice  to hurt someone from thousands of miles away  with no accountability, no proof of anything, nothing."

MAN, this guy lies like he breathes. For one, he does everything in his power to dodge saying he had a sexual relationship with the person he was describing. Just incredible.

For another thing, even if he and Farah started off as casual partners, Farah was absolutely not cool playing the part of a homewrecker. She has stated this herself multiple times, including here on TikTok.

Vic deliberately leaves out the actual timeline of events. Why? Because it's SUPER messy, because he's a super messy dude. Okay! Wanna know what that timeline looks like? You're not ready for this.

Vic dated/was engaged to Michele Specht between the years of 2006 to 2018. That's a long-ass amount of time! During that time, Vic cheated on Michele REPEATEDLY, with prostitutes, other fans at anime conventions, even people on his Star Trek Continues fan film (that Michele ALSO stars in, so that's super fuckin' shitty). But a very SPECIFIC super fuckin' shitty relationship that cropped up during that time was with Haileigh Todd (maybe you recognize that name from the previous longpost!). Haileigh and Vic met somewhere around 2016. By 2017, Vic was the ADR director of the one and only Funimation anime he'd ever get to direct, Juni Taisen. And guess what! Haileigh Todd got to be in it. Also, another one of his side chicks, Chelsea Beard, ALSO got to be in it! Fuckin' gross, goin' around behind at least three different women's backs! How do we know it was even just those three?

Anyway, a bunch of shit happens, and by 2018 Michele finally left Vic. All the shit about his behavior hit the fan in 2019, and you guys know how that went. He's had some more girlfriends since then. And guess what! At least one of those girlfriends was Haileigh Todd! AGAIN! And this time, Haileigh is a little more permanent, and a little more public with her relationship with Vic. She starts posting about him on Instagram in late 2021, and by early 2022 she's saying they're the real deal now. Aww, how cute and sweet!

But then Bak-Anime 2022 happens, in Bakersfield, California, May 21-22, 2022. This is where Farah meets Vic! And they apparently hit it off and become an item! A SEXUAL item!

But, oh no! Vic had never broken up with Haileigh! Haileigh's still posting about her relationship with Vic at Anime Matsuri, which was at the end of July, 2022! UH-OH!

So then Farah has her little Discord chat in December 2022 that got leaked to me later. Farah is saying that Vic has been telling her that he needs to "go back to his ex, to give her closure, because she's been hounding him because she could tell he was talking to another woman". But is it REALLY his ex when he never broke up with her to begin with? But also, he wanted to leave her as an open option, and didn't want their break-up to be permanent???

From what Farah says online later, she and Vic didn't talk for a few weeks while he "gave Haileigh closure", and then there they go, going right back to being in a relationship again! WITHOUT ever breaking up with Haileigh! AGAIN! And this happens up until May, through her harassing me on his behalf, potentially planning my murder (very maybe yes), until I dropped these Discord screenshots. And then SHE decided not to forgive him, and their relationship ended.

So, hey, Vic! Way to leave out the part where your "casual little friend" you had there was a sexual relationship you were having behind your monogamous partner's back, that you told neither Haileigh NOR Farah about before engaging in! Very cool, 60-year-old man guy! COOL!

And, like, come on now. It's kinda fucking sick to do all this lying and manipulative shit to multiple women, and then shame the women involved for being mad that you did that shit to them. Like, if God will just forgive you for everything you do, how dare they not forgive you for being a lying, manipulating piece of shit? Like, if this was just a one-off instance, that'd be one thing. But this is a thing you have been KNOWN for and CAUGHT DOING for DECADES to COUNTLESS WOMEN. But this time you were legitimately caught in 4K. You don't get to just pretend that these are just crazy, lying, vindictive, vengeful bitches, man. We all know. We ALL know!

And to top it all off, the man confirms that he had this relationship (albeit while trying to gaslight his audience into thinking it wasn't all that it actually was), and yet turns around and says elements of the things Farah has been sharing are fake. As a reminder, Farah faked an absolutely abysmal Change.org petition, as well as an abysmally terribly faked "CNN-Anime" article on Medium.com (she wrote my name as Kaylyn Dicksion-Saucedo, and that's not my name--my name is Kaylyn Dalene Saucedo, not using my maiden name, and not hyphenated). I cannot stress enough to you that when Farah fakes things, SHE IS EXTRAORDINARILY BAD AT IT. I ran so much of the stuff she was sharing via Discord and other screenshots since then by so many other people, and we all came to the conclusion that when it came to this, she was absolutely not faking it. Like, it was way too COMPETENT to be faked. Do you understand what I mean? She is not good enough to convincingly fake the important parts of her relationship with Vic that she has been sharing. Top that off with video recordings of phone calls she's had with him (which he confirms in the video are real), and it more than proves that she's been telling the truth about the nature of their relationship. And it's ALSO what makes me that much more able to believe that it's entirely possible they'd had conversations about plotting my death.

This man has repeated the same rhetoric for decades now--that people only say negative things about him because he's famous and his detractors are just looking for attention. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. Sometimes, when people are trying to warn you, it's because they've seen enough shit and don't want other people to get hurt. That's where we're at right now. At this point, we are not signal boosting these stories because it earns us brownie points within our communities. We do it because we CARE about those communities enough to not want them to get hurt at the hands of some fucking 60-year-old Screamy Broccoli Man narcissist. We earn nothing by spreading the message. As you saw from my longpost, clearly, we get death threats and possibly even future hit jobs put on us! What good does this actually do me in the end?

Just come away from everything you've read with this:

Be safe out there in this community, and let manipulative gaslighting narcissists like this asshole get bent.

[copias-girl]

Hey. I saw you deleted all the excitement/nonsense from the other day, wanted to check in on you. I realized that while I've been on this hellsite for 12 years and seen and experienced a great deal of my own anon drama, I forget how overwhelming & terrible it feels when it first happens to you.

I failed to notice that, in addition to being very new to this site, you're also only 18 (please note that this is not meant to sound condescending - tone is impossible to convey via text). I was a couple years older than that when I joined here, and I carried just as much excitement and energy into everything I posted and reblogged and quickly gained a reputation for myself. From what I've observed from your blog though, mine was decidedly...less fun & positive, so I got a LOT of anonymous messages telling me what they thought of me. I would spend a lot of time thinking about those anons and the terrible things they said to me, constructive or not, objective or not. It didn't matter how many support messages I got from friends or mutuals, or how much we mocked the anons or made light of the situation - I was angry, embarrassed, felt like nothing I did would fix it, and sometimes didn't want to log onto this site anymore, despite it being the only outlet I had to express myself in this way.

It is normal to focus on the small negative in spite of the overwhelming positive - healthy? No. But normal.

My point is: Please do not let this nonsense deter you from being you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is totally fine. Not everyone is going to like how you post/reblog on your blog. Speaking solely for myself, I generally keep a more contained dashboard I can scroll through quickly at work, so I don't follow your blog, but I don't translate my personal feelings on how you blog into my personal opinion of you as an individual. Everyone blogs differently on this site, which is what keeps it interesting. I'm also not so chronically online to go out of my way to send you a 5-paragraph essay about consent or being hypersexual in a fandom for a gay Satanic band. Instead I'll send you a 8-paragraph essay trying to comfort you and to tell you not to despair, lmao.

I LOVE your enthusiasm about how you express yourself in your posts & reblogs, and it seems there's a shit ton of blogs around you that feel the same way & express themselves the exact same way. Don't lose that spark! Don't let them rain on your parade! [Insert another cliche phrase here]!

Take time if you need a break, but please understand you did nothing wrong. Everything said to you was someone's opinion they wanted to force on you to control how you behave because they themselves are terrified of the world around them and don't understand they cannot control others. Hopefully one day they'll realize how sheltered and, quite frankly, stupid they are. I did.

My advice: if you ever reopen anons and start getting those messages again, delete them and don't engage. Most of the time they're just looking for attention, to rile you up. Classic bullying tactics.

Or print out their messages and use them as firewood. Or toilet paper. Whatever works.

Lastly, you don't have to acknowledge this or publish this message if you don't want to. Genuinely, I just wanted to reach out and make sure you're okay and to attempt to longwindedly impart some advice from my own experiences over the decade.

You do you, dude. Fuck the haters.

Thank you so so much for this incredibly kind and comforting message ♥︎ I really appreciate it more than you could imagine, it even made me cry reading it. I feel like this message is a good closer for this situation, so I’m also going to use it as an opportunity to give a little PSA about how my blog will be operating from now on.

First of all, just thank you again. I’m honestly astonished because every single thing you mentioned is exactly how I feel. The hurt of it all despite getting so much support, the empty feeling of not wanting to go on tumblr anymore despite it being my only outlet. Tumblr was supposed to be my safe space, my escape, my home, and it really sucks because it honestly doesn’t feel like that anymore.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that literally no one reached out to me as a friend in the dms to tell me that I was bothering them. I’m not a mind reader, so if no one says anything then I assume I’m not bothering them. But I do pride myself on always being approachable, I’m ALWAYS open to people messaging me with their concerns.

It’s different when it’s some faceless anon who comes off as slightly passive aggressive. If someone would have just DMed me, I definitely would have put more thought into it and taken their suggestion. Since I haven’t been on tumblr long, I didn’t even know the difference between reblogging with a comment or reblogging with tags until literally just now during this whole situation.

I just feel like I’ve been serving spaghetti every night for dinner. 9 people say they absolutely LOVE it, but then I come to suddenly find out the 10th person doesn’t. But they never said anything all this time, so how was I supposed to know?

I’ve had two people block me who I thought were my friends. One who, during this situation, even said she’d always be there for me. Basically, she informed me that our mutual friend had been upset about my comments and apparently never said anything before this, so I reached out to that friend and apologized. She apparently got triggered by my apology, and they both blocked me. That hurt. A lot. And if I’m being honest I’ve been fighting so hard not to self harm during this time.

I feel like I’ve been treated like a malicious criminal over this, when in reality everyone should know damn well I’ve never done ANYTHING to deliberately make people feel bad.

And don’t worry, I definitely did not take the comment about my age to be condescending. In fact, I wish more people would have taken it into account. And the fact that I’ve only been on tumblr for 6 months, so I don’t really know much about it.

I have a life outside tumblr. I’m a student, and I’ve had to be a full-time caretaker to sick relatives who have now unfortunately passed away. I’m grieving. My father abandoned me and my mother, so I’ve had to take over doing all the things that he used to do.

I come on tumblr, I scream about everyone’s favourite satanic antipopes, I post some fics, and then I close the app and go about my life. I don’t research the history of tumblr and what’s deemed acceptable by certain groups of people. I’m a human. I’m a real teenage girl, with feelings. I’m able to be hurt, and triggered, and everything else. I know I’ve created a personality for myself on here, and I think people often forget that I’m a real girl.

I wish I could say I’m okay, but right now that spark definitely feels dampened into a sad little ember. Since this has happened, I’ve almost stopped eating entirely, and when I do eat, I immediately throw it right back up. My Mom took me out to eat and I threw up in public. This has honestly had my stomach in knots.

Today was the first day I actually didn’t feel nauseous. So hopefully time will heal this wound. I wouldn’t wish this on ANYONE, but I’m glad to see you got through it and made it out ok. I’m hoping for the same outcome for myself too.

Now for the PSA portion of this message (everyone please read):

Will I stop being unhinged? Hell no. But I will be moving any horny comments into the tags, as suggested by the people who had complaints. The absolute last thing I want to do is alienate people and make people uncomfortable. (I still have questions about reblogging with comments tho, for example, if I say something not horny should I still put that in the tags or is it ok to comment that?)

Secondly, my best friend suggested that I should just start taking my unhinged comments and making them into posts of their own, so I’ll probably do that too. I think I might tag them with some cheesy tag, probably a pun on nsfw (not sugar for work?) so that if you’d like to blacklist that tag, you can, and then your dash will be safe for scrolling at work or wherever. And you can just click ‘view post’ if you want to view it.

So, rest assured, the horny party will never stop! But since I’ll be putting my stuff in the tags, you probably won’t see it circulating as much as reblogged comments, so if you want to see me being unhinged, just come to my page and scroll through!

Also, I’ve gotten so many other supportive messages and I want to thank everyone for sending them in. I won’t be answering them, because I don’t want a lot of stuff about this situation on my blog. And this is going to be the last time I talk about this situation on my blog. But the supportive messages really do mean a lot to me, so thank you all ♥︎

I feel malaise, so I might still be absent for a little while, but I’ll try to get back in the saddle as soon as I can. I haven’t been in the best mindset to write, but I’m really going to try because posting fics and running this account genuinely make me happy.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope to see you all again very soon

Love always,

Sugar <3

[mmriesoftvat]

maybe ready to come back. but i have some things i need to get off my chest. nothing about tumblr, just shit in my personal life and i need to share.

i have been very very depressed for over 10 years now. every friend i had in person up and left for various reasons. either drifting apart, or crashing and burning the friendship until not even the ashes could be salvaged. to this day i still don't know what happened or even if i had a chance of fixing things.

but that kind of shit eats at you, and it eats away at your very core until there's nothing left. i bounced around here and there, trying to find a sense of community, but even online bonds were fickle and shaky at best.

it's been excellent here. the problem is, as a result of all the shit going sideways in my irl life, i tend to take things a lot more personally online than i know i should. every time something even goes slightly haywire, it fucks with my head and i end up having anxiety/panic attacks, and then my boyfriend gets concerned/angry because i'm curled up in a ball sobbing over "online friendships" and it's just a neverending cycle.

my communication sucks. my guilt over not being here sucks. i figured if i took a break, i'd be able to step back and clear my head some, try to actually separate myself from tumblr and focus on other things. and i did.

i found some form of faith. i won't get into detail over it, but it's providing a comfort i didn't know i needed for so many years. i just needed SOME kind of outlet to turn to, and it's helping me little by little. the past month has been a test of my patience too. my boyfriend got covid, i reconnected with my younger sister, and things are still rocky at home, but slowly becoming a little more stable for me.

all in all, i actually, genuinely feel like i could be some level of okay, for the first time in many years. not pretending, not a glimpse or a fleeting moment of happiness, but a genuine sense of okay that is long overdue.

i don't feel like i've outwardly changed. i still feel like me, just with a newfound sense of happiness. all that said though, the hiatus and break was long overdue. THANK YOU for letting me figure myself out once and for all. the break without the overwhelming guilt definitely helped me out, and because of that, i feel ready to come back.

i'm not going to jump headfirst into things, because i still am and will be addicted to tf2 for some time to come (if you want to play it with me, message me. they finally got rid of the bot infestation), and i am making it a POINT to spend more time with my boyfriend and reconnecting with him. it's something we both needed.

anyway.

chongyun still best boy!

[dreamingxinxthexrain]

It's completely okay if you don't fit into the category of "ordinary girls/women" and have interests that defy gender stereotypes.

However, some women in their 20s and 30s behave like preteens, desperately seeking the title of "I'm not like other girls."

While they claim to support women, their actions speak otherwise. Instead of uplifting and empowering others, they choose to criticize and hate those who live a different lifestyle.

It's ridiculous how some women criticize others who choose to be stay-at-home mothers. They constantly bring up negative scenarios and label them as unintelligent.

Don't fancy being a mother? Not interested in being a traditional wife? Awesome! You're under no obligation to be either! However, it's worth acknowledging that some women do have a singular goal in life: to become a mother, and that's completely acceptable as well!

It's so silly how some women criticize other women who wear makeup with the whole "I'm not like other girls" mentality. Makeup isn't just about hiding imperfections. Who says you need to impress anyone? Sometimes, all you need is a dash of your favorite sparkly eyeshadow to brighten up your day. It's not about trying to please others, but rather embracing your own unique beauty and enjoying the little things that make you happy.

Not a fan of makeup? No worries! You have the freedom to skip buying it and avoid wearing it altogether. In fact, why not take a break from the online world and step outside? You'll be surprised to find that many women embrace their natural beauty without relying on heavy makeup like those beauty gurus you see online.

Yes, some women embrace the "girly girl stereotype." But let's remember, there are women out there who genuinely adore dresses, cooking, baking, the color pink, cute things, cute clothes, and cute nails. It's perfectly okay for them to love looking feminine!

Hey, here's a little secret for you: you don't have to conform to feminine stereotypes if they don't resonate with you. It's completely fine to have different interests and hobbies that align with your own unique personality.

Many women have formed incredible connections with the men who hold a significant place in their lives. Whether it's their fathers, brothers, or husbands, these women cherish and respect them deeply.

It's absolutely insane how certain women have the nerve to claim that "you're nothing more than a sexual object for your husband," "men are incapable of loving women," "all men, including your own family members, are misogynistic," or even go as far as saying "kill all men"... darling, you're passing judgment on someone you don't even know. Yes, there are some men who can be terrible, but let's not forget that there are also some women who can be just as awful.

Ultimately, it all comes down to the kind of person you are. Your character and values define who you are, not your gender.

Sure, I've been guilty of speaking negatively about individuals with different life goals, but I was 10, 11, 12 years old... you are in your 20s, 30s and even 40s it's time to mature and leave that behavior behind.

It's time for women to practice what they preach and abandon hypocrisy. Rather than using the excuse of "wanting to help women," let's focus on understanding and accepting each other's choices. You're giving a negative connotation to the phrase "I'm not like other girls" with your offensive behavior.

[sonofthesaiyans]

A 21-Gun 'Fuck You' to Isayama's little bastard child....

Well guys, another day, another birthday in the Attack on Titan canon. But there are no warm wishes, no fond feelings to be had for this one. Nothing but the blood of the innocent innocent all over her hands. And the beginning of the end of Titan as we knew it.

For it is none other than the biggest mistake in all of anime, GABI BRAUN.

There's the look of a girl who's out to fuck an entire franchise.

To have to put her face on my profile truly makes me feel uncomfortable; I would feel better off if I never had to acknowledge the existence of someone as unlikable and as forced as Gabi, the character who has singlehandedly ensured that I will never EVER watch the series again from start to finish.

Still not enough words to describe my hatred for this bitch. Ever since her debut in the manga, Gabi has been nothing but poison to damn near every aspect of Attack on Titan, and while fans and critics may remain convinced that Eren Yeager was still the focus of the story after the ocean, that for a time was nothing but a motherfucking lie, as everything seems to shift its gears towards forcing Gabi Braun as the new hero of the franchise, a similarly overpowered, out of her depth suicidal bitch who Hajime Isayama REFUSES to let come to harm under any circumstances, and in fact seemed to take a perverse pleasure in how much he could defy the fandom's hostile reactions to her obnoxious, overzealous, and aggressive personality.

I've spoken at length about how truly awful Gabi is, for how much she takes over the story out of the blue and how far her worst fans will go to defend her, with Isayama himself and his overly defensive fans and critics pushing this nonsense "redemption arc" that some still insist was critical to Titan's final resolution. Right, a character who was only introduced in the final act of the story is the one who takes priority over everyone whom we've followed since season one, over her own fucking cousin Reiner, over Eren, over Mikasa, over Historia.....And that's not even getting into the biggest victim of all of this yet.

Yeah, this is the girl so many deluded fans will rush to defend, you take one look at this and you realize right out the gate she's nothing but bad news. An overly toxic character who by herself makes the story increasingly more uncomfortable to sit through, and yet gets a free pass because, say it with me now........"SHE'S JUST A KID"......

Yeah. A kid who regardless of upbringing clearly is NOT right in the head.

And yet THIS is the character we push this goddamn "break the cycle" message with, this is the kid who we have to thank for that "children of the forest" horseshit. Well maybe some people are not worth rescue from the forest......

Gabi just an open condescension of the audience, and Isayama does everything in his power to frame us as being in the wrong for following our natural inclination to hate her guts, and to force sympathy for her when she's done nothing to earn it, and has never received lasting consequences for her actions.

Any sympathy I could have POSSIBLY felt for Gabi went out the window years ago. And it all comes down to one fucking reason:

It doesn't matter how much time passes, it does not matter how many excuses I hear, it does not matter how many self-righteous little fuckheads I square off with online who try to hit back at me with "You just didn't get it!" ..........Absolutely NOTHING will make me forgive what Gabi did to Sasha. A character who had all the potential to be something so much more and who was so profoundly iconic in the series, just to be cruelly cut down like garbage to move the plot of an unwanted newbie who's name has since become synonymous with "garbage".

Never ever can I forget that horrifying from Assassin's Bullet, where Gabi stole Sasha from us. Gabi Braun is the only character in fiction to actually cause me lasting emotional and psychological damage. Of all the horrifying scenes Attack on Titan has given, that ISAYAMA has given us, Sasha bleeding out from the mouth and sent out on the most inappropriate and insensitive last words possible is the one scene I DID NOT NEED.

ALL BECAUSE OF GABI BRAUN!

The fact that that bastard Isayama would be sol deluded to think he can force sympathy for Gabi after having pulled a stunt like that, a scene so emotionally manipulative and disrespectful, the fact that he would have us tolerate her existence after such a spectacle....And the fact that she survived to the end after what she did to Sasha, and after all she did to provoke Eren's assault upon the world, again after facing no lasting repercussions for any of it.

And let me tell you something, looking up these images, seeing those disgusting scenes of Assassin's Bullet still brings great anger to me, reminding me how badly I still wish to see Gabi die for all of this, how much I hate Hajime Isayama, and how much I still wish to personally rip the man a new one for everything he's done since the day he published the chapter that brought on this VILE piece of animation.

And the fact that some fans have the AUDACITY to imply that Sasha and Gabi are anything alike, right down to their physical appearance, a notion that the anime and manga themselves promoted in their tasteless attempt to draw a parallel between the two of them in their encounters with Kaya.....It's a lie and a farce that I find personally offensive and stomach churning even now. There were so many ways they could have executed Gabi's story, and if it had been done any other way where she didn't have such egregious plot armor and wasn't so clearly overplayed and overpromoted by Isayama for the entire final act, MAYBE somewhere in my heart I might've found a speck of sympathy for Gabi.

If the story had made room for her AND Sasha, things might have been very different around here......

But it's far too late. The damage is done, and for me the damage is lasting. And there is absolutely NO number of excuses today by the few fans Gabi does have that could ever make me see things from her perspective, let alone wish her anything other than a cruel demise to match the one she dealt to Sasha and the billions she got killed by provoking Eren with her recklessness. And to this day, I will NEVER understand what the hell Falco ever saw in her. Nothing good can come from a relationship with someone with the kind of of blood on her hands that Gabi has.

So no sympathy points for Gabi, let alone a 'Happy Birthday'.

And as a parting gift to her and her fans....

A little souvenir from a friend of mine...

If you haven't figured out who I got this from yet....... let's just say she manages to make a chainsaw headed dog a lot cuter than any living soul could have accomplished voicing Gabi Braun. And for her, I have a lot more respect.

And if you know who I mean Gabi fans, sorry to tell you I got to say my piece first. Chew on that.

And speaking of chew.....

Happy Birthday, Gabi Braun.

[helluvabossrewrite45]

Have you ever felt insecure with work (ex. feeling inferior to others and that you and your work aren't good enough for anyone to enjoy, worrying about your stuff being a failure, etc) and if so, how do you deal with them?

I ask since I've been dealing with some insecurities with my art & writing and worrying that the stuff, I have planned to share wouldn't be good enough for anyone to enjoy, especially with this problem of myself comparing my work to others (especially ones I take inspiration from), and I feel these are problems I definitely need to work on if I wish to succeed. So, I thought maybe I'd ask you for some advice on dealing with insecurities about your work. Apologizes if this ask got a little too vent-y and personal.

No, thats okay anon. Tbh, i definitely felt this some or a lot of the time whenever I'm creating a writing piece. Theirs this part of my head where it questions my writing techniques, that it wont be good, that it will come off as pretentious and how people consider my books to be cringe or bad even in an artistic standpoint (the main thing I care for because I know im not the best technical wise) and they dont ever get finished both because of the time and that writers block for that story just kept coming. For the hb series, I'm a bit more confident because its just rewriting a show with flaws that i wanted to fix in some way, though i still feel of some insecurity like if its too chronically online or too childish for my age (almost going to be a senior next year, still in hs) but it does have an audience with people who enjoy them so i keep continuing. I'd say im mostly confident with my revision of books that are gross (e.g, those dark 'romances' of psuedo incest themes) where i remove it and replace it with familial themes instead, books like colleen hoover because her romances and the way she writes about them are just not good and i think you can spin so much of her stuff into decent works without the toxic romance/smut (cuz ngl, it is more like smut than a romance book) or works like velma where its just bottom of the barrel shit that you can easily make it a more enjoyable experience in your reworks. You could compare your books to poorly written ones and that may give you a bit of confidence in your works because well, 'at least its not as bad as _'. Or, something that i'm planning to focus on more, instead of worrying too much of how its written, its to get it done as much as possible. If writers block ever comes in, take a break, look at your work, maybe google how to get out of it or try to see how you can get out of it with an extra sentence. Another thing is to go to the people you can trust with criticism of how to improve your work like friends where they can give you the proper criticism you need for improvement before posting them online or somewhere book related. It's all i have since im still experiencing these things and how im currently busy with school assessments but i hope they at least help in some way.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi! I see that since you mentioned match ups are open people have eagerly hopped in. I honestly don't blame them since you're so good at it. It's really fun reading everyone's match ups so I wanted to give it a go too! I wanted to avoid mentioning or comparing characters to avoid influencing the results but like simplifying a person's personality is hard so I'm just gonna roll with it, lol.

In terms of personality, I'm an introvert but that doesn't mean I'm shy. I can be (I have, like, 3 different anxiety diagnosis) but usually I'm generally low energy and relaxed. Very deadpan. So much so much so that people tend to laugh even when I'm being serious. I'm a Taurus and I find the description very much fitting. I take pride in being pragmatic, grounded, down to earth. I like taking care of people in a more realistic way (and just in general). In spite of seeming calm or blunt I'm actually really sensitive and emotional (although I'll never show others my vulnerability). I always try to consider the other person's feelings which is why I'm often called kind and considerate. A good listener. I'm quiet so that comes with the territory lol. I generally don't like to talk about myself and will only say something if asked/spoken to first. In simple terms I'd say I'm a weird mix of Jumin(practical, decisive, analytical) and V(emotional, sentimental, self sacrificing). I always end up getting the most hearts from them when I respond honestly especially Jumin haha. One last thing for me is that along with my millions of anxiety disorders(including paranoia so I heavily relate to Rika and Saeyoung) I also have ADHD(I guess *also* like Saeyoung lolol). As I'm sure you can tell by now I don't have the one that makes me bounce off the wall. I believe the one I have is called inattentive and it makes me a total space cadet. But I was very imaginative and creative so I think it was good trade off? I'm pretty sure my mom thought child me was a plant because I was so quiet and still. Never cried that much and was an "easy" child except when she had to coax me to do things. Then I was stubborn lolol. Definitely a Taurus haha.

For work and study, ever since I could hold a crayon I've been drawing and art has always been my focus. In public school I'd pick the all the art classes and I'd even take outside classes during summers off and when I grew out of that I'd do self study with books and online tutorials. I do illustration and graphic design and my major in college was visual communication design (which is a wordier way to say graphic design). I got my associates but sadly had to drop while doing my bachelor's (would love to get a master's and study art forever but it's just a dream for now). Currently, I work as a bakery clerk part time until I can get a better job but I like it. I like seeing people's faces light up saying "SO PRETTYYY~" when they see our cakes. I do a little bit of everything so bread bagging, baking, set up, orders, cake decorating. It's very well rounded job where I'm breaking a sweat and feel like I'm earning my dollar while also having creative input. I like giving the customers advice for their get togethers and parties. It's nice. I'd like to one day have my own brand and put myself out there as an artist but for now this is fine enough.

When it comes to hobbies I feel like it's on the nose cause I like to be creative and have my hands moving. The obvious is drawing (both digitally and traditionally. Love using soft chalk pastels) and baking but I also like more crafty hobbies like crocheting and scrapbooking. I'm a big stationary nerd and I love collecting paper, notebooks, stickers/washi taped, pens/pencils, ect. Been into watching bookbinding vids. I also have the more typical hobby of listening to music, reading (big book nerd put me in a book store I'll leave with a tall stack), big gamer nerd.

Some other miscellaneous info about me is my favorite color is green 💚. I generally like deep earthy, natural colors but I also like gentle pastels like pink and lavender. I'm a big dog person and I dislike cats. I'm actually afraid of them and they cause me a lot of anxiety. I would never cause trouble for them and I hope they are homed to people that genuinely adore them. I just don't jive with them. I can and have taken care of them in a pinch. I wouldn't let my personal stuff cause them harm. I definitely understand and relate to dogs more. I want to grow old with a bunch of pups to take care of lol. I don't want kids so cute puppers will do. I have hazel eyes and rusty red hair. When I was younger my hair was much brighter yellow orange compared to Saeyoung but as I got older it turned into a deeper, darker rust red. I also have freckles all over. My favorite shape is stars! I love astrology and magic and whimsy (again such a contrast from how I present lolol ⭐)

Im more prone to forgiving and moving on and I found Saeran's AE really relatable. It brought up a lot of topics that were really important to me that I feel a lot of people overlook in stories about healing from abusive parents. I really can't hold onto my anger for very long and generally prefer to look at people for what they are and either work with them or move on. I don't like letting others take my time and energy which is why I'm "nice", or at least normal, to even people i don't like. I feel like being petty and angry all the time is draining. It's just my style of healing. On the contrary I find anger and yelling very triggering for me even from friends who I know won't hurt me or are speaking on my behalf. The antagonististic energy is just very uncomfortable. I prefer a gentle touch I can trust. Everyone is capable of getting angry, it's healthy and normal, but I prefer someone who's first instinct isn't to jump to anger but understanding. Makes me feel safe.

That's about everything I can think of. I don't normally think about myself so it's hard to write haha. Hopefully that all made sense. Thanks for taking the time if you see this. 😊

I match you with...

Jihyun!

Hear me out, I know this might sound odd, but you seem to fall into the same realm as his heart.

Don't take this to mean that you're self-destructive, it's actually that you're passionate and that this passion is what inspires you to be who you are. Even though it may not be a lucrative career to survive as an artist, you find a way to make it work, and in doing so, you don't sacrifice what helps you feel like you have artistic liberty. Not a lot of people have that opportunity, and it would be interesting to be close to Jihyun, wouldn’t it? He didn't give up on his dream of painting, he simply found something else to fill the void in his chest because his father made him believe he would never be able to make it. 

Seeing you be your most authentic self is a challenge to everything he's ever told himself. You're the kind of person who challenges him, because while you are similar, you are inherently different, as well. It's not a bad thing, it's something he welcomes, and he can't help but want more. 

He's not the kind of person who's going to jump to anger when something goes wrong. You don't have to be afraid of being in a conversation with him, especially not with the two of you are upset, because he has a level enough head to know that you need to take some time to breathe, and do whatever you need to do before you come back to the conversation. Nothing ever feels like it's going to explode when you're with him. It feels like you can overcome any challenge that comes your way. 

[khaleesiofalicante]

D I need help

Ok so basically I have this friend we've been friends since we were 4 n we're really close n I love her to death and she's really been struggling lately with college, family n finance and I've been trying my best to support her n be there for her but there's not much I can do other than like offer my support n listen. She's been really really anxious and depressed like to the point where it's affecting her physically making her sick (she got sick a lot before too but now it's more frequent and long) , miss a lot of classes cuz of which she got really low scores this semester which only caused her to feel worse. She has a lotta pressure from her family to focus on her studies n do well so she can earn cuz they're struggling financially n her dad's an alcoholic her mom's supportive tho but still the pressures on cuz they can barely pay for college she's being sponsored by her uncle which she's grateful for but it just adds to the pressure

Anyways she told me today that she wants to quit college to work on her mental health but tbh Idk if that's gonna work out cuz staying at home with her dad the way he is n their financial issues is only going to make things worse and it's her first year of college if she drops out rn it may not be a good decision that being said ik at the end of the day it's her decision n her life but I have no idea what to say to her

Hey there,

First off, you're doing an amazing job being there for your friend. It's clear how much you care about her.

It sounds like your friend is shouldering quite a bit right now. It's heartbreaking to hear that her struggles are taking a toll on her physically and mentally too. That's a sign things are really weighing on her.

If that's the case, then taking a break is not entirely a bad idea.

Perhaps instead of telling her not to do it, you could help her think a little about what she wants to do instead?

Would finding some employment in the meantime help? Does she want to go away and stay with a friend/relative for a while? Does she want to pursue online courses which are cheaper and more convenient? Which of these options are feasible and desirable to her?

Personally speaking, I've been in the situation you're friend is in. And no matter how much you want her to continue, sometimes it's just not possible. I'm honestly proud of her for saying she wants a break. That takes strength.

Both my sisters stopped their degrees halfway through for more or less the same reasons, and guess what, one of them went back and completed it later, and the other eventually ended up with a job that she loved and excelled in.

I know it seems scary to drop out of college/school and worry about how that might impact one's future. But right now, her health is the most important thing. Her present is the problem, not her future. Besides, like I said, there are so many options right now. So, let her choose something a little less difficult.

At the end of the day, you're right. It's her call. All you can do is keep being the amazing friend you are—supportive, understanding, and there to listen. Let her know you've got her back no matter what.

Sending love and courage to you and your friend ❤️

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I've been thinking why do I care what other people who don't know me say or think about me. I don't need to win some popularity contest yet I realize I've always cared about what others say. I suppose it was because I thought if I was being nice why would anyone be mean? The navieity of that.

I know I shouldn't think more on it, sure was there a little truth to what that random person said? yes but did they consider the effect of the words or give me a chance to better explain stuff so they might have a better understanding? No.

I could have replied with anger which I certainly felt and I could have pointed thier flaws out but I merely acknowledged thier perspective as informative while remaining calm.

I mean you think a person would appreciate calmness over emotional outbursts. Of course that's not to say I am always calm either.

Well onwards to another topic, I watched Red and Red 2 recently and very good movies. I don't care what anyone says there is something sexy about characters that are in the line of dangerous work, like assassins, spies etc. I wouldn't have called the police like the fl, (first movie) obviously Bruce Willis is just gorgeous and he could fuck me anytime.

I completed my workout and added in additional routine sets that I had taken a little break from and I remembered to stretch this time before starting sets, yay me lol.

As I was working out I got annoyed as some days I find it takes a little longer to complete set than other days. Although since recently upped reps it's to be expected that a couple of days may be needed before get into a comfortable pace during set. Honestly I feel like that can be the most difficult finding the right pace and literally remembering to breathe properly during workout sets.

I found a quiz that models or aspiring models use to help guide them with getting into shape and it made me feel so much better about myself. I mean maybe it's silly since I know am not a Victoria secret model physic yet but I am including the link in case others want to take the quiz as well.

It recommends diet and exercise focus regimens as well as has offer for program not that I'll be doing that as prefer not paying to participate in workout programs.

I also don't think it was accurate on diet, like do I love carbs? Absolutely but I can't just eat as many as I like without suffering the consequences.

I also found that my prior liking to believe I was an hourglass figure shape was incorrect so much for being a classic bombshell beauty..... I have a rectangular shape which apparently is considered less womanly and more girly. I'll take it tho as apparently such body types are recommended for model industry.

I also have according to the quiz results have what's classified as an Ectomorph body. It may just be marketing to get people to buy into thier workout program in hopes of achieving model physic of Victoria secret models but thanks for making me feel slightly better about myself.

Of course I think I'll wait til April before purchasing any sexy swimsuits.

[rin-and-jade]

Helloo!!! <3 I hope this message finds you well and that you'll have a wonderful day/ evening :)

So. First of all I am really grateful for your blog because I managed to understand some things about my problems.. also I should say first that im only suspecting I might have did or osdd 1b and im trying not to exaggerate about this self diagnosing thing and taking it slow (its almost a year since then and I think this diagnose describes exactly my struggles) but anyways. im pretty sure I have cptsd! so it might be just ptsd...

But I wanted to ask you bc I just dont know who else to ask this: are there any particular techniques to minimize trauma regarding learning or studying? (like I was receiving physical beatings for fucking years.. because I couldn't concentrate while trying to study- sorry for the unnecesary details) im really trying my best and sometimes I try to speak to the little of our system about the whole process of studying and how its not going to hurt her, that mistaking is very normal and from mistakes we will gather experience and that our abuser cannot do us harm anymore, so on and so on. It works mostly but she's not the only one who has problems regarding this specific trauma so its a lot harder to keep up with everyone wlse who might be triggered. I can't always hear them responding to me or giving me any sign of anknowledgment when trying to explain what is happening but the hardest part is concentrating and not feeling extremely tired... it goes without saying that this is very frustrating. And its been already two years since I tried my best to study. I just always seem to fall in the same pit..

I hope it makes sense what i've written here and if you dont have any advice then its totally fine!!!

P.S. this is not my native language. sorry :'D

Im so sorry that you’re having a really hard time around the aspect of studying, it makes me happy that you’re still kicking and trying,, asking help from me is totally fine even if you’ll need it multiple times, im gladly creating answers that could work for people and you.

I had gave a thought, we can do a few things like having exposure therapy (the technique), having a study buddy, and for the concentration such as using a different learning media, breaking it smaller with breaks each, and using more techniques for this too.

Regarding about study difficulty:

Exposure: this is a repeated process where your brain is given something it used to find as dangerous from the past and be stuck on a flight or fight response whenever it appears again. Be repetitively exposing what it fears, the brain always expects a bad outcome, and the thing is to ride it through until it knows it’s a false alarm and go “oh wait its not happening” until the initial stress from it is gone, this can be done by yourself (because i did). This is best done in a calm environment where you will attempt this, and call quits if its overwhelming for the first few tries,, but never drop it forever.

Study buddy: this is a great way to deal with it when studying alone feels too tedious to do. Studying together is helpful as your brain can re-associate what studying is actually like, you can do this with your current friends, it can be done physically or you can do it by online too.

For better concentration:

Media: studying about a topic that is presented in a video with visual representation keeps your eyes wondering less, since more elements are in there rather than reading a textbook, where it’s easy to drift off when words feel too much.

Breaks: studying in a prolonged time also defeats the motivation and focus, I personally study for test as i play (literally), in intervals. I review the necessary subjects in parts, rehearse, play, go back and revise what i remember and the previous one too,, rinse and repeat until i can remember the whole topic that needs to be memorized for the test. But this can be applied for regular learning where it’s just done in consistent intervals.

Others:

Destressing, it helps remove unnecessary clutter that’s taking space in your mind interfering focus.

Music, adding a background noise while studying may help some people and especially who needs sensory stimulation to focus properly.

Rewards, having a goal to reach to will make you easier to focus, and when you reach it (say 5 minutes of reading then want to watch a reel) your brain loves it. Then do it again.

I hope this can help you, this took a while to write everything so i don’t know what else haven’t got listed (because I can’t remember all at once) but nonetheless, try them, i insist!

- j

[wolfsbanesparks]

just wondering how do you find the time to write? especially regular updates

Honestly for a long time I didn't write because I didn't have time, especially with school and work. Its the main reason only started writing fanfiction like two years ago despite always wanting to. I've been lucky enough to have a lot of free time to write over the past few months as i finished up school and began looking for a new job, and I've been using that time to build up better, more consistent writing habits.

I try to write at least a little bit everyday though that doesn't always happen. I don’t really track word counts except during events like Nanowrimo because sometimes trying to meet daily word counts is too stressful. I keep my daily goals small: work on just one scene, one conversation and see where it goes.

Personally I like having multiple stories to bounce between so I can switch it up if I'm feeling bogged down or uninspired for a WIP. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it helps me.

Finding a time of day that works for you is essential. I write best in the early afternoon and really late at night, but some people write best in the morning before school/work. When you find the time that fits both your schedule and your moods (which I know can be difficult) set up a block of time to write. Even if you spend most of that time staring at a blank screen and only type out one sentence, you'll be making progress!

My secret for regular updates is that when I write multichapter stories that I want to update consistently, I prewrite several chapters before posting.

So say I write 4 chapters before posting (my general minimum goal), if I update weekly then I have a full month to write chapter 5 (and probably more) and my readers see a seamless update. So when I do need to take break from writing because of holidays or just life getting busy, I have that cushion of several chapters to fall back on.

There was a time last summer that I didn't write a single word for like two months! But because I still had a few chapters ready it didn't seem that long to my readers.

And usually by the time I no longer have that cushion, I'm deep enough in the story that I know exactly where it's going and don't need to actively work out plot points. And with experience I rarely get too hung up on things like sentence structure or grammar and can write faster than a newer writer who needs to focus on those things. That's just something that comes with practice though.

In the past year I've also joined a few online writing groups (like my local chapter of Nanowrimo) where I can hop online and do a couple writing sprints with fellow writers where we write as much as we can in 10 or 15 minutes. If you're short on time for writing then it's a great way to get some words out! It's also nice to have some encouragement from other writers!

This got kind of long and rambling but I hope it answers your question and maybe helps out any writers out there.

[mythgrippa-blog]

Day 0 - rebooting

Hello, call me Mythgrippa! Nice to meet you, the name comes from two fascinations I have, myths and Marcus Agrippa (my favorite Roman). I am currently doing my final year of computer science and I've done a lot, I'll list them out in a different blog post but it was a lot a lot and I'm left with only one semester which I'm quite excited about.

However, I think I must have overworked myself to get to this point, like I'm truly exhausted all the time, can't really focus on my work and having constant feelings of stress and anxiety, I used to be a stallion programmer but I can barely write a few lines of code and not feeling mentally overwhelmed.

This morning, like in the night I woke up to go to the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep so I went online and got a bit too curious and searched up why I'm like this and found an online blog post which explained all the symptoms I've been experiencing with pin point accuracy.

I'm mentally exhausted, it makes sense because I'm always thinking about whatever school work I have and trying to get good grades, sleeping deep into the night trying to get work done. My performance has been declining, I still get work done but my quality isn't what it used to be. I've also been neglecting self care and not going outside, my skin is starting to show, I'm black by the way and my tone has started feeling... spotty? I don't know, I don't like it. My self confidence has kind of diminished because of it so there's that as well.

So, I still have a lot of work to do, like a software project for school that I'm the leader of, so I have to be the technical lead and also the semester hasn't started yet so I've to prepare for that as well. These are my stressors. I've to stop this mental daemon from running all the time.

To accomplish this, the article I read suggested these 11 solutions

Eliminate the stressors

My stressors would be mostly work, I can't just simply eliminate it because I have to finish this semester, and its not something I can set aside, plus my software project with my group isn't going so well so we gotta work our butts off for that

Work-life balance

Alright, this is part I get because I honestly don't have a life. The closet life I have is the friends I hang out with at school when on break and also the tennis games we go to, but I've mostly been a work person. So, for starters I need a life!!! But where to start... maybe I should start. Perhaps restricting myself to working up to 6 hours or less per day?

I could play video games or watch movies, I mean... hm... I'll try out the other games and watch more TV, I haven't been reading any of my novels or play board games. I'm off Twitter and Reddit, I don't like scrolling mindlessly for hours.

Damn it!! I remember that one of my friends has my board games, no matter I'll just play on ipad, hopefully there are good apps in the app store. I'll see what my other friends have to say. Well I'll see what I will do

Clear your space

I suppose this means I should rid of what doesn't kindle joy, I'm in recess at the moment and I'm back home, I don't have a room of my own so I sleep in my little brother's room (which used to be mine before I moved to uni), the spare that I usually sleep in is occupied by one of my older brothers. This room is a mess and I really can't do much about it other than tidy some stuff but the way things are laid out is just so annoying, so much wasted space. But this isn't my room anymore so I can't really do anything major plus my energy is down the drain.

Schedule (and take) regular breaks

I should take breaks when working, I used to study using Pomodoro and it was quite effective I won't lie but I've lost some of my discipline, at least partly attributed to the main reason I'm writing this in the first place.

How did I go so many semesters without taking regular breaks, not even like five minutes, I'm really a mad lad. I'll try to take at least 5 minutes off per hour, that should make it easier, but what constitutes a break? Doing nothing? I suppose that works

Get outside

In terms of this, I try to go outside but the weather is just so cold, but the sun does feel good but I'm the type of person who likes dark and gloomy weather accompanied by rain and thunder storms, I just really like that, the rain drops crashing onto the roof or window, the warm clothing I get to wear!! Oh my goodness, it feels like a mental refresher because I naturally feel easy and relaxed when there's rain. But I'll try to go out, perhaps a jog every now and then?

Do something new

Something new... well I could really try that, I used to go to the gym but school got so hectic I had to cancel my membership but I think I'll go back since I believe the hardest semester has concluded (last semester was the hardest honestly and I'm glad I made it out alive).

I'll try out other types of sports because I want to regain my stamina and activeness, my right leg though... its fine I'll be fine, I'll buy better shoes and sports gear. I'll try to be healthier, eat my fruits daily, and drink plenty of water.

That's a lot of stuff, how will I manage though? I'll figure it out but at least the idea is there

Reduce screen time

I mean... even though its the start of recess and I'm done with my old modules and the new ones haven't started yet, I'm still checking my emails and notifications, I do have the group project, and I'm doing Computer Science, I need a computer to science god damn it, how am I supposed to reduce that. I'll let this one slide. Because I can't really digitally detox... I'm not ready for that or even see the need to, but I can reduce the amount of time I spend on my phone, no phone time between 10PM and 7AM, that worked before in the past. But as for computer time, yeah I can't really reduce that.

Find positive ways to distract yourself

I used to have this bad habit I'm still recovering, I tricked myself into thinking it could help get the "edge off", I regret it and I'm glad I'm not that person, incase you're wondering its not drugs or weed or alcohol or any bad substances... I've never done any of that, and NO I DON'T VAPE. I'm as a clean as they get, but there's always been something I've been struggling with for almost four years now but I think I've finally learnt to let it go for the better.

You could say it was a negative distraction for myself, but no more of that I just need a positive way to distract myself, perhaps calling up an old friend? I haven't spoken to a number of people, I am messaging someone but they're not a regular person I talk to because of odd response times but I'm one of those people who'll reply as soon as they see your message no matter how long you take because I get people have stuff to do or don't feel like replying at times, its completely normal.

Perhaps I'll start playing games again? But that can get out of hand pretty quickly, actually... having coffee with my best friend can work? Yeah, there are plenty, I'll just ask her (oh yeah, a bit of a rant but I'm a guy, my best friend is a girl so yeah that can be a thing, why don't people get it! Guys and Girls don't have to date to have fun, goodness I hate my class mates, for CS nerds they're sure talkative, they're nice people but JEEEEZ). I'll ask her if I want to be distracted, or my other friends as well

Take care of yourself 

I need to eat nourishing food, I ate a lot of KFC and boy it ain't good for ya, but it helps fill me up but I'll try to be better than that and eat better. I'll start eating from this restaurant I frequent they sell some delicious and nourishing food. I'll also try to sleep by 10 and wake by 7, that should be plenty of rest yeah? I will drink water every day, trust me I'm a water freak.

Focus on what you can control

I can't really do everything, so I should be able to tell others what to do, I am group leader after all. I'll see what I can do and what should be done, I'll delegate and try to organize more. So, that the objective is very clear. I'm not a stallion anymore, I can't code for hours on end like I used to, but luckily there's capable members in my group so I'll delegate the work to them and do my group leader duties.

Talk to a coach or therapist

NO

Well that lists everything, I wrote so much without realizing it, this was all in one sitting so I'm impressed with myself. I always did enjoy writing stories, I'm not as creative anymore but when it comes to stuff like this, I have like 3 filled up diaries.

If you made it this far, I'm so impressed with you, thank you for taking an interest and reading my first public blog (I've written so many private ones that I'll never release because I'm so embarrassed plus its useless and uninteresting, like unfinished stories, other diary attempts, blah blah)

Well thanks again you and I'll see you in the next one

[winterandwords]

Cautiously peeking round the door

I haven't been online much lately, from taking a break to focus on writing to declaring an actual hiatus. I've needed it. I still need it to an extent.

Health stuff is a fucking mess and I'm trying to figure out a lot of life-things to make it more manageable. It's complicated and frustrating and not a fun topic, so I'm not getting into it. It's just for context here because I don't want it to seem like I'm suffering from a state of pathological onlineness or like I just need to step away from the screen and touch some grass or whatever. It isn't that at all.

Anyway. I popped back in the other day to add community labels to a handful of old posts and figure out how to prevent That One Post from continuing to take over my notifications, and I realised I really fucking miss being here.

I had a scroll through my dash and there's something lovely about this place, or at least the little corner of it that I'm lucky enough to have landed in. Something about a sense of community, about writers being writerly with each other without the constant BUY MY BOOK copy-pasta spam and stat-chasing bullshit that makes me not want to go anywhere near Twitter at the moment.

Major writing activity isn't an option for me right now (literally just sitting up and typing this post is a lot, so that's where things are at), but I'm reading through the most recent draft of Project Frequency in very short bursts on my phone and making notes. Feeling excited about my book made me want to share those vibes with other writers who are excited about their books too and this is where that happens in ways that make me smile.

So I don't know. I'm back? Kind of? Carefully? Maybe just a little bit, sometimes, slowly? I'm honestly not sure that I'm going to be able to catch up with all the notes from the last wee or that I'll be up for anywhere near my usual level of activity, but my sanity really needs little anchors right now and Tumblr is one of those little anchors for me (whatever that says about me as a person).

[gaytog]

Early in 2020, quarantine killed my ability to engage with effective altruism. Turns out in-person meetups were load-bearing. I had access to online EA discussion spaces, but trying to do it all online—keep up with the latest news, learn more about each cause area, think over my career and donation decisions—proved unsustainable. Barely a week in, I felt the early signs of burnout.

So I stopped. My new goals for the pandemic were: finish university, take care of myself and my partners, don't catch COVID. Anything else was secondary.

This wasn't a change in values. I reasoned that hunkering down to focus on myself and my loved ones was, even from an EA perspective, the best thing I could do—that my total life impact would be higher if I kept up a good trajectory overall, rather than run myself into the ground for a little short-term gain. Not the only reason to take care of myself, of course, but it made the decision feel robustly, straightforwardly good.

And I actually did okay! Finished university, moved in with my partners, didn't catch COVID. Quarantine eroded my health, self-esteem, and overall well-being—but I had loads to begin with, so I was good for a whole year and a half, and the fatigue was temporary when I did finally catch it. Now I'm doing more than fine. I'm almost flourishing.

But EA is still missing from my life in a major way. I'm ready to get back into it, and I'm trying, but it's hard.

When I decided to take a break, I thought the pandemic would last a year or two. I thought it would end, cleanly, and my life would pick up where it left off. (I have no idea how reasonable this prediction was. I have a frustrating mental block around thinking too hard about COVID, because the 24-hour news cycle stresses me out and COVID was the 24-hour news cycle for a long time. Bleh.)

I was wrong in a few different ways:

The pandemic didn't end cleanly.

A lot happened in the movement while I was gone. I'm missing a lot of context. I barely know where to begin catching up.

I moved cities. My new home has a much larger EA community than the old one, but ironically this works against me—there's no single local meetup, so it's hard for newcomers to find the kind of in-person discussions and community I'm looking for.

That said, I have some cause for optimism:

I have an in-person job, and the whole "getting out of the house every day" thing is super helpful for managing the mental health burden both of the pandemic and of being lonely in a new city. Since I no longer spend 100% of my time at home, in-person EA meetups might not be so load-bearing anymore.

I'm making a monthly habit of donating 10% of my income to GiveWell-recommended charities, and of actually looking into their research when I do (instead of poking around just enough to make sure they're legit, which is all I did for my first donation through GiveWell). In addition to the normal benefits of giving to effective global health charities (fewer people dying!!!), the whole exercise feels extremely empowering and agency-affirming—which I did expect, but not to this degree! I've only done it for one month so far, having postponed the November donation due to NaNoWriMo, but I expect I'll keep up with the commitment because wow it feels good.

The FTX scandal has been (indirectly) helpful in getting me to feel like part of the community again. Most effective altruists are as in the dark as me, or nearly so; I'm learning things at the same time as everyone else. And lots of people are returning to the drawing board, reasserting and reevaluating their fundamental principles, which gives mild but helpful "101" energy to some conversations.

For now I've been doing a lot of lurking in online spaces, as well as trying to think seriously about my highest-impact career paths, both of which are easier now than they were in the early pandemic. We'll see how it goes!