#i'm obsessed with them because it's all so stupid

[wheels-of-despair]

Me Without You Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: Eddie's got another weird question for Evil Woman. Contains: A random question, a non-answer, a little panic, fluff. Words: 600ish

"What would you do if I died?"

"Avenge you," you answer, flipping a page in your magazine. You're lying on your stomach on Eddie's bed, and he's playing guitar in his chair. Just another average Wednesday evening. Alone. Unsupervised. In various states of undress. Doing different things on opposite sides of the room. Just happy to be near each other.

"No, seriously."

You look up to see that Eddie, half-lying in his chair with his bare feet propped up on the mess he calls a desk, is staring at you and waiting for his answer. He's not even looking at his guitar anymore, but he doesn't miss a note in a song that sounds vaguely Iron Maiden-y.

You think about the question for half a second before responding: "Pass."

"You can't pass," he argues, finally setting his other sweetheart aside. "Answer me."

"Nope," you make sure to pop the P as you turn to another glossy page of the magazine you're not really reading anymore.

"I wanna know!"

"Too bad."

"What would you do if I died, dammit?"

You toss the magazine aside, no longer able to focus on whatever the hell it was you found fascinating a few minutes ago.

"Why, are you planning on doing something stupid?"

"No."

"You already have a backup picked out and you want me to justify your choice of skank?"

"No."

"Then why are you obsessing over something so sad?"

"I'm just curious," he shrugs.

"Then you can keep on being curious," you sigh, crossing your arms on the bed and resting your cheek on them. You close your eyes. "Because I refuse to acknowledge a world without you in it."

Silence.

You hear the chair creak as he gets up. You freeze. Why do you feel tense all of a sudden? Your heart feels like it's beating faster and slower at the same time. You feel him approach. The mattress moves. He's put a knee on the bed beside your hip. And then the other. He's going to crawl over you.

No, he's going to lie on top of you.

He eases himself down a little bit at a time. You stay still, welcoming his body heat and oddly comforting weight.

"You can't just say shit like that to me," he mumbles, his lips grazing your ear.

"Why not?" you argue. "It's true."

Eddie kisses your neck, sighs, and rolls to the side. He lands beside you. You turn your head toward him. Your faces are just inches apart.

"You'd be fine without me," he says.

"I wouldn't be me without you," you whisper.

Something sad flashes through Eddie's eyes, and you feel it tug at your heart. He reaches for your hand, then brings it to his lips for a kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispers.

"You better not," you breathe. "If you die, I die."

Your words hang in the air, heavy between you. You stare at each other in silence. It feels as though the world has stopped entirely. And then Eddie leans forward. His lips meet yours for a kiss so soft, it barely feels real. When he pulls back, your brain screams at you to chase his touch. You can't let him go. Not yet.

"Then we get to haunt the shit out of people, right?" he asks, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

You laugh quietly, relief flooding through you. The spell has been broken, the air has been cleared, the world has started to spin again. You've got him. He's got you. Things are just the way they should be.

"We don't have to wait 'til we're dead for that," you grin. "Wanna know what I've been doing to Gareth every night for the last week?"

[certaimromance]

ꫂ ၴႅၴ Chasing Ghosts.

Aaron Hotchner x BAU!reader (platonic)

Summary: Everything in your life is finally under control and almost perfect, but somehow chasing the ghost of Aaron Hotchner is still an obsession.

Words: 1,9k.

Warnings & Tags: angst WITHOUT a happy ending. hotch being an absent father figure. so much angst (yes, again). temporarily located after he leaves the FBI. same reader as in "tall child" but several years after that. so inspired by “like him” by tyler, the creator and all the edits with the song that I see. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: I've been having trouble getting through the second part of "Tall Child" (if you're wondering if I'll write one, yep, and I hope to upload it soon but I'm so blocked:c). This idea came to me out of the blue because I, too, feel abandoned when I start watching the episodes after Hotch leaves<///3.

The quiet hum of the BAU filled the air, the same familiar rhythm of paperwork being shuffled, pens scratching against files, and the faint sound of voices from down the hall. The office you were in—Emily’s office now—still carried faint echoes of what it used to be. The desk was different, the decor had shifted, but the weight of the space hadn’t changed. It was still steeped in years of hard decisions, late-night strategizing, and memories that lingered even when the man who made them had gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

You sighed as you sifted through a stack of reports, scanning them for inconsistencies. It wasn’t even your responsibility—you were just helping out, filling a gap as the team caught up on their endless backlog. You’d been in this office countless times since Aaron had left, but it still felt strange. Like you didn’t quite belong. Like you were stepping on sacred ground that no longer had a place for you.

Being here without him was like being in a different place.

You’d been trying not to think about it, about how long it had been since he left. A year now, maybe more. You weren’t counting. Or so you told yourself for mental health. But in moments like this, standing in what used to be his space, surrounded by the echoes of his presence, it was impossible not to feel the sting of his absence.

You didn’t blame him for leaving—not entirely. Jack deserved his father, a life of peace away from the chaos of the FBI. You’d even admired his courage for walking away from something he’d dedicated his life to…You knew you would never do something like that; he was brave. But nothing of that softened the sharp edge of hurt that had been lodged in your chest ever since the day he said goodbye by a stupid piece of paper.

The truth was, he hadn’t just left the Bureau and all the atrocities that this entailed. He’d left you.

Your eyes flicked toward the desk, now Prentiss’s, and for a moment, your fingers brushed its edge. It was ridiculous how something as simple as the grain of the wood could bring back a flood of memories—of late nights, terse discussions, and the way his voice would take on that steady, commanding tone that somehow made you feel both safe and seen. The way he scolded you when you did things against protocol, the way he almost smiled when he thought you didn't notice, and most of all, the way he left overnight.

A soft knock at the door snapped you back to the present. You looked up, startled, to see Rossi leaning casually against the doorframe. His sharp eyes seemed to take in everything—the reports, your posture, the way your hand still rested on the edge of the desk, as though anchoring you to something unseen.

“Working hard, or hardly working?” he quipped, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation.

You mustered a weak smile. “Just helping Emily with the backlog. Thought I’d clear some of this off her plate.”

He nodded, his gaze drifting around the room. It lingered on the desk, the walls, and the chair before settling back on you. His expression was unreadable, but there was something in his eyes—something knowing—that made your stomach twist.

“You’re in here a lot,” David observed, his tone casual but laced with something deeper.

More than a lot for someone who was supposed to stop doing it on the advice of her therapist.

Because you don’t need to keep hiding you in work. Your life was good now, or so you kept telling yourself. You had settled into your role on the team, earned the respect of your colleagues, and built a rhythm that felt steady, even fulfilling. You went home to a warm apartment that didn’t feel so empty anymore, filled with little things that made you smile: books on the coffee table, cozy blankets, a half-dead plant you kept forgetting to water. You even start to have casual dates sometimes to open your heart to the world.

“Just helping,” you repeated, more curtly than you really intended.

“Hmm.” He crossed his arms, leaning against the desk. “You know, you’ve always been a terrible liar.”

“What?” you asked, your tone, again, sharper than you intended. The defenses around you were activating automatically.

He raised his hands in mock surrender, but the smirk on his lips betrayed him. “Nothing. Just…noticing things.”

Your jaw tightened. Working with profilers meant every word, every movement, was analyzed. You hated it so much in these moments.

“What?” You demanded, unable to keep the irritation from your voice.

He tilted his head, studying you with that maddening patience of his. “You make the same expressions he used to.”

No. No. No.

Do not mention him. Don't make even the slightest reference to him. Don't think about him. Don’t.

The air seemed to leave the room. Your heart clenched, and for a moment, you forgot how to breathe. “What are you talking about?” you asked, though you knew. Of course, you knew.

“The furrowed brow when you’re deep in thought,” he said, his voice softer now. “The way you purse your lips when you’re frustrated but trying to hide it. And now, in this desk…you’ve always been like him. Always will be.”

You’re just like him? You look like him?

A bitter laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it. “Great. I’ve picked up his bad habits too.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Rossi said gently, his voice softer now. “It just means he left a mark.”

You turned away, pretending to focus on the files in front of you, but the words hit harder than you wanted to admit. Of course, Hotch had left a mark. How could he not? He’d been your anchor, your mentor, your constant—even when you were at odds. And then he’d left. He’d walked away from the BAU and from you as if you were disposable.

“Doesn’t matter,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him. “He’s gone.”

Rossi didn’t respond immediately. When he finally spoke, his voice was quieter, almost hesitant. “Still angry at him?”

The question hit you like a gut punch, and for a moment, you couldn’t respond. Your hands tightened into fists at your sides, nails digging into your palms as if the physical discomfort could drown out the storm in your chest. “I’m not angry,” you said, the words escaping your lips faster than your brain could catch them.

It was much more complex than that. Your feeling was more akin to disappointment than anger or rage because you knew you could never hate him.

He didn’t press further, instead leaning more comfortably against the desk, as if he had all the time in the world. “You know he wanted a life for Jack,” he countered, his voice measured. “You can’t blame him for that.”

“I’m not blaming him,” you said, though it felt like a lie even as you spoke it. “But I don’t get why he had to leave everything.” you snapped, the sharpness of your voice startling even yourself. You turned away, staring hard at the stack of files, though the words on the pages blurred into meaningless lines. “He could’ve stayed in touch. But he didn’t.”

Zero calls, zero messages, zero signs that at least you mattered to him.

Rossi sighed, his expression softening with something like sympathy. “Aaron’s always been good at one thing: convincing himself that distance is the best way to protect the people he cares about.”

You looked away, the weight of his words settling uncomfortably in your chest. It didn’t make it hurt your heart any less. Nothing could ever dispel the pain, nothing but the embrace of the same person who provoked it.

There was a long pause before he spoke again, his tone lighter, almost teasing. “You know, there’s a way to settle this.”

You frowned, glancing up at him. “What are you talking about?”

Without a word, Rossi reached into his pocket. The sound of his hand brushing against the fabric of his jacket broke the tension like a crack of thunder in the stillness. He pulled out a small card and held it between two fingers, his expression unreadable as he extended it toward you.

“What’s this?” you asked, the words coming out more hesitant than you wanted.

“His number,” he said simply. “It changed.”

Your eyes dropped to the card, to the string of numbers printed neatly on its surface. For a moment, all you could do was stare. It felt like the weight of the entire room had shifted onto that tiny slip of paper. Your fingers twitched at your side, aching to grab it, yet rooted to the spot.

“I’m not calling him,” you said, though your grip on the card betrayed your uncertainty.

David smiled knowingly, as if he’d already won. “I didn’t say you had to. But if you ever want to talk to him, you’ve got the number.”

You shook your head. “No. If he wanted to talk to me, he would’ve called. He hasn’t.”

“Maybe he thinks you don’t want to hear from him,” Rossi countered. “Maybe he’s giving you space.”

“Space?” you repeated, the word bitter on your tongue. “Is that what we’re calling it now? Abandoning people?”

“He didn’t abandon you,” Rossi countered firmly, though there was no edge in his tone, only understanding. “He left because he had to. For Jack. For himself. And maybe—just maybe—he thought you were strong enough to handle it.”

The words hit like a punch to the gut, and you turned away, blinking hard to keep the tears at bay. You hated how much they affected you, how much he still affected you. “Well, he was wrong,” you muttered, the words barely audible.

Rossi didn’t argue, didn’t press. “You don’t have to use it,” he said, his voice softer now, almost a whisper. “But if you do, maybe you’ll figure out that he didn’t leave you. He just…left.”

With that, he stepped back and walked out of the room, his footsteps echoing softly down the hallway until they disappeared altogether, leaving you alone in the thick, suffocating silence.

Your eyes fell back to the card on the desk. It seemed out of place there, too bright and clean against the chaos of papers and reports. You stared at it as if it might leap off the desk and demand an answer. But it just sat there, motionless, yet somehow unbearably loud.

Your grip tightened, the edges of the card biting into your palm. And then, with a sharp, decisive motion, you tore it in half. The sound was quick, final, like the snap of a cord that had been fraying for far too long. You tore it again, and again, the pieces falling to the desk in a jagged, fragmented pile. Each rip felt like releasing a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, like reclaiming some small measure of control over the chaos he’d left behind.

When the pieces were no more than scraps, you gathered them up and marched to the trash can. You dropped them in, the fragments fluttering down like ashes from a fire long extinguished. You stared at them for a moment, your chest heaving, your emotions still raw but now dulled by the act of destruction.

Turning back to the desk, you sank into the chair, forcing your focus onto the reports in front of you. The room still felt heavy, the ghost of his presence lingering in the corners, but you pushed it aside. There was work to do. There was always work to do.

And after all, you were just like him.

[sschizoid]

was wonderiiiiiiiing if you'd be up for any jimcurly hcs if they were in an au? I had so many idea and now that Im here Im blanking lmao- something fluffy please! Im dehydrated over here (there's so much toxic yaoi,- and don't get me wrong, im obsessed, but also- I want them to have some genuine moments yk TT_TT)

ohhh have I got LOTS of thoughts for you anon. wall of text inbound!

--

curly

curly has a naturally gentle, soft and nurturing personality. he's known jimmy for years, and despite his temperamental moments, he still welcomed him with open arms, even trusting him to live under his roof when he was down on his luck. simply put, curly loves jimmy, he always has. he just doesn't know where the line is drawn between them. but he's content with just being in the same room as him

curly's love language is acts of service, and preparing home-cooked meals is his favorite way to display that. he'll invite jimmy to a plate he's prepared, who he knows will most likely reject the offer, even though he's probably hungry, but he'll eventually cave in. he always does

they'll eat on the couch, their shoulders close together and knees idly knocking. curly will happily yap and get lost in a multitude of side tangents, while jimmy just listens, rarely chiming in. it used to drive curly crazy when he'd refuse to speak; he wanted to know what was going on in the other's mind so badly. but he's since accepted that that's just how he was. ever the observer, hardly the engager. and that was okay. he had enough thoughts to talk for the both of them

he often thinks about how jimmy was before everything, back when they were younger, before the world was big, and before his brain practically consumed him. it saddens him in the moment, but its fine, he doesn't dwell for too long. all jimmy needs is encouragement and love, and curly is happy to provide that. he would do anything for jimmy. and he wouldn't have it any other way

jimmy

jimmy wholeheartedly believes that he is incapable of loving or even caring about another human being, yet feels strange when in curly's company. he's always psyching himself out regarding this— his thoughts and senses aren't often reliable, his mind is always playing tricks on him, and he fucking hates labels. but curly? that motherfucker was an enigma

he'll never outright say it, but he enjoys when curly touches his hair or places a hand on his shoulder and gives it a quick squeeze. small notions that aren't overbearing, but still communicate "I'm in your corner". it's comforting, those touches that, if placed by anybody else, would probably irritate the fuck out of him. but coming from curly, they were bearable. more than that, they were welcome

one of the traits he likes about curly is that he doesn't helicopter. he knows how to speak jimmy's language, or at least, does his best, and jimmy likes that. but at the same time, curly doesn't enable. doesn't let him do stupid shit if he knows it'll be harmful or make him upset. and god fucking damn does it piss jimmy off in the moment, because who is he to criticize how he lives his life? but the morning after, he's more often than not begrudgingly appreciative that curly is stern enough to reel him in and keep him grounded. its a careful balance, one they've mastered well over the years

sometimes, and only sometimes, does jimmy think about holding him. when his brain is just a little bit calmer, often after a really good talk or meal. he usually lets those thoughts perish, but sometimes, he starts to fantasize. not even about sex, just about having a normal fucking domestic life. being in love, being loved, being intimate. he'll catch himself looking into curly's eyes and try to imagine some sort of future, one where he gets his shit together and learns to tolerate being alive. one where curly can say he's proud of him and have a reason to actually mean it. a nice house, a different city, maybe they'd even get a dog. the idea always feels like a far away pipe dream, but fuck if it isn't nice to think about, at least for a little while

--

WHEW sorry i got kinda carried away with this one, i just have so many feelings about them. also this is probably more of an, uh... melancholic fluff lol but I hope you like it anyway! ( ; w ; )

[shadowsingercassia]

Thank you for the tag @anarchiii !! ❤️

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I haven't posted anything on AO3 and I don't think I have an account either but that's only because I have no idea how to use it 😂

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

25! (If I counted correctly)

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Well I have a series that I stopped updating so that's one (?) and a part 2 to a fic I have so... that makes it 2 (I think...) 🤔

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

So I have two 🙂 (a little bit of rambling):

First is my The Gate To Home series! It was everything for me, I really don't know how I got through it and even if I hadn't prepared it properly so many people loved it and supported it until the end (I love you all smm ❤️)

Second is The Day Hope Died! This fic has a special place in my heart because when I'm having a hard time, I write and this is the only fic of those that I had the courage to post. The feelings there, the angst are a representation and a reflection of my own that day (I'm alright now for anyone wondering!)

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I think that Genuine Poetry is a type of fic that I don't usually write and that is purely because of the poem I put in the fic (I had never written a poem in my life before that)

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

So Masked Christine of the Opera surprised me with its ending, I was not expecting that plot twist to settle into my mind though rereading it, it's not great, but the rest of it is very special to me 💕 another thing I was surprised to see when I finished writing it is that I actually wrote it in third person and I hadn't even realized 🥲

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Again it's Masked Christine of the Opera, I really loved writing it and I'm going to say it, it's a great fic although the ending is a little bad (I really had thought it was good 😭) it just has my heart ❤️

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I really have a lot of artists that have inspired me to make my own art (even if I'm still a beginner) and for that I want to thank @dawneternal and @freyjas-musings

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

Alright I will yap so bear with me:

@scorpioriesling all your fics are incredible, I absolutely loved Too Hot To Handle and I actually binge-read it in September and I wanted to say I'm obsessed, same for the Invisible String and all your other fics! 🫶

@velarisdusk your fics are... mwah 💋 I don't even know where to begin your writing is amazing and truly I love you so much! This tag game was probably my sign to re-read all your fics 😂

@illyrianbitch I love each and every single thing you write, if I could have them injected into my veins I would do it 💓 (I'm also very glad you're doing well now 🥰)

@azrielslittleslut you quite literally inspired me to write an Azriel x reader fic because of how well you capture his personality 💙

@azrielsdove your fics mean everything to me, I've read each one twice and I'm planning on reading them all again ❤️

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

I've been on Tumblr for a little less than a year I think (me and my alzheimer that I don't actually have) but recently I have discovered @thelov3lybookworm (I know you are not a new author but I'm obsessed with your Lucien week fics and im currently reading all your other fics too!!)

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

No, I haven't done any

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

In my writing, reading my first and latest fic, I'm proud because I've grown but I'm also proud because I had the courage to start so shoutout to my first fic Stupid Headache (you will always be my baby) 🥰

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Dont take it seriously (like in a way of dont view it as a competition). That's the most important thing I've learned. When I started, which was long before I got Tumblr (like when I was a teenager I wrote my first short story) and I took it so seriously, planning things obsessively, which is the reason I actually lost my passion but now I found it again and I'm very grateful for that 💞

14. What is your advice?

Well, I really don't know any good advice, I mean I'm still learning things everyday but I think my biggest advice is what I previously said, don't take it seriously, it's not a competition

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I want to try and create an OC and maybe start writing more ships and less x reader but mostly I just want to write, that's my goal, not to give up on writing :)

note: again, thank you @anarchiii for the tag !!

no pressure tags: @really-fanny-longbottom @illyriassweetheart @azrielsdove and anyone else who wants to do this!

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

Thank you so much @velarisdusk for the tag! 🫶🏻

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I don't have anything published on AO3 simply because I still don't know how to use it even though I do have an account. But here on tumblr, it's 92.878

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

49! I've never counted them before and never realized just how many they were omg

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Ongoing only Bound By Secrets. In progress apparently 10? I thought I had 3 WIPs. I completely forgot about the other 7 lol

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

UGH how do I choose one? A Helping Hand has a special place in my heart because it's the first fic I wrote and posted. Night and Days is one of my favorites because I love the banter between Azriel and reader, and I also have to mention Say My Name because omg I loved writing that one and I know I might be biased but I was giggling and kicking my feet while writing.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I'd say the first few things I wrote rather than one in particular for the simple reason that in Italian I tend to write very long sentences because it's normal, but in English sentences are usually shorter so it took a bit to get into that mindset. As for experimental, I'm trying to write a fic from two povs at the same time, sort of like an omniscient narrator. We'll see how it turns out.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Many fics surprise me while writing because I don't plan them out that much other than a few things I want to happen and then I see where the story leads me. As for reception, Bound by Secrets. I didn't expect so many people asking for a part 2! (I'll write it, I promise)

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

The Path To Healing and on a happier (and smutty) note Alcohol and Giggles. I cried writing the first one and laughed writing the second one.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I love every single fanart by madschofield and elizianna.the.one!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@writingcroissant was the first author I found on here, the literal reason I created an account was to read her fics, and @illyrianbitch was the second. I love everything they write and it made me want to write again.

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@shedoessoshedoes and @duskandcobalt! I'm going to read all of your fics so don't be surprised if you see me in your notifications for the next few weeks 🥰

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

Nope, no collaborations.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Kinktober! I decided to do it two weeks before it started and didn't think I'd be able to write all 31 one fics but I did it!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

When I started posting, I kept opening tumblr every five minutes to see if there were any new notes/comments/etc. Now I don't do that anymore. I still care about people enjoying my content of course and any kind of feedback is always super appreciated, but I don't need to continuously check to know that my writing is valid and good even if I get only a few likes.

14. What is your advice?

I'm the wrong person to ask this to, but I guess write what you like and what you want to read. I know it's basic, but never before I realized just how true it is. Feedback and appreciation for your work is awesome, but you have to be the first one to like it or it's probably going to turn out bland if you push yourself to write something you don't like or are not interested in.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

Finish working on all those WIPs apparently lol. And I have an idea for a series that I want to work on as well.

No pressure of course, but if you'd like to @azrielslittleslut @anarchiii @shedoessoshedoes or anyone else who wants to do it!

[vikingpoteto]

the best part about Kabru playing chess while Laios eats the pieces is that Laios has no idea they're playing chess. he thinks they're buddy chess piece eaters.

[suguruuuuu-chan]

T4t Zosan save me....save me t4t Zosan...

[coquelicoq]

me after reading four poems by internationally beloved, critically acclaimed, insanely influential 19th-century poet charles baudelaire: wow this guy's emo lol

[heytheredeann]

“Yes, there is a place where someone loves you both before and after they learn what you are.” ― Neil Hilborn

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[kirisclangen]

Canarydrop and their two adopted kits, Ospreykit and Palekit

Canarydrop: Any pronouns, 73 moons, genderfluid

Ospreykit: he/him, 1 moon, cis tom

Palekit: he/him, 1 moon, cis tom

[morrigan-sims]

Hi! :3 I'm sorry but I don't know the names for most of the things I'm asking for so this may be a confusing read :{ basically yknow that one character rook that you've been using as a dnd character? I really like his corset thingy majig or like top that hes wearing but I can't find it anywhere :( do you remember where you got it? or what its called?

Hi nonny!!! No worries! You got it right! I've been calling them corsets in my head too. My beloved idiot bastard man looks so good in them, and I'm sure your sims will too!!! 💖

I'm not sure which corset shirt you're talking about, bc he's worn two. I'm going to assume you're talking about this one from my most recent CAS pics (which my best friend, Ash @heyastra, calls his "slut shirt")

You can find that one here. (reuploaded bc the original is paywalled)

but in case you're not looking for that one, there's also this one from the Hanged Man render and my earlier CAS pic of him.

Which you can find Here.

[mochinon-yah]

I think i'm just full of repressed aggression, and it's all slowly seeping out every time i interact with the world

[camellia-thea]

initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.

[leofrith]

the comb of champions world event has got to be one of my absolute favourites in the whole game because it's just really sweet and "burdened, decorated, and delicate" is such a big brained way of describing eivor.

but also because it's the first of several instances throughout the game in which eivor risks life and limb for pussy.

[running-in-the-dark]

the thing is. I've said many times that it'd probably be better if I didn't post on here so much, especially when I'm not doing so great. it does not feel good. but. when I don't, it just all stays inside my head and it feels so much worse for far longer, so I really just don't know how I would cope without this.

[plant-dad-sulu]

not to be sentimental on main (sideblog) but i would kill to live near my friends and get to hang out with them every day sitcom style