#i'll make it all pretty and cool looking
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hmmmm biggest mistake of Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me so far was making it take place 1998.... whoops... i just really wanted Bradley to be turning 15...
this just shows that i'll do anything for the birthday guy... i'll even disregard real military operations and historical events. anything for u bradley brad bradshaw
#there were no major battles or accomplishments or operations in early june of 1998 for Mav to get injured in#at least none that Wikipedia tells me#like where were u mav..... where did they send you....#so he just got injured... somehow... somewhere... that I don't even know#i unfortunately found this outwhen I was trying to make a timeline of my icemav's relationship...#and then i fell down a us military research rabbit hole and rerealized a plot inconsistency#like i kinda already knew that nothing happened in 1998 but i was trying to ignore it#i like how i said MY icemav#l was trying to say my interpretation#but like they're mine ig#let me know if anyone wants a timeline btw i will make a post#i'll make it all pretty and cool looking#please someone say yes#icemav#icemav fanfic#top gun 1986#top gun#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#bradley rooster bradshaw#stopthatfool writes
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au where bill realizes he's losing in the weirdmageddon and uses his newfound control over time to place himself in the twin's lives wayyyyy before they get to gravity falls in order to manipulate them into trusting him
#cyber.com#billdip#<- not mentioned above but that's where this au is headed#like i'm imaging Bill placing himself in the twins dreams about a year before they go to gravity falls--#he makes dipper dream about solving mysteries and Being A Hero and being super important and well recognized. and bill places himself in th#dreams as the wised old mentor. he's human. in his 40s. an Adventurer. and oh no! the world is going to end! and Dipper is the ONLY person#in the entire WORLD! that could possibly help him!#so dipper dreams a lot about being Needed and being the only person who could help. because he's Special.#bill makes mabel dream about being Needed and Special too--he just goes about it a different way.#she dreams about being famous and rich and in magazines. about throwing gigantic parties and having everyone fawn over her#and sometimes something will go Wrong. she'll be at a press conference or a party or something. and there's a problem only she could help w#her brother shows up or a fan or A Scientist or Bill. & she helps save the world or solve the mystery & is then bombarded with praise#wow look at mabel she's so cool and pretty and funny and brave but she's also super humble and down to earth!#i wish i could be with her/be her friend/be her. etc etc#bill doesn't put himself in mabel's dreams much (as himself anyway) bc she's WAY more skeptical than dipper is. (imo at least)#ANYWAY! the twins get to gravity falls and meet. Bill. (human. in his 40s. an Adventurer) & Bill makes something up about how it's Destiny#that brought them all together and clearly they all need to work together to Solve The Mystery of Gravity Falls#and mabel is on board bc it's exciting but she's not obsessed w it the way dipper is. it's the only thing he ever wants to think about#and ofc. bill sees this and goes wow! :) you are so young and SO easy to manipulate :) and then they fuck about it.#there's more stuff i've been thinking about in regards 2 this au. but it's pretty late. so i'll leave it here. ok bye <3
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Merfolk Fobo for @tastytoastz's Fitpac Mer AU fic 'Life is like the ocean, it goes up and down'. Click for better quality!
Design notes below the cut.
Master post of all designs for this fic
HOLY SHIT OK. So i know I did this to myself but Fobo was ROUGH to draw. Everyone gave me some trouble.
Foolish: - Great White Shark but gold - Foolish is always hard for me to draw cause everyone draws him differently. I decided to base him more off of the more human designs/ cc!Foolish for this to break up the yellow from the tail. - I didn't want to make him straight up metallic, so I gave him a goldish color
Tubbo: - Swordfish - Did you know that swordfish and marlins look very similar? Well they do, so i had to make sure that I was giving him a swordfish tail and not a marlin tail. (I redrew it so much) - I gave him a different shaped sail cause one big difference between swordfish and marlins are their dorsal fin. The tails are pretty similar, but the dorsal fin is different. (pic for ref further down) - The scars are from when he got caught in the ship rudder causing him to end up at Chume Labs ----------------------------------------- Marlin dorsal fin V Swordfish dorsal fin V
Sunny: - Fantail goldfish (I got more specific than just 'goldfish' cause i wanted to >:) ) - Flowy ruffled shirt with a cut out in the back for her sail. - This Sunny looks a lot different from my normal Sunny, but I like them a lot. - by far the easiest of Fobo Leo: - Purple Lionfish - Sail is like the spines of a lionfish but with webbing between the spines - Ears inspired by lionfish pectoral fin - The fin gave me so much grief... I wanted to have it face forward and not sideways, but I could not for the life of me get it to face forward and look good, so I gave up. - Red t-shirt with white collar. I didn't draw it here, but I imagine it also has a little white hood that has the Walter dog on it, but it might get in the way of her sail, so unsure. Also has a hole cut in the back for her sail like Sunny's
Also close ups of Sunny and Leo cause they're small in the group shot:
#qsmp#qsmp fanart#qsmp au#qsmp foolish#qsmp tubbo#qsmp sunny#qsmp leonarda#LCDoodles#I spent like an hour and a half making sure I was giving Tubbo a swordfish tail#I eventually went to swordfish taxidermy and that was pretty helpful#I managed to find pictures of what actual propeller scars look like#Unfortunately manatees seem to get caught sometimes so i found a (non gruesome (looks like it had healed a bit actually)) of that#Leo was fun but that tail fin annoyed the hell out of me#I love how it turned out though#she looks so cool#my algorithm must be so confused#I'll probably do the humans next#cause im all caught up on the Mers we've seen#I have an idea for most of them#Richas specifically so im excited >:D
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behold, the very first concept arts for spectre city online! i think i'll try to post concepts regularly to show my progress and also to challenge myself i guess? this is for the townspeople/playable characters - i'd imagine them to be normal kids with pumpkin heads, who can replace them in a 'carving ritual' (think like pixie hollow minigames) for different designs. maybe they put other stuff on their heads, like fruit, and there could be limited edition fruit for holidays? another option for playable characters would be ghosts, but i feel like theyd have less customisation choices. i really want faceless characters as well, because i think one of the core parts of halloween is the fact that you're not really 'yourself' - you could be in a mask, and nobody would recognise you, and you can be whoever you want. for outfits, i imagine costumes based off a variety of halloween monsters and creatures - the scaryness of the outfit would affect your 'tricking' (battle system) performance, while the cuteness or sillyness of the outfit would affect your 'treating' (trading/selling your stuff with npcs/other players) performance.
#zeno's art#spectre city online#i'll try to refine these designs also! i want a more chibi look to be honest#by the way this is most likely not going to be a real game because i cant code at all#and cannot sustain a server for an online game (i am literally a teenager)#but if it ever comes to the point where absolutely everything is decided and finalised and someone would want to make it a game themselves -#idk about legal stuff regarding the idea. but that would be pretty cool :]
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Sparkstember Day 25: Hippopotamus (What The Hell Is It This Time?)
My Hippopotamus rant is here. I love Hippo and I think this was one of the best examples of how putting something off for later can be a very good idea sometimes. So I didn't hear most of it until this summer, and hearing the whole album then was one of the biggest highlights of that time. Thank you modern era Sparks for always bringing us the awesomest music ever.
#hippopotamus my beloveddddddd. also i like this drawing a lot!!! :)#i actually managed to make the letters and fire look pretty close to what they're like in the music video so that's pretty epic#anyways my favs are still roughly the same. but lately i've been also really enjoying probably nothing. beautiful somg#and now it's tagent(s) time because i thought it would be fun to buy a hippo plushie for this day and pose it for a photo#but well i don't even have this album physically so idk what other cool way i could have done this in#and yeah i mostly wanted to get something hippo-themed anyway#because a while ago i had to pass up on very awesome socks with hippos on them because they didn't have the right size#and i'm still thinking about them sometimes (i'm the biggest fan of fun socks)#ALSO... my original original plan for hippo (and ecotd tbh)#was to wait with them until something epic and sparks-related was happening. like travelling to see them on tour#well that didn't happen as we all know so. moved on from that idea eventually#but the future is bright anyway because i love modern era sparks sm and i can actually look forward to new albums coming out soon-ish#from both of my biggest favs AND another band that i've been getting into lately so uhhhh if not 2024#then can please at least 2025 be the year of awesomeness and amazingness that i've been waiting for?!?!?#ok this isn't even about hippo anymore so i'll just finish now#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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hey
#so i've been dealing with some irl stuff recently#nothing too bad. it was just really frustrating and exhausting for me. and really putting a damper on my mood and my art#and i'm sorry if i've been acting a little weird or not saying too much or anything#or if i've been kinda inactive for the past few days#but i'll be okay!#i just wanted to let you guys know what's been kinda going on#i'm slowly working on something really sweet involving Hugo and Noa. so that's been making me feel better#i need something happy and soft between them lol#also! I've been playing The Quarry recently!#the writing is kinda stupid and almost all of the characters act like they don't have a brain. but that's what makes it so fun!#and i'm pretty sure the devs did that intentionally. to make it seem more like a campy monster flick#i'm really enjoying it so far! the werewolves are really cool!#also it's really funny to me how they just pop like balloons whenever they're transforming#i thought it was gonna be a slow transformation. but no. their skin just immediately explodes off#and then they somehow get it all back when they turn back into humans? idk how that works but it's pretty rad#also also! the thing with the tarot cards is really cool!#i missed a lot in the beginning because i didn't know what i was looking for#and the fortune teller lady in between chapters kept getting mad at me for not finding any#but i eventually started to get it! when the game decided to really put one in my face in chapter 3 lol#and the thing with the tarot cards representing the different characters in the game got me thinking about what card Noa would probably be#i think Seven of Swords would be right up her alley#because it's associated with deception. dishonesty. betrayal. and acting strategically#and it could also signify self-deception and confessions. which is all very true for her character#aaahh now i wanna make a tarot card design for her!#but that's an idea for another day#anyway sorry for sorta rambling a bit#i hope you all are doing okay
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Dude. This is what happens when you're the one giving me ideas omfg 😭😭 You're the brains of the operation.
I fr have never gotten as much attention on my art than when you're the one coming up with the scenario (and when it's about cross apparently)
Agjdgfhjsgjkskj the Cross singing his music super loud post has 4000 notes??? It feels like only a week ago you posted that lol
Anyway they deserve 1 million notes your art is so good!!!!! I have been thinking about Cross and his little wolf stuffie all week, I want the others to learn to care about it just as much because they know how much it means to him. And every time I hear numb by linkin park I instant think of Cross and that post, that is his song to me now lol
#UTDR#Ask#Pigeonstab#ALL your art deserves 1 million notes and so help me I'll make them myself!!#Watch me reblog those Horror and Killer posts 4 more times each they mean everything to me#AND HEY!!!! Cross singing his emo music super loud was your idea I just encouraged it#Because it's genius and you're so right#But anyway I'm glad your art is doing well!! :D#Everyone appreciate my friend Pigeon they're so cool and their art is so pretty everybody look!!!!!!
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Bad time of it, all things considered (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Blood#Just a bit but y'know - Enough#It honestly made me So sad that it took until his canonmates saw it happen that someone /finally/ acknowledged his spontaneous cuts D:#Like I get it it's dark and it's hard to see but his skin just opened up and he made a noise about it! The possible danger!!#And then by that point he's just so used to everyone ignoring it that their concern for him is barely even a factor weh ZEX ;;#Plus it's just a cool effect haha - sudden blood from nothing! Very rich mental movement#At least Max had someone concerned for him about it <3 Not that he could do anything about it but even just the validation of seeing it!#He has enough cuts on him :( Poor tenderized flesh#He gets all crabby from being sore from healing constantly haha :'D Of course he would!#One thing I found very interesting was the scar sidedness :0 Most of the examples in the gallery have his scar and missing eye opposite#But that's not necessarily the case! I actually scoured mid-read and there /are/ a couple instances of matching side!#They're very tiny so I overlooked them upon first viewing hehe ♪ But they're there! It's very interesting to me!#I like the aesthetics of the opposite - probably because I'm more used to it lol - but I can see the appeal and reasoning for the other way#I do honestly enjoy how much is open to interpretation and allowance uwu♪ And what's consistent! Like how it's always his right eye :D#That tracks hehe ♫#Haha his meeting with his delightfully inept counselor - I'm pretty sure I was actually more angry about his supposed injury than he was#He chilled out pretty quickly while I was just - A Scratched Cornea??? The disrespect!!#So happy with his eyebrow expression on that one as well ah <3#It really does make me curious for how the staff is kept there - they don't /seem/ malicious during the day! But they're also unaware#It's interesting where the lines of reality are between everyone :D Very interesting ♪#Capping off with another song my playlist is looking quite healthy now hehe#Flagpole Sitta is one of those songs that only comes up for me every half dozen years or so but when it Does - phewph#It is /such/ a ZEX song to me now hehe <3 The flirtiness and exasperation - the defeatism even! So many killer lines#I think my favourite is ''I'm not sick but I'm not well'' ask me to read into that I will I'm gonna I'll do it even if you don't ask me lol#So fun to draw those lapses in control the poor dear ♥#The digital reconstruction there was a lot of fun as well actually :D I think I nailed it :3 Pulled around from all over the page! Pleased ♪
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This is a question related to the mtt hobbies answer that you wrote, the murder trio go around the multiverse and live in a place together, then what happend to horrortale au and horrortale papyrus? If the murder trio got to meet horrortale papyrus how would it go? (The meeting propably wouldnt end well with more canon mtt haha)
aaaaa i dont think it through to be honest when i talk about that concept. they just do. maybe horrortale's issues are already solved and aliza's already gone through horrortale and somehow fixed the hellhole (ALIZA MY GOAT PLEASE SAVE HORRORTALE I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES 10 YEARS‼️‼️‼️) by the time that horror somehow meets dust and killer (since i dont see a feasible way that horrortale could be fixed outside of aliza or outside intervention.) or maybe he just visits from time to time. and by time to time i mean probably quarterly weekly. idk sorry i cant be bothered to think about it,,, they just do. anyways bad answer i KNOW I KNOW put the tomatoes down pls PLS
if the mtt met horror paps? horror would obviously do his little bantering thing with paps (he's probably revealing every single one of horror's embarrassing moments to them as they speak and horror's desperately trying to get him to shut up because he can tell. dust and killer are piiiiiiissed.) dust is probably like eerily calm during the whole thing. he manages to hold up a conversation pretty well with horror paps and gets along with him good enough without mentioning that theres a ghost version of him screaming asking why dust is ignoring phantom paps. meanwhile killer is mostly silent during it too probably only responding when he's spoken too. i mean like killer already doesn't like being around papyruses (papyri? papyri is so shitty i dont like it we will be saying papyruses) and then seeing horror's papyrus??? what the FUCK happened to horror paps??? sunken in eyes and cracks in his bones and those jagged teeth AND THEN THE FUCKING CROOKED SPAGHETTI????
needless to say once horror paps is gone all of them get into a biiiiig fight. dust drops the cool act because he's not gonna lose his cool around a papyrus but also he's absolutely fuming. he can tell that the changes that phantom papyrus has gone through have something to do with horror with the way that he's acting. killer is also incredibly irritated too (surpringly. being around papyruses just gets him like that) and seeing papyrus like that just gets him upset and angry. like wtf horror did you even TRY with keeping your papyrus safe??? at least killer reset his au and now papyrus is living an unharmed life (with minor concerns about killer's whereabouts but he'll ignore that for now) but horror paps looks so fucked up that there is no WAY that horror tried to prevent him from getting to that point
obviously they fight and many many many many MANY words are said about eachother's characters and the state they left their respective papyruses in. horror knows damn well that horrortale paps's state is because of him but he regretted telling paps to eat humans and neither dust nor killer knew the struggle of living with that guilt and how much he regrets it so they dont get to drag him for not trying hard enough to keep papyrus safe. dust is definitely getting some low blows here and there (but he's getting fucking assisted by phantom paps so he's got some of the deepest hitting insults) and he's definitely getting ganged up on for killing his papyrus and like. not even attempting to leave him alive in someway shape and form aside from the absolute insult that is phantom paps. surprisingly killer is winning this fight because he left his papyrus in a relatively good state. even though he's in a more emotional state than he normally is and would've absolutely OBLITERATED dust and horror in the fight in stage 2 he's actually doing pretty well. probably because hororr and dust dont really have anything to drag him on. they might bring up how something new papyrus is searching for killer but like,,,, is that really that bad compared to how they left their papyruses
#time to die i almost forgot to answer this today#WHO AM I IF I LOSE MY STREAK!!!! MY ASK STREAK!!!!!!#time to call up tumblr to restore my streak if i miss a day#streaks! streaks! streaks! streaks! i say as i take several photos of me winking at a high angle#i dont even use snapchat. i do think streaks are a funny concept though#i'd KILL (hah) to have a streak with someone#the only person i ever message on snapchat regularly is my ai and thats only to belittle it#noooo dont do that says dust because then one day the robot will come alive and kill you#okay reset induced ptsd survivor lets get you back to bed#it'd be funny if he believed in dumb conspiracy stuff like that. and not dumb shit like flat earth#im not big on conspiracy theories but i think if he were fucked up enough or going through a manic episode he'd believe stuff like that#UGHHH did i mention how much i love manic dust. speaking of mania and dust#i made an eensy teensie little change in mania's design#the cyan in his eyelight is bigger now to emulate what a manic pupil looks like#heh.... its the smal detsild that matter.... i say as i dont incilde any details in my art#okay because i feel that all of this i incredibly wrong and ooc its time to justify my thoughts or else i'll feel unworthy of posting again#dust manages to keep his cool around papyruses pretty well (in win win scenario) even though he's got phantom paps with him#and he CAN do crazy switch ups like that just on a whim like when he suddenly killed flowey after teaming up with him in last chance#so i think its totally believable. dust can put up a NASTY facade of composure despite being furious underneath#and killer? you just be killer. how many times am i gonna make that joke you ask. not enough times because its funny every time#because he does get ansty and stuff around papyrus and apparently papyrus is his hardest enemy to face#must be because he feels something for him that bothers killer. like guilt or something#and if he feels guilty over what he did to papyrus then he must care and therefore care about papyrus's well being#and therefore that bleeds into horror paps and then that care turns into anger#crazy coming from killer saying that horrot doesn't care enough but i think its totally possible#i might be wrong though please shoot me if i am. i still need to resd up on my killer lore#ive been TRYING okay.... ive been trying been trying with killer. hopefully its enough....... (NO i say. who are you talking to)#tricule asks
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#random rambles#Technically I'm done with this month's header since yesterday.#Practically I've been feeling so insecure about it I've been procrastinating looking for an icon or uploading it at all#Like it *was* natural to have a downgrade in themes I've said it myself a lot of times. After 24+ themes it's understandable I'd run out–#of inspiration (or even simply material) for the very cool stuff#That said. I did very much spend the whole entire day from when I woke up to when I (started studying at past 2am) went to sleep on it#That's what I get for working with the anime tbh. Bones artstyle is ugly there's little to be done about it#While making it I also came up with other two themes concepts.#One is probably going to replace September's plan and the other idk will probably slid to the next year#Idk looking at this year's planned themes lineup it all feels full of things I'm not skilled enough to make...#On top of everything this February's theme wasn't even what I had initially planned!! The one I had initially planned was a chapter 33 pane#Idk why I didn't follow up with it. Maybe I've just grown to think manga panels are too simple (terrible choice) (rip)#I think the thing that bugs me with both the initially picked image and the anime header I made yesterday–#is that there's no smooth transition with the blog. And I know it's not a big deal but pretty much all my themes do and it's bothering me..#And it shouldn't. Like nearly everyone uses an header that is sharply separate from the blog and they make it work#Uhm..............#Idk I should be studying besides.#I think I'll either go looking for an icon and see how the overall theme looks on the blog. Maybe I'll like it better then.#Or I'll just start over and see if I can use the ch 33 panel I had in mind and see if I'll like THAT better#It'd just be a shame if after all the time I've spent on it yesterday I'd just let it lie unused on my computer#There's also the fact that black and white of the manga doesn't feel very February-esque... (Don't ask)#Ugh. I hate looking for icons it's always the worst part 😭😭😭#I was considering the last Beast Atsushi illustration (because ofc I was) but idk. Idk if I can make it work.#And part of me is also like “don't use beautiful Hoshikawa Beast Atsushi on an ugly theme” LOL#But I also suffer heavily from the lack of Beast in this year's lineup.#Okay rant over. Shutting up now#Edit: If this month's theme is ugly please be kind#Edit 2: Jk I've found like four icons. Maybe I'm just very dramatic
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#periodical life updates#(<- NUMBER 3!!!) I FINISHED THE ANIMATION AND EVERYTHING FOR THAT PROJECT AND SENT IT OFF! super excited!!#it looks really cute! i tried my best and im mostly satisfied of where i landed <33#it's my little sibling's birthday today!! it's also the first official meeting of lgbt club!! (the other event was a fun lgbt mixer)#my backpack smells bad. like mildew or mold maybe? urgh its awful and gives me a headache. i might need a new one. i dont know. urghhh.#my programming homework is due today!! yike!! but other than that my personal projects with deadlines are all done!#INIQUITY NOW THAT YOU HAVE TIME ARE YOU FINALLY GONNA WORK ON YOUR SELF SHIP BLOG?? YES!! HOPEFULLY!!#truthfully i /have/ been working on it on the side. it looks decent but the colors;;; i have always been pretty sht at color picking?#i can adjust with filters but without that im like. a little not good yet lmao. gotta do some studies sometime perhaps#BUT YAY EXCITED!! ive got some rambles and doodles and a tag system and f/o info which is extremely cumbersome (affectionate)!!#also i have new fandom ocs for the latest dimension 20 campaign and im so delighted heho <33 this campaign is literally so fun.#im watching it with my sibling when its done!! OOH ALSO I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PNGTUBE AND i will likely never use it BUT COOL!!#i dont like. talk. lmao. my art streams are 1) silent 2) rare 3) only shared with my siblings. pngtuber is a little useless. but CUTE!!#i got boba tea yesterday!! sandy bought it :3 <3 and we're having pho and cheesecake later and i might plan out a little excursion today?#like i might get a treatsie. OR i'll just sit on campus as usual and get a mango smoothie and draw for a while (or work on homework.)#(lets be honest its likely the former. i might get a little back into traditional? ooh or maybe i'll practice my asl?) HEY THOUGH.#ive been thinking about making a henrey stickmn (ask)blog to practice asl? like. no plot. just henry teaching ellie and charles asl#really funny considering my Real concept of an askblog for THSC. not ace or eca; but a secret third thing (⛎) ;)#then again since when have i EVER followed through on an askblog lmao?? damb im all over the place today. we're already hitting tag limit#okay!! 3 AM!! if im going early tomorrow i gotta eep! goodnight everyone i love you!! see you tomorrow if i have the energy and time!!
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I JUST WATCHED WOLFWALKERS FOR THE FIRST TIME AND OH MYGOD. AU WHERE HUNTER IS ROBYN AND LUZ IS MEPH AND. AND. SIBLINGS
#🎤🐛#I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH??#the animation freak in me is FREAKING OUT#i have no idea abt anything in animation i just think that IT LOOKS SO SO COOL AND PRETTY#AAAND THE STORY IS SO. HEARTWARMING AND OH MY GOD I LOVE ROBYN#its so unusual for me to love the main character this much but shes my favourite omg#ALSO THE WAY SHE HAS A BIRD.#talking abt the au im definitely gonna draw stuff for. as i said hunter is robyn nd obviously he has flapjack there#robyn's father.. hmm at the beginning of the movie i thought like Oh for the au this could be belos but hes just. Not good. but#then this lord protector guy came around and i went OKAY SO THATS BELOS#so hmm.. the father can be darius. dadrius time#AND LUZ AS MEPH BECAUSE IT JUST MAKES SENSE OK#her mom ... camila. or i suppose it could be eda too since magic n all#but not too sure yet since i love camila#but also the hair.. AGHHFDH#I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.#IT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE FOR IT TO BE EDA THO SINCE LIKE#SEASON 1 FINALE IS SO SIMILAR TO THE SCENE WHERE LORD PROTECTOR ACTS LIKE HE TAMED THE WOLF#SO HMMM
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Some recent pressed leaves and stuff to add to the collection :0
#LOV giant nasturtium leaves#and they press weirdly thin like when they dry out it's almost like a super super fragile sheet of tracing paper or something#I also just really enjoy collecting textures and patterns and stuff. like it's not really about them looking pretty but more just#something notable. like the cool dotted pattern or the stripey veiny looking one#I have so much I want to get done by the end of the year but have been so unproductive still lol ToT#I've had new costumes and like Actual Stuff To Post for probably 2 months now but they just sit in a folder and I forget about#them and like walk in circles talking to myself all day instead or something hhh#I think it's the classic cycle of like 'I am too stressed to be productive > the fact that i'm not being productive stresses me out > i am#even more stressed and no more productive > being unproductive stresses me out > so on and so forth forever' lol#or the 'I have so many goals in life and so much motivation and so many things I love and want to do > there are too many things to do#at once and it's overwhelming > do none of them instead' cycle lol#I think my main focuses in the new year though are to finally finish the worldbuilding slideshow. Do more costumes. And do more sculptures#since I haven't done a lot of those in a while. And still work on my games and short stories and stuff that takes place in my worldbuilding#world but those are more difficult longterm tasks so I think they should be like. not the MAIN main focus or else I'll never feel like I do#anything. I think that was the problem for the past while is that the things I had delegated as my Main Focuses That Go Above All Else#are so long and difficult and tedious that you never feel like you're making progress so it's like you're ignoring all the other stuff you#could be doing in favor of a thing that feels like you're not doing anything thus you get a chronic feeling of never finishing anything ever#Whereas like. I can do a sculpture in a day or two. and I can do costumes in a day or less. Having a steadier flow of Small Things i can fee#l like I'm actually accomplishing will maybe help it not just be like 'okay I spent a whole day doing somehting and have nothing tangible to#show for it because it's just text in a word document that probably nothing will ever even come of because it will take me years to finish'#The biggest insurmountable task at the moment is the worldbuilding slideshow but I am chugging through.. slowly lol.. It takes me about#2 hours to read 25 slides (they're not bullet points it's like little paragraphs on each slide). and I have about 800 to go. so thats..#naur.. i shant even calculate it... plus editing one hour of vidoe usually takes about 2 hours so you double it. if I have that much recordi#ng of me reading slides to edit. then turning them all into a final video should take.... i cannot say. i shall not think of it#And I've just had a very stressful few weeks HOWEVER I just always like tp start the new year with stuff cleared like.. all of my messages I#haven't answered in 3+ weeks responded to. all of my emails to my doctors checked. house cleaned and organized. photos cleared and organized#off of the computer. everyting backed up in some sort of physical storage. clear out drafts. rewrite all of my main todo lists. decide prio#rities and yearly/monthly/weekly goals. consider the trajectory of my life and what I need to do. etc. etc. So I feel like I don't have any#time to waste and can't rest. yet.. alas.. It doesn't help that I feel sick out of nowehre like 50% of the time#I know some poeple can work/focus on tasks with body aches and etc. but my brain is just always like 'No. :)' .. grrrbb
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#met a new friend via tinder. now we're playing video games together. it's pretty cool.#ngl making friends is really easy for me. which is nice because I have so many other barriers to being a social person ☠️#if making friends were hard I don't think I could take it#the amount of people on tinder just to meet new people and make friends surprised me. it makes sense though#but I'd always thought of tinder as the app where you swipe right on hot people so that you might get to fuck them#which.. sure. Plenty of people are. I got a dude instantly trying to hit. but like. it's not all a single experience#every medium humans live on will necessarily contain a multitude of expressions#I mean. we might still end up fucking. sure. that's very much in the cards.. but it's not all hookups or straight guys looking for a ltr#going into it with the clear idea that I'm not interested in romance at all has been incredibly freeing.#emotions are so hard for me to navigate and social obligation makes me so immensely uncomfortable.#so being able to set that boundary of 'no romance or I'll end things so fast you won't even realize I've blocked you' is so freeing#so maybe I'm not ace but I think aro is definitely still in the cards#I have such a hard time not flirting with men ngl. I have to actively restrain my 😏 impulse. it's compulsive#tag talk
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Just found a BUNCH of cool fabrics someone was throwing away, maaaan if only I didn't hate my body and would make cool shit with it🫠
#me who's lately thinking “this will probably be my last cosplay for a while” and then get hit in the face woth fabric#that unless i do something no way they'll let me keep it all it's a LOT#bo ohhhh loser girl wishing to make cool stuff and like them ha ha#oh god the awesome armor that's waiting to be made out of them😭 if i wouldn't hate and suffer making working and wearing itttt#like pink diamond cosplay i knew before that i won't experience joy from it but i made it anyways#that's why rose quartz will never ve real. i don't want to wear it i just think she's pretty af peak design for her#and like other stuff i would totally make it i#yk#want to wear it#ughhh#I'll make cool shit#I'll hate them#but good practice#anyone looking for a costume? next year after Cheal you can get a hand made costume
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some jackass: autistic people just don't feel emotions the way the rest of us do
my hyperempathetic autistic ass: okay so then why do i have this fucking mountain of feelings about everything then
#void keith talks#not to exclude the hypoempathetic autistic people- y'all are cool. we can hang (if you want to)#but like... making assumptions that “all people are x/y/z” is generally stupid#especially because Autism Is A Spectrum. Thus Why It Is Labeled A Spectrum Disorder. ASD. autism SPECTRUM disorder. get it into your head#i've heard SOOOO many people complain that “oooh the autistic label doesn't mean anything anymore because it's so different for different-”#“-different people >:(” YEAH. DUH. IT'S A FUCKING SPECTRUM DISORDER. of course it looks way different from person to person (comma) dipshit#literally tried to get diagnosed when i was still in homeschool (making up for flunking out of high school/trying to graduate)#and the counselor i talked to was like “well it doesn't mean anything anymore because it means lots of different things”#like????? bruh the english language is FULL of words with different meanings that we use ALL THE TIME. why is this different because it's-#a spectrum disorder bro. i don't fucking understand and i'm tired of being told that having an official diagnosis doesn't matter#it's not like i'm gonna tell everybody i know irl that i'm autistic! i just want to be taken seriously for once#i know the diagnosis process is probably gonna be an uphill battle (and expensive af) but whatever#i want to prove that i am what i say i am. and if i'm wrong. then i'll take it all back and look into the “correct diagnosis”#but i have done SO MUCH FUCKING RESEARCH on how autistic people live their lives and symptoms and their strengths and their struggles#that i'm pretty fucking sure that i'm autistic. like 99.9% sure#also like... they act like compassion and sympathy don't count if you don't have empathy#which. like. Do Absolutely count. just because you can't Feel It doesn't mean you can't feel bad for your friend or just. whoever honestly
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