#i'll have to make a doc on her.. but..
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Happy Pride month to these two
#Norman Osborn#Green Goblin#Doctor Otto Octavius#Doctor Octopus#Doc Ock#Octogoblin#I finally got NWH Otto!#found him at a booth at the strawberry festival of all places#I'm even happier that I got to go there now#I wish they'd make a Rosie one so Otto can have his wife too but I don't think that's ever gonna happen :(#maybe I'll acquire the materials and skills to make one of her some day#shut up Blapis#This Post Gots Notes? (The Accidental Hall of Fame)
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#i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that i've had in my calendar for 2 months (almost 3)#and because i'm me i have been thinking and stressing about it for those 2 months (almost 3)#tomorrow is supposed to be over and i'll finally relax (for a bit cause i'll probably have to do blood work etc etc)#and now my mom put into my head that maybe (we don't know she's not sure) MAYBE the doc will have to like check me#and so i will have to remove clothing which i was so not prepeared for and i'm not sure what my reaction will be on the day#because that makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable... and like i get it you're going to the doctor it could happen but also?#i need to at least imagine it for a week i can't be told this THE DAY BEFORE#now i'm freaking the fuck out#and up until today my major anxiety was ''am i gonna ask the doc about starting t? or should i wait until she does the tests i need done#in case she turns out to be very transphobic and i have to drop her?''#like that was my biggest worry now i have like a million more#i hate this i hate my brain and i hate that i can't have ONE THING i need to do IN THE YEAR without going into panic mode for 3mths straigh#my brain is so fucking useless#angel talks#personal
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@crunchy-criss-1 do you fw marine biologist! kaoru???
(i SWEAR i told you ab this au before.)
#wait soooo basically#<- for everyone (except for criss(?))#this is another one of those non-idol! enstars aus rotting in the back in my brain. it's where kaoru follows in his mother's footsteps-#<- and becomes a marine biologist just like her !!#i'll draw/write some stuff ab this someday (maybe)#someone hold me back i have too many headcanons#oh wait#there was a fanfic idea i made based on this au#im looking at the doc rn and holy moly.#THERES SO MANY DABBLES IM CRYING#they're so fluffy and sweet and :(((#STOP. I NEED TO LOCK IN AND MAKE THIS A REAL THING#okay well homework first and THEN the au#shoutout to kaoru hakaze he ruined my life /pos#enstars#kaoru hakaze#enstars au
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the past two days, i've just been watching mukbangs
#brain off frfr#staring at a pretty girl eating a shit ton of food#there was this one girl i watched for a bit bc she had a cute dog but i couldn't handle her mic quality ;-;#i haven't even edited any chapters#i think i'll have to stick to one update a week =v=...#smh#i was hoping to get to two a week#i guess i could do a stable one a week and two ever other week#i can't even figure out the next arc#i vaguely know the ending at least but the two arcs between the middle and the end are making me wanna gouge my eyes out#a part of me is like well i can always go back to edit/rewrite it right#which is true#but the problem is my motivation...#i think if i just sat down and stared at the word doc for long enough i could do it#it just sucks bc after the previous arc things change so much...and i wanted to do a big time skip#i still want to do a big time skip#but at the same time i'm like#could i do a smaller time skip??#it adds to the slow burn...which i do like...#but then i'd have to break the major arc i had into a smaller piece?#which honestly might be better bc the first drafts of those arcs that i deleted felt way too rushed and i hated it
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wait. ok. hold on.
#i wonder if my struggling to focus on books is part of my struggle with focusing on visual things#i wonder if maybe i should have been listening to audiobooks all along#this changes the game ?#well. i'll have to experiment#also. just maybe. if i'm lucky. fixing my vision problems might make it easier to write descriptions and draw settings?#i've always said i wasn't a visual person and now it makes so much more sense#another interesting thing the doc said was that my brain showed signs of hyperactivity even though i don't present any at all#she posited that i might be channeling all that extra energy into making up for all the other shit my brain tries to pull#since i scored well on persistence#if we can fix this maybe i'll have energy#i love this doctor sm she's so confident that this is something she can fix#she talked about how important it is to her that she's able to help all her patients#that she put a lot of her own money into making sure her services are affordable#i am in good hands. i truly believe this.#dear diary#anyway if u have audiobook recs u can leave a comment :3
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i'm so fucking tired
#job hunting juggling various interviews & dreading committing to anything bc i'm not passionate about any of these positions#and yet i really really really need money so if a part time gig hires me i will Have to quit if i hear from a full time afterwards#& i WILL feel guilty abt it even though i have no respect for any of the part time jobs i applied to bc theyre all seasonal retail#AND. to make matters worse & me more stressed.#due to Life Things i got shunted onto a new insurance so i have to change everything over to the new system & figure all that out#& i can't keep seeing my amazing doc & i'm sad bc i wanted to get a referral from her for a top surgeon after i got the job thing sorted ou#so now i have to set up a new doc & transfer my records & hope the new one will fill my scrips bc she cant see me irl till february#& i was supposed to start meds for my newly diagnosed adhd last week but that's stuck somewhere in insurance limbo & idk when i'll get it#and if i get a job with benefits i have to do all this insurance shit AGAIN and i'm so stressed about the possibility of that#idk. manifest a good easy job with good benefits that i can tolerate if not enjoy for me or whatever.#hurgle hurgle
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tell me why i'm considering opening the doc and writing fanfiction during my lunch break. ON MY PHONE
#talking tag;#totp tag;#i've been meaning to make a tag for the fic so. there#ok if anyone is curious (probably not but like. i like talking about these things) i split the fic in sections in my head#so every ''kimberly finds her father in blah blah'' is a section and that's how i keep track of them#so chapter 1 had sections 1-3 and chapter 2 had sections 4-5#and chapter 3 will have sections 6-7. it has to. for structure reasons#but section 6 is a very important one and she's at like. 8.5k words at the moment???? and i still haven't gotten to the last scene#OF THE SECTION. THEN THERE'S ANOTHER SECTION#which should hopefully be shorter (around 5k or less is my guess) because fewer things happen but. god#we're looking at a 15+k word chapter. if you're reading the fic hopefully you like long chapters cause!!! it'll be a long one!!!!!#also i am once again pointing out that if you're reading the fic and have absolutely anything to say about it PLEASE tell me#i love talking about this fic she's my child that i created. she's like a clay sculpture to me#i do mean to reply to ao3 comments but i'm shy 😭😭😭😭 but i reread them all a billion times and cry about them every time#i'm still thinking about the lengend that dropped that page long comment on chapter one. king (gn) if you see this i love you#when i reply to comments yours will be first. know that you have me and nat's infinite love forever and always.#truly i hope you like it and cand find peace in it. lord knows we all need it#well. anyways! i think i might edit the doc i'll see
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What media THINKS women want: Big strong man reduced to VERY ill/injured for a woman to tenderly nurse back to health and they fall in love
What women REALLY want: Woman is VERY ill/injured and tenderly nursed back to health (with absolute care and no creepy dubcon nonsense) by a big strong man and they fall in love
#it's me. I'm women.#This post brought to you by s4 e7 of Rawhide. The Black Sheep#Like. Rowdy is NOT giving the spirit to caring for the unwell dude that I mean in this post but. It put this back into my brain#becaues he IS the kind of dumbass handsome beefcake I have in mind otherwise. If the dude was a cute lady he would give his HEART AND SOUL#to making her feel better ANY way he could. Tenderly make her soup and help her take the doc perscribed herbs#In all seriousness any romance books that have this and are decent I'm all ears 👀👀👀#Preferably one I can find at the library but Indie Authors are always great too!#in my minds eye this is ideally with a romanticized historically inaccurate cowboy/outlaw but uhhh I'll take other eras too#Also. Y'know. If there IS one with a more historically accurate cowboy I am EXTREMELY interested in that too 👀#kat gets personal#me
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Randomly had the idea to shift Chupacabras in my lore from "animal level" intelligence to "human level" intelligence...and then got lost down a rabbit hole of figuring out how that would change how they function 😅
EDIT:
I'm now putting together dedicated species lore pages on my toyhouse, so there's more information on these guys listed here!
#my art#my worldbuilding#worldbuilding#chupacabra#i feel like i should have more specific lore tags for the mythical creatures/cryptids in my original universe#hmmm lets go with#OGverse lore#OGverse humanoids#OGverse cryptids#and maybe i'll add more/change some depending on what else i post about the lore#which also! feel free to drop in my inbox and ask what certain mythical creatures/cryptids are like in my OGverse!#i have an entire lore doc with paragraphs upon paragraphs for every creature ive adapted into the world so far#and im actively adding more!#currently trying SO HARD to find a way to adapt mylings into the lore despite having stuck by my rule of#'no ghost creatures can exist' rule that i put in place a grand total of 8 years ago for my worldbuilding#bc goddamn being a myling would fit this one particular OC so well that now i cant imagine her as anything else#but? what would make mylings the exception??? how can mylings exist but not any other ghosts??? aaaaugh
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people still not realizing avellanos is the mannequin
#luvie.txt#made her page on personality db and realized i'm going to have to make her wiki page. the new docs also aren't uploaded yet. i'm so tired#i'm going to bed i'll worry about this tomorrow lol
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idk what's so embarrassing about talking of your ocs with your irls, it's like yea they are little guys living in my brain i'm sorry do i sound weird
#rena.txt#then i'll log on here and make a post that goes 'squeezing into a sugar cube fenix rn' and log off#like when my best friend asks me or tells me things about ves & nix i go like yea...👉👈 i like them...a bit...#the other day i asked my other bestie about a bunch of reasons that would make a psychologist get kicked out of the..how you all call it.#the register of psychologists? idk anyways i knew a bunch of reasons already but asked her bc she's in the field u know (she also very#funnily said uh...fucking with ur patients..that happens a loooot and i was like AKCJSKCKS YEA i was thinking of going with that) and like#a part of me was shaking and going pleaseeee don't ask me questions about this character how do i explain that i have a complex lore in my#brain of fictional creatures i call ocs. LIKE THE SHAME... IT'S TOO MUCH..i'm like yea it's nothing special :// (has 24 different docs#analysing 1 characteristic of 1 oc) like how do u survive that
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I feel like crying.
#dragon's stupid thoughts#today sucked#first that shit with the docs appointment - this happened already once before and I think it was the same receptionist and I think she#remembered last time too. fucking sucks TWICE AS MUCH#then my gold randomizer didn't want to work the way I wanted it to#the magmatoar in my fire type only brilliant diamond run disobeys me cuz it's traded#and the worst of all: my co intern at work#she makes me always feel so miserable#the way she's ''jokingly mocking'' me drives me crazy. and then she's always like ''omg. don't take everything so seriously ��😒🙄🙄''#*while playing minecraft* she: 'oooh i see your house! your house that's made out of wood! and i coincidentally have a flint stone with me!#and when I told her to stay away she got offended and told me i can't take a joke#i think this was yesterday#today she was telling the teen i was playing with to punch me so i fall down#previously (some weeks ago. the first ones of the internship even?) she told like every teen that we were playing with to attack and kill m#I've already mentioned the uno one once but. where she sets up rules which obviously malefit me specifically#if you ask ''whos turn is it'' you have to draw a punishment card#this rule just makes me say nothing anymore. fuck you. i won't say a thing every again.#i feel like an idiot because of her#i already have a low self esteem / confidence and then denying that my beanie hat add coolness to me (for me) just makes me feel awful#makes me feel like a clown#i feel like trash thanks to her. hope you're happy and found some joy in making fun of me. in ridiculing me.#i fucking hated today but heeeyyyy at least i started the comic!! joy..#[ETA:#all of this made me wish once again that I have some SO waiting for me at home. that they are excited and happy to see me.#then we'll drink hot chocolate together. on a couch getting all cozy with fluffy blankets. cuddling and snuggling. while I tell them about#my day. then I'll watch them play something. maybe animal crossing. and I'll be slowly falling asleep on their shoulder. then they'll lift#me up and carry me to my bed and tug me in. and like just in general make me feel loved and valued#is this too much to ask for#]
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boss went to the office sick last week, on a call she joked about how "she's gonna give it to all of us haha" now i am sick, most likely from her and joke's on her if I don't feel well tomorrow morning then I'll not work as is my legal right and she will have to deal with me not being there
#i like#KNEW it#when she was joking about this#I KNEW i was gonna catch something#now i feel a truck ran me over basically#i only have a low fever right now and hhnnggg i would feel bad calling in sick with 'only' a low fever but#i don't FEEL good and if I feel like that tomorrow then like i am not gonna be any use to anyone#and i would much prefer not getting anyone else sick unlike SOME PEOPLE#it is kinda funny tho because I have been worrying about maybe burn out danger#and tomorrow is my scheduled psychiatrist appointment anyways#and i was gonna maybe ask her to write me a sick note because of mental health reasons#(or at least ask if she thought it was justified)#if now i have early-ish stage burn out AND a cold /flu / probably Covid / whatever then at least calling in sick is twice as justified#or maybe - two half justifieds make one full justified?#I just hope if i still feel bad tomorrow morning i can have the psychiatrist appointment via phone or zoom or something#bc i do not want to have to travel to her it is a 3h round trip but that is the price i have to pay#to be seen by a doc who is not a psychopath#so many psychiatrists are just evil and she is the first of WAYYY too many (six not counting a few i only ever had one first apt with)#yeah anyways the only issue is there are a bunch of events this weekend i was really looking forward to#and i will legit cry if i have to miss them BECAUSE MY FUCKING BOSS WOULDN'T AT LEAST WORK ONLY FROM HOME if she didn't want to#take sick leave#like we have that option we can do almost everything without having to go to the office#i hate it here i wrote in my calender i would quit my job this thursday but i don't want to do that while i'm on sick leave yknow#well i'll figure it out ig
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(Mild DW Christmas 2023 Spoilers in tags)
#watched the latest xmas episode!!! it was fun I had fun. I like both ruby and 15 a lot and the older ladies BETTER show up again because#they were my favorite (to probably NOBODY'S surprise)#(<-both characters are VERY obviously being set up as recurring characters so yes I'll bet they show up again)#and I laughed a lot!!#and the discussion/parallels between ruby being adopted into a loving home vs the doc finding...uh.........Her™. that was GOOD SHIT#idk if I just have my Skepticism Glasses on but I WAS more focused on like...'oh that was a really good acting choice/oh that line delivery#was the most effective possible line delivery/that shift of expression was excellently-done and felt organic' instead of being#fully immersed in the story? I was very much like 'I am watching a story' and being...aware? of Me Watching A Story?#as opposed to like...getting fully lost in the episode to the point where it felt like I was THERE WITH the characters. if that makes sense#and idk if that was just me side-eyeing russell as a defense mechanism (because he has to prove to me that he's not going to#retread the same ground for the 50 millionth time. and that he's not going to be Weird™ about the fact that the doc is currently a moc)#or if I was supremely Out Of It™ or if that says something about the actual WRITING of the episode but it's unusual enough for me#that I thought it was worth mentioning#I have some other like...Preliminary Thoughts™ but I feel like it wouldn't be fair to put them out there when there's only one full episode#with these characters. so I'll see if anything changes before I talk about them.#I WAS disappointed she didn't ask The Question at the very end of the episode though.#but the most IMPORTANT takeaway. is that the lady they got to sing the Musical Number actually knows how to healthily sing#(<-see the first word in my url lmao)
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Can't sleep, once again thinking about how I used to be paranoid about anyone so much as glimpsing my writing before it was finished and how now I will straight drop unfinished Google docs on friends at like midnight and not freak out
#nothing makes me happier than actually having something for wip wednesday#it took 14 years to finally be free#and i owe it to blabbing about how i wrote cars fanfic to bellsa when i joined an erasermic discord in 2020#i still had the Anxiety then and yet when encouraged to share my unfinished mic's bullshit life doc with them i did#as you can tell it paid off#it didn't completley break that fear but it was an incredible start#ANYWAYS I NEED TO GO TO BED NOW I HAVE MY ACTUAL JOB TO WAKE UP FOR#which probably explains why i feel ill because i have to wake up and go to work and do sports jobs#which i hate#maybe i'll walk into my dumb bitch lead's office and flip her desk instead of taking the envelopes like a Good Worker#sorry for the suddencrant i'm sick and tired
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uh oh, the filler coverage is talking about cr.icketing families & the child surpassing the parent & i am once more being so normal about the whole braithwaite legacy & penny and tom (and their dad, who always gets overshadowed)
#tbd.#ooc.#i KNOW they make a big to-do about tom retiring after his injury#waxing poetic about carrying the legacy of tommy braithwaite#talking about how of course he'd be a great player when he has a man like that teaching him as a kid#(penny gets a brief mention - probably as an 'and ofc his dad also must have taught him; as he taught penny as well')#and i do just think abt the family legacy & how differently people interact with it wrt penny and tom#w/ tom it's expected; it's a natural progression and he was never going to be anything but a stunning player#but penny's been fighting every day of her life to have a right to that legacy#extra indulgent but when they make a doc about the power siblings then you'll see!! YOU'LL ALL SEE!!!!#anyway when penny becomes one of the world's best players and she does it all w/o a lick of help from tommy#it's her dad and a list of women a mile long & 'well i always wanted to be the next c.harlotte e.dwards didn't i?'#i'll write a proper post abt this one day .
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