#previously (some weeks ago. the first ones of the internship even?) she told like every teen that we were playing with to attack and kill m

[darkdragon768]

I feel like crying.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 248: Internships II: THE MENTORING

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor asked Deku and Kacchan to give him the rundown on their character arcs, and Izuku said that he was trying to master his new definitely-not-a-second-quirk quirk, while Katsuki explained that he was trying to find “what he lacks” because he is going for 100% completion in his redemption arc and will accept nothing less! Gotta finish all those sidequests! Anyway so Endeavor was surprisingly into the whole mentoring thing for both of them, but then his own son was all “dad I’ve got something to say too” and Endeavor was like “oh shit” and Shouto was like “I still don’t like you as a person or a father and I only came here to learn flashfire from you!” and fandom was like “HOLY SHIT RIP THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY” and Shouto was like “YEAH I KNOW THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM.” Anyways then they went on a walk, and Endeavor told the boys to try and take down a villain faster than him before the end of the winter break.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor and the Rowdyruff Boys take to the streets and fight some crime. Endeavor spends a lot of time giving the youths advice about how not to be so fucking slow, and even though he’s a bit of an ass about it, he makes some strong points about how a split second can mean the difference between life and death in a hero’s line of work. Anyway so he tells Shouto and Kacchan to work on storing up their power and releasing it all at once, and he tells Deku to work on making his Air Force as automatic as his Full Cowl is. They all sit around and munch on some bread, Deku does a bit of monologuing, and then we cut to ONE WEEK LATER and FUYUMI WANTS TO INVITE ALL THREE OF THE BOYS TO A FAMILY DINNER!? Motherfucker why does the last fucking panel have more exciting content than the rest of the chapter combined. Well anyways, at least we’ve got that to look forward to.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

YESSSS IT’S MY GIRLS

is this a new dragon form for Ryuukyuu? it seems like something in between her big ol’ Smaug form and her human form? or maybe this is just forced perspective making her seem smaller than she actually is here. anyways she kicks ass as always and still want to see her breathe some fire

I just realized everyone on this team can fly? except maybe Hadou? but I seem to recall her hovering over some bad guys when using her powers a while back though. I really don’t remember much about her quirk; I’m glad the anime will be getting up to that soon, because actually seeing it in motion will probably help it to stick more in my memory

(ETA: she can release her shockwaves from her feet to levitate! everyone on this team can fly confirmed! well Tsuyu can’t, but her quirk is basically an offshoot Spider-Man brand so it’s close enough.)

moving on! looks like we’re getting some DEKU INNER MONOLOGUE

okay, several things that I like about this before we continue:

look how fucking comic-booky this is. the main character parkouring through the city streets, thinking Deep Thoughts in square boxes? pretty sure this is the first page of every single comic book ever made and I LOVE IT

that metaphor about learning to walk when everyone else was already focused on where they were going to run. god I love me a good metaphor. though Deku, you were technically 15 when All Might actually gave you the quirk. that’s not on you though, that’s on Horikoshi who I’m sure has already realized the error by this point and is probably kicking himself and will write a 10,000 word apology in the volume omake

the fact that SIXQUIRKS!! IS FINALLY BEING ACKNOWLEDGED AS A THING AGAIN OMG. I’ve only waited like 5 million years for more of this, so pardon me if I lose my fucking shit depending on where this is all headed. omg. this stupid manga

anyway!

they seem to have stumbled upon a game of Mario Kart in progress. at least I’m pretty sure this is a Mario Kart character. actually it might be Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog

so now Endeavor is MERCILESSLY CUTTING OFF HIS PATH WITH A WALL OF FLAME forcing him to abandon his bike if he doesn’t want to die a fiery death!

Endeavor truly does not give a fuck! not that All Might was any better, punching huge dents in the hoods of cars and shit. the moral of this story is, don’t be a villain. just don’t. because the number one heroes will fuck you uuuuuuup

now Endeavor is yawning and looking over his shoulder at Kacchan and Deku all, “oh you guys were there too?” but not really but basically though

(ETA: oh my god I just noticed the “hit-and-runner” part. have the people in this town never heard of brakes? do they know that red means stop?? also does Endeavor really spend the majority of his day just flying around dealing with traffic violations. I guess technically it’s still New Year’s, so it’s probably a slow day and also everyone is probably drunk.)

god you kids are so slow. it’s because you’re on that social media all the time! and watching all that MTV. kids these days don’t play outside in the fresh air anymore! back in my day!! anyways tough luck you young whippersnappers

Kacchan is grumping that he’s at a disadvantage because of the temperature. I forgot all about that

hey Kacchan I think your best friend has something he wants to tell you there

loool

OF COURSE HE REALIZED but uh, go ahead and spill it anyway if you want. but he definitely did realize. whatever it is that you’re about to tell him

so Shouto says that Endeavor is propelling himself by shooting flames from his feet, and that it’s probably a compressed version of the “jet burn” technique he used in Kyushu. you know, the one he used to fly, and Hawks was all “Endeavor you can fly!?” and Endeavor was all “this isn’t flying, this is falling with style” and we all rolled our eyes

anyway guys. if this is the beginning of Shouto finally learning to fly as well, I will get up and do some kind of happy dance, I don’t even know. do you even know how long I’ve wanted this. PLEASE

lol so Kacchan is all “okay I actually did know that, are you telling me you only just figured that out now” aaaaand yeah. I wasn’t gonna say it, but. Shouto how many times did you sit there and watch Endeavor blast off before you finally said “oh my GOD he’s BLASTING OFF!” sob. IT’S ALL THAT MTV AND AVOCADO TOAST! that noise isn’t even real music! get off your phone and have an actual conversation!

Shouto is so handsome and so good at accepting criticism. what an all-star. please start flying around soon my little Canadian flag

so now Endeavor is blasting off again and sassily hinting at which direction he’s flying off to next. “there’s a major street in that direction”

so now they’re taking off after him

that’s an interesting way of saying that he’s setting the whole town on fire. how do the people in Endeavor’s territory all manage with their daily commute? “almost there boss be there in five... oh hold up... Main Street’s blocked off by a raging inferno, I’ll call you back”

Endeavor says that heroes must be able to do “anything and everything” on their own, which is a curious thing to say in this manga which has time and time again made a point of demonstrating how teamwork gets the job done! I’m not sure I agree with this, Endeavor!

though I guess he just means they need to be able to handle it all if necessary. but I mean, sometimes that’s just not possible. using his own example of Kyushu, there’s no way he would have been able to handle the Hijinks Noumu while protecting all the citizens and fighting off all the other cannon fodder noumus all at the same time. I’m not even sure All Might would have been able to do that. maybe this is an example of how Endeavor still doesn’t have all of this hero stuff figured out yet

lol oh my god

Endeavor that was like four chapters ago, why are you only now bringing this up. act your age

OH SNAP GUYS HE’S MENTORING BAKUGOU. AND BY MENTORING I MEAN PICKING A FIGHT OH MY GOD

DON’T MIND ME I’M JUST WATCHING THIS OLD GRUMP TEACH THIS NEW YOUNG UPSTART JUST LIKE TOMMY LEE JONES IN MEN IN BLACK OMGGGG

so Kacchan is again saying that he needs more time in the winter, but like. Kacchan that’s not like you to make excuses. are you just going to hibernate for three months out of every year and only save people when it’s warm out?? or what

and Endeavor’s saying the same thing

oh shit y’all he’s getting real with them now

oh shit

by the way how fucking dangerous is this town, jesus. supposing that Endeavor wasn’t out here on patrol, what would be the daily casualty rate? first we had that glass guy rampaging downtown earlier, then that motorcyle guy who probably hit a dozen people, and now Tommy and Gina here nearly get run over by a speeding truck. what is this, Gotham City

anyway now Endeavor is saying TodoBaku rights so I’ll shut up

BECAUSE SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME KACCHAN THAT’S WHY! now hush!!

Shouto’s asking if this is related to him learning flashfire, because lest we forget, he’s here for ONE REASON and ONE REASON ONLY lol

so Endeavor says the two of them have to learn how to store up their energy and release it, and how to “condense” their power

you guys I am super hyped about this. not only because BEST FRIENDS PART TWO: THE FRIENDENING!!, but also because this will be the first time Kacchan has gotten a physical power-up in like, ever. (well, AP Shot I guess, but shh.) if he and Shouto are not both flying by the end of this arc then what even is the point!

anyway so Endeavor’s telling them all this technical shit about what to do, blah blah blah, but the short version is they need to be able to go from zero to sixty instantaneously, and release all the stored-up firepower focused into one single point, and to practice doing that until it’s second nature to them

omfg Deku’s so excited

BECAUSE HE HEARTS YOU KACCHAN lol this isn’t anything new, don’t be so shocked. ACCEPT HIS LOVE

though come to think, that really is impressive even for Deku that he knows about that particular technique, because Kacchan created AP Shot back when Deku was supposed to be developing his own ENTIRELY NEW FIGHTING STYLE, which you would think wouldn’t have left him with much time to spare to also keep tabs on his rival and write down his every move. so is his Big Hero Brain just that good, or is this chapter also promoting BakuDeku rights in addition to TodoBaku rights? you decide! but you already know which one I think it is lol

so now Endeavor is giving some bonus mentoring to Shouto

(ETA: why is Kacchan the only one who actually eats his lunch sitting down. these weirdos.)

you guys I love Shouto so much but does he really need it broken down for him to this degree? “son, you know all the things you do to control your right side? try doing those things to control your left.” Shouto: “!!!!” all those video games and participation trophies have fried his brain! too much Instagram! this new generation is going to the dogs

now Endeavor is turning his attention to Deku! but I’m more focused on the fact that they’re eating lunch, because my priorities are just like that

like lol, check out this panel of Deku talking with his mouth full

whole chapter was worth it just for this. boy you’re gonna get crumbs all over your super suit

Endeavor’s asking if Deku can raise his power level subconsciously, and he says he can for Full Cowl, but not for Air Force

so he says the first thing Deku should do is learn to control Air Force subconsciously, and forget about the Bloop for now

and Deku is all “what about parallel thinking” but more importantly, LOOK AT THIS

CAN I JUST GET A WHOLE CHAPTER OF EVERYONE EATING BREAD. LOOK AT THOSE CHUBBY CHEEKS. THIS IS AMAZING

Endeavor says a big part of parallel thinking is being able to do it without consciously thinking about it, and damn he’s right

IT’S ALL ABOUT THAT INSTINCT! also how does he know the man is yawning? you can see him from up there?? DOES HE JUST KNOW EVERYTHING

and he says that once Deku can do two things at once subconsciously, he just needs to add one more thing. damn, he really managed to break it down so that even this chronic overanalyzer can understand the concept

practice, practice, practice until it’s second nature. solid fucking advice

hey everyone Kacchan is still eating. just a PSA

that’s one for the family album. my handsome boy

okay like. it’s a nice speech, but we get it already dude. you can stop talking now and we can move on to something new

so then there’s some more Deku monologuing, pretty much the same stuff he was saying at the start of the chapter, and then Endeavor hits us with this little bait and switch gem

like, the first part sounded almost comforting, and then PSYCH!!!! but I guess he’s just trying to get them all fired up

(ETA: and like, just a few chapters ago we established how the success of these three kids is actually CRITICAL TO THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD, APPARENTLY. so yeah this is a total bluff. deep down he’s actually sweating and thinking “holy shit they better not fail.”)

and Deku’s finishing up his monologue by saying his maximum speed is doing things one by one. well that’s fine. so now will there finally be a segue?

YAYYYY

OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!!

are we gonna finally get into that TODODRAMA I have my popcorn ready to go!

lmao “and he’s even got friends with him, right?!” ah Fuyu you are the best. she’s so happy Shouto has finally found himself some good pals

OH MY GODDDDDD

HEY WHAT THE FUCK!!!

YOU SON OF A BITCH!! TWO THIRTEEN PAGE CHAPTERS IN A ROW, AND YOU FUCKING END WITH “NEXT TIME, IT’S A TODOBAKUDEKU DINNER AT THE HOUSE OF DRAMA!” AND THEN YOU HIT US WITH THIS. NEXT TIME I’LL JUST HAND YOU A KNIFE AND YOU CAN JUST STAB ME DIRECTLY IN THE CHEST TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU, YOU BASTARD. WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR THESE NEXT TWO WEEKS WHILE I WAIT FOR THIS CHAPTER OF EVERYONE SITTING AROUND AND EATING BREAD WHILE FUYU PRESUMABLY TELLS THEM THE STORY OF “THERE ACTUALLY USED TO BE A FOURTH KID BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE BUT WE WILL NOW!” BECAUSE THEY GODDAMN BETTER

sob. this chapter was basically just a thirteen page trailer for the real meat of this arc. some nice mentoring did occur, I’ll give them that, and I very much enjoyed it. but I’m tired of feeling like we’re just treading water waiting to get to the next big thing! surely all of the set-up is finally done now, right? everyone has their goals established now, we’ve had a mini-time-jump and school is about to start again, and we’ve done our preliminary testing of all of the TodoBakuDeku dynamics and confirmed that all components are firing on all cylinders. basically what I’m saying is we are good to go! ready to get off of this bench! GO AHEAD AND PUT US IN, COACH

anyway guys so here’s a list of what I want to happen at this dinner:

Shouto being all “this is my sister Fuyumi” and Kacchan and Deku being all “COME AGAIN?” because they legitimately thought he was an only child

Fuyu chuckling about how Kacchan reminds her of her dad, and both Kacchan and Endeavor being grossly offended by this

Deku and Kacchan spotting a family photo on the mantel, and Shouto explaining “yeah, that’s my mom, and my brother Natsuo... AND... MY OTHER BROTHER, TOUYA” and then the camera rapid-fire pans to Fuyu and Endeavor and Shouto’s SUPER AWKWARD EXPRESSIONS, before ZOOMING IN ON THE PHOTO OF TOUYA, AND BOY DOES HE LOOK FAMILIAR OH MY GOODNESS

Deku and Kacchan eyeing each other all “holy shit wtf did we get ourselves into” as it begins to dawn on them that they wouldn’t have enough time to unpack all of this even if they had an entire crew of movers on the job. not even Marie Kondo could clean all this shit up. GOOD FUCKING LUCK BOYS

so yeah! lots to look forward to! so I’ll try and be patient. at least we’ve got the anime to keep us all occupied. who’d’ve thought the Basement arc would one day be our salvation. life sure is funny

[idea-garden]

oneshot #7 - dirty bathroom fuck - pt.2 | @minseoks-personal-trashcan

pt. 1 | pt. 2

Baekhyun/OC

Sequel to a request from @minseoks-personal-trashcan​

Written by @idea-garden​

This has been requested since I posted the first part, and we all know that was forever ago...

SMUT / 18+ / car sex / angry sex? / public sex / oral / orgasm denial / dirty talk / d/s / bdsm

3,800 words

SooRi left for a six-month internship. SooRi will never leave Baekhyun again...

If you like this like it, reblog it, and follow me!

This is trash.

ALL PROMPTS | SMUT PROMPTS | RULES | ASK | MY WRITING

SooRi stood outside her apartment door waiting for her rideshare to pick her up. The cool autumn breeze had picked up some and it made her shiver slightly in her nude bodycon dress. Finally, her ride came, the car’s lights cutting the dark sky. Collecting herself in the car, she gave the address, then sat back to observe the scenes outside the window. Everything she passed by looked so foreign and so familiar at the same time. Each place holding a different memory, giving her both nostalgia and nausea.

After a slow cruise, she reached her destination. It was her favorite restaurant. Ugh. She missed this place. She turned her eyes up at the bright place, took a breath, and slapped a few crumpled bills in her driver’s hand.

SooRi couldn’t believe it’d only been six months since she was last home. It felt good to be back. Of course, there was no place like home.

The fine dining establishment was set for dinner. Its floor-to-ceiling windows giving a beautiful view of the harbor. The decor was set in warm lighting. Cream carpet, cream chairs, off-white tablecloths, and various shades of gardenias were just a few aesthetic notes she observed.

This place was fancy. Too fancy. But, since she wasn’t buying, she had no issue eating there.

--

SooRi stood at the front of the restaurant, only waiting for a brief second before a hostess in a cute cocktail dress appeared before her. They exchanged brief smiles, as the hostess asked for a name. The restaurant was so exclusive that you could only eat there by reservation only. Apparently, according to her friend, you had to book at least six weeks in advance. SooRi appreciated the gesture. She was never one to want a big fuss to be made over her, but she had to admit it felt pretty great to be in the middle of the fanfare.

She stood for a second as the hostess scanned the seating chart, then guided her to a semi-private table set for six. Menus and neatly folded napkins were sitting on white plates that covered gold chargers. The hostess pulled out her chair and wished her a pleasant dining experience.

She was the first one to arrive to her own welcome back dinner. Typical--considering her immediate friend group. Jessi and Junmyeon were either doting on each other or having car sex in the parking lot. SooRi was convinced that Jongin and Chanyeol didn’t even know how to tell time. And Baekhyun… well he didn’t give a shit about anyone’s time except his own.

SooRi pulled out her phone, shooting a text to Jessi and noting the time. She was a little early, so she wasn't too irked. A response returned within two minutes. Her friend was on her way there--delayed traffic. SooRi told her it was no problem. She had the aching suspicion she and Junmyeon were definitely fucking in the car. However, SooRi knew her friend would never intentionally keep her waiting.

After about ten minutes, she saw Jessi and Junmyeon in lockstep carrying balloons and what looked like a neatly wrapped gift. Jessi passed her things to her boyfriend and enveloped SooRi in a tight hug.

"I missed you so much! I'm so glad you're back!" The pair teetered side to side as the hug continued.

SooRi had to chuckle, they talked every single day of her absence. There was a good chance Jessi knew more about her day than she did, but nonetheless it felt great to see familiar faces again.

"I'm glad to be back! It's good to be back with friends again."

Just as the words left her lips, Jongin walked up with Chanyeol in tow.

"There are my boys," SooRi pulled them in one after the other.

She noticed them dropping off little gift bags where Junmyeon had been previously.

"Have a seat guys! I guess we can get started," SooRi urged them to get comfortable.

She looked around the table with a smile, until her eyes rested on the empty seat.

SooRi knew she shouldn't have expected much from him, but she still wanted to see him.

"Where's Baek?"

"He just messaged me. He's on his way. He wanted us to start without him." Junmyeon reassured her.

He was probably still upset with her. She knew he had every right to be, but being on the receiving end of a cold shoulder was never pleasant.

--

The group eventually ordered their beverages and a palate cleanser. Meanwhile, Baekhyun sat in his car, deliberating whether or not he was ready to see her.

His thumbs twisted around the key fob as he was deep in thought.

She left him. She left him without a word. He didn't owe her anything, and she didn't owe him anything, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss her.

"Fuck it. I'm here now." Baekhyun slammed his car door on the way out, pissed he missed her as much as he did.

He spent no time waiting for the hostess to lead him to the table. He walked through with a confident stride. Dressed in fitted black jeans and a navy button down. The shirt, top two buttons open, gave a sinful hint of the body underneath.

In true Baekhyun fashion, he greeted the table with an off-handed comment before plopping down in the only empty seat.

Of course, it was the seat in front of her.

SooRi's mouth nearly went dry when she saw him. She hadn't seen him in six full months. Sure, she'd been stalking his Instagram, but nothing compared to the real thing.

Involuntarily, she clutched her dainty, gold necklace, rubbing it--most likely praying for the strength to make it through this dinner without crawling across the table to get on top of him.

He gave a smirk and reached across to her wine glass, taking a sip from it, daring her to react to him. He was truly a piece of work.

‘Lord, give me strength,' she mused as a strong breath filtered through her nose.

--

Drinks were scattered around the table and appetizers were spread and half-eaten.

“So, did you meet any cute guys during your internship?” Jessi snickered.

“Yeah, SooRi. Did you fuck them until they wanted to stick around, then hop on the next flight out of there?” Baekhyun grit his teeth under an annoyed stare in her direction.

“Baek, chill out!” Jongin rested a hand on his shoulder, while Baekhyun took a sip of his alcoholic beverage.

He was going to need to get drunk to make it through this damn thing.

“No, I didn’t have to do that. It turns out that most men are mature. They are upfront about what they want and don’t play games, then pout when they don’t get their way.”

“Now that I think about it, having you stay with a man is punishment enough. Perhaps, you’re doing us all a favor when you run away.” Baekhyun slammed his glass down to punctuate his malcontent.

“I think this is a good time for dessert.” Chanyeol piped up.

“God Chanyeol. We haven’t even had our entrees.” Junmyeon murmured under his breath.

“Well, it’s a better suggestion than watching a fucking cage match at our table!”

No one could argue with that.

“Let’s all cut Baekhyun a break. It’s difficult for us to see things from his perspective, because none of us can get our heads that far up our own asses.” SooRi winked at him and Baekhyun rolled his eyes damn near out of his skull.

“You just don’t know how much I’ve missed you, SooRi, “Jessi smirked at her boyfriend before the rest of the group had a hearty laugh at poor Baekhyun’s expense.

--

Before long, the main meals had come and gone. Now, the group sat around trading stories to catch each other up on the happenings of their life over dessert.

"I'm so glad to be back. I just want to settle into my old routine again."

Baekhyun scoffed, partly in disbelief.

"Which part of your routine? The part where you beg me to fuck you in every position known to man? Or the part where you act like you aren't interested in us being 'us'?"

Eyebrows shot up around the table. This was news.

SooRi cast her head down. This was one of the few times in her life she wasn't feeling too combative. Normally, she would've ripped Baekhyun a new asshole, or exsanguinated him with words sharper than knives, but not tonight.

"What's the matter, SooRi? You still haven't told them about us keeping up fuck buddy-status since Jongin's party?"

That cheeky bastard beamed at the chance to put her in her place in front of everyone.

"You know, just because your parents never gave you hugs as a kid, doesn't excuse you from being a complete ass." SooRi didn't want him to think she cared about anything he had to say, but enough was enough.

She took a deep breath, then sighed. "I'm sorry guys. I don't think I can stay here any longer." SooRi stood, reaching for her purse and phone.

"Don't leave your welcome back party! We'll kick Baekhyun's sorry ass out of here," Chanyeol snickered and stuck his tongue out.

"You're the best, Yeol. It's getting late anyway, and we've had such a nice time. I'd hate to ruin the night with an attempted murder charge."

--

SooRi hugged her friends one last time, before she departed. Her heels clicked with a soft echo in the concrete parking lot. She tapped her foot out front, waiting for her rideshare.

A strong hand gripped her waist without warning.

"You've got a lot nerve, walking out on me like that."

"I don't know if you were at the same dinner that I was, but you were the one acting all butt-hurt."

"When the going gets tough, SooRi gets going." Baekhyun shrugged, "If you want to get home you might as well let me take you. I canceled your ride. You're still on my account, remember?"

SooRi glared at him, fighting her instinct to curse him out.

"You'd have better luck asking Carmen Sandiego where in the world you lost your damn mind!"

"Get in the fucking car, SooRi. Let me take you home."

--

The tension was palpable as they rode in silence. Baekhyun cut his eyes over her frame. She looked amazing, as always. Since he'd had her, there was no one else he wanted.

"It killed me when you left." He spoke never looking in her direction.

"W-What?" SooRi tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You just left me. I thought that we were, kind of, building something. Then, I find out through Instagram that you're on your way to New York for an internship."

"You always knew I had to go...," SooRi trailed off in a whisper.

Baekhyun's fingers tightened around the steering wheel, knuckles white and fully-flexed.

"That is not the point, dammit! You can't make people fall for you, then just leave them high and dry!"

SooRi's eyes widened, mouth partly agape, a series of questions ready to flow from her brain to her lips.

"Baekhyun-- W-Where are you going?!" She watched as he peeled off the path to her home and down some dark street.

Both of their bodies lurched forward as he came to a stop in the desolate alleyway. Putting the car in park, he turned to SooRi with a dark glint in his eyes.

"I wish I could get you out of my mind. I wish I could hate you."

--

Baekhyun pressed his lips against SooRi's, gently at first, gradually his force increased. She weakly tried to push him off, but she missed the feeling. His tone arm pulled her closer to him, SooRi's side digging into the center console.

"Ouch! Not so rough!" SooRi shifted uncomfortably around the console and his unrelenting grip.

"I think that's the least of your problems tonight, SooRi-ah. Someone needs to teach you some manners. It's not polite to leave your boyfriend without so much as a word."

"Boyfriend? Really, Baek?"

His hands grabbed her hips as best they could. "Ah, ah, ah! Tonight, I think you should address me as 'Sir,' don't you think? I am teaching you a very important lesson. Now, crawl into my lap, baby girl."

Against her better judgement, she shifted over his lap, "I bet you've missed this, huh?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Baekhyun."

He took no time to swat her ass quickly a few times. "What did I tell you to address me as?"

"...Sir...," SooRi looked off to the side. She'd be damned if she was going to make eye contact. Besides, she already knew he had a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Good girl. Lift up your dress."

Baekhyun watched as she wriggled around to lift her dress around her waist. He eyed the microscopic piece of fabric that was her lacy, white thong. His tongue slithered out from between his lips, eager to have and taste her.

She gnawed on her bottom lip in anticipation. She could feel his fingers ghosting over her entrance, before a cool gust of air hit her skin. He clenched his teeth, snapping the panties at the waistband.

SooRi glowered down at him, but stifled a moan when he shoved the underwear in his pocket.

"Looks like someone missed me, too," he dipped two fingers inside SooRi, while his thumb massaged her clit. "How thoughtful of you to keep it nice and wet for me."

She released a hoarse, needy groan at his delicate touch. He always knew which button to press to keep her reeling.

"Feel good, sweet girl?"

She nodded erratically, bucking her hips up to meet his fingers. "Uh huh. Y-Yes, Sir."

His digits quickened as they curled to tease her g-spot. Baekhyun was quite amused watching her face contort in a mixture of pleasure and discomfort. Her shallow moans broke up the silence between her delicious wet sounds and the leather squeaking against their active bodies.

Baekhyun slapped SooRi's inner thighs when her hip rolling became too eager. "There is so much more fun to have, baby."

"I'm close, Sir." Her nails dug into his shoulders, body twisting as her orgasm neared.

Her whimpers were the sweetest music to his ears. He could feel her warmth pulsing around his fingers.

As she found herself teetering dangerously on the edge, Baekhyun withdrew his fingers, opting to taste her.

She whined, watching him savor her unique flavor, "Put them back, please...Sir. I want to cum on your fingers."

"This wouldn't be much of a lesson, without some form of punishment."

Wiping his wet fingers on SooRi’s inner thighs, Baekhyun gripped her face in a deep kiss. Their tongues danced around in desperation for one another. Mouths still connected, he tugged at the thin straps of her dress, all too impatient for it to come off.

SooRi wriggled out of the top half of the dress, rolling it to the middle of her stomach where the rest of the dress was. Baekhyun’s tongue dragged a fiery trail down her neck to her uncovered breasts.

His tongue flicked at her nipples, before he alternated with a light suctioning pressure. He pulled the soft skin through his teeth, gently biting her and leaving her chest covered in maroon bruises.

SooRi tangled her fingers in his hair, head dropped back and body still tense with the desire to cum.

“Unzip my pants,” Baekhyun smirked at her attempts to grind against him for any kind of sensation.

She didn’t have to be told twice.

In a matter of seconds, Baekhyun’s dick was stiffening in SooRi’s manicured hand.

“Go ahead, princess. Ride me.”

She lined him up with her entrance and sank down with a satisfying sigh. He filled her up so nicely. She fit around him like a glove.

SooRi wrapped her arms around the driver’s headrest, slapping her hips up and down wildly. Baekhyun broke up the monotonous sound with a few sharp ass slaps.

Kneading the tender flesh, he grunted, “Damn, I’ve missed this ass.”

SooRi leaned back to roll her hips, narrowly missing the horn. Her knees dug into the soft leather around Baekhyun, frustrated by the lack of space. His hands ran up the sides of her waist and settled on her bruised tits.

Palming them roughly, she mewled as he rolled her nipples between his fingers. She hissed watching him pinch and tweak the hard nubs.

He pulled on her nipples as if they were the reins of a horse--tugging them mercilessly enjoying her whinnies for release. When he felt he'd done enough, he closed a broad hand around her throat.

"I'm about to--," she was barely able to breath out.

They were both well aware of the fact that whenever his hands clasped around her throat, she would be drenched. It was like she was straddling Niagara Falls.

"Not yet," Baekhyun swiftly opened his door and scooped her off of his length.

--

She wobbled to find her footing as she stood right outside the car--totally exposed.

"Baekhyun, what the fuck?!" She tried to shield her nude form and scurry to the passenger's seat, only for Baekhyun to stop her in her tracks.

"That's 'Sir,' to you. But, since you want to be a mouthy little slut, I'll give you something productive to do with your mouth."

Baekhyun eyes gleamed darkly as he stared her down. He towered over her to drop his jeans more comfortably, before resuming his seated position.

"Let's see those pretty lips on my dick, hmm?" Baekhyun blew a kiss in her direction, meanwhile SooRi returned the evil eye.

If she felt that her knees were in an uncomfortable position in the car, the cold asphalt was certainly no improvement.

SooRi kneeled and looked up to him, teeth gritting as she gripped him at the base of his cock. Her hands glided up and down his glistening shaft, pumping him faster and faster.

She swiped his tip quickly, cleaning a clear drop of precum. Her tongue drug a sloppy trail up from his balls to the tip, before swirling around the head.

SooRi shivered at the cool, night air, smirking at the thought of being so naughty. The lonely, flickering street light cast a shadow over the pair. The sounds and faint lights of cars moving on the highway made them very aware of their daring deed.

Baekhyun sucked in a jagged breath as her warm mouth worked its magic. He stroked her curly hair with great care, easing her down on his needy, aching member.

His voice strained as she expertly handled his girth. She always knew exactly what he needed in exactly the right moment. It wasn't long before he had her lips motioning at the base of his member.

"Fuck, baby...," he eked out with a clenched jaw.

After a few muffled gags, SooRi bobbed up for much-needed air. She lapped at the new precum leaking from his head. She eyed him with sliver of rebellion, as her hands pumped him faster and faster. One hand massaged his balls, while she tongued his tip.

"Is it good, Sir?" She'd picked up his signature smirk with no practice.

Baekhyun lifted SooRi from his length by her chin, "Ah, ah, ah. I want to pump that pretty pussy full of cum."

Her cheeks turned a bright shade of red as she stood in front of him, lips glistening in the brief flashes of light.

"You think if I put a baby in that tight little stomach, you'll have a reason to stay with me?" He whispered roughly in her ear.

She nearly lost her breath at the new side he was revealing.

He stood up, leading her to the hood of the car with one hand and holding his pants to help his waddle with the other.

When he found a comfortable spot, he cupped his hands under her ass, lifting her on the hood of his sedan.

She landed with a soft thud, tensing at the cold metal beneath her.

"Spread those legs, baby," he took a few seconds to kiss her inner thighs and pass his tongue over her slick opening.

Baekhyun lined his shaft up to her entrance, rubbing her clit with his thumb and parting her wetness with his tip.

"Mmmmm, don't tease," SooRi panted, hips moving at the slightest sensation.

Her body was on fire and no amount of air could cool her down. She needed release and wouldn't be denied. Not this time, anyway.

He pecked her lips, pulling her bottom lip through his teeth, just the way she liked it. Within a moment, he shoved hard and pushed his entire length into her in one thrust, holding her hips to pull her against him.

"You. Never. Fucking. Leave. Me. Again. Got it?!" He blew through his teeth, each thrust more powerful than the last.

It was her turn to grunt, grit, and moan, feeling his length tunnel into her. His thickness stretched her more than she remembered. She dug her hands into the hood of the car, frustrated that there was nothing to grab and hold onto for dear life. SooRi felt like she was losing her grip--not only on Baekhyun’s car, but reality--as he started moving, drawing back, and thrusting his length into her again and again.

"Oh, fuck! Keep fucking me like this, Sir! I'll never leave you again, Baekhyun!"

His mouth dried before a broad grin covered his features, "Learned your lesson so soon?"

SooRi could barely respond when her eyes shut tightly, riding the wave of pleasure flowing through her body. An onlooker would have described her as possessed, the way she writhed, convulsed, and shuddered. She rocked back and forth, still sliding on his dick, moaning unintelligible, incoherent strings of words.

The rocking BMW didn't have much of a chance to still as Baekhyun tipped over the edge. He felt his balls contract up towards his body, anticipating the muscle contractions start that would send him cumming inside her, and he grabbed her hips with both hands again to pull her back into him.

The spasms lasted for what seemed like forever in those moments of release. He bucked into her erratically as his ejaculation subsided, slowly coming down from the high.

--

Baekhyun rested inside her for a few minutes, before slipping out, gradually softening while SooRi adjusted her dress.

He pulled his pants up and hopped back in the driver's seat, waiting for SooRi.

When she closed the door behind her, they buckled up and peeled out of the alleyway.

"Maybe, I should leave more often?" SooRi winked as they headed to her place.

"Maybe, you need another lesson?" Baekhyun gripped her thigh, as he sped off into the distance.

Idea Garden is a writing prompts blog. We focus mainly on smut prompts, however, our prompts do span genres.

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[parkersharthook]

All My Sides Ch. 3

(Peter Parker x female!reader)

warnings: tension, stupid decisions, kidnapping

3.5k+ words

Ch 2

“Spider-man… I have something you want.”

Peter’s blood ran cold as the video panned over to Y/n who continued to hold her head high despite the fear in her eyes. She had a bruise forming around her right eye and blood spotted on her bottom lip. Her wrists were bound behind her back and her feet were tied to the chair she was currently sitting in. There was a gag in her mouth. Peter sprung to his feet, running to get his suit on immediately.

“Spider-man… this is a live video that is playing on every news station and screen available. Every billboard in Times Square, every phone in civilians’ hands, every radio and TV station… they will see your beloved Y/n Y/l/n die if you don’t listen to every instruction I give.” Peter watched on the TV in his room as Dr. Connors appeared with a sinister grin. “Meet me in Time Square in thirty minutes or…” he glanced back to Y/n, “well you can guess.”

“Mr. Parker, Sir is calling you.”

“Decline.” Peter’s voice came out rough and gritted as he pulled on his civilian clothes over his Spiderman suit and shoved his mask into his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder and sprinted down the steps of the tall tower, and continued running the short distance to Times Square. He saw the hordes of people stopped and staring at the billboards and then to the sky as numerous avengers began to appear in the sky overhead. Peter pulled up his hood and dropped his head. He knew what Dr. Connors was looking for, and if he let Y/n get hurt due to his stupidity… he would never let himself live it down.

The mad scientist came back onto the screen, “I’m glad you followed my orders Spider-man. But I see you didn’t show up as you… I’m proud. You remembered our little game. Citizens of New York!” His voice bellowed out of every speaker nearby, “We’ve been missing a certain web slinger for the past week. No one knew why, until now. Our friendly neighborhood Spiderman,” he spat out every word, “has lost his powers.” Gasps rippled through the crowd.

He continued, “He is just an ordinary boy. But this is no ordinary girl, you see. This is Y/n y/l/n. Not only is she the daughter of former police captain but she has a special relationship with Spidey. And if he doesn’t cooperate then at 6:30 pm her body will be dropped from the bell tower of St. Margaret’s church. You know the one.” Y/n’s eyes filled with terror and her body tensed against its restraints. “So… Spidey. You know where to meet me. It’s where we first met. Just you and me. You have twenty minutes.”

Peter could still see the avengers with the ability of flight soaring through the sky scanning the people below them. They were looking for him, trying to stop him from doing something stupid. He noticed Sam tuck his wings and turn tightly around, heading towards the large church in search of Y/n. Peter shook his head and fell into the crowd of people. He knew that Y/n wouldn’t be there. He quickened his steps as he walked towards what might be the place of his demise. He had shit to do.

~.~

“Can anyone see him?” Tony barked out from his spot above the pointing crowd

“Nothing.” Bucky muttered as he pushed through the crowd.

“He should be here!” Steve growled out into the comms.

“That guy said that this was a game.” Wanda stated, looking down back alleys for him. “They’ve done this before.”

“So Peter’s not here?”

“He said that Spiderman showed up but not as ‘him’.” Natasha muttered and then it clicked, “he’s not out as Spiderman.”

“Fuck.” Steve muttered, “We’re never going to find him.” He turned his head towards the sky as Sam began to fly back in, “Sam?”

“She’s not there. Nobody is.”

“It’s a game guys.” Wanda repeated, heading towards the rendezvous point. “Nothing is going to be straight forward. Stark, don’t you have some kind of tracking on his suit?”

“If he even has the suit…” Tony muttered, “But it’s only activated when he has the mask on.”

“Well we know he’s going to confront this guy either way. We’re just gonna have to wait.” Sam suggested.

“Not gonna happen.” Bucky growled out.

“Bucky’s right.” Clint said, “let’s find out everything we can about this guy.”

“We can’t waste time going back and forth between the tower and here.” Natasha met Bucky’s eyes from across the crowd and nodded slightly. “Meet me and Bucky on the corner of Broadway and 7th. I have a plan.”

~.~

“Seriously guys?” Tony said with a raised eyebrow as he stepped through the doorway into the small apartment. Natasha rolled her eyes and walked to a small linen closet.

“We don’t tell you everything Stark.”

Tony sat down in an office chair and spun around slowly, “but maybe you should.”

Wanda picked up a throw pillow with a small smirk, “it’s cute.”

Bucky fought back a groan, “don’t make us regret this.”

Clint folded his arms and leaned against the wall, “so what’s the point of this. Why are we here?”

Natasha pulled out 2 large metal briefcases from the closet and set them on the dining room table, “It’s close to times square and St. Margaret. We can use this as a base until we know for sure what is happening. It saves time and energy.”

“We have more resources at the tower.” Tony drawled out in a complain

Steve rolled his eyes, “Natasha has everything we need right here, and I know you have your mobile computer with you. You take it everywhere.”

Tony grumbled under his breath but still pulled out a rectangular device. He flicked it in the open space causing blue holographic projections of the news to appear. Wanda and Clint took a step closer to examine each broadcast and headline. Anything that could give them a clue.

They all worked in silence for a while, trying to solve the mystery when Tony spoke up, “A secret apartment? Really?” Everyone groaned in annoyance, “next thing we know, you’ll be telling us that you two are married.”

Natasha walked by him with a stack of reports. She sent him a devious wink, “maybe we are.” She sat down at the table with the folders and opened them up one by one.

Steve, who had been looking over her shoulder, stopped her movements. “Check out this one.”

“But you guys aren’t… right?” Tony turned to Bucky who was concentrating on the profile of Dr. Connors, “married, I mean.” Bucky glanced up at the older man but offered no answer as he just got back to work.

“What’s important about this one?”

“Look at these.” He spread out the photos of a fight that Spiderman had been in a few years ago.

“What about them?” Wanda asked as she came up to the table. “It’s just Peter fighting a big lizard.”

“Right but look at this one.” Steve repositioned a grainy photo of Peter fighting a large lizard who had a shredded lab coat on his back.

Clint picked up the photo and looked at it closer, “I remember this. It was something with Oscorp before they went out of business. SHIELD try to uncover the details, but everything was pretty much burned to the ground.”

“Gross… Oscorp.” Tony said with an exaggerated gag

“Do you remember anything else about it?” Steve asked Clint. Behind them Bucky’s eyes had widened as he read a particular file sheet.

Clint scratched his head like the old man he was. “I think that this lizard guy was some guy who experimented on himself. Went completely wrong, as they always do. But after the battle with Spiderman he didn’t show up for a while. We assumed he died.”

“Guys…”

“Why hasn’t anyone asked Peter about this?” Wanda asked

“It never came up, I guess.” Natasha supplied

“Guys…”

“Well after all of this is over we need to get more details on this.”

“Agreed.”

“Guys!” everyone turned to Bucky who had grown paler. “The lizard is Dr. Connors.”

“What?”

“Look here.” Bucky showed them all the written report on the scientist, “He was a scientist at Oscorp for years and then he suddenly went off the grid after that incident. He lost an arm from an accident and his main topic of research was regeneration of tissue.”

It clicked for Tony, “he tried to regrow his arm and turned himself into a lizard.”

Wanda furrowed her brows, “please connect the dots.”

Tony swiveled to face her, “lizards have a regenerative property. Dr. Connors probably studied them and mixed their genetic makeup with something else producing a mix of the super soldier, hulk, and Spiderman serum. He injected it into himself and it went wrong.”

“Meaning that he turned into a big ass lizard?” Steve asked, obviously still not convinced.

“Think about it. This doctor guy suddenly disappears after this incident with a large lizard which is the animal he happened to experiment on. Then he suddenly comes back looking for revenge on Spiderman?” Bucky said, “It’s obviously him.”

“Okay but how would he know Peter’s identity? Or his connection to Y/n?”

Wanda smacked her forehead, “Y/n had an internship with Oscorp back in Highschool. She literally worked next to the guy.”

“Okay but Peter and she weren’t dating back then.”

“But they were still friends.” Wanda supplied, “she told me that her and Peter would sometimes meet up for lunch during her break and talk about all this sciencey stuff. Dr. Connors even approached Peter about him working there full time.”

“But he decline because he had an ‘internship’ with Tony Stark.” Natasha supplied. Wanda nodded at her.

“Okay but how does he know that Peter is Spiderman?”

“Ladies and gentlemen! The main act has arrived!” The TV which had not been previously on, switched to life with the live broadcast.

Clint frowned deeply as he stared at the television, “oh shit here we go.”

~.~

Peter froze as the broadcast came over his phone.

“Hello there Spiderman! Still dressed as a civilian I see… good boy.” Dr. Connors’s voice was chilling. He continued on, “I’m proud of you for going where I wanted you to, but you aren’t finished yet.”

“Leave her alone!” Peter’s voice came out rough and hoarse.

“Tsk tsk tsk. Not so impatient young man. But congratulations are in order as you have solved my previous riddle. But alas neither I nor this fair maiden is there.” Peter moved to turn around and walk right back out of the sewer, but Dr. Connors’s voice stopped him. “Awww, don’t leave yet Spidey. In fact, I don’t think you can.” He laugh maniacally, “I have a camera on you right now. You turn around… you reveal who you are.”

Everyone tensed. Everyone in that apartment full of superheroes, everyone on the streets of New York, everyone who had a radio in their car, everyone who was hearing this tightened their muscles.

Natasha, though nervous for the boy, still had her mind in spy mode and took notice that Peter seemed to be in an abandoned subway tunnel.

“He has his backpack.” Wanda whispered, “That means he has his suit.” At least that was some good news.

“But Spiderman you seemed to overlook a few key details. Yes… it is true. I wanted you to end up where you are, but that isn’t where we first met. Think hard, Spidey. You can do it… you’re a smart boy.”

“Why don’t you just reveal my identity now? Why do this? What’s your end game?” Peter called, his back still turned to the camera

“What’s all the fun with that?” he cackled loudly. “You have 30 minutes to get where you need to be. And please… do show up as Spiderman. It’ll just make it that much more dramatic.” The screens went blank and it took a few moments for the shock to wear off.

Peter got moving immediately. He knew exactly where he had to go.

~.~

“Where is he going?” Tony asked in frustration as he slammed down some paper on the table

Steve pressed a finger to his ear, “Sam? Status?”

“Empty.” The voice came back static, but everyone still heard the message. They deflated.

“If he isn’t at the Oscorp building and he isn’t at his apartment, then where could that fucking mad man be?”

Natasha sat in silence, fingers pressed together as she thought over everything. She turned to Bucky who was in a similar position as her, “where did Y/n intern?”

“Oscorp Industries.” Bucky replied stoically.

“Yeah I know that. But where? Which location.”

“What do you mean which location?” Natasha rolled her eyes at her sometimes clueless boyfriend and pulled some papers closer to her. She checked them over once, twice, and then a third time again. Something wasn’t adding up. Click.

She opened her laptop quickly and typed out a quick google search. She let a small smile slip over her lips. “Boy oh boy, are you guys lucky to have me on the team.”

“What do you mean? What did you find?”

Natasha turned her laptop around as everyone crowded around, “The location listed under Y/n’s place of work is the Oscorp in Midtown. But if you go through the records of their listed employees she isn’t listed there.”

“An unpaid intern?” Wanda asked. Natasha shook her head and pulled Dr. Connors’s file closer.

“Look at his. Place of work, same building Red Division.” She pointed to something on her screen, “This Oscorp building was very open to the public. It had tours and interns and schematics online, but as we know Oscorp was into some very shady stuff.”

“They had a secret division with a secret building.” Tony said as he smacked his forehead, “how could we be so stupid?”

“But we would have found out about that when Oscorp fell.” Clint pointed out.

“Not if it was listed under a different name. That Oscorp building was organized into 3 colors or access levels: blue, green, purple. And if Y/n was as high up as she is labeled as, she would be in blue. There is no red.”

“Then where did Connors work?” Wanda asked, studying the file and still not making sense of anything.

“Here.” She typed out a quick search and spun the screen back around towards her teammates.

“Location not found?” Clint gave her a look

“Exactly. It doesn’t exist… anymore.”

“Wait… that address. That seems familiar.”

Bucky looked at the paper, “that’s because it was the Red Line Grocery Market back when we were kids. We worked there for two summers.” he looked up at Natasha, “but the address would still exist.”

“Not if they redid the gridlines in that neighborhood. That grocery store is still in business, bought by one Norman Osborn almost 2 decades ago. They moved locations once the gridlines were redone to a new and upcoming neighborhood… in Queens.”

“How did you even find that out?” Wanda asked somewhat amazed.

Natasha shrugged, “googled red division with Oscorp. The article that the Red Line Market was under new ownership came up. Researched the given address, linked it to its old address and the gridline renewal. Found its current location.”

“So, that’s where he’s hiding Y/n? In a grocery store?’

“Not exactly. A block from that store is a supply warehouse where they keep their inventory. I bet you, that’s where we find them.”

Bucky slowly shook his head, “I don’t doubt that this is all a connection but how on earth would Peter have his first meeting with Connors at this warehouse that no one affiliates with Oscorp?”

“I’m honestly not sure, but we’re gonna find out.”

~.~

Peter took a deep breath and walked through the warehouse doors. He didn’t even remember this place for the longest time, but as he took in his surroundings the memory came flooding back.

“Hey Peter!” Y/n called as she walked down the sidewalk with a new-found energy. Peter spun around, his bag of groceries hanging from his fingers. He smiled widely.

“Hey Y/n! What are you doing down here?”

“My boss sent me to pick up some supplies from the warehouse around the corner. I’m meeting another scientist there.”

Peter chuckled slowly as they fell into a steady rhythm, “no offense but that sounds kind of shady.”

Y/n laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “I thought so too honestly but a ton of the other interns have been here before and have met this Doctor, so I think everything will be okay.”

“Do you want me to walk you?” Peter suggested lightly, “Just in case?”

Y/n bit her lip and looked up at Peter through her eyelashes, “I’d like that.”

Peter pulled the mask over his face and threw his backpack behind some random shelf. He didn’t really care if he lost this one. “Spiderman!” The loud booming voice came through a set of speakers on the wall. Peter shivered, knowing that the man behind the voice was much closer.

“Welcome everybody! To the final act! This next performance will truly test your precious Spidey’s heroics… if he really is the hero you believe him to be.”

“Let her go!”

“Sorry Spidey… no can do.” his words came out slow and taunting. Peter wanted to punch him in the face. “do you remember?”

“remember what?”

“the first time we met. You stood in front of me, shook my hand, smiled, worked beside me.”

Peter shook his head and frowned, “I wish I never met you.”

“hey now. Don’t say anything that you’ll regret.” He stepped out of the shadows, crazed look in his eye. He cocked his head to the side and smirked, “words hurt you know.”

“Where is Y/n?”

He clicked his tongue, “oh don’t worry… I’ve been taking very good care of her.”

~.~

“Guys! Guys!” Wanda yelled loudly pulling everyone out of their heads. “he’s back on.”

Bucky leaned against the back of the couch as he stared at the TV, “well Nat he looks like he’s in a warehouse.”

“And you’re surprised because?” She smirked as she loaded a gun and slipped it into her thigh holster. “Now what are you waiting for? Let’s go get our boy.”

~.~

Connors pointed his finger at Peter and stepped towards a large door, “follow me Spiderman, I’ll take you to her.” Peter took a hesitant step forward as Connors whirled around to face him again, “oh by the way you’re still being broadcasted. Say hello to New York!” He waved his hand excitedly into the air.

“Dr. Connors, you’re sick. You’re not stable.” Peter said calmly and slowly

Connors’s eye twitched and he shook slightly, “I’m fine! But your girl won’t be if you continue like this.” he breath heavily, “now… follow me.”

“Dr. Connors, you know me. You know Y/n. You don’t want to hurt us, and I don’t want to hurt you.” He raised his hands steadying them. His web shooters pointed directly at the man.

He cackled maniacally, “You think that I know you can’t handle your web shooters? You have no powers! You are nothing right now! Oh silly silly boy.” He pulled a small button out of her pocket and hovered his thumb over it dangerously close. “I press this, and she’s gone.”

“What?” Peter’s voice cracked slightly

“There is a gun.” Peter swore he stopped breathing, “Sitting directly in front of Y/n. Fully loaded and ready to be fired. now guess what the button does.”

Peter didn’t know what to do. he was lost. He had never been in this situation.

“now, if you’re’ ready to cooperate. Follow me.” Peter took slow hesitant steps behind the crazy doctor until the two entered a large empty room. In the middle was a metal chair, she was tied to it. Her hair was matted to her face with sweat, small dribbles of blood were falling down her face. A gun sat directly in front of her face. She shook with fear.

“Y/n….” Peter barely whispered. he moved to reach her, but Dr. Connors just moved his thumb closer to the button. Peter stopped and tore his eyes away from Y/n to look at Dr. Connors, “lower the trigger. What do you want? Money? Security?”

Dr. Connors laughed and shook his head, “don’t be ridiculous Spiderman. I know you don’t have any money and the minute that your little Y/n is here, I know you’d send those little friends of yours to find me. No, I want something else. Something that only you can give me.” His smile widened, and Peter felt his blood run cold.

He watched as Dr. Connors slowly walked over to Y/n and pushed the chair forward by an inch, the gun almost pressing against her skin. She whimpered in fear and squeezed her eye tightly.

Peter’s voice wavered, “what do you want? I’ll do anything.”

“I know…”

“please, Dr. Connors.” Peter was one threat away from dropping to his knees and begging.

He laid a surprisingly soft hand on Y/n’s head, but she flinched away anyways. “I want you to take off your mask, Spiderman. Reveal yourself for who you truly are.”

Ch 4

taglist: @awkwardfangirl2014 @givinggoodvibes @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel

[artificialqueens]

Volatile Times (Biadore) - Shadyqueenie

A/N: Hi cutie pies, it’s me –back again – with a story no one asked for. I started writing this months ago when I was obsessed with Volatile Times by IAMX (hence, the title) and thanks to @clownadmermaid I finally finished it.

Volatile Times is a ReincarnationAU. At a certain time in your life, you start remembering your past lives and all the related memories you have with the same person you happen to meet over and over, century after century –  your soulmate. But your soulmate never remembers you.

Bianca was fifteen the first time she remembered Adore. She woke up before the sun with the smell of roses and honey teasing her nostrils. Adore’s perfume, she recalled.

The very first hour was strange, because she remembered someone’s perfume and felt a strong connection with its owner but still that’s all she remembered. She should have been scared, but she wasn’t. Actually, knowing that person without really knowing her had warmed her heart. Two hours later Bianca did something she had never done before – she lied to her parents and stayed in bed all day, faking a fever that never existed. Her parents misinterpreted the redness of her cheeks and believed her. By the end of the day, she remembered everything about Adore. All the lives they lived, century after century, running into each other in different scenarios. Her mother came to her room to check on her every two hours, caressing her hair and whispering sweet words. Bianca wanted to tell her everything – every memory and every feeling – but as she realized from the continuous flashbacks, this thing she had with Adore was unique. No one else had that kind of connection.

For almost the entire year that followed, there’s wasn’t a day she didn’t regain an old memory of Adore. There were fights and bad moments, but they couldn’t compare to everything else – when they held hands, when they kissed, every time she made her laugh. Life after life, Adore never looked the same. Once she had black hair and porcelain skin, another time her skin had a darker tone… Bianca couldn’t exactly guess how many versions of Adore saw. But her green eyes and her loud laugh – that was something that never changed, and Bianca couldn’t wait to meet her again. They were happy together, her memories were a solid proof. That year Bianca became even more taciturn than she previously was, both at home and at school, lulled by Adore’s voice in her mind. She had to meet her, get these memories under her skin.

But the last memory that came to her mind was something that threatened her dreams for years. It must have been the year 1930, 1932 at most, and Bianca was reading a book in the patio of what she supposed was her own house. She heard laughs, light chats and a phonogram running a quiet melody coming from the house, but the atmosphere wasn’t as restful as it should have been. Something must have happened, something that made her chest hurt. In that previous life, the sensation was so overwhelming that Bianca didn’t even notice the woman sat next to her until she placed her hands over Bianca’s and spoke “Her parents wanted Adore to leave the country. Away from you, they thought she could be ‘healed’” the last word came harsher compared to the other ones “She refused, of course”. Bianca sighed in relief. Wherever she was, Adore was still close. But then something came to her mind, a detail that she couldn’t recall before. How many days have been since the last time she saw her? Two, three, a week? Why wasn’t she showing up at the same bar they used to meet? “Where is she?” “Bianca…” the other woman started, but nothing else came out of her mouth. “Where is she?” Bianca almost shouted again and freed her hands from the other woman’s grasp. “They interned her ten days ago” “Where?” she asked, standing up suddenly. How could her parents be so stupid? Adore was fragile, she didn’t belong to a place like that. “Bianca!” the woman grasped her wrist and made Bianca turn towards her. Bianca finally looked at the woman for the first time and she was tears in her eyes. She had something else to say, but words didn’t come out. Bianca stood still, waiting. “Adore… Her parents didn’t want you to know where she was. I visited her two days ago. She wasn’t the same. She looked lifeless and scared. She told me what was happening there. I went to her parents, asking them to make up their minds” she caught her breath “They told me that they gave her plenty of occasions to redeem. To reevaluate her love for you. But she wouldn’t, so they threatened her she would spend the rest of her life there” Bianca knew Adore. Of course she knew her. Life after life, Adore had always been the most passionate, the most romantic. But also, the most dramatic one. Bianca knew how far Adore could push herself, how many times she tried to solve things with extreme solutions. Adore might have not remembered, but Bianca did. It wasn’t the first time they had to hide their love from everyone, but that time seemed harder. “Please don’t tell me she has done something stupid” she whispered. When the other woman didn’t reply, Bianca repeated again and again “Please”. But that silence was harsher than thousands of words and Bianca suddenly felt tears running down her cheeks and her heart heavier than ever. “She’s gone, Bianca” And those words were the ones that were going to hunt her life until its end.

During her first year of college, Bianca met a girl. She was like a hurricane and Bianca struggled to keep up with her social life made of concerts and parties and every single person her girlfriend claimed to be “her bestie”. Her smile was big and her careless attitude made Bianca loosen up a bit. She was happy with her. She had never felt so happy in this life. Sometimes, she made Bianca forget the last memory she had with Adore. Those were the moment in which Bianca thought she could handle not having met Adore yet. But when she was in her room alone, Bianca knew the truth – that girl wasn’t Adore. She looked like her – big eyes and wide smile, full of life, loving and caring – but that wasn’t enough. And she felt guilty for being happy with someone else, someone who didn’t have the same big green eyes and the wide smile. That sense of guilty became bigger and bigger as the days and months passed, and eventually Bianca broke up with that girl. She cried on Bianca’s shoulder and Bianca felt sorry for her, but she knew that somewhere Adore was waiting for her.

Bianca was twenty-six when she gave up waiting for Adore. After eleven years, one morning she just felt tired. Tired of waiting, of looking for those sparkles in everyone’s eyes, of being alone. One day, she just didn’t ask herself if that was the day in which she was meant to meet Adore. She knew that, a day or another, they would have met. It had to be. Bianca couldn’t recall a single life without her. Yet, the thing she noticed was that there were some time ripples. Bianca didn’t remember all the years, all the lives she lived. Her memories were corrupted. The last one she had about Adore was her suicide – followed by twenty years of pain and regrets until the day of her own death. But what happened from that day in the 50s until that new life? Maybe in the life between those ones she didn’t get the chance of meet her? That was why she couldn’t remember about them? Was that possible? Was she meant not to meet her in this life too? And why she had to be the only one who remembers – why Adore had never remembered her? She’d always question herself what would have happened to them if she had told Adore the truth, in their previous life. If Adore knew how strong their connection was, would she had made that terrible decision? Bianca promised herself that if she was so lucky to meet her in that life too, she’d tell her. But eleven years had passed and her hopes started fading.

The day of her 26th birthday, Bianca forced herself not to think about her anymore.

_________________________________________________________________________

Seven years later Bianca finally met Adore. It was a rainy Friday morning and she was late for work. The hall of the building she worked for was full of people – from late workers like her, to clients and a group of people fresh out of university coming there for the job interview for the internship her company offered. “I can’t wait for Jack to tell us about them tonight” a co-worker of Bianca told referring to the group, walking next to her. It was an old habit of theirs, waiting for the HR manager to tell them how young and brilliant people would turn into toddlers during a job interview. After work, they’d pay Jack drinks until he got drunk and spilled words about how stupid that guy looked like or how nervous he could make them. It was stupid, and childish, but they couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like working in a building made of grey bricks could bring any happiness. “Want to look closer at their scared faces?” Bianca proposed while an angle of her lips curved into a devilish smile. “Girl, thought you’d never ask!” the other woman liked her arm to Bianca’s and walked towards the group. Two steps closer to the chairs the students were sat and Bianca felt that feeling inside her chest like seventeen years ago. It was like living all her memories at once. She couldn’t say exactly why, but the atmosphere was suddenly electric. As if the world knew what was going to happen. Among the group, a girl was the only one not trying to seem busy with papers or books. She was just listening to music from her phone, and its volume was bothering the other aspiring trainees next to her. Her jacket was wrinkly and she didn’t even bother to re-dye her hair properly – the black roots against the blonde hair was something Jack would have spoken about later for sure. In the moment Bianca walked next to them, the girl raised her head and their eyes met. Her mind went blank, and then all of a sudden everything felt right. That girl was Adore. Younger, blonde and with porcelain skin. Different. But Bianca knew she was her from the very first fraction of second – because of her same, big and lovely eyes. Adore glanced back at her and Bianca swore there was a hint of fear in it. She might have scared Adore with that stare. She didn’t even get the chance of talking to her, nor to explain that situation, because her co-worker pushed her gently towards the elevators looking at her quizzically. Bianca shrugged, her friend couldn’t know what was actually happening. Most sadly, neither Adore could – and that realization made Bianca panic. She rushed inside the elevator and pushed the button of her floor over and over until Adore’s image disappeared behind closed door.

Bianca tortured her mind during the entire morning. She wondered why Adore was there – the job interview, duh –, what was she doing with her life, if she was happy, where was she living and other things that kept her mind busy from working. And why the hell did she just stared at her and run away – she thought she had passed her teenager phase long ago. Not getting any peace and quiet, during launch-break Bianca excused herself from her colleagues and rushed off Jack’s office. She knew that what she was doing was wrong – if anybody ever found it out, she’d had hard times trying to explain why she was there. And she also promised herself not to look for Adore. But when Bianca made that promise, she didn’t consider how strong her feeling for Adore were in real. Her curriculum was the first one in the left pile of the other curriculums and Bianca knew what being on that pile meant for Jack – Adore did not even passed the first selection. With a sigh, she scrolled quickly the file – a prestigious university, good grades, plays the guitar and speaks two languages. Differently from the photos of the other curriculums, Adore’s one portrayed her smiling. Bianca smiled back as if Adore was actually there. And there was an e-mail address. Not a phone number nor a house address. She felt like the universe had just told her she wasn’t meant to meet Adore again. She wondered how Adore could react to a mail with an object such as “I saw you in the hall today”. Maybe she would have replied – Adore could be that kind of dumb (yet lovely) person. Or maybe, and more likely, she wouldn’t have replied. Maybe this life was one of those in which she wasn’t meant to be with her. Bianca wished she hadn’t see her at all.

When Jack came to Bianca’s office to invite her to their usual drink after work, she was surprised how quickly that day ended. He entered her office claiming how tired he was –  “I’m way too old to hear those toddlers rumbling about their stupid grades” Jack stated as the sank into the seat in front of her desk. Bianca looked deeply at him, trying to get some kind of hint. She wanted to ask him about the job interviews – about one in particular – but she didn’t want to raise suspicions oh him. Bianca Del Rio doesn’t actually care about trainees, and even if meeting Adore had confused her she couldn’t let anyone see it. “So,” the co-worker she was with that morning asked after joining them in Bianca’s office “where do you wanna tonight?” The man smirked turning towards the woman “How much are you willing to spend?” Their interaction was like white noise to Bianca, who couldn’t care less where they were going to drink. She’d be willing to pay 50$ a drink if that meant talking about Adore nonstop. Inside her bag, a copy of Adore’s curriculum – the only thing she had of her in this life, and maybe the only one she’d had in this life – where hidden between other documents.

Hours later, Jack pricked Bianca until she finally gave up and went to the bar, ordering their fourth round of drinks. She made a gesture with her hand at the barman as she sat in the bar stool in front of him, asking wordlessly the same drinks as before. As the man turned at the opposite seat Bianca sighed deeply. That night was a failure – not only Jack hadn’t say a word about Adore yet, but the drinks were watered down and she was far from being drunk. At least she had a bottle of fine wine waiting for her at home. If she’d get drunk enough, the next morning she’d wake up in her next new life waiting for Adore again? She’d hope so – that life was now agonizingly wasted. She trying miserably to pick up all the three drinks at once when someone behind her asked shyly “Can I buy you a drink?”   Bianca turned slowly the bar stool towards the voice. She heard that voice thousands of times in her head, and for a brief moment that morning in the hallway. But that was the first time the voice was addressing her directly – and Bianca thought that might become her new favorite melody. Adore was there. With a tighter and shorter dress, and much more make up on her face. She was standing up behind Bianca, looking nervous and slightly bobbing up and down in one place. “Are you trying to bribe me? You won’t get the internship this way” Bianca joked. Amazing.The first words she said to Adore were a stupid joke. She couldn’t really blame here if she’d turned right around. But Adore shrugged, the few golden locks that escaped from her braid were now covering her face “Couldn’t care less about the internship you offer” she snapped back. Bianca raised an eyebrow skeptically, barely contain the need of her hands to reach those locks and pulling them back. She was so glad Adore didn’t lose her sassy comebacks.   Few seconds of silence made Adore even more nervous, who asked again “So – do you want this drink or not?” Bianca looked at her, thinking carefully what to answer. She didn’t want meeting Adore that way – like a casual hook-up in a club. Meeting someone in a bar, offering a drink and being with someone you’re not going to remember the name the next morning could work for everyone else. Not for Adore and her. But in a matter of seconds she realized that hours before she believed she wasn’t meant to meet Adore again at all. She could stand being with her just for a drink, if that was all this life had to offer.   “That’s not fair. I wanted to be the one who offers you a drink” she smirked, making a gesture for Adore to sit in the bar stool next to hers. Adore’s cheeks turned into a slightly lighter shade of pink “You can buy the second round” she moved away the locks from her shoulders and Bianca could smell the scent of roses and honey. Yeah, it was worth it – even just for a drink.

Jack reached Bianca after thirty minutes – having realized his drink was long forgotten. “Adore, right?” he asked wrapping his arm around Bianca’s shoulder. Adore nodded, not looking at him. Bianca noticed she was still looking at their hands, whom were about to touch the second before Jack’s appearance. “Yeah, your name’s not easily to forget. I’m afraid you stole Bianca’s attention from buying me a drink and –“ “Here” Bianca stopped Jack giving him the drink she bought him earlier, the ice inside already melt. She cared about him and his blood alcohol level – of course – but he had to go. “No thanks” Jack raised an eyebrow, still looking at Adore “We’re going to another bar. See you on Monday ok? Even better, text me tomorrow” he patted Bianca’s shoulder so hard he almost made her lost the balance on the bar stool. “So… I assume your name’s Bianca?” Adore’s voice came back as soon as it disappeared. Bianca realized she didn’t even introduced herself. She realized she took for granted way too many things in their first thirty minutes – even something so common as her own name. Bianca might have known everything about Adore already, and she had to remember herself Adore wasn’t in the same circumstance.  Bianca looked at Adore. Hearing her name said with that voice made Bianca happy in way she didn’t think it would. She played with the rim of her glass before asking “And yours’ Adore?” The smile she got as a reply was brighter than every light in the room.

The barman took away the empty drinks in front of them and the one Bianca bought to Jack hours before, still forgotten at her side. The sound of the glasses clashing brought them back to reality. The waiter was blowing out the candles over the tables, a silent signal that they were about to close. Bianca shared a panicked glance with Adore. That was it. She’d have to say goodbye to Adore and from what she heard during their conversation their worlds weren’t meant to collide. She sadly took her wallet from her purse but Adore’s hand stopped her “I said I’d paid” she whispered. “Yes, you did” Bianca smiled back “But if I were you I wouldn’t blow my finances without a job” she joked. Adore mimicked her playfully but didn’t listened to her and turned towards the barman. The few steps to the exit door were agonizingly long. She walked behind Adore, trying to memorizing all her features – in the future she’d knew she’d have to grab on to the memories of those hours. But when she looked at Adore holding the door for her, her big and green eyes smiling more than her mouth Bianca knew she couldn’t let her go. She took a few steps towards the pavement and then turned around “Look I know this is stupidly cliché but I don’t really want for this to be over. Do you want to share a cab with me?” Adore bit her lip and Bianca swore she was trying not to answer too soon. Whichever her answer was, Bianca wasn’t one hundred percent sure she wanted to hear it.

[100days1000hills-blog]

It was nibyiza

The project. As previously-mentioned, our internship is based off of the Fiti Probiotic Yoghurt Project and establishing a campus kitchen or research centre at the University of Rwanda is among our goals. Another one of our goals has been to physically make the yoghurt with Rwandan supplies to determine whether the yoghurt’s production is possible in this country.

The trial production had been delayed due to a number of factors but finally, we acquired the necessary means and began the process. One of our neighbours, Grace, was interested in helping us make the probiotic yoghurt so I invited her over on the day we had set out to do it. She came at around 6pm but Michael and Diah were out. I knew that the two of them would probably like to witness and participate in the process but I also knew that we had to get the ball rolling on something in the meantime.

So, Grace and I decided to make some jams that we would ideally use to fold into the yoghurt to make it flavourful. It was a very interesting process and we made some delicious mango jam and banana jam.

I realized that Michael and Diah wouldn’t miss too much because the initial steps are just to boil the milk and that I better get a move on this 24h process. Grace and I began to culture the milk. Diah and Mike came home as the milk pasteurization was almost finished. Turns out you don’t need 5 people or 10 hands to boil milk but it was a bonding experience nonetheless.

We followed with the subsequent instructions and played the waiting game. 24 hours later, I whipped open the fridge, grabbed the giant pot, then let disappointment set in. Milk. It was still milk. I was so confused because I followed the steps with intense precision, or so I thought.

I sought out help. I messaged some of our sister interns in Tanzania who worked at an already-established probiotic yoghurt kitchen in search of counsel. Anisah, one of the interns, let me know what the consistency of the yoghurt should be and sent along some photos from the lab a few hours later. It looked nothing like the milk that we had in our fridge. What a waste.

We left it. We knew we had to try again but the first time was so exhausting that we just decided to wait a week before trying our hand at it once more. We left it until about 2 days ago when we ran out of room in our fridge. Our housekeeper, Mariam, took the pot out and left it on the counter. As we busied ourselves with the day-to-day routine of our internship obligations and other work, we didn’t even acknowledge the pot’s presence on the counter. When I realized, I opened the pot in disgust. The milk looked separated and there was a liquid layer atop chunks of discoloured milk. I don’t know what possessed me to smell what my brain already deemed as rancid but I did and became even more confused. It smelled what I can describe as both “yuck” and “hmm.” How could something smell good and bad at the same time? I left it.

When I saw Mariam next, she spoke and gestured to the big pot on the counter with an excited look on her face. Mind you, Mariam speaks Kinyarwanda and French, two language of which I am largely unfamiliar. With what I’m sure was a dumbfounded expression, I asked her in Kinyarwanda if it was bad. She said no. I looked at her. I looked at the pot. I remembered the smell... I asked again if it wasn’t bad and she told me no. She grabbed a spoon and began to mix it. From what I gathered in our usual Key-Mariam dialogue (small words and big gestures) she told me that our neighbour, Giselle, makes yogurt every day and that this is what it looks like in the process. She urged me to ask Giselle for a whisk and assured me that this was not bad, it was nibyiza.

[greysfanpage388]

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Hey guys- at long last- here is my latest fic, which is the prequel to ‘ Óur Little Princess. ‘ This fic is set in a future timeline, when Omelia have found their way back to each other after their breakup on the show.

I’m sorry for taking so long for this update - real life got in the way- with a conference, work and a knee injury.

This fic is dedicated to @toevenexist who requested for this. :D <3

Special thanks goes out to @jia911 for faithfully setting aside time to help me proofread- you’re really the best!! <3 <3

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!! <3

The sequel,’Óur Little Princess ‘ can be read here:

http://ailingnoor.tumblr.com/post/166784792136/our-little-princess

P.s : I’ve implemented a little of the Obstetrics knowledge I gained during medical school, internship and early residency into this fic ;)

P.p.s  I’ve decided to write in first person again after a long time, as I feel like it gives us more insight into what Amelia is experiencing.

 Amelia’s POV

Hyperemesis gravidarum. The medical term for an extreme form of morning sickness, characterized by persistent nausea and vomiting, and associated with poor weight gain. This condition may cause dehydration, electrolyte and acid-base imbalances, nutritional deficiencies and in some extreme cases- death. Severe cases require hospital admission. Statistics show that this condition affects 0.3 -2% of pregnant women, but of course, those are just statistics.

This condition affects women from all walks of life. It doesn’t discriminate. Even Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge suffered from this condition for all 3 of her pregnancies. One of the attendings I previously worked with at the John Hopkins Hospital also suffered from that condition and she couldn’t work for the entire first trimester of her pregnancy. I can really empathize with them because I’m currently suffering from the same condition too.

It’s not a fun thing to suffer from, let me tell you. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. You can barely keep anything down, you throw up almost every single thing you eat. The only thing you can tolerate eating is saltine crackers.

The morning sickness started in full force since I was 5 weeks pregnant. I threw up almost everything I ate- day and night. Actually, to call it morning sickness isn’t accurate at all. It should be called whole day sickness.

Initially - I thought it was a very bad case of food poisoning when I started throwing up the entire day. I had eaten the cafeteria food after all and it was known to cause food poisoning occasionally. Furthermore, I was babysitting my nieces and nephew who were also ill with a stomach bug a couple of days earlier. I carried on with my work. However, when the symptoms persisted and I realized that I was 2 weeks late- I knew that it was something more than food poisoning. My heart pounding fast, I had bought a couple of pregnancy tests from the pharmacy and took the tests alone in the bathroom at home. I decided to do it myself this time without Owen next to me, as I did not want to disappoint him again should the test turn out negative. We did agree to try again for a baby a couple of months ago. After I had my tumor removed, we both decided to ‘break-up ‘and start anew. It was like a reset button, a brand new start in our relationship. We started dating each other again and learning new things about each other daily. Every new thing I learned about Owen attracted me even more to him, such as when he told me how he would let Megan tag along with him on his outings with friends and even on his dates. It reminded me of my relationship with Derek, and how I would tag along with him for his dates with Addison.

When both tests turned out positive- I had a mixture of feelings. On one hand- I was overjoyed that I was finally starting a family with Owen. I knew that Owen would be in seventh heaven- it had always been his dream to have a family. On the other hand, there was still this nagging feeling at the back of my mind- what if this baby of ours turned out to be anencephalic as well? What if I can only produce anencephalic babies? Would Owen still love me and the baby? However, now that the tumor had been removed from my brain, I had the ability to think and act rationally. If before, my first instinct would be to run away from all my issues, now I knew I had to face it like an adult.  I knew that the chance of me having another anencephalic baby is low- less than 5%, and I knew that Owen would be there to support me regardless.

As expected, Owen was over the moon with the news. His grin when I told him was as wide as a Cheshire cat, and he hugged me a little too tightly, spinning me around. I had to remind him not to tell anyone in the hospital yet until I was further along, at least until my first trimester was over. I knew that if it was up to him, he would be announcing it to the entire hospital, and I didn’t want that.

He started mommy tracking me almost immediately, making sure I downed my breakfast of crackers and oats as It was the only breakfast I could tolerate.           He made sure I stayed hydrated. He would make chicken soup for me in the evenings, as it was the only main dish I could tolerate.

When I rushed to the bathroom to throw up, especially in the mornings, he would immediately run to my side, hold my hair up and gently pat my back as I emptied my entire guts contents out.

He had also started calling the baby Bean and had already started talking to the baby. When I told him that Bean was only the size of a bean, and couldn't hear him as their ears weren't fully developed yet, he would claim that he knew Bean could hear him.

It did feel a little weird at first, Owen talking to the baby. During my first pregnancy, Ryan wasn’t there to take care of me or speak to my belly. This was all new to me, but I guess I could get used to this.

_______________________________________________________________

Today has been especially rough. I've jolted out of bed to puke in the toilet several times since 5 am this morning.

I am now hunched over the toilet bowl, dry retching. I have emptied my entire guts contents out and now there’s nothing left to throw up anymore.

Owen is patting my back gently as he holds my hair up like he does when I throw up every morning.

I groan and sink onto the cold bathroom floor. I just don’t have the energy to get up.

Owen flushes the toilet and helps me get up, leading me to the sink where I rinse my mouth. It has been our daily routine every morning for the past few weeks.

He then slowly leads me back towards our bed. I gratefully lie back down on the bed, which seems so welcoming at the moment.

‘You sure you don’t want to call in sick today? ‘Owen asks, a concerned tone in his voice as he soothingly rubs my arm and tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I have been throwing up every day for the past few weeks, but never so many times in such a short interval.

‘ No! I’m fine, I’ll be. I’ll take the saltine crackers and some oat later. I’m used to this already. I can’t just call in sick every single day if this continues. ‘ I point out.  ‘Besides, I have 5 surgeries scheduled for today and several patients I'm supposed to discharge today.’

Owen knows that when I use that tone of voice- there is no arguing with me. He had tried before- last week, he called Bailey to inform her that I wasn’t going down to work, without consulting me beforehand. I got so mad that I drove my own car to the hospital. The look on his face when I appeared in the ER with scrubs after April paged me was priceless.

‘Amelia, no offense but you do not look good at all. You look really pale. Are you sure you can handle a whole day of work? ‘Owen asks again, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I know Owen means no harm and is just genuinely concerned for me, but something, I guess my pregnancy hormones, is making my blood boil. He’s not the one experiencing this horrible thing, why does he think he has the right to tell me when to go to work?

‘I’m fine, Owen.’ I say stubbornly as I get up of bed, throw the duvet playfully at him and head to the bathroom to shower.

From the corner of my eye, I can see Owen shaking his head in defeat.

_______________________________________________________________

Half an hour later, there is a tense atmosphere in the kitchen as I try to down my breakfast of oats and saltine crackers in silence. Owen keeps on stealing glances at me, and it's beginning to irritate me.

‘'Whatever you have to say, just say it! ‘ I finally snap at him.

 ‘I just…..you really don’t look good today, Amelia.’ he says earnestly. ‘ I really think you should at least rest for today, I can help you call Bailey and inform her that you’re sick and unable to work today.’

‘ And what excuse are you gonna give? Food poisoning? The Flu? I have gone to work so many times while having food poisoning without any issues. Please don’t tell me you’re gonna tell her that I’m pregnant. The moment I discover that anyone in the hospital knows, I’m gonna strangle you with my bare hands.’ I say with a serious tone.

‘ But they’re gonna find out sooner or later with your condition. April has been asking me why are you rushing to the bathroom in between consults. You can’t go on like this.’ Owen tries to rationalize.

‘I don’t want anyone finding out- not until my second trimester- once it's confirmed that everything is fine and our baby is healthy.’ I say adamantly.

‘Ok fine- we’ll keep it a secret first. But can we at least just inform Bailey? So that she can give you a lighter workload or something? She's a mother herself, she would understand.’ Owen suggests.

I place my spoon on the now empty bowl a little too forcefully.

‘ I do NOT need a lighter workload, Owen! I’m pregnant, not handicapped!' I huff.

Owen raises his hands in the air as a gesture of surrender. Good, at least he knows he isn’t going to win this argument.

Just then, I feel a wave of nausea overtake me and bile rising in my throat again. I rush to the toilet to throw up my breakfast.

‘Amelia,’ Owen is beside me in an instant.

 ‘Just don’t‘ I mumble, pushing him away gently. I’m just sick and tired- sick of throwing up all the time, sick of not being able to keep any food down, sick of the fact that I have to go through all this during pregnancy.

After I think I have nothing left to throw up anymore, I rinse my mouth and storm out of the bathroom.

I grab my car keys, march out of the front door and jump into the car, turning on the engine immediately.

‘Hey, where are you going! You can’t go to work in this condition!’ I hear Owen call out, but I don’t care anymore.

‘ Bye Owen!’ I roll down the car window and wave at him as he stands there on the car porch, hands on his hips, shaking his head.

_______________________________________________________________

‘ Amelia- are you ok? You look really pale. ‘ April asks me after I have finished updating her about a patient I have consulted for persistent headaches. DeLuca, who has been tagging along with me is reviewing another neuro patient, which he'll be presenting to me later.

Owen had been called to the OR a while ago, I’m so thankful I don’t need to face him yet.

‘I’m fine.’ I reply curtly. DeLuca had asked me the same question during the morning rounds on our patients.  I am feeling nauseous and have a bad headache, so I’m not in the mood for small talk with her. I have to admit, April is a very nice person and can be a good friend, but I just don’t feel like talking to her today.

She follows me to the nurses counter, where I sign below the patient’s chart and hand it over to a nurse.

‘You don’t look fine to me.’ she notes, tilting her head slightly as she studies me. Gosh, are all red-heads this persistent?

‘I’m fine really…. ‘I reply, as another wave of nausea hits me.

 ‘Damn it…. Bean……please don’t do this to mommy. Mommy has work to do.�� I whisper internally as I close my eyes and subconsciously rub my stomach.

April’s eyes widen as she puts two and two together. Of course, she’s a mother too, she should know the symptoms. Damn it. The whole hospital is going to know. News spreads faster than wildfire around the hospital.

‘Congrats! ‘she squeals, a little too perkily for my liking.

‘ How far along are you?’ she asks.

I can’t reply her though, as the next moment I’m rushing to the nearest washroom, covering my mouth with my hands. The last thing I need is to throw up in the ER.

I rush into the first cubicle and throw my entire guts contents out, not even bothering to close the door behind me.

I hear footsteps entering the washroom. Damnit.

‘Amelia, is that you? Are you ok in there?’ April’s voice calls out.

I roll my eyes, concluding that yes, red-heads can be very persistent.

The next minute, April appears behind me.

Concluding that I have nothing left to throw up anymore, I flush the toilet and stumble to one of the sinks, looking at my reflection in the mirror. Both Owen and April are right after all- I do look terrible.

April follows me to the sink and touches my arm comfortingly.

‘ I’m sorry, I know that morning sickness can be horrible.’ she says.

‘ More like whole day sickness.’ I mumble.

April smiles and starts to say something, but I can’t focus on what she’s saying. The entire washroom is spinning, April is spinning.

Suddenly, I find myself lying on the floor as I hear April yelling my name.

Then everything turns black.

_______________________________________________________________

When I open my eyes, I’m having a throbbing headache. It takes me a while to realize that I’m lying on a bed in one of the observation rooms in the ER. Wait, why am I lying on a patient bed in the ER, and not reviewing patients?

I blink my eyes as I try to adjust to the bright fluorescent light of the room. I look down at my hands and notice a cannula inserted into the dorsum of my left hand. I trace the IV line attached to the cannula to a pint of normal saline hung on a stand beside my bed.

I sigh. This is the price to pay for my stubbornness, fainting due to dehydration. Owen is going to be so mad at me.

The room door opens, and April enters with Melissa, my favorite ER nurse.

‘Dr. Shepherd, I’ll need to give you a dose of IV metoclopramide to stop your vomiting.’ Melissa says as she injects the drug into my cannula.

Melissa, as much as I love her because of how efficient she is in her job, is also known to be the biggest gossiper in the hospital. The whole hospital will know my secret in record time.

I smile weakly at her, and then turn to look at April who is standing at the other side of my bed, busy filling in my electronic chart.

‘How long was I out for?’ I ask, my voice croaking.

‘ About 10 minutes.’ she replies in a sympathetic tone of voice. ‘ I’ve just paged Arizona down for a consult. It’s most likely…’

‘ Due to dehydration, I know.’ I complete the sentence for her. 'Í’ve been throwing up the whole day for the past few weeks, but it has become more frequent the past week.’

‘ That must suck, I’m sorry.’ April says sincerely as she puts down the chart and holds my hand.  ‘I threw up every morning too when I was pregnant with Harriet, but it was just once every morning. I didn't throw up with Samuel though. I guess every pregnancy is different.' she says as she sighs and looks up at the ceiling, probably thinking about Samuel.

' I didn't throw up when I was pregnant with Unicorn Baby too.' I wanted to say, but I remain silent instead and just squeeze her hand.

'It’s amazing how you can still manage to go to work in this condition.’ April changes the subject as she smiles at me.

‘ Owen tried to convince me to stay at home today, but I was too stubborn.’ I admit, chuckling meekly.  ‘He’s going to lecture me for this, I know.’

Just then, a flustered looking Owen himself barges into the room.

‘ Amelia, what happened ?! One of the ER nurses entered the OR in the middle of my surgery to inform me that you had fainted. Meredith is now closing up for me.’ he says, a panicked tone in his voice as he walks over to my bed.

‘ Yeah, I just blacked out…’ I reply weakly, in no mood to argue with him anymore.

April walks over to him and whispers something in his ear, before giving him a pat on the shoulder and leaving the room. I wonder what she is saying. Melissa leaves the room shortly after, leaving me and Owen alone in the room.

I swallow hard, expecting Owen to say ‘ I told you so.’ Instead, he walks over to my bed and holds my hand in his without saying a word.

‘ I’m sorry, Owen.’ I say meekly. ‘ I know I should have listened to you, but I didn’t. I’m sorry. I really thought that I could still work.’

Owen sighs in reply. ‘I just hate seeing you so sick like this.’ he says. ‘ I wish I can do something to ease your suffering.’

He kisses me tenderly on the forehead.

‘ Well, you've been doing a great job in taking care of me so far.’ I say as I smile weakly at him.

‘ It’s my duty.’ he claims as he squeezes my hand.

Before I can reply, Arizona enters the room, pushing an ultrasound machine which she leaves at the corner of the room.

‘ Hey guys.’ she greets us in her usual perky manner and cheerful voice. ‘ I hear that congratulations are in order.’

Owen and I exchange looks, knowing that our secret is going to be spread throughout the entire hospital in no time.

‘ Thanks.’ I reply, giving her a small smile. ‘ It’s no fun though, throwing up all the time.’

‘ I know….’ Arizona replies sympathetically. ‘ You fainted due to excessive dehydration from the vomiting. I’m ordering a tds dose of IV metoclopramide and continuing your IV drip.’ she says as she types the orders into my electronic chart. ‘ Also- I’m afraid that you have to be admitted for observation.’

I stare at her wide-eyed, unable to believe what I’m hearing. No, I cannot be admitted! I have work to do, I have patients to attend to and operate on, I can’t possibly be admitted.

‘ No, no….I can’t!’ I say exasperatedly, pushing myself to sit upright on the bed. ‘ I have 5 surgeries today, and I’m holding the pager for Neuro today. Nelson doesn’t know my patients, I can’t possibly let him operate on my patients without knowing their history.’

I look over at Owen, silently pleading to him with my eyes, but he seems to agree with Arizona.

‘ I thought DeLuca was tagging along with you today? He can help to handover your patients to Nelson. Also, I can help you to pass him the pager. He’s still outside, helping you to review another patient. Relax, Amelia. He has got this. You need to have a little more faith in him.’ Owen says, as I scowl at him and rest my head back on the pillow.

‘ Amelia, I know you have work to do, but right now, you’re my patient, and as your doctor, I’m telling you that you need to be admitted to the wards.’ Arizona says gently but firmly. I know that when she uses that tone of voice, there’s no arguing with her.

‘ Fine,’ I sigh in reply.

‘ Amelia, I just want you to take care of yourself. And Bean.’ Owen says as he squeezes my hand and gives my belly a subtle rub.

‘ See, your husband cares so much for you.’ Arizona says, winking at me.

 ‘I know he does. ‘ I admit, knowing that it is the truth, Owen does indeed care so much for me.

‘So just lie down and relax, Amelia. You need to take care of yourself and your baby first. Stressing out about work isn’t good for your health.’ Arizona says gently, as she touches me lightly on the arm.

I close my eyes and let myself relax. She is right, I should relax and take care of myself and Bean, and not stress out too much about work.

Arizona pushes the ultrasound machine to my bedside.

‘Amelia, I’m going to perform an ultrasound scan on you now, just to make sure that everything is fine. Ok?’ she asks as she gives me a warm smile.

‘ Ok.’ I answer, my heart pounding in anticipation of seeing Bean again. The last time I saw Bean was 3 weeks ago when I first found out that I was pregnant.

‘Have you been taking your antenatal vitamins regularly?’ Arizona asks.

‘Yes, I have.’ I answer earnestly. I’m not going to risk this baby having any sort of deformity just because I neglected my antenatal vitamins.

‘ Are you experiencing any bleeding? Abdominal cramps or discomfort? Diarrhea?’ Arizona asks as she adjusts the settings on the scan machine.

‘’ Nope. No other symptoms besides vomiting.’ I answer.

‘Ok, good. This is going to feel a little cold.’ Arizona says as she squeezes the gel on my abdomen and I wince at the cold sensation.

Owen, meanwhile, is sitting silently beside my bed, holding my hand. His eyes are transfixed on the ultrasound screen. I know that he’s just as excited to see Bean again. I remember the first time he saw Bean, his face lit up like a child on Christmas Day.

‘Ok, are you ready to see your baby? ‘Arizona asks as she smiles at us.

‘Ýes.’ both of us reply in unison, as Owen squeezes my hand in support. I think he can sense that I'm not only excited but anxious as well. All 3 pairs of eyes are now fixed on the screen in anticipation.

Arizona manipulates the ultrasound probe until an image of the fetus appears on the screen. I feel my heart skip a beat at the sight of our baby, part me and part Owen, growing inside me right now.

‘ Ok, here is your baby.’ Arizona announces. ‘You can see the head,' she says as she points at the head. 'It’s still too early to see the other body parts though. I’ll book a detailed scan for you at 14 weeks to detect abnormalities. I’ll measure the crown-rump length first to confirm the gestational age and the EDD.’

‘A head.’ I whisper. ‘ Owen, our baby has a head!’ I know that anencephaly can only be detected during the 14-week scan- I’ve learned that during medical school and internship, and Arizona had discussed it with me in detail during my first visit. But still, seeing that the baby has a head is really reassuring.

Owen, knowing my history of having an anencephalic baby during my first pregnancy, rubs my arm in support and kisses my forehead.

Silence fills the room as Arizona proceeds to measure the crown-rump length of the fetus. No one utters a word. Owen and I are too transfixed on the little blob of miracle that we have created, while Arizona is busy with the measurements.

‘ Crown-rump length corresponds to 8 weeks gestation, which matches your LMP. We’re still sticking to the same EDD.’ she announces cheerfully.

I take my eyes off the screen for a while to look at Owen. He is staring at the screen in awe. I know his heart must be leaping with joy.

Our eyes meet and we exchange a joyful grin.

‘ Wanna hear the heartbeat?’ Arizona asks. ‘ Yes, please.’ Owen replies as I draw a deep breath and say a silent prayer to the powers above. Please let this baby be ok.

Arizona further adjusts the scan settings and soon the ���lub dup’ sound of the baby’s heartbeat fills the entire room.

I release the breath that I don’t realize I’m holding. A wide smile forms on Owen’s face.

‘ Here’s the baby’s heartbeat. It’s strong. Everything seems fine.’ she says, smiling cheerfully.

‘ Hear that, Amelia? Our baby’s heartbeat is strong, and everything is fine.’ Owen repeats reassuringly to me as he bends down to kiss my cheek. Tears inadvertently spring to my eyes. Maybe I can actually have a healthy baby after all?

‘ Our baby is fine.’ I whisper, more to myself, daring myself to believe it.

‘ The 14-week ultrasound will confirm any abnormalities, but yes your baby seems fine.’ Arizona says in a reassuring tone.  ‘ I’ll give you two some privacy now. I have booked a private room for you on the Obs floor, Amelia.’ she adds. ‘ They’ll transfer you up there as soon as the room is ready.’

‘ Ok, thanks Arizona.’ I say gratefully as she nods at us and leaves the room.

Once we’re left alone in the room, Owen and I exchange a smile as our eyes meet. We do not need to say anything as our eyes communicate it all. We can read each other perfectly through our body language and the expression in our eyes. His eyes are showing so much love and joy, it is contagious. I can’t help but feel overjoyed too. I think my eyes must be reflecting extreme relief. There is always this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that this baby might be anencephalic too, but both scans have been fine so far, and Owen has been so supportive and helping me to ease my anxieties.

Owen climbs on the bed beside me and holds me tight as I snuggle up to him, relishing in the warmth and comfort of his embrace.

I take his hand and place in on top of my still flat lower abdomen, where our little Bean is safely nestled inside. I then rest my hand on top of his. Nothing is going to get in the way of our happy little family.

_______________________________________________________________

Over the next few days, Owen would leave my room only to get some food for us or to get a new change of clothes from home. He has taken an emergency leave just to be by my side. He even makes it a point to cook some soup and porridge for me whenever he manages to go home. He makes sure that I finish all my food, claiming that I have been losing so much nutrients from all my throwing up the past few weeks, and it wasn’t good for me or Bean. My appetite is slowly returning, and I am not throwing up anymore thanks to the IV metochlopramide. However, Arizona has advised me not to take solid foods in the meantime until I am fully recovered.

Meredith, Maggie and the Shepherd kids come to visit me daily, bringing me get well soon cards and drinks. Meredith has brought me more saltine crackers, claiming that it was the only thing she could tolerate too, while pregnant with Ellis. Zola is over the moon with the prospect of having another cousin. She has never met her existing cousins before, so this is the first cousin she’s going to get to be close to. She has brought me a huge teddy bear, which she claims is a gift to both me and Bean. Bailey has presented me with a handmade get well soon card. Both gifts bring tears to my eyes.

Andrew DeLuca has also visited me several times, to update me about our patients and how the surgeries went, which I really appreciate.

April, Alex and several other attending colleagues have also visited me after their shifts, staying for a while to keep me company while Owen goes out to get some food. Webber and Bailey have also visited a couple of times. When they visited me during the time I had my tumor removed, it was the first time since I arrived in Seattle that I actually felt like I belonged. It was then that I realized that my home is here, in Seattle. Them visiting me and caring for me now just cements this fact. I am so grateful for the people I call my family.

Owen has offered to help me call my mom a few times, but I refuse, saying that if she wasn’t here for the wedding or the tumor ( I had called her while recovering from the surgery and she didn't come), she certainly doesn't deserve to be here for my morning sickness.

According to him, she needs to know that she has another grandchild on the way. I finally concede, agreeing with him that she deserves to know that, but I want to wait until my detailed 14-week scan before I announce it to her.

_______________________________________________________________

It has been 5 days since I was admitted. The vomiting has ceased and my appetite has returned. I have been bored out of my mind the past 5 days. Although I really appreciate all the company and support I’m receiving, I cannot get used to lying on the bed, watching sappy TV shows and reading boring journals or cheesy novels all day. I miss the adrenaline rush of reviewing patients in the ER and operating on patients in the OR. I am so ready to get back to work.

I open my eyes from my nap to find Owen curled up in bed beside me, one hand resting automatically on my belly as he snores softly. I look at him sleeping peacefully, wondering how did I get so lucky to find a man who really cares so much about me.

I shift slightly, causing him to open his eyes. He looks at me full of love.

‘Hey,’ he whispers, as he kisses me on the cheek. ‘ How are you feeling now? How is Bean treating you today?’

‘ I’m feeling much better.’ I reply, smiling at him.

‘ Good.’ he says earnestly. ‘ It breaks my heart to see you so sick like this.'

‘ I know. I don’t enjoy it very much either.’ I joke feebly.

Owen then places his hand on my lower abdomen, tracing the outline of my still flat belly, which is being covered by my hospital gown.

‘ Hey Bean, please be good to your mother. Try not to make her sick again ok? She’s ensuring that you grow healthy and stay safe inside, so do her a favor and don’t make her throw up again ok? She needs to take enough food and nutrition for the both of you.’ he says gently.

‘I hope this works. Maybe Bean only listens to you. I’ve been trying to tell Bean to stop making me throw up for ages but it doesn't work.’ I admit as I place my hand on top of his.

‘ It’ll work.’ Owen says as he releases his hand from my belly and kisses me on the lips affectionately.

We cuddle close together, just feeling the warmth of each other's embrace.

Arizona now enters the room, a wide smile on her face.

‘ Hey guys.’ she greets us cheerfully, holding my electronic chart in her hand. ‘How are you doing today Amelia? Everything ok?’

‘ No more vomiting, I can finish my food, no abdominal cramps or spotting.’ I answer before she could ask the routine questions. ‘ Now can I be discharged?’ I ask her, winking.

She chuckles at my enthusiasm.

‘ Good. From your vitals and charts, everything seems to be fine. So yes, you can be discharged today.’ she says.

‘ Yay!’ I pump my fists in the air in celebration as both Owen and Arizona laugh at me.

‘ Thanks, Arizona.’ I say as I hug her tightly. ‘ Thanks for taking good care of me.’

‘ It’s just my job.’ she replies, reciprocating the hug. ‘ I’m gonna go sign your discharge papers now. You need to rest at home first for the next few days before you return to work. If you feel the symptoms coming back, give me a call or a page immediately.’

‘Ok.’ I reply as I smile at her.

‘ Hear that Bean?’ I say, rubbing my tummy affectionately as soon as Arizona leaves the room. ‘ We’re going home!’

‘ I’m gonna go home to set the thermostat and prepare your favorite meal.’ Owen announces as he kisses me on the cheek.

‘ My second homecoming?’ I joke, winking at him. It reminds me of when I had my tumor removed and Owen finally convinced me to go home with him after I had been staying with my sisters for several months prior to that. He also prepared my favorite food and set the thermostat to a temperature I was comfortable with that time.

‘ Well- hopefully, your next homecoming will be with our baby.’ he says, winking back at me as I giggle.

Hopefully, fingers crossed, I’ll be able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy, surrounded by my loving husband and caring family, and we’ll have a healthy baby. I now am full of hope.

 Ok, this is it guys- I really hope you enjoyed it! Comments, reblogs, reviews and messages are very much appreciated. I would really love to know what you guys think!! I love hearing from you all!! <3 <3

I have a few more fluffy Omelia fics planned- which is what we need after the recent development on the show. Do stay tuned! ;)

[techieninja18]

So I’ve had a rough past couple of days and l’m trying to deal with some things that make me really uncomfortable. I don’t really know what made me decide to talk about it here, but I guess I felt like venting to someone other than my parents right now, even if it just ends up in the void. This involves some very personal stuff, including things of a feminine nature (like physically), so don’t read if you don’t want to hear anything of that sort.

It’s no secret that I have depression and anxiety issues. Earlier this spring I had to do a routine med check and, since I was having trouble with some previously prescribed meds, I ended up switching. This summer was tough, though I noted some improvement. Unlike my final spring semester of college, I didn’t have as many of the worst physical symptoms of anxiety such as pounding heart, chest pains, and difficulty breathing, so while there was improvement with my anxiety the symptoms of my depression became more prevalent and remain so now. I have no desire or will to do anything, I’ve lost interest in the things I’m supposed to enjoy, and I just feel wiped out all the time. I knew these symptoms would get worse starting in August when I moved back in with my parents after my summer job/internship ended. I have yet to find a new job and my poor mental health is definitely not helping.

Part of it has to do with living back at home. All of the independence I’ve gained the past few years while living out of town for school is pretty much gone. My parents treat me as if I were still in high school: not letting me do things my own way, telling me what I’m going to do with my time without even asking me if I had other plans, giving me my old list of chores (which I can understand while I’m still unemployed, though I know it won’t change once I do get another job) while my teenage brother doesn’t have to do any most of the time and he’ll just sit on his X-box (seriously, they are so lax with him; they give him so much more freedom and let him get away with so much more with fewer restrictions than I ever had, and he’s less responsible than I was as a teenager, but I digress...), just not taking me seriously or treating me like an adult the majority of the time. My dad even got pissed off last week because I wasn’t up at his shop working by 10:30 on Sunday like he’d mentioned he wanted me to do two days prior, yet he wasn’t even up there (I can’t get in without him because I don’t have a key), and I was supposed to take my brother up there with me, but he wasn’t ready by 10:30 either. My dad came into my room and chewed my ass for not doing what he said (he wanted me to mow the lawn, and with no one else up there there was no point in me going, plus there was literally no reason it had to be done so early since there was still plenty of dew on the grass anyway). He said it was stuff like that that was the reason he still “treated me like shit sometimes.” Yes, those were his exact words. It hurt me for the rest of the day and off and on for the next few days (I even had to hide tears from my mom two days later, though she did end up prying it out of me later anyway). Dad seemed to by in a better mood by lunch that day and was trying to joke around at lunch, but it made no difference to me.

He doesn’t always realize how his words affect me. Like, shortly after moving home, he would always say “you know, for being smart, sometimes you make stupid look easy” after I said something kinda dumb or I accidentally messed something up. I know it’s a quote from a movie and that it’s supposed to be a joke, but he said it a lot. It make me think of a particularly bad incident that happened in the last week of my summer job. It was never officially my fault, but I still feel responsible, and I still feel incredibly stupid for it. There was an incident a couple summers ago at a different summer job that was pretty bad (not that I ever got in any sort of trouble for it, it wasn’t good but it was fine, and it was labelled as an accident though I know it was entirely my fault). I had flashbacks to every stupid thing I’ve ever done or said, especially those two incidences, and I really started to feel stupid, like I can’t do anything without fucking it up. I’ve felt so worthless, pathetic, and stupid. After my mom saw how much those words hurt me she called my dad out on it and he ended up poking and prodding at my mind trying to piss me off after that just to get me to confront and stand up to him. He said he realized how much that saying could hurt, and he did apologize, but then continued to push to get an emotional response out off me, which he has a tendency to do when I’m under pressure or stressed or in an apparent mood. The problem is that he purposely takes control away from me as much as possible in these situations (like seriously, he’s admitted that he does it intentionally because it does piss me off). He’ll interrupt me constantly but won’t let me interrupt him, he’ll tell me how he’s right and I’m wrong, won’t always let me talk or defend myself, and often finds ways to belittle and/or underestimate me, not giving me enough credit for what I do know or why I do certain things certain ways. It’s incredibly infuriating and frustrating. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t really listen to me or make an effort to truly understand/accept parts of me.

Mom doesn’t always either, though it’s different with her. I think she tries to understand, but isn’t always capable of doing so. That’s seemed more prevalent lately. For example, when I came out as ace to her I could tell she didn’t understand. She tries to, or appears to try sometimes, though she clearly can’t understand that I don’t feel any sort of sexual attraction to anyone since she “never had that problem.” She keeps telling me to “just try it! You may like it. How can you know if you’ve never tried! Never say never. You just haven’t found the right person yet. You’re going to have to eventually, how do you expect to have kids? It’s just a part of life.” I don’t currently have any desire to have kids or in a relationship of any sort, which sucks right now because both my mom and dad are pressuring me to “get some” with a guy friend who I’ve been friends on and off with, and they’ve really wanted me to get into a relationship with him because they “don’t think I can do any better than him.” Ouch. Like, I know they really want grandkids (sooner rather than later), but no. They always say “no pressure,” but that never does anything to alleviate any pressure, especially since this guy has wanted to be in a relationship with me and I’ve realized I’m on the aro spectrum as well as the ace spectrum, so I really don’t see that happening. Neither of my parents want to accept me as aro/ace, and it can be really hard sometimes.

There are other things my parents haven’t been accepting of, at least not at first, but I hope that can change. Back in high school when I took my first psych class and started learning about depression and anxiety, I tried telling my mom I thought I had depression/anxiety. She told my dad and the first thing he said to me after that was, “No. If we thought you were depressed we’d be the first ones dragging your butt to a doctor.” That was the end of that conversation. Fast forward 4 years, I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office for my annual physical, and when I was asked about concerns it was like a switch had been flipped and I started sobbing in front of the doctor. I’d had a really stressful semester prior to that and I was in bad shape. She determined that yes, I did have clinical depression and anxiety, and that the anxiety had probably gone undiagnosed for years (I’m betting since childhood). She also mentioned that it could be partially genetic, and that’s how I learned that my mom also has depression/anxiety but had neglected to say anything to me prior to that and even helped my dad deny that anything was wrong with me because I was apparently high-functioning. Imagine how hurt that made me feel, like I’d been ignored when clearly a problem did exist. That same feeling of hurt has been plaguing me this week.

I’ve known since my med check in the spring that I was overdue for a physical because I hadn’t had one since I was 20 (I’m now 23), and that they had to do a pap smear/pelvic exam at this physical. I’ve been absolutely dreading that since the moment I heard about it. For a little background, I’ve always had issues “down there.” I’ve never been able to use tampons or anything because of discomfort and pain. I’d fight for at least a half hour with multiple tampons of the smallest size during my heavy flow and still not be able to get one in. I couldn’t find my way inside, and no matter which direction I angled the thing it either felt like I was hitting a wall and creating pressure or it would be uncomfortable and start to hurt. I only ever managed to get one in once, and it was uncomfortable the whole time, even when I took it out (after it was fully saturated). I told my mom about this at the time and she brushed it off, told me discomfort was normal at first and that I would get used to it, I just had to keep trying. She picked on me sometimes for being a wuss for not trying tampons again, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, especially since I was fine with pads. So yeah, I’ve had increasing anxiety about this exam as it approached. A couple days ago I decided not to try a tampon (because I’m not on my period yet so there’s no point) but my finger just to see if I could do it this time, figuring several years might have made a difference (because hey, it happened with contacts, where I couldn’t get them in the first time but when I tried a couple years later they went in just fine, so I thought maybe this would be like that). It didn’t. I couldn’t even find my way in, and touching that area just felt so uncomfortable like my body was telling me not to touch (not painful exactly, but bordering on it), up until I touched a spot trying to push in that immediately caused a sharper pain like what I remember feeling before. Instead of helping my anxiety, that little experiment only made it worse. For the next few days, the mere thought of this exam made me cry. I told my mom that I still couldn’t do it and that I was terrified, and she tried to make me feel better, but it was clear she was getting frustrated with me. She told me I had to get this exam done, it was just part of life, that I’d have to suck it up and “put my big girl panties on and just do it.” I felt like I had no support, she still didn’t understand.

I had to drag myself to this doctor’s appointment yesterday because I really really didn’t want to go. I was extremely tight-wound and nervous as hell, and I told the nurse why. She tried to make me feel better but it didn’t really work. She changed the speculum the doctor was going to use to the smallest they had (the “child-sized” one), but when she showed me the small one I just felt so nauseated; the smallest they had was still bigger than the smallest tampons I couldn’t insert, and I started hyperventilating after the nurse left the room. I fought tears while waiting for the doctor to come in, but once she did I just started sobbing. I already felt I wasn’t being taken seriously, and I was worried it would just get worse. The doctor said she’d have to at least take a look in there to see if anything was going on, and she said she didn’t see any problems, though I don’t know how much she could see because she couldn’t get the lamp over there to see the way she wanted. She told me she was going to put a couple fingers in to check, and immediately I felt that uncomfortable, almost painful sensation, which I told her about. She went deeper and suddenly there was the sharper pain. She stopped then because I was so uncomfortable, saying that “at least I made it that far... might’ve even made it all the way.” That didn’t make me feel better. She still didn’t find anything wrong and chalked the discomfort and pain up to anxiety (I mean, I wasn’t exactly relaxed, but that was as relaxed as I was going to get without being sedated or something). That didn’t make me feel any better either, in fact, it kinda made me feel worse, and I kept fighting tears because I was already embarrassed and freaked out. Then she asked me if I’d ever been abused, which I haven’t to my knowledge (I would’ve had to have been too young to remember if I was because I have a pretty good memory and can remember a lot from when I was little). It kind of bothered me that she asked that question, especially after I told her about me being on the aro/ace spectrum. She believes I really need a counselor for my general anxiety/depression, but she also thinks I may have some unresolved issues that may be causing the problems with my lack of comfort with various types of intimacy, so to speak. I know she means well, but it still felt really invalidating.

She did refer me to a women’s health specialist, so I have an appointment with them in a couple weeks. I told my mom about how things went after the appointment and that I was pretty much an emotional wreck and would probably be a vegetable for the rest of the day after getting home and taking my meds (they can apparently sedate me somewhat, though the crash that comes after an attack that strong also does that, and that is pretty much how I spent the rest of the day). She didn’t say much about me not being able to go through the exam. but she took the day off on the day I have my next appointment so I don’t have to go alone. She can access my medical stuff because I gave her legal permission deal with it too, so she checked my appointment info and apparently I have not one, but two appointments that morning. The first one is apparently to get an ultrasound, and the other is to actually have the gynecologist check me out. The addition of an appointment for an ultrasound makes me even more nervous, though I suppose it might be standard for something like this, I don’t really know. But yeah, I’m still incredibly nervous about this whole thing and really really really don’t want to do it. I’m sure I’m only going to get more nervous as those appointments get closer, and I expect I’ll probably be a teary-eyed mess then too. I hope they won’t have to actually sedate me to get in there, but I’m worried that’s what it’ll take, and if they find something it could mean surgery to fix. It’s just terrifying for someone like me who doesn’t want anyone or anything doing anything down there (myself included).

My mom now thinks that my being ace is just because I’m afraid of pain down there, so I still feel invalidated. I’ll admit that is one reason I have no interest in sex, but that is not why I’ve never felt sexual attraction nor why I consider myself ace. She’s trying to make me feel more normal about things, but tonight I finally called her out on not taking me seriously. I reminded her that I told her about these problems years ago, like how I told her about the depression/anxiety thing back in high school too (and ended up being right), and that she just brushed these things off. I could tell she felt kind of bad after that, and she did say “well, hindsight is 20/20,” which is true, but I don’t think that makes up for her (and dad) not listening/taking me seriously on these things, I wish they could just do that from the start. But then, I’m just the kid, what do I know, right? It’s not like I could really know myself or my own body...

So yeah, I don’t know if anybody’s even going to read this, but this is just some of what’s been going on with me, and I just felt like I had to get some of it out of my system. Sorry for the super-long whine/rant.

[theletterkite-blog]

(Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day)

Well, here you were thinking that I had abandoned this for eternity. Not the case! It’s been a long few months comprising my second semester of this programme and between back-to-back assignments and lamenting the lack of instruction from one module in particular, telling all 0.65 readers at home how things have been progressing fell somewhat off the radar

It’s interesting to note this happening, because historically with this course, the second semester turns out to be easier for most people. The way it was originally designed (ie. the proper way it’s intended to be delivered and received) the theoretical and broader fundamental concepts comprise the first half, and those ideas are illustrated in the more functional components of the second half. Surely there’s an argument to be made there about swapping the order, but to invoke a Scorpionic line of thinking: let’s all agree that those arguments are far outside the scope of this discussion and also irrelevant.

Yet somehow, this semester seemed to slip away from me.

With that said, it was eight months ago today that I landed here in Scotland, exhausted and grumpy and entirely unaware of just how much more philosophical my life was about to become. So it seems apt, as in about three days I am about to make the journey back to the United States of Political Hell for the first time since then to conduct some research, that I write to catch you all up on some things I have thoughts about from the second semester. So, without further preamble:

THINGS I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT: ‘AND THAT’S WHAT YOU MISSED’ EDITION

Marc Brew Company Some of you may recall in the vague depths of your memories that I had taken on an internship this semester with an inclusive dance company. Working with them for three months with a recent graduate of my degree programme gave me quite an education. Working for a small organization is something I had done previously but never with an organization THIS small. The international differences between governance, fundraising, networking: all striking. It was an excellent opportunity to start putting into practice some of what we’d been covering in lectures. We also helped produce an impressive dance/rock gig show, BREWBAND, which is now touring Scotland (people in Edinburgh: it’s coming to the Traverse on 6 May, you should see it it’s great call me). It’s my first assistant producer credit and I want to especially thank Susan for entrusting me with all the kinds of work she would do herself as the producer, having only met me twice prior to starting with the company. And also for driving me to Glasgow and back a number of times!!

Six Nations rugby match Alright so I lied somewhat when I said that this blog slipped my mind completely during the semester. In February I was very lucky and went to the Scotland v. Wales rugby match. It was unseasonably warm and Scotland won: two things to which merit, as my mother would say, a “Well, wouldn’t you know!” It was a fun afternoon watching burly men try to pummel each other and drinking to “excessive noise” amongst shouts of “DAY-VID!” and “STEEEE-VEN!” (You had to be there.) Notable takeaways (not the food kind, the learning kind) from the day include that rugby is actually really interesting once you understand what’s going on and also that Welsh fans like to go out for Chinese food after the match, apparently. You will be sitting in a restaurant alongside a sea of red jerseys.

your New Year’s resolutions may have been too lofty As we know, I’m not really one for making these. But this year I did come up with a few, one of which was “don’t glare at library people as much.” Suffice it to say that it is now May and this particular effort is not going well. I can understand that we all have different learning styles and we all work differently, but when there are only two plug points in the LRC, and therefore when using them it does not make sense for you to

a) spread the entire contents of your bag across the table, which includes, but is not limited to, 15 hand-drawn inspirational Post-it notes (yes, I counted) and two purple sparkly My Little Pony horses,

b) loudly sing Leona Lewis’s Bleeding Love when you can’t think of what else to write in your dissertation

c) complain that you don’t need a degree and therefore want to give up on your dissertation because you just don’t know what else to say when it was YOUR CHOICE TO COME BACK FOR FOURTH YEAR AND YOU TECHNICALLY COULD ALREADY HAVE A DEGREE and then go lay on the floor by the movies continuing to sing Bleeding Love

d) try and jam six people in a space for three, maximum, and then openly debate WHAT A MARGIN IS and HOW TO MEASURE ONE WHEN THE HANDBOOK SAYS CENTIMETERS AND YOUR COMPUTER IS IN INCHES. Clearly four years of university education is wasted on some people if by dissertation season they’re still arguing over what a margin is and aren’t clever enough to use Google to convert units of measure. Or,

e) kill three hours applying makeup and hairspray in preparation to take photos with your bound dissertations in the exact. same. spot. you had been writing them for three months, and then loudly lounge about with your feet on the table beside EIGHT other people singing Bleeding Love while people who are trying to work on assignments for what might arguably be considered a more complex degree are trying to work at the only plug point that allows them to sigh loudly without being excommunicated from the quiet room. I get the “being done uni” feeling: been there. done that. But you can compare mascaras LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE.

I understand that we don’t have a silent or even a quiet library rule, but like, maybe try being considerate? I think this resolution might need to be stricken from my list.

Bread Meets Bread In my eternal quest for the best poutine in Scotland, let it be known I have found it here.

the Onion Witch You know her or you don’t. 25 and counting at any given time. There’s really nothing more to say.

one year, one degree David told us once (and I’ve quoted this to every living being I meet since then) that one of the great things about the UK master’s scheme is that you can do a degree in a year, but in order to do so, they have to remove any period where you might have a break. We had a short winter break that we were working during because we had assignments due in January, and we’ve had this past week “off” between assessment due dates and the kickoff to our third/dissertation semester. But that’s all. I’ve done an entire taught degree programme in eight months nonstop. The only thing between me and two capital letters is a three-month thesis period and a board of external examiners. We may not take electives like some States programmes do, but we take practical trips, we spend hours on reflexivity, we sit in seminars that steer us towards different ontological perspectives. And that means more to me than taking a module called “Digital Technologies in the Arts,” which frankly I got for free by going to Digital Cities: Glasgow and hearing it right from the source of four varied arts organizations. What I’m getting at here is I’m extremely proud of not only what I’ve done but the time I’ve done it in.

I came away from September’s induction terrified. David tried to strike the balance of selling this to us as challenging and not being open enough about the realities. For me, he came down on the side of challenging, and I was very afraid. But from it I’ve found that compression pushes you. It pushes you to try and it pushes you to care. Half the work is just showing up, or whatever it is they say, and that’s true with this. And completing it in the right order (ie. the order in which it was designed) without having a moment to pause and realize what you’ve done makes getting to the end that much more rewarding. Somehow, I’ve emerged on the other side of this with a group of (very) international friends, a respect and serious interest in a subfield I never would have considered, a love of the word Bourdieusian and the man who it stems from, and lastly but certainly never least, a new source of mentorship and inspiration in a bald man with a PhD and a penchant for striped sweaters.

Eight months ago today I was too sleep-deprived to believe it possible. Somehow it is.

And that’s what you missed.

recommendation Margaret Atwood’s The Heart Goes Last. Classic Atwood. Terribly possible. Unbelievably real. The only book I finished this semester that wasn’t for school.

[socialattractionuk]

I went through my ex-partner’s phone and I have no regrets

The moment his password let me look inside his Facebook messages was the ultimate dark thrill (Picture: Ella Byworth/Metro.co.uk)

More than a third of Brits snoop on their partner’s devices, according to a new study, and I can understand why.

While I never planned to log in to my partner’s Facebook, his password was just too obvious to resist.

Back in the heady years of 2013, I was in a long-term, long-distance relationship with a man I didn’t trust.

We’d started out on rocky ground – in the first few weeks of us dating he had sex with my then-best-friend in the toilets of our university accommodation, while I was drinking and wondering where they both were on the floor above.

I’d agreed to move past it, deciding that a drunken mistake when we weren’t fully committed was excusable in the long run.

After that, things were pretty wonderful. We were in love, we were nailing long distance, and when I went to visit him in the U.S. the relationship was plain sailing.

That was until I came home from a day at my internship and looked at his phone.

I can’t remember why I did it, exactly. I recall being annoyed that he hadn’t responded to the message I’d sent on my lunch break, and wanted to see if he’d been chatting throughout the day with other people.

I saw it at the top of his messages: a conversation with a girl in which he asked for pictures in her bikini.

I brought it up, there was an explanation (was it true? I honestly don’t know, but I accepted it at the time), we moved on. But that snoop was the start of something dangerous.

He had previously told me his laptop password when I’d needed to get on the internet for work. One night, when he was out with friends, I felt the urge to see if that laptop password — something obvious and ego-pumping along the lines of [name]isthebest — would be the same as his Facebook password.

Surely it wouldn’t be the same? Surely he’d have thought more about password security?

It was the same, and the moment it let me look inside his Facebook messages was the ultimate dark thrill.

I like to think I would have left it at that — been curious, but shut the window — if I hadn’t noticed what I spotted next: messages exchanged with a girl he’d said he never spoke to, who I’d previously commented was quite clearly interested in him.

There was nothing too off there, just some friendly chat, but I was bothered by the lie. He had reassured me that he didn’t like her, they never chatted, and while they had hooked up previously they no longer moved in the same circles.

A few weeks later, when I was back in the UK, I checked again.

In the months (fine, years) that followed I kept finding myself checking his phone when he exited the room (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Now the messages were flirty, and I could see him messaging her while we were on Skype. I asked him, point blank if he still spoke to her, or if they’d had any interaction recently, giving him the chance to come clean, but he said that no, they hadn’t interacted at all – and he was offended I’d even ask.

Naturally, the satisfaction of declaring, ‘I know you’re lying, because I can literally see the messages you sent to her 20 minutes ago’ was pretty incredible.

Don’t ask why I forgave him and we stayed together – those years weren’t my proudest moments. But in the months (fine, years) that followed I kept finding myself checking his phone when he exited the room.

I knew it was wrong, but my previous snooping had yielded evidence of wrongdoing. To me, that justified keeping an eye – especially as each time I checked there was always new misbehaviour, ranging from telling someone he wished he was single (rude) to having sex with someone he’d said he felt no attraction towards.

Don’t worry, we eventually broke up, at which point he revealed he had cheated another time that I hadn’t known about. Turns out sleuthing doesn’t reveal everything.

I went on to snoop in another dating situation, and again found out the guy was being shady, telling me he wasn’t seeing anyone else while messaging a girl to say he was coming over so she could sit on his face.

Now, I’m in a healthy relationship (well done, me), with someone who has never cheated, never lied, and is actually a good, honest person.

And yet I’m still fighting the urge to snoop.

There must be some kind of conditioning effect going on. In previous relationships, every unlocking of someone’s phone or logging into their Facebook has revealed something, so I know that it’s an effective way of revealing dishonesty.

This makes the desire to snoop an itching nerve that comes every time my boyfriend leaves his phone in the room when he goes to the bathroom, or when he lets me use his laptop.

But I’m trying really, really hard to resist. He’s a good guy, this boyfriend, and he deserves his privacy.

He’s a good guy, this boyfriend, and he deserves his privacy (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

I’ve snooped a few times before and found nothing dodgy. Shocker – he’s actually telling the truth, he’s genuinely committed, and he’s not doing naughty things behind my back.

Each time I looked and found nothing, the urge lessened. Now, it’s barely there, and when it does pop up I’m more able to ignore it. I’ve even resisted looking at his mysterious Notes folder.

I don’t think snooping is a terrible thing. The urge to snoop points to a lack of security in a relationship and that instability rarely comes from nowhere.

I looked at my ex’s phone and social media because our trust had a shaky foundation. He had cheated previously, so of course I had reason to suspect that he was being dishonest, and that his private messages could hold some unpleasant truths.

But when you’re in a relationship that’s genuinely loving and stable, it’s time for the snooping to stop.

I’m in a relationship where if I really, really needed to know what was going on in my partner’s messages, I could ask and he would show me. He has nothing to hide, and that’s clear from the way he won’t carry his phone everywhere he goes, how he’ll let me scroll through his Facebook timeline because it’s more fun than mine.

More: Dating

12 people reveal the small things that put them off dating someone

I went through my ex-partner's phone and I have no regrets

April Fools' 2019: The best pranks and stunts

Snooping is a hard habit to break, and once you cross the line of, ‘this is private, I shouldn’t look’, it’s hard to go back. But now, I can resist the urge without ignoring it.

If I spot his phone and feel my hands going towards it, I’m able to stop, ask myself why I want to look and what I’d be searching for, and decide to skip the sleuthing.

The urge to snoop shouldn’t be kept secret or ignored, but analysed and questioned. What does snooping reveal about the security of a relationship? What do you expect to find when you unlock that home screen?

The fact of the matter is that if you suspect your partner is doing something awful on their phone or social media, that points to a lack of trust – whether for good reason or not.

If the desire to see inside someone’s phone isn’t something you can chat about, the relationship may have bigger issues than whatever’s lurking in their Twitter DMs.

Oh, and current partner, if you’re reading this: I haven’t looked in well over a year, but am certain the most scandalous secrets on your phone are to do with meal planning.

MORE: As a black gay man, I am constantly reduced to outdated, racist stereotypes when online dating

MORE: Kondo-ing is the dating decluttering trend that will get you to ditch your situationship

MORE: These are the signs you’re ready to define your relationship

[sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog]

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how much is car insurance for a Mitsubishi lancer for a young driver

How much does a check up cost without an insurance?

I heard some rumors that if you don't have insurance they can do a check up on you and just send you a bill @ your house where you can do your payments.

Can my health insurance company do this?

im asking this question for my mom well shes 38 and she has a stroke at 35 the stroke affected the right side of her body and now shes incapable of doing most of what she could do before she had the stroke before the stroke she worked 7 days a weekatleast 8 hours a day and my dad was also working since the stroke my dad has been the only one working and he works as many hours as he can get but he also has health issues so its hard for him now our insurance company sends us cheques but their only like 400 a month that's not even enough to buy groceries for a month and well now they are trying to cancel that cheque to can they do this? the stroke isnt her only medical problem she has been sick for 19years inlcuding kidneyfailure stroke heart failure respitoryfailure and many operations doctors have talked to the insurance company telling them my mother is in no state tohave a job but they say no she can work

Am i covered on their insurance?

I am a 17 yo male with a probationary class 5 license from Alberta, Canada. I am wondering if i am covered on the insurance on my grand-parents' car (from Ontario) in Nova Scotia. Thanks for the help""

How can I get my insurance CSR 440 certification?

I would like to pursue a career in insurance adjusting

Insurance Quotes vs Age Gender Income Etc?

Hi, Currently Insured through State Farm and paying $250.00 a month for Full Coverage. Im 20yrs old. I have a 2006 Chevy Silverado 2500 hd 4wd , making 40k-50k a year. Insurance is a little too much... Am i over paying?""

Whatt is the mileage and insurance on a ferrari 348 spider?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Ferrari-348-Spider-/330770734365?pt=US_Cars_Trucks#ht_21892wt_1170 that is the car, i want to know how much it would cost for gas if im using it as daily driver(is it possible to use one of these as daily driver?). how much would the insurance be monthly? i live in bergen nj and im 17.""

What does your credit paying history got to do with paying higher/lower car insurance rates?

What does your credit paying history got to do with paying higher/lower car insurance rates?

Is commercial auto insurance much more expensive than personal?

I have a little Mr. Fix it business on the side and I carry a few tools in my SUV. I am thinking of getting a commercial auto policy. Will it be more expensive than personal and how ...show more

How expensive can i expect the car insurance for this car to be?

Car insurance for a 27 year old with 3 years driving experience( that i can prove xD) on a brand new Porsche Boxster S

What does it mean to have full coverage?

It's too late to call a auto company so I am asking it here, I live with my girlfriend and was wonder about getting full coverage on my car, we want to know if I get full coverage would she be able to drive my car legally without putting her on my insurance?""

Is there any free or cheap health insurance?

I need to join a tennis team in high school and they said i need an insurance. My family don't have enough money to get insurance, soooo I was wondering if there are any free or cheap insurance. HELP!!""

Auto Insurance for 18 yr old with 2012 Kia Soul?

Estimate of what it would be at most? i have taken a drivers ed class and passed in high school and can have them take the money right out of my bank account for the monthly payment and had a b average in school.

Thinking of getting a car on finance?

im thinking of selling my car and getting a car on finance its 1,000 deposit and 125 a month gor 2 years and i will get a 10reg peugeot 107 but my only question is, is car insurance included? cheers""

Any idea how much insurance for a new male driver 25 years old?

passed test january 2009, car with smallest engine something like a corsa 1.0 nothing flashy ,just need a quick kind of quote ....split up with partner whos taking me off car insurance....any insurance companies reccomended .cheers emma for a friend xxxx""

Who has the cheapest insurance for a 2004 Chrysler sebring lxi touring?

Who has the cheapest insurance for a 2004 Chrysler sebring lxi touring?

If I put a 1 million dollar life insurance policy on myself then I pay for 3 months then get hit by a car?

Alright so if I get hit by a car after 3 months of having life insurance and I die does my beneficiary get the 1 million?Or will that person only get how much I have payed with the payments?

""Hi Guys, Need your help. I am a first time driver looking for a cheap car insurance for my car?

which company is best for comprehensive car insurance in UK? thanks very much for your time

How much would car insurance cost for a 22 yr old male?

Im 22 yr old male, live in Florida and never owned a car. So how much would i cost for me to get car insurance? Im also a college student.""

Does anyone know the average insurance quotes for 2007 Nissan Altima in North Carolina?

Does anyone know the average insurance quotes for 2007 Nissan Altima in North Carolina?

""New driver, average car insurance?""

Just wondering here, to the new drivers, how much do you pay per month for car insurance. I am canadian so that would be helpful too. If I were to take drivers ed and then get my g2 that way...What would I be expecting to pay monthly?""

Where can I find affordable car insurance in PA for college students?

I will be learning to drive pretty soon and I want to know the cheapest and affordable car insurance out there for students.

What is a good cheap first car to get?

Ok so I'm 17.. learning to drive and want to know what would be a cheap to run but good car to have, whats cheap on tax/insurance etc.. I really have no idea about cars thanks""

pennsylvania insurance fund

pennsylvania insurance fund

How much on average does a 34'-36' sailboat cost? What about insurance rates roughly?

How much on average does a 34'-36' sailboat cost? What about insurance rates roughly?

Can I keep my life insurance?

I'm not going to get medical insurance from where I work at. It includes life insurance. What I want to know is: Since medical and life insurance are combine, do they naturaly cancel since I don't enroll for it? Do I get money back from my life insurance? Can I switch that life insurance to another company?""

What's the best type of health insurance for a pregnant woman?

Is it PPO, HMO, etc...""

""Any way I try, I can't seem to get Car insurance for less than 4000!?""

I passed my test last week on Thursday, found myself a VW polo yesterday, and cannot seem to get insured for less than 4000. I'm 17 years old, just passed, no previous problems or anything, full UK passport etc. The car is a 3 door, 1 litre hatchback. I've attempted to get quotes on other cars as well. I've also tried applying as a second driver, with my father as first. He has 9 years no claims discount and a perfect motoring record. The result is the same. Nothing for less than 4000. I don't understand why it is so much cheaper for others around me to get such cheap insurance! A girl i know got insured a few months ago on her old Citroen A3. She's also 17. The company she found quoted me 4103, whilst she is paying 1300! Where am I going wrong?""

On average how much would a body kit raise insurance?

Like on a mustang! Thank you for your time and may God bless you :)<3

""16, got a car brought for me.. can anyone help me with an insurance question?""

i'm 17 in 3 weeks.. and my parents brought me a car, it has no insurance but we need to get it back to my house. as i'm only 16, does it have to be on my parents insurance until my birthday?""

Should I change Insurance carriers?

Located in Ontario, Canada. Currently with The Personal Insurance Company. My friend got in an at fault accident while she was driving my car. Her husband said he would take of it on his insurance. He never did, they are now divorced and there is no way he is taking responsiblity for it. Result, my insurance went up $80.00 per month. This was five years ago. Recently, I moved to a new location and I have to park on the street, because of this my insurance will go up $30.00 a month. So now I have to pay $230/month. I have been driving and with the same company for over 25 years but they won't give me a break. Should I change companies, any suggestions? Thanks""

How is the mandate to buy car insurance different than the mandate to buy health insurance?

This seems to be a popular talking point among liberals. It saddens me that liberals are so partisan that they are blinded to the obviousness of the differences. So for the record, what are the two differences between the requirement to have car insurance and the requirement to have health insurance? 10 points goes to the most simplistic and straight to the point answer.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance company?

looking for a very affordable auto insurance quote/payment per month. Anyone knows? please and thank you.

Florida car insurance hike?

I used to have Florida auto insurance about 6 months ago. Since then I moved but wanted to return to FL. Recent inquiry for an auto quote I notice the premium has increased doubled in FL. When did this happen? And what actually happened? Just curious. Thanks.

Car insurance? Insurethebox?

Can someone help me please? Im trying to get insurance quotes on a couple of cars, I tried with a Fiat Punto, and coudnt get any AT ALL. I then tried a Citroen C2, that came back at 4grand - 5 grand Fully comp. I then tried to get insured on a Peugeot 206 This also came back at 4-5 grand, fully comp. Insurethebox coudnt even give me a quote? Someone explain this to me? No years bonus, and 18, but still the insurance shoudnt be 4 grand? I would get a corsa, but to many of my friends have them, and i dont want one. I do want a peugeot 206, but i cant get insured.. am i doing something wrong? help!""

How much will insurance be for the smart car that will be released in 2008 in the usa?

will there be a big from the other cars?

Which icar insurance is cheap and best?

where can i find find cheap and good car insurance

How much would it cost for a 2.5 nissan skyline to run? (Like insurance wise for a 17 year old?

How much would it cost for a 2.5 nissan skyline to run? (Like insurance wise for a 17 year old?

Where can I get best and affordable liability insurance for Photographer?

Need liability insurance for over $1M to be able to photograph Resort weddings. There is xxx companies out there offering insurance but It's hard to choose specially when I'm new in it. Somebody told me to become member of PPA and used their discounts for liability insurance. Thank you very much for your time. Frank

Motorcycle insurance?

about how much should it cost?

Homeowners insurance vs. property taxes?

which typically costs more homeowners insurance or property taxes?

Car insurance question.?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of buying a car, it is going to be in his name only. We obviously have to get insurance on the car and he doesn't have a car at the moment so only has a non-owners policy. We have to show proof of full coverage. When we go get the insurance are we supposed to tell them it needs to be on the car we are buying? What info about the car do we need? Also he has a not so good driving record, can he list me as the primary driver if my name is not on the car? And if so, will that make insurance a little cheaper?""

What does Term Life Insurance mean with no surrender value?

If I had a 15 year Term Life Insurance at $100,000. with no surrender value. What would it be at the end of 15 years. Can I collect the full amount on this type of insurance?""

How much does the insurance cost on a 50cc 50km/h moped for a 16 year old?

I will probably get a CBT whatever that is - and could someone please tell me the usual pricing for provisional cat P motorcycle licence and the full one... thanks

How much do insurance adjusters cost?

I am fighting with my insurance company regarding fixing my motor on my boat. The insurance company already denied my claim. So now, I asked them for a second opinion and was told by the claims representative that I would have to pay for the second adjuster to come out. However, her boss did not tell me that I would have to pay out of my pocket for a second adjuster to come out and look at my boat. So I was wondering how much will it (might) cost me to have the second adjuster to come out.""

Individual health insurance?

DOes anyone have or know of any good individual policies? Im currently self employed and need health insurance. Looking for the best and cheapest!

Do I have to be insured to drive an insured car?

I live in California and i recently got my drivers license. I am 17 and still in high school. My dad says i can't drive because i'm not insured even though the car i'm gonna be driving is insured. If i crash what would happen? My friends tell me that only the car needs insurance for me to drive. Who's right?

Insurance Card?

Is it true that your insurance company can refuse to cover you if you didn't have possession of your card in the car at the time of the accident? This is what I was told by a police officer at the scene. (I have a valid insurance policy, but I just didn't have the card there.)""

Lower cost health insurance recommendations needed?

I'm hoping to be working in a few more days thru a staffing agency but their insurance isnt very good, over $800/month for my son and I and VERY limited medical. He has ADHD and has to have coverage. I doubt if we qualify for any state assistance too. But I've looked at a few individual plans thru various carries and they arent much better... for just over $350/month we're both covered (not including dental or vision) but the deductible is SUPER high does anyone know of any insurances with individual plans with a decent price and coverage. We're in California""

pennsylvania insurance fund

pennsylvania insurance fund

How much would car insurance be for me?

I finished driving school I average a 3.4 GPA I will drive a owned 07 Chevy impala Parents have good driving record. I'm 15 years old I live in Texas How much would car insurance be for me? It doesn't have to be exact i just want to get an idea of how much. Thank You

Would the car insurance cost more than this car?

I'm thinking of buying an old car for $300 maybe a bit more I have my eye on a few cars like a Vauxhall. I heard car insurance is very expensive maybe a months cost of insurance will cost more than the car?!?! What price i'm I looking at?

Car insurance and crash?

so i am 17 and i got in my first car crash since ive got my license about half a year ago. the car crash damages were about 5 thousand on a 8 thousand dollar car. does that mean my insurance is going to shoot up? and im not gonna be able to drive?

Are we going to have to have a secondary health insurance to insure against the newly sky-high deductibles?

Are we going to have to have a secondary health insurance to insure against the newly sky-high deductibles?

Car insurance for a G37?

I am under my parents car insurance, i havent been in an accident and have no point on my record. I also have all a's and b's. I currently have AAA and have been driving for 2.5 years. Is a G37 considered a sports car under AAA? if it is considered a sports car, how much would my insurance increase? (right now i have a honda accord 2004)""

Is auto insurance cheaper if I live with my parents or on my own?

Is auto insurance cheaper if I live with my parents or on my own?

How much is a no insurance ticket in California?

This is my first time getting a ticket so I don't know how it works. I was in my brother's car and it has no insurance however my car does. I live in the bay area if it helps. My ticket won't come for another 3-4 weeks and I just want to have a idea of how much it will be. Thanks!

What car would be cheaper for insurance?

I am about to be 16 and I live in nebraska in a small town I was thinking of getting a 2005 camaro or a 2000 or 2003 corvette what car would be cheaper for car insurance and if I get a truck would you recomand a ford f250 or ford f350 and how much would insurance be monthly for the ford trucks and if you have any sports cars you would recomand to get then tell me it and insurance on it monthly

Does being a cyclist affect health insurance rates? How so?

A cyclist might be more at risk to injury in accidents because they're on a bicycle instead of inside a car, but cyclists are probably generally healthier.""

Car insurance for 17 year old?

around how much would insurance cost on a BMW M3 E46 CSL its a 3.2 litre ? i am 17 years old.

Vehicle insurance question?

If I make a buisness delivery in my personal vehicle and have an accident, will my insurance cover me?""

Does anyone know of affordable medical insurance for unemployed individuals in NY state?

Does anyone know of affordable medical insurance for unemployed individuals in NY state?

Car insurance with low down paymnet?

i am a nj driver. i have 2 tickets on my driving record (from 2 yrs ago but most insurance companies look at a time span between 3-5 yrs) plus i am under 25. so naturally when i look for car insurance rates they are HIGH. i went to geico, progressive, allstate, and about what seems like a hundred others and they all want to charge me $200-300 dollars a MONTH. (my car isen't a benz or BMW it's a honda civic for crying out loud!) i finally found car insurance at CURE and it's only about $90 a month, but they want a down payment of $263. Is there any insurance company that doesn't expect such a large down payment?""

Does any insurance co. in the state of Georgia suppose to give you car insurance if the title isn't in yo name?

Does any insurance co. in the state of Georgia suppose to give you car insurance if the title isn't in yo name?

When does insurance comapanies stop charging outrageous rate for male sports car drivers?

I just turned 24 and am thinking about getting a sports car. I heard the insurance comapany charge outrageous rate for male drivers until certain age. I was wondering what that age is.

Question about car insurance?

if someone gets a car and payes it to the owner in monthly rates, and he gets a insurance for that car. but th car is not signed over to you yet, so legally it is not yours yet. and before you make the first payment you get in an accident. you pay the car off with the insurance money, but the insurance gives you more money than the owner wanted for it, who gets the rest of that money????? you?""

Does anyone know any cheap insurance companies for me.?

i got my boyfriend a street bike and its under my name so the insurance has to be under my name to.

Does anybody know of or know a way of finding an insurance company that insures car park operators?

I want to hire 50 car parking spaces from a major retail outlet in the UK with a view to renting these spaces to commuters /I will be sharing their car park with the retailers customers. Does anybody know of or know a way of finding an insurance company that insures car park operators?

I need free insurance quotes that wont pull my credit report?

Im doing a project for school and I need to be able to enter in different attributes of an individual to determine how it would effect the insurance premium (I need dollar amounts). I need this for both home and auto insurance. Every site that I found requires your SSN and an accurate name so they can pull your credit report. Isnt there a site that does a general estimate of premiums?

How many people work in the health insurance industry?

* I need statistics & numbers doing a paper on health insurance

Affordable dental insurance in Michigan?

I live in Saginaw Michigan and I am looking for affordable dental insurance. Any good leads?

What happens if you get denied life insurance?

What happens if you get denied life insurance?

How much money will I need for health insurance if I retire at 56?

I'm thinking of possibly retiring when I'm 56. I'm 55 now. I have about $60,000 saved for health insurance purposes. I will not be eligible for any tax credits through Obama-Care as I have too much money saved up. Will $60,000 be enough to pay for health insurance till I'm 65?""

Will a no turn on red ticket increase my insurance rate?

Got a ticket for no turn on red . To be fair, I saw the sign and ignored it. There was absolutely no traffic and I didn't feel like waiting. Officer set a trap and nab'ed me. I didn't make up a story to him. He gave me a $100 ticket and didn't give me any points on my license. I'm 20, been driving for 3, almost 4, years and have a flawless record. What are the chances my insurance, which is Allstate, will increase. I have no plans on fighting this ticket, will plead guilty and pay the fine.""

Car Insurance Questions?

How Much Would Car Insurance Cost Approximatly For A 27 Yr Old Male With An Owned Vehicle? Do You Pay Every Month Or How Does It Work?

pennsylvania insurance fund

pennsylvania insurance fund

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/disability-income-insurance-quotes-online-zachary-murphy/"

[travelerwithacause-blog]

Daisies & Compost

Daisies and Compost; a reference to the highlights and lowlights of an individual’s day.

**please note that so many things have been happening and that these are just bits a pieces. If I tell you everything I’ll more likely end up providing you with a nap!

 Daisies of the past few weeks:

New Friends! Over the past month, in particular, I had the wonderful opportunity to live and work with two AMAZING young women, Rachel and Livia. Before these two wonderful humans moved into the house that I am living in, I felt rather awkward and more often than not, like an outsider. Upon the arrival of both of them, it didn’t take long for me to begin to feel more comfortable around the house and at Missionvale. I’d say they both brought out the best in me during their time here. I’ve laughed to the point of crying numerous times in the last month and cried until I laughed. My last day working with the two of them was on Friday and I tell you what, the whole day was difficult for me. Knowing that come Monday I won’t have my dancing and singing buddies with me. Dinner on Friday was sad as Rachel flew out that evening, Saturday afternoon and night were especially difficult for me, as Livia flew out Saturday afternoon-not only was she my housemate and co-volunteerer, but she was also my roommate. She was the first roommate I’ve had so far living in this house and I couldn’t have asked for a better human to have shared a room with! I wish both Rachel and Livia the best of luck on their future endeavors and look forward to seeing them again in the future!

Nature’s Valley. Three weeks ago now, a large group of people from the house and I travelled to Nature’s Valley, which is a gorgeous area near Tsitsikamma. There we stayed at the lovely hippie-esque hostel called Wild Spirit Backpackers; which was the kind of place that I knew I’d love from the moment we pulled into the drive. The scenic views that surrounded the grounds, the most perfect sunrise-watching spots along with a platform in a tree for watching sunsets! It really captured my heart. Also, there were dogs and puppies, naturally I adored the place! We didn’t go for the hostel alone though; Saturday we woke up bright and early, watched the sunrise and then headed out to do a 5 hour hike. I honestly have no idea what the name of this hike/trail is, but I could get to the trailhead from the hostel and get through the hike no problem now that I’ve done it! (= This hike was amazing, it was challenging but not too challenging, and the views that came with it were worth every drop of sweat. At one point we were walking along a long stretch of beach. We looked out into the ocean and there were orcas feeding! I kid you not, there must have been at least ten orcas out there! Later on, after hiking almost to the top of a mountain…that we didn’t need to hike to the top of….we had this spectacular view of the ocean where we saw hundreds of dolphins as well as a humpback whale. Now, usually I would’ve been pretty made about putting in the much effort in the high heat of the day, but this time around, I really couldn’t complain at all.  We didn’t do too much for the weekend, that hike was really our biggest event. Sunday a few of us went to Monkeyland, which was neat, but nothing too crazy. The whole weekend was really just a nice get away from the city, which anyone that knows me, knows is my kind of weekend!

Concert at Bridge Street Brewery. I feel extremely fortunate to have arrived in Port Elizabeth already knowing a few people that reside here. It made being here easier and more comfortable for me. One of the lovely humans that I knew upon arrival is my friend Shelby. She’s hella rad. You should be jealous if you don’t know her. Shelby also has great taste in music, which is one of the many things I love about her. I also love that she fills me in about things such as local shows while I’m here! She informed me that a band called Desmond and the Tutus was going to be playing at Bridge Street Brewery. I had never heard of this band so I gave them a listen and decided that they were fun and rad, so I agreed to go. I also invited the previously mentioned Livia to join, so she did. We got there a bit early to enjoy dinner and some beers, and this made for a good start to what ended up being the best night I’ve had in P.E. thus far. The first two of three openers where solo artists that did mostly covers, they both had a lot of talent and were enjoyable to listen to. The third opener was this great local band, Too Many Chiefs, they were great. They did a wonderful job of getting the crowd warmed up and raising the energy levels. Seriously, check them out, I’m sure you’ll love them. After enjoying their great set, it was finally time for the main act, Desmond and the Tutus I tell you what, that was the most energy I’ve ever felt in a crowd. We were right next to the stage (don’t get too excited now, it was a small venue) and were up close and personal with the singer and guitarist. At one point the delightful guitarist even handed us his bottle of adult drink and each of us in our little group were able to take a drink before handing it back. That isn’t something that I’ve ever had happen, so yes, it was amazing. I can’t forget to mention the fact that it rained…it rained hard. Of course the band was covered and so was 90% of the crowd. Of course we were standing right in the small space between the roof of the building and the roof of the tent. We left soaked to the bone but that was more than alright, the memories made that night were worth it.

Now for the Compost:

Livia Leaving. This was one of the two most difficult things for me to handle lately. Livia became more than just a roommate or housemate for me. She became one of my best friends. Her month here flew by much too quickly and saying “see you later” to her was more difficult than anyone else so far. Please don’t think that I haven’t met other people that I will miss, because I have, but Livia was my roommate and I grew closer to her than I have to any other individual in my time here. I know that it wasn’t a good-bye, that it really was a “see you later” because we definitely will, somehow, someday, somewhere, see each other again, hopefully with our significant others in tow! I’m not going to lie to any of you, I cried when she left. I cried quite a lot to be honest. Also, my room was much too empty last night. So here’s to a new a beautiful friendship!

True Heartbreak. I apologize now if this breaks your heart as it broke mine. Friday, as we were handing out the half loaves of bread and powdered soup to the “late-sleepers” I witnessed a young (30’s) woman shove an oma (elderly woman) to the ground as she tried to get in line BEHIND her. The oma was shoved so hard that she hit her head and her feet flew up over her. Luckily one of the wonderful staff members at Missionvale also witnessed this atrocity and removed the young woman (and her son) from the center. When the oma approached the window she still had tears in her eyes. My heart shattered once as I watched the incident take place and again when I saw the look on her face. I gave her an extra scoop of the soup and immediately stepped away from the window, I couldn’t hold back my tears and felt the sadness all the way to my stomach. I was happy that I hadn’t eaten much because I’m sure I would’ve seen it a second time if I had.

Internship Struggles. Let me just say, that my internship is absolutely nothing like I had expected it to be. Prior to leaving for South Africa I had all of these great ideas brewing in my mind of what I might possibly do, what ways; that I could remember from last year, might I be able to help. I had ideas for projects and honestly felt rather prepared to be here. I was wrong. I was not at all prepared, turns out I didn’t even bring a notebook... To start, I spent my first week at Missionvale Care Centre working without the managers knowing that I was here, to this day I’m not sure that the manager who helped me arrange all of this, knows who I am. I am learning so much about what I, as an outsider, perceive to be a need for the community, and what it is that this beautiful community needs from me. It is difficult for me to abandon all that I had wanted to do, in order to do what actually needs to be done; but I’m quite sure that is the point of my being here. I’m also learning how to be more patient. The culture in South Africa is not nearly as fast-paced or organized as it is in America. Things move a little more slowly with less steps than I’m used to and honestly, some days that frustrates the hell out of me. For example, I am supposed to meet with the Health Promotion Team at Missionvale and go with them into the school to see what it is they do. For two weeks now I have been told to come back the next day and the next day. I told those ladies, like it or not, I’m going to be there Tuesday morning and they’re just going to have to figure out what to do with me! They had a good laugh and promised it’ll work out on Tuesday…I’ll keep you all updated on how that goes.

As I type up this “Internship Struggles” bit as Compost, I am realizing, that maybe this isn’t actually compost, at least not in the long run. I feel that it is these small, annoying and frustrating things that are going to help me be the professional that I can possibly be later on in life. So maybe for today, yes, this is Compost; but hopefully in the future I will look back at this and see that it has nurtured the ground and allowed Daisies to grow.

 With all of my love, from the land of my dreams, Ubuntu.

[datingadviceonreddit]

The situation ended a few weeks ago and we haven’t spoken at all since, but I am still confused about why it happened in the way that it did. Perhaps one of you can provide some interesting insight. To be clear, I have no intention of speaking to him ever again, and I am coming to accept that what's done is done and that I should get over it. But I still don't quite get it.In mid January, a month after breaking up with my long term boyfriend, my friends jokingly set me up a tinder profile. I went along with it because I found it quite funny and told them I probably wasn’t going to use it at all. In the next 24 hours, I swiped left on most guys and the few I did match with came across as creepy. I received a super like from a pretty good looking and seemingly charming (based on his short, but witty bio) guy and swiped right. He engaged me in good conversation from the start and spoke constantly over the next five days before meeting up for crazy golf and dinner for our first date.Now let me give you a lowdown on what I had gathered about him as a person before we went on a date and a bit about myself. I’m a final year uni student living in Birmingham, UK. He’s in his penultimate year at university in Nottingham and is living in Birmingham while he completes a year long internship as a part of his course. Before meeting him, I had only every been involved with my ex, who I was with for two and half years. My tinder man has had three serious relationships since the age of eighteen, each lasting 4 – 6 months. I gathered in between he had had A LOT of flings. I later came to find out I was girl number twenty.I was apprehensive about the first date. Given his history and the fact he seemed a little on the cocky side, I wasn’t sure how he’d come across. I did enjoy the banter we had over text – I am a fairly strong character and give as good as I get, so I appreciate a challenge. My ex had a similar personality in certain respects.However, it went very well. There wassn’t a single dull or awkward moment. We spoke incredibly frankly about our past relationships, our families, our education and aspirations and our interests. We had a debate or two and disagreed in several areas, yet it didn’t bother either of us. He appeared at first to have a lot of the traits I think I look for – ambition, confidence, strong minded, while being fun and open to new experiences. At the end of the date he asked me what I would say to a second date – dinner round at his – and I said yes. He told me later it was one of the strangest first dates he’d ever been on – but that it was also very, very good.Second date went just as well. Naturally, one thing almost led to another. But I did not sleep with him then and there. I told him I wasn’t interested in casual sex and I a) wanted to get to know someone b) wanted there to be a strong connection and potential for a relationship before sleeping with him. He didn’t push, but he did make a point that it was unusual. Of all his past conquests, he said only one had made him wait more than a few dates and that was his longest relationship – which only ended because she had to return to her home country. He had already told me about her before, so it wasn’t the first I’d heard of her. But he said he respected that.We met up once or twice a week for the next month and texted every evening. We told each other a lot about ourselves. Every date and every conversation felt as good as the previous one. He didn’t ever sound too unbelieveable (but maybe I was being incredibly naive) but he made his feelings towards me clear: he got on really well with me, liked talking and hanging out with me, felt that we were very similar characters and that I generally understood him, and that there was chemistry. He said he felt comfortable being himself around me and that he could see us in a relationship. There were a few occasions before I finally decided I was ready that he did attempt to have sex with me. After the last one, I told him that I thought I might be ready, but even if we weren’t official, we would have to be exclusive. He agreed. And the next time, I slept with him.Aaaaaand then it got weird. We carried out talking as normal over the next few days. I didn’t suspect a thing until he asked casually in the middle of conversation if I was sure that I couldn’t just do friends with benefits. I flat out refused and decided I would take it up with him in person during our next date. We went to dinner and then back to his. He told me on the car journey to his that he wasn’t sure he was ready to commit. Why? Well he didn’t want to do long distance when he returned to Nottingham. This was partly because – he strongly implied – he had a reputation to uphold. And he didn’t want to commit fully for the next few months before he went (which I said I was willing to do) because he was scared of falling for someone. He told me he committed in the short term to the girl who moved back to her home country and, having got invested and hurt when she left, he didn’t want to do it again. But he did still want to casually date / friends with benefits until the end of his internship, because he did like me and didn’t think he’d find anyone he’d get on with better while he was here.I was fuming. We both tried to get our way – I argued he should commit to seeing me exclusively while he insisted we should keep dating casually. Both of us admitted we didn’t want to throw our relationship away entirely. We decided to stay friends. He did imply during this time that there were certain aspects of my personality he wasn’t as attracted to me as he originally made out. As these were directly contradictory with what he had said previously I figured he was either showing his true colours or making excuses for his own behaviour. Weeks later and a few platonic meet ups later, he told me he couldn’t just be friends and didn’t want to see me again. He said he still wanted to keep in touch, although I gathered from his conversation of late that it was rather half hearted. I was starting more conversations than he was. I told him I could see he wasn’t really interested and I wasn’t going to embarrass myself by still talking to him. No words have been exchanged since.I was – possibly am – more hurt by it than I wanted to admit. I just find it hard to digest he wasted so much of his own time chasing a girl that he probably knew he wouldn’t be able to ensnare in the way he wanted. But I guess that’s the thrill. I do believe he did quite like me – but it was his priorities and lack of maturity that sabotaged any potential. I did say he should keep in touch – but I think I can be sure I probably won’t hear anything now.So, what do you make of this? via /r/dating_advice