#i’m just feeling emotions rn
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I don’t like Moon :)
#rambles#i just want y’all to know that <3#I’ll probably go on an actual ramble… maybe#all i’ll say for now#is that I don’t like him because he treats his siblings shitty#idk#i’m just feeling emotions rn#and I need to calm down before I go on a tangent lol#and I have school work to do#soooooooooooooo
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the transgender urge to curl up like a small fluffy animal against someone you love’s warm body and make little mewling and sighing and whining sounds as they pet you and praise you for having tried so hard to be human until you fall asleep
#it’s one of those days#it’s one of those nights#i’m fine and everything is ok rn. but my brain is kind of not working great#i feel so… limited. like there’s a lot i want to do but my energy and focus just isn’t there#and my emotions are just always lowkey sad and lonely rn#so i’m just desperate for physical affection#but i can’t really get much of that atm#i just want to cuddle for an hour with someone#maybe more#*tired and sad puppy noises*#personal post
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i need an angsty jiuyuan fic where SJ gets in his own way despite desperately wanting to be with SY. because he wants it so bad and everything that he’s ever wanted has been taken from him, and every good thing he’s tried to do has turned out for the worst, and SY is so good and surely he will taint it, surely it’s better to end it before it hurts too much. hashtag doomed by the narrative and also maybe helping the narrative doom you a little. maybe letting yourself be doomed is easier, if you do it yourself, it won’t hurt as bad, surely.
#svsss#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#shen jiu#jiuyuan#i’m just craving pain rn#(because my emotional support roommate isn’t here#and i’m feeling sad)
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see I thought everyone was kind of exaggerating when they said “total eclipse was originally written for a nosferatu musical” and now here I am looking it up online and learning yes indeed it was and tearing up being like “it’s actually ellen and orlok’s song 🥲🥲”
#like it’s their fucking prom song and giggling a little because jfc that is NOT even remotely how I feel about them as a ship#but also reducing it to lol prom song has me like you know what this is cute. fucked up but cute. sweet even. fuck it all!!#next time I watch that edit of total eclipse to their kiss I’m gonna sob I know it#I love them both#nosferatu 2024#nosferatu spoilers#total eclipse of the heart#ellen hutter#count orlok#Like I can’t even say I ship them cuz I don’t rly? but god fucking dammit I get so emotional about them#everything about them#this is same energy as me not having read or seen wuthering heights and tearing up to the chorus of Kate bush’s song being like#I didn’t care about Cathy and heathcliff before rly but I sure do now!!! 🥲🥲#I am a changed man to say the least#it’s the witching hour and I can’t sleep cuz I’ve got top surgery in a couple hours too so I’m just a whole basket of emotions rn. yeah :)
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Something that will never not be funny to me is how Harlan writes dialogue for John and then realizes how fucking romantic it sounds so he has to follow up every interaction in which he talk to anyone ABOUT Arthur with a “friend” at the end lmao.
“My king, I respect the affection and care you bestow upon your very dear FRIEND”
“He’s meat”
“Yeas but he’s my meat- MY FRIEND”
“Why does he chose you and not me?”
“Because I love him.
And he loves me. That’s FRIENDSHIP”
Sir, just stop.
Are you doing this to mess with us or are you doing this to yourself and we are all just going along with it for the feels?
(And, just to clarify, this is not a “they are clearly in love with each other” post, but me saying that (whether read as platonic or romantic) it felt like Harlan realizing how beautifully he wrote a piece of dialogue and then having to throw 3 “friends” for good measure in the next sentence, lest the fandom bursts into flames. And that’s seemed a little funny to me)
#malevolent#I just listened to the witch and GOOD GOD#I can usually suspend my disbelief but last episode it got to the point of just sounding like a silly gag instead of actual dialog lmao xD#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#malevolent john#malevolent pod#john doe#malevolent spoilers#and yk what?#I usually vibe with the unhinged aromantics so much but rn#rn I’m just in a ‘nah bro they definitely look at eachother with love in their eye’#usually they are my emotional support unghinged esoterical qpr#but rn I’m living from reading John as#a tragically pinning gay dumbass who is slowly choosing the man who does not reciprocate his feelings over his immortality over and over yk#I’m not ok#I’ll probably go back to reading them as bffs who would kill and die with and for eachother#like probably next episode or the moment they have a tender moment again like it usually happens yk?#but dayum is Harlan not doing himself anyfavours to beat the shipping allegations#mans the captain of his own ship and he is purposefully sinking it wth man?#Well??? can they kiss? as friends??? like I feel they would both benefit from kissing eachother… as friends of course
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therapy
#personal#vent#comic#im fine rn btw im just reflecting#Working thru all my issues alone is starting to feel like a larger task than its worth though#I was able to largely deal w one big trauma recently after 4 years and I was rly proud of myself for that bc I did it alone#So Like I’m not even saying I can’t work thru my issues by myself#But like. Maybe I shouldn’t have to yk#Like the truth is I like myself a lot and I don’t like watching myself suffering as weird as that sounds#So maybe I need to take initiative for once instead of putting myself thru awful shit waiting to work it out#But also I’d have to talk to my parents bc therapy isn’t cheap and I’m still on their insurance afaik#And everytime I’ve talked to them about therapy it’s been like this 😭 they don’t deal with emotions well at all#And there’s never a good time to bring it up
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hi! i love you very much! :)
have you taken a drink of water lately? have you eaten yet? have you slept enough? :) make sure you’re doing the things that keep you healthy, happy, and comfy, whatever those things may be! 💛
if scrolling through all the different watcher related opinions is making you upset (no matter where you stand on the decision) please PLEASE prioritize your mental health!
don’t hesitate to unfollow certain tags, block people, or even delete the app if it makes you happy! :)
or if scrolling makes you happy, do that too! just please take care of yourselves!!! much love! 💛
#watcher#watcher entertainment#we are watcher#shane madej#ryan bergara#steven lim#stay healthy you guys! :)#hugging all of you gently!#💛💛💛#trying my hardest to be a positive blog through this all!#(but if you’re not a positive blog rn that’s okay! everyone is allowed to be upset or angry or feel whatever emotion they feel! :D)#I’m just trying to be a neutral voice through it all#and keep people healthy#because i know ppl are struggling with this :)#hell I’M struggling with it!!!#but we will ALL be okay and its important to know that! :)
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,
#started typing out a long soppy post as i’m emotional rn but decided otherwise#i just want to say thank you to the community really#this is by far the nicest community i have ever had the pleasure of being part of#and i’ve always had imposter syndrome i guess and other fandoms only amplified that and made me feel beyond useless#and i’ve always had the misfortune of only being known as ‘[person]’s friend’ or ‘[person]’s mutual’ etc#and never as just my own person i guess#and i kind of got used to that? i got used to people only communicating with me to get to someone else - usually someone with more clout-#or followers or whatever#and ngl part of that still fucking stings#and is partly why i joined this community completely anonymous#like i am just anonymous community member fitpacs with nothing more than pronouns#and the fact i have managed to make friends and connections in this community even with that - it astounds me#and it means the absolute fucking world#i’ve never had the feeling of complete acceptance in an online sphere (i’ve dealt with irl aspects in therapy dw im fine)#so i just want to say thank you for accepting me wholly and completely in this community (q/smpblr/ratinhos/huevitos)#i honestly wasn’t expecting the warm welcome because of past fandoms#and i don’t know how ive managed to have such a wholesome experience honestly but thank you#thank you for reading my fics and my shitposts and sending kind anons (remember ‘fitpacs appreciation day’?!)#just thank you for accepting me for me and not expecting anything in return#i may regret posting this tomorrow but oh well#thank you for accepting anonymous community member fitpacs and expecting nothing in return - it means the world to me and then some
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Just finished rebellion!!! Hahahahahaha I’m SO normal right now!!!
#ough. OUGH.#kind of mixed rn. but. I’m gonna let it settle#honestly in my book a movie is a good movie if it can make you feel anything#and the amount of genuine tears I shed watching this thing proves that#like. genuine tears. not exaggerating#the pure emotion I feel for these characters and this series is crazy I was sobbing on the floor#anyway. super excited for walpurgis rising#I NEED a conclusion to this arc right fucking now#you can’t just leave it like that and they’re not going to and I’m so happy#pmmm#madoka magica#puella magi madoka magica#pmmm rebellion
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okay, so its officially been a year since i posted my first milex fanfic and i just wanted to say the most MASSIVE thank you to everyone who’s left comments/kudos/messages on it over the last twelve months 💗 writing this fic pulled me out of long drought of writer’s block and truly restored my joy in writing, and i am eternally grateful to alex and miles and their wonderful music (and ridiculous exploits) for inspiring me, but also to everyone who supported and encouraged me to keep writing. whether you left comments on this fic right from the start, or just started reading it last week - i truly can’t begin to adequately express how much it means to know that something you’ve written is being enjoyed by or means something to other people. thank you all so SO much 💖
#please excuse the soppiness#i’m just feeling a little emotional over this#thinking about me a year ago posting the first chapter of this and having no idea where it was going to take me#ie back into the kind of inspiration and joy in creativity i’d been missing for such a long time#but also into the most wonderful fandom that i’m so so happy to be a part of 🥹#here comes the sun#(also to readers of four walls i promise i haven’t forgotten about the next update - i’m just recovering from a cold rn but will post asap)#milex#lulu posts
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all the girlies with irregular periods… please tell me you also feel like shit when another month passes and you don’t bleed but you get every other symptom and it’s just miserable. i’m on month three??? since i’ve had my last period and i’m in agony 😁
#having a little emo moment bc I hate that my body can’t just do what it’s supposed to do#and no one else around me has this problem so it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me and I’m damaged and it makes me spiral#just having a moment I’ll be fine tomorrow but emotional rn
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Had a mini-discussion with @wistfulwillows about this earlier, but y’know how Percy and Annabeth’s grey streaks are starting to fade in HoH?
Just imagining when they get older and their first natural greys start to come in - the memories that conjures up. The trauma and stress of literally holding up the world, yes, but also their teen years in wide strokes - blue cookies in the Poseidon cabin, late nights doing crosswords on the green at Camp, training and tutoring and stealing kisses between life-changing prophecies.
Going grey with your partner is already such a romantic notion, and they get to do it twice.
#i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings okay?! very emotional rn#hhhhhhh i’ll throw up (and not just because i’m actually sick rn)#hold on i gotta reread…#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#annabeth chase#percabeth
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guys I’m really in love with and obsessed with tee rn
#I just thought I’d say this#SHE SAID SHE WAS EMOTIONAL THAT I WAS LEAVING TO GO TO UNI#AND IT FEELS SYMBOLIC SINCE WE NEVER EVEN MET#BUT IT MEANS WE ARE CONNECTED 🥹🥹🥹🥹#and I’m just in sappy lovey mood rn 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽#★ — emptalkshit!
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You know, that would be ANGSTY COMICAL if we mixed that in the aftermath of the reveal of who is the real creator, since it could be taken as the creator REPLACING characters who hurt them.
-🥘Stew
that was the intent!
i think diluc would have it easiest. red is from a hateful part of his past, and he knows that he’s grown beyond that stage. if it weren’t for red’s temperament, he’d want to try and connect, if only to gain his trust. it still hurts, knowing that even after all this time he still failed to be what you needed, but it burns him the least.
fischl would be worse. night is everything she tried so badly to be, down to her own oz. to make it worse, night couldn’t care less about fischl, ignoring her monologues about who’s the real princess. the only one she needs the approval of is you, and she’d gotten that the second she was first summoned. she does fischl the mercy of letting her keep her name, but even that is mostly at your discretion. ‘fischl,’ ‘night,’ whatever. she just needs to protect you where amy failed.
and kaeya… my poor beloved. if night is what fischl wanted to be, shade is what kaeya has to be. night is a persona that fischl copied, shade is the very mask kaeya had put on for all his life. he’d entirely remade himself, down to the name he used and the way he treated his fellow knights, and it still wasn’t enough. all of his effort was poured into making himself something that could be accepted, that could be good enough. he’d thought he’d done a good job when he was first marked as a vessel, but now in the hunt it’s clear that his palatability only ran skin deep. shade is what you need, shade is what you want, and he’s genuine about it. shade’s entire life is yours, and he was rewarded for that devotion with your affection, earning a place at your side. and kaeya had devoted himself to the hunt instead, was so blinded by his own desires that he’d ignored the resistance of his vision. diluc may hate his past and fischl may hate night, but kaeya can only really hate himself.
#m1d : [chats]#m1d : [secrets]#stew🥘 anon#the shining nikki saga#the dark side of dawn#sailwind shadow#hello. i need a moment to be emotional about venti really quick sorry#hey siri put on my yearning playlist#fucking. destroyed. on the floor reminiscing about something that never happened.#me when i’m the victim of an idea of my own making#me when i’m the cause and the cure. me when ventis stuck in a problem that isn’t there. obliterated.#no words for this feeling rn. venti i’d like to formally apologize for the shit i’m about to put you through#‘it’s just a video game’ well your honor. it’s giving me shrimp emotions. so jot that down.#to clarify this is about nothing canon and nothing irl i’m just on the painful end of my own ideas#the author that writes the words and the reader that’s bound by them you know.#don’t worry if all goes well you’ll be inflicted with my pain too. provided i can pull it off.#pull it off as in convey it right not pull off the weight of it. i should shut up now.
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so funny to me how ppl on tumblr will read a post that says, within the post, SEVERAL times, “hey this isn’t super well-thought out discussion and shouldn’t be treated as such i’m just sharing an individual opinion and my word should not be taken as fact” and then refuse to understand that whether they agree or disagree with the op
#marzi speaks#before anyone asks this isn’t a reference to anything in particular. just a trend i’ve noticed here#someone will go ‘i’m kinda emotional rn so this post probably won’t be the most well-constructed i’m kinda just venting’#and then either be like ‘THIS OPINION IS THE ONLY CORRECT OPINION TO HAVE THANK YOU OP FOR BEING RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND TEACHING US’#or ‘UMMMM no fuck this. fuck you. this one sentence felt vaguely aggressive to me and therefore you are WRONG and HATEFUL’#‘and you need to apologize to me and everyone else bc you’re being a Shit Person’#like genuinely. i know this is the piss on the poor website but can we learn critical thinking. please#like we need to consider intended message. intended audience. and intended impact#if someone making a vent post on their blog with 20 followers uses highly emotional language#that is not them presenting a subjective argument as objective!#intended message: op is experiencing a negative feeling#intended audience: their 20 followers who know and understand that this is just someone expressing a frustration#intended impact: little to none. maybe receive comfort or validation#not every post made on the internet is someone giving a college lecture or a speech or even standing on a soapbox#it’s like hearing someone mutter to themselves in public and deciding that they were trying to teach a class#also not everyone who disagrees with you is trying to change your mind#that’s another thing i’ve noticed. many folks here view disagreements as a thing to be won and moralized. it’s kinda shit imo#anyways post done. funnily enough i feel the need to disclaim that this is not a smart mars post this is a ‘this thing annoys me’ mars post
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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