#I am a changed man to say the least
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see I thought everyone was kind of exaggerating when they said “total eclipse was originally written for a nosferatu musical” and now here I am looking it up online and learning yes indeed it was and tearing up being like “it’s actually ellen and orlok’s song 🥲🥲”
#like it’s their fucking prom song and giggling a little because jfc that is NOT even remotely how I feel about them as a ship#but also reducing it to lol prom song has me like you know what this is cute. fucked up but cute. sweet even. fuck it all!!#next time I watch that edit of total eclipse to their kiss I’m gonna sob I know it#I love them both#nosferatu 2024#nosferatu spoilers#total eclipse of the heart#ellen hutter#count orlok#Like I can’t even say I ship them cuz I don’t rly? but god fucking dammit I get so emotional about them#everything about them#this is same energy as me not having read or seen wuthering heights and tearing up to the chorus of Kate bush’s song being like#I didn’t care about Cathy and heathcliff before rly but I sure do now!!! 🥲🥲#I am a changed man to say the least#it’s the witching hour and I can’t sleep cuz I’ve got top surgery in a couple hours too so I’m just a whole basket of emotions rn. yeah :)
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a beta reader left a comment on my manuscript that was basically:
"this story is a waste of my time."
and it's like....
i have thick skin and all, since i've been working with beta readers for a long time, but...
ouch.
thanks, i guess. helpful.
#like#alright?#tbh beta readers have been driving me nuts lately#finding good ones has been a real headache#bc i specifically tell people im not looking for line edits#and all they do is line edits#i ask them to focus on the plot#and they say yeah ok#but then they do like grammar checks#and its like#this story is in an early draft form#i do not need grammar checks#and i told them that#but no ones listening to that lol#well at least people are kinda trying to be friendly tho#this one particular beta reader#christ#i cant remember where i got her#i doubt its tumblr#the people ive dragged from here have been friendly if not helpful#she feels like#someone i found on reddit methinks#also i dont think her criticisms make sense#like im open to criticisms i really am#ive already changed a lot of my opening stuff#but this particular beta reader man#shes constantly complaining that shes confused but#no one else whos read that section has been confused#i wonder if perhaps#our intelligence is not equivalent
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Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.
This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.
I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.
Transcription:
[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"
#beren#bilbo#frodo#tolkien#túrin#the man the myth the legends#beowulf except everybody is short#one shiny#three shinies#everyone deserved better except mîm#what's this a happy ending#my trash#is this actually funny or am i just tired#i'm sorry professor tolkien#/end classification tags#túrin keeps becoming a bigger and bigger guy in my drawings and at this rate he's going to be way taller and broader than he should be#canonically he was really tall and broad but i don't think the professor meant like THIS#at least it makes him really distinct i guess#gonna be sufficiently intimidating for the dagor dagorath#but in the meantime he's just making beren look like a schoolkid in this doodle#(and as i'm sitting here writing these tags i suddenly realize i forgot túrin's white hair streaks again)#(tsk tsk shame on me)#(and didn't it say somewhere that beren's hair also turned grey...? i can't remember where it said that though)#(0 for 2 i have failed all of us)#ANYWAY in my absence tumblr apparently changed formatting again which is not cool but whatever#it's nice to draw again#i've had art block for like 9 months straight#and suddenly this month i suddenly was able to write AND draw again as if i never stopped#i've had writer's block since maybe 2021 so that was the most surprising part#weirdest thing ever but i'm not mad about it
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mindless rambling in tags don't mind me
#not art post#rambling in tags because i can and its MY BLOG#anyway its about tdp *waits* ok for the three of you that actually care#someone retweeted one of my threads from 2019 after s2 dropped (imo the BEST tdp season) and i reread it#and tbh i am still right about viren's characterization#obviously canon changed some things but TO BE REAL..... i dont care what the writers say bc i had beef since s3#how am i supposed to believe any viren and callum parallels and callbacks when they..... havent talked since when?#and uhhh viren's demise lol i expected it but wow i am not happy with the lead up to it#more cool and eloquent people put it in better words on twitter and probably tumblr too idk i just say things and hope they make sense#anyway viren is still the very real traumatized angry severely depressed old man from s2... his life was just revealed to be so much worse#like damn. he was poor he was orphan he got divorced and then a stupid mirror started ruining his life even more#yes the mirror was the start of it why do you think aaravos revealed himself after viren's firey break down#aaravos went i can make him worse and ran with it#should viren go to prison? yeah i never once denied that lmao but god he and his family were really the ones to suffer in the show#at least viren is gone so i can just *plucks him out of the dirt and morphs him into my own oc* (im for real)#i got maybe more to say but this is long and im lazy and im not too smart so i will just move on#i will watch s7................................... i GUESS and if you find salt i will probably be there lol
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Yo any Diluc Brainrotters out there?
I wanna make a longer post about Diluc's and Kaeya's dynamic with an interpretation I haven't really seen
Unfortunately the entire thing hinges on if Diluc has ever called Kaeya /anything/ other than his work titles
#ragbros#diluc ragnvindr#Kaeya Alberich#Kaeya#diluc#dont worry his 'im not your bro' line has been considered and processed#but like was there ANY other time?#I've searched places I usually stay well away from but no one evers posts the source of Diluc's side or say where they pull it from#only of Kaeya's#I know Kaeya's#I do not need Kaeya's#look around you#look at where you are#I am well aware of the things that man has said#But Diluc hasn't said a damn word and THAT'S leading me to something interesting#Genshin Impact Diluc#Genshin Impact Kaeya#you can tell I'm desperate when I start adding the full game name lmao#Genshin Impact#pspspspsps c'mere even if it's to say no otherwise you aint getting your next funny theory post from me#and yall loved Crepus theory#shame I cant change this to a poll but I'm not re-writting these tags#if you also dont remember Diluc mentioning Kaeya besides that ONE webcomic under the breath line of not being his bro#just put a '2' in the replies so I know that if I DID miss something obvious that I at least wasnt alone in it lmao
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read the michaelanglo macro issue and ohhh my fucking god ojhhhhh my god
anyway. this page was really cute
#I HAVE. SO MANY THOUGHTS.#so wooo ramble in the tags#how splinter talks to leo actually makes me so ill#also the way the three of them try to justify the children in the foot clan is so interesting#raphael saying how it would be good for self defense because he was on the streets knowing Nothing and had no support#the children being a part of the foot is awful but at least they won’t be on the streets alone#and then donnie and leo knowing there’s no where else with resources and they just Can’t say no to splinter#i got my jenny crumbs too. i’m so excited to see more of her#and godddd just everything about mikey. i really enjoy the amount of love and care idw puts into his character#he misses the father he knew and he’s not afraid to stand up to the man he is now#‘you’re Worse than shredder’ OUGH.#and then his brothers cheering him on after winning :) he did what they couldn’t do!#i’m so excited to see what splinter’s future holds. i really hope this gets through his head that he need to change (i am coping and hoping)#ok ramble over#idw#idw mikey#idw leo#tmnt idw#idw tmnt#tmnt#turtle talks
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one could have a very boring, reductive take on throne of glass that's basically women need a man
the actual take should be, given proper support, adoration, and respect from a man, Women Can Become Absolutely Fucking Terrifying
#i am genuinely not kidding when i say this series may have the least interest in making men main characters of any i've ever read#there are many wonderful male characters in the story#and they are all almost universally there to further women's storylines#in this series a woman character discovering her true love means she is about to Absolutely Fuck Shit Up#and i'm fucking here for it#throne of glass supports that age old adage: a sisterhood of determined women (and one slutty slutty ladies' man) can change the world#throne of glass
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there are a couple changes i would make to the keyboard if i could:
wiggly exclamation mark
bleeding heart emoji
varying snake emojis (more poses would be fun)
question mark with a little heart for the dot bc, well,
more explosions
and that is all thank you
#just me hi#i need these a lot#wiggly bc it makes a lot of sense#i am saying something but with a sort of ~~~~~~ to it!!#/bleeding heart because the other night (it musta been about 3 a.m.) i was looking for an emoji to really get my point across and i sadly#realized that i had imagined the existence of it. the disappointment was immense <//3 hfhs#/SNAKES. need i say more? :>#do i know a lot about them? not yet. am i scared of them? yes. but i love them a lot thanky#/i am asking a question but it's with love#<3#/explosion emoji my beloved#we NEED to diversify hfhsvb#a mushroom cloud would be cool :3 or one that clearly has shrapnel in it#or one with a little heart that's like the exploding head emoji. because it's like that#i'm mentioning hearts a lot bc the heart is willing but the brain is. trying#//anyway in the other newsings i'm remaking those pi.e refs again lmao 👍#ik they're only so many months old but man i changed some of the designs a bit during those months hfhs#funny how i made refs because i thought 'oh i haven't changed their designs in forever - it's not like it'll happen anytime soon yea?'#and then..........#oath's design has changed the most minimally during these - how many ? two‚ three-ish years - so i thought Ahh nothin'll happen#but Then--#aura has morphed So many times - she was at least 3 different people before i actually Got her so hfvhs <3#kinda knew that would happen. but she's actually changed the least so Lollll#hid's usual look has not changed at All - only his actual form‚ which i tweak every second day or something#and i've neglected kira so badly fvfsh - so now i've added and removed and swapped things for her in worldrecord time ! i think i've got he#in a way i like though so :D#but bc of all these changes now i gotta make new refs bc they are Inaccurate#not a big deal. but oh it IS#wonder how long it'll take me this time lol :) only one way to know ehegh#//anywho ciao ! i've got the things and stuffs to be doing.. ooo toodles :33
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for real though why would they fucking make a bespoke English name for, say, Warabi, but keep shit like "Hohojiro" or "Houzuki" as-is?????
(Sorry I think there were other freshely butchered localized splatband names to pull from that I think is sillier to change but I forgot everyone except for Warabi and Ikkan there are no other stupidly-localized Splatband characters. None at all I'm complaining about the fucking Idol names right now shhhh *averts my eyes*)
#i also forgot what they changed diss-pair's names to because i am simply do not see it. fuck you. youve already intro'd them with#their og names you can't change them. sorry. also you havent changed any of Squid Squad's names to match Ikkan's fuckening you can't do it#anywayssssssss what the hell is splat3 localization man.#Hohojiro is hard enough to say in Japanese to begin with#at the very least i would have changed it to AT LEAST Hōjiro people call the great white shark that already#Con stop yapping#Squid 2 the evolution of the squid
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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Feeling very "fitz-core" right now (spiraling)
#i have to rethink my entire life#a mix of 'everything is going great u are overthinking it' and 'if you dont change everything about yourself right now you are going to die'#i need to get my shit together this week cuz i have a month to finish 4 group projects before classes start again#and i have to lock in with my susbtack#<- the source of all my joy and anxiety lately#if anyone is wondering someone i follow on susbtack made a post about how if you have two separate niches you have to focus on only one#or you are going to be a failure#and im sure its not About Me but like#i have interacted with this person and we have some intersecting topics#and i think its at least partially about me#which is like??? ok fuck off???#for added context this guy is doing like a big collab thing with other authors and i participated#so i know he knows who i am alright its not a weird parasocial thing#just saying. im probably at least one of the people hes talking about#and this is something that does worry me like i do want to make money off substack thats the goal#but i feel like its too late to be like. ok i wont do any more fantasy stuff cuz now my niche is anime#or viceversa#and id say my substack isnt even two separate niches (fantasy and anime) its like Everything Together#i should die#fitz save me. save me fitz!!!!#also i think im just doing Too Much like maybe i should post less on susbtack but then its like well i need to make it worth it to subscribe#idk man
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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terminally online complaining in tags for this morning
#genuinely bleak how the two main options for Being In Love With Fictional Woman online are the so-vast-its-communityless yume/selfship side#which is mostly just contained cliques and the occasional outburst of discourse from an outsiders view of that anyways#or a community that is so rotted from its very beginnings by the worst of otaku/imageboard culture and so rooted in Never Changing#from those beginnings proven time and time again#the fact that GHS counts as an anime is a slight curse but at least its painfully obvious i do not associate or defend a lot of the#insanely heinous shit i have seen#but whos to say i am not just a devolved negative hater for having these critiques anyways#maybe i should just become a hermit again.#idk man its probably just because im more than average levels of internet autist that i cant get Any sort of feeling of belonging with this#whatsoever. being in love is a curse actually. this really does feel like a curse for my sins sometimes.#nephro.txt
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But hey I managed to cry haha maybe now I'll be free of the headache 🤞😔😊
#nothing like having a downwards self hating spiral at 5 am at your aunts flat#when you are very aware what youre thinking is silly and bad for you bc were past the self hate#but man do i feel like self hating now#im a lazy selfish person who cant even hold a convo in his native language what can i say#at least im getting paid for it for now well see how long until they realize im still faking it all#and at the end i still dont want to ve anyone#i never really did find it after all#wheres my free anime moment#wheres my lifechanging trip to australia that will make me discover what i want to do in life#im tyling this while dramatically crying in the guest room in the dark so at least i look cool haha#the more things change the more they stay the same#im still that convoluted def slightly depressed young adult#except now im nearing the 30s already#boyyy following an 'unconventional life path' sure is fun!#especially when youre only doing that bc you feel like dying thinking of anything else 👍#again#cant help being a cancer 👍#domi talks
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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