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askthestans · 3 months

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Hey Stan, can you tell us stories about your brother Sherman being a total square?

Stan and Ford: At the same time. You mean Square-mie?

Both of them laugh, not in a harsh way, but the kind of lighthearted chuckles that usually come from one sibling teasing another. It's obvious they love their older brother, but... like most siblings, they'll always jump on a chance to make fun of one another.

Stan: Oh, he always hated that nickname! Look, Anon, lemme first introduce ya to the official scale of Pines fun-ness. At the top, there's me, for obvious reasons. Second best is Mabel, also for obvious reasons. And... He pauses, putting his hand to his chin. Damn, I gotta say, I think Ford's next-

Ford: I am as much of an adventurer as I am a scientist.

Stan: Yeah, definitely Ford, despite his dorkiness and obsession with... He gestures at Ford's honors and trophies for grades and intelligence related successes from childhood. That garbage. Good grades and other crap. And then-

Ford: Definitely our nephew, Dipper and Mabel's father. Works in IT, very smart, has a little bit more of Mabel's fun-loving nature. But far less adventurous than you or I. You and I could never live a boring suburban life like he does.

Stan: Grinning. Then, near the very bottom, you've got Dipper. No offense to the kid, but he's Ford's smarts but minus Ford's rebel streak. Walkin' wet blanket at times, always askin' how many laws we're breakin' while we're out havin' fun... although me and Ford are teachin' 'im to grow past it, as much as his parents will let us corrupt 'im. But he at least likes to have fun, I'll give 'im that. So that leaves us at-

Ford: Way at the very bottom of the Pines fun-ness scale, you have... Square-mie. He coughs. Shermie, sorry.

Both men howl with snorts and laughter again, barely able to explain why.

Stan: Wiping a tear from his eye, wheezing a bit. Okay, okay, Anon, picture this: take Dipper and his dad's wet blanket crap and crank it up to 1000. This guy? Our brother? Good ol' Saint Sherm? Guy's never even had a parking ticket his entire life! He won't even jaywalk! He never goes even one mile per hour above the speed limit! He's like the human equivalent of white bread. Of unflavored oatmeal. Got average grades, got a boring old suburban house with a literal white picket fence, had an average job-

Ford: Shudders. I have no idea how he worked as an IRS accountant for decades.

Stan: Ugh, don't remind me. He's always barkin' at me. "Stan, you pay your taxes yet this year?" this. "Stan, you need to contribute to your civic duty.", that. Cripes, ol' Sherm is like the anti-Pines. A Pines is supposed to laugh in the face of rules and authority. This guy huffs whatever authority's smokin' like he's part of a cult. Even when we were kids, he'd always do chores even when he wasn't asked. Kept his room clean as a whistle. Barked at me to do my homework and foiled our pranks when he could. Pure goody two shoes, so much he'd make an angel blush. I think all of our Ma's rebellion genes went to us, and Pa's strictness went to Sherm.

Ford: Yes, so after I returned and we explained to him what had happened, he...

Both men fall into a snicker fest again, unsure who will stop laughing first long enough to tell the story.

Stan: Holy mackerel, he... he... Snort. Picture Dipper at, like, seventy years old, but with an even bigger stick up his ass and even less muscles somehow. Gets told this long, convoluted as hell tale about me fakin' my death and pretendin' to be Ford for three decades, Ford gettin' lost in sci-fi sideburn land for just as long, the world almost ending with Sherm's grandkids along for the ride... just mind bendin' stuff... and the first words outta his mouth... and for reference, this guy never swears, and he never has thrown a punch at anyone... he's so square he's a cube! But he just says...

He wheezes, so Ford has to finish the story.

Ford: Snort. He raises his voice a bit, likely to mimic Shermie's. "I just knew I shoulda kicked your asses more when we were kids."

The two howl and cackle with laughter, leaning on each other for support.

Stan: And then he just... walked away, out his door, down the street to the gas station, bought beer for the - and I'm not kidding - the first time in his life, and sat back down in his old man chair and faced us as we just stood there, gobsmacked, while he cracked one open and drank it with an expression like a man betrayed. And he said-

Ford: "You two knuckleheads are lucky I'm even older than you, 'cause if I wasn't, I'd plant my loafer up your ass! You're gonna sit down, shut up, and let me drink this crap while I process whatever the f*ck I just heard and how many goddamn taxes you owe. And then maybe I'll think about huggin' your sorry asses."

More laughing.

Stan: I'm not sure if he was more mad about the taxes, or the fact that I'd faked my death all those years ago, or... the world ending part where Dipper and Mabes coulda been hurt... or maybe because we drove him to drink and swear and threaten someone for the first time in his whole goddamn life, all in the same day, he... Chuckles. He never really said. All I know is, is I don't think I've ever had my jaw that close to the floor in my life.

Ford: Honestly, I think we just kind of... broke him. Even still, I think he blew our minds more than we blew his.

Stan: He laughs a bit more, then shakes his head. Pfft, can you imagine Sherm kickin' our asses, anyway? He'd probably gently nudge one of our shins and give up. He's too nice for anything worse. That's the thing with our brother: he may be boring as sin, but... he's a good guy.

Ford: He always protected us from bullies when we were kids. Carried us home whenever we sprained an ankle or broke a bone.

Stan: And bought us ice cream whenever we asked, and fixed our bikes, and patched us up, scared the "monsters" outta our closet, and taught us most of what we know. Kind of like a second Dad, honestly, and one a lot less grumpy. A bit more somber. And he helped our parents out in their old age when we weren't around, until the... well, you know. 'Til the end.

Ford: His smile fades, then he sighs, expression a bit bittersweet. And he did actually hug us.

Stan: He scratches the back of his head, a bit embarrassed, but smiling fondly. For three hours straight.

#gravity falls #shermie pines #ford pines #stanford pines #stan pines #stanley pines #so I know you asked for a story of Sherm being a square but behold; the one time he wasn't a square #it just required his two brothers' 30 years worth of dumbassery to push him that far #shermie pines is a wholesome cinnamon roll in my headcanon #I personally picture him like Dipper's sensitivity mixed with Mabel's wholesomeness #askthestans

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heavenlymorals · 4 months

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Dutch Van Der Linde: An Outdated Progressive

(Warning: This post contains period typical attitudes such as racism and sexism as well as spoilers for RDR2. This retrospective is also pretty damn long too.)

I love Dutch Van Der Linde. Honestly, he is one of my favorite characters ever and just the whole concept of his character and the philosophy of his character as well is something that just sticks with you.

He is charming, intelligent, cultured, charismatic, a right Messiah, and a right bastard all the same time.

But the thing that I believe people most remember about Dutch Van Der Linde is his romantic image. What I mean by this is the things he stood for and the things he wanted to change.

This makes Dutch have a positive image pretty quickly from the very start. In the first scene with him, he's encouraging people, rallying them up, and giving them hope in such an awful situation. He saves Sadie from a terrible fate and asks Hosea to send someone to bury her husband. Arthur and Charles talk fondly of him. He makes it clear in the train robbery that he despises the systems that keep men rich whilst most people starve.

Whether or not Dutch was always cracked, to the characters in the game, he was a great man because of his beliefs and because of his empathy/sympathy.

But what gets me is that a lot of people in this fandom misconstrue Dutch's character into being what we see today as a progressive. I see people saying things like "Bill shouldn't be racist, he's with Dutch's gang" or "why is Micah in the gang" and other similar things as to where people get confused as to why characters with immoral belief systems are respected and active heavy hitters in the gang.

This isn't saying that Dutch isn't progressive because he IS. For his time period, he was VERY progressive.

However, before I get into that, I want to establish some context in terms of the time period that we are talking about.

Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th president of the United States from 1901 to 1909. He once had dinner with African American leader Booker T. Washington. This one singular act of simply eating with one another as a white man and black man was so scandalous that it became an outrage to many politicians that the PRESIDENT, the literal face of America, was having dinner with a black American leader.

Teddy later put out this response: “The only wise and honorable and Christian thing to do is to treat each Black man and each white man strictly on his merits as a man, giving him no more and no less than he shows himself worthy to have."

A lot of people would take this event and try to say that Teddy Roosevelt was a progressive equivalent to our time when that is simply not true. Roosevelt was racist to many groups in his personal writings and he believed in the racial hierarchy, even though he had respect for any self made man.

Was Roosevelt a progressive? Yes. For his time, he was a progressive. He was pro union, anti monopoly, and created many government departments like the FDA. He also believed in the merits of a man. But the thing about historical progressives is that their standard of progression doesn't fit in with our criteria anymore.

Dutch is the same. Is he a progressive? Yeah, of course he is. But is he a true progressive in our standards? No. Not really.

This is why the gang allows racist gang members. That is also why the only repercussion to such racism is if the victim of it is willing to dish something out like Charles slamming Micah on the ground or Javier pulling a knife on Bill. It is also why the gang is pretty traditional and rigid in their gender roles. It's also why queer people (ie. Bill) are casually mocked within the gang too.

Another thing too- Dutch is a romantic. People misconstrue that with being a progressive when that really isn't the case. Romantacism is a philosophy that was a rejection of the realism of the Enlightment. It focused on Idealism. The thing with Romantacism, though, is that it was a super white-washed philosophy. It was made to mould into white cultures and belief systems specifically for white men. Dutch could say all men are equal and he may believe that, but it's clear that he doesn't see equality in the same way that we see equality today.

What I mean by this is that any man is equal but if told otherwise, that man is the one who has to prove them wrong. It's his business and he should be the one to deal with it. That's why other gang members don't back up Charles or Javier if they find themselves in a situation with another gang member who is racist. It's their responsibility to deal with their own beefs. It wouldn't be like today where we all publically shun racism.

Remember when Dutch, Arthur, and Micah come back from Sadie's cabin? Micah says something about not wanting to share a room with Bill and POC, to which Dutch can hear and doesn't say anything and Hosea only says "Get yourself to bed" instead of calling Micah on what he said. Same goes for Arthur too. He may condemn and do something about violent racism, like how when he helps the doctor in Rhodes get his wagon back, but he doesn't really say anything when Micah or Bill say racist things to Charles, Javier, or Lenny. That's their business, so to speak, and they should be the ones handling it.

Also note the poc's characters relationship with Dutch. Javier likes Dutch because of the revolutionary ideals that he believes in. Charles likes Dutch because he treats him fair. Lenny likes Dutch because Dutch is far more progressive than other white men, but he also calls out Dutch's romantic philosophy because it doesn't really include POC or their struggles. Dutch sympathizes with their struggles, but he cannot emphasize, which is the problem with his romantic philosophy. It's a culture that is a house to white people, but POC are only guests in it in terms of its European and American tradition. Yes, Dutch hates what the Europeans did to the natives, but given the context beforehand and the things he says, he hates less the violence and more the upheaval of the lifestyle that he wants, which is one that is connected to nature and earth. I also find it interesting how the only person Dutch kinda defends from racism is Lenny, the same boy who calls him out for reading too much into Miller and not into reality. It could very much be Dutch unconsciously trying to prove Lenny wrong.

And the thing with Dutch is that he isn't squeaky clean when it comes to racism either. He's racist too, but he's racist to groups that we don't see as marginalized anymore and this goes for Hosea as well. The biggest example of this is with Italians, who weren't considered white at the time, same with the Irish.

We have this conversation between him and Hosea:

"Have you ever met an Italian strongman before?"

"Not outside the circus."

I shouldn't have to explain that.

And there is also when Bronte set them up.

"That greasy son of a bitch, he set us up!"

It doesn't sound strange at first but context matters a lot. Though 'greaser' is a slur that we see thrown at Javier for being a Mexican multiple times in the gang, that slur was also used against Italians. So Dutch saying that is him still purposing that slur but in a different way.

Another thing that I noticed is that whenever Dutch wants to speak with someone who isn't white or wasn't deemed white at the time, he would dumb down or slow down his speech first before the person he's speaking to shows that they know English, in which then he talks normally. He doesn't automatically consider that hey, these are people who are intelligent and understand English.

Here are two examples:

This is Dutch to Bronte.

"Why do you take his son?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said why DID you take his son."

He fixes the way he talks as soon as he realizes that Bronte speaks english.

And then to Eagle Flies.

"How do you DO?" (In the game, he slows down his speech and emphasizes the do.)

"Not well, sir."

"I can see that."

This is such a subtle detail but it shows that even subconsciously, Dutch isn't as admirable as we sometimes like to make him out to be in terms of OUR time period and that we shouldn't be surprised when other gang members or Dutch himself do or say things that aren't cool.

And of course, there is the sexism of the gang and that Dutch is shown to be sexist multiple times in the game.

"There are two theories about arguing with women and neither of them work."

"Good Lord, a few more like her and we can take over the whole world." (This was a sarcastic dig at Sadie)

And given the rigidness of the gender roles in camp and that the girls are barely in any missions and are mostly just doing house work, Dutch supports this system because just like how political Romantacism wasn't really for POC, it wasn't really for women either.

He can also be religiously prejudiced as well, though this shows up only once in the game. When you get into Saint Denis, Dutch says this:

"Here we are in this strange land of Papists and rapists."

Papists is another word for Catholic and given how he connects them with rapists, it makes it quite clear that he doesn't like them all that much, which makes sense given that Dutch is some form of Protestant and the general disgust regarding Catholics at the time. There is also the fact that a lot of reasons why Italians, Irish, and Hispanic people dealt with discrimination is because of the Catholic background in many of their cultures.

Again, it's a small detail, but when you look at the time period he says that in, it opens up many doors to many other social issues that were there at the time and how Dutch, despite being better than many, is also still a man of his time and this idea that the gang is this beacon of prosperity and progression is generally overemphasized to something that it is not.

Again, I love Dutch's character and he was a progressive but it isn't surprising to see these negative equalities come out from him and from the gang as an extension. They all have their flaws, even if those flaws are especially jarring at points.

Historical people almost always have historical attitudes, guys. It's just the unfortunate truth.

In any case, this is already way too damn long and I hate proof reading so bye 😃

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #dutch van der linde #arthur morgan #hosea matthews #angelo bronte #eagle flies #historical attitudes #character analysis

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stupittmoran · 6 months

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"We didn't just close down our coal fired power stations, we blew them up, we were so certain we were right to do so. At the same time, China is building the equivalent of two new coal fired power stations a week. India has a vast expansion programme of coal fired power stations." "The contribution which this country is making to these outcomes is not merely minimal, it's non-existent. Everything that we do is completely blotted out by what much larger countries are doing to maintain their own power." "If you want to live in a country where nobody can afford to heat their house… if you want lots of people to lose their jobs because there's no energy, if you want to be cold all the time… then carry on believing that the demand to go for Net Zero is intelligent and thoughtful." --Peter Hitchens delivers a savage takedown of Net Zero

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directdogman · 1 month

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is it beastiality to be attracted to gingi since it’s legally considered a feral animal

There isn't really a yes/no answer to this because the question doesn't fully apply to what Gingi is.

Gingi is legally considered a cryptid more so than an animal. Gingi mentions this while talking to Karen in their first scene if you consider setting up a bank account (implying there's a legal classification for cryptids in DT's world.)

Cryptids in DT's universe range heavily in how they appear. Some appear to be fully human at first glance (but have borderline inhuman capabilities that might not be readily apparent), some are more animalistic, like Bigfoot, Mothman and the Loch Ness Monster (though they almost always have human intelligence.)

Our definition of that word revolves around the idea that humans and animals are distinct because we're clearly at the top of the cognitive food-chain when it comes to rationalizing, conceptualization and general sapience. Great apes, dolphins and some really smart birds (like ravens) come relatively close to us in some ways, but the gap between us and them is a gaping berth.

No animal species could live a complete human life or survive in human society without the aid of humans. There are species of animals who can live alongside humans or even survive on the outskirts of human society without engaging with it, like raccoons, cats, dogs and birds, but they can't knowingly hold jobs where they perform tasks that we haven't trained these animals to do (or that their own natural instincts allow them to do.) They can't industrialize.

Gingi lives a feral life, clearly has non-human DNA, but isn't really an animal by the definitions listed above. Gingi's pathology is clearly inhuman, but has as many similarities with human thought as it does with that of an animal. Gingi is undeniably sentient and capable of complex thought, industrialization and even holding a job (...to the extent that any lazy/erratic human could, of course.)

So, I don't think that word really applies to what Gingi is. There's no equivalent word because there's nothing like Gingi walking around in reality.

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jd07201990 · 9 months

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So… Does anyone know how many bouquets of roses, or how many boxes of chocolates it’ll take to survive my new Wife’s wrath, when she see’s her adorable, creative, intelligent boy… after I accidentally shipped him off to the equivalent of Football Boot-camp, so we could have our honeymoon alone in Cancun. Honestly! We were all going over the options, the two last resorts being we don’t go on our honeymoon, or Jason would have to stay at his grandpa’s house in the middle of nowhere a few states away. Clearly, we were desperate, so when I found the pamphlets for what looked like a regular old summer camp out in the woods, with a lake, and a whole slew of other activities, I jumped on it, especially since the price for the entire summer was $2100 bucks! Where I really screwed up, was not reading the pamphlet I was filling out, which was absolutely not the super happy fun time in the woods experience… It was ROTC for Football Jocks. I learned this only when I drove out to pick him up, 3 months later, and well… you can see what trudged up to me from across the parking lot, huge battered old sneakers pounding the pavement as he absentmindedly gnawed on a protein bar in his meaty, calloused fist, while his other hand absentmindedly adjusted his shorts. Just like all the other bulked up brutes marching off to their dads and coaches, his chest was bare, and bouncing with every step. When he’d crossed the distance, he grinned this dim, dopey grin, and grunted, “Thanks for pickin’ me up Dude. Can we stop by Wendy’s? I’m fuckin’ starving!” He punctuated this by stuffing the last of the protein bar in his mouth and yanking the door to my car open, the fiberglass handle cracked in his hand. He looked at the two halves, chuckled with that deep, rumbling Jock tone, and got in, dumping the pieces on the seat next to him. It didn’t take long for the car to fill the distinct funk of athletic prowess, especially when he kicked off his size 14’s and put his feet up on the dash. I nearly gagged, and despite the heat outside, rolled down the windows to air out. As we pulled into the driveway, my wife was on the lawn, waiting with a little bag, excited to see her boy again. When the sweaty ape of a jock got out lumbered up to her, wrapping his beefy arms around her, she looked terrified… for a second… then her eyes narrowed on me. When Jason finally let go of her, he gave her that same, blank, dopey grin, all the intelligence gone from his big wide eyes, and held his fist out… she looked at it incredulously, and he chuckled, “You’re supposed to bump it, Ma… with your fist” Well, the last 6 months have been tough, but Jason, or, “Jay” as he reminds us often, has absolutely blossomed at school. Although his grades could be better. The shock of his summer “glo-up” or as his oafish, grunting new friends like to tease, “blow-up” hit a few of the teachers harder than others. Although the Coach of the football team had nearly offered me his ’69 Camero to have Jason on the team after seeing him plow through reps in the football team’s gym. I said it was tough, because our house is essentially a second Locker Room for Jay and his small army of sweating, smelly behemoths. There is a never-ending pile of laundry from countless practices, the gym, and just hanging out with his friends. My wife has somewhat gotten used to her little boy calling her, “Bro” accidentally… every other day… and despite the change, he’s still her boy, there’s just, a good bit more of him to love. I will say, he’s a great kid, kind of dumb, a bit crass, and stinks like a gym bag more often than not, but when you dig a bit deeper into those dim, wide eyes, there’s still that adorable boy, underneath a pile of muscle.

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semischarmed · 9 months

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Danny

Always have to keep you guys guessing ;) so this one is veeeeery different from my normal content, but I figured I’d put something tamer to balance out the upcoming Pt. 2 to that Thread story. It’s a bit long, but I didn’t feel like keeping two concurrent multi-parters. Let me know what you think!

=============

“So, it’s the necklace?” I asked the professor at the university. It was a wonder I was able to keep up with even half of the lecture that had just transpired.

“Something like that.” The professor replied back to our small group. “We’re all just a sea of electrical impulses. With this computer model, we can accurately track and mimic the exact electrical shocks needed to replicate a mind. Of course, the mind is so much data, the transfer-the upload needs to be instantaneous with an equivalent download- the university doesn’t give us enough grant money for computers that can store that much data, much less secure it. So, we needed biological means of storage. That’s why there’s an even number of participants”.

The room was utterly confused. For one, there was definitely an odd number of participants. Dr. Cohn was never known for dumbing down complex concepts, but even the smartest kids in class seemed stumped the past few hours. Maybe he didn’t have to go in that level of depth for his experiment.

Our group was a mix. It seemed like a sampling of the very best of the class, and a few average performers. I did find it weird they offered extra credit to students that probably didn’t need it. Sticking out like a sore thumb was Chad. He was the school quarterback, though no one was sure for much longer, as he was on academic probation. I couldn’t help but speculate with Kat, a top performer, on his placement. Combining our limited knowledge on the students in our class, and the school’s football team, we landed on this being some sort of extra credit that the university probably forced on poor Dr. Cohn. Ever the nosy one, Mackenzie piped in. “Of course they’d try to save their star quarterback. I heard 3 professors already quit trying to bring up his GPA. This is basically his last shot“.

And then there was Danny. Part of that “very best” group. Unlike the other students in the room, he seemed to take in the professor’s whole lecture and was deep in thought. His face lay still, serene. But I could see the intelligence behind his eyes spinning to life. I always liked when he did that, like he was chewing on an idea before spitting out the most brilliant insights. Or maybe I just like how the corner of his mouth would turn up into a small smile when he finished thinking things through. I caught myself staring again, thanking my luck that no one had seen. Mackenzie laughed a little behind me. I sighed, laughing a small defeat. Almost no one had seen.

“So it basically swaps our brains?” Danny inquired. He looked around the room, gauging our comprehension. That was when it clicked for me. He took note and let out a small smile. I smiled back. That was the other thing I liked about the guy. He always seemed to want everyone to succeed. This wasn’t the first time he’d thoroughly condense a difficult topic into a quick word or phrase the class could understand. His eyes smiled whenever he could recognize concepts “clicking” for people and I saw it do the same as my other classmates- even Chad- figured it out. I recoiled a little, from a nudge from Mackenzie. I sighed again, airing a “thank you” her way. I had been staring again.

“No, nothing like that! Could you imagine how difficult an operation like that would be? All this does is swap your mind.” Aaaand just like that, we were back to confusion. Danny smiled though.

“Got it. So your brain’s the hardware, your mind’s the software. The necklaces do a switcheroo and then new hardware, same software- or, vice versa, I suppose.” Back on track.

“Wait, how much of ‘me’ is in the hardware? Like my memories?” I blurted out, immediately growing red. That seemed to have garnered an approving smile from Danny. I grew redder.

The professor’s eyes lit up. “Now you’re thinking like a scientist.” He laughed before shrugging. “Who’s to say… we are running an experiment after all”. Dr. Cohn always was a messy one.

“So, uh, how long is it supposed to last?” Mackenzie asked.

“That’s the fun of it, once we’re paired, the switch can go for as little or as long you as want!” We. That threw me off a little. I caught his glance to Chad. “Don’t worry, I’ll be a part of this experiment too.” The professor said, with a smile that felt too wide. “Don’t forget to record your notes and thoughts into this log book. For privacy, they’ve been password protected- we’ll reconvene this little group in a year and just draft up a summary of your experiences from these books.”

There was an obvious question everyone’s mind. Thankfully, Kevin asked it. “So who’s swapping with who?”

The professor’s eyes lit up in excitement. “We’ve all been paired, randomized of course. I’ll leave the pairings to figure out when they’d want to swap. Just put on your necklaces at 6pm tonight and start your log books. After that, whenever either of you squeezes your necklace, the swap will ensue”. From the way the professor’s eyes kept darting to Chad, something told me it hadn’t been entirely random.

I thought through the possible pairings. Kevin was kind of cute, I guess. Though I wasn’t sure if it was just the airport effect with how limited our group size was. Kat or Mackenzie would just be weird. Mackenzie especially- that girl knows a little too much about me and lord knows what she’d do behind my wheel. Running down the list of people, there was Chad. Of course, who wouldn’t want to be in Chad’s shoes- I had to dispel a dirty thought that passed my mind. Everyone’s probably thinking it. The professor’s body wouldn’t be too bad either, I could always just pressure the faculty into giving me better grades, maybe boost the grades of my friends. And then there was Danny. Danny. My heartrate shot up instantly.

Sitting in my dorm room, I looked at the clock with a bit of fear. “5:55 pm,” it read. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. “5:59 pm”. Nope. There was nothing calm about this. I closed my eyes shut, as I felt the necklace whir a little. Looks like someone else already squeezed it.

Zzzip

=============

“Log book 1:

It was Danny. Holy fuck, I got to be in Danny.”

I stared at the journal entry. That was all I could manage to write with my shaking hands. I could hardly believe it. A lifetime can change in 5 minutes, apparently. My heart was still beating and my face still flushed when we switched back. He had a soccer game so our first meeting had to be short.

My first minute was just looking down at my new Danny-worn hands, breathing through his lungs, inhaling as much as I could of his room. I wanted to commit this man to memory. My logic-or, Danny’s logic perhaps, told me there would inevitably be more swaps to come, but my mind wouldn’t have it. Whatever piece of Danny I could get, however minuscule, I wanted to stretch every moment infinite.

I felt a sense of guilt wash over me, as my new Danny-worn package began to harden when I realized he was in soccer gear. I tried to shake off the feeling- I couldn’t do that to him. Then came the text. I recognized the number of course, it was my old body’s. “Hey man, glad to see we’re partners”. My heart stirred. “It’s Danny, but you probably already knew that”. To see him text me so casually froze me in place. “Anyways, I do have a game coming up, mind if we switch back?” I couldn’t even bring Danny’s hands to answer himself. “I’ll take that as a yes”.

Zzzip

And just like that, I was back. My hand clinging to my chest, breaths ragged.

Wait, Fuck. Was I still hard in his body when we switched back?

=============

Zzzip

“Log book 7:

Met up today. Joint gym day.

Gym feels better in Danny’s body. Unsure if exercise has a different effect on people’s bodies, or if it’s tied to our minds. Seems to be a lag in my emotions.”

I’m not really one to be consistent with exercise. I set the book down, and relocked it, panting as I had in our first switch, but this time due to Danny working my body to the brink.

I think he noticed, because he apologized profusely when I slumped in the bench to catch my breath in the locker room.

I can’t believe I had agreed to it. Danny wanted to test the effects of exercise with different bodies. He stated he wanted to see what it was like doing routine exercises in a different body. Does the body retain that physical memory? Or is it the mind? I only agreed because it was Danny. So, there I was, in the school gym staring at the door like a fish out of water.

I felt a reassuring hand on my back before my ears immediately shot red when I realized whose hand it was. “Do you have your log book on hand? Should probably write down notes immediately after the switchback”. I immediately panicked at thought that he wanted to compare notes, thinking back to my first entry but he seemed to have caught on to my thought process and immediately dismissed the idea. “It wouldn’t make sense to taint the data with outside factors. Danny was probably the only person that fully understood the professor’s entire experiment so I took his word for it.

When we swapped, I had to focus on not instantly growing hard. For someone seemingly so bookish, the guy was surprisingly fit. Walking to the treadmill, I felt every muscle brimming with power. My first run in his body. Euphoric. Danny was a well-oiled machine. Every component moving in tandem. Lungs drawing in and out powerful gusts of air. Eyes staring me in the mirror, furrowed in powerful determination, and legs gliding with a grace that did not diminish the power behind each foot. I lost myself in the exercise, content to just being inside his body, guided by his body. I finished the run with a heavy pant, knowing full well I’d be hard beyond belief at what lay before me. I eyed myself in the mirror, in sweat-laden body of my crush. The scent was indescribable. Like a pleasant musk basking in the damp earth. Was it always this good? Was this how other people felt when they exercised? I twirled the necklace around Danny’s neck, making sure to not squeeze, mentally thanking whatever gods there may be for this experience.

I looked back at Danny, in my body. His running form was a bit clumsy, but there was a confidence in them that I didn’t often see in myself. Maybe a trick of the light, or residual feelings from the run I just had but I was captivated. I honestly looked almost cute like this.

He finished, panting before immediately pulling out his book and writing a few notes. He beamed back at me, pointing at the necklace. Even in my body, that smile was unmistakably his. I smiled back, ready to swap once more.

Zzzip

Weird. I still felt the infatuation. I looked back at the body I had just inhabited, still feeling the butterflies in my stomach. It was Danny so I was used to those, but not immediately after a swap. The past few times it always took a second or two to readjust. Danny looked at me, a bit uncomfortable. No doubt it had been from the grave face I was making. I shook my head, not wanting to worry him. Or worse, force a premature end to this experience. “It’s nothing, just a hell of an exercise haha”.

This may be a bit of a problem.

=============

“Interesting, and you’re sure it’s residual feeling?” Said a slightly disinterested Chad, eyeing his dreamy biceps.

“Yes, when I.. uh.. felt angry in his body and switched back, my body did too.”

“Well it is a swap, of course so your mind returning to its body would feel the same things it felt…” The professor in chad’s body spoke in a slightly faraway tone, like there was something he’d rather be doing. “Though, it shouldn’t be this instant. It’s not physically possible unless…”

I winced, worried for the worst and hoping to remain Danny’s partner.

“This might be a bit of an issue if those necklaces are defective…” He then mumbled something about permanent effects on the mind. “If they are, we’d have to stop the entire experiment. It wouldn’t be right-“ The professor caught a glimpse of Chad’s body in the reflection of his door before looking back at me. “Look, maybe just limit the swaps to low pressure situations, and try to avoid high-emotion situations in case your ‘residual’ hypothesis is correct. Cause if that were true, it would mean you leave a little of yourself every time you swap.”

“Got it, professor”.

“Maybe keep this side effect a little secret for now. We wouldn’t want the others worrying and tainting the data,” Chad’s body spoke in an authoritative tone as his hands sauntered below the desk. “Oh, and please close the door on your way out“.

=============

“Log book 50:

Pain.”

We had been swapping fairly frequently, despite the professor’s warning. Danny was a drug I couldn’t shake. The guy was my kryptonite and he had no idea. Everytime we swapped, every moment we shared, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about the professor’s words. Every swap back, I could feel my heart beating as wildly as my first time, stomach churning pleasantly. It was like a wave of sweetness whenever I had a chance to be Danny. Then, the guilt came soon after.

Danny seemed to like the spontaneity. Eventually, we settled on free-switching, aside from classes. Some days, I’d randomly switch and my eyes would focus on my homework, completed with a little smiley face drawn on the corner. I tried that little trick with him once, only to get a text back of his graded assignment, scored uncharacteristically low for the top performer, followed by another text “Nice try anyway lol”

=============

“Log book 190:

I hate you.”

Zzzip

“Danny, is something wrong?” The shock of the situation stopped me from initially processing anything I was seeing. My clumsy hands. I had been fumbling with my collar, when I accidentally initiated a swap. A wave of embarrassment hit, and then anger. Seething, bottomless anger.

I almost dropped the flowers Danny’s body had been handing her. Without explanation, I quickly squeezed the necklace to send me back.

Zzzip

I sat in stunned silence for a second, before the anger drew me back to my thoughts.

Who was I angry at? Of course it was a girl. He had to have been dating around. It was presumptuous to even think we were anything more than partners in a crazed professor’s experiment. And yet, I was still angry. Irrationally angry at Danny for not picking up on the hints, maybe angry at the professor for dragging me into this mess in the first place. But most of all, I was angry at myself.

I felt the buzz of a text, ears still heated. Danny again. “You ok?”

I sighed as reasoning took over and anger transformed into sadness. I wrote a quick note in the log book, then pulled my phone up before texting back. “Yeah”.

“Lol Claudia says hi”, came a text back. I gritted my teeth, not wanting to impart any jealousy in my response, but I was soon stopped by another text.

“If you wanted to meet my sister, you should have just asked lol”.

=============

“Log book 290

I’m stupid. I’m sorry. I’m stupid. I’m sorry.”

I’m so sorry. I said to Danny in my head, as I slumped in my chair. You’re so fucking stupid. I told myself. These past few months swapping back and forth with Danny had been a dream.

From something as simple swapping before brushing his teeth to even taking a class as him. I savored every single moment.

But as the experiment had been drawing to a close, and as I felt my time nearing and my guilt intensifying, other, less kind thoughts bubbled in my head.

What if I did ‘that’ in his body. What if I did it while thinking of my own body. I gulped. Danny didn’t know, and from what I could tell, he hadn’t suspected a thing. “Maybe I could make him like me.” Even just saying it out loud felt like a taboo. I could just imagine Danny’s disapproving face as I pondered corrupting our newfound friendship, and corrupting him at his core.

The devil on my shoulder continued. We’ve been swapping all this time. And he doesn’t notice. My dick stirred. He wouldn’t notice and you could train his body to fall in love with you.

No. No. I couldn’t do that to Danny. I eyed the near approaching date on the calendar- the date the experiment would end- and I gulped again. I pulled up a photo of him.

Darkness gripped at my chest, as I pondered my next step. And then I squeezed.

“Danny, I love you and I’m sorry.”

Zzzip

My heart, or rather Danny’s, began to beat faster and faster. I pulled up a fairly difficult puzzle before I swapped, so I knew I had some time with his flesh before he’d try to swap back.

I gingerly pulled down his shorts, staring at his bulge hungrily. Then I slowly teased out his dick, moaning at the feeling of flesh touching flesh. Being in his body, having this level of access to Danny. I was hard instantly.

It felt almost macabre, seeing his flesh move to my every whim, forced to feel my feelings. I wanted to etch myself into him as much as possible, and with every pump I moaned my original body’s name. It took all of the restraint in Danny’s body, which, apparently was a lot, to not burst. But one can only hold out so long, hearing one’s crush moan their name in delirious ecstasy. I sang my name in his resonant voice one more time, before flashing instantly to my body and back to his.

Zzzip Zzzip

I released his sticky white seed in what felt like the first cum of my life. I suppose, in a sense, it was. I hoped that sealed it. Conditioning Danny to me. The swaps were imperceptibly fast, and I took the lack of delay in emotions as a sign of success.

Zzzip Zzzip

I released a breath in Danny’s body I didn’t know I was holding, basking in the afterglow before immediately realizing what I had just done.

Guilt came out of me drop by drop. As his tears began to leave their marks on his shirt, I slowly began to clean up. The pleasure of the situation still clung to me, as I mournfully switched back. Then came another gut-wrenching wave of sadness. Danny, I’m so sorry.

I looked to the incomplete puzzle in front of me, laughing a little at his lack of progress to ease the sadness.

Then came another text from Danny. “Dude, that puzzle’s impossible”.

=============

“Log book 300:

Food definitely tastes different in a different body.”

“Look, just try them man” Danny said with a smile, holding a fry in his hand. And the necklace in another.

Only a few short days left before the experiment’s end. I made no mention of that night, nor the professor’s words to Danny.

Danny had, in fact, been coming by more often. Prompting more hangouts, initiating more switches. I was elated every time he asked. I even caught a few longer glances from his body, marinating in pleasure at seeing this new side of Danny. However happy I had been, underlying it all was the guilt of my deed.

Danny again held the fry out expectantly. I laughed slightly. “Haha, fine”.

Zzzip

I took a bite from his body. Yep, it was definitely a fry. My own body looked up at me, smiling a Danny-flavored smile before grabbing the half-bitten fry. “Now let’s control for this variable. Same fry,” he said, wiggling it in the air.

Zzzip

I stared at the fry covered in a bit of his saliva. Heaven. I looked back at him and nodded. As we parted ways, I couldn’t help my smile from peeking through.

He was right, it did taste better on my end.

=============

“So, we’re not getting paid”? I asked Danny, as we sat in the table. He had a few wine glasses in front.

It had been a full year since the experiment first started. Despite the general weirdness from the other groups swapping, everyone had been relatively well adjusted. Except for Chad, or whatever he’d be called now. A swapped Kat couldn’t help but spill the beans. Apparently, the professor had no obligation to offer the guy extra credit. He specifically targeted the quarterback for his experiment. What’s worse, he’d apparently created a newer version of the necklace. One that could overwrite and transmit. Chad’s frat brothers mentioned he was offered another credit for participating in a second experiment for this new necklace. After that, no one had seen either person. The pair had mysteriously disappeared, leaving the school scrambling to cover up everything. All most of us knew was one day we suddenly had perfect grades retroactively added for the past year, along with a very scary letter prompting a signature.

“The university isn’t going to do anything about this.” He said. I was still skeptical as I slowly eyed one of the wine bottles that once graced former Dr. Cohn’s shelf. “It’s the least they could do for all those, ethics violations”. He pulled the cork with a satisfying pop, a mischievous gleam in his eye as he handed me a glass. “Now c’mon, try this”.

I suppose alcohol had a way of loosening me up. “So…. we’re not getting paid”? I asked again, sarcastically this time. It had been a year, so talking to Danny felt easy. I thought back to my log book, fully intending on burning the thing. Danny shook his head.

“Hard to put a price on crimes against humanity. Or, something like that” he laughed. “The university just said to dump everything and basically forget that experiment ever happened.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as well. I shrugged, knowing money or even perfect grades for a year held no candle to the experience of a lifetime I just had with Danny. I was afraid of the answer, but it had to be asked. “What should we do with these things?” I asked, looking at the necklace still gracing his beautiful neck. His eyebrows raised as he saw the same necklace gracing mine.

“I mean, by now, you’re pretty used to it, right?” He asked with an almost pleading look in his eye. There was something bugging him. I watched as he fiddled with his feet. “Maybe…” His ears turned bright red. It was riveting finally seeing this side oh him. More than that, it was downright cute. “M-Maybe” he stammered again. Danny took a deep breath to calm himself, though his scarlet face told all. “Maybe we can keep. Um. Swapping. Sometimes, sometimes I like being you, and sometimes I kind of like when you’re me.” He looked at me and smiled weakly, trying to change the subject. “A-Anyway, you need a place to stay next year, r-right? It kind of feels like we’ve already been roommates these past 12 months, what’s another 12?” His sweet words did nothing the dampen the guilt I felt in my betrayal. In any other circumstance, I’d have died happy just hearing that confession from him. Instead I could only think back to the professors words. I did live, at least partially, in Danny throughout this past year. It felt like a betrayal of myself to not come clean.

“Danny, listen. I think I need to tell you first, in your body…” My breath hastened, and I felt my stomach churn. How do you tell a guy what you’ve done with his body- *in* his body? Danny’s face frowned in concern as my bubbling emotions seemed to knock him out of his quick spell of shyness.

He smiled a little. “Look man, whatever you’ve done in my body, I’ve probably done too.” His smile widened. “Your body is mine, my body is yours. Call it even”. More words that would have swept me off my feet, had I not been confessing. More torture ensued.

“I went to the professor about it a few months ago and never told you” I continued. I was practically holding back tears. “Our necklaces were bugged, I think”.

“The professor said…” I gulped. “It was possible that when we switch, our minds don’t come through all at once.” Now tears did begin to swell. “You know how it’s supposed to take a second for your emotions to catch up. Well, when we switch, I still feel the same emotions…”. I gulped. “Since day 1, I think I’ve overwritten your, um, preferences”. Danny’s poker face felt like a dagger in my heart. It’s a face I often made in his body when I was in deep thought, so I knew he had to have been processing to the same conclusion. I could practically see the gear turning in his head. Click.

Face still an enigma, Danny waited a moment and then asked a simple question. “When did you tell the professor?” Click.

I sniffled as I laid it bare in front of him. “5 months ago. Danny, I’m sorry! I dunno, I just thought maybe… maybe if we kept switching, if our minds kept being in each other’s bodies. Maybe if a little piece of how I felt kept lagging behind, you might have-“ Now the gear was fully spinning and I saw the realization hit his face. I had no idea what he was going to do. Punch me? Maybe. Run away in disgust? Likely. Instead, Daniel had done something equally surprising. His hand rested on my shoulder in a reassuring fashion. Then that same hand motioned me forward.

My memory of the next moment felt like a million moments in one. It was something so outside my realm of possibilities, my brain simply couldn’t process. The whiplash hit my senses all at once. Sweet but a bit salty. A moment of quietness before the background sounds of the campus slowly drizzled back in. The scent of fresh laundry and damp earth. My eyes took even longer to adjust from black to red to an image slowly refocussing. Last was my brain, which had been stunned into silence. I sat back in shock, repeating the same phrase over and over in my head. Danny just kissed me.

He laughed, eyes twinkling and mouth pulled into a smile, beaming in the way that always made my heart swoon. “That theory’s bogus. Trust me. I haven’t felt any different”. He smiled again, sheepishly this time, before fishing something from his backpack’s large pocket. He looked at the item in front of him, hand slightly shaking in hesitation before making his decision. Slowly, he held up his own log book, flipped to the very first page:

“Log Book 1:

<3 ”

=============

#Male body swap #body swap

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elancholia · 4 months

Text

In Early Modern China's nearest attempt at writing a Rick and Morty episode, the lads visit an all-female kingdom and get boypreggers by guzzling from the wrong stream. Luckily,

I see we're leaving nothing to chance here.

Pilgrim Sun suggests that the births, if unaverted, will take place via a painful tearing-open of the armpit, of all places. Journey to the West Research compares the chapter to an episode from the Mahabharata (in which a king mistakenly drinks holy water intended to give his wife a son) and the choice of birth canal to stories of the legendary sages tearing open their mothers on the way out. Compare and contrast.

Oddly, it's sort of unclear why Western Liang is like this. It doesn't seem like a matter of policy, they're not Amazons and they're practically exhilarated to lay eyes upon our boys. Yes, it's a "male-undoing mountain", but there's no other indication that either the stream itself or the women are sex-selective.

As far as I can tell, this place exists so that Tripitaka can refuse to have sex with the most desperate queen alive — certainly a betrayal of his cicada namesake, but a chance to demonstrate his extreme commitment to virtuous celibacy and family-renunciation while playing his general meekness for laughs.

All that notwithstanding, I think the kingdom and its inhabitants are treated with remarkable respect. Yes, yes, they're desperate for the yang, clearly, but it's also a normal, functioning kingdom of impressive wealth. It has women officials who fulfill all the usual functions of a Sinosphere state, and their capacity to do so is not really commented upon or made ridiculous, at least not in any way that's legible to me. It's just that their entire society temporarily reorganizes itself around getting their superlatively beautiful queen into bed with a shy, celibate monk who needs and wants nothing more than to have his passport* stamped. They want him to stay, marry, and be king. He is defined by compulsive journeying and rejection of his role as paterfamilias. Classic comedy. Compared to the Amazon mythos or Lysistrata, the whole thing actually comes across as less pathological.

*Really, it's a travel rescript — a letter presented to the local government and signed to guarantee safe passage. Securing the travel rescript is a convenient device to force the characters to interact with the weird politics of the kingdoms they pass through.

Note also that abortion is presented as an uncomplicated and uncontroversial good, but that's probably the non-Abrahamic default.

Obvious commentary on the ongoing FDA abortifacient controversy.

Fruit baskets!

Always the bloody Daoists

Fruit baskets

After their plan to get the passport signed and leave the bride at the altar flubs, Tripitaka is promptly and perhaps serendipitous kidnapped by an unrelated scorpion, but his commitment to semen retention is, once again, simply too powerful, though she tempts him with remarkable persistence and buns filled with human meat. (She ties him up at one point; I'm sure there's fanfic of these two.) Ms. Scorpion does, however, accomplish the nigh-unprecedented feat of landing blows on both Sun Wukong and Zhu Bajie in a fair fight, #feminism, before being destroyed by the Chinese equivalent of the constellation Orion (here appearing as a very large chicken).

I'm not sure what we learned from this one and I certainly don't have anything intelligent to add, but damned if it isn't funny.

#we're back with more cutting-edge analysis of #journey to the west #about fiction

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tarotphlow · 1 year

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Astro Observations 8

🌻Saturn in the 3H natives tend to have difficulties with phones or cars, whether that be always having a broken phone, or their car literally just not wanting to work for whatever reason

🌻Looking at what sign is located on your 12H could give you insight on to what life was like while you were in the womb. Ex: my 12H is in sag, before I was born my mother would pray constantly for her to have another chance at being a mother, she ended up having a kid with a man from a completely different state. (♐️ rules travel and religion).

🌻Have a big secret you need to get off your chest? Tell a Scorpio Mercury, they will never tell a single soul. I’m friends with a lot of Scorpio Merc’s and it’s amazing how well they can hold they’re water. (Hm, on second thought this might just be for scorp placements in general 🧐)

🌻7H placements how do you do it? Being so desirable to the point that people say they want to marry you without knowing anything about you at all? I just know y’all just smile 😀politely with so many confusing thoughts in y’all’s heads 😭

🌻I’ve noticed cap Venus will always gravitate to dating someone out of their age range.

🌻unlikely duo that actually goes super well with each other is Gemini and Scorpio. I think this has to do with how intelligent both of them are, this combo reminds me of detectives in a way.

🌻with NN going into Aries soon, Libra placements are gonna see a lot of stuff they buried in the distant past come back(like past life stuff 🕰️), probably gonna be a time of relearning some of those old old lessons or just seeing how well you developed since your last life!

🌻Moon in the 3H with a harmonious aspect with Uranus= extremely talented at vidya games 🎮

🌻If you have Gemini in the 6H you should try your hand at an online job, not as a profession but just as a job.

🌻Neptune aspecting your sun could indicate having trouble figuring out what you want to do in life.

🌻Uranus aspecting midheaven seems like you could be either really popular, really really weird or something of the two, but hey at least your smart😭😭

🌻Taurus Is definitely a foodie we know that, but surprisingly Capricorn is also kinda a glutton too lol, I have know idea why but I’ve noticed a lot of caps in my life really live for a good meal lots of savory things and also really really big on desserts as well. They also have sensitive noses, I mean scent is responsible for 80% of our taste so I guess that makes sense.

🌻our brains stop developing at age 25 and become a fully fledged functioning adult with no more growth which is really interesting because the profection year for age 25 is in Taurus which is the sign of stability.

🌻I really feel for Saturn dominants, they really just get the hardest trials out of everyone and expected to just be okay with that, Yk a lot of people say Saturn is gonna reward them and blah blah, but like I feel sometimes they’re trials are kind of unnecessary? Other planet ruled people (besides Scorpios) learn those exact same lessons but less harsher and the reward they get is quite possibly equivalent to Saturns soo idk… I feel like Saturn is just a bit much. (Let’s discuss this I’m curious to know what people have to say 🤓)

End of observations! I hope you all enjoy these as much as I did!

(Likes and reposts are appreciated! 💛)

#astrology #astro community #astro observations #astro placements #astro notes #astro posts #astro blurbs #astro

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stalkerofthegods · 11 months

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Lord Hermes Deep dive

Lord Hermes is amazing, he is the darling of the gods and of our hearts, he is strong in gymnastics and in spirit, he is the last thing we see, and the lord of our words, and as a worshiper and as a researcher I believe he is amazing and wonderful, I absolutely adore him, so I should probably stop writing, or it'll become a love letter, but I've worshiped this god for around 2 years, maybe more, but I know well he is amazing and deserves respect.

Herbs • Krokos (Crocus) koumara Tree, olives/olive oil, crocus, hydrangea, chrysanthemum, Palm tree, Almond tree, The Silver Birch tree, Crocuses, Saffron, Wheat, Rosemary, Pine Tree, Mint, Cinnamon, Cassia, Golden Benzoin, moly, strawberry

Animals• sheep, dogs, boars, lions, Tortoise, Ram, The dove killing species of Hawk, Hares, constellation Lepus, pig, beef, mutton, pork, Cattle/oxen, roster, birds of omen, snakes, and guard dogs, fish, horses

Colors• Red, purple, silver, gold, copper, and black, Orange, Grey, Green, Red, white and brown (associated with traveling)

Crystal• Amethyst, Quartz, Orange topaz, Agate, Marble, smoky quartz, copper, silver, and gold, Eisenkiesel Quartz, Silver, Yellow Topaz, Amber, Citrine, Emerald, and Peridot, red marble, Hematite, jade, malachite, fluorite, pyrite, lapis lazuli, alexandrite

Symbol• Caduceus, Kerykeion (Herald’s staff and magic wand, lulls mortals to sleep and can wake mortals at will), Winged Cap (also called petasos, and a brimmed cap, this cap was called “Cap of Aidoneus, the unseen” because it rendered its wearer invisible), Golden Sickle, Winged Boots- called “pteroeis pedila”, A Sack (the kibisis) Talaria (winged sandals), and Petasos (winged helmet), golden or adamantine blade, shepherd pipes, Purse, Pouch, Hermai.

Mortal or immortal • immortal

Zodiac• Gemini and Virgo, and cancer

Equivalent (this means alike, not the same) - Mercury (Roman), Hyperion (Greek), , Horus (Egyptian), Ra (Egyptian), Amun (Egyptian), Freyr (Norse), Bragi (Norse), Odin (Norse), Baldr (Norse), Heimdallr (Norse), Lugh (Celtic), Áine (Celtic), Mercurius (Roman god), Thoth (Egyptian god), Anubis (Egyptian god), Woden-Odin (Germanic god)

Attendees • Oreiades (oreads), Pan & the panes, Satyroi, oneiroi, he is often seen with Hestia.

Ephiphets• Agetor -Guide of Souls, Agonius or Enagonius -pertaining (Hermes’ role as presider over solemn festivals such as Agonius) Agoraea and Agoraeus- to Gods who were considered being the protectors of the assemblies of the people in the agora (also has a reference to the agora as the marketplace), Argeiphontes- “radiant one’, Euskopos Argeiphontes, literally “the sharp-eyed Slayer of Argos”, Chthonius or Chthonios, “of the earth or underworld, Hermes Trismegistus- “Thrice Great Hermes”, Kriophoros- the “ram-bearer” is a figure that commemorates the solemn sacrifice of a ram, Leucus- “white”- an epithet of Hermes in Boetia, a Greek city containing Thebes, “Of the Golden Blade”- he carried a sickle made of adamant, Cyllenius, or Kullhnios- from His birth or temple site on mount Cyllene in Arcadia, Diaktoros Argeiphontes – “the courier” Argeiphontes, Kratus Argeiphontes- “strong” Argeiphontes, Hermes Promakhos- “the Champion” Logios- writer, knower of intelligent design, Tetragonos- four square, Aglaos -Splendid, Agoraios - Of the Market Place, Aipytos -Of Aipytos, Akakesios -Of Akakesion, Angelos -Messenger, Agreiphontes -Argus-Slaying, Bouphonos -Slayer of Oxen, Dioktoros -Messenger, Dolios -Crafty One, Enagonios- Of the Games, Enodios - of the Road, Epimelios - Keeper of the flocks, Eriounios - Luck-Bringer, Euangelos - Bringer of Glad Tidings, Euskopos - Watchful, Gumnasiarkhos - Leader of the Gymnasium, Hermeneutes - Interpreter, Kerdoos - the Gainful, Kerukes -Herald, Kharmophron—Heart-Delighting, Khthonios - of the Earth, Khrysorrhapis -Of the Golden Wand, Klepsiphron - Deceiver, Kourotrophos - Protector of Youth, Kranaios- unknown, Krateros - Mighty, Kriophoros - Ram-Bearer, Kullenios - Of Mount Kyllene, Logios -of Speech, Maiados Huios - Son of Maia, Mekhaniotes - Trickster, Nomios - Protector of Flocks, Oiopolos - Shepherd, Pantokrator- Ruler of the World, Pheletes -Thief, Poikilometes - Full of Various Wiles, Poneomenos - Busy One, Promakhos- Champion, Propulaios - Before the Gates, Psukhopompos - Conveyer of Souls, Takhus - Swift, Tetragonos - Square, Trikephalos - Of the Three Ways/Heads, Trismegestos - Thrice-Greatest, Tukhon- Bringer of Luck, Aglaos- Radiant, Bright, Beautiful, Pleasin, enevolent. Angelos Athanatôn - messenger of the gods, Angelos Makarôn- messenger of the Blessed, Akhos Phêlêteôn- leader of robbers and thieves, Chrysorrhapis- of the Golden wand, Dais herairos - comrade of the forest, Diaktoros- guide & messenger, Dolios- Craft of Wiles, Dôtor Eaôn - giver of good things, Dôtor eaôn- Giver of good things, Enagônions- giver of good things, Enagônios-of the game, Epimêlios-Keeper of the flocks, Erikydês- famous, glorious & splendid, Eriounês - Luck bringing & ready helper, Euskopos-Keen-sighted, Hermêneutês- interpreter/translator, Kharidôtês- giver of joy/graces, Kharmonphrôn- Glad-Hearted, Krateros- Strong & mighty, Kriophoros- ram bearer, Kydimos-glorious, mastêrios- of searchers, mêkhaniôtês-trickster, Oiopolos- sheep tending& shepherd, Phêlêtês- their, robber, rustler, poikilomêtês- full of various wiles, Polytropos - Much traveled& much wandering, pompaios- the guide (he’s a psychopomp)

Element • air

Number•Four, eight, Squares

Past courtships• Merope, Aphrodite, Dryope, Peitho, and Hecate,

Personality• People say he is chaotic, some say he’s wise and can be calm, he does give serious advice and is a serious guy, but he also has a sense of humor and won’t always steal from you. (he won’t if you ask him not to..I think.) He is also sassy and side eyes (from other people) I find him difficult to track down, He's very kind and upbeat sometimes, depends on how u contact him and what mood he's in, he gives great advice and someone good to depend on.

Patron of• of cunning thieves and liars, Patron of herdsmen, Patron of orators, Patron of inventors, Cattle-herders, Shepherds, Goatherds, Horse & mule breeders, Grazing pastures, Cave shelters, Guard-dogs, Animal predators, Bucolic poetry, music, Animal fables (ex- the tales of Aesop), Laws of hospitality, he is the Protector of guests, Cattle-rustlers, Bandits, Crafty thoughts, Mail carriers and sorters, Retail workers, Canvassers , Editors, journalists, and writers, Newspaper routes, Bank tellers, Carnies , Casino workers, Gas station attendants, Mechanics, presentations, public speaking, playlists (I've heard this years ago)

Diety of• Divine Trickster, boundaries and thresholds, Creator of civilization as Trickster, Messenger of the Gods, transgressor of boundaries and taboos, Inventor of fire, Inventor of sacrifice, of mysteries, Bringer of sleep, dreams, and visions, free will, Psychopompos or Guide of the Dead, Escort of the Gods, thieves, graves, and heralds, Luck, Unexpected Fortune, Giver of Good, of sacrificial priests, successful communication with enemies, translation and language, gymnasia and athletic youth, logos world order, trade and commodities, astronomy, knowledge, speech, Inventor of boxing, running and foot races, of exchange, alchemy, science, internet, Magic, Presider at solemn sacrifices, Divine Movement, Ruler of the Orphic House of Cancer, Ruler of the Planet Mercury, Western astrological signs of Gemini and Virgo, Scribe of the Gods, Protector of all messengers especially in war, Protector of wise women and elderly women, Fertility and Procreation, God of Masturbation, Soul Transformation and Guide through Consciousness changes, Heraldry and animal husbandry, speed, Codes, and Secrets, Caretaker of graves, Protector of travelers, Mechanics, Wine-pourer of the Gods, Inventor of weights and balances, Controller of Birds of Omen, hospitality, diplomacy, physical and moral boundaries, Orators, presentation, public speaking

Home• Mount Olympus

Fact• He invented the alphabet and dice and the lyre, he also has a stone called the “hermai” on the side of the road or a stone with a penis (he was a fertility god) to show a border or a crossing, sometimes to explain direction and distance, or in important landmarks is up ahead, the herms were worshiped, with offerings and anointed with olive oil and adorned with flowers and wreaths, telling us about the sacredness and importance of the hermai. (The ones near tombs are also connected to funeral rites). Some say he created fire, because in his myth of his birth he started a fire to sacrifice cows to the gods.

Roots• Greek mythology, Mount Cyllene

Blessings • protection on the road, money randomly found, easy speaking, good parking, and less traffic. Herds multiply (fertility); Herds protected (from predators), Success in trade, Goods protected from thieves, having Persuasive speech, Poetic inspiration, Safe traveling, Protection of guests, Homes protected from thieves & criminals, having Wiliness and stealth,

Curses: Herds die off by disease and infertility, Herds lost to predators, Unsuccessful trade, loss in money, loss in memory, loss In conversation, unwelcome ghosts in the house.

Food recipe • Panspermia, a mixture of beans, peas, seeds, olive oil, milk, and honey, should only be offered to Hermes in his Underworld aspect. This offering is considered food for the dead and should not be tasted by the living (considered bad luck if Aten by living)

Offerings • Keys, Dice, Playing cards, Coins, Rocks/pebbles,Lucky charms (Cereal), Rabbit's foot, Horse shoe, Magic 8 ball, Coffee, Energy drinks, Herms, Road trip snacks (perhaps Hostess donuts), Airplanes/trains/cars imagery, Foreign/new foods, Trail mix, Peanut m&ms, rumane the marble popping soda drink, Turtles, Lyres/string instruments, Sandals/shoes/running shoes, Journals, Camping gear, Survival gear, like multitools, fire starters, first aid kits etc, Pens/pencils, Small (stolen) trinkets, Language dictionaries, Work out gear, Panpipes, Postcards, Letters, Mail, Stamps, Envelopes, Zodiac signs, Sheep/goats, Car parts, Backpacks/drawstring bags/bags, Crocos, Sticks, Saffron, Sticks, Books, Cups, Scales, Dream journals, Graveyard dirt, Cookie fortunes, Bikes/skateboards/skate, Old licenses/IDs, Sport trophies/jerseys/jackets/gear, Wings, Letters/numbers, Video games, Magic kits, Oranges/Lemons, Beer, White wine, Red wine for (His chthonic aspect), Milk, Mutton, Pork, Beef, Chamomile tea, Honey, Olive oil, Strawberries, Foreign foods, Eggs, Virgo or Gemini moon water,Golden objects, Silver objects, Musical instruments, Wands, Money/coins, Foreign money/coins, Dice, Pebbles, Feathers, Turtle shaped objects or art, Strawberry art or toys, Crocus flowers, Written stories or letters, Travel food, Souvenirs from your trips wheat, honey, twigs of olive, honey-comb and honey from local bees, cassia, cinnamon, saffron, include eggs, onions, garlic, pomegranate seeds, and fish or pork, barley grains, mead, beer (Especially German), lead, papyrus, pebbles, herms (or boundary stones), chocolate, whipped cream, coffee drinks, brightly-colored easter eggs, blueberries, granola, almonds, walnuts, pecans, Absinthe, beer, gin, vodka, red-bull, dry white wine, blessed moon water (especially in Virgo, Cancer, or Gemini), metal, jars, gin, pomegranates, onions, fish, garlic, Statues, Turtle Imagery, Hawk Imagery, Ram Imagery, Rooster Imagery, Marbles, Postcards, Chocolate, Lemons, Almonds, Mutton, Foreign Food, Brightly Colored Eggs, Onions, Sunflower Seeds, Fig Newton Cookies, Granola, Candies, Strawberry Milk, spring water, cookies or cakes, Wine, Golden cakes, Golden raisins, Apples, Music or poetry, Dancing, Drawings, pineapple, anything with computers, (especially boxing games, online games, and hackers), orange peels, gas station coffee!!, apples, bananas, grapes,Anything containing mercury, Crocuses, Panpipes, Saffron, Strawberries, Chocolate, Wheat, Honey, Lemons, Almonds, Cassia, Cinnamon, Pork or mutton, Spring water, Comforting a dying loved one, letters

Devotional• Board games, Dominos, pick up sticks, playing jacks, bouncy balls, peanut m&ms, write letters, go on walks, go run, do marathons in his honor, road trips, learn about alchemy, astrology, astral travel, prophet dreams, anything astrology related, learn basic car mechanics, give whatever to panhandlers, go talk to panhandlers (keep them company) , pranks, public speaking, tip well, stargazing, geocaching, learn a new language, Learn ASL, work out, Deive safely and predictably, use your blinkers fucking properly , bike/skate, clean your car, make a travel alter (for Hermes), get a passport, Travel , practice keyboarding, have a penpal, Train your voice, magic tricks, check your mail/email , low risk gambling (ex• lotto tickets) , make sigils, race, Play tag, be nice to wait staff, play sports, make maps of trails near you, make maps in general, play string instruments , Make herms, Carpool, Uphold confidentiality, Coin tricks, Be a reliable worker, Thrifting/yard saying, Dumpster diving, Making trades and barter, Help look for missing people/pets, Travel to new places, Learn a new sport, Practice speaking in public or online, Practice writing, Learn astrology, Learn astronomy, Learn about agriculture and animal husbandry, Learn magic tricks, Collect coins, Have a feast in His name, Dice games (ex- DnD), Card games, Donate to homeless shelters in His name, Give money to the hhomeless, Keep a dream journal, Write Him stories and poems or jokes, Honor the dead, Invoke Him on your travels or when looking for a job, always thank Him when you arrive safely or have some luck in your life, studying, learning, playing harmless pranks, attending magic shows, going on adventures, trying out new things, donating to fundraisers, working out, Taking a scenic route on your way home,Picking up loose change, Going to thrift stores, Being patient with delivery drivers, Going for walks, Making a mood board, Making a playlist, Making a dedicated journal, Giving to those in need, Going to/Watching sporting events, Practicing safe driving, Donations to hospitals and health institutions Donations to local artists, learn on how to save on gas, learn how to surf, draw sigils on shoes, leave coins when you leave places (extra points for pennys), give people in need a bus fare, clean off snow on other peoples car, clean your car, stopping for others (nicely, don’t run them over!), let him pick music, get a passport in his honor, decorate your passport, learn how animals communicate, call a love one, establish and force, dedicate a electronic to him, collect stamps and post cards, keep ur secrets, communicate with people when your upset,Keep a journal, Learn a new language/Revisit, Learn ASL, Learn about the evolution of language and how it is always changing, Be mindful of the language you use in daily life, Change your self-talk to positive, Voice training (Particularly for trans worshippers), Thinking before you speak, Learn about older forms of communication (ex- Morse Code), Learn braille,Go to the library and practice reading books in a foreign language ,Practice writing (great to do, Learn about the elements of writing, like allegory and metaphors, Play pranks (remember that good pranks cause confusion, not harm), Buy scratch offs/play the lottery, Understand how gambling addictions affect people, Dice and card games, Learn about good luck charms/Make your own, Learn about superstitions, Games like billiards or darts, Arcade/video games/carnival games, Make small/friendly bets, Poker nights in his honor, Do aGame of horseshoe, Learn parlor games, Smoke a bowl with Him, Learn a good joke, Write/perform stand up comedy, Checking your mail, Checking email/voicemail, Buying stamps, Flipping a coin, Dice divination, Charm casting, present a presentation in his honor, public speaking in his honor

Siblings• Aeacus, Angelos, Aphrodite, Apollo, Ares, Artemis, Athena, Dionysus, Eileithyia, Enyo, Eris, Ersa, Hebe, Helen of Troy, Hephaestus, Heracles, Minos, Pandia, Persephone, Perseus, Rhadamanthus, the Graces, the Horae, the Litae, the Muses, and the Moirai.

Appearance in astral or gen• Winged cap and boots, Traveller’s cloak, Youthful usually beardless figure or with a beard, with a Caduceus, sometimes seen with a mustache

Parentage• Zeus and the nymph Maia or Uranus and Hemera

Sacred days, festivals- Wednesday, the 4th day of the month, Hermaea, Agonius, in Cydonia social order was inverted for the festival and masters waited on their slaves, and slaves got to taste freedom.

Season• March, April, May, June (based on zodiacs)

Status• Messenger of the gods, and an underworld worker, he is called the darling of the gods

Music • anything from flutes or the lyre.

Sacred places• Mt Kyllene in Arkadia (his birthplace), Arcadia, mount Cyllene, Tricrena mountains, his Temples, his Cavern-shrines, Altars in market-places, gymnasiums, athletic arenas, house entrances.

Planet• mercury

Tarot• eight wands, magician, judgment, and maybe seven swords

Scents/Inscene • Frankensince, Myrrh incense, Lavender incense, strawberry, camphor, and malabathrumcock, storax, mastic, mace, moly, nettles, asafoetida, ginger, and marjolane, dragon’s blood incense, list cloves, tobacco, nag champa, poppy, and vanilla, ink on parchment, Musk, White Sandalwood, Nettles

His kids -Hermaphroditus, Tyche, Abderus, Autolycus, Eudorus, Angelia, and Myrtilus, Arabos, Abderos, Aithalides, Bounos, Daphinis, Ekhion, Eleusis (according to others, she was a minor goddess of Eleusinian Mysteries), Euandros, Kaikos, kephalos, keryx, kydon, libys, Mytilos, Norax, Orion, Paris, Paris, phaunos, polybos,saon

What I associate with him• rock music, bricks, dinosaurs, and wine (I promised to share my first cup of wine with him once I turn 21)

Some summarized myths •

Birth- Hermes was born from his mother Maia, the goddess of the fields, and his Father Zeus, he hid in a cave with his mother in Mt. Cyllene in Arcadia, the same day he was born (or when he was a toddler), he ran away while his mother was out, he stole cattle and turned their feet backwards, to 'trick' Apollo, he went back to the cave and made a fire and sacrificed 2 cows to catch the gods attention and ate 1 and hid the rest, outside after he ate he saw a tortoise feeding and cleaned it out and made strings together from a cow he ate, and made a lyre and a plectrum, and Apollo found him, furious he took him to his father and he denied everything and zeus found it hilarious, and he had to head back to the place where he hid the cattle, on the way he played the lyre, Apollo was enamored by it and asked for it and in return he would be his best friend and forgive him, and while helping Apollo tend to the cattle he made pan pipes, which Apollo made him a deal for his iconic golden snake staff and the skill of phropecy by using pebbles.

Killing Argos- Zeus had a lover Io, Who he was laying with in a field, Hera saw and strolled over, he struck in panic turned her into a cow, and Hera came over and demanded it as a gift, and zeus obliged, zeus in a panic asked Hermes to slay it, Hermes went to the cane where the all-seeing giant was, he lured him to sleep with a song, and when he was asleep, he slashed all his eyes and killed him, and took the cow, and in grief Hera turned the giant into a peacock to save the memory and to honor the giant. that's the myth where he gained the title 'Argos slayer'

Prayers•

Safe travels

Swift-footed Hermes, friend of the traveler, friend of those who find themselves far from their homes, by will or by chance, I pray to you. Hermes, who moves between the realms with authority and ease, who leads men and women on their last, longest journey, who stands at the crossroad, who watches the byways, in you I place my trust, for by your might I know that when I stumble I will rise again, that when I choose my way I will choose aright. Hermes, as I make my way through the world, whether I wander or whether I walk my path with care, be with me.

In general

Hermes of the ready wit and the lightning smile, wing-footed one who carries the words of the gods, compassionate one who guides the newly-dead to the hall of Hades and fair Persephone, quick-thinking one who takes interest in the world and works of mankind, whose hand we see in a run of luck and a clever scheme, I call to you. Hermes, bearer of the herald’s staff, your gifts are great. You guard our homes with constancy and care, you grant to us a portion of your own craft and wile, you join with us when we revel and are merry, you stand with us when we are far from home, alone. You are ever with us, O Hermes; O god who holds in hand the good of men, I honor you.

hestia & hermes for good money

I call to Hermes, god of the marketplace, god of the the deal, from whose hands fall shining coins. I call to Hestia, goddess of the home, goddess of good management, who knows the ways of thrift. Grant me a keen eye to spot a bargain, I pray; grant that I know false economy from true. Grant me the craft to repair what is broken, grant me the sufficiency to save for what may come. Grant me the wisdom to live with care, O gods, the discipline and skill to live within my means; grant me the wit to know my needs and my desires, grant me the judgment to know the difference.

This info is some UPG and some traditional, I do not find UPG disrespectful at all and some of it is my own experience, and I am not debating about it. My info is still valid, and I'm sure my sources is, just wanted to clarify this! Much love! I did get some info from other Tumblr users, I made this way back, I still update it, I dont own any of this information.

sources - https://twelfthremedy.tumblr.com/post/621849449656942592/hermes-offerings/amp

Wikipedia. “Agetor.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, 10 Nov. 2010. Web. 12 May 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agetor.

Burkert, Walter. “The Gods.” Greek Religion. Basil Blackwell and Harvard UP, 1985. 156-59. Print.

The original book was published in Germany as Griechische Religion der archaischen und klassischen Epoche. by Verlag W. Kohlhammer, Stuttgart, copyright year 1977

1b) Atsma, Aaron J. “ESTATE, ATTRIBUTES & ATTENDANTS OF HERMES : Greek Mythology.” THEOI GREEK MYTHOLOGY, Exploring Mythology & the Greek Gods in Classical Literature & Art. 2000. Web. 13 Apr. 2011. http://www.theoi.com/Olympios/HermesTreasures.html, Wikipedia. “Agonius.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, 10 Nov. 2010. Web. 12 May 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agonius, Wikipedia. “Agoraea.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, 26 June 2010. Web. 12 May 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraeus, Wikipedia. “Chthonius.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, 20 June 2011. Web. 26 June 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chthonius,Wikipedia. “Hermes Trismegistus.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, 9 June 2011. Web. 26 June 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermes_Trismegistus., “Kriophoros.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, 11 June 2011. Web. 26 June 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kriophoros, Wikipedia. “Leucus.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, 13 Feb. 2011. Web. 26 June 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leucus, Atsma, Aaron J. “ESTATE, ATTRIBUTES & ATTENDANTS OF HERMES : Greek Mythology.” THEOI GREEK MYTHOLOGY, Exploring Mythology & the Greek Gods in Classical Literature & Art. 2000. Web. 13 Apr. 2011. http://www.theoi.com/Olympios/HermesTreasures.html, “CYLLENIUS, Greek Mythology Index.” MYTH INDEX, Greek Mythology. Myth Index, 2007. Web. 13 Apr. 2011. http://www.mythindex.com/greek-mythology/C/Cyllenius.html, Sannion. “Wildivine.org – Offeringsto Hermes.” Wildivine.org – Dionysos, Hermes, Nymphs and Pacific Northwest Polytheism. Wildvine.org. Web. 26 June 2011. http://www.wildivine.org/hermes_offerings.htm.1, Sannion. “Wildivine.org – Offerings to Hermes.” Wildivine.org – Dionysos, Hermes, Nymphs and Pacific Northwest Polytheism. Wildvine.org. Web. 12 May, http://www.wildivine.org/hermes_offerings.htm, Sannion. “Wildivine.org – Hermes’epithets.” Wildivine.org – Dionysos, Hermes, Nymphs and Pacific Northwest Polytheism. Wildvine.org. Web. 12 May 2011. http://www.wildivine.org/hermes_epithets.htm.

https://greekpagan.com/category/prayers-2/hermes/

https://journal.uny.ac.id/index.php/diksi/article/download/49223/18693#:~:text=The%20red%20or%20green%20color,one%20of%20the%20Olympic%20gods.

travelingthief.tumblr.comhttps://www.tumblr.com/themodernwitchsguide

I use resources, I do not own the info, and most deep dives have UPG (that I use in my work.) And I only take some information from sources. I am 14, this is my hobby, I am learning but I spent many hours and days on this, and I am always open to criticism. I have been doing worship for 5 years. Please know you can use the info, I do not sue, but I will take action if this work is used without permission and not put as a resource if used in any work. without permisson and not put as a resource if used in any work, for the public.

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