#someone will go ‘i’m kinda emotional rn so this post probably won’t be the most well-constructed i’m kinda just venting’

[mars-ipan]

so funny to me how ppl on tumblr will read a post that says, within the post, SEVERAL times, “hey this isn’t super well-thought out discussion and shouldn’t be treated as such i’m just sharing an individual opinion and my word should not be taken as fact” and then refuse to understand that whether they agree or disagree with the op

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

[maris-picnic-blog]

Heyyyy! What’s up? We have to redo some intros because of a formatting issue..! *sigh*

I’m Mod Gory, or Just Gory is fine. Some other names I’m known by are:

- BigBadWolfy [YouTube, Tumblr, most other platforms]

- Gory [Discord/Online as a sort of alias or nickname]

- Gregorknee [haha funny meme display name I use in some apps]

I’m probably not going to be the most active poster, high school’s got me going on 2 hours of sleep rn/j I’m a self proclaimed artist and writer, and I like to think I’m sort of creative.

I’m into a lot of fandoms, but here are some of the ones I’m most into!

- Five Nights at Freddy’s [And by extension, the Daycare Attendant fandom]

- Smiling Critters [Poppy Playtime Sub Fandom, i don’t really care for Poppy Playtime]

- Gacha Club [I use it for a lot of the stuff I make, but I promise I art too 😭]

- Mari’s Picnic [:3]

I like a lot Of other fandoms but most of my content has to do with those lol! [Mostly FNaF, my main blog is a LOT of FNaF reblogs]

I also have OCs I ramble about on my main, but they won’t hold much use here lol.

Some things I like are:

- Video games [Horror, action, Fantasy, rpg, a whole lot]

- Musics [Rock, metal, calming, pop, alternative, indie, otocore {I hope that’s what it’s called} Showtunes, and much more!]

- Foods [IM WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING IF I CAN GET MY HANDS ON IT]

- People [Sometimes]

- Being online

- YouTube

- Art and animation

- Random facts about random shit

- Animals [I love wolves and cats ❤️❤️❤️]

- Dad Jokes

- Your Mom jokes

- Much more I can’t think of!

I do NOT Like/Tolerate

- Rude/Bitchy people

- Inconsiderate people

- Homophobia

- Racism

- Ableism

- Bullying/Harassment

- AI “artists”

Things you should probably know about me!

- I have a LOT of schoolwork. Like, a lot. I’m pretty stressed out a bunch of the time.

- I don’t have much time so things I do will probably be slower.

- I have a very short attention span and love to talk! Get me started and I won’t stop

- I’m kinda sensitive and emotional, I’m trying to work on it!

- I probably have anxiety.

- I’m kinda lazy-

- I’m not really that active online, but I try to be when I have time!

- I’m kinda dumb when it comes to social skills, but I’m pretty book smart

- I’M A MINOR!!! I don’t want to give out my exact age as it makes me uncomfortable, but I’m definitely still a minor! I’m over 13 however, but under 18.

- I’m (probably) a bisexual and go by whatever pronouns, mostly She/Her. It just depends on whatever I feel like that day lol

- I kind of have a fear of complete silence. (Sedatephobia) However, it’s not as bad as someone who would have to be diagnosed.

- I have a partner and they’re super cool and I love them and I like talking about them and to them and

Some boundaries I have!

- Do not send Flirtatious/NSFW/Romantic asks into our ask box. Period. I think I speak for both me and Ichigo when I say that’s weird and uncomfortable.

- I’m happy being friendly with you, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable with DMs or anything like that. Reoccurring askers are super cool and appreciated though!

- Do not send us NSFW.

- Do not send us Gore.

- Do not send us anything we explicitly express discomfort about. That’s messed up.

- Don’t harass me or others on the behalf of me.

This post might be edited as things change! Thanks for listening and enjoy the blog weirdos!

Find me here!

AO3 - https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoComedicDumbasses

Main Tumblr - https://at.tumblr.com/bigbadwolfy/fzkrrz1f3pdb

TikTok - @bigbadwolfy20

YouTube - https://youtube.com/@BigBadWolfy_1?si=ps_7Z_oSWd9mT2QV

- Mod Gory 🌚💫💥

🍓°•♡ Ichigo's Introduction  ♡•°🍰

Hello! I'm Ichigo, a mod to this new blog! I'm super excited to talk to you guys!

You might know me on:

Youtube: ♡ I c h i g o ♡ / @1CH1G0OFFICIAL

Tiktok: @i.c.h.i.g.o_official

Reddit: u/-Outrider_Amber-

Wattpad: Ichigo / @Ichigo_Official

FANDOMS I'M IN

• Genshin Impact

• OMORI

• Identity V

• Danganronpa

• Five Nights at Freddy's

• Welcome Home

• Project Sekai

• Cookie Run Kingdom

and many more!

Things I Like:

• Talking about the fandoms I'm in

• Drawing

• Writing

• Video games

• Garlic bread 😍 (and many other foods and drinks)

• Memes

• Talking about my favorite characters

• There's more but I'm to lazy to list it lololol

❌ Things I HATE (Also kind of a DNI list):

• Homophobia

• Racism

• Ableism

• Proshippers

• Bullying and harrassment

• Basic DNI list stuff. If you support any of these, leave this blog! Thank you! ^^

Stuff about me:

• I'm an Asexual (possibly also Aromantic as well, haven't figured out yet)

• I like to draw, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to make requests!

• I love my friends! Y'ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE ILY ALL >:3

• I like using emoticons / emojis sometimes ^^

‼ BOUNDARIES ‼ (PLEASE READ THIS)

• We do not accept NSFW/Flirting/Romance asks in our blog!

• Do not cause any pointless drama!

• Please don't send DMs unless I actually know you! If you do that, you will be blocked!

• Do not send me, Gory, or anyone else here NSFW, Gore, or any remotely discomforting images / texts!

• Do not randomly harass anyone here! Be a decent human being.

And that's all! I'm so excited to show you all what me and my friend have in store for this blog! However, you'll all see soon enough, so stay tuned!

Thanks for checking in, ~ Mod Ichigo 🍓

[ggukkiedae]

Hey I love your writing if it's okay I was wondering if you could do a post about all the guys in NCT finding about about Hannah and Yangyang. I love your writing and I'm curious about everyone's reaction. ♥️

awwww thank you 🥺🥺🥺 sure! i’ve gotchu hun 🥰 we’ve seen how jeno and ten reacted, so let’s do this in order of how they found out minus jeno and ten aksjdhf

mark & sungchan

mark was basically just relieved the moment hannah ran out their dorms and towards the wayv dorm

“finally!”

meanwhile poor sungchan who was in the middle of talking to yoonmi when hannah took her phone back was shookt

“does this mean noona likes yangyang hyung?”

the rest of wayv

i have said this previously aksjfh they were the most chaotic probably bc it happened in their dorm

lucas heard ten calling his name and ten was like “the babies kissed and now they went in the room!”

lucas went protective mode and dragged winwin to look for the keys while ten banged on the door

xiaojun and hendery were confused af until winwin explained what was going on and like hendery looked at xiaojun

“didn’t you have a crush on her?” “NO!”

kun kinda just knocked on the door and asked for them to open up to which yangyang yelled a no

but hannah opened the door bc she listens to her kun baba

jaemin, johnny, and haechan

ten messaged johnny somehow in the mess of him banging on the door

there were a series of typos though

“oh? hannah and yangyang got together”

remember when i said wayv was chaotic? hyuck is a runner up

“WHAT? AND SHE DIDN’T TELL ME? THE BETRAYAL”

and he liked raced up to the wayv dorms to attack literally everyone with questions

meanwhile johnny calmly followed after him while walking

meanwhile jeno kinda just messaged jaemin about it bc he needs a rant buddy bc jeno’s feeling emotions

so jaemin makes a mental note to talk to yangyang while he listens to jeno’s last sad love life rant about hannah

renjun, chenle, and jisung

hendery messaged renjun about the happenings in their dorm that christmas eve

and he’s with chenji so he tells the two kids

and they’re like

“does this mean yangyang hyung is our dad now?”

cue renjun facepalming

“no, literally, no.”

jungwoo and jaehyun

jaehyun messages johnny bc the older was supposed to head up to the tenth floor with hyuck to wait for christmas, but he still wasn’t there

johnny’s like “hyuck’s attacking yangyang rn”

“why?” “he and hannah are official now” “oh... OH”

jaehyun immediately tells jungwoo bc roommate thingz

and jungwoo’s first instinct was “my baby’s growing up 🥺”

(the second one was to scold yangyang, but jaehyun stopped him bc hyuck was doing that)

taeil and doyoung

taeil took it the most normally?

like when jungwoo approached the two in the living room to tell them, taeil just

“oh, that’s nice”

meanwhile doyoung malfunctioned a little bit

he sat there and stared at jungwoo like

“hannah’s... dating?” “i know!”

yuta and shotaro

jaehyun was the one to tell these two

yuta jokingly nudged shotaro’s side with a teasing smile

“you should have snatched her up while you still could”

shotaro just laughed

he actually was someone hannah always went to in the middle of the night for a comforting presence when her thoughts about the fiasco ate her up

he’s just happy that she won’t be too conflicted anymore

taeyong

hannah texted taeyong herself when donghyuck came into the wayv dorm and started lecturing yangyang with kun and lucas

he was surprised to say the least, but her wanted her to be happy

“are you ready for a relationship, haeeun?”

“i’m pretty sure i am”

“then i’m happy for you”

BASICALLY it was chaotic and the whole of nct found out in a span of 10 minutes despite being in like four or five different places

(bonus: bangtan found out twenty minutes later when mark came to spend christmas eve with yoonmi)

[lumilasi]

I saw this in my feed and since I was pretty bored and FINALLY free from the said boredom, figured I could do this one. I generally enjoy question based tags, especially if they relate to art/writing/fandom/are some general things about favorite colors, music, foods, things about your home country etc.

(basically, you can tag me in stuff similar to listed above things and I’ll probably do them if I see them/have time lmao)

Fic Writer Questions!

How many works do you have on AO3? 

44 total. I used to have more but I’ve deleted an old Bleach one I knew I’d never continue to write, and two bnha ones for the same reason (those two were also at the very beginning stages so nobody missed a lot anyway)

What's your total AO3 wordcount? 

4 269 068......wow. It’s even MORE than I even imagined. Over 4 million words. 

....Someone take my writing tools away from me lmao

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

 Three. I started with MCU, moved on to Bleach and now I’ve done most ofr BNHA

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

Crossroads - 3069 

Family Secrets - 3015 

Reanimate - 1534 

The neighbor - 809 

Espada and Fraccion - 782

.....Admittedly this list surprised me. Not the first three but the last two. The fifth is an one shot for Bleach that I wrote AGES ago. I also for some reason expected this list to match the bookmark list more lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I always try to respond to every comment I get, but often times when it’s just one word or a heart emoji I don’t really know what to say, so I might not reply to those. I do appreciate every comment I get, and read every single one, even if I don’t respond

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? 

I don’t do angst endings typically, but Family Secrets is probs the most obvious choice, given what happens at the end. 

- and its not even the real end, because I couldn’t help myself and made two more stories for the AU that was like “hey! this character I made you all love so much actually DIDN’T die, he just had unfinished business back home” lmao

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've ever written? 

Rarely, typically they’re between my own fics (the story that crosses the paths of Crossroads and Family Secrets AU’s, literally titled Crossover, creative name I know OTL I was out of ideas) 

Or between me and other people’s fics. Currently there’s two, both with Crossroads: one with Theteapotofdoom’s fic Something Good, and another with leontheneon’s fic Here with you. Both stories are basically a two part series that is non canon to actual Crossroads. The first story is finished, second one has two chapters left...that...I uh...struggle to write it seems OTL

(not tagging either person into this because Tea is very busy IRL right now so I don’t want to bother her, and Leon hasn’t been around in ages, IDK if they even use tumblr anymore)

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

Not really no? I can only remember one time with somebody kind of demanding me to completely rewrite one fic in the past. It wasn’t really hate, more just...kinda unreasonable in my eyes? This was years ago by now.

While I did understand their side and the particular struggle they had (once they actually explained it, the first comment at the time came off pretty rude and demanding), I still feel them wanting me to re-write an entire multi-chapter fic just for them is a bit unreasonable, like said.

Like it wasn’t just couple of grammatical errors that was their issue, we’re talking weeks and even months long process of completely reworking multi-chapter story, because the grammar wasn’t tip top perfect. (I’m not a native speaker so there’s bound to be some mistakes; pointing out small occasional things is one thing - asking me to rewrite an entire multi-chapter story is another)

You can imagine that is not exactly high on my priorities list with IRL responsibilities and being more focused on the actual content of what I write, the ongoing stories I’m updating. This fic isn’t even finished yet either, so...yeah. Like after they explained their side of the story I was a bit more understanding, but its still....a bit ridiculous and unreasonable in my eyes to ask somebody to do such a massive overhaul when the story isn’t even finished yet?? Like maybe once its done and I have time I can go and edit it, but not when I haven’t even finished it lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nah. I don’t care about smut a whole lot personally. I much more enjoy writing emotional scenes, character interactions and mystery. Plot over porn basically lmao 

Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

I don’t...do people actually do this? It feels like such a weird and pointless thing to do. It’s fanfic. stuff you write for fun and for free, for people to read for free. I’d also imagine its pretty easy to get caught given AO3 shows when you first posted your story. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

 Yes, a couple of times. In Russian and I think other one was Chinese?

Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Writing the crossovers was kinda that? Like I asked feedback from Tea and Leon on how to write them. there was also actually third crossover story that was supposed to happen (only I wasn’t going to be the one to write it) but this project has been shelved as the other person had to drop majority of online activity due to some IRL health related things. (I’m just glad they recently contacted me to inform they were doing better)

What’s your all time favorite ship? 

Right now it’s..probably pretty obvious its Shigadabi, but I can never really say any ship is my all time fave, as it always changes depending on the fandom lmao. 

I guess my favorite character x proper sleep/emotional stability/happiness will always be the OTP

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oof. I always try to finish every single one, and if I absolutely know I won’t, I tend to just delete them. Thankfully I’ve only done it thrice. Which I guess is still a lot, but compared to how much I write, in context not really? 

What are your writing strengths?

From what I’ve gathered of feedback, its typically emotional moments/character dialogue and interaction/character arcs and so. Mystery plots too. Or maybe that last one is just me lmao

What are your writing weakness?

Personally, while I tend to get positive feedback on both, sometimes I feel like I struggle to choose a good pacing for a fic, and fight scenes are always a pain. Namely, I might struggle with making the pace too long-winded and slow sometimes. Ironically, my IRL update pacing is probs a bit too fast in turn. (To add another layer of irony, I got an update ready for Unravel that I’ll post after making this tag)

Also writing shorter stories. I’ve been trying to write one-shots more (like the Spinaraki series thing) to kinda try and get myself to pack up my stories better and not let them always spiral out of control haha

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I did try to do that once with a fic I deleted, I had a native speaker help me with the canadian french bits. This person is no longer active on tumblr, and I deleted that fic because I realized I’d never finish it. 

Technically tho, as a non-native English speaker, EVERY word is in other language to me lmao. I could only add Finnish as an extra one easily, and it rarely makes sense to do so anyway.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? 

MCU. It’s what I originally made my AO3 for, as I felt brave enough to post things. I also can’t remember writing fandom related stuff before that, it was typically more oc related. Writing fics has helped me learn a lot about world-building, character consistency and all that stuff, without having to make everything from scratch (tho I do enjoy doing that as well of course). I feel like my original work writing has improved too thanks to my fic writing shenanigans in a way lmao. Tho that might just be me, IDK

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? 

Oooof. This changes a lot depending on the time. I can never really pick just one either: my current favorites are Stringmaster, The neighbor and Family Secrets

Stringmaster because I love building the Steampunk AU, and Tomura’s relationship with Dabi and his Sensei, The neighbor because I personally think the romance build up in that one is probably one of the best I’ve done so far (the character dialogue in that is among my favorites I’ve written as well) and FS, because it taught me a lot about character building through writing a character like Hisashi.

 Plus I just really like Hisashi. 

And baby Izuku and little Tenko are super adorable. 

And Inko is the best mum.

 Also the fact the whole story is so ironic in a sense its still kinda funny to me. 

The only writer I know that might be around rn is @nightlilly0110 soo...I guess I’ll tag them if they want to do this! Anybody who’s a writer can snatch this too of course ;)

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

anyone wanna hear the story of how i found out supernatural was ending and proceeded to have the worst morning of my life?

(super-excessive rambling ahead. do not read the whole of it.)

so i don't remember the date but it was the day of my english 10th board exam. boards are like a series of subject finals, kinda the biggest exams conducted in a student's education in india, plus they're nationalized. so yeah, a massively big deal, and obviously the first thing i do waking up on this massively important day is open tumblr. there are about seventy messages and i'm confused cause i think i barely "talked" to ten people back then, but before i've even checked them out, the first post i see is a textpost about how the longest running joke universally across fandoms is that 'spn has been going on way too long and needs to end' but now that it is ending, all people can do is cry about it. for some reason, i don't process that post as fact™, assuming they mean a general "ending" instead of a "j2m announced last season" ending. anyways i move on to my messages, and all of them are people who've freaking the fuck out for at least a few hours (the advantages of being in a timezone different from of most people) and i go to my activity, still stunned, and someone's tagged me in a meta of some kind, and i check it out completely dazed and it's got gifs (already!) of the three of them standing there with teary eyes and jensen actually saying the words everyone had been screaming about in the chats, and it finally hits me that it's ending, supernatural is ending, it's going to be OVER, and it's already been decided when. obviously, the tears start, and literally crying in my bed, still under the comforter, i think i watched the video twice, without headphones in fact, which is extremely weird because i virtually NEVER do that, but as if anything else mattered at the moment!

i don't remember what all i felt in those moments but one of the thoughts that REALLY stood out was that i wish, wish, wish it lasted just one more year — so maybe supernatural could end at the same time as highschool ended for me, and it'd feel like the end of a phase of my life, but no, according to what they predicted (and not even kidding, now it's even worse) supernatural was going to end smack in the middle of senior year for me, obviously a super important, super stressful year, and god, i wished so hard it'd just go on ONE MORE YEAR somehow but look what happened now it's ending like three months before my college entrance exams and the competitive engineering exams and shit which is just absolutely perfect because it's doing wonders to my attention span and mental health and yeah i'm getting off topic i'm gonna come back to the topic now

it's two am rn and i'm weirdly tired of typing so what happens next is fucking wild, but i'm gonna hurry because i need to go cry some more into a pillow or a ao3 tab or something. so like a whole HOUR later i get up from bed. i've got to get dressed and shit, most important exam of my life YET and everything. so i start brushing, obviously scrolling through tumblr, obviously failing to not cry, and my mum walks in, and she doesn't know a thing about supernatural (even if she did, she would consider the idea of me crying over them announcing an ending RIDICULOUS) so she just assumes i'm sniffling and tensed up because i'm STRESSED and she tries reassuring me like i need fucking reassurance for ENGLISH of all things. anyway anyway anyway i have maggi for breakfast i think and i'm still pretty out of it and stuff but i get dressed in my uniform and put on the fucking blazer though its HOT outside but i like wearing the school blazer for exams but i underestimated how much of a physically draining effect the news and reacting to it would have on me, so then there's me sweating literal buckets and then we set off.

we're already late in leaving the house (why, i don't remember) and once we're at the centre, and my parents have dropped me off and wished me luck, i go to the gate, right. and THEN the guard gestures to my uniform and tells me i'm missing my fucking class ID. now i know i'm late so i panic on cue because shit shit shit i'm gonna be even more late, and i legit turn and look for mum and dad (we weren't allowed to carry our mobiles for the test) and what i see is that they've reversed the car and are about to drive out the gate and obviously my brain isn't really working so i fucking RUN AFTER THE CAR, like, i'm really not an athletic person, i avoid running as much as i possibly can, and i fucking lose my shit and chase the car down in like ten seconds of running cause it's only like ten metres away actually but the highlight of it all is that i run. in a public space. unprompted. with a shitload of emotions and anxiety and panic, and i basically almost sob in relief when dad immediately stops the car and pretty much pulls me in and tells me to stop worrying cause the house is like ten minutes away and i might miss the general waiting part and stuff but i wasn't gonna miss the exam. so THEN we start driving back and obviously because they are who they fucking are, they start arguing about which of them is at fault for this and who was supposed to check in on me carrying my seriously important ID and other crap, and then obviously they're yelling and that does even more wonders for my state of practically hysteria, but i hold it together until we get home and i get the ID (which is on the bed, probably was under my blazer or something) and we set back off, and i know we're late, and i know supernatural is ending, and i know it's going to take a part of me really, and mum and dad just won't stop yelling at each other about god knows what, and i manage to squeeze in the first time in SO many years that i cry in front of my parents right there in the backseat, and they're sort of stunned because i really don't cry (in front of people) and then there's just me losing it in a mixture of helplessness and nerves and anger for some reason and just. whoa.

ANYWAYS we get to the centre (in time for the exam, but like fifteen minutes later than i SHOULD have gotten there) and dad talks to the teacher and stuff and it works out because obviously it's a really important exam they're not going to make me skip it, and i go straight to my classroom — also did i mention these exams aren't held in our own schools but like, different test centres, so basically a different room and desk each day in a different school from mine, ugh, i hate new places — and i find out i have the FIRST bench of the second column which lowkey sucks because it's too public really, but at least my best friend's sitting like diagonally from me on the left, and my friends are basically sprinkled around the classroom as well and i see them eyeing me worriedly cause they were scared i might miss the exam but also because i was a MESS with bloodshot eyes and an outofit look in them and did i mention i was sweating like a dog all this time wearing a blazer because i'm just that idiot because yeah.

so then i calm myself down the best i can. sitting under a fan helps, taking off my stupid blazer helps, and seeing dish (beforementioned best friend) helps — because apparently she heard about the ending too (she's not in the fandom she just keeps up with news for my sake, yes, im very lucky to have her) and tries to cheer me up about it, but then it's time for the paper, and they give them out and...yeah.

three hours later, the exam ends, and i step out of that hall the most mentally exhausted i've been in YEARS. also i swear off tumblr until i've had lunch and napped and stuff because i was also functioning on extremely little sleep but i really think that part was obvious.

as it goes, i ended up getting a 95% in that paper :)

but to this date, my sister jokes about how i ended up getting my personal least marks of that year in english of all subjects which was supposed to be of my strongest suit heh all because of a six-ish minute video released in a different part of the world about something that wasn't even going to happen that year...and like. yeah.

that's it.

that's the story.

[jthebeauty]

Jeeeeeeen! I saw that you said you were one the ace spectrum and I’m curious as to how you realize that? I’m questioning my own sexuality rn and a lot of info online is confusing to me LOL. You dont have to answer if you aren’t comfortable tho ofc!

hey nonnie :) ofc we can talk about it! i’m more than comfortable with sharing my story & experience. <3

cw: first kiss, kissing in general, sex talk, sti mention, children mentions, relationships. long post ahead.

growing up, i always naturally admired the romantic aspects in a relationship.

things like dates, breakfast-in-bed, writing love letters, holding hands, cooking meals together, taking silly photos together, (and all that other sappy stuff) really shaped what i desire in a relationship. fun fact; ever since i was 8 or so, i knew i wanted to spend my honeymoon in paris, france (the city of love they call it 😌).

i need to go back into my past a lil’ so you can see where i’m coming from & where it started. 😬 sorry if you get a lil’ uncomfy. 😭🙏🏽

so. i had my first kiss in kindergarten with a handsome guy; a handsome guy who i’d probably still be nervous around as adults. idk, i haven’t seen him in person since i was 14. anyways, i was five years old at the time & the memory of our kiss still runs in my mind here n there.

we liked each other again in grade 6 & we communicated via sticky notes (bc we couldn’t talk during the lesson). 😭 but yeah, he cared a lot about my feelings & always knew when something was up. he’d rub me on the back & talk with me to make me feel better— he was genuinely a sweetheart.

so at 11 years old, due to my “kiddy crush/relationship” experiences with that guy, i viewed relationships as something cute & romantic.

sex was never really on my mind throughout middle school unless it concerned p.e. (physical education). but if anything, p.e. most likely contributed to how i am today. in health class, we talked about sti’s n stuff & i just remember being like umm… if i were to have sex, it’d have to be with someone i know really well & trust. i still feel this way today.

all of that wasn’t planned though, that’s just how it naturally was in my mind— even with peers constantly discussing who did what with who and where around me. sex talk (& rumours of that kind of stuff) were always around me, yet it never interested me or sparked curiosity within me.

i didn’t know for sure that i was on the ace spectrum till high school.

i started speculating when i was about 15 or so (after i had kissed my best friend romantically… more than once). i was able to confirm this once i had my first serious relationship at 16– borderline 17.

i was always excited for the romantic stuff like dates, texting good morning/night messages, even taking polaroid pictures together (once again, sex or anything beyond kissing wasn’t really on my mind for some reason). we even used to call each other practically every day once school ended & we parted ways. real sappy stuff lol.

i also need to add that we didn’t date until we had known each other (as friends) for a good 9-10 months. i knew of my ex since grade 9, but we didn’t become friends until grade 10.

my ex isn’t the first person i have kissed romantically, but they were another person who i had kissed after having some sort of close friendship with (or else it wouldn’t have happened to begin with).

in conclusion, i was in a +2.5 year relationship with my ex. i take relationships seriously, as i’m not one to do flings, one-night stands, situationships, or hook-ups/sneaky links. they don’t interest me one bit & i honestly kinda forget those kind of things exist (i think mainly bc of the pandemic & i’m under the assumption that people aren’t going out as often as they used to).

looking over everything that i can recall from my life, i lowkey consider myself a hopeless romantic LOL. i often read erotic romance novels that revolve around forbidden romance, enemies-to-lovers & stuff of that nature. i was (& still am) obsessed with romance.

i can experience sexual attraction, i’m not completely disinterested in the idea of sex. i want to have kids one day & get married— it’s just a matter of who.

i came to the conclusion that i strongly identify as demisexual & graysexual. i bounce between the two bc i really can’t just pick one. and it’s more than okay if you find yourself in this situation too— you don’t have to pick one & stick to it.

when my ex & i were together, i did experience sexual attraction (bc we had an emotional connection/bond + romantic feelings), but the more we got settled into our relationship, the less those sexual feelings would pass in my mind. i’m the kind of lover that shows my love & affection by cuddling, talking, or helping my partner— stuff of that nature.

for me it was just a matter of thinking “would i do this with a stranger just because they’re attractive?” or “would i do a fwb situation with ____?” and the answer to those kind of questions would be no. i’m just not interested or appealed by the idea of doing things like that with someone who i’m not romantically AND emotionally involved with. the only way we’re doing that, is if we’re mutually romantically AND emotionally involved with each other.

i guess you could say that sex is something “special” to me as well. i just seriously can’t do it with anyone— not even if i find them attractive, it takes so much more than that. but on the other hand, i’m just more of a romantic person anyways.

irl sex is never really at the forefront of my mind & if it is, it’s gone within a few seconds of reflecting on it. in fact, i kind of cringe thinking on past sexual incidents with my ex… like my brain just won’t allow me to reminisce about them & i’m actually glad bc i just don’t feel like purposefully thinking about irl sex anyways. 😭

sorry for the long post! i just really wanted to be transparent with you. but the above is mainly why i see myself on the ace spectrum. it took me a good 4-5 years to come this realization, so i really do feel you nonnie.

if there’s anything you wanna know further, feel free to swing on by again or message me on discord (if you have me there). i really do wish you all the best in navigating your sexuality, it seriously can be reallyyy confusing (especially with the internet as you said).

sending kisses to you my love. take care. 😚❤️

[chaotic-noceur]

regarding pragma.

read it here

Dear @softpedropascal

wow this took so much longer than I thought it would whoops.

So, first off- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you have the bestest day ever cuz you deserve it!

I’m incapable of forming coherent thoughts so um...here’s a cumulative post of my running commentary because my binge reading plans got disrupted so this seemed... neater? Idk. anyways, here you go. 

Part 1

No matter how many meetings and mediations you two went through, he still found a reason to keep dragging this out.

I read this as ‘meetings and meditations’ and was very confused for a sec 😂

That hat. You got him that hat. He still wore it?

omg u gave the hat a backstory. adkgadflhg 😍

He was tempted. God, was he tempted, but he shook his head and stood up straight. 

This just. Yes. We love a respectful man. 

I love all the little hints that you’re dropping about the reader and Frankie’s backstory. 

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 2

He told himself long ago that be would never forgive her for what she did,

WHAT DID I DO OMG.

“Can’t you, I dunno, sign for him?” he asked.

😂😂Frankie. Sweetheart. Who do you take me for? I can’t forge someone’s signature. I don’t have the skills for that. 

There was a reason he didn’t say goodbye. He was afraid to. He was afraid that if he said them again, he would have to go another five years without seeing her. Or has it been longer?

mY hEaRt

Pope and and Frankie’s ENTIRE interaction. 😍 I love that he can see right through Frankie’s bs, loves him anyways but will give it to him straight. 

He was too busy thinking about how if he had gotten his shit together, he could be living here with her, taking walks to his favorite lake every day.

asdfgadfkglhdf!!! Boo it ain’t all your fault 😢 (or is it 😏)

It’s funny how the simplest touch can cause the most complex feelings—feelings that he had sworn he buried deep inside of him somewhere. It was a complicated thing trying to be angry at her because in that moment all was forgotten and forgiven.

the DEPTH. in these sentences. oml. I’m so ready to learn about this complicated backstory.  

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 3

“I can make him sign ‘em,” he offered.

YES. I love a low key threatening boi.

“Yeah, until you decided I wasn’t good enough,” 

“Did you want to show me what I could have had with you if I wasn’t such a fuck up.” He sighed and put his hands on his hips.

AFGHSKF OMG MY HEART.

“I’m trailing water and mud all over the place but just remember that I saved your life before getting mad, okay?” 

“Nothing. Just like saying your name.”

ahhhh these are precious!!  

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 4

“Yeah. People do that right? Day dates?” He honestly wasn’t sure. Dates weren’t his forte.

🥺 someone help him. He’s so cute omg. 

“We might’ve made out a little too,” he mumbled.

aksfhksdfg look at him turning into a flustered boy!!!

“No. I just…stopped looking up,”

Babes. Idk if the double meaning was intentional but like. Wow. That hit hard. 

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 5

and has a name like ‘Bill’ or ‘Tom’.”

oop. We love a subtle Redfly dig 😂

!!!! IDK WHAT TO BLOCKQUOTE BUT OMG FRANKIE BEING PROTECTIVE. THE READERS BACKSTORY. FRANKIE KISSING AT THE PAST BRUISES. ANGRY FRANKIE OMG. 😭

I’m sorry there’s probably some more amazing stuff after that but t’was not a good ace day so i skipped the smut

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 6

You hid your body from him at first and when he moved your hands, you covered your face. Then he told you to never hide from him—he would always think you were beautiful

🥺🥺 this is so soft omg

sorry skipped the smut but im sure it was beautiful

“I’m not going anywhere.” You moved his arms so you could kneel in front of him. “I’m staying.”

*incoherent screaming*

“You can ask me for anything. I would give up everything I for you.”

The whole ending scene was AMAZING okay but this. This line right here. Big hurt omg. He knows the weight of what he’s saying. He knows how hard the road to recovery is and how many things are gonna try push him off that path. But he says it anyways. And it really really shows just how much she means to him. Brava! 

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 7

lmao I really need to start reading the warnings 😂

She was never going to be sad longer than necessary if he had anything to do about it.

WHERE CAN I GET A FRANKIE OML 😭

“That no matter where we were, when we look up, we’re looking at the same moon.” He looked at her though she was still looking up. “That always kept me going, you know?”

THE SOFT. AHHHHHH

The moonlight seemed to shine directly on her and make her glow like some ethereal being. She was an angel. She had to be. The stars twinkled above them but he had his own right here right now.

eXcUsE mE. wHo gAvE yOu tHe rIgHt tO wRiTe sOmEtHIng tHiS bEAuTiFul

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 8

“Stop ruining my romantic moment, please.

HAHAHAH I LOVE!

I can’t even- Omg. This whole chapter. I have no words

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 9

“I can’t,” he said, voice broken. “Please just let me…let me hold you. Let me…”

IDK THE FULL CONTEXT TO THIS (really hating my ace-ness rn cuz this last line is so heartfelt) BUT OMG BROKEN FRANKIE I JUST. ARGHHH

you realized that you were embracing your entire world right then and there. Letting it go would be the hardest thing you’d ever do.

take my heart and crush it why don’t you omg. 😭😍

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 10

She was hurt again. And it was his fault again.

I can’t do it. I can’t be alone anymore.

asdfghjk GURL. WHO HURT YOU OMG. LEMME HURT THEM BACK. 

His world spun and he felt like he was falling. He fell and fell into the abyss with no one there to save him as the bag felt like it was burning a hole in his hand. Is it hot? He felt hot. Burning up. Had he finally died and gone to hell? God knows that’s where he belonged.

No. It’s just an overwhelming darkness. Nothing. And that’s what he wanted, right? To feel nothing.

*VERY INCOHERENT SCREAMING* This is beautiful writing omg. The raw emotion in this. Holy hell. 

oml. That transition from pure pain and angst into love just *chefs kiss*. Frankie deserves so much 😭

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 11

“It wasn’t supposed to make you cry,”

wHat eLsE wAs iT sUpPoSeD tO dO omg. 

This whole chapter was SO CUTE!!! The way that Frankie just knows things about her. UGH. 

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 12

“What if it’s big and pulls me in?!”

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY OMG

“I don’t wanna die,” he whispered.

His life felt as though it was falling apart all over again and he realized it was because she was the one that held him together and now that he was leaving, everything was one big mess again.

*inaudible screaming*

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 13

That ending tho! I love that you gave them their own little thing with the moon. Its so sweet 🥰and the Pope-Frankie friendship moments. *melts*

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 14

okay i was gonna blockquote but there was too much to quote This whole chapter felt so raw omg. If you’re pulling from real experience then I’m so sorry you ever had to go through that *pulls you into the biggest hug ever* (assuming you like hugs, if you don’t... i send you an affectionate ‘rubbing my forehead into your shoulder’)

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 15

“You could’ve walked in here with your head shaved and I’d still love it…but…please don’t.”

😂 yessss give me the humour in this sad

still haven’t learnt to read the warnings oml 🤦🏻‍♀️

ahhhh the soft reassuring Frankie content!!!!

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 16

“Probably because it’s Wednesday,” he said.

“It is?” you asked.

“Yeah. What day did you think it was?”

I FEEL SO ATTACKED OMG. What even is time anymore.

asfadsdfgdhk Its so SOFFTTT. Is this what it’s like to fall in love??😭

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 17

hallelujah i’ve finally learnt to read the warnings

ngaww Frankie being all excited and soft 🥺🥺 are they going camping?? are we gonna get Frankie in his element??

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 18

I’m as flat as a board back there.

I feel attacked and this wasn’t even directed at me oml 😂😂

tHeY aRe sO iN lOvE oMg 😍

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 19

I get it, it’s embarrassing, but I’m not judging you for it.

YES. In this house, we don’t judge people who are struggling to find jobs!

“I wouldn’t say them if you didn’t deserve them. You deserve good things, Frankie. You may not feel like you do but you do. Always.”

He sighed and rubbed your back. “If you say it then it must be true.”

*incoherent screaming* we all deserve good things okay 😭

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 20

thank you for the warnings that i’ve finally learnt to read before reading the fic

What if I’m a lost cause? Just some pathetic druggie who can’t get his shit together…mooching off his girl.

NOOO You’re not just some pathetic druggie Frankie😭😭

“Sleepovers? Do I get to paint your nails? Do your hair?”

Our love has aged gracefully kinda like us.

THE SOFT OMG 🥺🥺

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 21

“With all due respect, sir, I’m not and have never been an addict. Yeah, I did drugs. Yes, I hurt your daughter and she had to leave, but you know what, we’re together now and nothing’s gonna change that. She’s forgiven me and she loves me and that’s all that matters.”

YAS. I love this change from nervous wreck to confidence! 

This is so happy and soft and sweet oml. My angsty soul doesn’t know how to deal. 😭

⫷⫸ ⫷⫸ ⫷⫸

Part 22

Sweet baby jesus. It was soft. And then it was not. And then it was soft again and I just. *incoherent screaming* GURL. 

❖❖❖❖❖

ludus

I’m gonna have a house right on the other side of the lake.

asdfgI I Have Feelings.

GURLLL. This was so innocent!! They’re both so young and cute and asgalsfjghsd. 

❖❖❖❖❖

eros

“Are you running away from something?” she asked, and he bristled. “From me because you love me and don’t know how to say it?”

*incoherent screaming* well shit. you go gurl! you call him on his crap!

I skimmed the smut but like Frankie being a nervous wreck is 🥺

If you wanna see someone else while I’m gone, you can.

*more screaming because OMG if only he knew what that would lead to*

❖❖❖❖❖

ania

O damn. I kinda loved his slow descend into darkness... The fact that the reader still clings on to hope and love and just, damn. I’m lost for words. 

❖❖❖❖❖

coda

... 

...

that’s all my brain feels right now. that was dark, but like. a good dark. It was heart wrenching but beautiful and- “I won’t be able to find you if I’m lost myself,” THIS. I just. *chefs kiss* but also, *ugly sobbing*. 

[demonic-queer]

mental health

i’m going to vent about something and i know most people won’t care but here i go. also this is a more depressing post and while i don’t like posting stuff like this i really want to vent to someone rn, even if it is just the internet -

i really wish parents cared more and took more notice of their children's feelings. i know that there are many parents that do so, but this shouldn’t be something that is praised and instead something that is a given. i feel like many parents whose children show signs of mental health issues just push that away and pretend that their children don’t have any problems because, oh, they are children, they have nothing to worry about. perhaps they think that a child of theirs being sad would be proof of failed parenting, (which it is not, by the way. failed parenting is ignoring your children’s emotions). obviously, my view of how parents treat their kids is based off of how my parents treat me and i have only ever had two guardians, so i don’t know exactly what it’s like for others but i still want to talk about this. also, if you have any criticism for this post feel free to share it, i’m only a teen and am not very educated or experienced yet.

parents, when children tell you they hate themselves, or that they are down, or that they think they might be depressed or have another mental disorder, LISTEN TO THEM. don’t brush it off as begging for attention. even if they are, still take your time to listen to their feelings and their experiences and do something about it if you have the ability, because if they are struggling you paying attention could change their whole world. do everything you can to help work them through their problems.

i haven’t felt alive in months. i constantly feel worthless and empty and as if i don’t matter at all. i wonder if living life is even worth it. i feel like a ghost, separated from everything around me and can only name one brief time when i felt actually happy in the past two years or so. none of the things that used to bring me joy are fun anymore, and all my hobbies have fallen apart. i used to be such a motivated and driven person, and i have lost all that as well. even when i do something positive i feel like a failure. it’s as if i have fallen into a pit and can’t climb my way out. but i don’t want people to see me as weak so i hardly ever talk about it and am probably going to regret ever posting this. 

my mother struggled with depression when she was younger, so i thought that she would take her time to hear me out. but every time i bring up negative emotions i have she brushes them away and tells me i’m making stuff up. i have told her that doing some things like going to a public park or talking on the phone makes me very anxious and that i dread it. she told me to get over it. i told her that i felt like i hated everything about myself. she told me i was making it up. neither she nor my father have ever told me that they are there for me. i could never imagine telling them about the fact that i have so many symptoms of anxiety and depression and wonder if i have those mental disorders, or that i am nonbinary. 

please don’t feel bad for me and i don’t want people to pay much attention to this. i kinda want to be left alone on this topic but also want to share this because it might make me feel better. i am so much more than just my negative feelings, though they pla such a big role in my life. all of this makes my family seem very negative, and while it’s not perfect i have it better off than most and don’t want too much attention brought to the negative aspects of my life.

back to the main purpose of this post:

i wish my mother payed more attention to my feelings (i won’t even get started on my father he’s even more distant) and i think that many other teens also feel the same way. so, if you are a parent and are reading this, let this serve as a reminder that it is important to listen to your child. even if they are not reaching out to you but you think they may be struggling, reach out to them. and let them know they can reach out to you. it could seriously help them.

check up on your children to make sure they are okay. oftentimes they won’t do that themselves, like i am not exactly planning to reach out to my parents, so instead start the conversation yourself. be mindful of how your actions affect you children, and how other peoples actions affect them. and even if your child’s life seems perfect, there may be something hidden that they are struggling with. mental health problems often go unnoticed. it could mean the world to them for you to reach out, even if they don’t show it. it could maybe save their life, or give them a better chance at a successful future. it could bring them happiness.

so, remember to listen and acknowledge your children’s feelings. i know that people probably won’t read this but hey, at least i feel better after venting. take care.

[artzypaw]

I don't wanna be annoying or anything, so if you don't wanna reply to this, you absolutely do not have to. I saw your vent drawings of Katsuki and Kiri crying, and your tag of insecurities and stuff, and I was just wondering if you're doing alright? It might sound weird from a random stranger, but I just wanna make sure, ya'know? I'd hate to think someone with such amazing talent and skill at drawing is thinking badly of themselves.

You’re not being annoying whatsoever I swear I greatly appreciate asks !!

And I’m okay— just , uh it’s a long story? Or explanation?? I’m not necessarily hating on myself but it’s also kinda what insecurities are?? Im explaining it in more detail below the cut (im responding from my phone so I have no clue how tf to insert a cut page so just after the dashes 😂😭) but the short is that I’ll be okay, it’s going to pass.

————

So,, um - like I’m insecure about a lot of things, and I’ve gotten better and accepting my self worth Over the years a whole lot, really , but some days I just feel like crawling under my blankets and hiding from everything.

And rn I’m just dealing with the biggest one?? The only one that really upsets me and just makes me emotionally exhausted. Like, sometimes it’s just so hard to go outside knowing it’s blaringly obvious.

So I’ve always had acne. Everyone’s’ is different and I’m a pasty ass white bitch so if I get red I’m like red. I can’t hide it and a lot of the time they’re inflamed and or scabbed and it’s not subtle at all. I’ve had it ever since puberty hit and I’ve come to just accept it’s a thing , but it really frustrates me to no end because it likes to be a little shit and come in waves. I’ll be relatively okay one day, and then the next I have like 20 large ass splotches on the most exposed parts of my face. Sure I have acne on my arms and I’ll get it on my back if I get hot but it’s most prominent on my face.

I swear I feel like I’ve tried everything to get rid of it, or at least subdue it to a tamed amount to where I’m not constantly having to hide my face inconspicuously , but it always comes back. I figured out a couple years ago my birth control is a large source— and it’s from the excess hormones and i haven’t had time to maybe check and see if I could maybe find a supplement birth control that might react differently,, but yeah I recently got back on my birth control because I missed a month (forgot to order my refill lmao whoops) and it’s like, spontaneously brought all these blemishes again that I haven’t had for a solid month.

But I always thought that it’d go away with age. Lots of ppl I’ve met and have read of had their acne grown out by the time they were adults and I’m not quite in my 20’s but I’m really fucking close and it’s legit no different from when I was in middle school😪.

It upsets me that I’ll be on my acne medication routine, and it’s almost as if it’s not worth doing it bc there’s no results. I’ve been on it for 3 months and the only noticeable changes have been the one month I forgot to order my pills.

I mean to an extent Idgaf about my acne. It’s life and I’m just trying to live it but I don’t want ppl to have to look at it too. Idk if it’s bc I’m a people pleaser but honestly I find myself more concerned with the wellbeing of others before I do myself. I don’t want to inconconveinience ppl with having to talk to me and look at the mess on my face I have no control over. I don’t wear makeup, the most you’ll catch me wearing is mascara and like maybe some eyeshadow but it’s all natural and you probably couldn’t even tell I had it on. My skin is extra fucking oily too so it wouldn’t last anyways.

Idk, sometimes I’m tired. Uh, like yeah I’m always tired sleep wise lmaoo but I’m also tired of my stupid ass insecurities and anxiety and whatever else likes to hang on my shoulders. So that’s really why I’m upset.

I’m okay. I’m used to it I’m just pent up?? I’m really thankful for your support and concern it means a lot to me that you’re asking 💖. My vent drawing I don’t normally share, they’re either really bad and I don’t like them or they kinda just don’t make sense so I’ll keep them in my folders , or even I just won’t finish them , but idk I was okay posting those even if there are parts I wished I’d done differently.

Haha um but each photo kinda represented each of my emotions?? Idk but like Kiri’s tired and upset, and is reaching out for comfort and the comfort is covering his face? It’s kinda dumb lmao but it just ended up like that. Baku’s frustrated and also timid in the way he’s crawling in on himself and then I also put my while insecurity of my face into it where he’s covering his own.

So yeah haha that’s the explanation ,,

Thanks again for the support, I’m going to be okay 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[darkpoisonouslove]

So I promised @trashcankitty12 a post about my headcanons about Griffin’s friendship with Ediltrude and Zarathustra and I’m delivering.

I’m just going to start with my headcanons for their personalities when they were younger (under a cut because it’s long again):

Ediltrude:

- She was actually the more aggressive twin when they were students and her first response to everything would be violence. Someone said something bad about her? Spell the bitch. Someone sabotaged a scheme of hers? Get revenge. Someone did something to Zara? Okay, call the police because there will be a murder here.

- She was the “wild” one that always had a new boyfriend (that she’d dump after a while and find herself another victim) and was always at parties getting wasted but then showing up the next day at class in top shape. Nobody knew how she was doing that.

- In that vein, she was at the top of every class, always having the best grades. She had to be better than everyone she hated, you know? It was law! There was no question about it.

- She always wanted attention (but, like, in a cute way and mostly from her sis) and her presence demanded it, really. And she was always “fashionably late” (except for classes).

- Jewelry is her thing! Especially rings and necklaces. She hoards them by the ton.

- She can’t cook for shit. And she doesn’t really eat that much (tbh all the witches are anorexic but that’s not a topic I want to delve into rn because I have STRONG opinions about it that don’t belong here). Zara is kind of worried about her, especially when she knows the only thing in her system is alcohol. But Ediltrude seems to be handling herself (better than Zara is tbh)

- Ediltrude is actually very emotional but she hides that fact behind a cold and unfeeling facade that also conceals her trust issues. You don’t have to be worried about people approaching you if everyone’s scared to approach you, you know?

- She’s independent, you know! Never mind that she wouldn’t last a day without her sis because there’d be no one she could talk to.

- She has a fierce love for animals, especially snakes, and had a shitton of them while they were still living at home before signing up for Cloud Tower. Zara was so done with it. Imagine the following convo:

Zara: I can’t step on the floor because your pets are everywhere. Edi: I’m sorry… that you’re a dumbass who can’t remember she can fly. Zara: I’m not flying in my own home! I want to be able to step on the floor. Edi: And I want to be able to take care of my pets in peace. Zara: Oh, I will give you peace! *death glare*

Ironically, Ediltrude’s cat loves Zara (possibly even more than Ediltrude) and always cuddles into her. Zara is so done with all the cat hair on her clothes. She never shoos the cat away though.

- Her other strength is divination which she mostly uses to mess with people by telling them what will go wrong with their relationships. And if you really piss her off, she might give you a prediction of your death.

Zarathustra:

- She was a bit more controlled in her temper compared to her sister but you didn’t want to be the target of her words. She was the queen of sass and sarcasm. Her anger was also more insidious and delayed than Ediltrude’s and while Edi would get her revenge on you on the spot and then proceed with her life, Zara would let you stew in anxiety over when she’d get back at you.

- Zara is actually a few minutes older than Ediltrude. She resorts to calling her “baby sister” sometimes to which Ediltrude’s response always is “Talking shit again I see”. And while Zara would tease her with the fact that she’s a bit younger because she knew it annoyed Edi even if she didn’t show it, she still felt kind of responsible for her as she is a little older (which is kind of ridiculous because she can’t handle herself but we give her points for trying).

- Zara was more awkward in social situations or at least so it seemed because she didn’t bother trying to hide her uneasiness around people. But that wouldn’t stop her from blurting out what was on her mind which usually wasn’t very flattering. But hey, people usually deserved it.

- She’s sort of a nihilist (and would totally fit in with Millennials and Gen Z) and can be a bit depressing to be around sometimes. But she’ll send you all the memes (let’s pretend they had memes, okay). That was her primary way of communication at one point and Ediltrude was a little worried (not to mention sick of the damn memes). But they got over it and Zara is more talkative now.

- She has a more instinctual approach when it comes to magic and didn’t spend that much time studying. She preferred to practice instead and have physical, tangible results instead of something she read in a book which often ended up in a spell gone wrong.

- She is always exhausted because she can never sleep. Ediltrude is pretty convinced the cause is in a potion that went wrong when they were 13 but Zara wouldn’t hear a word of it. She blames it on stress and everyone pissing her off which results in restlessness and sleep problems.

- She pretty much runs on coffee since she gets very little sleep and is kinda a mess. But when it comes to insults, her brain is always ready and on the go. You can’t beat her at that no matter how sleep deprived she is. If only that were true when it came to her studies.

- She is actually a big fan of food (she has to get energy somewhere since she can’t sleep) but stays thin no matter how much she eats. She can barely cook, though, although she is better at it than Ediltrude. But not by much.

- Her strength are potions which she always experiments with. That results in utter chaos at her working space since there are ingredients everywhere. Ediltrude was afraid her animals would accidentally eat the wrong thing and either turn into an object or into a demon.

- Which Zara would’ve probably liked because demons have always been of special interest to her. She’s pretty sure she has a few of those trapped in her own soul and that she would be besties with any demons she can summon. Ediltrude had to keep the summoning spells under lock and key to be sure that she won’t find her sister possessed some day.

Griffin:

- Griffin was the quietest of the three, yet, the most menacing. Nobody dared mess with her after she taught some seniors a lesson for calling her pixie because of the whole thing with Faragonda. Well, nobody but Edi and Zara. But that’s stuff for later.

- She was a bookworm and spent a lot of time in the library, always reading about spells and anything else she could get her hands on, really. Books helped her calm down and escape the crushing reality. She was safe between the pages where the world’s resentment for her couldn’t reach her.

- Her strength were her words but she wasn’t afraid to act when the situation called for it. And there was a situation like that any other day tbh. Someone would decide to be an idiot and she’d have to interfere.

- She was clearly a strategist and would think everything through, coming up with the perfect plan to mess with some fairies or get revenge on a witch that crossed her.

- She was religious about her studies, much like Ediltrude, and the two were always competing for the first place at every class while Zara would just roll her eyes at them and try to take a nap. She didn’t get enough sleep for this shit!

- She is the one member of the trio that can actually cook and won’t burn the whole kitchen down in the process. However, she survives mainly on tea. She has all the tea and that’s pretty much her only intake when it comes to food and liquids. Zara was absolutely shocked when she learned that. Even Ediltrude enjoyed a normal, healthy meal once in a while. But not Griffin. Makes you wonder why she’s so good at cooking. She actually enjoys taking care of others by making them meals but she would never admit it.

- She knows everything about plants and is a specialist on herbalism. Have a health problem? She’ll cure you in hours. She has so many plants you feel like you’re in the jungle.

- She’s not that much into animals but crows have always liked her and she - them. They are one of the most intelligent animals and she feels them as companions in a way. Their presence calms her and helps chase away the loneliness.

- She also knows everything about crystals and how to use them in spells. Especially healing spells. She’s always been good at those but all the negativity and hate the world has been giving her for the fact that she’s a witch with dark magic pushed her to seek out the more destructive side of her magic and utilize it instead of what she was naturally good at.

- Her knowledge of astronomy helps her coordinate her spells so that they draw power from the cosmos, making her magic even stronger since she’s using nature in her favor. It gave her a big advantage on all the other witches and she loved showing off with that by challenging seniors to sparring (when she wasn’t one herself) and defeating them.

Now for the friendship:

- Griffin was transferred into the twins’ room after it turned out Faragonda was a fairy. So it was kind of a last minute arrangement and nobody was happy about it. Least of all Griffin and Edi and Zara.

- The three didn’t like each other at first. The twins were hellbent on giving her grief about being a fairy but she quickly managed to “convince” them not to do it. Magic was involved. It wasn’t pretty. They learned not to mess with her though. Still, that only made the relationship between them even more strained. Not to mention that Griffin couldn’t stand the arguments between Zara and Edi and would soon get involved into the mess herself.

- Sharing a dorm room wasn’t easy for the three of them since they practically had no space to move around. Between Griffin’s plants, Zara’s potions and Ediltrude’s clothes the room was packed. Quite a few incidents with Zara’s potions occurred because of the limited space. Not to mention that the tensions always raised through the roof in the matter of seconds thanks to the stuffy atmosphere.

- To add to that, Ediltrude had had the brilliant idea to sneak two of her snakes into the room. Even Zara didn’t know about that so she was quite scandalized when Griffin found the snakes in her bed. Ediltrude begged them both to keep her secret. Zara agreed easier than Griffin who finally gave in on condition that Ediltrude failed that upcoming test they had. It was more of a test of its own, though, since she wanted to see just how much the snakes meant to her. She didn’t let her fail in the end. That was when Ediltrude realized that the two of them may have more in common than originally thought, acting tough but that was actually only a veneer that hid a sensitive soul underneath.

- Zara found out how caring a person Griffin actually was when she blew up one of her plants with a potion gone wrong but instead of getting angry with her, Griffin made her some tea to help her sleep and concentrate to avoid more of those accidents. At first Zara thought she was trying to poison her but when she saw the results, she was grateful to Griffin. That was the first time in years that she actually managed to sleep like a normal person.

- The three soon figured out how well they work as a team and then it was over for all of those other witches. Of course, there was still the problem with the space they were facing but things ran much smoother when they weren’t at each other’s throats all the time. Their energy went into making life miserable for everyone else. And they were too good at it. From hating each other they went to being inseparable.

- So when Ediltrude’s snakes were finally discovered during senior year, Griffin and Zara stood up for her. Which earned them suspension for a month as well. That month was well utilized, though, in wreaking havoc all around their home planets with their friendship going as strong as ever.

- In fact, they only fell out of touch when Griffin joined Valtor and the Ancestral Witches.

That’s all I got for you today! Now I want to make an aesthetic about the three of them! Damn, and I have a lot of other stuff to work on. I’m going out of my mind here with everything I want to get done!

[thequalityproblem]

Ugh. The Understaffing Issue

“Understaffing” is a term often used in the hospital to describe a whole host of issues, including:

Not having enough nurses to staff the UNIT appropriately.

Basically, each nurse has to suck it up and take on more patients. 

Not having enough nurses to staff the HOSPITAL appropriately.

Some nurses will have to suck it up and work on a unit they are not familiar with

Having enough nurses but not having enough support.

Nurses are having to do their own job plus someone else’s (like being charge nurse or being a tech/nurse’s aide)

Having enough nurses and enough support, but the patients are high acuity.

The patients are sicker and/or require more resources which means more time is spent in the patient’s room, which means less time for the other patients.

Generally, understaffing is a topic that I try to avoid at all costs. It always feels like a lose-lose situation. 

From the point of view of the hospital administrator, its a barrier that I have no control over, but it constantly impedes all my genius (yep, I said it) ideas about how to meet the goals I was hired to meet.

From the nurse’s point of view, this is the hard stop. The most basic element to providing good patient care is to have an appropriate number of patients to care for, and if the hospital can’t do that for me, I’m not doing shit for them. 

Pardon me for a moment while I trail off into a weird discussion about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Remember this thing? We learned about it in school? Ringing any bells? 

Basically what good ol’ Mr. Maslow was getting at is that, as a human, we have basic, primal needs that must be met (like shelter, air, water) in order to achieve the next level of motivation. I’d like to point out that this just a theory and there are a lot people out there who are smarter than me who like to argue the validity of this pyramid, but understand that I am using this as a METAPHOR for this whole understaffing thing.

If you look at this from the perspective of the nurse, the most basic needs are the things that provide career stability. Patients to care for, supplies to do that, support departments to make sure everything runs smoothly.

Here’s the part that is going to be a bit hard to swallow if you’re a hospital administrator: all those quality initiatives and metrics that teams of people have been hired to implement and improve upon - as the RN, those are at that highest level of the pyramid. Not to say the RN doesn’t care, I don’t know very many nurses to want to INCREASE your CAUTI rate, the problem is that it’s not even on their radar because they constantly feel like they are trying to make it to the end of the shift alive.

The hardest need to satisfy for nursing is safety. Nurses need to feel safe taking care of patients. Literally, the hospital’s most elemental task is to keep people alive. So if the nurse isn’t confident he/she can do that, you need to find a way to fix it.

Okay, but how do I fix it?

Well, that’s a little bit difficult. In fact, its an elephant... and the only way to eat an elephant is to take it one bite at a time. (I’m actually not really a huge fan of this saying, but you get the point. I’d much rather compare this task to Bruce Bogtrotter having to eat the entire chocolate cake in Matilda - I was pretty emotionally invested in that scene - also disgusted and proud - just a swirl of emotions, really.)

The best way to start the understaffing conversation with staff is to be as honest and transparent as possible. And I don’t mean explaining budget constraints and quarterly projections... I mean something like this:

Establish a staffing grid

Determine what your “hard line” is and put together a risk assessment  and detailed plan for the different scenarios you will encounter.

Example: at what point do you pull nurses to other units? What about techs? What is the magic number for allowing a unit to stop taking admissions? At what point does the hospital go to an “all-hands-on-deck” approach where all licensed staff are required to assist?

This is the point where the conversation usually stops. The grids are developed, the numbers are put into a policy or an operating directive where they hide in the nursing office and the poor bastards who are in charge of staffing and supervising take the brunt of the resistance when staff are upset about the situation.

In order to make a meaningful impact on staffing issues, you HAVE to keep going. The conversation has to be loud and in people’s faces.

Share the staffing grid with all staff - with a thorough explanation of how those numbers were determined (evidence based? provide the articles. Show the staff that you have done your homework and aren’t just picking nurse/patient ratios based on cost, that you care about their safety.)

Post the grids EVERYWHERE - this is going to be hard, because this part requires total accountability and transparency with staff, administration, and patients.

Update the grids with ACTUAL DATA. Just like with every other quality metric that is tracked on each unit’s KPI boards, keep track of staffing. Daily. Show staff how the daily assignments are lining up with the established plan. Change the perception of understaffing by being able to point to the actual data that shows that the last time we were “truly” understaffed was over a month ago.

Then (and this is my favorite part because I am a total data nerd) track and trend the data!! 

Track on the boards how many times nurses and techs have been pulled to or from the unit. Which units are the biggest offenders? Which units are the least common offenders? Why?

How many all-hands-on-deck days have there been? Is it rare or do we need to re-assess the grid?

Are there days/weeks when staffing is worse? Why?

Look at open unit positions, and examine all the factors that may have contributed to the issue. Let the data drive the change.

And finally but most importantly: practice extreme consistency. If you are going to take on the issue, do it all the way. If the plan says that an all-hands-on-deck situation has just been triggered, you need to dedicate your day to putting ALL HANDS ON DECK. Not just those hands that can probably reschedule the meeting this afternoon or those who can maybe cut lunch a bit early to help with a few tasks. The only way this whole plan will work is if it is taken seriously EVERY SINGLE TIME. I’ve been in these situations, and let me tell you, if I am told to drop everything I am doing to help the ED nurses, I’d better see the entire C-suite down there with me, because the first time I realize I’m down there alone while everyone else gets to go back to their offices, I’m going to realize that I’m the sucker and go back to what I was doing. And what does that say to the staff? “We care about your really hard day, but only kinda. Like, I care enough to tell other people that they should help, but I really can’t because I’ve got like a hundred meetings this afternoon” By the third or fourth time that everyone in administration is having to drop everything they are doing to go into staff, changes will start to happen. People will start paying closer attention to the data in order to fix the problem because it becomes everyone’s problem, not just the over-worked, over-burdened nursing staff.

The problem will not get fixed over night. But just by having the conversations and STAYING CONSISTENT with the developed plans, staff will start to see that their concerns are being taken seriously. Just like the light in the parking garage. (Same basic approach, just on different scales).

In order to finish off Ms. Trunchbull’s big, disgusting chocolate cake, keep everyone in the loop. Talk about what the data showed. Explain future plans to fix the problem and how it is being managed in the meantime (example: “Today sucks. There are too many call-offs, not enough people to cover, we tried all of our established and agreed-upon plans for improving staffing levels for you today, but unfortunately it can’t be done. In the meantime, we are going to have lab cover all your draws today. OR, we called in extra transportation so you won’t have to do any yourself OR we’ve had pharmacy change up a few things so that they can accommodate your requests quicker to help you out today.”)

Bottom line: SHOW the staff that their concerns and the hospital’s concerns are the same. When staff feel heard and safe, then maybe you can come at them with the whole “update your whiteboard” conversation.

[ialreadyreadthatfanfic]

Charles Xavier Is A Huge Dick: The Movie

or,

X-Men: Dark Phoenix

Hey, if you haven’t seen the movie yet and don’t want to be spoiled, you probably should stop reading!

*

I watched the new X-Men movie. Not only I’m that annoying cinema-goer that sits behind you and mocks the movie audibly during the seance, oh no, I’m also that annoying cinema-goer that comes back home and makes a bitchy tumblr post about the movie.

But, guys, that was so bad.

First off: I’m convinced that upon reading the script, James MacAvoy and Sophie Turner instantly lost the will to act, because we’ve all certainly seen far better performances from both of them.

My other theory is that the director simply told them not to bother, because this was, as far as I can tell, a deliberate franchise-killer.

The scene-by-scene description of the train-wreck under the cut for the curious.

PROLOGUE

We open the movie with the scene where young Jean Grey and her parents are in car crash, because Jean Cannot Control Her Powers. The kid survives; the parents aren’t so lucky. This scene is generally inoffensive, if predictable.

From now on, young Jean Grey behaves like a kid-shaped robot. Someone please write her better dialogue.

Charles Xavier arrives at the hospital, confirms her parents are dead, somewhat unenthusiastically delivers some well-worn platitudes and whisks her away to his school.

Hey, mutant powers are like pens. Especially the ones you can’t control, because sometimes pens go on a rampage and stab people in the eyes, you know, unintentionally.

(No, seriously, they went with that metaphor.)

TITLES - BACK TO THE FUTURE - or 1992, I guess, one cheer for 90s nostalgia

In effort to remind us humans that as a species we did some cool things on our way to ruining the planet, we watch the launch of a space shuttle.

Suddenly Houston, we have a problem. A sentient solar flare or something is attacking the brave astronauts! Oh no! Who’re we gonna call?!

Charles Xavier!

Like literally, the Mr. President of US of A calls Charles Xavier, like Chuck, are you watching the TV rn?, and Xavier’s like, already giddy with anticipation, Why yes, Mr. President, I see you are in a spot of trouble, and Mr. President’s like, Sooo, Chuck, I literally HATE TO ASK, BUT... and Xavier’s like, practically bouncing with glee, BUT OF COURSE, X-MEN TO THE RESCUE!!!

So Chuck sends off his chicks. Nominally, the team is under Mystique’s command. There also Hank, and baby-faced Storm, and even more baby-faced Kurt Wagner, oh yeah JEAN, she’s there too bc PLOT, and Scott was along too. Did I forget anyone?

I forgot someone, didnt I?

OH YEAH, the Quicksilver was there too. Considering how cool he was in earlier movie(s?), it’s kinda sad that he’s largely inconsequential here and I forgot about his existence about halfway through.

Charles calls Houston on the Cerebro like a huge showoff he is, and the X-Men proceed to rescue the astronauts from weird-looking space cloud (which is of course the Phoenix Force, or whatever comics call it). There’s some cool looking scenes here where X-Men use their powers, but they’re just window dressing for the main plot:

Charles Xavier is being a huge dick, backseat driving this mission through Cerebro and not trusting Mystique’s judgement.

BTW, Mystique might be the only character in the movie who behaves like a sensible person, which is why she’s not there for very long.

Anyway the scene goes like this:

Mystique: we saved ALL BUT ONE astronaut! Coming back for that one guy is super risky and probably will only lead to more deaths! I’m cutting my loses like sensible field leader!

Prof X: OH NO YOU WON’T get back for that one guy or the whole mission is a failure!!!

Mystique: WTF??!! That’s crazy, we will get killed!

Prof X: But it’s better to throw away our lives than have less than 100% record on rescue mission, because if we give humans even slightest pretext, they will instantly revert back to hating us, see? The President will stop taking my calls, people will want to arrest us for property damage, and neutralize our powers and stick us in prison for mutants.

Mystique: ...seriously, why am I on your side again?!

Prof X: Just have Kurt take Jean to the shuttle and she’ll hold it intact while he looks for the guy! Raven, I want to remind you I can bitch at you telepathically anytime, anywhere, for the rest of your life!

Mystique: DAMN YOU FINE

So they do it. Kurt manages to rescue the guy, but not Jean. The shuttle blows to bits around her. We are supposed to be sad for 2 seconds there, but then the Phoenix Flare swallows her, she survives, X-Men return to Earth with the astronauts and are showered with praise from adoring masses who stand there with cutesy sings to welcome them upon landing. Whatever.

Jean has a conversation with Scott where they mack on each other and she reassures him She’s Never Been Better, Really, I Feel Great After That Traumatic Experience, and Scott is like, IDK but okay?? I guess??

And Hank checks her out too, and her power is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND, but Jean’s like, chill, I feel greeeeeat, so Hank’s like, the only problem with this situation is that I need to design a better power-meter!! Ha ha!

Meanwhile, back to plot A, where Charles Xavier continues to be a huge dick. Mystique calls him out about his control freak thing, Charles responds by being a sanctimonious asshole because it’s not like he ever learns or grows as a person in these movies, you know, and Mystique basically throws her arms up and storms out, which is a good representation for audience reaction at that point. Her parting shot is one of like two good lines in the whole movie:

Mystique: And anyway, as far as I can see, the women saved the day again! Maybe you should think about renaming us X-Women!

The movie will shortly repay her for that, don’t worry.

Some other things happen. Creepy aliens looking for Phoenix Booster covertly invade Earth. Mystique goes to Hank and says, hey so Charles is being a huge dick and a total control freak. I’m kinda fed up with him, maybe it’s time to move out and start living our own life? To which Hank is like, IDK Raven do even have a life outside X-Men, and I don’t want to move out of my lab, and Mystique is like, ugh okay I’ll stay.

Jean gets upset at the party and pushes some people over in midst of Phoenix breakdown, which makes everyone panic. Charles notices that her power is now OVER 9000 and he can’t just go and fuck around in her mind anymore, so the logical solution is to use Cerebro to do that anyway.

It turns out that Phoenix thing not only amplified Jean’s power, it also dissolved mental blocks Charles put in her mind to hide a terrible truth from her: her father survived the car crash. In fact, with her powers, she can find her father right now! Jean, in midst of her generic emotional crisis, blows out of the school to do exactly that, because she feels alone and misunderstood and betrayed, man.

It turns out he willingly gave her up and I guess hates her because she caused the accident by putting her mother to sleep while driving. Jean is pretty upset and about to smite the whole neighbourhood, when the X-Men arrive.

This is how X-Men discreetly take care of their business: They suit up in their official uniforms and take their official super-advanced jet and land it on the street, so everyone around will know what’s up. The only thing they were missing while confronting Jean was the transparent with the word INTERVENTION.

Jean freaks out, X-Men try to fight her, they all cause maximum collateral damage possible, there’s police, Mystique tries to talk Jean down, Jean semi-accidentally kills Mystique by pushing her over and impaling her on some wooden debris.

It’s all very badly written and feels utterly cheap and is a total waste of character. Frankly, the scene made me angry and not much else. But since the whole movie revolves on the fact that everyone is an idiot, Mystique didn’t go there anyway, I guess.

Anyway, it furthers three things:

Plot A, Charles is reaching new heights of being a huge dick wherein he goes to sprout platitudes at Hank, who predictably doesn’t want to listen to him and lashes out, to which Charles reacts very maturely by being OFFENDED, because Raven was HIS sister, OBVIOUSLY he’s the MOST injured party here! (No, seriously, he pretty much says that).

Plot B, Hank needs to be a bigger idiot, to which we will come back in a moment.

Plot C, Jean Grey is now Public Enemy Number One and all people are back to hating humans! The President literally stopped taking Xavier’s calls, people want to arrest X-Men for property damage, neutralize their powers and stick them in prison for mutants.

Oh, and aliens are tracking Jean to get the Phoenix Power or whatever.

Jeans next move is to go visit Erik Lehnsherr, who is living like a hobo in Genosha with a handful of like-minded mutants. She wants to ask him for life advice, I guess, because when Charles Xavier is being a huge dick and hiding your memories of your childhood trauma from you without your consent, Magneto is the only alternative.

Too bad she wants advice on Not Killing People With My Powers When I’m Kinda Upset With Them. It’s unsurprising that Erik Lehnsherr, who spend his whole life Deliberately Killing People With His Powers Because He Was Very Upset With Them, can’t really relate.

This upsets Jean further, and she demonstrates that by attacking US soldiers who came to Genosha to arrest them and doing her best to kill them. Then she flies off to drink in a bar, where an alien picks her up, because it wants to show her the whole wide world or something.

Let’s come back to plot B for a moment, which is Hank being an idiot. Hank is very distraught and wants to kill Jean. So Hank goes to Magneto.

Hank: I want to kill Jean and I need your help with that.

Erik: Wait, what? Why?

Hank: She killed Mystique!

Erik, already frothing at the mouth: ...let me grab my I’m Being A Huge Idiot Helmet, Hank, and we can commence the business of killing.

So the aliens are pitching their “Let’s Re-Create The Earth In Your Image” campaign to Jean, which can be done only in a New York townhouse, specifically in a very special bedroom (...oh hey, I didn’t pick up on that creepy vibe until now!).

Jean is largely convinced, because in this movie characters just go back and forth as the plot demans.

So both Charles and Erik with their lackeys track down Jean, and have a huge fight in front of the above-mentioned townhouse, with lots and lots of collateral damage while they debate who is right. Before that, Erik has the second good line in the movie, which is used to rightfully call out Charles:

Erik: You’re always sorry and there’s always a speech. But no one wants to listen anymore.

Anyway, X-Men and the mutants beat up each other, Erik gets into the house and fails to kill Jean, then Charles gets in the house and tries to talk down Jean, which is followed by perhaps the most genuinely disquieting scene in the movie, in which Jean uses her telekinesis to destroy the wheelchair and force Charles to walk up the stairs.

They have an exchange that is supposed to be hopeful and heartwarming and so on, but by this point I’m fed up with this world movie.

Jean rejects the aliens’ campaign, so the alien head honcho attempts to suck out the Phoenix Dust out of her, and partially succeeds, but is interrupted midway and knocked out. All the mutants are arrested, put into special shackles restricting their powers and put on a train which is going straight to special prison for mutants.

Don’t worry, we’re in the last stretch.

Aliens need the rest of Phoenix Macguffin, so they ambush the train. There’s a big action scene, everyone is fighting the aliens, there are a few cool shots but beyond that I’m blanking. In the end Jean awakens, wipes the floor with the aliens, and when the alien head honcho tries to emotionally blackmail her into not eviscerating its hide, she grabs it, flies up into the sky and explodes them both.

Much sad. Very sacrifice. Such tears etc etc etc.

AN EPILOGUE, FINALLY

The situation returns to the status quo, except some people are dead.

The humans were about to lock up mutants in a prison like five minutes earlier, but nobody mentions that. Guess everyone forgot about that.

As far as I can tell, nobody except X-Men noticed that Earth was about to be invaded by aliens.

The school is renamed after Jean Grey.

Hank is the new headmaster. On his desk, a cheesy nostalgic photo of Mystique.

Charles, despite seemingly getting a pass on his dickishness on every turn in this narrative, is Worn Down By His Losses and retires. He occupies his time by brooding morosely at a cafe in unspecified European-looking country.

Erik finds him there. He is disproportionately cheery, like a man who after decades of pining finally is in a place where he can bully his longtime crush into a reluctant chess date, which he proceeds to do.

Camera pans up, to the sky. The sky gives us Phoenix Force-shaped wink.

THE END

[96percentdone]

Oumasai with every number?

WElp. I knew this was coming at some point. Come to think of it I think I’ve done this meme before for oumasai like the whole thing. is it cheap if I just copy paste my answers. eh I’ll see if anything’s different. under the cut!

1. If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?

Neither Kiibo nor Akamatsu are there and it’s just a 1 on 1 clash of personalities. Saihara tries prying at Ouma for information and details but Ouma keeps lying and prodding at him for fun. It sets up the rivalry really well and the themes of the game by having them come into direct conflict like this. Also I just feel like we should start with Saihara as the protagonist since Akamatsu as a protagonist gives us nothing except a bait and switch. Like anything else she does could easily be done as an assistant. 

2. What song fits your pairing the most?

I’m not good at this sorry. No idea.

3. What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?

uhhh right now its the band au I thought of but generally speaking I really like mutual pining and two person love triangles, and Ouma really makes it easy to give me a two-person love triangle, although this ship can do that in other ways. Phantom thief is really good for both of those things but I have since expanded my horizons to More Creative versions of the same two tropes. I just think it suits them.

4. Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?

This is like a weird question because aren’t all headcanons in some essence based on canon. like even headcanons for an au setting are still using characterization from canon in some way. But like I generally like aus more than I like canon fics for v3 because v3 is just....hoo boy. But like all my headcanons and fics are based on analysis I did of canon and what canon told me these characters would be like. So.

5. Favorite canon moment of them?

So my definition of canon might be super picky to some people but it’s basically “content you can’t skip” meaning no ftes, bonus dialogue, etc. So for me that’s...probably right now it’s that bit at the end of chapter 5 where Saihara calls Ouma a friend despite literally everything it makes me sentimental. but I’m also a sucker for the ch4 “when I find someone I like” scene. 

6. Least favorite canon moment of them?

This hasn’t changed but it’s still the fuckin “You’re alone and you always will be” line. It’s not in character and it's narratively redundant and ineffective. More on that here.

7. Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)

the band au I have in mind. I really wanna write it right now but I feel bad because I still have prompts, even though right now I have no prompt ideas and the prospect of them is exhausting. but LISTEN. the band au is gonna be really good I swear.

8. Least favorite headcanon trope/idea? 

Excluding pre-game, which isn’t actually real and if you believe pre-game was a real thing in the way shirogane presented it, you have been duped, as well as other fujoshi fan favourites uh...any trope or au that involves ouma being a killer in some way. Like if they put him in the position of killer in a way that doesn’t really justify it based on his canon characterization I just don’t care. It’s cheap writing just for angst and dark vibes.

9. Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?

Honestly I’m here for the entire dynamic. I’m a real sucker for characters that are foils that encourage growth and development in the other through one way or another. I honestly wrote about this much better in other posts, including the one I linked to, and its one in the morning, but yeah. I really just like what canon provided me as a whole, and I love how they play off each other by representing the opposite of what the other stands for down to their cores.

10. Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)

pre-game isn’t fucking real it is a LIE by shirogane stop talking about it. Actually kinda like in my komahina answer, I feel like ouma’s character arc was really well resolved, and like way better than Komaeda’s, but I feel like his arc as an antagonist with conflict wasn’t. He was just killed off and then Shirogane came in with her 100000 lies for chapter 6 and derailed everything in Kodaka’s attempt to be clever. “See I’m showcasing the themes by having everything shirogane says be a mix of truth and lies, and be saying something thematically different, because I’m being really clever and lying about the themes at the last second.” it’s dumb.

Unfortunately unlike with Komaeda there’s no easy way to fix this without trashing Kodaka’s chapter 6 as a whole, which also means throwing out everything that was building up to it because its the core of the game. I’d like for there to be a version of v3 where Ouma is truly confronted with him being wrong instead of it just kinda happening offscreen in an implied manner and never talked about again.

Saihara’s monologue in the epilogue has like a compromise of both their views, which I actually think is a good one and a thematic resolution to his character arc as well as the game, but it really kinda sucks the character that represents the other half of that didn’t get to see or realize that in his own right. It’s kinda lopsided. 

11. If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?

Ya kinda can’t in canon because of everything you’d need some serious canon div and even then it would be a post canon slow burn. Because they both would have to get past their issues in canon and only then can they really get closer and be together.

12. If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?

last time I went with ace attorney, and i’m probably not gonna top that au I invented on the fly, but my ideal au for any given series is “how can I make this higurashi.” the answer is higurashi. one day I’ll finish writing that ask about it.

13. How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.

eh it’s not very hard I’d go with like a 2-3.

14. Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?

For me, not really. It’s the most compelling dynamic written in dr as a whole, and I have a lot of fun exploring other ships, especially wlw ones, but this one is still canonically the most interesting.

15. Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)

It flips but rn Saihara

16. Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?

Ouma because he’s the kinda dipshit who’d bottle up his emotions and then decide instead of talking about anything he’s worried about he’ll just break up but he won't mean it. and it’ll be really messy but I think Saihar’s intuitive enough to be able to push through that.

17. Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?

See my last remark reminds me very much of my own literal actual relationship so I’m gonna say pairing.

18. Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?

I didn’t like Ouma before the game came out because everyone else loved him for no reason. I changed my mind. I always liked Saihara though.

19. On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?

idk. 100? maybe?

20. What made you decide to ship them?

Canon gave me a lot of material but I was in the moment I knew Ouma was canonically gay for Saihara, which I learned like before everything else.

21. Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)

I like fluff man. I’m a fluff guy. I’ll take some angst but I need happy endings.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

[cvenir]

here i am to introduce EIGHT characters that i actually thought i had already introduced lmao set me on fire !! but yay, take a look under the cut! ofc eventually proper bios will hit my pages and their tasks will expand much more on my children! as always, pinterests and songs are linked if u wanna go a lil deeper

just kidding i drafted that when i was aCTUALLY gonna do 8 but thankfully tea says she won’t accept me until i post 2 intros so yOU SHALL RECEIVE 2 RN and 8 later <33333 gotta keep y’all on your toes heh also i wrote niall’s in my journal on the plane so like... it’s not great (literally just bullets of sentence fragments) but wtvr that’s what bios are for amirite

NIALL O'DONOGHUE looks an awful lot like TARON EGERTON. HE is TWENTY-EIGHT and while they're ASTUTE, they have a tendency to get pretty ARDUOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DON'T WANNA FALL IN LOVE by KYLE (ok his pinterest is incredibly unfinished look away)

v conflicting mix of soft and hard

king of suppressing his lowkey intense feelings

kinda awkward around others due to the fact that he spent his entire life reading, writing, and studying –– he rarely interacted with other people as a kid and this mostly continued into his adult life

sweet soft boi has a double masters in medieval and renaissance studies and french and romance philology; he’s working on his phd rn while interviewing to become an assistant professor at kola university

grew up w a single mom (never knew dad) and had no siblings so his childhood was even lonelier :////

so like mad libs = his bff :’(

well mad libs and the shoulder flashlight he invented for late night reading (shoutout to amy santiago)

v soft and passionate heart

loves intellectual discussions like my boi has v strong gemini/virgo/mercury influences –– and a libra (or taurus i haven’t decided yet) venus so waTCH OUT

takes friendship v seriously (love u grant <333 @mcnuggcts )

buttt he can be a giant asshole sorry i don’t make the rules

v organized and particular

and scared of getting close to people bc he’s so used to being alone ugh my son!!

but once you get in there you’ll see he’s a good guy like rlly is he just has a bad temper sometimes and can barely express any emotion but anger half the time :///

ISLA VARGA looks an awful lot like ALEXIS REN. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they're SAGACIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty MACABRE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to COOL GIRL by TOVE LO. 

so i’ve played isla before n i’m v sorry to do this but i feel hella lazy so i’m sORRY but here comes a fucking huge wall of text don’t look at me and don’t feel like u have to read it ://// all the triggers i tagged apply to her; she’s p dark so seriously do not read it if you think she will make you uncomfortable!!

to preface, isla is like the embodiment of all of the seven deadly sins, and i molded her a lot after amy dunne (scary, i know) and april ludgate (mostly amy tho april is just deadpan like she is –– when she’s being herself, that is), as she is an incredible pococurante yet perfectionist who borders on sociopathy

soooo this will make sense later but her real name is actually brigid (father’s surname idk) which she now uses as her middle name

so isla’s dad is a fucking rockstar !!! badass right. she’s half-siblings with hadley ( @ofadorations ) and colby ( @shtbgs ) but she actually never met her mom, something she’s not too pressed about

bc she was cute as a button, family friends decided to get her into the entertainment business as a child star almost as soon as she could walk –– she did it all, acted, modeled, danced, sang, she was literally hollywood’s little starlet and she hated every minute of it. the entertainment business loved who they created, but that girl was never her and it weighed deeply on her psyche.

when she was twelve, she decided to fake her own disappearance because she was fed up with everything –– she cut her hair to her ears, dyed it brown (and has continued to do so ever since) and sneaked her way to nyc hoping no one would recognize her

well someone did, and they happened to be a member of ruthless and organized mobs of the city –– in return for keeping her concealed, she pledged her devotion and became one of their most skilled and lethal honeytraps in the business (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE BC THEY MADE HER START YOUNG I AM SO SORRY FOR WRITING THIS IT JUST PLAYS HEAVILY INTO HER CHARACTER)

along the way, members inevitably died –– people she was sworn to care for –– many times before her eyes as well, which only lead her to realize she enjoyed witnessing all sorts of death, even those of people she was supposed to “love”. emotion was almost nonexistent in isla’s childhood, a trait that bled into her character development.

she began to idolize the gang and its power, something she now craved. still, isla was doing a great job of portraying herself to those around her as a rosy, meek, baby-doll, when in actuality she was a child full of hate who would soon blossom into a young adult of the same tone. she became even more obsessed with death, fantasizing about it as if her unusual thoughts would make her less afraid when it came for her. 

eventually, as she grew older, she was accepted into the higher ranks of the mob; this couldn’t have made isla more content. the macabre girl was honored that someone else noticed her genius, the way she could predict things, assess situations, manipulate people to do her bidding. it was only right that she was initiated into a society that praised her for such harshness

but, as all things do, her time in the gang ended after ten years and isla did what she does best: disappeared. she’s relocated back close to home, kola california, and it’s only a matter of time before people and the industry realize just who she is

if she’s acting like her true self, she behaves like a negative, eldritch layabout who likes to watch others suffer (sounds extreme, i know). however, she rarely lets anyone see the real her, and instead accepts various facades in a big game –– the darkness is truly her personality, she’s not faking her cold demeanor. this image enables her to mask her true potential and the fact that she is unflaggingly loyal and cares about those she’s close to.

if i had to give her a label, it would probably be the pococurante (which is defined as: an indifferent person. possibly they’re bored, jaded or even been hurt. either way, they tend not to get attached to things and don’t show much enthusiasm, whether that’s on the outside or the inside, too)

on the other hand, she could be accurately summed up as an arcane, as she’s an enigmatic mystery and she prides herself on being a puzzle that several people have failed to solve. there are many sides to her personality; in some aspects, she’s very much an aesthete considering she spends a great deal of her time taking putting together outfits, so she has a very defined fashion sense and typically dresses like a princess half the time, which is very ironic considering her dark personality. she truly is so GLAMOROUS (and this is why i love alexis for her) and she works that mean girl, hard soul aesthetic while serving looks and also able to come across as incredibly sweet, which is perfect for her multiple personas. she’s a stunner, with both her appearance and personality; as much as she is indifferent and would prefer to fly under the radar, wherever she goes people always want to ask questions, making her into this intangible concept that everyone wants to define.

people will recognize parts of her as if they’ve seen here in another life, and because of her ostentatious, puzzling, and spellbinding personality, she’s unforgettable. on the other hand, she’s also something of a virago, due to the fact that she can be incredibly feisty when angered; but it takes quite a lot to actually set off her fuse, as she’s good at controlling which emotions she shares. for the most part, she is incredibly blasé and even-tempered. additionally, she’s is a bit of a picaro because her primary aim with her life at this point is to be independent and liberated from any and all attachments to other people. mostly, though, she’s is nothing more than a girl who’s afraid; of what, she still can’t decide.

all in all, she’s so much of everything that she isn’t quite certain of her own identity. her character is one shrouded in secrets and shadows yet alluring and sensual. but, lbr, most of all she’s just deadass terrifying. one of her defining characteristics is her desire to make things happen for her through her own abilities and determination. obstinate as all get out, she doesn’t like to own up to making mistakes so she tries to prove that she’s almost invincible to them bc she doesn’t wanna let anyone see her vulnerable, or she doesn’t want to let someone down - this refers only to those that she’s actually close to. due to her apathetic nature, all she really wants to do is let most people down – people she finds boring and useless – and have some fun because of it. however, when it comes to people she truly has allowed herself to care about, her deepest desire is for their happiness because they must be pretty damn special for making her give a shit.

still, because of her evasive tendencies, she almost always does ruin things for herself and for others, even when she actually cares. she’s like a double-edged sword; when she finds something worthwhile, she sees so much beauty and potential in it, but she’s got a midas touch. whenever she wants to obtain it or pursue it, her involvement makes everything fall to ashes, and she is afraid of her own influence. despite her tendency to run away, once she latches on and decides to be truly loyal, she’ll be devoted in such an extent that she would undoubtedly kill for them.

she can be a loudmouth whenever she actually decides to speak, constantly fabricating outlandish stories and even going off like a deranged person, but beneath her caustic and frightening exterior, isla is rather pensive. on the occasion that she chooses to offer legitimate advice, it’s usually very elaborate and composed. still, she doesn’t want people to know about capable she is, or how intelligent she can be, so she hides her rare brilliance with a tough exterior and stoic personality.

idk if you can tell but i like diving into the specifics of my character like their star signs and stuff so i searched an amy dunne mbti and tweaked it bc it really helped describe her even further! she’s a intj !

introverted intuition (ni): isla sees everything around her in a world of symbols, of metaphors, and of potential. her narration will continually be littered with predictions, with ideas about how things are going to be and what will result from this or that. despite her brashness that some may assume is impulsivity, she is a planner, anticipating new “problems” and seeking to rectify them with her own twisted brand of justice. she tries to work everything into her overall system of understanding, of her big ideas about how the world works, including her take on her various false identities she possesses for her previous job as an escort but also to mess with the minds of others around her. she’s always disappointed by how the real world is never as good as the way she imagined it; she is perfect and nothing else can catch up with her expectations.

extroverted feeling (fe): despite her aloofness, and rather lack of any sort of emotional bearing, empathy, or any sort of true feeling, isla is conscious of how others’ perceive her, of the image she’s created, and of how key that social perception is to her success, even if it’s just in her own imagination. she restrains her real opinions in order to adapt to her environment, as she’s somewhat of a chameleon, only a few have had a chance to catch the true witch beneath the crown. she’s the mistress of change, easily altering her identities in order to better fit in with new people, should the situation require it. she’s easily devastated when she reveals her real personality to others, as in the past, some that she’s left truly see her have refused to accept her twisted true-self. even though she is wholesomely selfish and self-seeking, isla is very people-focused, and applies most of her intellect and analysis onto general people-based functions, that may she can have the confidence that she has clearly manipulated and analyzed every aspect of her environment, as she needs this to feel in control.

introverted thinking (ti): as mentioned, isla is highly analytical, always trying to see the why of a scenario, what’s behind human behavior, which turns her attention to psychology and manifests in her flair for anticipating the thoughts and actions of those around her; she is so obsessed with understanding why people tick that she looks past her own slighted judgment, as she herself could easily qualify as a sociopath/psychopath. she’s always trying to fit in any new experience, or piece of information, into her pre-established system of facts, and as such is rarely ever surprised. despite her apathy and lack of care for her life or how it progresses, she’s highly organized and loves to make checklists, arrangements for the future, and methodically ticks of her obligations, one by one. while her emotions and feelings are significantly suppressed, and even nonexistent, she makes up for that human trait with a very powerful mind, one that is quick to learn and adept with languages, memorization, and logic. however, she doesn’t want anyone to know just how brilliant and quick she is, as it’s her greatest asset, thus explaining why she chose not to be a member on the intellectual team.

extroverted sensing (se): isla tends to respond her physical environment with fierce analysis, as expressed in her intellectual capabilities. she’s almost incapable of living in the moment, contrary to how people suspect she is, considering she portrays herself as impulsive and cunningly excitable. in reality, though, even when she’s crossed off everything on her checklist, she’s almost incapable of relaxing, or enjoying the world around her, as she doesn’t find things that other people find beautiful. she struggles the most with the physical side of her plans, even though she is a very physical individual. she is very open with her body and indulges with the lusts of the flesh, as she sensuality is at the same level as her wickedness. along with this, isla craves for the environment that houses her figure to be pleasant and organized, and can’t stand when things are out of order.