#i wish my parents supported me
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I don't feel like a real person.
a real person would have a name,
would have friends and dreams,
would have a job, would go out and have fun.
am I real if no one knows me?
if not even my family knows my name?
I don't recognize the person in the mirror,
but I don't know what they should look like, either.
will I ever be real?
or will I just go trough the motions of surviving until I die?
#poem#thoughts#transgender#lgbtqia#queer#schrödinger's cat#I'm trapped in a cycle of not starting my life because i don't feel like a real person#while starting my life would give me the independence needed to be myself#but the thought of applying to a job while using my deadname makes me want to die#i should go back to therapy#i wish my parents supported me#i really want to cry in my mother's arms but i can't tell her why and it would just make me feel worse#she doesn't even know how much this hurts me#i feel like a little kid lost in a crowd#but i'm almost 20 for fucks sake#spilled thoughts#spilled poem
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i love your little peri design so much i just want to see him doing regular ass toddler things like eating animal crackers and watching bluey and standing on a chair to reach something
#fop peri#peri fairywinkle cosma#peri fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#poof fairywinkle cosma#poof#fop poof#fop fanart#fop anw#I think about the fact that children observe their parents relationship and learn how love works from that alot#ouuu you were surrounded by so much love peri and it shows so much in anw#saying this as someone who relates so much more to Dev#Yeah i would get annoyed so quickly at peri too it is very obvious#he is a walking i have alot of people in my support system flag#Not neg towards peri#Im just realizing i did not draw him watching bluey#Sorry i completly glossed over that pls forgive me 😭#It’s there in front of him trust
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THREE DAYS until this family will be on my screen again
its so hard to be patient i can `t-
#I NEED SEASON 2 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#did i got Netflix acc just to support the show? YES `CAUSE I NEED TO FILL THE INFO GAP ABT STUFF BETWEEN OG AND ANW#theese redraws give me life#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#my art#periwinkle#fop peri#fop fanart#fairly odd parents a new wish#peri fanart#peri fairywinkle cosma#peri fairly oddparents#digital drawing#artists on tumblr#fanart#digital sketch#the fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents wanda#fairly oddparents cosmo#cosmo and wanda#cosmo cosma#cosmo fop#cosmo fairly oddparents#a new wish#fop#wanda fairywinkle cosma#wanda fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents fanart
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oh 2014 me…including “billcipher” at the start of your email address…making a very long email address that I still use to this day…confusing older adults left and right when I have to explain that my email address is the name of an evil triangle and then also my first warrior cats OC…yes I have a business email that I use now for those sorts of important things…but I love you for doing that…
#doctorsiren#not art#siren speaks#I mean…telling adults ‘DoctorSirenYT’ isn’t much better bc they always ask ‘what does YT stand for???’#it’s very silly to me#I was 9/about to turn 10 and I made it without my parents knowing#my parents didn’t know I had a YT channel until like 2018 oops (i mean I didn’t really post in those 4 years but still)#I kinda wish my family didn’t know my channel so I could post stuff and not be worried they’d see#bc my parents will comment on the things I post (in a cute supportive way)#BUT THAT MEANS I HAVE TO KEEP ALL THE EXTRA WEIRD STUFF TO TUMBLR ONLY WAHHH
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working
#personal*#jess talks#trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent#but genuinely I want to give up#I don’t want to exist#I feel like a burden and a scrounger#I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else#I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life#I complain that I can’t support myself#yet I make no effort to fix that#im scared of my insecurity to do anything#I’m scared I’m not good enough#I’m scared to exist in my own home#it doesn’t feel like my home#I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni#I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years#I never feel secure or safe#and I feel responsible#I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family#all I want is my independence back like I had at uni#but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off#my whole existence is a waste#I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where#I might as well give up entirely#I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless#but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself#my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself#with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect#grow up Jess
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Looking back at Girl Meets World, it will forever irritate me especially for how they handled/treated Angela. Oh this show really hated black women because how do you not only 1.) describe her, one of (correct me if I'm wrong) only few black and MAIN characters of the og show, as a "concept" 2.) have characters show obvious disgust at the small mention of her name 3.) depict her as a homewrecker for a new relationship that, really, shouldn't have ever happened 4.) have her old friends treat her like dirt and her old lover like she is the root of his problems, when there was nothing but positive love there 5.) reuse all the concepts from said previous love story just to elevate the new ship with a yte woman and 6.) compare her to Hurricane Katrina, one of the deadliest hurricanes that caused significant numbers of death, harm, misplacement, and trauma to people, largely of whom were black? Mind you, all these points I mentioned were toward the only main black character of the OG show before the spinoff, and the only, from what I can remember, black female character of the spinoff who didn't even stay long. Not even getting into the racist drama with some of the members on set, but you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that the way the show handled Angela, her story, and her relationship with the other characters + Shawn wasn't fucking disrespectful, you can't because I won't believe you.
#boy meets world#girl meets world#like this show had so many issues (from its depiction of autism to religious intolerance to supporting grooming)#but this was a whole other level#it was especially hurtful as a young black girl to see growing bc i really tried to like this show with its lacking diversity#but coming from watching bmw to this a show from the 90s that depicted a black character better than a 2010s show- u get my point#and its so wrong bc it depicts angela as being the one to end the relationship when all she said in bmw how she#didn't want to see her leaving as a goodbye and there was ambiguous hope for the future#also shoving shawn to be with maya's mom was really unnecessary#not only bc of how it depicted being raised in a single parent household so negatively#but that the only way to solve maya's problems was for her...to have a dad? like that really isn't how it works#i blissfully live in the delulu where angela and shawn came back together once she left europe and he eventually married her#after they graduated college and have a beautiful family together#shawn x angela#don't even get me started on how whenever there was a guest cameo it was met audience applause and happy reactions#but when it was for angela: crickets 😬#back to maya- i feel like it would have been better for her story if shawn didn't marry her mother (and was with angela) and u would see her#hope and wish for the opposite to where it nearly consumes her only to finally be sat down and informed that#even if shawn isn't with your mom he'll still be in your life as a father figure no matter what#i personally feel like that would've been better#but this is largely just s rant so forgive the structure of it al
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last night my mom sent me a text saying, "Happy trans day of visibility, my beautiful boy. I love you."
I just needed to take a moment today to sit with how lucky I am to have a parent who would send a message like that.
#the last post i reblogged about parents at pride just hit me so hard#i wish i could package up this text and how it made me feel to send to all of my trans siblings who won't get this from any of their parent#every single one of us deserves this kind of support. from all our parents.#i don't fully know how to wrap my head around the fact that i do have it from a parent#trans day of visibility#tdov#trans joy#trans pride
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getting into Heartstopper because I am GAY and LONELY
#I'm actually pan#but I just wish people actually liked me or even just supported me like damn#my parents be not homophobic challenge!#heartstopper#tv shows#charlie and nick#nick nelson#charlie spring#charlie x nick#heartstopper season 1#heartstopper season 2#heartstopper season 3#heartstopper series#joe locke#kit connor#queer#gay#lgbt#lgbtq+
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thinking abt felix being protective of areadbhar and feeling entirely normal about it actually
#deertalking#feposting#few3h#ITS SO. LIKE THE WAY HES DEPICTED IN THIS GAME DRIVES ME CRAZY#like i haven’t thought this through i don’t have a point here exactly#i’m just thinking abt the screencaps here from the king awakens & him giving ingrid glenn’s spur & his support w mercedes & the cat#where mercie points out the cat likes him & he goes ‘well i can’t keep it. It’s practically a kitten what if it has parents that miss it’#not to even mention wildflowers for the future!!!!#like. ROLLS ON THE GROUND#it’s abt ‘i’m not immune to emotions you know’ it’s about it’s about#it’s abt how he feels like his emotions were disregarded since childhood (esp after duscur) so he pushed away the#sentimentality because he’s seen where it got his friends (revenge quests & death wishes)#but he can’t help but follow his friends down those paths anyway because he loves them so much!!!!!!!#like him acknowledging the spear’s importance to dimitri bc it’s all that’s left of lambert but ALSO#in that moment it’s all FELIX has left of DIMITRI. ykwim#like felix babygirl my beloved y do u think it makes u sick to see areadbhar in the enemy’s possession……..#he is just so hypocritical i adore him. he might be the character of all time to me#bro is trying so hard to b a lone wolf but was NOT built for that he was built to be loved and cherished by his friends#and so he shall be. thank you#um anyway idk what my point here was. i just like thinking abt how much felix loves everybody#someday i will make a coherent felix post. today is not that day#dmlxposting#dimilix#yknow what yeah.
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My issues are on full swing tonight I am going thru the motions so can I just say how much this scene BREAKS MY HEARTTTT. I am going to put my head through a wall.
LIKE. Literally all he wants is for his stupid fucking dad to hear him out to have his back to take him seriously. All he wants is his approval. You can even see him like. Hesitate a bit before asking
Like he had to THINK about it. I am so. So certain he knew what the answer was going to be and he still went for it because he NEEDED IT. Like you don’t understand.
AND WATCHING HIS EXPRESSION FALL.
Like. You can literally SEE YOU CAN *SEE* how HARD “you’re bringing your brother down with you” HIT HIM YOU CAN SEE IT. YOU CAN FUCKING SEE IT. He internalized that shit I can TELL. And that quiet little ‘thanks for your support’ before he goes to his room CRYING SCREAMING THROWING UP CLAWING AT MY SKIN I AM SICKKKKKK I am sick. Poor baby :(
#I’m like. the ceo of parental issues so like. you know how it is#genuinely ugly crying over this don’t even look at me#I feel for him so hard you have no fucking idea#do you guys wish your parents loved you be honest what who said that#anyway I’m over it (I’m not)#I would support him I’d be in his corner.#anyway I’ll shut up now#Mario#luigi#super mario bros movie#smb#⭐️🍄you’re my superstar#♡.love letters
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Everyone please hope that my medical appointment tomorrow goes somewhat well.
Doctors are usually really mean to me for reasons I cannot comprehend (perhaps they are like horses and will kick the shit out of you if they sense you're afraid of them, idk) so I'm like,,,super scared.
Especially because this is about a deformity that I'm very embarrassed and insecure about
#im willing to specify i just didnt want the post to get long dkshks#i wish it was acceptable for adults to bring a second person with them tbh. like. why can children have a parent present but i cant#not my parent. i am low contact with my parents. i mean like someone in general. i would feel much less like a prey animal#about to get murdered if i could have an emotional support friend with me kjsdfhkjsdfh#i think its also because im much more willing to take shit and keep my mouth shut than most of my friends. so when a doctor tells me#that im a hysterical girl im like 'ok : (.' whereas my friends would probably be like 'no he isnt. also thats irrelevant.#what are his options?'#whereas i dont even ask honestly. im too scared. a doctor could tell me to go kms and id be like 'ok im sorry for being alive :' ('
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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Ran across this tiktok about being an only child and it hit home. I'll type what the person wrote.
"You're so lucky to be an only child" I spent the majority of my time alone as a child. The pressure to not disappoint my parents is unbearable All their hopes and dreams are instilled in only me And when they are gone, I'll have no one to share the pain with
#parents never pressured me and have always loved & supported me but I believe us only child kids def feel a larger internalize pressure#childhood wasn't lonely but there are def moments in my adult age where I wish I had one sibling to confide in - some things I can't tell#my parents b/c they won't get it and probably won't like it#don't even get me started on that last line ....#only child
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blair waldorf outfits 6x10 new york, I love you xoxo
outfit 6
#every blair waldorf outfit#blair waldorf outfits#blair waldorf looks#blair waldorf#gossip girl#dailygossipgirl#dailygg#ggedit#gossip girl fashion#blair waldorf fashion#leighton meester#leightonmeesteredit#blairwaldorfedit#gossipgirledit#chuck x blair#chair#mine: screencaps#last blair outfit omg 🥹🥹#I'm a firm believer that she was pregnant with baby number 2 here (also eric daman said it was something they talked about sooo 😌😌)#this dress is really pretty and very adult blair#I wish we saw her wedding ring more clearly though what do u all think it looks like?#her and chuck still being like the only ppl in the room... yeah there are my married parents!!#although from the filming footage there might've been a cut kiss here which is so sad but they definitely still kissed we just didn't see it#I can't believe this is the last blair look (or is it 👀) it's insane to me in the best way that I've actually done this ahhh 🥺🥺#thank u all SO much for ur support on this series I'll say more in chuck's tags but yeah it's so crazy
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my dad: have you watched that cartoon of the clones yet? the, uh... bad batch or something?
me: i really want to, but my autistic brain makes me experience emotions too intensely and since I spent a week literally depressed after watching the clone wars finale I'm scared of watching bad batch and seeing clones being hurt so it's an immovable object-unstoppable force kind of situation. So, uh, no.
my dad: ...do you. do you want me to watch it with you? we can pause or stop if it's making you too sad. would u like that?
me:
#my mom: i will watch it too if u don't mind me asking 'what is happening??' every five minutes#seriously my parents grew so much and became so much cooler than they used to be#all it took was a lot of trauma; therapy; my therapist calling them out on their crap; me getting an official diagnosis etc#and here we are#DONT CLOWN ON THIS POST#NO 'GEE OP I WISH I KNEW WHAT HAVING SUPPORTIVE PARENTS IS LIKE CAN'T RELATE HURR DURR'#TAKE YOUR NEGATIVITY ELSEWHERE HOMIE#GOD KNOWS WE HAVE ENOUGH OF IT AS IS
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