#hope and wish for the opposite to where it nearly consumes her only to finally be sat down and informed that

[sukibenders]

Looking back at Girl Meets World, it will forever irritate me especially for how they handled/treated Angela. Oh this show really hated black women because how do you not only 1.) describe her, one of (correct me if I'm wrong) only few black and MAIN characters of the og show, as a "concept" 2.) have characters show obvious disgust at the small mention of her name 3.) depict her as a homewrecker for a new relationship that, really, shouldn't have ever happened 4.) have her old friends treat her like dirt and her old lover like she is the root of his problems, when there was nothing but positive love there 5.) reuse all the concepts from said previous love story just to elevate the new ship with a yte woman and 6.) compare her to Hurricane Katrina, one of the deadliest hurricanes that caused significant numbers of death, harm, misplacement, and trauma to people, largely of whom were black? Mind you, all these points I mentioned were toward the only main black character of the OG show before the spinoff, and the only, from what I can remember, black female character of the spinoff who didn't even stay long. Not even getting into the racist drama with some of the members on set, but you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that the way the show handled Angela, her story, and her relationship with the other characters + Shawn wasn't fucking disrespectful, you can't because I won't believe you.

[taleasnewastime]

The Wedding

Summary: A wedding of close friends is always a nice occasion. But what if your ex is attending. And what if that ex also happens to be sat at the same table as you with a date. Hopefully the mysterious stranger sitting by you at dinner can help save the day.

Pairing: Jin x reader  

Genre: fluff; smut; angst

Word count: 11.2k

Authors Note: Happy (belated) Birthday Jin!! I hope he had a fabulous day, he deserves it. Here is a not so little story to celebrate. (Note to self, work on better titles for stories). I hope you all enjoy :)

It had been 4 months. 4 months since you and Harry finally decided you would end your 2-year relationship. Though that makes it sound like a mutual decision. What is it that celebrity’s call it when they’re getting a divorce? Irreconcilable differences. As if there is nothing wrong, just a change in feelings. A mutual decision where two people decide, hey this isn’t working shall we just call it quits?

But that’s not how it felt to you. Harry had told you he wanted to end the relationship and you had no other option but to go along with it. What could you really have done? Refuse? And what, Harry would have just been like sure and stayed with you? No. You left the relationship holding some of your pride (you hoped), agreeing that it was best the relationship ended, even if that wasn’t what you wanted.

In all honesty it may have broken your heart more to do that then to have begged him to stay.

4 months may seem like a long time to some people, but after 2 years together, 4 months felt like a mere second to you. If you think about it you can still picture his face when he sat you down and told you that he no longer loved you. You can still feel the pain of your heart shattering in that moment. You can still feel the tears that ran down your face like a stream. You can feel the nod of your head as you struggle to hear his words, just nodding in agreement to whatever he is saying. And you can still see his back as he walked out the door, leaving you behind.  

Friends had told you he was not worth it, that you should move on. And it’s not like you hadn’t tried, you’d gone on a few dates, but none of them lived up to him. Which you were the first to admit sounded stupid, what guy that chose to leave you like that deserves you to grieve that much over him? You told yourself that you were just waiting for the right person to come along, but they were yet to show up. And it made you wonder whether Harry was it, whether he was the one that got away, whether you should have fought harder for him to stay, whether he was as good as it was ever going to get.

The last time you had seen him was when he walked out on you, and as you walk into the church of your friend's wedding there should have been no surprise when you see Harry sitting on the groom's side of the church. They were mutual friends after all, you friends with the bride, him the groom. Though you expected him to be here, there is still a bit of shock that courses through you when you see his figure.  

Listening to your friend Eleanor talk as you enter the church, you look around in search of some empty seats when you see him. The black suit jacket fits a little loose on his frame, making it look like he picked it up last minute and got one that didn't quite fit right. But seeing his back causes flash backs of him walking out the door to run through your mind. Eleanors voice seems to fade into the background when you see him, only brought back to the present when she tugs lightly on your arm, directing you to a couple of empty seats.  

You attempt to push him from your mind, try to not glance over at him whenever you get the chance. From this angle you can only see his shoulder, and if the people in between you are aligned just right, you get a glance of his side profile. You can see that his hair is styled in the way that you always loved, his dark slightly curly hair flops down over his face covering his eyebrows a few strands poking into his eyes.  

Focusing on the wedding, watching your friend walk down the aisle, you manage to distract yourself enough to not think of him. Dressed in white, your friend looks beautiful and you have to hold back a few tears when they say their vowels. Standing to clap and cheer when the bride and groom kiss, you watch as they then walk back down the aisle hand in hand, beaming.  

Happiness is your overriding emotion, however you can’t help the pang of jealousy that swells within you, wishing that was you.  

Taking the glass of prosecco that is handed to you when you walk into the reception, you have to stop yourself from downing it all in one, instead taking one massive gulp. Eleanor and you had booked into a hotel close by, recommended by the bride and groom, so you had always planned to have a few drinks. The appearance of Harry only confirmed the fact that large quantities of alcohol were going to be consumed.  

“I heard that they have a tab behind the bar and when it’s gone it’s up to us to pay,” Eleanor says as she comes to stand beside you, both waiting behind a large group of people who are all trying to find their table for the dinner.  

“Are you trying to encourage me to get drunk?” You raise your eyebrows at her, taking another gulp of your drink.  

“Merely stating facts,” she replies. “What with the hotel, buying a new dress and having to get the happy couple a gift, I think we deserve a few free drinks.”

“You have a point,” you sigh, taking another gulp of your drink nearly finishing your glass as you shuffle ever closer to dining room door. “Why are weddings so expensive? I thought they were supposed to be pricey for bride and groom, not for their guests as well.”  

“All I can say is, the food better be good,” she says as you finally come to stand in front of the board detailing where everyone is to be sat. “Right, where are we?”  

Your eyes dart across the chart looking for your names.  

“I hope we haven’t been shoved near the loos,” you joke, eyes still searching.  

“Oh, come on, we’re better than that right?” Eleanor panics slightly at yours words.  

“I don’t know, you were just saying that you’re going to drink them clean of their alcohol,” you joke, laughing lightly when you look at the worry written on Eleanors face.  

“Oh shit,” she says, her face going from worry to shock, the colour almost draining from her face as she turns from the seating chart to you.  

You give a small humourless chuckle as you look at her, blood pumping so hard you can almost hear it in your ears.  

“Don’t tell me they’ve actually put us by the toilets,” you say.

“We’ve actually got pretty good seats,” she replies, though concern swims through her eyes. “Maybe we should get a top up before we sit down.”  

You cock your head to the side in question as you look at her. Turning to look over the chart, you are more desperate now to see your name. “Where are we?” You say at the same moment you read your name.  

Eleanor was right, you did have pretty good seats. A clear view of the head table where the bride and groom sat, prime seats for when the food would arrive, and easy access to get to the bar and eventually the dance floor. Yet all of this was monstrously over shadowed by the fact that opposite you sat the one person you were hoping to avoid, Harry.

“He’ll be so far away we won’t even notice he’s there,” Eleanor reasons as you continue to stare blankly at the name on the board.  

“I think I’d rather the toilet seats,” you say seriously, before you can catch yourself. “No, you know what? It’ll be fine. I had to see him at some point today, why not at dinner?” You rearrange your face, attempting to look like the whole situation wasn’t affecting you at all. “Another drink is a good idea though,” you say before gulping down the last few dregs in your glass.  

Eleanor follows suit, necking her own drink before dragging you over to the near empty bar, everyone else still on their first glass.  

“I mean why the hell would she sit you and your ex on the same table?” Eleanor turns to you after ordering two drinks, she almost seems angrier than you.  

“It hasn’t been that long, they probably couldn’t rearrange it all,” you tap your fingers on the bar, nerves building up within you at the thought of the meal ahead.  

“It’s been four months, that’s enough time to change some seats around,” Eleanor sighs as the bartender places two wines down.  

“Maybe not in wedding speak,” you don’t know why you are trying to defend the decision but you don’t want this evening to be ruined by your ex.  

“Anyway, it will be fine, I’ll be there and I’m sure everyone else at the table will be nice. We’ll still have a great time,” she hooks her arm with yours as she slowly makes her way into the dining room. Unsure why she is trying to convince you on the matter when you haven’t protested at all, you guess that’s just what good friends are for, knowing what to say even when you haven’t said anything.  

Letting her drag you to the seats your nerves build to a crescendo when you finally see the seats that are assigned to you. Flicking your eyes to the opposite side of the table to you see the distinctive curly hair, heart pounding in your chest as you remove your eyes from him, not wanting to be looking at him when you reach the table.  

“This is us,” Eleanor comes to a stop and places her bag on the ground before pulling the chair away from the table.  

Following suit, you keep your eyes down as you busy yourself with arranging your dress so it sits straight. The seat next to you is unoccupied, someone running late from the wedding you reason as your hand reaches for your glass to take another sip of your drink as you build up enough courage to look around the rest of your table. Eleanor is already talking to the cute guy sitting to her left, so you have nothing to distract you.  

Next to the empty seat sits a woman in her mid 30s her hair tied up in a neat bun. Next to her is a young child, no older than 10 who sits colouring in a predesigned image, concentration all over their face. Harry is next, and your heart involuntarily pangs in your chest when you look at him. You still don’t have a full front on view of him as he is turned talking to the person next to him, but you can now see the crisp white shirt he wears, that seems to fit better than the suit jacket, a slim blue tie around his neck. You can more clearly see his features now too, his round face, blue eyes seeming to contrast the rest of his dark features, his lips are a bright red and are pulled back showing off his straight white teeth as he laughs at something. You take all of this in in mere seconds, not wanting to linger on him in case he catches you.  

Moving around the table your heart plummets when you see who he is talking to, who is causing him to smile so brightly, who is causing the slight pink to creep up his neck. More beautiful than you could ever dream of being, the woman sits straight backed in an emerald strappy silk dress. Her features are delicate, yet you are sure that everyone would look at her if she were to enter a room. Her hair is dark and cascades down her back in perfectly formed curls.  

Your eyes skim the rest of the table, barely taking anyone else in as you turn to look at Eleanor who is already staring at you. Giving a tight closed lipped smile you don’t do a good job at trying to convince her you’re fine.  

Here you sit, single and dateless at a wedding, when your ex of four months sits at the same table, appearing to have completely forgotten you, bringing a date to a wedding he would surely know you would attend. As if reading your mind, Eleanors hand gently squeezes your leg under the table, almost transferring some of her strength to you.  

You would have hoped that Harry would have at least acknowledged your presence, would have at least said hi to you, or at worst given a gentle nod of recognition. But he instead seems to not even notice you are there.

Staring into your glass, you get lost in your own thoughts. Watching the liquid swirl around the edge of the glass to the rhythm of your hand movements. Beads of liquid roll down the edge of the glass when you let it rest.

“Got a lot of wine legs there, must be quality stuff.”

You jump at the sound of a male voice on your right, head whipping in the direction of the sound. Your eyes widen when you realise that the previously empty seat is now taken, and not just that but the man that occupies the seat is devastatingly handsome. He has pink plush lips that curve slightly at the edges to form a soft and welcoming smile, his cheeks seem to be squishable while also sculptured as if made from marble, he has dark brown hair that has been pushed away from his face exposing his forehead, and he has dark brown eyes that are welcoming. You watch as he takes off a dark jacket, using the opportunity to try and formulate a response to his opening statement. But as he drapes his jacket on the back of his chair you only ogle more. A black shirt adorns his chest, pulled not so tight that it looks small but so that you can see how muscular he is as well as showing off his broad shoulders.  

Your eyes dart back up to his when he turns back to look at you, not wanting him to know you had been checking him out.  

“I thought that was an old wife's tale,” you speak and then feel the need to clarify, as it seems an eternity since he last spoke. “The wine legs thing.”  

“Could be. My friend told me and 99% of his facts are incorrect,” he says, smile still on his face.  

“I also highly doubt Ben and Laura would have splashed the cash on anything expensive,” you refer to the bride and groom.  

“They do seem to have blown the budget on flowers,” he laughs, and you join in as you look around the room that has flowers covering most surfaces. Even the wooden beams on the ceiling had some sort of foliage hanging off it, making the place look beautiful. It must have cost a small fortune.  

“Don’t they know the way to a good wedding is through alcohol? They could have held this in a school hall and everyone would have been happy as long as there was free booze,” you say.  

“They obviously didn’t get the memo,” he replies and there's a moment pause before he says, “anyway, you must be Y/N.”  

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the fact he knows your name. Thoughts of whether you had met him before are cut off by him explaining.  

“The name cards,” his hand does a sweep of the table where names are placed to show where people sit.  

Heat rushes to your face as you realise. Trying to cover this up you glance down at the name card in front of him.

“Jin?” You look back up at him and see a wider smile on his face as he looks at you.  

“That’s me,” he beams and you can’t help but copy, his smile infectious. “So, are you here for the bride or groom?”  

“The bride,” you say. “We used to work together. What about you?”  

“Groom,” he nods. “He’s a friend from childhood. I actually don’t know many people here so I’m glad they’ve placed me next to someone fairly normal.”  

You shy at his words, turning to look at your glass, as your face continues to heat. “You might not be saying that by the time we get to dessert. You’ll be running to the dance floor just to get away from me,” you try and joke and are pleased when you hear an almost squeaky laugh leave his lips. Looking at him you can see it is genuine, his head leaning back slightly as his eyes close.  

“Honestly, maybe weird is better. Plus, I’ll be running to the dance floor anyway, I am a notoriously good dancer,” he says when he has calmed enough to talk.  

“Cha cha slide?” You ask.

He gives a small laugh mouth opening to reply but before any words leave his lips a hand is placed on your shoulder and you are gently moved backwards in your seat.  

“Finally decided to join the table,” Eleanor says as she leans over you so she can speak to Jin. You wonder whether they know each other and then remember that Eleanor is just that forward and friendly.

“I did hear rumours it was the best table in the place. But then I am sat here,” Jin gives a small shrug of his shoulders at the statement.

“I think that only applies to this half of the table,” Eleanor says loudly and you visibly cringe. “Anyway, me and Jordan were just placing bets on what food we’re going to be forced to eat,” she carries on, waving a hand towards the man sat beside her, presumably Jodan who gives a small wave.  

“Easy, isn’t it always a hog roast at these things,” you roll your eyes at her.  

“Wow, wow, wow,” Jin says dramatically. “Ben would never stoop that low. It will definitely be some sort of chicken.”  

“And just how well do you know Ben? Don’t tell me you’re cheating here and already know the answer,” Eleanor accuses, her finger coming up to point at him as if to better prove her point.

As they bicker and joke about what food is going to be served, you are suddenly aware of how this is the complete opposite to how you expected this meal to go. As soon as you had seen that Harry was sat on the same table as you, your blood had run cold and yet since Jin had arrived you weren’t even aware of his presence at the table. This thought is cut short when you take a glance at him and you can see he is scolding in your direction, the girl sitting by him seems to be unaware that his attention is no longer on her as she continues to talk at him.  

Heat rises to your face as you catch his eyes, if looks could kill you would surely be six foot under by now. Wishing you were strong enough to hold his gaze, you instead look down at your lap, fingers fiddle with the material of your dress.  

Mere minutes ago you had wanted him to acknowledge your existence, and now he was you couldn’t even hold his gaze. Though when you imaged him looking at you, it wasn’t with the hatred currently in his eyes. You wonder what right he had to look at you like that when he was the one that had completely ignored you when you arrived, and the one that had brought a date with him.

As you think this though you realise that maybe he thinks Jin is your date. Maybe the girl he is talking to isn’t his date and exactly what Jin is to you, just someone who happens to be sitting next to you at a wedding. Maybe you were the one being a hypocrite and you had judged him just as quickly as he was now judging you.

All thoughts are cut off when a plate is placed in front of you. Jumping slightly at its arrival.  

“Told you, roast chicken,” Jin says smugly looking down at the food.  

“I still think you cheated,” Eleanor replies.  

“Ask Ben if you have any doubts,” Jin points his fork at Eleanor while he chews on some broccoli.  

“No doubt you’ve sworn him into some sort of secrecy,” she scowls at him before taking a bite of her own food and turning to talk to Jordan.  

“I mean, I didn’t,” Jin mumbles with a pout and you give a small chuckle at how serious the discussion had become while you zoned out.

“Go on then, if you’re so good at all of this, what will their first dance be to?” You look at him with a smirk.  

“Ben does love the macarena,” Jin says and his face visibly lightens when he watches you laugh.  

“Now that would be some first dance,” you say through your laugh.  

“It would be the song I’d pick,” his voice is full of cheekiness.  

“I pity the girl,” you smile at him.

“Oh really,” his eyebrows raise almost in challenge. “I’ll have you know I’m quite the catch.”

“And yet I see no date,” you raise your eyebrows back at him.

“Everyone knows that weddings are the perfect place to meet people. It’s all the love, people can’t help but want to experience it themselves.”

“Desperation you mean,” you stab your fork into a potato. “Hoping to score a bridesmaid?”

“Not sure I would call it desperation,” his eyes are still on you as you continue to eat. “And none of the bridesmaids really caught my eye.”  

“Hum. Yellow was a bold choice for their dresses, even if it is pastel. I guess Laura didn’t want to risk being shown up,” you agree with him. “But, I bet when you speak to them their personalities will shine through,” your voice is thick with sarcasm and you watch as Jins face lights up at the joke.  

His mouth opens to reply but once again he is interrupted, this time by the groom standing up and someone tapping a spoon onto a glass. You swear you hear a small sigh leave Jins lips as the room falls silent for the speeches, but when you look at him a smile is still on his face as he looks towards his friend.  

The speeches threaten to make you spill some tears, especially when the bride's father starts to well up when giving his speech. By the time it’s all over you hardly get to speak to Jin as he is dragged into conversation with the woman on his right before the party portion of the evening starts.  

Everyone gathers around the dance floor when plates are finally cleared from the meal and as you had predicted Jin disappears between you leaving the table and going to the dance floor. You are unable to spot him as you look around the crowd and decide that he is probably doing as you predicted and seeking out a single bridesmaid. You concentrate on Laura and Ben dancing around the floor in each other's arms as they stare lovingly into each other eyes.

“Can I have this dance,” you hold out your hand and bow lowly to Eleanor as the DJ invites couples to join the bride and groom on the dance floor.  

Chuckling Eleanor places her hand in yours as you pull her onto the floor, putting your arms around her waist as hers fall around your neck like all the other couples. You and Eleanor had decided to be each other's dates to the wedding, both single. Though you are sure that Eleanor could easily have snapped up a date, you were grateful she offered that you go together.  

“Thanks for coming with me today,” you say as you sway around the dance floor.  

“Don’t be stupid, there’s no one I would have rather come with. Plus, if I had brought a date that cute guy I was sitting by wouldn’t have chatted me up,” she says, giving you a cheeky smirk.  

“Hey, you’re my date,” you mock offence. “Though if he asks nicely, maybe I’ll let him steal you for a dance or two.”

Eleanor’s face visibly lights up at your words though she quickly tries to hide it. “I’m sure that Jin will be asking to dance with you before long.”

“I’m not sure he was interested,” you scrunch up your face at her words.

“Well, you are obviously blind.”

“I think I saw him going off to chat up one of the bridesmaids,” you lie in the hopes it will be enough for her to drop the topic.  

“Oh really?” She would sound genuinely surprised, if not for the heavy sarcasm in her voice. “Because I think I see him stood watching you.”  

Your head almost snaps in the direction she is looking and sure enough Jin stands on the edge of the dance floor, fresh drink in hand as he watches you dance around the floor. Just as quickly as you look at him, you look away heat rising to your face.  

“He’s probably just thinking what a terrible dancer I am,” you half mumble.  

“Again, I’m not so sure,” cheekiness is now the overriding tone of Eleanors voice, which is mirrored by the big smile on her face. “If I’m not mistaken, I think he’s actually walking over to us now. Maybe he’s coming to tell you what a terrible dancer you are in person,” the sarcasm returns to her voice as you freeze in her arms.  

Your back had been swung in the direction of where Jin was stood so you cannot confirm what Eleanor is saying without obviously looking over your shoulder. But it doesn’t take long for her statement to be revealed as true as a tall figure comes to stand by your side.  

“Mind if I steal your partner?” The voice you recognised from earlier asks Eleanor and you watch as she nods, stepping away from you.  

Your eyes widen at her, silently pleading for her to stay, though you are unsure why.  

“But I want her back later,” she says as she walks off in search of another dance partner.  

Jin steps so he is now stood in front of you and you are surprised by how tall he is, his broad shoulders and frame only making him seem that much larger.  

“I hope you don’t mind,” he says as he looks down at you.

“Not at all,” you gulp down your nerves. “I was hoping to see these amazing dance moves anyway.”

Laughing he gently reaches out to place his hands on your waist, pulling you lightly so that you can more easily drape your arms around his neck.  

“I’d hate to disappoint,” he smirks down at you, and you have to look away from his gaze.  

A silence falls over the two of you as you gently sway to the music, Jin expertly guiding you around the room. You feel comfortable in his presence, but struggle to meet his eyes, instead choosing to look at his chest. This isn’t much better though as his black shirt has the top three buttons undone, causing a glimpse of his chest. You almost feel like a Victorian with how that small amount of skin gets you hot.  

“Black is a bold choice for a wedding,” you finally break the silence, looking up to see he is already looking down at you.  

“Do you not think it looks good?” He asks, though his face says he already knows your answer.  

“I guess it’s just a colour more aligned to a funeral,” you ignore his question.  

“Well, I am mourning the loss of one of my best friends. Now he’s married I will hardly see him anymore,” he says this with a wide smile on his face.

“Oh come on, you’re not one of those people, are you? You really believe married life is like a death sentence?”  

“I never said death sentence,” he is quick to correct you.  

“You said you were mourning the loss of your friend, that implies death,” you raise your eyebrows at him.  

“Alright, maybe that was a bit extreme,” he laughs. “I guess I’m not totally sold on the whole wedding thing. Like you said, why not just get loads of booze and throw it in a cheap hall somewhere. Do you really need all of this to tell everyone that you are madly in love?” He looks around the room to further his point. “I’d be happy just to go to the registry office and do it all in secret. Is that not more romantic?”

“Hiding your partner away from everyone? Romantic,” you tease. “But you’re not completely opposed to getting married?”  

“Hiding her away so that she can be all mine? I think romantic,” he shoots back. “But I guess I’d have to find the right person first,” his words come out deeper and smoother than previously, and again you have to break his eye contact.  

The song that was playing choices this moment to stop, the DJ mixing in a more up-tempo track. People all around you break from their swaying and start to dance with more enthusiasm, arms being thrown in the air. You remain in Jins arms, breaking a second before it comes awkward, you being the first to step away looking around the room as you do.  

“You should definitely get talking to those bridesmaids then. Maybe one of them is the one,” you try to make it sound sarcastic and like you don’t care, but it sounds anything but. “I’d hate to think I got in the way of anything,” you say, looking back at him to see a flicker of something cross his face. He opens his mouth to reply but for the third time that night you don’t let him get any words out. “I should probably go and find Eleanor anyway. I’d hate to think she’s all alone somewhere.”

Jin continues to stare at you, a now blank stare is on his face, making his emotions unreadable. He gives a small nod at your words.

“Thanks for the dance, it was nice,” you say lamely as you turn and walk away.  

Instead of hunting down Eleanor, like you had just said you were going to do, you head straight to the bar, happy when you find out drinks are still free. Standing, waiting for your drink, you think about the dance. Think about Jins hands on your waist, the feeling firm, yet safe. Think about the earthy and woody scent that was coming off of him. Think about seeing his face so close you could see all the muscles moving when his face contorted into a smile.  

A glass being placed down in front of you snaps you out of your thoughts, and you take a large gulp in the hopes that would also help to ease your mind. You are unsure why you had just bolted away from Jin as if it was a crime scene. He seemed like a nice guy, and to be honest at the moment a nice guy is exactly what you need. But the problem was that you were not what he needed. Currently still hung up on your ex, not in the best place mentally and just generally a mess, you didn’t want to lead him into anything just to leave him.  

And yet you can’t get him out of your head. You had only known him for the past few hours, only spoken to him for a portion of that time, but you feel yourself wanting to go back onto the dance floor and apologise, ask him to take you back in his arms and sway around the dance floor again. Maybe it was the fact that you hadn’t felt like this about anyone for ages that made you scared. Even when you were with Harry, towards the end, you didn’t feel this way about him. You had to admit that your relationship had started to lack the passion and desire it had at the start, but you had assumed that was normal after two years of being together. But that obviously wasn’t enough for Harry.  

You head is almost resting on your arms that lay on top of the bar when you hear a familiar voice. As if your thoughts had somehow summoned him.  

“Not with your date?” Harry’s words ring out and you tense at his words. Thoughts immediately flood your mind of how this is the opposite reaction you would have had a few months ago if you heard his voice.  

You turn slowly to look at Harry and see he looks somewhat more dishevelled than earlier. He has lost his tie and jacket, the top few buttons undone, and you note that while this was a turn on for Jin, you almost cringed at the look on Harry. His hair is also messier, a look that makes you think he has been running his hand through the curls all night, something you know he does when he’s stressed.  

“My date?” You question as you honestly have no idea who he is talking about. Annoyed at the fact that these are the first words he is speaking to you.

“The guy you were sat by at dinner?” He almost spits the words at you, and the action almost makes you smile. You’ve clearly gotten under his skin.  

“I could ask you the same thing,” you avoid answering his question, not wanting to give him any unnecessary details.  

“She’s gone to the toilet,” he waves a hand dismissively and your heart clenches at the confirmation he has brought a date with him.  

“Is it new?” You can’t help the curiosity, but curse at yourself for sounding like you care, which you do, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Harry is now the one that goes rigid at your words and gives a half mumble of “something like that,” that you catch. You turn and take another gulp of your drink, praying someone comes and saves you from this conversation.

“Listen,” Harry sighs, his body relaxing at the motion. “I didn’t come here to gloat or be mean or anything,” you have to bite the words could have fooled me back, instead remaining silent as you wait for him to continue. “I came here to say that I miss you.”

These are the last words that you expect to leave his lips. He was the one who had left you after all. He was the one that had said he had fallen out of love with you. He was the one that ended it and never called you again, left you with so many questions unanswered.

Instead of the effect that Harry must have hoped these words would cause, you feel almost sick when he says it. You feel like in the space of one wedding you have done a complete 180 in your feelings to the man currently stood in front of you.

But when you actually think about it, you had felt this way since he left you. If he had come to you before you still would have felt this hatred and sickness towards him. Because, honestly, you could never have gotten back with him after he had said that he had fallen out of love with you, however much you missed him. You would never been able to trust him again, always second guessing everything, always wondering when he was going to change his mind again and walk out the door.

The feelings you had felt towards him all this time, you now realised, was resentment. You resented that he was the one that left you and felt bitter at the fact that while you still loved him, he no longer loved you. And while you thought those feelings of love had stayed over the months, they had really morphed into something far uglier.  

It is only now as he stands so you can fully see him that you realise that you do not miss him, that you do not want him back and that you certainly do not love him. And it feels like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.  

“You don’t seem like you miss me,” Harry says into the silence, realising that you are not going to be the one to break it. There is a sort of arrogance in his voice, as if he knows, or thinks, that he still has you.

“You are here with a date,” you have to remind him.

“I know. But Y/N, don’t you want to talk? I wanted to say that I regret -”

“No,” you cut him off, not wanting to hear any of the bullshit that spills out of his mouth. “No. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to hear you’re excuses or explanations or whatever the hell you are going to say. You left me, Harry. You fell out of love with me. And we are no longer together because of that so you have to deal with the consequences,” you turn and pick up your glass before looking at him.

Before you can walk away, he does a small side step so that he is stood in front of you, blocking your exit.  

“No listen to me,” he almost pleads, and it almost sounds good to hear it.  

“You have a date,” you remind him once again.

“Who I don’t care about.”

“I’m sure she will be thrilled to hear that.”

“I don’t care,” he almost screams the words, his arms flinging in the air as if to further his frustration. “I don’t care, ok?” He repeats softer. “I just care about you.”

You stare at him, looking into his eyes you try to read what's happening behind them, wishing you could see what he was thinking. And as the silence continues, you can see the arrogance return, as if he thinks he has you again. You wonder how you had never seen it in his eyes before.  

“Well, I don’t care,” you say and you can see the shock that comes into his eyes. He definitely wasn’t expecting that.  

“Y/N, come on. I’m sorry ok,” his pleading returns, and this time you just feel pity for him.

“You broke up with me Harry,” you remind him. “And so, I no longer have to stand here and listen to what you have to say.” Glass in hand you give him a final look before walking past him.

Heading back into where everyone is dancing you feel a mixture of emotions. Giddy at the fact that you had managed to keep your cool and say everything you wanted to say to Harry to his face, you would never have thought you’d be able to do that. But the sickness remains, confusion as to why Harry would come and say those words to you. He surely didn’t actually want you back? A selfishness must have come out from him seeing you sat with Jin, who he had assumed was your date. Was he really so petty to feel some sort of ownership over you, when he was sat with an actual date the other side of the table.  

And now you felt pity towards her. Did she know what Harry was saying about her behind her back? You kind of hoped it was nothing serious, you didn’t want him to break anyone the way he had broken you.

When you reach the edge of where everyone is dancing you have a quick glance behind you, seeing Harry in the same spot you left him, his date now at his side. Shaking your head at the scene, you push it from your mind and turn back in search of someone much better. When you spot her, you make your way over to Eleanor.  

“Where have you been?” Eleanor almost shouts when she sees you. “Good dance with Jin?” She wiggles her eyebrows and you roll your eyes.  

“You will never guess what happened,” you begin before going onto to retell the story of bumping into Harry and all the things he said to you.

“Well shit. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you,” she gives your arm a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s alright. It was actually good in a way. I think I can finally see who he is now and how I am so much better without him. It was probably the best thing to happen tonight,” you say and Eleanors eyes widen at your statement.  

“God that’s really saying something since you danced with Jin,” she says and you laugh.  

“He’s probably long gone, scared away by me running away from him,” you sigh as you look around the room, unable to spot his figure anywhere. “Anyway, I just want to drink and dance and enjoy the night and then go and collapse in a bed that I have paid an extortionate amount for.”  

“Amen,” Eleanor says raising her glass for you to cheers.  

And that is exactly what you do. You drink, you dance and you enjoy the evening, with little thought of Harry. The man who instead plagues your thoughts is Jin. You find yourself looking for him as you dance, when you go to get another drink and when someone taps you on the shoulder you hope it’s him. But you never spot him, not even a peak of the top of his head or the back of his shoulder. Even as you wave off the happy couple as they leave for their honeymoon, Jin is nowhere in sight. So you assume that he has done as you suggested and gone and found himself someone better.

Eleanor leans her arm on your shoulder before resting her head on it, watching the disappearing car.  

“Shall we go to the hotel then?” Eleanor says.  

You lean down so that your head can rest on hers. “Yeah,” you reply.  

The uber drops you off at the hotel and as you walk into the main room you can see a few other wedding guests chatting in the hall. What with the proximity to the reception and the fact it was recommended by the bride and groom, you aren’t surprise that the place is probably fully booked with wedding guests.  

And the hotel was cute. It was a cosy, higgledy-piggledy, countryside hotel that looked like it had almost grown from the ground with all the ivy covering the outside walls. All of this added up to mean it was on the expensive side of hotels, however with the wedding being in the middle of nowhere you didn’t have much choice, and Eleanor somehow convinced you that it was worth the cost.  

Walking down the hall towards the stairs that would take you to your rooms, you give a small smile at some of the people you recognised from the wedding, but almost stop in your tracks when you see him. It had probably been hours since you last saw Jin and you had almost forgotten about him with all the stuff that had happened between you dancing with him and where you stood now. But as you see him sat at the bar that is off from the hall, you wonder how he could have left your mind at all. Sat alone, staring into a glass of what looked like whiskey, you wonder if this was what his first view of you looked like.  

Noticing where you were looking, if the fact that you had come to a complete stop hadn’t been clue enough, Eleanor smiles at you. “You should go speak to him.”  

You have to tear your eyes off him to be able to look at Eleanor and can see sincerity on her face.

“I’m a big girl, I’m sure I can find our room on my own,” she teases when she sees your doubt.  

“I should apologise for basically running away from him earlier,” you give out the excuse, though one is not needed.  

She gives a satisfied nod, those words being all she needed to slowly turn and start walking in the direction you were previously headed. “If you don’t come back to our room tonight, I won’t worry. See you at breakfast,” she says with a wave over her shoulder.  

Heat rises to your face and you turn to make sure no one heard, or more importantly that Jin didn’t hear. But he sits continuing to stare at his glass, too far away to hear the comment.  

Before you can overthink it, you start walking towards him. Heat remains in your face as you do. He doesn’t notice your approach so you can fully take him in. His long legs are crossed as he sits on the bar stool and yet they still manage to easily touch the floor. He sits slightly hunched in the chair and his shoulders sag with an unseen weight. His hair is slightly more ruffled than earlier, the previous style not holding as he has obviously been running his hand through it. You take a deep breath when you reach the stool next to where he sits, he is still unaware of your presence.  

“Do wine legs still apply when the liquid isn’t wine?” You reference his opening comment to you.  

His head shoots up, eyes instantly meeting yours and you can see the clear surprise at seeing you here.  

“I saw you sitting here, I hope you don’t mind me interrupting,” you say as a lame explanation.  

“I usually enjoy staring at my drinks alone without interruption. But I’ll make an exception for you,” he jokes before giving you a wide smile.  

“Ah, an honour,” you take the seat next to his and the barman comes over and takes your drinks order.  

A silence falls over you and Jin as you wait for your drink, Jin going back to staring into his cup. As you stare at him, possible questions to break the silence run through your head, all as meaningless and irrelevant as the next, none of them what you really want to ask him. So as a drink is placed down in front of you, and as you turn to look at it you build the courage to ask.  

“What you doing here all alone?” You hope your voice comes out as light and trivial as you mean it to, and out of the corner of your eye you see Jin has turned to look at you.  

“I thought I made that clear,” his voice is an attempt to tease, but you can hear the sadness in it, or was it annoyance? “I enjoy staring at drinks.”  

“Ah,” you raise your eyebrows as if in understanding. “The classic post-wedding-stare-at-an-alcoholic-drink-alone. I know it well.”

“Well, you did seemed to know the wedding-reception-stare-at-a-wine-glass-as-you-swirl-it earlier in the night,” he shoots back.  

“I guess we may have something in common there then,” you raise your glass lowly towards him, before taking a mouthful.  

“I’ll make you a deal,” he says, grabbing your full attention. “I’ll tell you why I was staring into my glass, all alone. If you tell me why you were doing the same earlier.”

Not what you had expected him to say. And you weigh it in your mind. Was it worth telling him the truth to find out why he was sat alone? After a moments thought you realise it was.  

“My ex was sitting on our table,” you can’t look him in the eye as you say it, not wanting to see whatever emotion comes onto his face.  

He hums lowly before saying, “tough at a wedding.”  

“Yeah, I mean it happened 4 months ago, but it was the first time I’ve seen him since he left,” you admit.  

Jin doesn’t respond verbally to that, instead a hand is placed on your shoulder. Looking up, you finally see the emotion on his face. Where you had expected to see sorry or pity was instead some form of sympathy. While most people looked at you as if you are broken, as if you need to be fixed, Jin was looking at you with understanding, and in your eyes there was a big difference. You hadn’t liked telling people that you and Harry had broken up and as much as it was to do with admitting that you were no longer together, it was also due to peoples reactions. But here Jin sat, hand on your shoulder, but not in a patronising way, in a way that said he was there.  

“Anyway, it was nothing in the end,” you almost visibly brush off the words and, in the process, Jin’s hand drops and you instantly miss the feeling. “I had a good night,” you give him a small smile.  

“Yeah, it was good. Although, they definitely needed to put more money behind the bar,” he chuckles.  

“More money on booze, less on flowers,” you reference his comment from earlier in the night and Jins smile widens. “Come on then. Don’t think you’re going to get away with it,” you say and when Jin doesn’t immediately answer you carry on. “Why are you sat here all alone?”  

“I guess I was just hoping to attract over some lovely lady,” he wiggles his eyebrows at you and you laugh, but you can hear the return of the earlier sadness.  

“Seriously? Come on, I spilled my secret.”  

“Secret? I wasn’t aware it was that deep?”  

“It’s not,” you say. “But maybe I wouldn’t have divulged the information if I knew you were going to back out. You were the one that made the offer after all.”

“Alright, fairs fair,” he waved his hand before taking a massive gulp of his drink, practically finishing it off. A massive sigh leaves his lips before he carried on. “I was thinking of you.”

You freeze from shock. Unable to look away from Jin as he doesn’t meet your eyes, you can see red creeping up his neck, his eyes close lightly and it looks like he holds his breath for a second.  

“What?” You croak out.  

He lifts his head so he is looking straight forward, before twisting so he can look at you. His features are soft as he takes in your shocked face, his eyes darting around your face almost trying to read your thoughts.  

“I was thinking of you,” he repeats, though this time you can see his face, the almost embarrassment in his eyes. “I don’t know, I guess I just had a nice time talking and dancing with you and then you ran away and I wasn’t really sure what I had done wrong. But I guess now I can see why.”  

“I had a nice time dancing too,” you say and are surprised when your voice doesn’t crack with the shock still in your body.  

“You did?” Jin says with some doubt in his voice.

“Sorry I ditched you. I guess it all got a bit much and rather than act like a normal grown adult I ran,” you say.  

“You don’t have to apologise,” he says.  

“But I do,” you say. “If you think I was running away because of you, then I need to apologise.”

Jin give a small nod of recognition, but his face looks like he still feels the need to deny your apology. He bites back his words by taking a drink.  

“You know, we’ve met before,” the second statement he has said in the space of ten minutes that has shocked you. “You probably don’t remember, you were pretty drunk,” he says when he sees your expression.

“I did wonder why I’d never met you before, if you are supposedly Bens good friend,” you admit.  

Jin gives a small chuckle. “Well, we have met. At Ben birthday last year. Though, I turned up a bit late and by the time I got there it seemed like you had already had a lot to drink.”

Heat floods your face at the memory. You had had a lot to drink that night, partly to drown your sorrows after a big row with Harry. You honestly had no memory of Jin that night, you had hardly any memory of that night.

“Not my finest hour,” you say. “I hope I didn’t embarrass myself.”  

“I wasn’t sure whether to be happy when I found out I was sat by you because you were the life of the party, or worried you might get as drunk as that night and throw up all over me,” he teases and you give his arm a light punch.

“That was a one off,” you whine.  

“You were fine,” he laughs, and his words reassure you.

You give a small nod as a silence comes over you. Both of your stare at your drinks, a tension rises in the air and before it gets unbearable you break it.  

“I want to say sorry,” Jins head snaps to you at the words.

“You already apologised,” he says.  

“But I want to say it again,” you give a small smile. “I did really enjoy dancing with you. I don’t want you to think that I didn’t enjoy your company tonight.”

“My moves must not have impressed you as much as I had hoped. You did kind of bolt out of there.”

You give a small sigh, embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

“And I meant it when I said that none of the bridesmaids caught my eye,” he carries on.  

“I guess I just didn’t want you to be trapped with me all night,” you say.

His face scrunches in confusion. “And what would have been so bad about that?”

“I’m a bit of a mess, if that wasn’t clear. I didn’t want to drag you into all of it.”

“You don’t look like a mess to me,” he says as his eyes scan your body, and you open your mouth to clarify. “You look and sound perfectly put together to me.”

“You’d be surprised,” you give a humourless chuckle, but for once Jin remains serious.  

“I’m a big boy, you know. I can make my own decisions.”

Your eyes search his, hoping to find some sort of answer in them. The tension remains in the air, but it has shifted now.  

“Want to ditch the drinks?” His voice comes out thick and husky, matching the atmosphere.  

All you have to do is nod before he is on his feet and taking you hand in his. You are half dragged to the hall where you left Eleanor and Jin stops suddenly when you enter. Spinning around he pushes you so your back is pressed against the wall behind you and then his lips are on you. It all happens so quickly that you are caught off guard. It takes a second for your mind to kick into action and your lips to start moving, but when they do it feels like nothing you have ever felt before and you never want the feeling to stop.  

His lips are as soft as you imaged. Their fullness only adding to the feeling, when you bite down lightly on them you realise how firm they are. A small groan leaves Jins lips and he presses his body ever closer to you. You roll your hips lightly against his and another groan leaves his lips, this time it seems more pained and he pulls away.  

Panting gently, you look at each other. His lips have gone slightly redder from your light bites and it makes you want to reattach your lips again, but as you push yourself up, he pulls away. Before your heart can sink, he says, “my room or yours?”

Your eyes widen at his forwardness, but almost automatically you hear yourself saying, “yours.”

And just like that he grabs your hand, pulling you up the stairs, through the twists and turns of the hallways. Before you find yourself outside a door. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a key and expertly opens the door, if it had been you in this moment it may have taken a few more attempts as your hands shake in anticipation.  

His door opens and you hardly make it inside before your lips are attached again. Pushing the door shut behind him, Jins hands grasp for the zip of your dress, pulling it down so that your dress slips from your shoulders and is left in a puddle on the floor. Continuing your journey backwards in search of the bed, Jins hands now grasp for the clasp of your bra, managing to unclasp it as your legs hit the edge of the bed.  

Half lowered, half falling onto the bed, Jin stays standing between your legs, looking down at your near naked body. The scene is almost serene as you look up at him. Where there was a hungry and desire before, there is now calmness.

“You have far too many clothes on,” you break the silence.

Slowly Jins fingers work at the buttons of his shirt. Almost painstakingly undoing the buttons, working from the top down all you can do is lay watching. His eyes never break contact from yours, but as he undoes the final button and slips the material off his shoulders your eyes flicker to the bare skin.  

He doesn’t give you long to look before he is laying down on top of you. Lips touching every inch of skin they can get to as he makes his way up your body. Small noises of pleasure leave your lips as your body arches into his touch.  

“So beautiful,” he whispers into your neck.

Your hands go to his hair, pulling him slightly so that you can reattach your lips. Your hands then glid down his back, pushing his body closer so you can grind up into him. This time noises of pleasure escape his mouth.

When your hands finally meet his trousers, you pull away enough so you work at getting the item off. Jins lips never leave you as your frustration grows, first you can’t undo his belt, then his zipper gets stuck, but Jin seems oblivious simply working his way across your neck. You almost cheer when you manage to get his trousers off, and while Jin sits up so he get them fully off you ask, “condom?”  

He gives no verbal answer, instead he stands and makes his way to his bag. Turning around with a foil packet in hand. Using his teeth to tare it open, he pulls his boxers down and rolls the condom on. You groan at the sight and wiggle your pants off as he walks back towards you.

“So beautiful,” he repeats as he stands at the edge of the bed, looking down at you.

Lowering himself down, you feel like there’s a stiffness to the air, almost how it feels before lightning strikes. The anticipation builds up inside you as you feel Jin stoking himself in you folds.  

“Please,” you groan out when it all gets too much.  

You barely get the word out before he is pushing himself inside you. If the air felt like before a storm previously, now it feels like the storm is fully raging. Jin hardly gives you any time to adjust before he is rolling in and out of you. You barely know what you do with yourself, the pleasure overwhelming. Hands go from sheets, to his shoulders before finally resting on his back, pulling him as close to you as he can get. He pulls your legs so that they wrap around his middle, before his hands goes back to resting either side of your head.

His head goes to your neck, whispering unheard incantations there. His pace goes from soft and hard to fast and solid. Lifting his head, he looks into your eyes and you feel like you’ve never been so close to anyone before.

“Jesus Y/N,” he moans out.

Noises escape your mouth, but none of them class as words, hardly any sound human. Jins hand travels between your bodies and your pleasure is all consuming. Pushed over the edge, your head lulls back into the bed and you vision becomes blurry. Jin is quick to follow, rocking into you a few more times before he collapses onto you.  

Heavy breathing fills the room, and it takes a minute or two before Jin finally pulls out of you and rolls to your side. He doesn’t go far though, after disposing of the condom he pulls you into his side. He places a light kiss to the side of your head that rests on his chest.  

You can't help but run your fingers over his solid stomach as you lay there. Drawing random patterns on his smooth tan skin, you revel in how toned he is.

“Stay?” he asks.  

You snuggle closer into him as an answer.

His lips come to your temple. “I told you, weddings are the perfect place to pick people up,” his mumbles against your skin.  

Your hand smacks his chest lightly and he gives a fake groan of hurt.  

“Don’t make me regret staying,” you say, but make no attempt to move, if anything you move in closer.  

Wrapped up in the thick duvet you wake up slowly. Eyes thick with sleep, it feels like you’ve been in a deep sleep and something has slowly pulled you out of it. That something you realise is the man currently in the same room as you. Though he isn’t lay next to you, like he had been all night, instead you can his gentle footsteps around the room. As they approach your side of the bed and stop, you finally open your eyes and roll so that you can squint in his direction.

“Oh, hi,” his voice is soft and he is clearly surprised that you are awake. “Sorry if I woke you.”  

Your eyes have just about adjusted to the light of the room, so you are able to open them past a squint as you give him a warm smile. “You didn’t wake me,” even though he did, it was the kind of wake up you could get use to so you weren’t about to complain.  

“Well, I bought coffee,” he holds up the mug in his hand as evidence.  

A small hum of appreciation leaves your lips as you sit up, pulling the duvet with you. Your hands reach out to take the mug off Jin and as you take a sip the warmth fills your body. Jin walks back around the bed so that he can crawl back under the covers and you notice that he wears long plaid pyjamas. He looks warm and comfy and you kind of want to cuddle up to him and never leave.

“You went downstairs?” The questions seems obvious, but your brain works slower in the morning so you can’t think of anything more literate to say.  

“No, I actually went upstairs. Crazy that this place serves its coffee on the roof,” Jin teases.  

“You should alert health and safety,” you roll your eyes at him. “Do they serve breakfast up there too?”

“Ah, so that’s why you stayed,” you raise your eyebrows at him in question. “You’re just using me for collecting your coffee and breakfast,” he clarifies.  

“I didn’t request this,” you defend.

“Well in that case,” he reaches out to take the mug out of your hands but you pull it out of his reach.  

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it,” you give an exaggerated, over the top smile. “But some form of pastry would also not go unappreciated,” you continue to give your best pleading smile, eye lashes batting lightly.  

“Pastries do sound good,” Jin nods, though he makes no attempt to move from his position, which is now closer to you after he tried to grab your mug. “And what would I get if I go and get some?”  

“A pastry?” You mock.  

He hums as if seriously considering it. “I don’t think it’s worth it.”

“A kiss,” you say in a sickly-sweet voice. “On the cheek.”  

“A bit better,” he gives you a cheeky grin. “But I think I might still have to pass.”

“Why don’t you name it,” you give him the power. “I may not agree though,” you warn.

Jin places his hands on his chin, pretending to stroke a beard that isn’t there as he thinks. “How about a date?” It’s the first thing that he has said that morning with some seriousness.  

Eyes flicking between his you try and read what he is thinking before giving your answer. “OK,” you agree. “But they better be damn good pastries.”  

The wide smile returns to Jin faces, a few creases appearing around his eyes due to the wide beam. He leans closer into you so he can give you a small peck on the lips before he retreats. He doesn’t make it far though, simply sitting in an upright position, swivelling to place his mug on the bedside table you expect him to stand up but he simply turns back to face you, now with a plate in his hands. A plate full of pastries.  

You gawk at him. “You tricked me,” is all that comes out of your mouth.  

The triumphant smile stays on Jins lips as he picks up a pastry, then offers you the plate.  

“I didn’t. I had to come all the way over here,” he points to the spot he is sat, mere centimetres away from his early position, if that. “It was very tough. Especially this early. I definitely deserve a date after all that effort.”  

“I thought you were going to go downstairs,” you continue.  

“And I did. Just earlier,” he takes a bite and chews, but his eyes remain on you.

You follow suit, unable to form any words you shove a pastry in your mouth to avoid having to think of anything.

“Unhappy with the deal?” He asks.

You weren’t. You wanted to go on a date, but you were slightly unhappy, or maybe just shocked, at the way that he had coaxed you into it.  

“No,” you pout at him when you swallow your mouthful of food.  

He laughs at the expression on your face before pushing himself closer to you. Pastries abandoned somewhere on the bed, his arms come to wrap around you, face coming to yours.  

“I’ll take you somewhere really great, I promise,” he says, mouth mere millimetres from yours you can almost feel it move.  

“You better,” you say before closing the gap and placing your lips on his.  

[matchstickdolly]

Lucifer 5B: Cutting off Touch to Spite Your Fans

Spoiler warning: This post assumes you've watched all of Lucifer, season 5, part B.

CW: There's plenty I like about season 5, but this is a negative post. I know not everyone is up for negativity about the things they love. I also generally avoid it and (try to) keep my mouth shut about things I don’t like in most spaces. It’s good etiquette. But this is my space, and I have thoughts specifically about purity culture and the treatment of sexuality and trauma in fiction. You’ve been warned!

---

I'm a professional writer (not in TV). I've worked with enough bad clients, editors, and other writers to recognize some hallmark behaviors in how both Fox and Netflix gave Lucifer's writers incredibly difficult, unfair, and frankly weird situations to create through.

Fox did them dirty, interfering and ordering too many eps in S3. Netflix did them dirty, ordering 10 eps for S4 when it clearly needed ~13. Then Netflix ordered 10 "final" eps for S5—then, just kidding(!), 6 more after they'd done their writing for the 10. (What the fuck?) And then Netflix ordered 10 more for a "final-final" S6 after the writers had done their best to tell their whole story in S5. (MORE what the fuck.)

Talk about whiplash for creators, and half of those who consume content don't even care to understand such creative pain.

So, there are problems on multiple fronts. There's much I'll forgive writers, accordingly. I go into most shows expecting plotting/pacing issues. I look, instead, for characters and relationships that will triumph over those issues.

Heart is what the show Lucifer has always had in spades, both in its characters and in the immensely committed, wonderful ways the actors have tried to realize the characters' humor, love, trauma, and—most importantly—struggle to find healing. Yet, when given the opportunity to show health alongside another in a relationship, the writers/directors of 5B chose to remove most sexual humor and physical intimacy from their female lead and bi/pan characters to, I feel, sanitize them and troll fans. What happened?

Well, for one, say hi to showrunner Joe Henderson bragging about how the writers decided to be colossal dicks to the fans who helped secure their jobs:

From CBR's 'Lucifer Showrunner Joe Henderson Dissects Season 5B's Chaos'

Have we not suffered sidelined/repressed female characters, "bury your gays," and, oh, Chloe fucking a serial killer enough? Must we also say hello to neutered relationships once characters find stable love (whether same or opposite sex)? The result of withdrawing more sexual humor and physical intimacy from paired characters is an uncomfortable suggestion that they're reformed by "pure" love—more chaste and aloof, more acceptable in polite society. This is only done to end-game committed relationships.*

The writers seem to think they're edging the viewers, but the reality is they're taking traumatized minority characters who rejoiced in sexual freedom, but lacked and craved an emotional connection, and showing they can't have both, or, if they find both, it will never last. They've taken hypersexual characters and said, here, even they can have the love and commitment they desire, but some physical intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is what they must trade for it.

There's always one more case, phone call, or coincidence interrupting intimacy. Traumas or deaths deserving emotional and physical comfort go on to receive none or only one aspect. Done sometimes, it's fine. Done always, it's sick. Dan dies, and there's no hugging? Really?†

Don't craft characters who crave a full range of emotional and physical intimacy, only to rob them of related scenes every chance you get. That's not complexity. That's bad writing. To even achieve this in 5B, they must squash banter and sideline their female lead yet again.

What a gift to purity culture, which tells us to be more palatable by bottling and buttoning up. That sex should be taboo, but violence glorified. That there is no heated desire among "Good Women," that sexual minorities of all genders shouldn't experience it much at all.

5A is so good. At the very least, it's on the right path (clearly, since the plot payoff from 5x01 to 5x16 is great). It shows a couple working through difficulties and trauma, toward each other emotionally and physically. It even pokes fun at people who think an established relationship means the death of romantic and sexual appeal (a tired and hugely sexist trope). And then... And then 5B reverses that, pretending established relationships are barely physical during emotional struggle and that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It robs characters of joy and comfort through physical intimacy when they need it to move through or push beyond trauma.

It's telling that so many fan wishes for Deckerstar are about healing touch and existing in each other's spaces: amending Chloe's spicy PDA history with Cain, Chloe caring for Lucifer's wings, soft family scenes a la Monopoly night and shared meals, morning-afters, etc. Reasonable fans aren't asking for porn; they're asking for connection and humanity. They're asking for writers not to forget characters (and, yes, including hypersexual characters) on their way from Point A to Point B.

That 5B lacks these things isn't a "tee-hee frustrating" slow burn or a cockblock. It is, in so many scenes, excising from characters a core part of what nearly every human and fictional monster craves. And it's a slap in the face to the "found family" trope. When you remove or tamp down a casual physical intimacy that was previously there, characters and their relationships fall flat, even if only partially. They become blunt weapons creators wield against watchers or readers begging for scraps of warmth.

Minorities shouldn't be killed off with ease, and they shouldn't be stifled with ease, either.‡ And maybe there shouldn't be deep trauma driving a wedge in a romantic relationship if you're not going to explore it through that relationship, too—physical intimacy included.

I'm still reserving some judgment. I loved the family drama and the end. (Although, again, where was the physical intimacy? No intimacy when Chloe or Lucifer return from the dead? Really?) I see where they could do awesome things, and could have done more if not for network BS.

But I no longer trust Lucifer's writers and directors. They thought S5 was the end. And what they gave us of Deckerstar, of the relationship that symbolizes health and healing in their fictional world, is this: cold distance. And they got a kick out of doing it, apparently.

If this is a "love letter" to me as a fan, I'm burning it. I can only hope S6 course corrects. If not, the writers who made these choices shouldn't write sexual minority and/or traumatized characters again. If you don't understand most of us, you should stop fucking using us.

---

* If you don't believe me about the differences between casual/short-term relationships and end-game relationships in Lucifer, go back and look at how Lucifer and Maze are with strangers in all the other seasons. Look at Chloe's sex dream, her propositioning of Lucifer in a library, her sex with Pierce in the evidence closet. Look at how much physical intimacy there is between Lucifer and Eve, and then between Eve and Maze (if only as a ploy). Across seasons, there are sex/kink jokes and scenes galore.

Compare this to how these same characters are portrayed when with their end-game loves. Notice the gentle pecks on the lips and the huge general drop in sexual humor between 5A and 5B. How boring. Where's the spice these characters had? Also, give me a damn break. Buttoning up in a relationship is contrary to four and a half seasons of emotional character work that's been communicating security in our relationships is personally freeing.

† I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy in this post, though that is a big part of it because of the characters. 5B lacked crucial found family scenes, too.

Chloe should have been at God's family dinner, but being so would have prevented more ham-fisted angst. Chloe never even has a one-on-one with God, probably because that would demand a straight answer about her miracle status, which I would guess will be used to drive yet another wedge between her and Lucifer next season, but we'll see.

In multiple before- and after-work scenes, there was no reason for Lucifer and Chloe to be apart more, even, than they were in S1 and S2. Monopoly night was in S3, for crying out loud. Most horrifying of all? No one touches Chloe after Dan's death, but Trixie. Meanwhile, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, Maze, and Lucifer all receive physical comfort. No wonder Chloe's tired of being strong.

‡ If you don't think it's offensive that they stuffed all their wlw content for two hypersexual characters into a few clunky, irrational, and chaste scenes that rushed I love yous, a marriage-like proposal, and the mention of soulmates, I don't know what to tell you other than get off my lawn.

[pedrosbish]

the king

summary: the new ruler of Mand’alor, Din Djarin, needs to marry in order to be fully accepted as the ruler and you happen to catch his eye (*fem!reader)

warnings: fluff, sparring, talks of having foundlings, slight dirty thoughts

word count: 2.3k

taglist: @over300books​​ @mouthymandalorian​​ @ordinarymom1​​ @zapsalis-d​ @goldielocks2004​ @whore-for-anime​ @ilikethoseodds​​ @withasideofmeg​​ @theamuz​, @obsessivelysearching​ @bellreads03​ @parkjammys​ @ajeff855​ @persie33​  @thatonedindjarinfan​  @jedi-jesi​  @pinkninja200​  @boomtownboy​  @chaemaire​  @softly-sad​ @liltangerineart​

CHAPTER EIGHT

The sky is a sea of grey, clouds hanging as the rain patters softly on the ground and against the windows of the palace. It doesn't rain that often on Mandalore and Din hopes that it’s not a reflection of the outcome he's about to hear when he tells his council of his plan to make you his riduur and their future queen. The nerves eating at him as he glances over them all, helmets turned up to face his throne and he can feel their eyes on him even through their visors, and it scares him until his eyes finally spot you. 

Standing in the corner of the room, you hunch your shoulders to appear smaller in the crowd of Mandalorians, cheeks burning when the occasional helmet turns in your direction to look at you. He feels bad, for a moment, his nerves dissipating and being replaced the more the need within him to be by your side grows as your eyes meet his across the room. The smile you give him makes the courage to say something grow and he stands, Beskar spear and Darksaber by his sides.

“I called on all of you this morning because I have an announcement to make,” he starts and all visors focus on him. “I have chosen my riduur.” The room swells with chatter and Din holds a hand up to silence them, a tinge of pride blooming when the room goes quiet almost instantly. He takes a deep breath, thankful that nobody is close enough to hear his nerves. “And one that is not a Mandalorian.”

He expects an uproar, for his council to remove his title but instead there are only a few murmurs of surprise or disappointment, the majority nodding their helmet at each other. Being the only one not in armour or a helmet present in the room, visors turn to you and Din holds his hand out. Face burning even more, you move through the Mandalorians as they make space and you take ahold of his outstretched hand, giving it a small squeeze in thanks, his presence already a comfort. 

The two of you stand in front of the council, hands holding each other and the silence is almost unbearable. But, suddenly, one by one the Mandalorians present bow their helmets as they each get down on one knee and Din feels his heart ready to burst as you glance at him with a wide smile on your face before his eyes fall on his people. 

The next few moments pass by quickly as one of council members rises to her feet and moves up to the steps, gently taking your hand and leading you away to a corner of the room where the other women have huddled together, visors turned to the ground in respect before you smile at them. He watches with a grin as they fuss over you, fiddling with your hair and face in wonder at the fact that you wear no helmet or armour and soon they place the traditional furs around your shoulders. 

A hand claps him on the back and he turns his visor to greet Paz as he stands beside him, helmet pointed in your direction. “You di’kut.” The amusement in his voice makes Din groan and when the Mandalorian clasps him on the back, harder this time, he lurches forward with the movement. “You could have told me that you had no intention of marrying the other girl. Perhaps she is still looking for a riduur...”

He lets out another groan, rolling his eyes under his helmet which makes Paz laugh loudly, the sound attracting your attention. It makes him chuckle to see you surrounded by the others, eyes wide as they paint the symbols of his people onto the bare skin of your arms, forehead and cheeks. The feeling in him grows, consuming his whole being in a warmness, and in that moment he can't wait to marry you. 

The sun has already begun to set by the time Din manages to get you alone again, leading you to room where the young Mandalorians train. Your eyes dart over the room, taking note of the walls lined with spears, knives, axes and the softer flooring set in the middle. 

“This is where we will train.” He says as he unclasps the furs around his neck and you watch as they fall, revealing his chest covered with tattoos and you're suddenly thankful for the warmer weather encompassing the planet. “As my riduur you will be expected to be able to rule by my side and that includes being good in combat.”

Your eyes trace over the tattoos, the black swirls wrapping around his arms and torso, and the low hanging trousers that he wears, tongue peeking out to wet your lower lip as you eye the trail of hair that rests on his stomach that lead down and down. Breath hitching as he places his hands on his hips, he chuckles and your eyes snap up to his visor, cheeks heating at being caught. 

“Maybe if you're good I’ll give you a reward.”

It doesn't surprise either of you when your cheeks heat up and a small noise escapes past your lips at his promise and you wish that Din wore no helmet on his head, the urge to see him, all of him, so powerful in that moment. He slowly walks towards you and takes ahold of your forearm, his hand so warm, leading you to the centre of the room. 

“Take a fighting stance here,” he says and hums in thought when you put one foot behind you, arms raised in front of your chest, visor scanning your form. “Nearly there.” He moves to stand behind you, arms coming around to shift your shoulders and you eyes the tattoos decorating his skin, foot pushing yours wider apart. The heat coming off of him makes you shiver and you subconsciously lean back into him, something that makes Din inhale deeply. “There we go. That’s it.”

You sigh, partly in relief and partly in annoyance, as he backs away from you and moves to stand in front of you, squaring his own shoulders and you hate the way you notice the way the movement of the muscles on his arms and back make your heart race and a deep warmth settles in your belly. Your ogling doesn't go unnoticed and Din takes the opportunity to kick your legs out from under you, sending you to the floor and knocking the breath out of your lungs. 

“Again.”

This continues for the next few days and your muscles ache with the number of times you've been sent flying to the floor, Din’s encouraging words doing the opposite of motivating you to get off of the floor again to try and take him down.  It takes everything in you to not quit practicing and to not cry in front of the king, every part of you begging to rest. The only advantage to practicing for hours on end was that it allowed you to study his weaknesses, any openings to take him down instead. 

He tells you that it’s going to be okay in the dark, sweet kisses exchanged in your bed before he departs with a final kiss pressed to your forehead, lingering and soft. 

The third day is when you have to fight in front of his council and a few lucky townspeople who managed to crowd in the room, armours clanging together as they squeeze in together, all eagerly eyeing you as you take your place on the mat. Din stand before you, clad in traditional combat armour which makes you smile sweetly at him, taking him aback. This is what you were counting on. 

The armour protecting him weighs him down, his hits too heavy to make any of the intended impacts to your body, and with each one you easily dodge, moving around him quickly to push your leg to his back. He stumbles forward and lets out a groan, the armour making his turn back to you slow. And that's when you kick your leg out, foot connecting to his knee and sending him to the ground. 

“Do you yield?” Your question is sickly sweet, condescending, and Din swallows harshly, visor focused on your face as you move closer to him. 

“Yes,” he whispers and when you smile down at him, hand outstretched to help him get back on his feet, he wishes it was just the two of you here. But then the clapping and shouts of approval ring through the room and he takes your hand, groaning at the dull ache of pain in his knee when he stands. “You did well, cyar’ika.” 

“Thank you.” You bite your lip to contain your smile from going any wider and he stifles the urge to reach up to touch your bottom lip. Instead he reaches down to give your hand a squeeze before moving off into the crowd, multiple people clapping him on the back in congratulations. You let out a deep huff of breath before following after him. 

The following morning you stand outside your hut, face turned towards the warmth of the sun as it shines brightly in the sky, clouds dancing with the wind. Din watches from afar, a grin on his face as he comes closer and he calls out to you, letting out a small laugh when he startles you out of your thoughts. 

“Are you ready?”

The school is in the centre of the village and the commotion inside can be heard  as the two of you draw closer to it, the laughter of the foundlings making you smile as you glance at Din. His heart swells with a warm feeling when you begin to walk a little quicker towards the open doors, hands clasped together in front of you at the sight of foundlings enraptured by their teacher, leaning forward as he speaks of the history of Mandalore. 

One of the foundlings turns to look at the door as a shadow falls on them, a squeal falling from their lips when they see the king and his soon-to-be riduur standing there. The others turn to see what's happening and they immediately run towards you, eyes wide in wonder and Din watches as you crouch down, smile wide as the foundlings speak excitedly to you, telling you of their teachings and asking if you could read something to them. 

You let one of the foundlings drag you to the chair once occupied by their teacher, one of them handing you a book. They sit down once you open it, clearing your throat before beginning to tell the story of a past king who was forced to fight a Mud Horn to protect his riduur. He remembers the story with a sense of fondest, recalling the times when he would ask the Mandalorian who saved him when he was a child to read it to him before bed. 

He watches as the children react to your story, gasps when something bad would happen, laughs whenever you would change your voice for the different characters in the story. He thinks of your future together as you close the book and ask the foundlings of what they thought and he wonders, for a second, if you would do the same thing if the two of you had your own ad’ika one day.

 With a final wave to them, Din leads you to hut across the way, this one more quiet apart from the occasional cry. A small smile graces your face when you catch sight of the babies in their cribs, most of them asleep with tiny snores escaping their mouths. You glance at him over your shoulder and with a hand on your lower back, he leads you farther into the room where a nurse sits, gently rocking one of the restless babies back and forth. 

She nods in greeting and stands up, carefully giving you the baby and they watch as you sit down, resuming the gentle rocking motion, softly trailing your finger over the baby’s cheeks. He smiles softly at the sight before him, nodding his head at the nurse before turning to one of the cribs where a foundling stirs, eyes fluttering as they dream. 

“There’s quite a lot of foundlings here.” Your statement makes the nurse chuckle and Din feels his cheeks burn as he pretends to focus on making the baby in the crib go back to sleep. Glancing at him, an eyebrow perked, he opens his mouth to say something but the nurse beats him to it. 

“Well,” she starts and the amusement in her voice is clear. “The Mandalorians are known to have a lot of foundlings. They have a lot of...energy.”

Din watches as cheeks begin to glow with red, a small ‘oh’ falling from your lips as you turn your gaze to him. His cheeks begin to match the colour of yours as his eyes dart from your face down to the baby in your arms before quickly turns back to the crib. You quietly thank the nurse who then leaves the two of you, the silence stretching and the two of you stay in the nursery for a few more minutes before leaving. 

He’s walking you back home, hand in yours, when you decide to say something. “Do you think I did well today?”

He stops you, turning to face you and leans his helmet down to touch your forehead, eyes falling closed at the feeling of finally being able to be this close to you in the open air. 

“They're going to love you, my riduur.”

[jishyucks]

And They Were Roommates ‣ ldh

‣ genre: fluff, enemies-to-lovers, slow burn (?)

‣ wc: 10.7k

‣ summary: “It was unbearable living beneath you and now living with you? No thanks.” ; alternatively where Donghyuck needs a place to stay and you’re the only option left

‣ tw: mentions of a fire happening and its aftermath (nothing drastic and super detailed)

requested by anonymous

a/n: I’m not the best at writing slow burn type of fics so pls forgive me if it seems rushed! Enjoy!

i.

You would have never thought you’d be wishing for some expensive sound proof headphones at four in the morning.  Not when you remembered the building owner saying that the place was peaceful and perfect for a university student like you. But because of your upstairs neighbour, Lee Donghyuck, it was bluntly known to those who lived around him that this detail no longer exists with him around.

You suddenly remembered the first night after he had moved in. You were ecstatic to have someone your age in the building. It was a good change from the small families and aging elderly. The idea of making a new friend that lived so close to you brought a deep sense of excitement. But all those thoughts were cleared from your head once you had realized that Donghyuck was going to be that type of neighbour.

He seemed to save graveyard hours for his gaming, not being shy to shout out strings of profanities and shouts of victory with his entire chest. The floors were nearly as thin as paper and everything that spewed from his mouth had gone dead straight into your ears. It was if he was sitting in your living room.

Groaning deeply, you push yourself off of your bed and run your fingers roughly through your hair, preparing yourself to face the devil himself. You slammed a fist into one of your many pillows and stood up, sliding your feet into your slippers in the process. All this energy wasted and sleep lost for one irritating boy that didn’t know when to shut the fuck up.

“No,” Donghyuck smirked, “I’m not going to kindly shut the fuck up.” He leaned against the doorframe and scoffed, “Especially since you asked me.” You could barely see his eyes as his bangs covered them like drapes. In his hand he held his headphones, one of those fancy ones that lit up.

“Don’t make me tape your mouth shut,” you threatened and rolled your eyes, “When are you going to learn?”

The smirk on his face deepened as he leaned closer to you, “Oh I did. But I choose not to apply that knowledge.” He returned to his previous pose, tapping his foot impatiently.

Breathing fire, you scowled and let an angry sound erupt from your chest. You knew it wasn’t going to do anything yet you let it out out of pure frustration.

“Are you done now? I need to get back to gaming,”  he stuck a lip out as if he were begging you to leave, but it made you cringe so hard that that alone would have had you willingly fleeing from his floor and back to yours without question.

“No, I’m not done,” you retorted through gritted teeth, “Can you do your fucking–”

“Can you two please keep it down?” Donghyuck’s neighbour had poked her head out her own door, eyes unable to keep open. She was wrapped tightly in a robe and was probably half asleep. You felt bad. You knew how she felt. It was unfortunate that she lived next to a human air horn.

“Yeah, keep it down,” Donghyuck sniggered, directing all fault to you, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Seo but Y/N here is being quite an irritating little rat. Goodnight, Mrs. Seo.” Without a second thought nor glance, Donghyuck closed the door in your face, making sure to laugh out loud in the process.

You shot him one last glare at him through the door, hoping he’d somehow unconsciously feel the heat from your eyes and flipped him off all before turning sharply towards the stairs.

ii.

Donghyuck wasn’t one to have his moods change quickly. Often he’d spend an entire day in a good mood and if not, a terrible mood. And today, after meeting up with his friends across town, he could sense that this day could not go wrong.

It was about mid-afternoon when he arrived back at the building. From the bus’ view, he had spotted a fire truck parked along the fire lane in front of the apartment building. Off to the side, he could see familiar faces anxiously waiting to get back into their building.

“Mrs. Seo?” Donghyuck was puzzled at the scene. It was as if he’d walked into a movie theatre in the middle of its showing. There was no context provided and he was desperately curious.

“Donghyuck, it’s your room,” she hadn’t held back any information, “I heard Lisa and the twins arriving home from school and they knocked on my door and pointed at smoke leaking from underneath your door… we called the fire department and–“

“Who is the owner of apartment six-jay?” A firefighter slipped through the crowd, voice with great clarity in order for everyone to hear. Donghyuck has raised his hand. Everyone was soon led back into the building, being directed towards the stairs instead of the elevator as they had been shut off.

The firefighters led Donghyuck to his room once everyone had finally gotten to their own apartments. Donghyuck hadn’t completely processed the fact that his home was almost probably all ash. He needed to see it to believe it.

The door had been kicked to the ground, basically demolished. What used to be his kitchen was nothing but darkened wood and his living room was almost unrecognizable. Donghyuck’s mind runs back to all the previous belongings he had that were probably lost in the fire. He felt his shoulders grow heavy and his posture worsened by the second.

“The fire started from your room and it quickly spread throughout the apartment. It’s a wonder how the fire didn’t spread throughout the entire building, but everyone’s lucky that your neighbour had noticed smoke,” the firefighter explained, “The source of the fire was from all of the wires in your room…”

“Is there anything that wasn’t burned?” Donghyuck had finally processed everything. He felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Everything was gone.

“You can see so for yourself,” the man had handed Donghyuck some safety gear and a box, “In these conditions, please be aware that there might not be anything left but it is still good to make sure.”

After rummaging through what looked like dirt, Donghyuck soon had come to the realization that the fireman was right. Not even his bed was in good condition. The fire had consumed nearly every single thing that belonged to him, aside from some clothes encased in his closet.

Before the firemen needed to leave, the last one out turned to Donghyuck, “Do you have any place to stay in for the meantime?”

He shrugged, “I’m not entirely sure, but I’ll figure it out… thank you.”

Nearly losing his entire ability to think straight, he found himself sitting on the rusting bench right outside the building. He only had his wallet, his phone, his charger, and the box of clothes that was safe from the flames.

He dialed Renjun first. He lived the closest and the hustle wouldn’t be as bad as going to Jeno’s or Jaemin’s.

“Hyuck? What’s up?” By the sound of it, Renjun was chewing on something crunchy, words muffled by the food.

“Hey, my… home burnt down…” Donghyuck wasn’t quite sure how he should break the news. He was still numb from the realization that he was basically homeless right now.

Renjun choked on his snack, “Your apartment? Like it’s all gone?” He was as shocked as he was when he got the news, “Is everything fine?”

“Yeah it is… except for the fact that I have nowhere to go while they fix it,” he sighed through the line, “T-that’s why I called you… I was wondering if I could possibly stay with you?” Donghyuck kicked his foot against the deteriorating pavement, feeling a slight bit embarrassed. Renjun was silent at the other end, probably thinking up ways this could happen. As the silence grew longer, Donghyuck started to wonder whether or not it was a good or bad thing. Maybe he was already getting stuff ready, or maybe he was trying to think of an easy way to let him down.

“Hyuck?” The tone was bad.

“Yeah?”

“I’m not sure I can let you stay here… you know I live with Yangyang and Chenle so it’s a bit crowded?” Renjun explained, “You already know I’d let you if there was free space…I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Jun. I still have one option left so it’s not like you’re my last chance,” trying to brighten the mood, he forced out a small chuckle before he decided that ending the call was the best for him and Renjun, “I’ll see you, tomorrow?”

“I will! Good luck. I hope you find a place to stay.”

“Thanks, Junnie.” And the call ended.

Donghyuck scrolled through his contacts and straight to the J’s. He pressed on ‘Jeno/Jaemin’ as it was the landline and listened to it ring once before Jaemin picked up, “Donghyuckie! What’s up?”

He went through the same process as Renjun, only wishing that their answer was at the opposite of Renjun’s.

“It’s not that we don’t want you to stay with us… but it’s just that we don’t have space and it’ll be embarrassing if we let you stay with us… we’d feel bad for you.”

“You guys are my last chance,” he huffed out, “Where else can I go?”

“Maybe they have extra room on campus?” Jeno rang in, “I heard they have extra rooms in case a random student comes in.”

“I’ll try that… thanks guys.”

“We’re sorry!”

“It’s fine… bye.”

Donghyuck slumped in his seat, straightening his legs underneath him. He would rather not want to pay for an over expensive room at the university… but if that was his only choice, then so be it.

You hopped out of the bus, thanking the driver as you did. It caught Donghyuck’s attention almost immediately, head shooting at your direction. You were completely aware of Donghyuck’s glare and presence, firing back your own well planned glare. The hell was his problem? Quickening your pace, you yanked the door open and practically teleported inside and onto the elevator.

A small grin was soon plastered on Donghyuck’s face. An idea had popped into his head. But he wasn’t quite sure if it was a good one.

-

A heavy knock at your door had startled you. You were halfway to sleep, a nap calling you helplessly as you stared blankly at the Netflix screen. Whoever stood on the other side of that door didn’t know how to wait. It sounded like this person had a countless number of hands as the knocking didn’t dare stop until you unlocked your door.

You swung the door open to find Donghyuck standing in front of you. The way he held his body didn’t radiate the energy he usually held. It was actually quite depressing to see. It was like for once, Donghyuck wasn’t the vain and rambunctious boy that lived above you. He had his hands deep in his hoodie pockets and he wore a natural pout on his lips.

“What are you doing here?” It was surprisingly natural how the tone in your voice had sounded irritated. You were just used to speaking to him in such a way.

“I’m not here to piss you off,” he mumbled seriously.

You were thrown off at his reply, “Huh?”

“Can I come in?” If you weren’t looking at him as he spoke, you could probably hear his frown, “Please?” The sincerity in his eyes really proved that he was desperate about something and you weren’t quite sure what.

You wearily shuffled behind your door and let him through. Closing the door behind him, you turn around and see him rocking back and forth in place. It was weird seeing him in your home, “Okay… speak.”

“My entire apartment was burned. There’s basically nothing left,” he explained, “They said it was some type of electrical mishap because of my gaming stuff.”

If it was the right moment, you’d make fun of him for it. But you held yourself back as you sensed that the Donghyuck in front of you was not in the mood for pestering. How did you not know that the apartment directly above you had basically vanished from flames? “Oh… I’m sorry to hear that… and why are you telling me this?”

It took awhile for him to reply. He stared down at your feet, unable to string the right words together. It was a weird type of silence.

“I’m telling you this because I have a proposition.”

You sit down on your couch, “A proposition?”

“You know, like a proposal…”

“I know what a fucking proposition is, dumbass. What is it?” Donghyuck has never failed to provoke you.

“You let me stay here until they fix my place… and once I move back, I won’t make a single peep after one o’clock,” a sheepish expression surfaced on his face. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“Don’t you have friends?” you held back a laugh.

“I do, but none of them can take me in… you’re literally my only hope right now.”

“No. It was unbearable living beneath you and now living with you? No thanks,” you stood up and approached your door. Sure you felt kind of bad for him, but there was no way you were going to let this clown live with you.

He stopped your hand from turning the knob before he fell to his knees. He begged, “Please~ Please, Y/N! I’ll try not to keep you awake, I just need a place to sleep and eat and…” His bottom lip jutted out like a little toddler who was dying to play games on your phone.

You push him lightly out your door and sighed, “Look I’m really not looking for a roommate right now.” And it was true. There was a reason that you were still living alone after months of starting university.

“Please?” He sounded desperate now.

“No, Donghyuck,” you answered, “How about beg one of your friends?”

“I’m going to sit out here until you let me in,” he threatened.

“Do I look like I care? Because I don’t,” you say bluntly. You closed the door and went back to the nap you were ever so craving. If Donghyuck really was going to sit outside of your apartment, then let him. He was going to give up anyway.

The echoing sound of your empty stomach woke you up from your nap. The sunset being framed by your window indicated that it was inching closer to dinner time. A reminder had popped into your head that your kitchen held no groceries for dinner, meaning that you had to eat out and buy groceries. Which was perfectly fine with you.

Opening your apartment door, you feel a somewhat heavy object fall abruptly onto your feet. You shut your eyes tight, afraid that if you looked down you’d see something straight out of a horror film. It took a prolonged moment for you to actually build up the courage to open your eyes and look down.

Once you had reached the minimum amount of courage, you looked to your feet and found Donghyuck holding his head. He continued to curse under his breath, looking up at you, obviously irritated about what had just happened.

“Donghyuck, what the fuck?” You hit him with your purse, mostly because of how frightened you had been, “What the hell are you doing there?”

“I told you. I’m sitting out here until you let me stay with you,” he stood up and dusted off his pants, “I fell asleep.”

You gave him a dead look, not having it with him. This was the most you had conversed with him in one day and you really had to admit that talking to someone like Donghyuck was rather tiresome. Your door locked behind you as you pushed past him, ignoring the way he stood up with the built up energy he had in his body.

“Where are you going?” he followed you willingly. “Dinner. Groceries,” you mumbled. You were praying for the elevator to come faster.

“I’m coming with you,” he stated, standing at your side.

“No you’re not.”

As if the film had cut to the next scene, you found yourself sitting across from Donghyuck at a nearby McDonald’s. He was munching on his nth chicken nugget, cold drink in the other, as he blinked at whatever car drove past the building. The silence was awkward, but you’d rather it be awkward than hear his voice for at least the entirety of your stay at the restaurant. With his backpack sitting next to him, he looked like one of those kids you’d baby sit right after school.

Once you finished, you threw your garbage on the way out and started to walk to the grocery store right across the street. It wasn’t a surprise to you when you hear the nearing footsteps of Donghyuck. He didn’t say anything, he sort of just floated next to you.

Upon entering the store, you were actually relieved to see that Donghyuck had gone his own way. At first you thought about packing your cart with all that you needed and leaving him. But then you realized that there was seriously no use because he knew where you lived. At this realization, you decided that taking time was better on your energy level.

About ten minutes into the shopping trip, you were bent down in the ramen aisle, eyeing down which spice level you should get. Often, you’d get mild, but you found yourself needing more than what the package provided. The only thing holding you back was what if the ultra spicy was too spicy? Then it’d be a waste of ramen.

“Oh there you are,” Donghyuck had slipped into the aisle with his own basket full of goods, “I thought you left me or something.”

You glare at him before giving up and throwing both flavours into your cart, “You better be paying for your own stuff.” You start to roll it down to the front of the store and to self checkout.

“Of course I am,” he dropped his own basket to the checkout next to yours and started doing his own thing.

There was still a bit of hope in you that maybe, hopefully, one of Donghyuck’s friends would offer him a nice place to stay in instead of yours. But when you still felt the boy’s presence behind you as you left your apartment building’s elevator, you knew damn well that he really wasn’t going anywhere.

You groaned and turned around to face him. You noticed that you had startled him by the way his eyes widened and how he jumped back a bit, “You’re really not going to leave me alone, are you?” At this point, your fingers were grazing your door’s handle.

You thought about it on the way up. If you did let Donghyuck stay with you, you could tell him what to do and what not to do. It would be amusing. If he ever refused, you could tell him that he would have to find another place to stay. You could use it to your advantage.

Shaking his head, Donghyuck straightened his back, “Nope. Not at all.” His determination said it all. It was weaved with hints of desperation and you knew how easy it would be to persuade the boy into doing anything.

“Okay then…” you unlocked your door and gently pushed it open, “I’ll let you stay with me.” Before he could rejoice, you stopped him, “But on a few conditions.”

He nodded, “Anything.”

“Keep up your end of the bargain, the one you said earlier,” you started, “You can’t make any noise when I say so. Boundaries are important. No long showers. Remember that you’re a guest under my roof.”

“As long as I have a place to stay, then I’ll follow your rules,” he stated seriously. You weren’t sure if you could trust him or not. After all, it was Donghyuck. Not even 24 hours ago, his noise had woken you up from your sleep.

You motioned for him to enter first since you still needed to take your home key out. As he approached the interior end of your apartment, he beamed brightly at you. Donghyuck, who has lost control of himself due to the wave of relief he was feeling, brought himself to give you a short hug of gratitude. His arms had wrapped tightly over your shoulders. You froze at the contact.

“Shit, sorry,” he muttered. He took a few steps back and smiled sheepishly at you, “W-where should I put my stuff?”

Still in shock from contact with Donghyuck, you couldn’t answer or think straight. You waddled to your kitchen counter and dropped your bags after you had closed and locked the door, “There’s a room down the… hall and to the right. That’s the extra room.”

“Thanks.” He smiled again and you were genuinely taken aback by how this boy, who was usually obnoxious and annoying, was acting. You blinked back at him and watched as he disappeared the deeper he had gone down the hall.

His duality was scary. It was unpredictable. It was the reason why you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into.

iii.

When Donghyuck said he’d follow your rules, you didn’t have any hopes in him actually following them. You knew how Donghyuck was. He’d lie to someone in order to get something he’d want in return. And this is one of those occasions.

Donghyuck gladly followed your ‘boundaries’ rule which at first seemed a bit rude as he didn’t even greet you in the mornings or evenings. You were letting him stay with you and you figured that that was probably better than nothing. After a bit of thinking, avoiding convos with Donghyuck would probably be a lot better than bickering that would probably wear you out over the period of his stay.

The only time these said ‘avoided’ convos would happen would be when Donghyuck couldn’t find the appropriate time to make noise and he would not listen when you told him to shut up. It was like you were practically babysitting a toddler, maybe even six of them, and they all would not listen to you.

It wasn’t often that you would physically go to the guest bedroom to tell him to shut up. Usually, you’d be the bigger person and try to mind your own business, but when you remembered that this was your home and not his, you decided to actually put a stop to it before you lost it.

You knocked twice on the door, hearing Donghyuck’s reply not even a moment after, “Come in!” He goes back to yelling at whoever he was playing with on the phone. When you had actually entered, you found him slumped against the headboard, headphones sitting ungracefully on his head.

“Can you… quiet down?” You put on a customer service-esque voice, “Please.”

Donghyuck didn’t let his eyes leave his screen, fingers going crazy on it’s touchscreen, “Nope.” You scowled at him, brows furrowing at the audacity this boy had.

“It’s almost one in the morning,” you pointed out.

“Didn’t know you were some kind of human clock,” he mumbled. The majority of his attention was still pinned on the screen, eyes darting towards you to see if you had gone and left the room.

You feel the expression on your face intensify. Walking up to the side of the bed, you grabbed his phone.

“What the hell?” He sat up and grabbed his phone back from you, “I’m not even that loud, quit being sensitive.” He quickly finished his game and shut his phone off, focusing on this situation with you.

“How about I kick you out by tomorrow morning?” you say as if you were bargaining. You knew that this was one way to get Donghyuck to shut the fuck up. Judging by how desperate he was before, you knew he had no other choice but to listen to you.

At this mention, he shut his mouth and frowned, “The fuck? Just because this once?”

“Quit being sensitive,” you mocked, “If you wanna stay in this room until your apartment is finished, you really need to watch how loud you’re being.” Seeing how much Donghyuck’s mood changed, you smirked. It worked.

“Fine…” He retorted, “Whatever.”

You huffed and turned to leave, the smirk reappearing on your face.

Y/N: 1

Donghyuck: 0

-

Leaving the apartment to Donghyuck for a weekend wasn’t something that you were quite in favour of. You, along with Yeji and Lia, had planned an entire weekend trip for the long weekend, and of course you were excited for it, but that was when Donghyuck’s apartment was still intact. Now that you knew we were leaving your beloved haven with Donghyuck, you were hesitant to actually go on said trip. But (no) thanks to Lia, she convinced you to come after hours of persuasion.

Upon returning, your heart dropped at the idea that Donghyuck might’ve burnt down your own apartment as well. But seeing that the door was still standing, you feel a slight wave of relief wash over.

“Thank goodness,” you mumbled.

Slowly, you unlocked your door and nudged it open. That was when you knew you had spoken too soon. What once was your nice and cozy, neat home had turned into some kind of new rat’s hole. It wasn’t too messy, but it just wasn’t something you were used to nor expecting. The coffee was filled with used dishes, the carpet had bits of crumbs everywhere, wrappers scattered on your previous couch, and the kitchen was littered with groceries that weren’t put back in its place. What made everything else worse was that you could hear Donghyuck yelling in the back, playing games instead of cleaning up his mess.

“Son of a bitch.”

You dropped your bags and made a beeline to the guest room, opening it without knocking, “The fucking audacity you have, Lee Donghyuck.”

“There’s something called knocking,” he scoffed.

“Clean my apartment,” you ordered, “I left this place clean.” You were fuming. This was the main reason why you didn’t want to leave, “I’m letting you stay here, as a guest, and you choose to treat it like it’s your own house. At least clean up after yourself.”

“I was, I just thought you were coming back tomorrow, not today,” he shrugged. Donghyuck redirected his focus to his phone, corner of his mouth angling up.

“Lee Donghyuck I swear if you’re starting another game, I’m kicking you out,” you warned. It was the same reason as before, only this time you were dead serious. This time you weren’t treating it as some sort of way to control him.

“If that’s what you want,” he stands up and bows, “Madame.” Donghyuck walks around you, hands in his pockets as he pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. He knows he’s pissing you off and he’s enjoying it. What the hell is wrong with him?

You leave his room and grab your bags before dragging yourself into your room. Two strikes… three and he’s out.

-

You believed that home cooked meals were a lot more healthier than most of the affordable food you could get when you eat out. Which is why you opted to cook your own meals for half or possibly more than half of the week. Though they were often just simple recipes either your mom had taught you or ones you’ve seen on tv or youtube, you still took a lot of pride in those meals.

Trekking into the kitchen, you scrolled through the many possible recipes you could complete on your phone, mentally noting the ingredients. You pulled open the fridge, rummaging through its contents trying to find the specific items, which you clearly remembered you bought not even a week ago. Muttering underneath your breath, your mind wanders over to the other living being in your home. There was no way that those groceries could have magically disappeared, not in this universe at least.

Closing the fridge, you make your way to the pantry, still puzzled on the missing groceries, “I swear I bought a whole pack just last weekend.” But after scavenging the pantry, none of the ingredients you needed were sitting there waiting to be used.

“Lee Donghyuck!” you called.

Said boy appeared in the kitchen moments later, posture reflecting the fact that he did not want to be there, “What do you want now?” It was like you were living with a teenager.

“Did you eat all the food I bought?” usually you wouldn’t just accuse one of something, but knowing you hadn’t touched those groceries, Donghyuck was the only possible culprit for the missing food.

“Yes, and?”

“You do know those groceries were for our meals, right?” You walked past him and crouched down to the snack cabinet, opening it, “This is literally empty! Those were all my snacks! Who said you could eat whatever was in there?”

“I was hungry? I’m a guest, I should be able to do so.”

You wonder why Donghyuck would even be acting like he was if he knew that a place to stay was at stake, “You’re a guest, but not like that…” Again you change locations, “Where the hell are your manners? You sure as hell know that I hesitated letting you live with me and you choose to test me almost every other day! A one year old toddler knows better than you! Dumb shit, why did I even agree to you staying here?”

“One year olds can’t even complete an entire sentence,” he jokingly argued, “Isn’t that a bit too far?”

“Me? Too far? You’re taking it too far! You have no idea when to stop being immature!” The volume in your voice was increasing, “You’re twenty fucking years old, Donghyuck. You should be able to know when it’s good and when it’s bad to mess around.”

Simultaneously, he stands up and gives you an expression of hurt and anger, all in one. You could tell that you’ve actually, for once, offended him just by the look in his eyes. He muttered something underneath his breath before he started walking towards your door. Swiftly, he unlocked it, slipping out and shutting it without another peep.

Stunned, you blinked at the door, confused as to what had just happened. The silence that replaced the prior argument seemed to be louder than the argument itself… and you didn’t like that.

You leaned against the kitchen counter and sighed. Where would he go? He didn’t have another place to stay and he left basically all his stuff in his room. Where would he go?

You dismissed the feelings of worry and guilt, shaking it all off before you locked the door and made your way to your room. You lost your appetite. You’ll just eat later.

In between your songs, the banging at your door caused your heart rate to escalate. You rolled over in your bed, almost falling off and straight onto your face, and ran to the door, not even thinking of looking through the peephole. Right as you threw the door open, Donghyuck pushed past you and straight to the kitchen.

“Donghyuck?” It was then you noticed he was holding bags of groceries, both of his hands white from the weight. He put them down softly beside the kitchen counter, stretching his back from relief.

“Fuck the grocery store and not letting me take the cart home,” he rested his upper body on the counter and took a quick breather, as if he had ran a 12k marathon.

“What is all this?” It was obviously clear to you what it was; bags filled with groceries, most of which were the ones he used up. The question was more specifically directed towards him and his sudden act of kindness.

“Groceries,” he replied. Even when exhausted, Donghyuck’s wit outshone.

“Well no shit…” you say, “I mean why.”

“I… thought about what you said,” he exhaled deeply. Donghyuck was irritated at how he was letting you win, “And you’re right. I’ve been acting like a dumbass. Especially since you’re letting me stay here.” To avoid the awkward eye contact, he decided to start sorting out the groceries, “I’m… really sorry. It didn’t occur to me how I was acting. From now on, I’ll actually act my age to make it up to you. I’ll act like a proper guest.”

You feel a small smile creep up onto your lips, “Donghyuck?” He hummed. “I forgive you.” You paused for a moment, “And I’m sorry for earlier… my emotions took control of me. I couldn’t hold myself back.” He chuckles lightly, turning to you, “It’s okay, it’s understandable…” He hears his own stomach growl. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you make dinner now? I’m starving.”

iv.

You glared at Donghyuck at the corner of your eyes as it sounded like he was purposely turning up the volume of his game. The background music, character voices, weapons slashing, and shooting, they all started to drown out the show you decided to put on the tv. You decided not to point it out at first because of a goal you had made to not seem like such a buzzkill all the time.

“This is the best weapon in the game,” he grinned proudly, “It’s my baby. My pride and joy.” The tv screen in front of you was suddenly blocked by Donghyuck’s phone screen. At the same time, the couch had dipped down slightly as he shifted over to you. He held the device there for longer than you cared, hand shaking as seconds passed. It almost made you laugh.

“Mmhmm,” you hum monotony, trying your best to keep your eyes on the screen, “That’s really cool.”

Donghyuck sat back in his spot, “You know I’m not stupid enough to not hear the sarcasm in your voice.” He tapped a few buttons to join the queue of the game.

“I know… I just don’t care,” you finally turned to face him, “Why don’t you just play that in your room? I’m trying to watch and all I hear are shooting sounds.” And at that you turned the volume up by two.

“It’s… quiet in my room,” he says quietly, “I’ll just turn my volume down.” Staying with you had caused Donghyuck to realize how lonely it actually was just staying in a single room the entire night with his eyes not leaving the screen. He figured that maybe, when you were planted on the couch, he’d hang around you for a nice change.

Keeping your gaze forward. Though it was hopefully not obvious on the outside, you were thrown off by  Donghyuck’s compliance. Turning ever-so-slightly, you peered at the boy. His head was bowed in order to look at his phone screen but, even so, you could see the tip of his tongue peek out between his lips. He looked so focused that you almost laughed out loud. Never did you think that a boy as garish as Hyuck would ever reach a state like that. He looked… cute.

You forced your eyes back to the television and knocked the thought out of your head like with a mental baseball bat. There’s no way you just thought that Donghyuck was cute. No way.

-

It hadn’t occurred to Donghyuck that you weren’t awake to leave in time for the bus until he already turned the front door’s knob halfway and his eyes had fallen on the only pair of shoes you would wear. He let go of the doorknob and kicked his own sneakers off of his feet, letting out a low groan only for him to hear. He knows that you probably worked on school work until late, which he found stupid since you could not, for the life of you, wake up later on to go to school.

Donghyuck knocked twice and waited for a reply, letting himself in when he hadn’t heard one. He snuck his head through the gap he made and set his eyes on your bed. He snorted at the sight of your passed out figure, leg sticking out from underneath the blanket and hanging off of your bed. Your mouth was wide open, freely giving flies a good place to hang out. Your textbooks and notes were scattered at the foot of your bed, your other foot leaving creases in them.

“Y/N, wake up you’re late,” he shook your shoulder, bending down a tad bit closer, “Wake up!”

Groaning, you shifted and grabbed his hand from your shoulder to push it away, “Donghyuck, can you please shut the fuck up?” You were unable to open your eyelids and your throat was still dry. Donghyuck continued to force his hand to your shoulder to shake you again, but you countered it with your own elbow strength.

“Hey the bus comes in a few minutes and you’re barely awake,” Donghyuck noted, “Hey wake up.”

For some reason, you hadn’t processed what he was saying. You genuinely believed he was only in there to irritate you at such an early hour. Refusing to retract his elbow, he applied a bit more pressure down onto you.

“Stop it!” you blindly swung an arm at his inner elbow which caused it to bend at contact. Donghyuck fell forward and onto you, all of it happening so fast that he couldn’t save himself. His face was only inches from yours, though you hadn’t noticed until your eyes had shot open from the sudden realization of the collision. The both of you laid there for a brief moment, staring at each other with wide eyes. It was all purely out of shock, like deer in headlights.

When you had processed it all, you rolled over, “Get out of my room!” It was then that you were suddenly aware of the situation. Classes started in less than an hour, the bus leaves in two minutes, and you were still not dressed. Curse the psychology homework you left until last minute.

Donghyuck pushes himself up, “I’m only here to help you!” He argued, “You know what? Why did I even try? I should’ve just left you here and let you miss your classes.” And at that, Donghyuck turned and exited your room, leaving your door open.

He jogged out of the apartment, slipping his nikes on as if they were crocs, creasing them carelessly. If you were the reason why he could be late, he wouldn’t know how he’d react. He just knew that he wouldn’t want that.

Donghyuck was just in time for the bus, greeting the driver quickly before finding a place to sit on the bus. He placed himself near the back at a window seat, leaning his head against the glass after he finally took the time to tuck his heels properly into his shoes. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. His heart was beating faster than normal, adrenaline running through his body, only he wasn’t sure if it was from the thought of being late to class or because of what just happened between him and you.

-

You always set aside Friday nights for self care and movie nights. You’d put on a cheap drugstore face mask, dump a whole bag of your favourite chips into a bowl, pour yourself a cold drink, and pick out whatever movie that looked appealing. It was rather an ordinary routine, but you liked to think of it as something special.

Resting against the couch, you decided to pull up To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, hoping to watch the first and second movie even though you already watched both when they were initially released.

“Hey Y/N, have you– oh hey, it’s that Noah dude that’s in every Netflix movie,” Donghyuck has emerged from his room, the first time since you both arrived from school. He leaned over the back of the couch and took in whatever scene was playing on the screen, “What are you watching?”

You turn around, face covered in an unnatural shade of purple, making Donghyuck jump a bit, “To all the boys I’ve loved before.”

“That sounds really dumb,” he snorted, but nonetheless he sits down on the cushion next to you.

You questioned his actions, glaring at him, “If you think it’s stupid, why does it look like you’re here to watch it.”

“I have nothing better to do. None of my friends are online,” he shrugged. Reaching over, he grabs a can of pop from the coffee table, snapping it open before taking a purposefully loud sip, “So why not?”

“I’ll only let you watch if you shut up,” you turn the volume up by one, “Okay?” He nods understandingly as he mirrors your resting figure on the couch. After what seemed like five minutes, he stretches his arm out to grab a handful of chips before throwing them all into his mouth at once.

“So… he’s only pretending to date her to make the blonde girl jealous?” It was astonishing to you how you actually understood everything he said through his mouth full of chips. He didn’t even try speaking loudly either.

“Basically,” you hummed in response.

“Does it work though?” He questioned after swallowing.

“Shhh, Donghyuck, just watch,” you flick his knee, directing an unamused look at his direction, “You’ll see.”

For a good portion of the movie, Donghyuck chose to keep comments to himself. Every time he would want to say something, he’d hold himself back, silently reacting to the rather dramatic parts of the film. It was admittedly a cute movie. He hadn’t seen anything like it in a while.

“Wait! It’s just a misunderstanding!” Donghyuck gasped. His legs were crossed underneath him, eyes planted semi-permanently on the screen, “She took that scrunched from him! He didn’t give it to her! Just when everything seemed fine.” You snickered at how into the movie he was. You didn’t react like he was when you first watched the movie.

“It’s so obvious that Gen did it,” He muttered, “Who the hell else would do it? She’s jealous as hell. Can she stop please?” From the corner of your eye, you could see that Donghyuck was close to throwing one of your throw pillows.

“I mean, at least Peter’s plan worked,” you responded quietly, sinking back into the couch, “It’s just that now it doesn’t really matter if it worked or not.”

“She’s acting like they’re still a thing,” Donghyuck scoffed, “They’re not.” He was one hundred percent for Lara Jean and Peter and it was actually pretty amusing in a cute way. But you weren’t saying that out loud, you’ll gladly keep it to yourself.

The movie slowly came to the end, wrapping up like it did in the books. “Why does she walk like that though,” he laughed, “Who walks like that normally?” He lays back against the couch and grins, “That was actually a good film…”

He was so immersed in the film that he hadn’t noticed that you had fallen asleep by the end, head falling in a strange way against the armrest of the couch. The way your chest had risen and fallen in such a calm and constant rhythm indicated to Donghyuck that you were having a good slumber. He didn’t want to wake you up. Not when you seemed so peaceful.

His eyes shifted to the thin blanket you already brought with you, clutched in your hand, then back to your face. He couldn’t help but trace your features with his eyes. There was no other time that he would be able to do this. When you were awake, you were too aware about everything he did, or what went on around you, but in this state, you were the complete opposite. He smiled softly at your serene figure, quickly shaking his head at the sudden change in image you had created in his head for that brief moment. As if it was something he’d do often, he easily laid your blanket over you, making sure it covered you chest down. I just need sleep, he thought, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

v.

Mutualistic (symbiotic) relationships in nature worked as so: both organisms in the relationship would both completely benefit from the other. It was funny to think that such relationships were always so dynamic. Who would have thought that an animal as large as a crocodile would benefit from a bird as tiny as the plover. It was interesting how it worked like that.

As weeks had passed with Donghyuck still living in your guest room, the both of you had noticed that having each other as temporary roommates actually wasn’t that bad. A parasitic relationship had slowly evolved into a mutual one and you wondered if something like this could actually happen out in nature.

You noted this shift when Donghyuck had arrived home from a study group with bags filled with groceries. Sure it wasn’t the first time he’d taken the action to do so, knowing how much you struggled with carrying bags home, but this time was different.

It was nothing drastic or overly significant, but it was something that caught your eye immediately and you couldn’t help feel your chest warm up a bit. Donghyuck had bought all of your favourite snacks and candies. Even the ones you couldn’t usually find in the grocery store you’d usually shop at. They were all bunched into one separate bag, indicating that this was in no case a coincidence. And at that thought you smiled and looked up at him, only he didn’t catch you looking. He was far too busy sorting the rest of the groceries into their respective spots.

“Thanks Donghyuck,” you say, quietly. Though it sounded like you were thanking him for doing another round of grocery shopping, this time, it was directed more towards his little deed.

“It’s no problem,” he offered a tight lipped smile before scrunching the bags into messy balls, stuffing them into a small bin with others. He turned back to the counter, realizing that he hadn’t unpacked the bag filled with your favourites, “You can do those right?” It wasn’t like he couldn’t do them himself. It was just that those were all meant for you.

You nodded, “Did you do this on purpose?” You started to take the snacks out of the bag, “These are my favourites.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widened out of panic of being exposed but you weren’t aware of his mood change as he quickly fixed his composure, “No? I mean… they just looked good so I got them.”

He was lying and you knew, “Mmhmm… that grocery store I shop at doesn’t even sell these.” You held up a flavourful bag of gummy bears.

“I passed by a corner store and got them.” Lying again. But this time you just hummed.

“Whatever you say, Hyuck.” The nickname had slipped out of your mouth so naturally that you didn’t catch yourself saying it. Donghyuck was obviously thrown off by the name, feeling his heart skip a beat for the second time in five minutes, “Thank you.”

He scoffed, trying to tap back into his usual self, “For buying food for me? Ah, you’re welcome.” Before you could say anything else, he rushed to his room, making up some lame excuse just to get out of the conversation.

It was funny because that wasn’t the last time he bought your favourites.

Donghyuck noticed this shift himself when he came home one day with his clothes neatly folded on his bed. The last time he’s seen his clothes, they were all piled at the corner of the room, dirty with sweat or generally smelling like it’s been soaking up the sun.

He dropped his bag by the room’s door, curiosity taking hold of him as he walked up to the folded clothes. They were clean. He smiled, sorting them out so they were organized the way he wanted them to be.

He could recall how he had told you he had no time to do laundry. From school and extra shifts at work, he was growing frustrated with everything that’s been piling up, finding no time to take care of himself at home. He had been re-wearing the clothes that seemed clean enough just to get through his day.

Leaving his room with a bit of pep in his step, he enters the kitchen where you had been working on some assignment. You didn’t look up, even with the hint of his presence, too indulged in your work.

“Y/N,” He strayed towards the dishwasher, grabbing a cup as if he was only there to grab water. Glancing at you from the corner of his eyes, waiting for your reply.

“What, Donghyuck?” you muttered. You weren’t trying to come off as rude but you didn’t want to lose the focus you had built up in the last 30 minutes. You typed away, ears perked up in order to hear the nonsense that could be coming out his mouth any second now.

“Thanks for doing my laundry,” he says sincerely. He chugged down the water that he poured into his glass and quickly washed the cup, “It doesn’t seem like a lot but it truly is.”

You finally look up at him, fingers pausing abruptly. Your eyebrows were raised, shocked at the tone in Donghyuck’s voice, “It’s no problem. I know that you’ve been busy. And you still buy groceries even when you’re running low on time.” And it was true. In a way it was your only way of giving back aside from letting him stay at your place.

Donghyuck couldn’t do anything but smile. He bowed his head slightly to reply wordlessly to you before retreating back slowly to his room.

-

Your thumb switched between the right arrow button and the down arrow button, scrolling through the selection of movies shown on the screen. The past half an hour, you had been trying to settle with a film that suited your mood, but since the movies seem quite uninteresting, time was being wasted.

Mentally, you kept a list of movies that stood out more than others, only not finally deciding because you opted to choose more options. The third Harry Potter film was among those, and honestly, looking at the rest of the movies, you really were leaning towards rewatching it instead of taking a risk and watching a one star film.

Double checking if you had everything you needed, you pressed a button to start it, the warner bros logo appearing after a dark screen. There was a hint of background music playing and a house appears after the logo. Then, you hear a door open and close, followed by light footsteps. You sit unbothered, already knowing what was about to happen.

“Oh, a movie?” Donghyuck’s voice bounced around the room and over the movie’s soundtrack, “I didn’t know you were watching a movie.” His footsteps grew softer indicating that he was on his way to the kitchen just a few feet from the couch. You stifle a laugh and shake your head slightly. Of course. It wasn’t the first time Donghyuck had coincidentally walked in right when you started a movie. It happened last week and the night ended up with him sleeping with the lights on. You knew that he started to like these unspoken movie nights. And you did too.

You keep quiet as you preferred to listen to the film than reply to the curious boy, already knowing he was getting ready to take his usual seat next to you.

“Is this Harry Potter?” And as you predicted, the right side of the couch dips down slightly under Donghyuck’s weight. He sets down his own cup of pop and a movie snack in front of him.

“Yeah, the third one,” you blinked at the screen, “It’s probably my favourite one.”

“I’ve only seen the first one,” he states, “So you have to catch me up a bit.”

You sighed, “It’s okay, it’s easy to understand.”

Donghyuck takes a slight glance in your direction. You were slumped, cross legged, underneath your blanket, bag of chips sitting on your lap and a can of pop in your left hand. You looked cuddly. You didn’t know it. And Donghyuck didn’t know this until he had the sudden urge to scoot over to your side in order to feel completely comfortable.

Subtly, Donghyuck shifts his weight from one side to the other, crossing his legs. His knee sat rather closely to yours. A part of him did it on purpose, leaving the rest stunned at the close interaction. You didn’t move away, mostly because your knee was covered with your blanket. You couldn’t tell the difference between the blanket and Donghyuck’s knee.

Again he took a peek at you unconsciously, brain and muscle control seemingly working separately. He admitted it to himself he liked these movie nights. Even if you both unspokenly only had three. It was different from how he’d usually spend nights alone. It was a good different.

His phone buzzed, Jeno’s name popping up on the screen: Sick again? Feel better :)

Quickly unlocking his phone, he had texted back a ‘thanks Jeno’ before setting it back down in the crack of the couch. He had declined an invite from Jeno to go see a movie in the theatres in an hour, but the idea of spending the night just on the couch seemed much more appealing than having to go out and get ready to do the same thing.

One more time, in the corner of his eye he took in your figure. Whether he stayed home because he was too lazy to get ready or because he secretly wanted to spend time with you… we’ll never know.

vi.

“Thank you so much for the update.”

You had walked in after an energy draining shift to Donghyuck getting off the phone. The way he smiled caused him to embody happiness, radiating sunshine as he beamed at you.

“You look fucking stupid,” you say to break the silence creeping up on both of you. In reality he didn’t look stupid, he looked like a cute little kid being told news he was going on a fun family trip.

“My apartment’s done in a week!” He did a small dance to express what he was feeling, his smile not faltering one bit.

Your heart dropped a bit, the feeling of disappointment overtaking it. You brushed it aside, “That’s great to hear! Now I can kick you out for good.” You let out a small laugh to indicate it was a harmless joke before you make your way to your room, this conversation being something you want to avoid.

You had grown used to Donghyuck. His noise, his presence on the Friday movie nights, the never-empty fridge and pantry due to his constant visits to the grocery store. It was weird thinking that that’d be all gone by next week. You would have never thought you’d want him to stay…?

The hell? I want him to stay?

You flicked your own forehead before shaking it as if water had gone into your ear. You shake it to get rid of those thoughts you were ever so scared of confronting.

You sat down on your bed and sighed. Funny how over a month ago you strongly yearned for Donghyuck to leave. You wanted nothing to do with him, threatening to kick him out everytime he ever so slightly crossed the line. But now, you wouldn’t think twice seeing the boy passed out on the couch. You wouldn’t mind him taking up time in the washroom or yelling at ungodly hours at night. It was clear that he had grown on you. And instead of being thrilled that you’d get your apartment back to yourself, you were secretly hoping that time would move a bit slower just so Donghyuck wouldn’t move back any sooner.

Donghyuck made his way back to the guest room, a bittersweet feeling lingering in his chest. The news he had just gotten was great. It was information he had been waiting for for the past few weeks. But he had such a good time staying with you… he wondered if your guys’ relationship would be the same as it is now when he does move back. It’s not like he was leaving the city. He was literally only moving a floor up. If you both stood directly in the same spot in your apartments, you would be closer to each other than you would be staying in the same apartment and different rooms.

Would it be weird to ask you if you would still be friends? Maybe a little bit. But if Donghyuck had to do it, to ensure the growing worry in himself, then he’d do it.

-

Symbiotic relationships were easy to understand. It was grade seven level science after all. But something that wasn’t as simple to understand was the fact that you were actually going to miss Lee Donghyuck once he moved back to his apartment.

There was still that little voice inside of you that was telling you to quit it. That he was moving back tomorrow and after he does move, you probably won’t even have the same relationship as now. It was better to cut those arising feelings short before they actually endure.

Donghyuck has been spending a bit less time in your apartment and in his, making sure everything was good to go once he returned to his man hole. You could hear his voice through the ceiling. It honestly sucked because you wanted to spend the last week just spending time with him.

“How’s everything going?” You questioned as he appeared through the front door. You were on your way to your room, notebook and laptop sitting snugly in your arms. The time was drawing close to eleven and you could feel the residence of the apartment building all going to sleep. You figured it was time for you to go to bed too.

“Almost set,” he replied quietly, “I can finish them tomorrow.” A silence hung in the air as you tapped your fingertips against the edge of your laptop.

“That’s good.” Though it wasn’t obvious to Donghyuck, you had tried to force the content tone blanketing over the mixed emotions, “Well goodnight… will I still you tomorrow?”

You remembered Donghyuck saying he was moving back early morning, but knowing him and his habits, it would probably be postponed till midday.

“Maybe,” he laughed softly, “Maybe not.”

You let a laugh similar to his before backing into your room and shutting the door. Sighing heavily, you dragged yourself to your desk and set your things down. Maybe you should wake up early just to say goodbye.

Donghyuck smiles at your door, before calling it a night himself. Tomorrow he was moving back and tomorrow he wanted to tell you something. Maybe.

-

Surprisingly, Donghyuck had woken up before his alarm which was set to go off at nine in the morning. He sighs and blinks at his door a couple of times before getting up and making the bed, wanting it to look presentable for when you come in to clean it.

After he had followed his usual routine, changing into day clothes, brushing his teeth, washing his face, and fixing his hair, he set his backpack down beside the door beside his shoes. He stood there for a moment, resting his hands on his hips and huffed. Within his chest he could feel that same bittersweet feeling he felt about a week ago when he was told his apartment was finished.

Unconsciously, he turned back towards the hallway and stood in front of your room. Is Y/N sleeping? He questioned himself. Probably, he countered. Though his head was telling him to not bother you, his body had decided that it was a great idea to knock, not once but twice.

“Come in.” Unexpectedly, you had replied, voice sounding like you had been awake for a while. And the truth was, you had been awake since eight, unable to go out and face Donghyuck.

“Can I talk to you?” Donghyuck’s head was barely pushed through the crack he had made, door hiding anything below his eyes.

You were partly laying down in your bed, phone in hand. Sitting up, you nodded, “Yeah of course, what’s up?” You watched Donghyuck swing the door so that his entire body was visible. He had a sheepish smile on his face, eyes unable to sit on you as he glanced around your room.

“I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay here,” he says seriously, finally bringing himself to look at you, “I really do owe you shit… I owe you so much. So if you need me, then I’ll do anything.”

You couldn’t help but feel the inside of your chest warm up to your temporary roommate. A smile crept up onto your face and you nodded, “I got to be honest, you already know this, but I really didn’t want you staying with me… but I guess it wasn’t that bad at the end. No problem.”

He bows his head gently and turns to leave, only stopping to turn around again, “Oh by the way, I don’t think you’ll hear me causing a ruckus for a bit because I still need to save up for new equipment.”

You laughed and joked, “Sounds good to me.”

“Bye Y/N.” Donghyuck licks his eyes with yours for a prolonged moment, sparkling in yours. Your stomach bursts with butterflies, feeling yourself squeal internally at this type of contact.

“Bye Hyuck.” And at that he leaves.

You were engulfed with a heavy feeling that you weren’t usually familiar with when it came to Donghyuck. Often you’d know if it were hate or annoyance or amusement. But this was different. The flame in your chest was growing stronger and this time you really couldn’t ignore it. You cringe at the butterflies in your stomach that were alive than never before.

Once you heard the door to your apartment close, that was when you finally gave in to that feeling that started to grow slowly and subtly without your knowledge.

You liked Donghyuck… you really liked Donghyuck and there obviously was no running from it now.

Donghyuck enters his apartment and is immediately greeted with silence. Though he’s only stayed at your apartment for about a month, he without a doubt had grown to get used to your presence greeting him at the door. It was just weird now. He should’ve asked you to help him sort his new furniture. Then he could be around you longer for a good reason and that could give him a chance to actually ask you if you guys could still be friends.

He loved your presence. He loved the movie nights you both had and the short yet amusing banters. You two actually complimented each other well despite the fact that at first you two seemed to be polar opposites… but that was it, you guys were opposites but that was why you both went well together. He loved the friendship that you guys had managed to muster up within a month.

Involuntarily, Donghyuck shakes his head at the thought of being just friends. A friendship was far different from what he wanted. And at that conclusion, he made up his mind. He liked you, maybe closer to love than like. He wanted more, and it took him this long to finally admit it.

At that second, someone knocked on his door twice, his head snapping towards that direction. He feels the beat of his heart quicken in pace as he approaches it slowly. Answering it, he remembers when you were there about aa month ago just to tell him off. Donghyuck laughs, “Y/N? Missed me already?”

You rolled your eyes playfully, “Shut up Hyuck… you know how you owe me?” He nods, unable to predict  what was coming up next.

“Well how about you take me out to dinner…” You cringed at how you worded that. It sounded like you were demanding it. This mistake caused you to back up a bit sheepishly.

Donghyuck smiles at your cute behaviour, stepping forward to keep the distance the same, “Like a date?”  It was your turn to nod.

“Then I would love to.”

[alj4890]

Good evening! I’m have an ask? We know during the social season in book one after the regatta there’s a beach party. What if we get Liams POV when he see Riley and Drake putting each other sunscreen then they go for a swim.

A/N Hmmm. Very interesting. I would love to have seen Liam's response to that. I always hated that forced choice of either Hana or Drake if you are playing the book with Liam as the LI. Why couldn’t we choose no one or Maxwell😉 Of course, this could be my own reaction of not wanting anyone other than the one I'm interested in touching me 😂 But let's see what I can do with a drabble for Liam and this situation.

@gkittylove99 @darley1101 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight

Masterlist

Burning

Liam tugged at his collar. The light burgundy sweater had been comfortable during the regatta, but now it felt like it was nearly suffocating him. The sun seemed to beat down upon him as his eyes once more settled on a certain lady.

Perhaps it wasn't the sun that had caused him to burn.

He had to remind himself numerous times that he must to be the well behaved crown prince. That meant that he had to spend time with each suitor, especially after today's bombshell of an announcement.

Why didn't Father warn me he was stepping down as king?

Liam began to scan the crowd on the beach, hoping to find his secretive parent. Feeling frustrated, he remembered that one of the medications Constantine was taking warned about being in direct sunlight. After spending the early morning at the regatta, he would have had to go inside and miss this private event.

Regina gently squeezed his arm when she noticed he was not paying attention.

"Liam, dear?" She nudged. "Madeleine wishes to know if you prefer these type of appetizers or something else."

"I want to make certain that when you next visit Fydelia that your every comfort is met." Madeleine added with a well practiced smile.

"How thoughtful." He muttered, once more watching with envy as Drake drew Riley, Hana, and Maxwell over to Liam's surprise . "I believe I would prefer something other than this. I enjoy seafood, yet not necessarily some of the more adventurous cuisines."

Seeing Riley's delight in the different offerings of American barbeque made his heart ache with longing. He wished he was the one she was expressing her happiness to instead of his friend.

He felt his heart stutter when he noticed her searching the crowd. Her eyes finally found her prince and she leveled her smile on him.

Thank you, she mouthed.

He smiled at her. He stepped back, deciding to give in to his need to join her. Before he could utter the words to excuse himself, his arm was captured by Kiara.

"My prince," she said softly. "I was hoping you would join me at my table."

"Thank you for the offer, my lady." His shoulders slumped somewhat. Summoning his court smile once more, he allowed her to pull him in the opposite direction of Riley's. "I would be delighted to sit with you."

Throughout the meal, he managed to give the appropriate responses to the other suitors that joined him and Kiara. His attention though remained on Riley. Every laugh, smile, and movement she made held him enthralled.

He also couldn't help but notice how thrilled two of his oldest friends were spending time with his lady.

A slight frown firmed on his lips when he noticed Drake sitting unnecessarily close to Riley.

Liam had never considered himself a jealous man. He had not held envy over Leo being the heir to the throne. He had accepted his lot in life as one being in support of his family and country. The women he had occasionally been interested in never resulted in a possessive sort of love.

But since meeting Riley, he realized he wasn't above such emotions. He didn't believe he owned her or her heart, yet...he so desperately wanted her love for his own. He was glad those he cared for were growing closer to her. Nothing made him happier than seeing their joy along with hers.

But, there was a fine line between friendship and something more.

And if Liam had to go by appearances alone, it seemed that Drake was crossing that particular line.

Tuning out the buzz of female voices surrounding him, his eyes narrowed when Drake began to get undressed.

Hana followed suit all while encouraging Riley to join them for a swim. Maxwell good naturedly told them he needed to recover from gorging on so much barbeque as he flopped down on a beach towel, keeping his secret tattoo hidden under his black shirt.

And then the bottle of sunblock appeared.

Riley removed her swimsuit cover, revealing a body only he had seen at Olivia's mere days ago. Liam felt heat that had nothing to do with the sun rise up his neck and ears as his eyes traced her curves.

Then the burning consumed him.

The lady he had lost his heart to began to rub sunblock on Drake's shoulders and back. Those same hands had tangled in Liam's hair with every secretive kiss.

He noticed that his friend wasn't really grumbling about the attention he was receiving.

And then they switched places.

Liam wondered if it was his imagination that Drake's hands seemed to hover before touching Riley's skin. There was a slight tremble to his fingers as he rubbed the lotion into her lower back.

Just when Liam thought that he would lose what surprisingly little control he had on his unexpected temper, the three ran into the water. Their laughter could be beard from where he sat, trapped, as they splashed each other before challenges to race were issued.

"Prince Liam?"

He mentally shook himself as he looked up into the pouty face of Penelope.

She gestured toward a shaded area. "Would you like to sit over there with me for a change?"

He grit his teeth at once more having to postpone joining Riley.

"Of course, Lady Penelope. I know we haven't had much of a chance to talk these last few days." Liam followed her to a set of chairs under a beach umbrella.

While Penelope hemmed and stuttered to try to find things to talk about, he focused once more on Drake and Riley swimming.

They were nearly neck and neck as they neared Hana. Riley's triumphant whoop brought a smile to his face. He wished he could hear her teasing as Drake rolled his eyes.

He felt a deep sense of relief not only with Penelope leaving his side for something to eat but in seeing Riley and Drake part ways. Some more nobles approached him, keeping him once more from finding a moment alone.

A stray thought began to worm its way into his mind.

What if all Riley remembered about this day was her time spent with Drake

He had helped her win the sailboat race. He had been the one to produce the barbeque. He had touched her skin, played in the water, and made her laugh.

Liam knew he needed to do something, something romantic to leave his own mark on Riley's memory.

He then remembered the waterfall.

With his heart beating in anticipation, he retrieved a glass of lemonade for her and intercepted her return to Maxwell's side.

"Liam!" Her smile grew warm as she looked up at him. "I was wondering if we would get to spend any time together today."

If she only knew how he was beginning to think of every event they had to attend. She had become the prize Liam worked so hard to achieve. He knew he had to do what was expected with the other suitors just so he could not feel any sort of guilt over spending the remaining time in her company. Every moment with Riley felt like he had won the lottery, Olympics, and the Tour de France all rolled into one.

When Liam offered to take her somewhere private, just for the two of them, he once again felt the jolt of happiness when her hand slipped into his.

"I would love to." She replied.

And with that, Liam set out to show her once again how much she meant to him.

[peachyteabuck]

remember what you love like

summary: is a lunch date still a lunch date after you leave the restaurant?

a commission for @buckysbunny

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

words: 2,014

trigger warnings: allusions to compulsory heterosexuality, fingering, fluff, mentions of sexting

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

Natasha’s hands are tangled in your forest green cardigan, one hand on the small of your back while the other is pressed into the back of your neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs when you pull away to gasp for breath, head spinning as a trail of spit connects your mouths in a sight you wish you could see in one of those giant oil paintings that draw large crowds to art museums. “My beautiful little Bunny.”

You preen under her praise, your own hands shaky as they find purchase in her hair, the beltloop of her jeans, anything you can grab as she pushes you into your apartment, pressing you against each and every surface she deems fit. Somewhere between your front door and the wall directly opposite said entrance you lose your cardigan and your shoes, clothes falling to the floor as you’re pushes down the hallway and, finally, onto your bed. You’d made it that morning hoping your lunch date wouldn’t end after you’d left the restaurant just as you had cleaned the rest of your apartment. In truth you’re not sure whether the frantic scrubbing and organization of your kitchen was to impress her or distract yourself for how nervous you were, considering you and Natasha have been dating for about three months now and hadn’t done more than cuddle and today, today of all days felt like the right to rectify that. The two of you had spent all night sexting after you’d sent her a picture of you in your new bra – a pale pink one that made your tits look exquisite. Things had only escalated, you shoving your hands down your pajama shorts to get yourself off at her direction.

So yeah, given all of that, you were decently confident that you would end up with her tongue down your throat and her hands groping at your tits – a thought that left you some weird mixture of overjoyed and frightened.

As your back hits your girly, patterned comforter your heart beats against your ribcage, each chamber trying to rip itself from the rest of the muscle just so that it can travel to each of your limbs and make them shake. Something – someone – is screaming in your ears, the high-pitched sound nearly loud enough to drown out the woman who’s crawled on top of you.  

Nearly.

“Hey,” Natasha coos, peppering small kisses along your face and jaw and neck as her center presses into yours. “Hey, Bunny-“

You finally meet her eyes when that pet name – her pet name for you - falls from her lips. Only then does she notice how terrified you look.

“You good, Bunny?” she asks, her own heart now picking up not because her fingertips are on fire and your skin feels just as hot. “Is everything okay?”

“I, uh-“ you struggle to find the words, wishing you kept your blanket-like cardigan on so you could hide in it. “I haven’t done this with uh,” you trying to swallow despite your dry mouth. “With women.”

Natasha exhales deeply, face visibly softening. It doesn’t feel like pity, though, which suppresses a tiny bit of your nervousness; the last thing you want is for the woman responsible for the menagerie in your stomach each time she texts you or says your name or worms her way into every passing thought to think of you as some sort of charity case.

“Oh, babes,” she places each hand flat on either side of your jaw, both thumbs rubbing soothingly into your heated cheeks. “You know I’m okay with that – right? I don’t want you any less just because you haven’t done with women before.”

You sniffle, trying to keep the tears that prick the corners of your eyes in their spot. “A-are you sure?”

Natasha nods, leaving a small kiss on the center of your forehead. “Of course I am, Bunny. I don’t care how many women you’ve had sex with.”

“E-even though I’ve had sex with guys?” your eyes are big and scared, petrified of rejection.

Natasha just smiles, pulling you closer to her. “Yes, Bunny. Your sexual history certainly doesn’t define you as a person and doesn’t change how I feel about you. Okay?”

You smile back, leaning into her arms as you sniffle once more. “O-okay.”

“Now,” she smiles as she pulls back, readjusting herself onto her side as you stay on your back.  “Where were we?”

And just like that – with fear quelled and uncomfortable twisting in your stomach now loose and simmering below your skin – she returns to her original mission, one that involves ghosting her fingers over your clothed chest before thumbing at the hem of your denim skirt. “You’re so cute, Bunny,” she murmurs. “Such an adorable little Bunny all for me…”

Natasha then pushes your skirt up to your stomach, keeping it in place with her forearm as she begins rubbing the two middle fingers of her right hand along your clothed slit. Your chest heaves as she grins down at your scrunched eyes, furrowed brow, and kiss-swollen lips.

“So beautiful,” she murmurs into your neck, teeth barely pressing into the bruises that deepen with each passing moment. “So good for me, Bunny…”

Lewd moans fall from your mouth as circles your clit, the adorable pink cotton panties you had specifically chosen that morning hoping and praying this would happen now completely soaked through. They’re rough against your sensitive, desperate clit – pussy pulsing around nothing as you buck your hips frantically.

“P-please,” you moan, voice nearly unrecognizable now. “P-please N-Nat!”

She presses a firm kiss to your lips, smiling as she moves her hands to rub at your pussy under your panties. The feeling of her hand there without anything between her skin and your is intoxicating – her fingers easily finding your clit once more. “Call me Mommy,” she murmurs, free hand pushing the sweaty hairs from your forehead. “Call me Mommy, sweet Bunny.”

“Mommy, oh fuck-“ you gasp, the feeling of her hands and the mention of that title you’d been discussing the night before shooting another bolt of lightning through your nervous system, hands bunch the sheets in your palms – your fingers nearly numb as all of your blood rushes to your core. “Oh fucking shit!”

For the first time in what feels like hours you find the courage to open your eyes – another moan deep in your chest filling the hot, thick air. You always wondered why people described being fucked as being consumed, as being the main course in a large meal presented to some rich, old-timey monarch after they return from visiting the more desolate parts of the territory they rule over.

Now, though, under Natasha’s heated gaze with three of her fingers stuffed inside of you while the other hand presses into your stomach – you feel like some prized pig slathered in glaze and placed onto an obnoxious silver platter with a whole apple placed into your waiting mouth as fruits and vegetables circle your flesh. If you had ever felt desired, it certainly didn’t match up to the fire in Natasha’s eyes as she devours each time you twitch, moan, beg for more.

“You sure you want more?” she purrs, fingers stroking that spot inside of you that makes your legs shake and eyes tear up once more. “Does my greedy little Bunny want her Mommy to give her more?”

You nod furiously, mouth barely able to keep up with your racing thoughts. “Yes, fuck Mommy please please please I want-“ you moan as she fucks into you harder, reveling in watching you fall apart. “Please I’ll take anything you want to give me Mommy please!”

Without further delay Natasha moves between your legs, maneuvering you so that one of her hands fucked in and out of you while the other circles your clit in hot, tight circles. Your eyes don’t know where to focus – on the sight on Natasha’s hands working you into some kind of putty or the woman herself, whose smug grin and furrowed brow are almost intimidating in their determination.

“M-mommy,” you gasp out, legs trying to shut themselves involuntarily, stopped only by the woman between your legs. Your toes curl, spine bending forward as the white-hot pleasure in your stomach curls itself tighter and tighter around itself. “Mommy, Mommy, I’m gonna, I’m gonna-!”

You come with a guttural moan you almost don’t recognize as yours – a sound so animalistic you wonder if Natasha had rewired your brain into some pre-human thing incapable of speech. It’s hot, so hot, and in your post-orgasmic bliss you wonder if life could get any better.

“How you feeling, Bunny?” Natasha asks, trying to find some signs of life behind your glazed-over eyes.

“So fucking good! I feel so good, Mommy!” you gasp out, mouth dry and lunges seemingly devoid of oxygen.

The woman above you just laughs, though, throws her beautiful head back and laughs and oh God – oh God you need to find it in you to tell her to stop doing that because you’ve only been dating for a few months and her beauty radiates with the power of the sun and you weren’t born with UV-protection in your retinas and if her light doesn’t burn you to a crisp first you think you’re going to fucking explode.

“I’m glad,” she tells you, running her now-wrinkled fingertips over the inside of your trembling thighs. Silence settles of you both as you feel your bones…vibrate? Or maybe that’s chest your heart again – the stupid thing incapable of handling this much joy and pleasure at the same time. It takes a long while for Natasha to speak again, not wanting to spook you in your fragile state. “Hey Bunny?” she asks, watching to make sure you’d heard her. “I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

You give her a small “okay,” body still as she climbs off your bed.

You’re boneless – inert as you lay there with your arms flat at your sides and your legs in the same bent position Natasha had left them in before she had oh-so meanly abandoned you. Just as before, your chest rises and falls as if a forty-pound weight was pressing into it – each inhale painful and a struggle with the exhales happening all too quickly. It’s unfamiliar, being so satiated. Being with men had left you feeling fine, maybe a little out of breath, but with Natasha? God, you wouldn’t be able to move if the fire alarms went off; you’d just lay here, vision fuzzy around the edges as the smell of smoke came through the air vents. (Then again, given the state of Natasha’s arms, you think she’d be able to carry you out of your apartment building just fine.)

She returns – just as she said she would – with a mug of cold water that she holds as if it was priceless and not something you thrifted for less than a dollar when you had moved from your last apartment.  

“Thanks,” you croak as she hands it to you, watching as you sit up and wince ever so slightly as your sensitive pussy presses into the sheets. You’ll need to change them – and soon – but somehow that feels like an impossible task as you gulp down what, in your state, tastes closer to ambrosia than the shit in your Brita. When you’re finished Natasha takes the now empty mug from you, placing it on your nightstand before hugging you to her chest and pushing you back until you hit the sheets once more, lying down next to you and throwing her arm around your waist.

“You good, Bunny?” she asks again, a part of her always worried about you no matter how much euphoria pooled in your veins.

You nod as you curl into her side, leaving a kiss on her collarbone as you listen to her heartrate slow as it returns its resting pace. It’s calming, that combined with the feeling of her fingers twirling in your mused hair lulling you into the deepest sleep you’ve had in weeks.  

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials S2 Ep 6 - Rambling/Thoughts

I really cannot believe that we’re at the penultimate episode already, oh my gosh. It’s gone by so fast??

Again, because I’ve reread TSK in the last couple of weeks, the book is fresh in my mind but I’ve probably still missed stuff

Also last week was so intense and seeing the “previously on” section made me remember just how intense that was, so it’s a hard job to top that!

ANGELS AHH RIGHT AWAY IM GEEKING OUT

“The last time they were seen was to make war” - IT’S HAPPENING ASDFGHJKL

Ruta going off to see Asriel and me just remembering what exactly went down between them while she was there with him... heh

So Will’s hand looks AWFUL oh my god poor Will 😭

Pan is REALLY into his Red PAN-da form oh my goodness

So the other kids out for revenge terrified the living SHIT out of me, dear god I don’t think it could be any creepier than dozens of them appearing out of the shadows like that, like it’s genuinely terrifying

Serafina just dropped right in to rescue them and I was both relieved and a little disappointed? Because in the book the whole chase sequence is so much longer and more important, like it takes up most of an entire chapter I think, and here it’s like two minutes?

Serafina: What does this edge cut? // Lyra: Everything (Will at the same time: Nothing.) - 😂

I missed Lee and Jopari tbh so yay to seeing them once more! And they’ve crossed into the next world!

Oh hi again Mary!

^ I wasn’t expecting to see Mary again this series because in TSK book, her last appearance is going through the window (which was last episode), so I’m a little curious as to whether we’re going to get a TINY little peek into The Amber Spyglass here (it’s been years since I reread it, I apologize). Because last series they did a bit of TSK (namely introducing Will + him crossing into Cittagazze), so it would be interesting!

“Good, something I can understand for a change” - LOL Same

Serafina wants to take Lyra back to her world?? Really??

Not gonna lie, the two girls spying on Mary was kind of low-key creepy

Lyra mentioning that she crossed worlds to find out about Dust and mentioning Roger 😭

Also I’m so emotional over just how much she wants Will to be safe, like she would really do anything to keep him safe and I love it

Lyra asking the Alethiometer where Will’s dad is and “he’s in this world” - ahhh it’s going to happen!

Also I really hope that the BBC/whoever decides to sell replica Alethiometers because the design is so beautiful?! I would fork out serious dough for one, and it would go nicely with the one I have from the film

No but seriously, words don’t describe just how badly I want a replica

“I wanted to fly so I summoned you here, now I’m flying” - LOL OKAY THEN JOHN

Ooh damn, that outfit Marisa is wearing is FINE. I’m slightly gayer than I was before, ngl

I was like “nooo Mary don’t be nice to these kids, they’re awful”

But it’s very sweet that she offers them food?? Like she pulls a chocolate bar out and is like “it’s no good for you, it’s full of sugar”... I love her

The way that Mary was so happy and excited when they mentioned Lyra, only to tell the girls off for trying to kill her - more of a mum than Mrs Coulter tbh

“Miss, can I have a hug?” - AWWW OMG WHY AM I SAD

They asked Mary to stay and look after them omg 😭😭😭

“Come with me, I’ll bring you to your adults” - ooh okay this could go any number of ways... Either she actually reunites them with their families and all’s well, or she takes them up there and their parents/adults are all dead (for lack of a better word)? Or the Spectres attack after Mary leaves them with the adults??

Jopari talking about meeting his dæmon and also a little bit about trying to get back to his family :(

“Can you magic us up a fire?” “One moment” *presents a box of matches” - LMFAO

Wait did Serafina seriously just imply that she thought Will might hurt Lyra?!?

Serafina saying that if protecting Lyra means protecting Will as well... Yes, protect Will please! Protect BOTH of these children, I literally BEG you, they’ve gone through far too much

Ooh okay so the witch ritual/spell was kind of cool to see!

Lyra saying “please tell me he’ll be alright” 😭♥️

The fact that Lyra curled up close to Will and then Pan (in ermine form) curled up CLOSER to Will is so cute, they both love Will so much

Pan: “We feel safe her... don’t we?” / OOF OKAY THIS IS F I N E

I already know what Lyra’s “other name” is because I read the book but the hints are anything BUT subtle tbh. “Mother of us all, cause of all sin, tempted by the serpent”... I’m not even that religious but I think it’s pretty obvious.

Also, if Mary is playing the part of the “serpent” within Lyra’s destiny, does that mean that Mary has tempted Lyra? Or that she will?

Boreal being nervous about being in the city and Marisa is just so unimpressed by him... Mood

That smirk she had when going up to that Spectre victim was so chilling, we have to stan Ruth Wilson and her incredible acting

Also, fun fact, Ruth Wilson went to my sixth form college and is from Surrey (like me), and she grew up in Shepperton, which is where my Nan used to live when she was alive (my uncle and aunt live there still), so that’s super exciting!

“We could learn from this” - PLEASE DO NOT MA’AM

God I hate the Magisterium so fucking much, the patriarchy is so strong with them

Oh great, now they’re gunning to kill Lyra :/

Also, off topic, I’ve only just connected that Will Keen, who plays Father MacPhail, is Dafne Keen’s dad?!?

“She’s lost a lot for one so young” - AND SHE’S STILL GOING TO LOSE PEOPLE, WHY IS THIS FAIR PHILIP PULLMAN 😭

“She must be protected” - AGAIN, they BOTH need protecting PLEASE

The Spectre noises reminded me of the noises of the Smoke Monster from LOST, so that’s definitely trippy for me

Thanks, I hate it

I nearly shouted “WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING” out loud in front of both my parents, I seriously thought she had a damn death wish

I have never been so damn tense in my entire life as I am watching this show - and I KNOW what happens

HOW DID SHE DO THAT WITH THE SPECTRES SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN

Lee’s so worried about Lyra - 11/10, Father of the Year

The Magisterium airships... NO. FUCK. WE’RE AT THAT POINT ALREADY AND IM NOT OKAY BECAUSE I KNOW HOW AND WHERE THIS ENDS AND I HATE IT

I deadass thought Marisa and Carlo were about to kiss when he ran up to her and I actually said out loud “NO please don’t”

Look I must just be so dirty minded but when she said “let’s celebrate”, my immediate reaction was “NO NO NO NO EW EW EW NO” and “I hope she just means having a drink and not doing the frickety-frack”

I was so close to tearing up as Will was talking about his mum, her illness, and the boys who were mean to her because of it. His love for his mum is so beautifully written and the way Amir Wilson is playing Will is so wonderful

I was also close to tears when he was talking about his dad and how he used to imagine about his dad, so maybe I’m just emotional anyway

“Could go to school... have friends” - okay yeah no I’m definitely crying 😭

“I couldn’t trust anyone.” “Until you met me.” “Yeah.” - EXCUSE ME ♥️😭 my HEART

I love one (1) soft boy, and one (1) feral girl and her dæmon

The relief I felt when I saw Marisa and Carlo were literally just having drinks 😅

“They consume what makes us human, so I just suppressed that and hid it” + *cut to the monkey looking kinda sad/uncomfortable* - Umm fUCK OKAY THEN

Why am I feeling sorry for the monkey?!?

“You think we’re equal?” - LMFAO RIGHT

EWW THEY KISSED. No, just... nO

When I saw his snake dæmon moving towards her monkey, I thought one of two things was about to happen: 1) the monkey was going to pet and paw and the snake as Marisa seduced Boreal, or 3) the monkey was going to strange the snake and kill Boreal

OKAY THIS TOOK A SHARP BUT NOT UNWELCOMED TURN

“You’ve NEVER been my equal.” “You’d only hold me back.” - OH MY GOD YES THE SHADE

She’s not wrong though let’s be honest here

So she poisoned him I’m assuming? She poisoned his drink because the monkey didn’t actually touch the snake... damn.

Her just sitting there and continuing to drink with his dead body there is... damn.

“Into that valley” NO NO, please no

Jopari really just summoned a whole damn storm huh

Also the fact he fully trusts in Lee’s abilities to land them safely :3

Lee: “Can we trust him?” // Hester: “Do we have another choice?!!” - LMFAO I love them so much

THE WAY I NEARLY SCREAMED WHEN THAT WITCH GOT ATTACKED BY A SPECTRE OMFG AT LEAST WILL WAS THERE TO SAVE HER

Okay but did Marisa REALLY sit there for HOURS with Boreal’s corpse sitting opposite her?!?

Her burning her hand on the flame in front of the monkey, and the monkey clearly whimpering and in pain was so agonizing to watch, I can’t take this show

Also, you have to wonder just how many times she’s harmed herself (and him) for her to keep doing it with next to no problems (like separating from each other all the time)

I was so excited to see the birds attacking the zeppelins, like it was one of my favourite details in the book, and I worried that they wouldn’t have the budget for it but yay!

I do kind of wish that we’d had Sayan Kötor as the “eagle Queen” leading them though - she probably was but I wish we’d actually seen it or heard Jopari say it or whatever

THEY SHOT THE GAS CANNISTER OH SHIT THEY’RE GOING DOWN HARD AND FAST IN THAT BALLOON

HOLD ON BBC YOU CANNOT END THIS THERE?!? EXCUSE ME?!

The last episode is next week and on an hour earlier, so that’s exciting! I have no idea what I’ll do once this series ends, or when we’ll even get the third and final series because of COVID and filming delays, but I’m excited for it nonetheless and hoping it’s next November/December or something!

[prose-for-hire]

The opposite of weird

Pairing: Buffy Summers x fem!reader

Request: Could you please write a buffy x reader story set in season three where when Buffy and Faith start hanging out the reader gets jealous and keeps making digs about Faith which Buffy eventually calls her on and the reader admits she has a crush on Buffy?

Requested by: Anon

You had loved Buffy slowly. It had creeped up on you gradually, but now it had you in a chokehold. Your feelings, that is. You didn’t realise it was happening until it was too late. Now you were consumed by her. Completely and irretrievably in love.

You were close friends, you had been through a lot together. The Master. Angelus. History Class.

You always spent time alone together, often you offered to patrol just to spend more time with her. You could handle yourself and she liked the company, so she always happily agreed.

Something you didn’t know was that she harboured a crush on you. It was small, but definitely there. She valued your friendship more than anything though and tried to stay close to you without anything having to change.

She thought about kissing you a lot when you spoke and she admired the way you appeared so confident in yourself when she sometimes doubted certain things about herself. She didn’t realise that you had plenty of doubts too.

Especially when it came to her. You were working up the courage to tell her. To explain how deeply you felt. How your passion burned brighter than the sun, the moon and perhaps even all the stars. But you were working on telling her something that was slightly less of a massive cliché.

You and Buffy would usually spend a lot more time together. That was, until she came along. The giant stake in your neck that was Faith. She had just run in and taken up all of Buffy’s free time.

Now they patrolled together when you used to be her first pick. They went dancing at the Bronze when you never had the courage to ask her to come with you alone. They even trained together.

When you thought of Buffy in her cute tank top all sweaty…

Well, perhaps you should stop thinking so much about that and more about how to solve a problem like Faith. She was everything you wished you were, confident in herself. Not putting on a front like you often did. She was strong where you weren’t and she could snatch Buffy’s attention at any given moment. Not to mention she was very attractive and although you were as well (especially to Buffy) you couldn’t help comparing yourself.

That night, you all went to the Bronze and, of course, Faith was there. You couldn’t hide your bad mood, brought along by your insecurity. You knew Buffy’s time was hers and it really upset you.

You and Willow sat at a table with Xander as Faith ran straight into the crowd of dancers. Buffy stood beside the table and watched as you stared at Faith, watching the way she would move on the dancefloor. Buffy decided, seeing as that was where your attention seemed to be she would join Faith too. Perhaps some dancing might make you look at her again.

“She’s always showing off” You roll your eyes and were surprised when Willow nodded in agreement. You wondered what she had against Faith. You really hoped she wasn’t crushing on Buffy too, you didn’t need all of this competition. You swore everyone that had come out tonight had some sort of affection for Buffy and it was driving you mad.

Xander had barely picked his jaw up from the floor after watching Faith dancing wildly on the dancefloor. Hopefully, he was distracted from Buffy at least.

Buffy didn’t understand why you had grown so distant with her recently. She was really starting to like you and it made her ache when your attention appeared to be elsewhere. She even spent some time with Faith trying to figure out what it was that she had that you liked.

When Buffy came back to the table, she brought you a drink. Your favourite drink. You smiled and thanked her and she just shrugged as if it was no big deal. But she had gone out of her way on purpose just for you. She had always wanted to buy you a drink she was just unsure if you would accept it in a romantic way.

Faith came back and told Buffy she was just warming some men up for her on the dancefloor although she assured the table that she could handle them herself as Xander’s face perked up. It made you scowl. Buffy actually said no, that she was happy sitting at the table for a while and she would catch the next song. The real reason was that she just wanted to be with you, but she was concerned when she noticed that your attention had been on Faith all night. You had been acting really strange.

When Faith walked off you couldn’t help yourself, “She’s totally just lying for attention” You muttered which was the last straw. You weren’t usually this vocal and you definitely weren’t usually so rude for absolutely no reason. Buffy grabbed by the wrist and pulled you into a quieter corner of the Bronze.

You wouldn’t dance, you wouldn’t barely talk unless it was about Faith and now you were being mean. One of the things she liked about you was that you usually accepted pretty much anyone so long as they weren’t hurting people. But not today apparently. It felt wrong to her.

“Y/n, what’s going on? You’re being… weird”

“Me? Weird?!”  You looked affronted, and you could feel yourself completely overcompensating, “I’m the opposite of weird, I’m-I’m- what’s the opposite of weird?”

“Willow’s not here so, we’ll probably never know” Buffy shrugged but that look was still in her eye. She was waiting for the truth. And neither of you were going to leave until she got it.

“I’m just missing you, that’s all…” You said, this time sincerely and she could tell. She frowned, she really didn’t understand how you could miss her. She saw you literally everyday.

I mean sure, she would like to spend all of her time with you too but she was a little confused that this was the way you were explaining yourself.

“Go on” She said, raising an eyebrow to get you to elaborate.

“I miss you all the time, Buff. Ever since Faith came around you dropped me like I’m some… some dusty vampire”

“That’s-” Buffy tried to cut in and tell you this just wasn’t true but you had started to build up your courage as you spoke and so you started blurting everything out. And I mean, everything.

“-and it’s not fair because I love you. I spend every waking moment wishing I was with you, like alone with you. You make my heart beat so fast and I just want to hug you and kiss your beautiful face! You’re so pretty, Buffy – I mean it. You’re also just so strong, not just, like, superstrength strong, I mean you’re out here everyday with all of this courage and-”

“Y/n-”

“And I miss being your training partner, you look so hot when you’re all sw-” You cut yourself off (finally) and your eyes widened as you realised you had started to say perhaps too much about why you had always been first to volunteer to help Buffy train. But when you looked back at her you saw her smiling and then giggling. Before she had to hold her stomach she was laughing so much.

You smiled, but you weren’t sure what this meant. You were slightly alarmed that you had just basically said everything. Without planning it.

“That’s what’s wrong? That’s why Faith is suddenly enemy number one?” She held off her giggles as she tried to be serious for you. You nodded and looked at the ground. The anxiety now setting in as she hadn’t acknowledged everything you had said.

You nodded softly, staring at your hands which were now fidgeting uncomfortably. Until she stilled them with hers. She had stepped towards you, her eyes trained only on you. The rest was just background noise. You felt like you were the only people in that room as she leant in, her lips pressed against yours. It was fleeting and sweet and it didn’t last nearly long enough.

“Y/n, I love you too. Faith’s my friend but you’re my girlfriend… or I’d like you to be, if that’s okay with you?”

You just nodded again, you had said enough words already tonight and you didn’t think you had anymore left. Everything had just poured out at once. Of course you wanted to be her girlfriend. You leaned in again, this time her lips allowing you to deepen the kiss. Her hand slid to rest on your waist, the other from the side of your neck to cup your cheek.

You spent the rest of the evening like that, showing your affection rather than hiding behind insecurity and anxiety over the other’s thoughts or intentions. This kiss slow, sensual as every feeling poured between you that you had yet to explore. Your fingers weaved between the soft strands of her hair as she traced her mouth against yours.

You promised each other, after that day, to always be honest with each other. And to make sure that nobody, imaginary threats or otherwise, could ever get in the way of your love again.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Of All the Places

Chapter 12

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: Loki is in SHIELD’s custody, but refuses to speak. That is, until Thor manages to get through to him. Chapter Warnings: kinda angsty and some bad language A/N: Updates every Friday. Enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @marvelousdaydreams​ @parkastoria​ @lokistan​ @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs​ @sourpatchspinster @gaitwae

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine 

The wall across from him was a dull, depressing shade of gray. It had light cracks running through it, undoubtedly from previous super-powered villains who had resisted against their captors. This deep in the belly of the beast, Loki doubted they had much success with anything besides maybe giving out a few bruises. He, however, would not give the agents the satisfaction of seeing him lash out, no matter how badly he wanted to act like a madman, tearing everything apart until they let him go. Until he could see you. But, no, he swore he’d stay away from you for your own good.

Loki looked at the one-way mirror out of his peripheral vision. Another thing he refused to do was look directly at them, to look like he cared at all. His whole plan on getting out of here hinged on the fact that he seemed completely uninterested. It had worked the first time, after all. Though, that would probably mean they were more likely to be wary of him now. It didn’t really matter, anyway. His plan was half-baked at best, and he didn’t have much hope for getting out. Or much of a reason for trying, either. Not when he couldn’t go to you. A pain shot through his whole body, starting in his heart and spreading out. It was the all-consuming thought of you that made him show a crack in his armor, even though it was for the briefest of seconds. He tried to go back to the completely calm facade he’d been doing such a good job of keeping up, but he was sure he looked quite a bit more deranged now. It was much more of a strain on him to look fine when he was remembering that you were out there, possibly still crying into Denzel’s shoulder.

The door to his left swung open, and Loki examined his nails as best he could being cuffed to the table. He hoped the action looked as nonchalant as it did in his mind. Fury and Natasha walked up to the chair opposite him, but neither sat down for a second, obviously trying to give a subtle reminder of the power they exerted over him. Finally, Fury took the seat, but Natasha remained standing off to the side. It was probably a reminder of how she got him to crack last time. As if he would let that happen again.

“So,” Fury began, “you mind telling me what was going on in that crazy head of yours, attacking civilians without a cause.”

He was met with silence.

“Perhaps I haven’t made myself clear. I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to answer them. Now, don’t make me repeat myself again.”

Still, stony-faced silence.

“You can take all the time you need. The sooner you answer, the sooner we can ship you back to that alien planet you dared to come from. It makes no difference to me whether you’re rotting here or there. I’m in no rush.”

“Oh, I can see that,” Loki taunted. The man’s intimidation tactics were more annoying than anything else, and Loki couldn’t resist the chance to be snide. “After all, it only took you two months to find me. And even then it was only because of a civilian, is that not right?”

“Fine, have it your way,” Fury shrugged, leaving the room with Natasha, seemingly carefree, though Loki knew he was grating on his nerves.

Really, all Loki wanted to do was break down, scream. Cry. But he knew he was being watched, so he didn’t say or do anything else. He should have left when he had the chance. Had he not stayed on your farm, he wouldn’t be in custody right now. Not to mention you and your family wouldn’t have had to be interrogated. Because, he was sure, there had been countless questions asked of you in the past twenty-four hours. Most of you would be safe, he knew, but what about John? He had kept Loki’s secret. If he was smart, he would claim it was under duress. Alas, Loki knew his friend cared too much to say anything that might condemn him. He could only hope John didn’t incriminate himself instead.

And Matt! Oh, that poor boy would be so confused, so upset. Right from the beginning Loki knew he would be no good for the child, but did he listen to sense? No, he gave into his own selfish desires. If only he hadn’t spent so much time with him, this might be easier. Maybe Matt was still young enough that after all this was said and done, he wouldn’t even remember it. Of course, that means he wouldn’t remember how Loki saved him either. The thought made him sadder than he ever would have imagined it could.

What of Papa and Ana, Loki wondered. They knew nothing of his true identity, so they must be safe. Ever the pacifist, he was sure your father would keep everyone as calm as possible during the whole ordeal. But Ana might not be doing too well. Plus, she was pregnant, and Loki felt guilty he’d inflicted so much stress on her during such a time. It dawned on him just then that, in his mind, he’d always just assumed he’d be around to meet the new baby. Needless to say, that was not the case. How he already missed your whole family already. Except for Mama. Screw it, even her! As annoying as she was and whatever she may have done in the end, Loki enjoyed the banter with her, deep down.

Then there was you. You’d cared for him since the moment he first arrived. From the very second you saw him passed out in the field to the time you found out the truth, you watched over him. All the bruises and cuts and scratches on him, you had healed with your touch. And that wasn’t just the physical ones, but the ones on his heart, too. Words could not describe all that you had done for him. His blood boiled at the thought that SHIELD agents were prying into the details of your relationship at that very moment.

He remembered he’d said he’d sing for you one day. He’d never get to do that now. He supposed it could just be added to a growing list of broken promises.

The last image he had of you as the van pulled away was still burning in the back of his mind. The way Denzel had been holding you, comforting you, it broke Loki. After everything you went through together, that should have been him. That could have been him. Instead, Mama had to go and ruin everything. He couldn’t really hold that against her, though. After all, he had been branded as a criminal. When you got down to the nitty-gritty of it, he actually was a criminal. But was he a villain? There was a difference there, he realized, but he didn’t know exactly where in the spectrum he fell. You’d called him a hero once. He shuddered to think what you’d call him now.  

He’d vowed to leave you alone, but his resolve was already weakening. What if, by some miracle, he was able to get out of here? Could he go see you for even a second? If for nothing else, then to apologize for all the wrong he did you. He shook his head ever so slightly. That was not a thought he should be entertaining. How could he be so stupid! Here he was thinking about making the same mistake again. Would he ever learn? He needed to keep you out of this. You never should have even been involved in the first place. A monster; that’s all he ever was, and all he’d ever be. A single imperceptible tear rolled down his cheek.

Again, the door opened, but this time Thor walked in. He was seething in anger, but if Loki looked deep enough—and for whatever reason, he did—there was also a deep remorse in his eyes. A sadness Loki could only assume was due to all that had happened. It made him feel a little bit better to know he wasn’t the only one who wished things could have been different.

“Brother, I know not why you have taken this path,” Thor said. “But the sooner you confess, the sooner I can go back to fixing the mess you made in the rest of the Nine Realms.”

“What?” Loki scoffed. “So eager to leave your precious Midgard.”

He tried to spit it out with only venom in his voice, but it just sounded sad at the end. It was, after all, his precious Midgard now too.

“What happened, brother?” Thor asked, a bit more softly than he had before. “Why did you attack?”

Loki looked at the table, unable to face Thor.  “You would not believe me even if I told you.”

“What have I ever done that you think I do not trust you, care for you, brother?”

“Stop calling me that,” Loki snapped, his eyes shooting up to Loki’s face. He would have stood if his restrains allowed it. “I am sure father dearest has already told you my true heritage.”

Ah, there was the venom in his voice. His demeanor quickly changed, though, when he noticed Thor was looking at him with a puzzled expression. Loki had assumed that Odin would have gone singing through the streets, telling everyone that Loki was a Frost Giant once he declared him a villain. Could it be that he hadn’t even told his prized son?

“Did he...” Loki gulped. “Did he not tell you?”

“Father did not mention anything. Loki, what are you talking about?”

“I am Jötnar, Thor,” Loki whispered. “The very thing you were taught to abhor.”

Thor finally sat down. He seemed to still be confused by something, though the trickster god could not quite figure out what. Perhaps he was just deciding the best way to slay the beast, to strike him down.

“But you are still my brother.”

Loki’s voice caught in his throat, and he choked on his words. He was nearly as shocked as Thor seemed, if not more. Though, it was for entirely different reasons. He sputtered, trying to find the right thing to say. So much for his cool demeanor.

“Just tell me what is wrong,” Thor said, “my brother.”

“I will tell you. On one condition.”

“That depends,” Thor hesitated, “on what that condition is.”

“That family I was staying with, you must make sure they are all safe. All of them.”

“You have my word. Now, please, tell me why you attacked Midgard. We will discuss your previous actions another time.”

“Very well,” Loki conceded with a small nod. Here goes nothing. “It was the mad Titan, Thanos. After I fell—well, let go on the Bifröst, I was adrift in a void for a while. It was not my intention, but it is what happened. After, well, to be quite honest, I do not know quite how long, Thanos pulled me out. He... He twisted my mind, bent me to his will. He used me as his puppet and made me attack. It was his bidding that I lower Midgard’s defenses, take note of what kind of fight the planet could put up. And one more thing. He wanted the Tesseract. I cannot at this moment, however, give it to you.”

Thor paused for a moment, the gears in his head turning. “And why is that?” he questioned.

“Because of these,” Loki said, lifting his magic-restraining chains. “If you take them off, I will be able to provide you with it.”

For once, he was telling the truth. He had no plans to keep the artifact for himself. Not right now, anyway, with so much else on the line. Once he had handed it over, though, he would have teleported away. It would have been nice to make amends with Thor, yes, but it was not something he would stake his freedom on.

“Point Break,” Tony said, popping in. “Can we talk to you out here for a second?”

Thor excused himself and left Loki by his lonesome again. Well, he wasn’t really alone with so many agents watching from the other side of the glass. His heart was beating wildly. If it had been up to Thor, if he had acted quick enough, Loki would already be on his way off this planet. There was no way anyone else would ever allow it now.

“Ok, Rock of Ages,” Tony said, waltzing back in with Thor and Fury close behind. “You know what I think? Your story sounds like a load of bullshit. But, Point Break here says he believes you.”

“Which is the most idiotic thing I’ve heard,” Fury added.

“And he’s got some evidence to back it up,” Tony finished.

Loki looked at his brother with wide eyes, much like he had when they were kids and he was about to get in trouble. A part of him couldn’t believe Thor would have stood up for him, even after their little heart to heart. He dared let a spark of hope ignite in his heart. If Thor was sticking up for him, and SHIELD was accepting his story as the truth that it was, then was he free to go? After all, if they agreed that it was not him, what reason did they have to keep him in custody?

“May I ask, then,” Loki started, “am I free of the charges? May I go?”

“I am afraid, brother,” Thor solemnly replied. “That I cannot allow that.”

[blueburds]

Meeting Mom (AU)

Imposing just as he’d imagined her, Lord Sen’tulo sat only across the way. Her office--what could have been drab and monochrome--was decorated with flora from across the Galaxy. Quite the collection, Theron would admit, yet some species were more sentient than they led on. The Huttese Toad Snatchers, for example, were known to eat beasts as large as womp rats. Needless to say, they’d consume someone’s hand if one wasn’t careful.

But the flora complimented each other, strewn across the room. The colors, the way the vines draped and dangled from higher up, could have brought a sense of peace in the room--if not for the glaring Sith on the opposite side.

“You realize how many hoops I had to jump through to allow you an audience?”

The tone of her voice made Theron’s skin crawl.

“Quite a few, I’d imagine, my lord,” he said, faking his best Imperial accent. Stars knew if there were any listening devices in here--until his suspicions were either confirmed or otherwise, he’d continue his act.

Sen’tulo extended a hand in gesture, “We are alone. You may lose the act.”

Theron gave a hesitant nod. Skeptical, of course, as he would normally be. But this was Altrethir’s master--the one who trained him. The one who taught him honor, humility, honesty. The woman who raised him when his own mother was gone. He trusted her with his life; certainly the least Theron could do was believe her.

“Okay,” he muttered. “You--”

“Sit.”

Theron swallowed dryly, claiming a seat across the desk. Ah, the familiar uncomfortableness of Imperial chairs. He’d missed it.

“I would be remiss if I did not inquire about Altrethir. He is well?”

“As well as can be.”

Sen’tulo nodded silently, golden eyes dropping to look elsewhere for a moment. “I do not speak with him as often as I would like anymore. He has his hands full with the Alliance, understandably so; the leadership role is more than demanding.”

"Keeping in touch with you is still high on his priority list.”

“Your reassurance is appreciated. It has been... quite an adjustment to learn that he was still alive. That he wasn’t lost to the cold depths of space.”

“It was a shock for me, but I never lost hope.”

“You are optimistic, are you?”

“I’d like to think I am.” Theron leaned forward a bit, “I’m enjoying the small-talk, but there’s got to be a reason you went through all that trouble to bring me here.”

“Indeed there was.” Sen’tulo stood, and her decorated fingers ghosted the petals of a nearby flower. “You are romantically involved with Altrethir; you are aware that I know, for he has long since mentioned your relationship in our letters.” Her eyes snapped back to Theron, “Will you deny these facts?”

“I--no. No reason to hide that from you.” If Altrethir trusts her, so can he.

“Excellent. Your relations began some five, perhaps six years ago. Though he was absent for most of those years, you grew close nevertheless. You understand how others’ influence affects him. You understand that he may bend the knee to appeal to others.”

Theron’s brow furrowed. “Not without reason. I don’t always understand how his mind works, but the changes in his plans, attitude or opinion always fit the bigger picture.”

Sen’tulo’s painted lips curled into a pleased smile. “Precisely.” Then she turned, stepping toward a shelf upon the wall. And only now did Theron see the small, clear cages in which critters were stored inside. Sen’tulo opened the top, reaching in with just two fingers. Theron watched a small, red reptilian creature climb up her hand until she scooped it up comfortably into her palm. “People often change for the ones they love or admire. They wish to be accepted, or to blend in with their loved one’s peers.”

She tipped her hand downward, toward the blue flowers speckled in white. The critter slowly crawled from her hand and onto the stem, balancing itself before moving upward.

“They will change, becoming hardly the person they once were.”

Theron looked to her only as she spoke, but his gaze was fixed upon the tiny creature for the remainder of the time. Its claw-shaped foot clutched at the stem, and slowly the colors of its scales changed. The stark red was flushed out by the speckled pattern of white and blue, until it was completely camouflaged within the flowers.

Theron connected the dots--he understood her meaning. It was obvious; Altrethir was Imperial, he was Republic. Neither had any intentions of abandoning their home factions, if the Alliance ever dispersed. Would it even fall apart? Stars, he hoped not. The Republic was his home, but he wasn’t content with its current state. If he could choose, he’d manage the Alliance with Altrethir forever.

They wouldn’t have to fight each other, that way. Their relationship wouldn’t have to be kept secret, either.

“I don’t intend to try to... lure him over to the Republic, or whatever you’ve got in mind.”

“Whether you intend it or not, your influence will affect him.”

“Right now, we’re focused on the Alliance. We don’t exactly have time to try and convince each other to join our own factions.”

“Your Alliance has already forged a bond with the Empire; the Republic has noticed and plans to make enemies of you. You will defect.”

“No,” Theron said, perhaps more harshly than he anticipated. “Saresh is gone and the Republic’s healing, but my work in the Alliance isn’t done. We’re still at war with the Eternal Empire, and I’m not going to drop everything--everything Altrethir and I worked toward--for the Republic. I’m not leaving them. I’m not leaving him.”

Sen’tulo observed his sudden burst of passion with keen interest. And stars, had Theron seen that exact look before: the same way her eyes had fell half-lidded, her brows just slightly perked, and jaw softly clenched. How her head canted just a bit to the side in interest, lekku subtly twitching just at the tips. 

“Your reassurance is appreciated,” she finally spoke, repeating a phrase from earlier in their conversation. “Still, it is important that his loyalties lie in place.”

Theron bit his tongue. He felt himself growing hot in the face, anger and frustration eating at him raw. Sen’tulo could certainly feel it; her lips perked into a small grin as she looked him over.

“You disagree?”

“What will you do?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“If he defects. If he decides the Empire isn’t what he wants to keep fighting for. What will you do?”

Sen’tulo answered as though she’d spent her life thinking of the question: “My disappointment will be immense; I will grieve, knowing he will not be with me and instead within enemy lines. I will want nothing more than for him to return, as I know the Republic will not so willingly accept him. He will be an outcast among your people, where he will always have a place in the Empire.”

“That’s not the answer I want.”

“That is the answer you have received.”

“Will you kill him?” Theron said, nearly cutting off her words.

“I will not.”

A short breath of relief escaped his mouth. He wasn’t a Force-user, but there was genuineness in her tone.

“Good,” Theron muttered, pushing himself up from the desk. He slicked back his hair, maintaining that staunch Imperial look he wore when he entered. “Nice chatting with you, my lord,” the last two words carried an accent. And he left, leaving the air thick with tension.

[alice-dont-break]

don’t mind me i.. forgot to post this on tumblr and need it for the masterlist lol

home | janthony one shot

cw: anxiety

"Are you still up?"

Jasmine sent the text with little hope of getting a response before morning. It was nearly 3am and she was sure her boyfriend would be fast asleep by now. She didn't even know why she sent it, really, but for the tiny sliver of hope it provided. The thought of his voice, so gentle and easy to listen to, soothed the burn behind her eyes, but she still needed more. She hated to admit it, but she needed him.

"Yeah, course I'm sure," she'd said bravely, when Anthony had asked if she was good to stay on her own tonight. It was really just a matter of time before the couple moved in together, as they spent nearly every single night in Jasmine's apartment, but it was a matter of convenience that day. Anthony was working late at a studio right by his own place, and had to be back first thing in the morning, so they thought it would be easier this way. At least for Jasmine, that was proving not to be the case.

About half way through the afternoon was when she started to notice the constriction in her chest. It wasn't taking over, but rather subtly lingering as she went about her day. If she dwelled on it for too long, her mind would start to scramble, so she just did her best to ignore it. When she'd finally gotten home from set around midnight, she thought maybe her adrenaline had gotten her through the brunt of it, but when she first saw her tired eyes in the mirror it all came rushing back.

Frozen in place, she couldn't help but watch herself unravel. First was the gloss of tears coating her eyes. She was simply overwhelmed, as her eyes leaked all the pent up stress that could no longer fit inside her jumbled mind. Then came the flush to her cheeks, a hot crimson from the embarrassment that such a stupid comment could set her off like this. Her director hadn't meant to upset her, it's just those words... no matter where she is when she hears them, she's transported back to a memory she can't bare to relive. And then finally came the hardening edge of her jawline, drawn rigid by the tension from her teeth grinding together.

"Fuck," she whimpered, realizing not only that she could no longer evade the situation storming her mind, but also that she'd now have to weather it alone.

She tried to splash some cool water on her face, hoping it would have the same effect as a cool cloth Anthony would always soothe her with, but that just made her feel like she she was crying more as the water mixed with her tears. The frustration made her lose her battle against the sob she'd been holding back, and she finally gasped for air through quivering lips. She couldn't bare to look at her pained face anymore, so she trudged back into the bedroom towards the drawer that Anthony had taken over as his own. After pealing off the leggings and t-shirt that clung to her sweat-glazed skin, she stepped into a pair of his boxers and un-balled one of his t-shirts. When she pulled it over her head, she paused half way so her nose was still enveloped by the familiarly-scented fabric. She let that ounce of comfort wash over her senses for just a moment before allowing the shirt to fall into place. She wrapped herself in a tight hug, using the same gentle but snug pressure he would use, so the worn out cotton would rub her skin and bring her closer to the embrace she now yearned for.

Arms still clutching their opposite sides, Jasmine shuffled over to the bed. She climbed over to Anthony's side, and leaned back against the headboard with her knees to her chest, breaking her hug with herself only to pull her legs in tighter. Her shoulder muscles were pulled taut as she tried to take up less and less space on the bed, hoping eventually she'd shrink to be so tiny that she just disappeared, along with the whirring in her mind that just wouldn't shut up. At this point she was grounded, she knew she was safe, but the feeling that her body was still in the midst of its fight or flight response was coursing through her relentlessly.

It was in that tightly bound position that she spent the next few hours picking at her nails, whimpering at the sound of every car that dove by, and wishing she could just fall the hell asleep. She found she'd reached her last straw when the ice maker started up and left her white-knuckling the sheets and gasping shallow breaths; she was too tired to fight through this alone.

Texting felt easier than calling because maybe she'd find that she wasn't waking him up. Maybe she wasn't being a nuisance, and he would just see the notification pop up so she wouldn't have to call and disturb his rest. Or maybe, it would simply buy her some time to talk herself out of doing something so annoying. The option she hadn't considered, was that just seconds later her phone would ring.

"Ant?" Her voice crackled through her tired throat, coming out barely above a whisper.

"Jas, are you okay? What's going on?"

The familiar voice that she'd been craving to hear all day put a lump in Jasmine's throat. She tried to hold it in to conceal the pathetic state she'd found herself in, but all her walls were in pieces on the floor. Her resolve was gone, and a sob fell forward to muffle the apologies she tried to string together.

"Hey, hey, Jas, you've got nothing to be sorry for, okay? D'you want me to come over?" Anthony's voice was so steady that the sounds alone began to quiet the whirring around Jasmine's mind, but she still felt ridden with guilt.

"I'm sorry for waking you," she mumbled with a little more clarity this time.

"No, uh, you didn't babe, it's totally fine," he wobbled, "I was, I just rolled over and saw your name pop up. But anyway, can I come, Jas? You don't sound too good."

"I, I'm okay, I think I just wanna..." her watery voice trailed off as she looking up to the ceiling for strength, but found her vision still obscured by tears. Finally, she relented to the pull on her chest and whimpered "please come, but please don't hang up on me."

Anthony felt his own eyes starting to sting from the fragility in the voice he heard, but regardless he had already pulled on a pair of shoes and descended the stairs to his car by the time he had to respond. "Of course, sweetheart, I'm on my way but I'll be here the whole time."

Jasmine's sigh of relief was nearly involuntary, as her chest suddenly opened just a touch at the promise of comfort. Her lungs still ached and her eyes still burned, but the cries of frustration ceased as there was an end in sight. Her qualms about whether she should have called, or whether Anthony would resent her for being an annoyance were all washed away by the reassurances he cooed through the phone. He was proud of her for calling, hates that she was suffering on her own, and would always be happy to show up for her, or so he said. Maybe Jasmine couldn't fully convince herself these were complete truths, but for now it didn't matter. For now, she'd just focus on soaking up the loving energy his tender voice conveyed. She'd consume the last of her strength by just listening, letting herself drift through the moments in a trance until her rescue would arrive.

"Hey Jas? The car you're about to hear is mine, okay? I'm just pulling up," Anthony said a little firmer than his prior musings. He knew the way she flinched at every noise, and wanted to ensure she knew she didn't have to fear this one.

"Y-you're here?"

"Yeah, babe," he smiled weakly as he turned off his ignition, "coming up the stairs right now. Got my key, so I'll come right up. I've got you now, my love."

Jasmine still clutched the sheets for a second when she heard the front door's lock click, but sighed in shame and caught her breath by the time she heard the thumping of Anthony's jog up the stairs. "It's me babe," he assured one last time through the phone, before stepping up to the threshold of her bedroom door and hanging up the phone.

His eyes found Jasmine in the same position she'd been in all night, with her knees tight to her chest on his side of the bed. She was swimming in his boxers and t-shirt as the fabric draped off her shoulder, making her look even tinier and more defenseless alone in the bed meant for two. He knew from the wavering in her voice on the phone that she'd be in bad shape, but the tear streaks down here face and splotches on her shirt told him it was worse than he'd imagined. With a quiet exhale of sympathy, he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, sweetheart," he whispered, resting his hand on her ankle. His thumb started drawing soothing circles around her skin, so he could give her a small physical assurance without overcrowding her. He was wary to give her more physical touch before he knew what they were up against, though all he wanted to do was scoop her into his arms.

Jasmine had held his worried gaze for a moment, but then dropped to hide some of the pain that her angry blood vessels would reveal. She watched her fingers mindlessly twist at the frayed hem of the t-shirt she wore while wearing the close watch of her concerned boyfriend.

"Jas, I'm here now, okay? Grabbed you a water bottle from my car.. think you could try to take a sip?"

He held out the bottle, and Jasmine reluctantly reached forward to accept it while keeping her gaze downcast. Her sweaty fingers fumbled with the plastic cap for a moment, before squeezing her eyes shut and huffing in a quiet frustration. Anthony tightened his grip on her ankle and rubbed with a little more pressure in his thumb to try to bring her back to level.

"Can I come a bit closer and give you a hand baby?" He offered softly.

"Please," she whimpered.

Anthony shuffled carefully up the bed, taking the water bottle in one hand and placing the other over her badly trembling one. After flicking off the cap, he squeezed her hand and held the bottle up to her lips, tilting it just slightly so she could take a small sip. He put the bottle aside, then cradled her jaw with his fingers so his thumb could brush away the water that had spilled down her chin. She hadn't even noticed the water on her face, as she was so deep inside her own mind, but what she did notice was Anthony taking care of every little thing. She could focus on coming back to him, because he would handle the rest.

As he held her face, their eyes met and he greeted her with an unimposing smile. Too defeated to reciprocate, her eyes fell shut as she squeezed out the tears making her eyes swell. The first drop to escape landed in her eyelashes, lodging themselves in and making them feel thick and heavy. But with Anthony's close eye, he just knew even before she did that it would drive her crazy. Before her breath could even catch, and before she could nearly poke her eye out by trying to clear it herself with her lack of stability, Anthony used the edge of his finger to wick away the droplet. He pressed the softest of kisses to that same eyelid as the crease between her brows smoothed out, and a soft trill slipped from her lips.

The sound of contentment eased a little of the tension that had built from the worry in Anthony's own chest, as he moved his lips higher on her forehead. The sheen of sweat that covered the skin there left a salty taste in his mouth, though it slowly dissipated as he just rested there, letting his lengthened kiss melt against her. His fingers weaved up through her curls to hold her secure, and began to gently comb through her tangles as he pulled back with a gentle smile.

"Jazzy, do you think I could help you to the bathroom and get you a little more comfy?" He spoke with a mellow timbre, aligned with the gentle way that the back of his hand danced over her cheek. She raised her eyes to look at him, and though she kept her lips tightly pressed together, she gave him a small nod of agreement. "Thank you, love," he said before pressing a kiss to her cheek where his hand had just been, "let's go."

He kept a hand over hers while he stood up beside the bed so she could stay grounded to his presence, then reached for her other one as well. He squeezed her hands tightly, and gave her an encouraging smile, as she shuffled towards the edge of the bed to meet him. When she pushed up on her trembling legs, he saw her eyes lose their focus as she started to buckle, but a swift hand around her back caught her and brought her into his chest.

"Hey, there you go," he cooed with his chin tucking her safely into place, "I've got you, just lean on me." With one hand holding her upright by the waist, and one tightly grasping hers, he guided them towards the bathroom before hoisting her up onto the counter. He stood between her legs, and raised both hands to brush her hair back, clearing space on her forehead to pepper a series of slow kisses.

When Anthony stepped back, he placed a hand on her thigh and kept it there while he pulled a scrunchie from a drawer to tend to her hair. He knew how she hated the way her curls would stick to the sweat on her neck, so he used his fingers to comb her hair up and back, before securing it in a bun at the top of her head. He knew exactly three loops of this scrunchie would keep her hair tightly in place without pulling so hard as to give her a headache. Now that the back of her neck was freed, he put a hand back on her thigh, and stepped aside to run a facecloth under cool water. With his most gentle touch, he swiped the cloth across the back of her neck, slipping it just under the neckline of the t-shirt she wore, to erase the last of the discomfort she felt there, and he felt her shoulders slump a little further forward.

"How's that babe? A little more comfy?" He set aside the cloth as his thumb rubbed half circles over her kneecap, and she nodded. He tried another little smile, hoping to find a little bit of life in her eyes, but all she could muster was to drop her head forward so it rested against his shoulder. His hand found its way to the nape of her neck, as he started to work on pulling her back out of her haze. "Sweetheart, can you tell me if there's anything else you need right now?"

Jasmine chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment as she scanned his eyes, searching for the homely sparkle she'd need to hold onto as she climbed out of the hole she'd buried herself in. "Can we lay down and just hold me?"

Her words were breathy and shaky, but he met them with a more assured smile as his fingers cupped her jaw and his thumb brushed over the cracks in her lips. "There's that sweet voice I've been missing," he murmured, before nodding and taking both her hands. Before he could pull her off the counter though, her hands slipped from his and she wrapped them around his neck with her legs following around his waist. He grinned against her shoulder, as his endearingly needy girlfriend seemed to be on her way back. Lifting her up without another word, he padded back to the bed and set her down in the middle, knowing there was no way she'd be staying on her own side that night.

As soon as he tried to stand up straight and step around the bed, Jasmine started to whine and reach out for his hand. "Alright alright," he chuckled softly, opting to climb over her instead and keep contact with her the whole time. She was coming back to him, but they both knew that he was her tether; if she let go, she'd fall.

As soon as he extended his legs, Jasmine was rolling over to fold herself around his middle. Her head rested on his chest, her leg was thrown over his, and her hand was tugging at his arm so he would wrap it around her back. "Babe, can you give me a sec to get us under the covers maybe?"

"Don't like the sheets right now," she whispered, "and just want you."

He smiled weakly into her curls between kisses to the top of her head, and focused on getting her settled as close as possible to his warmth. Of course he was worried about all this anxiety wreaking havoc in her mind, but for now he was just happy that she could communicate what she needed, and that he could give her all that and more. "Okay love, maybe just a blanket?"

She grumbled a little bit, but he felt her cheek nuzzling his chest with a nod, so he used his feet to kick the blanket folded at the end of the bed up to his hands. Nothing could make him unwrap Jasmine from his tight embrace, so he used just one hand to clumsily place the blanket over them, smiling as she grabbed the edge and pulled it up to her ears. She was fully enveloped in a safe space they'd created for her, and she felt certain that no one or nothing could break through the walls.

"Jas, sweetheart, we don't have to sleep yet if you're not ready, okay? Can stay up, or talk about it, or anything like that," he said softly, matching the gentle brushes of his fingers through her curls.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," she blurted out, "I don't want you to think I can't spend a single night without you when you want that because -"

"You didn't," he interjected, "couldn't sleep either. Didn't like having an empty pillow beside me."

Jasmine tilted her chin up to read for honesty across Anthony's face, and he responded with a little lopsided smile. "Really?"

"Yep, only answered so quick because I was already on my phone. Was looking at pictures of us and stuff to try to feel closer to you. Just missed you and could kinda sense something was up from your texts, I think... I dunno," he muttered, voice trailing off as the embarrassment of his words caught up with him. "Anyway, how about sleep, sweetheart?"

She tilted her chin a little further, and strained her neck up so her lips could reach his. She pressed them together in a careful, slow kiss to acknowledge everything he said, then tucked herself back into the space between his chin and shoulder as a tiny smile appeared in response to the comfort she felt sneaking back in. "M'tired, just don't know if my mind will let me sleep."

He pressed another kiss to the crown of her head, then nuzzled her closer. "Okay babe, do you wanna try one of the counting exercises your therapist gave ya? You said those help some, right?"

"No, don't wanna focus on anything that isn't you." She felt the warmth of embarrassment in her cheeks that matched his own, but she didn't care. He'd seen her at her lowest now, and all he gave her was the most gentle and careful and attentive love she could hope for. She could give him her whole heart and mind on a platter now, because she trusted him to protect them even better than she could herself.

"Well I've got an idea then," he said, muffled by her curls pressing into his lips as his kisses were continuing lazily. He shifted her up slightly, with an arm still tightly around her waist while the other secured her head close to his lips. He leaned in to press the most tender kiss to the crown of her head, not letting his lips linger for too long but making sure she felt the conviction. "Close your eyes sweetheart, and count."

Her lips parted a little bit as her eyes met his, filled with so much love she could have burst. He was just so wonderfully attentive and loving, that all she could do was smile when he leaned in for a second kiss. "Two," she murmured as her eyes fluttered shut.

Between each kiss, Anthony took a deep breath, hoping she could feel the rhythm from his chest and use it to guide her own breathing. "S-six," she breathed out, with a yawn that crinkled up her nose. By "thirteen", the kisses were long enough to melt away any lingering tension in her forehead, and by "twenty", her words were just breaths. Finally, her thoughts and worries had dissolved into the calmness that washed over her with each kiss. Her only focus was the soft caress of Anthony's lips until she had no focus at all. Just peaceful rest and a chance for her mind to heal from the raid of the past few hours.

Anthony knew that she was out cold by his thirtieth kiss or so, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He too found solace and tranquility in the steady and repeating kisses, so much so that he lulled himself into his own rest. When they both lay with eyes closed, breath leaden, and minds quiet, his lips were still resting against her. This was where they belonged; returning to an apartment would never compare to the real homecoming of his lips finding her forehead.

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 2

Info : A devestating carcrash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn't and because of that,everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes - y/n

Warning: PTSD, memory loss, swearing, anxiety.

W/c: 2k

A/n: thank you to @cutie1365 for proofing and editing this chapter for me. If you haven’t read her work yet hope on over. Trust me, you’ll be addicted like I am 😂

You shut the overhead lights off to the empty coffee shop and grabbed your keys. Swinging your backpack onto one shoulder you crossed the room. You reached for the door but a sudden shuffling caught your attention. You looked back at the dark shop one last time and felt your stomach sink. Two dark figures sat at one of the tables in the far corner. You dropped your keys and a scream fell out of your mouth.

"What the actual- oh my fuck!" You blurted, grabbing your chest and trying to calm yourself. They didn't seem nearly as startled as you were, sat in the dark unmoving, like statues.

Taking a deep breath you tried to steady your voice "I'm sorry, I didn't see you guys there... Uh- we closed about 15 minutes ago, so..." You spoke as calmly as you could. When they didn't respond, or even move, you continued "I gotta' ask you guys to leave now." Still, nothing. Finally the smaller figure stood, causing you to take a clumsy step back, tripping a little over your feet as you did so. As she stood the moonlight illuminated their face. It was the same redheaded woman from before.

"Why don't you come take a seat, y/n." The woman spoke. Her voice surprised you. She was small in stature but her words came out sleek and bold. She tapped the seat beside her and the other mystery figure. You looked at the empty seat and back up at the woman.

"Who the hell- um, no? No, i- if you don't leave right now I'm calling the police." You tried to sound as confident as the woman but your voice cracked. You reached into your pocket for your phone only to find it wasn't there. You looked back up at the possible serial killers now hopeless. You could always scream, You thought. But then again this was Brooklyn, and it was late. Your screams would only blend into the city's usual rattle.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, kid." The larger figure finally spoke. You looked over to where the voice came from. There, in the figures hand, was your phone. It flashed awake and for the first time you saw the man's face. His lips were pulled tight across his mouth but his eyes gleamed with interest. You couldn't help but notice his sharp bone structure. Chiseled was the word. His soft blonde hair was perfectly placed and cropped on the sides. You thought he looked too handsome to be a serial killer. But then again that's what they said about Bundy.

"How the hell-" you started, but cut yourself off when you realised that wasn't the question you really needed answered right now. "Who are you people. What do you want?" You spoke, a little more clearly this time.

"That's on a need to know basis. And you don't need to know, y/n" The handsome killer spoke. "As for what we want, why don't you come take a seat. We just want to talk." He continued.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" You were surprised by how clear your voice sounded. Their only response was the small redhead tapping the same seat as before. Hesitantly you crossed the room and pulled the seat out. It screeched on the old wooden floors. You sat and placed your hands in your lap, wishing you had taken Emily's advice and invested in self defense classes when you first moved to New York.

"Alright," the woman started, looking at the man beside her. "This is progress." She spoke, sarcasm oozing from her pink lips. "I'm Agent Romanoff, and this is my friend Captain Rogers. We-" The Captain cut her off harshly before she could finish.

"Agent Romanoff, the kid does not need to know that." His voice was authoritative. Okay, serial killers don't call themselves captains and agents, you thought. But you still weren't sold that these two wouldn't hack you up and shove you in the walk in freezer.

"We're not here to hurt you, y/n" Agent Romanoff suddenly said. Completely ignoring Captain Rogers glare. You shot your head towards her. That's weird. It's like she read your mind.

"The opposite, actually. We need your help. The organization we work for has been compromised and we believe you have important information that may be of use to us." She smiled warmly at you. She was much nicer than Captain Grumpy.

"Romanoff..." He warned. Both you and the Agent ignored him. "My name isn't Y/n. It's Jane. I'm sorry, really I am, but I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I just work here. I don't know anything." You felt like you were pleading, which made you feel small and weak in their dominant presence.

"Jeesh, they really did a number on you huh?" The captain spoke, only this time he sounded almost concerned.

"I have no idea what you're talking about but you guys should really leave. I need to-" he cut you off yet again.

"Tommy Benson." That stopped you right in your tracks.

"Tommy Benson." You repeated the name like it was a foreign language. "He's- was your fiance. Before..." He cleaned his throat, obviously uncomfortable.

"For fucks sake." Romanoff huffed, glaring at the Captain. "You're name is y/n. Y/n L/n. When you were 19 your family died in a horrible a house fire. You were the only survivor." You nodded. You knew this. You relived this every time you closed your eyes. You remember waking up in that cold hospital room, cords and tubes attached to every part of you. The monotone beeping of the machine as the only reminder that you were still alive.

"Okay, you remember. Good. That's good. Okay, so shortly after you graduated from MIT. And early too, really impressive may I add. I've never heard of anyone as young as you with a electrical engineering degree." You looked at her, stunned. "I- I just work here." Your voice was hushed, and broken.

"I know, hon." She began again "When you graduated you were picked up by an organization. They called themselves S.H.E.I.L.D. but they lied. They told you that you were developing a weapon that would keep the world safe. But after a while it became clear they had a different motive." You wanted to argue again. Maybe you didn't because, more than anything, you wish you were more than just a broken girl with a wicked case of ptsd.

"Tommy Benson." You spoke his name again. Romanoff nodded reassuringly while Rogers just rolled his eyes and huffed. You paid no mind.

"You met Tommy when you were 22. You had been working for what you thought was S.H.E.I.L.D long enough to figure out they were really Hydra. I think Tommy helped you realise you couldn't stand by and watch them use your invention for bad. So, you backed up your blueprints on a drive, destroyed everything else and left. You two moved to New York, changed your names, and started a new life." She paused, just long enough for you to ask. "Where is he?" She looked at Rogers, but when his expression remaind the same, she turned back to you. Her eyes were softer now.

"Y/n... Shortly after you moved here, hydra found you. They threatened that if you didn't give them your blueprint they'd-" you cut her off this time. "They killed him?" You spoke calmly. It came out as a question, even though you already knew the answer. You began to feel nauseous again but quickly dismissed it. You had no right to grieve a man you never knew.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry." You couldn't look at either of them. You couldn't remember this girl they spoke of. You couldn't remember anything. Everytime you tried your mind went blank and stung with another headache threatening to consume you.

"How?" Your voice was emotionless. You could tell that both of their eyes were on you now. You didn't care. You just stared at the table, calming your breathing. You could feel another panic attack bubbling up from deep in your chest. I am calm. I am okay. Just breathe. You repeated over and over in your head.

"You were supposed to meet on the Brooklyn Bridge. There was nothing you could have done y/n." She reassured you but all you could do was grit your teeth. Trying, desperately to remember a moment in time that never happened. Taking another deep breath you repeated, "how?"

Romanoff blinked at you, and then to Rogers. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Then he spoke. "One of hydras assassins was waiting for you both there. You tried to stop him, but it was too late. He was shot y/n. He's dead." You're breath hitch as you clutched the table so hard your knuckles began to lose colour. The image of the man on the bridge flashed through your mind. You closed your eyes and tried to breathe but your lungs felt like they were filled with smoke.

"No! Please, stop! Please don't." Your mind was screaming, but it really came out as a raspy whisper as you gasped for air. "y/n!?" Romanoffs voice rang through your mind but you couldn't focus on her words. All you could see was the man from your nightmares. "STOP! Please don't do this. Don't hurt him! Please, PLEASE! NO!" you screamed so hard your mouth began to taste metallic.

"requesting backup. I need a sedative. NOW!" a woman's voice boomed through the shop. You couldn't tell who it was. Or if it was real or not. You heard the door burst open and footsteps thundered closer to you. You opened your eyes and came face to face with the man that haunted you every night . Standing on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge he pointed his gun at you and fired 3 times. The bullets rocketed through the air in slow motion ripping through your chest. You stumbled back tripping over your feet and like a puzzle piece missing from your memory, you fell. You watched as the monster on the bridge turned and walked out of eyeline.

Your body hit the ground hard enough to shock you back to the coffee shop floor. You began to flail and kick, but it was no use. 3 large men in black tactical gear held you down as you screamed. "Please! Stop! D-don't do this. Please!" A man with a large needle approached you and there was a sharp sting to your neck. "Please, don't do this." You cried, choking on sobs. You blinked hard as your vision became blurry. "I am calm... I am okay... Just breathe" You whispered over gasps for air.

And then everything went dark.

................

A/n: Thanks you for reading!! I’m having so much fun writing this 💕 as always, any and all feedback is welcomed!

@projectcampbell

[container-of-apple-juice]

Finally posting my take on Naruto’s First Time Outside at the tender age of Five years old. Before he knows that the world has already cast him aside.

“This key opens and closes the door to this room. Do not lose it.”

These are the only words spoken to Naruto as the third Hokage roughly presses a small metal object into his hands.

[[MORE]]

Naruto is five years old, and clutches the small piece of metal tightly in his fist as the tall man leaves his apartment once again. Naruto vividly notices a lack of the familiar click directly following the older mans departure.

He looks down at the oddly cut metal piece in his hands- the key as the third had said- and then looks back up at the colorless, wooden door in front of him. He’d never before seen what was beyond that door other than bright bright light from all around. That and the nameless shinobi that shuffled in and out of it with wordless grimaces thrown in his direction.

He scuffled toward the entryway to his apartment, key still firmly in his grip, and he reached for the door knob with notable hesitation. He felt scared. He was familiar with his small apartment and nothing else but...this object given to him felt significant. More so than any object he’d been given up to that point. He thought it would be silly not to act on this change in the status quo. After all, there hadn’t been a click when the hokage had left him this time.

That click had grown to torment him in the few years of his existence that he was capable of remembering. That click always meant he was alone once again. The click always meant he wouldn’t know how long it would be before he saw another person, let alone before another person would talk to him- even look him in the eye.

Most of the guards that were sent to check on him would act as though he didn’t exist, simply dropping off bags of groceries or performing their wellness check before clicking the door behind them as they left without a word.

Naruto was so used to being alone. But now...he could go out into the space where everyone always went off to. He could leave these walls which held only himself and a painful, deafening silence.

He reached for the doorknob, his little fingers splaying awkwardly over its surface, barely curving around its edges as he twisted it.

It creaked open noisily and Naruto felt himself tense, heat rushing to his face as though he would be caught and punished for daring to open the barrier between him and every other person he’d ever seen.

But no one came. Only silence followed the deafening creak. After a moment he pushed the door forward and released the knob from his grip. He didn’t dare step out from his apartment right away, even as the door swung open before him, revealing a dull wall opposite him and bright sunlight on every side.

Once his eyes adjusted to the change in lighting he felt them grow to the size of dinner plates as his gaze settled on the openness before him. He felt half tempted to shut the door once more and wait for someone to go with him, wait for one of the taller people to show him this new world themselves, surely someone else knew better- one of the guards or the third himself- they could show him. After all, they’d left him behind in favor of this bright, new, mystery world countless times.

But even then Naruto knew that would never happen. The third had neglected to click the door behind him intentionally, but he had no intention of showing Naruto the ways of this outter world.

Naruto would have to discover it on his own.

He itched with nerves.

The third always visited Naruto just as the sun began to rise, so Naruto knew he had several hours of sunlight left in the day for this adventure. That was plenty of time to explore this new world, figure out what it held in store for him, and find his way back to his safe and familiar closed walls.

He squeezed the key in his hand- “do not lose it-“ and stepped out of his home, no shoes to be seen on his feet, only wearing his favorite, oversized, orange tshirt and a pair of baggy blue shorts.

The hallway had much similar floor paneling to his home, a slightly scratchy wooden board. But on either end of the hallway there were bright openings beyond which he couldn’t make out much detail.

He numbly chose to walk to the right of his doorway, not bothering to close the door behind him. Not knowing any better.

He was met with a steep drop, with cascading steps leading downward- stairs, as he would come to know them later on. He gulped loudly at the sight of the ground so far below him and leaned against the wall for a sense of stability. Sweat prickled on his forearms and he considered turning around and going right back inside but he felt somehow...compelled to continue.

Naruto plopped down onto his butt at the top of the stairs.

It was clearly the safest option. He slid his butt toward the first step and lowered himself onto it with a gentle thump. He repeated the process delicately until he was about halfway toward the ground below him.

“Oh! Excuse me dear-“ a voice startled Naruto as he was about to slip down another step, causing his heart to nearly jump out of his chest as he whipped around to see the source of the voice.

An elderly woman was frozen on the step just above him and she had a strange look on her face unlike one Naruto had ever seen before. It was similar to the unhappy look he received from most guards who came to check on him but this expression was new to Naruto in such that it seemed...afraid? Which he supposed made sense. This was a scary situation! Naruto was scared too- he didn’t even know if he’d make it down these stairs, let alone how he would get back up them, or- god forbid- what he would do when he reached the bottom!

But before he could muster up the courage to speak to the elderly woman, she had abruptly turned and gone back up the stairs and away from Naruto.

He stared after her for a few moments but eventually huffed out a breath and continued his path down toward the lower ground. He’d never seen someone so old before, he was already seeing so many new things. He wished he could have spoken to her, but she seemed in a rush to get away. He hoped he could see her again some time.

Once his bare feet had finally met with the grassy floor at the bottom of the steps, Naruto sighed, but quickly followed it up with a startled gasp at the sensation of the dewy earth between his toes.

His mouth gaped at the scene before him. He didn’t yet have the words to describe what he saw, but grass and trees would quickly become some of his favorite things. He hunched forward and pushed his hands roughly into the grass, dragging his feet back and forth through it from his spot on the bottom step. He laughed openly as he enjoyed the new sensations before silencing himself in worry of who else might be around beyond his sight. But...maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if someone noticed him!

Naruto had seen countless guards enter and leave his apartment in the four years he’d been alive, and they had all gone out into this new outside place. He had no idea how many guards, and now elderly ladies, might be out here, but he was suddenly determined to speak to one of them before the day was over. The idea, while exciting, made him nervous and he brought his hands back out of the grass to clutch against his chest. He also realized with a gasp that he’d almost forgotten his key in the grass amidst his excitement.

Naruto immediately shoved the key deep into one of his short’s pockets for safe keeping. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how scary it would be to not be able to get back into his safe place back up the stairs. Not to mention how angry the third would be, and he was never in a good mood to begin with.

With a deep breath of encouragement Naruto lifted himself from the bottom step, feet placed more firmly in the grass as he stood up. He glanced around, pushing his long hair out of his eyes to get a better grip on his surroundings.

To his left was a trail that lead to more tall buildings like the one he came from, and to his right was more grass and bushes and trees.

It was an easy decision to make, if you asked him.

He began walking toward the forest’s edge before realizing with a rush that he could run there. His tiny legs took off in a sprint and he laughed aloud to himself at the feeling of freedom and openness. Even as his foot caught in an unexpected dip in the ground, sending him tumbling forward, he was only taken aback for a moment before he was laughing again, rubbing his dirty hands in the grass once more before rising back up onto his feet.

Once at the edge of the forest Naruto felt hesitant, it was pretty dark in there. He decided he would just walk along the edge until...well he wasn’t sure. But his feet carried him forward anyway.

When Naruto saw his first butterfly he froze in his tracks as he watched it fly about, only looking away when a bird chirped to his left from within the forest. He couldn’t see the source of the noise but he stared after it until he heard it again, to which he replied with his own (admittedly weak) attempt at an imitation.

When Naruto saw his first squirrel he tried to chase it down, but quickly lost track of it as it ran up a nearby tree. The branches weren’t low enough for him to grab onto but oh how he wanted to climb. He looked for a tree with low enough branches and eventually found one.

The bark was rough and he felt the wood scrape uncomfortably against his exposed calves on occasion but he couldn’t fight the smile threatening to consume his face when he reached the top.

He thought maybe he should be scared because there was a bit of unease in his belly as he looked down at the ground which was once again far below him, but instead he just felt completely satisfied. He leaned back against the trunk of the tree and thought that maybe he would never leave this spot. The air was crisp around him and birds sang as the sun settled well into the sky.

He didn’t want to go back to his room where the air never moved like it did outside and the sun never warmed his skin because, within those walls, the sun was nonexistent.

But...he had a key now, he reassured himself as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He didn’t want to waste his time outside crying about eventually going back inside.

He began to make his way back down the tree, eager to take in more of the world around him when he lost his footing and felt the world fall out from beneath him.

He screamed as he fell the rest of the way to the ground below which, luckily, wasn’t too far, but felt the tears spring to his eyes once more when a passing branch snagged his hair and ripped out a small amount of it.

“Wow you fell so far are you okay?!” The shrill voice immediately brought Naruto out of his gloomy state as he sprang up to face its owner.

His jaw should’ve hit the floor with how dramatically it dropped open, but he couldn’t hide his shock at the sight that met him.

This person was his size. He’d never seen anyone his own size before. He supposed it made sense that he wasn’t the only one, but it was shocking nonetheless. They had hair that fell down their back, almost as long as his own, and they wore a purple shirt and purple and white striped pants. They looked shocked to see him as well, brown eyes wide and shining.

“You’re like me!” He yelled, forgetting what the other person had initially said.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Jeez you musta really hurt your head just now. Is your mom around?”

“Mom?” Naruto quirked his head to the side in confusion, still running the sore spot where his hair had been pulled.

The kid looked at him strangely, but before Naruto got an answer he saw a taller person jogging up to the both of them.

“There you are! I told you not to go off on your own- oh!” The taller person, who looked just like a bigger version of the kid in front of him (only wearing a dress instead) stepped in between them and gave Naruto a look similar to the one he’d been given on the stairs.

“Don’t come near my daughter again.” The words were spit at him before the pair walked away hurriedly.

“But mommy-“ Naruto heard the ‘daughter’ begin, but the look that the...’mommy’ gave her stopped her from finishing her thought.

Naruto was left rubbing the back of his head in utter confusion. So...the person who was his size was called...daughter? Was he a daughter? And the taller person was called mommy. Were all the tall people with long hair called mommy? Some of the guards who stopped by his room had long hair and seemed somehow different from the other guards he would see more often. Were they all mommies? Then what were the people with short hair called?

He shook his head and resolved himself to ask the third these questions the next time he saw him. Even though the third rarely answered his questions.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur of sunshine and solitary laughter, with one hour being entirely devoted to following a cat around a nearby park and down a side sreet.

The few people he came across all seemed to not like him for some reason so he decided he’d try talking to them again another day and avoided going into crowded areas for the meantime. He mostly stayed along the forest’s edge and the surrounding park areas. Instead of meeting new people he focused on trying new things by himself, like drinking water from a fountain that had coins at the bottom of it and tasting various flowers and leaves. Naruto decided flowers do not taste as good as they ought to with how pretty they always were. And how good they smelled!

He shoved rocks and bugs into his pockets and made cakes out of mud (which also didn’t taste as good as he thought they should).

Naruto had long since decided to ignore the growling of his stomach, not yet ready to go back to his room for the day. He still wasn’t completely convinced that he would be allowed to leave again, despite feeling the key still firmly placed in his pocket.

But his bare feet felt sore and his hands were caked with dry mud, leaving him more than a little uncomfortable.

He was debating going back to his room just to take a bath and eat something when he stumbled upon a river flowing from a grassy clearing and into the forest.

He grinned at the sight, not knowing exactly what it was but incredibly excited that water seemed to just appear randomly outside sometimes. It was like a bath in the dirt. Perfect.

He walked over to it, a bit tired of running at this point, and stuck his feet in without hesitation.

Shivers ran down his spine at the chill of the water, but his smile didn’t waver. He felt smooth rocks against his toes and marveled at the sparkle that the sun created in the gently rippling current. The splash of his initial entry got his shorts a bit wet and he walked further into the river, planning on fully submerging himself in the cold water.

“You’re gonna soak your clothes, you know.” A voice once again stopped Naruto in his tracks. He turned to see yet another person that was the same size as him, only this time he had shorter hair, but it was sorta long in the front? And the back looked like he’d just gotten out of bed. It was a funny look, Naruto decided, laughing a little at the sight.

The kid had his hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts as he looked down at Naruto from his place in the grass only a few feet away. One eyebrow was raised high on his forehead and Naruto noticed that he didn’t look at him the way most other people did, although judgmental, his dark eyes held a glint of amusement within them instead of fear or disgust.

“Then what’ll you do?” The boy continued when Naruto didn’t respond.

It was then that Naruto remembered the key in his pocket. He gasped loudly, causing the boy across from him to raise his other eyebrow to match the first.

“Hey you’re right! Gosh, thanks. Wow, that could’ve been real bad, huh?” Naruto sloshed over to the boy as he spoke and dug a dirty hand into his pocket, extracting the key from the mess of treasures he’d shoved in there alongside it throughout the day.

“Hey, ykno, y’think you could hold this for me? Just for a second, like, I need it back, ykno, but I don’t wanna lose it in the water.” Naruto didn’t wait for a reply as he pushed the key against the boys chest, getting dirt on the navy blue material as he did so.

The boy made a noise of disgust but instinctively grabbed the key anyway, eyeing Naruto’s appearance now that they were so close together.

“Actually...maybe soaking your clothes would be an improvement.”

And even with these mocking words Naruto still didn’t see any genuine disgust in the kids teasing stare. He beamed at the black haired boy before turning around and running back to the river, suddenly feeling revitalized at having exchanged more than a few words with another person.

Without so much as a second thought Naruto jumped into the deepest part of the river, allowing himself to dip under the water’s surface with a loud splash. When he came back up he shook his head wildly and brushed all his hair back out of his face, smiling at the boy who was still at the edge of the river.

“You should come in too, ykno!” Naruto shouted to him.

“Dummy, I have your key, remember?” The boy held up the key in question, but began walking to the very edge of the river.

Naruto watched as the boy knelt down to the water’s edge and dipped the key in briefly before wiping it with his fingers and repeating the process.

“Do you cover all of your stuff in mud?” He asked after a moment, smirking up at Naruto as he sat back into the grass and away from the water, seemingly satisfied with the cleanliness of the key.

Naruto found himself at a loss for words as he simply stood in the water for a few moments. No one had ever really done...well, anything for him. The guards didn’t even help him put his groceries away anymore. This boy didn’t have to clean his key for him, heck, Naruto had half expected him to drop it in the grass and walk away the moment Naruto crashed into the water.

But the way the kid was teasing him felt...friendly? Naruto felt his face heat up, and frowned at the boy in the grass.

“And so what if I do, huh?” He asked the question as he made his way out of the water. For some reason Naruto did not want this boy knowing that this was his first time actually seeing mud. Or a river. Or another person who was the same size as him.

Naruto plopped down in the grass next to the boy, but not close enough that he would drip on his new companion. Still glaring at the boy in question, Naruto held his hand out for his key.

The kid held the key back and away from Naruto, giving the blonde’s hands an incredibly skeptical look.

Naruto looked down at them and felt his face heat up even further at his blunder. His hands were still fairly muddy, and he felt horrible that he was about to ruin all the hard work his new friend had put into cleaning his key for him.

It was as though he had been burned with how quickly he withdrew his outstretched hand and plummeted them back into the water, scrubbing furiously.

“Won’t your parents be mad if you come home all muddy and wet?” The boy asked after a snicker at Naruto’s obvious embarrassment.

Shaking his wet hands and holding them out once more, Naruto quirked his head to the side as he spoke.

“What’s a ‘parents’?”

But Naruto thought maybe that had been the wrong thing to say because suddenly the face in front of him was twisted in all sorts of confusion.

“...you’re really weird.” Was what the boy finally said, finally pressing Naruto’s key back into his wet palm.

Naruto had never heard the word before (something he was becoming incredibly frustrated with today) but he thought it must be something bad by the tone of the boy’s voice. He clutched the key tighter in his fist and got up onto his knees, leaning slightly into the other boy’s personal space.

“Hey what’s that supposed to mean, huh? Maybe you’re weird, y’kno!” Naruto had half the mind to push the kid over, but he still didn’t want to scare him off. He just...didn’t want to be called weird. Whatever that meant.

But the other boy only laughed at him again.

“And your easy to mess with.” The smirk that was directed at Naruto with that statement left him once again speechless.

He’d never spoken to another person this much before, and this felt....weirdly easy. Sure this boy was annoying and dumb but it made Naruto feel...included. Like he was part of something. Like he meant something to this kid, even if they were only getting on each other’s nerves.

The boy had done nothing but tease him so far and yet nobody else had ever taken the time to even notice him. People barely looked in his direction and here this boy was staring him down like it was some sort of competition between the two of them.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the kid, a knowing smile slowly spreading across his face.

“Hey, I like you. I’m Naruto, ykno.” This seemed to catch the other boy somewhat off guard, but the same smirk was back in place only a moment later as the boy stretched his hand out toward Naruto, causing the blonde to lean back slightly.

“Sasuke.” Was all the boy said in reply.

Naruto committed the name to memory as he stared at the hand in front of him, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as his head quirked to the side once more.

Sasuke rolled his eyes but didn’t withdraw his hand.

“You’re supposed to shake, dummy. Like this-“ with his other arm Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s hand and placed it into his own, fingers curling around Naruto’s nearly-dry skin before lifting their joined hands up and down a few times.

“It’s called a hand shake, it’s what you do when you meet someone new. Jeez don’t you know anything?” But there was no real bite behind the words as Sasuke finally withdrew his hand.

It was then that Naruto realized he’d been holding his breath, and he released it with a huff.

“Yeah ‘course I knew that! I just thought you wouldn’t wanna touch my dirty hands after all the fuss you made ‘bout it n stuff.” Naruto mumbled the last part, finally sitting back on his heels, cradling his own hand and brushing a thumb over where Sasuke had grabbed him.

Hand shakes were warm.

“Sasuke, it’s time to go.”

Both boys whipped their heads toward the new voice, Naruto feeling his heart begin to race once more. He immediately looked toward his new friend, seeing a strange look on the boy’s face as he seemingly acknowledged the taller boy now standing before them.

This new person looked remarkably similar to Sasuke, but despite his longer hair Naruto knew this couldn’t possibly be Sasuke’s...mom. No, this person had a deeper voice and didn’t seem as old as other grown ups he’d seen.

Sasuke nodded in the taller boy’s direction before returning his gaze to Naruto.

“Keep that key out of the mud if it’s so important to you, usuratonkachi.”

Naruto spluttered after Sasuke’s now retreating form.

“I will! Dummy!” Naruto added on the now familiar insult as a second thought, not wanting to let his new friend get the last jab in their conversation.

But as he watched the pair of boys walk away from the river he felt panic bubble up inside of him once again.

“H-hey!”

Sasuke stopped, causing the taller boy to stop and turn as well, inquisitive looks on both of their faces.

Naruto felt heat rush to his face as he struggled to come up with something to say now that he had their attention.

“Uh, I mean- do you live here?”

“....at the River?” Sasuke looked unimpressed.

Naruto huffed out a breath once again. This kid was seriously annoying. He didn’t want to lose him.

“Of course you don’t live at the..River. I just mean...will I see you again?” Naruto held the boy’s gaze with wild determination.

Sasuke only smirked and let a breathy, unbelieving laugh escape him.

“Sure. I’ll see you...Naruto.”

[dokoni-mo]

It’ll Help || Darth Vader x Reader (Blurb)

(A/N: Hi yes so It’s 2 AM and it’s one of those nights were I know i just won’t be able to sleep anytime soon. I’m also feeling somewhat,, lonely. Anyway, this was floating around in my head for a hot minute, and I thought it might be good to write it down. This is based on Far Away, Together (which is, if you’re new here, my Vader x Reader series,,, I’ll link the first chapter here. This is also not really canon to the story,, but take it as you will. Enjoy!)

(P.S.: I didn’t proofread this much at all so please pardon any mistakes!! :’’’’) ) 

Warnings: None! Just some slight cursing

Key: (F/N) = first name 

Word Count: ~2000

~~~

It was well past active hours for you. But, there you were anyway, hammering away on Lord Vader’s broken TIE. 

From even that morning, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep. Word had spread quickly around the mess hall that morning of a leading development in the Empire’s most prised project. 

The Death Star. 

The Empire had just recently acquired the last crystal it needed in order for the lazer to fire. This meant that soon enough, that giant ball of certain doom could rain down terror on any unsuspecting planet, like a sitting duck. Everyone seemed to have somewhat of the same opinion on the matter. The Death Star was great! A fine example of empirical strength. It will strike fear in the hearts of every enemy that the Empire has. 

You both agreed and disagreed. 

Yes, that giant orb of certain death was terrifying. The power to destroy a planet in a matter of minutes? Who wouldn’t be scared? 

But was this thing a good idea to build in the first place? No. Not at all. 

You had to give credit where credit was due, however. The idea of this was good in theory, but you knew better. This Death Star would prove to cause more problems than anything. Once the rebellion knew of it’s existence, there was going to be no stopping them from trying to destroy it. They would attack that thing every damn day. This meant that solutions to problems would be delayed because the Empire would be too busy trying to protect its precious circle. This also meant that the Empire would lose many lives unnecessarily. You would never admit it, but you respected the stromtroopers immensely, and it saddened you to see them die for no reason when all they were trying to was put food on the table. 

You were lucky enough to be working in Lord Vader’s personal hangar when the news broke. This meant that no one would pester you to give up your thoughts to them, not knowing that what you would tell them would be a lie. You would never openly admit your dislike for the Death Star. This would almost certainly have you arrested and sent into reconditioning. 

Late into the night, when you could have sworn that you were the only one left awake, you almost jumped when you heard a sound. Pushing your goggles up your forehead, you turned your head to meet the source of the sound. The sound of heavy boots and the whirr of a respirator. 

“Good evening, Lord Vader.” you said to the sith as he drew nearer to your station, his cape fluttering behind him, “How may I help you?” 

Lord Vader’s cape covered his strong arms as he spoke to you, allowing him to assume his trademark silhouette. If you didn’t have the glaze of tiredness fuzzing your mind, you should have been scared shitless. 

“(F/N),” Lord Vader rumbled out, his mask pointed downward to you, “I hope you are aware that it is well past your active hours.”

You set down your tools before responding, “Yes, my Lord, I am aware. I just...” 

Lord Vader tilted his armor-clad head as he waited for you to finish. 

“I... can’t sleep. So I thought... you know...” you sighed, your gaze faltering. 

A silence filled the air as Lord Vader processed your answer. He certainly didn’t expect that. 

“I see.” was all he said, not knowing what else to. 

You responded almost too quickly, “I-I’m sorry, my Lord, i-if there’s nothing you need from me I’ll just-” 

“That is quite alright, (F/N).” Lord Vader rumbled out before you could stammer and blubber any longer, “I will leave you to your work.” 

With that, he turned on his heel to the opposite direction, taking a few steps to exit through the door. 

Watching him leave, you felt... sad. You didn’t know why, but you didn’t want him to go just yet. 

You must have been more tiredly delusional than you had originally thought, your following actions surprising you. 

“M-My Lord, wait!” you called out. 

To your surprise, he actually stopped, throwing his gaze over his shoulder to acknowledge your tiny frame. 

“Why... Why are you here? I mean- Why are you awake too?” 

You must have really felt bold that night. If you were anyone else, you would have been shaking in your boots for questioning the dark lord. 

He must have been too tired to choke you to death that night. 

“I have been unable to rest as well. I sensed that you were suffering the same fate.” said Lord Vader. 

“Oh...” you mumbled out, throwing your gaze to the floor. 

Picking your gaze back up, you shot him an awkward half-smile. 

“Would you... like to talk for a moment, my Lord? To pass the time?” 

A long pause. You bit your lip. Had you been too friendly? Too demanding? You feared that you just ruined everything you had built with the sith. 

You were relieved when he turned back to you and looked at you. 

“That would be... enjoyable.” he said. 

Your smile widening, you dusted off your hands as you walked over to a small crate on the floor. Opening the crate, you pulled out two canteens of water, extending one out to the sith and holding one to your chest. 

“Feel free to sit anywhere you wish, my Lord. You do own the place.” you teased, your own special way of inviting him in. 

Staring at you for a moment, Lord Vader slowly but surely stomped lugged his boots over to you, the height difference between you and him growing as he drew closer. Once he was close enough, he took the canteen of water from your outstretched hand, pointing his mask down a the tiny thing in his large hands. After a long moment of inspecting the object, he pointed his mask back to your face. 

“You do know that I cannot consume this, correct?” Lord Vader asked. 

You giggled at this as you seated yourself on the floor, your back against one of the crates that lined your station. 

“I know,” you responded, “but it’ll help you get in the talking mood. 

Lord Vader looked at you a long moment before taking a seat on a nearby crate. You were quite the... oddity, to him. He had never seen such bravery yet such... kindness before in an imperial recruit. It was almost refreshing. 

The sight of Lord Vader sitting down as not new to you, but was still very odd to you. You looked up at him as you took a swig from your canteen, pleased to see that he was still holding his. 

“I heard about the development in the Death Star.” you said to him, breaking the ice. 

His shoulders stiffened at this. 

“I do not wish to be reminded of that monstrosity.” Lord Vader said, his voice sharp. 

You nearly choked on your water. 

“You don’t like the Death Star, my Lord?” 

“No.” he responded. 

You smiled up at him. 

“Wow,” you breathed out, “I’m shocked,  I... I thought I was the only one.” 

This has certainly piqued his interest. He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at you. Looking up at him, you could tell he wanted an explanation without him even needing to say anything. 

“Don’t get me wrong, my Lord. I can appreciate the Death Star was a work of engineering,” you said, turning your canteen in your hands as you looked down at him, “but it as a thing... I don’t think the Empire made the right move. The Death Star is a terrifying weapon. The power to destroy a planet that quickly? Heh, who wouldn’t be scared... But that’s just the problem. The rebellion will be so scared that they’ll attack that... thing, every damn day. The people working there will be too busy trying to fight them off to get anything done. In my opinion, my Lord, the only thing that the Death Star will be able to do is cause problems.” 

Lord Vader had nearly thought that he had finally lost his mind. He could not believe what the being before him was letting fall out from behind her lips. To openly criticize the Empire right in front of him? This was something that he had never seen before. He should have killed you right then. In fact, he was supposed to do so, by order of his master. 

Yet... he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of it, even. 

Hearing your words, a sense came upon Lord Vader that he had not felt for so very long...

Connection. 

For the first time in what felt like ages, he was able to... relate to another being, and connect with them. 

It was almost too much to bear. 

He didn’t realize how long he had taken to respond before he spoke again. 

“I... agree, with you, (F/N).” Lord Vader said. 

You were surprised to say the least, shooting your gaze back up to him. 

“You do, my Lord?”

“Yes...” he responded, looking down at the canteen in his large, gloved hands, “The Death Star will only cause problems for the Empire, and...” 

You listened to him talk for a good long while with a small smile on your face, your ears trained on every word. For some odd reason, a sense of peace and tranquility came over you as you listened to him ramble on and on about how much he hated the Death Star. You found it almost funny. 

You tried to stay awake as best you could to listen, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of your eyelids growing heavier and heavier as the sense of relaxation swallowed you whole. 

“What do you think of this, (F/N)?” he asked you once he was finally done with his long rant. Pausing to hear your response, he was confused when you said nothing for a long moment. 

“(F/N), I asked you a question.” He pressed. Greeted again with nothing in return, he allowed his gaze to be ripped away from the canteen you gave him to instead settle on your face. 

What he saw was highly unexpected. 

Your head was tilted downwards and to the side, your eyes closed and your lips slighly parted. Your lashes gently following the curve of your cheek, he noticed how a lock of your hair had fallen in your face, casting a shadow upon it. Watching your chest rise and fall a moment, he was finally able to process what he was seeing. 

You had fallen asleep. 

As much as he wanted to be angry at this, he couldn’t find the strength inside of him to do so. The way you had just looked so peaceful sitting there asleep... it struck an old, dusty chord deep within him. 

He had no idea what it was. 

He had no idea what overtook him as he rose to his feet. 

He had no idea what overtook him as he removed his cape from around his shoulders. 

He had no idea what overtook him as he draped his cape across your body, blanketing you within it. 

Without him realizing it, he hoped that it would help you keep warm in the cold, lifeless hangar.

Looking at you a moment, he shifted his gaze down to the canteen in his hand. He had almost forgotten that he was still holing onto it, yet gazing into the reflective surface, the image of you holding it out to him with a smile plagued his mind. 

He didn’t know why that image projected itself to him, but he refused to block it out for some time. 

He could have sworn that the shiny surface of the canteen had the same twinkle in its surface as there was in your brilliant, vibrant eyes. 

It’ll help you get in the talking mood, you had said. 

And you were right. 

Attaching the canteen to his belt, he sat back down upon the crate, resting his hands upon his knees as he looked down at your sleeping body, covered by the fabric of his cape. 

He figured he could stay a little while longer to meditate while you slept. 

That way, he would know that you would be warm, even for just a little while. 

In that moment, he didn’t want anything more. 

~~~

TAGS: @captainrexstan​ , @robin-obsessed​ @missmannequin​

[jae-canikeepyou]

| tender heart | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: fluff + angst

a/n: i gotta be honest, i had troubles writing a softbf!jae so idk if i wrote this request correctly or if there’s enough angst :// though this is so long overdue but i hope this scenario fits your visualization my dear~ 😉 enjoy! ~j.

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the wave of annoyance began to completely wrap you. you pressed the bridge of your nose at the once subtle noise, later blowing up like fireworks at your apartment. the invitation wasn’t your choice, rather your boyfriend’s. he brought them over because they had their weekly boys’ night. it would be alright if they could lower the prolonged cheers over some video game they’ve been playing for an hour now.

finals were approaching and although you wanted to study or get some peace/quiet, your boyfriend’s turntable was consumed into the boys’ voices. you had to pass this exam because you retook it this semester and you were already having it under control, not today. twisting the pen between your fingers, you decided to put yourself to bed for a few short minutes to rest a bit, maybe clear your mind at least.

it hasn’t been a second that you took another soft pillow and covered your whole face to block out the loud screams. the door of your bedroom swung open. jaehyun noticed how tiredly you walked to the kitchen counter to grab a cup of coffee. no matter how messy you looked now; a tangled high bun with some strands meeting the nape of your neck, his t-shirt that reached your mid-thighs and the crooked glasses on your nose— he still loves you like he did when he first met you.

whilst immersed into the game, taeil nudged the rest of them in secret, telling to look what jaehyun was up to. “pst.” he jutted his lips as they pointed to the kitchen. even from a distance, jaehyun’s ears were prominent when they turned red. “he’s all lovey-dovey to her again.”

putting weight on one leg, you waited for the water to boil and rested against the counter. jaehyun’s warm palms sneaked around your waist, wrapping yourself to him for a hug where his chin rested just on your head.

“what are you doing?” he asked with a playful tone in each word.

“hm?” a spoon in mouth, you hummed in response to give him a hint of bitterness for his actions today. once you poured two packets of sugar, you turned to face but he had you in his stretched forearms. only the friction of the stirring sound of your mug was heard.

he stared into your eyes for a while before leaning in to kiss you. seeing his friends giggling at the corners of the living room, you became flustered and stopped him from being sweet. “c’mon baby. you locked yourself in your room all day. let me kiss you.” he whined, going forward to continue where he left off.

“ngmpf,” you placed the spoon in the gap between. “no.”

he let out a breathy chuckle at your response, kissing the spoon instead. “i guess an indirect kiss works just as fine.” jaehyun swooped you up, carrying you in a bridal style before sitting back on the sofa. your whines did nothing on him, he ignored you and went forth with his desires. cheeky grins and snickers grew quickly as you blushed so hard in front of the boys.

you knew this was in his nature; sweet, loving and caring. although you loved that about him to the point he softens your heart, sometimes it had gotten a little too much and you weren’t used to his public display affection especially when he does it all the time. there should be limits, but apparently ‘limits’ was a non-existent word in his dictionary.

his friends anticipated your participation for the next round. to them, your silence went for two ways: one was you’d join them, and two, refuse their offer and just watch.

and you chose the second option.

donghyuck began acting cute with his palms together. this gesture became contagious when mark and the rest of them followed, taking you a back and leaning against jaehyun.

“please y/n? one round only.” jungwoo sang in the tune of dreamgirls’ ‘one night only’.

“we won’t bother you afterward.” mark nodded.

then their eyes trailed to jaehyun who now was admiring you with a hearty look. he had you on his lap, hugging you like a child would do to a stuffed bear. he knew how much his friends like you, so when it came to persuasion, it was his job to make you surrender. “play with one game, baby.” he handed you the controller with a persistent plead, dimples sinking the more he smiled widely.

you held in your squeal and blushed more than before. and you finally gave in with pursed lips. “fine, one game and that’s it.”

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yuta was now in the kitchen with johnny and jaehyun. they prepared ingredient toppings for homemade pizza, takoyaki and fruit punch. he saw how you actually didn’t keep your word and went for three more rounds. he propped his chin against the counter, sending you hearts he wished you would notice.

“how are you able to endure it?” johnny asked the guy and jaehyun turned to his direction.

“endure what?” he asked for more emphasis into his question that both of his hyungs shared a look. it wasn’t the first time jaehyun saw their expressions in this manner.

“whenever y/n’s in ‘tsun-tsun’ mode.” yuta noted while mixing the takoyaki batter.

ah yes. tsundere; a nickname that yuta’s been calling you even before you dated jaehyun. two words combined where ‘tsun’ meant ‘blunt’ while ‘dere’ meant ‘lovey-dovey’. in fact, it was his idea to make you both meet as total opposites attract. he felt you were each other’s key to both of your locked-away hearts for relationships. so when he managed to set you both on a date for fun, you and jaehyun did clicked, and fell in love in the process.

of course, this was revealed later than imagined and to his surprise, you weren’t mad or anything.

jaehyun shrugged in complete silence, but a smile still evident and shown on his face. “if it’s y/n, it’s alright for me. she’s probably just not as affectionate or showy whenever there are people around. it’s different when it’s only the both of us alone.”

“how would you know if she cares for you when you’re in public? tsunderes like her are kinda hard to read.” yuta stated and it was definitely true. jaehyun would like it if you could be a little bit true to yourself on the outside, not just masking something you were not.

“it’s hard to explain.. but i know it well if she’s being herself.” he spread the sauce onto the new laid-out dough.

your throat thirsted for a drink after screaming at the younger boys for killing you instantly in three consecutive rounds. so headed to the kitchen to find yuta and johnny smiling with the same grins and snickers.

these two- they’re at it again.

“agh, i’m thirsty.” you fanned yourself and grabbed a cup to pour water into. a sigh escaped from your lips and wondered why you spent time into playing rather than studying for your finals. you weren’t supposed to delay or procrastinate what you scheduled today for, but seeing jaehyun and his friends on their free time had you feeling annoyed again. it wasn’t your time of month yet either so why were you so cranky when you thought you’ve calmed down?

jaehyun immediately switched from being serious to a boy in love. he took a piece of pepperoni and placed half of it into his mouth, leaning closer to yours. his pearly whites shown and he giggled wide before speaking. “eat this.” he said between breaths. your boyfriend looked funny and cute at the same time. you were so close to giving in before realizing the two guys behind him started to tease you with their eyes.

you took the piece with your hands and ate it. much to jaehyun’s dismay, his eyes changed and you didn’t notice it. “ey y/n, you’re supposed to get it with-”

“stop this!” you hissed coldly and covered half of your face from the sudden loud tone. you felt instant regret but your pissed personality had already outweighed that. “tsk you’re too much, can’t you see that yourself?” you walked away, your drink long forgotten.

your boyfriend sighed and pulled you on the arm. “so you’re saying it’s a problem that i’m being too attached?” he asked, his voice slightly higher but man that punched real hard.

“i’m saying you should at least know when and where to act this way! i thought we talked about this!” you managed to break free from his hold, but he wasn’t having any of your childish breakouts.

“shouldn’t you be asking yourself that, y/n?” he placed the glass bowl down with more strength on the counter, gaining the others’ attention and diverting their gaze onto you. “all i ever did was to be your boyfriend and myself but here you are, being someone i thought was slowly changing.”

you gulped and nearly choked on your own saliva at is words. in the months of dating him, never have you faced this side of him before. “changing? the heck i’m not. did you forget that i have finals next week? and if you claim you’re actually ‘being my boyfriend’, why did you invite them here when you have your own place to deal with your quality time?” you crossed your arms.

jaehyun felt the strings of his heart strum in a painful way. was this what yuta and johnny meant by ‘enduring’? well, his answer was incorrect, he couldn’t distinguish his girlfriend’s real self and the masked one right now. “i did tell you but you always put your anger over my feelings that it blinded you from seeing what’s in front! how about you act like my sweet girlfriend for once whenever the guys are here?!”

your heart sank at the realisation of how differently you behaved in comparison with jaehyun and with his friends around. you didn’t want to cry in front of them now that you felt the tears prickling and stinging your eyes. with heavy steps you set your pride down and head back to your room. jaehyun watched you rub your eyes with his tshirt and groaned at how far he went with his words. “oh, crap.” he whispered.

yuta and johnny pursed their lips and clasped their hands simultaneously. “sorry jae. we might have provoked- or make her shy-”

jaehyun shook his head, disagreeing with their claims. “you did nothing wrong. it made me realise how stupid i looked when i’m too affectionate with her. i didn’t even know i’m already making her uncomfortable. love is blind.”

they both had jaehyun between them for a group hug. “you’re still soft even when you’re mad at her. you love her so much haha!” they teased. “aren’t you going to her room? it looked like she was crying.”

“let her be. she’ll come out later.” jaehyun assured them, heading back to continue with the pizza making.

“how do you know that?”

“you’ll see.” he bursted into teasing giggles that his friends found him a little evil, but they understood where he was coming from.

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you woke up from crying too hard and your head spun in circles from the pain it had left. there was no point in going out now because your eyes were swollen and puffed up. jaehyun thought you were changing and that hit you the most because you really weren’t.

“stupid jaehyun.” you hugged your pillow and noticed how hideous you looked from the mirror’s reflection.

the aroma of pizza made its way out of the oven and entered your room. you haven’t had a meal since breakfast and it lured you to sneak a peek. however, you were shy to show yourself. there were few knocks onto your door, asking you to take a bite. you couldn’t face jaehyun and you’ve never seen him so crossed. in the end, you knew you had to apologise. he was the best thing you could ever ask for and there was nothing that could replace him.

carefully, you turned the knob without a sound. the guys were still immersed into the game, so walking in stealth mode wouldn’t make them notice your existence. you wore jaehyun’s sweater and put on the hood; soon tied a knot to cover your face. from the gaps of your door, you spotted jaehyun making the second- or third batch of pizza. you had to make sure you stood behind him.

jaehyun hummed a song he always liked to sing. he turned with two plates in his hands to place them in the oven, later realizing you stood before him and wrapped your arms around him. “what’s wrong, y/n?” he passed the plates to johnny and hugged you back. he could feel how you tightened your embrace, like you didn’t want him to escape.

“i’m sorry.” you mumbled into his chest to prevent the tears from falling and from guilt.

he winked at his friends for his accurate prediction and cleared his throat. “what did you say?” he held in his smile.

ah she’s in dere mode.. they thought the same.

“i’m sorry for what i did.” you whined while still hugging him and hopping slightly because you didn’t want to cry in front of his friends.

“i can’t hear you.” jaehyun singsonged and this irked you a bit.

“i said i’m sorr-” you finally looked up, only to be greeted with a kiss the forehead.

the rest of them could see how flustered you were; your arms not knowing what to do nor where to place them, and then they formed sweaterpaws at the sudden action, it looked like you panicked a lot too.

jaehyun let you go and his eyes softened that you began to blush and panic again. “what?”

“just thinking how pretty you are.” he pat your head in assurance that he forgave you.

you inhaled quite a long one before letting it all out at his comment. “y-you. st-stop tha-t.”

“stop what?” he hummed as he bent down to see you properly; red face and swollen eyes. heh, she did cry..

“stop smiling like that. you’re too handsome and it’s killing me.”

“wow, never thought i’d be embarrassed when you compliment me.” he purposely made his voice loud to tease you.

“i’m dissing you!” you butt back, grabbing a pizza slice from the counter.

the others covered their mouths from laughing.

and she’s back to tsun-tsun mode..

jaehyun made you sit on the stool by the counter, where you were levelled with his soft, chocolate brown eyes. “although you’re cute in this version of yourself, you don’t always have to put up a front. you’re with me, so be you. don’t mask who you actually are.”

you pursed your lips at his advice. well he wasn’t wrong. “fine. where should i start?” your cheeks began to turn red again.

whilst rubbing circles around your waist with his thumbs, he pondered for a moment and you saw how he lit up, already knew what to answer.

“try giving a little piece of the y/n who always has a tender heart. that’s the girl i fell for.”