#i wish i knew how to break
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Took three weeks off from sailing because I sprained my damn elbow like an idiot, and no one even noticed I wasn't there.
#i could drop dead tomorrow and no one outside of my immediate family would give a flying fuck#well and my manager when i didn't show up to work i guess#which isn't news#I've always kept myself to myself#but like damn i thought we were friends#guess not#idk it's just hitting me#what's going to happen to me if/when my family is gone#I'm the oldest if there is a god please let me die first#hello in there#fuck im bumming myself out#the worst part is I'd carry on anyways#if i was the last#because that's what i do#there's this wolfstar fanfic that's like#i wish i knew how to break#and honestly same#well fuck
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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they're gonna go on an adventure to figure out what this thing is
#mega man#megaman#mmfc#mega man fully charged#ice man#rock light#ice man mmfc#mmfc ice man#yes ice has a sword. it fits perfectly in his hand. also good for opening letters#i wish his elbows bent more :( if i knew how to make modifications without breaking him i 100% would do it to pose the boy#one of these days i might get other mmffc toys but ice is my boy
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by the time you understand your mother it's too late to save her
#my entire childhood was me desperately thinking mum you are a mystery to me mum tell me what youve been through#and now i know her and to know her is to also know what men have done to her#and it breaks my heart because they dont deserve to be remembered but how can you forget the men that have hurt you how can you ever forget#it's not actually too late. she just thinks it is. she doesn't see a womanhood for herself outside of motherhood#and i wish she knew that shes remarkable#even though i was born with all of her pain i carry all of her love
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#nyxrambles#Gotta take a break for now 😤#I wish I knew how many I actually got through! Because it had to be at LEAST a couple hundred.#(Also what the fuck Matt and Taliesin look so good in this gif it's unfair kjhdgfh)
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🤠Desperado Durst & Bandito Borland🤠
#they just got done fuckin#who said THAT?#lol but this does look like bts of the brokeback mountain film set where they're on a smoke break#I can totally see them delivering the “I wish I knew how to quit you” line to each other#but this is the LB version called “Rollin' Rodeo”#Fred really did write the dance step lyrics to Rollin' in a very line-dance kind of way#I wanna see these two get down to a good country two-step#it's all in the hips boys#all in all this is a great photo of these two fools. stay silly my dudes.#Fred Durst#Wes Borland#Limp Bizkit#nu metal#down the rabbit hole
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it finally happened.
.
.
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sigh it was nice knowing you, smeeps 😔
(please read tags)
#i typed pussy instead of ‘pussu’…#…as in ‘pussuma’#it’s o.v.a#ovary#i mean ‘ova’ like ‘over’ (🙂↔️😇)#[i really wish there was a way to document our thought processes cuz i just need to break this one down please indulge..#this was the sequence: ‘its over’..’no i like ova more’..<saying the letters as im typing>’o.v.a OVARYWAIT….ova..ovary..ooooova…o’..#<extremely heavy sigh as if im surrendering in defeat>’ovary……’<end scene>..#i really wish i knew some (all) of you irl because i cant express how NOT-DRAMATIZED this is]#[oh! and thank you very much for reading..genuinely ☺️]#ramblin but not a gamblin man
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Why do I love DOCTOR WHO?
Because it makes you want to be bigger on the inside.
#I wish I knew how to make gifsets#Once upon a time there was a chatshow called “InnerSPACE” on the Space Channel (RIP) and I was asked to be a professional smartypants#on live television#I was pissing myself#But also having the most fun I've ever had on a film set#I think I was pretty clever.#And yes.#I did rehearse that one#(the gave us a list of probable questions ahead of time. I made notes.#my notebook was hidden under the back of my skirt so I could look at it in the commercial breaks.)#doctor who#doctor who after show#doctor who anniversary special#nuwho#j.m. frey#jmfrey#dr who#television#television appearances#the tardis#tardis#bigger on the inside#i love this damn show
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Ep 10!
#Idk it was. An episode. Not many thoughts tbh ajhdblabfdl#The Kyouka / Akutagawa scene is my favourite ever. But I suppose there's little to say about them I haven't said already lol.#The “Because I knew a man who had the same eyes as yours” will never stop being endlessly impactful.#And I still find it very remarkable how Kyouka is pretty much literally the only person other than Dazai that Akutagawa respects.#It hits me so hard.#Nothing else to add? I think the storywriting in this arc is very good. The plot twists are very well executed.#I remember when I was reading the manga and Ranpo challenged Chuuya face off I was so hooked!!#I was like‚ how is he going to win!!! It's very nice.#I think it's interesting that Atsushi stayed behind with Kunikida instead of facing the pm with the rest of the pm.#I wish we'd explored his decision and state of mind more‚ especially since he was portrayed as being visibly conflicted.#I think part of it simply solves a storytelling purpose of not leaving Kunikida alone...#But I don't think that necessarily means the decision doesn't suit him. Atsushi really looks up to Fukuzawa.#His trauma probably makes him more reluctant to break orders than‚ let's say‚ Ranpo.#And he's always been very spokenly against violence.#Idk. I just think it's interesting.#The line “Kunikida‚ you're the strongest and most virtuous of us in the Agency. That's why the enemy tried to break you first.”#is very emotional#The animation is so strained it makes me feel bad for the animators. So many static frames lingering for so long...#I feel like the result isn't necessarily terrible either. The drawings are not ugly‚ just very undetailed.#But it really feels like there was a group of people doing the best they could with the llittle they had...#random rambles#And I'm now all caught up with the rewatch!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 See you on Wednesday!!!!!
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Bleh
#I gotta rant n I don’t really have a place but here lol#but man is my past relationship weighing heavy on me today#(caveat of pls don’t be weird and make this his problem)#but I still just feel so lost over it#like obviously breaking up with no ill will is the ideal situation#but being forced to confront that someone you spent so much of your life growing with#can just decide they don’t like you like that anymore#like there was distance for a while before the breakup#that I don’t hold against him at all#but reflecting on the first several years of our relationship compared to the last 6months or so#feels like night and day#like you can go from someone being obsessed with you and you obsessed with them#enjoying all the parts of growing into adults together#to just feeling so unwanted bc the reality is they stopped wanting you a while ago#like going from telling friends my only holdup on polyamory was that I didn’t know if I could love another person as much as them#to having to bring to their attention that it wasn’t okay that I came to their family’s house n all he said was hi to me for the first hour#and then confronting that you didn’t do anything wrong#that shit just happens sometimes and neither of you knew how to navigate it#and fuck it makes me so scared for future relationships#because how can you not be scared when you can lose such intense love as the result of a few years passing#I almost wish it had been something I did :/#bc at least then I knew what to work on and mitigate going forward#but I can’t stop people just..#not liking me anymore
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One better (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Blood#I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0#Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread#Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers#Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha#The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax!#Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!!#It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!!#Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u;#Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to -#Until it comes to his eye#Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/#It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh#For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear#It's so sad ;; And so well done <3#And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl#Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :')#Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it#Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone?#''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really#Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔#That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :)#I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol)#I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers!#Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally#Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose
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You tell yourself you're making a silly sketch and then you start coloring it
#still a silly drawing#I do not know if you guys care a droplet for these two but I'm putting them here#I wish I knew how to put more weight behind the hand..#y'know#properly have him squeeze gus#gus fring#gustavo fring#harper greene#oc#breaking bad#art#the shading is messed shhh I know
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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I wish I could explain to u the dynamic me and rin have in my brain I hate him so much he hates me more he has the most correct opinions about horror movies of anyone I’ve ever met he hates my favorite scary movie he’s madly in love with me he hopes I die he calls me at 3am cause he sleeps better afterwards I want to chew on him he blocks my number six times a day
#I wish u knew what was happening in my brain#breaking my silence#I used to be like well rin would be my friend#my good friend rin itoshi#but then I was like no he can’t stand me#and then I was like or maybe he would fall in love with me👁️👁️#and now I’m here#this isn’t a selfship thing im mostly just insane#wild how this has become the bllk dude I can’t be normal about#like w sae im like we are in a Long Term relationship after seven years of the most stupid lovey dovey slow burn#and reo is like poor girl/rich boy dynamic#and isagi is like so like that tweet that’s like ur friends boyfriend is like ur uncle#like isagi is like an uncle to my friends#anyways#I’ve never been normal about characters ever#ghost thoughts
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Soon im rly gonna do it
#🕸️#sui mention#< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are#like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however#every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day#it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a#wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach#into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i#cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening#almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not#only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is#to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being#or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in#coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe#its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont#hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am#im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf#its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will#i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to#do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks#thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me
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NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!
#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield.....#do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay...#oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious#HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH#THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!!#SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!!#big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...)#kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now.....#if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom#fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass#using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH#nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled#KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again....#he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them#while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons)#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1028#luffy king of everything that was such a slay#they changed luffy chiquito's design....#i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj#yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is....#WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!!#i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know#but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw#or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it....#shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj#uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start???#episode 1029#that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on
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