#i wish i could get my time back honestly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shadyvoidhologram · 28 days ago

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I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.

[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]

So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.

Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".

Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.

Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.

And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.

When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.

Then Jimmy finds the gun.

And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.

Soon enough it's just the two of them left.

Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.

But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.

He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.

He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.

Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.

When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.

It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.

As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.

He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.

..ok see y'all when I wake up-

#I wish I was better at talking about the themes of the game and characterizing the crew. There's so much I wanna say-#I want to play the game again just to see if I missed anything in here but it's almost 6 am and my brain is shutting down #I would blame stress and insomnia on this but I legit think about this when I come across the tag again #I want to talk about his guilt of wishing he never helped jimmy get the job. how he wished he died first. how his crew didn't deserve it-#and *if* he makes it out. the surviors guilt. the trauma and the pain it would still chase him for the rest of his life #damn. in any sueing case the company could use him being traumatized and vulnerable to make him agree that it was all his fault-#I swear the rest of the time I imagine a what if AU where Jimmy gets yeeted into space by Swansea and they all live happily ever after #this is basically a fic at this point and I'm so sorry but I wrote too much to delete it all now in a state of post revision clarity lmao #me being a dumbass #mouthwashing #tw death #Ideally Anya would be the one throwing him into space. And Swansea would help her bc honestly fuck Jimmy #Curly would be held at arms length until they've gone back home. only left there to pilot them back safely #long ass post #long ass tags

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t8oo · 6 months ago

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there is some symbolism iv never considered in that one episod of pt5 where zenigata rescues fujiko before she kills lupin

#there are many timelines and variations in lupin as a serie so that every ship could work #in my own prefered timeline lupin finally gets the hint that fujiko plays him like a fiddle #to me she does like him but he is an instrument to her #she is cold hearted and calculating and always thinking about relationships in terms of profit #i got some ideas abt her background that justify this. essentially she kills the detective that is after her and with that kills #the soft part of her that she couldnt control before #eventually and despite his affection lupin gives up the objectifications and the desires he projects onto fujiko #whom uses his delusions like a master tbh #thus allowing himself to consider zenigata. he plays with zenigata the way fujiko plays with him #hes just not as calculating. he feels pity and remorse where fujiko doesnt #he finds the thrills and the doubts and the lack of trust and the risk of betrayal in zenigata. the things that he loves the most #he isnt about stability. he thrives in the unknown. he loves that zenigata could backstab him and does so sometimes #and in that lack of stabilty some form of stability builds up. there is familiarity #and most importantly there are rare times when they can put the game aside and just chill #just enough to gather the energy to go back to trying to kill each other #plus zenigata pampers him during those breaks and he loves that #he acts with carelessness but he does care. in that regard he looses to fujiko #at least thats how she sees it. he doesnt see caring as a flaw #and zenigata is so sweet. he really is. and lupin loves to stirr up the crazy in him #fucking loonies the both of them #so in essence zenigata doesnt really 'save' him from fujiko but he becomes lupins new favourite toy to throw around #fujiko is only upset that because of that ugly looser of a detective her grip on lupin is loosening #she does find ways to use that newly developed affection luzeni has to her advantage thou #lupin is still her instrument she just drags zenigata along now #fujiko is such a good and interesting character and deserves so much better honestly #despite my love for TWCFM i wish there was another serie centralized around her where her ruthlessness is examined #and her cunning is studied. and the proper law enforcement she should face the same way lupin does #shes like a million times smarter and more ressourceful than him. steals much more. embezzles. manipulate #lupin is just a small time pickpocket next to her. she isnt about stealing a painting shes about emptying the pockets of the richest men in #the world. her goals are much more ambitious

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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago

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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything #i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by #while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi #i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real #problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about #and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real #or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason #i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place #because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk #negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual #i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed #a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO #i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait #and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life #like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it #just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy #i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy #and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation #because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life #anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is #to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck

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snootlestheangel · 1 month ago

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This might sound attention seeking so I'm sorry if it does, it is not my intention, I am just looking for a distraction.

Since my anxiety is actively trying to kill me, I'd really appreciate some asks or something

The more bizarre the question, the better, but I'll take things for my wips or ocs

Just anything to distract me from the fact I feel rather miserable lately

*i get sappy in the tags*

#i have been absolutely going through it for a long ass time now #and i sincerely appreciate everyone who has stayed and supported me/my work #i am so awful at really expressing it but i do not know where i would be without the support im getting from some of yall #yall are so patient with me even though i am constantly complaining and just avoiding working on certain wips because im stuck #im having a health problem that is making me seriously reconsider if i should go back to school in january #and its added a layer of stress to the already stressful process of enrolling in college #i have so many things i still need to get done for going back soon but my health may end up not allowing me to go back in january #its absolutely terrifying still not having a definite on whats going to happen come the new year #and its made engaging on here difficult #its made writing difficult #its made honestly just existing difficult but that i can cope with #i really appreciate everyone that has stopped by and taken time to hang out on my blog with me #it really does mean so much to me and i really wish i could get these personal things figured out sooner #so i can give back to yall for what youve done for me #certified snootles moment

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orcelito · 2 months ago

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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.

And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...

And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!

I shall simply write fanfic about it.

#speculation nation #pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died #and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What #but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman #and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state #but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it #thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.

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sysig · 1 year ago

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Let me chew you out a little, since we have a couple minutes (Patreon)

[Panel 1] Prismo: *mumble* *mumble*

[Panel 2] Prismo: *mumble*

[Panel 3] Simon: Hmph. “Just because it’s in your head-��

[Panel 4] Simon: “-Doesn’t mean it’s yours,” huh?

[Panel 5] Simon: Give me all the responsibility with none of the privileges?

[Panel 6] Simon: And then you get mad at me for trying to pick up your slack? Prismo: Hey...

[Panel 7] Simon: Clearly you already expect that much from me!

[Panel 8] Prismo: Hey, hey! I did the best with what I had! I didn’t expect any of this!

[Panel 9] Simon: And yet you didn’t even consider telling me, so we could’ve avoided this?

[Panel 10] Prismo: It’s not like I could’ve just- taken it out! I was locked out!

[Panel 11] Simon: You could’ve done something!

[Panel 12] Simon: Instead you let my life spiral around this thing, kept me tethered to Ice King’s Madness-

[Panel 13] Prismo: Fionna and Cake are real thou- Simon: NOW you tell me! After I find out for myself!

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake #Simon Petrikov #Prismo #They have like two minutes where they're alone together that aren't directly shown onscreen: Allow me to insert some ideas lol #As long as Simon isn't so faded that he can't work the nerve up I Absolutely think he'd get mad at Prismo for all this #Not like he didn't just come back from a terrible experience trying to work around his terrible dregs! He's very miserable!#Honestly I think the anger would be good for him lol #He's had to live like this for years! Under Ice King's shadow for something that wasn't his doing!#And he knows Prismo - he met him - they talked - but not about this #And I mean I honestly don't blame Prismo - with everything going on and his own depression spiral he had a few things on his mind #It's in a bad way for everyone #That said he is a Wish Master he really could've told Simon at any point even if he couldn't take his little pet project out of him lol #Then again again what Was he supposed to do lol #As much as I would trust Simon to keep a secret I don't think either of them could've expected Simon trying to summon Golb to do this #Obviously it /did/ happen that way but could either of them have guessed?? I don't think so #''Don't go summoning your ex-'' ''She's not my ex >:('' '''Cause there's an illicit universe in your head and you might summon that instead'#Like what no I don't think Prismo could've just - guessed that! Lol #He did leave Simon out to dry vis a vis Ice King and Fionna and Cake tho which was Not cool and he Could've done something about that #Although I can also see Simon snapping and telling someone that it wasn't his own stories - there's no winning!#But that's what makes the argument fun haha #Man they're both fun to draw ♪ Simon in that dress and Prismo's tiiiiired tired eyes haha ♫#It was shortlived but they have a fun dynamic :D Simon speaks so deadpan and sarcastic with Prismo haha <3 It's quite cute honestly

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castelled-away · 6 months ago

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So now that we know the marriage market/schemes of the ton are not Benedict‘s cup of tea & he spends the better part of s3 running away from debutantes who want to marry him… I need Sophie (or whoever is going to be his love interest in his season) to be the incarnation of the word no. I need this lovely lady to be absolutely uninterested in this jokester puppy of a Bridgerton so that he HE has to run after HER. And she’s just like no thanks & completely uninterested & pragmatic/down-to-earth all the time until he like…cries & begs her to marry her I guess?

#bonus if she has like a clear life goal that she is working towards achieving all the time bc honestly I need someone who has their shit #together for Benedict bc I feel like this loser is just floating through society without any plans whatsoever and it’s getting annoying #we don’t even see him draw as a background scene and not even a throwaway line said abt one of his sketches or smth?????#I really LIKED Benedict as an artist in s1 & 2 and NOW he’s just whoring around???? I am so confused by you puppy boy WHAT DO YOU WANT WHERE #DID ALL OF YOUR HOBBIES AND PASSIONS GO #but. like. on another note he did a rly good job hanging out *cough cough* with that widow bc I could tell she’s a badass so I can’t really #fault him for that one. but WHERE SRE HIS HOBBIES #which is also why I wouldn’t mind making his love interest older than him? bc maybe with an older women we can get someone who knows what #they want & who can give him a bit of direction in life????#benedict bridgerton #bridgerton #ignore me pls I’m just rambling and saving my thoughts here on tumblr so I can go back to them and see whether or not my predictions/wishes #came true:)#minee

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fitpacs · 5 months ago

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,

#i feel so helpless when i see people being so down on themselves #the community is definitely smaller now and i get why but for those that remain and continue to create #to think that it’s something they’re doing wrong - IT ABSOLUTELY ISN’T #and i wish i could do something to make everyone believe that #i wanna hug everyone and tell them how bright they still make this community - or what remains of it - still so cosy and lovely #whether it’s someone i don’t know in the tag or one of my friends it stings still #this community has some of the most exceptional talent i’ve ever seen -#talent in every form - and as someone that has gone through many fandoms and hate at their creations i tend to not look at numbers anymore #but i get it why people do - i get it SO MUCH #to not get the recognition - it hurts. i get it!#but i’ve learned over time that there are COUNTLESS ‘ghost readers’ or ‘ghost viewers’ that see and appreciate your work but just don’t-#interact with it - i was one of those people up until january this year!#my ao3 was already flooded with qsmp fics before i made this blog and i didn’t have the fitpacs account yet so didn’t leave kudos or anyth #but my point is - i get entirely why it’s easy to get wrapped up #i’ve been there but honestly - you are so appreciated #and i know me saying this makes no difference and i don’t expect to #but i love and appreciate this community with my whole heart #and whether you are someone i speak to a lot or we’ve never spoken at all - thank you for your beautiful creations #it’s a real shame how things went down behind the scenes obviously #but it’s so beautiful that so many people still have such passion to create #and if there is ANYTHING i can do to help build peoples spirits with regards to this please let me know #this community has done so much for me (more than you know) and i really want to give #something back

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novampiresremain · 2 months ago

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hello long vent / kinda updates ( in tags for both ) & also i love you all sm

#life is hard man #i cant socialize for shit #i appreciate everyone whose been reaching out to me and stuff #i wanna clarify my lack of responses is due to the mess that is my life rn #but also im autistic as hell and bad at messaging #tbh #i just have lots of trauma / problems there so communication is really difficult for me #and i am not sure how to navigate it #im doing my best but it is so hard #im not good at messaging back or knowing what to say etc #its been really hard #im an anxious mess most days #and its honestly not getting better its getting worse #i have lots of untreated mental stuff going on #managed to do a screening yesterday so the ball is rolling but its slow & im out of time #rn my partner + friends & wrestling are whats getting me through this #like aside from my cat and a junk drawer full of small things thats about what i got #and life is not very kind to me / us #feels like its working against us actively tbh #and theres some family stuff that went down thats intense #after my nightmare day at all out. i learned a lot more about my place in my family that i didnt really wanna learn rn #so i am. a mess #all my problems are literally so severe i cannot function. i cant do tasks. i cant think. i literally have panic attacks over everything #anxiety attacks that last whole days or hours cause my skin just stays shaking and wrong #my ocd is unbearable #and i cant leave my house really anymore #and select moments i can but. i dont even have those anymore really #i wish i could explain the mess of how bad im doing and also express the gratitude for the people still around #or the people checking in #i am trying to! i am still trying.

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mer-se · 5 days ago

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lil hiatus away

#trump winning hit hard #harder than I thought because I didn’t think he’d win #we all met up the next day and had depression strolls #lots of vents and talks and anger #window shopped and actually shopped #looked at expensive guitars and little hamsters find fun in every place we go #we all made food with/for my niece and talked at my table for hours #played among us like old times till 1 am #got emotionally rejuvenated by the ocean #had plans with a friend that fell through so another time maybe or not idc anymore hahah she’s persistent though #I’m kinda over everything!#this 4:30 sunset always gets me bad for a while #on top of heavy world changes too like do that shit in summer #my dads friend Chris is visiting and that always makes me happy #I heard them cracking up watching South Park in his room last night was the cutest shit #reminded me of old times I miss living in Boston that whole era #wish we could have a redo #or even when he lived here with us after #maybe he'll move back this way someday #or go up that way since won’t ever be able to afford a house where I wanna live #or get out of the country all together #hiatus away was nice especially from Instagram and fb they're horrible places right now #unfollowing and unfriending everyone rn idc who u are #and honestly idky I still even have tumblr now I ask myself that a lot #more and more lately #have a good day #and take care of yourselves

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kindahoping4forever · 1 year ago

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🎂Happy Birthday Cass!🎂

Taking a moment to wish a very Happy Birthday to @cal-puddies, my occasional fellow Tumblr user, my sometimes co-author and my forever best friend. Cass, we've talked every single day for just about 4 years and there has yet to be one where I am not overwhelmingly grateful to know you. Whether it's Sad Girl Hours or Hoe Hours (throwback to our dream team glory days), you're the one I want talking to me on the other end of the screen, phone call or (hopefully one day again soon!) couch. I love you and you deserve for this next year of your life to be as amazing as you are. I truly do have the best friend in this place! 💙🦖🐢💙

#everyone go wish my bestie a happy birthday please!#yes this is a scheduled post btw i am hopefully asleep #2nd year in a row the self-proclaimed Cashton queens are clowning over Cake oops #honestly I almost made you a Lashton collage too but I ran out of time 🥸#but hopefully this Cake collage will inspire us to get back on our game and write something obscene #anyways you mean more to me than any social media post could say #i love and miss you always #another year older another year closer to the farm - i can't wait!#👩🏻‍🌾👩🏻‍🌾🥐🐶🦔🦆🐐🦙🦦🦦🐖🐖🐖#cal-puddies #personal #cass & crystal #friendship 🦦🦦

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cetoddle · 26 days ago

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okay what i have to say is lowkey embarrassing but i wanna bitch and it’s probably only embarrassing to me bc im shy about this stuff anyways the moral of the story is i wanna bitch and u should probably just ignore me. god bless

#honestly halfway through the wedding i did see this guy i thought was rlly cute #like. REALLY cute (so fucking embarrassing)#but i’m too shy to talk to hot people and i’ve never approached anyone before and no one’s ever approached me so i don’t know what to do #idk how to talk to people to begin with let alone like. try to flirt or something #but as the night went on (this is so embarrassing) for some reason i literally couldn’t stop looking at him (kill me)#and he probably definitely noticed me looking at him so he probably thinks im some like. crazy creep or something #but like usually when i see someone attractive im just like oh wow and admire them from afar #but i COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT HIM! WHY! and for some reason i felt like i just really wanted to talk to him #but i didn’t know what to do! i just felt this urge to go try and start a conversation but i just. i couldn’t #and every time i thought i would work up the courage either my sister or my grandmother would come back and hover over me #and i didn’t wanna be like ‘sorry gotta go i need to go embarrass myself in front of this cute guy’#OR he would get up and start taking pictures again. it’s like he knew #he wasn’t even the official photographer he was just one of the guests who clearly wanted to take photos of his friends wedding. which like #is so endearing to me. he has HOBBIES. WOW. (kill me)#idk j can’t even put everything into words i just feel like screaming into a pillow AAAAAAUGHHH #i felt like i was in hs again there was a point i even excused myself to step outside just because he was out there #but he was talking to some old lady. so i was just sitting outside in the grass moping #i feel so stupid i dunno. why am i so worked up about this. i had a few opportunities to approach him and i didnt. because im an idiot #i feel like i’m down so bad which is so STUPID because i don’t even know his name and ill never see him again in my life #so it doesn’t even matter! and every time im like oh oh well it was just random infatuation clearly it wasn’t meant to be #but then i just get upset and all blushy cause he was SO CUTE! and i wanna know more about him! why!#i haven’t felt like this in FOREVER i just feel so stupid for even feeling this way #i know ill be fine in a few days or something but im just like. i wish i could have at least spoken to him once #sigh. idk what’s wrong with me #maybe he’s already dating someone anyways all the cute people seem to already be in relationships #except ME im the only one left. who am I supposed to date!!#i want to jump out the window #snow.txt

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t4tvglow · 17 days ago

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it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me

#unreasonable unbelievable targeting me bullshit like what is your problem what is your PROBLEM #are you punishing me preemptively for telling you i'm going back to school? LOL? cuz sure That makes me wanna stay!#i am splitting so viciously on her right now and i can't even care to wish i wasn't #this was the last fucking straw mentally for me on Trusting This Boss #and i sure as shit can't trust the one above her #i am soooo mad i am so mad i am so mad i am so mad #i just want to be transferred out already and start part time work somewhere else NOW #if i can leave earlier i fucking will #i will be without insurance for a bit but i can try to get on some fast #i just. ooh! ooooh!!!! you little fucker!!!!!!!!#i cannot trust a single person in the front of the building anymore #and i have to sit next to my least favorite person in the back now #and i am just. utterly miserable right now i am Miserable at this job that isn't even as bad as it could be #but holy shit the petty condescending bullshit is driving me fucking up the wall #i can't look at any of them!!!! without feeling intense hatred!!!!#i have no social life outside of work and i can't talk to ANYONE there about this because it'd just find its way back to her!!!!#i can't tell HR because it's not that serious! except it's driving my mental health into a tailspin!#but i still can't tell anyone!!!!!!!! because what proof do i have that she's singling me out!#even tho she has NEVER FUCKING DONE THIS TO OR ABOUT OTHER PPL #i can't Prove that and i sure as shit can't sit down with her and talk to her about my feelings #no job is ever fucking safe to do that in #i just want to walk into a river honestly like i need work so i can pay for college but i wanna be in college already and be Out of here #i just wanna skip to the END of college when i'm actually able to be a nurse and i can feel less like the butt monkey at work #i hate hate HATE being at the bottom of the totem pole i am literally nothing there even though they need me to function #but oh my gd the Looks people give me when i walk in a room like they expect bad news or to be annoyed #sorry for asking questions! would you rather i fuck up and you have to clean up the mess?#i clean up everyone else's messes all day!#they ARE going to feel it when i am not there anymore #you'd think they wouldn't be such cunts to me now but Nope. nope! almost All cunts.#i am so fucking angry at my boss in particular though that text fucking triggered rage i haven't felt in months

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kadekuro · 1 month ago

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#vent in tags #honestly felt for the longest time that i cant draw f/ua anymore and its been eating at me #i got really stressed because of an situation that happened in the fandom where my designs were badmouthed #and i talk big game about loving my designs- which i do! theyre dear to me and inspired by people that inspired me #and i put that love into those designs #and theres no canon designs! thats official fact! but i still get stuck in my head whenever i think about drawing f/ua again #and i think its affected my involvement with the show and fandom and enthusiasm too? i wish i could just go back to how things used to be #i wanna be true to my own designs but i also feel like my designs arent good anymore and its so damn upsetting #ive put -listen to f/ua and draw fanart- on my to do lists like several times now in the past couple years and it keeps not happening

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vampyroteuthid · 1 month ago

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as if today wasn't bad enough on its own with the hour + of crying and migraine and pissy ass immature asshole boss i had to listen to my coworkers (all of whom have kids) talk about how fine it is to hit your kid in the face "as long as it was with an open palm and doesn't leave a mark that lasts for more than 48 hours" so umm. actually i don't even know what to say about that what a deranged way to approach having a child

#i guess former coworker whos now back at nursing school was upset because she hit her kid in the face for not doing some chores or something #and was talking to current coworker who “reassured” her with the above information on how to properly hurt your child #INSANE. GET ME OUT OF HERE #have fun never speaking to your children again as soon as they can gtfo of your control. ask me how i know this will happen #i can't believe i didn't quit today i literally thought i wasnt going to be able to stop crying and it was just going to be a full breakdown #WISH i had quit quite honestly i just looked at my bank account and i have just barely enough for two months rent (and nothing else lmao)#so hypothetically i could quit immediately and have some time to get another job but these goddamn fucking employers are so algorithm pilled #and not actually looking at resumes unless they ping the fucking robot or what the hell ever that idk if i could get even the most shitty #dishwasher job or whatever. i literally would rather wash dishes than put up with this shit #if i do it at a hospital it probably would even have benefits #“get a bachelor's degree” they said “you won't have a hard time finding a job” they said #“nobody wants to work anymore” they said and #“everyone is hiring you just have to apply” they insisted. die #me

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p0th · 9 months ago

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why is it so normalized for jobs to just. waste your time when you apply to them. like, why am i forced to watch a video and do a whole ass personality quiz for a chance at working at A RETAIL JOB FOR MINIMUM WAGE!!!!

#ok to reblog #i have been applying for jobs on and off for the past few months and have gotten only 1 callback WHICH WAS TO SAY THEY WOULD CALL ME BACK!!#they did not call back ^_^#i also shadowed a job and they said they were gonna call me with my pay and then just. didn’t. AND THEY WERE UNDERSTAFFED TOO????#AND THEN THEY DIDNT!!!#fucking miserable how these ppl waste my time honestly #wish i could just sell my shitty art but that only works if i draw stuff i hate & underprice myself T_T #please god… give me a retail job….#or 10k followers on furry twitter🥺🥺#plus my wisdom tooth needs to get pulled it is rlly starting to hurt gahhhhgggg #text #irl #what will happen will happen whether i’m happy or sad tho. just gotta remember that & love the world yknow

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