#i was literally just trying to update my friend on like
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
In a category with "I understand how inflation works, make things cheaper or ill steal them"; I understand the bigger picture of why food pantries are the way they are. Yes i would still rather have means testing, barrier having, church run food pantries than none at all, but still, reduce the fucking access barriers, or I will decry them. Why is that controversial
#me#i was literally just trying to update my friend on like#hey im looking into food pantries for us but it hasnt turned up anything great yet#and she got like#super defensive of these programs#and im like#not EVEN saying that i wont use it#im saying as a trans man going to the St Vinnys and begging them for my life with my (F) Deadname photo ID doesnt make me feel safe.#i didnt say i wasnt going to do it! i said i was fucking skeptical#and she got all 'but they have to do that to track who uses it for grants. they have to. they dont actually care'#i dont care!!! i KNOW that!!! what i am TELLING you#is that it functionally makes this process unsafe and deeply unappealling to me#and she got like. 'this feels defensive and im getting distracted and i cant have this conversation rn.'#i hate it when she fucking does thus#im literally just trying to talk to my friend and she acts like im one of the kids begging her to solve my problems#girl im updating you BECAUSE EVERYONE IS HUNGRY AND YOU CANT FEED US ALL.#and i thought it would be BETTER to know that i am also trying?????#apparently fucking not????????#and like im sorry but i am so fucking tired of saying 'x thing is imperfect and we will need more help'#and being told oh but did you REALLY look? like really? do you actually fucking get it though?#and treating me like im some idiot that doesnt understand that food pantries are already scraps#i understand WHY they enact the barriers they do. they are STILL. BARRIERS.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
✨🌸 Sunshine on your skin, flowers in my soul 🌸✨
🌊🫧Summary → In the midst of his reconciliation with Team Wish, Dusknoir begins coughing up flowers. This unfortunate brand of bad luck should be a cosmic joke. A spiteful punishment that the world has brought down on him out of malice, out of vengeance for his past deeds. A cruel, agonizing curse manifested with the single unjustified purpose of preventing him from realizing happiness, ever seeking redemption, ever righting his multitudes of wrongs and moving on with his life. But that's not true, and he knows it deep down. Knows it in the very core of his soul like the flood of petals building in this throat.
This is his fault because he is a coward, and that's all he has ever been. A backstabbing, lonely coward.
And now he is going to die because of it.
[AO3]
[CH. I -- Word Count -- 13,290]
🌒💫 Return → the act of going back to a place, person, or memory
[CH. II -- TBA]
#(Momentarily comes back from hiatus just to drop this and then proceeds to immediately leave)#I didn't forget about my fic that I promised literally a year ago! Woo!#Here's the 1st chapter fellas!#I've been through misery and hell (still there tbh) but I'm hanging in there with my pencil and paper#(mutuals I did this for YOU)#(scribz once again THANK you for the art ilysm)#I gave up on trying to write everything coherently like a perfectionist before posting chapters#I've decided I'm just gonna post 'em as they're done instead of hoarding them all until I'm satisfied with the entire fic#It was unhealthy and hard to be motivated while writing all of this in my own little isolated box#Maybe with some feedback from readers I'll be more willing to focus on this and get it done rather than let it rot in my docs for months#Sunshine on your skin; flowers in my soul#my fic#Dusknoir/Grovyle#Dusknoir/Grovyle/Celebi#Hero/Partner#Echo/Sora#echo/umbreon#sora/lucario#pmd ocs#lots and LOTS of feelings in this fic be warned my friends#Must admit I am so nervous sharing this publicly cause it's like baring my whole heart to you guys#If you take a peek then I hope you end up enjoying it c:#pls leave me asks if you wanna share thoughts!!! I'd be so unbelievably happy to talk about this fic if anyone is interested#or maybe post a comment or kudos on AO3 instead!! anything pls I'd be indebted to you forever#No promises on a fic update schedule but I will TRY not to let it take months this time#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd fanfic
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have the most horrible confession in the world and it's that when i was in 10th grade english class in like 2003-ish, my friends and i rewrote macbeth in a school project only instead of macbeth, it was bombastic and ridiculous star of tv's the apprentice d*nald tr*mp. and he wanted to become the richest and most powerful man in the world, so he killed bill gates. the three witches were the american idol judges of the time: randy, simon, and paula. the title was "kill bill." (zing!)
for some reason tr*mp was married to barbra streisand (the reason being that i was obsessed with barbra streisand and her diva energy and i worked her into anything whenever i could, like fran fine taught me. i wanted her to be lady macbeth, okay!!!! imagine the POWER!!! "out damned spot" with those fingernails!!!!) and i'm so ashamed that i did this to her. i photoshopped them together in a picture for the cover and everything. god i hope she never finds out. why am i posting about this on the internet. barbra, i'm sorry!!!!!!
i feel like this all might be my fault, is what i'm getting at. the downfall of society. i know that magical thinking isn't a real thing, but what are the odds??!?!! it haunts me. what have i done. this is a joke but also it a little bit isn't. I REALLY PARTICIPATED IN THAT HEINOUS ACT.
#my bestie and i also made fun of his hair all the time and called it 'the onion loaf'#(? idk why anymore. but the phrase sticks with me. how could it not.)#how could i have known that he was literally going to try to overthrow america and remake it in his image one day?!?!?!?!#and yet apparently on some level i did know!!!!!#wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is the worst. is what i'm getting at.#dollsome's deep thoughts#update: i just dug up an old journal entry about this#and apparently i stayed home from school to write it one day (was i less of an amy santiago than i remember myself as?)#and that's how i discovered xfiles for the first time#and became instantly obsessed with msr after a random viewing of 'how the ghosts stole christmas'#so i guess the creation of this and my love of xf are intertwined D:#also we decided to pair up t**** and barbra so the ship would be called 'strumpy' in homage to spuffy#how is this what reality has become? am i in a simulation? am i being tortured?#ahem. anyway. have a good sunday evening my friends!#life sure feels weird by the time you've made it to your latter 30s!#also i hope this really communicates what an absolutely bogus unserious figure t**** was during my adolescence#just completely. like. what has happened.
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
Creator: Mm, art block. What to do...?
Creator: What do you think, wackus bonkus?
"Wackus Bonkus" (Hand): make angst
Creator: ohh, you naughty wackus bonkus
#ooc#not queued#literally me a few weeks ago trying to force myself to not get bored of this blog#this is my excuse for making angst#also it might not seem like it but Ink is my favorite character#he's so like#idk#he's so interesting i like him so much i just don't like writing from his perspective#i love making him a really dark shade of morally grey where he's not a good person but he's not like#a bad person#he just exists a certain way#i do like dynamics between Ink and Swap where Swap is trying to see from Ink's perspective and understand him#but also on this blog him trying to justify Ink's actions because he's a friend clouds his judgement of what's generally morally correct#sorry for the ramble i really like this little paint boy if you can't tell#aforementioned ramble is correlated to the next post for the record#not very confident about it but i do want to show character stuff and give little spoilers n hints about what's happening#i gave the silly little blog a proper timeline/storyline oops#updated to include the wings i forgot to draw fml
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
y'all who actually have partners,, what is a text ice breaker to start conversation? im really bad at it 😭
it feels important to note that when we do talk, the conversation flows great we have a nice rapport and complimentary senses of humors it's just starting the conversation that is the problem i think we are both just painfully shy 😔 (and maybe traumatized .)
#all my friends have offered is 'send a meme' which just gets me a heart react which is nice and all but i wanna SPEAK TO THEM.#and ive also done ~little random updates of my day~ which also works but on my days off i dont DO anything so i cant be like .#hey i rotted in bed all day what did you do#i feel like he's interested but shy ?? i guess ?? or maybe unsure if i feel the same way so he doesnt rly initiate#he did the other day just send me a photo of him working as a little life update which i took as a good sign :) and it sparked a short conv#i just dont know what to talk about or rather i wanna talk about literally everything but i dont wanna be annoyingggg#i dont know whats annoying and what isnt i guess is the main issue#he just got back from a 2 week work trip thing like working nonstop and normally we'd both be free tuesdays (tmrw) but since he JUST got#back today i figured it would be rude and/or seem desperate or clingy of me to ask if he wanted to hang this week#am i just crazy ?? oftentimes yes#it's also 10pm on a monday so i couldnt ask now anyway BUT I WOULD STILL LIKE TO JUST TALK#BUT I DONT WANNA BE ANNOYING all ive ever done in the past is annoy ppl or come off too 'weird' by just trying to get to know them#AND I DONT WANNA MESS UP THIS TIME CAUSE I THINK I DO GENUINELY LIKE THIS GUY IVE JUST NEVER BEEN IN THIS POSITIONNNNN#ITS NEVER FELT REAL#OK BYE
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
PLEASEE POST A NEW CHAPTER OF THE SUGAR DADDY FIC I AM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES 😭😭😭😭😭
Updating All These Nights tonight and then Sugar is next to be updated, promise promise.
#ask#sugar daddy fic#i have been in a writing rut that is known#so i needed to work out some more canon stuff to get the voices back yk? hence updating the other fic first#but also i still feel like the last chapter fell off hard cos i got like no comments#which i know is like 'who cares' but i think i majority switched the style (like for myself) last chapter and i really like it but#if people didnt respond to it#im a little stumped on where to go#(again not in the story but style-wise)#people do not respond to long chapters? people dont respond to the dennis chapters? too much time wasted on sex? idk im#yeah like just a little lost on what people enjoy in the story and what i should gut/cut down on i guess#cos last chapter is hands down my favourite ive written#content wise its close to 6..#but style-wise i know its so fucking long but i thought it flowed really well and god i love exploring dennis' weird relationship with sex#but to me like only 4 people finished that chapter#to clarify. in my head there are literally only max 10 people who read this thing#and 2 of them are my random friends who arent in this fandom and just want to read what im writing#and neither of them bothered with a 27k chapter.. lol#so im stumped trying to pace the writing and rework how i thought it would go#cos i dont know what people enjoy in the fic!!! and seemingly did not respond to in what i thought was the best chapter so far.. lmfao#sorry you caught me on 30hrs awake and way too much coffee
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#the more it sinks in... the more surreal it feels. like HDJDJDJDJDJDJ#the Way i doubted whether he wanted to keep in touch with me when literally..... said he would... how he always answers me...#messages me when he has news kr something to say..... hangs out with people he doesnt like just to have like.. moments with me....#i really cant handle it OYXKYDKYTKDDO#its so fuckin weird. like even if we end up just friends... the experience has been so wild.....#like lmao this time last year we had had like. 1 conversation JDJDJDJXJZJZ#literally sat a seat away from each other an entire semester and dint talk til the last day. oh its so funny#god i cant believe we're friends....#i havent talked to him since i saw him last week at that dinner.. i cant really think of anything to say BDDNDDNNDND#been focusing on job applications#i handed a second one in yesterday and started a third today. hoping to have it done tomorrow but... its not due until feb so... i have som#time to perfect it :))))#i really hate this stuff. like god it takes so much out of me.....#i'll probs update him on how many ive applied to idk. trying not to overthink HDJDJDJDJDJJ#im not really the type to message unnecessarily and neither is he so hhhhhh lmao#itll be fine....#personal#have i mentioned hes my favourite :p
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#periodical life updates#man the second artfight ends someone remind me to start working on my selfship blog FOR REAL. i keep putting it off but i have so many#things to post about my little f/os oguhg </3 wanna make it look all pretty first and draw all the little things for it :>#anyway hi happy artfight!! my drawing tablet broke </3 im working on attacks with my sib's tablet. i am trying very hard.#i have some things queued to post though its mostly easy things and things i already had tags for in my drafts#im so. tired. feeling a little inadequate because it feels like i cant keep up with anything. im behind on af attacks and talking to people#and my queue and sht (i have so many drafts) and i want to do everything and im gwaughhh that i cant#but i know its just ''dont trust anything after 9 pm'' thoughts. im doing well. im making progress. i literally made a spreadsheet and can#visibly track the progress im making. im working on 25+ attacks. im trying. i give myself a lot of work and im doing my best#almost 4 am oh no! still gotta brush my teeth; thats why im still awake really otherwise id be snork mimimi-ing it up <3#changed my discord avatar to an attack my friend moss drew for me <3 its of my boy stickers i love him!!#tomorrow im gonna work on a background for one of my animated pieces maybe <3#hm... do i have any other updates... man i guess thats it :P#i love you <33 hope you're all well <3
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
part of the reason why that cringe ass contemporary romance book i read half of annoyed me so much is one of the leads is a demisexual divorced dad and like. my lodestone oc is a demisexual divorced dad. you come to MY stomping grounds and have a guy's ex wife tell him to his face he's demisexual and he just accepts it? why are they even divorced then. where's the resentment? where's the annoyance with someone who has failed to read you in the past trying to read you and failing (but actually succeeding which is more annoying)? where's the dismissal of the idea that's not how everyone is? come the fuck on
#i am much stronger in that i am able to make my oc... kind of a mid dad who has has actual flaws besides OOOH HE'S TOOOO NICE#also literally the only reason he finds out (in modern au) about demisexuality is the queer kids who like to annoy him keep trying to#get his take on niche microlabels and that's literally the only one he's like 'that's not a thing. that's normal behavior' about#in proper fantasy setting. he never really puts words to it and chalks it up to mostly living among people who aren't his species#like yeah he's only attracted to his partner because they're the only human he's ever been into#and the dating pool in his own species is small so it makes sense that he's only clicked with his two exes#but i know. i know he's demisexual as hell and also. stubborn and unwilling to update his self image#but going back to the book... as a divorce enjoyer. it was infuriating to have this guy have 0% beef with his ex wife#like i wasn't mad they were functional coparents and still friends but they just. did not read like they were divorced whatsoever#no chemistry AND no enmity. honk shoo snoozefest
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
kind of miss the old days
#like being able to talk about your weird niche interests with your buddies#theorycrafting and trying to guess what's going to happen next or what x or y meant in the most recent update/chapter or whatever#deltarune has a LOT of this kind of stuff#but honestly i'm simply too scared to insert myself into these established groups anymore#like fan discords and such (not twitter jesus god not fucking twitter)#closest i see these days in my friend circles are mega and wakn talking about one piece but that's literally it#and it's not really something i can interact with#i think part of the reason i was so into homestuck (another example of something that has this) is because i had friends who were into it#and they had friends who also had friends etc#so i always had someone to talk to about it#but these days it feels like i have all these things i want to talk about but nobody to actually talk to#so it feels pointless#and on the rare occasions i do say anything it's nearly always ignored#and it's unfair to expect anyone to play along when they don't know or care about whatever it is my brain has latched onto#just frustrating to not have an outlet#just been on my mind lately
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate how uncool social media has become in the way that everyone is trying to be cool. why do people need to “boycott” perfectly good products that could be donated to people in need—by mass buying them and destroying them on video, or why do we film strangers in public, harassing them and then getting angry and painting them to be a horrible person online for millions of people to see when they just wanted to be left alone. in public. but this also includes the platforms themselves. kinda wish that they would just shut up and make their apps function. make them easier to use, add more settings for how we want to navigate our time on the apps. why does twitter come out with a new “feature” every week? why does instagram and facebook to copy every single other app in existence? why do these people think that fucking pinterest and tiktok are so popular? because they keep the same format, they keep their apps usable, and they don’t add unnecessary shit every 5 seconds.
#star speaks.#unnecessary rant#i just#I LOVE BEING ON MY PHONE ! and meeting people and talking to people i would otherwise never have a chance to#i love connecting with people over shared interests and blossoming friendships and and and#i can’t even use some of these fucking apps anymore because every time i open them im prompted to update it#and then i can’t even fucking use it because it either 1 had some stupid bug 2 used too much storage and is now slow as shit or#3 is now entirely too confusing and no longer worth the effort#and and ! i keep seeing videos of these ‘street interviewers’ harassing people.#i saw one asking a CHILD if he knew who a p^rn star was and then bought him whatever he wanted because he did know#she then proceeded to ask him a bunch of stuff like ‘oh how do you know her? do you watch her a lot?’#and another guy who was trying to talk to people in crowd in NY and kept tapping the shoulder of#a woman who was visibly wearing a hearing aid AND had her friends signing to her#they called her a racist because he was black and she was white and it????? she’s literally just standing there#she can’t see what her friends are saying because you’re HARASSING HER#to delete.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
speaking of character playlists, i am going to relisten to my rinne playlist
#i have a himeru playlist too. i should do a kohaku and niki playlist too at some point#seeing the responses in the tags to that last poll. so glad i dont have super mainstream tastes#so i can make more unique playlists. i was literally telling someone a while ago that even though#i think i'd like mother mother's music i refuse to listen to them out of spite bc theyre super popular in the playlist sphere#i think it was my sister actually amsdpfioads#uhm. i think my answer would also probably be other though cuz i do try to lyrically match up my songs too#i will listen to a song and the lyrics will remind me so viscerally of an enstars character or ship#and i'll send them to my friends and just go. listen. listen. do you see my vision#and they do!#shay speaks#if u want my playlists lmk i have them on youtube and spotify#i think my rinne one on youtube needs to be updated though
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
!
#also update from one of my previous posts:#ive cut off a friend because i dont like how they treat me and our other friends and i have a lot of mixed emotions about it#like i dont hate them but i cant help but feel slight resentment after dealing with this for so long#i wish them nothing but the best but i just cant take it anymore im tired of being afraid to do or say literally anything#ive tried all that i can do and given all i can give to try to help them but nothings ever good enough i didnt ask to be a therapist#and im like devastated that its come to this it never used to be like this or at least ot was never this bad#it hurts so fucking much having to lose your friend of like 11-ish years for several reasons that have all just been building up#more and more over the course of like 3-6+ months#vent#bugs agere journal
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can 🙃🙃🙃 I’m way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.
#plz no sexyleon#life update basically#I’ll still be using tumblr and stuff and I’ll probably reply to things on here#but I likely wont be responding to direct messages#I just???? I’m too clingy and needy and I feel reliant on the people I talk to for any sort of social interaction to be happy#I gotta figure it out because my mental health is in the shit and I can’t be reliant on others for stability#and I didn’t even really notice that’s what was happening until all my friends were busy on the same day and I really just needed someone#anywyas sorry this is complicated I just needed to vent in the void#also for my mutuals who I talk to all the time this is why I’m afk and I’m sorry I love you very much I just have to figure it out#why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them????#idk this is why I gotta stop#im the loneliest bitch in the world but I really can’t be anymore I gotta be alone in this bitch but not lonely#or I need to make friends with my loneliness and we can tackle the world together#otherwise im not going to survive#my anxiety is out of the roof and I constantly feel like I’m having heart palpitations#I literally think I’m going to die sometimes#I used to say I’d prefer the anxiety over the depression because I know how to navigate anxiety#well guess what my anxiety evolved like some sort of mega Pokémon and now it’s kicking my ass and I don’t have any idea how to defeat it#sorry for venting
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
season of the lost was REALLY REALLY good though. like really good. standing right next to the honorable season of the drifter in ranking. it had such a coherent throughline about grief and love and loss that gives me much to rotate in my mind. heart emoji
#pers#destinyposting#sorry to keep posting these updates. just 2 more now and ill be done#anyways i didnt expect to like lost much at all but shes my new best friend. like. its literally about grief and loss and holding on#to the things youve lost and fucking up and making mistakes as a result!!!! and the ascendant plane stuff#with leylines was really cool.....and the end mission w the ghost of the worm god in the dc....#xivu trying to hold on to her sister! mara trying to hold on to her brother! yumyum!
3 notes
·
View notes