#i want all of my people to know that i love them deeply and strongly

[leafwyrm]

the idea of someone having proof that I love them is both forever tantalizing and terrible

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[fish-and-forbear]

Really just hope things will be okay. I know they will be, I know I have always done all I could with the information and means I had but.

Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose.

Just need to learn to forgive myself and move on, with many many things

- Fisher

[just-a-ghost00]

The reason why they fell so hard.

Images found on Pinterest. Each spread consists of 5 cards. The messages will be written as if it were from the POV of the person you were asking about.

Group 1

9 of pentacles, queen of swords, 9 of swords, 5 of swords, the Sun

You're so freaking addictive. Every time you push me away, I can't help but to love you more. I was just raised that way. I was taught to work hard for what I wanted. I was taught that love should be deserved and was not to be messed with. I was taught that caring was fighting. Fighting for the sake of those you love. Fighting against those you love. I know, I was not raised in the best conditions. I know, I may not know what love is. But I know that I want you. And that, neither of us can deny. I fell for you because you never let me have my ways. You call me out and push me to be better. You never need me. You never wait for me. You just are. And you are perfect. Everything about you is rock solid. I don't have to worry whether you're gonna make it out. Because I know whether I'm here or not, you'll make it to the top. You did not wait for me to be who you are and that won't change. Whether I'm around or not, you're still gonna slay. And to know that someone so strong cares about me fills me with pride and desire. You got under my skin. Even if I wanted to push you away, I couldn't. You're everything I see. All I think about. Every decision I make is tainted in your color. Your warmth has penetrated through the cracks of my walls and now I cannot help but to seek for their comfort. I was alone. I was cold. I felt scared and misunderstood. I was tired. So exhausted of having to work so hard only to be met with silence. I struggled so hard to be where I am. The road to success is lonely, I've been told. Though I knew it, I couldn't help but to hope that I would find people along the way who would be there through thick and thin. But there were none. And then you came in. And everything changed. My sky is clearer because you chased the storm. How could I not fall for you after all?

Complementary information : this person is first and foremost attracted to your mindset as proven by the fair amount of sword cards in the spread. They may be a sapio sexual. If you tend to be considered the brains of your friend group, then this is one of the reasons why this person is head over heals for you. Another thing I'm strongly picking up on is sarcasm. You may not hold your tongue in presence of this person. You may tease them a lot or downright mock them when they're being rude or acting silly. There may not be a lot of people around this person that dare talk back to them. But you do. Somehow this shows this person that you are someone they can count on. Another important factor is your independence and your abundance. If you have your own business or you are a very active person, you make your own revenue and are able to provide for yourself and your family, then this person is in awe of your success. Even more so if you happen to be popular among your peers. You leave a very good impression on this person because of how serious and dedicated you are to yourself, your work, of how straightforward and fair you can be with others. You have a very strong moral code that gets this person weak in their knees. Your generosity may also touch them deeply. If we're talking about physical aspects of you, what stands out to me is that you may look very youthful and bright compared to other people. That may be true especially if you have a style that is a stark contrast from the rest of your circle. Or at least you're very different from what this person is used to. You represent some kind of extraordinary factor in their life. For instance, if this person has always lived in one city and in this place they only see very skinny and pale people but you are a bit chubby and of a darker skin tone, you will automatically strike this person right away. This person seems to be attracted to what is different from them. You represent the unknown, adventure. That may be very electrifying to them. There may be a bit of fetichism hiding under all that attraction.

Group 2

Ace of pentacles, Wheel of fortune, Magician, 3 of cups, 2 of cups

You took my breath away. The moment I met you, I knew I had to have you. You became as essential to me as oxygen in a matter of seconds. It's not just because of your beauty, your grace, the way you talk or cary yourself. It's about how perfect our meeting was, how in a heartbeat you became the answer to all of my prayers. I didn't know I needed you until I laid eyes on you and God do I feel thankful for being able to experience this. I feel so lucky being with you. It's like you're every one of my dreams come true. You're smart, patient, kind, loving, generous. You never bring me down. You never ask of me more than I can give. You never give me more than I can chew. You're always so fair and just. You just have that magic to you that I can explain. It's like someone has casted a spell and now all I can see and think of is you. To be honest, I wouldn't mind you casting a spell on me if that meant that I got to be with you for the rest of my life. You're so fun to be around. So chill. I just feel so good with you. Our dynamic is perfect. We match like to puzzle pieces. Made for each other. I'm sure fate has a lot to do with this. You were my destiny. I'm sure of it. Our meeting was no coincidence. I mean, you came in at the perfect time and the perfect place! If that's not destiny, I don't know what is.

Note from reader : this person's energy is so sweet omg they're just in awe of you. I get a very flirty energy from them. I got the message that they were especially drawn to your lips and hips. I heard "hips don't lie" lmao They think you're their Shakira. This person likes to tease apparently. For some I'm getting that you're a witch or you're into the occult arts like tarot and such. This person may tease you about this but they have nothing against it. It's just something they find hard to believe. But when they see you they can't help but to question everything they think they know. They legit think that you put a spell on them because of that. This person is aware that you use tarot as a way to manifest. They feel intrigued by that. You intrigue them more than you will ever know. I get a lot of sexual energy coming from this person, though the cards don't show it as much. However, I'm picking up on the fact that your person may be in a third party situation. Or at least, they were when you first met. What could have contributed to their attraction for you was the fact that you represented a way out.

Group 3

The Emperor, 3 of cups, The Empress, The Lovers, Judgement

Babe, can't you tell? How could I not fall for you? My princess. My love. You are gorgeous. Gorgeous in every way, as if God himself made sure that your creation would be a success. You are wife material. You are THE woman. Everything about you makes me go crazy. I want to protect and love you with all my might. You are my equal. My other half. The Yin to my Yang. Even if I wanted to hate you, I just couldn't. We're so good together. There isn't even a need to question or doubt it. It makes perfect sense to me that we should be together. You are an absolute queen. You are fierce, strong, independant. You value yourself without bringing others down. You stay true to your word and your principles. You've never been disrespectful to any body. You've built yourself up so brilliantly. You are smart and observant. You always know what to do, what to say, when to talk and when to remain silent. You are perfectly balanced and mature. Your life and accomplishments are the solid proof of your authenticity and worthiness. You are popular, admired among your peers. I always hear such good things about you. How could I not love every part of you? How could I disregard such a gorgeous being? That would be foolish of me. To me, our love is as obvious as the sun rising each moring and the moon shining in the night sky.

Note from reader : if this person hasn't asked you out already, I think they're going to do so soon. And let me tell you, they're no joke. They want to wife you up ASAP. My appologies to gentlemen and non binary people, as the channeled message mainly mentioned women. I feel like even though the message was written this way, the general content still applies to you. If you or this person is a Taurus or an Aries, this is your sign that you picked the right group. Gemini and Scorpio could also be relevant. What this person loves the most about you is your body. I'm hearing Ed Sheeran's song in my head. This person feels a strong magnetic pull towards you that they just cannot resist no matter how hard they try. They've expressed the fact that your personality and ethic is what got them going, but I think what drew them in first were your looks. I'm especially picking up on your curves overall and your sense of fasion. You looked very balanced to this person. And very mature. From first glance they thought "this person knows what they're doing". It's like they thought you purposefully matched certain clothes together because you knew how good it made you look. And looking at you they thought that you would make a good team. After all, this person is represented as the Emperor and you are the Empress. So they may be into fashion as well. Maybe they're the kind to wear couple outfits. And when they met you they immediately pictured you together because your style matched theirs.

[thatfrailsoul]

– Nourishing your soul, treasuring your bonds

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

("Sleeping Beauty in the Wood", Maxfield Parrish)

It is already challenging enough to find within ourselves the courage to be who we want, who we truly are... Enough to assume that once done that - there is nothing, no one, else to worry about... And yet here you are. Pressured by this doubt that you shouldn't have in the first place. The one that choosing your own self - your goal, desires, your needs - might be not right for you, or even worse... not aligned with the path of your loved ones.

So... are you doing the right thing by choosing yourself? Will the ones you cherish understand and help you with this journey? Will your paths still remain aligned, side by side? Can you really do this for yourself, without being forced to say to them goodby?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, calling so strongly your heart. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

_

A little message to the beautiful soul that requested this reading: Your questions truly moved me. I felt them deep down, as I too asked myself the same things so many times... So I wanted to do my best by looking closely at each question on your mind. It will be a slightly long reading... But I hope that it will give you the clarity that you are trying to find.

_

– Pile One,

three of swords, six of cups, the hermit

When we are growing, feeling the real change in ourselves, in the parts of us that for so long we didn't take care of and forgot... It is inevitable to feel more deeply, to see things that we never noticed before. In the world around us. In our life. In the people by our side. It is inevitable to, suddenly, feel resistance, perhaps judgment from some and even concern from others... Exactly in those things and actions that are so connected to us feeling better, stronger, more confident about what we deserve and who we are...

And it's confusing, you know. First comes the hurt and frustration, of doing all this work but not being seen, congratulated, appreciated for the new aura radiating from us and that makes us so proud. Almost like they don't like and don't want the better version of us... Then comes in the doubt and fear that it is the truth. That what you know for sure is the best thing for you... It's something that is so inconvenient for them. That perhaps, unconsciously, you once again became fond of people that were just so good at wearing a mask. Hiding underneath their true them, that is so different from who you want by your side and who you want to become.

And all of these doubts and convictions are so overwhelming for your mind. The only place where you have the courage to think about it, to consider, to try to find a solution... Because just speaking up and asking them about it out loud... feels so risky, so dangerous. Something that will be the end of a bond that perhaps is completely fine, and that you are complicating on your own in your mind.

But the thing is... Although we can indeed sometimes misunderstand one intention for another, through their actions or their words... There are only so many times that you can wrongly read the room or their tone while they are speaking their mind. Even if you convince yourself that sometimes you are a little too defensive or feeling a little "too much"... you are not naive. You are not completely new to this world. You already had these doubts, these uneasy feelings, these intuitions or fears about those by your side. It's not the first time that you are being supported on your decisions or journeys, and in the same way it's not the first time that you discover that someone is not in fact your "ride or die".

And this exact fact that it is not the first time, of fearing to need to let go of someone, being so affectionate but at the same time aware that you are for some reason not aligned, makes it all so incredibly hard... that you wander if perhaps making a step back and leaving the things the way they were, might be better than creating so many changes and chaos in your life.

But you are doing the right thing, you really and truly do. You didn't go so far, found this strength and courage, to doubt this journey now. Now that you are already halfway through it. So close to the finishing line. You didn't go through all of this for yourself, to ask then if everything will be fine, if they will in the end understand, accept the new you and stay... When what you truly want and are afraid to know is if you indeed need to let go of them as you are feeling now. If you need to leave behind those that judge so much who you are becoming, already hurting a version of you that is still so new, even if it will hurt so much your heart.

You already know all of this deep down, that it might indeed be the necessary thing to do. And you are also aware of the fact that you don't really want to do it, to choose between you and them, losing one or another, not being able to maintain both. You remember how difficult it is, feeling, being alone. And it only complicates everything. A decision that you are not able to make because both options see you suffering, because of others or of the void left in the place where they used to be.

So... Let me rephrase it a little for you: do you really want to need to justify your decisions or who you are, constantly defending yourself from those that should support and appreciate you and your life? Are you really ready for a constant battle with those by your side?

Because, are you doing the right thing by choosing yourself or not, is not even a question that should cross your mind. You are on the right path. You are doing the right thing. You are doing just fine. You are actually making the most important steps in manifesting on your own that life that you want to experience and enjoy. Starting from you. And through you - with those around you.

And this moment of resistance, this moment of you seeing so much difference between you and others in your life, it's not a way of the Universe to tell you that you are making the wrong decision, becoming too different and less relevant or appealing to those that you want with you. But it's rather a way to make you understand that not everyone can or needs to stay here for a lifetime. Not everyone can be satisfied and completely aligned with what you have in mind. And if there is a right way to choose who to have by your side... well it's for sure by sharing your feellings and thoughts, your desires and intentions, openly. Seeing who feels excited for you, who is proud of you and understands... Or who is feeling hurt, only because for once you are prioritizing your own self and what is the best for your life.

We indeed are, at some extent, the people that we have by our side. They influence us in how they treat us, their opinions, their convictions in which we start to believe too. They form you, consciously or not, through the ways they support you or judge you, limiting your decisions or your steps.

So don't hide in your mind for the sake of others. Don't try to analyse or understand all on your own. Looking for a solution to make everyone happy and satisfied. Think only about yourself now, exactly like this journey requires. Follow your own plan and path. And allow others to be themselves, like you are the true you now. Even if it means that your paths will go different ways. Because no matter how sad or difficult, it is still fine. To be different and to live different lives.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the four of cups, the eight of coins, the ten of cups

Look at you - you are just blooming. With all the courage and strength that you've found to finally and truly take care of yourself. To nourish your soul, make it smile and feel free and alive. You got through so much, through so many new and uncomfortable steps. You faced and made peace with so many parts of you that were consuming you, filling you with anger, fear and despair...

You did it. You truly did. But you managed to do so by hiding yourself. Creating that safe space away from everyone. From their opinions, "advices" regarding your life and how you should make it through. From all the people that talked so much, but so rarely listened to you. Becoming for yourself, on your own, the closest and dearest person by your side. The one that you can truly trust your heart with, the one that can so gently calm your mind. You connected to yourself so deeply, finding so much within yourself... that you don't really feel the need to have someone else. Especially those that remained their old self, not changing even a bit in this time that you spent by yourself.

And now that you "came back", felt strong and confident enough to meet them once again... The difference between you, the moments of silence or of the conflicts, were just too loud. And where before you felt uncomfortable, you just started feeling completely out of place now. Seeing only strangers in a life that is supposedly full of people, so many of them by your side.

But there is a thing about you... About how you don't really accept the idea of giving up, of considering something, someone, a lost cause. You didn't do it for yourself, demonstrating how much a person can change, grow and start to shine again. And you don't want to do it for them, for those that... You really do want to see one day understanding you, the way you see and feel this world, perhaps finally appreciating you, cherishing you the same way you learned to do it with your own self and them too.

And you can really do it. You can really see this change in them one day, even if now it seems so impossible to find a way to speak to them more deeply, enough to touch their soul and give them a new goal, a new hope. It will happen. It is already happening now. Because of you.

With your courage, or despair, in finding your true self, in taking care of yourself, you unconsciously created an example. You demonstrated silently that there is no need to suffer and be pressured by a version of you that just doesn't fit you so well anymore. You showed that, although something so new and perhaps complicated at first to do - it is so worth it. To open up. To your own self and to others. To this life, the things that it always teaches us, but that we sometimes are not so ready to learn and make ours.

You created something so beautiful, by simply choosing yourself no matter what. Like a little seed that you hid in their subconscious mind, it started to grow, manifesting itself in their actions and decisions. That for once started to be for themselves, for their good, for their safety and wellbeing. Unlocking a new version of them, that sees so much more now in their life and their bonds. Cherishing every moment more.

It might not be something that you can see already now, not when it is something so little, that even they are only now starting to notice and appreciate more... And not everyone will bloom and grow... But those that will, they will surprise you so profoundly, they will surprise themselves. In seeing how much your paths evolved and changed, aligning themselves even though you both started to feel like it is time to let each other go.

You will rediscover each other, get to know again so many people that you were convinced to already know, finding out how actually similar, closer your hearts are. But... Just give it time. Be patient, the same way you were with yourself and the journey that you were on all this time. They are growing too, they are changing, and it is something that goes so differently for every person, that requires a different rhythm and pace from perhaps the ones that were comfortable and right for your soul.

Don't worry about it, everything will be fine. Continue to focus on yourself, on protecting your new boundaries and expressing your new ideas and passions. Gently, sweetly, exactly like the way you are. Radiating your beautiful light, and showing others a way to find their own right path.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Three,

the knight of cups, the king of swords and the six of coins

When we start to strive for more, to have this deep need for a change, for a better life and us... It is sometimes almost impossible to not be overwhelmed with all that motivation and energy. With that desire to do everything at once, making progress as fast as possible and being finally able to enjoy this better life.

It is so difficult to not get caught up in all of this... That sometimes this incredible glow around your soul that grows so beautifully - just starts to blind your own eyes and mind. Making you see - where at first there was so much enthusiasm, motivation, exciting new steps - just so many more sacrifices and things to do. Just for a chance to live well and feel good.

And it just drags you back down. In that discouragement and tiredness, in that doubt of really being ready to start this journey. Of wanting it truly at all. And while you fall back in this spiral, in this paralysis of not knowing what is best or worse, if to need to work for a new life enduring again all those challenges and battles... Or to continue this one even though it just doesn't speak anymore to your soul... In all of this your mind is just working too much. Day after day, doubt after doubt, making you forget a little but important detail: you don't need to do it all alone.

Yes it was you idea, yes it is indeed your story, your life that you are doing all of this for... But a journey is not always so limited to only one soul. It is not always meant to be faced on your own. But you assumed it, too caught up in these emotions that a start of a new journey filled your heart. You isolated yourself, hid yourself from this life that doesn't suit you anymore, and from the people around you that just didn't felt aligned. You hid yourself, and started to create everything from scratch on your own. Facing so many new things and questions that you never considered before. Refusing to ask for help, to have opinions of others, because you knew for sure that the same way they never understood they won't do it now too... You convinced yourself of this. Taking away from you perhaps one of the most powerful and beautiful details of a journey: the strength and courage that gives you the not being alone.

It is true that, no matter how much you love those by your side, they are still so different in the way they see and feel this world, in how they want to experience this life... But different is not always negative. It is not necessarily source of judgment, lack of understanding and appreciation, lack of support... Sometimes, exactly that "different" is what can help you find new solutions, answers, new ways of overcoming an obstacle on the road you are trying to walk. Sometimes it is exactly that support and needed hand that can help you navigate your emotions and doubts.

They are different. But this doesn't mean that they don't love you or don't want to see you bloom as the most beautiful flower of this world. They are here for you, and they show it in the only way, from the only perspective that they know... But they can also do it differently, if only you let them learn, allow them to understand fully what is it that you are looking for.

They have so many other versions of perceptions and opinions different from yours. But this is where their strength is. This is where the strength that they can give you is. So many new ways of facing things, of advices, of experiences, of more delicate or more straightforward approaches. So much help that they can give you on your journey, if only you allow them to.

Don't hide yourself, don't assume that they will not understand. Because there is nothing that they want more - to help you be your authentic and most confident self. You grew up, you changed, your mind learned so well to be open to others and their ways. And they can do it too. If you allow them to learn from you. To stay by your side as you make your first steps, to see you, to feel you. And to protect and guide you, helping you to don't doubt, to don't be afraid, and to believe in yourself.

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) - you can find out more about it here!♡

_

_

[historicity-was-already-taken]

So, I saw you mention from the river to the sea being antisemitic. I’ve heard various people claim it had antisemitic origins but was never able to find reliable corroborating messages and was curious if u could elaborate on that more, if that’s why. The other argument I’ve heard is it being coded for “free from the jews” which. Yk. I definitely know there are some people who say it with that intent. But I am skeptical of insisting that implication is Always present to people who have found it a useful slogan to rally around on this issue without evidence backing up that intent in the original popularization of the slogan or that it has been widespread deliberately used with that meaning for a long time. Given your whole historian business I don’t doubt that you DO have solid reason for saying it’s antisemitic, I’d just love to hear the details.

I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote about this in an earlier post, because that's still my response:

"That phrase contains strongly genocidal undertones with regard to the Jewish population of Israel who were forced to settle there after being ethnically cleansed from their homes across Eurasia and North Africa over the course of the 20th century (many of whom were and continue to be treated like shit by that country's government and don't get me started on the Yishuv's treatment of Holocaust survivors).

More than half of the Jewish population of the world lives in Israel. As an American Jew and a Holocaust historian keenly aware of the circumstances regarding the postwar Jewish peopling of the modern State, I am deeply uncomfortable with seeing that phrase in my intellectual space. Free Palestine, yes; work towards equal rights for Arab and Palestinian citizens of Israel, yes; engage in active reparations for Palestinians who had their property actively stolen from them in 1948, yes; Truth and Reconciliation Commissions, yes; but not on the bodies of half of the 15 million Jews who remain on this planet."

There is no Collective Jewish Take on this, because Jews are not a hivemind. But it is my take, as a Jew, and as a Holocaust historian.

Jews across any political spectrum will be extremely sensitive to ANY language which reads to us incitement to ethnic cleansing, because we've been ethnically cleansed from all regions of Eurasia over the course of our ~3000 year history. A lot of Palestine activists don't want to engage with that and really resent being told that they need to. And like, I get it; I get their frustration, resentment, rage, and righteous indignation. But the Jewish pasts, and Jewish knowledge of our tenuous ongoing existence on this planet; those aren't going to go away just because it complicates rhetoric on the Israel/Palestinian Conflict.

People can keep using "from the river to the sea." You can keep using it. I'm not the Language Police. Some Jews here and elsewhere may feel comfortable using it and being in spaces where it's used. I'm not going to shit on those Jews or call them "Kapos" or "Self-hating" or "pick-mes." But I'm also not going to change my opinion or my analysis, or ever be comfortable with its use in my intellectual space.

[modmad]

Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.

I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.

I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.

woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.

tw for suicidal thoughts and all that

yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.

My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)

On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.

I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao

Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.

also fuck Mr Puzzles

[rynwritesreid]

Twisted affections| Spencer Reid & Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Both Hotch and Spencer realise they both have feelings for you. They decided to approach reader about the possibility of sharing a relationship with both of them. Hotch, acting as a protective father figure, and Spencer, more discreet but equally protective. They approach reader together to talk about the possibility of a unique relationship.

Content: Smut. 18+. Fem!Reader. Mean Dom Hotch, Soft Dom Reid, Sub reader. Threesomes Oral sex (M! receiving). Fingering. Degrading. Praise. Overstimulation. Anal. Double penetration. Candaulism. Voyeurism. Exhibitionism. Breeding kink. Marking. Pet names.

A/N: This is my first time writing about a threesome. I hope you enjoy it :)

Masterlist| requests are open| Navigation

4.0k words

When you first joined the BAU, fresh faced and doe eyes, Hotch and Spencer immediately noticed you. Of course, Hotch had interviewed you, but he just now realised how beautiful you really were. See, you have this radiant smile, one that everyone on the team looked forward to seeing. You were a generous, empathic, and all-around good person. Everyone on the team loved you, especially Hotch and Spencer.

 

Hotch cared for you like a very protective father, he would glare at anyone who so much as looked at you in the wrong way. Spencer, however, was more discreet. He wouldn’t shoot evil glares at the men who did flirt with you or look at you as if you were on display. He was still protective over you, he would always go in-front of you when you were in the field, he made sure the people we were trying to catch didn’t come close to you. When everyone else was sleeping on the jet, he would come put a blanket over you.

Though at some point, Hotch and Spencer must have realised there was no point fighting over you. They both wanted you and neither of them wanted to be the one without you. They could tell how you felt about them, they saw how you looked at them, how you acted around them. Because of this, they knew they needed to come up with a plan together, one where they would both win, and where you would be able to have both of them.

 

They decided to talk to you about it, to see if you were open to the idea of sharing a relationship with both of them. It was an unconventional arrangement, but they couldn't deny how strongly they both felt for you. They decided to wait for the perfect moment. One where it would just be you three alone, they didn’t want anyone else on the team to know what was happening or that you three could possibly be in a relationship together.

 

This came quicker than expected, it was after a case, it wasn’t particularly gruelling, but it wasn’t an easy case. You didn’t want to go home straight away, you lived alone and sometimes you would just stick around the headquarters to do some paperwork or relax for a little bit. Hotch and Spencer were also there, you knew why Hotch was there, but you weren’t really sure as to why Spencer was still at work.

 

As you sat at your desk, Hotch and Spencer approached you. They were both standing on either side of you, and their presence made your heart race.

 

“Hey,” Hotch said softly, “we wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

You looked up at him, and then at Spencer. Both of them were looking at you intently, their expressions a mixture of nervousness and hope.

 

“Sure, what is it?” you asked, unsure of what to expect.

 

Spencer cleared his throat, and then spoke up. “We’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and we wanted to ask if you’d be willing to try something with us.”

 

Your confusion must’ve shown on your face because Hotch stepped in to explain.

 

“We both care for you deeply, and we don’t want to lose you. It’s an unconventional arrangement, but we were wondering if you’d be open to the idea of being in a relationship with both of us.”

 

At first you were apprehensive of the agreement, unsure if this something you truly wanted. They were both attractive to you, and you have developed a crush on the both of them. You sat there in silence, looking at neither of them.

 

You needed time to process this unusual proposition, but you also didn't want to dismiss it right away. You thought about how much you care for them, how they both make you feel, and what it would be like to be with both of them at the same time. It was a lot to take in, and you didn't want to hurt either of them by jumping to a decision too quickly.

 

After a few moments of silence, you looked up at them and spoke softly, "I need some time to think about it. It's not something I've ever considered before, but I appreciate you both being honest with me."

 

Hotch and Spencer nodded understandingly, giving you the space, you needed to process. They didn't want to pressure you into anything, but they also didn't want to lose you. They cared for you deeply and were willing to try something new if it meant keeping you in their lives.

 

Over the next few days, you thought about the proposition more and more, and you couldn't deny the attraction you felt for both Hotch and Spencer. You found yourself fantasizing about them, imagining what it would be like to be with both of them at the same time.

 

Finally, you decided, and you called both Hotch and Spencer to your apartment. You took a deep breath and looked at each of them in turn, taking in their handsome faces and the heat that rose in your body at the thought of being with them.

 

"Okay," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'm willing to try it."

 

Hotch and Spencer exchanged a look of relief and excitement, and they both leaned in to kiss you on either cheek. You couldn't believe what was happening, but you were also excited to see where this would lead.

 

You had never been in a relationship with two people before, and you weren't sure how it would work. But as their lips pressed softly against your skin, you felt a sense of comfort and safety wash over you.

 

"We just want you to know that we care for you deeply," Hotch said, his voice low and soothing.

 

"We don't want this to be just some fling, we want to build something meaningful with you."

 

Spencer nodded in agreement, his hand squeezing yours gently. "We know this isn't the traditional way of doing things, but we believe that the three of us can make this work."

 

They didn’t spend too much time at your apartment, they didn’t want to rush you or put pressure on you to do stuff with them. They wanted you to be relaxed, calm and happy about this. They were just as nervous as you, this was completely new for them too.

 

The first time you did anything with them, it was just you and Spencer. He was caring, gentle and passionate. He made you cum three times before he even allowed you to give him head or before he would fuck you.

 

Hotch on the other hand, was rough. He fucked you until you were begging for mercy, and then he would flip you over and fuck you again. He loved to slap your ass as he slammed into you, he loved to hear you scream, and you loved it too. He liked marking you, he wanted other men to know they didn’t stand a chance with you.

 

They both had different pet names for you, Spencer liked to call you his princess or good girl. Hotch wasn’t as nice. He would call you a slut, sometimes a whore. Hotch loved to degrade you, he loved letting you know that he was in control of you at work and at home.

 

He loved making you wear slutty clothes when he was with you, or when you were going out. Hotch liked to watch how Spencer would react, or how other men would stare at you. You liked the attention too, but also liked knowing that you would be going home with either Spencer or Hotch. They were both protective of you, and they made sure that they were the only ones allowed to fuck you. They didn’t want another man to have you because you were theirs and theirs alone.

 

Hotch had invited you to go drinking with him. He made you wear this insanely short skirt, and a top that had no back to it. You were showing off your tattoo to some guy, you were a little drunk, and you couldn’t believe how confident you were. You could feel his eyes on your ass, and you were aware of every move you made.

 

Hotch marched over to you, sat on stool besides you, and pulled you onto his lap. It was a big move, the move that drove it home for you that you belonged to him (and Spencer). He cupped your face in his hands and stared into your eyes. "You’re mine tonight, remember that.”

 

"Yes, Sir" you said, and he smiled. 

 

You smiled back at him, and then you kissed him, letting him know that you were on board. He kissed you back, and then you felt his hand creep up your thigh, under your skirt. He let out a groan as he felt how wet you were.

 

"You like showing off your goods to other guys, don’t you?"

 

You nodded at him, knowing that you were in trouble. "Yes, Sir..." you began.

 

"When you wear this outfit, you’re pretty much advertising yourself aren’t you?"

 

Though Hotch had asked you to wear it, you had worn it before. You loved the attention it had gotten you, much like you did now.

 

"Yes, Sir" you said, afraid you were going to regret agreeing. 

 

"In that case, I’m going to have to punish you till you learn your lesson,” he said.

 

You whimpered, but you nodded in agreement. You knew you’d been a bad girl; you didn’t know what type of punishment you were in for. Hotch went to the bathroom quickly, just after he had told you to wait for him. What you didn’t know was that he was not only calling for a taxi but also calling Spencer to let him know what had happened at the bar.

 

You waited for a few minutes, feeling a little stupid as you were dressed like a slut, just sitting in the bar. You felt eyes on you, and you knew you were being watched. You were slightly aroused by the attention, and you knew it was what both Hotch and Spencer wanted.

 

Hotch came back from the bathroom and told you he ordered a taxi. He took your hand and led you outside. You didn’t dare say a word to him, you didn’t want to make the punishment any worse than it already was going to be. Once you were in the taxi, you could feel Hotchs hand climb up your thigh, he was running his fingers over your panties to feel how wet you had become.

 

Once you had arrived at his house, you could see a light was inside. You thought maybe Jack was there, but you knew he wouldn’t have brought you back to his place if his child was going to be there. You wanted to ask, but you knew Hotch had a plan for you. When you stepped inside you saw Spencer sitting there with a disappointed look on his face.

 

"You both are disappointed in me" you said, looking down at the floor. You knew you had been a bad girl, and now you were going to pay for it. 

 

"Yes" they both said in unison.  

 

Hotch turned to Spencer and raised an eyebrow. "What should we do about her?"

 

Spencer sighed and told you to "go get undressed, we're going to get you out of this,” he said it in a tone you had never heard from him before.

 

You did as you were told and stripped your clothes off.

 

“Good girl” Spencer said, still with disappointment in his voice.

 

You looked at him and saw him smiling at you, then you looked at Hotch who gave you a look that said, "I'm not done with you yet, but we will get to that."

 

"Now, get to the bedroom and get on your knees" Spencer ordered.

 

You did as you were told, you knew it was easier to just do what they ordered. You got on your knees close to the bed, you knew what was coming but you were still nervous.

 

You heard footsteps coming up the stairs, you couldn’t tell they were Spencer’s or hotch’s. You saw the door slowly open, and watched Spencer walk in. He walked over to you; he still didn’t look happy. He put his hand under your chin and forced you to look up at him.

 

“We’re so disappointed in you. You’ve never acted like this before. Are we not giving you enough attention?” Spencer asked. He was smirking at you, but you knew there was some part of him that was wondering if they weren’t give you enough attention.

 

You shook your head, and whispered a no.

 

“That’s what I thought. Hotch is going to come up in a second, okay. He’s going to deal with you first.” He didn’t seem disappointed that he wasn’t going to be the first one to use you tonight, so you wondered what else they had planned.

 

It wasn’t long till Hotch was then in the room. He didn’t walk over to you straightaway, instead he started to undress himself. You saw Spencer walk over to him and ask him something, but you couldn’t make out what he was saying, but you saw he walked out of the room.

 

Hotch looked towards you, "you know, Spencer has been talking about getting you some nice toys, I think today is the day he lets you have them" he said.

 

Spencer hadn’t mentioned anything like this to you. But now you knew they discussed you when you weren’t with them.

 

He made his way over to you. He leaned down close to your ear and whispered, "I’m going to let you suck my cock, and I’m going to let Spencer go get the toys he wants to try out on you.” He bit down gently on your ear, and you moaned in response. 

 

You wanted to try everything with them, you wanted to feel every action that they could bestow on you.

 

“Now be a good girl and open your mouth.”

 

You did as you were told, and you opened your mouth. He slipped his cock inside. He grabbed the back of your head; you knew he was going to be extra rough with you tonight. He pushed his cock all the way to the back of your throat, you gagged a little, you weren’t expecting this to happen straightaway.

 

"Good girl,” he said, “I think you’re a fan of me using you like this.”

 

You felt your eyes staring to water, wondering where Spencer had gone, but you were too focused on Hotch to really care. He started to thrust, he wasn’t gentle, it rough and the way his hand was grabbing your hair was kind of painful. But you loved every second of it.

 

He let out a moan, and you knew he was going to cum. He pulled his cock out of your mouth, and you looked up at him, he stroked his cock for a few seconds, and then you saw him shoot his load all over your tits and your chest. 

 

After he had caught his breath, he told you to lay on the bed. Again, you did as you were told, it was easier this way. Once you were fairly comfortable, you saw Hotch had some rope in his hands. You started to feel one of his hands tie the rope around your ankles, tying them to the bedposts.

 

Hotch's hand ran over your pussy, he was playing with you. He was making you want him. You needed him to touch you. You weren’t sure when, but you noticed Spencer had come back in the room. You didn’t see him holding anything, but you knew he had gone to get something.

 

Once Spencer was stood next to you, his hands were roaming your body. He started to pinch your nipples, he also wanted to tease you. You felt Spencer move his hands off you. Suddenly you felt his hand on your face, and you heard him say, "Smile."

 

You smiled at Spencer, and you heard the sound of a camera. Unsure is he had just taken a picture of you. Spencer than walked over to where Hotch was. They took turns in fingering you, the other one taking pictures and videos. You couldn’t believe how turned on this was making you. You wanted to cum so badly, but you knew they weren’t going to let that happen yet.

 

You suddenly heard Hotch speak, “Maybe we should show everyone on the team these. Show them how much of a slut you are for us. How much we make you moan. Maybe we should even go back to bar and find that man you were flirting with, I’m sure he would love these photos.”

 

You whimpered as you heard him say that. It was true, you didn’t want any of your co-workers or your friends to see these, and you knew they would never talk to you again. You wondered if he was really going to do that, and if he did you would have to quit your job. Spencer leaned in closer and said, "Don’t worry, we'd never let that happen, but we want you to have something to remember this by."

 

They continued this for a while, and every time you came close to cumming, they would stop. They wanted to edge you, they wanted to see how long you could take this. You though were just a moaning mess, covered in Hotch’s cum with your mascara running down your face.

 

After what seemed like forever, you heard Hotch talk. “This is unfair on Spencer, don’t you think.”

 

You nodded in agreement. And felt them both stop what they were doing. You saw Spencer step back. He started to undress himself. Once Spencer was completely naked, you felt him climb on top of you. He slipped his cock into you, and you moaned out in pleasure. You were so close to cumming. Spencer started to thrust faster, slamming his cock into you.

 

“You want to cum, don’t you?” Asked Hotch in an almost menacing tone.

 

You nodded, unable to find any words.

 

“Well, only good girls get to cum. And you haven’t been a good girl, have you? So, you’re going to have to hold it.”

 

You didn’t know if you could, but you did know you were going to have to try. It wasn’t long till you felt Spencer steady his speed, you knew he was close. You wanted to beg for him to cum inside you, but you were unable to speak. But Spencer didn’t plan on pulling out, if he was being honest, he wanted to get you pregnant.

 

Spencer slammed into you one last time, and you heard him grunt a second later, and you felt his warm cum inside of you. You felt full, but you hadn’t been able to cum all night.

 

“Did you like this baby?" Hotch asked you.

 

You nodded. "I want to cum, please." you pleaded.

 

"You won't cum without my say so, and since you decided you wanted to flirt with other men, I don’t think we should.”

 

You wanted to cry, you wanted to beg. But you heard Spencer say something.

 

“I think she’s learnt her lesson Hotch, plus I really want to try something new.”

 

"I don't think she deserves to cum, she needs to learn her lesson." you heard Hotch say in return.

 

You were about to say something, but Spencer cut you off. "I know, but I think we should let her cum, how about we try something new out? Something she’s never done."

 

“What have you got in mind?” 

 

“Well, I haven’t fucked her ass before, and I think she would like that.”

 

You whimpered, that sounded painful, but at that point you would do anything to cum. You felt them both untie your legs, so Spencer would have easier access.

 

You felt Spencer move off you, and you heard him open a new bottle of lube, you were a little confused, you didn’t think they had brought any in. Hotch told you to get on all fours. Again, you did as you were told.

 

You felt a finger at your entrance, he was getting you ready. You were scared, and nervous, but you were more than ready for this. 

 

You felt him push his finger inside you, he wasn’t gentle, this felt like his cock, and it hurt. But you loved every second you felt him slide his finger in and out of you. He pushed a second finger in, and you moaned out, you couldn’t help it, you loved the way he was fingering your ass.

 

After a while, you felt him slide another finger into you.

 

“Do you think she’s ready Hotch?”

 

“I think she can take it,” Hotch replied.

 

You gripped the sheets as you felt him slide more and more inside you. He didn’t take it slow, but he did take his time, he didn’t want to hurt you anymore. 

 

It felt like your ass was on fire. It hurt so much, your hole burned, and you felt like you couldn’t take anymore. But you knew you had to. Spencer pushed all the way inside you and stopped. He waited for you to get used to it. 

 

He waited for you to relax, and you did. It still felt weird, and you felt full. But you managed to relax, and you enjoyed the feeling of being full. 

 

You then felt something against your clit, it wasn’t Spencer’s or Hotch’s hand. You then felt it start to vibrate, so you instantly knew what it was. You couldn’t help but start to moan. It truly felt like heaven, but then Spencer pulled out. You were confused, wondering what was about to happen.

 

Hotch asked you to step of the bed for a moment, to which you did. He got on the bed, close to the edge so his legs were hanging of the end. He told you to get on top of him.

You were so confused, but you did as you were told. You felt his cock start to enter you, and Spencer returned to his previous spot. You realised what was about to happen. Once they both in you, you felt the vibrator return.

 

It hurt a little to feel both of them enter you, but after a while, it felt amazing. Spencer thrust into you from behind, holding your hips. Hotch was underneath you, his cock deep inside you. He watched his younger agent fuck you from behind. He had a look of pure lust on his face. 

 

Hotch watched you bounce on his cock, he could see the pain on your face, and the pleasure. Spencer grabbed your hair and pulled you back. He kissed your neck.

 

You were moaning in pleasure, you had never felt like this before. 

 

You started to lose yourself. The feeling was amazing, they were filling you up at the same time. You wondered if you could cum like this. 

 

Then Spencer said, "God she’s so tight”

 

Both Spencer and Hotch started to thrust faster and faster, you knew you couldn’t hold on any longer. 

 

Pleasure took over, and you couldn’t control yourself. You were moaning out, and you couldn’t stop. You felt an overwhelming sensation throughout your body, you started to tense up.

 

The vibrator was still attached to your clit, so you came hard. You were unable to moan out, it hurt too much, but you knew they would know. 

 

Spencer and Hotch continued to thrust into you, but they couldn’t hold on much longer. You could feel that they were close as well.

 

You felt Spencer slam into you one last time. He grunted and pulled out; you were left with his cum inside of you. It felt like it was everywhere, you felt so full. 

 

Hotch grabbed hold of you, he grabbed your ass and threw you down on him. He rammed into you hard, and he came as well. He came inside you, and it felt amazing. 

 

You fell to the side of the bed. You were exhausted, and you felt like you had been through so much. But you had enjoyed every minute of it. 

 

Spencer went to get towels and Hotch went downstairs to get you some food and water. You felt complete, and you can’t believe for one second you ever doubted this relationship.

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[astrasng]

ᝰ.ᐟ NCT DREAM as The 1975 songs

a/n: this is my first group as songs post, but i'm planning on doing more for other groups too! if anyone has requests, please don't be afraid and send them in my inbox! <3

also i would like to add that in this post there may be mentions of toxicity, BUT i have no intention saying that person is toxic.

please, enjoy! <3

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ MARK as Then Because She Goes.

The song is specifically a dreamy, romantic anthem for someone who wants to confess their love. The rhythm and the lyrics perfectly symbolizes Mark as someone who is in love with music. His feelings are so strong and complex that he finds it easier to fill a paper with his thougths and then write a song about it. He would definately do this, if he feels overwhelmed about his thougths inside his head.

For Mark I would also say She's American and Oh Caroline.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ RENJUN as Fallingforyou.

The song is about a person falling for someone, sharing the persepective of beautiful, harmonic feelings. I think when Renjun loves someone, the happening itself has a soft atmosphere around it, giving the person all he has just to love his partner truthfully and wholely. Renjun would take a moment when he realizes he had fallen in love, soaking in his feelings about his partner and wondering what beautiful things he can do with his other half.

For Renjun I would also say So Far.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JENO as Somebody Else.

Somebody else lyrically deals with the after-effects of a breakup, and overswing over the idea of the former lover’s new relationship. The song describes being caught between the various emotional phases one experiences after the end of a relationship. Jeno loves dearly, his feelings strong towards someone he loves. He has a hard time letting go his partner, acceptting they had found a new person to call home.Despite the jealousy, deep inside he would feel solace of seeing that his former lover is not lonely.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ HAECHAN as Be My Mistake.

The song mainly focuses on an insignificant hookup during a relationship, or even after one. This reflects on being young and careless, not knowing what we want in real life. Haechan appears to be a bold person, his personality eager with experiences and wants. Haechan being a young free mind, could often get him into not thinking through things, feeling the aftermath of the mistakes he had done. But mistakes often wake people up to realize what they already have. He could make mistakes in life, but in the end, he is that kind of person who appreaciates what he already has.

For Haechan I would also say The Sound and Oh Caroline.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JAEMIN as About You.

About you is strongly based on the sensations when you are deeply in love. Jaemin's feelings for someone is treasured, his memories documented often in pictures as being a photographer. But as the song tells, the singer describes how he still remembers why he loves his partner. Jaemin would be like this too, going through hardship in a relationship but nevertheless stating the obvious, he is in love. Even if life would get in a way, he wouldn't forget his partner, and why he loves them. Rectracing situations and memories of what made him happy, the things he misses in life.

For Jaemin I would also say All I Need To Hear or You.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ CHENLE as A Change Of Heart and Robbers.

For Chenle I chose two songs. A Change of heart shows the reality about falling out of love, along with Robbers, which shows the toxicity side and how destructive it can be. I think Chenle as being an idol would be too distracting for him to really pay attention to a relationship. Doesn't matter how much he doesn't want to admit, it robs him and his partner from actually having the feeling of love towards each other,realizing that they have much more to experience in life.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JISUNG as Me & You Together Song.

The song is tender, an act of being young and in love. Jisung being the naive and youngster he is, he would fall in love with the idea of being in a domestric bliss with his partner. The song features the dreams and fantasies one has to another, the feelings not reciprocated. I think Jisung has suffered in this in the past, or will in the future. I think the upbeat rythm fits Jisung, the 1990s and early 2000s vibe naturally drawn to him. The song has a nostalgic feeling to it, and I think this song is what it would be like remembering back to Jisung after a breakup.

[darkbluekies]

Don't know if anyone asked but what would the yandere's reaction be to the reader patching them up after they get injured?

Warnings: mentions of cuts, blood, killing, yandere, feeling depressed? (I'm not sure what to call it)

Silas: 

He is strongly against you seeing him in this kind of condition. He’s supposed to be your protector, supposed to take care of you … not the other way around. But you manage to push him down on the toilet and start to clean his wounds while he hisses and curses, although afterwards, he’ll shower you in kisses and tell you how grateful he is.

“You’re not supposed to — fuck — do this. I can take care of myself, you know. Give me that — oh motherfucker — that disinfectant and I’ll do it myself. Yes, I am happy that you’re worried about me, but this isn’t my proudest moment, baby. Let me spare some damn dignity.”

Dr Kry: 

He has cut his palm deeply on one of his sharp tools while cleaning up after a surgery. He returns to your room where he keeps all of his stuff. His hands are shaking too much to be able to clean it. You decide to help him before he bleeds out. Dr Kry guides you through the process to make sure you do everything as you should.

“Take that and pat it on my hand. Be careful though, that disinfectant is pretty strong. Ouch — I’m fine, don’t worry. Then you have to take the bandage and wrap it around my hand nad wrist. Don’t wrap it until my hand turns blue, but make sure that its tight. Good job, Y/N. I think I’m good now. But now you need to get back to bed, you know that you shouldn’t be out too much … as a thank you, I can get you dessert after dinner, alright?”

King Edmund:

Cut in the shoulder by a sword. An enemy had caught him in a vulnerable moment. You sit him down on the side of the bed and remove his shirt before starting to clean the wound. Edmund groans and throws his head back to avoid seeing the mess. Although complaining a lot, he doesn’t want anyone else treating him. No one but you are worthy enough to touch his body.

“Hurry up, please! For the love of all mighty, aren’t you done soon? I’m going to die! Yes, I am, you wouldn’t know. I’m going to mangle that scum who had the nerve to dislocate my shoulder. Y/N, you are going to take care of me until I’m well again, won’t you? You have to. I’m your king … your husband. You need to take care of me.”

Jerry:

Another one who’s extremely against you seeing her in this condition. She tries to push you away when you try to help her, but she’s too weak. In the end, you manage to corner her in the bathroom and treat her bloody wounds. For once, her hard demeanor seem to fall. She’s quiet, limp. You ask what’s on her mind, fearing for why she’s not being her normal dramatic, sarcastic self.

“I honestly thought that I was going to die … I have never been so … scared before. I’m pathetic, aren’t I? Yes, I am. Don’t try to tell me otherwise. I know it already. You should have left me alone, Y/N. You shouldn’t patch me up. You should have left me to die. I love you. I know I don’t say that a lot, I just wanted you to … know. Sorry for being a pathetic pussy … I just … nevermind.”

Hedwig: 

She’s crying while you clean the wound on her cheek. She had been shaving off some baby hairs — a trick she’d seen online — but had been too uncertain, resulting in her cutting herself. You clean it softly and place a bandaid over it. 

“I look so ugly, don’t I? I can’t go to school like this! People will laugh at me. Everyone will know that i tried to shave and that I couldn’t do it. Please stay with me, Y/N, stay with me forever. You’re the only one who doesn’t care what I look like. It doesn’t look … that bad … right? I never want to be without you, i dont think i could do it.”

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Merry Go Round Of Life (Howl's Moving Castle)

"so emotional"

Poll Runner: Ghibli fans rise up!

Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)

And I swear! I will die trying!/I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress; I promise I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible, I swear!/I'm so fucking sorry! I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all!

Less rare than scarce, less diamond then rough/Unlikely to be more than just the coal you failed to crush

I'm catatonic in your arms, crying, "How did I cause so much harm?"/I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor/Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours

The vertex of my redemption arc/I’m searching on that virgin heart

"The raw emotion! And I strongly relate to desperately wanting to improve for someone you love. I belt out this song when I feel really hopeless"

"my one OC. also me. also it's just a really good song. one of will's best imo. screaminbg"

"Literally hits almost all of my self-esteem issues. Feeling like people only care about you for your body? Check. Not understanding why anyone would want you? Check. Thinking that all you do is hurt people? Check. I don't cry very often but this song DEFINITELY made me teary"

"one of those if u aren’t paying attention to the lyrics ur like this is nice but once u hear them its an OW holy OW and guilt and I’m sorry feelings"

"Just. Loving someone but not feeling like you’re good enough and trying to improve."

"Not only does this song have lyrics that are deeply relatable to me, but this song also feels very deeply personal to the artist and I feel that anyone who listens to it for the first time has that same feeling of getting punched in the gut. Just the lyrics and the melody and Will Wood’s vocals make this song an absolute masterpiece and I cry every time I hear it."

"One reason I'm attached to this song is because my friend sent it to me and said "I'm kin assigning you this song" and ruined my life (/j) It messed me up because I've always had a hard time in my life figuring myself out and dealing with my emotions, and for what feels like the first time, this song has been able to near perfectly describe how I feel about myself and my impact on other people, and it always just meant so much to me that my friend who sent it to me knows me better than I know myself and shared the song with me and I love them dearly."

Against the Kitchen Floor submitted by @pixopolis + others

[writingdumpster]

first impressions

pairing: Matt Murdock x reader (no pronouns used)

warnings: none I think

summary: i wrote this purely bc i know matt murdock is excellent at meeting people’s mothers. after impressing your parents matt gets to thinking about his future.

word count: 1.6k

“I’m nervous.” You sat next to Matt in the restaurant he had chosen for the evening. It was fancy. There was a pianist in one corner of the room and linen tablecloths. It was nicer than the hole-in-the-wall joints that you and Matt usually preferred. He wanted to impress your parents though, so he had made a reservation at a swanky restaurant in midtown Manhattan. 

Matt was in his court suit and you had donned the blue silk dress he bought for your anniversary. It was by far your favorite dress. Beyond being a treasured gift, it fit you perfectly and the fabric always felt soft against your skin. Karen had helped Matt pick it out, but she had told you that all she did was describe the dresses and that he had completely ignored her opinions. She had strongly recommended a yellow dress but he had refused her suggestions, insisting you would like the one he picked better. Never having seen the yellow one, you knew he was right. If he picked it, you loved it. You would have him choose between options you put out when you got dressed in the mornings by describing them to him and he always had you match his tie to the rest of his outfit. 

“It’s going to be fine,” Matt said and kissed your temple. 

“I only ever introduced Caleb to my parents,” you told him, not that you hadn’t said it before. Matt knew that Caleb was not someone you had pleasant memories of. He had heard the stories from you and he was the one who helped you get over many of the fears that Caleb had struck into you. Matt was remembering those stories while he heard in your heartbeat how nervous you were. 

“You know I’m not like Caleb,” Matt reminded you. 

“I know, Matt. I just…this is a big deal for me,” you said. 

“It’s a big deal for me too, sweetheart,” Matt told you. “It’s just an exciting big deal for me.” You inhaled deeply. Matt smiled. “You have nothing to worry about. Moms always like me, angel. It’ll be great,” he assured you. 

“All women like you,” you said. Matt laughed lightly. 

“Then that will include your mom, won’t it?” He asked rhetorically. He gave you a light peck as he tangled his fingers with yours beneath the table. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he cooed. You sighed. 

“You’re right. I know they’re going to love you. I just…” You hesitated. 

“Caleb was a mistake and you think it’s bad luck,” Matt said, always knowing what you were thinking. 

“Yeah,” you agreed. 

“This isn’t a mistake, sweetheart. I promise. It’s just the next step,” he told you. You nodded and Matt gave your hand a squeeze. You looked up at the doorway to the restaurant. 

“They’re here,” you said. You rose from the table and greeted your mom and dad with hugs. Matt was standing by your side with a charming smile across his face. 

“Hello, Mrs. y/l/n,” Matt greeted with a smile. Your mom held her arms out to Matt and pulled him into a hug. He returned it kindly.  

“Oh, please, call me y/m/n,” your mom said. “Y/N has told us so much about you. I think we can be on a first name basis,” your mom said. You felt heat rise to your cheeks as your mom told Matt how you spoke about him. Matt simply turned to you and smiled. He loved that you told your parents about him. He wished he could tell his dad all about you. Your father held out his hand for Matt to shake. Matt stayed still, not wanting to give up his powers. You took Matt’s hand and pulled it to where your father’s hand was waiting. 

“Oh, sorry about that,” your dad said in embarrassment as he shook Matt’s hand. Matt chuckled lightly. 

“That’s alright, sir. Took y/n months to stop answering me with nods,” Matt joked. 

“It was not months,” you said sharply. 

“You still do it sometimes,” Matt teased. You pursed your lips, biting back the comment about how you knew he could tell. The four of you sat down, Matt pulling out your mother’s chair for her before doing the same for you and taking his seat.

Matt was right about mothers loving him. He charmed your mom with his dry sense of humor and enchanting smile. He won your dad’s approval when he mentioned he owned his own law firm. Your father didn’t need to know that Nelson and Murdock was nearly always on the edge of bankruptcy. Your parents told Matt stories about you from your childhood, despite your protests that they were too embarrassing. Matt loved the stories. All he could do was smile at you. The night was perfect. Matt was perfect. Your father refused Matt’s attempt to pay for the meal before the four of you left. You said your goodbyes in front of the restaurant before getting into different cabs and going back home. Matt’s hand was resting innocently on your leg while the two of you sat in the back of the cab. 

“I told you it was going to be fine,” Matt teased you. You rolled your eyes. 

“Yes, you were right, Murdock,” you agreed. Matt chuckled. 

“Doesn’t happen that often. I have to brag when it does,” he said. The cab pulled up outside of your apartment and the two of you got out. You made your way up the stairs and walked through the sliding door. The glow of the billboard outside of your window was blue. A new advertiser had taken over a few weeks earlier and the red light that usually filled the room had been replaced with a blue light, making it seem like your apartment was bathed in moonlight. You were looking through the mail that you had collected on your way up. 

You realized you didn’t know where Matt went when music started playing. You smiled to yourself as you tossed away the junk mail. Suddenly you felt hands on your hips as Matt pulled you away from the counter. He spun you around and moved one of his hands to the small of your back. The other went to cup your hand in his. You giggled before moving to wrap your free arm around his shoulders, fingers tangling in the hairs at the nape of his neck as the two of you began swaying back and forth. Matt loosened his hold on your waist and moved to let you spin beneath his arm before pulling you back into his body and dipping you. 

When Matt pulled you back upright you leaned up on your toes to press a kiss to his lips. Matt smiled against your lips. You stared into his eyes when you leaned away. His eyes were so beautiful. You never cared that his eyes didn’t see you the way yours saw him. He saw you in so many other ways. 

“You really impressed them,” you said as you leaned closer to Matt, tucking your head against his neck.

“I told you moms like me,” Matt said. 

“My dad liked you too though,” you said. 

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “We just can’t let him visit my office. He won’t be impressed anymore.” You chuckled. 

“I certainly hope he won’t ever need a lawyer,” you said. 

“If you hadn’t needed a lawyer we never would have met,” Matt reminded you. 

“Yes, and that worked out very well,” you agreed. “But when we tell our kids how we met I think we should make something up.” Matt beamed. 

“Our kids?” He asked. Your heart dropped for a moment and your face went blank. 

“I mean, umm…” You started stuttering. 

“We’ll have to get married first,” Matt interjected before you could start backpedaling. Your panic turned to excitement. You grinned. 

“You obviously have my parents' approval now,” you said. Matt smiled. 

“And you’ve certainly gotten Foggy’s approval,” Matt replied. 

“Foggy likes me better than you,” you said with a laugh. 

“Yes, I know,” Matt said flatly. “He’s very clear about that.” You held back your giggles. 

“If you came into the office with cookies instead of bruises like me he might like you more,” you joked.

“I do bring in cookies,” he grumbled. 

“Yes, but Foggy knows I made them,” you said. Matt sighed. 

“He wouldn’t like me at all if I brought in cookies that I made,” he said. You giggled at the memory of Matt trying to make your birthday cake and causing the building to evacuate after setting off the smoke alarm. 

“When we have kids I bet he’ll like them better than both of us,” you said. Matt smiled. 

“That’s alright. We can use him as a babysitter that way,” he said. 

“Maybe if Karen’s there too,” you said. Matt chuckled. 

“You don’t trust Foggy with our kids?” He asked. 

“Matty, you have told me far too many stories about you dragging Foggy back to your dorm after a frat party for me to trust Foggy with our kids,” you said. “He will most certainly let one of them do something stupid.” 

“And you think I won’t?” Matt asked. 

“You won’t let them do something stupid, you’ll do it for them,” you said. Matt spun you around in his arms once more as the song came to an end. He kissed your forehead when he pulled you back against him.  Matt’s heart was full at the way the two of you were so casually talking about your kids. He hoped it wouldn’t be long till they were real. He knew what he wanted. He didn’t want to wait for it anymore. There wasn’t anything stopping him now.

“You want to go ring shopping tomorrow?”

[vixeneptune]

AFFIRMATIONS THAT WORK LIKE A LOVE SPELL

My aura is so enchanting

My energy has that love spell effect on people

People fall in love with me the moment they hear me

People fall in love with me the moment they see me

People fall in love with me the moment they meet me

I'm so charming, no one can resist my charms

People fall in love with me at first sight

Everyone is mesmerized by my presence and beauty

I fell in love with myself bc I'm so fucking amazing

I naturally attract love bc I radiate love

I can attract anyone I want instantly with just one glance

I can attract anyone I want so effortlessly, like I don't even have to try

I am a magnet for love

People can't help but fall in love with me

I always have the best options in love, literally have a whole simp army after me bc everyone who encounters me ends up falling in love w me

I'm so mesmerizing I charm everyone I encounter

My love radiates for miles and attracts everyone

My eyes make anyone fall deeply in love with me

I have this irresistible charm that everyone falls for

I'm so magnetic, everyone feels so attracted to me

I get too many love confessions daily

I can pull anyone I want with my natural charm and magnetism

Anyone I desire ends up falling deeply in love with me eventually

People easily develop a major crush on me

People fall in love with me in an instant

My eyes naturally have that powerful love spell effect

I make them fall in love with just one look

Everything I do is so charming

My natural energy is enchanting and mesmerizing

people find it so easy to fall for me

My presence inspires people to shower me with love and affection

Idk why my desired people fall in love with me so fast and deep , they become crazy in love and it lasts forever

I'm the girl everyone falls in love with

People love showering me with love and giving me love freely bc I'm so lovable

The moment people meet me they fall under my charms, they become so enchanted by me

I'm the girl who gets anyone she wants instantly

They wonder if I put a spell on them bc of how strongly their love is for me, but no it's just my natural energy

Both men and women develop major crushes on me

I'm so easy to love

I'm everyone's dream girl

I'm literally everyone's crush bc I'm so charismatic and charming

I'm the girl of everyone's dreams

Everywhere I go I get more than 10 people who are in love with me

I already manifested the relationship of my dreams!

Manifesting love is the easiest most natural thing for me

I'm the girl everyone has a crush on

I always attract quality options in love who are willing to give me the world

People feel lucky and blessed to know me

They give me so much love without expecting anything in return

I am the goddess of love and beauty

People wonder what my secret is, why does everyone fall in love with me instantly?

I'm so enchanting and bewitching, my presence captivates everyone around me

It's impossible not to love me, people literally have no choice but to fall in love with me they can't help it

I have too many secret admirers to count

They send me flowers and gifts and spoil me, they do anything to please me just because they love me that much

Why is everyone confessing their undying love for me all of a sudden?

How do i keep getting so many people trying to pursue me and offer me love?

People feel compelled to let me know how crazy in love they are with me

Why is it so easy for me to manifest whatever I want in love? It's like I have magical love powers

Every second that passes with me people can feel themselves falling deeper and deeper in love

Why do I always get anyone I want? Like it's so natural and easy

Whoever I want, wants me 1000x times more

Everyone is captivated and hooked on me like I'm their favorite most special person in the world

These affirmations are included in my love spell subliminal, give it a listen for maximum effects ⚡

[lesbianrobin]

non-exhaustive list of films that would cause eddie diaz to have a mental breakdown and/or cry so hard he throws up:

moonlight (2016). self explanatory.

the only son (1936). eddie might actually kill himself if he watched this. he would just be silent for like hours after watching and that night he would just stand in christopher's doorway watching him sleep for like minimum forty-five minutes. he would exist in a state of profound pessimism and melancholy until he saw buck again at which point he would forget about all of that and be normal. sometimes in his life he will randomly remember the only son (1936) and be like chris. you know that i'll be proud of you no matter what you do with your life right. all i want is for you to be happy. and chris will be like yeah.... why are you talking like we're in a movie and you have a terminal illness. and eddie's like i'm not talking like that i'm being normal. i'm a father. and chris is like ok weirdo. and eddie feels better.

the babadook (2014). self explanatory.

4th man out (2015). he would be like this movie is so dumb it's So dumb and then 1. cry when adam comes out to his mom and 2. get deeply invested in the relationship between adam and nick and when they kiss toward the end he'd be like YESSSSS but then when they laugh it off and say they're just friends he'd be like oh..... and feel really upset about it for reasons he cannot explain. he would rant to buck/chim/hen/bobby for like fifteen minutes about how the whole movie was CLEARLY leading up to a romantic conclusion between them and the writers were just being cowards for going with the best bros ending and buck would be like EXACTLY and everyone else would be like 👀😳 and hen would be like well i think they were trying to make the point that gay men can still have close intimate friendships with other men without it being sexual and eddie would be like okay well then those guys shouldn't have had so much chemistry!! and chim would be like yknow some might say that you and buck have good chemistry. and buck would be like we do <3 and eddie would be like hell yeah we do and they'd fuckin fist bump or something and the entire firehouse is like oh my GODDDDDD.

but i'm a cheerleader (1999). self explanatory.

brokeback mountain (2005). self explanatory.

captain america: the winter soldier (2014). eddie reacts So strongly to this movie and nobody understands it (including eddie) except for buck who immediately and instinctively understands that eddie is projecting onto both steve rogers and bucky barnes but only the sad lonely soldier losing himself and hurting the people he loves against his will parts + completely bypassing the hero parts. also steve's like "even when i had nothing i had bucky" and eddie is like hhhhhhhhh...

the pit, the pendulum and hope/kyvadlo, jáma a naděje (1983). okay look. i'm aware that nobody knows what this is. it is a short film inspired by edgar allan poe's "the pit and the pendulum" and auguste villiers de l'isle-adam's "a torture by hope." you should all go watch it but if you don't let me just tell you that eddie would have another panic attack and/or throw up.

the lord of the rings: return of the king (2003). self explanatory.

[mdhwrites]

I'd like your thoughts on the segment of TOH fandom that attributes Luz' behavior to her having been bullied and ostracized in Gravesfield. Canonically there is nothing showing Luz being bullied or says that she was bullied in Gravesfield. Quite the contrary. Yesterday's Lie had Vee, who had been living as Luz for months, living a good life where she had made friends at camp and at school. She resented Luz' return and castigated her for not appreciating how good a life she had. The episode Thanks to Them had the guidance counselor ask Camila if she had been bullied in school to which Camila answered that she had. He then asked if she wanted Luz to struggle as she had. That question strongly suggests that Luz was not yet having any social difficulties beyond those of her own making and that sending her to camp would keep that from happening. When we see Luz back in Gravesfield HS she was having no difficulties dealing with other students and that some of her contacts with them were friendly and admiring.

So what are your thoughts on this insistence of certain fans that Luz had suffered this bullying and ostracization when the show itself not only doesn't support it but contradicts it?

Because it's necessary for Luz's character to function.

That's really all it comes down to. Luz is kind of monstrous if she has never actually known strife. She wants to be seen as the victim after all. She wants to be justified in abandoning her mom for her fantasies. For rejecting the consequences of assaulting people. Heck, that's still true in S3 where she needs to be able to claim that the human world would be some torturous hell hole for her so that her self martyring actually comes across correctly instead of someone going, "Oh, that sounds like a lot of work and might actually be dangerous so I'm just gonna stay home with my loving mom instead."

If her home life was good, was kind, was what we wish our home lives with a parent who will enable us to do whatever we want short of breaking the law... What the fuck is she doing? The audience insert, who goes entirely unquestioned in the show besides "Hey, you kind of messed up, go apologize," (which she doesn't do well all the time) is suddenly this whiny brat who wants to be enabled by literally every person in existence because she needs to be the most special person there. It's the antithesis of what people want "I just want to be understood!" to be about. She wants to be understood so you go "Oh, I get it, you keep being you," and never hold her accountable. Otherwise, she might not lie all the time because she might be willing to actually face the consequences of her actions.

It is a shift in Luz's character irreversible in its damage. You just cannot like the show in the same way when you have to admit that Luz is a self entitled little shit. And mind you, her normal archtype is of that sort. Danny Phantom and Randy Cunningham and even to some extent Kim Possible are all flawed teenage characters who are clearly growing. Who need to be better people so while they're protagonists, you're supposed to learn as much alongside them as from their example, if not more. You are meant to take from Luz by example though. She is meant to be the audience surrogate after all. And, you know, if she's unjustified in her actions... What does that say about you all of a sudden who connected so deeply with her?

That's all of why this can't vanish. I actually want to add onto your proofs though because people will go "What about her panicking during Knock Knock Knocking?" Yes, that is the ONE time we are ever given the idea for her being mocked for something and even that one... Well, she's worried about going too over the top. How much do we want to bet Luz came to school in her suit to ask the person she liked out like she was in some sort of soap opera? That's gonna get you reasonably laughed without a VERY specific sort of partner like Amity.

HOWEVER... That's the one time, a season and a half into the show, her actions imply someone who has been bullied. Otherwise, she is very confrontational, she does nothing to hide herself, she gives almost no shits about what anyone thinks about her besides "Fuck you, I am totally the greatest" everytime Eda doubts her. The closest before then is her worrying about Amity seeing her as lame but Amity is the only one she cares about for that. Even then, she never seems bothered by the fact that Amity is a bully. She is willing to stand up to her regardless. This is further reinforced by what she does with Boscha where she either just brushes her off during Once Upon a Swap or is entirely confident in confronting her in Winging it Like Witches. NONE of that is the behavior of someone who has been bullied, harassed and hurt by constant bullying. Add all the elements where she clearly could have found people like her but chose instead to chase more popular clubs like cheerleading and acting and it paints a REALLY bad picture of Luz.

It paints her as Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, or Goob from Meet the Robinsons. Both people who claimed the world hated them when the reality was that they were awful to reality, one being a bully and the other ignoring all signs of kindness and acceptance that was attempted to be given to him. This is far worse when you remember that Luz never appreciated her mom properly, like Goob, and also is genuinely an asshole to both King and Hooty for their interests, like Liz Lemon.

Luz is a bad person. But for the show to function, you cannot believe that. Once you do, it will only to start to collapse faster and faster as the contradictions pile on top of themselves.

So why not just twist the truth instead into the pleasant lie Luz is actually the archtype of the bullied nerd that the first episode tried to imply she was but then failed to ever deliver on? It's easier that way, even if it's dishonest. Luz wouldn't judge you for it, not so long as you didn't try to lie to her. Because all that matters in the end to Luz is Luz.

======+++++======

If the idea of a fact that's not well supported by the show being critical to a character functioning sounds familiar, it's because it's the same reason why people need Odalia to be pure evil. Both Amity and Luz need to use having been hurt by others to justify their own behaviors, even when their behaviors don't correlate in ways that actually support those excuses.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[amysubmits]

This is just my gut feeling after being on Tumblr since 2016 so take it or leave it but... I stumble across blogs of people talking about how women are just 3 holes and how 'true subs' don't have limits, how all women are naturally submissive and other nonsense, and I definitely dislike that and hate them being in this community. I have no doubt in my mind that these people harm subs. I don't mean to suggest that these people aren't dangerous - they definitely are.

But I kinda think it might be true that some of the most dangerous ones are far more subtle. Far more manipulative, specifically. I sometimes get this bad gut feeling when I'm on a blog where someone is preaching about how staunchly feminist they are, how deeply they love their sub, how they damn-near worship their sub (or would worship a future sub), how awful stereotypical "tumblr doms" are. They might go on long tirades about respecting women when they get anons asking things like "why would you even ask your sub what their limits are? If you want to facefuck her until she pukes, it's her job just to take it!" or other anon asks that seem...sus to me. And, idk. Something about it just makes me think that at least some of those kinda doms might just be saying "all the right things" just to try to pull in subs. But that's tricky, because of course lots of people just ARE feminist doms, loving doms, doms trying to prioritize the wellbeing of their sub above all else, doms trying to empower their subs. And when that's the case, saying that you're a feminist and that you value subs and respect subs and so on, even saying it frequently and strongly, shouldn't be a red flag. Most of the time when I see a 'healthy dom' post or 'good guy dom' post I don't think twice about it. But then other times my gut just tells me something is OFF about this person. And a big part of me thinks it's that I'm detecting really subtle manipulation.

They may not actually walk the walk, they may just know how to talk the talk of being a feminist, ethical dom while actually being an abusive one or just, shitty one. And if that's the case, they might be capable of a level of manipulation that is REALLY fucking scary.

Another thing that sometimes makes my spidey senses go off is when someone posts a ton of erotic writing or other content but then loudly and routinely proclaims to not be seeking a partner. Maybe they even throw in something like they know they aren't in a healthy enough place to be a dom right now. My gut sometimes says they're trying to claim they don't want a partner, while simultaneously making content to try to reel in a sub, so that they can then damage said sub and go "well, I tried to warn you that I wasn't ready for a sub!"

But - again - maybe my gut is wrong.

I hope I'm wrong. But, this has been on my mind for a while and I thought I'd speak it and let people take it however they wish.