#didnt entirely destroy beautiful friendships so thats REALLY good

[fish-and-forbear]

Really just hope things will be okay. I know they will be, I know I have always done all I could with the information and means I had but.

Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose.

Just need to learn to forgive myself and move on, with many many things

- Fisher

[quodekash]

i went to sleep yesterday instead of watching the eclipse episode BUT im here now and ready to suffer in a good way from the beauty that is akkayan

bRO

the parallels in this are crazy

the eclipse is filled with parallels and i love it so much

this is so funny, akk why do you keep saying that, hes gonna keep kissing you-

OHHHH HE KEEPS SAYING IT SO THAT AYE KEEPS KISSING HIM

I love them so much

i love the upside down kisses, it makes me think of the spiderman which makes me think of akk as spiderman which makes me think of how transmascs love spiderman which makes me have trans akk headcanons and ghjbdgfhjb i love it

GUYS YOU COULDVE SLEPT IN AN ACTUAL ROOM TOGETHER

YOU DIDNT NEED TO SLEEP THERE

THE OTHERS DIDNT

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

I LOVE YOU BUT YOURE SO SILLY

HES SO PRETTY HOW IS THIS MAN SO PRETTY

this scene is so funny

none of them even offer an excuse or explanation, they just run

what are namo and wat gonna do in the meantime while the others are doing their work 🤔🤔

HUZZAH I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

i think we all knew this would happen

WAT YOURE A GENIUS

HE'S MAKING THEM MAKE UP AS CHARACTERS WHICH WILL HOPEFULLY MAKE THEM MAKE UP IN REAL LIFE BC THEIR LINES ARE VALID POINTS

lets give it up for our lord and saviour, wat

pffffft

sorry i know this is an important moment but-

but aye is just so short

and its so funny to me

even tho i know im shorter than khaotung by 16cm

its still funny

"i really want you to see them hug. theyre like two people who truly love each other but believe in different things" GRHJBSGD

i love platonic watsani moments they make me happy

some of my favourite scenes in the actual show are platonic watsani moments

theyre both my favourite characters (only by a little bit tho bc theyre all my favourite characters)

im just terrified of them being coupled together and im so glad theyve kept them entirely platonic and havent changed it at all, cos like for os2 they completely deferred off the seanmaitee train tracks bc winnysatang became a thing, but im glad theyve kept watsani's dynamic exactly the same, it makes me happy

THE TRIO TOGETHER AGAINNNN i missed them

i know theyve been hanging out this whole time but its been ages since weve seen just these three hanging out, their little friend group who've known each other for years, and can read each other inside out

theyve known each other for six years specifically

which is a really freaking long time

thats since they were in... year 6? BRO IMAGINE HOW TINY THEY WERE

AWW

DO YOU SEE NOW

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SO BEAUTIFUL

BHBJHVJHVJGV

"i think people hate or are afraid of something because they don't really understand it" KAN SPITTING FACTS

also gotta love the metaphor

look at how pretty this visual is

guess who im adding to my parents-to-destroy list

IM GONNA CRYYYY THEY ALL LOVE EACH OTHER AND COMFORT EACH OTHER AND WAT'S CRYING AND THEIR ARMS ARE AROUND EACH OTHER AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SO BEAUTIFUL ITS KILLING ME

OMG

I KNOW WHATS COMING

THE HATS

THE FLIPIN HATS

IM GONNA HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN ABOUT A COUPLE OF HATS

THEYRE SO CUTE IM NOT OKAY

always, aye

aye, a summary: pretty

THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES THE BIKES

NOW IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN ABOUT BIKES

the gender on these two is immaculate

i want their gender please

NOOO THEYRE DOING A NUENGPALM THING

I KNOW THEYLL BE FINE BC THEYRE SOULMATES BUT NOOOO WHYYYY

"your mouth is messy." "your mouth is messy too" "wipe it for me" "with what?" "your mouth." HHHHHHHH

IM SMILING SO HARD I CAN BARELY SEE

LITTLE CHEEK KISS

i think akkayan's cheek kisses will be the end of me one day

there you go, communication, good job, finally

WHY DID YOU GUYS COME TOGETHER, HMMMM??

ZOOM ZOOM

oh you stronzo

he's finished the song, hasnt he

and hes gonna sing it to akk tonight for his birthday

OH NO

POOR NAMOOOO

all good tho, now he can date wat

sorry im being insensitive

i hope he feels better soon

am i crying because of how much i love these two human beings? maybe.

OMG FILM TIME

JGHSDKGEUISJDFGVOIERJDHGOIREJBDL

WAT IS SO FREAKING TALENTED

i find it so funny that theyre all peeing together

also having a wall separating the urinals is so smart why is that not a thing everywhere

ah shoot i ran out of images again, hang on

[thepictureofsdr]

actual friendly reminders 

- alastairs entire life has been painful. but he hasnt given up hope. 

- he still sees the best in everyone and gives the benefit of the doubt

- he does things for people just because he can, and he still has so much love in his heart

- he hasnt become bitter. in a world where everyone has done the best they can to tear him down, underneath all that self hatred he’s just become more determined to be kind, to move forward, to do better

- he’s completely devoted to breaking the abuse cycle and giving his sibling the best childhood he can give. none of that “i suffered so they must suffer”

- he still believes in love. sure, maybe he doesnt believe it can happen to him, but he hasnt let the cynism of his loveless world touch him

- he never wanted to hurt anyone. he is kind through and through

- he spent years destroying his life to protect his family, but he doesnt resent them for it. he loves them so much. 

- he has never been cruel without reason. he likes to make people happy

- hes really good at reading people, and uses that to empathize and help them 

- he loves art. paintings, music, sculptures, movies, books, he loves it all

- he collects daggers and adores their beauty

- he has lots of opinions and loves to have deep discussions about anything and everything. he will always be respectful of the other person’s opinions

- he sees the beauty in everything. he loves the bizarreness of the eiffel tower and knew it would be appreciated one day

- he looked satisfied when thomas said he didnt think the tower was ugly

- he loves to share what he loves and becomes slightly childishly giddy at being able to do it

- hes a nerd. he reads the mundane newspaper. he sings. he plays the piano. he brings a book with him everywhere. he’s interested in true crime. 

- he is slowly becoming more and more comfortable with his showing his culture and speaking his language in public

- he is loyal to a fault. you gain his trust, you have him for life. 

- HE. IS. ATTRACTIVE. half the characters in this series hate him and not once has he himself been anything but complimented thats true power baby

- he dyed his hair back to black. he’s moving on, he’s healing

- he randomly invited an old acquaintance to a museum after having spoken for barely a few seconds. 

- he was grumpy at the crowds in paris but never took it out on thomas. 

- the most content thomas has ever seen alastair is when he is standing looking at a painting, letting it wash over him

- (this will eventually change in a few years when thomas snatches a glance at alastair staring at him rather than a painting. “i literally called you michaelangelo’s david when we were locked up do you seriously think i wouldnt rather look at you all day?” thomas is a mess for the next few minutes)

- he loves hedgehogs :)

- when he’s lying he can’t look someone in the eye. you can tell he’s startled and staggered when he goes very still and blinks slowly for a few seconds

-  one day he will look back at thomas

- thomas showed his tattoo the second alastair asked

- alastair was the only person thomas told about planning to get a tattoo. when alastair touched his arm he was shivering and stunned and hot all over. 

- thomas would only want one person, and he’s wanted a specific person since he was a school boy

- thomas having enough faith in christopher to have confidence in himself making the antidote was the first time alastair realized friendship makes you more than you are.

- alastair loves blackberries

- he goes on long walks to clear his head

- he would always nag cordelia to practice how to fall safely

- he taught cordelia a lot of what she knows today 

- thomas seems to rub his tattoo in stressful situations, as though the thought of alastair alone calms him and brings him comfort

- alastair always understood the true reasons thomas was going on solo patrols when not even thomas’s closest friends and family had been able to guess at them; and thomas doesnt think alastair believes the rude things he says and unconciously picked up alastairs self punishing and protection habit of pushing everyone away

[theskyexists]

she-ra 4

the reason i stopped watching she-ra is the same reason i stopped watching the dragon prince.

the narrative doesn’t take the situation seriously. instead of leaning into the anguish of war and violence (atla, teen titans) - they make light of it. EVEN when the characters’ guardians are KILLED!!

when Angella died and they spent 2 seconds on Glimmer’s grief at the end of season 3 i was like......actually fuck this. HOW can i take any of these stakes seriously when they insist on brushing them off???

anyway just had to complain about that - especially because the start of the first ep of 4 is them joking AGAIN about something as grim as Glimmer now carrying all the responsibilities of her mother - who may i remind you IS DEAD

but catradora became canon apparently so now i have to struggle through

her aunt, her mother’s sister, is fuckin, joking about cakes, her friends are laughing at the joke. COME ON! how goddamn unrealistic and insensitive. EVEN if they wanna make a point of it - it’s silly! because the narrative PARTICIPATES in making light of the situation. if it was just the characters it would be less jarring

‘we’ll make sure this day is perfect’  WHAT? how could it EVER BE IF HER MOTHER IS FUCKING DEAD????????? AND THAT”S THE ONLY REASON SHE’S QUEEN????? ‘must be hard’ YEAH IT’S HARD - IN FACT IMPOSSIBLE. instead of pretending to be happy maybe you can show some genuine sensitivity. these people are so crazily emotionally underdeveloped my god. what age are they supposed to be? 16? 17? The problem that She-ra has (just like the dragon prince) is that there are no relevant adults. Oh sure there’s a Queen, and some Soldiers, and a Sorceress. But there isn’t a single relevant competent adult around who is concerned with running a bureaucracy or the emotional stability of children

I do like how Catra has overcome her fear of Hordak. but i think i remember being fuckin furious at her for almost destroying the whole world and hurting Scorpia and betraying Entrapta just to spite Adora. vaguely.

the rebellions problem is that they’re all extremely stupid himbos. like literally, in the whole story, only catra and shadowweaver have any smarts, while glimmer gains the ability to think during full moons on wednesdays. meanwhile everybodys is a slave to their emotions - which destroys any brain cells that shadowweaver or catra (or angella or anyone) might have managed. they could literally have killed hordak the entire time but just let him order them around because they’re so hot for acknowledgement

I’m glad Glimmer reflects my frustrations now hahahahaah

‘everyone is already acting like she doesn’t matter’  - yeah dudes, you fucking insensitive bastards

‘im supposed to take care of you glimmer’ - but unfortunately i have the emotional intelligence of a crab! FUCK!

this is another thing about this show that makes me groan. sappy quick resolutions of emotional turmoil through re-affirming the fuckin power of friendship in the first episode of the season.

also couldn’t Adora have done this she-ra stuff from the very beginning

that was badass.....miss glimmer’s other hair though. ok the emotions at that hologram and statue though...

the coolest part of she-ra for me is finding out more how the ancient systems all fit into Etheria and the She-Ras and Hordak Prime etc.

THIS IS A GOOD SPEECH. love this badass.

love Hordak getting put in his place. Love Catra realising she has power - love Hordak reaping what he sows. its unfortunate that she’s a shitty brat who JUST can’t get over her inferiority complex

if i could endlessly teleport i would do what glimmer does

also, glimmer was willing to fuckin murder catra before and she DEFINITELY will be now lol. love that for her.

why did they only introduce adora learning to transform her sword NOW ahahaha, theyve had SO MANY SCENES in which she doesnt have it and then suddenly does - and then its gone again

scorpia is the funniest and most likeable person in the whole show

they really suddenly can’t take five people on with she ra and fuckin huntara on their side??

i remember that little sadistic righteous twist in my stomach when Adora finally was like: FUCK!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Catra!!!!!!! and the stupid idiot got it

FINALLY A GLANCE AT THE PEOPLE OF ETHERIA AGAIN! i love the party sequences in this!!! the people of etheria are so beautiful! nobody ever comments on the main characters all looking plain human in contrast....

‘and i fell for it!’  yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

so first they quietly take out the guards....and then literally break open the door hahaahahahahaaha

‘we forgot the bots regenerate’ - yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

i just dont understand why they insist on making the main characters so DUMB ahahahahaah

Adora and Catra are great at hitting where it hurts. the difference between them is that Catra KNOWS that she’s hurting Adora - she does it deliberately.

wow that could be some pretty angsty stuff constantly leaving her to struggle on the floor while painfully electrocuted. Catra has also moved to kill Adora straight up so many times. im sure she really wants to (but it would destroy her later). But now, Adora swept something at Catra that might have actually killed her. I get Catra though, I would’t want to get beaten by some blonde, blue-eyed, glowing golden kid who always gets to win and do better. this is truly the first time Adora has moved to kill Catra......

does flatterina not have parents who’d be like: uhhhhh maybe leave the soldiering for a couple more years?

catra truly burning all her bridges. hahaha. it’s so satisfying to see her use her anger and power to truly destroy herself - because of guilt!

no other villagers were like - HMMMMMMM this random new kid is here? weird..... i didnt see that coming either.

Adora doesn’t think about what Catra might have even been doing there - cos she’s DUMB AS BRICKS

the interesting thing about this show is that they’re setting up a dichotomy. they’re treating war like a high-stakes game because they have the good side adhere to an aesthetic of ....magic. they will not make the two sides equivalent in any way - which makes questions of morality moot. the show is purely an emotional drama. the horde is an army of brainwashed kids in an industrial wasteland - they fight with tech and guns. but the good guys cannot fight with an army or tech, they fight with cleverness and magic. they’re called the ‘rebellion’ - they HAVE to be underdogs because they have to follow the script of good - even though what’s really going on is war, not a rebellion. That’s why they have a single strike team that do ‘missions’. They are presented as FUNDAMENTALLY different - on the level of identity which they cannot change lest they destroy themselves - and in that way the good guys can never become the bad guys. it is ALMOST meta. think they’re gonna do something with that at one point. i hope

also Netossa has such a super cool design.

‘everyone knows you’re needed in bright moon’ - uh. really? i dont know. some random person i’ve never seen before demands you go to meetings. so? is that important? why?

spinerella can literally FLY???????? why has she been in the background this whole time??? hahahaha military inefficiency.

there was an explosion that ripped trees apart - but bo’s alive!! honesty why didn’t they try explosive suicide bots before. they’re very lucky he was still alive to heal

‘could they be tracking she-ra?’ WHAT? isn’t the obvious suggestion - A SPY???? they just assume that the general is right hahahahaa.

i love how double trouble is so meta.

actually, why wasn’t glimmer trained as a sorcerer anyway?

glimmer is upset about her growing magic plants but not her having magic ingredients

why do they present good strategic thinking (for once) as evil influence from shadowweaver

what a fuckin badass. honestly - glad that this show finally utilised glimmer’s extremely op powers like they should be. honestly, she’s much more powerful than She-Ra.

that bit with spinerella was so contrived jfc.

‘by using me as a decoy’ adora says, pissed off. uhhhh YOU went off on your own to get smushed by fuckin bots adora. Glimmer didn’t do that to you. she just used your stupidity.

glimmer really left catra to die. hahahahaa

i like adora best when she’s on her own and being a dork

they definitely managed to foreshadow that Light Hope was evil but im glad they picked up the thread now

am i seeing this wrong or did scorpia have two mums??? but also. where the fuck are they

lolololololol because everybodys dumb as bricks and emotionally volatile they’re incredibly easy to manipulate

‘i cant risk hitting flatterina’ pffft - ALL YOUR ARROWS ARE NON-LETHAL BO. ugh i cant deal with these contrived stakes

I LOVE THIS BADASS EFFICIENT HARDCORE GLIMMER

they’re really gonna spin it like this is a bad development? fuck off. finally some grit.

‘you took things way too far’ - but she got results! dumb as bricks adora

(this may seem harsh but adora is DUMB shes so fucking DUMB!!!! and she has many good qualities (such as an almost innate sense of morality) but goddamn. i guess its good to sometimes have a show about all around dumb characters. i mean, it’s not unrealistic per se, it’s just.....weird.)

the interesting thing about these characters is that you can SEE every single one of them struggling with cognitive dissonance. thats the big story of this show. they see the world a certain way - and then when something challenges that, they fight to the death to destroy or deny or ignore that new information - to everybody’s detriment. and they can’t back down because every step they’ve taken - would turn to sins they can’t live with. it’s interesting and its also a kind of conflict that‘s frustrating if not resolved at SOME point. thats why i love this season for its characters going off the rails. adora aiming to kill catra, catra destroying her last relationships, glimmer growing more and more militant.

they’re all acting like teens - that  is - highly volatile - unable to keep from provoking others or be provoked - but they ARE teens.

‘catra doesn’t care. she’ll hurt people to get her way (implied: EVEN people on her side)’ - we must remember that Scorpia was entirely fine with KILLING the trio (it was Catra that wasn’t at the time).

‘you’re a bad friend’ OH OUCH. Catra - who’s always been treated as a whipping girl by those in power - does the same to those she is in power over. But on some level she doesn’t WANT to be that. she’s just always always been rejected and take advantage of and lashed out at and abandoned by the people she considered important (shadowweaver ---- doing the same to catra that was done to her is so goddamn....it’s the story of this show. the simplicity and banality of damaging and hurting others and that carrying over to harm even more people - is the story of this show and it’s immeasurably frustrating and REALISTIC)

she still flinches at Hordak’s lashing out. but she imprints on him the exact lesson she’s trying to school herself in. If you don’t need anybody - you don’t want anyone - if nobody matters but the mission and winning - then you can’t be hurt. she wants to prove her worth - but she doesn’t realise that inherently means that she’s putting somebody in power over her - again and again and again.

mermista coming  in clutch with the braincells: there’s a spy! I love how this is played as completely implausible and just Mermista nonsense (who i love learning about) - while it’s so obviously true/

i actually love Adora when she’s being serious and heroic, or a huge dork. and she has the wit to RECOGNISE good ideas. but i just don’t understand why Adora is being big b about being used as a distraction. like....why?

i love that the underside of Mermista’s sneaker has a figure. but why the fuck is a common soldier with them (flatterina) and do they really think they can interrogate the whole castle filled with some shitty guards and...what - the guerilla troops they sometimes employ? where do they even live? ah in a tent city. ok

why is the GENERAL in front line combat WITHOUT SOLDIERS???? oh wait. glimmer did that too when she was general. lolololol

i understand why Adora doesn’t trust Shadowweaver and doesn’t want her around most of all - and Glimmer getting buddy buddy with her is hurtful. but...it’s not helpful to needle glimmer about it. but dismissing the guards around shadowweaver however? stupid of Glimmer. unnecessary. ‘what has she done but help us?’ - uhhhh she kidnapped you, corrupted your powers, almost wiped Adora’s mind. I wish Adora had summed up those things instead of leaving them implied.

so perfuma and mermista come across inconsistencies in the stories - but then. forget about it? i just...... UGGHGHGHGHGHGHGH. people really aren’t this dumb are they? they’re just NOT.

‘no more secrets and doing things without us’ - that was a good speech. but like, glimmer is right - she’s surrounded by INCOMPETENT IDIOTS lolololol. but good leadership is corralling idiots, Glimmer. not going off on your own. but she’s already planted the bait about the dining room.

‘we were the only ones who knew about the plan to take back dril’ ---- THEN WHY DID YOU INTERROGATE OTHER PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA

‘stop questioning my choices, stop whining about being a decoy’ YEAH FUCKIN HELL ADORA STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SHIT. IS THIS REALLY ‘TAKING CARE OF GLIMMER’????

‘all you do is question my authority, it’s exhausting.’ yeah god...it really is. adora needs to fucking BACK! OFF! but im loving these fights because it brings out the grievances. Adora is right to be worried about Glimmer no longer including her in her decisions. and she makes a good point that that’s bad. She makes a good point that Shadowweaver cannot be trusted. And Glimmer makes zero good points - except that it’s been hard for her and has garnered 0.1% understanding from the people around her. Oh they were working together. BUT those were definitely real grievances.

GLIMMER CAN ALREADY DO A CONTAINMENT SPELL LIKE THAT??? godDAMN. castapella completely flunked her responsibilities to Glimmer but shadowweaver did NOT.

hmmm so Solinius was....destroyed. but like, did the people die? like....the people? that’s the important bit isn’t it? i mean, they were under the sea right?

i suppose the problem i also have is that this show will NOT hurry up. normally i love filler stuff but ...the characters are too.....cheery. too flat. their quirks are fun and funny until they’re literally character flaws.

are the horde just literally attacking civilians? jezus. the war crimes. how did shadowweaver ever expect to trick Adora when she was released into the field?

‘you can’t just keep going off on your own!’ - SHE LITERALLY SAVED THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN. SHE’S THE QUEEN! EVERYBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO HER! lolololol

the problem with Adora’s points is that everything about their dynamics are always so nebulous. why cant glimmer keep showing up to help out? WHY??? she’s the most capable fucking soldier in the field! she’s supposed to have full fucking authority! like, Adora isn’t in the right here. the problem is that her needling is only a symptom of her worries - which is that Glimmer doesn’t trust her any more. but the needling does NOTHING but make her seem like an idiot

i do love this trope reversal here - Seahawk deliberately damselling them to let the princesses save the boys? pffft

love catra getting the consequences for her actions regarding Scorpia. You can’t keep lashing out at people and expect them to stay my dear cat.....

oooohhh Glimmer.... you’re treading close to very hurtful territory. Blaming Adora for the Rebellion failing? for things she couldn’t do anything about? stupid.

really?? you’re really gonna fucking fight-resolution BLOCK ME? are you FUCKING kidding me? edging me for the whole GODDAMN SEASON??? and finally Adora cries at Glimmer going over the line????  fuckin I HATE the narrative decisions in this stupid show I FUCKING HATE THEM FUCK THESE WRITERS GOD FUKCING DAMMIT!!! this has been the whole GODDAMN SHOW!!!!!! ARGHGHGHGHGHGH

i’ve been waiting for a fucking resolution for Adora and Catra the whole! goddamn! SHOW! NOTHING! else matters! you do the exact same for glimmer and adora and now you let it fester again??? because of some no-stakes BULLSHIT? just give me the fucking godddamn PAYOFF for watching these kids be IDIOTS.

this fight on the boat is COOL and really wonderfully animated

really? Glimmer’s response to Adora being hurt and not wanting to be TOUCHED is to be angry herself? what a fucking IDIOT. god i can’t stand this. I CAN’T STAND IT

is this how people act? do they never take a moment to breathe and think and reflect and realise their priorities and take a step back and fucking apologise?

jezus FUCKING! CHRIST!

‘no matter what glimmer thinks of me’ oh that HURTED. oh damn. that’s so relatable. it’s a way to run, it’s a way to internalise the hurt and then prove the things that hurt wrong. the one that hurt you

I know Bo is supposed to be the emotionally intelligent one but he’s also too soft. He should go up to his friends individually and ask them the sharp questions. not - ‘communicate more positively’.

I just like Adora so much better when she’s alone. Her friendships’ positive moments are always so sappy or so....like over-exaggerated, the negative moments always so fucking annoying. Alone, Adora is generally driven, tragic, and cool. the problem is perhaps that i don’t care for the constant fucking drama

god i LOVE Mara so much - she’s so beautiful. and i LOVE learning more about the Old Ones. So they were trying to study Ehteria’s magic.... but then Bright Moon and the princesses were already here. The Magic-Like systems of the Old Ones are pure tech.

wow! even Mara’s transformation is way cooler.

so why was the first one’s tech (she ra) responsive to the magic? why does Raz know about She-Ra? when she ra is first ones tech????

WAIT ONE SECOND. She-Ra is ‘magic’ ??? it’s the SWORD that’s the first one’s tech! She-Ra is Etheria’s magic ! but how if the First Ones chose Mara. Did they steal She-Ra from Etheria?

so what im getting is that. the Old Ones colonised Etheria. Etheria has magic, and when Mara was chosen they made that girl an elite soldier - giving her a first one’s tech sword so she could ‘control’ Etheria’s magic. Then Mara was told to study the magic of Etheria - the ship implying that she’d not been on the planet before. then they created a Heart of Etheria project - which will probably turn the magic into a weapon. this was going to be used against Hordak Prime, im sure. I mean, Mara saved Etheria, but she did doom the rest of the universe to...extinction.... like, judging from Hordak’s strategy, Hordak Prime just literally exterminates planets and repopulates them with his clones....

But why would the planet choose a girl from amongst the colonisers - twice?

OOOHHH that anguished scream. i love anguished screams

why dont they put fucking safety belts in these ships. it’s not like the ship didn’t survive. only Mara got splatted (i guess)

also i love Mara. but damn Adora just got some more shit on her plate. why the fuck was she pushed through a portal again? for a She-Ra chain reaction?

I love madame Raz.

So they didn’t explicitly use it against Hordak Prime. and it wouldn’t have destroyed Etheria back then but it will now...

guh this showmakes it so hard to enjoy catra’s pain.

well they did finally have a good talk about it. I have to say, Glimmer is making good strategic sense - it’s just that this show only rewards harebrained schemes

Catra having a crazy panic attack cos she can’t find Scorpia and she’s completely lost and she knows its her fault. kinda love that for her. my heart

my dear Glimmer, theres a difference between absence of trust and absence of agreement.

they’re bringing king micah back just when angella is dead? oh fuckin lol

the horde....exiled micah? they exiled Micah instead of killing him???

why do they ALWAYS interrupt important conversations? i hate that shit. it’s cheap. it’s unsatisfying.

now THIS is what im here for - that unstoppable WILL!! john gonzalez is right - we watch stories for characters overcomign obstacles. writing, is creating the obstacle course. .....what does that say about me and my life....hmmm.

‘light hope told me everything i need to know’ - uhhh no she didn’t. she didn’t tell you how to harness the energy at all. ugh

how the fuck did double trouble escape. seems to me that they didn’t actually. they were let go....

it’s always so stupid when people try to tell other people: oh no you’ve got no plan - this is too risky! when that’s NEVER a problem

Glimmer is going to activate the weapon just in time for Hordak Prime to use it. And naturally she misses the return of her dad. fuck this

they’re gonna have Hordak and Catra fight? hmm

Double Trouble is right - this IS good for her - and it IS Catra - except for Shadowweaver’s case - she was an abusive bitch

I love Scorpia’s new cool fight music and also glowy eyes

is glimmer going to throw herself into lava??

the unfortunate thing is that Hordak Prime is right on the doorstep and he took over the whole universe or whatever. so they could probably have used that weapon. i mean the Old Ones must have seen something coming. there must be a reason they’re all GONE maybe????

why did Adora assume that all those stars would be destroyed?

THE ANIMATION ON THAT FINAL STUFF WAS INCREDIBLE AND EPIC

how the fukc are they going to beat Horde Prime lolololol.

i guess Glimmer really shouldn’t have done that. but at least she was in time to bond with Catra.

[tumblunni]

OH FUCK I THINK I FINALLY CRACKED THE CODE OF WHY I ALWAYS LIKE THE VILLAINS BETTER

Like man it always makes me so confused cos i mean im a soft AF person and i always end up having sympathetic redemption headcanons for them so its not like i like VILLAINY ITSELF but what else do all these characters have in common?

Thats it. Thats it, ursula helped me crack it.

I just WANT THOSE TRAITS ON THE HEROES

I really want a nice confident sassy funny chubby trans auntie who promotes body positivity to our young hero and always gets to say the coolest lines and get the best moments and BE LOVED FOR WHO SHE IS

And like usually whenever you get anywhere close to seeing those "villain traits" on a hero they like.. Remove all the good parts. If you have a supportive hero aunt she's always boring and generically supportive instead, and has to look like the most stereotypical boring mess ans have a super small plot role and uuuugh thats IF SHES EVEN THERE i mean seriously aunties and grandmas are weirdly less represented as mentors than grandpas who are already REALLY HARD TO FIND and again OFTEN GENERIC AND UNFUN WHENEVER THEY GET TO APPEAR

And how damn often are we allowed to have a chubby gay aunt!! WHERE IS MY CHUBBY GAY AUNT!! ive met SO MANY chubby gay aunts in real life like 90% of all my psychologists have been either that or like.. The exact same but a straight lgbt ally instead. Sassy plus size aunties are THE BACKBONE OF OUR SOCIETY DAMMIT! I've had so much help thanks to sassy gay aunts!! And like even just looking at any damn crowd scene in a normal city centre youre gonna see so many chubby aunts and long nosed uncles and all those sorts of bullshit "ugly people" that mass media pretends are ugly and relegates to One Minor Role In The Entire Cast despite them being infinately more common than supermodels and NOT UGLY AT ALL GEEZ IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH

I cant believe im a fuckin disney villain fan cos of body positivity

Tfw u suck so bad at making hateable people that the fandom universally hugs all your villains and ignores your boring protagonists like fuckin TAKE THAT DIDNEY

God i wanna hug hades sooo bad he just needs a friend aaaaaa

And i mean its not just disney, every damn time ive obsessed over a villain its been because they have some trait thats supposed to be "bad" but its actually good and we dont get to see it on the heroes

Like my thing with science villains in particular is that when i first played ff7 i really liked the idea of an evil minion who's a bad sidekick not just because he's "dumb" or "bumbling" but because he's actually not interested in any of the evil stuff and he works against his own boss and is like.. Friendly to the heroes, i have no particular grudge against you and i wont stop you if im off duty and all. I liked the Turks for the same reason but in the origibal ff7 translation they were kind of stoic and serious and i didnt really become as much of a fan of them til i saw them being more goofy and comic relief in some optional sidequests and then their movie adaptation. But hojo was always being all "lol my boss's plan is so stupid amirite" and had that very memorable scene where he's just sunbathing and tells you everything you need to know to get to the next thing to ruin his boss's plan cos i mean fuck it who even cares im just here to soak up some sun while fully dressed in a turtleneck and labcoat. It sucked so much that he was such a reprehensible bastard with creepy sexual assault vibes and murder and child abuse and experimenting on people and basically just NOT A LOVEABLE VILLAIN but his CONCEPT held so much potential to be filled by a sympathetic character instead...

So yeah then cos of him i kept being obsessed with finding SOME CHARACTER SOMEWHERE that actually lived up tp that potential, and thats why i was instantly interested in charon from pokemon and totally on edge waiting for the slightest chance for him to become That Perfect Sass Gramps Of Legend. And then he was indeed sassy!! And had so little screenyime that there was potential for interpretation of him as potentially redeemable cos i mean the game never said he wasnt, the game barely said anything about him at all, lol. And he was so old and small and frail looking and i just wanted to protect him!! And then that one wifi event that actually hinted at synpatheticness!! Aaaa its a recipe for a Forever Fave~

And i guess maybe it all started with my grandma being awesome and me really missing her? Cos i had shitty abusive parents and she was my ONLY good family member who showed me what love was like. And she was also basically a supervillain. Like every damn supervillain trait except being evil! She was bombastic and confident and sassy and mischievious and loud and passionate about stuff and always had something funny to say and never gave up no matter how many times she failed. And she also used all that great power for the forces of good!

So yeh thats why i love sassy good guys and i hate that often even when a sassy villain gets redeemed they seem to lose all their edge and become more generic now theyre a good guy. Or they get totally sidelined with no screentime anymore, or they ONLY get to be comic relief and dont get the full and complex redemption they deserve. Or just a lot of bads!! Its never the simplest answer of just fuckin.. Keep the character the character. Thats kinda why i didnt feel too much for the maleficent movie even though the concept itself sounded like everything i ever wanted. The character in that movie is a very different person to origibal maleficent, she's more just a stoic tsundere mumsy figure than a hammy badass iconicness. Still a nice villain redemption but it felt like it would have been better as an original story instead of an attempted maleficent. Also i wish they handled it better with the whole "true love's kiss could be from your mum instead" thing cos i get sooooo grossed out whenever i see people shipping movie maleficent and aurora! Like yes sleeping beauty with lesbians would be great but not when one of them is old enough to be her mum and raised her like a mum and changed her goddamn diapers! Also why did they have to ruin the three good fairies just to make maleficent have the mum opportunity? Like just remove them from the story if you wanted maleficent to raise the kid instead. No need to rewrite them into incompetant assholes when they were everyone's fave part of the original! Dont sacrifice the rare and elusive Good Sassy Gay Aunts!! THEYRE LIKE THE ONLY ONES IN DIDNEY!!! (Incodentally merlin is the equivelant of this to hades as the fairies are to ursula)

Also also villains tend to have ACTUAL FLAWS in stories that have a more boring bland protagonist. I wanna see the story behind charon's neuroses and how he struggles with overcoming his temptation to be bad because of greed but ultimately manages to conquer his own negative side because power of friendship and such. Thats a great character arc that provides so much more than he does as a villain where they just wasted him entirely :(

SO BASICALLY IN SUMMARY

* villains are often more complex and well developed characters with flaws while the same wroter might make shitty heroes due to the illogical fear that nobody would root for them if they werent 100% perfect and successful at everything ever

* villains are also often made as negative stereotypes of minorities and other rarely seen traits, which means its easy to reach out to them and reclaim them as a more positive version when theres literally no other options for you to cling to

* the quite common accidental sympathy factor where a villain will seem to be hated more than they deserve for their actions, ir unjustly punished so much that they feel like an underdog, since the writer assumes you'll think theyre "more evil" for being a stereotype and if you dont agree that this thing is bad then it seems like they have way less sins than the story claims they do

* also sass. Sass is good.

But basically the whole root of it is that its stupid and cruel and doesnt goddamn work when you make villains bigoted stereotypes. It just makes me love them! The only person i hate when i see a stereotypical villain is the writer who thought that was a good idea, lol. Just imagine that meme of the samurai holding the cat but its me holding all disney villains!

Also even if a villain isnt outright intentionally meant to be "this minority is bad", it can still make me symoathetic to them if theyre still something thats rare amoung the hero side in the same series. Like charon being the "most unredeemable" villain despite being the most harmless and funny and his plan being so much less world destroying than cyrus, and also he's the only grandpa villain in like.. The whole of all. And he's drawn very much in that way thays supposed to be "ugly" i.e normal grandpa, vs that weird sort of younger than he looks grandpa that hero ones tend to be because blablabla beauty ewuals goodness anti body positivity whatever. Tho actually sinnoh was good with that, they had the best grandpa professor in my opinion cos he got to be sassy too! Rowan always reminds me of auron from ff10. Sinnoh was a good game where i liked a lot of both the heroes and villains even if i still had more villain faves cos i mean pokemon is always biased towards that for me since every game has a voiceless perosnalityless main character and often theyre the one doing most of the heroing with the supporting hero characters having surprisingly little proper screen time. Thats a big part of why i loved hau gladion and lillie in sun and moon! They felt more like a real friend group than any other ones before.

ANYWAY now im just going offtopic into more "i love lots of stuff about every pokemon game" so ill stop typing now

But just basically VILLAINS ARE GOOD COS THEYRE GOOD CHARACTERS and if those stories gavethe same character a good guy role then id still love them just as much, if not more. I dont specifically like villainy, its just that my definition of a good character is often considered a bad character by lazy writers, apparantly?

Also WHERE IS MY SUPPORTIVE GOOD GRAMPS CHARON GAME AND GAY AUNTIE URSULA GIVES YOU FASHION TIPS SMARTPHONE MMO

[hnnnahhh]

Not entirely sure why i chose to write on here, i guess its because i don’t have many people i know on here that will ever actually see this so it feels okay to post? I dont know honestly. 

Basically, i feel myself getting bad again and I am doing whatever I can to stop myself from reaching that level. I have lost my appetite, Im not sleeping, im disconnecting more and more because i feel as though who love me dont need to see this side of me again or its just because its easier to be alone than to feel alone..

 My life is very routine as I get up, work till 6-7pm, come home, check emails, do laundry if need be, convert my times for work, and then kind of just...exist. I dont talk to anyone other than my boyfriend which i have noticed has become less and less (we both are busy i guess idk) and thats really it. My uncle is a drunk and we never really talk unless its him telling me something i have heard time and time again, or he’s being so negative about everything that its literally painful to listen to. So basically, I sit in my room and take my sleeping pills as early as I can and pray that I sleep. During work everything is fine, i am distracted for 8-9 hours, Im too busy helping people to even think about my day. Once my day is over, its back to feeling panicked. All I can think about is how I have no idea how to get through the next few hours. I dont always know what I am coming home too when it comes to my uncle. So as I open the front door I brace myself for impact just in case he’s angry. When he’s angry, the whole house is like walking on eggshells. I really miss having my own place at least then I’m okay when I don’t talk to anyone. For the most part.

The thing about anxiety, depression  and PTSD is you are on a constant rollercoaster where you feel as though anything at anytime will destroy you and you have to be ready for it. The depression side keeps you still and numb to the point where you basically accept whatever fate is given you cause you are so fatigued, and you wonder “what the fuck is the point, no one will notice anyways”  Then anxiety side is your mind and body telling you “YOU DUMB FUCK FIX THIS” “NO ONE WANTS TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY” “GET UP OR ELSE THEY”LL FIND A BETTER FRIEND” “WAIT YOU DON”T HAVE FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO ANXIOUS TO TALK” “BE BETTER” “DO BETTER”

So you try, and then the depression once again takes over and you are back to square one. Now the PTSD portion of this is mainly that ANYTHING that fucked you up in your past can come up and become a trigger. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 15 so I have a lot of triggers so a lot can make me spiral back into a bad spot, but with years of experience I am actually quite good at catching myself. Somedays. It depends. 

I went almost 2 years without talking, I didnt speak unless spoken too which wasnt often so it was easy for me to be silent so even now I have trouble trying to talk to people. Im pretty good at standing in the back. The only time I really felt like I had a hold of this was when I moved to Florida. I was ALWAYS laughing, smiling, hanging out with so many people, I had 3 wonderful jobs and I had no problem with showing up to any of them. With that being said though, I was also in a very bad spot because I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. Thankfully after a while we never saw each other and eventually split ways and I met someone wonderful. After the hurricane he basically saved me and got me back to California. This is where the switch happened.. I was beyond happy in Florida I guess because I was making it on my own and had a beautiful set of friends, my ex was far away from me and all was well. I get back to a place I was not ready to come back too with  the only family member that I had to take me in because my parents are homeless, my other aunt passed when I lived with her years back, my cousin had no room and living with my boyfriend just wasn’t an option. Not that he wasn’t amazing it just wasn’t manageable. Fast forward a few months, I have my first mental break down that forced me to quit my job which I have never given up a job unless I was moving, and I don’t work for a couple months because my anxiety and depression was so bad I couldn’t get out of bed most days and I lied about it. 

I later then get an amazing job in a field that is one step closer to what I want as a career and things seem to be okay..for a little while.      Now I am back to where I was. I can’t figure out why or how this happened. I should be excited for the future but instead I am so lost and confused and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I want the happy “Florida Hannah” back, just not be in Florida cause that will never happen again. The person who literally can have fun in just about any situation, do things she never thought she would do, and just enjoying everything life has to offer. I want to show this to my boyfriend and show him that IM NOT always this way. I fucking hate it because I swear thats all he see’s with me and I dont know how long this will last if Im like this. Also trying to rekindle friendships or let alone make any friends is absolutely gut wrenching. I wish I could accurately describe how hard it is for me to really talk to people now..

 My boyfriend deserves someone who isn’t a wreck and has to reassure all the time, and I deserve to be the person I know I am/can be. I can’t get out of my own head long enough to enjoy the littlest things right now and thats what scares me. I don’t want to be alone but I’d rather be fully alone then feeling like I’m alone in a room full of people. If that made sense. 

Feeling like this is making the things I am doing seem pointless when I know it isn’t. Life is amazing and full of so many beautiful, wonderful, happy things even when its ugly. 

When I am feeling this way I do whatever I can in my power to take a deep breath, look around at what I have, feel the breeze if there is one, and remember that it will get better, because it has before. This isn’t forever, and it isn’t terribly long (I hope), I just need someone who will understand why I am the way I am and wants to come over and just sit with me when I am in this mood or call me to check in like i do with them all the time. Not just my therapist whom I should probably call back actually..oops..

 I know how awful it is to be alone during the hardest of times, and I never want anyone to feel the way I do a lot of the time. I just need someone who wants to do the same thing. 

[actualbird]

//whispering let it get out of hand

(referencing this post)

THANKS FOR ENABLING ME ANON BECAUSE NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT AN AU I CRAFTED IN 20 MINUTES

SEE MICHAEL ISN’T ACTUALLY A SPY!! i like to think he was recruited as a handler after hacking into university files and erasing student loans. he became a bit of a name on the deep web, successfully stealing shitloads of money and distributing it cleverly over various charities, never getting caught. well. almost. 

director Jenna Rolan basically breaks into his shitty apartment flanked by two scary looking beautiful individuals (aka agents Jake and Brooke). apparently he’s been put on a hitlist for being a high profile goodie goodie, and she offers him protection on the condition that he start working for them. Michael, not in the mood to die and kinda in the mood to being an awesome Q, accepts.

so he gets accepted under the handler division of the organization led by Chloe, and he does incredible work alongside other fellow handler Rich and weapons expert/lead equipment engineer Christine. he does a fantastic job yelling in brooke and jake’s ears about what to do while simultaneously hacking into cctv cameras and encrypted connections to keep his agents alive. no, michael didnt expect that hed end up with this job, but he helps put the bad guys behind bars and he does his job WELL.

ENTER JEREMY HEERE. the only son of a wealthy but evil woman looking to sell state secrets/nuclear launch codes/[insert evil thing] to the highest bidder.  suspecting that jeremy might have important intel, they convene at a dinner/auction/[insert thing rich people go to in spy movies]. michael is in a van outside with at least eight screens while brooke and jake are decked out in fancy clothes, shmoozing their way through rich people, until finally, they find jeremy.

it’s a classic honeypot maneuver, simple and straight to the point. or so they thought, because Brooke goes in for the kill only to get stammers and apologies. prepared for this possibility, they send in Jake who michael would gladly sleep with if rich wouldnt kill him, but Jake is turned down.

(“Think he’s ace? Does he ping on your acedar?” Michael asks Christine as he frantically hacks into CCTV, keeping an eye on Jeremy while Brooke and Jake figure out another gameplan.

“Acedar?” Christine says, unimpressed. “He could be. But, do you want my honest, professional opinion?”

“Go for it, Chris,” Chloe says, also on the line. “If we lose him tonight, that’s another month of nothing. Any opinions at this point are essential.”

“He seems–nervous,” Christine says. On Michael’s screen, he sees Jeremy by an extravagant potted plant downing flutes of champagne like it’s nobody’s business. “You know how Brooke and Jake are beautiful but a little intimidating? Yeah. I think he’s nervous.”

“We need this intel now,” Jenna sighs. “Do we have any beautiful, non intimidating agents who can take one for the team?” 

“I have–” Rich says. “An Idea.”)

which ends with Michael in a suit (”Why do we have this?? Why is it perfectly my size??” “You’re the one who always says to have at least seventy backup plans, M.”) tailing after Jeremy at a party thats more expensive than all the money Michael has stolen over the course of his life.

i dont want to go too much into this because then thatd mean id have to just buck up and write a fic, but by the time michael gets to jeremy, the poor kid is hammered. and a crying a little bit. they end up sitting on the floor of this fancy fancy bathroom while jeremy maybe pours his soul out to michael about how this always happens. he Knew brooke and jake were spies because this always happens. it’s always beautiful people who want to sleep with him not because he’s anything, but because his mom is gonna destroy the world. and he’s totally up for thwarting his mom!!! but his self esteem is just shit tonight and he couldnt take it and oh god, michael, im a bad person. im a bad person and i dont matter, really, and nobody would care at all. nobody.

(“Hey,” Michael says. His heart is breaking because Jeremy seems like an great guy stuck in a horrible life. “I’ve only known you for three hours, not including where I pulled up your entire existence from everything you’ve ever done on the internet, but. But I think you’re a good person. I care.”

“No you don’t,” Jeremy sniffles, head pillowed against Michael’s shoulder as he takes a swig from a bottle of champagne, though his nose wrinkles when he remembers that Michael had emptied it and replaced it with water. “You just want the intel. Which, you know what,” he fishes something out of his pocket. A USB. “Here. Take it. It’s what you guys are looking for and more. I’ve been compiling a record of every transaction my mother has made in the past year. Put her away, for fuck’s sake.”

“Shit,” Michael says. Everybody in his earpiece also says it. “Jeremy. Thank you.”

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Time for you to go now. Go and save the world. Bye, bye.”

“Fuck that, do you have a phone?”)

and thus begins the friendship between jeremy and michael. so much more happens after this, but if i think about THAT. this will get so out of hand im going to need eight hands.

[lesbianyennefer]

ok ive finished andromeda and so im gunna collate my final gathered thoughts below:

All in all its been a good game but for the first time in my life in not just a mass effect but a bioware game i dont LOVE it i cant even say i think its very good - ive even been edging on outright disinterest and boredom at various points throughout. bioware games for all their faults have always made me get fully into their stories get completely immersed in the world and in mass effects case in their characters too. but andromeda is the first time ever that i find myself saying if someone asked me how good it was i would say meh. if someone asked me how the latest installment in my favourite thing to exist on this planet was i would say meh. as someone who for whom the original trilogy is genuinely my favourite thing in existence there arent words for how much it upsets me. im not even like ‘i wanna play again!!!’ like i usually am because im usually still so immersed in the world. here are some thoughts and delving deeper into the things that stood out to me:

- the writing: its poor. there have been a few funny moments and lines and most of the main quest dialogue lines are good but compared to what we are used to from mass efefct it PALES. only one moment of real enjoyment stands out to me in the entire game and that was the movie night one - of the only moments in the game I got happy about like the original trilogy. the writing for dialogue not just with npcs but with companions is often clunky, nonsensical, boring and adds nothing to furthering knowledge/relationships. i honestly couldnt tell you a lot about many of them because the conversations didnt pertain to actually getting to know them. it says in the codex that they all consider me close friends but its never been mentioned that they even considered me one nor can i recall when the friendship actually got going or how we reached the ‘close’ part. similarily a lot of criticism from critics was about the base elements being rehashed from the original and its true. so much has just been copy pasted from the ot in a way that actually makes this version less interesting. the big ‘reveals’ in the story are also so badly done that when jaal mentioned the angara were made by the jaardun is it? i didnt have a wow moment like mass effect has given me in the past i was so confused by everything going on i was just like what? nobody seemed to make a big deal out if either considering an entire race just found out they were genetically engineered. the only real ‘wow’ moment i had in the game was finding out ellen ryder was still alive and jien garson was murdered and even then you cant tell anyone and its pretty much forgotten!! ryder knows that jien was murdered by possibly this benefactor who seems to have ulterior motives for all of them and she also knows the reapers invaded and as far as shes aware eradicated the entire milky way. maybe thats something that should be shared with leadership hmm? (as much as i hate tann)  

- the plot: touching on the last the plot was, to me, nothing to write home about. ive always enjoyed that mass effect has a linear storyline that you get stuck into and follow through at a good pace. now i know they said andromeda was going to be more exploration based game - which i would normally like! - but not when the exploration has almost nothing to do with the main story and is so fucking much that you could play for 3 days 12 hours a day and not get to the next bit of the main storyline!! when you space it out too much the audience - or i - loses all connection with the sporadic main plot and what we are actually supposed to be doing so much so that by the time you go to play the next segment you dont even really know why youre there or whats going on. similarly the plot never made me go :O which the ot did a lot. an example ive mentioned before is that seeing the citadel always makes me go ahhh!!! the nexus by comparison is pretty boring. despite its flaws i love the storyline surrounding the reapers and it always gets me each time i play. sitting her writing this if you asked me to detail the main plot of andromeda i honestly couldnt. i cant remember what i did or in which order. theres no substance or linearity.  

- the exploration: i again cant believe im saying this but swtor a mmo game from 2011 has more interesting open worlds with more MANAGEABLE and relevant side quests than andromeda. they might be beautiful but none of the worlds stood out to me - though i loved elaaden and the downed remenant ship star wars reference. i dont mind doing a few bland side quests but when there in the 50s and they lead you on goose chases across entire planets i begin to get agitated. i cant recall the amount of times i had to go back to planets like kadara for one 5 minute firefight and a couple of lines of dialogue. going through the galaxy map animations, the landing animations, the lift down to the slums then crossing the threshold to actually reach the map to THEN find your destination? yeah im pretty done by then.    

- side quests: tying into the above side quests! bioware hinted theyd learned a lesson from dai and taken inspiration from the witcher 3 for their approach to side quests and they appear to have done neither. there are MORE side quests than there were in dai and i actually didnt mind dais but andromedas have become an issue for me - probably because there were so godamn many. they dont have any baring on the story and they are bland and uninteresting mostly fetch quests. i hate bringing the witcher into this because i dont like giving praise to cd projekt red but the truth is bioware could stand to ACTUALLY learn from the witcher 3. the side quests in that are small in number, long in plot and actually connected to the main story. they dont make you feel like youre straying from the plot, their content is deep and very good and they quite often have major consequences. see triss’ quests in novigrad.  one thing i will say is they did seem to take a little of the last into andromeda. some choices have consequences ie saving the salarians over the krogan. that was pretty cool but still underdeveloped. 

- the relationships: by the end of the story i  can say I love all my squadmates despite the fact that i feel like i barely got the chance to know them (the only one il say i dont know at all well enough to love em is gil who has no content aside from the incredibly uncomfortable jill storyline and i wonder why hes the negelected one hmm?). i loved how they moved around and talked to each other but the amount of times i went round to see them and they had nothing to say was a LOT compared to the fact that in me3 everytime you went to see someone they had something (or multiple somethings) to say often without having to enter into a cutscene style animation just to see if they actually want to talk. in terms of romantic relationships ( i romanced peebee) i was disappointed by how little your romanced companion interjects on the story. at least in peebees case there was very little content and she seemed hardly bothered when my ryder got injected then killed herself and then died AGAIN to save them aside from a little snarky “hands off” comment when the archon grabbed her face. she mentioned a little bit back on the ship but compared to me3 and how liara/garrus/ash/kaidan would interject a lot on mission and have hints to their romance sprinkled throughout it felt like another forgotten thing. not one person on the ship mentioned me and peebee aside from a quick thing from sam when i went to see him in my cabin. also jazzed up sex scenes dont mean anything if the rest of the relationship is bland and overlooked. i prefer liara and sheps me3 scene 10x over peebees (my little gay heart still cries). 

- the music: WHERE WAS THE MUSIC??!?! one of my favourite things about games FULLSTOP and the cherry on top of mass effect has always been the music. to this day i love the atmosphere that noveria creates and vigil makes me fucking cry. the suicide mission gets me pumped and leaving earth leaves a gaping hole in my chest. (diverting a bit even dai had fantastic music. in hushed whispers, the lost temple and thedas love theme are among my faves.) aside from the heleus galaxy map music and the ambient from that one destroyed planet i cant recall a single piece of music that stood out. i can remember about 3 tunes overall the map, the main menu and the one that plays a lot when you fight kett. there wasnt even any proper ambient music for the worlds!!!!! there arent words for how upset i am that theres no fucking mission themed bangers. im just really sad about this.       

i think at the end of the day a big reason for me why i havent loved it is because as ive said before it doesnt feel like mass effect to me. to a pretty great extent i think the reason for this is the decision to move to the Andromeda galaxy. the absence of shep and the crew and the normandy is another huge factor but rather unavoidable in terms of continuing the games, but moving to andromeda has robbed the series of everything that made it mass effect. the mass relays, the citadel, the council, the alliance, earth, thessia, palaven they all made mass effect mass effect. Not to mention the quarians (one of my fave races ever), the drell, the volus, hanar, batarians, vorcha they were all a part of what mass effect IS. even the architectural style of the colonies, the nexus its all different and it doesnt have any connection to the ot and the world it created. andromeda feels like its own game completely unrelated to mass effect and one that when considered on its own has an incredibly shaky foundation and sporadic storytelling. at the end of the day it was fun to pass the time but as a huge mass effect fan i feel it was incredibly disappointing and to be quite honest i dont consider it a part of the mass effect i love.   

[pleaseimtryingtogetbetter-blog]

An In-depth Analysis of Myself: the first critique

All the names are changed, and upon looking at the title there will be no end of self analysis. just letters upon letters to me, about me. This was written a few months ago, so who knows how im feeling now. try not to jude me too hard, whoever you are.

I'm so tired of feeling like crap about myself. I have good days and I have bad days. I'm so insecure no matter how hard I try to be confident. I like who I am on the inside, not the out. I know they say the outside doesn't match the inside, but what if it did? Is my outside appearance a direct reflection of who I am inside? Why do I look like this? Why wasn't I born beautiful?

I'm always going to be a big girl. And I'm slowly becoming okay with that. My legs don't bother me, or my arms. It's my middle. My large broad shoulders, the rolls of back fat that ruin any dress or short sleeve. And my big huge stomach that's never satisfied. I hate anything right on my body, anything that sticks to my skin makes me uncomfortable. I need things to be loose to hide the larger components of my body. Most just say eat right and work out, and while I agree, it's not that easy. All my life people think it’s okay to comment on my weight. The doctors, my family, and people who claim to be my friends. It ha always taken a dark toll on me, i developed self destructive behavior at such a young age part of me thought I was lying to myself. That I made up the eating disorder. I never ate anything. For some reason, it didn't bother anyone. They thought i was dieting because i only ate once a day. I got really skinny for my body type that summer. Going into middle school i slowly got better, until i was unhealthy in the opposite extreme. My parents ask why couldn't i put myself on another diet like i had before, they didnt realize i was sick. i didnt realize i was sick. i realized they couldn't see what i was doing to myself. For a while, I thought i was doing really well. I didn't deny myself what i wanted, and i felt comfortable.

Of course like all good things, it came to an end. I don't want to project this on anything other than myself, but i cant help but blame others. For some reason, i thought that since i was going to therapy i was getting better. Unfortunately thats not all that goes into it. The therapist can only do so much, the rest comes from you. Compared to my junior year, senior was way better. Or so i thought. Scholastically, senior year was better. My relationship with my mother was better. Everything should be going my way, but I'm still unhappy. I thought i kicked depressions ass, because i didn't feel so gray all the time anymore, once i realized i had everything i needed to be happy, good grades, great friends, and college acceptance, yet i wasnt, and that told me i wasn't cured just yet. I feel lousy all the time, plagued by mediocrity. Which can stem to all kinds of other issues, but for now let’s focus on my dissolving self confidence. Its not just my body i hate but my face too. My acne is crippling, getting worse everyday. Makeup doesnt do the trick anymore. At the end of the day the makeup wipe reveals the true ugliness beneath, not like the mask was any better. And for a while, i challenged myself to not wear makeup for a while. Sadly that only lasted a few days. You can have a great day, and one comment can ruin you. You see, my makeup less face oddly gave me confidence. Confidence to show who i truly am and to let myself breath. Ultimately, one comment destroyed that all in .002 seconds.

Remember how i said i didn't want to reject blame? Well I'm going to try and justify other peoples actions anyway. Jake is one of my friends. Honestly for a little bit i thought i liked him, but i only liked the attention and i often looked to him for validation because it was the only male friendship without any strict platonic mood placed on it. I can be honest with myself and admit that i was mainly attracted to the idea of us together because he was new, and i could make someone else jealous. However the stark difference between us enlightened me to see that we could never be together because we would never work. He is the opposite of what i want. He isn't goal driven and is often derogatory. Yet, I still look to him for validation just the same. Anyway, for some unknown reason, the last month he has made constant comments on my appearance. Im not entirely sure if he always did this, and I'm just barely noticing, or he is stating because we are slowly becoming more comfortable with one another. He has made comments that have really hurt my feelings. And it is a consistent behavior with him. He has made comments on my weight, my body, my height, my behavior, and my acne. He has made attacks on almost every inch of my being. And what angers me the most is that i often defend hid behavior to my friends. The last few weeks, there has not been a class period where i have left without feeling gross about myself. I excuse this behavior because i know he is equally insecure about everything i am in different perspectives. Yet, this behavior towards me is not acceptable. His comments destroy any inch of confidence i have left in me. I try not to comment on peoples appearance and if i have, i apologize. Jake also suffers from acne and we talk about it a lot. On my no makeup challenge, i anticipated a comment from him, and i shouldn't have to. he said “now that I've seen your real acne i feel better about mine” How does he think thats okay to say to someone who is obviously insecure about how they look? I wear heavy makeup, and he has commented on that as well. Why do people feel the need to comment on my appearance and attack the most vulnerable parts of me? If it can't be fixed in 5 minutes don't say anything. His verbal abuse, while unbeknownst to him, real contributes to my own self hatred. It fuels my fear of being unwanted. He is a close friend, but also a bully in my life.

Fear of being unwanted undoubtably comes from my father abandonment. He left at a young age for reasons I'm too scared to know and i have zero memories of him. I am extremely thankful for my mother and all she has done for me, but there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about him. Why did he leave? Was he not ready for a child? He has other children with another women and i often wonder if they know about me. Either unfortunately or fortunately, daddy issues is a common trope in todays society. I connect with many characters in media. Like Barney from How I Met Your Mother, Rebecca from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Gabriel Iglesias’ own experience with his father. Like them, my father tried to contact me when i was about 15. Ultimately i said no and did not want contact with him. At 18, i am still not comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with him. He has hurt me deeply and I am not ready to forgive him for that. His abandonment makes me feel like i wasn't enough for him, and that i never will be. Probably the reason i find it so hard to connect with males. I can never truly trust them, much like i can never truly trust anyone because everyone leaves me in the end.

One thing i want to talk about is what happened with Oliver. He is not guilty in any reason, and if you look at it, a minuscule problem in my life. I finally got the guts to tell him how i feel about him, i kinda chicken out and wrote him a letter, but writing my feelings is more therapeutic than saying it, clearly. I told him knowing a relationship wouldn't result. And i think that that is the only reason that made me do it. Yes i genuinely have feelings for him, but i am no way ready for a relationship. Of course i want to make him happy and be with him, but i don't want to know what real heartbreak is, because I'm pretty sure i am heartbroken over myself. If that makes any sense at all. Anyway, i was denied and am okay with it. But it is another experience that makes me feel unworthy of anything real. I have never had anyone show interest in me, and while it is superficial, i long for a little attention. To verify that i am wanted. That i am beautiful. All of which i do not believe in, i want others to, and that is unhealthy. 

Compared to my friends, who are gorgeous, i am the ugly duckling, and I'm okay admitting to it because i know no one else will. Actually my relationships with everyone seem as artificial as my hair color. All my friendships and family relationships seem to be temporary. I know everyone has someone they like more than me. Jennifer is my best friend, but i know she secretly prefers Rebecca or Penelope over me anytime. Daisy is one of my best friends, but i know my recent actions have made her hate me and i walk on eggshells with her now. Isabella is like my sister but i know I'm a third option to her. Behind Yolanda and Trina, and Brandon, Im someone in the background to fall back on. Vanessa is someone i treasure but i know she would prefer a night out with Kristina or anyone else. I know it’s selfish to want to be someones priority, but feeling unimportant to everyone is real hell. I feel like people keep me around because I'm dependable, and I'm tired of it. I look out for everyone, so who the hell looks out for me?

I do the most for my friends. I go above and beyond for everyone, and i notice i set the bar so high for friendship i feel like i don't have any. I want someone to be there for me like i am for everyone else. I look at myself as a lone wolf, but being alone weakens you faster. I am unable to look inside myself and find real strength. All i find is weakness.

I am sick to my stomach because i am so disgusted with myself. I am scared out my mind because no one notices I'm not okay. I cant ask for help, because i don't want people to look at me differently. I am very candid with the fact that i am mentally ill, and pride myself that i go to therapy, but laying a lot of my flaws out on the table is not easy. i know that this paper does not contain all things that i do not like about myself, but for now it is an installment.

If I ever send this to you, i am not attacking you. I am not looking for attention or compliments or sympathy. I am simply being honest with myself and need to write it out. I am hurt and i can feel a self destructive behavior coming over me and this is a signal to be on alert for any alarming actions i might do. Do not smother me, it will only anger me. Do not bombard me with questions about my sanity or overly ask if I'm okay, as i am not clearly sure myself. If you reached this point i am worried that you are scared for me, and my safety. And while i feel that I am being dramatic and this is a crazy disclaimer, this is NOT a suicide note. I am not going to kill myself. I could never do that to my family and cannot put Jennifer through another suicide. If I ever send you this, I am sharing something very personal and ask you to keep this just between us and not show anyone else. I am someone who struggles with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, sleep issues, and deep rooted fears. And while it may seem contradictory to what i have previously stated, I will be okay.

[extremelyaverageincrediblynormal]

KP

This is to you. You have changed me. I’ll never tell you any of this because it would make you cringe/cry/vomit/run away with the speed of our dear lord and savour sonic the hedgehog. But I’m going to dump all my emotional bullshit that I wont ever tell you because I know you wouldn't appreciate it. Here goes. 

You have changed me as a person. I met you and I saw you as this person that just needed someone to open up to. Maybe you had been broken-hearted before and needed someone to show you that being in love isn’t that bad. Maybe you had a secret dark past. Maybe you were lonely like me. 

But that’s not at all who you were. You were surrounded by people who love you and who you love. You were open and social and confident and knew who you were and were happy to remain that way. That scared the SHIT out of me because that was everything I wanted to be but knew I wasn’t. I tried so hard to get you to let your emotional side show, or communicate things you never communicated with anyone before, but that wasn’t what I should have done, and I’ve learned to accept you for exactly who you are and stop trying to make you into someone that I thought you needed to be. That was the first lesson. I’ve learned to start listening to who people are and just let them be that. Stop assuming everyone is broken and just waiting for me to come along and fix them. I’ve learned to see the beauty in who people are. I dont know why I didnt do that before but here we are. 

I remember the night that I made you cry, and I was an awful, terrible person to you and I dont regret that night (per say) but I definitely wouldnt do it again. Ever. You are precious to me and it hurt me so much to see you that way, in a way I never really knew I could feel about someone. It was the first time I saw you as small and hurt, and it was all my doing. I had destroyed this beautiful thing that was you, all because of jealousy? a need for attention? selfishness? I dont know. It makes me cry just thinking about it. In all this chaos, I immediatley wanted to take everything back and say I was sorry and tell you its okay and that I forgave you and you be so happy to see that I wasnt mad, and just now I am realizing that’s what my mother used to do to me. She would use that to gain validation from the people she knew would always forgive her. holy shit. 

Okay anyways. I realized that night that, just because you dont show affection the same way I did or how I was used to, doesnt mean its not there. It might be there so much stronger than you could imagine, and you’re completely overlooking it because you’re too obsessed with the idea that maybe they dont like you, maybe you annoy them, maybe its all about you. I learned to trust you. I learned to try and trust people. I learned to let go of the need to control. 

You are constantly challenging my idea of who people are and what friendships can be and it scares me so much but I love you enough to keep going, and it’s kind of exciting to be honest. You have taught me a lot of other things and I’ve never been so thankful for meeting someone. Some of the feelings I have for you, I don’t really know how to process. I feel so strange around you, in a really good way. Its an entirely new feeling, and its scary and I know its a love of some sort. The touch of your hand against mine, or my head on your chest sends this electric pulse through me that both calms and excites me and that sounds SO gay but you have to admit the wording is pretty poetic and thats most of the reason why I wrote that. It’s not really like that. Sometimes I wish you would just roll over so I can sleep with my butt sticking out. You take up so much of my bed and weigh more than me so I’m stuck sleeping on the 1/8th that you have left for me. But anywho. You’re so important to me and who I am becoming and I will never ever take you for granted again. I will love who you are, I will not try and change a single part of who you are, because you as a whole is a beautiful person. You bring light to my life and any life you touch. I dont know anyone who affects people the way you do. You are a blessing and I am so grateful. I love you KP.