#i swear im not angry i just have feels
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Well he certiANLY COVERED THE HURTING CROWLEY BIT JUST FINE--
Hello Mr Gaiman. I’m not sure that you’ll answer this question but it least I can say that I’ve tried.
So I’ve been rewatching season 2 today and I noticed that there was no holy water during the battle in the bookshop. Aziraphale can’t make any water holy? Or is he too good to use it against demons?
Why would he have holy water in his bookshop? It could hurt Crowley.
#go2 spoilers#good omens#dont lynch me please#i love the series#season 2 was great#i swear im not angry i just have feels#and i cope with humor#anyway drink water#take pills you need#and eat something if you can
14K notes
·
View notes
Text
>i join a server for systems
> the rules dictate what my littles can and cannot do "for their own safety because they're literally children"
> i leave
#'all alters under the age of 16 must stay in the section where cursing and topics with any sort of maturity are banner'#what if the 4 year old wants to talk about how she smokes weed to deal with panic attacks and help with insomnia#shes not actually physically 4 you know she can smoke weed#and she swears just as much as everyone else idk why shed have to be protected from adult language#like if your littles do thats fine but why would you assume ALL syskids follow that or feel comfortable following that#my littles feel they CANNOT EXPRESS THEMSELVES AT ALL if they are limited to disney channel appropriate content#and theyre not out here like. making dick jokes or anything but when they get angry they say fuck#and talk about gore and drugs and trauma#besides. i think at least half of the people in the world swear around their kids and they turned out fine#we learned to swear when were 10 and swore often to express ourself as a child#most parents ive met swear around their children. not at mind you just around.#like most parents wont. drop a carrot on a patch of cat fur on the floor. and then go to the other room to quietly mutter FUCK#and they shouldnt have to#irl children shouldnt be completely cut off from swears they should be taught the appropriate time to use them#idk im just sick of people providing syskids with literally less agency than they would an actual IRL child.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
#this is about autistic people.#that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it#it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject#and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole#that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong#you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back#that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up?#it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them#no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting!#its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF#i swear youre all asshole to us#no respect fr#its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong#youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying#and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive#just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!!#ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
WIP... Oh shit, its actually Wednesday??
Tagged by @wrathfulrook @clicheantagonist @marivenah @cassietrn @the-silver-chronicles @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat and I thiiiiink that's it... sorry if you've tagged me & you're not on here, its been a hot minute since I've posted a wip wednesday & my memory is basically Swiss cheese
Tagging anyone who wants to self indulgently share a WIP! Feel free to tag me, I love to read new stuff :)
**Also terribly sorry in advance cause this turned out to be a bit longer than I thought it would be**
WIP 1: OG Verse - fun times with Celeste & Gabriel
He has to resist the urge to throttle her, lest he ruin the inside of his house filled with years of carefully handpicked items, ones he held a certain fondness for. "You ruined my life, Celeste. Or do you not recall?” "Your life?" She tilts her head in mock curiosity. "What life? The one where you were sent anywhere they told you to go, like some mongrel with a barely slackened leash?" “Excuse me?" “We can pretend otherwise. Keep up the illusion that your life was marvelous, picture perfect even. But we both know the truth, don't we?" She takes a step closer. “You were nothing but the High Council’s defanged pup. Cluelessly doing their bidding before I freed you. If anything, you should be thanking me." "Thanking you?" He clenches and unclenches his fist in an attempt to suppress his anger. "Hate me if you must, fight me even, but do it later. Right now we must get out of here. If they do not know where I am yet, they soon will. What do you think will happen once they realize one of their precious dhamphirs has been under their nose this whole time?"
Celeste truly is the nicest individual you'll ever meet :))
Including this little snippet from Gabriel's pov as well cause idk, I just really like it
Unbidden worry strikes him. He listens, waits, and when his ears pick up the sound of soft, even breathing he lets out a breath of his own. Celeste and the baby were still there, unharmed, perhaps even sleeping. It brings an odd sense of comfort, reminiscent of times long forgotten, times he didn’t want to remember. If he did, he’d have to remember what brought them to a halt in the first place and he had a job to do. Grief and old wounds had no place here, at least not at the moment. Kicking his boots off, he treks into the bathroom and gently closes the door behind him. It’s a simple design: Shower to his left, toilet to his right, and a sink with a mirror above it directly across from the door. Leaning against the sink, he ruffles his short, black hair that's shaved on the sides and traces his fingers over an old, faded scar. It runs down almost the whole length of his face, going over his left eye and stopping just shy of the corner of his mouth. Overlapping it is another, only this one goes across his face horizontally, over the bridge of his nose and from cheek to cheek. The only thing that remains of the old Gabriel are his blue eyes, once full of life and mischief, now faded and dull. Turning away from his visage, he heads toward the shower and turns it on, stripping down while he waits for the water to heat up. He doesn’t need a mirror to see the multitude of scars and tattoos that adorn his body. Aching for another drink—if only to dull his senses and lingering memories once more—he curbs the yearning and steps beneath the water.
WIP 2: They Watch From The Pews
Willa squirms, trying to dodge cold fingers that reach out to trace over the letters, caressing them with a sadistic fascination that makes her stomach curdle in disgust. Disgust quickly transforms into a desperation to get away once he finally reveals the knife kept hidden behind his back. “Usually I’d peel the sin off but… I think this will suit you much better, don't you?" Pressing the tip of his blade into her skin, he teasingly drags it across her skin. "Tell me, Deputy, how did you feel when you got the news of Samuel's death?" "Chipper." She spitefully answers with a sneer. John heaves a dramatic sigh and presses the blade down harder, prompting tiny beads of blood to bubble up as he traces over the letters of her tattoo. "You can make this easier for yourself, you know." "I've heard that before. Got me a bullet to the leg." "Because you ran. My men only acted accordingly." "Fuck you and your men, pussy." "My, what a mouth on you." He tuts and makes a deeper cut. Her teeth sink into the leather in her mouth, denying him the satisfaction of hearing her make a noise. Without pause, he moves onto the second letter, brows scrunched up in concentration as he goes over the lines again and again. It isn’t until he’s on the last letter that she finally breaks with a muffled groan. He stops, lifting his eyes from his work. “Comfortable?”
John & Willa are bonding so well. Truly, I think they're starting to get along!
#**wips subject to change**#nah i thought it was tuesday today like... huh#anyway guess what guys i actually have stuff for wip wednesday! granted its not that great but ehh we tryin & thats all that counts#i love when docs will put a red underline under my words like... hunni if that aint a word it is now!!#ohhhh gabriel may be taking celestes shit now but just wait for it... hes a man who suppresses his anger until it builds and blows <3#i need gabriel like a dog needs a bone ya feel? (shh dont look at me...)#Cel & Gabriel's past history is interesting and a bit convoluted (yes; they fucked)#also i love writing willa bc im like 'how many times can i make her swear? yes!' she just doesnt care anymore#shes feral & angry & shes finally indulging in it#also willas overreacting it was a bullet GRAZE not a bullet WOUND**#meanwhile johns like 'hehe knife time while i interrogate you bestie! <3'#wanted to include some stuff from Sparrows fic too but ah well. maybe next time#ok tag spam done SORRY#oc: celeste night#oc: gabriel walker#oc: willa rook
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
why do people think im angry all the time 😭 im legit not an angry person and it's so frustrating that everyone acts like i am
#shut up sender#me: i am literally not angry right now#other person: wow calm down#like ok!! now im ACTUALLY angry because youre telling me to calm down when im trying to tell you my actual emotional state#and the cycle repeats again and again how do i deal with that#if people still act like this even though im constantly clarifying myself#repeating ''im not angry im not mad you didnt do anything wrong i swear im telling the truth'' like a broken record#just living my life having to constantly reassure people and nobody ever cares to ask how i actually feel 😭#sorry just needed to vent because im at a total loss idk what to do
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mm
#i hate myself sometimes#i really fucking hate myself sometimes#i fucked up a relationship for my host and ill never het to exolain myself#he says hes not mad but i know he misses them and he got so fucking depressed over it#i keeo messing up i keep being so fucking mean#im always so fucking angry and scared all the time#i feel so fucking ugly and gross and just Bad#i dont like my body i dont like my face#i never have the energy to talk to people and it makes me such a bich#im always such a bitch to everyone#and i dont know how to stop#and i dont know if i can actually get better#fuck#i miss my friends#i dont know if they even think of me as friends at this point#because im always fucking gone#i never talk abouy my problems because i knowif i get upset ill be a dick again#i dont know how to stop#im trying i swear im trying#bit i act like my grandma i always have#and i dont know how to stopm#i hate how similiar wr are i hatebit i hate it i hate it#im the one who was there when she. did tha. to us#im the one who had to have that memory#im fhe one who felt it#andbi know its my hodts trauma too#but ive always felt ot ive always been the one who had to carry it#and im just#i do not think i am a good person#i do not know how to be a good person
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
yessss do all of them. For gensh <3
(I had to take this off of the official numbered list because my rambles are just too rambly, and tumblr started yelling at me......) 1.) my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: Bennett!! Bennett, Bennett, Bennett, I choose Bennett-- Also Chongyun and Freminent. Somft boys. Doing their best. Also could kick your ass. Also I have all of them. :3c (...Very sad that I had to take Chongyun off my main team, because Bennett's about to C6 and render him useless.)
2.) my trash-shit fave: I have no idea what this means, but I'm gonna guess that Dottore and Scaramouche belong here-- Especially Dottore; he's the guy giving me the MOST brainworms right now. (But I can't share most of the brainworms because I'd have to explain all the reasons why my version of him turned out the way he did, then be told I'm wrong anyway, so.) Anyways, I love Scaramouche/Wanderer's entire story, I love that he Has Problems but those problems aren't JUST that he's a little asshole bitch for no reason like fandom keeps trying to claim. Also I want!! Playable Dottore!! I want him so bad. Sure sure, to some people having him redeemed would be soooooo boring, but- Personally, I only have a certain amount of fun with villains that are villains for the evulz, and I LOVE characters with Potential (potential for both better and worse, sometimes even for the same reasons); also a lot of certain little details about Dottore gives me the vibes that he isn't the one-note crazy man basically everyone writes him as, which is apparently, supposedly backed up by the actual og Chinese writing of a few things. And I genuinely think that ANY way they go about redeeming him/making him playable -- be it revealing Tragic Backstory reasons, or a begrudging process, or "well I've decided I like and respect you, so sure, I'll behave, for now >:)" -- would be interesting no matter what they go for!! ...I'm genuinely gonna cry a bit if they do opt to just kill him off ;v; but if Gensh goes that route, I do hope it's at least to an epic boss fight or something. Full monster transformation, if possible.
3.) my I love to hate them fave: God, I have no idea, I'm not usually the type outside of very specific characters. I guess Signora might qualify? ...I'm not gonna earn much love with that one-- She's just, like...tragic backstory? Check. Pretty lady with beautiful theming and massive tits? Check. Front-story bitch? Yeah that's pretty fun! ...Why is it so hard to force her character to shift in writeys. Like, even thinking about alternate ways events could go on my own, it's like...she owns her own girlboss so hard, it borders on Ungrateful behavior (which tends to be one of the few kinds of behaviors characters can have that grind on my nerves). Apparently there's a chance she might get revived in Natlan, and honestly I'm hoping. I don't think it'll be the worst thing in the world if it doesn't happen, but I sure would like the excuse to put her back in the oven to bake some more, without having to wait for my brain to become actually hooked on her to do it.
4.) my I hate to love them fave: This one's gonna sound weird; Faruzan. ...Okay, okay, let me explain- So, y'all know how Faruzan had a boosted drop rate when Wanderer was first released? (...And I think it happened again when his banner came back around, but that's not important--) I was. SO. DAMN. DESPERATE. to get Wanderer. I had picked out a name for him months in advance (well, tentatively; some leaks a friend was looking at said you could name him, and I wasn't 100% convinced but I wanted to be PREPARED in case it really was true, and then it was!), both of my friends (including Devoid here <3) were pulling for him as well, and both got him before I did, which intensified my desire to get him. I had been saving up. I was doing SO MANY TEN PULLS. And I got. SO. MANY. FARUZANS. I think I had one ten pull that was, like, four Faruzans in a row. I had her C6'd extremely early on into my pulls, and then she just kept showing up. It was driving me mad. I don't really get too bothered by a character's in-game actions unless they're a specific kind of irksome, but messing with my pulls? That bothers me a lot-- Eventually I did get Wanderer, but I'd also gotten like...twenty or forty Faruzans in the process or something like that. It was ridiculous. And I was all set to just hate her forever. ...But then, like...her hangout comes out and that was really good. And then the event with Wanderer, Kaveh, Tighnari, and everyone happened, and THAT was also really good, and she's so affectionate towards Collei and hnnnnnn...Why's she have to be such a good character with such great taste in other characters?? Save me--
5.) my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave: So, you know how I said that character actions don't tend to bother me outside of certain traits? Fucking. Royce. I hate Royce. I mean- I view Benny's entire ex-team rather unfavorably, but Royce's "almost-has-a-realization-just-to-backtrack-and-yell-at-Benny-again" behavior drives me up the goddamn wall. I'm sure there's other NPCs that piss me off but no one else I can remember by actual actions or name. I do have some playable characters I don't really like at all, but this category is very strongly worded for those feelings. (No hate to any Royce fans out there >////////< And also apologies, but this is probably the only time I'm gonna talk about him anyway, at least by name)
6.) my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: I've been avoiding most fandom content precisely for this reason!! (...Unfortunately I've still gotten exposed to a bunch of shitty fan takes, but it for the most part hasn't shaken my character opinions much. My ship opinions however...) ...The most popular takes of Scaramouche and Dottore (by fans and non-fans alike) have only further solidified my personal vibes of wanting them more sympathetic and avoiding one-note portrayals like the plague. Signora has been on thin ice for a while because so many people are really fucking aggravating in regards to her, but she's yet to budge because I do feel mildly compelled about her. So hopefully that sticks. But I WILL absolutely despise Capitano out of sheer fan spite if he's revealed to be the 1st Harbinger, and there's a ~secret 10th Harbinger~, that is just, like...It's almost kinda neat, but so many people are being so bullheaded and shitty about it (mostly on reddit, I think), to the point it's invaded the wiki that I otherwise really respect for all the work that goes into it, that he just better fucking be the 10th or I will be UPSET.
7.) my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: Honestly, most of the cast. Up until about Sumeru, I really only cared about 2-5 characters per nation. Then with Sumeru and Fontaine, they've really knocked it out of the park with characters I absolutely adore and only one or two that kinda just fade out of my memory. I won't say which ones. !!!!!! IMPORTANT NOTE!! This has nothing to do with writing quality or design quality or "oh my subjective opinion is absolute fact and anyone who disagrees with me is a dumb stupid idiot with no taste" or anything like that- It's just that I wasn't vibing too strongly with most characters; not for any necessary particular reason or failure on Mihoyo's part or anything like that. Just how it turned out.
8.) my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: Dottore x Scaramouche is my BIGGEST ship right now, especially onesided. Especially reluctantly reciprocated. Primarily on Dottore's side. Also Fem Traveler/Lumine/Lillian x Everyone. Also Enjou x his weird "go ahead and beat me up" fetish-- Keep being funky you strange, fiery demon man. Love him. (Also Alhaitham x Kaveh, though I generally don't like looking at the fandom art for it unless my friend handpicks out the art for me, because their ver of Kaveh did irreversible damage to my brain and now when I see trans!Alhaitham and cis!Kaveh, my brain gets SO CONFUSED. It's just like "????? But that should be reversed, tho, obviously???" Like...no brain...it's not obvious. It's fine. You're just Attached.)
9.) my dirtybadwrong fave ship: Apparently Scaramouche/Kabukimono x Niwa is real controversial, which is very sad because I fucking love it, and also it seems like such an obvious and easy-to-like pick to me :P Also Kaeya x Diluc, which I know would/will? get me headhunted if this post shows up for the majority of the fandom. I'm probably forgetting a good amount of ships at the moment, but... (+ Bonus for both 8 and 9, but my extra myriad of Dottore ships where I'd probably have to explain how I ended up where I ended up, which means I'd have to explain the way I write Dottore, which means I'd have to explain-) ...Also Neuvillette x Furina APPARENTLY fucking qualifies, because as we all know, if the girl is short and cute and femme, she's automatically a child!! :) Don't y'all totes know she's Neuvillette's little baby girl daughter and not an adult and totally wasn't RUNNING AN ENTIRE NATION AS THEIR ARCHON for LITERAL FUCKING CENTURIES? Nope! Neuvillette, the person that totally wasn't working under her that entire time, has all the power in that dynamic, and totes sees her as a daughter, so it's problematic!!
10.) my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: Most ships in the fandom, tbh. See- the problem is I don't really like protag Aether takes, and I'm just amicable to about 70% of the cast. And I might be a massive multishipping slut with few standards, but I do need to Feel Something towards characters to then Feel Something towards the ships, and when the general vibes I have with a character is "ah, they're neat" or "I like 'em well enough" or even "I don't really like them", that's just the kind of ~amicable vibes~ that lends to me going "that's cute! ...Anyway"
11.) my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: Well, I have two. I won't say one because I think my vaguing gets more obvious if I say it outright, but someone I was following seriously bashed [ship I like a lot] while going "why dont people like THIS ship instead??? It's WAY BETTER!!", and. lemme tell you. If you want me to UTTERLY DESPISE your fave character or ship, the best way to do that is praise your fave while bashing another character or ship!! Fuck me, it doesnt even have to be a character or ship I even like, but for some reason it always fucking is. Like the sheer amount of people that go "Why dont people like [character] more??? They're much better than ITTO!!" like. 1. fuck you. 2. Itto has a MUCH LOUDER presence than whatever character you're trying to praise. 3. why does everyone always try to go after [specific ship I like a lot], or Itto? It's always them. Like they're making some big sweeping statement of "oh THAT dumb thing is getting attention for no reason!!" when like...entertainment factor, you knuckleheads. They're just onscreen and instantly make an impression. I'm really, really sorry your fave doesn't get as much attention, I get it, I really do, I've had barely popular/outright bashed faves before, but y'all actively hurt your case rather than helping it when you try to tear other characters/ships down to build yours up. I get that you're frustrated, but it's not fucking helping. Cut that shit out and then get back to me. Anyways. The other one that bothers the shit out of me for far more petty reasons is Wriothesley x Neuvillette, which. I feel bad about, to be fair. I feel sorta guilty for not liking it, because it definitely has potential. There's just one problem-- one of my biggest fucking pet peeves is ship bashing/attempted ship sinking (-gestures at my sarcasm a bit earlier-, which also sums up half of why I despise "child-coding" and "oh!! this small girl character is TOTES the daughter to these two gay men and definitely not responsible or mature in her own right uwu totally needs to be babysat by her two gay dads!!") in conjunction with people obsessing over other ships, and with Wriotheo and Nuevy, it started BEFORE the update happened and we actually saw any interactions. Like. I get it. They're two hot men and gay ships are hella popular. But with it occurring way before the update, thus way before any canonical interactions, it just felt like people were fucking desperate to make sure neither character could be straight-shipped with the two "children" they were actually working with (two full-ass adults, Furina and Sigewinne), which just drives me up the fucking wall. (And I can understand being uncomfortable with shipping characters that kinda resemble children, but I've seen way too many people go above and beyond any reasonable reaction to that sorta thing.) I want to like this ship. I really do. It could definitely be really good. But it's gonna take, like, a year or two, when we're in Snezhnaya and my frustration becomes a petty dumb memory instead of something I want to rant over. (...I'm sure this is gonna come back to bite me pretty hard, 'cause if this post makes the rounds people are gonna rush to be like "oh you're not OPPRESSED by gay ships!!" -> No one ever says they are unless they're a real smooth-brained fuckhead, "Oh, so we can't just have fun anymore??" -> I'm apparently not allowed to have fun, so neither are y'all. :\ If I can take fifty-million fans constantly trying to call me a terrible person for liking any of the ships and characters and takes I like, y'all can take one "this got on my nerves and I'm still mad even though I know it's dumb and petty")
12.) my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: Ready for me to burn another bridge? ...Can't stand Yae Miko x Raiden Shogun. Like- I see it, I absolutely see it, and I think it absolutely works, but. well. guess what? Guess that happened?? Shitty fans. Shitty fans that INSIST Yae Miko is canonically a man-hating lesbian and froth at the mouth if you dare even imply she MIGHT be the tiniest bit interested in a guy. I can't quite articulate how much I HAAAAATE when people try to claim their headcanon as canon and then treat other fans like shit for "violating canon" (that doesn't actually exist -- and god, even if it did, some of the behavior I've seen really goes above and beyond any realm of acceptability), and yeah. This is one of the biggest offenders. In general, I've noticed way more vitriol and toxicity out of f/f fans than any other kind of fan lately, and that is...ugh. again, I get it. Out of the ship combinations, f/f is probably the least popular in general and all that, and when you feel like your favorite stuff is getting passed over again and again for stuff you can't see the appeal in (trust me, I can relate, I've been in a LOT of fandoms), it's really, really frustrating. But also can we stop being shitty to other fans over subjective opinions? Fandom's supposed to be fun. I shouldn't feel like every other fan I follow would hate my guts over the pettiest of preference differences. (Yes this goes for more than just f/f fans, ofc, it's just those are the ones I've noticed the most recently.) !!! -> Please don't feel bad about liking any of the ships I listed ;v; For any reason-- I did Not put them down to shame anyone, and I don't judge anyone for liking ships and characters I don't like. I do judge behavior towards other fans, and if someone's really hostile to "competing" ships/characters, that also bothers me, but that's it. It's not the content itself that has or will ever bother me, so I really do hope no one who's reading this feels bad about their preferences...
->-> Primarily Unrelated but One thing that I lovehate about this, aside from the fact that if a bunch of people see this entire thing I'm DEFINITELY getting hatemail/a callout/something, but it also gives the impression I'm massively into m/m, which is amusing and frustrating at the same time. (Not the first time this sort of thing has happened, and I'm always self-conscious about it, because I hate when people have Incorrect Takes about my feelings/opinions, especially when I've openly described them but the other person's like "lol nope, I associate you with this more, so this is the truth now". Hate that shit.)
I'm actually primarily a m/f shipper (which honestly might be more controversial on tumblr, specifically tumblr, I'm not an ignorant dumbass about other places on the internet), that's just not how it turned out for Gensh, where I wound up mostly into the guy characters. Before I got extremely into Scaramouche (and then Dottore), Lumine/Lillian was my primary favorite character and the one I was focused on shipping with. She was also, like...the female character I liked the most, which I'm given to understand is an odd thing to say, I guess? Because western people don't usually like the protags of games?? Which is so weird to me. (<- Fresh off the Persona fandom where the Persona protags are also in my, like, top 5 characters of their respective games, and that is a hugely unpopular take for some reason.) (Though I guess I'm pretty weird in how I tend to play games and develop the protagonist's personality in my head + I usually prefer to play the fem character -> the fem protag of a game tends to be in my top 10 favorite characters)
For anyone curious, my preferences go m/f -> f/f -> m/m (least favorite), but that is also extremely arbitrary because of a few different factors, but primarily because I will write basically anything and everything. If I'm writing it and I'm having fun, then nothing bothers me, and I'll come up with all sorts of ships for all sorts of reasons. (Usually ships occur on a whim during rps, which then makes it hard to explain how I got to that result outside of rps...)
Anyways, I hope I explained my reasonings well enough m(_ _)m I could definitely ruffle more feathers if I, like, posted a character tier list or something, and I'm kinda tempted anyway, because...I dunno, a tiny part of my brain is like "hehe, stick it to the man >:3c", I guess? Despite the fact I would definitely not be actually "sticking it" to anyone, like If no one cared what I thought before, they're super not gonna care after this--
#ask game#devoidofdog#chaos opinions#the whole thing with Dottore (before anyone says anything about “oh you like DOTTORE stuff but not xyz?”)#the whole thing y'gotta understand#is that i've been utterly enraptured by evil doctors and mad scientists basically since...since kind of forever#Sailor Moon S DBZ Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Spider-man The Suffering Pokemon and i could keep going on and on and on#and to some extent i feel like i fucking ghostwrote Dottore in like...#“even with the most evil most vile take this is still a character i absolutely would have written”#the only reason i wasnt instantly hooked on him is because i spent a portion of my hyperfixation unaware of his existence#once i knew about him it was ON-SIGHT#that's just a specific-to-me kinda thing#also “hey Chaos that's a lot of pre-assuming responses and trying to pre-counter them. wtf is up with that?”#well dear hypothetical reader i have been on tumblr for a VERY LONG TIME and i've seen lots of people get VERY ANGRY for lots of reasons#so if im already going to be rambling i might as well add elaborations and qualifiers and try to make my stances clear#for anyone reading me in any kind of good faith#if anyone's determined enough to read in very bad faith then there's not much i can do#(especially with a lot of my ship opinions which are Not Good To Have in the current fandom climate)#but i'd still like to try#as an aside i swear i am a Certified Villain Lover i just generally get way more motivated about villains with Potential For Good/Tragedy#than i do with villains for the evulz#like. i do have some unrepentant faves and i love them a lot but that's just usually not where my vibes lie#and yes im fairly passive aggressive in this in regards to that but it's because im still butthurt about#1. people trying to reduce the entire Wanderer storyline to literally nothing because either they dont get it or they stopped listening#and 2. i've seen WAY too many people lately complaining about gensh villains being “too nice” and tbh i#am so fucking done with people that are UPSET there's redeemable villains in fucking anything#i know it was the hip cool thing to complain about in SU but also i could still count the amount of stories where#everyone evil gets redeemed instead of dying on like. one hand.#and that shit still doesnt qualify for GENSHIN. YOU KILL A LOTTA FUCKERS IN GENSHIN AND LOTS ARE UNREPENTANT#tumblr ate the rest of my tags so if i decide to talk about this more it'll be in a different post :(
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok its 11 i can talk about this because it doesn't count (because its 11)
#daisy.txt#SOBBBBBB i wanna do something for benny byt im still in art block#i swear to fuck college is crushing my self confidence right now but ANYWAYSSS#icanttt i canttt i want to do something but i cant draw or write right now and finals are coming up in a few weeks too sobbb#i need to feel satisfied or ill have nightmares. no reason its just if i go to sleep in any way emotionally off my mind descends upon me#like an angry deity#🎰.benny
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reprimanded at work in the gentlest way possible incident 600 dead 17000 injured
#i cried. 👎 but only 1 coworker saw and no one else noticed. 👍#oscillating wildly from embarassed to sad to soooo angry while keeping it cool on the outside is so exhausting#literally i feel like i didnt sleep at all now im so tired =_=#wish i wasnt this way tbh!!!!!!!!!!!!#ok. only a couple more hours of work 8)#feel like a picture of a crab holding its claws up in a threat pose like 'NO ONE MAKE ME FEEL ANY MORE EMOTIONS I SWEAR TO GOD'#damn i wish that cognitive behavioral therapy workbook worked ucigxihigx#i can see how its a funny concept to have someone be like 'hey could you not do this someone complained' and the person screaming and cryin#and throwing up but im just very tired of how my brain is#personable
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
had some computer issues a bit ago, and my sis likes to make decisions about how everyone does stuff, and decided in helping me that she would also update my art software to the newest version without caring that i didnt want to do that. she was genuinely trying to be helpful and just doesnt know how unhappy i am with this
and i fucking hate it so muchhh, i dont care what qol updates there are bc i was nearly finished with important pieces, and now my entire program experience is shifted to the left and all of the same things i’ve been doing for 15+ years works fucking differently, which again, would be fine to adjust to if i had wanted it and wasn’t nearly finished with things that i need to actually look nice! i’ve honestly been super pissed about it this whole time and it’s taken any sense of joy or progress whenever i’m able to get 5 seconds in between everyone in my family having very serious illnesses every week DFUCK`
#FUCK LOL#ok i dont post like this ever i have just been sitting on this and i'm just at my breaking point with this#i'm so stressed nad things are so bad and i cant even draw for more than 5 mins without ragequitting bc we have to d oeverything her way#its like we arent all 20+ adults and she needs to make us live how she wants us to all the time afoijwaeofajwefoaijwOA;WEFJAW;EOFJAWEFJIAW#text posts#SWEARS ABUNCH MORE BC IM JUST DONE#tbd/#i didnt realize how angry i was about this bc ive been trying to be cool and get used to it#but rn i feel like i want to burst into tears#all i got is drawing do u have to try to micromanage that too Professoinal Artist???? huh??
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Look, i dont wanna be angry, i just want to stop dropping every single thing that I grab
#😤#dyspraxia#so how do you deal with your anger issues ?#i feel like it just needs to get out otherwise i get exponentially angrier by the second#and i dont have time to realize that im too angry and need to step back until im already angry and activelly throwing things on the floor#cause theyre gonna end on the floor anyway cause i keep fucking droping every fucking thing#i have some tricks that work but like i said i always think about it too late cause all i see is anger#all i see is anger for like 10 seconds i throw a few things and swear a lot and then it passes#it would be fine but it still scares my partner and i dont want to scare my partner#so i just end up mad at myself for not being able to have just a little bit of self control
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
….
#my sister got me these rainbow high dolls#AND IM DOING A WHOLE GROCERY ORDER TO PAY HER BACK#and they made me so happy I started scripting again (long story)#they gave me such autistic joy and now I can’t even look at them#cus she just gives these death glares like#she’d swear she doesn’t do it#but since yknow I dared to stand up for myself#she had to be all like ‘I do everything for you and nothing is happening to you’#thanks DAD2.0 now I’m never trusting you again#our relationship is much better when we don’t live together#but if I try to tell her I’m not moving in she’ll have a whole meltdown#if I wanna make everyone happy it means that I’m miserable an depressed 24/7#so whatever I dunno#I’m just so fucking angry I keep hurting myself#why did God make me?#i suck im a loser I have no real talent I can’t do anything right#i beg God to kill me and he doesn’t#im just so tired of killing myself to make everyone happy#the only thing that takes me out of these moments is if I imagine kms over n over n over until I feel like I can actually feel the pain#I’m so tired I want someone to hold me like they used to :’(
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
finding a neat looking sdv expansion mod only to see the new npcs it adds r just more white ppl
#smudgy.txt#i dont understand why anyone would think theyd need to add More whiteness to this game and#not understanding things makes me angry so now i hate that game#i got the diversity mod too n it was cool but the game at its core just feels so. white#and by white i mean boring as hell <3#sorry im being snippy bc im upset. i dont like it when i find smth that'd usually be right up my alley#only to realize it's not bc it is just Very obvious the that creators did not have someone like me in mind when they were creating it#it is a very Safe game which does not feel safe to Me#bc what's Safe is decided by people who either could never consider my existence or outright find my existence upsetting#maybe thats why things like DE & tgm feel comforting to me#they dont feel White in that specific way that Safer things tend to#......also maybe farming sims just arent my thing ADGFFSHDFH#BUT I SWEAR THEY WOULD BE IF THEY JUST BOTHERED TO BE COOL. LIKE CMON#LIKE HAVE SOME CATBOYS OR SOMETHING AT LEAST. JESUS#MAN if there were some sort of sim set in the lxh world. id die of pure peace of heart#peaceful & wholesome as h*ck. casual queerness & disability. AND it's got catboys. like COME. ON.#n ok sure there's only like 1 black character. but have u considered that shes cool as hell & i love her so so much
1 note
·
View note
Text
havent wished on my little brothers demise in a while but lucky for me hes keen on reminding me why i couldnt stand him when he still lived at home <3 cant wait for him to crawl back to paris
#little bitch gets us all sick and fully denies responsibility and now makes comments about us being sick#since hes feeling better#im gonna strangle him i swear to god#and now hes being angry and nasty and overall a fucking headache and i just#i would like for him to stop making me str8 up hate him#‘keep insulting me and we re gonna have a problem 👉🏼´ he says; unaware of how fucking alarming his behavior is#im so fucking mad but most of all im exhausted and feverish lmfao#now that hes more or less healed i just have to hang on til he fuckin leaves#counting down the minutes#shoulda done like our sister said and hit him back when he was a kid </3#teresa.txt#vent sorry lmfao#neg#god this is so nasty of me too ill delete it later i just need it out of my head
4 notes
·
View notes