#im always so fucking angry and scared all the time
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
layzorr · 8 months ago
Text
Mm
3 notes · View notes
best-enemies · 9 months ago
Text
I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
22 notes · View notes
yippie-madness · 2 days ago
Text
its always bad when its both me and janet, we can only take one set of mental illnesses at once not both
#they do not compliment eachother#this is what landed us in hospital last time#too much time and both of us#i feel like im going to end up back in hospital#ik if i told people things (not even all of it) id get myself sectioned (or whatever amercans call it)#like just the extent of my self harm is enough to get me in hospital#and tgats not mentioning janet or the messages or suicide stuff or some other stuff#like im not stupid ik im going to end up doing something and getting the cops called ik my parents are liars#i bet the school would call an ambulance if they saw my arm their so dramatic about medical stuff#tried to call an ambulance on my friend who fainted for a few moments#its ridiculous#and i couldn't move for about an hour and i feel like thats going to keep happening again#no one noticed but theyd definitely call an ambulance then#or if i have a meltdown or a bad panic attack#and by bad i mean multiple hour long unable to see or feel my limbs#whenever its both of us shit like that happens#and when i have meltdowns their big#screaming and head banging for hours#theyd kick me out of school again#and i was doing pretty good for the first time in two years too#people finally started listening to me because i could act sane enough that'll all fall apart again#janets so annoying#makes my life impossible and janets also suicidal but a fucking pussy and always stops me just before i can#ill never be able to die on purpose because of this fucking kid#tw mental hospital#tw police#were so conflicting in personality we can't do nothing#im so angry and janets so scared so we just sit in it forever#just gotta re trumatise ourselves again so the other fucks off for a while and we can function#its like ever time we are safe its both of us and we can't fucking take it
3 notes · View notes
readymades2002 · 2 months ago
Text
if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
5 notes · View notes
oogaboogaghosttt · 5 months ago
Text
ok wrestling is dirt pits by ethel cain is sooooo raph and leo coded. to me.
2 notes · View notes
timegears-moved · 2 years ago
Text
lol
9 notes · View notes
fragglerockopinions · 4 months ago
Text
.
#Someone help me I can't inject my T physically I cannot break the skin why help#I keep searching how to help but it just makes me more panicked bc#Lots of recommended searches are like 'i missed a day and a half of testosterone and im freaking out!!!' :( I've missed months help#I didn't know it was that dire everyone says when they miss a day they KNOW maybe no t is why I've been useless for months#Help I can't do it#I just randomly got my period last night and my voice is so miraculously girly and high today genuinely#I feel like I'm turning into a werefemale I feel like I deserve this and it's meant to happen because it's happening#Because my parents every day keep telling me to stop taking hrt and also all medicines.#My sibling bragging about their fucking happy trail as if they haven't been illegally using my testosterone gel for more than three weeks#I am choking so so bad trying not to cry because it's going to sound so feminine and I can't do it anymore#I sat there from 2am to 7am just trying to inject myself. what is wrong with me.#I am so. fucking stupid. Why#I'm literally not scared of the pain I'm pressing so hard but it's like my needles are too dull no matter what#I even tried a tiny tiny insulin needle and it got in but breaking through to I think just the skin layer under the epidermis#Was incredibly painful like not supposed to be that painful#I'm just going to let this happen it's been a long since I've had a good panic attack sincerely#What is wrong with me. Genuinely how am i this stupid#I can never do anything on time I always finally get my ass in gear right when it's too late and I never get that opportunity again#I'm going to finally be able to stick the needle in by the time i turn into a girl again and my dick shrinks and my hair falls off#And then my parents will say they told me. and that will be my worthless fucking transition journey in a dumbfuck useless circle#My hair is so too long and it feels like spiders are in my ears every ten seconds and I have a spider visual hallucination also#which doesn't help#I am so genuinely fucking scared and angry at myself
1 note · View note
peachdues · 7 months ago
Text
Finally got to read this and —
Tumblr media
Also, Levi, telling everyone James isn’t dead yet
Tumblr media
FUCK I RAN OUT OF TAGS —
Anyways, Silver Underground truly leaves me breathless with every chapter. Thank you for this gift, Amy!!
silver underground. | chapter 22
Tumblr media
( Read on AO3 )
Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 5k Summary: the past and present; levi's version Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - flashbacks, levi's pov, graphic imagery, sickness, medical conversations, panic / paranoia, mentions / canon divergence of the recently published 'bad boy' chapter (extra warnings under the cut)
Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.
Tumblr media
CHAPTER 22.
note: there is a presumed major character death in this chapter. please do not read if you are not in the right headspace for this content. mental health first xo
---------------------
He can’t shake the adrenaline.
Kinetic energy thrums through his veins, destroying his focus.
For the fifth time since he returned to headquarters, Levi’s hands dip generously into the pool of ice-cold sink water in the corner of his bedroom.
His wrists flick up, quick, to splash it across his face like the whiplash sting will somehow calm the fever in his heart.
A sixth time.
A seventh.
He’ll keep going until that look on your face from the forest is wiped from his mind.
(Until he stops thinking of the before, when he wasn't enough.)
His lungs constrict as he forces himself to breathe, slow and steady, though the exhales exit like strangled gasps.
White knuckles resign themselves to the mouth of the sink as he leans in. His shoulder blades detangle themselves, sorting out the tension, while his eyes wearily stare at his reflection from the watery mirror below.
I know you, you said.
Of course you know him.
You said a long time ago you’d always know him, as if he’s an extension of your arm leading directly to the beat of your very heart.
How could I forget someone like you? you'd muse. If anything, you'd forget me.
(As if that was ever a fucking option.)
When you were just kids wasting away in the bitterness of the Underground City, you likened yourself to a shadow following Levi’s every footstep.
How could you look at yourself as a shadow when you were always the only light in his goddamn life?
You may not remember everything that's happened to you, everything that's made you, but Levi has silently volunteered to carry every burden in the interim.
Yours and his.
Up a hill, down a slope, through the mud, against raging snow — he'll carry the essence of you until you come back.
Because he was there.
For most, if not all, of it, he was there.
Twin fingers, reaching high for the stream of morning sunlight.
Shoulder to shoulder in a mess of sheets; you swore you’d never get over the sensation — the warmth of the light.
He'd never forget.
Levi would come to know warmth far better than the sun above — like the ghost of smile peppered over your lips.
He rolled over to selfishly block your view.
You were better than the goddamn sun, he'd quickly come to realize for himself.
He'd never forget.
"Can you believe there's really a world out there like this that can be real?" you murmured into the hollow of his throat as he peppered a crown of kisses against your forehead.
That the two of you could lay on a mattress easily fitting the both of you, not threatening to cave in on itself.
That you both could live this secret life, as Captain and Lieutenant, until you were old and gray.
For a second he so foolishly believed you could, too.
In comparison to the Underground, the surface could be considered paradise.
Maybe still hell on earth in its own right, sure, but at least it wasn’t a life buried in a tomb.
The vibrant green of the trees. The dirt that didn’t always stink of rot. The endless blue sky above.
Warmth was a comfort so many took for granted.
You knew. You both knew.
Caked sweat and congealed blood. Green bruises and busted lips. An abyss of gray, nothingness.
That's what he understood best.
 — especially after she died.
His mother; the first concept he had of the sun.
And for the short few years she was alive, she was radiant. 
The withering city wasn’t so bad under her wing, even if the men who berated and belittled her were. 
Levi vowed he’d grow strong enough, brave enough, to make sure one day they wouldn’t have to live in a cramped space surviving on the niceties of traded goods — bodies for money, lies for survival.
Then Kenny entered his life and everything became violent.
Bared teeth and closed fists. Selfishness and territories.
Mine, mine, mine.
Except it was all his — that bastard took every damn cent he could make off of him and then some, oftentimes working him to the bone.
(You got a meanness, boy. Meanness that can’t be taught. No, that’s deep in your blood.)
And Levi believed him.
He believed him because no matter how easy it could’ve been to lie down and die, to maybe one day see his mother at the end of his dining table again, he was fully prepared to do whatever he had to in order to survive. 
To endure. 
To come out on top and never let anyone — not even Kenny the Ripper — destroy him.
Because he had memories to hold onto. 
People.
The rest of the world may have forgotten his mother, but Levi refused.
Hell, it was his only driving force.
He might have known violence, it may have infected his blood, but he wouldn’t lose his humanity and disappoint her.
And when Kenny set him up for a betting fight, usually it was with men twice his size and triple his age.
Little kids were never on the roster, but you — you were an exception.
New, but just as ferocious.
A girl, sure, but you landed the punches on him so many others couldn’t.
He remembers the way your neck felt under his bony fingers. How your teeth clenched together. How you growled like a feral animal.
One more second of that fight and you would have been able to overtake his lead — he was too busy staring, searching.
Memorizing someone who had endured, too.
You said you were a shadow.
Levi knew shadows.
If you were a shadow, then maybe he would've ignored you.
Maybe he would have left you the hell alone.
(Because at the end of the day, all of this is his fault. The memory loss, the injuries — all of it.)
After the gun fired and the crowd scrambled, Levi couldn’t leave you well-enough alone.
He couldn’t let you find your own way in the maze of a miserable mausoleum where your bodies would eventually find peace together, perhaps even side by side.
All Levi could do was selfishly keep tabs, watch your fights, see that piece of shit you called Mother berate and harass you in the comfort of alleyways hidden from plain sight.
If you didn’t die in the rings, then chances are she would have sold you off — resigning you to live out the rest of your days like his mother.
He saw the way the world was cruel to her.
He’d be damned if he didn’t stop the world from being cruel to you.
So at the end of the day, yeah, it’s all his fault.
If he hadn’t convinced you to join his two-person operation all those years ago;
If he had pushed you harder before the final job to hate him;
If he had figured out a loophole in Erwin’s ignorance of what you are to him to push you into another division that wasn’t the goddamn Scouts, claiming disruption or inciting violence—
If, if, if—
So many possibilities, so many scenarios, where he holds your fate so selfishly against his own chest in fear of dissolving it.
Yet he was so willing to finally let you go.
To do the right thing now that you’re on the surface.
Now that you are free.
An invisible string that gleams crimson is tied to his ring finger.
It dips under the sink and snakes across the wooden floorboards of his bedroom, into the hallway, and straight to you.
If only he had caught you the first time.
If only.
.
.
.
.
.
.
  In the aftermath of falling straight to the forest floor, dust kicks up all around him, invading his lungs and choking him out.
It burns, but it doesn't deter him.
Here he has only one objective.
One goal.
“James?”
He calls your name, hoping to hear something.
Anything.
The only sound that answers is the bristle of the tree branches above.
A scene so ghastly concludes with serenity and the weightless chirps of birds.
Coughing, Levi swipes at the cloud of dirt with his hands, dropping his dulled blade to the earth.
It clunks as violently as he’s moving, scrambling to find your silhouette anywhere in this goddamn mess.
"C'mon, damn it," he growls to himself, swiping at the murky air.
One step, then another.
You can't be far.
He'd fallen down with you, trying to break both of your falls, but the momentum was far too great.
At the last second, he rolled away from you thinking you'd lean in and follow.
You did not follow.
—then he sees it.
You’re not vertical, head up and feet outstretched in a daze.
You’re horizontal, lying face-down in the dirt.
Motionless.
“James?!”
Levi repeats your name, louder this time, before nearly vomiting from how much debris he’s inhaled.
He wretches, arm wrapped around his stomach, teeth grit.
He manages to get ahold of himself, to stave off the sickness, before he drops to the ground and crawls to you on hands and knees like a child.
“James, hey—”
The world stops, then and there.
You don't move. You don't respond.
His hand halts in a hover over your body, painfully aware that he cannot pull you upright carelessly.
It's so quiet down here.
Quiet, as if...
Slowly his watering eyes widen, his mind going to the place where logic can follow.
“...James,” he murmurs, voice dissolving. 
He decides to then scoop the once-hovering hand to inch it under your wrapped emerald cloak. His other hand cradles the back of your neck, mindful of the worst case scenario.
The sickening heaviness of your body greets him as he turns you over, carefully, to find your lips parted and eyes closed.
He can't tell if you're breathing.
You look like you're sleeping.
No.
No, this isn't what it looks like.
“James, shit, wake up—”
His words crack, throat dry.
“Wake up.”
Louder this time, like anger might jolt you.
Where he goes, you’re meant to follow. 
You’ll follow his voice. You’ll follow it and you’ll wake up and he’ll never forget how you scared the living shit out of him.
(Even if he will eventually forgive you for dedicating your fucking heart to a cause you didn’t even believe in.)
Logic battles with emotion.
Reality fights with fate.
Cradling the back of your head with immense care, Levi takes action and head ducks to press against your chest, desperate to find —
There.
It’s faint, but a heartbeat is still there.
“Don't do this,” he pleads under his breath. “Don’t you up and fucking quit on me now. I know you can hear me.”
The wheeze of overworked gear flies past his head in a semi-circle.
Several boots land to his west, hasty in their descent.
Luckily his head is turned to the east.
(He can hide the growing terror from his squad. He can buy himself more time to harness his panic and push it away.)
“Captain?” It’s Eld, wasting no time to rush over. He hears the quick taps of his boots running right for him. “Captain, what the hell happened?”
“James?!” Petra yelps, and he can hear Oluo gasp with finality.
No.
No, you aren’t dying.
Not today. Not tomorrow.
“Wait, don’t,” Gunther interjects suddenly.
Levi assumes it’s to keep the rest of the squad back from crowding the scene.
The blonde scout drops to his knees beside his captain, panting heavily. Levi can smell the stench of sweat and exertion radiating from his uniform.
“Captain Levi,” Eld urges once more.
“We have to get her back to the Walls," he forces himself to say, voice steady.
Levi lifts his head with practiced precision.
He meets Eld's worried gaze with a deadened stare.
"Is she...?"
"Her heartbeat is faint," Levi answers the question Eld doesn't have to finish, "but it’s there.”
Eld's face falls.
Levi hates it.
I just said it's there, damn it. Don't consider her dead. Don't.
“She saved us!”
A meek voice peeks out from behind Eld's back.
Levi Squad turns in unison — a well-oiled machine built for crisis — to find Miro Squad riding to the clearing with the extra horses.
The entire squad looks haunted, worse for wear, but they still stayed.
They still fought to the bitter end.
Like true Scouts.
Miro hops off of their horse, running over to the group first.
“Several titans attacked us. If it wasn't for the Lieutenant, we would have all been eaten alive. Please, if we can help in any way, we owe her.”
They bow as one of the other shaken Scouts pulls Levi's horse by the reins from around the back of the formation.
“Sir, Scout Rini is a doctor," Miro continues.
“A doctor?” Oluo blurts incredulously. “Out here? In the field?”
“Formerly a doctor,” Rini anxiously states while dismounting from his horse, "before I joined the cause. I — I would say I could treat her here, but there’s nothing I can do. Too much blood loss. If we can get her inside the Walls—”
“Are we going to keep wasting time talking?” Levi growls, glaring daggers at the rest of the group. “I’m not letting her bleed the hell out. Help me get her on my horse.”
No one hesitates.
Both squads rush to his aid, lifting you with utmost care.
Twenty pairs of hands and ten bodies working in tandem to make sure they don’t jostle your neck or hurt your spine.
The captain only lets go of you to hoist himself up on his black stallion, before bringing you close to his body in a side-saddle.
He can ride one-armed and keep you steady.
He refuses to believe otherwise. 
Because Levi sees it on their faces — beyond the faintest breath against his hand, there’s next to no indicators that you’ll survive.
But they don’t know you.
Not like he knows you.
“Don’t you die on me,” he murmurs against the crown of your head, lips close enough to count as a kiss.
Then he’s off.
He speeds off like a bullet on his horse, crouching over with his jaw so clenched he can feel his teeth nearly cracking.
Forward. His only goal is to push forward — past the trees, past the old villages, and doesn’t stop to look back.
“You’re not allowed to die.”
From this distance the other won't be able to hear, but you might. So he keeps talking.
Come back to me.
“Still got all that shit you wanted to do up here, right? You remember that?”
Levi wishes you could answer.
He wants to believe you would if you could.
“You still gotta get those dumbass cats of yours. You know how many of those filthy things are on the streets? You can fill an entire fucking house for all I care.”
Anything.
He’ll do anything, at this point.
“Didn’t give me a chance to… to find a damn house, to figure everything out—”
A whole world left to discover.
(You asked for his last name. A last name worth nothing, yet somehow it still held something for you. God damn it, he’d give you that last fucking name in every lifetime so long as he could still keep you in this one.)
He stops speaking when Gunther and Eld take it upon themselves to push their horses to their limits, flying past him.
They surge forward in their journey to the nearing Walls, determined to carve a seamless entrance for Levi to enter. 
Eld leans back and holds an arm up high, shooting off a red flare for the Garrison Regiment stationed at the perimeter to see:
Danger.
(Once they reached the gates, they could explain everything. A red flare is enough for now.)
Flicking his wrist to snap the reins, his horse picks up the pace and gallops harder.
Levi pulls you into his chest, ignoring the tremble in his limbs.
From fear or adrenaline. 
From both.
“We have an injured Scout, but she’s still alive!” Eld shouts to the Garrison Regiment above with an urgency Levi’s never heard from the typically stoic man. “We need a wagon and medics, now!”
Between the flare and Eld’s command, the action is already set in motion.
The gears churn, slowly opening the large stone gate just enough for humans to clear in passing. 
Eld and Gunther are first.
Levi, not far after. 
The others, including Miro Squad, arrive seconds later.
Several Garrison soldiers pull up to the gate with a wagon suitable for approximately eight, maybe ten people.
Levi continues to hold you protectively to his chest as they prepare, cradling your neck with the utmost care.
One false move and the light goes out. 
(He knows how easy it is to take a human life.)
“Levi!”
He hears the wail of Hange’s voice in the midst of the panic.
His eyes search for them in the commotion, body stonelike, only to spy their unruly ponytail flying in the wind — with Moblit not far behind.
And...
Commander Erwin?
The tall blonde causes the crowd to divide in half, shoulders adorned with the Scout emeralds.
Hange and Moblit look just as horrified as he feels.
They run right up to the side of his horse calling your name, but their voices are all but mumbles to him.
Not when Erwin’s eyes bore into his.
Although the commander's expression is one of stone, Levi can sense what Erwin wants to say.
Unspoken deja vu; they’ve seen how this played out before.
Except this time, Levi has you in one piece.
He made it back this time.
He didn't forsake you.
(And he isn’t letting a titan take you from him. Not like Isabel. Not like Furlan.)
“Levi, what happened?!”
Hange rips him out of his trance, bringing him back to gruesome reality.
Medics finally arrive on the scene. Below him he can see Scout Rini directing them, immediately stepping back into his former occupation with ease.
On the sidelines, the remainder of Miro Squad huddles together.
Eyes watery and body trembling, some cry into their hands.
Some hide their faces in the shoulders of their comrades.
She’s not dead yet, he wants to snap at them. Don’t act like she’s gone. Not yet.
(If he repeats it enough, then can he make the impossible true?)
“She played hero, that’s what fucking happened," Levi seethes after he manages to find his voice, forcing it not to crack. "Saved a goddamn squad on her own against orders. She needs a doctor. I don’t know—”
“They need to take her, Levi,” Hange interrupts with an understanding softness in their tone. “Let her go.”
The captain’s under eye trembles.
“I’m going with her on the—”
“You will,” Hange promises, nodding quickly, “but you have to let her go so they can start working — before it’s too late.”
They're right.
The medics are waiting, just on the other side to receive her.
Slowly Levi unfurls his arms, one by one, and helps gently transfer you to the people he's entrusting your life to.
As soon as you're off of his lap, however, Levi swivels his legs off of his horse to follow suit.
Hange’s eyes widen as he dismounts, but Levi’s too busy watching them set you down in a sea of blankets and gauze. 
“Levi, your shirt. It’s…”
Briefly he turns his chin to glance up at his comrade, registering what they're saying before looking down:
Maroon.
Deep, deep maroon.
His once-white button down is stained with a mixture of grimy dirt and blood.
“It isn’t mine," is all he can think of saying back.
Hange's expression shifts in seconds, a certain slant of pity he hates witnessing.
He doesn't have the energy to fight Hange, Erwin, any of them.
Not when he has to get to you.
He has to stay with you no matter what.
With that statement lingering in the air, Levi abandons Hange to trudge over to the wagon. In one swift motion, the captain hops over the siding of the transport.
His knees fall just above your head, settling in place for the ride to the hospital.
Most of the medics are too busy ripping up your uniform to check for deep gashes and broken bones, documenting them as they gear up to leave, but a few glance at Levi with uncomfortable shock.
Then one brave soul speaks.
“Sir, we’ll need you to stay back.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Levi firmly states.
“But it—”
“The wagon fits ten. If you have a problem with it, we can talk later. She's on my squad.”
She's my responsibility, damn it, and I'm failing her.
The wagon dips once again in newfound weight, and a pair of knees come into view.
On the other side of James’ head rests Hange.
“I’m going, too," Hange states firmly.
Levi can feel his expression smoothing, one of reluctant gratitude.
He catches the sentiment, buries the emotion down his throat, and drops his chin to focus on James.
“C’mon, c’mon!" they shout to the medics for him. "Let’s go! We can't waste anymore time, damn it!”
With Hange’s order, the wagon takes off. 
In the initial jolt, Levi abruptly reaches both of his bloodied palms to rest on either side of your head, keeping it in place as the horses run the wagon to the Trost hospital.
The medics and Doctor Rini continue working amongst themselves, with Hange on the ledge observing.
Seconds feel like hours.
It's agony.
“We’re almost there,” he murmurs under his breath, to you and you alone. “Just a little longer, alright? We’re in the Walls. You went back and saved almost an entire squad by yourself, you overachieving piece of shit. So don’t give up now, damn it. Keep fighting.”
Despite not being alone this time, the captain is unwilling to stop talking for a single moment.
He can sense Hange’s eyes boring down the back of his neck, but he doesn’t care for decorum.
He doesn’t give a shit if this brings more questions at his front door.
This may be your last few moments with him.
So he won’t leave.
(He never left Mom, and he sure as fuck isn’t leaving you.)
“She’ll need extensive surgery.” 
A rogue murmur catches his attention.
When Levi looks up, he sees one of the medics addressing the doctor scout. Gravity brings a grimace to her face. 
A second medic frowns. “Do you think she’s going to—”
“Don’t say it,” Rini replies softly. “What she needs is our undivided attention. This is a Lieutenant of the Scouts, and she saved my life. Treat her life as your highest priority.”
Levi decides to say nothing.
There is nothing to be said — no argument will change the outcome.
As the wagon finally arrives at Trost medical, they’re received by staff with a gurney.
They begin prepping you to be transferred, but—
In a flurry, Hange gasps and leaps out of their seat to fiddle with your neck.
The sudden touch completely throws him off, causing him to protectively curl around you.
“The hell are you doing?”
“Her necklace, Levi,” Hange swiftly states, their own voice shaking. “The doctors could break it during surgery. You know she’d never let us live it down if they destroy it.”
His heart seizes.
Hange’s act of kindness isn’t lost on him.
You loved that damn thing. 
No, you love.
You’re still there.
It isn’t just a mere memory yet.
Belatedly nodding, the dark-haired man clears his throat. "Yeah, she'd be pissed."
"I thought so," Hange exhales, finally detaching the clasps.
It's the first time he's seen you without it since you were teenagers.
(Doesn't look right, being off your neck like that.)
Eventually the medics successfully transfer you to the awaiting gurney.
Without another word to Hange or himself, the team dedicating to saving your life run into the building.
Everything was a flurry until there was nothing.
Silence.
Levi’s shoulders slump as he’s forced to watch you disappear from his sight.
There wasn’t a chance to save Furlan or Isabel.
They’d been destroyed, limb from limb, before he could stop it from happening.
He’d managed to get you this far, but…
Now it was out of his hands.
His fists clench, determined to keep your blood close, protected, in his palms.
(Helpless.)
“Do you want to hold it for her?”
Hange’s voice enters his mind as he slowly turns his chin, blue-grey eyes finding the taller scout frowning.
Their eyes are glassy in a way he refuses.
Mourning.
Slowly they extend their arm, unfurling their fingers.
A lump forms in the middle of his throat at the sight of the glittering silver in their palm, the pendant still just as beautiful as the day you accepted his gift.
“Keep it, Four Eyes, and give it back to her when she wakes up.”
(If he touches it, then you might actually disappear. He already possesses enough keepsakes from the dead with a self-inflicted burden to carry them all. The world may have forgotten them, but he hasn’t. He won’t.)
“Levi…”
“She’s going to live, Hange.” 
Whether he says it to convince Hange or himself, Levi doesn’t know. Perhaps it’s for both of them.
He knows how much they adore you.
He’s no stranger to the fact that you’ve made your own home outside of him — they love you as much as he loves you.
“She’s a fighter. Always been once, ever since we were kids.”
The lack of shock in Hange’s gaze makes him wonder how much you’ve told them about the two of you.
“She’ll fight tooth and nail to get the hell back here.”
“I know she will,” Hange laments.
A blanket of silence envelops them as they continue to wait for any news outside of the hospital, together.
The longer he waits, the closer he feels to being ten years old again.
Alone.
So fucking along and so goddamn terrified to wait for the truth.
Because it’s either one or the other.
You live, or your story ends.
Levi inhales, holding his breath.
And holds.
And holds, childishly wishing it could be enough for the both of you.
Like if he doesn’t let go until you gasp for life, then he can save you.
He can keep you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
  He finally exhales, giving in to the collapse of his shoulders.
He can’t save you, just as much as he can’t keep you.
Levi knows this.
He’s known it since the second you woke up in that hospital bed without an ounce of warmth in those eyes of yours.
That was when he made his choice to leave you be, to give you a running shot at the life the two of you had always talked about.
He thought one day was grueling.
Impossible.
One day became one week.
One week into months.
He stayed away, but at what cost?
He hasn’t slept right in this bed.
He barely eats.
He opts to show his face at the mess hall with his standard cup of black tea to keep up the appearances.
If the real you died that day, then he was certain he died right alongside you.
Now, within six agonizing months, you’ve saved yourself — chose yourself — to still somehow end up right back where he left you.
(That kiss, tattooed with the permanence of the loss of you, still burns his lips from yesterday.)
You might remember.
You might know who you really are.
You might know him.
The sink below rattles.
It takes a second, but when he shifts his dissociative stare to his thumb, he notes the tremble.
He grips tighter, squeezing, before giving up. He pushes away from it altogether, cradling his forearm to suppress it himself. 
Focus.
Find your sanity and ease it back.
Maybe you won’t say what he wants to hear, but he promised like a fool.
Don’t push me away. Don’t shut me out.
I won't, he promised. I’ll never.
Hearing the horses whinny to a halt outside, he scrubs his face with his hand and chooses to turn on a heel to stalk towards the door.
He’ll scope out how everyone’s doing, make a cup of tea, mull all this shit over—
Then he opens his door to your face.
You stand before him, hand raised like you were about to knock.
Frozen in time just like he feels.
James.
Levi can’t feign indifference when he stares back at you, not when it’s almost unsettling how much more… you, you look right now. 
Life radiates from a dead body. You’re not apologetic in getting caught, just apologetic that you nearly slammed the knuckles of your fist into his face.
For a moment, there’s silence. 
He can hear the other scouts talking amongst themselves downstairs.
And before he can say a word, you speak.
“Can we please—”
“Yeah.”
He doesn’t let you finish.
There’s no reason.
Rip the bandage off the congealed blood.
Call it a day, if he is meant to lose it all.
His hand extends the door on its hinge, inviting space for you.
“Yeah, might as well.”
You step in, and Levi prepares for the worst.
.
Tumblr media
author's note: a lot of you had asked for levi's pov on the events that went down, and i've been waiting to get his side of the story.
thank you for reading the final few chapters of this journey. you are all so very wonderful for the encouragement, the engagement, etc. on both here and ao3. i hope all of my rebloggers have a good night's sleep and a little treat; you are the soul of this story.
#where do I even begin??#the red string tied to his ring finger and the mention of her wanting his last name bc these idiots wanna marry each other SO BAD#and SO DO I!!#how could you look at yourself as a shadow when you were always the only light in his goddamn life?#im sorry let me just#AKAKAJAMAKAMAAMNSMSMAK#the parallels between her and his mother — especially knowing now how he guessed what her fate would have been under Mother#no one TALK TO ME#the fact he viewed his mother as pure and radiant even despite their circumstances and how he views James the same way#UGH#Levi knowing shadows and that’s how he knew James wasn’t one#honestly the way you portray his decision not to remind her of who she was upon awakening is so fucking Levi#like he almost approaches it clinically — he had all these dreams with her about life on the surface and the moment he sees that blankness#in her eyes POOF. gone. time to reassess even if it tears his soul apart#and he WOULD be selfless enough to decide she has a chance of getting out so ofc he takes it for her#but it’s also so selfish too because it feels like some part of him wants to be spared of the pain of baring his soul to her again#only to have her not recognize him#taking away her choice to protect them both in a sense#and it’s executed PERFECTLY#god this is so heart wrenching#his dialogue killed me —#she played the hero that’s what fucking happened#so biting and so ANGRY#but bc he’s so scared 🥺#also you overachieving piece of shit took me out I’m not sorry#almost trying to goad her back to consciousness#AND SHE’S OUTSIDE HIS ROOM!! NO MORE HIDING LEVI!!#FALL TO YOUR KNEES TAKE HER IN YOUR ARMS YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO#I think he’s still gonna front a bit next chapter — still try and keep her at a distance but he’s gonna break. and it’s gonna be delicious.#phenomenal work as always Amy!!
248 notes · View notes
truckstoptigers · 1 year ago
Text
literally at my fucking limit
0 notes
panlyv · 1 year ago
Text
wtv
#self harm tw#it's funny how much crueler i am with myself now than when i was younger#because ive been shing for hhh idk 8 9 years now#it started as me wanting to punish myself for all the guilty i felt inside#and it went on for a long long time because i just felt horrible and i needed to disappear so things would be alright#but i couldn't kill myself so i just hurt my body instead to try and make up for it#i was sad and scared and confused back then#but now? im just angry. im tired. im fed up of myself#the cuts are much deeper and longer and there's so many more of them#and i just keep doing it#i honestly dont think there's much rhyme or reason for it rn. i just wanna hurt myself bc i hate myself so much i want to fucking die#and yeah maybe ill attempt again but this time ill make damn sure it works#but i still never harm my wrists or anywhere visible#its always my waist/hips/thighs and i never wear shorts or anything above my ankles#like i cant tell u the last time i wore actual shorts or like proper beachwear (i live in the beach) bc my hips are just scars#prob been like 10 years since ive worn swimwear lmfao thanks gender dysphoria and self harm !#but yeah now i just want it to hurt and bleed and make me feel some goddamn thing that inst this fucking void#im so fucking tired dude#what's the point of anything#nothing feels meaningful or real or important enough#im an unlovable broken motherfucker and im fed up of never getting better#oh but u need to stop being so pessimistic then !! suck my dick ive tried pretending i wanted to live and be happy and it never worked#so again whats the fucking point#im done here#dawn.txt
0 notes
elytrafemme · 2 years ago
Text
friendship is cool p 2 bc you get the perfect experience of both getting progressively normaler and progressively diseased-more whenever you’re by them 
0 notes
strawberryseeded · 2 years ago
Text
.
#honestly life is so sad and stuff makes me so sad#sometimes i just have to (HAVE to) take some time to reflect on stuff#try to see what ive learned in a certain amount of time. things i got right. things i got wrong#i dont always enjoy it but i need to do it#yesterday & today as well i was in one of those reflection moods#and i concluded (not for the first time) that i have a really REALLY hard time moving on from the bad stuff#especially bad stuff *i* did or bad stuff i witnessed and couldnt do anything about#sometimes even silly little mistakes that arent rly that trascendent. i just get upset anyways#thats why ive been trying to appreciate the good stuff in my life more. it really helps honestly#but i still get very depressed sometimes#cant get certain thoughts or memories out of my head for days and days and weeks and months#some of them ive had for more than 10 years. not everyday but at least periodically#im scared to never be able to move on from them#and im scared of them piling up more and more bc i WILL keep fucking up and i will keep encountering sad things and sad ppl in my life#im scared of the inability of my brain of getting past that#bc reflecting is GOOD. thinking abt stuff and feeling stuff (even when its a sad or angry feeling) is GOOD and healthy!!#thats why i wont give up on that. never. its an important thing to do. i look at the past and present and try to learn from it#but often i get stuck in all the bad stuff and its hard to see the good. i cant forget or move on#am i gonna be like this forever#?#di4ry
0 notes
tan1shere · 2 months ago
Text
Okay
Billie Eilish x female reader !
Tumblr media
A/n: angry sex is all I can say 😩 enjoy 😇
Summary: she's mad at you, but it doesn't last long.
Warnings: smut ! Car sex, angry sex, RED ROOTS BILLIE ! Rough billie 😋
Masterlist
She was mad. Angry. But that didn't even begin to explain it. But so were you, she didn't have a right to be mad at you. You two were on the brink of an argument, only moments before one of you breaks. Hence why she dragged you out of that club. The Audi was speeding through the night when suddenly she speaks up. "You shouldn't of done that." Her voice was stern. "Billi-" "No. It was stupid." Your eyes roll. "Oh please give it a break, I needed some space." She's silent. No reply. "I'm sure you did too." You look out the window, when you see your surroundings blur as she speeds up.
You turn your head to face her. Her left hand was gripped tightly around the steering wheel eyes glued infront of her. Fury radiating off her body. Your nerves pick up, you had to admit it was thrilling. She always made you feel that way and would never ever put you in danger so you trusted her. Her nuckles flex, veins popping in the night lighting. "Billie." You then say trying to get her to either slow down just a tiny bit or talk to you. There was no telling what could happen as her foot presses harder on the accelerator. "Billie." You repeat more forceful. Feeling your heart rate pick up.
Nothing. As the car speeds up her anger only increases. Her eyes darken, her brows furrowing. This is the most mad you've seen her in forever and it frightened you whenever you saw it. But at the same time, it made her look even more attractive, sending you hot. Your eyes dart to her hand, everything more prominent because of her grip. "Bills.." You whisper, and that's when she looks at you. The exact same look on her face. Still nothing, but a slight smirk.
Try to stop me, I'm like no way.
She could see slight fear, but with the past incidents, she knew that you knew she would never do anything but protect you. Just some harmless fun. It was turning her on. Even more so when you squeeze your thighs together, her eyes move to look. Noting that the dress you wore was ridden up very high. "Scared?" You shake your head. But you do get a bit scared as she keeps looking at you, pushing down all the way going far over the speed limit. But what was going to happen? It was 3 in the morning. There's nobody out.
Speeding like this shit was stolen.
Your eyes knit together with worry. "Billie-" Your eyes look to the road making sure she's still going straight. She surprisingly was. Your head looks back at her, her eyes on you intently, tilting her head a bit. "Tell your eyes that." Your breath catches in your throat. "Im still mad at you." She chuckles dryly. "Ditto." Her voice was dripping with venom. Your body shifts in the seat, causing her to look down at your thighs, biting her lip. "Fuck it." She mumbles. "Wha-?" But you were cut completely short as she slams on the breaks, putting her arm infront of you to make sure you don't fly forward.
Confusion strikes you as you're in the middle of nowhere. "Backseat. Now." Even though you were still slightly mad at her, your brain was telling you to do it. Wanting to see where this would lead. "Gunna show you just how angry I am." She says getting out the drivers seat and slamming the door. You flinch just slightly not expecting it. But my god was she sexy this way. You climb into the back, not caring if your dress moved more. She was just going to move it anyways. She opens the door, getting in and grabbing you. "Come on baby get on top, there you go."
She grabs your face instantly kissing you with absolute fire. Your mind shuts down. Forgetting even why you two were arguing. She was still very well aware, grabbing one of your hands and placing it on her belt. "I'm still pissed, you undo it. Kay?" "Okay." Your fingers fiddle with it, unhooking it and grabbing her zipper. "Good, good." She says observing. "Keep going." Your breath stills, moving her jeans to get the fake dick out. On full display. "Don't see why I have to do all the work. Sit." She stares into your soul, your heart rate still picking up. You felt like her prey in the little game. "B-" You begun but immediately shut up as she raises a brow. Tongue visibly poking into her cheek.
I got dirty in my own veins.
Fuck. You were so incredibly screwed. "Sit." She repeats. Your hands quickly try to take your underwear off, finding everything more difficult especially with her God damn eyes glued on you. You go to grab it again breathing out shakily. Lining it up perfectly and slowly sinking down. And with how wet she had you it wasn't hard. "Good fucking girl." Your mouth hangs open at the feeling of the slight stretch, causing both of you to bite your lips. Your hips move on her with need, everything about it was hasty. Gripping her shoulders for support. The feeling of how deep it was going straight to your stomach. Literally. Her hands make contact with the straps.
Pulling them down and letting your breasts spill out. "You're going to apologize." And that's when you give her a look. "The fuck I'm no-" Her hand comes flying to your jaw causing your mouth to close shut. "You want this right? You want me in you correct?" You whimper out as her fingers most definitely leave marks but you gave zero shits. You wanted that, you wanted her to mark you all over. "Speak." She orders. You gulp back a moan as she ruts up into you, making sure you're focusing. "Y-yes." "Apologize." She warns you with her eyes. "But-" Her hands instantly move.
Picking your hips up off of her making you whine out, her trips to the gym really paying off. "I'm sorry!" You screech. She gives it a second but she didn't need to. She had you exactly where she wanted you. "I'm sorry Bills, I'll talk to you next time just please. Please, need to feel you so bad." You felt pathetic, but you needed this desperately. She slowly puts you back down, making a moan slip into the car. It soon smelling of sex. Her hands continue their previous actions. Grabbing both your tits and kneading them. "Speed up baby, atta girl." Your eyes roll back as you feel her pinch your nipples. Moving up and down on her. Her hands moving down your body.
I can feel it in my brain.
Gripping your sides and helping you move even quicker. "Fuck!" You say falling against her, letting your head land on her shoulder. Her leg lifts up, bringing the one straddled on her up aswel in the process, getting a perfect angle. Your brain fogs up, squeezing your eyes shut as you feel it deeper. "Billie.." You breathe. She doesn't respond, only rutting her hips up into you. Causing you to almost scream but your mouth turns and bites the flesh on her shoulder. Her teeth sink into her lip as you do so, finding every action of yours attractive.
She grips your ass tightly, slamming you down with more force onto her dick. "Cum on me baby, do it. Know you can." Your head turns to the side, still having it rested on her shoulder. Moving so you can watch just a little of what was happening. Your breath uneven, having it warm against her neck as your fucked out state comes closer. And closer. And within seconds your juices are leaking all over her, moans floating into her eardrums. She was in heaven. "W-was that a good apology?" You tiredly speak.
She smiles to herself stroking your hair, soothingly. "Yeah baby. A very good one."
"I'm sorry too." She then says, kissing your head. "It's okay Billie. Trust me. We gave eachother a pretty good apology."
"Agreed."
634 notes · View notes
darnell-la · 3 months ago
Note
heyaa could i request dark!old man!logan x naive/virgin!reader with corruption kink (maybe with some degradation too if youd like). i know its like a basic prompt but the thought of manipulative Logan does something to me???? i need that man religiously and im not sure if i can ever recover from it thats all please and thank youu!!
Tumblr media
warnings: drunk reader, consensual sex, slight finger play, neck kissing, rough sex, dominated, public sex, crying, orgasm, ass slapping, lots of degradation, loss of virginity, hair pulling, choking, etc.
summary: Logan couldn’t help himself at how sweet y/n treated him when she was drunk. He needed her now, and once he felt that she wasn’t lying about her being a virgin, he couldn’t stop his dirty mouth.
note: Logan is the king of degradation and domination. He’d make you feel any kind of way when he uses you, but also somehow show he loved you.
———
“How many did you have?” Logan asked, voice serious and deep as he pulled y/n into the bathroom to use. “Only a few,” y/n dragged, making him shake his head. By the smell of her breath, she knew they weren’t mixed.
“You’re just so damn slow, huh, y/n? Why would you drink straight Bacardi!?” Logan tried keeping his tone down, but it was hard. “Bacardi raspberry,” y/n corrected the man.
Logan breathed through his nose as he shut his eyes, trying to keep himself back. He was angry at so too many actions she’s pulled tonight.
“No wonder those men were lookin’ at you. You’re a fucking piece of meat out there — That ain’t good!” Logan shouted as she sat down on the toilet to use it as she rolled her eyes.
“Well, I wasn’t paying attention to any of them. Only you,” y/n pocked at the man’s lower stomach. He wanted to react angrily, but he could never stay too angry at his girl.
“Oh, is that true? You still love me after all them drinks?” He asked, making her nod her head. “Of course, I do,” she smiled as she grabbed a hand full of toilet paper to wipe.
“God, you’re a pain in my ass,” Logan admitted as he turned around and walked out of the stall. “But you love it,” she smiled as she flushed the toilet and walked next to him to wash her hands.
“Maybe I do, but you’ll have to let me show you one day,” Logan said as he kicked himself off of the wall and moved behind her, pulling her body into him, knowing she’d feel his bulge.
“One day, baby,” Y/n said as she tried her hands then turned around to look up at him. “Why not now, Bub? Been together for so long, I would never leave you. Even if those pretty little legs opened up for those nasty men out there,”
Logan’s hands began to travel y/n’s body, sending shivers down her spine. She loved his touch, but she was too scared to move further.
“C’mon, baby — Lemme feel it,” Logan said as one hand cupped her cunt through her panties. “This small ass dress ain’t makin’ my life better,” y/n laughed as the man as she shifted to leave, but his free hand grabbed her waist to keep her in place.
“Logan, maybe another time. We’re out in public,” y/n said, but Logan couldn’t care less if someone came in here and saw them. “Only makes me want you more,”
“Logan, baby,” Y/n said, but he reacted by burying his face into her neck. Y/n couldn’t help but let out a small moan as his hands rubbed her bud through her panties. The groans Logan let out would let anyone know how much he needed her.
“Lemme do it, baby,” Logan said as his hand disconnected from her waist and fumbled with his belt. “Not here,” y/n said low as he sucked harder. Whether she gave him the go or not, he was going to get something before they left the bathroom.
“Yes, here, baby — Need it right here and right now,” Logan finally got his pants to fall down a bit until he could balm his cock through his boxers.
“Got me so fuckin’ hard, I can’t stay away. Needa feel you right now,” Logan said as he rubbed her bud harder, making y/n squirm against his body. His fingers always did the trick, but right now, she felt higher than usual.
She didn’t know she’d be so turned on by Logan needing to feel her. She loved how needy and demanding he got. She couldn’t bring herself to push him away.
“That’s it, baby — Lemme in,” Logan moved in between her legs as she mindlessly let them open. “Good girl — Good good girl,” Logan said as he reached into his boxers to pull himself out.
“Always so good for me. Can’t help but ruin you every time — Thankfully this time will be so much easier,” Logan said as he rubbed his tip along her folds. She had no idea what he meant by that until she felt him push through her folds.
Logan was huge, and he’d only got the tip in. She wouldn’t be able to handle this for the first few times, but Logan couldn’t care less about it. He just needed to feel her and fill her.
“Lo,” y/n cried low as her hands gripped his shoulders. Logan said nothing as he pushed further, deep groans slipping into y/n’a ear.
“T-Too much,” y/n whined, nails digging into his shoulders, but that only made him want this more. The older man slammed into her, forcing her to take him all at once.
The cry that left her mouth sounded painful, but he knew she’d adjust. She had no choice but to. “No more, no more,” y/n repeated as he slowly slipped in and out of her.
“Ssh, princess,” was all the man said as a hand snaked around the back and grabbed her ass as the other grabbed the back of her head. Logan pulled Y/n closer as his pace built.
“Lo- Lo!” Y/n cried in the crook of his neck. Before she knew it, she was gushing around the man. “Augh, fuck, y/n,” Logan’s voice came out as a growl as he felt her juice leak down his balls and legs.
“So fuckin’ tight, almost thought you were lying when you said you were a virgin,” Logan finally spoke to her as the sound of the sink loosening began filling the bathroom.
“Almost everyone knows how sweet a virgin is these days. Always thought you were lying to me just to get with me,” Logan gripped y/n’s ass cheek harshly, breaking a bit of skin with his nails.
“I’d still want you even if you lied — The thought of men fucking this pretty little cunt doesn’t sound too bad watch. Would love to see you all fucked out and dumb,”
Y/n’s never heard this side of Logan. Some of it made her feel off, but that off turned into a turn-on. She didn’t know why. All she knew was that anything Logan wanted, she’d like.
“Yeah, you wanna get fucked for me? Spread this little girl across my bed so I can hire a few men to fuck you? Dirty little slut — I might even do it,”
Logan pulled out of y/n and pulled her off of the sink before turning her around to push her face against the dirty mirror. Before she could even blink, his cock was back in her.
“A damn whore you are, baby. So fucking dirty in here for me. You’re nowhere near innocent. You’re a pathetic little cum dump,”
Y/n whined at his words his pelvis slapped against her ass harshly. “You wanna be used, don’t you? Your first time having sex, and you’re enjoying the way I throw you around — Fuck, y/n,”
Logan’s hand which wasn’t pushing her head into the mirror, came down onto her ass repeatedly. “Logan, that hurts,” y/n cried with pleasure, but that only made him laugh.
Logan used that hand to clamp over her mouth and grip down onto her face. “You think I care how you feel, slut? Think ima treat you sweet just because this is your frost time? Your cunts too wet for princess treatment,”
Logan spat a bunch of hard words in y/n’s ear as his hips snapped against her, causing his cock to make these ungodly noises. She couldn’t see it, but she knew she was making a horrible mess on his cock.
“How do you feel about an old man fucking you dumb in a bar bathroom, hm? Did you think your first time would be more romantic? Boohoo — I'll give you romantic,”
Logan tugged on y/n’s hair, causing her neck to snap back. Logan smashed his lips onto her after he released his hand from her mouth. His teeth clashed with hers, but she was too gone to say anything about it. She couldn’t help but only moan into the man’s mouth.
Her back ached from how he forced her to arch. She felt like she'd break any second but chose to stay quiet about it. What he wanted went from now on, and she was beginning to understand that.
“Mhm hm,” the old man growled in y/n’s mouth as his free hand began to come down on her ass again. Y/n cried just like last time, but he didn’t stop this time. He continued, and even slapping was harder.
“Nah uh, take it. Take it. I said fucking take it!”
551 notes · View notes
dollarbils · 3 months ago
Text
my stalker | b.e.
Tumblr media
billie eilish x fem!reader
context. your stalker isn’t too happy about the police report you’d just filed.
warnings. stalker billie, harsh words, physical struggle
masterlist
the drive back from the police station was nerve racking. every turn you took you felt like someone was watching you. like she was watching you. your paranoia had overtaken your life as you watched every step you took, constantly checking your surroundings and double locking the door. you were scared, and she loved it.
the buzz of your phone interrupted your hasty movements to get out of your car. you waited until you had gotten inside, double locking the door of course, before answering.
“hello?” you didn’t recognise the number but you’d assumed it was the guy you met last night at a party. you’d left him your number since he was hitting on you.
“well that wasn’t very nice of you, was it?” her voice was deep, somewhat angry. and it took everything in you not to scream and panic.
“stay the fuck away from me you psycho!” you yelled through the phone, not hanging up though, wanting to hear her response.
“it’s in your best interest to be kinder to me, baby. i’m not here to hurt you.” here. here. here?
“i’m going to call the police if i see you in my garden again.” you peeked out of the window, scanning the bushes.
“oh please, give me more credit.” this time, the voice didn’t come from your phone, it came from behind you and you spun around in a quick movement to dodge her arm that was reaching for you. however, you weren’t quick enough, as her other arm pulled you back towards her. she pushed you against the wall, her hands pinning you in place and her strength defeating you.
“what on earth do you want from me?” you held her eye contact, masking your ever growing fear. she seemed surprised. you couldn’t make out her features completely due to the darkness. her eyes however, were captivating all the same.
“i want you to stop reporting me to the police, it’s annoying.” she pressed into you, pinning your face in place with her hypnotising eyes.
“maybe don’t stalk me.” you suggested and she rolled her eyes.
“you’re scared of me. i can tell.”
“well what did you expect exactly? a hug and a kiss?” it seemed to be that pissing her off more was the strategy you were going with.
“don’t be afraid of me. i’m what you need.” she whispered on your cheek. “i can hear your heart beating. calm down baby.” you squirmed in her arms, trying to fight her grip but she only pushed you back harder. however soft her words were, her actions never matched. her face was still impossibly close to yours as she waited for a response.
“nothing to say?” she commented, teasing you for your sudden silence.
“fuck you.” you moved quickly, catching her by surprise and getting past her grip to reach for your phone. she was quicker however, grabbing it and shoving it in her back pocket.
“what the fuck.. stalker.” you contemplated on what you should call her. she simply chuckled at what you came up with.
“it’s billie.” she clarified her name.
“i don’t care, give me my phone.” she kept her distance, no longer making a move to reach for you.
“come and get it.” she challenged. “don’t be scared.” she added when you made no move to get your phone back.
“just tell me what you want and give me my phone back.” you moved away from her slowly but she just followed, keeping the exact same distance between you no matter how far back you traveled.
“i think you know what i want. and im not about to give you your phone back so that you can wait for your boy toy to text you.” her grin revealed the glistening metal on her teeth, even in the dark.
“how..?” you were at loss for words. a sick feeling rising to your stomach. no matter where you went she’d always know, she’d always be there too.
“hm?” she mocked you, waiting for you to continue.
“just leave me alone.” you pleaded her but she just chuckled.
“but you’re so fun to play with.” her smile was bright but her eyes were dark. she moved closer to you as you backed away but like always, she was much quicker.
“you’re sick.” you shook your head as her hands came up to your face. you didn’t bother stopping the action.
“i feel quite good.” her lips came down to yours, kissing the side of them, but missing them by a millimetre.
“what are you doing?” her hands caressed your neck as she moved her face to look at you.
“i know we’re meant to be.” her words were soft, contrasting most of what had transpired. you felt her hand on your ass for a second longer than it should’ve been. but when she closed the door behind her and you reached inside of your pocket, you found your phone, as if it had been untouched.
as she walked away from your house calmly, a smile was plastered on her face. she knew you’d be thinking about her for the rest of the week. and that’s all she wanted. for now.
part 2
395 notes · View notes
jockwrites · 2 months ago
Note
Can you write something aggressive please 😩
RIGHT HERE - p.b
warnings: smut, (r receiving,) use of drug substances, cursing
a/n: this is pretty short, not that aggressive tbh..but i’m trying a new writing style! also please please please send requests <3
for @billiesmainchick @doyouknowhowtob3nd
paige is manspread on the couch, the aroma of weed sorrounding her.
at the moment, she’s mad because you’d rather spend time with your friends than her. but this isn’t a one time thing—you always do this.
she thinks maybe she’s just overthinking, maybe she’s just in her mind too much. but regardless, if you called she’d answer. if you came in, angry, upset, she’d comfort.
no matter how mad she is, she’s always there for you.
but you aren’t answering her calls, and she’s starting to get heated minute by minute. that’s when she decides to call you one more time, just for closure so she can go to sleep. she’s already high as it is.
you giggle & laugh with your friends, noticing an incoming call from paige before accepting it.
“hello?” you speak into the phone, your smile blatantly obvious through your voice.
her voice is shaky, and there's a hint of anger in it "hey, where are you right now? who are you with?" she asks, trying to keep her tone even. but it's clear she's on edge.
you roll your eyes, knowing she’s just in one of those moods, “im with my friends, paige,” you huffed.
“why can’t you spend time with me? and why the fuck won’t you answer my calls?” she questions, her voice wavering. she’s getting upset, her voice shaking a little. she’s a bit too high.
you shake your head “paige, they’re my friends. and i didn’t answer because we’re having fun, i’ll be back soon.”
she scoffs, getting more heated “so i'm not important enough to answer? i'm sitting here alone, waiting for you. and you're out having fun with your friends. do i not matter to you?”
you get agitated, rolling your eyes as your hand comes up to rub your temple in distress and annoyance, “paige, i’ll be home soon. stop overreacting. yes, you do matter, but they just wanted to spend time with me.”
she laughs bitterly, “stop overreacting? really? you're telling me to stop overreacting when you're the one who keeps blowing me off?” her voice raises. she's definitely high and definitely pissed, “i've been waiting for you all day.”
you scoff, “paige, God. chill the fuck out i said i’ll be there soon.”
she pauses, her breathing heavy. silence. then she speaks, her voice low, “you know what? forget it. i don't give a fuck about your friends.” and with that, she hangs up the phone. you stare at your phone, confused. that was harsh.
you look around, then eagerly tell your friends you need to go, “hey guys, im gonna head out. paige needs me”
you get a simple, in sync, “bye bye,” from everyone before you get up to leave.
you don’t know what’s gotten into paige.
by the time you arrive to the apartment, she’s high as can be, her eyes bloodshot red. she’s in some joggers and a white tee on the couch, her legs manspread. her eyes are low, the expression on her face enough to scare a child. the stench of weed is thick in the air.
you walk in, noticing the unusual disposition she has, “hey baby, are you okay?”
she looks up at you, her gaze hazy as she speaks with sarcasm dripping in her voice. “yeah, im fine. just chillin.” she reaches for her phone, texting someone quickly before putting it down. “so, what made you come back after you fucking left me for those bullshit excuses of ‘friends’?” she asks, her voice husky and low.
you roll your eyes in annoyance, putting one hand on your hip, “paige,” you speak calmly, “i just wanted to have fun. am i not allowed?”
“take a fucking look around hazel,” she says, her voice a low mumble. her eyes are heavy, the high she’s on making her lazy, “they’re not your fucking friends. i’ve already explained this to you. i can’t let this shit keep happening, it happens again and again and i’m sick of it. fuck them.”
you furrow your eyebrows, “but they’re my friends paige. i can’t just not hangout with them.”
she sits up, her eyes finally focusing on you. her gaze is intense, serious. “bro, hazel, i don’t give a fuck about your friends. i’m right here, why can’t you see that? i’m the only one who’s been there for you. they just want you to come out with them so yall can drink and get fucking laid.”
you look at paige in annoyance, wondering why she’s so bitter all of a sudden, “paige, i do see you. but you need to stop, they are my real friends. you’re just jealous.”
she stands up, her face slightly red with anger. “real friends? really? are you fucking kidding me? they don’t give a shit about you, hazel. they only care about themselves. but you, you care about me. you always have. and i care about you more than they ever could.”
you’re getting agitated, the frustration clear in your voice.“paige, yes they do,” you protest.
she gets in your face, her breath reeking of weed. “no, they fucking don't. you're just too stupid to see it,” she grabs your dress, pulling you closer. “i've been waiting all night for you. you wouldn’t answer my calls.. you wouldn’t text me back.. i’ve been rolling crazy all damn night.”
you look paige in the eyes, going from a bright blue to dark grey. you lean in to whisper, “paige.. im sorry. i didn’t mean to keep you waiting on me.”
“you don’t act like you’re fucking sorry,” she hisses, her voice low and seductive, “you gotta understand baby, i don’t give a fuck about them.”
paige backs you into the wall, the dark scenery of the living room making it hard for you to see, “paige, please.”
she presses her body against yours, pinning you to the wall. her hand comes up to grip your throat, not squeezing, just resting there. “please what, hazel? please stop? please let you go back to your so-called friends?”
you look up at her, this interaction slightly turning you on, “no, paige. i meant could you forgive me,” you whisper, breaking eye contact in guilt.
her grip tightens around your throat slightly as she leans in close, her lips brushing against your ear, “forgive you for what, hazel?” her hand moves down your chest. her touch is so scary, yet so gentle. “for making me worry? for blowing me off?”
your breathing is speeding up, you gulping as her hand comes back up to your neck, “yeah, kind of.”
she leans in closer, her lips barely touching yours. her voice drops to a whisper. “you gotta let me prove i love you more than they do.” her hand moves from your neck, slowly sliding down to grip your waist as the other hand mimics.
you can feel paige starting to kiss your neck, biting your soft spot which makes you bite back a moan, “you can prove it baby.”
her hands move, groping your boobs softly as she kneads them. her kisses trail to your jawline, “it’s not gonna happen again, is it?” she whispers into your ear, her right hand going to grip your ass.
you moan, your arms wrapping around her neck as you speak, slightly breathless, “mhm, no baby, it won’t happen again i promise.”
she growls softly, nuzzling into your neck, her touch getting firmer. she picks you up by the back of your thighs, wrapping your legs around her waist. she carries you to the couch, lowering you down gently. she climbs on top of you, pinning your arms above your head.
you look up at paige, biting your bottom lip in pleasure, “what, you gonna punish me or something?” you provoked, pushing your chest up slightly.
she grins mischievously, leaning down to bite your bottom lip, tugging it gently. she kisses your neck, your collarbone, your chest, slowly pulling the shoulder straps of your dress down. she looks up at you, her eyes cold. “you wanna be punished?”
you smirk, “maybe.”
she growls softly, her hands trailing down your arms, your sides, to your thighs. she grips them tightly, parting them. she leans down, her breath hot against your core. she looks up at you from beneath your dress, her face neutral. "maybe?"
you nag, body desperate for friction, “yeah, maybe.”
without warning, she tugs your panties aside and dives in, licking a slow stripe up your slit. she moans at your taste, the vibrations sending shockwaves through you. her tongue circles your clit teasingly before sucking it between her lips.
you immediately moan, the sudden traction of her tongue onto your clit making you go senseless.
she continues to eat you out, her hands spreading your legs wider as she laps at your pussy. she sticks a finger inside you, curling it to hit that spot that makes you see stars. “you gonna stop acting like a bitch?”
you bite your bottom lip, hands going to grip her hair aggressively as you buck your hips against her face. practically grinding, “mm paige fuck! yes baby!”
she moans into your pussy, the vibrations intensifying your pleasure. she adds another finger, pumping them in and out rapidly as her tongue flicks over your clit. her free hand comes up to pinch and roll your nipple through your dress. “that’s my good girl, always listening to me.”
you let out a wave of curses and moans, the whimpers eliciting a sudden burst of energy in paige,“oh! paige just like that oh my-”
she growls into your core, her fingers pumping faster and harder as you buck your hips against her face. she can feel you getting closer, your legs shaking against her shoulders. she wraps her arms around your thighs to hold you in place as she doubles her efforts, “come for me baby, let me know you know i love you.”
you moan, grinding against her face as you grope her hair tighter. you use your free hand, going to pull your dress down further to knead your tits, “fuck paige you’re gonna make me cum-”
she sucks hard on your clit, her fingers curling inside you as she presses her palm against your ass. she holds you in place, not letting you move as she devours your pussy. she feels you tighten around her fingers and knows you're about to cum.
you start to approach your climax, your legs quivering, “paige please don’t stop ohmygosh!” you whine out.
she can feel you tensing up, your breathing hitching as you get closer and closer to the edge. she growls encouragingly, her fingers beckoning inside you as her mouth sucks hard on your bundle of nerves. “that's it baby. keep being a good girl for me.”
you reach your climax, riding out your high. she keeps going, drawing out your pleasure until you're boneless and gasping. she slowly eases back, wiping her face with the back of her hand as she grins up at you. “you did so good,” she climbs back up your body, kissing you deeply so you can taste yourself on her.
you kiss her passionately, wrapping your legs around her waist as you cup her face, “i’m sorry baby, i promise i won’t leave you alone like that again,” you promise, still out of breath from the static orgasm.
she deepens the kiss, her hands roaming your body possessively. she breaks the kiss to bury her face in your neck, breathing heavily. “you’re mine, you hear me? no one else gets to touch you like this.”
“i know, i love you.”
“i love you more baby.”
a/n: ok this took forever and it’s still bad but i wanted it to be perfect bc i didn’t like my other fics also new writing style who cheered! nobody. anyway thanks for reading pls pls pls send requests/asks other than just “smut” because that’s literally all i have .. also i used this website to help with words to use for my writing and it works like magic bro😭😭 ok bye yap yap
316 notes · View notes