#sorry just needed to vent because im at a total loss idk what to do

[marsti]

why do people think im angry all the time 😭 im legit not an angry person and it's so frustrating that everyone acts like i am

[angel-fruitcake]

Hello just need to vent with someone else cause I feel like im stressing all the people around me irl feel free to not answer if you dont want to its ok really ill understand (im just writing this to you cause i saw you posting about it)

Im not american but ive spent the last months watching the campaign (mostly from misha but also in general on the internet) amd i was scared. Then biden stepped down and I felt relieved and hopefull that harris could actually win this cause "whos gonna vote HIM again? Right???" Then (or maybe before ive lost semse of time) the assassination attempt happend and I got scared again cause he had just gained if nothing at least the coolest picture he could ever wish for. But after that so many people, celebrities and not, started endorsing her and I thought there was still hope

I remember how anxious i got in 2020 and the exact moment of relief seeing Georgia going blue. And that was bad because of covid and all the stress of that slow counting but this felt worse

I spent yesterday rewatching destiel episodes to celebrate the anniversary but also to distract myself from the election but at night I just could sleep i was so scared. I talked about it with all my friends and family but they were not feeling it like me. Like tes they were scared a bit but not... not in the same way. Maybe its because its my first year out? Half out (family still doesnt know) like... i fear for the queer people (and in gemeral all the people who might be endangered) in the us cause now i feel more in the community maybe? Idk but I couldnt sleep at all

This morning I woke up and spent the morning on the destiel tag and on the AP map watchung it going redder and redder every hour and now... i dont even know what to feel

Im at loss of words thoughts and feelings. I DONT KNOW

Im scared like if I couldve done somethng for it or if it could directly affect me. It will sure but not today tomorrow or in january. It will be slow and scary and ill have to watch it happen without tje possibility of doing anything about it. Just like i have seen two wars start and my vote been wasted into nothing when my own country elected the far right just this june

Im hopeless and so fucking scared rn and my friends look at me amd dont get why I feel like a lone freak going crazy over somethung i shouldnt care about when I know I actually have to and they should care too and idk how to warn them i dont know what to do

And im not even american. I cant begin to imagine how it feels to know you have even done anythung you could and it changed nothing

So right now I wanna tell you all of you americans that you are not alone. That we are as scared as you are. Maybe it might be totally useless know this but... to me just seeing on line people going nuts makes me feel less crazy so yeah

sorry for the bad english my brain cant think straight rn (or ever lol)

omg anon i'm so sorry i didn't see this until just now !

it's perfectly ok for you to vent in my inbox. let all your fears and worries out, don't bottle them up. i'm glad you at least won't be directly affected in the immediate future, and i hope to god it stays that way.

i'm very scared as well, especially being a woman of reproductive age in america. i live in a red state too, so i already have less freedoms than my friends and family in blue states. i don't know what the future holds for america or the world, and that thought is terrifying. but all we can do right now is cling tight to our loved ones and take care of each other the best we can. i hope things will turn out okay for us all 🫂💕

ps. keep watching those destiel episodes if they bring you even a little bit of comfort. i know they definitely do for me when i feel like i'm being suffocated by the weight of everything around me

[fairycosmos]

i think the concept of trauma dumping is toxic for people who actually have trauma. im at a point in life where im growing and healing, but naturally, i still have urges to talk about past trauma, and the fear of trauma dumping makes me bottle it all up. people will say to talk to a therapist, but every therapist ive ever seen just glorifies and romanticizes my story, they always tell me my trauma makes me unique and they never actually help me work through anything. as someone who has lost a parent, i feel horribly guilty and embarrassed every time i mention that i don’t have a dad because of that trauma dumping stigma. it’s something ive given a lot of thought to. i agree with the last anon; it shouldnt be shameful to talk about trauma unless you’re speaking over others at an irrelevant time. sorry if this reads like a trauma dump lmao.

yeah i hear u! honestly i think the original reasoning behind the phrase "trauma dump" was very valid - normal people are not therapists and it is very triggering and exhausting to be around ppl who treat you like one, and it is a very common trend (esp in online spaces) to put all your baggage on strangers + to weaponize ur pain - BUT all that being said i totally get what you mean and i do agree.

i think that other anon said it well when they said the internet (and subsequently people in real life) just take a phrase and absolutely run with it. now any mention of trauma or going through a hard time can be combatted with "stop trauma dumping, stop being toxic!!" and it's hard to combat that. ppl can just utilize it whenever they feel slightly uncomfortable in conversation which is. not productive. especially people who are supposed to be your friends like hello i thought emotional vulnerability came w our bond. it's not always emotional labour like ppl love to say. i think there's a difference between setting a boundary and just completely shaming someone you're supposed to care about, for mentioning or bringing up the pain they're in. sadly a lot of ppl seem to be majorly blurring that line.

it can make ppl who are dealing with trauma feel so much worse, which can be disastrous for those already at rock bottom. i've felt it a lot myself in regards to witnessing the death of my sister and the loss of her all together - ppl do not want to hear it. even when it's an integral part of why i think or behave a certain way. it can feel really alienating and like u said, it can make the guilt of being "damaged" feel much heavier. idk, it's difficult. i think there's a way to open up that is appropriate for both parties involved and i don't think there's inherent manipulation on either side. i’ve heard people say it's a good idea to simply just check in with ur mates before you vent to/bring up a hard topic to them, to see if they're in the headspace to deal which avoids this weird communication blockage on both ends. but if you're already dealing with a lot, it can really push you to just isolate and spiral, and that is so hard to cope with. i get that entirely.

i think you have every right to mention you don't have a dad when it applies and when it's appropriate irt the company you're in in that moment. it's just knowing when it's relevant and when it's not that distinguishes, same w my sister really. but you're never a bad person for having been through a lot, you know? and i'm truly sorry if anyone has ever made you feel that way, because it's not fair at all. especially after already surviving the most unimaginable heaviness and hardship. i'm also really really sorry about your dad, though i know you're probably tired of hearing it, and i know there's no words for it really. as an even further side note because this pissed me off LOL: your therapists sound completely fucked, it must be so hard to deal with. i can totally relate to not getting the professional support you need. the fact that they have the audacity to romanticize ur pain just makes me so so mad for you god. that's so unproductive and unhelpful and gross. the thing w therapy is that it can take forever to find someone you really click with who can really help you (i'm also still in the long long process of looking for the right one who is affordable, and ik it feels hopeless.) but i urge you to keep reaching out so you have, at least some place, to not bottle things up. at the end of the day, you do deserve support and you deserve to be listened to, no matter what. sending you a huge hug rn. x

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[kuviras-eyeliner]

TRIGGER WARNING: depression, anxiety, eating disorders, many mental health disorders that are fcking being romanticized everywhere and it drives me CRAZY

HI IM GONNA VENT FOR A QUICK SECOND, 

SO I’M LOOKING AT ADHD AWARENESS tiktok compilations on YouTube, and I really respect the videos.

But the comments.

THE COMMENTS.

All of them say, “I have all those symptoms, too!! I totally have ADHD”

or “lol same i literally can’t focus in class online” and then the replies say, “i can’t focus either it’s so boring omg”

or they might say (these are all copy-pasted): “Video: signs of adhd include fidgeting, rejection sensitive dysphoria, memory loss

me: oh

(and then they replied to their own comment): basically i literally get so bored, and this one time, my bf said no to a prom date, and i always forget where i put my phone, you know? i have adhd :0″

Now, I usually don’t get angry, but this drives me CRAZY.

YOU DO NOT HAVE ADHD UNTIL YOU ARE PROPERLY DIAGNOSED!! YOU CAN IN FACT, BEFOREHAND, BUT YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY!! You can’t just go around saying, “right after this my mom listed out all the symptoms and I as like :0 I have adhd” NO, NO YOU DON’T!! People honestly romanticize having ADHD, and that’s what drives me crazy!

👏DO👏NOT👏SELF-DIAGNOSE👏

I DON’T HAVE ADHD MYSELF, (I haven’t been diagnosed. And even if, yes, I am showing many symptoms, THAT DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE ADHD. I COULD, but will I try to “fit in with the trend” as some disgusting people call it? No, of course not! I can’t say that I have ADHD or whatnot until I’m officially told that I do, because what if I don’t know for certain?) BUT I DO KNOW THAT WHEN PEOPLE ROMANTICIZE THESE THINGS, IT hurts BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY DON’T KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS

OH AND OCD, ANOREXIA, DID, DEPRESSION, DYSLEXIA, ANXIETY.

YOU👏SHOULDN’T👏THINK👏THIS👏IS👏A👏TREND

THOSE ARE NOT TRENDS.

PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE LITERALLY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO COMMENT, “yeah my bf didn’t ask me out last week i’m so depressed” or “i have anxiety over my new show not airing” or “omg that tile over there is triggering my OCD” or “sorry idk how to spell that my dyslexia is alive” or “i prob have an identity disorder idk who i am lmao” or “i didn’t eat breakfast, i probably have an eating disorder..”

NO, NO YOU DON’T!!

Yes, you can be in those situations, and yes, you can be diagnosed. However, if you really show no real proof or you really just seem like a 6-year-old saying they’re depressed because their parents didn’t buy them an icecream sundae or what not is not okay. 

DO👏NOT👏ROMANTICIZE👏THESE👏

I feel so sorry for anyone who’s dealing with these. But I literally couldn’t hold this back any longer, because people who do this drive me up a wall. These mental issues hurt and effect our lives, and it’s not okay to romanticize and make a joke out of it. I’m sorry if anyone had to go through these. Please stay strong and reach out to me whenever you need it.

But hey, this had to be said. Please stay safe.

[selfdistancing]

hey y’all,  the funny thing about indie is that i feel like when people disappear for a few days or ‘slack’ on their replies/interactions they always feel obligated to say sorry. every time people come back and make a post, they have awesome mutuals who say things like “omg! it’s fine! you need to focus on yourself”, but i still feel obligated to say it. so ... sorry! but ... i am really struggling right now. i thought that each day would get easier and i would get better, but that is not the case. instead, i seem to be regressing and falling back into patterns that are not good for my mental or physical health. i am really lucky to have people in the rpc who have been building me up and letting me vaguely vent and cry (like literally letting me cry until i fall asleep? can you believe that? there are actual saints here. can you believe that i am literally a sad sack of emotions? no one is shocked.)  with that being said, i have no idea when i am going to be willing to log on and do the stack of replies that have piled up in my drafts. i have no motivation to do them. i have no desire to be on here. i really don’t have the energy to do much of anything anymore. i say this because i don’t want anyone to feel like i’ve been ignoring them or blowing off the plots and ships that we were so excited to write. i feel like a total jerk for not being able to follow through right now. i’m so sorry. if anyone wants to stay connected, i have discord on my phone and am always willing to talk about life or fun things (like dogs)? or even play silly games to pass the time? especially during this quarantine. please IM me so i can give you my discord tag if you want it. i’m always open to making new friends! i also welcome any and all advice that you might have when it comes to dealing with loss, grief, and/or heartbreak. i have no idea what i am doing, as i have never been through something like this before, and i am willing to listen to any suggestions that anyone has to make. i really hope you all understand. lastly, and this is for a very ... niche ... group. but if anyone lives near sydney, australia and has like? a younger sibling? or family member? or child? (idk) and doesn’t have anything to do on tuesday, july 7th 2020 ... and wants to go see frozen live (I SAID IT WAS A VERY SPECIFIC GROUP), then please reach out. i have 3 tickets that ticketmaster refuses to let me return because i didn’t buy the fucking ticket insurance and it has yet to get cancelled (due to covid-19). i will take ANY amount of money for them at this point. i just don’t really want them to go to waste if they still end up letting people go to it! i can’t say thank you enough to everyone who has been keeping my head above water. you’re all my little floaties. sydney

[queenreginascontour]

it’s weird bc i’m fat and i rlly hate my body and i know that’s partially bc of society’s fat phobia but i also want better for myself but knowing i couldn’t do better for myself without a drastic change in my lifestyle and that makes me stress eat and makes the problem worse and i’m just very upset with myself right now

i know you probably like, dont want to hear ab me bc that’s one of my least favorite things when im venting to some1 but. i heavily relate to this so.. sorry ?? anywyas yeah, ive been some variation of fat for basically my whole life, and due to health reasons im not gonna go into, it’s kind of impossible for me to lose a lot of weight, so i can be thinner but i’ll never be skinny, and im set for life, i guess. what im trying to sayis that ive been dealing w this for eighteen years.

ive gone thru the exact same problem as u. i’d get these bursts of like, “yeah ! im gonna do it !” but then id look up exercise routines and diets and shit and i just felt doomed and overwhelmed. it was also hard bc i was living w my family so i didnt rly decide what i was eating and stuff if that makes sense ? or id watch weight loss videos on youtube and id be kind of inspired, but then i’d think “im not strong enough to do that,” etc.

it’s hard to be surrounded by skinny ppl all the time. and im not shitting on skinny ppl, it’s just hard when you hang out w ur friends and u stick out like a sore thumb. but as i got older, i developed a very surface-level “i dont give a fuck” attitude re: what ppl thot of my weight, and i was lucky enough to never experience any kind of animosity (at least not to my face) towards myself because of my weight throughout my schooling, so that helped. and like, for a while i would get dick just to prove to myself that i could which is so, so shitty. but while i didnt care ab what society thought, i cared about what i thought, if that makes sense. i was (and still am) my own worst enemy. like, i catch myself looking at those fat girls on instagram who own it, and i totally love them for it and support them and are impressed by them, but then when i think of myself wearing what theyre wearing or just exuding that kind of confidence, im like “well, i could never do that.” and i hate myself for it bc, like, bitch, why the fuck not ? idk. maybe one day, but im not at that point yet. 

sorry that im rambling. this is a topic that i never, ever talk to ppl about bc i think a part of me is embarrassed. i probably sound kind of like a downer, too. but i dont want to be a hypocrite and be like “it’ll be fine just eat ur veggies and fuck what society says uwu !!” i just want you to know that youre not alone, as cheesy as that is. if u ever need to talk to someone, me and my inbox are here. the fact that u even vocalized this to someone is more than i have ever done.

i know how easy it is to resign urself to a certain type of lifestyle. i dont know how old u r, but i know how hard it is to deal with this when ur young. i know firsthand how hard it is to live with mental illness while being fat. but when you take that first step of making the simplest lifestyle change, like even just walking around ur neighborhood everyday after school/work/whenever- not with the mentality of doing it to lose weight, but simply just to do it- you’ll feel so good.  but i am highly aware that that first step is the hardest part, so it might take a while, and that’s ok. so in the meantime, remember all the good things in your life, all the great things about yourself, surround urself with good people (if possible), hug a stuffed animal, and remember to be healthy- whatever that means for you.

[mental-health-advice]

i cant sleep rn so im here to vent. my older sister killed herself almost a month ago now. she left a letter and everytime i think about it it just makes me so sad. she had a lot of problems and everyone around her was trying to help her, but in the end she never believed she could get better. it just makes me so sad bc i used to be depressed and suicidal too but i got better over time. i wish so bad that she could've gotten better too but there's nothing we can do now. #blackf0x

i keep having insomnia and overthinking and always end up thinking about my sister. it's driving me crazy but i don't know what to do anymore. i don't wanna vent to my closed ones anymore because I've probably already bothered them too much with this and it's not like there's anything anyone can do so what's the point. i don't know i just wanna move on i guess and i hate being sad again. i fell back into depression and idk how long I'll be stuck in it. it's really frustrating. #blackf0x 

i didn't plan on writing this much so I'm sorry for not writing down numbers or anything. but. my mom screamed when she found her. i keep thinking about it and reliving that day and just. idk. i wish i could scream too sometimes but i can't. i don't know i guess I'm just tired and sad and everything is frustrating. #blackf0x

Thank you for getting in touch with us here at MHA. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now, this must be such a hard time for you. I’m glad that you felt able to reach out to us for help and I hope I’ll be able to provide you with some advice or even just reassurance. 

It is important to remember that grieving is a long process, one that everyone experiences differently, so I cannot give you a fool-proof method on how to overcome it; however, it is really important that you focus on yourself at this time, and find the healthiest coping mechanisms you can. Like I said, the grieving process is different for everyone, but I do want to share some things that have helped me to deal with grief. Firstly, was writing - writing a letter to a loved one, including how you are feeling, daily activities, about memories the two of you shared… writing can help you to talk about things you never got to express in person, and it is also just good to be able to let out some of the emotions and negative energy you may be experiencing. I also found that carrying out activities that I used to do with my loved one when they were alive was super therapeutic; this could be gardening or jigsaws. Anything the two of you did together can help you to still feel close to them, whilst also letting you realise that you can still do these things alone and that you can overcome the loss. I am linking you here to our page about grief, and also here to our youtube video about it. Hopefully, these will explain everything I have tried to say in a little more detail and answer any other questions you may have.

Something you may consider is talking this through with someone, either a family member, friend, or professional. A counsellor or therapist could be really beneficial for you; they can help you to process your feelings and validate them, making you feel less alone, and allowing you to express any emotions you have about things which you do not feel okay to share with your friends and/or family. They will also hopefully be able to support you through the stages of grief. Does this sound like something you may want to try? Here is our page about getting help, lovely.

If you can, I think it’s important that you take some extra time to check in with yourself and care for your mental health right now - sometimes losing someone we love, or even just seeing them struggle with something we once did, can cause us to struggle again. So, if you need to, please consider reaching out to someone for professional help. Further, just taking time to practise some self-care can really help us to care for our mental health. Try to take at least an hour or two a day for yourself; fill that time with doing things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed and at peace. For example, I take the two hours before I go to sleep and try it fill that time with things like art and music, I’ll also take the time to have a bath, wash my hair, look after my skin, etc. Practising self-care also involves things like making sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying hydrated. I know how hard it can be to look after yourself when you are struggling with mental health issues, but it really does make such a difference, even if you just run a face wipe over your face and brush your hair. Sometimes a little thing like that which helps you feel better on the outside can switch things a little so you feel better inside too!

Something you mentioned really struck a chord with me, the whole wanting to scream but feeling like you can’t. I totally understand this feeling (although not for the same reasons), there have been times when I’ve been so full of negative emotions and energy and all I want to do is scream and cry and let them out, but I felt like I couldn’t do that. Turns out, you 100% can! My therapist at the time was super supportive of just letting yourself get that negative energy out in the form of a scream or punching a pillow or tearing up paper. Find some way that you can let out that negative energy in a healthy way and I really think that it will help you to find some inner peace!

I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. Please remember that you can always get back in touch with us if there is anything else that we can help you with! I wish you all the best. Take care!

‘‘Keep fighting, people, and your little monsters will never get the best of you.’

Rhiann xo