#i say this to myself every day lol

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

[sentientstump]

what's there in the distance

133% team canada back in action? you bet

[emily-e-draws]

catventurers meowlphabet (first half) 😽✨

[marblerose-rue]

silly doodle for my fursona since i made her 11 years ago today :-)

[amanedachi]

Seaborgium / "Near Airport"

Part of LoL Esports Elemental Series.

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol

[otter-pup]

so I have already been pretty quiet on here recently but uh. i kind of genuinely need to take a step back from sexual stuff for a while - nothing happened, i just think it is maybe a bit unhealthy how much of my time is taken up by Being Horny and Getting Off. like as much as those r both normal I do them too often, like. genuinely. idk when I’ll start being active again but thank u for understanding

[faunandfloraas]

It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.

[forcebookish]

had to stop taking the new adhd medication but the good news is i can drink coffee and iced tea again

[selfcarecap]

I know some of those Instagram accounts that show what celebrities really look like when they’re unedited or going about their day to day life are really toxic, and they must be awful for celebrities, but it’s genuinely so good to see that most celebrities also just look like normal people (or have had so much surgery that they’re unrecognisable from a few years ago)

[hecatesbroom]

Thanks to the lovely @the-eclectic-wonderer for tagging me in this tag game!

Bold & colour whatever applies to you:

i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or and bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child

No pressure to participate of course, but I'm tagging: @roseeycreates-blog @alectothinker @srosehh @timelessbian @tvmilfs

[todayisafridaynight]

[martianbugsbunny]

"I know that you took the things that mean the most to me" and "Maybe you should have fought harder for them" like....that's not about Raven. That's just not how you talk about a sibling. That's about Erik. Charles very explicitly (and understandably) feels he was abandoned, like Erik was able to just up and leave his life and take away the greatest love Charles had ever known without caring how much it hurt. And for Erik it's always been about wanting Charles to join him, wanting Charles to fight with him, maybe even wanting Charles to love him enough to say "screw the world" the same way Erik does. Charles is pissed because Erik took himself out of Charles' life on that beach and Erik is pissed because Charles chose the other side over him and let him go.

[flebus]

hey i actually think i probably need to take a step back from tumblr for awhile. possibly a long while. im getting back into habits that are not healthy and im spending way too much of my energy complaining to/about an echoey microcosm. its not good. i'll be around for a few more days bc i don't have contact info for some friends but like. i dont feel great.

[bmpmp3]

sorry for art-class-critique-posting again but one thing thats been very fascinating to see from my classmates and especially from my professors is this like, usually implicit but occasional explicit assertion that a lot of the artistic techniques, styles, and practices i happen to do (such as quick, unblended brushstrokes, paint drips, etc) are inherently "masculine". i personally am secure and comfortable with myself as a gender nonconforming woman so it doesnt affect me one way or the other much but i also can't help but feel like.......... do you think maybe the reason you dont see as many young woman art students doing these techniques might be because they feel a bit insecure or uncomfortable having their womanhood called into question just because they were a little more aggressive with their brushstrokes? of course abstract expressionism and movements of its ilk where boys clubs (as were most artistic movements in the history of time) and theres a lot to unpack with that but i dont think leaning into the idea that women only paint neatly with careful paint blending and soft colours is the way to go about this.........