#i need to leave the art to the actual artists
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In Between the Lines
Artist!Ellie X F!Reader
MEN DNI around 4k (?) words
summary : Ellie, a street artist, began working near your place. She quickly caught your attention. After a few days of observing her, you decided to buy one of her paintings. Now, you find yourself returning every day, not entirely sure if it's her art or the artist herself that draws you back.
warnings : none i guess (THIS ONE IS SFW)
authors notes : i haven't written in a long time and this is my first ellie x reader fic! this is part one! i hope you enjoy :) (masterlist coming soon)
Start ﹒✿﹒
Returning from your morning jog, you grab a cold glass of water from the fridge. As you sip, your gaze drifts to the painting you bought from a street artist two days ago. Something about it captivates you, though you can’t quite say why. Drawn closer, you let your fingers hover over the small, cursive signature: Ellie W.
"Ellie..." you say underneath your breath.
After a few more minutes of contemplation, you step outside and take another lap around the block. About eight blocks from your building, you spot her—Ellie—setting up her easel. Her hair is in a loose half-up, half-down style, and you can’t help but smile at the sight.
You settle on a bench behind her and watch as she begins to paint, completely absorbed in her work. Then, she glances over her shoulder, catching you in the act.
“Hey, stalker,” she says with a playful smirk.
"Uhm... Me?" you ask, looking around to ensure there’s no one else before pointing to yourself as you pull out your headphones—though they weren’t actually playing anything.
Ellie chuckles, turning fully in her chair to face you. "Yes, you." She rests her elbows on her knees, giving you a playful look. "You're always here, but you never buy anything."
You pause, a bit flustered. "I just… I like watching you work." Realizing how that sounded, you quickly add, "I mean, I don’t have much talent for this kind of thing, so it's kind of fascinating."
"Oh, so you do like watching me work?" she teases, a mischievous smile tugging at her lips.
You scoff, taken aback by her boldness. You’re not even sure why you’re there, but her audacity is outrageous. "Whatever makes you feel good about yourself," you reply.
"Well, I can’t help being confident," she retorts with a playful tilt of her head. "How could I not be when a pretty girl watches me every day?" Heat rushes to your cheeks, and you look down to hide your reaction.
"No more comebacks?" she teases, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Did I make you blush, pretty girl?"
You take a moment to compose yourself before replying, "That’s not confidence. That’s arrogance. Do you flirt like this with all the girls who buy from you?"
"Only if they're pretty," she chuckles, a playful smile spreading across her face.
You pause, uncertain, and say, "Just let me know if you need me to leave. I don’t want to disrupt your creative flow or anything."
"No, it’s fine. You can stay and watch," she responds, turning back to her easel. A wave of relief washes over you, but Ellie hears your exhale and glances back, choosing not to comment. Instead, she immerses herself in her work, the air thick with an unspoken connection.
"Can I ask you a question?" you break the silence.
"Yeah, sure," she replies, her eyes fixed intently on her canvas. She’s deeply focused, capturing the essence of the streets around her.
"Why do you paint around here? I haven't seen you at all until a few days ago," you ask, curiosity getting the better of you.
She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, reaching into the bag beside her for her paints. "I just moved nearby. I’m only doing this as a sideline," she explains as she begins to add color to the canvas. "I run a business close by, but they don’t really need me much."
You didn’t expect that answer, so you quickly pile on another question. "Is your name Ellie?"
She turns to face you, a playful smirk on her lips. "Yeah, how’d you know? I was only kidding, but are you really my stalker?"
She already knows the answer is no, likely because you saw her signature on the artwork, but she enjoys teasing you and watching your reaction.
"No!” you jolt up, heat rising to your cheeks. “I—I just saw your sign on the painting I bought a few days ago…” You scratch the back of your neck, feeling embarrassed.
“Chill, princess, I was kidding,” she replies with a playful grin, clearly enjoying your reaction.
You let out a nervous laugh, relief washing over you. “Right, of course. Just trying to keep up with you, I guess.”
Ellie chuckles and returns her focus to her canvas, adding delicate strokes of color. “Well, if you’re going to keep watching me, you might as well learn something. What do you think of my technique?”
You hesitate, taking a moment to observe the way she blends the colors. “It’s really impressive. I never thought I’d be so fascinated by someone painting.”
She glances back at you, a playful spark in her eyes. “Fascinated by my talent or my charm?”
You smirk, feeling a rush of confidence. “A bit of both, I suppose. But don’t let it get to your head.”
She laughs, her smile infectious. “Too late for that! I thrive on flattery. But seriously, if you want to learn more, I can show you some techniques. You might just surprise yourself.”
You blink in surprise, caught off guard by her offer. “You’d teach me?”
“Of course! But only if you promise to stop lurking like a lost puppy,” she teases, winking at you.
“Deal,” you say, a grin spreading across your face as you settle in to watch her work, your excitement growing at the thought of learning from her.
“Wait, you don’t need me to pay you or anything, right?” you ask, suddenly concerned.
She rubs her chin in mock contemplation, a playful smile creeping across her face. “How about… I take you out? How’s that for your payment?”
You blink in surprise, your heart racing at the suggestion. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely,” she replies, a glint of mischief in her eyes. “Consider it a thank-you for keeping me company and for being my first unofficial art student.”
You can’t help but grin. “I’d definitely take you up on that. Where are we going?”
Ellie shrugs, feigning nonchalance. “I don’t know yet. We could hit up that new café down the street, or I could show you the best taco stand in the area. What are you in the mood for?”
You think for a moment, your mind racing with possibilities. “I’m always up for tacos. But I’m also down for anything that involves food and good conversation.”
“Perfect! Tacos it is then,” she declares, clearly pleased with the choice.
She stands up and dusts herself off, and you quickly step in to help her clean up her supplies. You gather her paint tubes and brushes, making sure everything is neatly packed away.
﹒✿﹒
When you reach the taco stand, the scent of spices fills the air, and you both dive into the experience, trying different flavors and swapping bites of each other’s orders. “Okay, this is definitely the best taco I’ve ever had,” you admit, savoring the blend of flavors.
“I told you! This place is a hidden gem,” Ellie beams, clearly proud of her choice.
As you enjoy the food and the warmth of her company, you realize this spontaneous outing feels less like a casual dinner and more like the start of something special. The laughter, the teasing, and the easy flow of conversation make you feel at ease. You can’t shake the feeling that this is just the beginning of a deeper connection—both as friends and something more.
You stare into her eyes, your gaze briefly darting to her lips. She notices and smirks, a playful challenge flickering in her expression.
You feel a rush of heat flood your cheeks, a silent acknowledgment of the moment hanging between you. For a heartbeat, the world around you fades, and it feels as if time has slowed down.
“Are you just going to stare, or are you going to say something?” she teases, tilting her head slightly, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
You clear your throat, scrambling to regain your composure. “I, uh… I was just thinking how focused you are when you paint,” you stammer, trying to redirect the conversation. “It’s really impressive.”
She laughs softly, the sound warm and inviting. “You’re smooth, I’ll give you that. But I’d prefer honesty over flattery any day.”
“Alright, then,” you say, gathering your courage. “I was also thinking about how… captivating you are.”
The playful glint in her eyes shifts to something softer, and the air between you feels charged with potential. “Well, I appreciate that. It’s nice to be seen beyond just the art, you know?”
“Absolutely,” you reply, your heart racing.
She steps a little closer, the distance between you narrowing. “Maybe you’ll get to know me better if you keep coming back,” she says, her voice low and inviting
The challenge lingers in the air, and you can’t help but smile, knowing that this connection is only just beginning.
End ﹒✿﹒
a/n : okayyy that's it for now y'all. I wrote this at like 11:30pm and i just couldn't sleep. I will be posting the 2nd part soon!
#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#ellie tlou#lesbian#the last of us#ellie tlou2#tlou2#tlou#tlou fanfiction#abby anderson#dina tlou#abby tlou#abby the last of us#the last of us 2#fanfic#x reader#ellie x you#ellie x female reader#wlw post#wlw#wlw sfw
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(Forgot to post again)
A birthday present for a friend :)
#fanart#sketch#my art#artists on tumblr#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat odile#isat mirabelle#mirabelle#odile#siffrin#isat spoilers#Kinda!#I've actually never checked the room needed for that dialogue#I think?#But I know it exists!#And I wanted to leave some not so noticeable spoilers littered on the sketch without exactly spoiling anything#Mirabelle holds some random book I thought of that would have horror but also some romance in there#Whatever book she meant in that one dialogue#Siffrin is just a curious bean#Because wow the horrors#Odile is just chilling#Basically it's like set in post-Act 6 but I didn't want to spoil TOO much so the hat stayed#Maybe it's a new hat#Posing isatober thing didn't work out so have this little thing instead#I still think over what did some random guy find in that sketch#First normal Odile sketch! Took me long enough#it's 2 am
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discussion 🗣️
#my art#artists on tumblr#qv art#quinncent#oc: quinn lacey#oc: vincent craft#vincent baby I would listen to you yap all day long !!!#pls tell me all about the tactics for engaging the luftwaffe#no actually please tell me I need to know 📝#literally finished this piece 30 mins before I have to leave for a flight---hasta la vista 🧳✈️
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woa, whats they sayings?
(textless below)
#hehehehe#Xael#oc art#furry artist#furry art#furry#sfw furry#safe fur work#pixel art#pixelart#cat furry#digital art#ill post the translation page at some point >wo#(totally havent posted it cuz its old and absolutely disgusting and i need to fix it up#nooohohoho)#actually#it might be one of those things were i dont post it for a long time#leave yall to try to translate on your own#(not sure how possible that is tho lmao)
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so when building the Racer family home in TS2, I keep coming back to the fact that I have no idea where the bedrooms (besides Speed's) are supposed to go, and this has been an issue! so I uhh. did something.
I broke down and requested a cameo vid from Paulie Litt (who played Spritle in Speed Racer), asking him if he knew where the bedrooms were supposed to be. xD
but ofc I figured there's a chance he wouldn't! I mean, I knew the set probably didn't connect in a way that showed where Spritle's room was, and even if it did, he was...thirteen? I think? when that movie was filmed? so there's no guarantee he'd even remember.
but still! I figured I'd try, so here's the message I sent with the request:
I'm making a model of the Racer house, and I can't figure out where the bedrooms are. Do you happen to remember how the house set layout worked? If not, alt question: was Spritle flipping off Royalton improv'd by you? (bc it's not in the script.) ty!
(it's really hard to write things and stick within the 250 character limit)
and today, the request was fulfilled! so here's this!
(tl;dw - he didn't know anything else about the layout of the house because the set didn't go that far, but he did tell the story about how the Wachowskis directed him to flip off Royalton!)
so even though I didn't gain any new knowledge about the Racer house, I did learn something else! and it's great that it was the Wachowskis who (last-minute) told him to flip off Royalton xD
#personal#paulie litt#speed racer#speed racer (2008)#the wachowskis#now if only emile hirsch had a cameo so I could ask him if ''get that weak shit off my track'' was improv or not :P#like on the one hand the wachowskis are very artistic and controlled about their movies#on the other hand I feel like if Emile just said that and they liked it they'd leave it in#anyway I need like. concept art or something for that house. I want to know where the rooms are!#not that the layout makes sense as it is in the movie#the exterior shots of the house from the road are mirrored from what the house layout actually is#which is fine!#but it's all fascinating to me#what a cool house#what a great movie!
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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did she specifically make 34 versions of TTPD because shes 34 years old
#barry.txt#taylor swift#also to make money and keep her char position long term obviously but she can never just make money it has to be some numerology bullshit#what a swiftian concept#her relationship to capital and product as an aspect to her art is endlessly interesting to me#also how she sells every album like its gonna be the last one before everyone gets sick of her and her career ends forever#she sells like its the end of the world. mulling. whatever#if she drops another fucking varant then this post means nothing#this is maybe the most interesting headspace that taylor has ever been in during an album cycle and i hope it gets less interesting soon bc#honestly i am a little worried for her#and also a little sick of her shit. She needs to get out of the eras tour/career second wind bubble that shes been in for like 3 years now#im glad that leaving bmr means shes not trapped in the strict 2 year album to tour cycle that she was in technically until rep#but actually until the pandemic forced her to stop bc rep was 2017 tour was 2018 and lover was 2019 w loverfest being 2020#but i hope she knows that that doesnt just mean dropping multiple projects a year but also...not dropping anything for a bit#chilling...taking a breath...mb honing her directing skills on other artists MVs or short films before diving into a full feature projects#working on stuff and not releasing it. writing for other people. Enjoying a beautiful sunset etc#i just want her to enjoy life when she isnt charting#i always make a very simple post and then go crazy in the tags like this could just also be a post. alas
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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~please click for better quality I'm actually proud of the details for once~
@oc-tober2023 's day6: prison ft. Rouge
Everytime I close my eyes, my mind thinks I'm back in that prison again, blind, mute, wounded and slowly starving to death. Back then I didn't care for any of that, only that my son was with that man, I didn't expect him to hold out on his own, and I certainly didn't expect him to save me. What can I say, children are full of surprises. I still worry sometimes.. that something happened that he didn't tell me about... it keeps me up when the sun is bright.
~ // Rouge
#my art#art#artists on tumblr#oc#my oc#rouge#this is the first time rouge was one to actually leave the note#dw he will get much more talkative after this#oc art#oc artist#oc artwork#watercolor art#watercolor painting#tw blood#tw bruises#cw blood#cw bruises#if i need to add a warning for anything else please tell md
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Hello, followers.
In front of you is a masterpost made by my husband, it was weeks of work and organising alongside a huge effort and determination to assist Argentinian artists.
You have one button to press, if you choose to press it you can stay but if you refrain i will slowly start filling the room with gas blocking you all.
You understand that i do not need to let you stay here as this was never a space for you.
I am so proud of him and the efforts he has put in and it takes only a moment for you to spread that, this is not only for him but an entire group of artists and creatives who deserve recognition and visibility. I know you see the post, i get notes as you scroll through liking posts meant to be shared with my husband.
You have 48 hours or until i get annoyed enough.
#i need you to understand im genuinely upset#because i dont need to let you be here#over the last few weeks ive gotten to know the artists in the post itself too#and theyre all lovely and brilliant ppl#i even commissioned one myself#wild i know#paying artists#suppourting people#heres the thing im my bfs biggest fan#i will hype the hell out of him#and he is doing some rly sick art#he deserves more than to be ignored on a blog for him#fr i have seen like 3-5 of you reblog that masterpost#and i am so grateful#the other 140 of you?#do better#or get blocked <3#cause its been months#and this is fucking ridiculous#ACTUALLY YOU IGNORE HIS ART THAT I PUT ON HERE TOO ASSHOLES#ITS NOT THERE FOR HIM TO SEE HE FUCKING MADE IT#its a small ask#its almost nothing#a tax#if this is so hard for you to read then go follow the ppl i reblog from#and leave me the fuck alone
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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gnashing my teeth. if I could wrangle my brain + hand into working right that would be superb
#Mouse talks!#a couple old pieces are gaining traction on the art blog again and I'm like. PLEASE I CAN DO BETTER.#and then I try to draw and I go ...dear lord what if I can't do better. I'm a HACK#(normal part of the artistic growth process BUT I DO HATE IT)#need to draw something good to present to the people. they're not even leaving tags#so I feel like I'm just sweating in the center of the stage while a bunch of people silently pass around something from a few years ago.#telling myself the prompts I'm working on actually do look fine I'm just rattling around in my own skull!!
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like yeah dude it’s really cool that you used AI to complete an art piece that was purposefully left unfinished because the artist was dying of AIDS as the government ignored the mass loss of life and health. all you really did was show that technology can bring an art piece into the modern age but why? why do we need to do that? what does it say about us if we feel that a piece needs to be ‘completed’? how are we viewing completion?? can seeing an ai generated “completion” of unfinished have the same effect of seeing the parts haring left blank and the parts where the art drips into the blank? does it aid the narrative of it in any way? can AI understand the levels at which artists used their pieces about AIDS as a form of protest? of begging to be seen? how can it when an AI’s concept of ‘completing’ the piece is just guesswork of what the colours and shapes would look like to match what haring made which is nowhere near the same level of intention that came from him? you said you ‘completed’ the piece with ai because his story is so sad but does that mean we should try to rectify sadness by getting rid of the representation of it? should we not continue to sit in the sadness and discomfort that unfinished and other AIDS inspired art asks us to do because those feelings are only a fraction of what the people who died and lost felt, is that not the least we can do for them? and what good does any of this actually do when we can use technology to ‘complete’ a purposefully unfinished art piece about an artist’s untimely death from AIDS but we can never bring keith haring or any other person who died of AIDS back to life? where does haring, the person whose illness and death lives in those blanks, come into your self fulfilling ai generated completion of his work?
#like I don’t feel anything when I see it because I don’t see the depth of a man processing his own untimely death#I saw someone say this proves AI can be transgressive and like ai has nothing to do with the potential of completing a piece like that#it didn’t make any choices with significance it just filled in the blanks in a very mechanical way#blanks that haring had to think about leaving blank and what that would mean#you could have achieved that with like. human artists and in that way you could have the piece be more intentionally connected#to the original and it’s artist#you know I’m actually not even an ai isn’t real art person#because I think it gets counterproductive to draw thick lines between what is and what isn’t art#and I think elements of ai could be developed in a harmless way#but ai art as it popularly exists currently IS harmful to most artists#and just people in general#it doesn’t matter whether it’s art or not what matters is the impact it’s having#and there are a lot of bad impacts#this one isn’t the worst I just think it’s an example of how stupid people are with ai art and like#how a lot of peoples defence of ai art actually misses the point of art#because they see it in a technical skill mechanical way#it says SOOOO much that people thought this piece needed to be ‘#’completed’ and that filling in the blank would aid the message#and assumed that the blank parts didn’t hold the same if not more artistic weight#sorry for posting about discourse I saw on twitter do you still think I’m hot
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this month marks 10 years since i started digital art so i decided to do a little redraw ^^
open for better quality | no reposts
#original character#oc art#myart#doodle#her name is aspen!#'she looks like m.iku' yeah that's bc i was unoriginal as a kid ok leave me alone#gave her a little redesign too bc i think she needs it ^^;;#if you see the original art somewhere else kindly pretend you didn't#my really really old digital art is still floating around online but we don't talk about that#don't want to be so bold as to offer advice bc i've never actually considered quitting art but-#if you ever feel discouraged that you aren't making progress i think if you stick to it and try new things you will see results in time#the original drawing only looks alright bc before that i had already been drawing for years and gotten somewhat of a grasp on figures#but i promise every artist started drawing the little stick figures or blocky ppl. me included#but those drawings stay between me and my family they are never seeing the light of day tyvm
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Reasons I'll like but not reblog an artist's art:
1. I am, it's just in a queue
2. It's art I really like, I just don't want it on my blog (which is just an archive for posts I want to go back and look at later)
3. It's something I like but don't really understand the context of like a fandom I'm unfamiliar with or OCs and don't want to reblog because it makes tagging difficult which messes up my organization
4. It would go on a blog (either main or side) where I have no followers and don't have the blog TO gain followers or communicate with and it literally would not spread to anyone for that reason
5. I've been on this site for 8 years and even then have memory issues and use likes as a way to mark what posts I have and haven't already seen/reblogged
6. And the one you want to hear the least: yeah. Sometimes art is nice enough for a like but not a reblog. It's called preferences. It's not a matter of technical skill or effort put into the piece or fandom they're not in or whatever. Sometimes you just don't vibe with something that much. That is NORMAL. A like and no reblog there shows, at least for me, "hey I can appreciate the concept behind it/technical skill/etc" but I won't reblog because for some other reason I just don't like it enough to have it on my blog. If the idea that not everyone will like your art enough to show it around to your friends is that big of a blow to your ego then you need to stop posting it because that is EXTREMELY unhealthy. It does you no good and only serves to ruin your relationship with your art. Stop
I have had it with this likescolding. “Tumblr doesn’t have an algorithm so likes don’t actually do anything” motherfucker I am not clicking that heart to give some post better ~algorithmic visibility~ I am clicking that heart to help my internet friend microdose on serotonin as god fucking intended
#saying this on a blog where i specifically have tried to let go on tagging things and dont comment on stuff#but this is how ive operated for the past 8 years#if an artist says reblogs > likes even if it's something i really like i wont actually click like#if you want to beg for less engagement thats on you. i wont engage then lol#some of the above reasons other than 'i just don't like it that much' i will leave replies on the art complimenting it like#i support artists#but this mindset you've all got is deeply unhealthy lmaooo#and the whole argument of 'but spreading my art gets people to commission me etc etc' is a big ol conversation about capitalism#and forced monetization of everything to determine it's value#but to cut all that short: if you're trying to survive off of commissions only and you're struggling to get an audience#the solution is to cater to an audience. that's it. yeah you'll probably lose a lot of passion and shit in the process which sucks but if#your complaint is a lack of engagement because you absolutely desperately need commission money#find a group of people and give them what they want. if its about surviving then SURVIVE#just posting your ocs or landscapes often wont do that on tumblr#not unless you're really lucky#all this is assuming you've got a style people find interesting etc etc#basically the reality is you're better off changing yourself than unreasonably asking other people to change in that situation#if you want customers you have to work to get them#(all that is directed specifically at people who dont just want attention and use the argument they need commission money)#not even covering a past reason i would like and not reblog: being raised in a cult and having queer art on my blog being a fight to not get#sent to conversion therapy
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5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
don’t give up yet, ok?
It could get good, even.
#troglodyte thoughts#tales from Real Life#cw addiction#cw alcohol#sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train#run#fight#hide#SURVIVE#do not go into the light#there are unpet dogs#and unhugged children#and unseen sunsets#and maybe even love#even for a wretch like me#the best part of your life might be old age#you don’t know
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