#i miss when we were a family
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#i feel so sick#i miss when we were a family#i miss Excalibur#Iām literally crying and fake yawning after so my niece just thinks Iām tired#my chest feels sick and hurts#i just wanna roll over and fall asleep but my niece is awake#and I gotta do something with my half eaten dinner or my sister will get mad#Iām tired I donāt think Iām taking the energy to care anymore#everything feels hopeless#all I can think about is how badly I want to die#i wish I was dead#my sister never answered my text#my dad never answered my texts#my heart keeps panging and shooting#i donāt think Iām made for this world#i keep fucking up#i canāt blank out right now#but it keeps happening#i keep zoning out but I canāt do that around Able#i canāt even breathe or finish my sentences#my niece is here I canāt fucking do this rn#i canāt breathe#Iām such a fuck up im such a fuck yo Iām such a fuck up#i canāt think clearly Iām freaking out#feels like Iām gonna die if I have to spend one more minute talking#Iām tired#i wanna die so bad Iām so fucking useless#fuckā¦.#i give up
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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophieās background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps theyāre all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.
#leverageposting#leverage#sophie devereaux#particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school#or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think#sheās dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks#sheās dead too. like. astrid wasnāt the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself#as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund#her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. thatās#bc of a single vague sentence on john rogersā blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random#hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that sheās trans which iāve seen a few times#in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. heās never asked.#she is here now and thatās all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer#enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth#name bc itās not Her anymoreā¦ she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. sheās so much more than whatever happened.#lvg
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Thinking about how Pomme is q!Antoines only child. Baghera has Dapper and Tilin, Etoiles has Dapper and Pepito, Aypierre has Richas, Bad has Dapper, but Pomme is his. He's a half crazed past scientist and possible god but he is also a father to one child and one alone. That is how much space in is his heart. And what experiments did he even do? Why does the Federation consider them a failure? Was it his "failed" research that was an overture for the eggs? What about Baghera? Was she created before or after his work? Did he know? And what about Aypierre? They were watching Pierre for years, did he know then? How long has this gone on? How long does the betrayal backlog? How long has Pomme been an only child? In the Watchful Scribes library at The End of The World there is no place for her.
(this post is brought to you by this clip that still drives me crazy to this day.)
#sorry just thinking about how robbed we were#āgive it back pommeā q!antoine i am going to hunt you for sport#i miss the french family these guys were so crazy#like wtf do you mean Antoine was a main scientist in the Fed and when pierre was having āstrange dreamsā#Antoine is the one he went to#I need one last livestream with Baghera and Antoine so she can guess the plot perfectly like she did that one time#when she said maybe there was something in the nether the feds were trying to control and antoine got really tense suddenly#call him out queen#him calling aypierre a āA true wily old foxā BRO WHAT#qsmp#q!pomme#q!antoine#q!aypierre#q!baghera
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actually its kind of crazy how little we actually see the starblaster crew interact with each other. like other than tres horny boys and each of the pairs in that trio, and like, arguably lucretia and thb, barry and lup, and lup and taako, most of the relationships between the crew are only a few lines, if anything? like obviously in-universe they're all really close and griffin says that (time enough to grow indescribably close), but there's a lot we don't see. like, taako & barry, for example, have a handful of moments, lines we can point to that show they are really close (you're my family, taako, can i speak frankly?), but as far as actual screentime, there's really very little.
and even those i mentioned before, like, lup has more screentime with barry and taako than with anyone else, there's the whole little legato monologue about her and barry's relationship and she has (comparatively) a lot of scenes with taako, but also, as a character, she's only around for maybe a sixth of the show, so there's just not a lot of time to work with?
and that's not to mention the relationships we can figure were probably present in-universe, but literally never see, like lup & davenport. and on that note, i actually can't think of any other pairs who don't interact at least once, but still, very rarely. like now i'm considering davenport & barry. who we hardly see but there is the fact that barry cast command on him to drink the ichor. it's one line in the show and the implications are never really mentioned but there's a lot of significance to be wrung out of this one tiny interaction. barry condemns lucretia's methods of stealing agency from their family in the service of the greater good, but when he thinks it's best for davenport, does the same on a smaller scale? barry doesn't have the time to try to convince him to drink, he needs davenport back to himself now, because davenport is someone dependable, a leader, someone who barry knows will be capable and decisive and relieve him of the responsibility he's been shouldering by himself? that barry knows davenport won't begrudge his use of the spell, because he'll see it as pragmatic, necessary, assistance, and forgive him for it? none of that is necessarily supported in canon but it can be extrapolated from, again, kind of a throwaway line.
the non-thb crew have presence and are important to the narrative, but most of that comes from thematic significance rather than them as individuals, you know? we hardly see lup and barry and davenport (maybe arguably lucretia too, though we see more of her than them), but we see the echoes of their decisions and their goals and their love for the rest of their family and the way they shape the story.
but actually, even that's not entirely accurate, because as significant as they are in that way, their presence isn't only due to that, they're full characters too. they have personalities and depth and connection, they're not only plot devices. like, maybe griffin needed to explain why lup was missing, and that's why she became a lich, and her needing to be a lich is why she and barry had their romance, but also, if that were all there was to it, the legato monologue wouldn't exist, the best day ever wouldn't exist. those are scenes designed to build lup as a character through her connections to other characters and to the central themes of balance, not to fix plot holes. it's just that all of that character building takes place in a pretty small fraction of the show compared to tres horny boys, who have the entire thing. idk its interesting and impressive how some of the deepest characters and most profound relationships were developed in a very short amount of time
#mine#balance#taz#taz balance#analysis#and by profound relationships i DO mean the twins its still crazy to me that the mcelroys were able to make that work#introduce a new character who is absolutely fundamental to another established character's identity and have it make sense and feel right#in just the way that getting memories of lup back feels right to taako. like everything's slotted into place. like she was always there.#like we were missing her the whole time and didn't even know it. just like he was#but of course i also mean the whole crew together all seven birds#in a similar way. it just feels right that they're all together. it just feels right that they're a family.#when we find out it all feels like it was true the whole time#even when we don't see all the details of it the foundation is there. so when griffin says it's true we don't doubt it#anyway. all that to say. its funny how convinced griffin is at first that he'll be a terrible dm when he's actually a very good storyteller
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~ A Night in the Life of a Bat in Gotham
This is such a cute short story! The bat following Batman around, copying him, and being a detective with him! Bruce caring about stopping animal abuse and trafficking! Bruce saying that the bats of Gotham aren't his pets, they are their family! And he knows each one of them! I didn't know I needed Bruce gently holding a bat and calling it "my hero" until now, it's fucking adorable!
And the whole thing is a metaphor about the Batfam! About how they cannot be kept in captivity, how their falily is important and they need it, but each of them comes and goes as they wish and they respect it, and each have their own story to tell.
#bruce wayne#batman#batfam#dick grayson#damian wayne#barbara gordon#nightwing#robin#batgirl#dc comics#my ramblings#also a nice reminder that Bruce was going to marry into an eco-terrorist family of course animal rights matter to him#I want to see Bruce calling bats his family in front of the JL that don't know his secret identity#they would immediately go āso you are a bat that mutated into a humanoid form? or you were raise by bats? right?#Bruce presenting the bats to the JL members who came to the cave:#These are my ladies. This is Jill. This is my lady Amy. Little Suzy. Brianna. You know why we call her Brianna? It's a long story.#Shaniqua. Helga. Miss Kitty. Ginny I dream of her. Theresa. This is Theresa right here.#Is he serious? Is he fucking with them? Both#Tumblr fuck up my tag the first time wtf? Like they were all in order when I put it in queue and they were chaos once posted
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Ok. I have listened to the people. I have watched the thing. It is very wholesome.
Kazu comes home. He is hopeless and tipsy. And he swings between excited and wasted.
#I am SICK of Miriās voice ngl#I know kids are loud. And make a mess of EVERYthing. Thatās why i stay away.#But for Kazurei ; I made it to the end#They are precious#Rei is so cute I love this guy#He has 0 human skill and still is effortlessly hilarious and a little cutie šš#i wish we had more of their relationship bc they have sth really special#They never question their trust in each other like it never crosses their mind. They disagree almost all the time but they never part#Itās more natural than breathing. Theyāre always saying stuff like Ā«Ā itās not fit to involve other people in our way of lifeĀ Ā»#itās not even an option to live apart. They clearly will spend all their lives together#Except that scene itās so weird when Kazu says Ā«Ā hum with Miri gone we donāt have a reason to live together anymoreĀ Ā» lol man#Not as if you guys were already joined at the hip before meeting her. But I get the Ā«the family life changed us now sthās missing#and it feels incompleteĀ Ā». But still guys. You are soul mates.#Also the Ā«Ā of course he comes with me. Heās my partner.Ā Ā» line šš#even if at some point they meant to part ways ; really they canāt be separated.#kazurei#No homo daddies#Buddy daddies#kazuki x rei#Domestic gays
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Jung Yeseoš„ŗš«¶š¤
#twsb#when the third wheel strikes back#ģėø ėØģ£¼ź° ķģ
ķė©“ ģźø°ė ģ¼#ģėØķģ
#jung yeseo#jesse venetiaan#(not rly but just covering all my bases)#my art#spent all day working on this on and off on my phone and now im sleepy#drew him w his webnovel hairš„ŗ i miss it i wish they didnt change it for the webtoon#if they kept his comma bangs w the webtoons artstyle he wouldve been too powerful and everyone would perish tho i get it...#they had to nerf him...š to preserve his just some guy energy KFJJD#i like the comma bangs tho bc it makes him look more diff from jesse venetiaan.. and also kim dokja fkdn#also wanted to draw his oversize cardigan w the moe sleeves... hehe#sidenote my mutual informed me earlier before drawing this that the jung family including yeseo r canonically attractive????#to the extent that yeseo was scouted to be an idol several times in hs????? WHAT#and this info hit me like a truck... like WHAT . i thought we were all drawing him pretty out of love and delusion--#SCOUTED TO BE AN IDOL... (and apparently he turned them all down bc it was assumed to be a scam fmfndnd)
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Yes my brother is an annoying little brat. But touch him and you're dead.
#I miss him so bad after seeing that post#I remember how I'd confront the kids who used to mess with him when we were kids#I love him#girl talk#desiblr#desi tumblr#desi teen#desi shit posting#spilled thoughts#siblings#little brother#family#kids#childhood
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if angel was raised on pandora it means that she and jack lived as residential settlers during dahls occupation. grogmouth likely worked for the flynts who, being a high status family at the time, in turn worked for dahl. baron flynt was the warden of thor, a dahl mining rig that doubled as a prison. the companys sole interest in pandora to begin with was to extract eridium and find alien relics, so a siren would be a priceless bargaining chip for their efforts. all of this to say its very possible that the flynts were the ones who sent out the order for angel to be kidnapped.
#borderlands#bandit rewrite#angel borderlands#grogmouth#handsome jack#baron flynt#i also doubt that the flynt family was technically a ābandit clanā at the time. more likely they were locals who had political power.#and were able to quickly fill the gap in leadership once dahl ran off. most bandit clans werent really a thing until then. there was crime.#but there was also a lot more law and a different way of doing things. baron being warden especially gave him a lot of chances to harm.#even if he had the support of the prisoners that were freed he still that maintained authority over them.#^ still obsessed with a character who died 15 years ago.#all we really know about the flynts is that their power is generational but we dont know their parents.#hell we're missing one of the 4 siblings we do have and the only named heir between them is sparky.#there is the possibility that grogmouth was working alone but ehhhh. no one ever Works Alone on pandora. theres always a boss.#always someone else. some random bastard with a few stolen turrets isnt going to have a way to contact dahls corporate overlords.#the flynts would though. and that power kept them in atlas good graces when they took over the planet. why else would steele defend them?
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it š«¶ or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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"[Elizabeth Woodville] was the only member of [Crown Prince Edward of Westminster's] original 1471 council not already on the kingās council and her name headed the list of those appointed as administrators in Wales during Edwardās minority. [She remained on the council after it was expanded in 1473 and granted significant new governing and judicial powers]."
"In 1478 Prince Richard [of Shrewsbury] married the Mowbray heiress. Like his elder brother he had a chancellor, seal, household and council to manage his estates. His council, like that of Prince Edward, comprised the queen [Elizabeth Woodville] and a group of magnates and bishops, few of whom were Woodville supporters [...] It was Elizabeth who mattered, for Richard resided with her and Rivers treated his affairs as their own."
-J.L. Laynesmith, The Last Medieval Queens: English Queenship 1445-1503 / Michael Hicks, Richard III and his Rivals: Magnates and their Motives in the Wars of the Roses
#goodšš» for šš» her#historicwomendaily#elizabeth woodville#15th century#english history#princes in the tower#my post#Reminder that these sort of additional official positions in governance were very unusual (unprecedented) for late medieval English queens#Elizabeth's formal appointment in royal councils (+ authority over her sons) should not be ignored or downplayed in the slightest bit#It should instead be considered one of the most defining aspects of her queenship that spanned over a decade and lasted right till the end#& should also be highlighted as one of the most vital topics of discussion when it comes to broader queenly power in late medieval England#I think it also says a lot about Elizabeth's relationship to Edward IV and the regard he seems to have had for her capabilities#'The only member of the original 1471 council not already on the kingās council' that speaks VOLUMES. Once again: good for her.#It's also really frustrating how some historians (Katherine J. Lewis; AJ Pollard; Laynesmith etc) have incredibly lopsided perspectives on#Elizabeth that fundamentally *do not work* when you remember these actual facts and what they reveal about her power and influence#I'm also still baffled at Lynda Pidgeon's claim that 'Elizabeth's influence with Edward IV was less than with family members who were#part of the king's council or that of her son Edward prince of Wales'. Like???????#First of all - we *already know* that Elizabeth had the most personal influence with Edward and was the one he trusted the most#The case in 1480 & his own will in 1475 (where he referred to her as the one 'in whom we most singularly place our trust') make both clear#Second of all - ELIZABETH WAS LITERALLY ON HER SONS' COUNCILS HERSELF. HER NAME HEADED THE GODDAMN LIST. How have you missed this????????#It's actually bizarre because it completely ignores the fact that 1) Late medieval queens *weren't* generally given positions like this?#If we accept Pidgeon's (false) interpretation we have to claim that NONE of them were influential at all#Which I'm pretty sure nobody agrees with? So why have I seen people agreeing with Pidgeon's FALSE take on Elizabeth based on that lmfao?#2) Elizabeth WAS in fact given such positions. She genuinely was given unusual authority and was an Exceptionā¢ rather than the rule#Forget emphasizing her atypical role - Pidgeon has outright erased it in an effort to diminish her#She does the same thing when talking about Elizabeth's role after Edward IV's death and it's equally ridiculous and incorrect#There's stupidity and then there's willful misreading & rewriting of history according to your own imagination. This fits the latter
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actually while I'm thinking about All The Ways School Wrongs You. fuck the whole seven classes shit they make you do in like what. middle school?. do you know how many times i cried bc I couldn't find a room number. how many nightmares i had about that same scenario
#i was one of them low income families so i got free lunch āļø fucking hated having to run to the cafeteria so i had a chance to eat at all#bc my class before it was too far away for me to just Walk#& then in highschool when it was just four classes it was the same shit. a lot of panicking &crying every quarter when we got new schedules#STILL had nightmares abt not being able to find my classes#only saving grace schedule wise was theatre class it was right next to the cafeteria and turned out to be very fun#only other saving grace everithing-else wise was that my friends were there i miss them i wish we could hang out again#words from the monarch
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i miss filipino lance and vietnamese keith :(
#mostly i miss when we were allowed to have headcanons without people losing their shit#but i miss them especially#i also miss when lances family was speculative it was way more fun
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I know I'm totes missing something about Vax and his whole deal (I haven't watched the original campaign & I'm like half way through LoVM)
But I thought the implication of Keyleth having a perch for the ravens was that those ravens ARE Vax? I have been thinking this entire time Keyleth hasn't gotten over Vax because he was actively visiting her. But the only way he could get away and see her is to be a raven.
Idk this shit sucks I hope this night lasts forever
#silver sending stones#cr spoilers#cr keyleth#vax'ildan#vaxleth#i feel like i did when watching that one episode of rwby where oz tells the kids he turned the branwens into birds#im just sitting here like āwait we didnt know that??ā#and its the same thing like āwait were those birds not vax?ā#ALSO (again i know im missing something) him not knowing about his nieces and nephews fucking sucks#like i dont know how to function with vox machina. because it all fucking sucks.#it hurts so bad and we're 30 years in the future and it still fucking sucks.#and like. i find it interesting that matt brought essiks brother up#hot boi who lives hella long also#kiki maybe you should look into that#and someone said that its only been like 3 years for Keyleth mentally because of how she ages.#so no wonders shes like this.#no wonder shes still hurt#so from what ive gathered i think vax's whole deal is that the matron severed all his emotional ties to his friends and family#hes a little numb to it all. the world.#im sure its more complicated than that and im making this post to be told āwhat the fuck is up with thatā#idk this sucks give me a happy ending challenge
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Saw a post abt the Sonic movies that was like "plz filter negativity posts better" which is GOOD AND TRUE you should be doing that. Ok. But then they kept going to imply that the criticisms of the Sonic movies are all entirely Personal and Ignorable and not like. Usually abt the horrific copaganda, misogynistic writing, and Paramount's disgusting zionism.... Guys a lot of ppls problem w the Knuckles show wasn't JUST a bastardization of Knuckles' character or thinking Wade was annoying or whatever, but like was focused on the grotesque Zionist message from that one episode ššš you can enjoy something and still recognize that it has intrinsic and huge glaring flaws and talk abt them. I think actually you Should be speaking up abt the misogyny, zionism and propaganda the SCU supports and discusses, ESPECIALLY if you like the movies! Its important to be able to recognize these things in media and admit that even media you personally enjoy can be deeply problematic, instead of hiding it away and pretending those HUGE FLAWS aren't issues actually....
#scu neg#sonic movie negative#do you guys even have a specific single tag? genuine question#scu negative#like bro you just had to say 'plz tag negativity posts better :(' you didnt have to go on a tangent abt how sonic wachowski is a perfect#little angel ...#and writing off criticism abt the movie as 'personal issues' is also just. Mean. undermining ppls genuine investment in the characters#shadow means a lot to me. his storyline js extremely powerful. ofc im disappointed they fucked it up. thats personal but it has real world#consequence. taking a character whos entire plotline is driven by an anti-militant message and who is a genuine and powerful representative#of PTSD in media and making him. Whatever He Is Now is Bad Actually. even if you think thats just a personal take it still has Real Effects#and i dont expect the scu to be a masterpiece of art. i take sonic seriously but i understand that im maybe an Exception and also that#perceptions of characters change between literally Everyone. but i think its still fine to say that i dont trust the writers to tell the#story they want to tell. they very clearly Dont understand what made adventure-era sonic so powerful in the first place and thats a valid#take even if it is 'just a personal opinion'#ok sorry for getting heated. as a board-certified PTSD haver shadow the hedgehog is important to me its like i imprinted on him as a child#like. i dont think its a stretch to assume that theyre probably going to make shadow Dull and Lame compared to his old storylines. gerald i#already so fucked up that i honestly have lost all hope this movie will have good writing. and i can Expect good writing becuz this project#is from a huge corporation that can Afford good talent and Chose to do their movies this way instead#and they were like 'you guys cant b mad that the character you like didnt show up!' when the criticism for THAT is that the scu is doing#EVERYTHING in its power to AVOID adding new and substantial female roles to the cast. rouge not being there is a larger issue besides just#Missing Her. we have 3 reoccurring women/girl characters. out of a cast of roughly 13 main characters. cant you see how disgusting that is.#i think its 13 anyway hang on. im counting wade tom sonic tails knuckles shadow eggman gerald those two gun guys. yeah#'but theyre adding another woman character!' yeah.... and shes another military official..... when we coulda had Rouge the Bat???#thats not the win you think it is.........#ig theres sonics owl mom too genuinely forgot abt her tbh#she exists only to b a mom and die tho so she isnt rlly That Great as a woman character either#and maddie exists only to b Sonics Mom and rachel only exists to be the Funny Aunt and jojo only exists to be The Girl Cousin so......#SORRY ESSAY SORRY i feel very passionately abt sonic!!!! especially in this case!!!!!!!#ok well ig maria is there too but shes also just. Uhm. Ok. Look. i love maria robotnik. but she is a Plot Device not a character. sorry#wades family dont count either becuz. well. they suck NO NO NO JUST KIDDING
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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