#i mean mood but also. that's so sad.

[icharchivist]

also yeesh i do keep mentioning it feels weird to go back in my ff7 tags and see so many people i used to talk with a lot or was very familiar with seeing on my dash, and seeing them desactivated or not active for a while, but there's another layer to it to see some of the inactive blogs basically going inactive once they finished playing the remake 4 years ago and were so disappointed with it they just disappeared from the ff7 fandom.

like, yeah fair, but to really see how the exact remake that brought us together when it was announced and kept us talking for half a decade, ended up disappointing so much that so many of us are just gone is just...... so sad.......

[just-null]

Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!

You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!

Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.

This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!

[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]

Sekido

You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him. 

This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?

How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing? 

The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.

They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like. 

Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.

You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them. 

Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?

On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself. 

They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this. 

And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!

The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones. 

He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything. 

The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.

At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead. 

Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.

There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!! 

But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!

Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time. 

Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..

He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason. 

Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.

Karaku

The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!

Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.

Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint! 

Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!

Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know? 

They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.

He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~ 

You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!

Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!

Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.

When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.

You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.

He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it. 

That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~

And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you. 

Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?

There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it. 

The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.

Urogi

If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first. 

You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!

The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun! 

He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..

Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him. 

Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.

There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now.. 

That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones. 

Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way. 

He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.

In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you? 

As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.

Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!! 

You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!

Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt! 

When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!

As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping.. 

His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.

Aizetsu

The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice.. 

But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?

Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?

What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.

Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt. 

When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down. 

Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over. 

This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.

Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.

You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.

He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away. 

Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.

As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did. 

He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.

When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.

Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.

There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.

Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.

Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!

Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.

[fairylando]

i really do admire how lando tries to not give a fuck (that 'whatever' really saddened me so much) but he actually does, and a lot.

guy doesn't even want anything absurd, he just wants the support of his team for the last fucking 4 races but no... let's just get humiliated for one point on international tv💀.

they're really stretching him thin — and i mean it in a emotional and mental wellbeing way. he is obviously inherently selfless and quite literally does not hold self-esteem, but in the last year we've seen him trying to be more sure of himself and trying to be selfish for once. the moment he does that though, he gets accused of being the spawn of satan. and then the team does everything in the world to make it harder for him.

so i really do admire him, because i literally would PERSONALLY leave the sport after this one season.

he's so much stronger than i am.

[sunsetsandsunshine]

HIIII!!! 💖💖💖 Absolutely adoring the fics you’ve been writing recently!! Since requests are open I can’t help but want a part two to the mutant mayhem fic you write with lee Leo ✨ I’d love lee Leo and ler April. Maybe they’re hanging out together and she finally gets to use the info she learned on FaceTime with him! Take all the time you need of course and hope you’re well!

~ 𝙻𝚎𝚘, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚛! 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎…𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 ~

💛💙 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: @veryblushyswitch 💛💙

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙷𝚎𝚢𝚊 𝙱𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚢 🤩🫶🏾!!! 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚎 😭💞💗💖💕! 𝙸’𝚖 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚘𝚗 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚘 𝙸’𝚖 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚐𝚕𝚊𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚛!! 𝙿𝚕𝚞𝚜, 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝙼𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚝𝚠𝚘 ⭐️✨👏🏾!?! 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸’𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛!˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟸,𝟽𝟺𝟷

𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢💙 

𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 👩🏾‍🦱💛

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗…𝚊 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚍.

(𝙰/𝙽: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝙼𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚏𝚒𝚌! 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚜 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 -> https://www.tumblr.com/sunsetsandsunshine/751212539507097600/oh-my-gosh-prompts-i-adore-your-fics-so?source=share

T𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚐𝚜𝚜𝚜𝚜: @shut-up-jo @itzsana-kiddingmenow @saturnzskyzz

@someone1348 @savemeafruitjuice @giggly-cloud

@mistyandsnow @tmntalways @rice-cake-teen10 @titters-and-tingles

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎…𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚃𝙾𝚃𝚃𝙼𝙽𝚃 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚘 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘— 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜, 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢!!!˚*•✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

“Okay…I am so. freaking. lost.” Leo grumbled, putting his cheek on his palm as April sighed dramatically. “I’m gonna explain it to you one more time, Nardo. And if you still don’t get it so help me.” April grabbed the empty shoebox she had in front of her, putting it in between her and the other teen.

“We are doing a biome project for Bio class. And since you wanted to be special and different you decided to choose the hardest one to do: a Tundra.” April said as she raised a brow.

“Sounds like me.” The mutant in blue chuckled. 

The girl with glasses shook her head fondly, “And so, we need to replicate a Tundra biome using a shoebox and just explain what we know about the biome.” 

The slightly taller teen titled his head to the side, squinting his eyes at his best friend, “…That’s it?” 

“What do you mean that’s it?!” The yellow cladded girl basically squawked, “Do I look like someone who know’s a lot about snow?” 

The turtle giggled in amusement, crossing his arms playfully, “We live in Manhattan, Pril. We get, like, 20 to 30 inches of snow most of the time…”

“Just because we get a shit ton of snow every season does not mean I know a lot about it.” 

Leonardo grinned at his friend’s funny comment, going into his backpack and pulling out a bunch of written on notecards. “Then it’s a good thing I wrote down facts about the Tundra when Mr. Fredrickson was going over the different biomes in depth in class.”

April’s eyes widened in both shock and respect, going over to look at the notecards Leo wrote on, “You actually listened when he was doing that?! I fell asleep when he got to the rainforest biome…”

“Prillie…that was literally the first one he went over…” 

“My point still stands.” She shrugged, looking at the notecards in awe. “Dude…you wrote down everything. You have the definition, what animals live there, fun facts and a whole bunch of other stuff!” 

“You even wrote down the different plants and regions that are inside of the biome.” She said in surprise, giving Leo back his notecards, “Oh my god I love you so fucking much. We are going to ace this project.” The human girl said as she went back to the empty shoebox.

The mutant’s eyes widened at her comment, a small blush appearing on his face as he cleared his throat to try and recollect himself, “Y-Yeah u-um I-I love you too…”

“What?” April said genuinely, not hearing what the other said. 

“What?” Leo replied. 

The girl raised a suspicious brow, “You mumbled something, you weirdo.” 

“Me? What? N-No I was j-just…talking to myself!” Leonardo explained, his blush deepening as he fiddled with his fingers, looking absolutely anywhere but the person in front of him. 

April huffed out a laugh, getting her art kit from her desk that was next to her bed, “Whatever you say, you dork.” She chuckled out, sitting on her carpet as she suddenly spray painted the inside of the cardboard box white. 

The turtle mutant covered his mouth, “Don’t you think it would’ve been better if you did that…outside?” 

The girl in glasses pursed her lips together, stopping and nodding slowly, “Yeah…I should’ve. My bad. But…I kinda already started.” She said as she continued to spray paint the box. Leo rolled his eyes, opening the other teen’s door as he started to spray Frebreze everywhere. “Leo…what are you doing?” April asked.

The turtle raised a brow at his friend, “What does it look like? I’m airing out the spray paint smell.” 

April covered her mouth, fanning out the air with her hand as she walked to Leo, “You legit just put the Frebreze scent over the spray paint scent. Now it’s just mixed together.” 

Leonardo groaned internally, nodding his head as the slightly smaller teen explained how dumb his logic was. As the mutant in blue tuned his friend out, he looked out her window to look at her balcony…but his heart dropped in shock (and a tad bit in confusion) as he saw his little brother’s just chilling on the small balcony.

“Nardo…are you okay?” The girl in glasses asked worriedly. “YEP! I-I’m fine! Perfectly perfect.” He grinned wobbily, grabbing the now fully dry white shoebox and giving it to the other, lightly pushing her out of the room, “I’ll just fan out everything here. You can go chill in your living room.” 

April huffed out a small laugh, “We’re New Yorkers, Leo…we’ve smelled worse.” 

“Y-Yeah, I know! Trust…I know. It’ll be quick, I promise.” He said as calmly as he could muster at the moment. The girl just fondly rolled her eyes, going over to the living room, “Don’t take too long, though! I need your help with finding a good show to watch as I finish the biome replica!” She shouted. 

“I’ll be right there!” He shouted back as he turned on her ceiling fan. He basically stomped to the balcony, closing the door as he glared at his younger brothers, “What the FUCK are you guys doing here?!” Leonardo screamed. 

Donnie raised a brow as he leaned on the railway, “What ever do you mean?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO I MEAN?!” The leader in blue shouted, “H-How did you guys even get here in the first place?! Me and April rode her scooter to her apartment!!!”

“We’re ninjas, bro. I think you always forget that.” Mikey chuckled and only chuckled harder at the eldest’s pissed off face.

Raph went over to his immediate older brother, slinging a hand over his shoulder, “So~! How’s the date going~?” 

“IT’S NOT A DATE!!!” Leo screeched before facepalming, “How long have you guys even been here, anyway?!”

“Not long.” Mikey shrugged, “It was kindaaaaa hard having to climb up the building…”

“Whatever…” The blue banded teen grumbled as he turned away, “Just go home and don’t tell Dad about any of this...”

“Why~?” Donnie asked teasingly, “I personally think Dad’ll be happy that his rizz is finally shining in you.” 

“Donatello.” Leonardo glared.

“Fine! Fine! We’re going!” Donatello said as he took off the backpack he had on, taking out color-coded grappling hooks and giving them to Raph and Mikey. “Also, since April mentioned wanting to watch something with you, you guys should watch Smiling Friends. The rest of season two dropped.” The purple banded turtle explained. But before the eldest turtle could give his brother’s a piece of his mind, they were just…gone.

Talk about being ninja’s…

“Jiminy mother loving toaster strudel…” Leo grumbled to himself.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Smiling Friends?! I didn’t know the rest of season two dropped!” April gasped as Leo walked into the living room talking about the show.

The hazel eyed mutant rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, “Uh…yeah. I just looked online for stuff to watch and, um…yeah…”

April snickered at the awkward demeanor of the other teen; not really and truly questioning it due to the fact Leo was just an awkward person 24/7. The blue banded mutant sat next to his friend, fiddling with his fingers as Smiling Friends played on the TV.

“Hey, Nardo? I wanted to say sorry about the whole spraying-spray-paint-and-literally-almost-intoxicating-you thing. I just wasn’t really thinking about it making more sense for me to spray it outside.” The girl explained solemnly. 

The younger teen snorted, “Prillie…it’s fine. It’s not like you killed me or anything like that. I think you should worry about your Mom coming home to the smell and killing you, though.”

“OH SHIT!” The elder teen shouted, going to her room to spray Frebreze and spray some in the living room as well. The girl with glasses sat down before sighing, leaning back, “Oh! And btdubs, I finished the Tundra replica.” She said as she finished the last final touches on the piece before handing it to the other teen.

And to Leo’s surprise…the replica actually looked pretty good. Like…really really good. The inside of the shoebox honestly looked like a mini Tundra…and it even had little mini clay plants and animals. 

“You seriously just made this?! April, I wasn’t even gone for ten minutes!” Leonardo said in awe. 

“You, my dear friend, underestimate my artistic skills.” The brown eyed teen said as she continued to watch the television. 

Now…Leo wasn’t known for getting into…moods often. 

I mean, in all honesty he would just get tickle attacked by his brothers 24/7…so in a weird way, he kind of got used to it.

But ever since he and Raph went on that call with April a couple weeks ago…she hasn’t mentioned said call. At all.

And perhaps maybe she forgot! Maybe she forgot the legit most embarrassing moment of Leo’s life…

…so why the absolute hell did Leo want her to mention it? Or at least acknowledge it! 

I mean…Raph even dropped the bomb that Leo liked it! That was a clear opportunity right there!!!

But in order for one to be actually tickled…one must ask for it first. And there was no fucking wayLeonardo was going to do that.

“You want me to tickle you, don’t you?” April said casually as she looked at the other teasingly. 

The mutant’s eyes widened in shock, his face becoming a glowing hot red as he absolutely refused to make eye contact with the other teen. “A-April whahat—?”

“Dude…don’t even try to deny it. You’ve made it so painfully obvious.” She giggled softly as the other’s face burned in embarrassment. 

Was he seriously that easy to read?!

“Should I take your silence as a 'yes'?” The human girl smiled as the blue banded mutant shyly nodded, still refusing to look at his best friend. “Okay, Nardo…just tell me when you want me to stop…okay?” She said carefully as she gently reached for the other’s side but stopped when the young leader held her wrists. 

“W-Wahait!!! Wahait wahahait A-Ahapril wahait!!!” Leonardo panicky giggled as he blushed more (if even possible). The girl stopped, resting her hands in her lap. The slightly taller teen covered his face with his hands, giggling in anticipation before nodding slightly.

The yellow cladded teen awed at the sight, scribbling her nails against the other’s sides. The mutant pursed his lips together, kicking his legs on the ground. The girl with glasses chuckled at the action as a lightbulb went off in her head, “Wait a sec, Nardo. Do you remember the FaceTime call me, you and Raph went on?”

“N-Noho shihihit…” 

“I do believe on said FaceTime call, Raph mentioned you being more ticklish to squeezes than to scribbles…is that correct?” She asked teasingly, although she knew damn well what the answer was already. 

The blue banded mutant’s giggles raised an octave as he now started to squirm as his friend squeezed his sides…

…Now this could go one of two ways…

He could absolutely make a complete fool out of himself or he makes a complete fool out of himself. Either or. 

“A-AHAhapril!” The turtle squeaked out.

“Yes, Leo?” The human replied casually.

“PleHA— *snort* p-pleheHEASE!!!” 

“Plehease whahat~?”

“I-IHI *snort* duhunno!!” Leo squealed, now hugging his middles as he continued to laugh. The slightly smaller teen wrapped him in a hug with one arm, using her other arm to pull out her phone. She went to her camera roll and scrolled until she found a screen recording…

…A specific screen recording…

…The screen recording April screen recorded while they were on that FaceTime call.

Leo hid in his shell a bit, his laugh echoing in said shell but he did not care in the slightest at this point. The teen girl raised a brow at the action, holding the other’s hand in her’s as she used her other hand to squeeze his hip mercilessly. 

Leonardo squawked in surprise as a loud (totally not expected) snort followed. He hid in his shell even deeper as he full on laughed and laughed. “Woah wohoah! Why are you hiding your face from me~?” 

“I-IHI’M NAHAT!!” 

“Yohou sure? 'Cuz it kinda looks like you are…”

“IHI’M *snort* NAHAT I-IHI SWAHA— *snort* SWEAR!” 

The girl with glasses laughed in amusement, “Raph was right…you really are a liar, huh Gigglenardo~?” 

Leo snorted loudly at the girl’s tease, his laughs becoming more louder and more frantic. And the worst part is she barely even touched the surface of his ticklishness…

The girl wrapped the taller teen into an even tighter hug, using her free hand to scribble her fingers all over his stomach. The taller teen screeched, slumping in her hold as he 'tried' to escape her tickling wrath.

April played the screen recording (on mute of course…she wasn’t that mean), wanting to test something the tallest turtle did that got a good hell of a reaction from the leader in blue. “Nardo…just a quick question…does this happen to tickle by any chance~?”

“S-STAHAHAP! DAHA— *snort *snort* DOHON’T STAHART!!”

“What’s wrong~? I’m just asking if this tickles, Gigglenardo.” She said as she gently squeezed his stomach with one hand, causing the other to squirm despreatley in the hug. “It seems like it does~! Tickle tickle~! Kitchie kitchie coo~!”

“NOHO— *snort* *snort* PLEHEASE DAHA— *snort* DOHOHON’T!!!” The brown eyed turtle screamed before April randomly stopped so the mutant was able to catch his breath for at least a little bit. “Nerdo~! Do you mind getting out of your shell for me, please~?”

Leonardo snorted loudly for probably the umpteenth time today, “NOHO— *snort* *snort* WHYHYHY?!”

“Just 'cuz~! I wanna try something.” She said as Leo poked his head out from his shell. The two made eye contact with one another— Leo glared at her while she innocently smiled back as she tickled the crook of his neck.

“PFFT— *snort* *snort* *snort* NAHAHA IHIT’S SAHA— *snort* *snort* SOHO BAHA— *snort* *snort* BAHAHAD!!!”

“Reheally?” The brown eyed teen mused, “I personally think you’re trying to say it tickles~! It tickletickletickletickles~!” She giggled as she tickled both sides of the turtle teen’s neck with one hand, leaving him in stitches. “KSSTAHA— *snort* *snort* *snort* NAHAHA *snort* *snort* *snort* *snort* *snort*!!!” 

The girl in glasses slowly stopped her tickle attack, hugging him from behind as he caught his breath. “Ohon the FahaceTime call, I rehecall Rahaph saying you snort fihive tihimes if it’s a good dahay~!” She teased lightly as Leo just groaned in response. 

“Whahatever…” Leonardo grumbled as the girl with glasses got up to get him a cup of water from the kitchen. She handed it to him, which he gladly accepted.

And that…wasn’t as bad nor scary as Leo initially thought it was going to be. 

The hazel eyed mutant fiddled with the now empty cup, “Uhm…thahank you for the wahater…ahand..uh, y-y'know…” He trailed off, looking at the ground in embarrassment as the other smiled fondly, “It’s no problem, Leo.” She chuckled, “There’s really no need to be so embarrassed about it. I get it.” 

“I-I know that but— wait. What do you mean you get—“ But the slightly taller teen was cut off by April’s doorbell going off. The two paused, not expecting any visitors besides April’s mom— who was supposed to come later and also had the key to the apartment. 

So…she wouldn’t need to ring the doorbell.

The doorbell rang again as Leo got up and simply stepped forward, opening the door slowly but sighing loudly as he saw who was on the other side. 

It was his brother’s. Because of course it was. 

“So~! How’d the date go~?” Mikey grinned plqyfully.

“It went fine— wait what?! For the last time it— this— is NOT a date!!!” Leonardo glared.

“So in Leo language…I’m assuming that means it went well.” Donnie chuckled, “Happy for you, bro.” The purple banded turtle said almost genuinely as April walked to the open door next to Leo. “Whahat are you guys doing here? And…how did you get here?” 

“Well, I got bored and hungry so I ordered pizza. We decided to come over here so you two could eat with us.” Raphael explained. 

“You got said money from my savings account?” Leo deadpanned. 

“I got said money from your savings account.” Raph grinned, “Now let’s go! If we hurry we could catch the person delivering the pizza!” He shouted as the four teens ran down the fire escape. April grabbed her keys before closing (and of course locking) her apartment door, soon following her mutant friends.

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙ 

(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)

[reading-archived]

woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

[artemisbarnowl]

If I had a nickel for every time my dad and to go to hospital for: choking on a piece of meat during a post golf meal

I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot yadda yadda but damn dude how do you get a piece of steak crammed that far down in your oesophagus??

[iliveinyou]

samjohn where John lives past s2 and holds a dead Sam in his arms instead of Dean in ahbl? How do you think he’d behave?

This is not something I had ever considered before and it made me lose my mind a little bit when I let myself think about it.

I LOVE this scene for Sam and Dean but oh my god can you imagine if it was John in the mud on his knees, rocking Sam back and forth, telling him he's going to be okay because his dad's got him now, he'll keep him safe.

He knows there's nothing he can do, tries his best to keep the tears from his voice as he holds Sam's face in his hands, memorising his features. Wipes the blood from his mouth with a shaky thumb. He wants Sam's last memories to be of him, of someone who loves him so much. He can't let Sam go with his last memories of being stabbed in the back.

He's glad that Dean isn't here to see this, that he doesn't have to see his brother die in front of him.

He's failed both his boys in so many different ways but he never wanted to end up here, could never fathom ending up here even when he considered the thought that he might have to ...

He can't even finish the thought.

Sam isn't dying by his hand but it still feels like a personal failure, like it's his fault somehow. It's like the pain of losing Mary all over again and please God no he can't do this again, he can't breathe as he cradles Sam to his chest and holds his limp head on his shoulder, dirty hand buried in dark curls.

"Shh, Sammy," he whispers, not able to speak any louder than this. He keeps talking, even knowing Sam won't respond to him again. Keeps rocking him like he did when he was trying to soothe a fussy baby Sam. He suddenly thinks of the baby he brought home from the hospital with Mary, of placing him in Dean's arms for the first time. "It's okay." His tears are soaking into Sam's hair, but he doesn't think about how Sam can't feel it. "You ... you'll be with Mary. You'll be safe with her, Sammy." He doesn't even know what he's saying anymore, knees numb from the cold mud and his head and chest aching with a grief he never wanted to feel again. He doesn't believe in happy endings or heaven anymore but if he has to lie to soothe himself Sam, he'll do it. He'll do it if it means he can pretend he made his son's last moments comfortable. He doesn't think about how Sam stopped moving before he started talking to him. He can't stop pretending, he doesn't want to.

[avirael]

The Frozen Lake

It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.

About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.

He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.

While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didn’t feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.

That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Rael’s order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good ones…

For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasn’t too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.

Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasn’t a viera.

“Ah, you are awake! That’s good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. “It is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

A little uncertain on how to answer to that, A’viloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed A‘viloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.

Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefant’s hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone else’s bed was probably scandalous.

“I hope you don’t mind me having lunch with you.”, the Elezen asked as he noticed A‘viloh staring.

Quickly the Miqo’te lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. “Not at all.”, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. “Mhh, this is very good!”, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Viera’s way of punishing him for running away.

Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.

“You look a lot healthier already.”, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.

A‘viloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadn’t been well in the first place. “Only because all of you took so good care of me.”

Haurchefant nodded. “You know, you had us all horribly worried right?”

“Sorry about that.”, he said and guitily looked into his mug.

Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. “Why did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.”

A bit surprised A’viloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? “There wasn’t a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didn’t expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!”

That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.

“Still… why did you leave?”

“I assumed Rael told you…”, A’viloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. “Rael did. But maybe I want to hear it from you…”

A’viloh sighed. His plan hadn’t been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didn’t make much sense even to his own ears.

“You know the… circumstances under which we fled Ul’dah… I couldn’t… um… the fact that we didn’t even know what happened to our friends… I wanted to find out, because it doesn’t seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didn’t…”

“Mhh…”, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, „And how are you feeling today?”

Somehow that question confused A’viloh even more.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”, he said still smiling politely.

Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear “I‘m fine, and you?” or “Very good, thank you.” for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didn’t want to hear “A few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasn’t that bad, so now I‘m still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or not”.

“Alright… I guess.”, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasn’t too obvious for the Elezen.

“You know what?”, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. “Today is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.”

“A walk?!”, A’viloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.

“Why not?”

A’viloh couldn’t think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.

“Where’s Rael?”, he asked instead.

Haurchefant smirked. “Do you need Rael’s permission to go outside?”

“Of course not.”, the Miqo’te protested. “But Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.”

“Rael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.”, Haurchefant explained. “We’ll be back before they are, I promise.”

What was A’viloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezen’s face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.

“Fine.”

“Good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. “There should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. I’ll wait for you by the northern gate.”

After Haurchefant had left, A’viloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezen’s question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didn’t feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldn’t have minded to keep on dreaming forever.

Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ul’dah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didn’t look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.

Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.

From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqo’te, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and A’viloh couldn’t help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.

“There you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.”

A’viloh nodded.

“They do. Thank you very much for these.”

Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. “It’s the least I could do…”

But he had done a lot more than that, A’viloh thought. “I think there’s more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.”

“Mhhh…”, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasn’t sure if this statement was entirely the truth. “Rael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didn’t leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.”

A’viloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.

So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.

“Anyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.”, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?

Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadn’t been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.

“You’re welcome. After all you wouldn’t be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.”, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.

“I guess not...”, A’viloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.

Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. “But I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.”

For a moment A’viloh’s eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, A’viloh hadn’t had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didn’t feel that cold anymore on his face.

Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly A‘viloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasn’t that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...

While A’viloh’s brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.

“How about we walk a few yalms? There’s something you need to see!”

Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, A’viloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.

After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. “Isn’t the air wonderful today?”

A’viloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldn’t melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.

“It is.”, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. “Where are we going?”

“It’s not far anymore.”, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.

As they got closer A‘viloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lake‘s surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. A’viloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.

The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, A’viloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.

“Oh! Look at them!”, the Miqo’te exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly A‘viloh couldn’t help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldn’t even mind.

Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.

But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.

Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.

Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceased‘s aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.

With a sudden sharp pain in his heart A’viloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had A‘viloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t misunderstand and get mad at him again.

“Why do you make such a sad face now?”, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqo’te’s face. But A’viloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.

“They must be horribly cold.”, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.

Haurchefant chuckled. “Don’t worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, that’s why you‘ll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.”

“Maybe…”, A’viloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. “I just wish it wouldn’t always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ul’dah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.”

The Elezen’s face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Don’t say that, I am sure it’s not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!”

A’viloh shrugged. “But that’s how I feel right now...”

Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. “Listen. I‘ll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.”

“It’s not like I did that on my own -”, A’viloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. “But you still helped! And I’m sure even without Rael you would have done so!”

Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. “You want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from them.”

A‘viloh‘s face turned to disbelief. “I really don’t think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavy…”

“You can’t say so if you don’t try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!”

He didn’t really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: “Fine…”

“Perfect!”, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. “I think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!”

Confused A’viloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to A‘viloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. “What’s that?”

“Ice skates of course!”, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqo’te‘s face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. “You attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!”

“Oh!”, A’viloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. “I don’t think-… I mean I‘ve never-… You don’t really want me to step on that lake do you?” The idea somehow scared him.

“Why not?”, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.

“It’s just a bit of ice!”, A‘vi objected. “What if it breaks?”

The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. “Ah, don’t worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.”

“I don’t know…”, was all A’viloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. “See! I can stand on it and it doesn’t break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldn’t you be able to?”

Oh, you don’t know my bad luck!, A‘viloh thought but Haurchefant didn’t look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqo’te. “Come one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!”

For a second A‘viloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.

“The clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose… Yes, that looks fine!”, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As A’viloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. “Here! Take my hand! I don’t want you to fall…”

Hesitantly A‘vi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.

With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen A‘vi‘s desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling A‘viloh over the ice, which A’vi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all A’viloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. “No, no, no. Take me back, that’s a horrible idea!”

“Calm down. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezen’s calm voice slowly made A’viloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefant’s, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.

“See! It’s not that difficult.”, he said while making another step backwards so A’viloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqo’te, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. “You are even going backwards!”

Haurchefants laughed. “One step after the other. Let’s teach you how to go forward first, hm? I‘ll let go off one of your hands but don’t worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did before…”

In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon A‘viloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqo’te on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end A’viloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.

He wasn’t sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled A’viloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). “How late is it? I’m sure you have more important things to do than this! I’m sorry if I’m keeping you from doing your work.”

But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, “What could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I don’t want you to get cold again and after all we also don’t want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?”

For a second A’viloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.

And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.

---

inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti

[moonchild-in-blue]

Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.

I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙

Artist: Bright Eyes

How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)

If you could go anywhere: Lua

Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)

Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹

Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset

If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not

Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲

Your fear: Waste Of Paint

Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n

[silverselfshippingchaos]

ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

[moeblob]

Unfortunately Paul has a fan (that I have known for over 10 years) and so now I'm like. Constantly thinking about Paul bc I know one (1) person who loves him.

[saltynsassy31]

Me, getting into a new fandom/going back to an old one and obviously watching funny moments on YouTube and getting hyper fixated on it (again)

YouTube: so hey, this is why your new/old special interest SUCKS

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster B Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) culture is having fewer cluster b things to talk about because winter is ending, so you feel GOOD for the first time in months!

.

[infizero]

grgrhgahahh i wanna read more pokespe but i cant do it on my phone and im not unpacking my stuff until the morning

[gouinisme]

last 2 journals + next 1

[todayisafridaynight]

grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet