#okay i made myself sad again
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Bruce loves visiting Kents at the farm and spending time with them. He's always having the best time over there. but sometimes seeing Clark being childlike around Martha and Jonathan, specially being such a mama's boy... it just makes something ache in him.
#i mean no matter how old you get sometimes you just wanna be someone's baby#and he didn't get to be anybody's baby#even when he WAS a baby#yes I know Alfred was there and it mattered a lot#but still not the same thing#and now he's dead too#okay i made myself sad again#bruce wayne
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Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.
I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites š
Artist: Bright Eyes
How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out
What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)
If you could go anywhere: Lua
Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)
Your best friend: First Day Of My Life š„¹
Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset
If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not
Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again š„²
Your fear: Waste Of Paint
Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n
#okay i made myself sad again#so little story time!#(okay i talked briefly about past suicide/sh struggles so be warned!)#First Day Of My Life is their most famous song AND is probably my mostest favourite love song in the entire world#like. this particular song means so much to me#there is this line that goes āthis is the first day of my life. i'm glad i didn't die before i met youā#and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because that is just. so true. so pure#because for someone who was very suicidal and struggled with sh *just before* i met my best friend(s)#it's a lot. like. that could've been me. and yet i'm here. and i need to hold on more because there's still so many people to meet#and so many things to see and experience. i AM glad i didn't die before i met any of you#it's crazy to think how many things i would've missed if every single time i thought about about ending it i had actually done it#whack#also! nothing gets crossed out is incredibly depressing and poignant! if anyone is in the mood for that!#(most if not all of these are. once again i am incapable of choosing happy songs lmao)#tw suicide mention#tw sh mention#<- is this enough? let me know if i should use other tags!!!!#tag game#darya's mixtape#bright eyes
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With today's entry, I was rather surprised and confused that Johnathan seemed to turn around so quickly from the absolute pit of despair he was in yesterday, having newfound determination and energy when he's seemingly been completely hopeless and inactive for weeks now (and for good reason). Not that I ever thought he'd completely given up, but there's definitely been a slow decline in how descriptive his journal entries have been to reflect his declining mental state (more robotic, less of his actual feelings about things), and today was a sharp contrast; it feels more like the early entries again. I thought, well, his mind is probably just so cracked at this point that he's looped all the way back around to being bold and energetic again, because by now he's desperate enough to throw caution to the wind: he either succeeds doing something extremely reckless to escape, or he fails and meets his end in a far better way than if he just waits for his fate by Dracula's hands.
...But having thought about it and reading other posts, I realized (probably stupidly obvious as it is) that his sudden change in mood probably has to do with what happened to the baby. Despite how scared he's been all this time, yesterday he didn't hesitate for a single second to try to save the baby once he realized from the previous incident what was happening, not thinking about his own life at all. And then he despaired when he couldn't save the child, the first time he's mentioned crying in the book at all, and then he had to witness the mother blaming him for her baby's death, and being killed herself for trying to rescue it. Now, the day after that horrific and heartbreaking failure, he's suddenly more determined than he's been in ages to escape. Maybe that was a turning point for Johnathan, and lit a fire under him... maybe he's clinging to the need to escape not just for himself and the people he loves anymore, but for the vain hope that he can put a stop to Dracula's schemes somehow once he gets out, because he doesn't want to let any more children die :' )
#dracula#dracula daily#i'm a new reader so idk how much this is going into headcanon territory or will be backed up later#but i wonder if johnathan feels protective of children because he and mina want kids#i mean he's a good and sweet man so i'm sure he would react the same regardless even if he didn't have a fiance#but if he's planning to one day become a father i'm sure that makes his feelings even stronger :')#he hears those babies crying and thinks about if those had been his and mina's future children. man.#i'm sure that would have made him empathize with the mother even more too; if mina wants to have a child..........#ahhhhhhh i've made myself sad. yesterday's and today's part just made me so sad šš#johnathan you're so good and brave š you're doing your best š it'll be okay in the end š#oops i projected paternal instincts onto a soft male blorbo again-#okay but now i need an au where by some miracle he manages to abscond with a baby dracula brings to be killed and it's just#Johnathan And Baby Against The World (vampire)#does that exist. please tell me johnathan and kids content exist cause š„¹š„¹š„¹#idk how it would work but thinking about it makes me emotional lol :' )
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9 year friendship officially ended. i want to throw up. going to rot in bed and listen to music now
#i feel relieved atm but i know eventually the sadness will hit me in full force lol#there is no coming back from this :)#i know this was the healthiest decision i could've made for myself rn#but its sinking in that i will probably never hear from or see my best friend again . and i just have to be okay with that#and not regret my decision
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I donāt wanna talk about it
#prickcest#rick and morty spoilers#rick and morty#rick sanchez#rick prime#gore#blood#unmortricken#I made myself sad again#Raise your hand if youāre surprised#Yeah me neither#Iām never gonna be okay after unmortricken#If I ever piss you off just send me the clip of Rick beating the shit out of Prime#I can guarantee I will recoil viscerally#good start to the year for my art šššš big sad#hexed artšµāš«
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ā Louise GlĆ¼ck, The Seven Ages
Hockey Poetry Post 37/?
(Photo credit: Francois Lacasse, Minas Panagiotakis, Mike Carlson, link, Vincent Ethier, Scott Audette, Francois Lacasse, Scott Audette, Scott Audette, Dave Sandford, link, Francois Lacasse, link, Mark Blinch, Mark Blinch, Brett Holmes, link, Mark Blinch, Jeff Bottari)
#okay so its that time again#drove myself a little bit insane thinking about how goaliesĀ aren't trying to win as much as trying not to lose#and um#yeaĀ I made myself sad about Price again.. its whatever..#take a shot if you participate in the Will Joy Mention Louise GlĆ¼ck In This Post drinking game#tags:#hockey poetry posts#carey price#montreal canadiens#habs#im tagging pk in this as wellĀ because if its a narrative about everything price has lost and keeps on losing#then he deserves a mention#pk subban#MY GOD THIS MAN IS PRETTY
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Man oh man, it confuses me, very genuinely that ppl dont think that Beau and Yasha were a good end pairing. That they donāt see it. Idk. I catches me off guard every time I read it because, to me I suppose, they go together like... Chocolate ganache. You heat the milk, pour in the chocolate and stir and stir.... and youāre staring at it and thereās awkward chocolate chunks and itās just milk with chocolate, oh my god Iāve messed it up, itās sticking to the bottom omfg ive wasted ALL this milk holy shit Iām an idiot and - Bam. Suddenly. One last little stir and it magically transforms before your eyes into smooth rich brown chocolate ganache.Ā Ā
Idk. For me. They are this fascinating twirling of strong forces that at some point just meld together to make this beautiful thing neither of them could have ever even visualized. The dichotomy of two violent women who have been battered by the world. Told over and over how Destructive they are. Who have destroyed each other in all these crazy situations? Who have been lauded as machines of war and bastions of retribution or cast out asĀ ātoo much to deal withā..... These two women who have been taught over and over again that EVERY single fucking hand that touches.... strikes.... So strike back and first before they get the fucking chance....Ā
Gods be damned do they deserve gentleness.Ā
And not to say thereās not many places you can find that. But the idea of standing there, holding your broken parts and looking around to find someone to help you... Not fix you, just help you hold them all... And the peace someone might feel handing them to someone whose hands have known pain. Someone whose hands are scarred and battered and tough. Someone who wonāt be shocked to see so many broken parts. Someone who is carrying their own armful and a few more of yours wonāt be a huge burden. Someone who fucking gets it. You know? I just think of Beau sliding into that hot bath and thinking of the kind words. Not even just kind words, but the acknowledgment and the sincerity.Ā
The...Ā āI see you. I see you. And Iām not looking away. I will carry these pieces with you, if you might also carry some of mineā.Ā
#whoops made myself cry over beau again lol#for the record cuz one comment I got confused me great this is very PRO Beau and Yasha#critical role#scrolling through the cr discourse tag and making myself sad#i genuinely had no clue ppl thought beau and yasha were a weird pair#and i get on some level the habit of being sad your ship is canon but cmon haha#life and stories are more complicated than that#and beau and jester have so much chemistry and they love each other so much!#and it's okay and normal to have many loves in your life#crushes and flings and romances#lusts and wants#etc etc#beau 'ending up with' yasha does not magically disappear her love for jester#or her attraction ya know?#like it's fine#it's all fine
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Car window weatherstrips, installed!! \o/
Though I was a little sad, I have like rain window cover things?? At the top of the windows?? And when I asked about how to take them off so I could put on my vinyls, my dad told me that he glued them on...so they're stuck there...made me sad, but I guess the vinyls were only like $6 or something so there's that
#personal#I have classes tomorrow time to scream#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#<- not a good scream#though I'm not good with change so I hope everything will be okay#just gotta get used to it again :(#also I finally sprayed my shoes with a water protectant so there's that too!!#my meeting earlier went well too buy made me sad bc of personal reasons#(I lack skills to communicate effectively and I've known this in the back of my mind but just having it reaffirmed makes me ā¹)#and this wasn't something they said or anything just a realization that I came to myself#maybe that's why I didn't get an internship... ahhaaaa.....š
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Sometimes i feel useless and annoying
#//vent#my vent art is... normal sometimes like this one so okay to rb but idk might delete later or removing the tags#i use a lot the wilsons as confort ch actually#idk sometime i feel like i'm not that appreciated in the fandom idk despite my heart know it's wrong#i think it just bc i overthink about some tawog artists that i enjoyed giving support for months but they never interacted with me#and for one of them their art and cute doodles helped me in personal stuff + brought me back to tawog fandom#and i hoped to make them smile with my art but.. yeah they just... don't care after these months#I get sad and disappointed that now they art send just... /neg vibes so i unfollowed them#idk i just feel guit that i made them upset for... unknown reasons#sigh i should just don't care about that and keep to draw dor myself#cringy or not#i'm mostly an optimistic person but overthink a lot when i feel anxious haha#i'll be probably smile and enjoy life again tomorrow#if ppl wanna talk or sending cute ask ye you can#talking with ppl help me to confort so feel free
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small talking to myself kinda post pay no mind
#Iāve been wondering a lot about myself and my place in things again lately#Been thinking about my identity and who I want to present as and how I act#Someone who I used to consider my best friend broke me down so miserably that Iāve grown to hate myself for everything-#that they would shit on me for.#It makes me think about when I was like that to someone I cared about#And it makes me really fucking sad#Iām proud to say Iām not that person anymore but knowing I invited it back into my life-#through another person that I continuously made excuses for#Itās like I felt obligated to be miserable as some stupid egotistic self righteous karma#And I truly hate that. I hate that I let it go on for so long because I hated myself too much to change it#Itās okay now but I still reflect on it often#Iām constantly wondering if Iāll go back to being shitty or if Iām letting myself be abused again#Itās messed with my view of myself. My view of my looks. Of my gender. Of my trauma#Of my humor. Of my tastes. Literally everything#I havenāt been able to repair my trust with myself enough to trust others and it fuckin blows man#It sounds stupid saying it out loud I guess#But I canāt keep bottling it or I might implode#I think that things will be fine with time and continued effort#Just need to spend some time really thinking about where I want to be in the future#I think I want to start therapy but voluntarily this time#Maybe a professional will be able to help me sort it out#vent#rant
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone šššš#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreakā not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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Quick Netflix play the Tuca and Bertie episode where Bertie has intrusive pastry pete memory/fantasy masturbation and then has panic attacks and tries to get rid of her vibe and her bed to magically fix herself. Umm. No reason why I wanna watch that one tho. Itās fine. No comment.
#hahahhahahaha Iām so normal about Tuca and Bertie ššššššš#thinks about the sheets that I loved and finally picked out for myself after months and months of searching for the perfect bedsheets and#last Thursday I threw them out in the same bag itās sat in for months since the incident#yknow when life is poetry in itself and you canāt even write about it you just observe it. yeah.#smthing about finding the perfect sheets and rarely putting them on your bed bc you donāt want to mess them up and then you put them on your#bed and they become a huge trigger and you wash them and then put them in a reusable shopping bag tied up in your closet for two months#until you finally give up and realize youāre not ever going to get over it and those specific sheets would always be a trigger and you can#get new cute sheets that arenāt yellow and white and you have a new dark blue and white tie dye sheet and pillow case set in your cart rn#waiting for you to get paid againā¦ā¦ okay. for you to go back to work again and then get paid after that. looking forward despite it all#so fuck you yellow sheets that are gone from my life forever now. but also. I am sad. also not gone forever bc I have curtains in the van#made of the same material but yknow what itās fine whatever
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadnāt be shot, his death wouldāve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "donāt cry because Iām dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I donāt think thatās badass even slightly, itās actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally canāt wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when heās gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that heās not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldnāt admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too š°
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ādont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Differentā#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to āthis must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under controlā#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like weāre supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. āgreat character developmentā according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said āthis is how it should beā supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire gameās theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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thereās something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.
#i lowkey had an awful day today lol#and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it#there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for#the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the#creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so#aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to#cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was#like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was#idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and#everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers#couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high#school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk.#it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and#ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol#so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed#to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the#song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol#sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk
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Rid I'm so sad that you're receiving this hate but for me you're one of the kindest people in here. I'm always rooting for you. Sending hugs. š„°
thank you babe, i think i needed to hear this.. you're the sweetest, all the hugs back š„ŗš¤
#dunno if anyone will read the tags but to be fully honest.. someone said it just yday but#it just sucks feeling so lonely bc so many ppl here seem to be in groups and also hate me? i know i cant be liked by everyone that's okay#but all this hate?.. n i see people interact and be friends n stuff and im in my corner here and just extremely lonely#mutuals don't really interact w me either :') and then i always feel awkward and weird bc i think nobody WANTS to be my friend#which used to be different. maybe i deserved it idk#but yeah very lonely and very āeveryone hates meā feel and makes me not rlly wanna do tumblr and writing anymore which is why i might close#this blog after cmi :( n wow i think ive never said it that openly and maybe ill delete it all again ufjdjfud ive just been Sad about this#idk i just hate constantly asking myself 'does anyone still care or like me at all' it just sucks#i'm saying all this n anons will once again find a way to send hate lol. just made tumblr very not comforting for me.. and yeah. anyways#thank you to you guys who still send so much love. when i say it means a lot i truly mean it bc it's always nice to know that ppl are still#here š¤#notes for rid š¹#anon
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#cheeseburgerboy#photo credit ->#ashleylucille00#ontiktok#maybe some other day. not right. now. or tomorrow.#this is why i escaped through daydreaming#it never made it go away. but it was nice to have someone there for you#its the way you need it. and you understand.#all myself is messed up now. all the helpful parts don't help anymore. and all the hurtful parts help everyone.#i drew cookie12 happy and it made me sad#they are happy and i am not.#wait longer.#do it again.#idk.#im ridiculous.#but the best part of me is when im not real. it bothers me.#4 hours of sleep tonight#i pretend it will be okay. that it will change on its own.#i always have to do it first.#over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over#i don't get to rest. i put myself through it again and again. but you don't need me.#none of them did.#i thought i had an importance but i don't.#not here. not anywhere anymore.#my presence makes no difference#ignored#i refuse to try anymore but keep going anyway#its all a waste#i wish everything was gone#āi wish today was a better dayā- kittykiddy
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