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avirael · 22 days ago

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Love is Madness

Alexander. The primal Mide thought they had summoned that fateful day three years ago in fact had always been just them traveling back from the future.

Only their attempt to go back in time and the chaos that had ensued by their appearance and the goblins' attack was what had made the catastrophe unfold in the first place. The attempt to save Dayan was what had cost his life? But how was that possible? And if they had not summoned Alexander into existence back then, where had it come from to begin with?

Perplexed A'viloh looked down to the scene unfolding in front of them as if it was predetermined to happen like this. As if it wouldn’t be the easiest thing to turn back time yet again and again until the result turned out to be what they desired?

It certainly had to be possible with such a power at hand, to find a way to stop this catastrophe from unfolding?

With a horrible sense of realisation he wondered just how many other terrible things they could prevent that had happened these last three years.

No, possibly ever if they could replicate what just happened and control it to go back further. But three years alone... What moon was it again? Maybe, just maybe... if he was lucky... if he hurried...

Oh, he understood Mide so well.

The thought of this possibility alone made him twitch and Rael saw it clearly, the intention forming in his thoughts and causing his body to act. That one desire overpowering every bit of reasonable thinking in his head. Rael could repeat all the warnings about time anomalies and butterfly effects all over again but would it reach him? Would he even mind the consequences?

“A’vi…”, they started when a sudden sense of vertigo hit them and their sight started to blur - the clear signs of an incoming vision.

Not now, was all Rael could still think, before their mind was swept away.

***

With a sudden burst of light they were transported back to their present point in time. And it also brought Rael back to their senses.

“A’viloh!”, they yelled as they wirled around looking for him but he was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s A’viloh?”

Of course it was useless, they had not been fast enough. He must have jumped off just before Alexander had transported them back.

Confused Wedge looked at them.

“Who?”

“What do you mean wh—“, Rael started but it only made sense. “No! Oh no… of course you don’t remember…”

Whatever effect future-A'viloh's presence had had on the past, it had hindered his past self from ever being here.

Cid looked at the viera with concern.

“Are you sure you’re alright? Did you hit your head?”

But Rael was barely listening. Their thoughts racing, trying to figure out what had happened. And even more importantly how to fix it.

They paused. Fix it... Would that truly be right? Had A'viloh not intended to do exactly that with stepping back in time? Would it not be cruel to undo this, if they even could, and to rob him of his chance to make things right?

If it had worked at all, Rael's doubts about messing with time remained unbroken. Could there really be any good coming from this?

Trying to save Laqa, if that was at all possible, and even if meeting his own younger self did not somehow cause a disaster... even if Rael tried to believe he had succeded... Did this not put him into yet another impossible situation? What would he have done then? With no way home – no, Rael was not naive enough to think that he would ever consider returning to this horrible timeline when all he had ever wanted was right there in the past.

Or would him changing the past just have undone his future self? Make him vanish into nonexistence? Then why did Rael remember him but not the others? Was it their echo?

All of this was hypothetical of course. Only viable under the premise that Rael had judged his intentions correctly and that A'viloh had actually succeeded in this mad plan. Rael needed to find out what had truly happened and where he was now. They needed to find out fast.

"I'm sorry...", they muttered absently towards Cid. "There's something I need to check... I have to go..."

Just like that Rael ran off, not minding Cid and the others staring at them. Not minding what consequences it might have to leave them alone now. This was more important.

***

There was no sign of A'viloh.

Nowhere.

Not at the Rising Stones, not at their house in the Mist. Not the tiniest thing suggesting he had ever been there.

No one Rael spoke too seemed to remember him, they even had asked Riol to try find out what he could but where would that lead without the slightest hint? With all the searching and asking by now Rael must certainly be looking like a lunatic to their comrades.

Trying to make a more stable plan in finding A'viloh, Rael tried to calm their mind and map out everything they remembered. If they traced everything backwards, he sooner or later would need to show up somewhere.

Their first stop was Ishgard. The city was as Rael remembered it, even though it eluded them how this was possible. Aymeric confirmed to them that Rael had defeated Thordan together with Estinien's and the Scion's help. A bit of worry was written on his face though about why Rael would ask such strange questions.

Even at Fortemps manor everything seemed as usual, or as usual at it could be given the circumstances. Yes, Haurchefant was still dead. Rael could not believe that A'viloh would leave his horrible fate uncorrected given the chance and yet they found Haurchefant's family grieving. Even without A'viloh's presence he had died, what a sad irony considering how much the Miqo'te had blamed himself for his fate.

"But what happened?", they asked in confusion, only earning disbelieving glances in return. Their eyes fixed on Rael and the dread rising in their chest was too much. "Excuse me, I... I did not mean... I should go...", they stammered and fled.

Where would he go? What person would he turn to? What places could Rael still check?

Kikipu!, they thought. The Silver Bazaar. Even if everything had truly turned out well for A'viloh's plan, he probably would have gone there anyway, right?

Oh, how quickly this hope had been crushed. Quite literally it seemed...

As if someone was hunting them Rael had travelled back to Ul'dah. There they had taken a Chocobo out to the small coastal town. Or what remained of it.

As they stepped towards the gate, all that greeted them was rubble. What had happened here? Speechless Rael's eyes wandered over the wasteland, no soul to be seen anywhere.

"Hey!", a voice scolded at them. It was a tall sun-tanned man looking like a construction worker, Rael noticed as they turned towards the source of the voice. He came running over from one of the Hammers flattening the earth with merciless blows. "This is private property! Get away from there!"

Shocked they stared at him while slowly another terrible realisation formed in Rael's mind. A'viloh had never made it here. And without his support all the struggling of Kikipu and the townsfolk against the Ul'dahn property sharks had been in vain. It was impossible to tell whether they had left willingly or had been thrown out but the closest place A'viloh had had to a home had been demolished to nothing but rubble.

Dazed Rael excused themself and went back towards the city with hesitant steps. This was unbelievable. If A'viloh could see this... No, they were glad he did not. Sharply they inhaled, as they imagined his reaction to this sight. Stubbornly Rael pressed their burning eyes shut and tried to focus.

Before A'viloh had arrived here... Rael knew what had occurred. It was exactly the thing they suspected A'viloh would have tried to intervene in some way. But how? And where?

Maybe back at the Forgotten Springs? But that had been longer ago than the time jump Alexander had made, had it not? Either way it would not hurt to check for any clues there. So far Rael had tried to trace him backwards in time but maybe they needed to start at the beginning. If A'viloh's plan had succeeded, which his absence here at the Silver Bazaar implied, maybe him and Laqa had returned to the tribe? Rael doubted it but it was worth a try.

***

Rael was greeted friendly at the Forgotten Springs, though friendly was maybe the wrong word. With respect was more accurate. But it was obvious they remembered Rael. This was a good sign, was it? Rael by now was not sure anymore what to expect at all. If they had not been so emotional about the whole matter, maybe, but with their worry about A'viloh their ability to think things through to the last detail had started to suffer. A fact, they kept scolding themself about but it did not help to quench the fear.

"Ah, the Warrior of Light returns to our humble settlement!", U'odh greeted them in an uncharacteristically friendly manner as Rael was allowed into his rooms. "What do I owe this visit to? You certainly are not looking for more delicacies, right?"

For a moment Rael hesitated. The doubt must have been clear on their face judging by the way the Miqo'te in front of them tilted their head.

The possibility crossed Rael's mind that A'viloh had never returned here, not in Rael's company and neither after he went back in time. In that case... But it was no use to waste time pondering about the possibilities, when there was only one way to find out.

"A'viloh.", Rael said, as if that name was enough.

They watched as U'odh's face changed. A mix of confusion and... anger?

"How do you know this name?", he demanded, his voice suddenly cold. This was more the U'odh Rael remembered.

"That's of little importance now. I am looking for him. I don’t mean to interfere in your business. Please, just tell me if he is here."

The Miqo'te scoffed and shook his head.

"I have no idea what the Warrior of Light would want with a good-for-nothing like him, but out of respect I will tell you. I have not seen him since he left our settlement a few years ago."

"With Laqa?", Rael pressed further, uncaring if it was tactless or confusing to ask about him.

U'odh's face darkened further. He looked like he was about to demand answers about how Rael knew about all of this.

"That is right. I have seen neither of them since they left and I have no idea where they went. Now tell me, how do you know about them and what is it you want from them?"

He does not know, Rael suddenly understood. How would he?

"I...", they began but did not know what to say. They could hardly tell the truth, it would both be cruel and unbelievable at once. "I cannot say for sure yet, please excuse the disturbance." They turned to leave as quickly as they could, before they made the damage already done worse. But U'odh reached out and took hold of their wrist. Sharp eyes looked into Rael's. Demanding answers but something else was there too. A pleading look. Worry.

"If my son is in trouble, please tell me."

Rael tried not to show any reaction whatsoever but it was already plainly visible that something was wrong.

"I don't know yet.", they lied and evaded his gaze. Was it a lie though? They really could not know what had happened. "If you wish, I will have you informed when I find out..."

It was the best Rael could offer right now. He stared at them a moment longer. He was no fool, he could tell that there was more to it for sure. Then he slightly nodded and let go of Rael's wrist. Without another word Rael left, feeling nauseous and horrible.

For a moment they paused at the nearby cave in a silent corner, sitting on the dusty ground with their face buried behind their hands.

But there was no time for rest. They needed to find A'viloh, no matter how. Their next stop was obvious.

***

As Rael walked into Little Ala Mhigo there still was a small part of them that hoped they would find A'viloh and Laqa here, living as peacefully and happily as this place allowed. Deep down they suspected however that it would not be this easy.

For a while their eyes searched the people until they glimpsed a girl. They did not remember the name but the face was familiar. She had been a friend of A'viloh, of that Rael was sure.

"Excuse me?", Rael asked and the girl looked up with a certain scepticism in her eyes. "Don't worry, I only have one question. I am looking for A'viloh. I am a friend of his, have you perhaps seen him?"

The girl gasped. A shadow forming on her face. This was not the face of someone who simply did not know what had happened to their friends. Rael’s heart clenched.

It would not have needed the girl's words to make them understand and yet it hit Rael harder than any of the hammers by the Silver Bazaar could ever have.

"I am sorry... He's dead."

Dead? But how was that possible? He could not be dead! On the contrary shouldn’t there be two versions of him running around somewhere now?

"I don't understand...", Rael muttered more to themself than to the girl and still she replied.

"I don’t know the details but… one day Laqa and A'vi left the settlement together with some others. They wanted to try their luck in Ul'dah but they never made it there. A day later some of them returned, said they had been attacked. Our hunters went searching for survivers but only found the rest of the group as well as their attackers dead at an abandoned camp out to the west at the riverside. Your friends among the corpses."

This was not possible. How could this have happened. He could not be dead.

"Would you like to see where we buried them?", the girl offered seeing Rael's despair clearly written on their face.

The question startled Rael. "Yes. Yes, please. Show me.."

Still doubting that this could be the truth Rael followed the girl to the Aetheryte and from there out to the north of the settlement. In a hidden corner between two outcrops of the rock formation that harboured Little Ala Mhigo they found a small patch of dry grass on which a few stones and boards had been arranged into rows. Gravestones, Rael understood when they stepped closer to see names engraved into the surfaces.

"Here.", the girl said pointing to a not quite rectangular piece of stone to their right. "We buried them together, it only seemed right."

The names roughly scraped into the stone surface made their blood freeze.

Laqa Tia & A'viloh Tia

All of this was wrong. This could not be true.

"Should I leave you alone for a moment?", the girl asked silently but Rael snapped back to attention, their mind racing. "Wait!"

This was their last clue, the end of the track, they needed to figure out what had happened.

"What killed them?"

"As I said, they were attacked by bandits. Stabbed, both of them.", the girl explained reluctantly.

"I see...", Rael answered. It had brought no further insights into what had happened and so grasping at straws they asked, "Tell me, how many Miqo'te did you bury here?"

The girl looked confused. "Just the two of them."

"And just one of them was red-haired?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"How did he look?", Rael kept asking. "A'viloh, I mean. Was there anything unusual about him?"

The girl looked even more confused now.

"You mean apart from the wound in his chest? No, he looked just the same as he had when he left us the day before."

Just two Miqo'te. The A'viloh buried here clearly the one that had lived at Little Ala Mhigo. But that meant the other A'viloh, the future's A'viloh, still needed to be somewhere! Rael's mind already racing again in search for that answer, they barely noticed the girls worried gaze.

"I better leave you alone now.", she said and was gone before Rael could say another word. She probably was grateful to get away from this strange person asking even stranger questions.

Suddenly alone at the makeshift graveyard Rael turned back towards the stone that had A'viloh's name engraved on it.

Maybe it was not the A'viloh Rael had known that lay buried here but it hurt nonetheless. It did not even help their pain to know that they rested here together at least. It just was not fair.

As realisation settled in, Rael sank to their knees and cried. All the tension from this wild chase falling off, having found nothing but horribly answers, they wept bitterly. A'viloh deserved so much better than this.

It took a while for Rael to calm down and start thinking properly again. Now there was only one hope left now. To find the other A'viloh and bring him back home, even if no one remembered him.

His plan had clearly failed and Rael did not dare to imagine his reaction upon finding out what had happened here. Where would he have gone next? Rael seriously hoped he had not again gotten horrible ideas...

No, what would I do in his case?, Rael asked themself. Maybe try to find Mide or even better Alexander directly? To replicate the time travel and get a second attempt at making things right? But if he had returned there three years ago he would have found no primal in Dravania, it had only appeared a few weeks ago. But by now it was there and so maybe A'viloh would show up too. If not though, Rael was out of ideas. The option to use Alexander started to look appealing even to Rael now. To go back and stop A'viloh from ever jumping off of the Primal... But no, this would only cause more complications and the current situation was already messed up enough the way it was.

But maybe he had truly returned to the Dravanian Hinterlands hoping to find help there? At least it was Rael's only good guess now.

***

A few days had passed since Rael had found the uncomfortable truth buried at Little Ala Mhigo. It still weighted heavy on their chest, especially since A'viloh, their A'viloh, had not been found anywhere in Idyllshire or the area surrounding it either. Rael had asked Riol to keep on looking for any clue that pointed towards him but so far also without success. They also had asked around in Idyllshire but no one had seen him. It all was as if he never had been here, which - given his past self's untimely death - was probably truly the case.

The progress of eliminating Alexander in the meantime had made little improvements without Rael being there to help them. And even now they were reluctant to go through with the next steps Cid had planned. Instead Rael had one morning head out on their own towards the former Ruling Quarter of the Sharlayan colony. If anyone was both willing to believe and able to help them it was Matoya. Rael had tried to make the issue clear to Y'shtola first and while she seemed like she believed what Rael told her, she did not grasp the urgency of the situation. For her Alexander remained their first priority and while Rael admitted that it was important they could not just abandon A'viloh.

The welcome at Matoya's cave had been not particularly warm just as Rael remembered it. At least that had stayed the same. At first Matoya had tried to chase Rael off again but the mention of time travel had her interested enough to listen. Carefully Rael repeated what they knew and in the end Matoya thoughtfully nodded.

"You believe me?", Rael asked.

"You would need a lot of fantasy to invent such a tale and I don’t see why you should. So yes, I believe you. However I am not sure how to help you. As things are I don't remember your friend and know of no magic that would allow to travel back in time either. But perhaps we can find a way to locate him somehow..."

"But how?", Rael blurted out. "It did not work for Papalymo, Yda or Thancred. Why should it for A'viloh?"

"I never said it was impossible! Only complicated and also ethically questionable...", Matoya chided the Viera.

"To be honest, I don’t care about ethically questionable right now.", Rael growled back.

Matoya grinned. "I like your spirit! I will need a spellbook which the boring, old fools from the Forum locked up and also a sample of your friends blood or hair or anything of the like."

Rael shook their head. Had she not been listening?

"As I said, everything that belonged to A'viloh vanished the moment he displaced himself in time."

"I know." The old wrinkly witch tilted her head. "But bone will do too."

It dawned on Rael what she meant and the idea filled them with dread. But they could hardly back down now.

"But would that not just lead me back to the grave then?"

"Under normal circumstances? Certainly.", Matoya agreed. "But I am optimistic that your displaced friend's aether signature will still be close enough to his former self's. And if he is still alive it should outweigh the faint remains of a corpse's signature. It's purely theoretic of course, I cannot guarantee it will work."

Rael nodded. It was their only chance.

"I will get what you need."

"First the spellbook!", Matoya exclaimed. "If we cannot find it you can spare yourself the journey to Thanalan."

As if the journey was the hardest part of what she asked them to do.

"Where is it?", Rael asked. There was no time to loose, the faster they started, the sooner they would find A'viloh.

"In the forbidden section of the Gubal Library of course! I will give you one of the Poroggos, it will know what to look for. All you have to do is keep it alive.", Matoya explained waving over one of the frog-like creatures. "But remember this place is dangerous. Maybe more so than when you last visited. Of course I check the lock regularly... But lately sometimes there is a strange presence coming from that place. Some of the Poroggos who I send to town for supplies told me that among the townsfolks there are rumours of monsters sighted and even people going missing around the area. It's probably nothing but fairytales... still, be warned."

Rael was not afraid of monsters. They would fight whatever monster was necessary to get A'viloh back.

So with a Poroggo in tow Rael head out towards the library.

Last time they had been there together with Y'shtola, Alphinaud and A'viloh. This time they would have to fight alone.

The outside of the library was calm. A blue sky above, a light breeze and birdsong. Nothing that suspected anything regarding monsters or missing people had happened nearby. However there was a good reason the entrance was securely locked and Rael knew very well that the inside of the library housed a multitude of creatures, ranging from strange to dangerous. Both Soulkin and Voidsent alike bound to service by contracts and spells of Sharlayan Scholars, though with their masters long gone attacking whoever entered the place.

With ease Rael lifted the ward. The first time one of Matoya's familiars had done so for them but Rael remembered the words and it honestly was easy enough that a child could use it once seen. Slowly the tall doors swung open and Rael entered, watching as the leaves fell shut behind them. With a sizzling sound the spell reactivated itself again, locking the door just as Matoya's magic intended.

Then they let the Poroggo take the lead and followed it into the corridors of the maze-like giant library. The place somehow looked even more untidy than last time if that was even possible. Books were scattered everywhere, sprawled out on the floor and stacked in uneven heaps. At least their guardians were nowhere to be seen so far. Maybe that explained the disarray.

The deeper Rael followed the Poroggo into the depths of the library the dimmer it got. Rael remembered there had been darker corridors before but not that many and on top of that something about the atmosphere began to increasingly feel wrong. Near to no monsters roamed the hallways although Rael doubted that they simply had decimated all of them during their first visit. And yet they could not shake the feeling that something horrible awaited them ahead.

Finally they opened another door. If they remembered correctly it was just one more segment until they reached the forbidden part of the library. However this part felt and looked far different than Rael remembered. Books everywhere, some torn apart even, leaving only a fractions of the corridors to walk on. But the most appalling thing was the light, candles endlessly burning every other few yalms in an unnatural shape of red, painting the whole room in a threating colour. Rael took a deep breath – even the air smelled foul – and carefully continued onwards. Avoiding heaps of books they reached the first room but as the door swung open Rael froze.

They had stepped into something. Something that felt sticky beneath their boots and covered a good part of one of the walls and the floor, shining black in this dim lighting. But as wrong as the colour looked, the smell that greeted them was unmistakable. This was blood, not a small amount at that. Had the Soulkin and Voidsent by now turned on each other or where did this come from? It made Rael feel uneasy and even the Poroggo seemed to feel that something was horribly wrong here. Maybe Rael should return to the camp and ask the others for help. But no, they certainly would not agree.

But as if the library itself had felt Rael's intend suddenly the door behind them slammed shut. Startled Rael whirled around but found the door locked. Not even Matoya's spell was able to open it. The Poroggo croaked, visibly frightened and Rael felt it too. A presence that had not been here before. With a shaky inhale of air, one hand already moving towards their grimoire, Rael turned around. But there was nothing.

"Where are you?!", they demanded, the sound echoing louder than it should back and forth the room and the hallway beyond. Rael reached for the grimoire, making it float beside them, the pages fluttering to the commanded spell and with a hand sign a small orb of white light flared up dancing above it. The dim, stuffy air itself seemed to hiss against this bright light, causing dozens of ominous whispers to voice up in an urgent, threatening murmur of languages Rael did not understand.

It was no use. There was currently no way back, so the best way of action was to continue. Rael did not plan to leave without the spellbook anyway. With a silent nod of their head Rael signalled the Poroggo to move onwards although the frog-like creature did not look very happy about this. Slowly it hopped through the room, one hesitant jump after the other, and Rael followed carefully stepping over the puddle of blood as best as they could. Accompanied by the whispers they made it through another corridor and another room in similar disarray as the one before until they reached a staircase leading deeper into the lower parts of the library. The path was sparsely lit by the same red flickering candles as before and a lot of the stairs were slick with more blood and slippery, demanding full concentration not to fall.

At the lower end of the stairs a massive double-leaved door awaited them. The entrance to the forbidden segment. Hesitantly the Poroggo stopped and croaked, looking up at Rael and they could see it too. The lock was undone, no spell, not even a chain, nothing to keep the most dangerous knowledge stored here sealed. Instead one of the leaves stood the tiniest bit ajar. This could not mean anything good. In fact it felt like a trap.

For a moment Rael hesitated. There was still no other way than forward though. Carefully they reached out for the handle, their fingertips meeting a wet, sticky surface, immediately making them recoil. Alarmed they looked down to their bloodied fingers, willing their hand to stop shaking. Rael closed their eyes and forced themself to breath in and out deeply, then they placed their palm against the door leaf and pushed it open in one determined swing. The hinges creaked as the door slowly came to a halt but apart from this nothing happened.

The area ahead seemed empty. Equally wrecked as the previous rooms, for sure, and some bookshelves barred with heavy enchanted chains while other chains lay broken on the floor. A layer of mist swirled through the air, only appearing more threatening in the dim light. The whispers still followed Rael as they stepped into the room and looked over to the banister of the gallery. Downstairs nothing moved either but the floor was a mess of splatters and puddles, chains and torn books. The atmosphere here felt dense, a pervasive foul smell and a sizzling feeling of dark magic. A dangerous presence lingering nearby.

Whatever it was, Rael would not allow it to stand between them and their goal, no matter how desperately it wanted to mess with them.

"Let us get the book and then search for an exit.", Rael whispered to the Poroggo.

Only reluctantly it followed Rael along the gallery and down the open staircase. Down here it felt strangely cold. Rael could not wait to be out of here again.

“Hurry.”, they ordered and the Poroggo went to work, hopping along the piles and shelves of books to find the needed tome.

Slowly Rael walked through the room, restlessly checking all the dark corners and trying to be ready if whatever lurked here decided to try their luck. Their feet brushed a book lying open on the floor and slowly Rael bent down to pick it up.

It was a heavy tome, seemingly of medical nature. Anatomical drawing filled the pages, smeared by bloodied fingerprints. But what mostly caught Rael‘s attention was the small scrawly handwriting added to the pages. It looked eerily familiar...

One moment of distraction. Their focus slipping for the tiniest second as their stomach clenched upon recognising what they saw. It was all that was necessary.

As if they had burned their fingers Rael dropped the book and it landed back on the floor with a loud thud. Immediately the whispers ceased and for a moment it was silent apart from Rael’s nervous breathing. Suddenly a wind rolled through the room, slamming the door above shut. As it rolled through the hall it turned into a growl.

Rael tried to pinpoint it but it was too fast. Before they could react it had materialised from the mist. It was a monstrous creature, its shape similar to a coeurl, but more shadow than flesh. Still it was real enough to harm them. Before Rael could stop it it had lept onto the Poroggo and buried its sharp long fangs into the helpless familiar.

Shocked Rael stared at it, readying themself to fight, but the monster did not seem interested in attacking them. With burning red eyes it simply stared at them.

Then it turned its head as if it had heard something and in the next moment a long pained creak sounded through the room as a door at the end of the hall slowly swung open.

“Have you found something? How rare to have visitors here…”, a voice that made Rael’s skin crawl spoke. A person appeared in the doorway and slowly stepped towards the monster, that obediently put the pierced corpse of the Poroggo down at their feet. Rael watched as if frozen to the spot. Wrapped in a black hooded robe the person only tilted their head at the frog. In the dim candle light their whole form was a mix of different hues of black and red. Only two unnaturally glowing eyes stood out, slitted pupils of a poisonous green.

“No…”, Rael gasped silently.

He turned towards Rael as if he just noticed them. And as he looked up the hood slipped back, prompted by curiously peaked ears, finally revealing his face.

“A’vi?”, Rael asked in disbelief. “This cannot be.”

Curiously the Miqo’te looked at them.

“Do I know you?”

It hurt to hear him say that. More than Rael would have thought. Whatever had happened to him it clearly had left him a shadow of himself and Rael could only assume that the monstrous shadowy coeurl was somewhat to blame for it.

“It is me, Rael. Don’t you remember?”, they answered.

“Rael…”, he repeated slowly, his expression confused as if he wondered where he had heard that name before.

“Yes, we got separated when we were teleported by Alexander.”, Rael added trying to make him remember.

“Alexander…”, he muttered and suddenly his eyes went wide as if he remembered something unpleasant. “Alexander! He was gone! Where did he go?…”

The monster at his side growled towards Rael.

“No. No, you’re right. I don’t need him anymore…”, A’viloh said in a soothing manner of which Rael was not quite sure if it was directed towards the monster or himself.

“Everything’s going to be alright, A’vi.”, they tried to calm him down. “I can imagine you’ve been through a lot.”

Restlessly the Miqo’te shook his head. “You have no idea…”

“I was in Little Ala Mhigo, I am so sorry your plan failed.”, Rael offered because they truly were. “One of your friends showed me the grave.”

“Grave?”, A’viloh asked entirely puzzled.

Had he truly forgotten? Or was he not aware? Had he not gone to the past for just this one reason?

His confusion puzzled Rael. “You tried to save him, didn’t you? Laqa?”

“Laqa!”, at once A’viloh’s attention was back on Rael. With wide eyes he stared and Rael could see on his face that now he remembered. “No! Oh gods, please…”

His expression turned distorted with pain, he raised his hands to his head burying his face beneath them. “Laqa! I only meant to fix it… I swear, I didn’t mean to…”

“Shhh…”, Rael tried to calm him down and stepped closer to reach out for him. But suddenly they felt dizzy, their sight swimming as an unbidden vision forced its way into their mind…

***

He ran. A’viloh.

As if something was chasing him.

Or rather as if he was chasing someone.

He was in a hurry for sure.

Below his feet the sand crunched and was whirled up to dusty clouds behind him.

Silently he prayed to Azeyma and all the deities alike that he would not be too late.

Abpruptly he paused as on the horizon a light came into view. He squinted. It could only be the fire of the makeshift camp they had built at the river. That night the slavers had attacked them.

Immediately he started to run again, as fast as he could. As he came closer he realised that he was no minute too early. The men, who had claimed to be their friends and had then betrayed and sold them, were about to make their move, silently gesturing among each other and ready to attack their obliviously sleeping targets.

Of course they had not expected him or seen him coming in the darkness of the night. Just as A’viloh reached the camp one of them tore an Ala Mhigan man from his sleep twisting his arms to tie up behind his back while another held the woman who had stirred awake beside him at bay, the tip of his sword at her throat.

“Stop!”, A’viloh yelled and watched all eyes turn to him. Maybe this had not been smart. He had not thought through what he would do once he was here, all he had known was that he needed to hurry.

While some of the men tried to subdue the people awoken by his appearance, one of the nearby ones raised his weapon ran towards A’viloh. By now it was an easy task for him to evade someone so mindlessly charging at him. With a quick sidestep the man ran into nothing, then angrily whirled around and attacked again. A’viloh ducked away beneath the slash, rolling over the floor and with a trained swoop of his leg kicked the man off his feet.

As the man stumbled to the ground his sword flying away, another two already approached with angry growls and drawn weapons. While A’viloh readied himself for their attack his left hand reached for the dagger at his belt. He might need it against so many enemies at once and they certainly did not deserve any mercy as they would not show any either if he failed.

As one of them charged at him, somewhere across the camp a sharp scream echoed through the air, alarming everyone who had not already been awoken before. Within moments the camp erupted into chaos. Slavers and Ala Mhigans fighting against each other and A’viloh right in the middle trying to help where he could.

Just as he had dispatched another man with a well placed hit, A’viloh heard another attacker’s footsteps rushing closer from behind. Bringing his dagger up to block any incoming blow he whirled around. Metal scraped against metal as the blades met.

But suddenly both of them went still.

In front of him stood no one else but Laqa. A’viloh had of course known he would be here but to now actually see him standing in front of him, alive and well… It felt impossible. Instantly tears welled up in his eyes.

Laqa on the other hand looked more than just a little confused.

“Vi??”, he asked and slightly turned his head to glimpse to his side where a second A’viloh cowered on the ground fearfully staring up to them. They might not look exactly the same but similar enough and of course his face was one Laqa would recognise anywhere, even if A'viloh had tried to hide his most prominent features under his hood.

Overwhelmed by his feelings A’viloh just stared at him, opening his mouth to say something but his mind was still processing the fact that Laqa was truly here. Truly still alive.

He had not imagined what it would be like to see him again. There had not been any time for that. And now all his feelings hit him at once. Relief that he had made it in time, a strong longing forming to a painful ache in his chest and leaving no words for how much he missed him, and lastly such an all-consuming happiness over the fact alone that he could see him again. Look into his beautiful eyes and hear his voice which was like music to him.

For a short-lived moment A’viloh felt as if all of the tragedies of the last years never had happened.

Then Laqa snapped-back to attention, detecting something that alarmed him. A’viloh had been too distracted to notice and Laqa too had been so thrown off he only now saw the man approaching from behind A’viloh with drawn sword.

“Watch out!”, he yelled and before A’viloh understood what was happening Laqa already had grabbed him by his arms and pulled him back. Protectively Laqa stepped in front of him, trying to bring up his weapon to deflect the incoming attack.

But too slow.

With a horrible sound the sword pierced Laqa’s body. All he could do was make a pained, choked noise as the blade found its way somewhere from his lower ribs in an slightly upwards angled motion. Laqa tried to breathe but instead blood spilled out of his mouth.

As if in a nightmare, A’viloh watched.

Uncaring the attacker pulled back his sword to turn towards an Ala Mhigan man who was about to charge at him from the side. It was as if the sword had been the only thing that had kept Laqa upright. Immediately he sank to his knees, his eyes already loosing focus, before he slowly feel sideways.

Everything else that happened around them had lost importance this very moment. This could not be happening, a moment ago everything had still been alright. Laqa was not supposed to die here.

A’viloh could only blink in disbelief at the lifeless body next to his feet. The dagger in his hand slowly slipped from his grip, leaving him defenseless. He wanted to scream but it was as if he had forgotten how. Instead it was his younger self that hurried to Laqa’s side with an agonized wail, turning him over with pleas on his lips but finding nothing but an empty gaze in return. The younger A’viloh did not react at all towards the other Miqo’te standing there, probably not even noticing the similarity. The only thing that mattered lay dead in front of him after all.

“No. Please, no…”, he cried and shook Laqa by the shoulders, unwilling to accept what was undeniable to see. Of course no miracle happened and Laqa remained still. Sobbing younger A’viloh let his face sink to Laqa’s chest, burying it in the fabric of his shirt that slowly started to soak through with blood from his wound.

It was surreal to watch this scene. A truly heartbreaking sight and yet A’viloh could only think that it was not supposed to be like this. He had wanted to make it right. Impassively he stood there, barely registering anymore what was happening, when after a moment the younger A’viloh paused in his crying.

Just slightly he sat up, his face partially stained with fresh, warm blood. His face full of misery and hopelessness. A’viloh did not notice how his younger self’s eyes searched the ground, how his hand reached out. Only when his hand had already closed around the hilt of the dagger he had dropped - bloodstained fingers on bright leather -, he noticed what was happening. Was he going to attack him? A’viloh would not blame him.

Soothingly he raised his hands, opening his mouth while still struggling for words.

But his younger self did not pay any attention to him at all. Instead he gripped the weapon tightly with both hands and turned it onto himself.

A’viloh had not expected this, although somehow he should have known better. He knew so well, living on without Laqa felt meaningless.

“No”, he yelled hurling forward, trying to stop him. But again he was too late. The dagger did not care for that its purpose was meant to be the opposite of this. It simply obeyed the desperate hands holding it and sank deeply into his younger self’s chest.

His face distorted, the young Miqo’te whimpered. He had certainly expected this do be instant and probably less painful. Somehow he looked like he already regretted his choice but now the damage was done. With shaking fingers he pulled the dagger free again and although for a moment this seemed to make things rather worse than better it at least put a quicker end to his suffering. For a second longer he still looked in pain and shocked by the amount of blood bubbling from his chest but then already the dagger slipped from his hands and his eyelids drooped. Slowly he sank down, his face coming to rest on Laqa’s chest.

Dazed A’viloh fell to his knees. To look his younger self into the eyes had been one thing but to see him die in front of him… It was disturbing and somehow he still could not understand how it had happened. He had only tried to fix this, how had it all turned so much worse so fast?

Slowly he picked up the dagger stained all over in his own blood. This was certainly not what Thancred had in mind when he had gifted it to him, to keep him safe from harm. And A’viloh too looked at the blade as if he still not quite believed what it had caused. He had tried to save them but in doing so he had equally doomed them both either way. For a second it occurred to him that he might as well follow his younger selves example and end everything now.

But no, he needed to fix this. He had travelled back here although it had seemed impossible. He simply would have to do it again. Alexander. The primal was the key to this. He only needed to return to Alexander and try again.

The battle going on around him seemed to draw to a close, the Ala Mhigans looked to be winning. At least some of them he had saved. But if he did not hurry they would see him and he would not be able to explain what all of this meant.

Just as he thought so, a yell sounded somewhat too close to his liking. He was not even sure if it had been directed at him but nonetheless he jumped up like a startled deer and ran. And if anyone saw him running at all, no one bothered to follow him.

***

With pain surging through Rael’s head their mind returned to the present and their sight to a still slightly blurry view of A’viloh staring at his shaking fingers.

“A’vi…”, they muttered, still dazed. It was silent and slured but enough to catch his attention. “I’m so sorry, I saw what happened.”

His eyes went wide.

“I did not mean to…”

“I know.”, Rael said but he was not paying attention anymore. Instead his attention turned to the creature at his side that nudged him with its shadowy snout.

“Your right, I can still fix it.”, A’viloh said somehow calmer instantly and smiled, though there was something that unsettled Rael about this smile given what they just had seen.

But more importantly, had the monster just spoken to him? And if so why had Rael not heard it?

“Who are you talking to, A’vi?”, Rael asked sounding more sceptical than they had wanted. But there was a bad feeling rising inside them and Rael disliked everything about this situation.

“Who am I talking to?”, the Miqo’te repeated and smiled at them as if Rael just had asked a particularly silly question.

“Laqa of course!”

“Laqa?”, Rael asked as factual as they could while dread started to boil in their chest.

A’viloh nodded.

“Yes, I can get him back. He told me. All I need to do is make him a new body… right?”

The last part was not directed at Rael and instead the monster at his side, who A’viloh now reached out to pet.

A part of Rael wanted to believe this all was not real. It just was too bizarre. But the rationally thinking part of their mind sadly already began to puzzle all the pieces together to a horrifying picture. The vision they had seen. What Matoya had said. The missing people and the library floors smeared with blood.

“But this isn’t Laqa!”, Rael yelled unable to suppress their terror any longer. “That’s just a monster!”

Obviously this had been the wrong thing to say.

“How would you know that?!”, A’vi screamed, suddenly furious. His friendly face had changed as if someone had flicked a switch. Rael had never seen him like this, angry and like he would attack them for another wrong word.

“You don’t even know him!!”

“No, I don’t.”, they agreed in an attempt to calm him down. “But you do, A’vi. Can you really believe Laqa would make you do such horrible things?”

He did not even seem to think about this at all. His mind clearly denying the possibility altogether that Laqa was in fact gone. There was despair in his eyes. No, not despair. Madness.

“It is not nice, but sadly it is necessary…”

What had this place, this creature, done to him?

The A’viloh Rael knew would never trade innocent lives for his own wishes. He would never have fallen for this cruel creature’s tricks. He would have know what the true nature of the whispers was.

And maybe he really had at first, when he came here looking for a way to re-summon Alexander or any other way to either change the past or bring back Laqa.

But searching for answers in this horrible place with nothing for company than his despair, Rael could imagine that over time the whispers could have started to sound tempting to him.

The creature was almost certainly a voidsent, Rael thought, maybe once entrapped in this place by the people from Sharlayan to guard their knowledge. Trapped here for so long Rael could only assume it would do anything, take any chance to find a way to free itself from this place. Fooling a desperate mortal, telling him whatever he wanted to hear, likely was one of its easiest task. The creature probably even enjoyed toying with him like this.

But as entirely enthralled as A’viloh was, how could Rael hope to free him of this creature's influence? And even if they did would A’viloh ever be the same again? Could he ever forgive himself the atrocities that had occurred here?

“A’vi, please! You have to believe me!”, it was a desperate plea and nothing more. The fact that A’viloh still not seemed to remember Rael at all, his mind entirely occupied by this insane idea, did not help to make their words more convincing.

If everything failed Rael could still drag A’viloh out of here against his will but the place was still locked up from the inside and Rael was sure the voidsent would not agree with them taking away its plaything. If they wanted A’viloh back, they would likely have to fight this creature over him.

As if it heard Rael’s thoughts the monster shifted its attention towards them and growled while it threateningly bared its fangs. It’s body tensed, making ready to pounce and Rael equally prepared to defend themself.

As it leapt they summoned up a barrier to block it but the force with which its more fog-like body slammed against their spell surprised Rael. Hurriedly they cast another one, a thunderbolt to throw it back and in fact the monster retreated with a howl.

Rael already prepared another spell. They better killed this evil creature before it decided to turn to mist again. But the voidsent’s pained sounds had alarmed A’viloh.

“Stop!”, he yelled as he hurried to the monsters side wrapping his arms protectively around it’s head. This complicated things. Maybe A’viloh’s hands were stained with blood but none of this was truly his fault. And most importantly he was a friend, the best Rael had ever had. They could not strike at him.

The worst was his expression as he looked up towards them. Poison-green eyes filled with wild rage and hatred, teeth bared just as the creature before. “You!”, he snarled. “How dare you hurt him?!”

“A’vi…”, Rael wanted to beg again but he did not give them the chance to do so.

“Silence!”, he commanded and raised one arm into Rael’s direction. “I have heard enough of you!”

Faster than Rael could react chains shot up. The magical ones that so far had sealed the library’s forbidden books away and now partially lay scattered on the floor. On A’viloh’s wordless command they wrapped around Rael’s limbs forcing them down to their knees and making it impossible to move at all.

He had never had powers like this and maybe that was why Rael had not seen him as a threat so far. How foolish that had been. Now their grimoire lay useless on the ground and they could do nothing but helplessly struggle against these shackles that did not give in the tiniest bit.

“A’vi, let us talk about this... Please, let me go.”, Rael tried to convince him but reason had long been lost to A’viloh.

“I’m so sorry but even if you had not hurt Laqa, we both know I cannot let you go.”

The way he said that made Rael’s heart race in their chest. They were in danger and they could feel the magical chains sapping their energy more and more. Soon they would be entirely helpless. They knew a number of spells that they could cast without a weapon but none of them would be sufficient to free them.

“Please, you have to remember, A’vi. We are friends, you and I. You would never do something like this.”

But he was not listening to Rael anymore. Instead he caressed the coeurl-shaped voidsent’s head as it nudged him again. It made a low sound, not quite a growl, and A’viloh chuckled.

Then he turned to Rael again, tilting his head thoughtfully.

“He says your eyes will work just fine… Mhhh, I think they don’t quite match but they will have to do for now…”, A’viloh said much to happily for the topic at hand, while a well-known dagger appeared in his hand. With slow steps he walked toward Rael.

With a last burst of power, Rael threw themself against their restraints but they felt so pitifully powerless already and the chains were so heavy.

“Please, A’vi, stop. This is madness…”

But A’viloh just reached out for Rael’s chin with his free hand, slightly tilting their face and keeping it steady with more strength than Rael would have expected.

“Please…”, they begged, unwilling to accept that it would end like this.

But A’viloh’s grip remained unwavering and the dagger moved closer and closer.

Rael could not move at all, only scream as the sharp blade reached its target.

Then there was darkness.

***

The scream still rang in their head, almost leaping out of their throat, as Rael opened their eyes to what in comparison was a blinding amount of light.

They swayed, raising a hand to their mouth while trying to suppress the nausea that made their stomach twist. Only vaguely they registered the people around them. Biggs and Wedge? A’viloh? They were back on Alexander watching Mide and Dayan summon the primal? Could all of this have really just been a vision? It had felt so real.

But there was no time to wonder about this now, they realised as they saw A’viloh’s face staring down at the happenings below. His hand twitched, Rael almost saw the thought forming in his mind. They could imagine it more vividly than they liked. Any moment now he would jump.

Wordlessly Rael reached out for his hand, grabbing it tightly.

A’viloh flinched, torn from his brooding, and looked at Rael in surprise. Worriedly Rael searched his eyes for any hint that something was wrong. But it was just the same familiar green of fresh grass as always, somewhat uncertain but kind.

What a relief. It had just been another horrible vision. Gently they squeezed his hand. They would not let go of him.

Hesitantly he returned the gesture and sighed.

Then Alexander brought them home.

#ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv screenshots #ff14 screenshots #ffxiv gpose #gpose #ffxiv writing #rael hyskaris #aviloh tia #Alexander AU #I label it as that since it otherwise not important to the plot.#This idea has grown from a simple prompt screenshot back in march 2024 to this monstrosity XD #I am truly sorry to everyone who expected the next part of the gridania AU and some cuteness and fluff! So so sorry for the emotional damag #But instead I took everything I ever wrote threw it into an evil time machine and said: Make it 10 times worse!#It is hard to believe I once said killing off Laqa was probably a mistake only for my mind to go: But what if I do it again just crueler?#Look the very nature of Raels abilities allows me to weave as many horrible scenarios into the plot as I want.#And I fear I will abuse this possibilty again in the future...#Also yes this technically was a vision inside a vision! Vision-ception! XD #and of course the dagger! I knew sooner or later I would use it for mischief 🙈#maybe I still will in the canon timeline since this is just an AU…

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