#been trying to have more fun with my journals
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The Uncharted Mansion
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Once again, Gravity Falls has contradicted my ability to predict its unstable weather patterns. While cataloging several anomalies in the woods miles from my cabin, I became lost in a freak blizzard that I was gravely unprepared for. I had no choice but to seek refuge in the nearest cave and light a fire for warmth. As I tried to stave off the cold, I realized the cave was not made of stone but dense trees frozen in an arch, creating a dark tunnel that stretched beyond the firelight. With the storm raging behind me and my curiosity piqued, I ventured forth to get my mind off the storm. To my astonishment, the long tunnel yawned wide into an extravagant courtyard surrounding a massive decadent mansion that rivals the one owned by the Northwest, only more overgrown. It seems I have stumbled upon: The Uncharted Mansion My amazement at the unmarked domicile aside, I decided I had to take shelter inside until the storm passed. I'm sure whoever resides here wouldn't mind, given the circumstances. I gained entry through a cellar door at the back, and as the exterior suggested, the interior had not been touched for some time. A quick sweep of the place told me I was alone. Each room was fully furnished with furniture covered in dust-covered sheets. Given the eerie yet enchanting atmosphere, I half-expected something to come alive to talk to me as some beast-like prince resident to make himself known. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Chilled to the bone, I lit the hearth in a lavish parlor using some dried wood nearby and settled onto one of the covered fainted couches to take in my surroundings. My mind tumbled with what secrets this place could hold as my excitement grew. I had not found any records of this mansion in my research, but it looked as old as the one owned by Northwest. Surprising no one, my first thought was that this place had to be haunted. Also surprising no one, I had brought my emergency ghost-hunting kit with me. While I has unprepared for such a drastic change in the weather, I'm always prepared for an impromptu ghost hunt! A somber portrait above the hearth caught my eyes as I set up my gear. The profile of a pale young woman with long dark hair holding a barn owl with a bowtie stood out against the black background framed in gold. Engraved at the bottom were the initials "B.B.B." Her initials? Her manner of dress was reminiscent of nobility during the pioneer days. The longer I gazed at her, the more my face warmed at the possibility of making contact with her. Would that count as a girl talking to me if she responded? Ghost girls are still girls, right? Then it occured to me that I had no clue what to say to her. "How's death treating you?" would probably get me slapped. I spent an hour rehearsing and trying to be as charming as possible before starting. After hours of trying to detect any paranormal activity, I concluded that I was getting the literal cold shoulder from "BBB", which was likely given my track record with women, or this place was not haunted despite its atmosphere. Pity. I was hoping I would be able to talk to someone tonight. This place had become quite lonesome once the excitement wore off.
For years now I've wanted to make lost journal pages for Journal 1 and 2, and I've finally started! With @lord-rosenth0rne's help, we've started here, at Thorne's mansion! We had a lot of fun with this, messing with codes, and even throwing in a cameo of my oc, Riddell.
We want to keep exploring Ford's journals, along with my Tumble in Time continuity. Thorne is a fruit bat vampire who ends up being roommates with Orion, and these pages happen before Orion comes crashing into Ford's life.
If you want to take a blacklight to it, check out the read more~
No Ford blacklight commentary here, it's all Bill for some reason...
#long post#thorne#ford pines#bill cipher#tumble in time#lost journal pages#riddell#cookie for anyone that wants to actually decode the stuff#especially thorne's true name which is a riot#gravity falls
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hiii angel! i was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to get out of the planning stage. i always plan everything super well (goals, assignments, new habits, etc.) but i can't seem to actually do what i set out to do. thank youuu <333
how to get out of the planning stage and take action
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hiii angel!
so sorry this reply is a little late, currently have over 20 asks in my tumblr inbox and 39 submissions for glowettee hotline, + i've been busy with school!! <3 trying my best here 😭😭
i totally get where you're coming from. for the longest time, i've chatted with so many lovely souls who plan every detail down to the tiniest nuance but still find themselves stuck in that comfortable space called the planning stage. it's such a familiar feeling – the allure of a perfect plan is hard to resist, yet the leap from paper to action often feels like a giant jump into the unknown.
first off, it’s important to remember that planning is a beautiful part of who we are. i adore mapping out goals, assignments, and habits because it gives a sense of structure and purpose. however, when our plans become so intricate that they keep us from living and experimenting in the real world, they can inadvertently hold us back. so, here are some tips that might help you step out of the planning cocoon and into the vibrant dance of doing.
tip number one: break the step into a micro-action. instead of looking at a major goal as a single massive project, try to identify the tiniestttt action that will move you forward. for example, if your goal is to start a new habit like journaling, begin by simply writing one sentence a day. that small step feels almost trivial, but it lowers the barrier and starts a chain reaction. each micro-action is a little celebration of progress, and before you know it, you’re writing a full entry without even noticing how natural it has become. this is really helpful especially when you tend to procrastinate, (like mee) breaking down a task can be sooo helpful, and checking off little sub-tasks, getting closer to completing the base-task is so satisfying, just make sure to not have too many sub-tasks as it can get kind of overwhelming.
tip number two: embrace the idea of imperfection. our plans often feel like a promise to ourselves that everything must be flawlessly executed. but truthfully, life thrives on surprises and little missteps. give yourself the grace to experiment and to be imperfect. if you try something and it doesn’t go as planned, see it as a delightful learning curve rather than a failure. each imperfect attempt is closer to your goals, one that adds character and charm to your journey.
tip number three: set a playful deadline. if the thought of beginning feels overwhelming, create a fun, short timeframe for starting. set a timer for 15 or 20 minutes and that period is solely dedicated to moving from planning into doing. it’s like a little challenge to yourself, a mini-adventure that transforms the abstract into something tangible. when you’re engaged in this light, timed action, the pressure of perfection fades into the background. i tried this multiple times, for example, after i planned out a workout routine that totaled up to 35 minutes, i ended up procrastinating and not doing it, until i decided to set a timer for 10 minutes and i did a few exercises from the routine i planned, and accomplished about 6 of them! it make me feel so good and a day later i ended up doing the full routine, and now i do it everyday <33
tip number four: share your dream out loud. there’s something incredibly powerful about voicing your plans. it doesn't matter if you chat with a friend, jot your intentions in a personal note, or even share a snippet on your blog, you invite accountability into your space. hearing your plans out loud can make them feel more real, shifting them from thoughts into your life’s reality. i see a lot of tumblr blogs do it, for example the 100-day productivity challenge, it's super common on here. it not only adds commitment but might also bring unexpected encouragement or fresh perspectives from someone who gets you.
tip number five: create an action ritual. sometimes, a gentle ritual can signal your brain that it’s time to switch from planning mode to action mode. for me, it might be making a delciiousss smoothie (i love doing this), or playing a specific calming spotify playlist, or simply taking a few deep breaths before diving in. if you try to create a little ritual, you’re setting a clear boundary, a small, charming ceremony that honors both your planning side and your doing side.
tip number six: allow for what i call a “trial and error” mindset. instead of pressing yourself to hit the bullseye on the first try, treat every action as a cutseyy experiment. consider each attempt a hypothesis, and your goal is simply to learn something new from each experiment. this mindset not only reduces the fear of failure but also makes the journey more about self-discovery than about ticking off checklists. over time, each experiment, regardless of the outcome, becomes a stepping stone toward more confident actions.
tip number seven: mix planning with spontaneity. while it might sound contradictory, mixing your structured plans with unscheduled moments of spontaneity can really shake things up. allow yourself a bit of wiggle room in your schedule, moments where you simply go with the flow. these spontaneous choices can open up creative pathways that a strictly planned day might suppress. sometimes, the best discoveries come when you let go and simply enjoy the moment.
tip number eight: reflect on your “why.” before diving into any action, it can help to take a step back and remind yourself why you started planning in the first place. reconnect with the heart of your goal, the emotion behind it, this can be for personal growth, academic success, or simply the joy of creating something new. that connection, that inner spark, can serve as a strong motivator to nudge you out of over-analysis and into real action.
little note from mindy: planning is an art form and a comfort zone, but it’s not the destination. it’s a gentle stepping stone to a world of possibilities where every little step forward counts. your plans are a lovely blueprint, and nothing is more exciting than watching those blueprints come to life bit by bit. take a deep breath, trust in your instincts, and let your actions bloom and flow naturally.
i hope these tips bring a bit of encouragement and help you balance between the beauty of planning and the thrill of doing. sometimes, the journey itself is a mix of trials, errors, and surprising successes. but i assure you, it's all a part of the process.
thank you for sharing your thoughts and for trusting me with your question. your journey is uniquely yours, and your honesty in sharing these challenges is something to celebrate. keep planning, keep dreaming, and most importantly, find joy in taking those small yet bold steps forward.
love, mindy
#dream girl#girl blogger#glowettee#plans#academic success#self improvement#lifestyle tips#minimal living#writing guides#planning into action#study tips#coquette vibe#action steps#girlblogger#that girl
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last 2 journals + next 1
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#they're all pretty different styles i like that#been trying to have more fun with my journals#wait nvm i did have a journal between the eye one and the sticker one but it was completely uncustomized and didn't last long#so we'll ignore that#i also fully didn't journal for like 2 weeks bc i had done the sketch for my new journal but didn't feel like painting it#and i didnt wanna write in a black plain journal again#that feels too functional and not.. like.. it doesnt encourage me to get creative with it#anyways#turns out i had some metallic pens hiding somewhere so i used that#been feeling in a wolfy mood#i'm sad with how scuffed the stickers on my previous journal#which extra sucks cuz the letters are from bumper stickers what do you mean they're the least durable stickers i had#but oh well they were free anyways. and it kinda looks cool gives it a more well worn feel#makes the three ish months i spent carrying it around with me everywhere visible so that's nice#i really like my journals i like journaling so much#like my journals are not aesthetic whatsoever they're very practical and chaotic but i like that about them#i feel like journaling like. placebo relieves the pressure in my brain#i do not have an internal monologue i have an internal cacophony it's like a fucking assemblée générale in there#so writing it all down is very soothing to my brain and painful to my wrists#it just feels like writing is the only time my thoughts can be interpreted and even if they're going in a thousand directions they're still#easier to follow than just. thinking#and then i can surround my thoughts with doodles and receipts and shit#or a strand of my own hair#that is something that is actually in one of the journals pictured abov#anyways why am i ranting down here i've got a new journal to fill#you know what i'm tagging this#journaling#cuz i think my journals are cute and ppl should see them i'm really proud of them#even though a lot of this is stickers i still feel like it looks real cute#doodles
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Been playing Pillars of Eternity all week and decided to try to keep a journal of interesting moments, since it turned out to be pretty fun when i did it with fallout 1. It's a much longer game so this is gonna take a while but here are my favorite pages!
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also a family photo of the party so far :) Durance is the weird uncle
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#Pillars of eternity#Pillars of eternity 1#poe#durance#pallegina#sagani#aloth#eder#edér#Seth is my watcher if that wasn't clear#my art#fan art#traditional art#game journaling#crpg#ok so this was really fun but i think i kind of burned out#the full thing is about 55 pages long#and im not even halfway through the game#but i will continue! i really love this game i have to finish it#also im figuring out how to best keep a journal#trying to not end up just retelling what happens and deciding more actively which moments to draw#also been trying to make some little comics of some companion conversations#there are so many good conversations between them#tip for future me: do not use a shitty bic pen for this#video game journal#video game journaling#game journal#PoE journal
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NaNo 2024: Victory!!
Hello, world, here's my tidied desk in the aftermath of FINISHING ANOTHER BOOK!!! It took me EXACTLY four (4) pens this year (I was literally writing my wrap-up stats in the back of the notebook when the in on the last one started to go!), on 82 pages across two (2) notebooks, and preliminary* word count is 71,541!! (*subject to change once typed--I count by hand and tweak as I type haha.)
Also featuring: the NaNo Earrings, Volumes 2 and 3 of the Bitch Journal (where I whine about writerly things and also Reflect On My Process--I learned very much this year and got a lot of dopamine from it!!), the tiny watch that kept me company in my tertiary writing space, the earplugs that made working at home Tolerable (mostly), and some of the frantic scribbles on scrap paper (I got a LOT of mileage out of a dead receipt that Panera misprinted for me lol).
Now, onward to TYPING!! I would love for this not to take most of December, so I'll probably have more Unhinged Goals About That (I don't know why I am the way that I am), but! The hard part is done!!
#nano2024#hh#writing#i already don't love the title i wrote at the top of the manuscript by the way lol#i might just call it 'the wintergreen house'#instead of a street address#it doesn't need a street address because of where it is#i just also like how 'seventeen wintergreen' sounds so....unclear lol#and anyway listen the half a space lichen doesn't really vibe with names humans can pronounce anyway#so they end the book not sure what to call it#or how to refer to it#which is fair because how would YOU try to pronounce a constellation of flashing lights and weird almost-smells??#exactly. good luck lol#ANYWAY I HAD SO MUCH FUN I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MY PROCESS (i have tag rambled about this elsewhere i won't do it again lol)#100/10 recommend doing a Journal Thing if you have a creative process btw#to hack your way around said creative process#The Bitch Journal has been THE biggest game changer for me in writer land lately#it started out like the top one says 'mostly just whining' but it's wild how easily that slides into Reflection and Figuring Yourself OutLO#if i ever taught writing this is the only kind of journal i would implement#i had a professor who wanted us to do Idea Journals which fine cool observation things#but GOSH this one was SO MUCH MORE HELPFUL TO ME#and really framing it as whining was SO good#because you get all the gunk out and then words can GO#anyway. everyone needs a Bitch Journal i think#be a bitch do your bitching etc#nano#the Void already started coming for me last night btw#IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THE POST PROJECT CRASH LEAF ME ALONE!!!!
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one of the things that bug me with certain popular interpretations of relativity falls mabel is them just giving her stan's suit and fez (with the shooting star symbol slapped on) and im just :T boooo let her have her own style!!!!
(also stan's suit and fez ended up being a reflection of his issues with his dad and there being a catharsis of him later passing the fez down to soos with none of that weight!!!)
#(folks tend to make dipper lean too scifi hero imo too when i feel like he would have more of a xfiles vibe)#(instead of leaving research journals behind i'd always thought it'd be scattered tapes and notes)#they ain't stan lite and ford lite after all!!!#also i feel like mabel would ask for help for rebuilding the portal?#she's a very 'heck yeah power of working together!!!' type of person#i don't think she would be as lonely as stan was and have his level of paranoia#(stan's own paranoia and trust issues is something that isn't really discussed much but im glad the non canon 'bill trying to make a deal#with stan and failing miserably' brought up how hard it is for him to trust others cos he's been hurt so much)#......can't believe that rf mabel made a doomsday cult via the power of friendship and family lol#i'm still fond of my rf fic but also i kinda did wish i got into the 'dipper is the one rebuilding the portal' angle#cos dimensional traveller old lady mabel really is a fun idea too
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3
#long very boring and unnecessarily detailed tag monologue incoming‚ feel free to skip:#this is going to sound like a silly thing to be hitting rock bottom over#but i’m fairly certain i have a semi-rare skin condition known as sensitive skin syndrome#which is basically where skin gets progressively more sensitive#until it won’t tolerate the topical application of anything at all without getting irritated#usually it happens to people on the skin of their face and i have it there but i also specifically have it on my lips#(which apparently is extremely not normal; i found a dermatologist’s case study from like 2019 of one woman who had it on her lips#and according to this case study there were no other cases of people having it on their lips#in all the dermatological literature he had read)#i can’t follow the protocol which all the journal articles i’ve been able to find say is helpful for the rest of the face which is basicall#leave the area the heck alone for at least a year#because if i don’t apply anything to my lips for more than two or three days they will get so dry they crack and bleed#so it’s looking like one way or another i may be having to deal with dry burning irritated lips for the rest of my life#and i’m not dealing with the thought of that very well#i’ve already suffered so much anguish from extreme sensitivity on the rest of my face#and not being able to take proper care of the skin there#and this is just too much for me#i know God is allowing this for a reason but it’s filling me with so much frustration and panic and despair that i don’t know how to go on#but i must and i will#this isn’t a serious or a life-threatening condition but it’s looking like a pretty hopeless one and it’s hurting me badly#and i would appreciate prayers that it would just be healed or that i would know what to do#i think i will try going to my dermatologist but somehow i doubt she's even heard of sensitive skin syndrome#on a COMPLETELY unrelated note i'm just about to get my period and also for two days i've ''eaten'' nothing but vegetable smoothies#and those in pretty small amounts because they're disgusting#(do a detox my hormonal health doctor said)#(it'll be fun she said)#ok if you read this far you're so brave braver than any u.s. marine etc.#thanks for reading ily <3
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my appointment is at the end of this week and i wont find out if the take-home pay charge was a mistake until then. for now if a couple people throw a 10 at me i should be comfortable until i work this weekend and can get something else i lined up for towards starting taxidermy again, once i get it started it should be a decent source of funds. my pypl as always is @saintnevermore 🙏❤️
#i am cooking...ideas#ill make a more formal post when im ready but im going to try and get stuff on patreon#ive been starting a lot of things but have struggled to finish much. which does mean ive plenty to talk about lol#also the idea of using it as an art journal is really appealing...i have a lot of thoughts about my art and interests#that i need to chatter about but hate feeling like a bother. so dedicated spot for#bonus thoughts and ideas from the Artist seems fun lol#blender. draw. study birds. play skulls. blender again. birds
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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Friendship ended with google sheets, now filofax is my best friend
#i’ve been tying to come up with a system for verb conjugations#like recording all the verbs i’ve encountered in spanish and their conjugations. just in present tense for now and then i will learn#past and future and any other cases or tenses i may need#and i did buy a dedicated language journal (which i’m really enjoying using. it has habit trackers; lots of space for notetaking and doing#textbook exercises; sections for vocab lists and to write out/give examples of grammar rules; journal prompts for writing#in your target language etc) but it only has 48 verb conjugation tables#i have already encountered 77 different verbs in some form or another and recorded their infinitives so that i can table them#even if i’m just focusing on the present tense right now i do not have enough space and i don’t want to clutter up the rest of my note pages#with just conjugation tables#so i needed a system and at first i was going to do a spreadsheet but then i was like realistically i will spend WAY too long on the layout#and i don’t think i’ll actually use it that much because google sheets is so fucking awkward on my phone#i’d have to pull my whole laptop out just to look at this spreadsheet. it won’t be fun. it’ll seem too much like hard work#so i thought okay. what do i actually want from a verb conjugation system. some form of organisation for sure. colour coding#the ability to move stuff around if i want to#so i’m just using my filofax and various pens#it’s a personal size filofax so i can fit two verbs per page plus a couple of sample sentences using the verbs#i am SO much more likely to grab this and use it; especially if i keep it with my main language journal#and i can always add new pages. or if i run out of space i can take out verbs i’m confident with now and replace with verbs i’m trying#to learn. (i’m starting with just the most essential verbs. since that’s the ones i’m usually finding anyway in A1 content)#i’m really happy with this idea tbh. i don’t know if i already said that#personal
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desperately need a hobby that is not based around media consumption i think it would be good for me but well. i do not know what
#have been running through them in my head trying to find something but i can’t think…i dont really enjoy cooking im not as sporty as i used#2 be i do not think i have the patience for knitting or crochet or embroidering etc and i can’t think of much else…i have regularly#tried to keep a journal and it looks fun but i never manage to keep it going for very long i never know what to. put it in and it becomes#too much work :-/ need 2 think of something though i need something more relaxing than like. reading or watching something i think…#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again
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Idk how some of yall can be getting new f/os like every week I've been feeling nothing for like a MONTH
#jane journals#vent#negative#maybe more#like this HAPPENS. it has happened before and i HATE it every time#and thats on depression ig#ive been trying to doodle here and there too but i just havent been able to do anythinf digital#its physically painful ahfjfkg#i just want things to be fun again!!!#anyways im fine im still good#i do have a lot to be thankful for#i love my partner ���💗💗 and hanging out with my bff#im just like this bitch EMPTY!!#@ myself
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ive inherited a copy of lolita from my parents (i.e. i stole it from the library in our basement and started treating it like its mine) with the 1989 vintage international cover and i think its actually not that bad. better than the 50th anniversary one with the lips anyway imo (which is the cover for the library ebook vers ive checked out).
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like i think any cover that incorporates the "only convincing love story of our generation" quote anywhere kind of sucks on principle, and the fact that it features a photo of a girl at all really goes against nabakovs instructions, but compared to other covers that break those two rules, the haziness of the photo creates a really evocative atmosphere i feel matches the book more or less.
#im keeping most of my lolita thoughts to myself because i know it can be an uncomfortable book to talk about when#not intentionally trying to engage with it but. good lord ive highlighted a lot!#mostly stuff where H.H. is being a lying little bastard even in his narration#theres also this passage in ch14 after he um. 'stole the honey of a spasm' when dolores sat on his lap (not a fun passage to read lol!)#where he goes: What I had madly possessed was not she‚ but my own creation‚ another‚ fanciful Lolita—perhaps‚ more real than Lolita;#overlapping‚ encasing her; floating between me and her‚ and having no will‚ no consciousness—indeed‚ no life of her own.#(end quote. forgot quotation marks) which ohhhhh my god. subtlety is for losers lmao.#H.H. IS VERY VERY BAD AT MAKING HIMSELF LOOK GOOD DESPITE HIS BEST EFFORTS.#he claims he memorized charlottes confession of love perfectly and had conveyed in on paper perfectly#but also he completely skipped parts of it (including where she talks about her late son) and inserted the line:#'you would be a criminal--worse than a kidnapper who rapes a child.'#yes. im sure she said that. to the letter.#or when hes like i didnt marry charlotte with the intention to (extremely detailed grusome murder plan). but ill admit. i thought about it.#and then she oh so conveniently gets run over by a car when she discovers his journal. yeah. sure. right.#SORRY again i havent been Posting My Thoughts on it but i am having thoughts on it in general.#it really is a beautifully worded book though. its got great prose. makes the actions worse almost because its filtered through this#dreamy artistic self-justification. which - to go back to the original point of this post - i feel this cover conveys well LMAO#its so much better than the movies oh my god head in my hands#jumping between the most 2008 musical to ever exist‚ legally blonde fanfiction‚ and a controversial literary classic. im versatile.
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im a lil embarrassed that most of the posts ive posted (duh) as of late were text posts abt me being sick LMFAO n it feels silly to write this but i think i may log out of this acc for a lil while at least on mobile <3
#not being able to write is making me feel a lil dizzy dizzy#a lil embarrassed a lil 'i do not belong' ya know???#hm yeah i also need to get off my phone bc i start uni next week and i need to wake up early and im soooo stressed bc of another uni thingy#so...i will be deactivating 😔👊#im joking im joking#ofc i wont deactivate i think my shrink would kill me if i did anyway /hj#she was the once that convinced me to make the writing blog#but rn the internet doesnt feel good to me and i need to be more present and more real and prioritise other aspects of my life#i wanna be more stable and journal and move my body and read books bc i like the feeling of the paper and and#i had the sweetest ask ever about my book recs and i was also a lil embarrassed to respond bc im not much of a reader but i try TT#anyway !! aside from this mildly incoherent ramble which i loved writing ngl#i havent been writing a lot and i think ive lowkey un-hyperfixated on tr and jjk so the inspo isnt inspoing#and tbh that feels a lil awful to say bc tr has taught me so many things and helped me grow and im so painfully in love with shin but idk#idk what happened i think i just hit a lil bump in the road of life and the stress has me focused more on real life and other things than#my darling beloveds. and im sure itll pass like most things in life i will feel good again#but rn it doesnt. i havent even caught up with the latest ep of tr :') but nonetheless writing is one of my truest loves as well#so i will comeback hopefully with a few stories mapped out including a lil gojo series and all that fun jazz :D#i have shin naoto izana gojo and toji in store !! and tbh im not ready to just leave them all behind#ANYWAY OKAY this' gone for too long LMFAO but thank u if u read till here i think i needed to rant#that means ill probably be less active than im already am but ill be back !!#still i dont think this exactly qualifies as a hiatus so i wont mark it down as such wait is this a semi-hiatus??? lmfao idk but eh 🤷♀️#i love love love love love yall so so so much and forevever and always will#MWAH#<3
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thinking
#rant cw#🌙.txt#delete later#i had this online friend when i was like 14 and she was 2 years younger than me and we were really close for a long time#we kept in touch until i was about 19 i think and i don't remember how we drifted apart but we did#we still follow each other on insta though and we're still on each other's close friends list etc#and she has contacted me a few times to say she saw something that reminded her of me and she missed me#but i could never really hold a conversation with her#but like. when the flood happened last may i lost both of my journals and all of the letters i kept (including my ex's and my mom's)#EXCEPT for the letter this friend sent me for my 16th birthday#bc i had put it somewhere else and forgot to take it out and put it in my drawer with the other stuff#so i still have that letter bc it's the only one that was saved#and then last night i had this very... realistic (?) dream about her where she came down to my state and we spent the whole day hanging out#and it was so fun??#and it's been in my mind all day and i can't stop thinking about it 😭 so i feel like maybe i should dm her or something#but i'm kinda putting it off bc i'm not really in a talking mood this week and i feel like if i try to dm her i'll end up ghosting her 🙃#but idk. to be honest i feel kind of uncomfortable talking to her#mostly bc i feel embarrassed by how little my life has changed in the past 10 years#while she graduated got a decent job led a decent life and has been in an apparently good relationship for a long time now#she's just so well put together and i'm still the same 19 year old idiot except i'm 10 years older now#i mean for fuck's sake just yesterday i spent hours listening to songs i loved when i was a teenager as a way to escape the present lmaooo#and i know i can't truly know much about someone's life based on their instagram posts#but i can still see she's much better and more mature than me 💀#anyway. maybe i'll tell her about the dream and the letter when i feel like i'm in a better mood to try and keep a conversation going
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