28, F I S H M A N, AZ. Untrusting of left-handed women. Women hate-follow me. Helen Keller Denier. NOT BALD!!! PROFESSIONAL white knight. Californians and New Yorkers DNI. I will use my eventual degree in physics to prove that the Earth is flat. Basically an NHL scout. I am the next Fergie. Oppressor of the Shorts (men under 6'1" and women under 5'6" DNI). Anti-cheesecake. ALL SIX FOOT THREE INCHES OF SOLIDIFIED SEXY. Currently on the hunt for the Scroll of Napoleon to turn anyone into a white manlet for the rest of their days. I will wed Carrie Underwood and anyone who reads this is an accomplice.
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allow me to tell you of the grave error i made yesterday. it was 8pm. i was cooking moroccan stew. needed to let it simmer for 25 minutes before i added the chickpeas. i shall go upstairs, thought i, and take a shower, and leave the chickpeas on the counter to drain. puddles the cat is sleeping near the stove. i briefly consider locking her out of the kitchen - but surely even she, leviathan of unconquerable appetites, will not concern herself with hard, drained, uncooked chickpeas. surely not.
with this set-up in mind, what do you imagine i found when i came back downstairs?
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This is probably my favourite tweet ever hello we are your bank
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Your mother probably thinks you are a burden to the world and you should kill yourself and you know that
Sardine haul !!!!
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you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea
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happy birthday to large boulder size of a small boulder
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