#i love to believe that my soul goes searching for him when my body is asleep...

[weeping-mistytree]

I dreamed of him, after a long time, I dreamed of him, but it wasn't my body, it was kind of cruel I believe, how I can only dream of him when is through the eyes of somebody else... I wish he was my destiny, but the universe took him from me, I can't even dream about him anymore.

[crimsonwolf715]

What Have I Done?

{I know canonically that Dick’s fears are all mental hurdles (failure, his family not loving him, etc), but I like the idea of that soul eating guilt. So enjoy this definitely far (maybe not really far, but still far) from canon fic about Dick on fear toxin 🫡}

Scarecrow’s been out of Arkham for three days. Tim managed to find his location and the Bats are at the place so they can get him back to Arkham before he causes a major incident. 

“Scarecrow’s in the warehouse, so proceed with caution,” Bruce says. 

“You got it, old man,” Jason says. 

“I’m always cautious,” Damian says. 

“That is a lie,” Tim replies. 

“Don’t fight, you two,” Dick says. “Focus on Scarecrow.” 

The five split up and start searching the warehouse. 

Dick’s cautious when walking into each area, making sure he has an exit route. After searching half of his area, he walks into a room with his escrima sticks at the ready. There’s nothing in the room beside a large bookcase partially against one wall. Dick checks behind it for anything, then turns to leave. The door slams shut and he hears some kind of click. He runs over and starts trying to open the door. 

Gas starts coming in through the vents and Dick pulls his mask on. He keeps trying to manhandle the door open when something comes flying at him. He ducks and realizes that it’s a small rock. He turns the way it came from in just enough time to see another rock hit his mask. His mask cracks and he starts cursing. Gas fills the room and Dick continues to try to get out, but the door stays firmly in place. 

He’s holding his breath, trying to avoid inhaling any at all, but that doesn’t work. He can’t hold his breath long enough. He breathes it in and starts coughing immediately. It feels like it’s burning his nose and throat. He keeps trying to get out the door until he hears it. 

“Richard.” 

Dick turns and Bruce is standing there in full Batman uniform, giving Dick the full power of the Batglare™. 

“You’re a disgrace, a plague on this family,” Bruce says. “You failed me. You’re not a part of this family anymore.” 

“No, don’t do this,” Dick pleads. “I’m sorry, Dad.” 

“You should be. You’re a sorry excuse for a partner and a son.” 

Tears well up in Dick’s eyes. “ Please, stop. ” 

“You should just go back to Blüdhaven and never come back.” 

Dick starts crying. “ Dad. ” 

Bruce starts shouting that Dick needs to leave and Dick claws his comm out of his ear so he can better cover his ears. He hears his family start screaming in pain. He opens his eyes and sees all of them being brutally tortured by Joker, Two-Face, and Scarecrow. Dick squeezes his eyes shut, refusing to believe that’s what’s happening. A loud bang interrupts his family’s screams. Dick turns and Scarecrow’s there with a big ass sword. Dick pulls out his escrima sticks and attacks Scarecrow. The two start sparring, Dick having the upper hand. 

“Dick, snap out of it.”  

Scarecrow’s not going down with the usual amount of force, so Dick stops pulling his punches as much. 

“You’re worthless. You’ve failed the city and your family. My toxins will turn this city into a hellhole of despair.” 

Scarecrow uses his sword to disarm Dick. Dick throws a kick at him but he manages to dodge it. Scarecrow raises the sword and Dick grabs the knife out of his boot that he only keeps for emergencies. He throws it and it nails Scarecrow in the side. Scarecrow drops as Dick’s vision blurs. 

“No, I need to get him into custody and stop the bleeding.” 

Dick’s body gives out and he passes out. 

Dick wakes up and he’s in the warehouse. He sits up and Tim’s beside him, bleeding. It seemed like he was trying to stop the bleeding, but he passed out before he could. Dick goes over and realizes that he can’t move his right arm without excruciating pain. He ignores it and starts putting pressure on the wound. Jason runs into the room. 

“What the hell did you do?” Jason asks. 

“What did I do?” Dick replies, confused. 

“Tim was fighting you, so yes I’m asking you.” 

Dick backs away from Tim, realizing that he wasn’t fighting Scarecrow. He was fighting Tim. Jason rushes over to Tim. 

“What is wrong with you right now?” Jason asks. 

Dick’s back hits the wall and pain shoots through his shoulder. He ignores it as tears well up in his eyes. 

“What have I done?” Dick asks. 

Dick runs out of the room and he hears Jason shouting his name but he ignores it entirely. He makes it outside and trips. He lands on his knees, then throws up. Once he finally stops throwing up or dry heaving, which takes almost ten minutes, he looks for his comm. He doesn’t find it though. 

I must have left it inside. I remember I took it out because all I could hear was Bruce saying that I was a… I am a failure. I almost killed my little brother. Tim’s been through so much and I probably just gave him so much more trauma. He’ll never trust me again.  

Tears start falling and Dick quietly sobs there, unsure what else to do. 

“Dick.” 

Dick turns and even though he can barely see past the tears, he recognizes the outline of Batman. He starts crying harder, all of the things Bruce said earlier rushing back into his head. He feels Bruce’s hand on his good shoulder and he tries to push the hand away. He doesn’t deserve any kind of comfort. 

“Jason’s gotten Tim to Leslie and he’s gonna be fine,” Bruce says. “We need to get you there too.” 

“No.” 

“Tonight isn’t your fault.” 

“Yes it is. I’m supposed to protect my siblings, and I almost killed Tim. How am I supposed to live with myself, Dad?” 

Bruce pulls Dick into a hug, careful of Dick’s shoulder even though he didn’t tell him about the injury. Dick hugs Bruce back tightly and the sobbing resumes. 

“You’ll take it one day at a time, like we always do.” 

Bruce rubs Dick’s back until a small beep sounds. 

“I hear you. We’re on our way back now,” Bruce says to whoever’s on comms. 

“I… I can’t face him, Dad.” 

“I’m gonna take you to Leslie. We can discuss you talking to Tim once you’ve completely detoxed. I’m going to pick you up now, is that alright?” 

“Sure.” 

Bruce gently picks Dick up and takes him to the Batmobile. The drive is silent, Dick silently crying. When they get to the Cave, Tim’s nowhere to be seen. Leslie’s waiting for them though. 

“Go see Tim, Dad. I’ll be fine,” Dick says. 

“Are you…?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

Leslie gives him a checkup and aside from having to bite down on his lip hard enough to draw blood when she checks his shoulder, she doesn’t seem concerned. Dick’s barely hearing what she’s saying, but nothing concerning. 

“I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with your shoulder.” 

Dick turns to look at her. 

“I want to take you in to get scans,” Leslie says.

“Great, sounds perfect,” Dick replies.

“Don’t be sarcastic with me.” 

“I’m not. Get off my ass about it.” 

Leslie looks surprised and Dick sighs. “Sorry, I don’t mean that. I just… I don’t really want to be around right now, and I don’t really want to go to the hospital.” 

The elevator opens and Damian comes out. Dick watches as Damian makes a beeline for him. He braces himself for a lecture or criticism, anything to live up to how people should be treating him. 

“Are you alright, Grayson?” 

“God only knows what’s wrong with my shoulder, but other than that I’m peachy. Is Tim alright?” 

“Yes, Timothy’s fine. He didn’t lose too much blood thanks to the three of you and I apprehended Scarecrow with Father. Nothing for you to worry about.” 

“I hurt Tim.” 

“Under the influence of fear toxin. You clearly thought that you were protecting yourself from someone that would cause you permanent harm. No one blames you.” 

“Other than me,” Dick says. 

“Other than you,” Damian echoes. “I’m going to stay here with you for a while. Father’s speaking with Timothy and Alfred’s otherwise occupied.” 

Dick notices that Leslie’s in the elevator, but he doesn’t care to say anything. 

She’ll be back.  

Damian sits in front of Dick and leans against him. Dick runs his hand through Damian’s hair, quietly humming. 

“What song is this?” Damian asks. 

“I don’t know,” Dick answers. “My mom used to sing it but I can’t remember the words well enough to look it up.” 

“My mother used to sing to me as well.” 

“Yeah, it kinda seems to be a thing that moms do. Jason said that his mother always used to sing this one song to him and he always knew that it was time to settle down. He didn’t tell me what song it was because I would abuse that, which he technically isn’t wrong about, but even Tim said that his mother sang to him when she was around.” 

Damian nods and Dick goes back to humming. Damian falls asleep after a short while and Dick keeps running a hand through his hair, trying not to cry again. Jason comes down with his hands in his pockets. 

“What the hell did you do?”  

Dick looks back down at Damian so Jason can’t see the tears starting to fall. 

“My sweet baby,” Dick whispers. 

“Hey. Can we talk, Dickie?” Jason asks quietly. 

“Sure,” Dick answers, surprising himself with how steady his voice is. 

“I… You…” Jason takes a breath. “I’m sorry.” 

Dick looks up at Jason. “For what?” 

“I… Tim told us that you possibly had been affected by some kind of drugs and I blamed you the second I saw Tim’s condition.” 

“It’s my fault, Jason.” 

“It was the drugs.” 

“It was me. Drugs or not, it was my hands that hurt him. That wasn’t Scarecrow.” 

“Get your head out of your ass,” Jason says. “That’s not how this works. Those drugs make you completely hallucinate something different than what’s really there. As someone who’s killed people on that before, it’s not black and white. Tim’s fine and that’s great, but you need to get out of your head.” 

Dick goes to snap back at Jason and he finds he has nothing to say. Jason’s not wrong, but all Dick can think is that he hurt his little brother. That it could have been Damian. That Tim could have been a little less prepared and died because of him. 

“Jason…” 

“Yeah?” 

“I forgive you. You took the exact approach I did.” 

“Thanks. Leslie’s probably gonna be storming down here any minute.” 

“Did she tell Dad that I was refusing the hospital?” 

“Oh, she was going when I saw her. If that approach doesn’t work, then she’ll just come down here and give you a lecture.” 

“Yeah, sounds nice. As long as she isn’t too loud and wakes Damian.” 

“Oh, Damian got the normal fear toxin and the cure administered. He’ll be sleeping till morning regardless.” 

“Well, that makes him falling asleep in this position make more sense.” 

“He likes you.” 

“I’m sure he does, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s sleeping on me in a way that was perfectly normal for me with Bruce.” 

Leslie comes down with a triumphant look. 

“Bruce must have told her that you should go,” Jason says. 

“When was the last time he was the boss of me? I’m not moving.” 

“Alfred said that you had to get your shoulder checked out,” Leslie says. 

“Fine, I’ll go,” Dick says. “Jason, can you take Damian?” 

Jason gently picks up Damian, who huffs, but doesn’t wake up. Dick gets up and follows Leslie. She drives him to the hospital and she must have called ahead because it was ready when they got there. Dick goes through the process without complaint, even though he’d rather complain a lot. 

“How did this happen?” Leslie asks as she looks over the scans. 

“I don’t know,” Dick answers. “I barely remember most of tonight. That probably won’t stick, but I don’t know.” 

“Alright, I’ll see if Tim can let me know. If not, that’s fine. Your injury, thankfully, isn’t as bad as I thought it was. You’ll still have a recovery time for it, but it’s not too bad. No working while this is healing.” 

“I think I’m just gonna stay at home and hug my baby brother.” 

“I doubt Damian will let you hug him that long, but feel free to do that with one arm.” 

She goes through the plan with him and gets his arm in a sling, which is annoying. She takes him back to the manor and when he walks in, Bruce is sitting at the dining room table. 

“Hey, Dad,” Dick says. 

“Hey,” Bruce replies. “How’s your shoulder?” 

“Fine. I’ll be in this thing for a little while, but that’s not the end of the world. Why aren’t you with Tim?” 

“Tim wants to talk to you, so I was waiting for you.” 

Dick takes a breath, then nods. The two walk upstairs and Tim’s arguing with Jason about the proper way to hold Damian. 

“I am holding him just fine. He’s still asleep and he’s not complaining,” Jason says. 

“Hey, Dick,” Tim says. 

Jason turns. “Hey, Dickie.” 

“Hey, you two.” 

“I’ll give you guys a minute,” Jason says. “I’m gonna get Damian into his bed.” 

Jason heads out and Dick takes a seat. 

“I’m not mad at you,” Tim says. “I know it wasn’t you.” 

“Thanks, buddy. I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Dick replies. 

“Did I hurt your shoulder?” Tim asks. “I don’t really remember the end of the fight.” 

“I actually don’t know. I don’t really remember my shoulder getting hurt. I’ll be in this for a while and be fine, so it doesn’t really matter who hurt my shoulder.” 

“Hey, Dick?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You still see us as equals, right?” 

“Of course.” 

“So no hard feelings then. Batman’s kicked the shit out of ninety percent of the Justice League and they still don’t hold a grudge, much.” 

Dick nods. “Okay, deal. I didn’t think of it like that.” 

Tim shrugs. “Sometimes you need a more objective view. I’m trying not to be so objective about my relationships with you guys, but it’s good for things like this.” 

Dick ruffles Tim’s hair. “Alright, I’m gonna try to get some rest.” 

“I’ll see you in the morning, Dick.” 

“See you in the morning, Tim.” 

Dick heads to his room to try to get some rest.

[angelasscribbles]

Audrey's Broken Heart

Fandom: Astrea's Broken Heart (Romance Club)

Pairings: Audrey (F!MC) x multiple LI's

Word Count: 2,479

Rating: MA for mentions of violence

Warnings for this chapter: mentions of violence (canon), slight sexual innuendo.

A/N: So that last chapter (season 2, chapter 1) left something to be desired in my mind. So I rewrote it and tweaked a few things.

I have no idea who to tag other than @harleybeaumont because I don't know who is into this story and I can't even remember the RC blog that is like CFWC so here it goes out into the ether. May the odds be ever in it's favor!

My other stuff: Master List.

The world spun as I lay on my back, gazing up at the stained glass window above me.

So this is how I die.

The fucking irony.

I had escaped one religious cult only to fall victim to another… after a lifetime of avoiding and rejecting even the most mundane churches and religious philosophies.

How? How had I ended up here?

This was Ruth’s fault.

Assigning blame wouldn’t help me now. I needed help, but there was no one to call. My cell phone was gone, and no one even knew where I was. Instead, I prayed. I prayed to a God I had ceased to believe in. I prayed fervently as I cast my eyes around the church searching for a way out… a weapon… an ally…. Anything of use.

There was nothing.

Nothing and no one. And no response from God.

I closed my eyes against the inevitable. A deep, all-encompassing grief spread through me.

I wasn’t ready to die. 

Faces flashed through my mind, but not the ones you would think.

It wasn’t my parents or a lost love that occupied my dying thoughts. No. It was the four men who had inexplicably become my whole world.

David. He had offered to come with me or at least drive me here, but I hadn’t let him. I should have let him. But then he’d be in the same predicament. David. Sweet, sarcastic, passionate. The world needed him in it. At least I could die knowing he was safe. That was some amount of comfort.

Mikael. Would he be disappointed? Sad? I thought so, but I wasn’t sure. There seemed to be a connection between us, but nothing tangible, nothing ever spoken. He was the consummate professional. He would be there to comfort the others.

Cassiel. His job was to protect us. Where was he now? Would he blame himself? I hoped not. He was already too serious, too angry at the world. Despair filled me as I realized that the progress we’d made would die with me. All those cracks in his armor would refill and seal shut forever.

Raphael. He lived with a deep, pervasive sadness. This would only make it worse. It might destroy him. He was too good for this world. Compassionate. Caring. Vulnerable. As I lay dying, I swore I could feel his soft lips on mine again.

There was a commotion and my eyes fluttered open, but what I saw didn’t make any sense. Or maybe it did.

I saw an angel, which was appropriate because I was dying. Had he come to collect my soul?

I could feel my life slipping away. I was too weak to fight anymore, too weak to even cry out for help, too weak to understand what was happening around me.

No one was trying to kill me anymore. The cult members had scattered. A booming voice filled the room, promising damnation and darkness.

The angel was raining vengeance down on the evildoers. It would have made me happy if I’d had the energy to feel anything at all.

Through the last vestiges of consciousness, my fog addled brain registered something wholly impossible.

The angel…. It was Raphael.

My eyes closed again as I sank into the darkness.

The next thing I was aware of was the warmth of my own bed.

My body was leadened. I couldn’t move or speak, but I knew I was home, and more importantly, alive.

Barely.

I was vaguely aware of voices as I faded in and out of consciousness. Distressed murmurs. Fervent pleas to live. Voices that rose and fell in discord and grief.

When my eyes opened, I was in a verdant valley of lush green grass and rolling hills. The sky above me was a vibrant blue.

Across the valley was a glimmering golden light pulsating from an open portal. I could feel the peace emanating from it. I felt pulled toward it. I wanted to go to it, enter it, and forget all the pain and chaos of the world I’d left behind, but when I took a step toward it, I felt an equally compelling pull in the other direction. I turned to look back and found myself staring down at my own body.

Mikael perched next to me holding my hand, heedless of the blood covering it, and now him. “I can’t hear her.” His voice was filled with despair.

I felt his touch and the pull to go back became slightly stronger. I took a step in that direction and paused again, casting a glance back at that golden glow that promised peace.

My mother appeared beside me. Laying her hand on my shoulder, she gave me a look filled with compassion, love, and regret. “It’s up to you if you go back or not.”

“Mom?” My voice quivered. I opened my mouth but couldn’t decide which of the million questions spilling through my head I should ask.

Before I could process the fact that my mother was with me, that I was being offered a choice between continuing life or not; before I could ask her anything, the pull from my body grew stronger.

“You were sent to us for a reason, Audrey…”

I looked back to see Mikael holding my body close to his. Mikael covered in my blood. Mikael pouring his healing energy into my broken body. Mikael with tears of grief pouring down his face. My choice was made, and I was suddenly back in my body.

“I’m sorry, Audrey, but healing souls is beyond my power…”

What power was he talking about? I still couldn’t speak, couldn’t open my eyes. Everything hurt. He lowered me onto the bed and laid his head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. He started to pull away from me, but I finally managed to move, wrapping my arms around him weakly.

He froze. Hope filled his voice. “Audrey?”

I clutched at him tighter, and he moved so that he was lying next to me, cradling me in his arms. “It’s okay, Audrey. I’m here, I’m here.”

“Audrey?” It was Raphael’s voice, and it flooded me with memories of dying. Quiet but terrified sounds issued from the back of my throat.

He tried again. “Audrey, you are home. You are safe.”

Yes. Home. Safe. Raphael was here, Mikael was here. I was safe. My eyes fluttered open and my heart surged with joy and relief when I saw his face. Then my gaze dropped to his white shirt, rumpled and soaked in blood. Was it my blood? Or the blood of the cult members?

No. That was impossible.

The image of Raphael as an avenging angel came back to me, and I swear I saw him that way again. Standing in my bedroom at Astrea, glowing with wings sprouting from his back. I clutched harder to Mikael as I shrank away from him.

Pain flashed through Raphael’s eyes. “Audrey, I saved you. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

I blinked several times. One moment he had wings, the next moment he didn’t. I was losing my mind. Of course Raphael would never hurt me.

Mikael held me tight and reassured me. “It’s okay, Audrey. Raphael would never hurt you.” Then to Raphael, “She’s been through a trauma. She needs time.”

“Of course, I’ll go.” He sounded so broken that my heart shattered.

“Wait!” I cried out. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Audrey. Would you like me to take away the memory?”

I blinked up at him as he approached. “What?”

“I can take away the memory of what you saw.”

“How?”

He gave me a sad smile. “The same way Mikael healed you. There are things about us that you don’t know. Your memories will be recoverable, but this will give your mind a chance to heal before we confront all that.”

“No.” I shook my head as a vision of my mother in a verdant meadow flashed through my mind. “Don’t take my memories. Just…. Hold me for a moment?”

Mikael released me as I was engulfed in Raphael’s arms. I clung to him as if my life depended on it. He had saved me. Twice now. The memory of him catching me when I had fallen swirled through my mind. I had no idea what he was or if my mind had been playing tricks on me in that church, but to the very core of my soul, I knew that this being would never hurt me. None of them would. The tears started as my body began to shake, a delayed reaction to the horror I had experienced.

A clatter in the hallway drew everyone’s attention. Mikael excused himself to check on it. I heard raised voices in the hallway. Mikael’s and David’s.

Snippets of the conversation floated in to me. Enough to discern that David had done something to the villagers and that Mikael wasn’t happy about it.

I pushed away from Raphael and looked up into his face. “Let him in. I want David. Please!”

I needn’t have asked. The next moment, he was barging through the door. “Audrey! Audrey, are you okay?”

I pushed myself up into sitting as he threw himself onto the bed. Another man covered in blood, but not mine. David hadn’t been there like Raphael and he wasn’t the one that had healed me like Mikael.

The cult members. The villagers. I instinctively knew whose blood it was and why. He hadn’t been there in time to rescue me, but he had avenged me, and I loved him for it.

“I think so,” I answered as he pulled my body this way and that, inspecting me for injuries. When he was satisfied that I was no longer dying, he embraced me fiercely as tears slipped down his face. “I thought we had lost you!”

“I’m here. I’m alive. Thanks to Raphael and Mikael.”

Raphael wrapped his arms around me from the other side, and the three of us sat that way for a long while.

When David pulled away to wipe the wetness from his face, I looked around the room to find Mikael standing awkwardly at the end of the bed. I gave him a weak smile. There was only one person missing.

Before I could ask where he was, Cassiel appeared in the doorway, as if summoned by my thoughts.

“How is she—” his question was cut short as his eyes fell on me sitting up in the bed.

He then did the most un-Cassiel thing I’d ever seen. A smile of relief and joy lit up his face as he bound across the room and leapt onto the bed unceremoniously knocking the other men out of his way as he scooped me into his arms and hugged me firmly against him while raining kisses on the top of my head. “Audrey, you’re alive!”

“Yes!” a laugh burst out of me despite the terror I’d been through. Cassiel acting like an over exuberant puppy was possibly even more surprising and unlikely than me being kidnapped by a deranged cult.

I looked around at the other three men, but none of them seemed upset at being displaced.

David was a little bemused while Raphael radiated nothing but happiness. Mikael wore a thoughtful expression as his eyes traveled from me to each of the other men.

The image of wings sprouting from Raphael’s back was still occasionally there when I gazed at him, but it was fading as I convinced myself that part had been a dream.

But I was healed. Raphael had managed to save me somehow. Mikael had done something to bring me back. Raphael had admitted to having powers. And David had somehow gotten to the village and back in a time frame that didn’t seem wholly possible.

I pushed all of that to the side. There would be time for questions later. I needed a shower. And food.

Cassiel released me and moved away as if suddenly embarrassed by his outburst. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I told him before requesting privacy for a shower.

I stood before the bathroom mirror and inspected my body. There were no cuts, scrapes, bruises, or other signs of the torture I had endured.

How was that possible?

I hugged myself for a moment before stepping under the spray of hot water. Whatever had happened, I was happy to be alive and whole again. At least physically.

When I emerged from the shower, there were fresh, clean sheets on my bed. I sank into it gratefully.

One by one, the guys showed back up. Mikael brought food with him. I devoured it. I guess almost dying works up an appetite. I noticed they had all showered and changed as well. All physical proof of my ordeal had been erased. My body had been healed. My mind and soul were going to take a little longer.

Cassiel was the first to move toward the door. “I guess we should get out of here and let you get some rest.”

My cheeks flamed red as I stared down at my comforter and asked, “Could one of you stay?”

David spoke up immediately. “I’ll stay!”

“We’ll take turns.” Mikael’s tone brooked no disagreement.

“Fine,” David acquiesced, “I’ll take the first shift.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Raphael said. “You’ve been through a horrible ordeal. It’s normal to need support.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“I’ll be here in two hours to relieve you,” Cassiel told David, then turning his attention to me said, “We won’t leave you alone and I promise no one will ever hurt you again.”

Something in his tone made my heart race. I believed him.

The others trailed out of the room. Someone clicked the light off.

David gazed at me with the same intensity he always did, but all the playfulness was gone. “Tell me what you need, little witch.”

The familiar nickname earned a small smile from me as I snuggled into the covers. “Just talk to me until I fall asleep.”

“I can do that.”

“Would it be weird if I asked you to lay in the bed with me?”

His mischievous grin finally returned. “If I ever say no to that, go ahead and shoot me because I’ve clearly lost my mind.”

“Stop it,” I scoffed, “I’m serious!”

“So am I.”

He climbed into bed and tenderly wrapped his arms around me. As if he were afraid I would break. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.” My body relaxed into his. I listened to the sound of his voice as the horror of the day receded a little.

As I slipped off to sleep, I knew one thing for certain. Everything bad that had ever happened to me had happened outside these walls. Whatever was going on in here, I was safe. I was surrounded by love. I was home.

[taranida]

The first (probably? maybe?) book Alan Wake forgot he had written

Always, Alan, always.

Alright, in my last post I left a few questions unanswered and I want to clear them up one by one. I honestly didn’t believe that so many people would read the theory, and am very grateful for the attention it has received. This whole blog was created to write down everything my brain (and my dear fellow theorist J) cooked up after playing and replaying AW, AWAN, Control and AWII, and I would like to sort it all by writing about each point in details. It helps to make it make sense and notice the holes.

Now, let’s cut to the chase. The first point I mentioned last time was:

in the guide for the first game we can read excerpts from the book “Taken by the Dark Presence” found in a shoebox that has no author, but has initials of T.Z. and J.Z. on some pages, apparently written in the late 1960’s. And, oh boy, I have lots of questions for this one!

I will lay out what I’ve found and then my thoughts about it, and also how it all ties to “who wrote what”, because the buzzing question of “who wrote whom”is not something I’m interested in exploring atm. At least not until I will deal with the whole “Thomas ‘Tom’ Zane” mystery.

So, the book from the shoebox titled “Taken by the Dark Presence”. It’s filled with tips and tricks about enemies that we encounter on Alan’s journey and how to deal with them. Obviously, there is a lot of info, but I’ve chosen bits that are important for my purposes. Here are those excerpts from it:

It is stated, as you can see, in the introduction to this section of the guide, that focuses on fighting the Taken and Poltergeists, that the information is drawn from the book of an unknown writer, who composed it in the late 1960, with a little hint of initials and a huge hint of the POV being Thomas Zane’s: “corporeal form is my Barbara. My dear, sweet love.”

It does go against my theory of Thomas spending a week with Barbara-the-Dark-Presence in the cabin, not going outside to face Taken; after all, the info there is a text book of “tell me it was written by Thomas Zane without telling it”. If not for mentioning the Dark Presence wearing Barbara’s skin, it would be fine on that account; we have strong evidence that Taken were lurking around even before Thomas wrote his piece to bring Barbara back. Yes, Robert “The Colonel” Hambleton’s article will be repeated here:

And the end result of the poor writer’s visit:

All point to Thomas actually being in the midst of fighting and fleeing, although I cannot even start guessing for what and from what, I will again stress out two pieces of information that point to the Dark Presence playing the role of the loving Barbara, as it was written by Thomas:

And Cynthia’s words:

“The witch looked like her, but it wasn’t. Barbara was sweet. He didn’t understand until it was too late. He tried to undo it, wrote himself, her, everything he’d ever written out of the world.”

Thomas, as we can guess, didn’t understand who hid behind Barbara’s face for some time, and, when he did, was free to tie her, carve her heart out and write this secret poem, mentioned in “This House of Dreams”, that allowed him to escape, giving up his body to the Bright Presence, and drag the real Barbara’s essence (soul, spirit) with what was left of him into a safe heaven, their personal paradise. So, why would he run into the forest and fight bulldozers and Taken?

He didn’t. There is one little thing that makes this book’s author surely not Thomas — the flashbangs. I’m in no way a weapon enthusiast, let alone, specialist, but I’m alright with search engines. As far as the history of this particular grenade goes, it was invented by the British Army in the late 70s and adopted by the US some years later. Thomas Zane, who lived only till 1970, couldn’t have knowledge, let alone, this very item on his hands at the time. Yet it’s clearly stated in the book: “flashbang attacks if possible” and “coax numerous enemies around you, and then drop a flashbang”. In the first game even Alan is surprised to find this weapon not in the police cars:

And he lives in 2010, when flashbangs are already a known weapon, although, as I understand are not so easily obtained by civilians (if not at all; I’m not from US and can rely only on the info from the internet). It seems as if this particular bunch of flashbang-nades was placed there by some otherworldly means.

Taking all that, my belief is that “Taken by the Dark Presence” is a book written into reality by Alan — to help him on his journey — after he decided to make himself a protagonist in the story the Dark Presence was forcing him to write. Through the “Writer in the Cabin” TV’s we see how he slowly changes his stance on his “editor”, how he realises that something is wrong and he must change the story, giving himself the best chance to survive to save Alice (and not to plunge the world into eternal darkness preferably). That will also explain the J.Z. initials on the pages of the book: Alan, during that week, was not thinking clearly and could just mess names up.

As a side note, I’m extremely new to tumblr and have no idea how people here get into conversations, for me the comment section is the way to go, but I see rebloggs with tags or ideas I would love to discuss and have no clue what to do with them. I would highly appreciate if anyone who wants to add something or chat about a post to make themselves known in the comments as well. Or a message; both are great.

[swallowedbyfandom]

Penelope wakes from the void feeling lighter than she has in years. Colin Bridgerton had been an albatross around her neck, without the partial bond tugging on her senses she is blissfully free. She staggered over to her mirror to undress and inspect herself. She would rather be unmarked than bare any trace of Colin on her body.

She stands naked as the day she was born in front of her mirror laughing in wild delight. Fate has finally been kind to her. No longer shall she languish as a prisoner to half her soul. She has a glorious new soul mark made up of beautiful flowers with beautiful meanings. She will grasp this new opportunity with both hands. She will not allow a single Bridgerton back into her life, not even Violet. She is free they will not shackle her to the betrayer of her soul. Never again.

The last thing Portia expects to see when she goes to check in on her daughter is finding her Penelope standing defiant, proud, and naked in front of her mirror with tears of laughter and joy in her eyes. Those joyful eyes shoot over to her in the mirror and suddenly her Penelope is a different creature all together. There are no traces of joy only rebellion on her face.

"I will run away and marry a footman before I allow you to entrap me into marriage with Mr. Bridgerton. I don't care what benefits you think it will bring our family. I have been freed from a bond that has choked me since I was a girl of ten. I will not go back."

Harshly Portia retorts, "If you had told me you were both partially bonded I would have had you married, instead of wasting my resources debuting you."

"Please you would never have believed me. When have you ever believed a thing I say? It is too late now, I will not live your life. You represent me as the only child you had after Papa betrayed your bond. You settled for treating me ill instead of having the courage to turn your back on him. I will not make the same mistake."

"I am your mother, you will do as I say."

"I most assuredly will not. You gave birth to me but you have never been my mother. I will drag our family's tattered reputation further into the gutter before the whole of society if you interfere with my love life. You will find I have nothing left to lose but my freedom and there is much I will sacrifice to keep it."

Portia can see it in her eyes, Penelope will burn everything and everyone to the ground to avoid marriage to Colin Bridgerton. Hell she may enjoy burning it all, in retribution for what she has endured. Her youngest daughter is a stranger to her. She loves Penelope she does but she also hates that Penelope is a child born from a severed bond. She is a reminder of betrayal and weakness to her.

"Do not test my resolve, mother. I promise you will be appalled by the lengths I go to and the spite I harbor. I want to be left alone during the off season. Next season I will pursue the marriage mart in search for a husband. I will arrange my own sponsor and chaperones."

Portia exits with rage and pride burning under her chest. She will wash her hands of Penelope unless she does something that causes a scandal. The sooner she leaves the better. Still Portia is going to make Colin Bridgerton regret surviving the bond, he ruined her ball and overshadowed her marvelous fireworks display.

Penelope watches her mother leave with relief. She will not allow anything to taint her new start. She pulls her nightgown back on and calmly rings her bell for food, tea, and a bath. There is much she must accomplish today. She must put out her paper, make plans to leave Mayfair before Colin recovers enough to call on her.

She needs time to grieve, plot, and heal. She needs to learn how to put herself first. Who is she? What is she, when she is not busy being the other half of Colin Bridgerton's soul? What is her future, now?

She knows she must grow a thicker skin. The Ton will be dissecting her every move searching for weaknesses. All will be searching for that elusive reason to explain why charming Colin Bridgerton did not want her. She will not take the blame for this. He had acknowledged their soul bond when he was twelve and she was ten. Then he had gone off to Elton and returned a distant figure. Somewhere along the way he changed his mind and decided he could do better.

She could not be gracious about his rejections any longer, with the severance she no longer has to. She is so very tired of being gracious of other people's faults. He is not hers anymore, she shall not concern herself with him or his family in anyway other than avoidance.

She will be gone from Mayfair tonight. She will miss most of the Bridgerton's but she has to move on. A clean break from her once fated family is a price she is willing to pay. She shall send a farewell for Lady Violet to thank her for her years of kindness but that is all, she can afford. Perhaps she will send Lord Bridgerton a note so he can keep his family away from her. Yes that would be best the last thing she needs is dutiful Anthony Bridgerton deciding she is his responsibility. She will have to nip that nonsense in the bud.

She sets her maid to packing her belongings for a long trip. She has discreet travel arrangements to make and some documents to drop off. Thank god she already had forged identification documents in the event she was discovered as Lady Whistledown. She will be able to disappear without the Bridgertons tracking her down.

[undercoverbisexualfrog]

Fazbear Frights AU

The members of the Foot Clan (plus me and my mutual’s OCs) are high school students who tale the place of Fnaf Fazbear Frights stories. Now they’re all stuck living in purgatory together and get to watch each other’s stories during 'observation'. @solofanatic64 helped me a bunch with this so thank you SO much I can't thank you enough literally 90% of the stuff below is from her.

Characters in Order of Death:

Anton, To Be Beautiful

Made up of scrap metal and sewn on body parts, but he’s pretty shit at sewing so Ivan does it for him

Has major speech problems, really only Ivan understands him so has been designated as his translator

Only has one working eye, can’t fix it but there’s no mirrors around and his hands are really shaky

Mason is replaced by Ivan

If he loses a limb during observation he'll get it back once they get to purgatory (he still tries to find it)

Sometimes he still hears Eleanor's song when he's trying to sleep

Hair is a mix of his natural hair and ‘beautiful’ hair and can’t style it differently

Anton's limbs were discovered in his home but not before Eleanor fled, his death is considered a cold case

TC, Count the Ways

Possesses Funtime Freddy so can go back to Earth via him

Has Funtime Freddy in place of his head, has to hold his human head in his arms

Can’t remove Funtime Freddy head because that’s what killed him

Missing his right hand

TC stands for Takeshi Chouriki, not Tiger Claw

TC is the least unsettling to look at since the decapitation was clean

Get dizzy very easily due to the constant movement of his head, sometimes the others think it’s funny to take it and throw it around

Body was found by his grandfather eventually, it is believed he was murdered then put there to hide the body, no one suspects the actual animatronic

Ivan, The New Kid

The oldest of the many souls possessing Golden Freddy

Possesses Golden Freddy so can go back to Earth via him, can pick stuff up but is limited to inside the pizzeria

Wears a Golden Freddy mask, can’t remove it since he was killed by the animatronic

Completely mangled arm, covers it up with oversized clothing, he has limited movement in it now

Voice is raspy but not as raspy as Yasmin’s since he died of blood loss

Even after all the bodies were found at the abandoned pizzeria, it was never taken down and Kelsey continues to lure kids there, it breaks Ivan’s heart every time

Instead of having an obsession over Heather, Ivan is having issues coping with Anton’s disappearance, the story at the start isn’t about Heather’s sisters being killed but instead a love story that ends gory

Mick eventually told someone about Ivan's plan to find Kelsey, but it was far too late to save him

Diamonte 'Di' (OC), Hide-and-Seek

Has shadowy rabbit ears and a tail

Still has wooden stakes poking out of his torso

His shadow is sentient, it's unknown whether it's his own or Shadow Bonnie

Bloods leaking out of his mouth constantly and it will never stop

Constant discomfort on his back from the scrubbing

Di’s shadow can’t talk, but it’s very expressive and makes a lot of sounds

He’s the only one with a shadow

When his body was found, it was thought to be either him taking his own life or a 'horrible accident'

Chris, The Breaking Wheel

Takes Julius’s place, not Reed

Can’t move at all without the exoskeleton

Has these spasms where he goes and attacks the others until they turn of the exoskeleton

They also turn off the exoskeleton a lot, just to be dicks

Tries to justify being an asshole by saying it's fair since he's the only one who feels pain after death

Bloods leaking out of his mouth constantly and it will never stop

The only one who feels actual pain, everyone else just feel discomfort

He was found by Pickle and Shelly, but escaped, there have been search parties for him but no luck so far

Baxter, Gumdrop Angel

Missing body parts because of being eaten and all

Gumdrop nose is gone and already eaten by some other poor kid

Doesn’t have legs but Ivan found a wheelchair for him at the abandoned pizzeria, Di or TC usually pushes him (if it's TC Baxter had to hold his head)

Has tried working on prosthetics and stuff for himself but he has only one arm

Completely numb in gummy parts

Constantly has a sugary taste in his mouth

Some of his human body has been restored but it's still mostly gummy

No one will ever find out what happened to him, it'll just be a cold case

Xever, Jump for Tickets

Possesses Coils the Clown so can go back to Earth via him, can pick stuff up but only when in control of Coils

Has a Coils the Clown mask, can remove it since he wasn’t killed by the animatronic, he never wears it because he thinks it makes him look dumb and makes a massive deal out of it

Arms are kinda lanky like Coils’s post-death

There's a second soul in Coils but he doesn't know who it is, he’s never seen them but has talked to them multiple times, all he knows is they tried to warn him before his death

Bloods leaking out of his mouth constantly and it will never stop

Coils’ speech is limited to a few prerecorded lines so Xever can’t communicate to anyone

Sometimes goes down to control Coils just to get away from everyone else, always tries to stop people from going to the Jump for Tickets machine

His body was found by a maintenance worker after hours, there are theories on the series of events that led him underneath the Ticker Pulveriser but no conclusive evidence

Comet (@solofanatic64’s OC), Sea Bonnies

Body is made up of only water, sea bonnies, brain, and eyes, but she has impaired vision

Doesn't have vocal cords so sea bonnies talk for her, they sound like hundreds of blubbery high-pitched voices speaking at once

Usually carried in a fish tank because she tends to lose sea bonnies when she steps

Has some extra watery features such as sea bonnie ears and a tail, along with having a few sea bonnies to act as her eyebrows, she’s also wearing a purple raincoat with a hot pink bow on the top front

Sea bonnies died with her, now they're a hive mind that she semi-controls (she gets them to talk for her, can move the eyebrow ones, and can hear each other's thoughts)

Can't completely contain the water (e.g. anytime she takes a step, she leaves a puddle of water behind, anytime she touches/hits somebody, she splashes them), sea bonnies also sometimes fall out so when that happens they disintegrate and respawn inside her

The sensation of the sea bonnies swimming around doesn’t hurt her (anymore), but it still feels weird

Claudia watched her disintegrate, but no one believes her and Comet is considered missing

Yasmin (OC), Find Player Two!

Doesn’t have any physical injuries like the others do (yet), her soul form will resemble her mummifying corpse as time passes

Rather than everyone waiting 10 years or so for observation, they’re shown a flashback of what’s happened in her story

Developed claustrophobia after her death

Still trying to find Mary Jo in the afterlife, but she hasn’t yet

She's grown extremely attached to Xever since their deaths

Yasmin’s voice is very raspy due to dehydration having a part in her death, drinking water doesn’t help at all

She and Xever are the only ones who were friends in life, she was devastated to know she’d lost another friend, he was devastated to know that she was next

No one will ever find her body, it'll just be a cold case

Ask Me Stuff!

[genericpuff]

Okay I need someone to know there is an equally bad Hades x Persephone story (it might've been self published? But I'm not sure. I read it years ago as a gift from a friend).

But the basic premise of the story is very similar to a touch of darkness and lore Olympus. The names are changed slightly - Persephone is now Persy or something and hades is Hayden.

Persephone works at an accounting firm or something as a new hire and guess who the new business partner is that her company is trying to strike a deal with? Hades who's Uber rich and handsome. Only difference is for some reason Persephone has the power to make people tell her their deepest secrets so like for example when she was a kid people would confess creepy things to her - like her middle school teacher blatantly admitting to being a pedophile and she does nothing about it. (Granted it's like what would she do even magic powers aren't admissible in court but still). And there's a love triangle with some random human guy? Who is immune to her powers through sheer will power (and masturbation. Yes this is a plot point).

At some point Persephone travels Hayden's domain (which is somewhere in Asia like Shanghai for some reason and not Greece). I gave up at that point. There was lots of creepy things going on in the story a la "young new girl Persephone is constantly almost assaulted at every turn due to her irresistible beauty and people's need to tell her their secrets").

Worst book I've ever read. It's so bad I cannot for the life of me remember the title but it fashioned itself as a modern retelling of Hades and Persephone.

Could it have been The Cursed God? That's what I pulled up from a google search at least LMAO

Here's the summary:

"Hades is coming for me. But that doesn't mean he can have me . . . He says he knows me. Who I am. What I am. I'm pretty sure my boss Hayden is on some sort of weird power trip. He's sexy as hell, but has an arrogance that spells danger. I'm only serving drinks in his seedy strip club until I can afford my own flower shop. I just have to avoid the inexplicable pull between us in the meantime. Then he claims I'm Persephone and he's Hades, the God of the Underworld. He says I was taken from him and now he's here to awaken my spirit so he can take me back to the underworld. That his position in the underworld depends on it. Either he's crazy . . . or I'm a mythical goddess. A queen of the underworld. His Queen."

There was another one I found called Descent. And its summary is equally crazy:

"He was my savior once. Twice. Now he’s become my tormentor.

Hayden Montgomery was my best friend’s big brother. The last time I saw him was that Halloween night. The night he found me in the ruin of the chapel. The night he carried me home through a storm that was the omen warning us all of what would come.

That was five years ago. Now, he’s back. But he’s not the same man he was.

Once upon a time, I’d fantasized about our happily-ever-after. Once upon a time, I think I loved him.

But that was before he stood in the wreckage that is now my life and offered me the solution to my problems. And the cost? My body and my soul.

There’s something dark between Hayden and me. It binds us for better or for worse. Mostly worse. Like the moth to the flame, we can’t seem to resist the draw.

I just don’t know which of us is the moth and which the flame, but either way, we’re both going to get burned."

That last bit about the moth and flame is just- it's so delightfully Twilight "the lion fell in love with the lamb" vibes.

Anyways. Those are the two closest ones I could find that matched your description, but this has me learning that there are ... a LOT of 'modern' retellings of H x P that involve Persephone being an uwu babygirl and Hades being some wet rag abusive dickhead named Hayden. This is a sub-genre I didn't know existed and now I'm wishing I could just scrub my brain of it LOL

On the one hand, part of me now wants to believe that this issue goes deeper than Rachel, that Rachel is just yet another side effect of a bigger problem... but then I spot all the publication dates on these H x P "dark romance" books are from 2019 onwards. Obviously LO doesn't exist in a vacuum either, it's clear it took influences from works that existed before it, it's not the first "modern" retelling of Greek myth. But I can't help but feel a sense of dread that really makes me wonder just how much LO's existence has subsequently oversaturated the market with these "retellings" of a story that was originally a tragedy and meant to sympathize with the mothers whose daughters were forced into marriage, the same way 50 Shades and Twilight oversaturated the market with the "dark romance" genre itself, which is really just a dog whistle for abusive relationships at this point.

Don't really have anything else to say to close out this post. It's just depressing and I desperately want us all to hurry the fuck up and outgrow it instead of dressing up the same abusive "relationships" with a new coat of paint every 5-10 years.

[lady-o-ren]

FROM THE EDGE OF THE BLACK SEA

After a deadly confrontation with the Laird and Warchief of Clan Mackenzie, the last son of Lallybroch goes on a frantic search for his one true love, praying he isn't too late . . .

//

Jamie's found his runaway heart in the ruins of an old abbey by the sea.

He swings his long leg from off his great stallion's back and crosses what's left of the crumbling stone archway to the back where the wall of the abbey has collapsed.

Claire sits there amongst the rubble and weeds with her knees pulled up to her chest, transfixed by the rhythmic rise and fall of the black ocean waves. Was she longing for them to sweep her away?

Jamie couldn't bear the thought of losing her, even as guilt gnawed away at his guts for being the one to have selfishly brought her to this savage place.

For failing to keep her safe.

He can see the bruises on her neck with the lifting of her long dark curls by the cold misty wind and can only imagine what other marks hide beneath her cloak and crumpled dress, making his blood burn black with rage.

As if she's heard the mad thrashing of his heart, Claire looks over her shoulder and her eyes that could bewitch a man into giving up his soul widen in a burst of golden surprise.

"You idiot!" She cries to Jamie's horror. "You damned stupid fool!"

Seizing a rock, Claire hurls it at his head, followed by another and another after that. She then attempts to run when Jamie makes a move to grab her and becomes trapped against his chest.

"Let go of me!" She shouts, jerking violently in his arms wrapped ironclad around her.

"Sassenach! Claire! I'm not here to hurt ye!"

"Let go of me, damn you! Let go!"

The desperation in her voice tears at Jamie's very soul making his arms drop like lead at his sides.

Claire stumbles forward but doesn't run off like he feared she would. Instead she turns to face him, glaring fiercely, with her breath coming out in hurried white puffs around her flushed and freckled cheeks.

"Why did you follow me?" She demands.

"Why the hell did ye leave the castle wi'out telling me? Surely ye must've kent I'd search night and day for ye," Jamie fires back, shuddering with frustration and exhaustion from his tireless pursuit of her.

"It doesn't matter why. You weren't supposed to follow me anyhow." She waves her hand to the trees beyond them that blanket the hills. "Now Dougal will send the entire clan after us thinking you've betrayed him. "

"He won't. I made sure of that," says Jamie, voice cold and unrepentant as the tide crashing against the cliff side, eyeing her bruised throat.

Claire clasps her hand to it.

The same one she slashed Dougal's face and bare chest with in the shadows of her bedchamber, drawing blood that she can still taste like poison on her lips.

"You didn't have to - he didn't -"

Blood rushes to Jamie's face, furious as a thundercloud.

"I did what needed to be done to protect ye, Claire. "

"Jamie, that's all you've ever done for me. That's why I didn't tell you about Dougal. I didn't want to put you in danger."

"You think I care about myself? He hurt ye dammit!"

Jamie slams his fist against a standing stone.

"The one I've waited all my life for. Who holds the whole of my heart . . ." He takes a step closer, voice low and thick with passion. "The one I love."

Claire takes a step back, not daring to believe. Her voice a quivering whisper.

"You can't mean that."

Jamie fixes her with a searing blue gaze and says -

"Have I ever lied to ye?"

The tears come hot and fast down Claire's cheeks and Jamie does his best to thumb them away, lifting her face that's ethereal as a star in his big hands. Oh, how lovely she is.

"Since when?" She murmurs tearily. "How long?"

"From the moment I gave ye the breath of my body while you struggled for air on the shore, when ye weeped in my arms for what was lost to ye that first night at Leoch, my heart and soul have belonged to you. Even in death when I'm nothing more than dust in the wind and far beyond the hereafter, my love for you will never waver." He rests his brow against hers, bowed as if in prayer. "This I promise you wi' all that I am. Will you have me?"

Claire reluctantly pulls away and looks up at his face beaming with devotion she's never known, could never dream of, hands grasping at his chest.

"More than anything I want to say yes -"

"Then say yes!" Jamie sings, his lips brushing the corner of her mouth as he says so, clutching her waist to his.

"But the clan -" Claire pleads, cupping his stubbled cheek, forcing him to meet her gaze. "They'll kill you because of me."

Jamie lays his hand on her wrist, feeling her pulse throbbing hard against his palm and squeezes it.

"My uncle had many enemies and a great many of them are drinking to his death right now not knowing who gave their laird the final blow nor caring. And as for us," a shy and hopeful smile illuminates his face that gives Claire's heart an ache so sweet. "They'll think we've eloped just like my mother and father did. That damned fool James Fraser, they'll say, bewitched by his silkie bride."

And then there's no longer a need for words or even air as Claire once more takes Jamie's breath away, this time with a joyful, heavenly kiss.

//

Backstory: Jamie finds Claire on a rocky shoreline thinking she's a dead seal. But when the seal starts to move he thinks there's a pup trapped inside. He slashes the belly open and out comes Claire. Bloodied. White as bone. And her first gasp of human life leaves her choking and breathless hence Jamie giving her the breath of his body so that she may live.

Also I couldn't think of a better name for this drabble nonsense so I went with the first thing that popped into my head. The song by The Cure - The edge of the deep green sea. That song has a totally different vibe than what's conveyed here but damn what a great song.

Forgive the stupidity of the drabble pls

[abloomingperiod]

home | min yoongi

you can hear the urgent noises of the city outside of your windows along with the faint noise of the last raindrops slowly falling - unlike your own, which seems to only fasten their pace.

if it wasn’t for his arms embracing your figure, you swear you could slide down the floor like a puddle of recently melted ice.

“i-i… i don’t know what to d-do-“ you're able to phrase, those being your first words in the last 10 minutes.

“you don’t have to” he softly responds as his hand brushes your hair to the back of your ear, eyes attentively travelling through your face.

then, as you laid there on his lap as he always made you, yoongi starts rocking your body back and forth, pace slower than the bpm’s of a lullaby.

“but i should! i should!” you say as your eyes get drowned by your tears.

he tsk-tks, “you shouldn’t listen to whoever tells you that, even if it’s inside you” he says, his lips now finding you hair with repeated pecks, nose lovingly searching for your shampoo scent. “it’s okay, it's okay. for now, let it out and rest. you’re safe” he murmurs, arms tightening around your figure as you laid your head on his shoulder.

“you’re only saying that because i’m crying. tomorrow, i’ll be just as much of a loser as i am right now” you interject, voice weak and barely reaching his ears by the end as you nervously fiddled with your fingers.

“i’m saying that because it’s true. you’re home. i know you want to stop feeling like that, but you can't control your emotions, so just let it out. it's nothing unusual. and don't talk about yourself like that" he responds, his own fingers caressing yours as he always does when sensing your restless anxiety "if you feel lost, just remind yourself that you're home. i mean that." he keeps going, his voice barely audible if you didn't have your ear right next to his plump lips. "i can be home for you, if you let me” he responds.

“you wanna be home to a loser?”

“you clearly have no idea what a loser is" he says with a weak scoff. yoongi knows for a fact that you have a thing for the dramatic, but he also knows when it was you, someone that put a lot of pressure on themselves, feeling bad because you "should have everything sorted out".

he knew it, because he felt it, too. he knew the feeling like the palm of his hand, and he knew how god-awful it was to not be able to believe it when someone tried to genuinely help. he also knew, that he could use every trick in the book to reaffirm your worth and values, and it still wouldn't make a difference.

he knew you needed comfort, serenity and a place to freely feel. you needed a home.

he had felt that, and he promised to himself he would never let you go there alone. not you, not his home.

"i wanna be home to who is home to me” he says in a much serious and rigid tone, marking his words in your mind like no other sentence ever could, “and i love my home.”

you look up at him, and his eyes are already on yours. yours get wetter and wetter, as his keep going further and further inside your soul until you wrap your arms around his neck and buries your face back on his shoulders.

“look at me," he lifts your chin and goes to softly caress your arms, "not having control of everything is part of life. there’s nothing you can do about it but feel it when it hits you. don’t hold back from yourself, you’re more than safe to express it” he reassures. “you're not alone, and i understand what you're going through, okay?” he nods, searching for a mirrored action from you.

you feel more tears coming, but instead of hiding your face, you nod back.

"we've been there before, and you stood with me until everything got better. we can do this again, okay?” he says, tiny smile appearing on that puffy face of his “i'll be here for the good and for the bad, like you.”

you return the tiny smile and he pecks your nose making exaggerated muac noises, your smile only growing as you try to hide it with a muffled “stooooooop” coming out of your mouth, but he doesn’t let you and instead puts a finger on your cheek, returning your face to his. “look at me” and as you do, he gently pecks your lips, slowly as he possibly could, and you swear you could feel you heart slowing its frantic pace along with his lips.

pulling back, yoongi grins at you and whispers “you will always figure things out, and if any time you don’t feel like doing so, i’m here to help. we’re home, i’m your home. deal?”

you keep your eyes locked and a nod with “deal” comes out.

“good” he sighs, hands caressing your cheeks and eyes staring at your face like you're the only thing in the world as his gummy smile appears.

“you’re the best home i've ever had” he tells you, caressing your knuckles.

you weakly chuckle at his cute remark, your heartbeats slowing down along with you tears until you finally can breathe normally again and your right hand lovingly touches his clothed chest.

“you’re not bad yourself”.

[kikizoshi]

An Example of Working Something Out in Real-Time (Thoughts on How Fyodor's Ability Interacts with Him)

I rarely get such good examples of my thought process, and I think this one is really cool (you can see my explanations form and change in real-time), so I'd like to share here. I'll add in some context in brackets (what I was looking at/watching/reading while thinking about a particular point), but mostly, I'll let it speak for itself.

I was trying to see if I could explain how Fyodor's Ability works (referred to as Curse in my notes) from an Orthodox Christian perspective, so here's how that went:

without shedding of blood there is no remission [I was searching for a reason that Fyodor's Ability would cause blood to spray, and all I ended up finding was some stuff about the shedding of blood being necessary for being saved, so I ended up concluding that it was another point of evidence towards Fyodor's Ability being focused on saving people.]

Fyodor's Curse exists to save those who can't save themselves, just like Fyodor himself does [that is, Fyodor himself believes he exists to save people]

Those who wish to be saved, but for some reason cannot [an answer to the question "who can Fyodor's Ability save?"]

So why does that manifest through death?

Because they can't be saved otherwise.

But then, that means that the Curse is saying that some people just can't change. Or that they can't change enough. That they have no hope in this life. I don't like that message. Maybe that's what Fyodor believes though. Maybe he even goes into finding out he's Cursed with this core belief. [Here, I begin to look up hand symbolism in Russian Orthodoxy, and come across these three posts (categorised in order that I read them): 1, 2, 3] Maybe he, himself doesn't know that he has another power in his right hand. In his left hand, he has "punishment", or the "law" (external power), such as written code and principles. In his right hand, then, he has "the influence of blessing and cursing". This "speaking and blessing" are tightly related, they work hand-in-hand. One doesn't exist without the other.

[While working, I'd pasted some significant quotes that stuck out to me from the webpages.]

"The explanation most often given is that Christ’s right represents his merciful side, while his left represents his rigorous side."

“When the soul of a man departs out of the body, a great mystery is there accomplished. If it is under the guilt of sins there come bands of devils, and angels of the left hand, and powers of darkness take over that soul, and hold it fast on their side.”

“Question: Why is the footboard of the Cross of Christ pointed with the right side up, and the left down, and the head of Christ is also inclined to the right? Answer: Christ makes His right foot light and lifts it above the foot board in order to lighten the sins of the ones who believe in Him. And His left foot He lowers on the foot board in order that those who do not believe in Him should be weighed down and descend into hell. His head is inclined to the right, that He might incline all the heathen to believe and to worship Him.”

"[...] it is nonetheless very important as it shows most strongly how Christ in his person unites these two opposites which are born from the very fall of man, which are born from the identification with duality, the knowledge of good and evil. [...] And in the icon of 6th century Sinai we find these aspects of duality brought together beautifully “without mixture” into the person of Christ ."

I kept thinking "If the left hand condemns, then why does Fyodor use it to kill?" But, Fyodor doesn't believe in a fire-and-brimstone Hell. He believes that Hell is made of the suffering brought about by the inability to love. So then, when he says "grant you the great silence", I think he means that he can cleanse someone of their troubles so that, while they don't go to Heaven, they don't suffer in Hell (which is the absolute best he can do for them).

[Here I go to look at Fyodor's "I am Crime, I am Punishment" scene in Dead Apple, which I continue to look at for the rest of the session.]

Fyodor is Crime, and his Curse is Punishment. Crime holds Shibusawa's skull in his left hand, stands on the left side. Punishment hold an apple in his right hand, stands on the right side. Crime appears in white clothes. Punishment appears in Fyodor's normal clothes. The gem is on the back of Punishment's right hand.

Does this mean that Punishment has the correlation with divine? That would mean Crime, who is Fyodor, has the correlation with earthly litigation? Is Fyodor the damned, and his Curse the righteous? And yet, we see Punishment holding an apple in its right hand, mirroring the scull in Crime's left. The apple appears whole, unbitten, but Punishment offers it to the viewer and says to let loose.

The scull represents Shibusawa's death, maybe. His earthly litigation is already over—Crime ended his physical form with the knife. So now, Punishment is finishing it. Yet, while Punishment should oversee the righteous, it seems to instead mirror Satan in the Garden of Eden.

Or perhaps it's framed as Crime and Punishment using Shibusawa to judge the world? It's possible, but I don't like this idea.

Maybe things being so twisted is the point? Just as Raskolnikov twisted facts to believe he was a Napoleon, maybe Fyodor has twisted his own Curse to be a Demon? Since Fyodor believes that he, himself is a demon, perhaps the manifestation of his Curse also follows that. And so, the right and left would both be corrupted.

Right becomes a connection to the unholy—rather than lift up the righteous, Punishment lifts up the damned. Left becomes an releaser of the damned from their burden through spilling their blood and releasing them from the yoke of sin.

Wouldn't it make more sense for Left to condemn the righteous? No, because that doesn't fit with what Fyodor believes.

But I can't get past that the right hand is used to cleanse, not the left [referring to how the right hand is used to cleanse in Orthodox tradition, while Fyodor uses his left hand to "cleanse" Karma]. Unless that's inversed too? So that Left is Right and Right is Left? That would mean that Crime, Left, is assigned to lifting, and Punishment, Right, is assigned to damning. That isn't right though, since Fyodor doesn't un-damn anyone. He just releases them from their sins, so that they won't suffer unduly in Hell. I suppose you could say that Left is helping people from the side of the damned, who, as said, can't help themselves.

So then what is right doing? If this isn't inverse, but just a different take. Right is supposed to lift up the righteous, to deal more with matters of the spiritual. Since Fyodor, a human, can't touch the soul of someone (especially once Crime works on them), how does Punishment interact with people?

Does Punishment guide Fyodor's actions the way that person was saying about the mystics guiding the lawmakers? Is Punishment the voice God speaks to Fyodor through? Is that what he meant by "praying"? [Referring to when Fyodor says something to Dazai like, "I simply sat here and prayed."]

Oh my God, I think that's it. And this voice would have been present for Fyodor's whole life, though for his childhood he thought it was how God spoke to him (and still does, but also understands that it's part of his Curse).

So then, how does this fit thematically? ...Shit. Well, I need to know my interpretation of this. How much of Punishment is Fyodor? They're practically the same person. Practically? Are they not completely? Punishment can't be the voice of God, since it guides him to do this evil. But it can't be the voice of Satan, because my story is based on flaws driving conflict. It's Fyodor's own voice, it always has been.

How does God guide people. Sometimes, he's a voice in their head. Other times, he speaks through the people around you. Maybe Fyodor's arrogance had him assume that God only spoke to him through himself. Maybe Fyodor ignores every other word from God, that didn't come from Punishment. And that makes it so easy for Satan to plant misdirections in Fyodor's mind.

All of this would be allegory for me, since I don't believe in that. [It's important to me here that I don't believe in God because I'm trying to write my story as realistic as possible (other than the whole Ability Users thing), and confirming the existence of God wouldn't be realism, from my worldview's perspective.] Though I suppose Misha [my Bulgakov OC] makes God and Satan canon characters, I don't like the idea of Satan literally interacting with Fyodor outside of Misha. Irl, though, it's always complex. People make mistakes because of their traumas, their flaws, whatever, and it can appear at times as though Satan is guiding them. I'll probably follow a similar concept with Fyodor.

But concretely? 'Crime and Punishment' is the name of Fyodor's Curse, and 'Punishment', or 'Right', is the inner, spiritual manifestation of it. It reflects him because, ultimately, it *is* him. It's not like DID, with a different personality in the same head—this is Fyodor, with his talking to himself a bit more complex than other people. It will, then, reflect what he's going through. Maybe it's a bit like talking to your subconscious. Since it's also him, maybe it can give perspectives at right angles—ones that still come from Fyodor, following a different line of inquiry. Essentially bouncing ideas off yourself, because yourself is capable of looking at the same thing from two different angles at the same time.

So, growing up Fyodor had this voice in his head, which was his own, and which he believed God spoke to him through. Then, at some point in my story, something happens to make Fyodor (and therefore Punishment as well) begin to spiral. I think it's possible for Fyodor and Punishment to enter a viscous spiral. Like when you think yourself into a pit, but far worse, since he can essentially double think himself into a pit. That could explain why he's gone so downhill so quickly. Both Fyodor and Punishment have failed to regulate themselves, and are spiralling.

So in my current story, something similar will happen. Some inciting incident causes something fundamental about Fyodor to shift or crack, and it begins a viscous spiral that somehow culminates in Punishment telling him to use Crime for the first time. Fyodor uses it, it solves the problem beautifully (from his perspective, but ultimately, this event has to culminate in something much worse farther down the line), and Fyodor has that experience to ground his belief that his Curse is for saving people.

[This post has been in my drafts for about while, and I now have come across something that may support my "Fyodor talks to his Ability" idea:

This could actually make a lot of sense. The Devil spoke to Ivan, reflecting Ivan's own thoughts and ideas back at him, but twisting them somehow to make them demonic. I wonder if Fyodor's Ability had a similar effect?]

[totentnz]

You can chose SilverV or v/Muamar or both

🍭 What's something they can never agree on (big or small)?

🍬 Who is their biggest supporter (friend, family, etc)?

🍰 What is 'their song'? Officially or unofficially. (Esp for SilverV 👀)

💐 What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

love day emoji asks

otp; just the two of us (v/johnny)

🍭 What's something they can never agree on (big or small)?

v wants to get him a body. he thinks it's stupid, impossible and a waste of time (he ain't wrong) but v believes he deserves another shot at life, after all if she deserves it so does he. she keeps that promise in every version of reality. (<- temperance enjoyer)

there are other, smaller things but i cannot get them out right now lmao.

🍬 Who is their biggest supporter (friend, family, etc)?

during the events of the game there are very few people who even know about johnny and v doesn't talk about her feelings towards the engram. rogue and kerry probably suspect that there is more going on but she never confirms it.

during au: say yes to heaven (johnny gets a body au) the two are openly dating but the world forgot about johnny silverhand and he doesn't have his prosthetic anymore so to people who don't know their backstory he's just a regular guy.

when he returns to nc after going soul searching (haha) he actually has to go look for her since she moved out of the megabuilding apartment and they were strictly no-contact. kerry points him to where she currently resides (northside apartment + her motorcycle shop) so i would say he's a supporter. v was very good at making almost no friends during their time together so there is no one else. (this sounds a bit sad but it really isn't)

her brother vincent is a bit on the fence about her dating her aneurism but he's glad she found a genuine lover.

🍰 What is 'their song'? Officially or unofficially.

all my tags for cyberpunk are song names! (because most quests are also named after songs and the whole game is a big love you letter to music!!) so this is actually pretty easy!

Just the Two of Us (feat. Bill Withers) - Grover Washington, Jr.

Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Building castles in the sky Just the two of us You and I We look for love, no time for tears Wasted water's all that is And it don't make no flowers grow Good things might come to those who wait Not for those who wait too late We gotta go for all we know

there are many more! since i'm a temperance ending enjoyer there is also this pretty recent addition.

Temperance - Royal & the Serpent

I don't think that I could ever be More than just a sick catastrophe Drowning in my asininity Hoping you won't ever want to leave I don't even know the reason why I've been up all night just getting high All I wanna do is run and hide I'm afraid that you might say goodbye [...] I don't think that I could ever be More than just a sick catastrophe Now that we have tasted misery Promise me that you won't ever leave

some honorary mentions:

Maybe My Soulmate Died - iamnotshane

Maybe my soulmate died, I don't know Maybe I don't have a soul

you know, johnny is her soulmate and he literally died. that's it, just those two lines.

Not My Type: Dead As Fuck 2 - Motionless In White

She loves me 'cause I like to give head like a zombie (I) eat, eat, eat 'til her insides are on me She loves me 'cause I give head like a zombie (I) eat, eat, eat and nobody's gonna stop me And in the glow of the pale moonlight She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride Tried out the living but I don't believe the hype 'Cause if she's got a pulse, then she's not my type

this is more of a joke than anything else, again both of them died and i know johnny is a liar but i do believe he gives head like a zombie.

💐 What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

i made a post some time ago about mundane things johnny and v do during the time they share a body. (also apparently my proper blog page is back now and christ alive do i need to update it lmao)

obviously during the game they do everything together, johnny is annoyed at those mundane things at first and frankly v is annoyed by shit like having to do laundry as well, not because of his presence but because she could do without it.

in au: say yes to heaven they spend some time being a boring couple, getting takeouts, sleeping in, going to the movies etc. eventually johnny suggests v should also leave nc for a bit. to everybody's surprise she actually she agrees (she's finally healing) and they go on a roadtrip! (we love that trope)

they drive down to atlanta to visit vincent and even go to one of kerry's concerts during his tour!

otp; baggage (v/muamar, set in au: everybody wants to rule the world - collab au where v didn't do the heist)

🍭 What's something they can never agree on (big or small)?

whether or not they should be dating LMAO mu is very much in love with v but she is annoyed by scared of that. they are constantly on and off. she eventually breaks up with him for good but she's not happy with that, he respects her choice though. (they truly are too old for that type of shit tbh)

🍬 Who is their biggest supporter (friend, family, etc)?

viv! (@bishicat hello bestie <;3) after her and v reconnected she's shocked and happy to hear she's seeing someone! v tells her to calm down about it since it's not that serious and she keeps teasing her about it.

viv also thinks its funny she's dating an ex-corpo, after all their friendship literally (temporarily) ended when she started working for arasaka. to v it's entirely different because muamar made the choice to leave while she was kicked out.

🍰 What is 'their song'? Officially or unofficially.

Baggage - Rare Americans

Should we start lovin', give this a try? You got baggage, but so do I You got baggage, but so do I Let's give it a try [...] This love is like a business It could drive us both insane Blind emotion leads to commotion But part of me likes that game Part of me wants the chaos And part of me walks alone What am I doing, who am I foolin' It's a life spent on your own [...] I've spent my whole life running I've spent my whole life running from myself

so let's unpack this (haha) as i mentioned before v wants him but she also doesn't. after her and viv get johnny his body back the three of them go on a roadtrip (i told you we love this trope) and muamar joins them! it was viv's idea and v was happy to have him along since the idea third-wheeling for weeks on end gave her hives.

she's actually happy for the first time in her life and they are a real, genuine couple. they even say "i love you", if you can believe it.

but because this cannot last (i cant stand the idea of her being happy leave me alone) once the trip comes to and end so does their relationship. i like comparing it to a dying pet, you know they are dying so you take them on a last trip to the park.

💐 What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

once you finish all of mu's gigs he tells you he wants to stop being a fixer right? and expand on his car business? (i might be wrong here, it's been a minute since i actually played)

the moment they started fucking dating they ended their professional relationship (kind of): she stopped taking gigs from him but is more than happy to steal cars for him LMAO.

she encourages him pursue his passion for cars. with v being a lowkey (motorcycle) mechanic herself, they bicker over cars vs. motorcycles a lot but also bond over their shared interest.

other than that there isn't much due to v's reluctance to get any more emotionally involved .

[colemansdimple]

Part 2 of my first ever vicbourne fic 👑🎩

It's nsfw NOT SAFE FOR WORK get it? Don't let anyone else see you reading this, not even the cat! Not only this is my first ever vicbourne fic BUT this is my first ever nsfw content!!! I wanted to pay tribute to all the nsfw vicbourne fics that warmed me up on cold nights so you might find some references here 😉

Here goes nothing 🤞

One last time...before sunrise

CHAPTER 2

By colemansdimple

It's been almost a whole day since Queen Victoria's experience visiting the past, seeing her Lord M in his younger days. That was a time before he became her prime minister, her friend, her soul mate, her everything. But there he was still alive! And they shared a kiss which was still warm on her lips.

When she got back to her own time she discovered that the instrument that allowed her time travel, the enchanting music box, was nowhere to be found. Because it was very late she decided to lock the room and search for it the next day. She ordered the palace staff to not go anywhere near that room because she feared the box was to be found by a stranger.

She couldn't sleep well that night. Dreams of a wild haired, green eyed and naughty half smile William Lamb plagued her imagination. She never thought she could still feel this way even if this man wasn't the one she would meet or have met...god her head was spinning like mad!

So many questions on her mind but she knew she would find no answers that day. Next day she spent it all locked in that library, madly searching for the music box. In the back of her mind she heard the words of the note "one night only". But she didn't care! She needed to see him again! It was like an addiction, she tasted the sweetest of happinesses for the first time and she just couldn't let it go. She needed to feel him again!

She prayed for god to forgive her. She knew she was being unfaithful to her husband, although she never had any love for him and only married him because her true love had rejected her. It was late at night when she gave up hope of finding the box. Exhausted, she fell into the nearby chair next to the fireplace and started crying. The grandfather clock stroke midnight.

She might have finally fallen asleep because she thought she heard Mozart playing. Out from the corner of the room a very much alive young William Lamb appeared before her eyes! He was holding the music box! He looked at her and to the room.

"Is that you Nancy? Where am I? What is this place?"

She couldn't believe her eyes. She ran up to him and hugged him with all the strength left in her body. Still she couldn't speak. He smelled somewhat of that same yellow beverage from that time mixed with his own intoxicating aroma. He softly pushed away from him.

"I...I...I searched for you like mad! You were gone before my very eyes! I spent the whole day thinking I had imagined you because of the alcohol! The only thing I had to prove that I wasn't mad was this music box. When I made it work and thought of you I..."

She silenced him with a kiss so powerful he had to step back to hold her. He was here again with her and she wasn't going to waste another minute thinking about hows or whys.

"Does it all really matter?" She asked when they finally broke apart.

William looked into her eyes and felt only certainty.

"No" he answered and kissed her again.

Slowly they walked towards the fireplace and laid down on the carpet floor still kissing. She groaned softly as he started kissing along her neck. At that moment she forgot everything. Forgot that she was Queen. That she was married. That this was only a past version of her true love that already left this world.

All that mattered was that her Lord M...her William...was finally touching her like she always wanted him to. They got up on their knees and started to undress. She helped him with his clothes until he was only in his shirt and breeches. She breathed heavy at the sight of his chest hairs and exposed neck. So much of his skin that she never thought she would see. She started to give open mouth kisses along his neck, sucking and tasting the saltines of his skin. All the while running her fingers through his luscious black curls.

He moaned in approval as he tried his best to undress her. He was really struggling with the laces of her dress and Victoria grew impatient. Then...she had a sudden thought.

"William...is this your...first time?"

"What? Absolutely not! I've had hundreds.. thousands..." He stopped, blushing. Somehow he couldn't lie to her. "Yes, it is." He said looking down.

She touched his face delicately and made him look up. "It's alright.. I've...I've only done it a few times with my husband. I've always had this fear of childbirth...and it was only done to breed an hei...I mean...it was only to secure the family line. This will be my first time too...doing it with love."

It was all she could say. But he understood. She wasn't the first woman he saw to marry without love.

"I'll do my best not to disappoint you ma'am." He said still blushing a little.

"YOU could never." She replied with a smile and helped him to free her from her clothes. When they were both finally naked she felt again that uneasy feeling of ugliness. She wasn't 18 anymore after all, she thought. But the look on his face calmed her.

"You are the prettiest woman I've ever seen." He said softly but with truth and she felt her eyes damping.

Slowly he moved to be on top of her. Unsure of what to do first he decided to touch her breasts. At least that was a familiar territory to him. He kissed them and laved them with his tongue, smelling the delicious natural scent of her. He felt his cock growing harder and harder.

When he touched her nipples she spasmed under him and when he closed his mouth on one she moaned loudly.

"William...don't stop...please!!"

He continued from one breast to another his actions becoming more and more hungry when she asked him:

"Please...touch me...there." She said panting. Struggling a little with his lack of experience, William slowly touched her belly and went lower lower until he found the center of her warm body. She was dripping wet already and he hadn't even touch that place. He didn't know it was possible.

"Show me what you like ma'am...how I can please you." She took his hand and started to work it on herself. Doing circular movements on that tiny nub of flesh she discovered not long ago. Only herself, and now William, knew of that secret place of hers.

He worked her faster and faster. His fingers became a blur. He grew bolder and worked his hand all around her sex. He found her tiny entrance and without much thinking slipped one finger inside.

"OH DEAR GOD YES!!" She screamed. After her approval he pushed two more fingers up inside feeling her loosen up around him. Her hips moving luxuriously on his fingers as she tried to do more but couldn't because of the heavy hard man above her. His fingers now pumped her madly and his hand was totally coated in her desire.

Victoria already felt overwhelmed by his 3 fingers inside of her combined with the wet suction on her breast. When he pinched her nipple with his other hand she finally saw stars and spasmed under him, moaning loudly and calling his name.

He was panting hard and trying to slow down his own lust as his cock grew unbearably hard. He was on his knees admiring her post orgasmic bliss and he didn't even realise he was touching himself. Like he was trying to calm a wild beast.

When Victoria came back to herself she looked over at him and at his now considerably larger member. He was really blessed with length and girth she thought, biting her lip. Although she did not have much to compare to. Her husband had...as she liked to call it behind his back...only a "little prince".

She came over to him and hugged him tenderly. "Thank you for that. It was a real gift. I...I wonder if...if I may return it?" She asked boldly.

"Yes...yes ma'am...please I would like that very much." He said blushing. She smiled and started a slow path touching his curly chest hairs all the way down his belly until she found her target. Now it was her turn to blush.

"Show me what you like my darling, just like I've showed you." She whispered hotly in his ear.

He groaned and guided her tiny hand up and down his shaft. Moaning loudly and dripping his pleasure already. Victoria wasted no time to use it and ran her thumb over the mushroom head.

"Oh Nancy...you're soo good...your...your touch is soo..soo good on me..."

At this Victoria stopped. Hand still wrapped around his cock. This wasn't right. She needed to tell him the truth. This was her first and probably her only night with her true love and she was deceiving him. But what could she do? He would never believe her. So she thought of an alternative solution.

"Drina...call me Drina...when we're like this" She couldn't give him her name... but she couldn't continue to lie either. So she gave him her childhood nickname. A name only the closest people in her world knew of.

"Drina" He repeated with a smile. She started to work on him harder. Going faster and faster. His moans becoming louder as he let her do what she would and embraced her burying his head on her shoulder. His pleasure was to be completely in her hands. When she sucked hard at the pulse point on his neck and after bit on it he came to the pleasure pain of her.

"DRINA OH GOD! OH MY GOD!" He screamed.

His mind was spiralling as his seed came bursting on her hand, arm and belly. His body felt heavy. It wasn't his first orgasm but surely it was the most powerful. And he didn't even enter her yet!

They laid down together and stared at eachother silently. Her blue ocean bathing his green forest. Breathing slowly she felt so fulfilled seeing him come that she almost thought she didn't need more. But one look from his hungry eyes and she felt herself already getting wet again. She started by kissing him slowly, languidly. Only teasing with her tongue. Then she hooked one leg over him and rubbed her wet center against his member. He groaned and rubbed back at her getting immediately hard again. They started this slow luxurious dance of naked sweaty bodies.

"William I...I can't wait anymore...I need you..."

"Where do you need me ma'am? Huh?"

"You know where.." she said. Their bodies still moving against eachother as she felt all that was promised to her.

"You need to tell me ma'am...so I can assist you.. thoroughly..." He teased still moving as his hands came down to fully squeeze and massage her bottom. Taking great pleasure in opening and closing her arse cheeks filling his hands with that delicious part of her. They moaned as their rubbing became harder and harder.

She hugged him impossible closer. Breasts rubbing sinfully against his chest hairs and nails scratching at his back. "Between my legs." She managed to whine from lust and kissed his earlobe.

"You want...my cock...inside your little quim?" He panted and teased her further, loosing himself in the moment.

"Yes YES oh please William PLEASE I need you..."

"You need what?" She couldn't see his face now but she could feel he was fully smiling. A wolffish smile at his prey.

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE WILLIAM I NEED YOUR COCK INSIDE ME NOW!!" She screamed angry with lust.

"Mmmm....very well ma'am. " He smirked and quickly got on top of her. Finding her entrance with his fingers he tried to go slow but she was so wet and he was so needy he was all the way inside of her in one big trust.

They both moaned loudly and he whispered urgently in her ear as he embraced her. "oh god oh dear god in heaven you're so tight on me ma'am...so tight and warm..and wet ..."

"oh William please please move on me...I need you so much!!"

At this he started to move on her... trying his best to keep a steady pace. But his trust soon became harder and his hot breath and raspy moans were driving her insane.

"oh William you're soo...soo big...you're filling me up soo good." She moaned.

"OH DRINA OH FUCK! If you keep this up I'm going to cum inside of you! Your quim fits me so soo well"

She raised her legs and wrapped them on his middle, holding him tighter inside her. She would not let him go.

"yes yes YES please I need all of you I WANT ALL OF YOU!! GIVE IT TO ME PLEASE!!" She lost control of what came from her mouth. His trusts becoming more and more erratic. She was doing her best to keep up with him trusting her hips and meeting his cock halfway. Both of their hands locked together on either side of her face.

Their breathless kisses were hungry and sloppy. Tongues searching and saliva dripping from their mouths. His tongue was fully inside of her mouth while his cock was as deep as it could go. He was pounding her with all the strength and vigor of his youth. The sound of their wet friction sinfully filling the room. The fire nearby painting beautiful shadows of their moving bodies on the walls.

Contrasting with their frantic movements down below she reached one hand up and lovingly scratched her nails on his scalp through his curly black hair. His vision got white from the pleasure pain.

"DRINA!!! DON'T!! OH GOD I'M COMING!!!"

"YES WILLIAM!!!! COME INSIDE ME!!"

They came together screaming the palace walls down. He was shaking like the fever as burst upon burst of his cum filled her. The suction of her orgasmic sex milking his cock dry.

Breathing hard he moved so that he wouldn't crush her as he fell and they cuddled while recovering their breaths. She never felt happier but at the same time knew she would never feel this happy again. This really felt like her first time. A proper first time. She was giving small kisses on his chest and silently proclaiming her love while he cuddled her closer and mapped her back with his touch.

A few moments later they heard noises coming from the corridor. William quickly got up and went searching for his clothes surely thinking it was the husband looking for his wife...as Victoria watched him she thought about this whole situation. How would she get William to his own time? Then...the first light of dawn came through the window and he started to fade away just like she did before.

Panicking that she would lose him again she came running towards him. She gave him the music box.

"Use it ..use it to find me again...it's safer with you." Then she remembered the "one night only" rule and wrote it down hastily on the first piece of paper she found so he wouldn't forget.

For one last night, until the sunrise.

She gave him the paper and touched her lips with his swiftly.

"Farewell my love, we will see eachother again."

He nodded, blinking, confusion still painted on his face.

After William faded Victoria realised he never actually found her again. The music box only worked one time for both of them. This made her return to sadness for a while. But soon she began to notice the changes on her body. Nine months later a green eyed princess was born and happiness returned to Victoria's life because she knew that at least she had that bit of him and the loving memory from their one last time, before sunrise.

THE END

[wolfboy88]

If it's not too much to ask, I'd love to hear about Yours, Sea Wolf, and Blood Type!!

No, not at all :)

“Yours” – is pretty much a short follow up to “Three’s a Charm”

Scott can’t help the fond grin that spreads across his lips. It’s been a couple of months since Liam and Theo crashed his disastrous dinner date on Valentine’s Day and had mind-blowing and scorching sex before ending up in polyamorous relationship with his two betas. Scott had to admit he was a little apprehensive at first seeing as Liam and Theo have been in a relationship for decade, but really, he has nothing to worry about. Even now, as Liam and Theo continue to mess with Mason and Nolan and the others by being overly touchy feeling in front them, Scott’s glad that they found and have each other. They’re like a solidified unit these days, strong and powerful yet also incredibly cunning and Scott knows all about their mischievous, deviant ways.

It makes his jeans feel tight as he watches Theo arch his back and pronounce his ass as he lines his pool stick to take his shot and it certainly doesn’t help that Liam is right beside him, splaying his hand on the small of the chimera’s back.

“You’re drooling again,” comes Stiles’ nauseated and unamused voice, followed by Malia’s snort.

“Shut up,” Scott mutters, even though he really can’t stop himself from grinning. Stiles and Theo still really don’t get along but Scott’s starting to suspect their snarky commentary is their way communicating. “You were even worst with Lydia back in the day.”

“I was not,” Stiles insists. “Besides I can’t believe your bonking both of them. I mean sure, I get it. Theo’s always been hot and weirdly obsessed with you but Liam, he’s – ”

“Is just as hot,” Scott interrupts.

“He’s like our son. It’s like you’re defiling him,” Stiles finishes.

“I think Theo did that a long time ago,” Malia teases dryly and Kira fights to hide her smile with the back of hand.

“Legend of the Sea Wolf” – this one is an idea I’ve had for quite a while and basically I’m gonna twist some of Teen Wolf’s mythology in this and do like an urban legend/Halloween fic where Theo was the first patient of the Dread Doctors who worked at Eichen House and were fired for their inhumane experiments on their patients. I was gonna have Theo be a mix of a wolf, siren and kanima/chameleon and haunt the lake in the preserve every Halloween season searching for his soul mate with ocean blue eyes. Bodies begin to pile up all over town and when Mason goes missing, Liam goes to investigate the strange sightings in the preserve.

You’re My Blood Type (Vampire Theo) – or aka The Vampire Next Door.

A removalist van parks in the driveway of the abandoned creepy-looking Hale Manor next door, situated atop the hill that has been vacant for more than a decade gathering dust and cobwebs and Liam watches from the balcony of the Stilinski residence as people begin lugging furniture and boxes inside.

“I wonder which idiot brought that death trap,” his older brother Stiles muses, joining Liam in watching the flurry of activity as he sips one of those overly caffeinated energy drinks that Liam finds vulgar. “Probably someone weird or damn rich. Most likely both.”

“Hopefully someone who cares enough to restore it to its former glory,” Liam comments. “Some of the architectural designs date back to Roman times.”

“Nerd,” Stiles snorts. “You and your history kink.”

“What? It’s fascinating,” Liam finds himself saying. “The Hale Manor was built like a century ago. There’s even a gargoyle in the backyard and a cemetery.”

“And how would you know that?” Stiles says, quirking his eyebrows.

That’s all I have so far but basically Liam and Stiles are brothers in this and Theo moves in next door and is a descendant of the Hale’s who happen to be vampires.

[divinegastronomer]

Ask, And It Will Be Given…

‘Jesus said to his disciples:

‘Suppose one of you has a friend and goes to him in the middle of the night to say, “My friend, lend me three loaves, because a friend of mine on his travels has just arrived at my house and I have nothing to offer him”; and the man answers from inside the house, “Do not bother me. The door is bolted now, and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up to give it you.” I tell you, if the man does not get up and give it him for friendship’s sake, persistence will be enough to make him get up and give his friend all he wants.

‘So I say to you: Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For the one who asks always receives; the one who searches always finds; the one who knocks will always have the door opened to him. What father among you would hand his son a stone when he asked for bread? Or hand him a snake instead of a fish? Or hand him a scorpion if he asked for an egg? If you then, who are evil, know how to give your children what is good, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!’

Spiritual Persistence

In culinary esoteric philosophy, the passage can be interpreted through various lenses, particularly focusing on sustenance, hospitality, and the spiritual nourishment that food symbolizes.

1. Symbolism of Bread and Hospitality:

- Loaves as Hospitality: In ancient cultures, offering food to a traveler was a sacred duty. The loaves represent not only physical sustenance but also the deeper spiritual obligation to welcome and care for others.

- Persisting in Need: The insistence on knocking until the friend answers signifies the importance of persistence in seeking help, both in the physical and spiritual realms. It emphasizes that true hospitality transcends mere obligation; it is about genuine care.

2. Divine Generosity:

- Contrast Between Earthly and Divine Gifts: Jesus contrasts the reluctance of the friend with the eagerness of the heavenly Father to provide for those who earnestly seek. The expectation that parents want the best for their children reflects the divine desire to provide spiritual sustenance (the Holy Spirit).

- Nature of Requests: The mention of asking for bread instead of stones, fish instead of snakes, highlights the difference between superficial desires and deeper needs. It reminds us to seek what truly nourishes us spiritually rather than what may seem fulfilling on the surface.

3. Spiritual Persistence:

- The Act of Seeking: The act of asking, seeking, and knocking correlates with the journey of spiritual pursuit. Just as one would sustain life through physical food, spiritual fulfillment requires dedication and perseverance.

- Faith in Provision: The passage reassures believers that their needs will be met, invoking a relationship of trust between the askers and their divine source.

4. **Culinary Symbolism in Spiritual Contexts:

- Food as a Metaphor: The recurring theme in many religious texts, where physical food corresponds to spiritual nourishment, highlights the interplay between the body and soul. This dual nature reflects a holistic view of existence where culinary arts can serve as a pathway to enlightenment and deeper understanding.

In culinary esoteric philosophy, the essence of this passage goes beyond the literal interpretation of asking for bread. It encapsulates the values of hospitality, the unconditional generosity of divinity, and the necessity of persistence in both seeking spiritual nourishment and fostering communal connections. Each loaf, each meal shared, becomes a symbol of love, care, and divine grace, enriching both the giver and the receiver spiritually.

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

Jun. 12, 2023

I've been making the rounds again, and I suppose it's a good thing to get back to a little more normality.

I got word from my mom that my grandmother is ailing; she probably has a few weeks left, at best.  I went ahead and told W, because I don't believe in withholding things like this from him, and we've been coping with it in about the same way; avoiding the feeling until we crash.

I took Saturday to treat myself like I enjoyed possessing my body; two long walks with my dog, some backyard foraging (I found ripe blackberries and wild blueberry bushes on the hillside), dyeing my hair, repotting and watering my plants, and cooking dinner.  By evening I was pleasantly sore and tired, but a part of me wanted to keep going, keep doing.

Fortitude quickly put a stop to that, though.  He insisted that I needed a sort of rest that I'd been avoiding, and he was right (of course).  I'd been fighting so hard to keep from feeling those things because letting things go is just part of moving forward, and that's what I do.  And I'd settled so firmly into that ideology that I believed that letting myself feel frustration or sadness was a bit beneath me.  I reflected that frustration indicates a level of fear at not being able to control events to one's liking, and sadness meant I wasn't prepared to change.  But that's not quite true, is it?

Morpheus and I have been playing the "oldest game," which if you do it right is a great way to get to know someone.  A good (if slightly over-dramatized) version of this is in the Netflix production of "The Sandman," if you haven't seen it.  One player identifies themselves as an object or idea, and the next player tries to find an idea or object that trumps the one before.  It goes in rounds, or back and forth, until one player admits defeat.  Our game lasted three days.  I won, though I didn't really intend to.  It's my first time playing, and I had nothing to lose.

Both Morpheus and Fortitude agree that I'm missing the forest for the trees, a bit.  That I need to step back and see things... and myself... for what we are.  That frustration means I need to stop doing things aimlessly and take time for myself, and that sadness is a necessary consequence of the changing of eras.  It doesn't mean I must cling to the people and places that pass me by, but it is a chance to truly process the depth of love I have and had for them over the years.

I let myself grieve with Morpheus and Fortitude.  I let myself feel.

But for W, he projected this grief onto his grandfather, X's father.  He wanted to keep playing with him, and was frantic when the day came to a close and he began to feel time running out.  To my surprise, he invoked Thanatos!

And he came, as if summoned.  The god of death gently teased out the reasons for W's tears, patted him on the head, and gave him solid advice for living.  He also promised W that he would bring the soul of my mom's recently deceased pup to help comfort him when Grandmother passes.  He really had no obligation to do that, so it really was a sweet gesture.

I love that W is growing up without fear of death, or of Thanatos.  He understands that he's not scared of death or dying; he just doesn't want to be left behind.  We cuddled for a good while, and sat with Death while we grieved.  It was a lovely experience.

And after that, I went back to the rounds.  I processed what I think were the souls in Thanatos' wings, and gave them (and him) a bit more peace.  The night before, I joined a girl in a wheelchair in her search for a kindred soul.  Love is about connection, and the culmination of love is grief.  Grief is the shift between gears that allows us to move ever forward.  It is the process of disconnecting and reconnecting with life.

And just like that, I suddenly understand why Thanatos wept when he learned Hypnos died.  Not because he was alone, or because Hypnos had gone somewhere without him, but because for the first time in his existence, he was forced to endure the same clutch and release that mortals have done for eons.  He was forced to change.

And I find myself in grief, too... I am Hope.  I move ever forward.  The love and grief of change comes with me.  It should be no surprise that I am here, too, and must undergo it, myself.

[lindajenni]

feb 28

fun speculation "but as it is written: 'eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 cor 2:9 first, the kingdom of heaven is not a democracy.  God is King of Kings, or dictator for life.  with that in mind, we are now choosing whether we want to follow satan or God; our own interests or God's interests?  personally, i (and i assume most of you) choose God because as the Creator He designed the universe with earth as our home. rather than viewing that scenario as boring or limiting we should understand that God understands our concerns and is unlimited.  the universe is surpassing in size, and He is hardly limited by the limited size of the earth.  that being the case, my imagination has taken atrip into the future He has prepared for us. we just don't know if we will have "space travel" on the new earth.  i'm tempted to say there will be, as least to some degree, because if you measure the height of the new jerusalem, it already extends into space!  the only question i have is, "will we need vehicles to get there or not?"  it makes you go... ummh! as for as the creation of a new universe with new planets, i think that goes without saying.  the universe appears to be in danger of evolving into chaos even now.  so in making a new heavens God appears to wish to rectify this.  since it is well beyond anything we can comprehend there is little explanation as to how He is going to do this. we may get frustrated not to know more, and i don't think it's wrong to question.  we do have to learn a certain degree of contentment and trust in God, or patience in His answers; patience in the  wonders He is wanting to dazzle with us.  "it is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter." prov 25:2  the diligent (and inquisitive) will likely find what they are looking for as well, if they are willing to pay the price in obedience. incidentally, we are not "reincarnated" - that is a pagan concept.  we are to be "resurrected," our souls being rejoined with bodies completely created out of a totally new substances.  it will still be us, though we have no clue what that will look like.  we won't reproduce, having reached our quota for the earth, and clearly, our biology will change!  so whatever size He creates the new jerusalem as will be big enough. speaking of which... i was thinking about the size of the heavens and earth and of the new jerusalem.  as far as i understand, it is about half the size of the US in a cube shape.  it's 1500 miles square by 1500 miles high, allowing for multiple layers or platforms. now i speculate that we won't all live there continually.  we have the new earth for our mansions and habitations.  but we will all have to gather for certain appointed times; that includes all saints now living, plus the innumerable saints since time began. scripture teaches us the believers will also have homes out side the city and populate the whole earth.  there will be more available space in our new planet since there will be no oceans (rev 21:1) only small bodies of water.  “they shall build houses, and inhabit them” isa 65:21, 22  the righteous will build their own homes in the new earth in addition to the mansions that Christ prepared for the righteous in the city. john 14:1-3. but in conclusion of the matter, whoever said God will have to abide by our physics in heaven?  i remember a british show i used to watch called, "dr who."  his tardis (abode) was only the size of a phonebooth on the outside, but when one stepped inside it was enormous.  so one could easily walk into a small house and find the inside to be as big as a city.  current pysics don't restrain our God.  nothing does. dream on of all the glories that await those who love God and follow His ways.  just a little fun stuff to imagine.