#No HEA

[swallowedbyfandom]

Lay down your dreams

After she speaks with her mama she decides she knows exactly what to do. It is time to stop hiding she is so very tired of making herself smaller to be more palpable for the society. She is tired of people claiming to love her but never allowing her to speak. She is tired of allowing Colin to blame her for his own blindness. He was her most frequent correspondent, he could have figured it out if he ever bothered to think on it.

She looks at her once vibrant mother. She remembers thinking as a girl that her mama was the most beautiful Lady. Now her mama is worn too thin. Her fierce mother has lied, cheated, and literally stolen to support their family. Her tasteless, tacky mama is a survivor. So is she. Penelope respects that, is proud of it.

Dash it all. She is Penelope Featherington, The Lady Whistledown, that is a better legacy than being Penelope Bridgerton, the unheard wife of a third son. In a way she wants to thank him for being so stupidly hurtful she has finally had enough. She was willing to give up Whistledown for him. She did give up her only source of power for him however temporarily it was.

He however didnot even set down his hurt long enough to have a discussion with her. He claimed she entrapped him, when he was the one who ruined her prospects. She wishes to all that is holy that they had never been intimate. He was not worthy of her virtue. She has never needed Colin's conditional honor. The final straw was when he ignored her opinion on Cressida Cowper.

She heads back to Bloomsbury to gather her belongings. She has Rae and some of the Featherington staff pack her trunks and load them on the carriage before heading back to Featherington House. She hands Varley enough to make the Finch/Dankworth Ball the most elegant and gaudy ball Mayfair has ever seen. She wants her sisters and her mother to have a magical night that reflects the loud vibrant women they are.

She settles into her childhood room, to set her schemes into motion. She writes a letter for Violet explaining everything she wished to explain. The beginning, the middle, and this bittersweet end. She includes her engagement and wedding band. She shall have the letter delivered the afternoon of the ball. Let Colin deal with his mother's disappointment. Violet she knows will understand her reasons better than most.

Their ball is a victory for the ladies of her house. Widowed, married, and newly single alike. Colin of course comes to her after the Queen's judgement with his heart in hand. He finally sees her. He is beautiful, earnest and as always, he is a day late and a shilling short. She takes his hands in hers and tells him she had their marriage annulled on the grounds of fraud and lack of consummation.

He tries to protest but she will not have it. She drops his hands and speaks her truth.

"You had your chance to fix things, Colin. You turned your back on me. All your claims of love, devotion, and protection were empty. Our marriage was a farce. You never allowed me the dignity of explaining myself. You ran. You always run, Colin."

She cries silently while she continues. It will always hurt she thinks. The loss of this beautiful dream she no longer believes in. Colin has shattered her heart and her faith in him for the last time. Love is not always enough.

"I asked my mama how one knows if they are with child and she explained it to me. I started my courses two days ago and I have no symptoms. I can safely conclude I am not with child. You can no longer claim I have entrapped you. The annulment has been signed, sealed, and filed already. I have returned the rings to your mother and removed my belongings from your home."

"I wish you well, Mr. Bridgerton. Good bye."

She leaves him standing there.

She is as free as a woman in society can be. She is not yet comfortable with the attention and the problems she will face being Whistledown publicly but her mama will not be implicated in theft. The solicitor will believe the inheritance to be Whistledown income. It is not too far from the truth anyway. She has been discreetly paying down her papa's debt for years. Her family will endure. She will head to the country with her mama next week. She thinks she will write a book as her next endeavor.

Perhaps the Queen would be open to sharing her love story. It cannot hurt to ask.

[tidbit-fanfic]

A/N: Finally finished this based off of a dream I had once upon a time. As always I do not own any named characters in this, except for the “reader”. Set in season 11, although Reader and Dean’s relationship has been well established before that. 

TW: no HEA, cannon level violence, swearing/language, kinda OOC!Dean, unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied smut (not explicit), blood (mentioned), spoilers for season 11, one use of y/n

I met the Winchesters after my college roommate passed away under unnatural circumstances. To make a long story short, a demon had decided that a college campus was the best place to set up shop, and nearly half of my dorm was harmed in the process. I did my best to help, despite having very little knowledge of such creatures, but I was willing to help. From that point on, I became a powerful ally to the brothers, and a formidable foe to the supernatural.

After Bobby’s death I stepped up full-time, becoming their go-to researcher for anything they were facing. Life was going fine, helping with research the best I could, working in the background against the Leviathan. 

Time blurred together, from helping the boys with the trials,fighting Metatron alongside Castiel, and along the way, something bloomed in between me and the eldest Winchester. What started as friendly teasing and taunting, morphed into actual flirting and soon enough, physical touch was involved. We were great, always backing the other when needed, even when the Mark of Cain became a third wheel in our relationship. Throughout it all, I stood beside him, forever and always. 

I waited for the boys at the hospital, standing on the steps as they helped Jenna out of the Impala. After helping them get her into a wheelchair, I checked them over, finding that there was no visible damage done to the brothers; the sheriff, however, was holding onto her side, her shirt covered in fresh blood. She tensed upon seeing me, her free hand inching toward her gun. I held my hands up in a defensive manner, intending to show no harm.“Normally, I’m the one grabbing the gun when approached.”

“Show us your neck.”

I furrow my brows, looking from her to the boys. Dean nods, and I reach down, pulling the collar of the turtle neck down. “Satisfied? Or do I need to conjure up a hickey or two?”

  Jenna relaxed, trying to look past me into the hospital. Dean grabbed my arm, dragging me just out of earshot of the other two. “I thought I told you not to worry about it.”

“Right, right, because that’s what you would do.”

“No, it’s just,” he ran his hand through his hair, huffing out air. “You know how I feel about you searching for trouble.” 

I snorted. “Honey, you’re all the trouble I need. But, I get it. My big, scary boyfriend is worried about me. Even though he knows how I can handle myself perfectly fine.” 

Dean opened his mouth, just as Sam interrupted. “What’s the state of the hospital? Where is everyone?”

“Dead. No pulse whatsoever.” Sam’s eyes took on a saddened glaze. I cocked my head towards the door, searching for an exit from the conversation. “Let’s get Sheriff Callie fixed-up then, shall we?”

All of us cautiously made our way into the hospital, wary of the chance of a rabid attacking at any point. The halls seemed way too quiet, the sounds of our beating hearts the only noise our ears intercepted. When we reached the exam room, Sam dismissed himself, searching for antibiotics for Jenna. Meanwhile, I stood to the side as Dean stitched the sheriff’s wound closed, watching the meticulous way he tended to her. Dean finished with his work, helping her down from the table, turning to me after. I crossed my arms, watching as he unrolled his sleeves. I looked to the sheriff, nodding to the room behind me. “There’s a comfortable chair in there, you should probably take a little break.”

“I’m fine.”

“You lost a lot of blood, I’m guessing?” I raised a brow as she looked away. “There’s some juice in the mini fridge and a couple granola bars in the lower drawer. Eat up, we don't need you passing out on us.”

She sighed, following my instructions and shuffled into the office. I shut the door behind her, regaining my composure before turning back to Dean. He busied himself with cleaning the area, avoiding eye contact with me.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You know what.” I huffed, hoisting myself up onto the table next to him. “About you running away, and then suddenly there’s a code red in the area you distinctly were in? Oh, and how about the fact that you told your brother to take care of me? The girl you are in a relationship with?”

“Are we going to address you going against my specific orders to stay put?”

“God damnit, I was worried about you! You went to get yourself killed and didn’t even think to tell me goodbye in person!” I slammed my hand down onto the table, leaning into his face. “I swear sometimes I don’t recognize you anymore. Mark or not.”

He glared at me, irritated with the invasion of his personal space. “Maybe that’s because I’m not who I was.”

“Yeah, go figure.”

“No, you don’t get it. The Mark—”

“Fuck the Mark. You’re Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester. Even Hell trembles in the mention of your name. A stupid ass curse is the last thing I would expect to break you down.”

His jaw ticks as he looks to the ceiling, probably sending off a prayer to Cas for some sort of strength, to deal with me. “I am not the person I was before.”

“No, you're not. And you know what? That’s fine. We’ve been through worse than a fucking personality change. Shit, I ran from a demon you with a goddamn hammer in your hand. I’m sure if that didn’t turn me off from you, then nothing can.” I pushed the bag to the side, sliding over so I was in front of him. I reached my hand out, cupping his face as I looked deep into those emerald green eyes. “I’m in this till the end, you hear me? Forever and always.”

“Forever and always.” He sighs, pushing his face into my palm, before pulling me into an embrace. I wrap my arms around him, breathing in the scent that is so distinctly Dean, when Sam enters with a man holding a child. I pull away, eying the new editions to the room. 

“Sorry for interrupting, but we have company. I found them hiding from one of the infected.” Sam rushes out, nodding to the father. 

Jenna opens the door, joining us again, looking much better with the nutrients in her system. A look of recognition crossing her features. “Mike? Where’s…”

“She’s gone.” The father, Mike, looked down to the child, an expression of grief taking over his features. I slide off the table, pushing Dean back, crossing to him. The sheriff joins us, murmuring her condolences to Mike, who rocks his baby slightly. I step back, allowing the friends space as I check in with the brothers. Sam nods towards the father, the black veins creeping from the man's neck. Dean clears his throat, returning our attention. “We need to kill him.” 

“No, we don’t.” Sam states, exasperated with his blood.

“What are our other options then, because I don’t see many.” 

“There has to be some other way,” I reason, “he has a newborn, we shouldn’t even consider that.”

Sam backs me. “That’s true. This infection seems to have a time frame, the rabid in the hall, just died after some time. Maybe we have to wait it out.”

“Wait it out so he can attack us like the rest of us? No Sam, I can't let that happen.” 

I turn back to our company, not wanting to continue with this argument.  

Noticing the child fussing, I walk over, directly to the father. “May I?”

He nods, handing me the baby and I look down at her, cooing and rocking her in an attempt to calm her. Mike watches closely, ensuring his child's safety, and an ache rises in my chest at the action. Sam joins us, ignoring the child held in my arms. “We have a plan.”

“You have a plan, my plan was to kill him.”

“Dean.” I shoot him a glare, reminding him he is in the presence of the very person he wants to kill. He throws his hands up as Mike chimes in. 

“No, he’s right, it’s only a matter of time before I attack you all. I’ll leave, distance myself from you and wait out the time period.”

“What? No. What is she going to do without you, her father?” I hold her tighter to my chest, the ache returning. 

“Jenna? Will you take care of her for me? I’ll go wait out the infection and…” He rubs the baby's head, turning to the sheriff. Jenna nods, and holds her arms out for the child. I transfer the child to her arms, going to tuck myself into Dean’s side, his arm looping around my waist. 

“What’s the plan?”

We were stopped at a gas station, Dean calling Sam while Jenna took Amara in to change her. I sat in the backseat, the door open as Dean stood nearby, Sam on speaker. “Everything is going fine here. Really.” 

“Are you sure, because we can come back in a heartbeat.”

“No, you guys make sure Jenna and the baby make it to her grandmother’s, don’t worry about me, I can handle myself.” 

Dean hands me the phone as he heads inside, leaving me with Sam. “You’re one hundred percent sure that you don’t need us?’

A sigh echoes from the other end. “Honestly, no. I caught it, the infection.”

“Sam.” My throat swells. “We’re coming back, right after—”

“No! Just, don’t tell Dean.”

“Fine. I’m not going to lie to him though. And Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You better use that big brain of yours to find a cure, I’m not looking forward to Dean trying to sell his soul again.”

“Promise me you’ll stop him from doing anything stupid. No matter the outcome.” 

“You know I can’t promise that.”

“Promise.”

I sigh, closing my eyes as the worry begins to creep in. “I promise.”

“Good. Now get Jenna to her grandmother’s, and I’ll see you both later.”

“Right. Bye Sammy.” 

He hangs up just as Dean returns, leaning against Baby. “Did he say anything to you?” 

I shook my head, picking at my nails. “Nothing he didn’t tell you.”

He scrubs his hand in his hair, looking up to the sky. “I hate leaving him behind in a hotspot.”

“I know you do, but this was his idea, he wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t confident in his abilities.” 

“You’re right, but I still can’t not worry about him.”

I stood up in front of him, tucking my hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I didn’t want to leave him either, but we have to respect his decisions. Right?”

He lets out a sigh, his hands slipping into the back pockets of my jeans as our foreheads meet. “You’re right. I still hate it though.”

“That’s fair. For now, we need to get those two to somewhere safe, then we can speed back to him, okay?”

He lets out a sound of affirmation before pulling away from me, just as Jenna returns. We all climb back into Baby, heading off to the safe house. 

“Do you think they’ll be fine?” 

Dean’s eyes flicker over to me, returning to the road before answering. “I think so. Might be hard to explain a few years down the road, but that’s not our problem.” 

I nod, watching the fields pass the window as we make out way back to the hospital. Suddenly, Dean’s cell rings, flashing Jenna’s name across the caller ID. He answers it as usual, muttering some responses before whipping the Impala around. “Change of plans sweetheart, we’ve got some other things to attend to.”

We get out at Jenna’s grandmother’s, meeting her at the end of the driveway. “I’m sorry for calling, it’s just, this is crazy. Also, I apologize ahead of time, my grandmother’s a big religious person.”

We enter the house, coming face first with the king of hell dressed as a priest. “Crowley?”

“Hello dears. About time you joined us.”

“So what the hell is happening here, Father?”

“Well, the same thing you were called for apparently, I have some connections, so when an exorcism is called in, I get called in.” Crowley shrugs, as if this isn’t the biggest news.

“Still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I was called in about some sort of demon possession. But, whatever thing is in there, it isn’t mine…it’s darker, more powerful.”

“What do you think it is?”

“If I knew, I would have told you wouldn’t I?” He scoffs, watching as I turn back to the house, going to approach it, before a scream rips through the air. I whip my head to the two of them, eyes widening before we all rush inside, guns drawn. 

Inside, we find the grandmother lying in a pool of her own blood, Jenna nowhere to be found. I shoot a glare at Crowley, who stands to the side, thoroughly unimpressed. The two go upstairs,checking the rest of the house while leaving me with the corpse. “Sorry grandma, but we have to figure this out.”

I check the first floor, finding a sheet, which I lay over her body, out of pure respect. A smash sounds from the second floor, and soon enough Dean comes rushing down the stairs. “They're gone.” 

A few weeks later, I stand at the end of a table, looking in disbelief at the brothers. “Cas is Lucifer, Sam died again, but not really, so you overdosed in hopes of saving him?” 

Sam flinches, avoiding looking at me, while Dean shrugs. “I did what I needed to.”

“By killing yourself?! What if it didn’t work?! What if you actually died? Did you forget you have a vengeful reaper dying to sink her teeth into you?!” 

Dean shrugs, continuing to sip at his beer. 

“And he shrugs. What the fuck has gotten into you? Ever since the church case you've been acting like a total ass.”

Sam looks at his brother, then to me, before excusing himself from the room. I sit in the spot he left, directly across from Dean. “What’s wrong? You’ve been distant since this whole Amara thing began. Is it something with her? Cas?”

He scoffs, peeling at the label on the bottle in front of him, avoiding eye contact. I grab the bottle, reaching for his hand. He pulls it away, glaring at me. “Maybe it’s you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Maybe it’s you. Maybe you're the issue.”

“Me? How the hell am I the issue? I haven't seen you since dropping off Amara and Jenna. You’re acting like a total ass to me, and yet I’m the problem?”

He stands up, his palms pressing flat to the table, turning to leave for his room.

“Fine, how do I fix this?”

“You don’t.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t fix it.”

“Whatever it is we can fix—”

“We cannot fix anything. There’s nothing to fix between us, not anymore.” He pushes off the table, running a hand through his hair.

My voice begins to tremble, a lump forming in my throat. “What? What do you mean there’s nothing? We’re—”

“There is no we anymore!” He whirls around towards me, a look of pure annoyance painted over his features.

“I’m sorry, but it sounds like you’re trying to break up with me? Which can’t be true.” I stand up, the chair screeching against the floor in my urgency. “Unless it is.”

“It is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I kissed her. And I liked it. She’s been on my mind anytime I’m with you. Shit, I had to force Sam to promise he wouldn’t tell you. But us? This is done.”

“Wait, who are we talking about? There’s another girl?!” I shouted, tears forming in my eyes.

“Amara.”

“The baby?! The fucking one-month old?! You’re leaving me for her?!”

“Yes!”

“This is why you've been distant. God I’m so stupid. Forever and always my ass.” I wrap my arms around myself. “You know what, fuck this.”

Dean stood there, his back turned to me. I reached up, snapping the chain that once laid delicately around my neck. The silver pendant dangled gently from the ruined piece. I threw it on the table. “Fuck you. And fuck your girl toy. Don’t you dare come asking for my forgiveness when she destroys everything you love. If you are even capable of that.” 

I pivoted, heading to my room, locking the door behind me, not bothering to glance at him again. I rip the photos of us off the wall, tossing them in the trash bin. I hesitate with the first one, the one Sam took of us leaning into one another, passed out in the front seat of Baby. The day we first said the words. A single tear landed on it as I pulled my lighter out of my pocket, lighting the corner on fire before dropping it into the bin with the rest.

I hauled my bag over my shoulder, walking into the garage where my 1977 Chevy Camaro sat, unused since I began running with the brothers. Specifically since Dean. I threw my bag in the backseat, starting the engine and leaving behind what once was my home. Where my heart could no longer stay.  

Sam’s call lit up the darkened hotel room for the fifth time tonight. Not to mention Cas’s numerous calls and voicemails sitting in the inbox waiting to be opened. Yet not a single one from him. I turned my phone over, standing on shaky legs as I made my way to the en suite. I flicked on the fluorescent light, coming face to face with a ghastly image. My eyes were rimmed in red, the deep purple bags making the red so much brighter. Tear stains lined my cheeks, my hair thrown up in a knot, curled in on itself in a mirror image of my stomach. And the irises that one shone bright with life, were fogged over, dull. Dean’s ring sat on the ledge of the sink, mocking me. The ring he gave me that first hunt they went on without me. The promise echoing in my ears. 

“Wear this. It’s my guarantee to return to you, always.”

“For forever.”

“For forever and always.” His lips brushed my forehead, settling the ring on my forefinger, it wouldn't fit on the rest. “Forever and always, princess.”

He returned from that hunt with a nasty cut on his cheek, and a funny limp in his right leg, but he returned. And he always did from that point on, forever. 

“Fuck forever and always.”

I wake up with hair in my mouth, a raging headache thriving between my ears. I groan, moving to sit up, but held back by a heavily muscled arm around my waist. I look over my shoulder, coming face to face with a dark haired man. His deep breaths indicate he’s still sleeping, and the sticky feeling between my thighs reveals exactly what happened after the alcohol hit my system. My phone buzzes on the nightstand beside me, an unknown number calling me. I pick it up, grumbling choice words as I answer.“Who the hell is this?”

“Hello darling. Didya have a nice night?”

“Crowley,” I throw the stranger’s arm off me, getting out of bed and search for my clothes. “to what do I owe the honor?”

“Your man and his sibling have called me in, we have a lead on how to get rid of Amara.” 

“No.”

“I know you and him had a fallout, darling, we can’t do this on our own. So I suggest you get your freshly screwed buttocks to the bunker, asap.” The dead tone rang through my ear, and then through the air as my phone crashed into the wall. I yanked on my converse, mumbling towards my companion. 

“Goddamn Winchesters and their goddamn saving the earth. Look, I have to leave, just return the key to the desk when you leave, and thanks for last night…” I shrugged on my jacket, grabbing my keys and reaching for the door knob. The mystery man goes to speak, having been woken up by our conversation, but I ignore him, closing the door behind me. 

Crowley meets me the second I pull up to the building, a knowing smile displayed on his face. “So, where’s the lucky man now?”

I flip him off, walking inside. I’m greeted by Sam pulling me into a hug, a muddled kiss place in my hair. He pulled away, checking me for any signs of distress. “Are you okay?” 

I nod, glancing around the room, finding Cas, well, Lucifer, Rowena, an individual I didn’t recognize, plus Metatron. I scan the room, looking for the person I least want to see. The door opened behind me, and in walks Dean Winchester, looking like hell warmed over. My breath caught and I swayed into Sam, going lightheaded. He wrapped his arm around me protectively as Dean approached us. “Y/n. Look I’m—”

“Don’t.” Sam growls towards his brother. “They’re here to help us, not for an apology from you.”

“I’m just trying—”

“No, Dean. You don’t get to try anything. They will decide when you get to talk to them. Got it?” 

The unknown individual cleared his throat, directing our attention to the plan. I felt Dean’s eyes burning into my side, and then they snapped to Sam, when the announcement of who Mark would go to. I turned to look up at him, fear clinging to my ribs.“Sam? You can’t.”

“We didn’t talk about this. You can’t, it’s mine to bear.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would freak out like this.”

I grabbed Sam’s bicep, dragging his attention to me. “Do you know what you are agreeing to?” 

He nods, dragging me closer to him. “I have to do it, you know I do.”

I let him go, looking at Dean, our eyes locking. I can see the pain he’s trying to hide, the anger, the worry, all for his brother. I return my gaze to the big man, resisting the urge to comfort him. “Well then, let’s get this show on the road, shall we.” 

The door opens, a beaten woman dragging herself in. Her dark eyes flicker around the room, landing on me, front and center. My breath catches in my throat, her beauty striking me. I swallow visibly, my eyes dragging down her body, before returning to hers. She straightens up, a smirk crossing her face. “Who are you?”

“I’m, I’m no one important.” 

Lucifer impales her from behind, as Chuck steps around me, looking down at his sister. They exchange words, before Amara stands up, throwing the rest of us every which way. My head slams against concrete, the world dissolving behind my eyelids. 

When my eyelids flutter open, I’m in a smokey void, with only Amara in front of me. I step forward, reaching for my knife hidden away in my jacket, only to find it missing. She lets out a laugh. “So you were the one who once owned the heart of my Winchester?”

“Your Winchester?” I let out a laugh. 

She tilts her head, smiling at me. “Right, you both are dating, aren’t you? I might just have to steal him from you. Oh wait, I already have.” She leans in closer, running her nose up my neck, stopping when her breath tickles my ear. “Or I could make you watch as I bind our souls together for eternity. What was the phrase you used? Forever and always.”

“You—”

“Careful what you say to me. I could end your life with the snap of my fingers.” Her smile drops, her hand wrapping around my neck. I grit my teeth together, hissing out my next words. “Do it then, you bitch.”

My body gets thrown backwards, hitting an invisible wall. She tsks at me, her face holding no emotion. “No, no. I’d rather keep you alive. Force you to watch Dean leave you over and over again until the universe ends. Keep you in a little glass cage, as a pet.” 

“You’re sick.” Amara throws her head back, letting out a laugh. 

“Perhaps I am, but are you much better?” 

I glare at her, silently cussing out Chuck for letting this happen. She takes my head into her hands, her eyes locked on my lips. “Nothing? I thought so.” She twists my head violently to the side, and the void disappears. 

My eyes snap open, lungs panting for air as green floods my vision. I sit up, pushing Dean back from me, as Cas stands up. Sam is crouching next to Chuck, helping him sit up, his complexion pale. Cas speaks up, his monotonous voice returned. “You were out for a while. I couldn’t find your soul.”

“Thank you Cas. It’s great to have you back.”

Dean opens his mouth, going to say something when Rowena bursts through the doors.

“You all need to come see this. We have a wee bit of a problem.”

A month had passed since then, and I was thrown into saving the world yet again. Collecting souls to build a spirit bomb, Dean gave up on attempting to talk to me, his brother my guard dog. Saying goodbye to the only man I’ve loved, just for him to remain alive, returning with his mother. Saving Sam from the crazy Brits, and so much more. I moved back into the bunker, much to Mary’s insistence: “The boys need you, as much as they don’t want to admit it.” 

I hid in my room, only coming out for the necessities, to share research I found, basically avoiding Dean. Unfortunately, he eventually caught up during one of my necessity runs. I felt confined as he barred my escape route. 

“We need to talk.”

“We are, aren't we?” I shook his hand off my arm, eyes darting to the exit he left unguarded. 

“No, we aren’t, and it’s killing me.” 

I snorted, “Well, apparently I’m the problem, so distancing myself seems to be the only way to remedy that.”

Dean flinched back, tucking his hands into his pocket as he looked to the floor. “About that, I—”

“No.”

“No?” “No, you don't get to apologize. I’m done Dean. Something in me shattered that day, the day I realized I’m not what you wanted. That I was just convenient for you. And now that there's not another woman pining after you, you want me back. It doesn’t work like that. My answer is no, you do not get a second chance, divine interference or not.” I turned on my heel, rushing back to my room, leaving him

standing there with tears in his eyes matching mine. But, if there's one thing I know about Dean Winchester, it’s that he’ll get over it. 

[unanswered-stars]

How did I only have two WIP last week and now I have 7?

What did I do…

Good news is my next chapter for Shadows of Regret and Redemption is 2/3 written so should be up in the next few days

My next fic will still be the continuation of @the-moth-writes Heaven Help the Fool Who Falls in Love this is my precious baby and I love it so much. So excited to share this one with you guys once I finish SoR&R

Tags have some hints at what my new WIP will involve when I have time to write them fully

[stashandtell]

No HEA #EmotionalWreckingBall Fic Recs

My embarrassing personal spreadsheet that tracks all the fanfiction I've read since starting Manacled this past spring has a tab of my "Topest Tier" fics, split into the following categories: - Emotional Rollercoaster - Emotional Wrecking Ball - Funny Fluff - Hot Hot Heat - Sweet Love Story Emotional Wrecking Balls, a phrase I picked up from Maloreiy's tag for Draft of Living Death, are stories with no HEA (happily ever after) or a gray HEA. Maybe they don't get what they want but in a bad circumstance, they find a way to move on living with loss. Maybe I'm so jaded that I need the angst and the drama to feel something but really I'm just a sucker for tragedy. Here's what's currently in my Emotional Wrecking Ball list. I mostly read Hermione x pairings so If you have any other recs, PLEASE comment them!

Draft of Living Death by Maloreiy Chapters: One-Shot; Word-Count: 10,646 Ship: Dramione Author's AO3 Summary: "The Malfoy family is not pleased with the announcement of a Marriage Law, but they are determined to get the best out of it, of course. And the best is clearly Hermione Granger. Hermione, however, would rather die." Content Warnings: In addition to the author's tags, which you should read, I would add there's an implication of dubious-consent but in-world, it makes sense and consent was given previously. Also want to note the author tagged "implied/referenced suicide" and that's accurate as well.

My Comments: This is probably my #1 fanfic of all-time. It's a goddamn masterpiece of tragedy in a one-shot. I cried when I read it and I was in a public place. I couldn't put it down.

---- Live Fiercely by Senatsu

Chapters: One-Shot; Word-Count: 5,053 Ship: Fremione Author's AO3 Summary:

"Fred has died - but this Hermione decides that the world cannot go on without the Weasley twins together and whole, that it needs the both of them to heal itself after the war - and makes a trade: her life for his.

When Fred returns to his family, he lives for her."

Content Warnings: Read the author tags.

My Comments: This one is what I would describe as a "gray HEA" in that it tells you from the start what's going to happen and you get to see it play out in all it's bitter-sweet glory. I'm recently converted to appreciating hermione x one-of-the-weasley-brothers ships. (I have yet to read anything compelling that's Harmony, Romione, or Herminny, but to be fair I have never sought those out and the few I've clicked on were not for me. Send recs.)

---- A Broken Mate by Lorbie05

Chapters: One-Shot; Word-Count: 2115 Ship: Billmione Author's AO3 Summary: "How dare he try to fuck her after being with his ex-wife behind her back. "Go back to your precious Fleur. She's obviously what you want," Hermione spat."

Content Warnings: Read the author's tags. There's werewolf-mate bonding in this fic, so that's where the most of the warnings stem from, imo.

My Comments: If you don't end up reading this fic, it's worth scrolling to the bottom to see the screenshot of the tweet where this fic was inspired from. I admit, I love a well-written infidelity fic, even though IRL that shit sucks, but it's not to everyone's taste. I also love a Bill x Hermione fic when it's emotionally complex and ideally, when they're both adults and can interact best as equals.

---- Just In Case by atruwriter

Chapters: One-Shot; Word-Count: 5985 Ship: Fremione Author's AO3 Summary: Late one night, Fred seeks Hermione out with the need to speak honestly about the happenings of war. He has but one regret he doesn't wish to die with and Hermione is just the person to help him.

Content Warnings: None?

My Comments: For canon fans. I don't know what to say about this one other than I read a bunch of Fremione recently and the easter eggs in this fic will kind of rip your heart out if you're prone to that kind of thing.

---- Sleepin' With A Ghoul by Satin Princess

Chapters: One-Shot; Word-Count: 3370 Ship: Theomione Author's AO3 Summary: Careful what you wish for

Content Warnings: Mind the tags, note the tag about suicidal ideation.

My Comments: This one almost didn't make my topest tier list for Emotional Wreckinballs but I re-read it and there's something masterful in the writing worth sinking into.

[the-book-wyverns-lair]

🅱Ⱡ🅾🅾Đ Ꝉմʂէ

He's dropping bodies on my doorstep without a single regret. Torture like a death threat. Screams I'll never forget. I ache with every deep breath. A death I'll never get. Reminders of his blood lust. The pain it grows, until I combust.

Blood Lust is a non-hea paranormal, MM horror-mance.

🩸🗡️Welcome to the darkness that we call Beautifully Bloody…🗡️🩸

There will be no happily ever after here.

The monsters under the bed will get you.

The haunted house will keep you.

The scary stories you grew up with will serenade you with unimaginable darkness.

When the sound down the hall gives you a shiver and the creaking of a floorboard sends you into a panic, we are the ones filling you with a sense of dread, from lust to death.

Do you take the risk, diving into these stories filled with an abundant variety of horror? If so, welcome to our dark side, enter if you dare.

Beautifully Bloody Volumes One and Two are not recommended for readers with any triggers as this will come at you from all different angles.

Get Volume One Here:

https://books2read.com/BeautifullyBloodyVolume1

Get Volume Two Here:

https://books2read.com/BeautifullyBloodyvolume2

#beautifullybloodyanthology #nohea #twentystories #scarey #twovolumes #twentyauthors #preordernow

[badadder1]

Having a major identity crisis with my new project. This scene came out of me thinking too hard about it. It's not going to be in that project. But. Kind of? Idk. It's my first ever attempt at something dark. It's not that mad or good but a little challenge for me.

Orochimaru has a guest. He is a good host.

A03

FFN

[katie-krum]

Harry's Madness - Chapter 1 - katiekrum - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]

[catgotcaught]

Just finished a fic last night 😉 😉 that no hea tag really got me and how do i go from here??

the fic is Trust Me by smokyquartz on ao3

[swallowedbyfandom]

Anthony returns to his study 2 hours after scolding Eloise and making plans with Kate to pull her from the rest of his season. His sister is clearly not ready to be out in society. Miss Cowper's influence will only make her worst. He will not jeopardize Francesca's courtship with Earl Kilmartin over Eloise's lack of sense. Kate has the servants packing her belongings already. He is sending her to Aunt Winnie's tomorrow at first light. The last thing his family needs is her and Colin conspiring to provoke Miss Featherington.

He will think more on the problem Eloise has so insistently become tomorrow. Tonight he is wants to drink his disappointment away. He finds his mother weeping in his study with his good brandy already poured into two glasses. One glass is already half gone. He cannot blame her. He hands her his handkerchief, before dropping heavily into his favorite armchair. He sips his drink in silence until his mother wordlessly hands him two letters.

Mama Violet,

Thank you for your endless support. Your maternal affections mean more to me than words can ever express. I leave you with this letter for Colin, so he may have the closure his pride will not allow him to seek. Feel free to read it, so you can judge when it would be best to give it to him.

While Lord Samadani and I have only just announced our formal courtship, I do believe we will be married here in the next month. The Queen seems eager to plan our wedding. Eloise's recent closeness with Miss Cowper made me fearful of what secrets may be revealed. I settled my issue with the Queen. I do believe she will miss me. We both know how much she abhors boredom. Do not fear for me, mama. I am safe.

Samuel is wonderful. His mind is razor sharp. He is supportive and kind. He is also surprisingly silly for a Marquis. He reminds me a bit of Anthony. He has that same steady devotion to family. It has long been a trait I find appealing in a gentleman. I believe we will have a beautiful future together. I know it may be difficult for me to adjust to a new country and language, but I am excited.

I will miss Bridgerton house. I will miss Aubrey hall. I will even miss watching your heathen children attempt to slaughter each other over Pall Mall. Please know that I will hold you all in my heart no matter how far I go. I shall miss your gentle wisdom and guidance most of all.

All my love,

Penelope

P. S. Since tonight was the night of secret revelations here is one more. In 1810, I was the one who hid the mallet of death up in apple tree. It was retaliation for Anthony mocking my embroidery skills.

Colin,

I have always known if we ended, our end would be exactly like this. There was no other possible outcome for us. We whom have been so deeply embedded into one another since childhood would never part without first ripping each other into pieces. There was simply no other way to let each other go. It is brutal. It is visceral. It is final.

The tragedy of us Dear Colin, is that I learned to love you before I learned to love myself. I learned to value your charms, before I discovered my own. I sought your strength before I grew into mine. I put you on a pedestal as my ideal gentleman and everyone paled in comparison to you.

I bathed you in my love and watched you flourish, proudly. I got so caught up in you I forgot about myself. I hung off your words. I lived for your smiles. I swallowed your many slights. I accepted you all of you. I forgave you every hurt you carelessly dealt me. I foolishly devoted myself to you. It was a mistake, Colin. It led you to believe that you could treat me anyway you wanted.

I am not Penelope of Ithaca, you are not Ulysses. I will not allow myself to share her fate any longer. You have taken your voyage twice now. The first time I waited for you. I returned your correspondence dutifully. I had faith that you would return to me healed in mind and spirit. I had hoped the journey would teach you to trust in yourself. It did not. I knew then you would not stay.

After deriding me publicly, once more you fled. I did not wait for you this time. I did not correspond with you. I let you go. I stopped giving you my devotion and instead I learned to love myself. I am imperfect but I am glorious, Colin.

Once more you returned, only you returned a stranger. You proposed Colin, yet your actions betray you. Your actions betray us. Here is the truth you will not admit. Here is the reason you faltered. You do not love yourself. Until you embrace yourself and not the version of you the world wants, you will never be ready to commit yourself to another.

Letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever done. However tonight's confrontation assured me that I have made the right choice. I deserve a man who will accept all of me. I deserve a husband who will see me and listen to me before passing judgement. I want the intimacy of a true partnership.

Our time has passed, old friend. Despite our harsh ending, I hope you find happiness someday.

Farewell,

Penelope

When he is done reading his mind is a dichotomy. He is happy for Miss Featherington. She has grown into a remarkable young woman. She has saved his family several times over. He is not blind to how her publication made his marriage with Kate acceptable to the public. He feels honor bound to respect her choices.

However respecting her choices will leave over half his family in mourning. They have lost Penelope. Why? Why did Colin and Eloise have to make such a mess of things? He cannot fix this. Colin is in shock right now. Once the shock passes he knows they will lose parts of Col too. How could they not? Colin found his true love match and trampled on her heart until it no longer beat for him. Colin will spend his life punishing himself over it.

Anthony huffs out a wet laugh. He cannot believe little Penelope scaled a tree to hide his mallet. He remembers that day they delayed the game for three hours before he finally found the mallet of death. He torn the seat of his favorite pants climbing that damn tree. He even had to walk home with his jacket tied around his waist to cover his ass. It never crossed his mind to suspect Penelope. His siblings still heckle him over it.

He and mother drink well into the night.

[valictini]

I’ve already said it, I’ll say it again, Mal du Pays is such a visceral and clever word to describe Siffrin’s Sadness. When I first saw it in game it genuinely made me pause like. Yes, it translates to homesickness. But it has the literal word for country in it. “Country sickness”. For a guy whose core problem is that his childhood, his culture, his country is missing. One could argue it’s a twisted pun. I’m obsessed with it.

[browneyesandhair]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Arabella Figg, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Vincent Crabbe Additional Tags: Complete, listen, this turned into a weird exposition, i had hopes for drarry here, but it turned into, Pining, lol, No Beta Summary:

Harry complains to Hermione and Ron about his new neighbor, Draco, who is crazy in love with his boyfriend.

[stashandtell]

Spawn A Spawn Or Go To Az-kah-bahn

My second fic is posted to AO3! I gave myself some breathing room to re-read and tweak it into proper shape instead of sticking to my ideal posting schedule-- because if you're going to share something challenging that nobody asked for, it's in everyone's interest to share the best version possible Originally, the working title of this was Dead Dove Do Not Eat, as I wrote about in the post called "On Tragedies Over HEAs, Emotional Wrecking Balls, and the Next Fic I'm Hitting 'Publish' On. I also have a post about my fave No HEA #EmotionalWreckingBall Fic Recs. 12 pages feels like a lot when you're proofreading until you do a word count and find you're in the 6k range. I ONLY started ATYD a few days ago and am more than halfway through Detrequee (I have the Arthimancer on deck in my e-reader) -- so I'm blown away about what monumentous undertakings super-longfic writers achieve. I'm curious to see the reception to this fic. It's been great getting kudos and hits on my first fic and we'll see how this one goes. Won't stop me though. I am looking forward to giving myself space on the next thing I want to bring forward. Maybe for Hermione's birthday on the 19th?

[the-book-wyverns-lair]

🩸🗡️Welcome to the darkness that we call Beautifully Bloody…🗡️🩸

There will be no happily ever after here.

The monsters under the bed will get you.

The haunted house will keep you.

The scary stories you grew up with will serenade you with unimaginable darkness.

When the sound down the hall gives you a shiver and the creaking of a floorboard sends you into a panic, we are the ones filling you with a sense of dread, from lust to death.

Do you take the risk, diving into these stories filled with an abundant variety of horror? If so, welcome to our dark side, enter if you dare.

Beautifully Bloody Volumes One and Two are not recommended for readers with any triggers as this will come at you from all different angles.

Get Volume One Here:

https://books2read.com/BeautifullyBloodyVolume1

Get Volume Two Here:

https://books2read.com/BeautifullyBloodyvolume2

#beautifullybloodyanthology #nohea #twentystories #scary #twovolumes #twentyauthors #nowavailable

[utterdrip]

plans? nay, on a wing & no prayer (inspired by @snowberry-pie’s post)

[lavb-b]

One Last Dance