#barasissues

[weeping-mistytree]

Just because we have some coincidences with similar things doesn't mean anything at all. Like, she always tries to pair up with me, don't she have any sense of individuality? We are friends not lovers not soulmates no nothing, thou, I don't know who she thinks she is trying to Sneak out into my life and my energy like it's nothing, she knows that she doesn't belong here yet she is still around.

Always asked her with does she want from me, and answers me " just your friendship" well, I don't believe her at all, I do believe she like me in a romantic way since always and have make me different proposals to live together and to get married Wich I'm sorry but I'm not gay or anything, I am asexual and heteroromantic, I would NEVER date a friend or have some sort of romantic relationships with them besides friendship because for me friends stay friends and a friend doesn't approach you since day one with a marriage proposal and a declaration of Love, like you don't do that to a complete stranger, right? That's not normal and she is way too attached to me, she even have told me that if I stop talking to her she will die or get extremely depressed, well I'm sorry but I do believe she needs professional help with that kind of attachment.

I know platonic queeromantic friendships exist but I'm not one that gets attached like she does with her friends, thou, I do love them but not in that degree, for me is too much and need my solitude and individuality respected, and my boundaries also because I still remember when she said that " of course yeah, I will erase my feelings for you, like is easy " and she to this day denies that she said and ask for those things between us. And she still is saying then and wish for them, but she is taking more rude responses like " I don't care if you don't want " everytime I tell he that I don't want her to visit me or me going to her town and stay at her house. That's not right, right?

She says that I'm believing things that are not true but her attitude since day one has proving me right, I'm sorry I can't reciprocate but I don't see myself sharing a life in the way she does it, this having bothering me for quite some time and had to let it out and anyway possible, sorry about the ranting.

Most won't understand or find it silly from me and I know some would say " oh, come on just date her or something " , but as I said I'm not gay, im basically straight and asexual ( Wich funny enough, after a couple of months talking with her and knowing her gay adventures, she miraculously told she was asexual too, like ???? And then that she's straight when I told her that I wasn't Biromantic and I though, and then again she is asexual, she gives me that feeling that she just wants to pair up with me and do and like the same things, what's individuality right? ) though, and she knows it, she always gave me a weird feeling since the first day she spoke to me through another, at the time friend, and honestly that's not for me. Who call their friends nickname like " baby, princess or other extremely sweet nicknames??? No one from my friends behave in the same way and she and I are from the same freaking country and the same north part of it.

I feel extremely weirded out that she is like that towards me, I don't know any of her in real life friends to know if she's like that with them too.

I'm sorry I just had to let it out.

I don't know if this have any typo or something I speed wrote it, sorry.

[weeping-mistytree]

And i can't breath, I can't breath with the thought of losing you, I can't do this farewell for an eternity all over again, did you know? You can't leave this world like this, you can't leave me alone.

I pray and pray for the gods to protect you, to heal you, to take care of you, because you are my sun, my shining light, the love of my soul, my same energy, if you leave, I wouldn't be able to do this life by myself, so please, take care, I would do anything I love you more than life, and I'll carry of your sins, your malice, your bad feelings, I'll take it all without thinking twice.

I would love to hold you and whisper my love for you, so I sing to the winds each word in hopes it can reaches you, please, please, please, don't let yourself go, I hope is nothing irreversible.

My soul, my love, my light, heal soon, I beg the gods to keep protecting you and blessing you each day that passes by.

I love you, my all.

[weeping-mistytree]

What to do with this? How to endure the pain of the night falling in love with the sun? The light?

One chasing the other and never ever being together.

[weeping-mistytree]

Sometimes i wish i could take out my heart out off my chest and keep it safe in a secret vault, so i cannot hurt it myself with dreams, illusions and hopes.

[weeping-mistytree]

I dreamed of him, after a long time, I dreamed of him, but it wasn't my body, it was kind of cruel I believe, how I can only dream of him when is through the eyes of somebody else... I wish he was my destiny, but the universe took him from me, I can't even dream about him anymore.

[weeping-mistytree]

Why did you answered my prayers if you were not able to handle my heart?

Is it too much light for you? Or is my shadow too strong for you to bear?

Am i too much or too little for your petty self?

You don't want me to live but don't want me near.

Are you scared of me?

[weeping-mistytree]

Now my soul, like a candle flickering alone, dancing my itself in a dark misty room, alone, by itself, glittering. My blue flame, my burning heart. He took his away, i can't feel his soul anymore.

[weeping-mistytree]

I had again a dream about comforting the dead...

[weeping-mistytree]

I'm on a maintenance diet,ok? And I just ate the saddest tuna salad in the entire history of the world.

Basically was tuna with some shredded Beetroot and a little low cal ranch dressing, also tons of hot sauce because I cried, between two thin slices of whole wheat bread. I didn't had any mayo and lettuce neither tomato, I hate it but I had to eat, didn't tasted bad, thou.

At least my coffee was good, but I want to delete the memory about this sandwich made of sadness 😂😭.

[weeping-mistytree]

I'm stepping a side, for a little while, meanwhile I get back to my body again. I'm sorry.

[weeping-mistytree]

To dream about my person questioning why do I love them that much? Well, Sir, my soul, you are the meaning of my world, my answer and the more i see your shadows, the more i love you.

How can I not love you, when is my soul the one speaking to you? We are the same energy, the same soul.

[weeping-mistytree]

Is that time of the year again, welcome back dad and family ❤️

edit: got more decoration! is not much but it looks different.

[weeping-mistytree]

Is 2:51 am. That's fog.

I couldn't take a photo from my window's room because of the insect preventing thing ( idk how to call it) doesn't let me take the photo properly, but from bed everything looks so pretty and white, foggy ❤️

[weeping-mistytree]

I remember planning an expire date to my life, but, I'm still here... But I wish, I wish I was not, I wish I don't have a heart anymore, if living was going to be so ridiculously painful, that I will keep wishing for the impossible...

What do I do with a heart that feels everything in extremes? What do I do if the one I love is million years far from me? What do I do when I can't be with him? What do I do when my love is a morbidly dreadful thing? Why do I keep waiting for something that will never happen? How I wish for the universe to make you feel what I feel, in this painfully way, how I wish you hear me inside of you, the burn of my eyes after crying, the way you set a burning fire in my heart, how the mere thing of calling your name makes me shake, and how my hands reaching out to you can never grasp you, how my fingertip vibrate at the mere thought of you... How I wish you feel my heart dying out, and my soul... My soul is self aware this, from the very beginning we lay eyes on you, I knew I was going to suffer.

I'm such a fool, believing there's hope.

[weeping-mistytree]

You are the copy of my own soul, and all I feel is the tenderness of your own, my bright star, I can feel the fire that surrounds your heart.

[weeping-mistytree]

My heart and soul want yours, so deep and so madly, so purely, in so much love... i wish and pray for your wellbeing, my bright star, as you are the pulse in my veins and the reflection of me, take care... always, love.