#i love them so much they make me crazy
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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 24)
Yesterday, we finished talking about the Sports Fest Arc. Though Luna has been dealt with, Natsume is still distant, and Mikan will feel the effect of this during this next transition arc.
This arc's purpose is to build tension and suspense for the upcoming monster of an arc. If any of the chapters leave you with a vague, unsettling feeling, that's intentional!
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Chapter Eighty-Nine
The Red Team won the Kibasen in the end, securing their victory in the Sports Festival. Often, at the end of an arc, Mikan will say, “[insert event here] ended safely!” but that will be increasingly not the case from here on out. Though things seem happy now compared to the frustration and jealousy of the previous arc, unbeknownst to Mikan, this is just the beginning of a long period of suffering. This current peace is incredibly fragile and due to break any second. The ESP is now suspicious that Mikan has the stealing alice, which will flavor the next transitionary arc as he tries to get confirmation.
Mikan my beloved always and forever (you deserve better than the character arcs ahead of you).
I really don’t want to get into all of the ins and outs of why I don’t care much for Mikan having the stealing alice, but my biggest issue with it is how much it overshadows her nullification from here on out, and how the emphasis changes from Mikan’s uselessness complex and insecurity to the taboo possession of the potentially dangerous stealing alice. Mikan’s “uselessness” insecurity isn’t really resolved yet, so it makes me sad that the arc is left hanging open for the sake of the stealing alice.
Anyway, it is what it is, so we’ll be moving on.
It’s time for summer!
Class B has a new uniform for the season and things seem to have settled down. Everyone is getting along again and almost everything is back to normal…
Except for Natsume.
Everyone is gossiping about what could be up with him. He was more on Luna’s side than anyone else, but now that the truth about her deceitfulness has been revealed, his lack of apology or attempt to make up has confused everyone--leading some to guess that he might be upset with them for some reason. In any case, despite Natsume’s long-lasting popularity, he’s become a bit of a pariah since the Sports Festival.
But Mikan made the choice to believe in him, no matter what. She knows that he was manipulated and blackmailed like she was now, but his behavior now still bothers her. She concedes that he’s always kept to himself, but this is different from usual. Mikan knows that he’s not mad or anything--he’s purposefully isolating himself. She’s not hurt, just insecure and fearful about why exactly he would be isolating himself now.
When it comes to Natsume, Mikan has always had one consistent wish--stay stay stay stay stay.
Once again, Mikan’s intuition is spot on, and she has the feeling that Natsume might leave and he’s distancing himself to make his absence less felt. She tells her friends that she believes in him and that he wouldn’t act like this for no reason.
“His every action makes me feel insecure,” she thinks to herself, which means that she’s keeping her eye on him and that she is increasingly afraid of what he might do next. Though everything else seems to have slid perfectly back in place, this issue with Natsume is front and center in her mind. I say this because even though Mikan doesn’t interact a lot with him in this arc, she will never stop thinking about him.
Natsume’s self-isolation isn’t the only thing amiss. This chapter also establishes that Luna is back to being despised by this class just like she was when she was a child, as well as the fact that Narumi-sensei has been ill lately and hasn’t been coming to class.
Mikan and her friends go to Central Town to buy gifts for kids with May and June birthdays, but she is distracted for most of the trip. Hotaru correctly deduces that she’s freaking out about the alice stones she was able to pull from her classmates at the Sports Fest and her suspicion that she might have a second alice. Hotaru fills her in on the New Year’s Arc, how her life was saved by a mysterious stone appearing in her hand--that there’s sufficient evidence to assume she has another alice in addition to her nullification.
Sigh...
Mikan is initially excited about this possibility, that she has two alices and that she might have to come up with a name for the second.
A passing Goshima tells her that such an alice would be called a stealing alice, which takes over Mikan’s mind for the next few days.
Chapter Ninety
Again, Hotaru is able to deduce that Mikan is concerned with the other person who possesses the same alice as her: Yuka, the notorious member of Z, who hurt her friends. Mikan is able to glean that she must have some sort of tie to her if they have such a rare alice in common. But Hotaru tells her not to worry about it--that an alice isn’t necessarily bad just because one person who possesses it happens to be bad.
The only thing I like about Mikan having the stealing alice is mother/daughter connection. The rest is bleh.
Of course, we’re in a strange place now where ¾ members of the main group know that Yuka is Mikan’s mother, but Mikan remains oblivious. It’s interesting that her friends keeping this a secret from her doesn’t really make much of a difference. Of course, Tsubasa and Natsume knowing is crucial since they have to do what they can to avoid hurting Yuka in their missions to find her. Additionally, Hotaru and Ruka knowing means they are able to warn Mikan to keep her second alice a secret. Without that knowledge, Mikan might open up to the wrong person which would have disastrous consequences.
Anyway, these scans are terrible but I’ll parse out what I can. Basically, there’s a group of troublemakers who have been running rampant lately because Natsume--who had previously kept them in check--has now been isolating himself. As a result, chaos has been all over the school. Sumire leads the charge in catching them, but they end up victim to another prank, causing the usual suspects’ souls to shuffle.
Mikan’s soul has sadly shuffled into Bear’s body, so she’s not even human for a bit here. She is very upset about this. Ruka seems to think she’s very cute and Hotaru teases her, and Mikan quickly turns to those most sympathetic to her plight, which creates an odd image of Hotaru and Natsume’s bodies comforting a crying Bear. They find out that this shuffle will wear off eventually--they just need to stay in the same area in order to get to their bodies. Unfortunately, Bear rather likes being in Koko’s body and has run off somewhere, so now the group is chasing after him.
I'm just a big fan of this panel, I don't know.
Chapter Ninety-One
Mikan--still in Bear’s body--finds her best friend Hotaru--still in her body--and notices that she seems upset. This is testament to their closeness. So far in the past few chapters, Hotaru has demonstrated keen understanding of what must be taking over Mikan’s thoughts. And now, Mikan demonstrates that she can tell when Hotaru is upset. Though on the outside, Hotaru seems the same as always, Mikan knows her better than that and can discern that something is wrong.
This is actually my favorite arc for their friendship.
Purely from Mikan’s POV, this scene is long and awkward for a bit there--Hotaru is quiet and not answering any of her questions. But then Hotaru hugs her, and it’s one of the only times (and I believe the very first time) that Hotaru initiates a hug with Mikan like this. Usually, Hotaru allows Mikan to hug her, or hugs her back after giving Mikan permission. But this time, Hotaru hugs her, and although Mikan is touched and happy to see Hotaru so affectionate, it’s even more evidence that something isn’t right, even when Hotaru assures her she’s fine.
Hotaru is able to change the mood, telling Mikan that they’ll be best friends no matter what.
But their moment is interrupted by another soul shuffle. Lucky Mikan is back in her own body, but Hotaru is now in Bear. Koko and Mikan, now in their proper bodies, are the most stable and thus should be responsible for finding Bear and bringing him back. Unfortunately, Koko wants to spend more time with Sumire’s new personality, so Mikan is on her own.
Except that Yuu has one more thing to tell her before she runs off--about Natsume. While he was in Natsume’s body, Yuu was in terrible pain. He assumed it was because of the soul shuffle, but he doesn’t feel pain at all being in Sumire’s body. Natsume, who goes frequently to the hospital, has been hiding the fact that he’s in constant agony from the rest of the class.
Always one consistent wish: stay stay stay stay.
Mikan doesn’t linger--she takes off to find Natsume. She has been guessing about Natsume’s alice shape for a long time and Yuu has just given her further evidence that she could be right. She’s been right about a lot of things lately, but this is one thing she doesn’t want to be right about.
She finds him quickly, but he turns away and doesn’t say anything, so his body must still be possessed, probably by Bear. Sound logic. She handcuffs Bear to prevent him from running off again, very proud of herself for catching him so quickly. But Bear!Natsume doesn’t want to move from the bench he’s sitting at, so he handcuffs himself to her and Mikan has no choice but to sit next to him for a moment.
This next moment is interesting because Mikan is the only one speaking. Usually, Mikan is the more talkative of the two, leading the conversation and being generally loud. But Natsume usually offers a quip or insult or some sort of snarky comment. This time, since he’s pretending to be Bear--or rather, just refusing to say anything and letting her come to her own conclusions--he can’t do that. He has to be entirely quiet and listen to what she has to say. Additionally, the fact that Mikan thinks she’s talking to Bear leads her to say things to him she wouldn’t otherwise confess.
This is the most honest she's ever been with Natsume and that's only because she doesn't know he's Natsume!
Mikan is in a grouchy mood, so she complains a little about how Bear and Natsume both share the same rotten personality, but the complaints lose their annoyed edge and her tone turns serious. Both Bear and Natsume are hard to understand, she confesses.
Despite the fact that she knows it was Natsume who confessed his feelings at the Borrowing Race and despite the fact that she swore she would put her faith in him, Mikan is still insecure. She wonders if Natsume really likes her at all. Everything between them is complicated and she’s understandably confused.
Mikan thinks she is currently talking to Bear, but Bear is a stuffed animal. He is not human and he doesn’t even speak. Really, in this moment, Mikan feels like she’s talking to herself. She’s finally letting herself say out loud and ponder the idle but pressing thoughts that have been plaguing her for a while now. It feels safe to do so, to finally be truthful about what she’s feeling--mainly confusion--because Bear is the one person who can’t really judge her no matter what she says. But it’s pretty huge that Mikan is even willing to think this, because, as we know, Mikan has been suppressing any analysis of her own emotions, especially regarding Natsume, from the very start.
But even though she’s finally voicing some of her thoughts, she’s not being entirely forthcoming. There’s still plenty of thoughts that she’s decided to keep to herself, namely what she really wants right now, which is to hear Natsume confirm something--anything.
I love that even when she's being more honest and upfront about her feelings than ever, she's still holding back. Queen of Repression, this one, even more than Natsume and I stand by that.
So much of Mikan’s understandings about Natsume are inferences rather than solid facts. Either Ruka spills some secret or Mikan has to play a guessing game, but in the end, Natsume never says anything about himself. He never talks about his feelings or his past or what he’s up to. Mikan has to figure it out herself, and he has never stopped being a puzzle. Ruka sharing Natsume’s backstory was informative because she now has solid evidence that she isn’t entirely delusional about him, but Natsume still isn’t offering any reassurances. The alice stone may or may not be his. That confession may or may not have been Natsume and he may or may not have meant it. Natsume might or might not leave, but either way, he isn’t about to tell her.
And she knows that he won’t. That’s what makes it all so frustrating--she knows him too well and Natsume hasn’t opened up about himself at any point in their relationship so why would he start now? Even her decision to believe in him was a result of her own inference and ability to discern that it was Natsume who had hugged her and thus that Natsume must be going through his own stuff too. So her faith in him, though she won’t be compromising on it in anyway, is still tied to insecurity. This new information about his health--again, given through another source and not the boy himself--only makes things worse. What if he really does “go somewhere”?
This is a really big moment for Mikan. She is able to open up, if only to Bear, but she still holds back. The last (and first) time she said out loud what she really wanted from Natsume, he rejected her in favor of Luna. She’s still not ready to be so vulnerable again, so she shares some of her thoughts but keeps the more fragile ones to herself.
But when Natsume holds her hand, she’s taken aback. This was supposed to be akin to talking to herself, helping herself work out some of her issues, or at least letting them out. She hadn’t expected comfort or affection, especially from Bear.
But it’s not really Bear, is it?
I looooooove that Mikan and Natsume kiss and hug and hold hands all before becoming a couple. It's so silly.
There’s proof that it has been Natsume all along when the kids run by and scream that Bear has finally been found, but I think Mikan figures it out when he holds her hand. Like I said, Mikan has been basing all of her knowledge of Natsume off of inferences and other people’s accounts. She knows him very well because she has been looking closely at his behaviors and actions, because she has no other choice. If Mikan ever wanted to know him, she’d have to do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship, to pay careful attention to how he acts in order to get even the slightest idea of how he feels. She’s always looking closely, and I think she can tell that it’s Natsume holding her hand, not Bear.
She and Bear aren’t close. They’re not friends. Bear has been nothing but violent and aggressive with her. Their best moments so far have involved deals and bargains, not genuine kindness or compassion on Bear’s part. This will change soon, but not now. Now, Mikan knows better than to think Bear would hold her hand after listening to her whine.
It’s Natsume’s body after all, and she had just been talking about him and how he’s been making her feel. It takes her by surprise, but she knows it’s him. He hugged her as an apology and he’s holding her hand to assure her now. It’s consistent behavior, and that’s all she has to go by, but it’s enough to know, even before the kids come running by.
They sit in silence for a moment after the crowd leaves. It’s awkward and tense for both of them. Now Mikan knows it was Natsume all along and she had just spilled so many vulnerable feelings with him. Moving on in this conversation will be uncomfortable. So, of course, Natsume leaves. He’s somehow able to uncuff himself, leaving Mikan on the bench. She could let him leave and continue to stew in the tense aura they’ve been living in since before the Sports Fest, but she doesn’t want to.
Very bold for her!!! I'm proud of you, Mikan!
She is always looking at his back, always watching him leave. What she wants more than almost anything is to make sure he doesn’t leave for good, to keep him here with her.
So she calls out to him. She knows she won’t get a full, emotional conversation with him about any of this (she's not ready for that either), but she still wants some sort of reassurance. She wants one answer and she wants to hear it from him this time. She asks him outright if he’s going to leave. Of course, she distances herself from that emotional fragility by using “us” instead of “my,” but we know to expect that by now. She’s already putting enough on the line by asking any part of it. She has to distance herself a little in order to get the question out.
She thinks to herself that she just needs him to confirm that he’s staying put, that that’s all she’ll need in order to stay strong. She wants to think she’s being silly, that she’s overthinking it, that this one inference is way off base. She doesn’t want to lose him, or even imagine that losing him is possible. Mikan was able to use her alice all the way across the room because of that fear, had to confront the possibility again during the New Year’s Arc, and was just now forced to endure the Sports Fest apart from him. One of Mikan’s most consistent fears is the fear of losing Natsume, so it makes sense that this would eat away at her like this, that she would need to hear assurances from him that she’s making it all up.
But Mikan’s inferences have rarely been off base, least of all about this. I think she knows that too, that she just wants to hear a confident “no” regardless of what the truth is, just so she can put off thinking about it, just so she can be secure for a moment.
That's good enough for now.
And he gives her that, the “I’m not going anywhere” that she’s wanted to hear for a while now. He doesn’t give her anything else, but she never expected him to. This is enough, because now she can relax for a bit until this subject inevitably rears its ugly head once more.
Chapter Ninety-Two
One tense moment resolves, only to lead to another. Mikan sees Narumi against a tree, obviously in pain and suffering. Mikan is naturally concerned, so she approaches him and asks if she could call anyone. He dismisses her concerns and assures her he’ll be fine if he rests for a bit, but that evidently isn’t even close to the truth because he then falls unconscious.
Narumi passed out gripping Mikan’s hand so she can’t run off to find help. She feels useless--such a novel feeling for her, right?--unable to do anything for someone she loves… yet again. Assistance comes from an unlikely place when Jinno arrives, telling her to remove his glove. She does and both she and Jinno are shocked to see his hand is rotting, obviously the work of Persona’s alice. Mikan recognizes the marks, and is horrified that Narumi was hiding this for who knows how long. Jinno voices worry that the marks have reached his heart and that he’s at the end of his rope and Mikan realizes what she has to do.
Nothing good, that's what.
She was told by Hotaru that she’d saved herself with her stealing alice when Persona had almost killed her. She knows then that her alice could do that again, for Narumi. But she was also compelled to keep this a secret, so using the alice in front of Jinno could cause problems.
Jinno has up to this point revealed no evidence that he isn’t loyal to the ESP or that he has his students’ best interests in mind. He could--and probably is, in Mikan’s POV--be affiliated with the fukitai and the oppressive systems here, more aligned with Persona and the ESP than the mysterious person looking out for her. But Mikan chooses to use her alice in front of him anyway, to put herself on the line and maybe even get in severe trouble, because saving Narumi is worth it.
Mikan is potentially sacrificing herself for somebody she loves here. She’s done it before and she will do it again, but this time is potent because when Narumi comes to and sees what she’s doing, he hits her. He doesn’t want the ESP to know about her alice, but Mikan cares more about saving his life than about whatever consequences this might have. Narumi hits her, probably for the same reason that Natsume told her he hated everything about her or that Hotaru left their village on short notice: to make her angry enough to give up on him. But that has never worked on her before and it won’t now.
Makes me wanna cry, not gonna lie.
Mikan is not a masochist. She doesn’t love to be mistreated. She just loves so openly and unabashedly, choosing to love the sum of what a person is instead of just the shiny, pretty parts. She continues to steal Narumi’s alice even after he hits her because she loves all of him and even the ugliest parts of him can’t deter that. Last chapter, Mikan was scared to lose Natsume. Now she’s scared to lose Narumi.
She doesn’t want him to leave “my--our lives.” This change feels different to me than her distancing from feelings related to Natsume. With Natsume, she chooses to be part of a collective so that she doesn’t feel as vulnerable sharing her insecurities. Even when it’s just her own thoughts, Mikan refuses to look too closely at her unique feelings for him. That’s not an issue with Narumi. She loves him and was even able to tell him so without a problem. Narumi has always been kind and supportive to her. They have had their ups and downs, but she knows that he cares for her and she’s not afraid to tell him how she feels. This change isn’t about distancing herself from the feelings, it’s about reiterating to him that she wouldn’t be the only one suffering if he were to die. “Our lives,” not just hers, because so many people love and need Narumi in their lives.
She believes that, and she needs him to believe it too.
I love analyzing comparisons, and the "my--our" thing just feels so different with Natsume than it does here. But of course it does. Natsume is always different.
But it’s not some epiphany on Narumi’s part that allows her to finish stealing his alice--it’s Jinno’s violent intervention and his command to her to steal it quick while Narumi is knocked out.
When it’s done, Mikan starts to cry. Because of what almost happened, because of the emotional confrontation, because of how Narumi treated her… Because of all of it.
Narumi hugs her, and it’s interesting that Hotaru and Narumi’s ploys to get Mikan angry are so short lived. As soon as she sees through them and acts on her own feelings, they give up. The ruse is over. Hotaru lets Mikan hug her, Narumi hugs her. Natsume keeps at it, though, because a small ruse is only part of a much larger whole. Mikan is constantly in this situation with Natsume, ignoring all the barbs and pain because she knows he’s hiding something important. This constant state of inference and insecurity is important because it will shift very soon.
Regardless, Mikan is exhausted. Not only has she used her alice, which is a physically taxing experience, but she’s just undergone an emotionally tiresome day. She rests in Narumi’s lap and all of his bitterness before has faded. What’s done is done. He will have to do what he has to in order to protect her from now on, and even Mikan knows that things will not be easy in the future.
Gakuen Alice is a story about love in all its many flavors and variations (until the last chapter, that is).
It’s the rainy season, he muses. It’s almost been a full year since Mikan came to the academy.
Seasons are crucial to this story, particularly for Mikan’s arc. She has matured a lot since she came to the school, but she will continue to change and grow. We’re about to be in summer again, just like we were when we first opened this manga.
Conclusion
We're halfway through the transition arc. I'll try to post tomorrow. In any case, it'll be soon. We're officially halfway through the manga, but the next half should go by faster because after this point, there's plenty of "reactionary" chapters instead of active ones. There's nothing fun to analyze in "Oh my gosh! I can't believe this is happening to my mom in the past!" so there'll be some gaps.
I have finished this essay already, but I'm too lazy to estimate how many parts are left. I think we might make it to 35 because there's definitely more parts to Mikan's essay than Natsume's. Maybe. I don't know. In any case, I decided that I would make a table of contents post after I finish posting. That might make it easier to navigate for new and returning readers!
See y'all next time!
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#gakuen alice#alice academy#ga#sakura mikan#mikan sakura#natsume hyuuga#hyuuga natsume#my meta#ga meta#ga meta: nm#ga meta: manga#ga meta: manga nm#let's talk about natsumikan#let's talk about natsumikan: mikan#nm: m song of the day....#THINGS I'LL NEVER SAY by avril lavigne#100% a mikan song abt natsume. drives me crazy#if it aint coming out we're not going anywhere so why cant i just tell you that i care?#i love them so much they make me crazy
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lighthearted.
if this comic resonated with you, please consider donating to this palestinian escape fund (vetted by @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein) as it is less than $7,000 away from it's goal.
i turn 24 today. To celebrate, I made this comic to be a spiritual successor to lead balloon, a comic in which I talked about the darkest period of my life so far.
A lot has changed since my 23rd birthday and this one. My priorities have shifted a lot, in ways that I think are mostly good. But i think the best part about today is that suicide has gone back to being a far away notion. I'm really lucky, and I'm grateful for that.
#yet another largely personal comic that kind of only has real impact to maybe four people#it's crazy what a difference a few months makes#and a trip to the beach that makes you glad you're still alive.#the last page is just me drawing my friends and I as our respective art sonas#credit to my best friend for inventing the designs#i keep copying their shit but its their fault for always having good ideas#ugghhh i love the people in my life so much and im so thankful for them#one of my friends gave me a vintage camera for my birthday#im going to take so many photos i could paper my walls with them#thank you for reading#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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you mean a lot to me, too
#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY I LOVE THEM sO SO MUCH#huntlow#the owl house#hunter toh#toh#toh hunter#willow park#gus porter#luz noceda#amity blight#the owl lady#toh willow#hunter x willow#willow x hunter#my art
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THIS SHOT OF NOA AND MAE! EXCUSE ME?! 👀🙈
The intense eye contact. The closeness. The hands around each other. PERFECTION!!! 😭😫
I can feel the intensity just by looking at it. I told yall the Director is intentionally making this tension between them!! 😫😫
Also where was this in the movie??? I NEED A CLIP OF THIS OMYGOD
#WHAT WAS THE CONTEXT IM FREAKING OUT#this shot is making me feel some type of way IM GOING CRAZY#planet of the apes#kingdom of the planet of the apes#owen teague#noa#freya allan#mae#nomae#noa x mae#noamae#pota#kotpota#omygod I love them both so much#bts#wes ball#josh friedman
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every now and then i look back on this GIF i have of nalu during tartaros arc and cry about how this particular scene alone solidifies the beauty of their relationship (natsu holding lucy's hand gently in the face of chaos and panic did wonders to my heart)
#i make it a commitment to rewatch this whenever i miss them#this was The nalu moment for me#my roman empire#no because obviously if they didn't want to get separated natsu should've grabbed her hand a bit more aggressively. locking fingers and shi#BUT NO. he shifted his approach and took her hand GENTLY AND THE BEAUTY OF THAT CLOSEUP GETS TO ME EVERY TIME#he was so gentle 😭#it gives me so much butterflies. i love this scene so so so much#YES I MISS NALU and in going crazy about them Again because 100YQ is back#it's his hand istg. the way his hand desperately tries to reach her and then it shifts to hold her hand like that#because what was bro trying to hold... he didnt grab her hand. he just held it. and i lose my mind thinking about this every time#i lvoe them in case i wasnt clear enough#nalu#fairy tail#natsu dragneel#lucy heartfilia#natsu x lucy#ft thoughts#mine
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Hank hill and dale gribble comic 👍
#Smthn abt croc snapping and being crazy is so funny to me help haha#I laughed so much drawing his expressions here gahhhhh#Maybe cuz hes so stoic.... It makes it x10 more funny to see him explode idk#Love them boffff ♡#One Piece#Dofuwani#Dofladile#sir crocodile#donquixote doflamingo#Shichibukai#Comic#Digital#More Ipad SHit I lowkey hate it but at least its gettin me to finish stuff HMPH!!!!!!!#Fanart#Edit; fixed crocs rings lmfao
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RAHHHHHH, LOOK AT HOW JIM STARES AT OLUWANDE! THEY'RE SO IN LOVEEEE!
#theyre just#AHHHHH making me crazy#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#losing my mindddd#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death#ofmd#jim x oluwande
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I'm also having a lot of fun with this game!!
#tloz#a link to the past#I both put so little and too much effort into these#no effort into the starting stage and way too much effort trying to make it somehow work out#it's fun to work like that!#it kinda helps with the stuck feeling since I get to jump straight to what would normally feel like the finishing touches sdhisu#link#zelda#my art#I sure do have a lot of thoughts and impressions of them considering how minimal this game is... (extremely affectionate)#Link's outfit looks like that bc I've gone outfit crazy in totk and I got bored of drawing the plain green tunic for smth else#I wanted to just look at the sprite and do whatever but I love this Zelda outfit too much to touch it too much dfskfu#that was so many tags... maybe nature is healing.... (me)
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hc that haitham was a lil blushy mess😣and then 🗿🗿
#genshin impact#haikaveh#genshinimpact#Alhaitham#kaveh#fanart#they make me go crazy#genshin fanart#its just the angst made them so much tastier#AND TO THINK HAITHAM IS THE ONE PINING FOR YEARS OOOFF#HE JUST DOESNT KNOW HOW TO SHOW HIS LOVE#AND EVEN IF HE DID KAVEH WOULD NOT BELIVE IT#SMART IDIOTS#i mean if you look hard you can clearly see how he has a soft spot for kaveh my boy open ur eyes
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sin eater
#sorry its been a minute!!! the horrors. you understand.#anyways yall ready for another gloom tag essay because here we go!!!#im constantly thinking about the ramifications of uzi literally eating cyn and her now being apart of her.#specifically how it impacts uzi mentally. like dgmw i LOVE the silly cyntail shenanigans in fanart (ive also contributed to this) however#when i really think about it in relation to uzi's arc i go crazy insane#uzi is a character who is grasping for control after a lifetime of not having it.#she has no control over how her peers treat her. she has no control over khan neglecting her for reasons that arent her fault.#she quite literally has no control over the solver taking her over and making her do monstrous things against her will#which solidifies her feelings of being a freak monster who everyone was right to outcast and mistreat.#because im Unwell i interpret her calling herself god as a way to convince herself of having control- and to lock away feelings of impurity#if anyone is in control- if anyone is loved and cherished despite any and all wrong doings- its a god.#and that all comes to a head when she eats the heart of cyn thereby destroying the AS- a literal manifestation of a corrupted god- for good#finally taking back control from the entity that had been terrorizing and traumatizing both her and her loved ones. but did she really?#cyn is apart of her now. powerless sure- but that doesnt take away the horrors she wrought previously#and even so- has uzi ever stopped being just a host? do you think shes terrified of cyn regaining power out of the blue?#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?#“sin eating” was a thing that happened where someone would consume ritual foods to take on the sins of a recently deceased person#thus absolving said deceased person of any sins and putting them onto the sin eater. being a sin eater ensured eternal damnation.#and i just think about that a lot. when applying that (symbolically ofc(somewhat literally. she very much is a cyn eater)) to what uzi did.#“gloom you're reading way too much into this” THE LITTLE GOTH ROBOT. MAKES ME INSANE IN THE HEAD. OK!!!!!#gloom.art#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones uzi#uzi murder drones#uzi doorman#uzi md#md uzi#uzi fanart
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Freenoodle Headcanons (Part 1) - bc there’s no way I’ll have time to draw them all out fast enough and I need to get them out of my brain:
Hidden underneath bc it’s loooong…
- Tang and Pigsy met in a college-level business class. Pigsy was going for a general business major with a minor in culinary arts. Tang was pursuing Chinese Literature and Lingustics in order to eventually be a librarian or museum archivist as well as an author on the side. They started interacting more bc Tang threatened to call Pigsy out for cheating on an exam and Pigsy “bought” his silence with a bowl of homemade noodles.
- It started with “blackmail” that Tang was gonna tell if Pigsy ever stopped making food for him but gradually they just started hanging out. Pigsy began to realize that if it weren’t for him, Tang would have most likely wasted away considering he was not only a picky eater but would also completely forget meals while being so focused on his studies. Tang in return started helping Pigsy with study before big exams as well. It became routine until they both finished the class. That was one of the only classes they had together being on pretty separate tracks but by then they were close enough friends to continue hanging out semester after semester.
- Tang’s family was not too fond of him hanging out with Pigsy and eventually Sandy who had a bit of a rebellious (and somewhat criminal) hot streak. Lots of being kicked out of bars for fighting, loud music and band parties that somehow would force them to migrate into Tang’s apartment after they trashed their own.
- Tang used to have pierced ears that were Pigsy’s own handiwork but his mom made him take them out the minute he visited home. He wants to get them pierced again even now because he loved how it looked but is lowkey too chicken to act on it bc ouchieeee needles it was hard enough the first time
- They never really defined themselves as dating out loud in college but they were definitely “more than friends” after a while. Pigsy crushed on him first but Tang fell harder once he finally caught on that Pigsy liked him. They were both too emotionally constipated scared to slap an official label on it though.
- Tang is almost always freezing and wrapped up in sweaters, scarves and mittens. Pigsy is always hot. Equilibrium achieved.
- Speaking of scarves, Tang’s trademark red scarf and most precious comfort item he owns, was a gift from Pigsy’s mother when Pigsy introduced him to his parents. He is almost never without it and takes very good care of it because it is hand-made and one of a kind.
- Tang was NOT a fan of the Pigsy mustache era™️ but that did not stop the pig man from burrowing his face onto him and teasing him near to death with prickly kisses
- Pigsy’s affectionate nickname for Tang became “truffles” for a hot second after this^^ Tang secretly and begrudgingly loved it. The nickname is still stashed away for special occasions and ONLY when its the two of them.
- The mirror to that is Tang found out Pigsy’s weak spots were his ears and under his chin. Loves scritches and sometimes Tang would just reach out and idly play with his ears if they were within reach. That’s also something that occurs in present time.
- On rare occasions, Tang would convince Pigsy to sing for him and most of those moments ended in tears both of sadness or laughter on both ends. Mostly because Pigsy would either sing songs his mom taught him or ones he could only half remember the lyrics to.
- They stayed in contact for a while even after Pigsy graduated (Tang was pursuing a PHD so he stayed in school longer). Tang and Sandy were both there when the restaraunt was passed down to Pigsy and they were the first customers at Pigsy’s Noodles.
Things got a bit more complicated after that…
- For about 5 months before MK came into their lives, Tang and Pigsy were actually having a huge fight and were not on speaking terms. Sandy’s anger and violence issues were at an all time high and he dropped out of college just before graduating, Pigsy and Tang struggled to define their relationship after they Tang’s family was insistent he finally cut them out of his life and it lead to a big fight where Sandy ended up leaving the trio and there was a huge and bitter rift between the three of them.
- Three weeks after Pigsy’s mom passed, little MK showed up on his doorstep. He was already running the shop alone for the first time and now he suddenly had a child who desperately needed him. While MK brought some much needed light back into his life, he struggled to properly care for the little ball of energy and still make end’s meet. His quick temper and the passing of his mom had seriously impacted business and chased off a lot of regulars as it was. So, he called the only person he trusted to help. The minute Pigsy explained his situation…Tang didn’t hesitate to come back, even as he continued classes. Things were awkward and messy for sure and there was a lot of baggage to sort through…but they made it work for their little monkey kid.
Okay that’s it ta ta for now part two is going to be Freenoodle Family focused I wanted this one to be more on the early days before MK to set it all up.
#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk freenoodles#freenoodles#lmk xiaotian#lmk tang#lmk mk#lmk pigsy#they are messy but in love I cannot stop thinking about them#they make me crazy#all 👏 about 👏 the 👏 history👏#this is all inspired literally just from what I can piece together from the photos in his shop in sweet and sour#also go read sonhood by dr chalk I literally get so much inspiration from that too#shout out to dr.chalk always you are the mvp
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Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff The Avengers (2012)
matching each others freak
#marveledit#dailymarvelgifs#steverogersedit#blackwidowedit#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#black widow#captain america#the avengers#my gifs#another one baby#this came along a lot easier and faster#helps that it was all one scene so i could do basically the same coloring and stuff#anyways i love this scene it makes me fucking crazy#i love these two im so sad about what happened to them individually but also as a duo#they barely know each other at this point in the avengers but steve totally goes with her completely bonkers idea to hitch a ride on one#of the aliens?? like shes out of her mind#shes not enhanced or anything either the way steve is like yeah shes a badass and very capable but shes also very much human#but he doesnt argue with her at all he sees her throughline and is like well she wouldnt suggest it if she couldnt pull it off#and his like.... awestruck look as she zooms away...... i know he thinks shes so cool#i just love them i love nat and steve as friends i love their dynamic#i dont ship them romantically but like. i do get it
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After doing some research on the types of pets people had in ancient Greece, I'd like to imagine that Helen is the sort of person who has a whole menagerie of birds — and she loves each and every one of them very, very much.
It fits well with her being good at mimicry, you know. Talking and imitating and singing with her beloved birds 💜
Close up under the read more:
I had to include that one necklace from the minoan 'saffron goddess' fresco because it's my favourite thing Ever
#helen of sparta#greek mythology#greek myth art#tagamemnon#birds#this started as a helen with birds drawing. then turned into a chance to put helen in mycenaean accurate clothing.#and THEN turned into a sort of hades game art study/sprite because playing with half lineart + half rendering is just too much fun#speaking of fun: I really enjoyed making this!! Once I got a bit experimentative it really came together. I'm happy with the outcome! ^w^#choosing what birds and how many was a challenge... in my mind Helen has dozens of birds and all sorts of species. truly a crazy bird lady.#but I decided to focus on a few for this. maybe another time i'll make a piece with a ridiculous amount of birds for fun >:) hehe#I cant remember the source but I know I read somewhere that people would specifically train magpies to say hello/greet guests#and I love that little factoid (and love magpies very much) so that was an immediate choice for me to feature here.#I also love doves and goldfinches. goldfinches sound so delightful and stand out so they were my 'songbird' choice.#and I'd like to imagine that one specific dove snuggles up on helen's shoulder all the time <3#the only bird that's truly missing here is an indian ringneck parrot (which I initially wanted to put on the shoulder but changed my mind)#so if you're like me and watch too many parrot videos. just know helen has one of them that can't stop talking and posing lmao#capri_art
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#jjk text posts#jjk#itadori yuji#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#jjk yuji#jjk megumi#megumi x yuuji#yuji x megumi#text post#this is my itafushi propaganda#i love them both so much and they are perfect for each other#two different kinds of idiots in love#its about the sharing of trauma#they are gonna be so miserable but its okay because theyre together#also the satosugu parallels go crazy#i can't explain it but it makes me want to cry i love it so much#they have been rotating in my head for all of time#anyways now im gonna go be so normal about this#crypt text posts
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I’m getting into manga coloring and I had to color my favorite art of my lovelies 🩷💚💙
#I love them so much it’s crazy#I don’t typically say I have an otp but they may be it for me#the way azz watches over them 😭🙏🏽#and the way they cuddle is so adorable#you can pry this ship from my cold dead hands#I need to make a breakdown on their relationship soon#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#m!ik#mairuma#iruma-kun#clara valac#iruma sullivan#suzuki iruma#iruma suzuki#asmodeus alice#love trio#the love trio#image description in alt#manga coloring
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Thinking about the way dungeon meshi does queer horror. Using horror to tell queer stories is already subversive, but dungeon meshi subverts it even more
Normal queer horror is like. A monsterous desire and immortal love of something isolated/hated and the uncontrollable but suppressed need to consume someone to live and they only die if you break/pierce their heart. its great.
In dungeon meshi, the group is STARVING. they do things the way they're expected to and they're so deprived that eventually, one of them is consumed by that monsterous desire.
Then when Falin becomes a monster, she doesn't eat Marcille because she doesn't NEED to, Marcille already offered herself up as part of Falin by mixing her own blood with the dragon's for the resurrection.
Also Marcille is a monster too!! She doesn't need to be turned by Falin. She's a 'witch' doing black magic for one but she's also very vampiric
Her name is super vampirey especially given one of the translation spellings was Marcilla, an annogram of Carmilla*. And Marcille is very similar to Marceline from Adventure Time so it's a name with heavy connotations to me. Also her staff is Ambrosia which means immortal.
*ps Carmilla is the original modern vampire that inspired Dracula and also a lesbian. she used annagrams of her name (Marcilla, Mircalla, Millarca) to disguise herself across hundreds of years.
Marcille is like. a vampire in that death is a big part of her theme. She can breathe that immortality into someone else using her resurrection black magic and death is a huge part of her character. She wants them to live as long as she does. To make them immortal. Like. Like a vampire. Vampires which are unholy when her love interest is a cleric.
But once again this is subverted!! she doesn't 'turn' Falin, she makes her undead by giving her own blood instead of taking Falin's. Falin becomes a monster not because she's attacked or turned, but because her DNA, something INHERENT about her is now intertwined with the monster. so a god-like figure merges them. Then the only way to free her from that frenzy and grant her autonomy again is to finally consume her. something inherently lesbian about all that i think idk about you
#grain of salt#im anime only so I don’t know if the eating her solution works#but whatever happens I BET it’ll work with this queer horror metaphor#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi analysis#farcille#falin touden#marcille donato#queer horror#lesbian vampires make me crazy#i have sooo much to say abuot the queer horror of this show#genuinely how does anyone say theres no romance or theyre not gay because. yeah its only implied but#if you have to make them kiss to prove theyre in love then theyre not really in love#you should be able to tell from implication and interaction and you DEFINITELY can with the way they talk about each other#'marcille.... her name is marcille' with that little smile. thats a girl in love#my posts
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