#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?

[trauma-bot]

sin eater

[lilywily143]

V's character Analysis

The first part of this analysis

When Uzi [accidentally] turns an arrow into a body horror monster, everyone is horrified. But the camera focuses on V's face, actually horrified.

We have never seen her look so feared.

She instantly gets in a fighting position to attack Uzi before Uzi runs away in fear of the creature she made.

V tries to go kill Uzi but N stops her.

She tries to say that they need to work on their job of killing the drones but N fights back for the first time against her. Which she really didn't expect to happen.

She almost looks scared at him fighting back.

And instantly, he calls her out for being afraid. But she says she is not afraid, which clearly isn't how she feels.

N has that be his last straw and says, "She's a kid, V! Like us, V! What is WRONG WITH YOU?!"

And she doesn't even fight back from that response... She lets N go find Uzi.

Even though Lizzy does try to compliment her [in her sassy way] V just storms off and leaves the class alone.

But, I do think I know what V is holding back. [Maybe???]

The acknowledgment of the fourth murder drone that didn't seem to come with the trio initially for the mission, Cyn.

[This is just the most likely idea for the new character's name, take it with a grain of salt.]

This member seems more connected to a program the murder drones have, and Uzi somehow has that program that made the horrific creature.

This member seems to have awful things that even V can't handle.

When N has flashbacks, getting memories of this member again, he is speechless. And this may be why V held this back, she knows how horrific this member was. And for why-ever N doesn't remember, she won't remind him of Cyn.

When this program takes over Uzi practically completely, she attacks and kills multiple classmates. But right when she is about to attack Lizzy, V comes back to the group and saves her.

But she does still try to deny her care for Lizzy, saying "Killing her, not saving you." But even Lizzy says a jokey reply to her since she doesn't mind V's sass.

So V comes over to kill Uzi, calling her Cyn. [Does the fourth member know how to change bodies??]

And when Uzi breaks through the program for a moment and asks to see N, V shuts that idea down. But it does bring the program back in Uzi super strongly.

V does get incredibly injured and is about to get killed before N finally comes back to help out. And she is afraid but when N is back, she acts angry again towards him.

N and Uzi take a moment to talk but when they make their way back, V is ready to get Uzi and get her away from N.

But, when she sees Uzi is back to normal and N is not only safe, but happy, giving Uzi a hug; she brings her weapons down.

Lizzy gives her last lines of the episode, calling out V slightly for being "such a diva lately".

But V doesn't take offense to her comment and smiles in the most sincere way ever. She genuinely looks happy rather than her crazed-like smiles.

And then her most kind hearted act in the series yet happens in the end.

The teacher asks V about missing students from his chart, and V does know Uzi killed those missing kids.

She seems to look around to look for someone to tell the truth besides her, looking at Lizzy and then N & Uzi.

But she decides to take the blame, telling the teacher "Yo, I get hungry, idiot."

She was willing to take Uzi's downfall and not let what happened with her spread.

But I think it's important that this teacher doesn't care about too many things. He says, "no name calling. Just a question." And V is taken aback that the teacher didn't even suggest a punishment.

Even if V didn't do the killing, I think she was relieved that she wouldn't be hurt about awful actions she wouldn't have wanted to do.

She didn't mean to make N angry and he yelled at her back.

She made Uzi go further into the program's control and V was nearly killed.

V left the class alone despite what N asked for and while she was gone, her friend, Lizzy, was nearly killed and some of the other classmates she hung out with are now dead.

But here she is "admitting" to something horrible and nothing bad happens to her. She made the drone think she did something bad, but she told the "truth" and he didn't react even loudly.

She told the truth and she wasn't hurt.

So I hope this makes her talk about Cyn to N at least and try to connect with him more like she wants.

[edupiii]

🦇The Cryptic Tales of Coppersfield Update!!💛

Now I’m not entirely sure how many people on here actually read my fic The Cryptic Tales of Coppersfield, but incase you do I just wanna give a small update!

I’m more than halfway through finishing Chapter 10 as well as beginning Chapter 11, however, I am in the middle of final exams and essays for my first year of uni so my attention is focused on that stuff. I checked the other day and realized I hadn’t posted a new chapter in a while so I just wanted to put out this PSA incase any readers were wondering what was happening.

I’m also finishing up the designs for Lizzy and Khan, and sketched out Alice and Beau (even though they aren’t gonna show up for a while, I wanted to draw them). I think I’ll be making a new design for Uzi and possibly Thad since they were the first ones I made and looking back I think I could do better on them. To thank you for your patience and understanding, here is the intro to the next chapter!!

(Uzi uses she/they pronouns interchangeably btw, just a heads up incase you get confused reading)

TW: mention of body horror

Chpt 10, Game Plan

It was getting closer, she was sure of it. They couldn’t hear it over the sound of her own laboured breathing and the crunching of fallen leaves underneath their heavy steps; but they knew it was coming. They had been running in the dead of night for…she wasn’t sure on the exact amount of time, but a long time would suffice for an answer.

She stopped in the middle of a clearing and spun around, feeling the distinct fear of recognition growing. She had already been here. They’d gone in some type of messed up circle. But how?

Without warning, the sound of whatever was chasing her had caught up. They could hear it’s own heavy breathing and it’s snarling grin as it approached the small, tired figure. She begrudgingly turned their form to face their enemy, feeling her gut twist as the moonlight glistened off its torn and broken flesh’s

The creature cocked its head while making some sickly attempt to laugh at its preys reaction. It looked like it could have at one point been human, but its length and height were far too unnatural of any persons. Where Uzi assumed its eyes would be was covered by greasy hair while its mouth hung open. It’s not that it was opening its mouth, it’s that it no longer had a bottom jaw to close its ever gapping gob.

Long, spindly arms helped it crawl its thin yet heavy body closer to Uzi, her feet trying to move but unable too. Finally this thing stood over the terrified teen, drool dripping from its hanging maw onto Uzis hair and face. Its head drew closer and closer, its features becoming more prominent with every passing second.

The filthy hair covering its eyes slanted as it smiled down at Uzi, allowing her to be able to see the creatures face. As they looked in horror, a tinge of confusion began to swell. What gazed back at them were not eye’s necessarily, but two sagging black sockets. In the middle of each empty hole was that strange three pronged symbol Uzi had seen so many times before. They were glowing yellow and shaking sporadically.

Uzi snapped out of their trance as the thing inched its putrid face ever so slightly to her own, causing them to try and retreat. But they couldn’t. She looked back up and gazed at the beast whose warm breath incapsulated their face.

“Wha-what the hell are you?” they asked in a shaking voice. “Some kin-kind of eldritch monster?”

The thing reared back slightly, almost like it was in shock. However, this feeling quickly faded away as it brought its face right back up to Uzis.

“It hurts our feelings you don’t remember us.”

Uzi tried to pull away once again while looking at the things mouth. “How can-can you talk!? Some psychic link! You don’t even-“

“Easier to assimilate then explain.”

A large claw seemed to almost emerge from the shadows, its skin black with webbing between the talons. It rose up quickly and came back down on Uzi who readied for their painful demise, when suddenly-

———

AGN!

AGN!

AGN!

AGN!

Uzi shot straight up from their sleeping position, her alarm clock blaring it’s awful symphony. The noise hurting her very being, Uzi wasted no time scrambling over and slamming a shaking fist on the old electronic. It finally shut up.

Leaning back slightly, Uzi began to notice how much they were shaking. Their breathing was incredibly heavy with her heart rate sending small tremors throughout her body. She also began to notice how sweaty they were (gross! i hate waking up sweaty)

However, like the past week of restless dreams, it’s memory quickly faded from her mind. They couldn’t recall any of it. At least…they’d like to not recall any of it, because the one thing that stuck in her head were the unnerving words that were spoken to them before they awoke.

Spoken in that god awful, familiar monotone voice that chirped in their head.

______

[zv5x]

It's Pico timeeeeeeee!!!!!!! I always wanted to do some Yan!Pico for this blog, so here we go! I hope you all enjoy!!

Request status : open!

( :̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

Your tortured ears could still hear him calling out your name, even with how far away you were from him. A small part of you knew that you shouldn't have even tried running away, that your efforts were in vein, and you were only tarnishing the trust of the man who could take and give your basic rights at will. But, the other part of you just couldn't ignore that unlocked door you felt he left for you by "mistake".

Pico tried telling you that you were miles from any sign of human society, and that was only if you happened to start running in the right direction after leaving your own personal prison. You forced yourself to think he was just bluffing, just filling you up with lies to discourage any possible escape attempts.

However, no matter your circumstances, no matter where you were or what you were going to do from here on out, you just couldn't stay there anymore. You just couldn't. The feeling of betrayal, isolation, vulnerability, you just couldn't take any of it anymore. You had to get out, get away from him.

Perhaps, in some sick twisted way, Pico was right. Perhaps you trying to escape was in fact futile. Perhaps your future really was with him.

No.

No, you repeated in your head like a broken record, swearing yourself to hell for even considering taking his side for more than a millisecond. He was a monster, and monsters never have good intentions. You already decided that he didn't really love you, even though he told you he did millions of times a day as he looked down at you like you were the most precious thing he had ever laid his eyes on. He had to just be playing with you, like some sick predator toying around with it's prey before he made the final killing blow. The game Pico was playing with you was sick, and you didn't want any part in it any longer.

You could feel that he was getting closer. You could hear the quickness and heaviness of his breath and the way he called out your name oh so desperately. Like you were being carried away by some third party and hauled away to a slaughterhouse. In all honesty, you'd much rather be in a place like that than be subjected further to Pico's sickeningly sweet affectionate gestures.

Suddenly, in a split second, as Pico sprinted quicker than he was before, he held out his arm in a motion you could not see. There was a loud popping noise, sounding similarly to that of a firework, and then you stumbled to the ground. Pico followed quickly behind, of course. He rushed to your side and crouched down to your level as the pain just started settling in. You looked over at where the pain seemed to be coming from, and your teary eyes widened as you saw the disturbing sight of red oozing from a hole in your ankle. Pico swore under his breath, quickly picking you up and throwing your body over his shoulders. Instinctively, knowing Pico was far more than just a simple threat to you, you banged on his back with your fists and thrashed and kicked with the only leg you could move (even though the pulsating pain in your ankle made such movements simply agonizing).

He shot you. That mother fucker shot you.

"Fuck, (Y/N)..." Pico sighed, his voice sounding more strained than it usually did. "Why can't you just fucking listen to me?!" Pico said, taking all the punches and kicks better than you expected him to. He was keeping a snake-level grip on you, which was impressive considering the circumstances.

Quiet sobs left your throat as Pico rubbed your back and gently shushed you. Your body seemed to fall limp, as you lost all will to fight him any more. It was over. You had your chance to escape, and you used it stupidly forgetting Pico carried an uzi around him all the time like a mother to a newborn. None of this was your fault of course, but you couldn't help but imagine how else this could've gone down with a little better planning and preparation. The thoughts only increased the sound of your sobs, which only made Pico's stress worse at the moment.

You could barely hear him mumble an apology to you, citing that everything was just to test if you really were loyal to him like you promised, and although he was saddened by the result he would still continue to love you unconditionally. It was the last thing you heard, before the pain in your ankle and the constant trauma your brain was desperate to have a break from lulled you off to a strangely comforting sleep.

You woke up with a slight ringing in your ears, though that quickly faded in favor of hearing pacing footsteps across the echoey basement floor. You internally sighed, as you had just gotten the privilege of upstairs access. Granted, being allowed upstairs should be considered a damn near basic human right, but you were in Pico's world now rather than your own. And in Pico's world, anything is justifiable if you lace your atrocities with half-assed "I love you"'s and "I'm sorry"'s.

Pico glanced over to you as he heard you groan, the chain that he apparently put on your leg making a slight jangling sound as you tried to stretch. He walked over to you and sat down on the floor, his face just about a foot away from yours.

"You know why you're here, right?" It was a simple question, and Pico would be satisfied with a weak nod or so, but you couldn't help but express your distaste for the situation, so only a muffled "go fuck yourself" seemed appropriate. Pico only hummed, brushing hair out of your face and arching an eyebrow at your pained, but still determined expression. "You're here because you won't listen. I didn't ask anything of you. All I wanted to do was keep you safe. There's a lot of people out there who wanna hurt you, you know? There's a lot of people who wanna hurt me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I didn't do anything to keep you safe."

Pico was never one to trail off and leave his sentences long, but he couldn't help himself. You deserved at least some kind of an explanation, especially after you're being faced with the man who just shot you. In his defence, it was only in the ankle and it was only to stop you from running, but still.

"P...Pico...ple-" Your hoarse voice was cut as Pico placed a single finger against your lips and shushed you oh-so gently, your only response being a tiny whimper.

"You don't say a word doll, just let me take care of everything from now on. I'm gonna keep you safe, I promise..." Pico smiled a bright smile, which was the absolute last thing you expected from someone like him. "I love you, (Y/N)."

You were too stunned to speak, and his smiling lips twitched. "(Y/N), I love you." You gave him a weak smile back, and closed your eyes.

"I love you too Pico, thank you, for everything..."

Your throat burned at the words being spoken, but you spoke them with hope. Hope that maybe someday, somehow, there'd be a sliver of light at the end of this tunnel, and you'll live to see another sunrise without Pico.

Sure, it was nothing more than grainy aspirations and shattered dreams, but it was enough to keep you going, and that was something you appreciated to your core.

[fnf-brain-rot]

the grief between two powers

Note: This story is based off of the scenario of CosmicCove's "I didn't think it would end this way" on A03 where Pico goes through with killing Boyfriend. This is my spin on how they would handle it. It's kinda sad.

________________________________________________________________________________

Unbelievable..

Her parents had the audacity to actually go through with killing the one being on this god-forsaken planet that made her so unconditionally happy. She almost couldn't process the rage building up in her chest from the mere thought of ever seeing their faces again.

And they won't.

A snarl rested permanently on her face as she replayed the scene over and over again in her head. Boyfriend dropping onto the cold concrete, his blood splattering against it from the hole in his chest. All because he was so caring. So sweet.

"Hey Pico! Long time no see! What are you doing here man?"

Pico...

"Pico.." The name seeped between Girlfriend's teeth like venom from a snake. The anger she felt was so intense that she couldn't even hide her purple skin and sharp claws. So what if someone saw her like this? It didn't matter. Not anymore.

For them to know each other, most likely knowing what person he was taking out of this world, and to still go through with it. And for what? Money?

She found herself stumbling aimlessly through the city, but not so much so. Her surroundings showed the train tracks they were waiting for.. Pico... at.

That bastard..

The gleam of her red irises cut through the darkness of the empty lot, and she walked over to her.. deceased Boyfriend's blood spatter. Her anger almost faltered. She almost dropped to her knees and sobbed like she had before, overwhelmed with grief.

Then she smelled it.

It wafted up to her nose, subtly, but she quickly sniffed it out again.

His scent.

Pico's scent.

It hit her like a truck, the sudden desire for bloodshed. For revenge. She followed the path between the dark alley it came from, making her way to him. She was going to make him regret even stepping foot of his house this night. She was going to make him hurt.

________________________________________________________________________________

He wasn't faring much better himself.

Pico felt the regret. He knew what he did was wrong, but shit, most of what he did was wrong. It wasn't wrong in the normal sense though. Boyfriend.. He didn't even hesitate. He shot him almost automatically.

He figured if he didn't think about it, it wouldn't haunt him as much, as if Cassandra's voice wasn't already taunting him from beyond the grave.

He just tried to relax on his worn down couch, in his empty, lonely little apartment. He tried to avoid looking at the gun he set on the table. The same gun used to take Bee's life. The same gun sworn to protect his own.

Pico clasped his hands on either side of his head, staring blankly at his sock covered feet pulled onto the couch.

Ha.. He shot him and didn't even say hi. Barely even looked at him.

Moments of the past flashed in his mind, like a flickering slide show of old memories. When they dated back in middle school. Sure it was a long time ago, and middle school was ass. But who helped him through it? Boyfriend.

Bee would purposefully make himself look stupid if Pico did anything of equal value, so he would never deal with anything alone. He would always come over to hang. Nene and Darnell.. They loved him like a brother. They laughed together, cried together, fought together.

They would have graduated together.

Probably even live together.

if not for...

Pico's thoughts were cut short by the abrupt sound of shattering glass. He shot up from the couch, grabbing his uzi off the table without a second thought. He pointed it toward the door of his bedroom, his blank eyes focusing on the open door.

He could see the silhouette of a woman.. It looked non human. Not the first time he dealt with monsters, however the aura of this one.. It was so intense, like he could suffocate in it.

He cocked his gun at the sound of creaking floor boards, watching the purple demon slowly reveal herself. He damn there had a heart attack.

"You.."

As if they could read each other's minds, they both spoke, but he could feel the malice in her stare alone. "You.. You're.. " He was flabbergasted, taking a couple steps back, though his leg hit his broken coffee table. Girlfriend began to advance, clenching her clawed fingers into fists. "You son of a bitch." Her voice was low, almost in a whisper. "You fucking knew him!!"Her voice came around quickly, bouncing against the thin walls in projection.

"Look I.." Pico began to speak, but lost his words. He did know him. He knew him so well. "I.. I know." He breathed out, slowly lowering his uzi. He looked away, but quickly looked back as he heard her boom with laughter. "I'm sure you know why I'm here then?" She smiled a little. She had teeth that could easily tear flesh apart, and he was sure that's what she wanted to do to him.

"Listen, I'on wanna fight you, jus-'"

"Too fucking bad!" Girlfriend spared not another moment talking if it meant she could have the head of her Boyfriend's killer. She rushed at him with a speed he hadn't seen in a while. Pico quickly kicked out the leg of his coffee table, causing it to topple over, and giving him an easier way to jump over to get behind it.

He could try talking to her, but he was sure she wouldn't stop until she's claimed his life. The gun was knocked from his hand in a blur, and he felt a pain against his chest. She scratched him. He grit his teeth and made more space between them, but the apartment was only so big. "So you can murder but you won't fight, huh??" Her growl assaulted his ears, and he tried his best to pin point her. She came up on his right, lunging at him full force. He grabbed both of her wrists, his back pressing against the rotting wall behind him. She snarled and bit at the air, as if trying to bite his nose off, but he managed to push her off, kicking her in the leg. She buckled from the force, and he slipped out from under her.

Fine, she won't stop. He'll just make this easier for himself. He slid back over to the coffee table, snagging his gun and hopping back up in one swift movement, making a dash for the bedroom. He doesn't do well in small spaces, so he'd just make more room. He dove feet first out of the window, almost not catching the loud thumping of Girlfriend chasing him.

he made sure to grab the emergency ladder on the side of the building to lessen his impact, rolling and stumbling into the dirt. It was only three stories, he's jumped from higher. She launched herself out the window after him. She damn there flew. "Shit.." He took a moment to breath. he couldn't call Nene or Darnell, his phone was inside.

He ran through the trees behind the complex, using the darkness to mask his presence as he usually would for a hit. "Oh Pico! Why delay the inevitable?" She rolled into the dirt under the trees herself, ignoring the ache from such a hard fall. Pico hid behind one of the trees as she scanned the area, then hopped out and fired a shot into her leg, specifically her calf.

She roared out in pain, gripping her dirtied dress with one hand, but she continued fairly well, using her less dominant leg to move in the direction it came from. Pico held his breath, quickly shifting around the trees. She was so sensitive to the sounds, the rustle of leaves, ruffle of sweatpants. before she knew it she was shot again. her other leg. they buckled under her weight, but she refused to fall. Pico ran at her from behind, using this opportune moment to subdue her, but without warning, she turned and grabbed him by the neck.

She moved him so he was in front of her, and slammed him into the dirt below him. "Figured you would be sharper than that.." He choked against her strong hold, gasping desperately for the air she deprived from him. She squeezed so hard he was convinced his neck was about to snap. Without another option, he fired two shots in her stomach, which made her gasp and let go.

She scooted off to the side, clutching a hand to the wound, black ooze pouring out of the holes. Pico took this moment to regain his breath, rubbing a hand along his already bruising neck. He coughed and sputtered, and she did the same. "I...I'm sorry.." His voiced rasped through their moment of silence. She could only let out a growl in response. "Sorry won't bring him back." She scoffed, beginning to move again, crawling back over to Pico. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and punched him right in the jaw. he deserved that.

She punched him again. He deserved that. Again. he deserved that too.

the taste of iron flooded his mouth. "You fucking.." He felt wetness against his shirt. He couldn't tell if it was from her tears or his. She dropped him back on the ground. He could only let out shallow, uneven breaths when she collapsed against his chest, beginning to sob quietly.

He allowed her to. He even let some tears of his own fall.

She wanted to kill him, consume his soul, damn him to Hell for eternity. She couldn't. All she could do was cry. It wouldn't bring him back. Nothing could bring him back.

[cait-with-luv]

J.JK Soul Ink - Playlist

Previous | Next

¬ Me, Myself & I - G-Eazy ft Bebe Rexha

Oh, it's just me, myself and I Solo ride until I die Cause I, got me for life,yeah Oh I don't need a hand to hold Even when the night is cold I got that fire in my soul

¬ Him & I - G-Eazy ft Halsey

Cross my heart, hope to die To my lover, I'd never lie He said "be true", I swear I'll try In the end, it's him and I He's out his head, I'm out my mind We got that love, the crazy kind I am his and he is mine In the end, it's him and I, him and I

¬  You Don't Own Me - Grace ft G-Eazy

You don't own me I'm not just one of your many toys You don't own me Don't say I can't go with other boys

Don't tell me what to do And don't tell me what to say Please, when I go out with you Don't put me on display

¬Control - Halsey

I sat alone, in bed till the morning I'm crying, "They're coming for me" And I tried to hold these secrets inside me My mind's like a deadly disease

I'm bigger than my body I'm colder than this home I'm meaner than my demons I'm bigger than these bones

¬ Gasoline - Halsey

And all the people say You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

I think there's a flaw in my code These voices won't leave me alone Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold

¬Hold me down - Halsey

My demons are begging me to open up my mouth I need them, mechanically make the words come out They fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce Ignite me, licking up the flames they bring about

¬ Without Me - Halsey

Gave love 'bout a hundred tries Just running from the demons in your mind Then I took yours and made 'em mine I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind

¬ Nightmare - Halsey

I've tasted blood and it is sweet I've had the rug pulled beneath my feet I've trusted lies and trusted men Broke down and put myself back together again Stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters Collected the pieces and picked out a dagger I've pinched my skin in between my two fingers And wished I could cut some parts off with some scissors

¬ Now or Never - Halsey

Never pick up, never call me You know we're runnin' out of time Never pick up when you want me Now I gotta draw a line Baby I done, done enough talking Need to know that you're mine Baby we done, done enough talking Gotta be right now, right now

¬ I Walk The Line - Halsey

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine I keep my eyes wide open all the time I keep the ends out for the tie that binds Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true I find myself alone when each day is through Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you

¬  Desperado - Rihanna

Gotta get up out of here and You ain't leaving me behind I know you won't, 'cause we share common interests you Need me, there ain't no leaving me behind Never know, no, just want out of here yeah Once I'm gone, ain't no going back

¬Needed Me - Rihanna

I was good on my own, that's the way it was That's the way it was You was good on the low for a faded fuck On some faded love Shit, what the fuck you complaining for? Feeling jaded huh? Used to trip off that shit I was kickin' to you Had some fun on the run though I give it to you

¬I'm Gonna Show You Crazy -  Bebe Rexha

I'm tired of trying to be normal I'm always over-thinking I'm driving myself crazy So what if I'm fucking crazy?

And I don't need your quick fix I don't want your prescriptions Just 'cause you say I'm crazy So what if I'm fucking crazy? Yeah, I'm gonna show you

¬ Bad Bitch - Bebe Rexha ft Ty Dolla $ign

You're sayin' that your tired of all your empty habits You want something that's deeper 'cause you're over the generics You're fuckin' with them basics when you really want the baddest So come on, baby, get it, 'cause to miss it, it would be tragic

¬ Straight Shooter - Skylar Grey

Married into this family and I'm datin' a bunch of outlaws Even the children drawing guns out of little crayon box Playing with scissors, cuttin' straight to the point Don't need to beat around the bush, we takin' shots to the groin

¬ Yonce/Partition - Beyoncé

Driver roll up the partition please I don't need you seeing 'Yonce on her knees Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up We ain't even gonna make it to this club Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged

¬ Or Nah - SoMo (Rendition)

I'm a freaky-deeky lover wanna hit you from the back and other ways That you have never experimented under the covers Roll around the bed with me is something you don't just discover If you wanna get with me you gotta keep it on one hundred I'mma make you scream my name

¬ The Hills - The Weeknd

I only love it when you touch me, not feel me When I'm fucked up, that's the real me When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, yeah

¬ Gangsta - Kehlani

I'm fucked up, I'm black and blue I'm built for it, all the abuse I got secrets, that nobody, nobody knows I'm good on, that pussy shit I don't want, what I can get I want someone, with secrets That nobody, nobody, nobody knows

¬ CRZY - Kehlani

Everything I do, I do it with a passion If I gotta be a bitch, I'ma be a bad one I'm AI with the designs, du-ragging Bounce back game good, why we talkin' practice? Yeah, yeah, yeah Pull up score when I want to Best thing next to Heaven They be tryna count me out though I'm just countin', countin' blessings A real woman 'bout her paper

¬ Good Life - Kehlani & G-Eazy

Raise up a cup up for all my day ones Two middle fingers for the haters Life's only getting greater Straight up from nothing we go Higher than the highest skyscraper No Little League, we major The proof is in the paper

¬ Sucker For Pain - Imagine Dragons, X Ambassadors, Lil Wayne, Logic, Wiz Kalifa, Ty Dolla $ign

I torture you Take my hand through the flames I torture you I'm a slave to your games I'm just a sucker for pain I wanna chain you up I wanna tie you down I'm just a sucker for pain

¬ Do Re Mi - blackbear

If I could go back to the day we met I probably would just stay in bed You run your mouth all over town And this one goes out to the sound Of breaking glass on my Range Rover

¬ Zipper - Jason Derulo

I'ma mark my territory Shawty I'm an animal, slowly digging in to you Spread you like a bad story Turn you to a criminal, let me see you cock it back

¬ Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding

Fading in, fading out On the edge of paradise Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've gotta find Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire Yeah, I'll let you set the pace 'Cause I'm not thinking straight My head spinning around, I can't see clear no more What are you waiting for?

¬ Beating Heart - Ellie Goulding

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight Before the bleeding sun comes alive I want to make the best of what is left hold tight And hear my beating heart one last time.

¬ Pillowtalk - Zayn

I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure Nobody but you, 'body but me 'Body but us, bodies together I love to hold you close, tonight and always I love to wake up next to you

¬ Dusk Til' Dawn - Zayn ft Sia

'Cause I wanna touch you, baby And I wanna feel you, too I wanna see the sunrise and your sins Just me and you Light it up, on the run Let's make love, tonight Make it up, fall in love, try

¬ I Don't Wanna Live Forever - Zayn ft Taylor Swift

Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all

Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day Give me something, oh, but you say nothing What is happening to me?

¬ Wrong - MAX Ft Lil Uzi Vert

Wanted to take her back to my place Driving 90, let the cops chase Making that "Damn it feels so good" face Cause she don't wanna wait, no, wait 'til we get home

¬ Youngblood - 5SOS

Remember the words you told me, love me 'til the day I die Surrender my everything 'cause you made me believe you're mine Yeah, you used to call me baby, now you calling me by name Takes one to know one, yeah You beat me at my own damn game

¬ Champions - Fall Out Boy ft RM

Have you ever felt how hard it is to be an anybody To be living, to be breathing, not choosing a dead body Remember, the man told me that this life is a party Yeah, all the glory's so short you should put away the garbages Normal ain't normal, ordinary is a luxury

¬ Crossfire - Stephen

He'd trade his guns for love But he's caught in the crossfire And he keeps wakin' up But it's not to the sound of birds The tyranny, the violent streets Deprived of all that we're blessed with And we can't get enough, no

¬ Revolution - Diplo

Can you see it? The worst is over The monsters in my head are scared of love Fallen people listen up! It's never too late to change our luck

¬ Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

White shirt now red, my bloody nose Sleeping, you're on your tippy toes Creeping around like no one knows Think you're so criminal Bruises, on both my knees for you Don't say thank you or please I do what I want when I'm wanting to My soul? So cynical

¬ Bad Moon Rising- Mourning Ritual ft Peter Dreimanis

I see a bad moon rising. I see trouble on the way. I see earthquakes and lightning. I see bad times today.

Don't go around tonight, Well, it's bound to take your life, There's a bad moon on the rise.

¬ Give It To Me- Agust D

(Same Lyrics, just in Hangul and in English)

아직은 성공의 비법은 몰라도 망하는 비법 잘 알 것 같어 딱 너처럼 놀고 나불대는 게 비법 죽어도 그렇겐 안 살 것 같어

I'm still not sure about the secret to success But I think I know the secret to failure The secret is to play the fool just like you And keep blabbing your mouth But I wouldn't live like that even if I had to die

¬ Jopping - SuperM

You think ya big boi, throwing three stacks I'mma a show you how to ball, you a mismatch Opinionated but I'm always spitting straight facts Throwback, I might throw this on an 8 track Believe me, I'm sight to see Exciting go and drop the beat We get it jopping the party, it don't stop The festival is now starting

¬  Tove Lo - Vibes

Skin to skin Seepin' in Flickering, our eyes go wide You giving me studded sight Painting stars In our hearts Yeah, you know I'm down for you I want you to lick my wounds

¬ Bad Things- Machine Gun Kelly ft Camila Cabello

Am I out of my head? Am I out of my mind? If you only knew the bad things I like Don't think that I can explain it What can I say, it's complicated Don't matter what you say Don't matter what you do I only wanna do bad things to you So good, that you can't explain it What can I say, it's complicated

¬ Home - Machine Gun Kelly ft Bebe Rexha ft X Ambassadors

I been through so much pain And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face 'Cause there's madness on my brain So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at I need the (memory) In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better And if I have any (enemies) To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe

¬ Way Down We Go (Stripped) - Kaleo

They will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down 'til you go Yeah, so you can't crawl no more

¬ 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch Who woulda thought it'd turn me to a savage? Rather be tied up with calls and not strings Write my own checks like I write what I sing

¬ Don't Call Me Angel - Ariana Grande,  Miley Cyrus & Lana Del Ray

See you here with somebody Dude sizin' up my body Don't you know that I bite when the sun set, yeah? So don't you track 'em around me Might work on them, but not me Don't you know that I bite when the sun set?

¬ Into You - Ariana Grande

I'm so into you, I can barely breathe And all I wanna do is to fall in deep But close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line So name a game to play, and I'll roll the dice, hey

¬ Dangerous Woman - Ariana Grande

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

¬ Seven Nation Army ( Glitch Mob Remix)

I'm gonna fight 'em all A seven nation army couldn't hold me back They're gonna rip it off Taking their time right behind my back

¬  Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez

No one never listens, this wallpaper glistens Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchenPlaces, places, get in your places Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces Everyone thinks that we're perfect Please don't let them look through the curtains

¬ Carousel - Melanie Martinez

Round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go, Will I catch up to love? I could never tell, I know, Chasing after you is like a fairytale, but I, Feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel

[earwaxinggibbous]

10 Worst Hits of 2018!

I hate the 2018 hit list.

I hate all the artists we brought back. I hate all the new ones we got. I hate the fact that Lil Peep kicked the bucket without getting on the hot 100 but XXXfuckassaton got three hits. I hate that nothing off of Kamikaze reached the year end hot 100 despite it being one of the only good hip-hop albums that dropped this year. I hate that we’re all alive and that Tumblr has banned porn. But life goes on.

Bad hit songs. Bing bang boom.

Fair warning, I’m gonna be hitting a lot of trigger topics including abuse, pedophilia and rape.

10. Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD

Before I say anything, can I just point out that ‘Juice WRLD’ is one of the absolute worst rap names I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Anyway, Lucid Dreams.

I feel like rap music has been having a lot of sad pathetic break-up songs lately. And this won’t be the last one, absolutely not. Pretty much everything about Lucid Dreams, much like a seizing, dying epileptic old man, is wriggling and frothing uselessly in a puddle of its own filth. With nothing to do but choke out on a mouthful of blood it can only try to scream weakly through a pool of foamy spit that’s settling towards the back of its throat. It’s sad in the same way that ASPCA commercials are sad, as opposed to how a good break-up song feels.

As Juice WRLD brokely copies the beat of Lil Uzi Vert’s smash hit XO Tour Llif3 from last year, and also randomly samples a song by Sting, he stumbles weakly through lyric after insipid lyric that sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old. I tried to find an example of specific bad lyrics but holy shit, I’d honestly be better off just putting the lyric genius page here, complete with verified translations of this lyrical xanax binge from our boy Juice WRLD himself.

It’s a break-up song, but it’s as whiny as one can get. With Juice WRLD claiming “evil girls have the prettiest face” (gag) and insisting the girl in this song “wants him dead”. His whimpery vocals don’t help any part of this droning septic tank that I can only describe as the closest similarity we’ll ever get between a song and the pokemon Muk.

Even the music video is just a shittier version of XO Tour Llif3, and while it’s honestly more interesting than the other 75% of rap videos, what does it really add? I can only imagine that whoever was directing it realized this song has literally nothing going for it other than the possibility that stoners and pill-poppers will mistake it for XO Tour Llif3 if they’re high enough and threw in some surrealist imagery with the excuse being that, well, it’s titled Lucid Dreams. 

Really the most egregious thing about this song is that, in the lyric genius page, Juice WRLD goes on some tangent about how popping pills isn’t cool and he was popping pills “before it was cool” and now kids are doing it. Hey Hi-C, you know these kids look up to people like you, right? Why not actually make a song about how doing drugs is bad instead of just offhandedly mentioning how you used to pop pills to, quote, “feel a-okay”? Not that I’m assuming you ever thought of that when you were writing this, most likely dosed up on a gallon of cough syrup.

Then again, I dunno if I wanna be preached to by the man who wrote a song titled All Girls Are The Same.

A lot of songs this year were underwritten and boring. Lucid Dreams isn’t the worst offender, but it’s definitely the saddest. And I don’t think it was sad the way ol’ Juicy Juice was intending. Personally, I’d rather just drink the kool-aid.

Blurgh... Muk cannot change you... Muk must replace you...

9. Meant to Be - Bebe Rexha ft. Florida Georgia Line

Is it bad that I honestly wasn’t sure who was the feature and who was the headline of this song?

Anyway, here we have Florida Georgia Line returning for another year of meathead bro-country crap and Bebe Rexha returning for another year of having literally no personality whatsoever with a song that has so little substance it may as well just be air.

I’ve never really extrapolated my thoughts on Bebe, mostly because she’s a complete and utter non-presence in every track she appears on. I honestly didn’t even realize she had a music career of her own, I felt like she just existed to feature on everyone else’s shitty music. What the hell is she gonna sing about besides the damn factory she was built in?

I’ve also never extrapolated my thoughts on Florida Georgia Line.

Here’s what I’m imagining their brains look like:

Yeah. So a combination between two walking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a literal sex robot. What can go wrong? Well. Everything.

With a title like Meant to Be, you’d think it’s about running screaming into a relationship because you know it’s gonna work. Not so, as it’s actually about staying relaxed in a relationship. We got time, right? At least that’s what like, 75% of it is about that.

Bebe seems more than ready to rush in and get sloppy, but you think Florida Georgia Line are 100% ready to enter a steady relationship with a dead person? I wouldn’t be.

The production is just a piano and some sad trap drums, so basically every other Florida Georgia Line song. It has nothing going for it other than maybe masturbating to the music video and Bebe’s sweet, sweet inflatable titties trying desperately to crawl their way out of her country girl flannel.

And that’s really it.

You tried.

(Or did you?)

8. Friends - Marshmello ft. Anne-Marie

Aww! They’re so cute.

Marshmello is kind of a cryptid to me. I never really understood the whole trend of producers and DJs wearing these weird things on their head. And part of me, well, all of me feels like Marshmello rides purely on quirkiness alone.

Look at him! He’s so wacky!

The production on this isn’t bad per se, other than this high-pitched squeal they drop into the final chorus, but it’s definitely not great and kinda has me wondering why Marshmello is basically producer of the year despite not doing anything much more interesting than all the other producers. At best he has a little bit more energy behind him.

Anne-Marie has apparently, allegedly existed before this year, but I have literally no recollection of any song by her. But if this song is anything to go by, she’s annoying and sucks.

Friends touts itself as “the friendzone anthem” and tries to be relatable to teenage girls who’ve had to friendzone a boy, and if I had to guess this is sort of in response to all the friendzone songs from 2016 like Treat You Better. This would be fine except 1. you’re two years late, 2. nobody wants to hear a friendzone anthem and 3. this song is the highest level of cuntiness anyone can comprehend.

Here’s the thing about the concept of the friendzone. Nobody sits around wanting to friendzone people. Nobody is chilling in their bedroom with their friends wishing they could have a friend who has a crush on them and then that friend is like “I like you” so they can be like “uhh we’re just friends”.

Which is why we don’t really need an anthem for it.

The friendzone sucks. It’s not even a real problem, dudes just make it a problem because apparently being friends isn’t good enough for them. Nobody wants to have a friend who’s crushing on them, nobody’s happy about that. And the catty Mean Girls tone that Anne-Marie takes to it makes it seem like she’s a strong independent woman trouncing on the hearts of men like some kind of TERF horse when really nobody feels that way when having to “friendzone” a person.

Plus judging by the lyrics, this guy is showing up at 2 AM in the rain. At some point you need to stop being friends when he starts obsessively stalking you, maybe a few words to consider would be R-E-S-T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G O-R-D-E-R.

Women have the right to see their male friends as just that. But nobody is proud of having to do it. It’s not a point of pride, it’s just a choice people make, like what shirt they wanna wear in the morning. Trying to sell it as some kind of bootleg female empowerment anthem is pathetic.

Also I swear to god she spells friends as “F-R-I-N-D-S” in the chorus.

“We’re just frinds, Deadmau5.”

7. Yes Indeed - Lil Baby and Drake

Who the good god damn is Lil Baby? I’d never actually heard of him until someone in my music history class gave us a presentation on Lil Baby and how cool he is. I’d literally never heard of the guy before, because I never really listen to any of these hits until the end of the year.

Turns out Lil Baby is just another mumble-rapper, this time jacking his style from Young Thug. Color me surprised, I guess. How come none of the mumble rappers I actually like came back this year? No Desiigner, no Lil Uzi Vert, no Lil Xan? No. Fuck you. You get Juice WRLD and Lil Baby, two of the worst rap names on the planet.

He’s on the list of rappers made famous by Drake, and Drake had a monster year this year. Even with me living in a hole I knew the impact God’s Plan had, but apparently all 25 of his crummy songs charted at some point. That is 25 monotonous Drake songs circulating through the radio stations, 25 Drake songs constantly weighing on the shoulders of the collective public, and 25 Drake songs even his detractors probably knew all the words to just through exposure. Even I’m sick of the guy, and I have Hotline Bling on my Google Play Music library.

Yes Indeed is honestly void of things to say about it. Drake is boring, Lil Baby has one of the worst voices in recent history I can think of, the beat is nothing, it’s just a nothing song. The only noteworthy thing about it is that Lil Baby references Pikachu, a big mistake, as Young Thug also referenced Pikachu on one of his first hits. Though I’ll admit a yellow car has more similarities to the electric mouse pokemon than diamonds do.

What bothers me about this song is less the song itself, as the song is a non-presence, but moreso that in a world where streaming has finally seeped its way into the Hot 100, we have come to the conclusion that this is what people want to hear. They wanna hear Yes Indeed. And I just don’t get it.

Also, “waah waah waah, bitch I’m a baby”. High art.

6. Te Bote - A whole shitload of people

I feel like Spanish reggaeton has been an on-and-off interest of the American public. But it really reached a head recently thanks to Despacito, which all Alexa memes aside, is a great fucking song. But the fruits of its labor have been less than impressive, from last year’s goat-screeching jam Mi Gente to whatever the hell this is.

It’s nice knowing that foreigners write music as shitty as we do.

The title, Te Bote, roughly translates to “I dump you”. But it can be read much harsher in Spanish as bote is often the verb people use to describe tossing out garbage. And boy, is this song... uh... you know.

I don’t like to barf out the word “misogyny” constantly just because, well, anything can be misogynistic if you look deep enough. There’s a point where even I, the ratty little feminist I am, just don’t care. But Jesus, referring to your woman as garbage in the most backhanded way is... wow.

But I’ll be honest, being an English speaking moron, I don’t care about the lyrics. My problems run much deeper than blatant misogyny and pettiness.

Namely that this song sounds like ass.

Te Bote has six artists on it. Six artists, and not a single one sounds good. Most of them are squealy. I don’t actually know who’s who except Ozuna and Bad Bunny. Ozuna is considered one of the worst Spanish artists of today, and I can see why, because he just straight-up sounds like the lovechild of Akon and Lloyd.

As for Bad Bunny, I was slightly more drawn in by him because he looks like a cross between Blackbear and Pitbull, and I dunno if he’s dropped any other better singles, but on this he straight-up sounds like Barney the Dinosaur. Not as much as Lil Yachty, but still. Most of the others sound like autotuned mice, but there’s one guy who tries some kind of low-voiced speed-rapping and it sounds weird and wrong. The production is nothing notable, and uses the bum, bum-bum drumline of literally every reggaeton and Spanish pop song including Despacito.

And I could forgive all of that.

But let’s look at this for a moment. Each artist has their own verse. That’s six verses. Six verses plus five choruses, one pre-chorus, an intro and an outro. And how much does that add up to?

Nearly seven minutes.

Seven minutes of the same beat. Seven minutes of basically the same kinds of singers. Seven minutes of misogynistic lyrics. Seven minutes of garbage, garbage, garbage. Imagine listening to this whole thing. There are people on this earth who have actually sat through this whole garbage song multiple times and thought, “yeah. I like this.” 

I mean of course Te Bote barely got any radio play, it’s nearly 7 minutes long with no breaks. So obviously some massive group of people had to be streaming it and listening to it by choice.

5. Taste - Tyga ft. Offset

Remember Tyga? He was one of the Young Money rappers that didn’t completely fall off after the 2000′s, along with Nikki Minaj and Drake. But after he put out $timulated, a song about how he fucked a 17-year-old Kylie Jenner but, in the words of Slim Shady, “look at her bush: do it got hair?”

we all dropped him, because that’s fucking gross. Kylie Jenner dumped him and is now dating someone else, I forget who because I don’t care. And with us having to deal with 6ix9ine I was comfortable leaving Tyga in the wastelands. 

Honestly? The only reason this song is even here is because it’s a return Tyga single. I’m not even mad about Freaky Friday, because like, whatever, it made me laugh like a stupid idiot, but this? We asked for this. A Tyga single in 2018, about nothing, with a nothing beat, and Offset still bragging that he’s the best member of Migos when that’s like being the twinkiest member of One Direction. And once again, people actively wanted to hear this song about nothing in a year full of songs about nothing that, at the very least aren’t by pedophiles.

I don’t even wanna talk about this anymore.

4. I’m Upset - Drake

Me fucking too.

Like I said, Drake dropped 25 songs on his new album Scorpion, and all of them became hits. The worst of which, in my opinion, being I’m Upset. Just look at that title. That’s how your father talks to you when you slam a window open with a baseball and he walks through the glass shards. 

This one has backstory, my favorite, longtime rival Pusha-T stated in some song that Drake actually had a secret child with a porn star and was planning on using that kid for like, an Adidas sponsorship or something. Which is fucked up. And at least part of that has been confirmed on Drake’s end, he did have a secret son with a porn star.

And then Scorpion and I’m Upset dropped. And it sucked. All of it.

The chorus of I’m Upset is weirdly catchy, but the beat is like every other Drake beat, Drake himself sounds about as upset as he can convey, which is very little, and it’s all just really really boring soundwise. When Drake goes on for long enough he begins to just sound like a bunch of bees. Bees, bees, bees, nothing but bees. And I’m tired of Drake bees! I’m sick of it! I don’t want anymore!

Anyway, lyrically the gist of I’m Upset is about how Drake doesn’t like paying alimony, and NO.

BAD DRAKE! BAD! BAD RAPPER! GO TO YOUR ROOM!

You do not get to be a world-famous rapper with fuckillions of dollars to your name and get to whine and bitch about paying alimony to your baby mama. You don’t get to roll on the floor whimpering about how your evil harpy whore of a porn star one-night-stand is (legally) receiving money from you to take care of the son that YOU ditched. 

You had 25 hits this year. 25. And you’re getting pissy because you have to pay and I quote fifty to a hundred thousand dollars child support. For you that should be nothing. You are practically drowning in money, and if you really don’t wanna pay child support you could, I dunno, raise your goddamn son instead of leaving him in the hands of someone who probably barely makes a fraction in a year of what you make in a month?

Look, say what you want about Eminem. At least he was a good father on record, and if he isn’t a good one in real life I’ll be very very shocked.

I’m upset too, Drake.

3. Roll in Peace - Kodak Black ft. XXXTENTACION

I fUCKING HATE KODAK BLACK

Might wanna consider writing stuff down, Kodes.

May I call you Kodes?

Anyway, Roll In Peace is the only song on this list that isn’t ACTUALLY in the Year End Hot 100, but I couldn’t just let it slide. Not when it’s a collab beween Kodak Black and XXX. Not when it sounds like ass and feels like being shot.

If Drake sounds like bees then Kodak sounds like mosquitos, right in your ear, in the deepest parts that can only be reached by one of those earwax slurping tools. The beat has that flute again, probably because it’s half of what made Tunnel Vision famous. (The other half being controversy of course.) X’s verse has like, two lines to do with the actual plot of this song. And what is the plot?

Oh, poor pitiful Kodak can’t roll in peace. Poor Kodak Black can’t have any time to himself! The media is just all over him and X for no reason whatsoever! He’s never done anything wrong, other than, oh I don’t know, the rape allegations? The abuse? Armed robbery? Assault? That one time X nearly killed a gay dude in prison for no reason other than the gay part?

Yeah, fuck you.

You can’t “roll in peace” because you don’t have the right to anymore. You are a bad person. And X, when he was alive, was a bad person too. Sure maybe he was claiming to be working on self-improvement, but the only way I’d believe it is if I saw it, and it’s too late for that now.

As long as you refuse to apologize, you will not “roll in peace”. As long as you don’t see that you have done something wrong and continue to blame it on systemic racism which is a very real thing that you continue to trivialize again and again so you can avoid your rape allegations, you aren’t allowed to have any peace in your goddamn fucking life.

You can’t try to deflect it on Lil Uzi who posts Satanic imagery on his Instagram despite wearing a Jesus piece. You don’t get to deflect. You get nothing, and you deserve to go broke and fuck off.

There’s a joke I can make, but it’s too soon.

2. Gummo - 6ix9ine

Oh, okay, I can do this.

Uh, Gummo is this really good movie directed by Harmony Korine about some kids in this town that was totally wrecked by a tornado. And after that everything’s in shambles, so these kids can just do whatever they wa...

Oh. Oh dammit.

GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD.

So imagine you’re me looking at the Hot 100 for one of the very first times about a year ago, and you see a song titled after one of your favorite flicks of all time. And sure, it’s being sung by a guy who looks like a Lisa Frank condom, but god you just love that movie so much. And sure, Nicole Dollanganger has already made songs referencing that movie, but you want MORE.

Then you play it and it has literally nothing to do with it.

It’s loud and obnoxious and stupid and has a very clearly hispanic dude dropping the n-word like he fucking owns it. He’s just screaming these nonsense lyrics about nothing. And it’s not like I just don’t get songs with screaming. I have the entirety of Carcass’ Reek of Putrefaction on my phone. But this? This sucks. It sucks! The beat doesn’t fit at all and no matter how I look at it it wouldn’t fit anywhere else, and 6ix9ine’s flow is the death of all art. The only thing he can do, much like a child in a well, is scream and scream and scream and it’s horrible.

And trust me.

This was far before I knew of 6ix9ine’s baggage.

In case you don’t know somehow, this Rainbow Brite little fucker was actually convicted of filming a sex tape of a 13-year-old. While I don’t think he actually had sex with her, he was at some level sexually involved with her.

How did we respond? We gave the ugly fucker a hit. And his hit was this. Where he directly references his sexual involvement with this 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

He doesn’t give a shit. And he knows his fans don’t either. He continues to release low-effort garbage music, and in an interview about FEFE he even openly stated that he doesn’t put any effort into writing lyrics. He doesn’t try, he’s a bad person, and his blind fanbase continues to shower him in money like he deserves it. 

We’re idiots.

An awful song made by an awful person. The only way to hold a candle to it would be, well, an even worse song made by an awful person.

Anyway, dishonorable mentions.

FEFE - 6ix9ine ft. Nikki Minaj

This song sucks too. And Nikki Minaj should be ashamed for working with this fuckhead.

God’s Plan - Drake

I’m almost definitely a minority in absolutely loathing this song, but I can’t stand it. It’s not structured, there’s no flow to it, it just feels like a whole lot of nothing with no point. And while I will give it to Drake that throwing money at homeless people is a really good thing regardless of why he did it, it was still a super obvious publicity stunt.

Plug Walk - Rich The Kid

Boring.

Girls Like You - Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

Also boring. My tolerance for Maroon 5 has lasted way longer than anyone else’s, but I think it’s about time we let them go.

I Like Me Better - Lauv

I’ll be honest, the only part of this song I really hate is the weird synth interludes. The singing is fine, the content is fine, it’s all the perfect level of mediocre without that violin fart synth. 

No Brainer - The ‘I’m The One’ crew, but we replaced Wayne with an actual baby

Really just an even less interesting version of I’m The One, but without Li’l Wayne. Also Justin Bieber kind of looks like a trucker now, and I hate to say it, but that’s the most attractive he’s ever been in my opinion.

Freaky Friday - Li’l Dicky ft. Chris Brown

I’ll be honest, I actually love this song. It’s funny to me, I mean, maybe I’m a simple-minded man, but a good dick joke can send me off the rails. But I’m still at least a little miffed that we’re letting Chris Brown have money, so it gets a mention.

Gucci Gang - Li’l Pump

It would be here if it wasn’t also a hit last year. Consider this a placeholder for any crossover hits I didn’t like, like Mi Gente, Perfect, Believer, and Sorry Not Sorry.

Let’s do number one. And if you know me, you know what this is. If you don’t, don’t just immediately get pissed with me when you read it. Okay? We’re good here? Alright.

1. SAD! - XXXTENTACION

So here’s a fun little sobstory for you. Less than a year ago, my boyfriend introduced me to this great artist. They were in a really oversaturated genre but doing something completely different with it, and I fell in love immediately with their dark topics, interesting production, cool music videos, and general aesthetic. And their name was not XXXTENTACION, it was Melanie Martinez.

Late last year she was pressed with a rape allegation, and one that couldn’t be proved either way. Desperately I scraped through the bowels of the internet in search of something that could disprove it and came back largely empty-handed and wounded. Because Melanie’s music meant a lot to me, and I do mean that. I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t sure what to do knowing that a person I’d based my own aesthetic, my own writing, my art, and my music on would do something like that. I tried to force myself not to listen to her music, but it just wasn’t possible. 

Over time the wound scabbed up and closed and I finally gave up and decided to split the art from the artist, feeling like at the very least I wasn’t directly giving her any money by downloading her music on Google Play. But I’ll still never be able to get back the way she used to make me feel.

So what I’m saying is, I get it.

I’ve actually gone and listened to a few of X’s songs on my own before doing this. And I put myself in the mind of me a year ago discovering a new artist without those preconceptions. And I felt it. I don’t know how, but I did. I felt it. I listened to Look At Me, and I felt like if I’d heard it before I knew what X had done, I’d probably love it. Sure the production is a fucking disaster but the lyrics are just the kind of shock rap that entertains me. The production on Moonlight is really interesting and while I didn’t think Changes was very good and kind of guilt trippy, I could definitely understand it.

But then I circled back around to SAD!

And I lost it.

Something about this song just kills all the good will I might have ever had for this kid or his fans. And really it’s all because of one line, and everyone probably knows what that line is already.

So according to lyric genius this line might not actually mean what I think it means and could potentially be referring to X’s friend Jocelyn Flores, who took her own life tragically. And though on X’s song about her and every time he addresses her he seems to make it all about himself, he really did seem wounded by it. He seemed like a wounded, mentally fucked-up person who needed help.

Except that this song is about Geneva.

The girlfriend he allegedly abused.

The girlfriend who was pregnant, who he abused, and judging by this line, who he is now performing the age-old manipulation tactic of threatening suicide if she ever leaves on. 

When I remove this song from context, there’s no way of excusing that line. The rest of it I can understand, and he really does seem emotional in the verses, and I know we’ve all been in a place at some point of being somehow spurned by a lover and still missing them in spite of it. But to threaten suicide if they try to leave is inexcusable.

His voice sounds fine, and the beat is once again stolen from XO Tour Llif3, but there’s a point where I can’t really care about it. Because children do listen to this kind of music. And along with Melanie Martinez, this song brings me back to when I was young and one of my favorite songs was What The Hell by Avril Lavigne. A song about cheating on your S/O and not seeing a problem with it. My sister and I would sing and dance to that song all the time, so much that I never really realized what it was about, or that there was anything wrong with it. Not until I was an adult and I looked back on it. And wouldn’t you know it, children can sing along to SAD! too.

I know X is dead. And I know it’s not my business to dictate how people should feel about things. Geneva deserves the right to be sad about X’s death, and she forgives him, even though I really don’t. But the way people have treated her especially after X died is inexcusable, and it’s in part because he wrote songs like this. He didn’t just manipulate her. He manipulated everyone. Every single one of his fans probably really did think he would kill himself if his girlfriend left her. And yes, X is on record having thoughts of suicide, I would never take that from someone.

I used to have a close friend who would feign a panic attack every time someone criticized him. It felt like he was threatening suicide once a week. And I always supported him because I cared about him. It was exhausting. I ostracized people because they knew he was a bad person. I shut people, good people, out of my life because they wanted to help, and I said bad things to them. Eventually we fell out and I was left cold and alone with nobody left to take me back, and I slugged through mud for a year just to pick myself back up.

I can imagine that’s kind of what being an XXXTENTACION fan is like.

And like me, with any luck, they’ll regret saying the things they did too.

That’s all for this year. I’ll get to the best when I have more energy, but now I just can’t.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Easter Evil: 10 Movies With Bunnies Gone Bad

The Easter weekend obviously has its religious meaning but to the more secular among us, it’s really more about marking the beginning of Spring, sunnier weather, warmer temperatures and longer days. Sure, you could get outside more, but seriously, why not just do what you always do and stay inside to watch a movie?

But there are no scary Easter movies, you say. We beg to differ. Easter-approriate movies are out there beyond The Greatest Story Ever Told and Easter Parade, you need only look as far as the 10 scary rabbits and evil bunnies below.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)

Let’s start off with something tame, Nick Park’s classic stop-motion animation duo who take a walk on the wild side with this outing that’s part Wolfman, part The Fly, and full of the characteristic British charm of the renowned Aardman Animation studio. When Wallace’s own mad science turns him into a vegetable hungry were-rabbit, Gromit must protect his human companion from the hunter Lord Quartermaine, who’s trying to bag the were-rabbit to impress Lady Tottington. It’s not exactly a scary movie, but like any good horror, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit offers sympathy for the monster, and is a reminder that short cuts to achieve difficult goals – like losing weight by eating more veggies – can have some unintended consequences.

  The Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

There’s nothing in the hat. – Uncle Walt’s magic trick is not exactly what you expect in Joe Dante’s portion of the 1983 anthology film based on the classic Twilight Zone series created by Rod Serling. Borrowing from the series’ well-known Nightmare as a Child episode, Dante’s outing sees the affable Helen drawn into a family home where everything’s off kilter. Little does Helen know that this is not young Anthony’s real family, but surrogates he forcefully recruited after killing his own family with his near infinite, God-like powers. As the coup de grace after dinner, Uncle Walt pulls a rabbit from the hat. But not just any old fluffy bunny, he pulls out a zany, Looney Tunes-esque stop-motion concoction from hell. It scares poor Helen enough to make Anthony start thinking that maybe he’s gone too far…

  Fatal Attraction (1987)

Such flagrant bunny abuse will not be ignored. Fatal Attraction is about a successful New York lawyer named Dan who decides to celebrate having the house to himself for the weekend by having an affair. Unfortunately for him, the object of his limited desire was Alex, who can’t accept that Dan was in it for a good time, and not a long time. As part of an escalating series of violent outbursts, Alex targets Dan’s family, and in one of the film’s most memorable scenes, Dan’s wife Beth comes home to find a boiling pot on the stove. As Beth cautious approaches the pot we see her daughter Ellen run up to the coupe that houses her beloved rabbit. As Ellen cries to Dan that her bunny is missing, Beth takes the lid off the pot and finds *ahem* rabbit stew. Hollywood lore suggests a real dead rabbit was used in the scene, but it’s worth noting that aside from Alex in the film’s finale, the bunny is the only casualty in Fatal Attraction.

  Watership Down (1978)

While not scary in a conventional sense, try not and be disturbed by this animated adaption of the classic Richard Adams novel. The story follows a group of rabbits that try to find a new home for themselves when the seer, Fiver, has a vision of their warren in the English countryside suffering an apocalypse. The rabbits’ quest to find a new sanctuary forces them to go through cats, dogs, hawks, hunters, farmers, death traps, and even other more vicious rabbits, which all adds up to something that looks like Disney version of the Donner Party. Heck, there’s even a rabbit Grim Reaper that appears to our heroes at a couple of key points in the film, including the end when leader Hazel, (voiced by John Hurt by the way), is ushered into the rabbit afterlife. Try not thinking about that when you take the kids to see Peter Rabbit!

  Donnie Darko (2001)

This would not be a complete list of scary rabbits without the most famous imaginary “leporidae” sidekick since Harvey. Or is Frank imaginary? Filled with signs and portents, weird science and teenage angst, a likely imaginary man named Frank in an ill-formed black rabbit costume isn’t the weirdest thing in Donnie Darko. The vision of Frank not only gives Donnie a warning about the end of the world (sort of), but he bolsters in Donnie a new found attitude about exploring the mysteries of time, and casting off the latent hypocrisies of 1980s suburbia. Was Frank ever real? It’s an interesting question, for he might have been a manifestation of Donnie’s new found ability to see through time, or an alter that allowed Donnie to overcome his own shyness. On the other hand, maybe Donnie had a thing for messed up looking rabbit people.

  Sexy Beast (2000)

Some people like hunting rabbits, but in Sexy Beast the rabbit hunts you. Well, sort of. In what might be described as Elmer Fudd’s worst nightmare, ex-convict Gary Dove, played by Ray Winstone, has a vision of a demonic rabbit man riding up to him on horseback, dismounting, and pointing a machine gun at him while he eats a nice meal. It’s like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly with a long-eared Grinch carrying an uzi, and while Ben Kingsley gets all due credit for his truly intimidating (and profanity-laden) performance as a London gangster, try and shake the image of that creepy looking rabbit with a killer instinct.

  The Witch (2015)

When if comes to evil animals in Robert Eggers’ “conventional” (according to him) horror movie, The Witch, a lot of people focus on the goat Black Phillip, but what about the black hare? Young Caleb spots the bunny while out on an early morning hunt with his big sister Thomasin and he chases it even after the horse throws Thomasin off. When Caleb gets lost alone in the woods, he stumbles on a hovel and a young woman that lures him to come inside, which seems like the 17th century equivalent of eating Tide pods, an obvious danger, and you should probably know better, but you just can’t help yourself. But whose fault is it really that Caleb became prey to a witch? The black rabbit, of course!

  Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

While Monty Python is not exactly synonymous with horror, it’s hard to find a rabbit scene more gory then the one in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The titular quest leads Arthur and his knights to a cave guarded by the Rabbit of Caerbannog. Despite the somewhat vague but emphatic warnings by Tim the Enchanter, the Round Table knights are thoroughly unimpressed with their latest challenge, at least until Sir Bors is attacked and decapitated. The Rabbit of Caerbannog proves himself more than a match for the knights, and only the “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch” is able to deal with the rabbit permanently. There’s a lesson here about not underestimating your opponent. There’s also a lesson that bunnies are bloodsuckers and killers, but that seems to get overlooked.

  Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (2006)

There is a small, but surprising subgenre of slasher movies about people in bunny suits, but one of the better ones is Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! It is of a Rob Zombie mold, about hideous low lives who get their proper comeuppance and the one delivering it here is a killer in a bunny mask. It’s highly violent, highly disturbing, and will likely shade every future experience you have with contractors and power tools, but it does have a delightful twist in the end, not to mention a delightfully twisted ending. Not all killers in rabbit costumes are made in the same vein, but if you’re looking for a low-budget horror delight to counteract all those typically bright and cheerful Easter feelings, this is your remedy.

  Night of the Lepus (1972)

A forgotten classic in the science creates big animals horror subgenre, but one that’s fascinating if for nothing else then being about giant mutant rabbits overrunning a small ranching town. In fact, Night of the Lepus makes a nice bookend with Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit because they’re both about using science to find a humane way to reduce the rabbit population, but they’re also about that process going horribly wrong. If you can’t buy the ludicrous concept, that’s fine because the pre-CG effects do nothing to help the suspension of disbelief. The effect of the over running horde of giant rabbits is achieved through a combination of close-ups, miniatures, green screen, and yes, humans in rabbit costumes. Unbelievable? Certainly! A terribly good time on an Easter weekend? Absolutely!

The post Easter Evil: 10 Movies With Bunnies Gone Bad appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[dothewrite]

so a scenario with akaashi, kyoutani (if you do him) and iwaizumi where its like a GANGAU kinda thing and their s/o becomes a target for their rival gang and they kidnap her nd once the guys find her and stuff afterwards they treat her wounds and cuddles everywhere and fluffiness (unless they dont find her??? o.0) up to you but extra points for fluffyness at the enddd

This ended up far too long to be put in one post only, so I hope you don’t mind me breaking this up into several posts for each character like I did with my mafia au. There… might not be as much fluff in this as I expected, but I’ll make it up to you with the upcoming ones, I promise. I hope you like it!

Kyoutani. Iwaizumi.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Akaashi  has never had to feel fear like this before, this thudding of his heart in his ears and it’s taking him so much energy to just breathe. He knows that everyone’s looking at him, hyperventilating like a junior on their first mission, but it’s their strategy meeting for the rescue and all he knows is that he can’t focus. He can’t think of anything else but the image of you tied up against the headboard of a bed in a filthy room surrounded by men who don’t know a thing about you.

He’s not deluded enough to think that his gang is any better, but that doesn’t matter. This isn’t a battle of morality- this is a battle to get you back where you belong, and bash those fuckers’ heads in against the concrete floor until they paint the walls crimson. If there’s anything that he’s ever been good at, it would be killing, and loving you.

It’s a tense thirty minutes, but he sits through it, muscles tied up against his bone, fixing him posture rigidly against the conference chair until their boss waves a hand and dismisses them. Akaashi ignores the firm look he’s shot by the boss, a warning to not go too far, but there’s no too far for him. He hasn’t listened to a single word, utterly uncharacteristically, but he knows that his goal is something entirely different. They want you back because it’s a slight on their reputation. He needs you back because there won’t be a night where he doesn’t grieve over you if anything happened.

Akaashi leaves them all behind. The calls and shouts fall on deaf ears- they should have expected as much anyway, picking the silent one to focus on and now they’re paying the price- and he barely registers that it’s drizzling outside in the dim late afternoon glow. The note in blood said six, but it’s four thirty now and already two hours too late for him. He’s still in his suit, fresh from the executive meeting this morning, but this isn’t going to stop him. He cuts a horrifically formidable form as he stalks through the dark alleyways, hidden from anyone else but the scum of society, practiced leather heels pacing silently against the slick stones.

When he arrives, the only thing that looks vaguely out of place on him is the slight dampness of his suit bottoms from the rain. It’s a terrible hideout, Akaashi eyes it critically, but he supposes that their motive wasn’t to hide. It was a temporary storage unit, a meat fridge for them to keep all their necessary bags of flesh ready for the ransoming.

If it’s meat they want to keep in there, it’s meat they’ll get.

None of that cloak and dagger shit, Akaashi steps right into the main foyer and jumps straight up. He launches himself from the banister and grabs hold of the dilapidating chandelier that once upon a time might have looked magnificent in a grand entrance. With an easy lunge, Akaashi swings himself onto the second floor without so much as a whisper of sound. He knows exactly where you are, thanks to the letter that they had sent the group just a few hours ago, and it’s nothing too difficult to find. They were expecting him, if they had any brains at all, and hopefully with a lot of cash in tow after checking out the place. Akaashi comes with his hands full indeed, calves, hips, side pockets all lined with a legendary array of weaponry and ammo, and he hopes that this is enough of a payment that they return you in one piece. He’s not calling it hopeful, he’s calling it a necessity, because if he finds anything more than a scrape on you, they’re not going to be dying anytime soon.

The hallway is lit dimly, age-old candle holders glowing from the shadows, and he has to hold in a scoff. Like some kind of demented welcome mat, it draws him further in until all the lights end at an unlocked door. Akaashi pushes it open with a harsh tap of his toe, opening towards him and he takes the smallest breath before he walks into view.

Perhaps they’re not as smart as he might have imagined, but he firmly ignores your agonizing presence in the back of the room and lets his muscles spring him into the action he was born into. The suffocating, enclosed room folds even further into itself when everyone scatters, scrambling to get away from the madman in the middle, but there isn’t a second where Akaashi doesn’t follow the movements of every single breathing organism inside that god-forsaken place. He cycles through the first clip of ammo in his dual handguns, aiming swiftly and sharply at the foreheads of the first ring of men around you. It’s a hail of wrath and steel, and he keeps in the back of his mind how many more are to go. He counts thirty people in total crammed into this small shithole, and that’s eight down. Snapping his wrists back, he let’s the magazine fall out of his guns and slams new ones in. Nine more down. The weight of his ammo is growing lighter, and Akaashi flips open the magnetic clip to re-holster the gun in his right hand to his waist. He pulls out the uzi strapped to his back, and starts to let it rain, the handgun firmly grasped in his left hand, picking out the people the uzi misses with single-shot accuracy. The room is no longer dim, flashing like lightning in a summer storm, the firepower of the automatic sparkles in a semicircle following his delicate footwork dodging the poor aim of his opponents. It doesn’t take much to take them down- with them so tightly packed, he doesn’t even have to aim for his bullets to hit at least one person. Perhaps they had been expecting him to bring a knife, or maybe something long and fancy, and planned on overwhelming him with numbers once he showed himself to be sufficiently under prepared, but Akaashi wasn’t stupid, and this isn’t his first rescue mission. This was the only one he cared about, however, which prompted him to bring the extra firepower in the first place.

The room rings silent, the thud of the last three bodies hitting the floor along with the soft tinkle of their corresponding bullet shells, announcing their finality with an almost melodic chime. Akaashi drags in the deep breath that he’d forgotten to inhale two minutes ago and stands absolutely still, letting the rush of adrenaline course away with the leftover oxygen back into his head. There isn’t a single sound made, and the longer he stays silent, the longer you also keep your lips closely pressed together.

The thing is, you had seen Akaashi Keiji, your fiance, doing his job before. Far from being an innocent, the two of you had actually met just after him shooting someone in the back in front of you, saving your hide and also scarring you for the next few days, but, you’d accepted it. You’d learned about it, and you know that it’s as much a part of him as he is in your life, but this, this is something completely different.

This isn’t just murder, this is bloodshed, and Akaashi stands right in the center of it, stoic and as unmoving as the glacier in his eyes. His suit isn’t pristine anymore, several shreds hanging off it to his left, and the sleeves dampening with grazes higher up his arm, and his shoes, they shine a dark crimson, glazing the soft italian leather like stained glass. There’s scarlet dripping from a cut on his upper lip, trickling down the corner of his mouth and pooling temptingly at his chin, plump and ready for it to fall, fall to the ground. The only thing that’s still pale is his pallor, and the undeniable sharpness of his collarbone, exposed from a ripped open collar, and it feels like a blade against your own throat, holding your breath in with a gentle graze of an edge. He’s looking right at you now, into you, those navy eyes glowing with simmering rage despite the fact that there’s only the two of you in here, and you struggle, fight, revolt against those ropes holding you back from him. Even though he looks every inch a monster, he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, and in that inscrutable curl of his fringe against arched eyebrows, you know that there are only echoes of the same thoughts in his mind.

In a single movement, he falls into you, collapsing on your wounds with almost frightening desperation, and even though his expression discloses nothing more than his usual solemnity, the fingers that press against you, flitting over every cut, every split of fabric-

“Keiji,” you whisper against his hair, almost pressed into your face with fervour, “I’m alright. It’s okay.”

“You’re alright,” he repeats almost in a trance, his head finally rising up to your eye level. His navy burns into yours, and you can see the colour in his face begin to drain back in second by second. “You’re alright.”

You nod, slowly, not wanting to spook him with any sudden actions. “They were just waiting for you. They weren’t going to do anything to me unless you were very late.”

Akaashi doesn’t respond, his mind struggling to wrap around the sudden anger that cracks through him like tectonic plates, but he reaches out to cradle your head in his hands. They’re still incredibly still and nimble, you notice, and none of his anxiousness has bled into body like any average person would.

“You’re coming with me,” he breathes harshly, “you’re not going to leave my apartment for at least a week.”

“My, that’s bold,” you grin, and he shoots you a withering look.

“For security reasons.”

“Obviously.”

“Obviously,” he mocks, and it makes you grin a little wider because this Akaashi you rarely get to see- one whose humour starts fraying at the edges when he’s shattered from a tiring day. “Please take things seriously. You were just kidnapped for ransom by a dangerous group of men.”

“And my boyfriend killed them all within ten minutes,” you retort, “if anyone’s dangerous it’s you.”

“I am dangerous.”

“Only when it comes to jokes,” you tease. It seems to be the last straw for him because Akaashi lets out a loud huff and tosses you over his shoulder, chair and all. You yelp in surprise, suddenly much higher off the floor than you’d like, but he doesn’t even pause as he heads towards the door.

He’s not looking at you now, no longer poring through your soul like leaves in a book, and for the first time that day, you let yourself crumble into his palm resting heavily against your lower back. Burying your face against his shoulder blade in determined silence, you let the ragged, exhausted breaths tear past your throat and Akaashi tightens his grip on you, a wordless promise, wrapping around you, that he’ll never let you be broken like this again.

[reincarnatedasacupcake]

I was absolutely swamped this month. Adam was in a motorcycle accident (don't worry, he's okay for the most part) and I spent the month taking care of him as he healed. This left me with little time to read as I was either too busy or too tired to do so. Surprisingly I still managed to finish off a bunch of books that I had started and just hadn't gotten around to finishing. Here's what I managed to read this month: 

Seeing (Blindness #2)

by José Saramago

307 Pages

On election day in the capital, it is raining so hard that no one has bothered to come out to vote. The politicians are growing jittery. Should they reschedule the elections for another day? Around three o' clock, the rain finally stops. Promptly at four, voters rush to the polling stations, as if they had been ordered to appear.

But when the ballots are counted, more than 70 percent are blank. The citizens are rebellious. A state of emergency is declared. But are the authorities acting too precipitously? Or even blindly? The word evokes terrible memories of the plague of blindness that hit the city four years before, and of the one woman who kept her sight. Could she be behind the blank ballots? A police superintendent is put on the case.

What begins as a satire on governments and the sometimes dubious efficacy of the democratic system turns into something far more sinister. A singular novel from the author of Blindness.

Years ago I read the book Blindness and it was spellbinding! It was dark and gritty and really gave you and understanding of the evils of society. I've been looking for the sequel to it for years, but could never find it. My Mom came across it at a book sale and picked it up and I was thrilled. But this book isn't like Blindness, not at all. In fact, they have so little in common, it's hard to understand why this sequel was written at all. And like all Saramago books, it's incredibly difficult to read. As I wrote in my last review of his  book Death With Interruptions : There are a few reasons for this. It's translated from Portuguese and sometimes looses a bit in translation. The writing structure is super confusing, but I'm pretty sure that is just how the writer writes. An entire conversation will take place in one long, run-on, sentence. The only way you can tell that the speakers have changed are with commas and a Capital letter. Unless you are paying close attention, it's really hard to follow what's going on. This is especially true in the first half of the book, where there is no main character. - 

The second half of the book again focuses in on characters, the Police Inspector and the Doctor's Wife. That's it, that's their names... as if it wasn't confusing enough. This is very much a political satire and even though it was written back in 2004, it is especially significant in light of the current political clime. It's worth reading just for that, but I would still recommend Blindness as an introduction to his work

Black Tide Rising

by Gary Poole

416 Pages

RESIST THE ZOMBIE PLAGUE! Top authors bring new perspectives to John Ringo's Black Tide Rising universe, in which humanity fights back against the hordes of infected.

The news that humanity had been dreading for ages had come true. Zombies are real. Worst of all, we created them. The apocalypse was upon us, and every man, woman and child had to answer a simple question of themselves: “What do we do now?” For a group of neighbors in the Chicago suburbs of Northern Indiana, it was “work together or die”...and figure out how to live on top of oil storage tanks to keep the zombies at bay. For the Biological Emergency Response Teams in New York City, it was “how long can we fight off the infected before it's too late” . . .as well as having to fight other groups all out to claim a dwindling stock of supplies and safety. And for a group of cheerleaders, it was about the end of their world. And about what happens when you get a group of physically fit young women with guns really, really angry.

Featuring original stories from some of the brightest stars in the science fiction universe: John Ringo; Eric Flint, John Scalzi & Dave Klecha, Sarah A. Hoyt, Jody Lynn Nye, Michael Z. Williamson, Kacey Ezell, and more.

I picked this book up because I was looking for something junk foody (terrible, tasty and easy) after reading Seeing. Apocalypses cheerleaders seemed just the thing. Sadly I didn't realize that it was a book of short stories. I've never been a big fan of anthologies as I never really feel like I get enough out of short stories. I'm always left wanting more (or less, depending on the author) Some of these were fun and zany, as you would expect from this genre and others took it in weird directions. I was happy with the amount of women main characters (and tried to ignore the few badly written ones) There was an apocalypse cheer-leading story, it wasn't about kick-ass cheerleaders doing back flips with Uzis, but about an ex-military woman turned cheer coach trying to protect a squad of cheerleaders. Although not what I wanted, it was still a pretty good story and ranks up there as one of my favorites. Maybe I'll just have to write my own kick-ass cheer squad book, or maybe I'll just go re watch Sucker Punch

Vision of the Future (The Hand of Thrawn #2) by Timothy Zahn 

694 Pages (26:16 Hours)

Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo are thrust into the middle of an impending civil war - and discover the shocking truth behind the rumored resurrection of the dead Admiral Thrawn. For a beleaguered Empire, desperate times call for desperate measures. Sowing discord among the fragile coalition of The New Republic, remnants of the once powerful Empire make one last play for victory. Having implicated the Bothans in the genocide of the Caamasi, they now plan an attack on Han and Leia that is also to be blamed on the Bothans. If they are successful, the New Republic will be torn asunder. To prevent inevitable disaster, Luke, Leia, Han, and their friends must prove the Bothans innocent and reveal the Empire's treachery. But time is running out.

I've been trying to read this book since last year and just couldn't do it. It was actually on my TBR list from last year and the only book I didn't finish. I finally gave in and bought it as an audiobook. Best choice I'm made in awhile. It actually turned out to be rather entertaining as an audiobook.  SWU doesn't do anything half-assed. This book has sound effects and a narrator that can manage pretty solid impression of most of the characters (except for the women, they all sound the exact same) It sounded much more like a radio drama than your typical audio reading. The story itself wasn't great, but then again, no SW story ever is, but Zahn does tend to be better than the rest. It really didn't need to be a 2 part book. And one more spoilery thing; did anyone else think the marriage proposal from Luck to Mara Jade was a little abrupt? I mean you literally just realized that you liked each other, maybe try dating first? Oh well, it's not like it's cannon anyone anyway.

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea (Extraordinary Voyages, #6)

by Jules Verne

396 Pages

French naturalist Dr. Aronnax embarks on an expedition to hunt down a sea monster, only to discover instead the Nautilus, a remarkable submarine built by the enigmatic Captain Nemo. Together Nemo and Aronnax explore the underwater marvels, undergo a transcendent experience amongst the ruins of Atlantis, and plant a black flag at the South Pole. But Nemo's mission is one of revenge-and his methods coldly efficient.

So I finally managed to get through this. Growing up you here about this book and the movie and the ride at Disney World and you think that it must be something extraordinary. I mean, how exciting it must be to travel down that deep into the sea....

Well it took me most of the book, but I finally realized that 20000 leagues doesn't apply to depth in this book, but length. Yes, they travel 20000 leagues across the sea. Saddening.

Also this book is written from a scientific perspective. He spends chapters explaining the sea life in such a text book fashion that it makes these fascinating creatures positively boring. Even the epic battle with the giant squid wasn't all that interesting. 

When I first realized that this was just one book in a huge series of Extraordinary Voyages, I thought that I might just try and read all of them, but after trudging through this, I think I've had enough excitement from Jules Verne

Storm Front (The Dresden Files #1)

by Jim Butcher

352 Pages

Harry Dresden -- Wizard

Lost items found. Paranormal Investigations.

Consulting. Advice. Reasonable Rates.

No Love Potions, Endless Purses, or

Other Entertainment.

Harry Dresden is the best at what he does. Well, technically, he’s the only at what he does. So when the Chicago P.D. has a case that transcends mortal creativity or capability, they come to him for answers. For the “everyday” world is actually full of strange and magical things — and most of them don’t play well with humans. That’s where Harry comes in. Takes a wizard to catch a — well, whatever.

There’s just one problem. Business, to put it mildly, stinks. So when the police bring him in to consult on a grisly double murder committed with black magic, Harry’s seeing dollar signs. But where there’s black magic, there’s a black mage behind it. And now that mage knows Harry’s name. And that’s when things start to get… interesting.

Magic. It can get a guy killed.

I've been hearing about this series for a long time. It always seems to be recommended based on the other books that I read, so for $3 I decided to give it a chance. I'm going to assume that since this is the first book in the series and there are like a bazillion of them, that he just hasn't hit his stride yet. That said, it wasn't a bad book, it just wasn't great and I couldn't really put my finger on why. Perhaps his use of female characters? I don't know. Will I give his other books a try? Maybe if I find them cheap or am out of other things to read. I guess that's the problem with having high expectation for a book.... it's easy to get let down

A Court of Wings and Ruin (A Court of Thorns and Roses #3)

by Sarah J. Maas

699 Pages (25:08 Hours)

Looming war threatens all Feyre holds dear in the third volume of the number-one New York Times best-selling A Court of Thorns and Roses series.

Feyre has returned to the Spring Court determined to gather information on Tamlin's maneuverings and the invading king threatening to bring Prythian to its knees. But to do so, she must play a deadly game of deceit - and one slip may spell doom not only for Feyre but for her world as well.

As war bears down upon them all, Feyre must decide who to trust among the dazzling and lethal High Lords - and hunt for allies in unexpected places.

In this thrilling third book in the number-one New York Times best-selling series from Sarah J. Maas, the earth will be painted red as mighty armies grapple for power over the one thing that could destroy them all.

I've been looking forward to the next edition of this great series and I was not disappointed. 

It continues to deal with all the issues of PTSD and how they affect everyone differently. It's one of those things that I'm very grateful for. So few books actually deal with the aftermath of traumatic events. I'm actually surprised that this wasn't the last book in the series, since it ended on such a closing note. Not that I'm complaining, I'm actually really excited that she plans on taking the series further. She's quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. And I'm satisfied with where it left off. It'll make it much easier to wait for the next installment, which doesn't even have a name yet.

The Undying Legion (Crown & Key #2) by Clay Griffith & Susan Griffith

316 Pages With a flood of dark magic about to engulf Victorian London, can a handful of heroes vanquish a legion of the undead? When monster-hunter Malcolm MacFarlane comes across the gruesome aftermath of a ritual murder in a London church, he enlists the help of magician-scribe Simon Archer and alchemist extraordinaire Kate Anstruther. Studying the macabre scene, they struggle to understand obscure clues in the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics carved into the victim’s heart—as well as bizarre mystical allusions to the romantic poetry of William Blake. One thing is clear: Some very potent black magic is at work. But this human sacrifice is only the first in a series of ritualized slayings. Desperate to save lives while there is still time, Simon, Kate, and Malcolm—along with gadget geek Penny Carter and Charlotte, an adolescent werewolf—track down a necromancer who is reanimating the deceased. As the team battles an unrelenting army of undead, a powerful Egyptian mummy, and serpentine demons, the necromancer proves an elusive quarry. And when the true purpose of the ritual is revealed, the gifted allies must confront a destructive force that is positively apocalyptic.

Time for more junk food. I enjoyed the first book in this series enough that I decided to pick up the second and give it a go. It was much better than the first one. It fixed a lot of the problems that the first one had and characters were written better. I appreciate when that happens. I really like Imogen's character development in it and was happy that they actually did something with her instead of just writing her off.

Books that I am currently reading

Tower Lord (Raven's Shadow #2)

by Anthony Ryan

425 of 602 Pages (24:39 Hours)

A Fine Balance

by Rohinton Mistry

30 of 603 Pages

Ascent of Women by Sally Armstrong 32 of 320 Pages

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame 90 of 228 Pages