#i love being used

[starsonmarsy]

"i'm being brainwashed."

was my first thought when a sliver of awareness came back to me. pretty words, sexy voices, throbbing, pulsing, needy, please please please—

"i'm being brainwashed."

i tried halfheartedly to feign resistance. but instead i found myself falling even deeper. bouncing, thrusting, humping, needy, need, need...

"i'm utterly fucked."

being so high and so far gone that i couldn't have stopped, even if i wanted to. need more and more and more and more and...

"my voice thrusting in and out of your head. my fingers circling. rubbing."

nothing but pleasure. giving it all to Her. every last drop. no other forms of pleasure even compare. better than any toy.

"drug yourself for me."

hit after hit, i make myself more vulnerable. more malleable. easy to take advantage of. an aphrodisiac. pleasing Her brings me pleasure.

"you don't even know what's happening anymore, do you? do you know what's happening to you?"

please please please please please please please yes yes yes yes yes yes yes—

"my voice fucking you."

filled with words, filled with pleasure. filled with nectar. filled, filled, filled filled filled filled...

"stay up. i want you to be aware of what's happening."

getting fractionated by my own inability to stay awake. the pleasure blanking my mind over and over again.

"you're completely helpless."

unable and unwilling to stop it.

"taking everything from you."

mind, body, soul. Her control is better, Her control is perfect.

"give me your pleasure."

teetering on the edge of pure ecstasy—

"cum for me."

everything absolutely gone. given up. given away. mind echoing the realization:

"there's no going back."

[submissivefeminist]

I was such a good girl today so I think I deserve a little treat (a quart of Chinese soup and an extra joint) 💕

[cuntboycollections]

some good points from last night (I can barely form coherent thoughts about it)

I was the only one naked, getting played with and overstimulated and moaning like a whore in front of 3 other people

"you can break it if you want, it's my toy"

two people carrying on normal conversation while I get fucked right next to them, occasionally telling me I'm a good boy or making fun of me

"you really are just a free use fucktoy"

my thighs are covered in bite marks and super sore today

being told to hold my breath while I was cumming, and being told when I'm allowed to breathe again

everyone commenting on how wet they could hear I was

"you would look good with your chest sliced open"

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[pinkgelpen444]

[angeldaisydoll]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[paintedcrows]

Biting you. Biting you. Biting-

[1alchemistart]

dont got much to offer for The Holiday but have these sillies!

happy valentines day :D

[fanaticalthings]

the muskification of twitter except it's lex luthor instead of elon lol

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[chloesimaginationthings]

Vanny gets her sleepy FNAF guys mixed up,,

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[crowkip]

ᯓ★

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[citrinegay]

JUNIOR YEAR BABY!!!

Celebrating the finale with an updated junior year version of my bad kids dice designs! All these designs + the original freshman/sophomore year designs from years ago are available on my redbubble <3

[theoldkyokodied]

The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic