#i literally just need a painkiller that works. that is all. we know what was effective from surgery

[milkweedman]

It is interesting how much math comes into even the most basic of like. Making things. Making almost anything. And often not numbers necessarily but proportions and geometry. I think all the time about how castles were built with geometry at the heart of it. And I use the same kind of proportional math to make socks fit. And none of my pieces are ever knit with a prime number of stitches--because you use factors to make neat colorwork and ribbing and different stitches. Idk ! I remember constantly thinking 'how the hell is THIS gonna come in useful ?' But it always does. Math is at the heart of everything, and knowing how to apply it is a tool of critical importance to Thinking Up A Shape And Making It.

[tinydefector]

Do you think cybertronians ever get a bit freaked out on how tough we are? Yes they can break us like toothpicks but humans seem to be able to take a good beating as well with adrenaline helping. Even our own body and oxygen trys kills us and yet we stick around like roaches. We're fragile in some reasonable and dumb ways and then resilient in the most dumbest ways.

Oh definitely, alot of the bots are very off put by how fragile humans are just in general and tend to avoid them.

But then there's the moments like Ratchet working a late shift and a small knock on the door alerts him someone's there, he turns around expecting it to be Rodimus or Whirl who he's about to scold but instead it's one of the humans and they look worse for wear. After fussing over them for a moment, detailed scans relay fractured ribs, a broken collar bone, and a heap of bruises and yet the humans just like. "Can I have some Panadol, Nurophen, and a glass of water?" Because they don't know what else to do its what they would get. Most of the times they ended up in the hospital. Ratchet is losing his God dawn mind as he rushes around looking for the best painkillers he can find for orgaincs in the smallest dosage he can give, hoping to primus it doesn't shut their heart down. In the end, they end up on a medication that makes them extremely drowsy, almost like the green whistle/ Weed.

Ratchet ends up doing alot of study on the human body and realises just how fucked up little monsters we are. We literally need oxygen to survive but he we have to much pure oxygen it will kill us. Water, we need a certain amount of it, if we don't have enough we will get dehydrated and die, if we have to much we will get water poisoning, intoxication, or a disruption of brain function. This happens when there's too much water in our cells, such as the brain and blood cells, causing them to swell. When the cells in the brain swell, they cause pressure in the brain, resulting in death. The issue is that it can become an addiction to drinking too much water for the effect it has on the body. Same with nearly everything we consume, it can kill us, but we need a lot of it in moderation.

Human: "I just need some basic pain killers and a nap"

Bot: "No, you need full surgery, sedations, and 3 weeks of recovery!"

Human: "nah she'll be fine!"

Bot: "Absolutely Not, bed now before I cuff you"

____________

Following that imagine a first contact AU where Cybertronians and humans are just slowly getting to know how the other works and next thing a human is kneeling over in horrific pain and it send the bots all into panic mode trying to help them, wondering what's happening and thinking they are dying. And the human after about ten minutes some pain killers still looking rather pale and unhealthy just go. "Sorry about that fuck I hate, Cramps/palpitations/ phantom pains/ and such" and the bots are just looking at them horrified like.

Bot: NOT NORMAL!!!"

Human: what you talking about?

Bot: everything that just happened you literally just short circuited!

Human: nah that's causal wait till you see the really funky shit.

______________

Human pet AU

Cybertronian's keeping humans as pets is like humans keeping hamsters. Humans are some of the most homicidal, suicidal and just deranged creatures that Cybertronian's could keep as pets. It's gotten to the point that they are a luxury/ exotic pet because if you do not feed them the right stuff, give them the right amount of light and socialising, and they will just die. There are so many Cybertronian's who take their human into clinics worried as and its just the human being a little bustard because they didn't get the treat they wanted 2 weeks ago and are still holding that grudge. Not to mention, we are prone to causing as much trouble and issue. We are like cats.

But we are also very easily sick and primus forbid a human gets sick because to a bot they think it's a death sentence for their sweet little spitfire of a human who they have had now for ages. And the human looks ready to die, and the next day, they are up and about like nothing ever happened.

Human: if you don't feed me the meals I want I'm going to pretend to die. If you do feed me what I want I might actually die because I shouldn't be eating it.

Panicked bot: "MY HUMAN HAS GOTTEN SICK. HELP!?!"

Human: totally worth it.

_________

In conclusion, the cybertronians are rather wary/ concerned about how resilient humans really are.

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[yannaryartside]

SYDNEY'S PART

THE ANALOGY OF THE PARTNER WITH ADDICTION

I just realized this parallel, and I have questions and feelings.

This second scene was one of the most frustrating moments for me, and that is saying a lot. It made me realize the crucial factor that could contribute to Sydcarmy not working despite the underlying feelings and connection.

The scene is obviously about how Sydeny feels guilty for not being able to stand to Carmy and make him stop the chaos. Maybe is also about feeling sad because she doesn't think that he wants to change for her, because if that were the case, he would have done it already. He has verbalized that intention and always, always, leaves her alone and behind (It is hard to keep with you sometimes).

I have been wrestling with the theory that Carmy's and Syd's relationship is acting as an analogy for an addict and their romantic partner. I have been reading this book: Loving someone in recovery. I still need to finish it, but it has given me some ideas. More extended meta-analyses on this subject are coming up. But I wanna concentrate on what the scene is hitting at (I miss ao3).

Notice in Brigade, the woman also says, "until the chemistry changes.", then in the very next scene, you have Sydney decipher a recipe just by chemistry logic, leaving Carmy impressed, and right after, carmy puts Sydney in charge of the restaurant. The clues are all there.

Also, notice how the woman at AA refers to the abuse of substances, but in Carmy's case, it also means abuse in the literal sense, verbal, psychological, and physical abuse.

The show has many scenes in which Sydney treats Carmy's issues with compassion and a firm hand.

"I don't want to be an asshole" "Don't be" aka: I know you know what is right and wrong despite feeling like shit, don't let it get over you.

She keeps her cool while Carmy makes impossible demands and screams. She helps Tina with her dish and completes the task without ever insulting or yelling back at anybody. The toxic techniques that Carmy learned that worked in the culinary industry, she refuses to accept as the norm. She is a chef Terry.

Finding the positive in the worst circumstances, aka, saying Cicero "You are here" or encouraging Richie and the staff. Even reviewing Carmy's recipes with patience and humor

"Is hard to keep with you sometimes' is key word here sometimes, aka: "because the problem is your issues, not you. You are a good person who is deeply hurting, but your actions have consequences for me and the people around you".

The thing is, if we are gonna talk about a partner with addiction, we need to establish the problem (the trauma) and the drugs. I remember watching a movie about addiction, a nurse saying, "Drugs are never the problem (for an addict), they are the solution.

So, the problem (the trauma)

The drug (solution)

You already know my theory that Claire is the equivalent of painkillers/anesthesia. A shallow but pleasing relationship that is always available to attend to your flaws without ever being actual medicine. Because to get better, painkillers are never enough.

BACK TO SYD

Syd really doesn't believe she has a say in what Carmy wants, (God she even believes she is not what Carmy wants, because he wants Claire, that is what it seems to her) just right before this dialogue, she asks him "Do you want me to say something?", from reading the book, it really reminded me of a partner feeling abandoned when the addict would resource to their drug of use to feel good or set back to old habits. That would leave the partner frustrated, depressed, and angry.

To be fair, the fact that Carmy is his boss should be added to the equation. They cannot even be called friends, so why should Sydney say something? Carmy is 24/7 in defense mode, saying things like "You don't have to say it, I already know."

He offered Syd equal partnership, but she didn’t get it. If they had been equal partners she definitely has the power to say something. But she didn’t take the offer, maybe because she suspected (or feared) they would never be on equal ground.

THE KEY QUESTION IS, WHAT DOES SYDNEY SAY?

I am genuinely curious about this. Is Syd (or her leaving) supposed to be a wake-up call to Carmy? That he fucked up something that brought him genuine joy and connection because Syd knew the real him, while Claire liked Logan and Carmy's brokenness? The way Claire would enable him in his bad tendencies? How is he gonna realize all that?

Sydney needs more emotional resources when it comes to conflict resolution. So far, her techniques have been using patience and love (water) against toxicity and bad patterns (fire). There is definitely a need for that. That is what turned everybody around and helped them become their best selves. But it has a toll. And she started the season with "I don't know what the fuck to do right now" and ended the season without a solution. Maybe walking away is the solution.

SYDNEY'S PART

What could this mean for Syd? Sydney may confront Carmy or not. I guess we will have to see.

[rizzyu]

Period Care HC

Pairing: Vox, Mysta, Luca, Ike, Shu x fem! reader

Category: Fluff, comfort

Warning: None

A/N: For my buddy chum pals who gotta endure this type of pain every once in a while :)

Luckily for me, my periods aren’t that serious and they last very short

Vox Akuma

Would definitely cook the finest foods for you to help with your cravings

He loves to see your expression lighten when he cooks for you, especially during this period of time where you had to endure this cycle again

Sometimes he would offer to help you change your pads/tampons, which always got you flustered as heck.

But who are you to deny him when he worked this hard for you? And so uhh yea we don’t need the details on what happened after that

At night he loves to cuddle you in bed

He’d leave soft, gentle kisses all over your cheeks, forehead, lips, neck, shoulders… you name it (that’s because he knew that you crave for his kisses during your period)

He’d also whisper affirmative words in your ear as you sleep soundly in his arms :)

Mysta Rias

He didn’t know much about periods but even so, he’d still do his best to take care of you

He’d even take a few days off his detective job just to accompany and look after you

He’d go out to buy takeaway, snacks, pads/tampons etc…

Though he wouldn’t wanna leave your for too long since he didn’t want you to feel lonely when you’re at home by yourself

He made sure not to do stupid things to piss you off (he thinks you’re terrifying when you get pissed off during your period)

Would send you a ton load of cursed memes to cheer you up :)

Luca Kaneshiro

Would not allow you to move a single muscle

Bro had you sitting in bed, back propped up by a pillow while he rummages through your house getting you snacks, tea, painkillers you name it

Honestly, he would act as if you caught a severe illness

You’d occasionally try to get off the bed to let your muscles loosen up a bit, but Luca would rush over to you, urging you to get more rest

“Babe! You have to rest! I’ll take care of everything in the house! So don’t worry and get some sleep”

“Luca, I’m not sick- “

Your protests would fall on deaf ears as he literally carries you back to bed :)

Ike Eveland

Bro’s the sweetest when you’re on your period

Much like Luca, he’d take good care of you everything in your home so that you wouldn’t have to work yourself (but not as dramatic and overexaggerated as Luca)

He’d help you buy all the items you needed. Would also either order you takeout or make you something to eat

Usually on the nights of your period, he’d have you laying comfortably on top of him on the couch as you watch something on TV

Feeling him stroke your hair and listening to his heartbeat as you had your cheek pressed against his chest always soothed your period pain

It wouldn’t be long before both of you fell asleep on each other (while the TV’s still playing)

Shu Yamino

Bro loves to do various things with you to take your mind of your annoying period

Sometimes you two would play video games together

Sometimes you’d draw little doodles together

He always made sure to help you feel as comfortable as possible on your period

Which was why he loves to cuddle you on your period

You’d lay your head on his shoulder as he’d rub circles on your lower abdomen to soothe your cramps

He’d also rant about his recent streams until you fall asleep on him :)

bro you do not understand how much I love the Mysta fanart here

[wing-dingy]

Remember when I said I wasn't gonna post fanfics? I lied. I'm gonna post just this one as an excuse to have some Johnshi in my life but also because its rare I write a fic that isnt a self indulgent oc fic

This is just a lil fic where Kenshi comforts Johnny after a stunt on set leaves him with an injured ankle, mostly cute banter. Also sorry if the formatting looks weird, i dont normally post fics to tumblr so idk how to space my paragraphs like I do on google docs.

Click. Step. Click. Step.

The Hollywood actor carried himself on his crutches across the room, from the door to his living room couch, where he saw Kenshi waiting in anticipation.

“Honey, I'm home,” Johnny announced in a parody of those old movies, how he loved his dumb movie references.

“Doesn't sound like good news. Are those crutches?” Kenshi asked, judging by the sound and the patterns of the sound. Though he usually relied on Sento for sight, he hardly ever felt the need to in a casual setting, so it rested in the mantle above the fireplace.

“Yeup. Doc says I'll need ‘em for a few weeks, a month at most.”

Kenshi crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch. “Was that stunt still worth it?”

Johnny snorted, “Totally, the shot came out perfect! You may not know this, but I do all of my own stunts. Impresses everybody when I tell them that!” He dropped a small paper bag of his prescribed painkillers on the coffee table and sat next to Kenshi, wincing as he lifted his ankle to rest it on the same table.

“Aren't stuntmen used so the real actors don't get hurt?”

“I mean- yeah. But don't worry, they're just gonna film everything else until I come back, which should be in no time. I'm just built different.”

Kenshi could just hear the cocky smile, causing him to shake his head in disbelief, but he couldn't hold back the small bit of laughter at Johnny’s pride and confidence. “Alright, but it looks like it's my turn to take care of you again.”

“Don't sweat it, Ken doll, I can take care of myself. You've already helped me enough, and you've got yourself to look after,” He noted all too seriously. Obviously there still rested some guilt in his heart over Mileena's rabid attack that day.

“That ankle needs to rest. That movie needs you and you need the money from it.” Undeniable. Johnny was still getting back on his feet (not literally now) after a messy and expensive divorce, he needed whatever work he could get at the moment. “You just let me know when you need something.”

Johnny sighed as he looked down at his injured ankle. These next few weeks were going to be the most boring while of his life.

Kenshi seemed to know Johnny wasn't feeling so good by the sudden quietness, not even a silly request from his offer. When Johnny of all people was quiet, there was a problem. “Johnny? You alright?”

“Yeah… I've just never been good at sitting still and doing nothing, you know? Now I can't even use my own pool in my living room,” He complained, as if having a pool in the living room was a normal thing.

“Come on, Johnny, you still have a whole mansion. Unless your attention span really is that small, you're not gonna get bored,” Kenshi lovingly poked at him. “It’s not like you're alone either.”

Johnny noded with a small smile of comfort. “That's right, I've got you, my best friend, boyfriend, and assigned FBI agent,” Johnny joked. Gods, not again with the assigned FBI agent meme. “And hey, maybe we can invite Kung Lao and Raiden over to hang out. You think Liu Kang would wanna drop by?”

Kenshi gave an amused smirk. “Probably not, but Kung Lao, might.”

Johnny looked down at the table again, spotting a marker. He groaned and wheezed as he leaned over to grab it, trying not to move his ankle off the table as his finger tips barely touched the marker.

“Johnny what are you-” Before he could finish his question, he felt a marker tapping against his hand.

“You wanna be the first to sign my cast?” Johnny offered, trying to play it off cool but his excitement was slipping past in his voice.

“You mean Hollywood’s megastar wants my autograph?” Kenshi teased. He took the marker into his hand, and Johnny guided his hand down to his cast. Confidently, Kenshi began writing his name.

“Not bad writing for someone who can't really see,” Johnny complimented, meaning it obviously and trying to make it sound like that rather than a mockery.

“I still know the motions of writing, that's enough to get by.” Of course Johnny hadn't seen Kenshi's messier writing at his job and maybe it should stay that way.

The real surprise was the small heart he drew right below his own name. Kenshi wasn't so into PDA, nor into cutesy stuff like that, so it caught Johnny off guard to see the small display. It wasn't like people didn't know they were dating, Johnny was way too into showing off their love and too loud to keep that secret, but it was rather that Kenshi was a more subtle lover when it came to their relationship, preferring to keep things behind doors. Still, it was a nice surprise, and at least now it made the cast way better to look at! Of course Johnny was already pulling out his phone to snap a photo of it to post to his socials.

“You're posting your cast, aren't you?” Kenshi reasonably accused.

“Gotta let the fans know production might be on hold.”

“Is that it? Or are you bragging about us again?”

Johnny snickered, meaning Kenshi was right. “Okay, you got me, but how can I not show you off? You're the coolest! A blind swordsman? Dating Hollywood's biggest hit? We're like a power couple!”

If Kenshi still had his eyeballs, he'd be lovingly rolling them, but admittedly it was kind of cute seeing how enthusiastic Johnny was about their relationship- and kind of funny to think about considering they were previously rivals over Sento.

Kenshi leaned in to press a kiss to Johnny's cheek, and he could feel the wrinkles of a smile under his lips. “Looks like you're feeling better about that ankle.”

“As long as I have you by my side, this injury is gonna be a breeze!” Now it was Johnny's turn to lean in, this time leaning to rest his head on Kenshi with closed eyes and a content smile. Kenshi reciprocated by wrapping an arm around Johnny to hold him. “Shit, that medicine they gave me is starting to catch up.”

“You get sleepy off of a couple Tylenols,” Kenshi playfully quipped, making Johnny laugh.

“Just saying it's a good excuse to nap on you! Unless you're gonna tele-fling me to bed again.”

Kenshi shook his head. “Maybe when your ankle isn't as broken. Right here is fine, just keep your ankle up.”

“Sweet,” Johnny happily murmured as he felt himself starting to doze off. Damn, Tylenol really did knock him out.

[thr-333]

I just realized. I don't think I've seen anything about April in OaaHF. Where is she? What does she do in the resistence? How aware is she of Leon's situation?

Set while Leon is recovering from his first facial scar:

“No, no way!”

Leon groaned as the yell woke him, sound getting choked out by the bandages wrapped tight around his neck. Constricting his airway making it so he could never get a full breath, was always light headed. Although that could be the bloodloss.

“We need his portals, its not a-”

“I don’t care if it’s a transport mission, I don’t care if he’s at the very back line, you are not getting him out of that bed,”

Leon scrunched up his face so he wouldn’t have to deal with the light of day. Or the light of med bay. He wanted to go back to sleep and it wasn’t even the yelling that was stopping him. Pain flared along his face and shoulder in tandem with his heartbeat. Bandages pulled meticulously tight making every throb worse.

“It’s not an active mission, I’ve mapped out the points all Kraang will be avoided-”

“Then you do it!”

That voice, Leon knew it even past the haze pain. Probably helped that there were no painkillers available to keep him floaty. He sighed his big sisters voice was always soothing, well when she wasn’t yelling at him. Although he supposed she technically was.

“Ape’s I’m needed here,�� Leo reasoned, his voice was deep and raspy. Huh Leon wondered if his voice sounded closer to it now, “I can’t up and leave the resistance without aleader for a minor mission,”

“So you admit it’s a minor mission!” April accused, Leon tried to open his eyes. The best he could make out was a couple of blurry figures until the light forced him to shut them.

“Minor but needed, lives are at stake here April,”

“His life is at stake!” Leon opened his mouth, but his throat was raw and the skin of his cheek pulled weirdly threatening to make him throw up if he tried. He tried anyway, why should be matter? “If he moves that wound, the wound you gave him is going to tear right open, he won’t survive that a second time,”

“April it was an accident, my hand slipped,” 

His future self was right of course. After all he had been the one to sacrifice his scarf to keep as much blood inside Leon’s body as possible. He had literally held Leon’s life in his hands. You didn’t do that for a person you were actually trying to kill… no matter how much it looked lik you wanted to seconds before.

That was fine. It was an accident. Leon shouldn’t have baited him.

“Bullshit, also I don’t give a crap, he’s not ready for field work!”

“The doctor cleared him,”

“Which you know they shouldn’t have!” April screeched, ugh Leon wished she wouldn’t, “Come on Leo you're a medic, just look at him!”

There was silence. Leon held still pretending to be asleep. Which was easy as he was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. Only the jabs of pain and his sister keeping him present.

“It’s between him and them,”

“Him, everytime, my little brother should come first everytime,” Leon’s heart didn’t know if it should skip a beat or clench. It was the answer he wanted to hear- but one he was completely undeserving of.

“I can’t play favorites,”

“Plaaeesseee,” The pure amount of sarcasm poured into the tone would have shot three men dead, “Is that why Mikey’s locked up in the underground bunker within an underground bunker, deep fried and finished with magic?”

“April-”

“Or how about Donnie’s lab, which is enforced with thirty percent of our titanium stores?” Leo would have rolled his eyes if they wouldn't just keep rolling back into his head. Obviously it wasn’t a matter of favoritism, his brothers were simply more important than him, “And how me and Cassie keep getting shortlisted missions? Junior hasn’t left your side in months and you haven't left this safehold in a year? Yet guess who’s going on missions every other week?”

“It’s all a matter of circumstance,” Leo’s voice took on a cold and harsh tone, “I’m trying to keep everyone alive for the sak-”

“Everyone but Leon,” 

She called him Leon… when had he become Leon? When has he started solely thinking of himself as Leon? Why was his futureself exclusively Leo? The thoughts were to hard to capture, slipping through his hands like sand. He wasn’t sure he wanted to dwell on them anyway.

“Well sucks for you but I care about keeping him alive, even if you don’t,” 

That wasn’t fair, he cared about Leon he did, as much as he could. Leon didn’t make it easy, after… after everything he caused. He couldn’t blame his future self for being a bit weird. He cared where it counted. Leon would’ve been dead three times over now if he didn’t.

“This mission is needed-”

“I’ll go then,”

No, April

“April, No,”

“If it’s so important you need to drag him out of bed and risk reopening the slice you put in his neck then it’s important enough for I, commander O’Neil to take over,”

“You’re not who you are in the future, you’re not Commander O’Neil,”

“And I never will be if you keep coddling,” April spat, “Besides I don’t care about being a commander right now, I care about being a sister, so it’s either I take the mission or you cancel it,”

The silence stretched on. Leon grasped onto his threads of consciousness. Purposely twitching his shoulder to get the fiery pain to keep him awake. It was amazing how something could fill him with so much dread yet he still selfishly felt hope that they would go through with it. Because he was selfish, rather stay hidden away in bed in a back room of the stronghold while his big sister fronted all the danger.

“Fine,” Relief and dread, unfortunately not in equal measure, “You come back alive understand?”

“Oh darn, there go my plans,” April tossed back, a shade closer to her usual teasing tone but still tense.

Leo didn’t answer. Because he was Leo, even in Leon’s own mind. But the older turtle huffed. Leon listened to his footsteps fade as Aprils got closer. The dip in his bed bit him to open his eyes.

“Heya blue, you awake?” April’s hand gently brushed his forehead, Leon cringed as he opened his eyes, “How’re you doing?”

He couldn’t answer, not really. So he leaned into her palm. Flinching as the small movement pulled on his wound from neck to cheek. He hissed through the pain. Tight bandages around his throat feeling suffocating as he would have struggled to breath even without them.

“Sorry, sorry, just wanted to check in,” The details of Aprils face were hard to make out pain blurring them out, “I’m going away for a mission,”

“Do… t,” Leon tried to sound out, it didn’t come anywhere close, but hey look at that: His voice was raspy.

“Don’t worry about me, it’s my job to worry about you,” She pat his cheek, thumb rubbing soft circles under his eye, “Seriously, please, it’s ok to care about yourself, you should, once in a whil- actually all the time,”

Leon shook his head imperceptibly. She was wrong. He had done that, over and over again. Each time they lost so much. He couldn’t, not anymore. Why couldn’t she understand that? 

Leo understood that. He knew what it was like to sit with that guilt, that self hate. He knew how to work for others to ease that feeling even a little bit. As losses stacked everyday and crushed him under their weight.

“I bet your thinking something stupid right now,” April pinched his opposite cheek, the unscarred one that showed off his brilliant red stripe, “I wish you were better so I could beat my love into your skull, but we’ll have to save that for when I get back,”

Leon plucked up the strength to use his right arm. Greaspoing Aprils loosely. He needed to get his point across, even without words, he had to.

“I will be alright, you rest up,” April moved from his grasp to instead thread their fingers together, “I’m your big sister, I’m always going to look out for you, even if I have to do that by not being here,”

No, no that wasn’t what he meant. Leo jerked to grab her again. White hot flares shot through his shoulder. Fuck, wrong arm. Darkness clawed at the edge of his vision, plusing in time with the pain searing through him.

“You’re so………. Don’t let anyone convince you…..” April's voice faded in and out, “ We have always…….. None of this………… alright Leon?”

Leon, that was the last word he caught before his world faded to black. The last thing he heard his sister say. 

When he woke up.

She was gone.

[dreamwatch]

Get in the Van

Written for @corrodedcoffinfest

Day #5 - Prompt: On The Road | Word Count: 999 | Rating: T | CW: chronic pain, language | POV: Eddie | Pairing: None| Tags: band struggles, touring in a van, author is not American, geographic inacuracies (probably) | AO3

****

“Fuck!”

“It doesn’t matter how many times you kick the van, man, it’s not going to make it start!”

“Maybe he just needs to kick it harder.”

“Shut up!”

****

Wasn’t this just fucking amazing? Wasn’t this just indicative of the bad luck that followed him around like some looming spectre? They’ve only been out on the road a few weeks, just a handful of gigs before the van broke down. Now they’re stuck at the side of the road in Somewhere, Minnesota, with a van full of equipment, dirty laundry and soon to be broken dreams. 

It started in Evansville, with a bunch of locals who heard about the satanists showing up to play their 'devil music' and decided to give them a warm welcome; there are dents and scratches all over the van that are definitely not going to buff out.

Then in St. Louis they had an amazing show, like objectively fucking brilliant. Eddie knows for a fact there was some local music journalist in the crowd, too. So of course that was the night Jeff’s amp decided it wasn’t just going to give up, it was going out in a blaze of glory. Literally. Fucking thing just went up in flames. Everyone thought it was part of the act, even when he stripped his shirt off to beat the flames out. So yeah, now they’re down an amp.

Gareth being plied with tequila before the show in Kansas City was another highlight. Don’t get him wrong, he loves to see Gareth happy and if a pretty woman wanted to buy him some drinks then good for him. He loved it less when they were on stage later. Eddie has no idea what songs Gareth was playing, but they definitely weren’t the same as the rest of the band. He also learned it’s really hard to get vomit out of a snare drum.

And then there���s the pain.

Thing is, its always there. It just is, there’s no point making a big deal about it. The doctors always told him it would be a life long thing but that it would get easier. It’s been three years now, and there’s been no improvement. Which is, well not fine, it sucks, but you know, it is what it is. But there have been days, shows, where he could cry. Where it feels like his skin has been flogged with a burning switch, where the muscles in his leg and back scream at him to stop, just fucking stop! But he pushes through, takes his painkillers, maybe doubles up sometimes with a couple of shots of JD to help them down, whatever. It’s all good.

And now they’re sitting at the side of the I-94 with smoke and steam billowing from the engine block, and nothing but truck after truck passing by. 

“What if no one stops?” asks Gareth, propping himself against the back doors.

Jeff rocks on his heels in front of him, hands jammed in his pockets. “Someone will stop.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Eddie mutters. He’s under the hood, poking his hand around into the hot engine parts; he’s only burnt himself twice so far. 

“Hey, don’t be bring your bad juju here man—”

Eddie storms to the back of van. “My bad juju? Are you kidding me? Gareth booked these fucking gigs!”

A huge semi screams past them, tooting his horn, making them all jump. 

“I booked some of them. Don’t blame this on me, man. It’s your van.”

“It is my van, correct, however we all benefit from it, and I don’t see any of you assholes dipping into your pockets when it needs work.”

Jeff shrugs. “Well, it’s never needed work.”

“It does now,” says Matt, merrily throwing pebbles into the long grass, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Eddie cuts him a withering look.

Another truck passes, whipping up dirt in it’s trail. When he’s done coughing, Gareth says “I kind of think we should stand further away, actually. This doesn’t feel safe.“ He’s probably not wrong.

“Alright, go and sit by the fence, I’ll stand here with my thumb out,” Eddie says, mumbling “like an asshole” under his breath. He drops his jacket into the front seat of the van on the off chance it might seem less imposing, and then heads to the side of the road, standing as far out from the van as he dares. 

“You should roll your jeans up, show ‘em some leg!” Matt shouts at him.

“Fuck off, Matt!”

“Have you seen how white his legs are?” he can hear Jeff say. “We want them to stop, not call Ghostbusters.”

Eddie pokes his head around the side of the van. “By all means, one of you stand here with your thumb in the air while eighteen wheelers fly past.” When he doesn’t get a response he snaps back, “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

Eddie stands in the blazing sun, hair whipping around his face as semi after semi speeds by; he’s sweaty and dirty and desperate for a shower. The nerves in his leg are starting to fire up, and he needs a cigarette but he smoked his last one just before the van decided it was done with this trip, so now he has the little tap tap tap of nicotine addiction to contend with as well. 

This sucks. Touring sucks. So fucking much.

But.

Last night they played a show in Minneapolis. The crowd was wild; a huge mosh pit opened up right in front of Eddie and it took every ounce of his being not to throw himself in the mix. They sold tapes and t-shirts and traded phone numbers with a band manager. They laughed all night and drank until three A.M.. It was amazing. It was everything he ever dreamed it would be.

Wayne always told him he was resilient, ‘more than you know, son.’ He holds on to that as another truck screams past.

[howlingday]

Okay, how about another funny/sad one-shot? (Blame VOL. 9 for my muse swings)

One where Jaune’s semblance isn’t about healing/amping people with aura, but that he can only numb and take away their pain?

Of course it starts off all silly with Nora “pimping” Jaune out as a walking Icy-Hot Patch and raking in cash, but then things slowly get serious.

Students haggling/bribing Jaune for a quick & easy fix to deal with their depression, despite how uncomfortable it makes him. Professional hunters looking for Jaune after their missions go wrong because he can keep their friends stabilized.

And worst of all...the children’s hospitals.

Because Jaune KNOWS why the staff – why so many parents – NEED him there…

And so he does.

Because children, especially DYING children, shouldn’t have to suffer if Jaune can help it…

And when things get too hard, too REAL, for Jaune to continue?

Teams JNPR & RWBY are waiting right there willing to pick up the pieces that Jaune’s too weak to carry.

FEELS SO NUMB

"Jaune's home~!"

Jaune trudged into his room after a long day at his part-time job. Nora excitedly skipped next to him as he put his backpack down. She smiled at him. He couldn't muster the strength to smile back. He made his way into the bathroom, not even saying hello to his team.

"So... how much money do you think he made?"

"Nora." Ren chided.

"What? I'm just curious how my plan turned out."

"You mean how you were selling Jaune off as a local anesthetic to the highest bidder?" Pyrrha said, glaring from her desk.

"Hey, it's not my fault his semblance is literally a painkiller!" She put a finger to her chin. "Kinda surprised we didn't notice sooner, since he was always getting back up from Cardin's beating after he unlocked it."

"Well, I'm more surprised how you found him work outside the school." Ren said. "And with the approval of Professor Ozpin too."

"Well, I'm a bit of a businesswoman, Renny," she winked, "you knew that~!"

A knock came at the door. Ren opened it to find Ruby standing with a scowl on her face. "Is Jaune here?"

"He's in the bathroom." Ren answered. "Is there something we can help you with?"

"Yang and Weiss are fighting, and we were hoping he could-"

"It doesn't work that way, and you know it." Pyrrha said in a near snarl.

"S-Sorry, but Blake and I don't know what to do!" She rubbed her arm. "It's like ever since Jaune's been... uh, helping out, everyone at school has been acting really, really angry. It's like unless Jaune uses his semblance, people can't act normally around here anymore."

"Well, he's busy cleaning off from his super important job today!" Nora said with a beaming smile. "And they paid a mint, too!"

"Really?" Ruby asked. "Was it Uncle Qrow again?"

"Nah, he already came by yesterday. Today he was working at Vale General!"

"The hospital?" Ren asked. "What would they need him for?"

"Something about feet or another." Nora shrugged. "Like, something about pedal tricks."

The room was dead silent, save for the sounds of the shower in the bathroom. There was a soft thumping inside, too, but that subsided to silence once more after a few seconds. Suddenly, the room seemed to bend and wave and creak. Pyrrha stood from her desk.

"Pediatrics?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's it!" Nora shouted. "It was kinda weird sounding, but after they said it was for kids and cars in jeans, I kinda just went with it. Must have been mental hospital, righ-"

"JAUNE! JAUNE, OPEN THIS DOOR!" Pyrrha screamed as she smashed her fist against the door, Ruby running up to join her. The smaller of the two tried jiggle the door handle to open.

"Nora..." Ren gulped. "Do you know what carcinogenesis means?"

"...No, but that sounds like what the hospital people wanted Jaune for."

Ren took a deep breath, then told her. Pyrrha and Ruby were shoved out of the way, and the bathroom door came crashing down. Jaune was curled under the running water, softly sobbing. On the shower wall, a red smear stained the tiles. They pulled him out of the water, wrapping him in a towel, but he didn't respond to any of it. He just continued to sob and rub himself in a sort of self-hug.

"They'll be okay. They'll be okay. They'll be okay."

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 17, 2021 4:00 a.m. paradise hotel

three hours later

[grant] you know, i didn’t get a good start to dealing with the whole “my body is broken” thing.

[henry] huh? oh, sorry, i'm awake and heard you; i was just surprised.

[grant] the first time that, um, i got really sick after my sister died, everyone just thought i was mcfucking mentally losing it. i mean, i was, but also i could not get out of bed, could not walk, couldn’t hold a toothbrush even because my hands wouldn’t move…

[grant] and my parents, who are medical professionals, wouldn’t take me to any doctor because they thought i was melodramatic.

[henry] you missed two months of school. we went different schools but i remember that. i didn’t see you for that two months either.

[grant] they only ever took me because they got tired of dealing with me, and they were getting in trouble for me being truant. and what do you know? like every other kid with something wrong, the answer was growing pains. you're tall for your age, so that's it!

[henry] doctors are stupid sometimes.

[grant] tell me about it. i lived with two idiot doctors for eighteen years. the proof is in the pudding.

[grant] and then, uhh, there’s the whole…

[grant] the whole college thing.

[grant] did i ever tell you how i became an addict, bud?

[henry] you’ve never wanted to.

[henry] i assumed it was because people try to numb childhood trauma. and i could tell something was not right with the college hockey team situation, but i didn’t know what or if that was connected at all.

[henry] it could have come from anywhere. most everyone in college does drugs. i smoked a lot of weed.

[grant] it’s both of your assumptions. there were a lot of things i needed to suppress, and i didn’t know how to control myself after tasting the slightest bit of freedom from my parents. but also…

[grant] the dudes on the hockey team hated me except sebastian. i just didn’t click. i wasn’t the right kind of person to fit in that very dudebro jock locker room.

[grant] so, on one hand, i started on a bunch of party drugs and alcohol because i figured out that when i got fucked up out of my mind, they finally found me funny, and you know how i am.

[henry] you are really desperate for people to like you and for you to not feel like you're imposing.

[grant] it’s totally true. i need to be liked. and need is the right word. it’s not as bad now, i've grown out of it a bit, but still, the feeling is there. i need to be liked and to not be anyone's burden.

[grant] yet that’s not the whole story.

[grant] i was, um, well, also illegally prescribed a lot of painkillers.

[grant] by the team's medical people.

[grant] my health issues were already there, but playing a contact sport made it worse. i'm gonna be honest, i don’t remember what happened, but i got some kind of back injury, and i went right back to that state i was in after my sister died.

[grant] seriously, same stuff. couldn’t really get out of bed, couldn’t function. at least not without...

[henry] oh god. i don’t like the way this sounds.

[grant] i was naive enough to hope that people might do the right thing for me once in my life, so i told the medical staff, like, hey, i'm suffering, and i need help. and they just kind of, uh, waved me off and said their job was to patch me up so i could be on the ice, not fix me.

[grant] i was already trouble in all the staff's eyes because i was the odd one out in the locker room, and that's not looked upon well. so, in hindsight, i should have seen literally all the red flags or should have been brave enough to just break down and see a real doctor elsewhere again, but i didn’t.

[grant] anyway, the team staff offered me opioids and i gladly took them. and they kind of sort of barely worked. so i took more. and more and more, and i mixed them with all kinds of other substances. like, i should probably be dead from the amount of mixing i did or from just the sheer volume of drugs i took. also, no one gave a fuck how many times a week i came in to ask for drugs as long as i played hockey good enough.

[henry] and you were good.

[grant] still, the pills never genuinely made me feel better. they just got me high enough to forget about suffering. that makes sense now because i have a diagnosis and have heard nothing but anti-inflammatories are going to really work on resolving the whole pain thing. too late for that, though. i'm an addict. yes, am, not was, even if i'm sober. so, i won't touch them now. i haven't in years.

[grant] but there you go! there’s the story.

[grant] that feels supremely embarrassing to have told, but i wanted to get it off my chest. you are my best friend. more than that. you're family. you're my brother. i don’t have to be afraid to tell you anything and you deserve to know the truth.

[grant] especially because you've never shied away from honesty and you stuck with me that whole time. i don’t think most addicts are lucky enough to have friends and family that patient. and i tried many, many times to push everyone away so i could destroy myself in peace. i wouldn’t blame any of you if you had given up on me.

[grant] yeah. it's not very kind of me to receive that much, um, grace and love and forgiveness, and not at least reward and thank you with the truth. the full and honest truth, even if you didn't ask for it. oh, and a window into why i am the way i am, why i keep my mouth shut.

[tasteofgummies]

hi! i understand that it can be uncomfortable for u but if u don't mind can i ask the headcanons of p3 guys with dystrophic fem s/o? it would be cool if you also will make an nsfw part

i really enjoy your writing!!!🥺

Thank you so much!! It's not uncomfortable at all, don't worry! I tried to make this post very vague, as the experiences of people with dystrophy can be different, but as always, you can message me if you want me to change anything, enjoy (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Stardust Crusaders w/ a dystrophic!fem! S/O 🌸

Cw: nsfw content ahead

Jotaro Kujo

>He'd be careful with you regardless, but I think it would take some reassurance for him to express his love physically. But again, he isn't really the most affectionate, so what's the difference?

>He knows that you can handle yourself, so he is thoughtful without actually doing anything for you

>If you require any mobility aid, the Speedwagon foundation is ready to create only the finest technology for you

>If you ever feel insecure of anything regarding your disability, Jotaro is there to hold you, he may not be good with words, but he'll try to voice his feelings in order to reassure you that there isn't a single thing he would change about you

>Carries painkillers and muscle relaxers with him in case you ever need them

>Understands that sometimes the pain can be too much to even want to interact, but he will still be there in case you need anything, you don't need to talk, you can do parallel play

>Is very gentle with you, and tries to make you do as little effort as possible during your intimate times

>Eats you out with de-vo-tion 🙏

>He's inexperienced, but it's definitely a pleasurable time

>And if you ask for, you can have Star Platinum doing it, he's got that godly precision for all your good spots

>Lets you choose the position you'd like so it's always comfortable

>Wants to take care of you but you'd end up sore regardless

>His pace is slow and deep

>6/10 aftercare, he isn't awful, but he needs some practice

Noriaki Kakyoin

>He's much more open about physical affection, as he trusts you'll tell him if he hurts you

>Enjoys "house dates" that's basically you two scrolling through your phones and showing each other those cheesy cat pictures that couples share, and you clearly don't have to move around much for that

>I headcanons he suffers from migraines, so he can relate to the pain and sometimes limits on your daily life

>Offers acts of service to help you in days that are harder, so don't worry about grocery shopping or taking out the trash while he's there

>He isn't as scared to hurt you while being intimate as others are

>He's a tease, but also a gentleman, he'd like you needy and worked up from his touch so you ask him to please you

>And how can he deny you?

>Maybe gets a bit too carried away with the overstimulation and leaves you aching

>But he'll take care of you dw

>Breakfast in bed after he wrecked you kind of romantic<3

Muhammad Avdol

>Soothes your aches with natural essential oils and massages

>Tries to smooth out the ground of his farm so you can walk on it if you use any mobility aid

>He doesn't let you get insecure ever, he's a happy wife, happy life man™

>He's really supportive and thoughtful of whatever you need

>Avdol is perfect for everything tbh

>May be a bit overprotective though, is nor that he doesn't trust you, but he know how damaging is the pressure to be "functional" rather than to live a full, happy life (damn capitalism)

>He's such a spoiling sweet lover

>He'll make sure you are comfortable, and if you need to switch positions, take a break, stop, or anything, you just have to say your safe word

>He can get rougher, but he's more slow and sensual type of man

>11/10 aftercare

Jean-Pierre Polnareff

>He's so sweet, but he sometimes forgets his strength, so warn him please

>Another one that will literally worship the ground you step on

>Insecurity? We don't know her in this house

>A huge simp

>I feel like (if you don't already use one) will heavily encourage you to use a mobility aid, he doesn't think you need to force yourself, and you shouldn't feel bad for trying to make your life easier

>"It's okay to take up space, chéri

>Or you can just let him carry you and kiss the top of your head the whole day<3

>Like Avdol, he's very passionate, he makes love, he doesn't fuck

>Soooo many praises

>Knows he's big, so takes some time prepping you, it may even look like he's teasing you, but he just doesn't want to hurt you

>Your legs may end up just a bit sore, but he won't leave you as bad as the others

>He also has a voyeurism kink, so just watching you touch yourself is enough

Joseph Joestar

>"You know the Speedwagon foundati-" shut up Joseph, you can't use your nepo baby privilege to try to find a cure for it 💀

>No, but fr, he gets you all the best of everything, the best physicians, the best technology, the best specialist, just anything that can help you

>Respects you, and knows that you can handle yourself, but is also in his nature to spoil you

>He's very understanding, but sometimes you have to explain to him that pain is a part of your life, and him dating you means that he's gonna see you in pain sometimes

>He's there to gently stroke your hair and sing you praises

>Horny jail? This one scaped

>You have to tell him your legs get sore if he just pushes you against a wall and starts to get at it

>He'll be a good boy and get you to a nice comfortable bed

>And when I say nice, I mean, top tier mattress and silky sheets

>Loves when you ride him

>When he gets horny he forgets that you may need breaks, so you have to stay firm and be clear to him

>Of course won't react badly, he just gets too excited

>He's really good with his fingers, but that robotic hand has more than one perk

>Goes for quickies, usually, but always makes sure to examine you and massage your sore muscles, he also uses hamon to help you

Merli Anne [platonic]

>Anne's a bit of a pushover, but she just wants to protect you!

>You're a big sister to her, and she wants to prove to you what a useful person she can be, specially to you

>Tries to help the aches by giving you a soup recipe or something like that

>She thinks you're so strong and cool

[ritualcaster]

I wanted to run though all the stuff we don't know about objectified.

All of it.

Apocalypse guide:

Starsheet - onset advance, what are all three variants

What is ID: gestalt

Who is ID: symbiote - who's been talking to wagyu through the hive cores - what did they mean by "rocks" and "machines"

Concept art

Who is "Wristwatch" and why is he gone

Turtleshells Journal

Whereabout's for all the characters mentioned in present time

Who the 4 "?" Characters are

Morrigan, just the whole character really.

What are the lawless kings up to / how will they be used in the story

Whats happening in the other countries, and are they working to help the rings (or, why did they abandon them)

Who controls the dread tides

Character refs (I can't belive this needs a section)

The blacked out text in Ghost Peppers ref

Gums scar[s] (basically just "cherry")

From here onward, It's plot speculation, and the sections are labeled after characters rather than the website elements.

CITRUS

Parents / the full story of the flashback in "Venatics"

Why is he like some kind of fucked up vampire

What is his relation to Morrigan

Spool

He's just some guy.

No questions here.

Razor

What happened to the rest of her pack

Her relation to Warhammer (if any?)

Mushroom

Related to "PILOBOLUS" from the story in "Stranded", but how

What happened to Cattail (Fully considering that he probably died of course)

Wheres Mushrooms mother (Mentioned and shown in turtleshells journal) And Is she the relation to "Pilobus"

Why is the entire district empty?

Dynamite

Not much about his past can be used for plot

No questions

Brandy + Minty

Maple syrup (at fort blanket, mainly what happened to her if relevant to plot)

"The old stories from Ankh" - the first had plot relevance with mushroom, if there are more i expect similar things.

There's little depth in their past, namely just their time in marshlight.

Fossil

Her past with Push

Health problems with being a defect object (hinted at in "babs'" ref sheet, confirmed in qna)

Why she checked Painkillers eyes

The water thing she has (its quite possible its just because shes part gator, but i feel something deeper than that)

Painkiller

From marshlight, but we have literally no idea about their past other than that.

Theres no material for questions.

Dragonscale

Past in Demon's diner (namely with the lawless king she half-mentioned in "control")

Ghost pepper being and actual ghost (???)

Wagyu

How did he retain control? And why?

Who's trying to talk to him? And why?

Comet

What's with all the crow foreshadowing? (Probably Morrigan again)

Whats the full story with her 'version' of starsheet [Snowsheet? Onset advance?]

Gum

The story of her exes (all 7 of them)

The scar from "Cherry" (already mentioned this one but i'm curious)

Basically her entire past, (with multiple lawless kings?)

Overarching plot / Parasites

How will three-spines evolve and affect characters?

Who created the parasites, and why?

Where, is everyone? (Cattail, pushpin, turtleshell, everyone in middle ring, the lawless kings, characters from gums past.)

How is starsheet going to affect nearly half the characters, especially the onset advance variants.

If i remember right, in the qna, chester mentioned he had "special quirks" planned for every character. - [Everything that will be in the 'Everything else' category in the apocalypse guide.]

The the next late stage event

___________________________________________

Ok, i mentioned a few things twice, but i think thats all my questions right now.

All i can hope is that i'm asking the right ones.

[the-genius-az]

If Azula would use any drug, it would be alcohol and pills. I don't think she would smoke (because it would ruin her lungs) or inject (because of infections and sepsis).

I feel like because she was institutionalized, she got prescribed a lot of pain medication (aftermath of Agni Kai and because she would hurt herself trying to escape/fight back) and sleeping pills/drugs (to get her to actually sleep and not be half awake through the night).

There is a possibility that there were experimental drugs involved as well (something to treat her delusions and hallucinations) or to make her more docile. Obviously those didn't help much or if they did, they made her loopy and seem really out of it (anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs usualy do that)

So it's safe to assume that when she did get released, she got prescribed pain medication or other prescriptions. So she got addicted because she wanted to forget the memories from the asylum and her whole childhood (her mother)

That is how a lot of people end up with alcohol problems as well. They drink after they take their medication to feel the effects hit even harder and make them last longer. I think Azula did it accidentally once (took her medication and after an hour or two drank some alcohol - the effects of the meds became stronger) and now she does it so frequently it's rare to not find her drunk and dazed out if her mind.

-Squid

Exactly, Azula will only consume pills and any type of alcohol.

Why... Smoking? Nah, she damages her lungs and she desperately needs to continue being the best firebender in the world (even though she's no longer in the war).

Injections? Absolutely not. She'll pretend she's not turning into a drug addict, just to keep some of her dignity (regardless of whether she already is).

Of course! Azula will live on painkillers and sleeping pills throughout her life.

Honestly? I think she burned her body so badly (No, she has no scar to prove it, so her pain is "insignificant") that she literally feels like she's burning, but she can't say anything because that would show weakness.

I feel like they would do that, to keep her sane and more "soft", even though we all know (And I bet they all know it too) that it doesn't work, and they only screw her up even more.

Someone did their homework! And yes, I am proof of that, alcohol makes you deliciously drowsy when you take pills, especially if they are pain relievers.

I think that Azula at that moment just wanted to forget everything (That's what alcohol does after all), and it felt so good, to feel that numbness, that little bit of happiness of not feeling any more pain, It would be a great relief to have it! I would do it thousands of times!

It wouldn't be strange to find Azula drugged and drunk, everyone always finds her like that... that doesn't prevent the whirlwind in their stomachs and the great inevitable sadness.

[wambsgansshoelaces]

could i request headcanons of tom wambsgans taking care of his s/o on their period? gender neutral term-wise if u can pls

hi anon!!! thank you for requesting <3 I love Tom so much akdjkwkdkf

I love you enjoy xx let me know what you think!!

on your period (tom wambsgans)

ᝰ if there’s one thing we know about mr. wambsgans is that he’s well read

ᝰ so when you start complaining about your cramps or you’re upset you stained a pair of pants he’s literally on it

ᝰ “let’s go for a walk before you start cramping. that’ll make it not as bad,” he says every single time

ᝰ he has a secret stash of chocolate just so he can treat you when you’re on your period

ᝰ has the exact name brand and type of menstrual product you wear memorized

ᝰ doesn’t even ask you if you need new ones

ᝰ he just knows and has them put in the cabinets on your side of the sink

ᝰ if you text him at work caught off guard by an early period? flowers and your favorite period craving on your desk within the hour

ᝰ if you’re cramping particularly badly, he literally won’t let you get out of bed

ᝰ he makes sure you don’t let go of your heating pad

ᝰ he makes breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever it is that day (as opposed to your alternating days of cooking)

ᝰ and then the two of you cuddle and watch tv until it’s not hurting anymore

ᝰ kisses all over your face 24/7

ᝰ like he never lets go of you

ᝰ he strokes your hair, gives you massages when you ask, rubs knots out of your back

ᝰ if your hair is long enough, he’ll even ask you to help him learn how to braid

ᝰ after you teach him, it becomes tradition during your cramp cuddles for him to braid your hair back

ᝰ and if it’s so bad for you that you’re throwing up, he’s sat next to you on the floor holding your hair back and stroking you soothingly

ᝰ he doesn’t ever want you in pain or uncomfortable

ᝰ he wishes so desperately to be able to take your pain away from you

ᝰ when you’re curled up together in bed, sometimes he just stares at you with that look on his face

ᝰ his eyes all lovey dovey and a stupid grin on his face while he strokes your forehead

ᝰ if you have chronic illness regarding your reproductive health, like pcos or endometriosis, he’s your biggest advocate

ᝰ when doctors don’t listen to you speak it’s like this passive-agressive-off between him and the doctor

ᝰ and tom’s just standing there holding your hand while he says something about how ‘doctors like you get people killed and people like me kill people who kill people’

ᝰ you don’t really know what that means

ᝰ it’s kinda contradicting

ᝰ but it’s cute he stands up for you in his own weird way

ᝰ he helps you keep tabs on any meds you have to take

ᝰ whether it’s just painkillers or birth control for horomones

ᝰ at the end of the day, you know if you need anything ever, you can go to him

ᝰ he never makes it weird when you talk to him about your period

ᝰ and you’re both firm believes that it shouldn’t be weird- between the two of you or anyone else

ᝰ he’d move heaven and earth for you

ᝰ and he makes sure you know it

[orlissa]

So we still have a little over 1,5 months left of this year, but the lovely @readthelastpaage asked me what were the best books I read/translated this year, so... here you go. I left out my rereads and highlighted the ones I translated in blue. It's a... pretty mixed bag, I think.

R.F. Kuang: Yellowface After Athena (young and brilliant Chinese-American author) dies in an absurd accident, her “friend” June (struggling white author) steals her nearly finished manuscript, works it over, and publishes it under her own name. Chilling tale about guilt and the publishing industry ensues.

Rebecca Ross: Ruthless Vows I needed to includes this because of reasons. The second of Divine Rivals, a story of two, well, rivals falling in love through letters sent by a magic typewriter, while the war of the gods rages around them. Simply beautiful.

Jeff Bishop: A Heavy Dose of Allison Tandy High school senior Cam dated Allison Tandy, the girl he is still obsessed with, for years before they broke up just before new year’s. Three months later Allison was in a car crash and has been in a coma ever since. Only when Cam gets some heavy painkillers after his knee surgery, he starts seeing Allison, and the girl is determined to get him to move on. Is it just the drugs, or does Allison really appear to him?

Naomi Alderman: The Power When girls suddenly start developing shocking (literally) powers worldwide, the order of the world and gender relations start to change. Not necessarily for the better. Chilling dystopic observation of gender dynamics.

Emilia Hart: Weyward Stories of personal trauma and abuse through three women and several centuries, with a touch of magic. Brilliant book, but beware, there are a lot of triggering stuff her (detailed description of domestic abuse, rape, basically at home abortion…)

Lora Beth Johnson: Goddess in the Machine/Devil in the Device Andra, along with her whole family, was meant to be one of the million people to colonize a new planet, but when she comes out of stasis, she is all alone in a strange new place, where the remains of technology are hailed as magic and she is believed to be a goddess. The language of this duology is insane–the author basically came up with a whole new dialect.

Jennifer Lynn Barnes: The Inheritance Games series When financially struggling Avery is informed that a Texan billionaire left all of his fortune to her, instead of his family–with whom now she needs to live together for a year–, she suddenly finds herself surrounded by dysfunctional family dynamics, heaps and heaps of dirty secret, and a bunch of puzzles and mysteries. I read the whole series this year, and although I’m not yet totally on board with The Grandest Game, this series is just fabulous.

Jodi Taylor: Just One Damned Thing After Another First book in chronicles is the St. Mary’s institute, where historians travel back in time to study the important (and not so important) event of history. British humor, some darker themes, and a bunch of chaotic energy.

Margaret Rogerson: Sorcery of Thorns I won’t be able to give a proper summary here, but books and magic and demons and adventure and books and romance, oh my. Or Elizabeth, who spent her whole life in a library full of magical books that might attack you at any moment, gets tangled up in a scheme that might bring on the end of the world. Which she and her allies need to prevent, obviously. There is also a sequel novella, which is mostly just a fluffy epilogue, but it’s just so nice.

Holly Jackson: A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder British teenager Pip needs to do a special project for her last year of high school, and she chooses to examine the effects of a murder that happened in her sleepy little town a few years back – only what she really wants is to find the real killer, because she’s convinced that the police got the wrong guy. I absolutely loved the whole mystery and the multimedia nature of the book. (I know that there is apparently a version of this where it all takes place in America, which that sounds odd to me? It was so quintessentially British.)

Hannah Bonam-Young: Out on a Limb Win was born with an underdeveloped hand, but she doesn’t let is to slow her down. However, after she gets into a one-night stand with Bo, who lost a leg to cancer, at their mutual friends’ Halloween party, she ends up pregnant, so she and Bo decide to give this whole co-parenting thing a chance. Just a really nice feel-good romance story, made even more authentic by the fact that the author has the same hand issue as Win.

Taylor Jenkins Reid: Daisy Jones & the Six Story of a fictional seventies rock band told through a series of interviews done decades after the events. Intriguing tale of music, drugs, and personal dynamics.

Hannah Grace: Daydream I know that Hannah Grace’s work is kinda controversial (some love it, some think it trash), but I’ll always defend her, because of her works are very much pro-mental health and pro-cutting out toxic pieces of shit out of your life. And she is getting better with each book and she really did find something with this one. Sweet slow-burn romance with heavy emphasis on mental health.

Kristen Ciccarelli: Heartless Hunter This is what I’m reading/translating now, and although I’m only halfway through, I’m in absolutely brainrot over this. In a world where witches once reigned and now are being hunted, Rune, shallow socialite by day, secret witch saving vigilante by night, decides to try and seduce witch hunter Gideon to get some information out of him – only Gideon pretty much has the same plans to prove that Rune is that witch saving vigilante he’s been hunting.

[coryothesub]

Better Now?

Hi, I’m back, not in the bestest place both physically and mentally and very sorry to everyone who has sent in lovely asks recently. I’ve resumed working on them, but for now I can offer a fully self indulgent semi-autobiographical oneshot about Dr. Sejanus Plinth (hey, we all know he wanted to be a medic so very fitting), which is heavily based on my first ever hospital experience.

No, I didn't have a hot doctor that looked like Sejanus, instead I was treated by a couple of pretty funky dudes, but the story about the two surgeries instead of one is completely true (they had to perform a 2nd one, bc they hadn't noticed everything that had to be fixed before the 1st one). Horny roommates are also based on very real persons and the post surgery pain as well as the sickness from the painkillers are unfortunately real (that's why I wasn't really able to write although I kinda wanted to). Oh and the weird tingling sensation around stitches during orgasm is also apparently a thing. Okay sorry for tmi let's get into the smut.

nsfw / mdni / doctor!sejanus / patient!reader / mentions of hospital and some real medical horrors

“Dr. Sejanus Plinth, I’m going to perform surgery on your broken leg and ensure a steady way to your recovery,” he stood at the foot of your bed on your first day at the hospital looking hella handsome wearing his little glasses and a snow white scrubs.

You were feeling shit scared since it was your first time at the hospital. He always tried to cheer you up, tell you a funny joke or take you on a little wheelchair ride. Your roommates said he was obviously flirting, but you always got flustered and brushed it off as professional niceness.

He was ever so clean and perfect, his dark curly hair impeccably styled and a trail of expensive cologne following him wherever he went. How could he possibly fall for the messy looking girl in the hospital bed? Your hair was dirty, you were sweating profusely from the sickening painkillers that probably made you stink.

You couldn't remember any time when you were in so much pain other than the first two days after the surgery. The only thing keeping you sane was  Dr. Plinth’s reassuring smile that appeared above the little curtain right after the surgery. He nodded at you and said “It’s over!”

You had taken it quite literally, not suspecting what was awaiting you in the coming days. Right after the anesthetics wore off the pain became so insufferable you were just silently crying in your bed feeling like your leg was about to explode from the inside.

The nurses pumped you full of painkillers until you dozed off and the first face you saw next morning was Dr. Plinth.

“You are such a good girl, you did so good,” he smiled softly and you weren't quite sure what he was referring to. Was it your performance of laying horizontally during the surgery? Well you didn't have much choice since the lower part of your body had been paralyzed by the anesthetics.

“That hot doctor, he’s totally into you,” your roommates teased, but you just tried to focus on the fact that you were set to get out of the hospital in two days.

Then the bad news came. Dr.Plinth stood at the foot of your bed, his face darkened by concern.

“There's this other thing. A rupture of ligaments. We were able to notice it only after the first surgery. I am afraid I'm gonna need to perform another one. I am really sorry for that.”

You literally felt like you were gonna burst out in tears, but you clenched your jaw, wanting to look stronger than you actually were.

“It's alright Dr.Plinth. What needs to be done has to be done,” you spoke calmly, but your mind was rehashing everything you were bound to go through again. The wait, the anesthetics, the excruciating pain in the first few hours and the discomfort every time you had to move your leg, even if only to sit up for a meal or go to the bathroom.

“How are you feeling today?” The next day you were woken up by the lively voice of Dr. Plinth. Despite your protests, he came to check on you every morning and since your first surgery sort of  failed, he also came in every evening. You weren't sure whether he did that out of guilt or other feelings.

“Have been better,” you sighed with a grim poker face that prevented him from telling whether you were angry with him or just tired.

“I'm so sorry the first surgery wasn't sufficient,” the poor young man started apologizing in front of your roommates. “You weren't supposed to go through that again.”

“It's alright Dr.Plinth,” you batted your eyes at him, making his pretty chubby cheeks blush immediately. “I know you would want only the best for me.”

His hand was resting on the pillow pile next to your casted leg and you ran your fingers over it, almost making him jump at the sensation.

Your roommates were watching the interaction with great interest, probably thinking you both were gonna start making out right then and there.

Feeling their gaze burning through his back, Dr. Plinth offered you a little wheelchair ride. A bit reluctant, you still got yourself out of the bed and let him help you get on the wheelchair.

“Where are you taking me? Do we need another x-ray or a CT scan?”

“No,” Dr.Plinth chuckled. “They don't perform tests at this hour, except for the emergency room. I wanted you to see this.”

He wheeled you to the end of the hallway and stopped at the large window where you could see nothing but endless forest continuing all the way to the horizon. A fiery red sun was sinking above the treeline making you gasp quietly at the sight.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” Dr. Plinth leaned down and you could feel his hot breath lingering on your neck. It seemed almost romantic.

“I come here and watch the sunset at every opportunity when I have the time during my shift. It helps me blow off the steam a bit.”

You turned your head to the side and looked into his soulful brown eyes. He looked even more handsome in high definition.

“It must be hard to work here,” you gave him a sympathetic look.

“Oh, it's just me, as much as I try I can't get myself desensitized to the whole process. I see people hurting every day. And when they hurt, I hurt. That's why I feel so damn guilty every time there's more pain that could have been avoided. Like your second surgery…”

He leaned down closer to you, his lips just mere centimeters from yours.

“I just want to make it up to you. I swear, if I could I would do anything to make you feel better.”

“Anything?” A glimpse of mischief sparked in your eyes.

Dr. Plinth swallowed thickly and nodded.

Quite unexpectedly you cupped his face and smashed your lips into his, something you had been longing to do for quite a time. His lips felt so soft and plump, even better than you could have ever imagined.

Dr. Plinth immersed himself into the kiss, parting his lips to allow your tongue to explore his velvety mouth.

When you two finally broke the kiss to catch some breath, he adjusted his glasses panting softly and looked deeply into your eyes.

“Dr. Plinth, your lips feel so soft,” you chuckled shyly, feeling a treacherous blush filling your cheeks.

“I think you can call me Sejanus at this point,” he looked flustered yet eager to continue your little adventure. 

Sejanus grabbed your wheelchair and opened the nearest door with a plack that said “Sanitary chamber”.

You found yourself in a small room stuffed with toilet tissue, different wipes and sanitary mats, the last rays of the setting sun breaking through the neat stacks of supplies.

Sejanus immediately connected his lips to yours again, his hands running up and down your sides underneath your t-shirt. You gasped as he cupped your naked breasts while gently sucking at your lower lip.

“You know, I could make you feel better in an even more effective way,” he whispered against your lips, his warm hand diving under the waistband of your pajama shorts.

You shivered at the sensation of Sejanus's skillful fingers pressing against your clit, discovering that you were already threathcerously wet.

“What an eager girl,” your doctor groaned as his digits massaged your sensitive bud at a steady place, causing you to let out a series of soft moans against his lips.

Sejanus kept a tight eye contact while letting his two fingers slide inside your squelching wet count while his thumb kept rubbing your clit. It was truly amazing how he managed to cover the whole field.

“Fuck, you’re really good with this!” You moaned as he trailed small kisses down your neck sucking harshly at the spot where it met your shoulder.

Sejanus chuckled mischievously.

“I'm a doctor, we are taught how to touch people in the correct manner.”

“God, did they teach you this at the medical school?” You threw your head back, feeling your legs shaking from the immense pleasure.

“No, princess” Sejanus let out a small laugh, nibbling at your earlobe. “I guess I figured that part out myself…”

Squelching sounds filled the small chamber as he kept fingerbanging you and you tried your best to stifle your moans to avoid the whole floor finding out about your evening shenanigans.

“Oh… Dr…. Sejanus, I’m gonna…” your attempt at building a sentence was cut off by a loud moan as you came all over his fingers, your body shaking and a weird tingling feeling echoing through your stitches.

“Better now?” Sejanus asked in a gentle voice after pressing another soft kiss to your lips.

You nodded, still coming down from your heights as you watched him grab one of the countless tissue packages and gently cleaning you off.

“There you go,” Sejanus smiled, turning your wheelchair back to the exit.

“Wait!” You gave him a concerned look. “Shouldn't I… Return the favor?”

Sejanus graced you with a soft smile, brushing a stray strand of hair off your forehead.

“This was me trying to make amends because I fucked up, remember? Plus, I have to get back to work.”

You pouted, wishing this moment would last longer. Sejanus noticed and tilted your chin up gently giving you a mischievous wink.

“Nobody said we cannot keep practicing this as a form of therapy though.”

[tia-amorosa]

Hi…

I thought for a long time about whether I should write a personal post again or not. But they usually get lost, literally. That's probably because hardly anyone here knows me well. But I'm writing this post to let off some steam and talk about the situation that's really bothering me at the moment. (sorry in advance for the long text)

I'm in pain. Every day, 24/7. Why? About 4 years ago I had dental treatment with a somewhat unfriendly, older dentist. The treatment was carried out under anesthesia. One of my wisdom teeth and another were pulled. And it may not have been done correctly, which is why I've been suffering from nerve pain on the left side of my face ever since. The pain is so extreme on some days that you just want to throw yourself in front of a car... or jump off a bridge. I've already visited neurologists in recent years, but unfortunately they couldn't help me. After the treatment at this dentist, I had another problem with a canine tooth (top left), which was then pulled. This is also a so-called eye tooth because it is exactly in line with the eye. This time it was a different doctor who had found that there was a small cyst on this tooth. So it wasn't wrong to pull it out. But since then the pain has only gotten worse. I have pain when I look (when I make a lot of eye movements), and the pain goes all the way up to my head.

The sad thing about the whole thing is that the pain is made worse by the fact that I work a lot with my mouth. Because I am severely disabled, I cannot move my hands and work with a special computer mouse that I operate with my mouth. My mouth is therefore an important tool that I use to write, write my stories and operate the computer in general. And it makes me... sad and angry that I am currently going through a phase where I am not making as much progress with my work as I would like because this pain is tormenting me every day. I've tried all kinds of painkillers, but none of them have helped at all. And I don't want to drug myself with any heavy stuff.

I'm currently trying to find a dentist who will continue the treatment. A lot of things need to be done, restoration, etc. I've already found a practice and asked them about it. A video consultation was supposed to take place last week. I waited half an hour in front of the screen and the loading bar until someone answered. After that I disconnected the connection. I then wrote an email to this practice. There was no response... I called them today and they said they hadn't noticed my email. OK, that can happen... Then they gave me a new appointment for a telephone consultation, also today. That was supposed to take place at around 2:20 p.m. Do you think someone called me? NO!

They seem to have forgotten about me. I was so angry... I'll call them again tomorrow and ask what's wrong with them. Above all, it is a practice that is well suited to people with severe disabilities. And I actually rely on sensible advice and treatment. They haven't even seen me yet. And I'm having real problems with my teeth at the moment. One of them is open and I have to be careful not to chew on the wrong side because otherwise more of it will break off. This will only put more strain on my nerves, I'm really fed up!

I wish we could turn back time, then I wouldn't have gone to that horrible doctor who started this pain. I wish I had found a better doctor, but it's difficult to find the right doctors in my situation. I'm also suffering from a urinary tract infection at the moment. It really hurts. I suffer from it often, but the pain in my face is just much worse. I can only do something on the computer on days when the pain is bearable for me. Before the whole thing with the first dental operation, I was incredibly productive and got a lot done. Now I can't even manage half of it. As I said, it makes me sad and angry. That's why my story is progressing very slowly at the moment. Sorry about that.

I hope I haven't annoyed anyone with the long text, but I just had to get it off my chest so that people might understand me a little. I would also like to write more, but my concentration is exhausted for now. I'm passing the time with Netflix, so I don't have to do much or think about it.

Now I wish you a nice evening/day. Greetings and hugs from me to you.🥰