holocene-sims

[holocene-sims]

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june 11, 2022 9:00 a.m. grant's house

no news (yet), just bills 💰

[holocene-sims]

falloutonprime: Yes, that is Lucy standing in the mouth of a dinosaur. No, we ain’t giving you any more context.

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 2:30 p.m. newcrest counseling

[grant] about the whole family thing…

[margot] yes?

[grant] i know i said give me thirty minutes, but i think i'm okay to just go with this topic. i'll get through it. to be honest, i don’t remember what i said to you the last time you suggested talking more about the whole system, but i can tell you why i kind of instinctively resisted it today. an exact reason, i mean. not just the nebulous, “feels like a betrayal,” thing. maybe that’s a start.

[margot] it absolutely is a start. why do you think you resist the topic?

[grant] i'll get to the point, but i feel like this needs backstory, so stick with me for a second.

[grant] when i was a kid, right, and even now, although maybe a little less so now, i've always felt like everyone who isn’t my mother or my father or kelly could never do wrong. obviously, that’s not true–people are people, and we all do stupid, shitty things–but other people were so good to me, you know? my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my friends, my grandparents were there for me always, even when i was an insufferable drug addict or whatever who hurt their feelings every time i saw them. so, it’s hard for me to think of them in any other light other than complete reverence, and we've already covered that, so i'm retreating old ground, but...

[grant] how do i say this?

[grant] some part of me knows if i go poking around this, i will probably find out all the ways various people have fucked up, and i don’t know how i feel about that or what i'll think of my relatives afterwards. i could never dislike them, but am i going to live the rest of my life with that sick feeling you get when you find out the kind of information that changes your idea of someone?

[grant] and it's true. someone fucked up. multiple people fucked up. my parents did, of course, but they weren't the first ones. someone hurt them, and someone hurt the people who hurt them, etcetera.

[grant] i will have to poke around, even if it’s just in my own mind, but again, i'm not that deluded. i know it can’t just be in my own mind, and that’s the thing. i know how i am, and i know i absolutely need to understand how everything in the universe works, and if i want to understand what happened to me, i'll have to ask questions at some point. if you told me right now just to tell you the most basic things about family dynamics, i'd have to ask questions. you mentioned talking about family relationships, right? i could tell you my mom and her siblings absolutely hated each other, but i couldn’t tell you why. i could tell you my mom and her parents had very strange, volatile relationships, but again, not why. i'd have to ask.

[grant] and like, my mom was not created in a vacuum. that book you had me read last year, it opened up with a chapter on epigenetic and generational trauma. i read that coincidentally when i went back to ireland with my grandparents to visit my extended family, and guess i found out on that trip? my great-grandparents were terrible people, and some of my grandmother’s siblings are pieces of work, too. people my grandmother spoke so highly of...well, it turns out they were abusive hot garbage, and she’s just been denying it or covering that up her entire life. i get it honest, the constant need to shove everything inside and hold it there forever.

[grant] she wouldn't tell me much, though, you know? i only heard a fraction of her history, but that one little glimpse into how she grew up was depressing. utterly depressing. and i got this impression that, like, she felt that if she said any more, she might break.

[margot] what would you be most afraid to hear if you asked these questions you have?

[grant] i don't...i'm not sure.

[margot] perhaps your grandparents' involvement in all this?

[grant] no. no. of course not. no way. involvement?

[grant] i don’t think they could ever be remotely anything like the parents they had. they're just...they're not capable of it. no. and they hated how my parents treated me.

[grant] oh god. they would never abuse anyone, but...

[margot] but people aren’t created in vacuums.

[grant] yeah. i just said it myself, didn't it, yet i already want to walk back on that. i don't want to sit with that thought very long.

[margot] if there is a link between them and your mother's treatment of you, it doesn't mean she was abused. it's more that...

[grant] i know. i know. i know. i come from a long line of people who've made mistakes. they probably made some.

[grant] i just don’t want to find out bad things about anyone. i don't want the images i have of them to shatter. i also don’t want to hurt people by bringing their worst moments up.

[grant] i am well aware of how it feels to relive the horrors, and i saw how hurt my grandmother was when she gave me a window into her past. i've seen the look in my grandfather's eyes when he talks about his parents. i see how angry my aunts and uncles get when my mother is brought up. they're like me. i'm like them. i know what's going on in their heads when they're thinking about the past.

[grant] anyway, that's it, i guess. that's why i don't want to you talk to you about any of this. the second i tell you anything other than this, it creates a mess. a mess for me, a mess for my family, a mess for everyone i've ever known.

[holocene-sims]

people i’d like to get to know better

thank you @eljeebee for tagging me!!! i’ll tag: anyone who wants to do this + @windermeresimblr @enchanteriv @queeniecook @igglemouse @sushiikinsss @feroshgirlsims @minty-plumbob

last song: die 4 you by dean

favorite color: purple 🔮

currently watching: agent carter. peggy, my beloved 🇬🇧❤️ why did this not get a third season, i am shattered

last movie: spiderman - far from home

sweet, savory, or sour: sour, always

currently reading: attack of the unsinkable rubber ducks by christopher brookmyre. i bought this at a second hand bookstore in scotland a few months ago because i liked the title and cover, and now that i'm reading it, i'm also realizing the story and the writing are incredibly peak. i love everything about this book

current obsession: if it’s not already hinted at enough in my other answers, marvel 🤭 historically, i was more into dc stuff, but i wanted to give marvel a fair shake, so i’ve been consuming all the media recently, and now it’s consuming me. man’s best friend is a dog, a girl’s best friend are diamonds, and mine is the ao3 stucky tag 🙏 jk...maybe...but also not jk

last google: arthur library card song. my best friend got a library card, and i hit him with the arthur reference 📚 having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card, y’all!

currently working on: grant’s story. i'm going to do my best to not take another multi-month hiatus from it immediately after letting this initial queue run lol. i've really got to stop doing that because it takes all momentum out of the story in every possible way

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 2:30 p.m. newcrest counseling

[grant] about the whole family thing…

[margot] yes?

[grant] i know i said give me thirty minutes, but i think i'm okay to just go with this topic. i'll get through it. to be honest, i don’t remember what i said to you the last time you suggested talking more about the whole system, but i can tell you why i kind of instinctively resisted it today. an exact reason, i mean. not just the nebulous, “feels like a betrayal,” thing. maybe that’s a start.

[margot] it absolutely is a start. why do you think you resist the topic?

[grant] i'll get to the point, but i feel like this needs backstory, so stick with me for a second.

[grant] when i was a kid, right, and even now, although maybe a little less so now, i've always felt like everyone who isn’t my mother or my father or kelly could never do wrong. obviously, that’s not true–people are people, and we all do stupid, shitty things–but other people were so good to me, you know? my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my friends, my grandparents were there for me always, even when i was an insufferable drug addict or whatever who hurt their feelings every time i saw them. so, it’s hard for me to think of them in any other light other than complete reverence, and we've already covered that, so i'm retreating old ground, but...

[grant] how do i say this?

[grant] some part of me knows if i go poking around this, i will probably find out all the ways various people have fucked up, and i don’t know how i feel about that or what i'll think of my relatives afterwards. i could never dislike them, but am i going to live the rest of my life with that sick feeling you get when you find out the kind of information that changes your idea of someone?

[grant] and it's true. someone fucked up. multiple people fucked up. my parents did, of course, but they weren't the first ones. someone hurt them, and someone hurt the people who hurt them, etcetera.

[grant] i will have to poke around, even if it’s just in my own mind, but again, i'm not that deluded. i know it can’t just be in my own mind, and that’s the thing. i know how i am, and i know i absolutely need to understand how everything in the universe works, and if i want to understand what happened to me, i'll have to ask questions at some point. if you told me right now just to tell you the most basic things about family dynamics, i'd have to ask questions. you mentioned talking about family relationships, right? i could tell you my mom and her siblings absolutely hated each other, but i couldn’t tell you why. i could tell you my mom and her parents had very strange, volatile relationships, but again, not why. i'd have to ask.

[grant] and like, my mom was not created in a vacuum. that book you had me read last year, it opened up with a chapter on epigenetic and generational trauma. i read that coincidentally when i went back to ireland with my grandparents to visit my extended family, and guess i found out on that trip? my great-grandparents were terrible people, and some of my grandmother’s siblings are pieces of work, too. people my grandmother spoke so highly of...well, it turns out they were abusive hot garbage, and she’s just been denying it or covering that up her entire life. i get it honest, the constant need to shove everything inside and hold it there forever.

[grant] she wouldn't tell me much, though, you know? i only heard a fraction of her history, but that one little glimpse into how she grew up was depressing. utterly depressing. and i got this impression that, like, she felt that if she said any more, she might break.

[margot] what would you be most afraid to hear if you asked these questions you have?

[grant] i don't...i'm not sure.

[margot] perhaps your grandparents' involvement in all this?

[grant] no. no. of course not. no way. involvement?

[grant] i don’t think they could ever be remotely anything like the parents they had. they're just...they're not capable of it. no. and they hated how my parents treated me.

[grant] oh god. they would never abuse anyone, but...

[margot] but people aren’t created in vacuums.

[grant] yeah. i just said it myself, didn't it, yet i already want to walk back on that. i don't want to sit with that thought very long.

[margot] if there is a link between them and your mother's treatment of you, it doesn't mean she was abused. it's more that...

[grant] i know. i know. i know. i come from a long line of people who've made mistakes. they probably made some.

[grant] i just don’t want to find out bad things about anyone. i don't want the images i have of them to shatter. i also don’t want to hurt people by bringing their worst moments up.

[grant] i am well aware of how it feels to relive the horrors, and i saw how hurt my grandmother was when she gave me a window into her past. i've seen the look in my grandfather's eyes when he talks about his parents. i see how angry my aunts and uncles get when my mother is brought up. they're like me. i'm like them. i know what's going on in their heads when they're thinking about the past.

[grant] anyway, that's it, i guess. that's why i don't want to you talk to you about any of this. the second i tell you anything other than this, it creates a mess. a mess for me, a mess for my family, a mess for everyone i've ever known.

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 4:45 p.m. grant's house

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 4:45 p.m. grant's house

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 4:30 p.m. grant's house

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 4:30 p.m. grant's house

[holocene-sims]

The Bachelor Beaumaris, 8.3.1

(Please forgive the drastic change in editing from the...eternity since the last time I posted...)

The next morning dawned bright and early; the ladies were to play a round of golf and then socialize with Mr. Beaumaris. (It certainly looked like Scotland, with the rain and mist.)

Gregory: This is going to be an awful choice. All these ladies are so nice--I could marry any of them! And yet I must choose. Or I'll never be able to join the House of Lords. Even in a rotten borough... Vivian: I think red suits him! But maybe a more flattering shade could be found? Mathilde: Imagine if he picks me--then this house shall be mine!

And so the ladies swang for their lives the chance to stay in competition. Not captured: the sound of breaking glass.

Vivian: Five! Er, three! Amalie: There will be no joy in Mudville--oh, wrong era. Mathilde: Oh, dear, I think I hit the neighbor's windows. (But were there any neighbors yesterday?)

Mathilde: I wonder what the etiquette is in this situation. A side of venison and an apology note hardly seems comparable to the expense and trouble--oh, what if this means he won't choose me! Gregory: I wonder how much Ursula would mind if I dipped into her pin money for the glass.

At this point, the game crashed, from what I can recall, and so the ladies and Gregory found themselves quite suddenly in the parlor for some chatting. Gregory immediately forgot himself and began wiping his nose on his hand like a commoner.

Amalie: You'd suppose his valet would have given him a handkerchief...

Gregory: I do enjoy the sounds of nature, though I wish sometimes it was more like in the symphony, with the charming pipes and woodwinds. Mathilde: I do love a good pasturelle.

Gregory: And now we're out of the damp and into the house. How thrilling it is to get the feeling back in one's fingers after a bracing round of golf.

Gregory: I am thinking of planting a rose garden in the spring, if the weather permits it. What do you think would be the best sort of rose? Mathilde: Is he testing me? Does this mean I'll get a bouquet tonight? What should I say? What if my golfing mishaps are the fly in the ointment--oh, to lose a husband over a broken window! (Or four.)

Amelie: I do think brick houses are warmer and less drafty than stone houses. When I was on tour in the Germanies, we stayed at a Schloss somewhere, and it was awfully chilly in the mornings.

Gregory: Was this when you performed with Mrs. Castafiore in the new Mozart? Mrs. Gracefield is forever going on about how she wants a set of emeralds of her own.

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 2:00 p.m. newcrest counseling

[margot] you know, i was thumbing through my notes for you earlier, and i thought of some things i wanted to talk with you about, if you’re open to me guiding our topics for the day.

[grant] yeah, no problem. what comes to mind?

[margot] well, two things. you might remember last year i asked you about getting into family systems work, or examining your childhood trauma through the lens of familial and generational behavioral patterns and relationships. at the time you weren’t receptive to it outside of talking about your nuclear family, but you’ve come a long way since then, so i wondered if you might have changed your mind.

[grant] about bringing the rest of my family into this?

[margot] i wouldn’t phrase it that way, but that was your concern last time, feeling like you were “bringing” them into this or turning your back on them somehow.

[grant] i just find it hard to criticize the rest of my family. it doesn’t feel right.

[margot] as i said last time, it doesn’t necessarily have to be criticism, unless you feel like you have something to criticize. you shouldn’t think of this as being critical. it’s whatever you want it to be. for example, we could just talk about relationships–how people get along, who you consider family and how, the various life experiences your relatives have had.

[margot] i would really like to hear you open up more in detail about your mother–we’ve talked a lot about your father–and i know that you are still quite resistant to doing so at the moment, but it can’t be avoided forever, and i want you to work towards opening up to talking about her. you have close ties to her biological family, and this is a less emotionally burdensome topic, so i still think it’s worth starting to look into the family dynamics.

[grant] maybe later? i think, um, i think i should give in to this–it’s time for me to–but i wouldn’t mind a thirty minute buffer. i realize thirty minutes means nothing, but it would help me to just warm up conversationally first.

[holocene-sims]

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june 10, 2022 2:00 p.m. newcrest counseling

[margot] you know, i was thumbing through my notes for you earlier, and i thought of some things i wanted to talk with you about, if you’re open to me guiding our topics for the day.

[grant] yeah, no problem. what comes to mind?

[margot] well, two things. you might remember last year i asked you about getting into family systems work, or examining your childhood trauma through the lens of familial and generational behavioral patterns and relationships. at the time you weren’t receptive to it outside of talking about your nuclear family, but you’ve come a long way since then, so i wondered if you might have changed your mind.

[grant] about bringing the rest of my family into this?

[margot] i wouldn’t phrase it that way, but that was your concern last time, feeling like you were “bringing” them into this or turning your back on them somehow.

[grant] i just find it hard to criticize the rest of my family. it doesn’t feel right.

[margot] as i said last time, it doesn’t necessarily have to be criticism, unless you feel like you have something to criticize. you shouldn’t think of this as being critical. it’s whatever you want it to be. for example, we could just talk about relationships–how people get along, who you consider family and how, the various life experiences your relatives have had.

[margot] i would really like to hear you open up more in detail about your mother–we’ve talked a lot about your father–and i know that you are still quite resistant to doing so at the moment, but it can’t be avoided forever, and i want you to work towards opening up to talking about her. you have close ties to her biological family, and this is a less emotionally burdensome topic, so i still think it’s worth starting to look into the family dynamics.

[grant] maybe later? i think, um, i think i should give in to this–it’s time for me to–but i wouldn’t mind a thirty minute buffer. i realize thirty minutes means nothing, but it would help me to just warm up conversationally first.

[holocene-sims]

last time in the holocene-sims cinematic universe...

long time no see, y'all! i haven't posted grant's story in a while, but i do indeed come bearing updates, so here's a little reminder of where we left off months and months ago

last time, we left off with some updates on grant's friends, and although it's not mentioned in this post, we also left off waiting to hear more about grant's quest for returning to his old job :)

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june 3, 2022 5:15 p.m. casbah gallery

[soobin] and fifteen minutes later, your mom is back.

[henry] oh, she brought ethan and his mom. that explains the delay, they were probably auntie gossiping in the parking garage that whole time.

[grant] isn’t that–

[henry] the guy who told you he thought you were dead last time we ate at their family restaurant?

[grant] i was going to say your friend that started a fire in your dorm by burning his microwave mac and cheese, but yeah, that also describes him.

[cerise] he thought you were dead?

[grant] long story on all fronts.

. . .

[insook] grant! my adopted son! i'm so glad you’re here tonight!

[grant] of course i am! if i missed the exhibition opening, i would never forgive myself. it’s an honor to be here for you guys.

[insook] and you must be cerise, the art curator sister.

[cerise] that would be me! hello, mrs., um–

[insook] no, no, no formalities. you're practically family already. insook is fine. or mama ong. that’s what grant calls me.

[cerise] still, hello! it’s very nice to meet you finally.

[grant] so, what do you think, mama ong?

[insook] i think sanghoon would be pleased with this.

[grant] obviously, i'm not an artsy person, so i don’t know how to comment on the exhibition in an intelligent way, but it’s beautiful in here. he was very skilled, and he should have those skills celebrated and immortalized.

[cerise] your husband was talented, and i see he was fond of impressionism.

[insook] he was! he dabbled in lots of styles, but impressionism was always his favorite. he was the practical sort, and the mundane subject matter spoke to him to begin with. then he lived in france for a while when we were still dating, and he saw the best of the best of the movement there. i would have fallen in love with it, too, if i saw a monet in its original environment.

[cerise] also, from what i understand from grant, most of his career took place here, so this must feel like a fitting place for these paintings to stay.

[insook] it does. he made a lot of works across many different places, but he said he had the best experiences and inspiration here. he felt like the people and landscapes here are especially genuine. we lived for the last few decades on the upper peninsula, and…

[henry] you get to know people and places very well because it’s so quiet. quiet and also kind of empty in some spots. it’s a paradise for those who like the kind of art he liked.

[insook] you’ve probably heard from my son by now, but he hated private collecting.

[cerise] i did hear that.

[insook] artistically and personally, he learned a lot from living here, and we as a family had good lives here. now that can be returned to the community. he’d be happy if even one person appreciates this region through his eyes. i think when you’re born in any given place, you pay more attention to its flaws. you think of the negatives–the bad experiences you’ve had, the changes a town has gone through, whatever it is you dislike–but then you see that place through the eyes of someone who traveled thousands of miles to come here and loved it enough to portray its positives in a painting. it changes your perspective for the better.

[grant] from my perspective, i agree. i was looking at that set of paintings of my hometown on the corner wall a few minutes ago, and my first reaction was that you couldn’t have a more perfect painting of the scenery. and that’s me, the person who hates where i grew up so much that i avoid going anywhere up north other than my family’s houses, saying that. it was actually kind of easy to put the hatred aside for those paintings.

[henry] talk about mission accomplished.

[grant] will you miss living around here?

[insook] me? i will, just like i've missed my family and friends in seoul. i know good people here–your family, for one–and like i said, we lived a great life here. sanghoon and i were happy. henry was happy growing up here. it's just time to do something else in my life now that i'm retired and unburdened, you could say. but you ask that like i'm not coming back, though. i'll be back to visit!

[soobin] if she can’t take her adopted son with her, she’ll have to come visit you.

[insook] we could take you! no, you should work on going back to being a pilot, although…

[grant] if that doesn’t work out, you can come back and get me? sure, i'm open to anything.

[insook] we marry you off to a friend’s kid, you get an easy visa. jiyoung’s niece is single. she's quite shy, so i've never met her, but i hear she's a sweet girl. no, i'm kidding. you should pick your partner yourself.

[grant] i don’t know, i seem to have terrible taste. can i really be trusted to pick?

[henry] the karaoke girl seemed nice.

[grant] she did, but i talked to her once, so that doesn’t count.

[cerise] do you mind if i ask when you're moving?

[insook] when? oh, two weeks from now.

[cerise] wow! shit, are you guys leaving soon, too? i did hear that right that you're going with her?

[henry] you did hear that right, but no, we’re here until, i don’t know, late summer or early fall. we don’t have an exact date yet. well, okay, not anymore. we did.

[soobin] we were planning to move around the same time because, like, if we’re really doing this and your mom is leaving at the end of the spring, let’s just go. we’ll sell the house when she leaves, and we’ll follow her.

[soobin] and then i found out i was pregnant last month, and i panicked. i feel like death lately, so i'd prefer not to be stuck on a plane over the pacific or with the burden of selling a house and moving our furniture. i think i'll wait until i feel less like death and am less scared of something going wrong.

[henry] we’ll figure it out. we are at least giving ourselves an extra month or two to make decisions, which will be fine.

[cerise] okay, in that case, delaying things is rational, i think, but congratulations! that’s exciting.

[soobin] it is! we are surprised but very excited.

[grant] are you feeling okay, by the way?

[soobin] i mean, better than the last few times you've seen me, but if tonight were not extremely important, i would be in bed right now with 64oz of ginger ale.

[soobin] but i'm sticking it out. i'm good.

[holocene-sims]

beach episode‼️🌴

[holocene-sims]

me thinking of a story for my sims vs actually trying to execute it in game

[holocene-sims]

writing dual POV is just controlling both sims in the argument

[holocene-sims]

writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months