#i know with the short season they wanted to make sure every main character got their own limelight but i dunno man i think athena had enoug

[epiphainie]

god knows i love 7x04 a lot and i know the writing/production had extra issues this year because of the strikes but what was the thinking process behind putting that athena and harry storyline as the B-plot to buck discovering he's bi like????

[snowthedemonfox]

Okay so we're at it again with me posting another theory, this one I haven't seen anyone else point out yet so I might as well post about it. This might be a bit long, so prepare to do some reading

TL;DR: CAINE'S OFFICE IN EP 4 IS CONNECTED TO THE OFFICE AREA WE SEE IN THE PILOT

I'll explain under the cut because THIS WILL TAKE A BIT:

ONE: Even if Caine was playing the part of upper management this episode, I don't think he made this office area just for the sake of the adventure.

There's heaps of books in the background, ranging from info about Gloinks, a Murder Drones parody, a reference to the Pilot, and a book that's called "MatPat Theory". You can see a small version of the Tent next to his monitor, along with various drawings on his desk and on the pinboard in the background.

I think this is Caine's ACTUAL office, where he goes to work on any upcoming adventures he's making for the cast. I've said in a previous post that after this episode I believe all future (or at least most) adventures will be based on suggestions from the suggestions box. (To make a long story short, Ragatha seems to like baseball, and the season 1 trailer showed us a WIP version of a baseball stadium. Would not surprise me if she's the one who suggested that.)

Yes, we see Caine throw away the box after deciding on the Spudsy's adventure, but Caine logic is Caine logic and it wouldn't surprise me if he just /tp'd that box to this out of bounds office area for him to look through later. His main priority is making sure that EVERYONE likes his adventures, and it makes sense that he would take advantage of the suggestions box (after being reminded it exists), especially after his therapy session with Zooble in episode 3.

He's in his office because he's decided to scrap his current list of adventures and instead make adventures based on what the humans seem to want. It'd also make sense that this is the one adventure where he actually decides to use his 'all seeing eyes' to watch the cast throughout the day. He's seeing if they do better on a suggested adventure compared to an adventure HE came up with. That's why he's got all the photos of them throughout the day, and is keeping track of their scores on his computer (An AI having his own computer? A computer within a computer?). And based on the scores he gave them, he doesn't seem to notice that nobody really had the best time on a 'realistic' adventure.

It's hard to make out since the screen is blurry, but I'm pretty sure the spreadsheet has the character's names on it (Kinger, Zooble, Jax, Ragatha, & Pomni) along with their scores in the second column. Hard to read what the last one says though. Maybe it's just for additional notes? Gangle most likely isn't listed yet because Caine's talking to her in this scene. He'll write down her score once she leaves.

(Side note, but Caine probably repurposed his horror adventure for Kinger to have fun with while everyone else was at Spudsy's, which would be why his A+ score doesn't count towards the whole 'checking if the humans prefer suggestted ideas more' thing. Kinger didn't do the horror adventure Caine had planned.)

TWO: If every map has a 'backrooms-like' out of bounds area, wouldn't it make sense for this office area to be the out of bounds area for the Tent?

If you compare the office area to episode 2's out of bounds area, they look pretty similar, like a giant maze. We saw that episode 2's out of bounds area still had little areas of importance, like storing the character models, so why wouldn't the office area also have these small rooms? We have the notable computer we see at the end of the pilot, and now Caine's office.

If this area is still connected to the Tent, then it'd make sense for Gangle to know how to leave. Caine probably has a door he spawned in for them to leave through, similar to the Exit door from the Pilot. If I had to guess, it's probably connected to either one of the various doors on the side of the Tent (where we see Pomni checking looking for him in the Pilot), or to one of the bigger hallway doors we see on every floor (which I talk a bit more about in this theory).

Speaking of that Exit door, though- We know Caine never actually finished making that exit. If he had no idea what to put on the other side, wouldn't he just put a placeholder there instead? Like, I don't know, maybe lead it to the out of bounds area directly connected to the Tent? Where his office is? So he can still keep an eye on it?

It's probably why his wackywatch never picked up on the fact Pomni was there until she ended up in the Void. If Gangle can walk freely through the office area to get back to the Tent, then Caine probably has no reason to be alerted if someone's there.

It's not like they're not supposed to be there EVER, and if they got lost, he could find them anyway! (Referring to Kinger's line in ep 2 when talking to Ragatha about Pomni being lost) Someone just tells him that there's a person missing, he tracks them down, and brings them out of the office area.

THREE: If you compare the two locations, a lot of things seem to match.

The lights on the ceiling look near identical, the only difference being that the Pilot's version has some kind of filter... air conditioner thing? I don't know what those are called but if this is a general employee area, it'd make sense to have that there.

There's the same cabinets and even the exact same plant model. The office area in the Pilot already had a lot of re-used models, so if Caine's office is directly connected to it, it'd make sense if it also had these re-used models.

The only thing that doesn't match exactly are the computers.

The monitor Caine uses has little buttons on the bottom of it, while the Pilot computer doesn't. But you could argue that's because the computer seen in the pilot is much older. So if it's been there for a while (Since I can only assume this entire office area is based on the office the actual computer hosting the game's server is in), then you could argue that whatever office this was, just, never upgraded this computer specifically. All the other computers look much newer and more clean, but it's hard to tell if they also have those buttons on the monitors.

If it weren't for the fact we see the C&A logo in Spudsy's as well I'd argue that's also a thing the Pilot and episode 4 have in common, but since we DO see the logo in Spudsy's, I can't really make that argument.

But it's still worth pointing out that Caine uses a computer with the C&A branding on it, and the Pilot's office area has a giant C&A logo on one of the walls. Again, not the strongest piece of evidence here, but I think it's still a good idea to mention it.

Still have no idea on why Caine started glitching out at the end of the episode, though. Hope he's okay.

[powerpuffobsession]

I don't like Vaggie getting retconned into an angel

(This one is more of a personal opinion/complaint/vent. I'm just trying to analyze why exactly I dislike this plot change. Viewer discretion is adviced)

When the leaks first said that would happen, I chose to believe it was fake until the very last second. I remember even denying it in my mind when I started watching season 1, hoping that they haven't implemented such a change....

Because the sinner Vaggie premise had so many interesting possibilities - of making her a person, someone interesting on her own, when separated from Charlie

Her sex worker past (meaning the incoming bonding with Angel Dust over shared trauma), her life in El Salvador, her death age that was supposed to be very young (early 20s dead in 2014) contrasting the other hotel residents exept for Niffty (who's from 50s), an interesting dynamic with Charlie where a human sinner gets together with an ancient demon princess - we were promised all of that.

The fandom built plenty of fancontent on the "sinner Vaggie" basis and got used to it. Not many expected an angel Vaggie, and I remember a lot of people saying that would be too obvious and boring and that that wouldn't happen

And in reality, it turned out to be even worse, in my opinion. Now Vaggie is literally one of the faceless Barbie dolls mass produced by Adam. She's so unimportant in-universe, she got broken and thrown away when she was no longer in use. Very symbolic, don't you think?

Her boss, Adam, is objectively more interesting than she is now! By becoming his inferior, Vaggie lost her miniscule interesting features in favour of being outshined by a male character! The one who mistreated her too. So typical... never change since the pilot era

To add salt to the injury, we learned that Vaggie IS in fact, short for Vagina, and that this "charming" name was given her by Adam, the sexist murderous pig! And she kept that name, as if actually liking it! Great!

(Vaggie being short for Vagatha was still unpleasant because Vivzie's dumb humour was obvious through and through, but a lot less offensive than what we actually got)

(And wow thanks a lot for that Vagatha joke with Sir Pentious. Way to mock the viewers by accentuating what was lost)

Also, Vaggie has basically no backstory now - "she was a murderer, then BAM she's not a murderer anymore, and out of nowhere she became a love interest for the main character". And her sparing a child was honestly such a cheap attempt at pulling at the viewer's heartstrings... why did she spend so many years murdering everyone in her way (making her the most effective exorcist, according to Adam himself!) but suddenly decided not to kill a child sinner? Were there no other child sinners before that one? Besides, it's hell, girl! That child could have drove his peer to suicide or killed animals for all we know!

And we are seriously supposed to care about a character who was a boring basic warrior intended for mass murdering just a while ago? Sure, that cliche can actually work with the right portrayal, but not like this! (Personally, I really felt my interest to Vaggie drop when the angel plot twist was revealed, it was like a cold shower)

That leaves Vaggie no choices of showing any personality whatsoever other than clinging to Charlie and having every moment of her life revolve around being with the princess, loving her and helping her. No thoughts, hobbies, world views and goals of her own. Come on, that's so bland!

Vaggie basically just changed one owner to another - from Adam to Charlie, to completely dissolve in their needs and wants instead of devoting some time to her own (which she can't have because she was born as a slave - that is if exorcists are created by Adam)

I feel like I shouldn't complain. I want to believe that if angel Vaggie was given time and space to develop, I'd like her, but really no... the very idea of making her part of Heaven was still-born to begin with, given the nature of hazbin hotel. This cartoon shot itself in the foot with an awful pacing. In the light of that, making Vaggie a significant part of a plotline that had no time to shine was a choice to avoid

And angel Vaggie should have stayed an urban legend in the fandom instead of making it into the show. I feel sad that for me Vaggie was ruined as Hazbin Hotel's aspect I could have enjoyed

I hope she at least gets more interesting interactions with Charlie and other characters in season 2. The ones in season 1 were not so bad, even if they're not the ones I wanted. And I'm still going to love Vaggie out of habit even if she's not the same anymore. Maybe I'll come around and start loving her as an angel eventually 🤞

P.S. why did they change the delicate white colour of her dress and the light pink colour of her bow to bright red shirt and bow? If she's a angel, wouldn't it have made more sense for her to be wearing pallette that has a bit of white in it to make her stand out? Even in that regard a questionable decision was made, dear god...

[my-mt-heart]

TBOC 201 Review

Two and a half years ago, Carol fans were terrified that they'd never see her again, that her story would end with so many things left unsaid and unresolved, and now she's finally back. That's a victory I do not take lightly. Carol is a vital part of the show and Melissa McBride deserves to tell her story, but after watching the premiere and having an inkling of what’s ahead, it’s still very clear to me that she deserves a hell of a lot more than what she’s getting.

I never had any expectations for the external plot and in that way I was not disappointed. There really isn’t much of one first of all. The action sequences are hokey and nothing we haven’t seen before—Daryl waiting to shoot Genet a few feet away from him while she monologues and then escapes gives me All Out War flashbacks—and the walkers continue to be a minor nuisance with zero stakes. The editing is really strange, making the movement from one beat to another feel inorganic. There’s also some pretty cringey dialogue and I’m sorry to say that it’s mostly coming from Ash. If they’re only allowed to drop one f-bomb per episode or whatever it is, why don’t they use them more meaningfully? I do like his character and his dynamic with Carol though. I'm not sure how I feel about her lying to him. On one hand, I know she's doing it because she's desperate to get to Daryl and I would never fault her for that. I guess I worry about audience reception because female characters tend to be judged far more harshly for their decisions than male characters.

What I really wanted to get out of this season was a strong emotional arc. That’s what matters to me—honoring the characters’ history and allowing them to grow from it. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that the effort I see on Carol’s side is thanks to Melissa’s wonderful story instincts and devotion to her character. Carol’s line to Ash, “I couldn’t keep waiting, feeling stuck. I had to move forward,” tells us what Melissa has also echoed in interviews. Her quiet life at the Commonwealth is giving her time to reflect on her past, particularly Sophia’s death, and it’s terrifying for her in itself, but also because the only person to share that trauma with her, the only person who makes her feel safe isn’t there. She needs Daryl. It’s such an exciting arc because it puts her on the path to healing from her survivor’s guilt as well as confronting what Daryl means to her.

The problem is that Zabel keeps falling back on the TV book of tricks he swears he doesn’t use and he acts as if he’s allergic to connective tissue. I already talked about some of these issues in my review of the opening minutes available here, so I won’t repeat myself. I’m just frustrated because gimmicks like the cassette tapes take away from Melissa’s performance. She has perfect comedic timing, but I want to see her sit with her feelings every now and again because Melissa knows how to communicate that all on her own. She doesn’t need bells and whistles. To be clear, I despise ambiguity with a burning passion, but I also don’t like gimmicks that treat me like I’m an idiot. The Cherokee rose scene is sweet and I absolutely love seeing Carol recall the speech that started her relationship with the most important person in her life and I love the reminder of why this mission is so important to her. But then it occurs to me that Cherokee roses don’t grow in Maine. The only reason it’s on Ash’s table at all is to make me notice it and I think to myself, there had to be a more organic way to make this callback, right? It takes me out of the story. I'm also still angry that the scene where Carol finds a walker that looks like Daryl got cut, angrier actually, since we’re stuck with a forced and wildly OOC kiss between Daryl and a fucking nun. Carol/Caryl fans always seem to draw the short straw.

When Ash asks Carol if she thinks she'll even recognize Sophia, it's a warning that the person Carol is really searching for might not be the same when she finds him, which is by far the most infuriating part of the story and the most difficult to believe. Nevermind the fact that it's only been a few months according to Zabel and Daryl doesn't build connections that quickly. He's loyal. He wouldn't trade in his family for another, at least not the Daryl that I know and love. Not the Daryl that Carol would take her first flight and cross an entire ocean for.

The point of parallel stories is that they should, well, parallel each other. The point of soulmates is that they stay spiritually connected to each other. If Carol is determined to get to Daryl, Daryl should be determined to get to Carol. If Carol is manipulating someone to do that, then maybe we should see Daryl do the same, which would also reduce the harsh criticism that lands on Carol simply for being a woman. Instead though, Carol seems to embody both hers and Daryl's history, while on Daryl's side, he isn't shown to have any except for the quick mention of "people" back home. Other fans said they see Daryl trying to get back, but I don't. I just see him hovering in between and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm saying goodbye to this character I thought I knew, who helped me overcome some very dark experiences in my childhood, because I know he's about to change in ways that I can't get past.

It makes me wish the entire episode had been given to Melissa. Maybe the entire season should've been given to her and left just enough space for the reunion at the end, picking up close to where Daryl left off in S1. Maybe that would've saved many of us, Carol especially, a lot of pain. Regardless, Melissa demonstrates over and over that she can carry a show, so the fact that she's not equally billed with Norman is just a crime. The fact that Carol's name isn't right next to Daryl's in the title is so offensive, I have no words left. I've been saying it for a year now and I'll keep bringing it up until it changes. This is Melissa's fucking show too. Act like it, AMC.

I know that the rest of the season has already leaked, so I will take a look at what I can. I still have no intention of watching the two episodes that destroy Daryl's integrity and I'm terrified of how it'll impact Caryl's story going forward. This is not how fans should be made to feel about a show they waited years for...

[yourlocalgrass]

Listen. Listen. Hear me out ok.

I LOVEEE Thirteen, Mephisto and Raphael ok, I would die to date any of them.

But the thought of them becoming dateable, as much as I want to date them… not so much, honestly… gives me constant anxiety, like… big time.

I mean the devs couldn’t even handle the SEVEN main love interests in S1 or S2. I mean cmon who doesn’t know how Asmo and Beel were the devs obvious least favourite. There are times where all the brothers get a kiss except Beel or Asmo.

And then when 4 more characters entered the intimacy system, they handled them really good actually, amazing even. S3 was great imo, for the new dateables that was. But again, half of the brothers were forgotten to be love interests. But, they did do the new dateables good.

But then, by S4 they all literally reverted back to being side characters again and not dateables from what I could see.

Diavolo seemed the exact same as he was in S1 and S2 except maybe in one romantic scene with him. Solomon was only playing the role of a teacher and almost nothing more. If you played S4 without S3 context, you wouldn’t have even guessed that they were a dateable. Same goes for Simeon (even though almost the entirety of S4 was centred around him) Barbatos just became a more romantic dateable so, we did get one kiss by the end but… felt really rushed.

And don’t forget before we had the spotlight events how bad, cliche and repetitive the events were? Because we had to make sure we kissed all of them (except luke ofc) so an entire event chapter was dedicated to making sure we spend time and kiss all of them. And then even then there were characters who weren’t kissed or got fair time and treatment.

Finally, in Nightbringer, during S1 Solomon had a lot of spotlight for once and some Diavolo, while Simeon didn’t even exist. When it came to S2, we got Simeon spotlight but Solomon and Diavolo just went -poof- and vanished just like that.

Don’t forget that every near to end of a season, we kiss all the dateables right? And for some very weird reason, we kissed every character, but you know who we didn’t? Diavolo. And what’s even more weird is that, there was no reason not to because we’ve already kissed him previously, and the scene was in perfect timing for an MC option to kiss him, we talked to him, but just didn’t… kiss him? It’s just so… confusing.

Oh right, don’t forget how the brothers went through their special arc or whatever you’d like to name it, with MC who’s helped the brothers through and through of course, so we get to kiss them each at the end, except you know which brothers didn’t? Asmo and Beel. That’s right. Even in Nightbringer the devs never changed. Well, actually, they got even worse. You know who else didn’t get a kiss? Belphie, who we know isn’t the fandoms favourite brother, so of course… no kiss either… that’s now another brother who the devs are starting leaving to the side.

So, the entire game is a current mess and if Solmare couldn’t handle 7 love interests properly, and added 4 to the mix, which upturned everything into chaos, adding another 3 into the dateables section… is it reeaaalllllyyy a good idea? I mean to let the devs handle them…

Again it’s not like I don’t want them to be dateable but just like… how are they going to handle it? You know… considering they actually can’t handle it?

There will have to be more romance in the story, or people would complain, they’d have to fit 15 characters in, and they can’t make the lessons short, which they already do, there’s a chance we’ll get to kiss some while others won’t even get screen time, Thirteen, Raphael, and Mephisto can’t be set to the side during events either otherwise there would be complaints, and there’s no way writers won’t get tired of writing Devilgrams for 15 characters so other characters will be bad, while others who always get the top will have a decent Devilgram story. I bet the writing for almost everything will go into mess…

And that’s my only problem cus I love them and I do want them to become dateable but I also want the game content to be good even though it’s… not… really. Ok ngl it’s already a mess. And that’s just something I feel very anxious about when thinking what’s gonna happen when there are more dateables…

[bb-olicity]

On An Island Alone

It’s been 3 weeks since Chenford’s breakup and I feel like I’m on an island… alone.  The day after 6x06 aired, I made the decision to walk away from The Rookie. Well, at least until after the finale. I’ll decide if I'm walking away permanently once I check online and see how the season ended.  And before I go any further, to anyone who wants to say I'm not a true Rookie and (most importantly) Chenford fan: I have just as much right to stop watching the show as you do to keep watching it.

So why am I choosing to no longer watch the show?

The main reason I started watching the show in the first place is/was Chenford and I can’t sit there and watch them redo Seasons 4 and 5A and I won’t. Especially considering the fact we already know from Eric’s comments to TVLine they’re not getting back together by the end of the season finale.  I do not see them getting back together until at least the midseason finale next season.  Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure they will get back together or if they even should.  I know me saying that will make a lot of people mad, but after reading Melissa and Eric’s post-episode interviews, I got a sense of finality when they were talking about Tim and Lucy’s relationship as a couple and the breakup.  Plus, I honestly don’t see how they can come back from what they did, which leads into the other reason why I’m not watching anymore.

Tim’s whole storyline rubs me the wrong way in so many ways.  They could’ve brought in his military past in so many other ways and still had him struggle without destroying his character in the process.  As it is, the storyline feels extremely forced just to cause drama for the sake of drama and, for me, irredeemably destroyed Tim’s character.  They completely erased 5 ½ seasons of character growth in the matter of only 1 ½ episodes.  And I'll never be able to see Tim the same way again, even if he goes to therapy.  I personally would never be able to trust him again and I honestly don’t see how Lucy could either.  That’s also why part of me feels like they should not get back together. Yes, I know it’s a short season and everything is condensed, but Alexi and the writers should not have done the storyline this late in the season, knowing they would not be able to do it justice with only 4 episodes left and not knowing the show’s fate by the time they finished filming the finale.  Since they were planning to break them up, I feel like they should’ve done it at the end of the premiere or by 6x03. That way there would’ve been time for Tim and Lucy to work through their struggles individually then work them as a couple by the end of the season.

Why do I feel like I’m on an island alone?

After the episode aired, a lot of the fandom was angry and a good number said they were done to show.  However, over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that number dwindling and a lot fans are now justifying the breakup who weren’t before and they have absolutely every right to.  I can see where they’re coming from, to a certain extent.  Tim and Lucy both were hiding things from each other since they started dating and would just gloss over things that needed deep and meaningful conversations to work them out.  That said, I personally will never agree with the breakup or the whole (Tim’s) storyline and will always maintain the breakup was completely unnecessary and they could’ve (and should’ve) stayed together and worked through their struggles as a couple.  So yeah, I’m on an island alone… and that’s okay.

[agenericplaceholdername]

Dragons Rising E6-10 Thoughts

Here’s some thoughts on each episode in the latter half of Dragons Rising, Season 1 Part 1:

Return to Imperium:

The color grading of this opening seems off – almost as if it’s a flashback (it’s not, ofc)

JORDANA SPOTTED

The conveyor belts directing people where to go is so on the nose for an authoritarian society

“It's the perfect companion for anyone that might... be lonely” :(

“Unconventional? Perhaps you can forgive her” man this is seriously dystopian but also pretty funny

Sora in her S1 outfit without headphones is kinda cursed

“Ever since the Merge it’s been you and me” I AGREE ARIN. LET’S KEEP IT THAT WAY

Kai’s Wu impression is great

The Advanced Science Lab? Isn’t it the Advanced Systems Lab?

I HATE SORA’S PARENTS I HATE SORA’S PARENTS

The sewer smash cut is perfect. Beyond the Phantasm Cave implies that Sora actually traveled through the sewers before so at least she had a reason to assume there was no security

The public shaming platform? At least it’s not a two hour YouTube video essay documenting your every misdeed (which I will then watch)

This episode sold me on Sora’s character and is essential for her arc this season

Mindless Beasts:

Like the Rapton ad

The Arin chase scene is fun

I certainly hope nothing bad happens to the new shoulder pad store

The Imperium Teenage Protection Force all have shorter legs, meaning they’re probably slightly younger than Arin (or just short)

Every Wyldfyre line is gold: “If I was your enemy, why would I let you out of your cell?” “If you don’t know, how should I?”

Sora says her family was poisoned against her by LaRow— meaning she believes that her parents would have accepted her if not for LaRow. Ofc, we know later that once they see the truth, they don’t change their mind, so her rejection of them means even more

For a scientist, LaRow isn’t very smart (or lab skills =/= street skills)

“I’ve got a master teaching me all the things I’m doing wrong” Arin no he’s trying to help you

Percival talking about him is the first time Lord Ras is identified in front of Arin — before, he was just the “tiger guy”

Rapton has the perfect combination of incredible arrogance and thin skin

Dorama just wants to show off

Ras has such a deeper voice than in S2

The Hunted soundtrack!

LaRow just can’t stop gloating lol. Not sure how a Photac can capture a source dragon 

This episode is pretty important for Arin and Sora, and introduces Wyldfyre… but also isn’t super interesting

I Will Be the Danger:

Wyldfyre opening! Not what I was expecting when I originally watched but super cool. Not sure where she came from tho

The caregiver-bot helping Wyldfyre train is sweet. I wish she came back later (I know she does in a canon(?) novel and there was a deleted scene, but I wish it had been in the show)

Wyldfyre not knowing certain words is a clever detail that isn’t used often

Percival is so not convincing as an antagonist

JORDANA NAMED??

Considering the other empty holes in the portal gate room—are they supposed to link to other monasteries? Since the one Kai goes through links to the Imperium Monastary?

You probably are famous among ghosts Kai, considering the whole Morro thing

Poor Riyu

Thank you Sora, she really is weird— oh shoot Dorama! forgot about him

“I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS ‘SHUT UP’!” and then the one take after are pure Wyldfyre gold

The “ninja think Sora betrayed them” plot line could have gone somewhere but didn’t, and honestly I hate bad miscommunication plots so all good

Weird way to end

This episode peaks with the opening scene, and is generally fine outside

The Calm Inside:

Green eyes child Lloyd voiced by Sam Vincent is off putting. I get why they do this but whatever. The lighting/texturing in this scene (maybe bc of the rain) also makes Lloyd and Wu look super plasticy

Good lesson tho, and I’m glad it keeps coming up

Arin and Sora are a great duo

Melvin, remember, always do the bare minimum that gets you paid

And so the Empress joins the main plot

Super cool protective Lloyd is great, leaping down to pull Wyldfyre back from the Photac

What’s his “big plan” Beatrix? Why does Ras want Riyu? “You can’t [drain him] yet. My plan for���” no wait he was about to say it!

Ras is so mad at Beatrix omg

Kai and Nya have interacted more now than in any season post Hands of Time right?

So how did Arin trip? Tbf he punched himself in the face so makes sense

Ok the show just made the same joke after I wrote it, I guess I forgot

This sweat thing reminds me of the first Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie (the blood scene)

Lloyd being surrounded by chaos is overshadowed by the very strange design of imaginary Wu, but the scene leading up to Wu is so great. The music, the action, the direction— really stellar. Someone needs to let this guy take a break

Not Rapton’s unicorn figurines!

Excellent rhetorical comeback Lloyd

Ras is so cool -- singlehandedly fighting multiple dragons

Zane! But how did he end up in that pod?

Jordana! Sora is just totally lost lol

Do you think Kai, Nya, and Zane were planning on jumping out or was it spontaneous?

Lot of questions in this episode, and it would probably be better if they saved Lloyd hitting the targets for a flashback later in the episode (that is, end the first flashback before Wu gives Lloyd the lesson)

That being said it’s the best one since E6 and a good setup for the finale

The Battle of the Second Monastery:

Jordana getting insulted by LaRow (albeit indirectly) :(

This is probably very overwhelming for Zane

Everything seems particularly saturated in this scene 

The Jordana reveal is very good. Funny, but also kinda heartbreaking since Sora was just using her technology to give herself a friend

Lord Ras is not very nice (although he’s right how do you lose to two mostly-untrained teenagers who are in handcuffs)

Arin and Sora use Jordana swinging her sword to free themselves, just like Lloyd did in E2. Shows how far they’ve come (much better than when they fight Ras, which just diminishes him as an antagonist)

Ouch Lloyd, always look before you leap

“As opposed to those really strong gnats” I’d spend some more time workshopping those comebacks Arin

The Source Dragon scene is SO cool!

Sora beats Ras mostly though luck but the real question is why was he running so slowly

And so we finish the S1P1 aspect of Sora’s arc, although her conclusion of “having a responsibility to use her powers” is very similar to the end of E5

Sad Arin :( already made a post relating this scene to what happens in S2 but it takes on a whole new meaning knowing what happens after

Beatrix imprisoning Ras actually makes a ton of sense and I might make a whole post talking about why (and her character generally)

The Ras fight isn’t great - I get why it happens and Arin and Sora don’t really beat him physically, but it does undermine him as a threat. The rest of the episode is really good tho, especially the vision

Next up, the first half of S1P2!

[resident-sean-expert]

It's been a while since I did an analysis, so today I wanted to talk about the obvious parallels between Pine Barrens (4x07) & March Madness (6x07) and Sunrise, Sunset (4x10) & The Promotion (6x10)

DEATH (ep7) and ABUSE (ep10) :

Disclaimer : this is an overanalysis, but that's what we love !

In the Pine Barrens episode, it's the first time Sean is enigmatic in what he says, almost lucid(?) and this discrepancy with his normally goofy side is particularly striking.

It's the first time we learn lore about his childhood, and as insignificant as the scene may seem, it's ESSENTIAL to the character, in a few words we understand the demons Sean has to confront (funny enough knowing that he's literally going to confront a demon later in the episode).

Now, that up there, 4

I got that when I was fourteen. 8

Took me nine shots, but I got it. 8

First time I ever saw something die. 9

But it wouldn't be the last. 7

At first, it's constructed almost like a poem, in terms of cadence, and only the word "die" breaks the balance.

We learn that Sean was confronted with death at an early age, but not only that, he participated himself to the process. And every time he returns to his cabin, he's confronted directly to his death trophy.

And that enigmatic phrase "But it wouldn't be the last." only makes sense after watching March Madness, where we learn that Sean was forced to confront the death of his masculine parental figures (his father and grandfather) at a very young age.

I'm sure that seeing the 'pillars' of his existence (the men whose path he's supposed to follow) die young must have been very terrifying to witness. Despite the fact that his mother lived to be over 80, Sean is convinced that he is destined to follow in his father's and grandfather's footsteps, a premature death.

Whereas in the Pine Barrens episode, when he confronts the Jersey Devil demon he shouts "KILL ME" and gesticulates in fear, in the March Madness episode, he's not afraid of the demon, he argues with it, confronts it face to face, and at the end even enjoys its presence "I like that guy."

After two seasons, he seems to have definitively accepted his 'fate', and we can project that his relationship with demons in general demonstrates his relationship with death, and from now on he's ready, he's tamed his demons.

And his speech to Laszlo supports this idea :

Look, Laz. 2

My pop died young. 4

My gramps died young. 4

I'm probably gonna die young. 8

Yeah, yeah. 2

It's all right. 3

There's nothing I can do about it. 9

There's nothing that you.. 5

can do about it either. 7

Oh, no, 2

don't be down. 3

It's actually a good thing. 7

Knowing that my life is short 7

makes me savor every moment. 8

I might not be here for long. 7

But while I am, 4

I'm gonna live life to the fullest. 9

At the beginning of the speech it's very symmetrical, even numbers, but the more the emotions mix with his voice, the more it loses its rhythm.

In short, all Sean's development, his secondary arc, has just been resolved : that of accepting his human condition, his fatality.

However, I'm waiting for his main arc, i.e. confronting the supernatural, to come to an end, so that the character can finally reach a complete resolution.

That is, until we know for sure whether he's going to learn the true nature of his neighbors (this time without fear) or whether, on the contrary, he'll never know.

...

In Sunrise, Sunset, we were treated to one of the show's most FUCKED UP scenes, which went under the radar for a lot of people, I've already analyzed in this post but I'll re-explain here.

We realize that Laszlo and Sean share the same trauma, Sean being a secondary character, this was not treated as fully and explicitly as in the episode Laszlo's Father, however we understand that in the episode Sunrise, Sunset, Sean too was abused as a child, and that he too in a fucked up way tried to recreate his trauma but to be the spectator this time.

Insisting, as if rationally, that Laszlo should beat up his child to settle a conflict.

And thank God, Guillermo was there to stem the tide, preventing the cycle of abuse from repeating itself.

On the other hand, in The Promotion episode, Laszlo had the opportunity to recreate his childhood traumas, his treatment of the monster revealing the treatment he himself must have experienced on a daily basis.

The sadness of seeing that when Laszlo was still human, he already saw himself as a monster :

Feelings ? He's a monster. He'll have feelings when I tell him to have feelings.

Sean, not being a parental figure, didn't have the opportunity to repeat the cycle of abuse; he almost succeeded, but was stopped in time, while Laszlo, despite Colin's reproving comments, was able to continue.

And Colin was able to demonstrate that with a "good" childhood, or at least enough love, he was able to develop his emotional intelligence in a healthy way.

Conclusion : I don't have any, I just love the parallels between eps 7 and 10 and how Sean and Laszlo's plots intertwine.

Well, I haven't developed the parallels between the Brain Scramblies episode and The Railroad episode.

Anyway, I hope Sean's fate will be dealt with in the finale, because 6x04 really supported his cognitive decline and 6x07 his physical decline.

Thanks for reading my bullshit !

[to-mah-to27]

I truly don't know if I have to will to make this into a full fic but I can keep continuing the plot

for those of you who did not see it, I'm talking about this post au where Shun is the main character and it is the story of the Jet Black Wing

Ok so season three comes to a head when Aren finally catches Saiki in the act, but Shun isn't there and he confronts Saiki. And Saiki says "You have no idea the complexities of this problem. Just a naive kid playing hero." and Aren tries to fight him but ends up getting hit over the head and his short-term memory erased.

THEN

The beginning of season four is a replay of that confrontation but from Kusuo's point of view. And we're like whaaaat because in all three seasons prior we have never been in Kusuo's point of view before.

In season one it seemed like it would only be from Shun's point of view because he is the main character. But then after the reveal, it makes more sense that we don't see through Saiki's point of view because we aren't meant to root for him after all. And then in season three the point of view regularly shifts between Shun and Aren, further emphasizing that Saiki isn't meant to be there.

So when season four starts in Kusuo's point of view it is a big deal. And it is the same fight but from his point of view and Aren confronts him, telling him the same things he's been listening to Shun say for the past three seasons ever since he got Black Beat in his arm and he had to start following him around to make sure that he couldn't interfere with his plans. "Why are you trying to destroy the world! There are so many innocent people who don't deserve to die! What could you possibly hope to achieve?" And Kusuo responds the same as he did in the finale that Aren doesn't understand and he's just naive and wants to play hero. But even as he says it he is thinking that it isn't true because really it's -Shun_ who he believes this about. And he's been saying in his head over and over and over as he justifies that he still has to do this.

Because the world is a terrible place full of selfish, greedy people who pretend to care on the outside but will take any chance they can to use people and then backstab them. And since humanity has so clearly failed they need to be eradicated and start over from scratch.

And in all the time he has spent with Shun, he has seen all the ways the hero breaks that perception by being kind and giving and genuine in his intentions to help, expecting nothing in return. So he has been telling himself that Shun doesn't count, that he's just some naive kid who doesn't get all the evil in the world, who doesn't understand it or see it and he's only acting the way he is because of a sense of pride at being a hero.

But since Aren joined, he's had a sense of inner turmoil about this that he's been trying desperately to ignore, because Aren has those same kind, honest intentions Shun does.

Aren, who was one of the power-hungry people he employed to help him destroy the world, only for them to realize in the end that they were going to be destroyed too. Aren, who is strong and perceptive and who readily knows about the ill intentions of many of the people they meet. He isn't naive. He isn't even trying to be a hero. He just wants to help Shun, whose forgiveness gave him a new chance at life.

Then he erased Aren seeing him use his powers to sabotage Shun and for the rest of season four every once in a while there will be an episode from Kusuo's perspective, showcasing his inner conflict about these two people disproving what he knows to be the dark truth about the world.

Shun can tell that his good friend and ally Saiki is struggling with something, and he tries to help and to get Saiki to open up about it. But Saiki has never been the talkative type, so he can't quite get it out of him. Not knowing of course, that it has to do with something Saiki would never tell him, that he is the very enemy they have spent so much time fighting. And Shun's words of faith in him from season two echo is Kusuo's mind.

Is there a way to destroy this world without destroying these two honest people? Does he have to make them hate him in order to do it? Will Shun's spirit break when he finds out the truth?

[roguelemon]

This was meant to be a short little joke style theory but it turned into a character analysis so the before cut is the main interesting point and the rest you can read if you want my take on Vox as a whole, and what I personally would do with him nest season.

The reason why Vox hates the past so much is because he has so many regrets/ kind of hates himself for getting into the situation he's in where every waking moment is either dealing with his public image, dealing with Vals tantrum/manipulative bs (Yes I think Vox is being manipulated by Val I believe in the "Val can secrete a date r*pe drug type substance in his saliva") OR endlessly trying to make power grabs to "prove himself". The other overlords DO NOT like this man, I reckon that upsets him more than he lets on (my theory as to why he sent Velvett to that meeting instead) .

Vox focuses on "upgrading" because facing his past and where he fucked up is his literal worst nightmare. It just so happens that part of his past that he regrets (Alastor, whether you think it was a failed romantic proposal or not it CLEARLY had a big affect) is somebody who embodies the past.

He moves away from past technology to move away from Alastor. He constantly upgrades himself/ his products because looking into his past is not something he wants to do.

Of course, that only worked for 7 years, now Al is back he's FORCED to face at least some of where he fucked up which is why when we see him, despite being an overlord, he looks incredibly pathetic. It's not that his power level is so much below Alastor, (though that could be a factor) but he's facing his worst nightmare every time the deer fucker shows up.

Alastor pisses him off sure, but what really gets him so twitchy and almost paranoid is what Alastor represents, his past.

This isnt trying to defend Vox or whatever but I do think that he's the least objectively evil out of the Vees. To me he's a "doesn't want to be evil he just wants recognition and oops, now you've got it through bad means" kind of guy who's been teamed up with a sleezy manipulative asshole who doesn't seem to have any motivation other than just enjoying being a creep. And Velvette, who while we haven't seen anything super bad yet, she clearly endorses Val (the love potion advert) and is also more abrasive than Vox.

Its even more so shown in the finale when Vox is super exited about something (it's Alastor dying, but still) and the other two are just completely uninterested until it benefits them.

I've seen some people saying that Vox and Val are the main and Velvette is the one that's off to the side out of the three but despite doing, whatever you want to call THAT in the finale with Val, Vox is more obviously the one who doesn't line up with the other two as well.

Vox probably wished he'd pursued a deal with Alastor rather than the Vees because then he'd get what he wants, to be recognised and respected. Even though Al does mostly command through fear there is respect for him among those who are more powerful than him, all save Lucifer of course. Vox on the other hand has basically no respect from anyone who he doesn't mind control, Velvette treats him like Val control and Val is CLEARLY using similar tactics that he would on one of his 'employees' on Vox. (Acting super whiny/ guilt to get what he wants, pushing his buttons to get a reaction after his initial outburst didn't piss Vox off enough, THE RED SALIVA). While the annoyance between the three seems to be just petty bullshit I'm certain that, at least on a subconscious level that Vox knows that if he hadn't got in with them that he'd be better off. VoxTech certainly seems the most lucrative out of what the three control. And the other two wouldn't exist if it warned for the tech HE supplies. (Vox is the real backbone of the Vees). This man clearly SO DESPERATELY wants attention and to be adored. Rather than hating him like I do with Val, it makes me pity him. And THATS the centre of all this, he is pitiful and so has MORE room for character development.

Its fully possible that he blames himself for fucking up whatever proposition he had for Alastor when in reality, Al is just an ass but Vox can't see that

Of course this is just my interpretation, but it'd make S2 where the Vees are confirmed to be a bigger focus much more interesting if Vox also gets this internal dilemma/ self doubt.

They could still feasibly swing in either direction of characyer development and I'd consider it well written and thats what makes him so interesting to me. He has so much potential for both good and for evil, also for general annoyance and comedy.

If it were up to me I'd do the megamind route of FINALLY letting the character win against their enemy, only to end up pissed off about it because the person they pinned all their problems on wasn't actually the cause of them, then swing in a completely different direction because this is hell and the feel good stories are reserved for characters who believe in therapy. Maybe a song where Vox prevails, only to then later reprise in a version where he loses his sense of self a little, maybe finally realises how little the other two care after he finally bests Alastor in something but it doesn't matter because he "didn't get any new territory or souls" or something along those lines. A second song could be Vox actually coming into his own more with a song all about him, nobody singing over or with him. It doesn't even have to redeem his character it would just be singling him out as Vox, not one of the Vees.

This ramble was brought to you by the powers of procrastination. Congrats on actually reading all that shit. (And lmk if you'd add anything in your opinion?) =3.

[bisexualpluto]

sometimes you come across a song that reminds you of a particular character, and I kept finding myself being reminded of baxter! so here's my curated playlist of songs that remind me of jamie & baxter. it's kind of vaguely chronological, going from that first summer, to breaking jamie's heart, to the pain and the healing, the reunion, and the reconciliation. it's not all 100% accurate, sometimes it's just vibes, and mostly based on my personal player choices and feelings, but i tried to make it a LITTLE relatable to others haha. and it sort of goes back and forth between each other's perspectives.

also i'm so sorry that it's like half taylor swift if you're not a fan, but the songs just fit!!!

if you want to just go into it and feel things out yourself, please do! but below is each song and a short explanation for why I chose it. enjoy 💕

1. Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift - Jamie

It's cool, that's what I tell him / No rules in breakable heaven / But ooh, oh / It's a cruel summer with you.

And I snuck in through the garden gate / Every night that summer just to seal my fate / And I scream, for whatever it's worth / "I love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?" / He looks up, grinning like a devil.

baxter ward, your "suitor for a season". i think of this song as the beginning of the summer, when you meet and there's an instant attraction, and you know instantly you're in too deep.

2. Beach House by Carly Rae Jepsen - Baxter

I've got a beach house in Malibu / And I'm probably gonna hurt your feelings

baxter's had other relationships before, and it never gets that deep. this song is mostly just here for the vibes lol

3. Style (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - Jamie

I should just tell you to leave 'cause I / Know exactly where it leads, but I / Watch us go 'round and 'round each time.

you knew what you were getting yourself into.

4. Wildest Dreams (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - Jamie

And his voice is a familiar sound / Nothing lasts forever / But this is getting good now / He's so tall, and handsome as hell / He's so bad, but he does it so well / And when we've had out very last kiss / My last request is...

you have the time of your life with him, but you know it's going to end. you just hope he remembers it as fondly as you do.

5. The Only Heartbreaker by Mitski - Baxter

So I'll be the loser in this game / I'll be the bad guy in the play / I'll be the water main that's burst in flames / You'll be by the window, only watching / I'll be the only heartbreaker

and he knows he's getting in too deep, too. he wants to feel but he doesn't want to connect. he wants to connect, but he doesn't want to feel. he knows it has to end when it ends, and he's okay with it being his fault.

6. Leave Before You Love Me by Marshmello ft. the Jonas Brothers - Baxter

I'm so good at knowing / Of when to leave the party behind / Don't care if they notice / I'll just catch a ride / I'd rather be lonely / Than wrapped around your body too tight / Yeah, I'm the type to get naked / Won't give my heart up for breaking / 'Cause I'm too gone to be staying, staying

this one makes me think about miranda's birthday party, putting so much effort into a group of friends that he doesn't feel a part of and doesn't feel like he's allowed to be. the party is a microcosm of his entire existence in your life: a suitor for a season, a planner for a party. nothing more, nothing less.

7. august by Taylor Swift - Jamie

Salt air, and the rust on your door / I never needed anything more

Will you call when you're back at school? / I remember thinking I had you

Do you remember / Remember when you pulled up and said "Get it the car"? / And I'd cancel my plans just in case you called / Back when I was living for the hope of it all

truly just this whole song. the summer ends and baxter leaves, swearing you'll never hear from him again. and you know now just as surely as you did when he walked out of that cab onto your street, that you won't ever be the same again.

8. Hits Different by Taylor Swift - Baxter

Moving on was always easy for me to do / It hits different, it hits different cause it's you.

Freedom felt like summer then, on the coast / Now the sun burns my heart, and the sand hurts my feelings

Dreams of your hair, and your stare, and sense of belief / In the good in the world, you once believed in me / And I felt you, and I held you for a while / Bet I could still melt your world / Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

he's always been able to pick up and leave a relationship when it gets too close to real. he won't admit it to himself or anyone else, but this time it's different.

9. One That Got Away by MUNA - Jamie

I'm the one who opened up, ready for a connection / I'm the one brave enough to say how I was feeling

I'm the one who's crying over you in a bath on the weekend / But I'm the one who isn't scared to dive into love on the deep end

Now I'm the one that got away

so in the aftermath, you feel your first real heartbreak as deeply as it gets. you feel sad, and frustrated, and disappointed. you wanted to open up, you thought you'd had something deep and intense and real with him. the songs in this section are all in jamie's point of view, because baxter is gone.

10. Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan - Jamie

Long nights, daydreams / Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool / But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

you think you've moved on, but something always brings you back to those memories. vibes vibes vibes

11. Lost the Breakup by Maisie Peters - Jamie

I know I am obsessed, and / Right now I might be a mess / But one day, you're gonna wake up / And oh shit, you lost the breakup

sometimes you just gotta be petty about your breakups! you still have all your friends and family, and what does he have? some hair dye and a driftwood statue? and, you know. maybe you do fantasize a little bit sometimes about running into him and showing him how much better off you are without him!

12. Vertigo by Griff - Jamie

You're scared of love / Well aren't we all?

but over time, you heal, and you understand now. you understand that he was lonely and afraid of being vulnerable. it still makes you sad, but you won't let it ruin your life.

13. Closer by the Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Jamie

Four years, no call / And now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar

and then five years have passed, and you walk into a restaurant to meet the wedding planner.

14. Pink Light by MUNA - Jamie

So I'm living inside my mind / I keep retracing that storyline / Thinking if I start again / I can change the way it ends

you've been given a second chance. he's weird and cagey but he's here and he remembers. and slowly, slowly, you drift back to each other.

15. Seventeen by Sharon van Etten - Baxter

I used to be seventeen / Now you're just like me / Down beneath the ashes and the stone / Sure of what I've lived and I've known / I see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you've grown

this song is baxter talking to his younger self. it's been five years for him too, and during that time he's started to change. or, at least, he's come to a place where he's willing to start.

16. The Archer by Taylor Swift - Baxter

Easy they come, easy they go / I jump from the train, I ride off alone / I never grew up, it's getting so old / Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer, I've been the prey / Who could ever leave me, darling? / But who could stay?

You could stay.

he's been given a second chance. he never believed before that people could really want to stay in his life, but here he is. and here you are.

17. Secret Heart by Feist - Jamie

Secret heart, what are you made of? / What are you afraid of? / Could it be three simple words / Or the fear of being overheard?

and just like always, you understand. simply put, he knew you would.

18. Nobody Gets Me by SZA - Baxter

Only like myself when I'm with you / Nobody gets me, you do

he knows what he lost, and he asks for you to give him another chance.

you do.

19. Walking in the Wind by One Direction - Jamie

You will find me / In places that we've never been / For reasons we don't understand / Walking in the wind

fate brings you both back together.

20. betty by Taylor Swift - Baxter

I don't know anything / But I know I miss you

at the top of a skyscraper, overlooking the city, he asks for your forgiveness, and you ask him to dance. this one is also mostly vibes rather than a one-to-one comparison of their relationship, but it's about a boy who knows he messed up and is asking for a second chance. that's as fitting as anything else.

21. This Love (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - Jamie

This love is good, this love is bad / This love is alive, back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free / And this love came back to me

self explanatory.

22. The Heart is a Muscle by Gang of Youths - Baxter

There will be no years of silence / In the shadow of regret / I won't let a soul betray me / Though my soul got used to it / I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain / And will give myself completely, to the moving and the strange

The heart is a muscle / I want to make it strong

he wants to change and grow. and he wants to do it with you by his side.

23. Surrender My Heart by Carly Rae Jepsen - Baxter

But the benefits of all the broken hearts / That I broke before they could break me / Is a little bit of life regrets / I won't bring that mess to you when you're with me / And I want to be brave enough to show you my not-so-perfect family / And I want to be brave enough for everything

24. invisible string by Taylor Swift - Jamie

All along there was some invisible string / Tying you to me

when you were thirteen, you danced with a stranger at a soiree. when you were eighteen, that stranger walked out of a cab onto your street. and now, at twenty-three, he's not a stranger anymore.

25. Lover by Taylor Swift - Jamie

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? / With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover / My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue / All's well that ends well to end up with you

i feel like baxter would cry hearing jamie say "at every table, I'll save you a seat". also the bridge has a very wedding-vow kind of vibe, perfect for our wedding planner boyfriend. feels like a fitting end to me!

i hope you enjoy this, it's been a labor of love but also just a natural progression of my obsession with him. i genuinely think baxter has one of the best romance character arcs i've come across, and i hope you love him as much as i do 💕💕💕

[alwayshasacold]

Right I’ve given it a bit since I finished the season so I’m not coming fresh off the binge with my thoughts. I’m not like great at phrasing and they’re not fully thought over yet but like I need to get them into words so here we go.

The short version is that while I still had fun with that season it is definitely the worst by far. Not sure if it was a necessary addition but I’ve never been solid on ending with season 3 either so won’t argue that making it was by itself a mistake. Ending was alright I guess, wasn’t good but like wasn’t horrifically bad yknow, very okay. I think that reduced ep count definitely did the season in ultimately, though we will never know now if that would’ve fixed some of the worst issues it has.

The apocalypse itself was very shitty, every other season plays into a common apocalypse trope and tbh from what we’ve seen of the death of Reggie’s world there were plenty of options to go for there to keep in trend and make it the same. Massive cgi monster you have to invent new lore to have is just boring as fuck.

Character writing wasn’t great, though the potential is there for them in most cases which is definitely at least one consequence of reduced episode count. Klaus relapse makes some sense (his powers and his addiction are always closely connected) and while I’ve seen people arguing about it being pointless if season was longer I could perhaps see it go somewhere. Luther living in the academy is very in character, he’s always been the one with the most positive connections to the place and it’s no coincidence he always tries to return there when possible. Diego not finding purpose in family life checks from his whole action hero complex, though obviously it needed more time and respect. Alison not being able to get a career off the ground or be a perfect wife or parent could’ve gone somewhere but I’d just mostly played for jokes so I’m still iffy on that one. Lila not being able to adjust to family life also checks considering she’s never had anything even resembling it, and her seeking solutions independently works from her character so far. Viktor doesn’t really have anything at first, but being able to have the time with his dad is probably the best relationship stuff we got all season and it was quite nice, though could’ve done with a bit more depth. My main gripe with his storyline is the lack of interaction really with Reggie’s wife, who’s obviously the original owner of his violin, though the showrunners not doing anything with the sound guys musical talent has been a problem since season 3 so. So we’ve got at least four decent character threads that could’ve worked, and until proven otherwise I will assume the reduced episode count is to blame for given the foundations aerosols enough.

Now onto the plain bad. They clearly had no clue what to do with five. Guy goes from wanting to retire to working for the CIA which is of course not explained. Him almost abandoning his family also doesn’t work from the guy who’s entire motivation is protecting them. And the whole romance with Lila doesn’t really make sense mostly. Five has historically turned to things like that in similar situations (Delores) but obviously he wouldn’t disrespect his family in that way which is the main issue. Same goes for Lila on the same issue. With Ben they seemed to also have no clue what they were doing, especially with consideration of the clip at the end of season 3. While I appreciate getting the reasoning behind his death, the reasoning itself isn’t the best tbh. And not giving him a proper ending is just shitty tbh, though I do appreciate his last moments are trying to help his family with the last of his ability to do so.

The lack of music this season was also very disappointing. There were very few tracks used and none really stood out beyond baby shark, which was a funny bit tbf as much as I hate the song but like the fact we got four lots of baby shark and barely more other pieces of music says it all. The choreography also fell flat - we got what, one choreographed fight scene (which I did enjoy tbf, but it’s far from the best and it being the only one is genuinely shitty) and one dance scene that didn’t fit the music? Like the music and choreography of umbrella academy is one of its most iconic features and it’s honestly the most disappointing thing about the season to me that a lot of that character that it’s always had has been lost.

Also on the lacking side was the costuming but that’s only a minor complaint, just wasn’t enough variety imo but once again probably just the reduced episode count preventing more organic costume changes.

As for other things, I loved Jean and Gene, once again they needed more time like everything else this season but they were great from what we got of them. I liked Reggie and his wife, the whole plotting of her not appreciating being revived needed more time and establishing but I like the concept and roles they played this season. The idea that people are able to figure out that the timeline has been reset is neat and I like that being used as a secondary antagonist group who want an apocalypse to fix things. This season obviously carries over prior issues the series has always had: lack of seriousness about series issues (sexual assault, drug abuse, etc) though slightly improved for making a slightly better effort at addressing klaus‘s self destructive behaviour was made if nothing else, being a bit too reliant of jokiness at times etc but nothing it’s never had issues with. The gross out vomit humour this season wasn’t great and could do with a warning also. I would’ve liked them to do more with the subway and timeline stuff, especially considering both how sick it looked and how all over the marketing it was, but it was probably another casualty of reduced run time.

I believe I’ve addressed most major thoughts I’ve had so far on the finale, though I’ll come back later if I have more. Overall, I definitely don’t think it was the best ending to the series, but I prefer it ending now while at least it’s got something left than it continue and tire itself out for good. It was a very okay six episodes that were fun enough, but I expected and hoped for more from a series I have consistently loved, and unfortunately I don’t believe this series will benefit from the boost in opinion season 3 has gotten from subsequent rewatches.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

You know, seeing fans go on about the shorts with...

"This is why the assassinations would get boring!"

Or

"How can you stretch this episode out?"

....Except they are SHORTS...they aren't suppose to be full length episodes.

Obviously a full length episode would be more detailed and have something more going for it, if one actually puts thought into said episode.

Fans wanna say

"Oh the assassinations would get boring!"

But then completely ignore the fact that other shows, which follow a similar formula of going through the same beats within each episode and are fun to watch and entertaining.

Hello...Scooby Doo? Perhaps one of the most successful franchises out there and guess what they did?

Each episode had the gang go around solving mysteries, cooked up by someone haunting a place.

To say nothing that the Grimoire is basically a free "do whatever you want" card of plot magic, which they could have done interesting things with....but that got flushed down the toilet the moment Season 2 started.

But let's put a pin in that for a moment...right...fans also wanna say that...

"Well...the show is about Blitz and his relationships and we should explore Hell!"

...

Ok so tell me then....why is it for 2 Seasons now, the only guy that Blitz has truly interacted with for any length of time and development...is Stolas? Who he has NO RELATIONSHIP with?! The two know diddly squat about one another, even within just sex according to Full Moon they know diddly squat.

Instead of you know...the other actual main characters of this show(Moxxie, Millie and Loona) and the other side characters who he had actual relationships with(Verosika, Fizz and Barbie). You know, the characters that are actually meaningful to Blitz for his own character development?

Fans also wanna say

"Well not every relationship is perfect."

HI YES...you realize that Blitz' relationships with the aforementioned characters WASN'T PERFECT either right?!

Stolas became an irrelevant character with introducing Asmodean Crystals and the fact that I.M.P. was killing in Hell(which makes S1 also pointless). Blitz had zero reason to approach Stolas in Apology Tour, other than...because the writing forced him to do so. He never had to approach Stolas ever again....but he did so. I can only imagine what sort of plot contrivance were going to get later, in order for the two to be together.

But let's just sideline all those other characters...which you could build 2 whole full Seasons around, for a character who doesn't matter anymore.

It's funny how it said to be also "exploring Hell."

But what does that even really mean, when we don't really explore Hell? All were getting into as far as 'depth' is concerned, is Stolas and that whole drama involving him.

Yeah sure, we have seen some other Rings...but honestly? That's bare minimum, we aren't actually getting into the details here....we don't really see how other Hellborn live, the worldbuilding is just shallow on the whole.

Even the Goetia is pretty shallow, because it's all having to revolve around Stolas and how 'sad' he is....it's just not anything interesting.

Also they say "explore Hell."

Yet they have a business that operates OUTSIDE of Hell? Thus taking away any sort of further exploration of Hell, when the episodes take place on Earth. Yeah that's really logical.

But circling back a moment to the whole assassination thing....

I don't think anyone's saying that they should have just stuck to assassination hijinks. What I'm seeing though, is the focus should have stuck to that as well as exploring the relationships between the I.M.P. members....was not the pitch for Helluva Boss something like...

"Join these assassins as they take out hits as well as learn to survive in Hell and eachother."

^ I'm kinda phrasing it weird, as I'm sure that's not really the case, but I'm pretty sure it's something along the lines of that with the description for the show.

But what do we really have? 3 out of the 4 main characters are just sidelined, a side character has basically become a main character and even the only original main character out of the 4, is just getting shit on and doesn't need to be around the side main character anymore in a realistic sense, but writing is forcing it.

Anyway I'll pause here, as this got really long winded.

Nah, you are right you summed up everything wrong with this series. It got lost at the beginning of season two when it showed that they started focusing on Stolas. And from there lost the premise and as a result the quality as dropped.

[talltalesandbedtimestories]

Wash. RINSE. Repeat. - Dean x Reader/OFC

"Rinse" is Part 3 of the Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Series

Rating Mature

Dean x Reader/OFC

Tags: Canon-compliant (or trying to be), Season 3, Lots of Angst, Demon Assault/Attempted Sexual Assault (trigger), Show Level Gore/Violence, Language, Pining, Dean is infuriating at times, Sam is the sweetest, Main character death (offscreen; but, it's Supernatural, so you know, it's probably not sticking)

Word Count: 15,000

Summary: The boys stink. Something needs to be done about it.

The above summary was something I came up with when I thought this was going to be a fun little one shot. (hah! stupid writer and her stupid assumptions. how dare she think she can make plans and have Sam and Dean adhere to them.) It still applies to the beginning (and this sniff, sniff theme may come up again) but I'm going to add that this story is a first person reader insert that weaves in and out of show canon.

"Rinse" won't make a lick of sense if you haven't read the other parts. If you want to read the previous installments, you can find them on AO3 -- WASH -- PRE-RINSE

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "Friends Becoming Strangers" square.

A huge thanks to @jacklesversebingo for allowing me to use one of my bingo squares in a part of a story I was currently working on. These bingo prompts have genuinely tested my creativity and provided some meaty plot twists. Thank you, thank you!

Rinse

~ Six Months Later ~

I bolt upright in bed, mid-gasp.

My heart pounds. Flashes of what caused my pulse to race appear in the curtain call of each blink.

Bobby. In the dark with a flashlight. In his house? Sneaking around, like he’s investigating an unfamiliar place. Then, he was attacked by something. Thrown to the floor in his kitchen. A blur of arms clawing. A screeching sound that wasn’t human.

What the hell? I shake the shiver out of my spine and glance over at the alarm clock. Fifteen minutes before it goes off. There’s no way I’ll get back to sleep. I resign myself to get out of bed and start the day.

It’s gonna be a busy one at Hoyt and Hagan. There are two client appointments on the calendar. I’ve got some note taking during and transcribing to do after each of them.

I debate with myself in the shower as to when I should check on Bobby. It’s still too early and he’ll only scoff in my ear at the unnecessary concern.

I decide I’ll call him during my lunch break, all nonchalant like. Hey Bobby, it’s your favorite psychic nut job, poking out of hunter hibernation for some updates.

Just to be sure he’s okay.

I grab a slice and a soda at Tony’s Pizza Parlor for lunch. The four block walk gives me a chance to stretch my legs and see if they’ll be short staffed over the next week. I need to bulk up my car maintenance fund. According to Nate at Carl’s Auto Shop, I will probably need to replace the brake pads in a few months. Before the squeaks turn into screeches at every stop.

Gary’s working the counter. I try not to fuss with my hair too much in his presence. His dimples drill into his cheeks with a bright smile. My stomach spins like it’s in a washing machine. I ask him how his Aunt Cheryl is doing. The swoony, sensitive six footer moved back to Matamoras when his only living relative, Cheryl Somers, fell ill and couldn’t take care of herself anymore.

It’s been five months since Gary arrived and became ubiquitous around this tiny town where you only have to breathe heavily to become the subject of juicy gossip. He works a variety of service jobs. I’m blessed that one of them is at Tony’s. My random shifts have intersected with his on occasion. I am also cursed because I still haven’t gotten the nerve to get past simple pleasantries. Mainly I worry I’ll slip about my personal details or he’ll ask me a question about my family. And, I’ll have to lie. Because he’d never believe the truth. The people that would understand are just as damaged as I am.

Playing at normal is tough.

I scoot into a booth that has a nice vantage of the counter so I can spy on Gary. I pry the greasy pepperoni one by one from the stringy mozzarella. The deconstruction exercise prolongs my excuse to hang around with my solitary slice. I mindfully chew. Taste buds light up with oregano, tomato sauce, processed toppings, and velvety cheese.

The one brain cell not focused on Gary reminds me about Bobby. I dab at my face with a one-ply scratchy napkin, then tap in the start of a phone number I know by heart on my cell. Bobby’s name appears from my contacts after the fifth digit.

I’m still miffed about Garth accidently dropping my old phone in the depths of the Delaware when he visited six months back. He felt so bad he drove me to the nearest cell phone store and bought me a new one right on the spot. He got me a newer and nicer model. It didn’t make up for all the contacts and messages I lost, though. It took me weeks to connect with almost everyone I could remember.

I wait for Bobby to pick up. It rings. And rings. And rings. The voicemail answers. “You’ve reached Bobby. You know what to do.”

I know what to do, but I hang up instead. I’m that person that hits redial and gives it another try. Bobby is prone to leaving his cell phone atop a stack of books or on the kitchen counter as he hops from room to room. So, there’s a chance he might…

“You’ve reached Bobby. You know what to do.”

I sigh and collect my words. “Hey, Bobby. It’s been a bit. Wanted to see how you’re doing. Nothing much new on this end. Give me a call, though, soon. Yeah? Been told my car’s gonna need new brake pads. Wanna make sure I’m not getting hosed on the cost to replace them. Okay? Thanks. Bye.”

“Who’s Bobby?” The voice drifts over my shoulder from behind me.

Oh God. Gary’s asking that question. I’m gonna have to turn and actually make eye contact and answer. I swallow and rotate in the booth a bit. He’s wiping down the table, tray filled with trash in his grasp. Wavy jet black bangs obscure his eyes for a brief second. It’s not enough time before his onyx irises gaze with interest in my direction.

“Huh?” I pretend I didn’t hear him.

“Who’s Bobby? He’s not the only guy that knows a thing or two about cars.” His smile is bright. “I could probably help you out. Take a look.”

“Oh.” I want to bang my head into the table to shake out any words that are longer than one syllable. “That’s… that’s…”

“He family? Bobby?” Gary stands beside my booth now.

“Yeah.”

Gary nods. “Well, offer’s available if you need it.” Someone, maybe Maribel, shouts his name across the restaurant. “Good luck.” He darts away.

“Thanks.” I groan at my suave communication skills.

~~~~

(Italicized Dialogue from S3, Episode 10, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” - Teleplay by Cathryn Humphris; Story by Sera Gamble & Cathryn Humphris)

Dean sat at Bobby’s hospital bedside. 

It’d only been a couple days since he got the call. A doctor had been looking for a Mr. Snyderson.

Bobby enjoyed informing Dean years ago of the name he would have to answer to if he received a call from someone in search of Bobby Singer’s emergency contact. 

“How the hell’d you get yourself into this mess, Bobby?” he asked aloud.

Dean wondered if Bobby had picked the name Edgar Snyderson so that would be all John’s eldest son would focus on. Not the fact that if he ever heard it uttered by anyone else, it would be because Bobby wouldn’t be able to call him a numbnut or an idjit.

Sam was due back any minute. Dean’d tasked Sam with the research part of this mystery, which included combing through the collage of pictures and news clippings hidden on the back closet wall in Bobby’s hotel room.

The room where his comatose body had been found.

Dean had gone to the university to dig up any information on a Dr. Walter Gregg, whose obit had graced Bobby’s case board. Finding out about unapproved dream studies led to the name of a test subject, Jeremy Frost. The college kid made it clear the doctor had been playing fast and loose with his research and the people involved. That equalled a whole lot of potential enemies and nefarious insinuators. Bobby was probably close to figuring out who the murderer was.

The machines whirred and beeped around the man he’d bet his life on, if he had much left of it to wager. 

Dean was shy of six months before his demon bill came due.

“I don’t need you rolling out the red carpet for me in the hereafter. Pretty sure you ain’t gonna be taking a sauna or walking over raked coals. But we don’t need you practicing your harp skills anytime soon, either.” He bit his tongue at the name that almost slipped out. He tried not to mention her if he could help it. The more time went on, the more he hoped it would stick; his nonexistence for her. “It’d kill her if something happened to you.” He nodded to no one. “We’ll figure this out.”  

As if on cue, his studious brother entered the room. “How is he?”

“No change.” Dean wiped a hand over his face and stood to meet Sam by the tray table at the edge of the bed. “What you got?”

“Well, considering what you told me about the Doc’s experiments, Bobby’s wall is starting to make a hell of a lot more sense.”

“How so?”

“This plant, Silene Capensis, also known as African Dream Root, it’s been used by shamans and medicine men for centuries.”

“Let me guess – they dose up, bust out the didgeridoos, and start kicking around the hacky.”

Sam scoffed. “Not quite. If you believe the legends, it’s used for dream walking. I mean entering another person’s dreams, poking around in their heads.”

“I take it we believe the legends.”

“When don’t we? But dream-walking is just the tip of the iceberg.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this dream root is some serious mojo. You take enough of it, with enough practice, you can become a regular Freddy Krueger. You can control anything. You could turn bad dreams good. You could turn good dreams bad.”

“And killing people in their sleep.” Dean added the obvious.

“For example. So, let’s say this doc was testing the stuff on his patients Tim Leary-Style.”

“Somebody gets pissed at him, decides to give him a little dream visit, he goes nighty-night.”

“But what about Bobby? I mean if the killer came after him, how come he’s still alive?”

They both stared at Bobby.

“I don’t know.” Dean tapped Sam in the middle of his chest. “Come on. Man needs as much beauty rest as he can get before we wake him. And a kiss on the lips better not end up being the cure.” He strolled to the doorway and turned back in time to see Sam making his way to Bobby’s side.

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve ever had to do to save someone.” Sam chided in a soft whisper over his shoulder towards Dean. “Stay strong until we can figure this out, Bobby.” His gigantor hand gripped Bobby’s pale one.

Dean marched out into the hallway in wait. Something heavy lodged in the base of Dean’s throat. He swallowed but the fear wouldn’t loosen. The possibility of losing Bobby. The memories of his father in the hospital right before he died kept rising to the surface. He didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Sam finally joined him. They walked down the hall towards the nurse’s station and the elevators. Their steps got into that synced soldier rhythm they easily fell into often. Dean wished it would continue in silence. But out of the corner of his eye he spotted Sam’s mouth open and close. Trying out the lines in his head before he’d have to share what he was thinking.

With that much thought, Dean knew it wasn’t going to be anything good.

When it was only the two of them in the elevator going down, Sam spoke. “Am I gonna have to be the one that mentions the elephant in the room?”

Dean’s gaze lifted to the ceiling. He sighed.

“We gotta call her, Dean.”

“No. We don’t. We’re gonna handle it so she doesn’t have to ever know what kind of danger Bobby was in.”

“She deserves to know,” Sam mumbled. “Bobby’s important to her. Plus, all of this dream stuff…”

“Sam,” Dean started.

Sam got his hands and arms in the conversation now, waving them about. “She should be here!”

“No!” Dean huffed, raising his voice back at Sam. He glanced at the number display. “I still need to work this case with you. I shouldn’t even be in the same state as her, let alone the same room. We can’t risk that, Sam. Not again.”

“You of all people know what she’s capable of. She could get into Bobby’s head.”

“Yeah. You know it. I know it. Bobby knows it. But, as far as we know, Elena doesn’t. As long as she doesn’t remember me, she won’t be doing any ‘Wonder Twins, Activate’ shit. And we’re gonna keep it that way.”

“Dean!”

“No. Bobby’s been onboard with the plan, all of it, for the past six months. Last I checked, you were, too.”

“Not like you gave any of us a choice.” Sam snarked. 

Dean ignored the jab. “Bobby’d want us to exhaust every other option before we pull her into something like this. Again.” He pointed at the floor as the door’s slid open. “We find another way.” He waved a hand for Sam to exit first. “Let’s go, Sherlock.” They covered the distance quickly to another set of double doors. “So, how do we find our homicidal little sandman?”

“It could be anyone.” Sam stated, looking thoroughly exasperated.

“Yeah?”

Yeah.

Dean rattled off possible suspects. “Anyone who knew the doctor, had access to his dream shrooms.”

“Maybe one of his test subjects or something?”

“Possible, but his research is pretty sketchy. I mean, we don’t know how many subjects he had or who all of them were.”

Sam scoffed.

“What?” Dean asked.

Sam sighed, long and deep. “In any other case, we’d be calling Bobby and asking him for help right now.”

Dean halted, pulled at Sam’s forearm to stop his brother’s stride. “Know what? You’re right.”

“What?”

“Let’s go talk to him.”

“Sure. I think we might find the conversation a bit one-sided.”

“Not if we’re tripping on some Dream Root.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

~~~~

There’s been no response from Bobby by the end of my work day.

Something was up. A car question always ensured Bobby would return a call within hours.

I call the other hunter who knows almost everyone’s business as much as Bobby does.

“Elle Woods.” Garth coos his nickname for me. I still don’t get how he made the connection between me and the fictional main character in Legally Blonde. “How’re you doin? To what do I owe this honor?”

“Hey, Garth. I’m trying to get a hold of Bobby. He’s not answering my calls.”

“Oh?” The one syllable expresses confusion.

“Yeah.”

“When’d you last talk to him?”

“It’s been about a month.” My face warms at the confession.

“Oh.” The one syllable is laced with judgment.

I let the guilt was over me as I wait.

“Hm. Well, I had to call him about a case I worked in Baton Rouge, Louisiana last week. There was this circus in town and a murder pinned on one of the performers. Killer clowns couldn’t turn their victims into a pile of green goo last I checked.” Garth chuckles.

I veer the conversation back. “Was he okay? Everything good at the salvage yard?”

“Oh, well, he wasn’t home. Was working his own case.”

My skin tingles at the news. It’s not surprising to hear. Bobby hunts on occasion. It’s more the reminder of the dream I had of him that morning that puts me on edge. “Where was he?”

Garth sighs. “If memory serves right, he was investigating something that happened at a university in, I think, Pittsburgh.”

“Okay, thanks Garth.”

“Sure thing, sweets. Want me to try and check in on him, too?”

I smile. “Appreciate it.”

“I’ll tell him to call you ASAP if I make contact.”

“Thanks.”

“No problemo.”

“Talk soon.”

I hang up. Pittsburgh. It’s clear across in western Pennsylvania. A good six-hour drive from me. Couldn’t be any farther from Matamoras and in the same state. It makes sense he wouldn’t bother to call me. Not like he could do a quick pop in.

Still.

I click my teeth. Moments later, I’m clicking away at the keyboard, searching anything weird over the wire that matches what Garth told me. Only one news headline has me screaming Yahtzee in my head. There’s mention of a university neurologist dying in his sleep. Cause: Unknown.

It’s not much. But, it would catch Bobby’s eye. And he’d do some digging. So, I do the same. The neurologist was the research head of a large, ongoing sleep study. And, another article hints that his death may have been the result of foul play.

I then do what Bobby always suggests I do when I can’t get a hold of him and he’s off on a case somewhere. I contact hospitals in the area.

By the third phone call, I’ve found him. All I can get out of the medical staff is that he’s unresponsive and been in their care for a few days.

An hour later, I’m on I-80, headed to Pittsburgh.

My brakes are squeaking big time.

~~~~ 

(Italicized Dialogue from S3, Episode 10, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” - Teleplay by Cathryn Humphris; Story by Sera Gamble & Cathryn Humphris)

My driver’s license (fake) gets me the information I need at the hospital. Next of kin and all that. A doctor runs through the updates on Bobby’s current medical state while we stand at the nurse’s station. It's good news. Bobby woke up a few hours ago.

The doc questions why I wasn’t listed as an emergency contact. He mentions that they had to call a Mr. Snyderson instead. I shrug, rattling off that my Dad probably doesn’t think I know how to manage an emergency.

I wonder who the hell Mr. Snyderson is as I get Bobby’s room number and am pointed in the direction to find it. Mainly I’m relieved that the closest thing I have to family - that hasn’t disowned me - is conscious and doing fine by all accounts.

I don’t even need to check the number, hearing Bobby’s voice drift out into the hall from a room just up ahead on the right. “We better work fast… and coffee up. ‘Cause the one thing we cannot do is fall asleep.”

I take a cautious step in and prepare to meet “Mr. Snyderson.” A very tall figure with expansive shoulders stands at the side of Bobby’s bed. His broad back is to the doorway. It’s the moppy head of hair that I recognize first. My brain swims with sudden knowledge and memory. I feel overwhelmed and a bit lightheaded.

Sam. Sam Winchester. A hunt. We worked a hunt together a couple years ago. Road tripped from Maine to California. I even remember spending some time with him at Bobby’s after a car accident he’d been in with his dad. I’m also struck with the fact that he lost his dad. The scattered moments don’t have any connective tissue that I can discern. They catch my attention like twinkling ornaments atop a Christmas tree. Each represents some commemorative event I need to be reminded of.

Bobby sees me in the doorway. His face runs a litany of emotions. Serious to surprised. Welcoming to worried. “L.” He whispers.

I smile. Sam spins. His rotation hints at the shape of someone sitting on the other side of Bobby’s bed. Sam settles with a stare at me and walls off the stranger for the time being.

Sam’s as cute as I remember. There’s a bit more mass to him. And then, I remember us bonding over his psychic abilities. It’s disorienting, the flashes and pops of life bursting out of hibernation.

“L?” Bobby asks. “You doin’ alright there, kid?”

I shake my head and manage a smile again. “Considering I’m visiting you in the hospital, don’t you think I should be the one asking that question?” I hesitate at the awkward glances Sam and Bobby shoot each other. I flap my hands at my sides. “Hey, Sam. How are you doing? Been a while.”

His eyes bug. “H-Hey Elina. Yeah. I’m, I’m doin’ pretty well.” A hand scratches the side of his neck. “How’s things in Matamoras?”

“Good. Doing my best to stay out of trouble.” I point a finger at him. “Are you Mr. Snyderson, who got the call about Bobby instead of me?”

“That’d be me.” There’s a terse answer from the other side of the room. The figure is still hidden by Sam. A scrape of chair legs follows.

Sam swallows. Hard. He steps to the side.

My gaze lands on a pair of bright green eyes staring back. The guy is male model attractive. My skin warms up in a reflexive response to all that pretty. “You can call me Dean, though.” He smirks.

“Dean?” The name registers instantly. “Sam’s brother?”

He nods and puffs his chest out. I can’t quite tell if it’s a smug posture or if he’s donning some invisible protective armor.

“He-” I start to fill the gaps in my mind as my mouth reveals the facts. “Sam’s mentioned you.” Older brother. Cocky. Pain in the ass. Overbearing.

I don’t get a response in return. Instead, Dean turns to Bobby. “We’ll touch base if we hear anything else.” He rounds the edge of the hospital bed and taps Sam on the arm. All I get is a quick nod from Dean before he disappears.

“See ya.” Sam smiles, lips scrunched tight. He stumbles past me out of the room, following his older, shorter brother.

Yeah, I’ve met my share of guys like that before. Bad boys have never done me any favors. Way more trouble than they’re worth. I keep reminding myself of that as I catch one last glimpse of Dean Winchester in the hallway before Sam shuts the door behind him.

When it’s only the two of us, I hurry over and give the old man a careful embrace. He taps my back in assurance. “I’m fine.”

I peel away and stand to squint at him. “Let me guess? Fine enough to hop back into solving whatever caused this.” I plant my hands on my hips. “Why can’t you fall back asleep? And why does that Dean dude rank as your emergency contact?”

He squints back at me. “The Winchester boys are family, too, L.”

“Sam’s what you’d call an absolute peach, Bobby, I’ll give you that. But, I don’t have any firsthand experience with Dean to make a judgment call.”

“Hm.” Bobby nods slowly. “Could’ve sworn you’ve met both of them.”

“Nope.” I definitely would have remembered Dean Winchester.

~~~~

I knock on the door to Bobby’s room at The Aviary Hotel.

There’s a delay. I can hear some cursing and arguing as I wait. The taller squatter opens the door part way in greeting. “El.” Sam smiles.

“Hi.”

“Everything alright?” A hand stuffs into a pocket and he leans against the door, filling up the space.

“Bobby’s probably getting released tomorrow morning.”

“That’s great news.”

“It is. I figured I’d grab him some clean clothes for his discharge.” I sweep a hand towards him. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, uh…” Sam stammers.

“For chrissakes.” Dean’s voice interrupts. An arm pushes Sam back into the room and out of the way. Dean grimaces at Sam before giving me a dose of all that attitude. “Listen, Elena, it’s great that you’ve decided to come all this way and play nursemaid. But, we’ve got actual case work to do. So, would you make it quick?”

I blink at the condescending tone. Bobby filled me in on the details back at the hospital. I had felt a little sympathy at the predicament Dean has found himself in. HAD. “Oh, of course. Certainly don’t want to interfere with all your great case work. Is there another suspect you need to give a DNA sample to?”

Dean’s irritation crumbles. He looks like a shamed puppy that’s peed on the carpet.

“Don’t mind him, El.” Sam pulls the door all the way open. “We’re all a little high strung at the moment.”

I scoot in between the brothers. The room’s wallpaper is a feathery explosion in blues, greens and yellows. “Well, the decor isn’t going to help calm anyone down,” I critique.

Dean flops in a sad looking armchair and grabs sheets of paper on a nearby side table to study with intense interest.

Hospitality must be Dean Winchester’s middle name.     

“Get you something to drink?” Sam strolls by Dean, backhanding Dean’s bicep along the way. Dean pays him no mind.

I wave a hand. “Nope. Just point me in the direction of Bobby’s stuff and I’ll be out of here.”

Sam offers a soft smile in apology and gestures to a set of louvered bifold doors. The room is crazy huge. A full kitchen and another door that must lead to the bathroom make up the other half. There’s a desk on this side of the living area. More papers litter its surface, along with a laptop that I recognize as Sam’s (various stickers are slapped on top).

Yep, the brothers have made themselves at home. The double beds have been slept in by the state of the sheets. I smell greasy fast food.

When I open the closet, Bobby’s entire wardrobe is hung up. I grab the empty duffle from the closet floor. “Was he planning on moving here?” I frown to myself. When I remove the first plaid ensemble from a hanger I spot the case board on the back closet wall. “Ah, of course.” I take my time and fold one shirt with care before packing it. Then another. Taking my sweet time as I take in all the information.

I decide to inquire with the friendlier Winchester. “So, Sam. Bobby told me what happened to him.” I turn to see him sitting at the desk. Dean’s in my field of view in the background as well, still reading. I attempt a poke. “That he was stupid enough to make himself a prime lullaby target of this Frost kid.” Dean’s mouth purses but he doesn’t look over. “Got any ideas yet on how he gets some shut eye without being murdered?”

Sam sighs. “No.”

I want to ask if he’s thought about using his powers while he’s asleep and under the influence of the African Dream Root again. But I don’t know how Dean feels about his brother’s powers. Or, if he even knows for certain. My memory is still hazy and I don’t want to risk outing him or stirring up a touchy subject. Something tells me Dean wouldn’t handle Sam’s powers well if he did know.

“Well, if you need me to try and make contact with someone on the other side, let me know. I mean I haven’t done it in a while, but I can always give Bobby’s friend Pam a call if I need some guid-”

Dean bolts out of his chair. Papers crumple in his tight fist. “We don’t need you to do anything.” The dismissive tone matches the inconsequential way he stares at me. “We don’t need anyone else fucking things up.”

Sam rotates in the seat, arm resting along the chair back. His bewildered and angry expression towards Dean is all I focus on. My cheeks warm at the berating from this stranger with a chip on his shoulder the size of the Grand Canyon. 

“From what I hear,” Dean continues, “you are giving the normal life the good ole college try back in Montezuma. I suggest you keep it that way. And get as far away from all this as you can.” His voice cracks at the end. That sound makes me dare to lift my gaze back to him.

He’s trying his best to be an all-knowing asshole. But something’s cracking the veneer. I don’t think he’ll be able to keep it up for much longer. For a moment, I want to march right into this guy’s personal space and slap him. Right before I hug him. But it’s a fleeting inkling. I nod at him. “I’ll get this stuff to Bobby. Sounds like the both of you can handle picking him up at the hospital in the morning.” I inhale and prop up a smile as I turn to Sam. It’s the only way I’ll keep my lips from quivering.

Sam’s brows angle down. “I’m sorry, El.” He whispers.

I shake my head. I can’t speak. If I do, I’ll cry. And I don’t fucking know why my body is reacting like this to the things Dean Winchester said to me. 

My heart is racing. I walk with lightning speed to the door.

My brakes are squeaking big time back to Matamoras. 

~~~~

Sam’s tired. He should be the one sleeping in the back seat.

He’s the one that’s lived through and remembered hundreds of Tuesdays where Dean died. He didn’t have the blessing(?) of a memory wipe with every morning reset. Now, he panics when he stumbles upon a radio station playing the chorus of Asia’s most well known song. He woke up on so many Tuesdays to “the heat of the moment.” Those words grate like fingernails across a chalkboard every time he hears it. Hearing that music always makes him question for a couple seconds if he’s been dropped back into Groundhog Day Hell.

One Tuesday did have a Wednesday after it. Without Dean. 

Sam’s lived six months without Dean already. The Trickster showed him what life would be like without his brother. Sam spent those six months obsessed, determined to find a way to bring Dean back from the dead. He’d convinced the Trickster to snap his fingers and take him back to a Wednesday where Dean lived. Honestly, the Trickster probably got bored of Sam’s sulking and found another puppet’s strings to pull. But, regardless, Sam got his brother back.

He hasn’t bothered to share any of what happened during those six months with Dean (or that one of his deaths actually stuck). Not when they’re trying to prevent Dean from going to hell.

Sam’s need to fix messes could be considered heroic –maybe even to him– if he wasn’t the reason the messes were created.

Sam’s not sure how much one person is expected to withstand. If he and Dean are in some kind of tragedy endurance contest, he’d like to tap out, please, and wave the white flag in surrender. But, then, he thinks about Dean going it alone. When he decides that’s not an option, he straightens up, plants his feet, and braces for the next wave of sorrow to pummel him.

So, yeah, Sam’s tired. But still determined that his brother’s not gonna die. Not anytime soon. Not if he has a say in the matter. Especially when Dean’s no longer resigned to the inevitable of his demon deal coming to fruition.

Sam can push through the exhaustion and fight for Dean’s future because even Dean wants a chance at what’s possible for himself.

Sam saw it with his very own eyes in Dean’s dream. Not the dream Dean’s currently having in the backseat. In between snuffles and snores he’s mumbling nonsense (something about wrenches and spanners). No, what Sam witnessed in Dean’s dream months back proved Dean thinks about a future of what ifs.

The dream had occurred days after he and Dean had managed to wake Bobby from the nightmare coma courtesy of Jeremy Frost. Days after Dean found himself in grave danger of becoming Jeremy’s next victim.

Dean hadn’t slept for days. The threat of never waking up again meant classic rock on full blast in Baby. Gallons of coffee. A concerning amount of No-Doze pills that Dean most definitely wasn’t taking to cram for a college exam.

Bobby had kept himself awake researching with Bela. In between, he spent a lot of time fuming at Dean for the way he’d sent Elina packing. Dean brushed off Bobby's grumpy attitude and reminded him it was best for Elina.

Dean had eventually reached a breaking point, gave his safety a big ole’ “fuck you,” and decided sleep was worth the risk. He’d driven Baby to a clearing off the road, parked her, and leaned back to close his eyes.

Sam harvested some of Dean’s hair right off the scalp, insisting that if Dean was going under he’d need someone to watch his back in the dreamworld.

When they’d both roused from sleep in the Impala nothing had seemed off.

Until Elina popped up in the backseat.

“Finally!” Elina exclaimed.

Sam almost pogoed off the bench at the sound made by a person that most definitely could not be there.

She bopped first Dean’s, then Sam’s, shoulder with a folded up newspaper. “Geez, you two were really knocked out.” Her elbows and arms draped atop the front bench’s backrest. “I was gonna give you five more minutes of beauty sleep. I know you both need it.” 

Dean’s eyes widened, staring at her. His lips parted.

Sam dared to interact with the apparition. “El, what are you doing here?”

Her brows furrowed. She nodded in pensive thought. “I ask myself that question every day, Sam. What the hell am I doing with my life, hunting with the likes of you two?” She nudged Dean’s shoulder with an elbow and grinned at him. “Saving people: an absolutely non-existent way to earn a living, am I right?”

Dean nodded back and offered a confused smile. “R-right.”

Elina looked from Dean to Sam then back to Dean. “You okay?”

Dean nodded with increased fervor and turned in his seat to give her his full attention. “Yeah.”

“Better be. I think I found us a case.” She presented the paper to Sam. “Take a look.”

Sam took the offering and gazed at the front page. A jumble of letters littered the paper like a word search puzzle. “What are we looking at?” Sam bluffed.

“A man was found dead in the famous confectionery amusement park in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Police hadn’t released details of the death to the public.” She tapped the spot that appeared to be a headline. “An anonymous source talked to this reporter and said the guy that died had been literally encased in a chocolate mold. You know, like those chocolate bunnies? Only this was a gigantic chocolate dude. Impossible to create anything like that in the on-site factory.”

“Solid Milk Murder,” Dean mumbled. Sam watched his older brother fixate his gaze away on Elina’s face.

“Get this,” Elina continued. “This reporter did more digging into the victim’s life. Six months prior his father had died. Dad had been a supervisor at a candy factory in a Delaware beach town. He’d been pulled to pieces in a taffy stretching machine.” She scooted behind Dean and wrapped her arms around him. Dean stiffened in shock. “Sticky situation,” she mumbled into Dean’s ear and then pecked him on the cheek. Dean closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. A small smile lined his lips. When his eyes blinked open and Adam's apple twitched with a swallow, he appeared to relax into the embrace. “I say the Three Amigos see if this is our kind of thing.”  

Before Sam or Dean could respond a noise rattled outside of the car. Elina flickered out, gone in an instant. There’d been no time for either of them to discuss what had happened. They quickly exited the car to investigate.

Dean manifested Lisa next. The scene was the perfect slice of Apple Pie Life. A picnic in the park. Lisa had even told Dean she loved him before disappearing.

Things went downhill from there. But, they’d made it out of the dream alive. Jeremy hadn’t, thanks to Sam turning the tables.

Unfortunately, Bela had broken into the safe in the hotel room and stolen the Colt. Bobby left them with a promise to be in touch if he got a lead on her or the gun’s whereabouts. That was the only thing they thought could kill Lilith.

Sam finished packing back at the hotel. A heavy mix of anger and defeat hung in the air. Quietly writing, Dean hunched over the desk in an attempt at privacy while Sam bounced around the room grabbing all their items. Sam spotted names on the envelopes Dean stuffed into his bag when he was done. One read Lisa. The other, Elina. 

It wasn’t until they headed out to the car and tossed the bags in the trunk that Dean spoke.

“Hey Sam, I was wondering, when you were in my head what did you see?”

“Uh, just Jeremy, he kept me separated from you. Easier to beat my brains out I guess. What about you? You never said.”

“Nothing. I was looking for you the whole time.”

As easy as it was for Sam to withhold all the dream details, he was pretty certain Dean was doing the same. 

The car doors creaked and squeaked. When they settled in the driver and passenger seat, Dean said, “Sam…”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been doing some thinking. And… well, the thing is… I don’t want to die. I don’t want to go to hell.”

“All right, yeah. We’ll find a way to save you.”

“Okay, good.”

Sam’s lived through his own hell since Dean confessed wanting salvation from an eternity of torture. With everything they have been through, they’ve got nothing to show for it. They still aren’t any closer to finding Bela and the Colt and the magic bullet that will put an end to Dean’s demon deal.

The last case in Milan, Ohio and the monster they encountered fed off Dean’s fear of dying. The crocotta had used its powers to mimic their dad’s voice and contact Dean through the phone. The monster, claiming to be John, told Dean he could help him locate the demon that held his contract.

Dean had opened up to Sam after they’d defeated the crocotta back at the motel room.

(Dialogue - in italics - from Ep. Long Distance Call; written by Jeremy Carver)

“I wanted to believe so badly there was a way out of this. I mean, I’m staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell… for real, forever, and I’m just…”

“Yeah.”

“I’m scared, Sam. I’m really scared.”

“I know.”

“I guess I was willing to believe anything – you know, last act of a desperate man.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having hope, you know.”

“Hope doesn’t get you Jack Squat. I can’t expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can’t expect anybody to, you know? And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me.”

“And me.”

“‘And me’?”

“What?”

“Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that’s what you come back with – ‘And me’?”

“Do you want a poem?”

“Moments gone.” Dean turned on the television. “Unbelievable.” He passed Sam a beer and they drank in silence.

They’ve shaked and baked their way through a handful of demons since that case; trying to get any information on the real demon that holds Dean’s contract. But they keep hitting a brick wall. Whatever owns the agreement to Dean’s demise scares the holy hell out of every demon they’ve encountered.

Sam might have a lead on a novel way out of Dean’s contract. It doesn’t involve facing off with the Demon that makes every underling willingly choose an exorcism over betrayal. The solution may be wrapped up in the potential case they’re heading to in Erie, Pennsylvania. Sam knows it will be a hard sell if his hunch is right. But he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

For now, anyway, Sam’s got another trick up his sleeve. He offered to drive from Ohio into Pennsylvania so Dean could get some shut eye. The trek had taken longer because he passed right on by Erie. On purpose.

Sam’s luck ran out about an hour from the destination when Dean stretched and sat up in the backseat.

Sam clocked Dean in the rearview mirror. He checked his watch. Eyes widened. “What the hell? Did you drug me? I’ve been out for like seven hours.”

Sam had thought about knocking his brother out. Thankfully, he didn’t need to resort to that. Yet. 

Sam shrugged. “My smooth driving lulled you to sleep.”

“Yeah, right.” Dean chuckled.

Sam’s jaw clenched as he passed a highway distance sign that displayed the city where they were headed.

“Sam.” The mirth in Dean’s voice disappeared. “Sam,” he repeated. “Are you lost? You better be lost.”

Dean has always looked out for Sam. Sam knows, deep down, Dean’s always wanted happiness for him. Sam wants that for Dean, too. If Sam can unload Dean off to someone that might be able to help him get happiness in whatever form - whether it’s the hunting life with Elina or the suburban life with Lisa - why shouldn’t Dean get the chance to try? 

“Pull over,” Dean ordered.

Sam shook his head. “Nope.”

“Bitch, what the fuck?”

“Consider this a proactive discussion prior to the demon deal dissolution.”

Dean groaned. His head flopped onto the backrest. “I’m so kicking your ass when you stop this car. And, you’ve gotta stop eventually.”

“It’ll be worth it.” The hesitance in Sam’s voice contradicted the certainty of his words.

Dean was directly behind him now. Sam could feel Dean’s warm breath on the back of his neck as he huffed, “Really?”

Sam swallowed hard. “Yep. We’re gonna find a way to save you, Dean. And, when we do, Elena’s gonna remember all of it.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean murmured.

“Well, if she doesn’t, then Bobby and I will tell her everything that happened.” 

Dean slapped him upside the head.

“Jerk! I’m driving!” Sam exclaimed.

“It won’t change anything.” Dean slid to the middle of the back seat. “It won’t change how I feel. She’s better off without me, Sam, and you know it.”

“No, I don’t. And how would she know it when she doesn’t even remember you? You got a shit deal and Elena got dragged in as a free gift with your order.”

“I didn’t ask for that.”

“I know you didn’t. But, Dean,” –Sam glanced at his brother– “Elena didn’t ask for it either.”

“She’s trying the normal life thing. That’s good. I’d just complicate it all again.”

“You could give the normal life thing a try, too, you know.”

“You aren’t gonna shut up about this are ya?”

“Nope. Come on, no time like the present.” Because there’s literally no time, Sam thought.

~~~~

Ugh. No time!

I rummage through the jewelry box. Again. My gaze darts to the alarm clock on the nightstand. I should have left the apartment five minutes ago if I wanted to appear fashionably late. 

The attempt at nonchalance is no longer an option. I will now have to text Gary. 

Running later than expected. Wait for me?

Thoughts claw their way up the curtains in my head when I rush like this. I can’t find my grandmother’s rose gold necklace. I know I didn’t lose it. At least I hope not.

Are the blouse and skirt not dressy enough for Bella Notte? I forgot to ask Gary if it’s a formal restaurant. If I send another text it will be obvious I’m obsessing way more than I should. Maybe the outfit is too much? If it is, I probably don’t need the necklace, too. But now that I went searching for it and it’s not where I expected it to be, I have to find it.

My fingers thread through my hair and grip my skull. I’ve gotta calm my ass down. 

The phone chirps with news of a Gary response.

Nowhere I gotta be but waiting for a beautiful woman. Just don’t stand me up, alright? 

Gary’s flirting. And even through the technical distance of texting this attention increases the beating of my racing heart. I steady my fingers to type.

Of course not.

Screw it. It’s taken almost a year for this first date to happen. I can tear the apartment upside down for the necklace I was going to wear when I return. 

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the jewelry box mirror. I touch the soft leather cord around my neck. It doesn’t go with the blouse. But I promised Bobby I wouldn’t take the thing off when he gave it to me months ago. 

I sigh, thinking about the grouch in the hospital bed. Back then, he asked where the fire was that I needed to get to in such a goddamn hurry. I wasn’t about to tell him I was running away from an avalanche of attitude by the name of Dean Winchester. The passing thought of that guy still bristles my fur. What the hell was his problem?

Bobby ordered me to hand over his duffle I’d brought from the hotel room. It took him a couple minutes to sift through it as he grumbled about my packing job. Eventually, he pulled out a cord with a charm.

“Should have given you one of these years ago, L. They only gotta find a chink in your armor when you’re the most vulnerable. Lost. Without hope.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Demons, knucklehead.” He rubbed the scrap of hair atop his balding skull.

I frowned. “My place is warded to ‘Singer Specifications.’” I air-quoted. “Salt lines get redone on the windows and doors weekly with double-sided tape. I’ve got a spray bottle of holy water on the kitchen counter. You even told me you peeled the upholstery off the roof of my car to paint a Devil’s Trap under it.”

He cleared his throat. “Right, I forgot I did that.” He waves the cord at me. “Overkill? Maybe? But a lot of shit’s been stirred up lately. And there’s an increase in demon activity because of it. Humor an old man. Put it on and promise me you won’t take it off. Ever.”

“Ever?”

He nodded. “Shower with it. Sleep with it. The whole nine yards.” 

I’d kept my promise. 

But, tonight. Well, tonight, fashion sense beats common as I pull the cord over my head. Before I can drop it into my jewelry box, there’s a knock at my door.

I frown, stuff the cord and charm in my grip, and wonder who’s paying me a visit and how fast I can get rid of them. “Who is it?” I call out.

“Uh, it’s Dean Winchester.” The voice rumbles. “You probably don’t remember me.”

“Oh no,” I mumble and rush to the door. I’m face to face with him after a quick unlock and pull. “What happened?” The question spews out. I hear how frantic I sound.

His eyes widen and punctuate his already shocked expression. “What?”

“Bobby! What happened?”

“Nothing. Bobby’s fine. Back in Sioux Falls, far as I know. Talked to him just yesterday.” He raises a hand to apparently calm me.

The gesture has the opposite effect. From my limited encounters, any reaction from this man reeks of condescension. I lash out with what I think is biting sarcasm. “Good. Hopefully Bobby put me down as his emergency contact like I asked, Mr. Snyderson.”

He confuses me further with a smile.

I shake my head and try not to focus on how cute his smile is. Or how long his lashes are and how that only adds to the flirtatious vibes when his lids flutter over those green eyes. “Why are you here?”

“Sam and I were in the area. On the way to a case.” He rocks back and forth from heel to sole.

I peek past him to the staircase landing. No Sam.

“He’s waiting in the car, outside.” Dean clears his throat. “He figured it was better I do this alone.”

My hand lands on my hip as I try my best cool-and-could-care-less stance. “Do what?”

He sighs. “Apologize.”

I’m staring up at this guy. Not as tall and eclipsing as his brother, but still much taller than me. He’s wearing a leather jacket that’s a little too big for his frame. A fleeting thought has me wondering if it’s Sam’s. But that can’t be right. An older brother doesn’t get his younger brother’s hand-me-downs. There’s hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes. Their gaze flits from side to side. For a moment, he seems smaller.

And sincere.

“I’m on my way out,” I state. Then add, “but you can come in for a minute.” 

He tugs a smile up the corner of his mouth and hurries inside. My nose twitches at the odor of stale sweat and something metallic.

“This is a nice little place you got here. Just like I imagined it would be.”

Why the hell had he been imagining what my place looks like?

His hands disappear into his jacket pockets. He strolls into the middle of my apartment.

I close the door. “You mentioned apologizing.” I’ve got places to be, buddy.

Dean turns to stare back at me. He lifts a brow, then steels his jaw. “Yeah.” He rotates on his heels to face me full on. “I was a dick and you didn’t deserve any of my bullshit. I’ve been going through some shit for about a year… not an excuse, I know that. But, I figured an explanation to go along with the apology was in order. Trying to make amends to the people I wronged before I hang up my hunting license.”

“You’re quitting?” For some reason, the confession utterly surprises me. I know nothing about this guy. But, none of that lines up in my brain about him. “Getting out of the life?”

“Something like that, yeah.” He smiles. It’s forced and pinned high on his cheeks. “Got any tips?”

“Tips?”

“Yeah, how’d you do it?”

I shake my head. “Tips should come from someone who’s done it successfully. I can’t say I’ll never get wrapped up in a case again. It’s a work in progress.”

He shrugs. The long jacket sleeve almost swallows his clenched fist at the action. “I don’t know. You’ve got a job. Your own place. Sounds pretty successful to me.” He spins, slow and deliberate, taking in the details of my apartment.

It should feel intrusive. Privacy invading. But, I find myself taking advantage of the opportunity to study his mannerisms. His lids squint, then relax. He licks his top lip. There’s a slight nod to some steady bopping tune that might be playing in his head.

Dean halts and stares at something. He bends over and leans to the side. On his way to the dresser, he crouches with creeping steps. Investigation mode appears to be activated with a graceful squat. A hand sweeps along the wood floor out of my view. He hops up to standing. Something shiny dangles between his fingers.

I float over in adulation at the sight. “Oh wow, you found it!”

He grins and drops it into my open, waiting palm. “Pretty important?”

“A gift from my grandmother.” My gaze darts to the corner behind the dresser where it had been hiding. I connect the dots. “It must have slipped over the side.” I inhale and beam at Dean. “Thank you.”

“Glad I could help.”

I drop the anti-possession charm on the dresser and use both hands to put on Grandma’s rose gold necklace.

Dean points to the leather cord. “Don’t forget that.”

I shake my head. “Doesn’t go.”

The judgment in his eyes wipes away any mirth on his face. “Bobby gave you that, didn’t he? He’d be awfully disappointed to know you weren’t taking precautions. ‘Out of the life’ doesn’t mean you slack off on being careful.” He scoops up the cord and unties the knot. A nod precedes his order. “Hold your arm out.”

I’ve obeyed before I realize it. He wraps the cord around my wrist a few times, turning it into a bracelet. Warm fingers fumble against my skin to fasten the leather. They slide up my forearm just enough to tuck the charm under my cuffed sleeve. “There,” he states. “Don’t have to worry about clashing or demons tonight.”

I’m about to thank him again when his eyes do a double-take in the direction of my dresser. He stares in surprise. “You-uh-you collect a lot of cat figurines, huh?”

I huff out a laugh and joke, “Yeah, I’m easing into the crazy cat lady role.”

He picks one up from the dozen miniature cats without asking.

I smile at the little angel in his hand. “That’s my favorite one.”

Dean raises a brow. “Another gift?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Best guess is the people that rented the apartment before me forgot it in the dresser they left behind. I found it in the bottom of a drawer under my clothes one day.”

“Oh.” He nods. “Why’s it your favorite?”

“I don’t know. Just makes me smile.”

“Hmm.” There’s a far away expression on his face.

I suddenly remember I am now very, very late for a date. “Well, Dean, I appreciate you coming by to apologize. No hard feelings. I hope things work out for you. Really.”

Dean relocates the angel with care. He straightens and gains a couple of inches. “I can use all the hope I can get.”

I nod along with him for what seems like forever.

“Riiight.” He stretches the word. “Have a nice night.”

I trail him to the door. “Tell Sam I said hi?”

He turns and looks at me. “Will do.” A hitch of breath follows. I wait for him to say whatever it is he seems to be mulling over. He offers me a soft smile. “Goodbye, Elina.”

The door opens and closes in a second and he’s gone. I’ve been surprisingly affected again by one Dean Winchester. And even though the apology should make me feel better, I somehow find myself worrying about the mysterious and aloof hunter.

I sigh and choose not to dwell on it if I can help it. After all, I’ve got a date! 

I rush to the bathroom one more time.

~~~~

Gary’s lips are insistent. Not super rough. His hands curl about my waist. The door handle by the passenger seat presses into my lower back.

The front seat of my VW bug isn’t very roomy. But, here we are, parked at the Staircase Rapids Canoe and Kayak Launch along the Delaware River. The deserted pull off and the moonlight dancing over the water make for a decent and impromptu makeout location.

Dinner was nice enough. I thought my Fettuccine Alfredo was a little runny. But I kept those thoughts to myself.

Gary was a nice enough dinner companion – from the crusty Italian bread with the dipping oil to the Tiramisu we shared. After months of building Gary up in my head, I thought I’d only find more of him to be starry eyed about. Once we could finally talk uninterrupted, the only new thing I’ve found out is he’s very good at deflecting. He offered up short and stubby answers to most of my questions. 

I assumed a cool disinterest had crept up in him by the end of the night. He didn’t ask anything very personal. There was nothing deep and probing. Well, except for his tongue currently in my mouth.

As I rate his kissing technique (there’s too much swirl and suction for my liking) I’m also wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why am I not able to let go and enjoy the closeness and warmth of this other person? It’s been way too long since I’ve experienced this kind of touch. I don’t need to calculate how long. My inner scorekeeper quickly reminds me. It’s been almost two years since my one night stand in Wildwood, New Jersey. 

I’m swimming in a haze of too much wine mixed with indecisiveness. His fingers skirt under the hem of my blouse and test the waters. When do I tell him that’s enough? Do I let him cop a feel over my bra? Despite his insistence to pay for my dinner, I slipped my credit card to the waitress so we could split the cost. I didn’t want to owe him anything.

I’ve done more for less attention and regretted it later. I shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t beat myself up for craving touch and fulfilling a basic human need.

It would be easy if I didn’t want more. And I’m realizing with every slip and slurp of Gary’s mouth that there isn’t going to be anything more than this. Whatever happens.

He whispers in my ear that I look incredibly hot tonight. I should gasp a thank you or toss him a complementary compliment. Instead, I’m reminding myself how expendable and forgettable I am. I’m tallying up how many people I expected to stick around –who displayed a modicum of care and interest– actually did.

Gary has been, well, nice enough. I recall how he offered to look at my brakes months back. Fixed them for me at cost at the garage where he moonlights.

All the chance encounters with this man have been thrilling and invigorating. After tonight, they could be embarrassing and stomach upsetting.

Cause this doesn’t feel right.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I finally get what I think I want… and… it’s not.

“Whatsa matter, baby?” he mumbles the question into my mouth.

I snatch at the opportunity presented. My hand rests atop his chest to push him away. I am done inhaling the red wine and cocoa on his breath. “I-I think it’s getting late.” His offer to drive me home in my car, after I had too much wine, is now an obvious problem. I scramble to sound invested in his well being. “You don’t want to call Jason too late for that drive back to the restaurant to pick up your truck, do you?”

“Sweet of you to worry, but I’m a big boy.” He combs some of my hair behind my ear. “You aren’t having a good time?”

“No,” I hurry out my answer. Gary’s figure is awash in the ashy gray of evening. His face, half in pitch black shadow, gives me little to read. The whites of his eyes are the only thing I can make out well. He blinks in wait. I continue. “I had a great time. But, it’s getting late.”

“We could have an even better time if you’d relax.” His thin lips curl up high into a smirk. Hands overpower with ease and clamp over my wrists. A push and I’m smothered between his chest and the door. He grapples my arms tight against my sides. His mouth latches onto my neck. “Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?” His question vibrates under my skin.

My heart beats for release. “Gary, please…”

“Hm, begging for it already.” He chuckles.

“No.” I squirm. I shake my head, lift my shoulder in vain to detach his lips from me. “Take me home, please.”

He groans out an exasperated sigh. His bangs sweep over my lips. “For fuck’s sake. We could’ve had a good time tonight, El.” His teeth click. He launches backward into the driver’s seat.

I sit up and wedge farther into the little corner between the door and the seat. Where the hell can I run where he won’t catch me right away? There isn’t anything for five miles in either direction on this stretch of road heading back to Matamoras from Pond Eddy. I massage the skin of one wrist. Maybe I can convince him to drive me home? Promise to continue the fun at my apartment? I could hop out of the car and run to the 24-hour Smoke Shop a block away. 

When I switch to the other wrist I notice something’s missing.

Gary starts the engine. The dashboard illuminates and winks to life. He taps on the overhead light. My leather cord dangles from the tips of his fingers. He eyes the charm swaying back and forth. His lips peel back and display pearly whites. “Fuckin’ piece of shit,” he hisses. Under the engine hum a whirr accompanies the opening of the driver’s side window. With a quick slingshot, my necklace disappears into the darkness outside.

“What the hell are you doing?” I’m surprised at my ability to sound angry.

“What did Dean have to say when he stopped by earlier?” Gary asks and turns to look at me. I can see every inch of his face now but he’s not any easier to read.

Oh. Shit.

I grab the door handle.

But I’m not faster than Gary.

He cups the back of my head and slams my forehead into the curved outcrop of the dash. A shock of whiplash shuffles the contents of my skull. It’s followed by a ringing in my ears. Fingers weave into my hair and tug me to sit upright, tipping my head back like a Pez dispenser. I scream at the corkscrew twisting of his hand. Hundreds of strands yank out of my scalp. 

“The Winchesters.” Gary is calm and stone faced. He’s in my personal space, staring down at me. “Where are they headed?”

“I-I don’t know.” Balance upended, I’m woozy and confused. “How-, why-”

“Those two are stupid enough to get themselves killed if they aren’t careful, El. Help ‘em out. Tell me where they are going.”

“I t-t-told you. I don’t kn-”

I hear a crack, then realize it was the side of my head getting slammed into the car window. A dull, heavy pulse bangs against the kettle drum that is my brain.

“We gotta do it the hard way, huh?”

I slump against the glass and close my eyes. The surface is cool, slippery. Despite the pain radiating throughout my body, I could fall asleep.

Gears shift. The car judders forward in that familiar way when I give it a little too much gas. Then, it slows to a crawl.

“We’ve got a pool going, seeing how boring as hell it’s been topside lately. Pun intended, by the way.” Gary hums a little to the pop tune blaring from the radio. “Who’s Dean gonna run to before his deal comes due?” He announces the question like a game show host. “I had my money on you. Always thought you had an advantage over Lisa. I mean, yeah, there’s Ben. That meat stick has a soft spot for kids. But, you, I mean come on, you were in the life. You know what it’s like. You get him. Well, when you remember him.” Gary snorts. “You saved him for fuck’s sake!”

I force my lids open. Something sticky’s blurring the vision of my right eye. The headlights are creeping over a dirt path. Gary taps the steering wheel to the song’s beat. 

“Wha- talkin’ ‘bout?” I murmur.  

“You pulled out in the lead at the last minute. Spray a little scrubbing bubbles in there” – he presses a finger to my temple – “and I’ll get what I need, get out of this ass backwards town and onto bigger and better things. A promotion from Lilith. Maybe visit New York City. Get up to some trouble.” Gary turns to grin at me. I’m seeing double, his figure swimming in and out of focus. 

His eyes turn totally black.

I shake my head. The pounding only increases.

A demon. There’s a fucking demon driving my car.

“Gotta say I’m a little disappointed.” Gary slams the brake pedal hard. My body flails back into the seat. I groan as Gary continues talking, shifting into park while the engine runs. “Thought we could have some real fun before getting down to the doldrums of business. This wasn’t the way Gary wanted to end up inside you, either.”

I gotta get out of here. I reach for one of the door handles but I only fist at air. Beyond the car hood, I can only make out a sliver of the dirt path awash in high beams. Ripples of water, the color of black volcanic glass, sway and meet the edge of the earth. 

Sudden and abrupt, Gary’s palms cradle my head. A kaleidoscope of black-eyed masks circle in my vision. “Open wide so I can have a peek, baby.” His jaw unhinges. Smoke expels from between his lips. Onyx clouds hang in the air. Terror bubbles up and a pitiful yelp leaves me. His gaping hole of a mouth turns up at the corners in a sinister cheshire cat grin. 

The smoke appears sentient, swirling its form into a thread with a needle-like point heading right toward my mouth. Then, I feel the invasion. The alien gas slides down my throat. It violates and expands throughout my lungs and inflates in dominance. It’s rough, uncaring, pawing under my skin for control. My vision is gone, a complete blackout. I can’t stop blinking in hopes I will see something, anything. I gasp somewhere, far away, for breath. 

“There we go, baby.” It’s my voice, but I’m not saying the words. I’ve been amputated from the body I’m stuck inside. The prisoner part of me rattles around in my brain, beating against my skull. “It’ll be better if you don’t fight.”

My sight returns but it’s distorted. I’m peeking through a fisheye lens. My hand adjusts the rear view mirror - without any directive that’s mine - so I can stare at my reflection. Half of my face is smeared in blood. My blood. My fingers push matted hair off my forehead and cheek. My eyes leer at my own visage, lascivious and coveting. My tongue peeks out to lick the blood dripping from my nose.

“Oh, we’re gonna be able to get so much more done with this body.” Incorporeal fingers flip through my memory. “Hm. You weren’t lying. You don’t know where they went.” 

“Elina?” A hoarse voice mumbles out of Gary’s body slumped in the driver’s seat.

“All those naughty thoughts.” My voice holds a condescending, judgy tone, as I stare at Gary. “Maybe if you’d paid more attention to taking care of that sickly aunt you wouldn’t be in this mess, Gar.” One of my hands feels its way up Gary’s shirt and under his suit jacket. It finds something cool and hard inside the breast pocket. My other hand unceremoniously pulls the clear bud vase from the mount it resides in near the steering wheel. “Lilith appreciates your service.”

Gary stares at the folded hunting knife in my hand. A firm wrist whip releases the blade from the confines. He scrambles to sit up in the seat. “What-what are you-”

Gary doesn’t get to finish his sentence. I’m screaming in the cage of my brain. My hand slashes at his throat, plunging deep into the flesh and meeting the resistance of bone. My wrist twists. My other hand places the bud vase near the gaping wound. Blood gurgles and spurts into the receptacle as Gary’s head flops to the side.

I can’t stop screaming. 

“Hopefully that’s enough.”

My voice quips out some lines of Latin as my eyes stare hard at the tiny vase.

“Fuck. Well, guess that killing two birds with one stone saying doesn’t apply here. Not enough juice.” My hand tosses the vase into the back of the car. “We’ll just give Sam a ring and find out where he and Dean are. Find another warm body to make another call. Then we’ll update Lilith on our progress.” I see my lips scrunch up in the mirror’s reflection. “Gary’s gonna have to go for a swim.” My body expels an exasperated sigh.

I can’t stop screaming.

“Shut the fuck up. Or when we track Dean and Sam down, I’ll cut their tongues out and feed them to you.”

I gasp, stunned and muted by the threat.

“That’s better. Now where’s that cell phone of yours.”

Dropping the knife, my hand searches the footwell by my heels. The demon will secure my purse in moments.

Dean’s face flashes in my memory. I can use all the hope I can get.

“You get him. Well, when you remember him. You saved him for fuck’s sake!” Gary’s voice - the demon’s words - replay in my head.

Demons lie. 

But I remember Sam. Sam doesn’t deserve whatever this demon has in store for him. And, deep down, I’m pretty sure Dean doesn’t deserve it either.

From the periphery of my sight, I see blood seeping out of Gary’s fatal wound. The wound my hands created.

Demons kill.

The demon won’t hesitate to do this again to someone else.

Unless I fight back.

“You can’t fight me.” My voice sing songs. “You don’t get out of this until I say.”

I remember Sam. Sam was able to do things he hadn’t thought possible when something was important enough to try and save.

“I told you to shut up.”

I realize how similar my voice sounds to my sister’s when she used to tease and scold me.

I hated that.

The engine idles, a background hum to all of the crazy.

My hand flips my phone open and begins to tap through my contacts.

I won’t be used to hurt another person. Anger boils and the body I’m in heats up around me. My thoughts zone in on how the gear shift would feel in my hand. How I’d press on the brake while I switch from Park to Drive.

The pedal bears down and the gear shift clicks to R, N, then D.

“What the–?”

I imagine my foot lifting off the brake and slamming the gas.

The car hiccups forward, almost rearing up on its wheels like a horse being whipped. It’s only a few seconds and then it’s bobbing as if it’s been fitted with hydraulics. Gary’s lifeless body bounces in the driver’s seat.

“You psycho bitch!” My voice screams. “Your funeral, not mine!” I feel my jaw open wide, stretching muscles and tendons to their limits.

The lights flicker out in the car. I focus on the sound of water lapping against the exterior. Whatever is going to happen next, I hope it’s quick.

“What the hell?!?” My voice roars in the dark. “What did you do?!? Why am I stuck?!?” My head whips side to side with a feral intensity.

I imagine chuckling like a victorious villain. The Devil’s Trap on the ceiling. Bobby came through for me. Again. Even as my body shivers at the cold water surrounding my feet, I know I can do one last thing to make the man proud. After all, I aced my Latin class in college.

I thread the words of the exorcism together, echoing in my brain.

“No! Stop!”

My body is betraying me again, either because of the demon or because I might be weakening its hold and control over my flesh. I’m fading. Lids too heavy to keep open. 

Glass breaks behind me and water rushes in. The ice cold shocks my heart. Hands wrap around my waist and tug. I’m pulled through the water. This must be what dying feels like.

I break through the water’s surface. “El!” A hand wraps around my waist. A body tangles around mine in the river and drags me somewhere. 

Pairs of hands hold me down on hard ground.

“Fuck! Sam!”

The Latin chant spills from a familiar voice, fast and furious.

Sam.

The force of water and smoke expelling from my throat jolts me awake. My eyes flicker open.

I see them.

Sam and Dean stare down at me. A heavy full moon hangs in the sky behind them.

“Hold on, El!”

Dean. 

I can’t, though.

~~~~

I wake up screaming.

Sam and Dean are gone.

No moon. No night.

I’m in a room. Yellow fluorescent light.

My heart races. Something beeps.

I stare at a drop ceiling.

“El!”

Pamela. Pamela’s here. I gasp for air.

“It’s alright, darlin’.” Her hand soothes a warm trail up and down my arm.

I slowly realize “here” is a hospital room. I am in a bed, sensors taped to skin and needles tapped into veins.

“Aw, sweetie. Everyone’s gonna be so happy to know you’re awake. Doctor’s gonna want to check you out and talk to you.” She sighs. “Unfortunately, so are the police.”

My mind swims with newfound knowledge. “Dean.” I croak out. “Where’s Dean?” I turn to see her watercolor blue eyes inspect me. The usual troublemaker grin is nowhere to be found.

She pats my hand. “Later, sweetie. Listen to me now.”

“Pamela…”

“Do you remember what happened to you? In the car?” She strokes the hair atop my head. “Do you remember what that thing did to you? Do you remember what it made you do to Gary?”

The knife in Gary’s throat. The blood. I nod. The tears flow.

Pamela nods back. “That’s what the police want to talk to you about,” she whispers. “But, if you claim it was self-defense-that he was gonna hurt you-trust me, it’ll be an easy sell. Those two lawyers you work for, Mitch and Ryan?” I nod as she continues. “They’ve been by to check on you and keep me informed of the investigation. Gary’s Aunt Cheryl’s been rotting away in the  basement of her house for months. Gary” –her voice even lower– “that thing joyriding him, it had you in its sights all that time, just waiting for the right moment, like a goddamn serial killer. Cops found photos of you all over the house and satanic” –she air quotes– “stuff in his room.”

My head spins. “Why? Why was it after Sam and Dean?”

A nurse pops in. Her face lights up. “Oh. How’s the patient?”

Pamela smiles and grips my wrist. “Sis just woke up.”

The nurse beelines to the side of my bed and checks the IV drip. Her gaze skirts over me and then at the monitor. “Dr. Wallace is making the rounds.” She clears her throat. “We’ve been given specific instructions to notify the police department as soon as…”

Pamela waves a hand, “Just do whatever you gotta do so we can get her out of here as soon as she’s able. Please.”

The nurse nods and zips out of the room.

“Sis?” I notice a dull throb from my forehead extends to the right side of my head. Oh, yeah, my skull met the dashboard and a window. The painkillers are obviously holding back a torrent of pain.

“Bobby needed one of your relatives to watch over you while he…” Pamela trails off.

“He’s with them, isn’t he? Sam and Dean?”

“What do you remember?”

It’s all a jumble. Memories and thoughts can’t reconcile themselves. “I remember knowing Dean, and then… not. And then, knowing him again.”

Her fingers rub circles atop my hand. “I don’t know all the details. Bobby’s a vault when he swears to secrecy. But, the long and short of it… this Dean Winchester made some kind of demon deal almost a year ago.”

I close my eyes. All I hear in my head is Dean.

I don’t like any of this, though, not one bit. I can’t keep literally dragging you into my shit.

Whatever this connection is, it’s obvious we don’t have any control over it. And that can go real bad, real quick.

You’re special. And I want you to stay that way.

“Oh, Dean,” I whisper. “What did you do?”

“Hey.” Pamela gives me a soft nudge. “This Dean sounds like a ton more trouble than he’s worth. You need to worry more about yourself right now, those police that are going to be by, and getting better. Bobby’s orders.”

~~~~ 

I was in the hospital for two more days under observation because of the head trauma I sustained. Once they ran me back and forth for numerous tests I finally got discharged with orders to rest.

I’ve been on lockdown for three weeks. I’ve also got security detail.

Not from the cops, mind you. I was convincing enough with my story. They bought that what I did to Gary was in self-defense. It wasn’t like I had to embellish much, just selectively omit some details. The demon had left a trail of crazy and murder that only supported my innocence.

No, I’m on lockdown with Pamela. And Garth, my security detail, has been ordered by Bobby to act as a sentinel outside my building. When he’s not in his car by the entrance during the day, he’s tucked into a sleeping bag by the threshold of my door at night. Pamela sleeps on the couch. I am within eyesight of either one of them in my twin bed. No one could ever claim this studio apartment is spacious.

It’s not so much about who might be coming after me, I suspect, as much as where I might run off to. Bobby called Pamela often. There’d been discussions, of which I’d not been allowed input, that maybe I should be moved. But the logistics and the where couldn’t be agreed. I couldn’t be taken to Sioux Falls. That meant Sam and Dean were there.

Garth had to get on the phone one night and offer, “Geez, Bobby. Law enforcement here is so on edge even the wind changing direction gets the third degree. No way anyone new or somethin’ out of the ordinary gets by them for quite a while. This is probably the safest place for El to be right now.”

That seemed to be good enough for Bobby, finally. Not for me. All I want are answers from Dean about why he thought wiping my memory of him was a great idea. More importantly, all I want to do is help him. Nothing involving a demon is good, I’m living proof. And anything involving a deal with a demon is a thousand times worse.

Pamela went out for food and supplies one morning while “cousin” Garth and I had a late Saturday breakfast. It was the first time we’d been by ourselves.

“You never met Sam and Dean Winchester?” I ask and slurp the sweet sugared milk from my cereal bowl.

“Nope.” Garth helps himself to another serving of the copycat Froot Loops.

I sit up and eye him as he digs in. “So, it was Bobby, then, that had you destroy my phone?”

He gasps, then coughs, mouth full of cereal. A little milk dribbles out of his nose. The features on his cue ball of a head scrunch in towards the center at his discomfort. “What?”

“Come on, Garth. Be honest with me.”

He wipes the mess off his face. “Alright, fine. Yes, Bobby had me do it.” He raises a hand. “And before you ask, I swear I don’t know why. He just told me you needed to be kept out of harm’s way and getting rid of your phone would help with that. So, I did.”

“I know why,” I mumble. “Erase any trace of Dean. It was probably Dean’s idea and Bobby just had you execute it.” I stand, itchy with irritation, and head over to the sink to deposit my cereal bowl. “Doesn’t it piss you off? The way Bobby doles out orders and we’re supposed to follow them without question?”

Garth blows his nose, I’m guessing to clear it of any residual milk. He flares his nostrils and does a little head shake. “Way I see it, Bobby’s survived this long on more than a little luck and a lot of praying. Like it or not, he’s usually right.” Garth looks up at me from his seat. His face wrinkles up into a thoughtful expression. “Bobby did tell me you got pretty close to those Winchesters. The Dean fella, in particular.”

I cross my arms, lean against the tiny bit of counter space that makes up my kitchenette. “I thought so.” I sweep my socked foot along the linoleum floor. My gaze lands on the cat figurine collection across the room on the dresser.

“Thought?”

I zone in on the cat angel. The one Dean got me. The one he picked up when he was here and trying to apologize when I didn’t remember everything. “Being close to someone means having faith in them. That’s how it goes for me anyway.”

“Faith is hard to come by for some people.” Garth shrugs. “You and I are close but it wasn’t always like that. I had to earn it. Look me in the eyes and say you have faith in everything I do with a straight face.” He raises his eyebrows.

I feel my mouth quirk up into a grin. “Fair enough,” I chuckle.

There’s a tell tale knock at the door. It’s the secret knock and I start for the door. But Garth raises a finger and sprints over before me.

Pamela breezes in with a couple bags. “Alright, I think I got everything on the list.” She drops them on the table and pulls out a newspaper for Garth.

“Thanks, Pammy. Gotta catch up on what Marmaduke’s up to.”

She smiles softly at him, then hands me a pile of envelopes. “Grabbed your mail.”

“Thanks, Pammy.” I parrot Garth.

I don’t get the same sweet smile at the use of the nickname. “I’m makin’ rice and beans tonight. Not up for discussion.”

“Hmmm.” Garth rubs his non-existent tummy and wades through the newspaper.

The two of them chatter. I walk to the couch and flop on it, flipping through the mail. Bill. Bill. Junk. But then there’s an envelope with my name and address handwritten on it. The print is haphazard and hurried. It’s postmarked from Sioux Falls from about a week ago. And in the top left corner are two letters.

D.W.

I purse my lips to hold in a gasp. Once I compose myself I announce, “Anyone gotta use the bathroom before I take a shower?”

“Nope,” Pamela states.

“I am A OK,” Garth replies. “Pammy, you like Garfield?”

I pull some clean clothes out of the dresser and dash into the bathroom while they discuss the merits of Odie.

It’s the only place I can get any privacy. I sit on the toilet, my change of clothes a heap in my lap, and Dean’s letter in my hands.

My entire body shivers. I inhale deep and slow to try and calm down, but it’s not helping. A finger inches under the flap and rips open the envelope. I unfold three pieces of paper that were inside. The first one is on stationery from The Aviary Hotel.There’s a crease etched in the middle, top to bottom, and a few left to right; it’s been folded into a smaller square at some point in the past.

The writing is tight and neat. Different from the one on the envelope.

I’m not gonna apologize for how I acted today, El.  What would be the point, anyway? You wouldn’t understand why I had to.  Take my advice and stay as far away from Sam and me as possible. –Dean

Short and not very sweet. But, I think back to the altercation I had with Dean in the hotel room with the loudest wallpaper I’d ever seen. It was when I didn’t remember, months back. Bobby had been in the hospital. I shake my head, even now, at how obnoxious Dean had been.

The fucker was doing everything in his power to make sure I wasn’t gonna give a shit about him. But why? Why the memory wipe? I tuck the page behind the others.

The next page is on very familiar stationery. I gave it to Bobby as a cheeky little gift one Christmas. He never uses it, but I know where he stashes it - in the right side drawer of the desk in his library.

Dean found that stationery and probably sat at that very desk to write what I’m now reading. The page has crinkles in it, like it was balled up and thrown out.

I let out a chuckle in nervous hiccups at Dean’s scribble right under the fancy font.

A bunch of BS from the desk of B.S. Ain’t that the truth!!! El, Bobby told me you remember everything. His friend Pamela told him that you’ve been asking about me. I don’t know why your memories came back. The deal’s not up yet. I’m glad you’re gonna get to go home soon. I’m so sorry you got caught in the middle of all of this ,. princess I always just wanted you safe. As much as I wish things could be different, nothing good comes from being around me. It kills me you had to find out the hard way with the demon riding that guy. All those times you saved me and didn’t give up on me, it kills me I’ll never be able to repay you proper. I’m glad you remember me now. Truth is, I didn’t think you ever would again.  It hurt to have to push you away all this time. To not reach out and tell you about the stupid thing I did when I was crazy in my head over losing Sam. He died, El. About a year ago.

I stop reading. Drop the papers in my lap. I recall the very healthy looking Sam I saw months back. And the one who helped rescue me only weeks ago.

I traded my soul to bring him back. But the crossroads demon only gave me a year before my bill came due. 

My heart beat increases, pounds in my head. Dean’s words trigger the pain from the assault, a deep ache in my bones. My skin prickles with anger. 

Sam died a year ago and Dean’s deal was for a year. 

No, Dean. No.

The bitch thought it’d be cute to wipe your memory of every little bit of me as part of the agreement. You gotta believe me, El, that’s not what I wanted. I may have thought it was better you’d never met me. But I never would have traded losing you for Sam. Me, that’s a no-brainer. 

I turn the page over and continue to read Dean’s words through my blurry vision. The other pages scatter onto the tile floor.

I want It just twisted the knife, having you look at me like I was a stranger. Having to tear into you hurt so fucking much. But it was all I could do to drive that urge to help out of you. You were a great hunting partner. One of the best. It’s selfish of me and dangerous for you, but I’ve thought about what it would be like having you hunt with Sam and me again. Like a team. And it feels right. I think that life, if the apple pie life was never in the cards for me, that would have been nice. 

But my time is almost up, so I’m gonna try to hold on to what might have been, wherever I’m going.  I just want to tell you that I love  need you to stay safe, alright. I need you to be okay when all this is over. And, I need you to be there for Sam. And maybe, maybe he can be there for you, when you want to remember me. Cause I’ll never forget you, Suds. -Dean  

Both hands cover my mouth. I stifle the sobs. It’s not helping and I’m only getting louder. Pamela or Garth will knock on the door soon. I lean to the left and twist the faucet knob. A spurt of water shoots out. A steady stream soon follows.

I wish he’d tried to tell me. That night when he was here. I would have thought he was crazy. But, still, I might have told him to have Sam come up and confirm. I might have called Bobby. I might never have gone to meet Gary.

I could have been with them all this time. Trying anything and everything to help. I grab the page again and look at that word he’s crossed out. Love. He could have written anything after that. He could have just wanted to remind me that he loves pie.

But somehow, I think not.

More tears come.

I flip the lever so water cascades out of the showerhead. I wipe my soggy eyes with the back of my hand and gather up the other dropped pages.

The last page wasn’t written by Dean. The print is large and loopy. Sam. 

Dean tossed both these letters out today. The first one he’d been carrying around in his bag for months in an envelope with your name on it. I saw him dump it in Bobby’s office along with the second note. I wanted to give you the chance to read them now, in case there’s time for you to reach out before we track down Lilith. Maybe give him a reason to keep fighting, El. Cause he’s tired of hearing me. He’s trying to hold on but the closer he gets to the clock running out… I can’t lose him, either. Sam.

I leave all the pages atop the sink. My gaze lingers on the phone number Sam wrote at the bottom of the note. It’s gotta be Dean’s. My brain and body go on autopilot. I cry as I shower, towel off, and then dress into my second set of pajamas for the day.

By the time I exit the bathroom, Garth is gone, and Pamela waits for me on the couch. She’s the best big sister I could ask for in that moment, opening her arms for me to collapse into and cry some more. She waits until I’m ready to tell her everything. When I’m done, she tucks my damp hair behind my ears and gives me a nod for courage.

“You do what you got to do, sweetie. I’ll be out in the hall. When you need me, that’s where I’ll be.”

I know he won’t pick up. And, I don’t know what I’m gonna leave on his voicemail. I stand up and walk over to the dresser. I place Sam’s note on top of it, by my cat figurine collection, and punch in the numbers. The ringing begins and I stare at the little cat angel, readying to say anything after Dean’s greeting.

“This is Dean’s other, other cell so you must know what to do.”

“Hi.” My voice eeks out, a whispery rasp. I clear my throat. “Dean. It’s me. El. I-I just wanted to tell you that I’m-I’m pissed. I’m pissed that you didn’t hang around at the hospital and wait for me to wake up. Cause, ah, I-I did think of a tip for you.” The lump in my throat makes my breath hitch. “Don’t quit the life. Not yet. And don’t wait so damn long to kiss me the next time you see me, Winchester. I’ll, I’ll be waiting.”

I circle my finger along the halo of the little kitty.

~~~~

I don’t sleep that night. I wait for his call. When my phone finally rings, it’s a little after two in the morning.

But the name on the screen is Bobby. He hasn’t called me direct since I’ve been out of the hospital.

I answer but don’t say anything. Just wait for the old man’s voice.

“I’m sorry, L. He’s-he’s gone.”

[artist-issues]

Some head-profile-study things for the characters of my HTTYD3 rewrite, because ya’ll have me on a creative kick, apparently. The idea ran away with me and not one of you have lifted a finger to stop it

Anyway!

Here’s our three main dragon characters (I think there might be one or two others, but only one is another Fury, and he’s more of a presence than an actual character 🤷‍♀️)

You’ve got our beloved Toothless. I purposely kept his head narrow and his eyes catlike here because I would have kept his design largely similar to the first (best) film. By the time of this reimagined movie, I would’ve had Toothless enjoying his life as the Alpha with Hiccup to the fullest. No boredom or “oh no, Berk is overcrowded.” He gets his kicks from pulling new flying stunts and baffling kids who are learning to ride their own dragons—no “duhr hurr guess playing Fetch is my new favorite pastime, -slobber slobber pant pant-”

Because Toothless’ story always mirrors whatever is happening with Hiccup, my HTTYD rewrite would deal with the fact that while Hiccup has found acceptance and hope for a future among his own kind (Vikings) Toothless has not. Sure, he’s leader of the other dragons—but how many times did you see Toothless spending one-on-one time with any dragons, the way Hiccup spends one on one time with Astrid for support and help? I mean, outside of the television shows. So he begins his interest in the Fury Flock because, a-la Call of the Wild, there’s an opportunity for him to be accepted by his own kind even after being raised apart from them.

But I want to be clear—Toothless would not be desperate for their approval. He’d instinctively start to pick up on the Fury Flock’s social hierarchy and, just as instinctively, start to climb that ladder because he’s a highly skilled Night Fury. When Hiccup and his Riders first find the Flock, they realize how incredibly dangerous it is to try their usual methods of taming a whole group of dragons who are Furies, can camouflage, and are loyal to a ridiculously human-hostile leader. So Valka sort of coaches Hiccup on how to shadow Toothless, from a safe, observant distance, while Toothless gets closer and closer to his own kind. Hiccup hopes to get some questions answered this way: like, why are the Furies so covered in scars and signs of human/dragon conflict? And who are the mysterious human scouting ships, newly entering Berk’s territory, that the Furies keep raiding? 

(It’s Grimmel and his people, but you guys knew that)

Next up is Old Night Fury! I’ve already said a lot about him. Basically, this Old Night Fury is the only Night Fury who survived this last thirty-year-long migration season from the Hidden World to Grimmel’s land. In fact, apart from Toothless, Old Night Fury might actually be the last of his own kind.  Think Kerchak from Tarzan, but more murderous of humans and accepting of Toothless. Old Night Fury shoots human beings first, and usually doesn't bother hiding or running away if directly confronted. He is fiercely protective of the Fury Flock and they obey his every spine-click (that’s how they communicate) command. Old Night Fury is just as willing to accept Toothless into the Flock as he would be any new Fury seeking to join—but he has to prove himself a valuable member of the hunt, first.  Old Night Fury is the only Fury alive who knows how to get to the Hidden World, and uses his echolocation to lead the group. Eventually he poses a threat directly to Hiccup, leading Toothless to drop the covert-act and defend his master. The Old Night Fury is ultimately killed by Grimmel, making Toothless the only echolocating dragon alive capable of leading the Fury Flock back to the Hidden World for the next 30 years.  And Finally, our Love Interest Fury, Ambush! This is the Light Fury’s redesign. I call her species “‘Sky Furies.” They can blend in with their surroundings for a short period of time (Night Furies cannot, in this rewrite), they live in complex social hierarchy systems led by the bigger, stronger Night Furies, and they breathe smaller, smokier plasma bolts. They communicate by dolphin-esque clicks, swim as fast as Night Furies can fly, and most of their lives revolve around either migrating or participating in high-octane community hunts.  For more on Sky Furies you can check out my other posts (because apparently I’m doing a lot of them ^^”) But this particular Sky Fury is named Ambush. She is the best hunter, the quickest flier, and at the very top of the Sky Furies’ social ladder when Toothless meets her. Hiccup names her, quietly to himself, after noticing that she’s gained a deadly reputation among the mysterious (Grimmel’s people) ocean voyagers. 

Unlike the canon Light Fury, Ambush has a personality. She definitely still hates humans, but it’s less in a blank, skittish-cat way and more in a ferocious, that’s-my-natural-hated-enemy-and-I’m-going-to-get-first-dibs way. Because Sky Furies decide who gets to eat first by who brought down the prey. And after their war, Sky Furies don’t just view people as prey, they view them as war enemies.  Other aspects of her personality: competitive. Ambush has been leading the hunt for basically her whole life. She’s been eating first and enjoying the deference of her Flock-mates, uninterrupted. But when Toothless shows up, and thanks to Hiccup’s secret help, he beats her at just about every feat of speed or strength. At first this makes her mad. Then she’s attracted to him—because another aspect of her personality is insatiable curiosity. It’s what gets her hit by one of Grimmel’s traps. Toothless and Hiccup save her—specifically, Hiccup himself, whom she personally tried to eat three or four times beforehand.   From that moment on, Ambush is eager to see more of the funny little human community and is cautiously observant of all things Hiccup, whenever he’s on the scene. Basically, Ambush is Dragon-Astrid—emphasis on “‘Dragon.” Because they should’ve stuck to the whole “everything that happens to Hiccup should be mirrored in Toothless and vice versa.”

Once Ambush has chosen Toothless and learned to not just trust, but actually like Berkian humans, she supports him against the Fury Flock. When Old Night Fury tries to kill Hiccup and winds up getting them both captured by Grimmel—leaving Toothless grounded—it’s Ambush who rallies the other Furies to trust Toothless’ leadership and mount a rescue mission. 

[house-of-mirrors]

I was waiting till the official launch to post my Thoughts TM on mask so far, so here we are. There are no plot spoilers under the cut but spoilers nonetheless, I know I'm someone that likes to go into a game knowing absolutely nothing so. Disclaimer this is just my opinion, etc. TLDR I had very mixed feelings.

I want to like it. I love FL and the universe, been fixated on it for 3 years now. Genuinely though, I hate the pacing of mask. I've only had the game 3 days and have only completed 1 run, but I already feel burnt out from it. The time limit stressed me out, and the process of having to restart everything from scratch is grueling.

The story moves so fast that I barely have time to catch my breath. It reminded me of the anxiety of playing Majora's Mask. (And even that game lets you keep stuff unlocked between runs!) About 16 in-game days go by, and bam over. I'd appreciate if there were more days per season. The time skips didn't really make sense to me either because why does the player just do nothing for a few weeks? I would have liked enough time to complete at least one main quest, two side quests, and two relationships (two friendships, a friendship and a romance, whatever) per run, and I was only able to manage one of those. Sure, I could have explored more, but a character I cared about had his life on the line and I couldn't think about anything else.

The third act of the game is supremely cut short, like, no spoilers but there was a Major Event involving a character I was pursuing a romantic relationship with, and I didn't even get to interact with the character afterward and the whole thing was brushed over. The third act is where I got the feeling of, "ah, I'm getting used to this, the Game is finally beginning!" but NOPE that's the credit reel. Was left kinda feeling… huh, that was it? I know you're meant to replay a lot to get the full experience but that leads to my next point...

Spending a lot of time in each playthrough just to get to the places and items you need is a slog when you've already unlocked them before. And I hate to say it but... I have almost no ambition to pursue relationships because I know they'll be over very soon, there's no time to develop a real bond. Maybe I'm too aspec but it doesn't make sense to me how your character would decide to date someone at your first meeting. So like, in sskies or ssea, you can't complete every quest in one run, but some stuff carries over. Keep some locations and items unlocked between runs to make it easier on the player.

From a technical standpoint the game is fascinating and a lot of work went into it, but an innovative engine doesn't impress me when the most important part, the story, lacks immersion. As it stands, I can't bring myself to play more until a patch that fixes some of these issues. My disappointment is palpable.