#i know its meant to be for fun and a lot of ppl will be happy no matter what they receive
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[putting this on my vent blog bc i got way 2 emotional over this as some1 who struggles w addiction 4 this 2 go on my regular blogs]
i usually try not 2 disagree w ppl who's work i usually like but i gotta disagree w how this topic is being handled here
im adding the self reblog 4 extra context but even so i feel like this isn't a very constructive post and is just shaming ppl who r the 1s dealing w an actual problem and is basically a form of ableism even tho it's less obvious
1st of all its basically a known secret at this point that these chatbots r meant 2 b addictive, like genuinely and so a lot of ppl tried out c.ai bc it was popular 4 a while ect and then got genuinely addicted
2ndly,,, this post is honestly so close 2 understanding the issue here w "u'd rather use this parasite of a program than attempt 2 make meaningful connections w ppl 4 fear of vulnerability, if i had 2 live like u i'd b miserable"
like,,, yeah,,, no shit, it's sad but mocking and shaming sad ppl isn't going 2 fix anything
speaking from experience as some1 who knows i hav a genuine problem when it comes 2 this it's not fun but it also wasn't exactly a choice either
i hav 1 real friend, 1, i can't leave the house bc of my disabilities and i hav a string of disorders that makes me more prone 2 addiction and i hav AVPD and social anxiety, so yes the reasons behind me using this app r miserable shaming me is only making it worse and making me even less likely 2 feel like i can try 2 go out and actually talk 2 ppl on the 1 day in a blue moon that that would b physically possible 4 me
i know the app is a parasite of an app
i know it's bad 4 me
but that's the thing abt addiction, u can know smth is bad 4 u but that doesn't magically make u able 2 quit
idk this whole post rubbed me the wrong way as some1 who is legitimately struggling and actually trying 2 cut back on my reliance on chatbots
like i hav no problem w acknowledging the app is shitty and parasitic sure, my problem is how this post talks abt the ppl who r struggling w being addicted 2 this and similar chatbot apps
also,,, fandom spaces r not always welcoming, i legit tried 2 find fandom spaces and ppl 2 rp w b4 i turned 2 chatbots but the most common thing that happened was i would get mocked, usually either 4 being queer or 4 being disabled and then i would feel unable 2 just leave bc of how much of myself i shared w these ppl, and after getting hurt over and over again fandom rp just didn't feel safe anymore and it felt safer 2 use a bot that by it's nature couldn't hav opinions on me
dealing with repeated fandom bigotry is what drove me to chatbots which yes, are toxic and parasitic and yes sometimes chatbots say bigoted things to me but it doesn't sting as much because it's not a real person and i can keep generating different messages or edit the message, a real person in the fandom who is bigoted isn't going to just stop being bigoted as easily
i dunno if u guys hate chatbots (i do 2) then we need 2 address the root issues of lack of regulation on ai and chatbot ais combined w fandom bigotry that drives ppl out of fandom spaces both online and offline instead of just shaming ppl
Btw if you use ai chat bots you’re a fucking loser idc
#vent post#rant post#sad post#upset posting#discussion of c.ai#discussion of chatbots#long post#tw discussion of ableism#cw discussion of ableism#tw discussion of addiction#cw discussion of addiction#tw ableism#cw ableism#tw ableist language#cw ableist language#tw addiction#cw addiction#neuropunk#madpunk#actually disabled#actually addicted#tw discussion of fandom bigotry#cw discussion of fandom bigotry
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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So funny that i find myself w less and less new music to discover compared to what i was finding in my teen years, and i am like 98% sure its bc i havent watched frag videos or amvs in over a decade 😭
#chattin#like nearly 60% of my songs are from my ipod.#my IPOD#hundreds of songs i found from watching High Art from before 2012#i have songs from last fm that literally do not exist ANYWHERE anymore. like i gotta make an effort to upload some of these for ppl#whereas most of my newly discovered songs are from artists i found prior to 2012 (and theyre still making music)#artists adjacent to THOSE artists#video game music#and artists related to that music#so im not like. exposed to completely mew and untethered music yanno?#mew……i meant NEW 😭#that one insane uno video had a really REALLY good song and i have no idea if it was made for the video or if it exists on ytube or bandcamp#and i absolutely count that as an amv lmao#i think its bc i dont play games that would make for good frags anymore like ovw and halo#and i dont watch anime anymore so i havent tried to watch amvs#like. there was a really good mp100 one but i wasnt invested enough to look for more 😭#maybe i should ask my sister for some jjk amvs….theres lots of fighting in that one right? i think that would help#u have no idea what people deem a good song for amvs and thats what makes them so fun; i love knowing what people listen to#oh i just realized; i think i am showing my age; do ppl even call it frags anymore???#is it an amv or a fancam?? or something else…i also dont use tiktok so im unsure of the terms there too…
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not sure who needs to hear this but i do not see myself as above anyone, like, at all. if something I posted makes you think I think I am you're probably misreading it or my intentions. I dont feel the need to compare myself and make myself feel like i'm above people, i'm just not really that kind of person. in fact, people make a point of constantly trying to make me feel below them on here so dont worry, you don't gotta help em'.
#literally. feel free to send me an ask on anon 'what i meant' by anything. literally ever. i will gladly elaborate.#id rather you get it from me than someones wild interpretation of what i'm saying anyways.#a lot of the times when im trying to put myself on a pedestal i'm playing a character...... which im realizing now isnt immediately#recognizable for people who dont anything about my art..... uhm. well. so. i have a character. thats a jackass. and is my self insert.#but he wasnt always my self insert. but he is now. but he has always been a jackass even when i wasnt nearly as much#and since im still in the beginning of my comic in many ways im still holding on to that asshole version bc thats what hes like in#the beginning but i do actually have the wisdom and lived experience to know hes a jackass and that i dont want him to be#like that and he was always supposed to grow out of it ever since i first conceived of this comic- so in a way i hold on to it as a method#acting kind of thing. on the other hand its just a really funny persona to me. but its only really funny if you know its in the context#of a persona and thats not actually how i feel about the thing like im not actually being that extreme about it prolly sdjhfdvshjsfhvd#its the kind of persona you love to act bc you love to make fun of and mock that kind of person yknow?#idk how to explain it. but. rest assured that im probably just in my persona mode and hes very sassy and snarky and an ass#🤷 what can ya do#i also maybe put it on at bad times and not realize it and for that im sorry >_>#THAT would be bc of the bpd. and thats not me grasping for sympathy at all im speaking purely on facts.#bpd tends to make ppl express 'incorrectly' at the wrong times and yeah etc etc
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my sudden overwhelming desire to do lil 500x500 pixel arts for attacks on artfight bc i miss pixel art VS my fear that ppl will be disappointed to receive that when the vast majority of my previous attacks are fully shaded fullbodies w/ relatively nice backgrounds FIGHT
#i know its meant to be for fun and a lot of ppl will be happy no matter what they receive#bc i for one am ALWAYS jazzed over every single piece of art i get#but also i have an anxiety disorder and what if ppl think it means i like them less ):#idk man. ive been wanting to get more experimental and use diff brushes and do stuff like pixel art#but also just. worry constantly that ppl follow me w the idea that they want my usual artstyle#and that theyll be disappointed if they dont get my usual style cause i decided to get silly with it
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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this is definitely bc I'm coming at it as a fan of the live action and not the book it is just so bizarre to see lwj presented as a super experienced and confident and suave sex expert right out of the gate. it just goes against all my perceptions of him as a character. except confidence maybe. to be clear he is horny and all I just don't think he'd really get very far with anyone beside wwx
#me reading fics where hes talking really dirty and goin 'MY lwj wouldn't say that'#and im not even saying I refuse to read anything kinky w them its just the dialogue and his demeanor feel SO off#honestly it felt weird in the book too. they're doing all that with ZERO experience???#obvs a danmei is not rly meant to present sex realistically but thats part of why I default to cql lwj#he just feels more realistic in a lot of ways#and I dont think hed be having casual sex I rly dont...like just based on his personality#in modern aus where hes like super experienced and all im always like. really?#less unbelievable if he didnt know wwx maybe#meanwhile ppl are way too worried about wwx being a virgin. I get the irony is fun but like. calm down#im not opposed to lwj having previous partners or anything but the way he interacts w sex just feels really off in a lot of modern aus#also its really embarassing to read when he talks so formally all the time. there has GOT to be a balance#just read one where he alternated between talking like a robot and dirty talk. misery#ficblogging
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how was the new little mermaid movie did u like it
I liked it!! And as a certified live action disney hater that really surprised me! I genuinely cannot think of the last disney remake i saw in theaters that wasn’t just like soul eating but this one was super fun and very cute and really makes you root for the characters! Its a bit tone deaf at parts but like tbh its disney so like honestly the rest of it was fine! I cannot defend most of the cgi but i can say you get used to it and flounder is far and away the worst character in terms of design and all the ocean scenery was genuinely beautiful and cool to see on the big screen!
#there is one scene thats meant to be like touching and heartfelt and i need you to know the theater burst out laughing#like its been a while since ive heard a theater reaction like that so it was definitely memorable#she was on screen crying and literally the theater could not stop laughing 😭😭#i do think the middle was fucking great though#i think the beginning and end are a little weaker but tbh the middle was soooooo fun and funky fresh and cool so i liked it lots#oh and i love halle okay i do i had ungodly hour on repeat for like two years but smfnkdjssk i am also a musical lover…#and she is not BAD at singing but the problem is she is GOOD at it and is good at it in the way a like album singer is vs a musical singer#bc its DIFFERENT and that definitely came through and its not BAD but its not musical either so that threw me off a bit#i genuinely think its unnoticeable if you dont have issues like i do bc none of the ppl i watched it with said anything#one of them is a disney adult basically though so lmfao maybe they dont count but NO ONE ELSE said anything#its so so so so fun though like i cannot overstate that enough like i am a genUINE hater people know this i can and will hate anything#i barely need a reason i can just do it and this movie had me laughing and having a good time before we even hit the halfway mark#so that was very impressive to me bc as mentioned i 1. love to hate and 2. was prepared to hate this so i liked it thumbs up#i definitely have thoughts on some of the new music…. but once again i have problems. i liked it 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍#v.txt#genuinely everyone slayed actually wait awkwafina was weird that was a weird bad choice casting her but EVERYTHING ELSE good 👍#melissa mccarthy especially came out swinging but also i dont like the tag here bc why are there more gifsets of the random white girl than#there are of halle 🥴🥴🥴 but whatever thats unrelated MOVIE I LIKED AND WAS FUN!!!
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NOOOOOOOOOOO
Tsunade: Fully believes in Narutos abilities and has full faith he will be a great Hokage, the best, even.
Konoha public: "Hey what if we made Naruto the sixth Hokage :3"
Tsunade: "what the FUCK are you talking about I watched him cry over a picture of Sasuke yesterday he is NOT prepared for that yet make Kakashi do it"
#LET THE BOYS BE BOYS#STOP SHIPPING THEM#LET THEM RECOVER FROM THEIR TRAUMA FIRST PLEASE‼️‼️‼️ THEY ARENT READY FOR LOVE TILL THEY LOVE THEMSELVES‼️‼️#I should have known not everyone would see them as silly brothers#Should have made it like a kitten or something and not Sasuke#Sigh I've reaped what I sewed#Sometimes I gen forget that like 50% of the fandom ships sns...#This must be what the non NaruMitsu shippers feel in the Ace attorney fandom...#Am I... my own worst enemy...?#Okay but like tbf Edgeworth and Phoenix are literally just like that#Sasuke and Naruto are just a little co-dependant and a lot a lot obsessive#See I want to fist fight the sns shippers but its so hard bc I like get it. like ik that I personally wud go that far for a friend but like#Like i can't even go “Hey ur interpreting that wrong” bc like who am I do judge how ppl interpret things that i didn't write#Like Ik that that's not how Kishimoto meant it but I hate beating on ppls ships bc like ship who you want when u want just bc like#I don't personally don't like it doesn't mean anyone should stop for me like who the hell even am I??#BUT I DID WRITE THIS POST AND I SAY ITS NOT SNS#But hey just for fun let's say it's SuiSasu#Hmmmmm and maybe it's Naruto x Toneri#Maybe it's Tobirama x Izuna??#We'll never know#BUT WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT ITS NOT SNS#Sigh i can't wait till I get over my grudge on sns#Life will be so much happier#Idek why It makes me so angry#God's pls hear my plea and let me make peace with this ship#Like no other naruto ship makes me mad except for this one#I'm even okay with SasuHina and like ShiSaku#Like I don't like them but I'm at peace#WHY am I not at peace with the most popular ship in the fandom this is so unfair#somebody undo this curse on me pleaseeeee
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── ★ ˙ strawberry charm ̟ !!
note ✧.* hello hello hello welcome to scream meets fnaf. randomly got this idea after rewatching scream, like, why don't i combine one both franchises in the only way i know how? william afton as ghostface coming into your house and fucking the shit out of you!! and here we are. i spent a lot more time on this than i usually do writing fics so i seriously hope ppl enjoy it. i'm also on break starting today so i'll be pumping out more content from now on going into the new year!
pairing ✧.* steve raglan / william afton x reader
cw ✧.* college au and scream au, reader is college aged, william is her robotics professor, ghostface!william afton, reader is girly, vibrators, multiple orgasms, perversion, mentions of stalking, descriptions of gore, choking, consensual non consent, break-in, approximately one lick to the pussy, rough sex, dumbification, glove kink, slapping, slight daddy kink, cockwarming
taglist ✧.* @dilfity @kissingrhi @iikyutee @ghoulsgraveyard @cemeteryry @gh0stsp1d3r
synopsis ✧.* a man calls you up wondering what your favorite scary movie is.
you hold back a deep sigh at the low-quality horror movie being showed on the big screen in front of you. no, it's not the most important thing in the world, to see something "cinematically excellent" every time you go to the theater, but shit, wouldn't that be nice? anyways, that's not what you're here for. you're here for a date with this guy in your robotics class, specifically.
he's handsy, but so are you. one arm is slung around your shoulder, you're cuddled against his chest, knees drawn upwards, and his other hand coming around to rub circles on your thigh. yes, it's your first date together, after weeks of study "dates." yes, you were cuddling, very heavy emphasis on pda. what about it? it made up for this movie being fucking terrible, so why not.
you have to laugh. nico, your date, had promised chills and shivers up your spine and hoped for your head pushed into his shoulder at the scary parts of the movie. rotten luck for him. you want to laugh at that. and you accidentally snicker, causing him to look towards you. "what?"
"oh, nothing," you say, nodding back towards the movie.
he says nothing, thank god.
finally, there's a good part of the movie. the main character, a ditzy blonde with big tits is tied to a tree while the film's slasher rips her boyfriend's head from his body with a chainsaw. your muscles clench, not in fear, but in delight. you've always been a sucker for gore. and fuck, it gets something else clenching too. you seriously wonder if nico can feel you throbbing when he rests his hand under your chin, gently forcing you to look at him. he leans in for a kiss. no tongue, just lips to lips. it's nice. you notice he put on chapstick and you can taste the buttery popcorn on his mouth.
however, you're interrupted by the creaking of a chair behind you. the sound of someone getting up and leaving. you didn't pull away in time to catch their face, but the noise frankly startled you than any other part of the movie.
the film ended shortly after that. no, the person who left never did end up returning to their seat behind you, but that had long since left your mind anyways. nico drove you home in his silver convertible, the top down creating a nice breeze through your hair. the car ride was silent but content. date successful, in your opinion, shitty movie aside.
"well, goodnight," he says when your door is barely cracked open and you're halfway inside. you silently leaned up on your tippy toes and pecking his lips once more. you ignore the crackle of twigs in the foliage surrounding your house, blaming it on the wind.
the door shut behinds you. you live in a campus house, but your roommates just so happen to be out of the house for the weekend. this has meant nothing but trouble for you — meaning you snuck your friend lacey's vibrator out of its drawer and had yourself some fun. over and over and over. pastel pink with a pretty bow on the hot glued on the end for decoration (the two of you might have done that together). but don't worry about how you know where her vibrator is, that's none of your business!
while you're washing off the facial cleanser from your face in the shower as conditioner sits patiently in your hair, you think about nico. specifically whether or not you're actually interested in him. sure, he's a nice guy, romantic. bad taste in movies but clearly cares about what you like since he picked out a horror film to take you on a date to. and yet, that nagging thing in the back of your head, the one that told you not to commit to a relationship for fear of being stuck in one, had you snap back to the reality of relationships. you'll never be free to just date who you want, whenever you want. it made you frown.
you get out of the shower eventually, still undecided about the future of your dating life, and you decide to put the topic to rest and relax with a classic: nightmare on elm street. or maybe something else? suspiria, the thing, or evil dead? you browse your collection, and stop at freddy vs. jason. speaking of shitty horror movies and sticking to the freddy theme, you think with a smirk.
you slip the cd into the player. super retro, i know right?
you're popcorn'd out, to say the least, so you skip on making a bowl. your movie is interrupted shortly by the buzzing of your phone. the caller id just lists a phone number in your area. usually, you wouldn't pick these up, but you do it anyways. stupidly.
"hello?" you call out into your phone.
"hello." comes a man's deep voice.
you scratch your head, careful not to chip your manicure. "who is this?"
"who is this?" he mimics you, emphasis on this.
you scoff, already annoyed. probably a prank call. "i asked you first."
"look," he mediates, probably sensing your forming annoyance, "all i have is a question to ask."
"alright..." you say. nothing wrong with that. "shoot."
"what's your favorite scary movie?"
you pretend to contemplate. "hereditary," you say finally. of course it's your favorite. it's had your heart since you first saw it in theaters. anyone who knows you knows not to bring it up if they don't want to hear you go on a tangent about it. "it's the right amount of atmosphere with the right amount of gore."
"isn't that the one where the little girl gets decapitated after slamming into a telephone from sticking her head out of a car window?" the man on the phone drawls, testing you.
"yes!" you practically exclaim. you hope you found another fan. not many other people shared your enthusiasm for the movie as you did.
he hums. "that's an interesting choice. i don't hear it enough. a little depressing, though."
"you mean you call other girls asking them what their favorite horror movie is? that's a new level of game i've never seen before," you tease, abandoning the movie to get up mindlessly and head to the bathroom to put your hair up.
"not just any girl," he says with a chuckle.
"oh?" you say, "so i'm special?"
"you could say that."
you smile, staring back at your reflection. you get it now. "you know, you could've just come inside earlier, nico. no need to put on the act."
"i'm not nico," he corrects you sternly.
you scoff and roll your eyes, putting your device down and switching it to speaker phone so you can multitask. "right," you say, unconvinced.
you sort through your collection of hair clips, picking out the right one — "the one with the strawberry charm, huh? that one's my favorite. 's sweet like you."
you nearly drop the accessory. how the fuck? a shiver shoots up through your spine. your head snaps towards the direction of the bathroom window. searching desperately for an answer, anyone that could've just been watching. but no one's there, of course!
"that's not funny, nico," you snap. you're pretty sure you've worn this hair clip to a study date over at his apartment, right? and he might've even complimented you on it. yeah, you try to convince yourself, he's seen it before.
but that doesn't explain how he knew —
"i told you already," the man on the phone's voice is agitated, "i'm not nico."
"then who the fuck are you?!" you ask in a shrill voice, ready to hang up on this motherfucker. you steadily twist your hair upwards and secure the claw around it, letting your remaining hair fall in a ponytail.
"i'll prove it to you," he tells you as if it's the simplest thing in the world. "check the backyard."
you shockingly decide not to hang up for your sake. you would rather keep a close eye on the situation rather than just let something happen to you. you creep towards the sliding glass doors, gulp, then switch on the light, only to be met with monstrosity.
nico's on his knees; you can hear him whimpering from inside, scrambling for his amputated arm that lies in between him and the sliding door. you open your mouth but you can't scream; the only thing you can feel is a shudder that shakes you to your very core. you feel almost weak in the knees, desperate to keep yourself standing on your two feet. there's blood, so much blood. all the backyard porch, your roommates will be so mad and concerned about what happened? how can you even begin to explain this?
you try to do the only sane thing you can think of: hang up and call the police. the thought of this being one big prank pulled on you crossed your mind, but you were too scared not to act. a beat passes after you pressed that little red button on your phone, and the door bursts open. this time you scream.
in a dark blur, you're pressed roughly against a mirror that frames the wall behind the dining table. a gloved hand wraps around your throat. "you stupid bitch, hanging up on me."
you meet the mask of your captor: the damn mask from that slasher movie stab. you were never particularly fond of the franchise. "lame movie reference," you manage to choke out, and you instantly eat your words. he slaps you across the face and loosens his grip at the same time, watching you fall to your side on the hard ground.
you can barely gather your thoughts — your head is fucking swimming — before he's dragging you by your ankle with a strong grip in the direction of your bedroom. you hate how you slide so easily across the smooth floor. you try your best to break free, to run, wriggling your leg violently to shake him away to no avail. when he's dragged you successfully inside the bedroom he closes it behind you, bends down and manhandles onto lacey's bed.
tears spill down your cheeks. this is it. you're going to die. but he doesn't take out a knife, or any weapon, actually, to fatally harm you with. instead, he's rummaging through the drawers in front of the bed. and then it dawns on you and you sit up. that's the drawer where lacey's —
"ah, found it," the man says triumphantly, turning back towards you, pastel pink vibrator in hand, toying with the ribbon. "what a cute little thing. do you know how many times i've watched you get off to this little device? what a fucking sight you make."
your eyes narrow. "who are you?"
he chuckles, then uses a hand to remove his mask, revealing the face of your robotics professor. him? how is it possible you've managed to capture his attention? when throughout the entire course he's done nothing but ignore you, treating you like you didn't exist. always ignoring your questions. shit, he's the reason why you started going to nico in the first place for help in his class: because nico was like his golden-star-student.
"i don't get it," you say, lip trembling as tears well in your eyes. "why me? what did i do—"
"to captivate me?" he finishes your sentence, turning on the vibrator. you gulp like it's your impending doom. professor raglan kneels onto the bed and you wish you could back up but you only hit the headboard behind you. "well, for starters: you were always so eager for my attention. and it hurt me not to give it to you. couldn't blow my cover, sweetheart."
you still didn't understand, but you didn't have anymore time to contemplate or question him. he was spreading your legs, splitting open a space under your short, pink skirt for him to gain access to the area between your legs. you fumble with the sheets, holding them in a death grip. you definitely ruined your manicure. once your skirt bunches up around your hips, it reveals your panty-less mound. of course. you didn't think to wear anything after your shower because it wasn't like you were going out.
your professor whistles lowly, pupils dilating in desire. it's perverted, the way he puts down the vibe, and grabs your hips upwards so he can get a closer look at your pussy. you throb subconsciously, making him look back up at you with a quirked brow. he leans forward to blow air on you, eyes still steady to gage your reaction. you whimper and wriggle in his grasp, face heating up in embarrassment. "you just have the cutest little cunt," he comments when he pulls away, then sticks his tongue out to lick a stripe up your pussy. "mmm, even sweeter, too. sweeter than the little strawberry in your hair."
"ohh," you coo. you hate to admit how good it feels, but here you were, arching your back in his touch and moaning.
"yeah?" he asks, taking his mouth off of you for a moment. "my baby like it when i eat her dripping pussy?"
you sniffle, not answering. you can't find it within you to be able to. "no? maybe i'll stop and move on then." you want to cry, fuck. a feeling of relief settles back in when he takes the vibrator back in his hand. the low hum grabs your attention — not like you could zone out at a time like this anyways.
when the device meets your needly clit you groan, flex your fingers at the sheets. "oh, fuck," you whisper. his eyes never leave your face, and every time you regrettably look at him, he's breathing heavily, open mouthed, like he just can't get enough of you. so you avoid looking at him, going through stages of keeping your eyes closed or looking up at the ceiling, praying for sweet release to whatever cruel deity is looking upon you getting fucked by this old man.
the vibrations against your clit are a little too good to be true. you can't help but feel like there's a price, one you'll specifically have to pay with his dick inside you. you wonder if it'll be lame like the other guys you've had, but honestly? you could get off to the thought of this situation, and you'll definitely remember this for future masterbation-sake. you're a freak like that.
raglan presses down on your stomach, iliciting a hiss from you through your teeth. "want you to come all over my arms," he tells you, "coat my gloves, you'll make me so happy."
fuck, then you get an idea. the gloves inside of you. you throb once more at the thought. "i-inside," you murmur, hoping he'd get the message.
"huh? what's that, baby?" he asks mockingly, but you know damn well he heard you. please don't make me said it, you think.
you reach down to touch his free hand, guiding it towards your entrance. "want my fingers inside you, hmm? baby needs something inside her to feel satisfied?"
"mhm," you hum with a nod of your head. he slowly slips a gloved finger inside you, the fabric deliciously creating friction that makes you grind on his hand. he looks up at you with a dirty smile, then reaches forward to kiss you as he pumps his fingers in and out of you ever so slowly. it's perfect. the stimulation of the vibrator combined with the feeling of his clothed hand is enough to make you burst.
and you do gracefully. so much that he pecks your cheek, tells you how much of a good girl you are for him, as lewd 'ah's tumble from your lips uncontrollably. you buck against his hand until he pulls is out of you, whining at his removal.
"i know, sweetheart, i know," he sympathizes after you, "daddy's cock's gonna be inside you soon, though. then you'll have something else to play with."
you're already exhausted from your first orgasm, somewhat unsure of how you're going to take the next, but you can hardly think about that now. you're drunk off the atmosphere between you two, nico's amputation is far forgotten. you can't even remember what you were doing before this. your hair is tussled in a way that has your hair clip drooping down the side of your shoulder loosely, but you don't have any energy to fix it. all you can think about is daddy's — wait, when did he become daddy? — cock inside you, and that's all that matters.
raglan begins to grind his bare cock against your entrance, having discarded his black slacks moments ago. he rubs the tip against you, purposefully bumping against your click, drawing out a symphony of noises — babbles along the lines of "please, just put it in, i can't take it anymore" — as your face contorts in a sob and tears fall down your cheeks again.
"my girl is such a crybaby," he chuckles, then slowly guides your hips to slide down on his cock. he fills you up by the inch, making you feel every ridge and vein. the stinging sensation of not being adjusted to his length washes over you in a surprisingly pleasurable wave. "so fucking tight," he gasps. he lets out his respective groans once he's fully sheathed inside of you.
then he starts moving; then things start to get good. you're not fully adjusted to his length, but the way you're leaking around him makes for perfect lube. what's a little pleasure without pain? it could be worse, you could be on the floor writhing in pain with multiple stab wounds, but instead you were being stabbed by his dick inside of you, so you weren't in a position to complain.
raglan leans down so his body is on top of yours, keeps himself steady by planting one hand to the side of your head as he aggressively snaps his hips into yours. you realize, in this moment, just how desperate he's probably been for this. not like you could do much thinking, but the way he was pistoning inside you said enough about how he felt. and god you felt good, clenching and unclenching around him, making the prettiest noises he's ever heard.
one particularly hard thrust has your head swimming, like it did when he slapped you. you want him to slap you again, so you initiate it in the only way you know how; reaching forward to land a weak hit across his face. he stops moving for a second, shocked. then with a swift whack across the face, he's back to thrusting inside of you, even harder this time around. "wanted me to hit you so bad, you could've just asked you dumb little slut," he growls into your ear.
"''m sorry," you have the audacity to giggle, "couldn't tell you."
"yeah? am i fucking you that stupid?" he asks, "'course, i don't expect you to able to answer that."
he flips you over suddenly so you land on your stomach, putting himself back in, fucking you with reckless abandon. the way his cock is hitting your g-spot right now has you plummeting over the edge. you wriggle your hips backwards to help him get off too, which he does right inside of you, filling you up to the brim.
he doesn't pull out. he's waited too damn long for this to do so. he's gonna enjoy a nice, long time inside of you, whether you like it or not. he collapses on his side, pulling you close to him so that he's spooning you. the most important thing to him in that moment, is your half-awake form rising and falling with each breath against him with his cock buried deep inside of you, strawberry charmed hair clip discarded somewhere by the pillows.
#fnaf#fnaf x reader#five nights at freddy's#fnaf smut#william afton#steve raglan#william afton x reader#william afton smut#🎀 — diary entry
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Short Stack
Spencer Agnew x Reader
Request: spencer is so cute he’s just a wittle guy 😭😭😭 he would tower over me tho omg wait a reader x spencer but reader works at smosh and is short and ppl make fun of her and spencer is like “nah its hot that they are short” or something cute and flirty and kinda goofy because he’s so goofy
A/N lisssteeeen i know i just posted one but i hated it and i felt like this was such a cute one. so, y’all get two in one day🫶🏻 this one is gonna be a short one (no pun intended) but hopefully this does your request justice<3 also, side comment about this. This was definitely a different one for me to write because I’m usually taller than everyone i meet. I always like to say I’m metaphorically small because my personality and how quiet i am makes me feel tiny lmao
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Your entire life, you have been known as the small one. You’re quite small, so this led to you being teased for it your entire life. You thought once you got into an adult, office job that it would change.
Oh, how you were so wrong.
“Hey short stack.” Courtney said and flopped down in the chair across from you.
“You got nothing better? I’ve heard that a thousand of times before.” You said snorting and shaking your head.
You know that they meant no harm but it got to a point that it was kind of annoying. All anyone ever comments on about you is your height.
“Honestly though, I know we comment on it a lot, Y/N…” Noah says trailing off and standing in front of the chairs.
“How are you so little?” You respond in a mocking tone. “I don’t know. Whenever I was little, doctors done scans and everything. It was nothing concerning or anything like that. I’m just small.”
“I honestly think it’s adorable. You’re like a little pocket size human.” You hear Amanda say from the side as she approaches the conversation.
“At least I’m not getting bullied for being a ‘short king’ anymore.” Shayne comments while doing air quotations and sitting down beside Courtney. “I genuinely never thought there would be a day that someone would show up at Smosh that is smaller than me and Spencer.”
“I might be small but I can still fuck up your knee caps if you don’t leave me alone.” You mumbled while sliding down in your seat and glaring at Shayne.
“Leave them alone guys.” You hear Spencer say whenever approaching the little get together. “Honestly, I think it’s kinda hot that they are that little.” He says and shrugs his shoulders.
You felt your face immediately flush red because your office crush had just commented on your height and said it was hot.
“Uh, thanks? I guess? That’s definitely a new one.” You whispered and tried to cover up your face with your hair.
“Honestly though, it really is. I’m used to everyone else being my height or taller but you’re so little. It’s so precious. I could like scoop you up and just carry you around.” Spencer adds then walks away.
You didn’t know what to say, you could just feel everyone staring at you because everyone was very aware of your very obvious crush on the guy.
“Oh, Y/N!! Your height is so attractive!! I could just pick you up smooch you and hold you close to me!” Amanda starts saying in a teasing tone with a huge grin on her face.
“So, how’s that new video idea going?” You try changing the topic with Courtney but she won’t change it.
“Oh, what video? I think we should just talk about the little exchange you and little Spencer just had.” She says while gigging and making a face at you.
“He was just teasing me, he doesn’t find me attractive or anything. Just leave it be, please.” You pleaded, staring at the woman in front of you.
“Y/N. I was pretty much saying what Amanda was saying..” You hear Spencer say from behind you, not realizing he had came back. “I could just pick you up, smooch you, and carry you around.” He says in a mocking tone like Amanda then starts laughing as well as everyone else.
All you could feel was your face heating up and your heart racing. “Oh for fucks sake.”
“Calm down short stack, might blow a fuse with how red you are.” Spencer says while sitting beside you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder then pulling you close to him.
“We’re just teasing you. Calm down. What I said might be true though. You will never know.”
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Linked Universe / GN!Reader - Random Headcanons abt the Chain :)
Part 1 (ur here!) / Part 2 / Part 3
Sun: Gender Neutral! Reader (you/they/them), Guide Reader
Orbit: Headcanons-ish
Stars: First, Sky, Four, Legend
Comets & Meteors: Content: None Known & Triggers: None Known.
U have a lot of Nicknames: Guide, Hero's Guide, Prince, Princey, Star, (more to be added?).
☆
First (Manga!Link):
Has "too good" of posture lol
It makes his back stiff and by the time he's in his bedroll he's confused about why it feels better, silly silly man
Just in general tenses his muscles too often, so whenever u offer to massage him, he nearly crumbles on the spot
(the others know exactly how amazing ur massages are, and are fully staring at him in jealousy lol)
Gets little rips and tears in his clothing all the time somehow??
Even tho he wont have a scratch acc on him after hours of battle???
mans could be flying around Skyloft with only clouds touching him and come back pouting telling you he ripped his scarf again :'(
Likes to be slightly in front of you most of the time, especially in new places/other Links' Hyrules
It just makes him feel better knowing he's both protecting you, and that you're watching his back
(Most Links feel at their best/most confident when your voice can be heard just over their shoulder, not that they don't love seeing ur face now too)
Sky (Skyward Sword Link):
Is slowly making everyone he knows a collection of wooden figurines
He usually carves when he's bored or stressed
so needless to say this mission of the Shadow (slow going, stressful at times like Twi getting hurt)
Has made him give u an army of little wooden figures (everyone else gets a small collection bc ur the first he gives one to)
Did i say give? Excuse me, i meant:
sneaks them as a little surprise into your belongings or clothing or other personal effects
This started bc after a week or two of him giving you wooden things you tried to reroute him to other ppl,
so Sky just made it his mission to see how many he can sneak instead onto you on any given day lmao
(Also he may or may not have daydreamed abt being able to carve u things and actually physically give them to you on his adventure before, so he's taking advantage of being able to now)
Has luscious hair at all times, little to no effort, Wars is so pissed abt it lol
Mf responded when asked what products he used (by poor Wars too) with, "wym?? With water??? And soap????"
Never ties his boot laces
You will all be gearing up for battle and go to stalk and stealth kill monsters and right before u get up on them u always have to look over at Sky's shoes and whisper at him to tie them
Is the most likely to plant face first into the ground or trip and fall on his ass from shoes untying
He just didnt need to with being in the clouds on his Loftwing all the time back on Skyloft and so he never rlly adapted to that even on the surface lol
He's also just miserable at doing a decent knot so you've taken to teaching him repeatedly how to tie them-
why didnt the knight academy help with this at all actually??
(Wind makes fun of him be hes a sailor and knows like 10+ knots)
Four (Four Swords/Minish Cap Link):
Loses his tools constantly
Well not really "lose" so much as "slightly misplace"
It drives him crazy, the Minish used to help him with it back in his Hyrule so he got out of the habit of putting things back where they belong
You've gotten to the point where you'll glance over wherever he's working so the next time he comes up to u complaining abt a lost hammer or smth u immediately just "should be over by the fire"
And ur right, 99.9% of the time its so funny
Bc Four's all like "wtf ive moved around so much since then i took all the other tools with me- MF. U WERE RIGHT."
Is rlly good at like color matching, comes in handy for new outfits
Also has aches and pains like in his hands and arms mostly
Bc of all the forge work, and absolutely treasures any massages u offer him
Likes to wear matching jewelry with you! Like earrings or piercings or necklaces etc
Also has good taste in jewelry and what looks good on everyone + you
Legend (Link to the Past, Link's Awakening etc):
Unfortunately the type of person to just shove things in his bag willy nilly
Its the horder tendencies, he just has a lot of stuffs so he gave up trying to organize it
Actually really good at styling hair, Legend would absolutely lie abt it if u asked but he can spend as much time on his hair as Warrior
Likes to experiment with new clothes, like skirts or bright colors, esp if they match some of his clothes already
U ran by some makeup one time in another Hyrule and he knew how to use it rlly well??
Lies abt random skills he has, or like thinks skills he already has can translate well,
like he's rode a horse before wym he can't drive Wild's motorcycle??
Or fly a Loftwing???
Well now its a challenge
Tbh most competitive over stupid things randomly out of all the Links besides Wild, Wind, Wars, and occasionally Hyrule + Sky + Time
Got challenged to try and go shield surfing with u once and thought that horse-riding skill would transfer and it did in fact Not.
Actually kinda scared the other Links watching u two spin out and crash ngl, what with doing an accidental backflip? Midair??
but u both were okay somehow???
Also weirdly lucky, u stg he's got some sort of ring or blessing for that
☆
IT ACCIDENTALLY POSTED I FUCKING HATE TUMBLR ITS DONE THIS TO ME MULTIPLE TIMES NOW 😭😭
All the Links WOULD HAVE been here if it werent for fucking tumblr
Ill post more parts soon if anyone is interested
Peace out,
🌙
#male reader#botw link x reader#loz link x reader#link x reader#linked universe x reader#lu x reader#lu x male reader#lu x masc reader#lu sky x reader#lu first x reader#lu legend x reader#lu four x reader
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wasn't me no one in this home of mine voted for anything of the sort and most likely anyone I know didn't either. I forget how many ppl live in the uk sometimes peace and love to the william wanters well and truly
#HONESTLY. not suprised though british mothers in their late 30s-40s i see you grandmas i see u the gay men peeping ur head out the corner#i see the princess fantasy it is not without its flowers i see it all and i meet u with acceptance#hes not ugly tho i'm the type where i don't think anyone really is or i haven't had that sort of reaction to anyone so idk though#also tbh idk how many ppl are actually taking those tests.. unless harry styles was on there because the fans the stans will get their favs#the acalades the little titles if they can with speed could be best juggler best dog shit picker upper best at climbing shit they love it#they love it all. their twitter handles at the top that shit gets cropped in obis paint on their iphone and put on twt like a proud parent#(i get it in that sense though its steering off the william topic matter)#with their kids art. was 1ce real in2 kpop and i got out to my benefit lot of shit long story i'm glad i'm in a better place now#since i got into in in probs objectively my darkest or some of my darkest not that u cant like kpop or talk about it or be in that scape#in a way thats positive or like healthy with me it was just not healthy unfortunately. my relationship is better with it now and i still#interact with content personally and more casually. i-#still have alot of love and appreciation for what ppl meant to me even if its different now i still have so much love for shit. just not so#deeply in the environment yk that round and round#standom as previous.. no doubt at the time i was thirsty for distraction i cudnt handle myself or my life basically my#life feeling like a fuckn tornado that was pissing on me so i probably no matter what were going to find vices but i have no doubt about th#talents and passion and artistry over there. all the racism and colourism n shit that just felt constant had a part#my conduction#what i surrounded me with my landscape because its a lot of inter like personal connections and heavy online bonding n just mess where its#like my fckn life force just i was screaming from the inwards outwards and still deaf to it. for me it was a host it turns out 2 be for man#cant track my gradual change really other than a year or maybe between 2 years we grow still thbink about stuff i hate myself for doing#the change happened gradually and naturally i feel though it all had dramatics its hard to track#there was shit before that when i was even younger and oh hellscape i fear it was bumpy i'm not gonna say it got better with age or smth#cause i dont believe thats true atleast not entirely i hate all of it i some of the connections i made are so key in my growth and i have s#nice wonderful like irrefutable memories i hope ppl r doing well so bad so bad some i even want to talk to again but i know for me i cant#give in 2 that pull and the day if i reconnect i will and hopefully there'll be wonderful ppl to reconnect with in that case to meet me#its all ever changing if i think differently in the future i do i just hope that will be me coming to understand myself and development#being hyper critical of myself tho i talk about me like i jumped through hoops to do detestable shit so its a balancing game and im wonky#its the fans the stans or its the royal family entourage they are vivid in my head or the ppl who came across it and decided to just add-#their 2 sence or saw it and were like hehe this is so unserious im going to be mischevious or take the piss lol#all of which get their acknowledgement its all fun and games truly those who take it serious will and shall however
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Shifting rant
(This is not meant to offend anyone I just needed to get it off my chest and if it does then that is not my problem)
Man I know Its not just me who has jealousy issues n shit
so y’all ever see someone post a video of them talking about how much they love UR partner or make ship art of UR partner AND YOU CANT SAY SHIT BC ALL THE SUDDEN UR INSANE BC THEY ARE “just a character” OKAY YEAH MAYBE IN ‘THIS’ REALITY but not in the one where WE ARE DATING BECAUSE IN THAT ONE THEY ARE REAL. BREATHING PEOPLE.
And I know there are infinitely different versions of this said partner but its still MY boyfriend and obviously I’m gonna feel awkward ab it.
also when ppl go “y’all are so weird there are billions of realitys/lifes where other people are dating ur partners” or just flat out hating someone bc of it BUT BRO THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ABOUT IT??? like its SO easy just to block people, that is a fun thing about the internet.
Example.
“Oh this shifter Is talking about how if we have the same s/o to block them, I personally don’t feel that way and it turns out we have the same partner, so i’m going to block them.” boom respectfully done, light work no reaction type of shit.
but then some people gotta say shit about it and it becomes this whole discourse bc someone had to make a tiktok about it BRO SHUT UPPPPP move on and accept that a LOT of people dont wanna know that you are also fucking the same person (different realitys BUT STILL UNFUCKINGCOMFORTABLE)
I remember shiftwith_alex (on tiktok, hes great yall) said something about how other shifters are trying to CANCEL people for getting jealous (and like putting out a warning to dni if they have the same s/o) that they are also shifting for the same s/o n I was like HELL YEA FINALLY SOMEONE FUCKING GETS IT, bc some of y’all need to mind ur business. Sorry I don’t wanna share?? or know what you do with my bf????
You cannot hate on me for having human emotions. Not everyone feels the way you do. DONT TRY AND CANCEL PPL FOR THAT??😭😭😭
#shiftblr#reality shifting#shifting#shifting community#shifting diary#shifting stories#desired reality#quantum jumping#shiftinconsciousness#shifters#shifting rant#shifting blog#shifting antis dni
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I'm so glad someone said it...
Like, Genshin is THE toxic ex of gachas. I feel so sorry for those who had it as their first Gacha/current one and only one because of how they are. Like, no Gacha games (that I play) are this bad with rewards, literally they give out A LOT of rewards just for their half anniversary. Hoyo's Genshin team is just money hungry and expect the fanbase to stay loyal and just now they're giving a free 5 star because it finally has competition and their player base is declining. I'm so glad I played for less than a month (the story and gameplay wasn't fun for me) because I was able to see other Gacha games I enjoyed like wuwa (literally what I wanted from Genshin) and Nikke (I went for the csm collab but their story and music is actually good), heck, even crk (though I stopped after 2 years) because they're what normal gachas are. Gachas aren't meant to give low rewards like genshin, they usually reward players for playing with a good amount, even surpass the normal amount because their dev team cares.
im not much of a gacha player/enjoyer (my first actual gachas i enjoyed were 7k before it ended and fgo and i mainly started bc i love fate universe) but from the few i tried out to the ones i actively play (fgo, hsr, etcetc) gnshn rlly is unrewarding, always has been
every year the subject of their anniversary and how unrewarding and sucky it is (useless gadgets you use maybe once and some pets) comes up, its lit nothing new. i dont know if some remember but when we had this topic 2 yrs ago (i think??) i lit suggested they could gift a free standard 5star for anni. now 4 yrs later, just when player base is shrinking, they offer a super belated selector of standard characters that 90% of the players already own since its BEEN 4+ YRS and are easily bested now by the *checks character archive*
37 other 5stars that most players own some at least now (nari and dehya i can understand that some ppl are missing them since they were added much later) its like they hand them over only bc theyre of no use compared to the rest of the roster anymore
im not complaining abt a free 5star selector, i jsut think ppl are blinded so easily by gnshn dangling it in front of them to lure them back/keep them after being so unrewarding to their player base for years compared to other gachas. i also thjink its just silly bc they waited so long with that that its not of use for the entire player base anymore but only for new players or ppl still missing the unit they really love but never managed to get. it doesnt feel much of an anni reward, it feels like bait after all these years idk man
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nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit
#.vent#i only slept a couple hours last night man. i cant do short notice evening socials on an empty tank let alone resist unexpected rsd#if they had let me know earlier then i wouldve taken a nap and worked out beforehand to get my energy back up#idk just. if u rly want my company then maybe u should actually invite me next time. its not like they didnt plan it#even if they just forgot its not particularly pleasant to be the one person insignificant enough to forget abt. theres only 5 of us#they rly remembered to ask the one guy who isnt even here before me yknow. ugh u see the stupid thoughts i have to battle!!#like on a rational level ik it was probably genuinely accidental. but the way i instinctively react is not always rational#so regardless someone has to deal with the emotional fallout and thats me. regulating this shit is hard work even when im NOT tired asf#i really really dont want to be an asshole and spoil anyones fun bc its no-ones fault + as real as it feels to me rn ik im overreacting#but i cant voluntarily expose myself to personal triggers when im already exhausted + more vulnerable than usual#so just gotta shut myself in my room and deal with it in my own super healthy ways as per usual. may they never fucking find out#trying my best not to be an asshole i hope to fucking god they dont think im being an asshole i just told them i was tired + i meant it#this wouldnt be so much of a problem if it hadnt happened to me before. and also ik its bc one rsd trigger makes me more sensitive-#to picking up unrelated cues but there ARE other things they do that i find ostracising which rly dont fucking help. but-#theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance#its ok. its ok i like them all a lot theyre lovely ppl and it doesnt matter if there is a some grain of truth in the things im thinking#bc the risk of me believing + acting on a bad faith irrational thought leads to outcomes that are far worse than those from#misidentifying someones malicious behaviour towards me as neutral by accident/in good faith. okay im done now i think#just ignore me spewing out the old brain gunk on main again eurgh anyway im gonna go calm myself and read and SLEEP#ill be normal by tomorrow morning farewell comrades#honestly i dont mind dealing w shit this way bc its the best option for everyone but man. sometimes its so fucking lonely#like there are sides of me ppl will never engage with and for good reason but without them being acknowledged i find it rly hard to feel-#any real emotional intimacy or closeness with another person. but what other option is there#i sure as hell dont miss the fights i used to constantly get into when i wasnt able to regulate myself i lost so many friends that way#it is what it is. on we go for now
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