#of a persona and thats not actually how i feel about the thing like im not actually being that extreme about it prolly sdjhfdvshjsfhvd | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

perseephoneee · 5 months ago

Note

okie dokie does a Dean Winchester x reader fic work? Had an idea way back in s1 when jess first dies, (older sister, who kinda takes sam under her wing) reader ended up meeting dean through sam. They had similar personalities but (reader) was more of a hopeless romantic than Dean. Sam on the other hand could totally see them together but Dean always denied it.

“Stop eyeing her like she's a piece of steak, you creep” “The hell? I do not do that, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

so they left ca and travelled and maybe in s2-3 (doesnt have to be accurate) they end up back in ca because of a case or cause reader called sam for help. (not expecting dean to show up as well) and after shes not in danger, turns out they get along really well.

"Im not an arm rest, dean." "Mhm, then why are you so short?" "I'M 5'3 THATS NORMAL"

and just fluff..? idk man let me know if its not what you want to write, i can totally change it💜

not a steak (dean winchester x f!reader)

↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ 1k celebration

wow remember when i could actually write things in a timely manner? yeah, me neither. i miss those days (that never existed). whomp whomp.

You don't necessarily remember the exact moment that you met Sam. He's been a constant in your life since you were his TA as an undergraduate, watching this freakishly tall freshman so eager to succeed in your class. He made your heart soft, and he made you feel protective. Even though he was so much bigger than you, a naivety in his persona made you take extra time to ensure he succeeded. He ended up getting an A in the class.

You do remember when you met Dean, however. You had heard stories of Dean from Sam the few times you'd catch lunch outside of school. By this point, you were a grad student, filling the void of the older sibling that Sam unconsciously needed filled. You never pried for too many details, and that's how you got people to shut up really fast. But you did meet Dean right as he left town to look for his Dad. Dean was coarse and dismissive of you as if you were just another roadblock stopping him from taking his brother. When you finally got his attention, it was just to size you up before wordlessly climbing into his car. Sam seemed apologetic, but mostly, you were just worried. You had every right to be. Jessica died a week later.

The thing about you is that you can't let a dead dog lie. Where's the fun in that? You'd much rather figure out ways to raise them.

Sam was brilliant, but he let enough details slip to allow you to research him. And you were a law graduate student; you knew a thing or two about studying. Random newspaper clippings, shoutouts of various names, and blog posts allowed you to figure out the supernatural aspect of his life that he had kept from you. You should've been more surprised, but you were more excited than anything. There was more out there. What a strangely relieving thought.

This knowledge proved helpful when you realized you had a poltergeist.

The new place you moved into was charming and Victorian, the dream of everyone with a Pinterest board. It was in fairly decent shape, and with your roommates, you guys thought you could polish it up to something livable during your suffering years of graduate school. Unfortunately, the price was too good to be true, which led to the unfortunate circumstance of hauntings culminating in one of your roommates in the hospital, barely alive. You called Sam that night.

"Hey Sam, it's me…" you trailed off at that, feet tucked under you as the machines' beeping cut through the silence. "I need your help."

The next day, he was at your door, enveloping you in a hug. He smelled exactly the same, and you didn't realize how much you missed him. Dean was with him.

"I'm Dean," he nodded, holding out a hand. You raised a brow.

"We've met."

"I would've remembered someone who looks like you," Dean scoffs, an easy smirk on his lips that probably made many women swoon. You just rolled your eyes, going back into your house and hoping Sam followed.

A week later, the boys were still here. This ghost was frustrating, and it was more the principle of it that was pissing you off more than anything. You let the brothers stay at the house since it was safer in numbers and cheaper. Plus, your roommates took a wide berth of the place before returning. A routine developed in the short time they were here. You cooked breakfast, Sam made coffee, and Dean woke up at some point. You and Sam would enjoy the paper before something happened (usually related to the crossword that Dean was totally not interested in), and you ended up bickering with the older Winchester until Sam got fed up with it and shut it down.

"Stop eyeing her like she's a piece of steak," Sam muttered to Dean when you weren't around, having stormed off to some other corner of the house. Dean almost spit out his coffee.

"The hell? I do not do that. I have no clue what you're talking about."

Sam just nodded, hiding a smirk behind his book as Dean grumbled about not checking you out.

For the first time that week, Sam was out that night. He was following "a lead." What that lead was, no one knew, but it meant you were alone. With Dean. In a house. Without supervision.

You grumbled something about making dinner. Dean followed you.

"Are you lost?" you asked, hands on your hips as Dean plopped himself at the counter.

"I'm following the food."

"Of course you are."

"Please, no more rabbit food," Dean groaned. "I can't take it anymore."

"Oh no, definitely not," you smirked, pulling out some steaks from the fridge you had been saving. Dean's eyes immediately lit up. "You're helping me cook these. I'm not letting your dumb ass sit around while I prepare a meal."

"You're bossy," Dean grumbles but doesn't complain further as he removes his flannel and sets it on the chair. You ignore that he looks really good in a t-shirt and return to grabbing ingredients. To his credit, Dean is good at letting you tell him what to do and following through. He is definitely a better chef than Sam, who has burned many things in your kitchen. Dean is an excellent sous chef. You tell him as such.

"The hell? I am not a sous," he says while furiously stirring butter.

"It's a compliment, you knobhead."

"Knobhead? What 1950s show are you living in?"

This conversation went back and forth for a while. But you finished cooking a meal, which is always considered a success in your book. Dean devoured him almost immediately before you could even finish cutting through it. Then, it was just you attempting to finish your meal in peace. This was difficult, as Dean continuously kept eyeing your food, hoping you might give it to him, and then would complain outwardly when you didn't.

"You're not going to finish it," he drank his beer, once again looking at your dinner. You glared.

"I can finish it."

"A girl like you doesn't finish an entire steak."

That comment pissed you off. You finished your steak in two bites, shocking Dean, and then proceeded to grab his glass of beer and down it in one gulp. You slammed the glass down, raising a brow. "You have no clue what type of girl I am."

You grabbed both your plates and made your way to the kitchen, putting them in the sink and starting to clean the dishes. You barely made it through a plate before Dean pushed you out of the way.

"Dean—"

"I'm not questioning your ability, but in my world, the one who doesn't cook cleans. So, sit your ass down," Dean said before you could chew him out. You bit the inside of your cheek and sat down, still glaring at him as he washed each dish meticulously and put them either in the dishwasher or on the drying rack. When he was done, he threw the dishtowel over his shoulder. The domesticity made you soften. "I'm sorry for earlier."

You blinked, not really expecting any sort of apology from Dean Winchester. You did expect that you would not get anything besides those words.

"I don't understand women."

You laughed at that, leaning on your hand with your elbow on the table. "Aren't you a self-proclaimed ladies' man?"

"I know how to sleep with women, but I don't get what goes through your heads," Dean leaned against the counter, arms crossed. "You want one thing and then a different thing, and I can't keep up."

"So, you're admitting you're slow." Dean threw the towel at you. "Women aren't that complicated; men are just bad listeners. You included."

"I can listen."

"Really? What was I frusterated about at dinner?" you challenged, getting off your seat and leaning over the counter. He blinked a few times.

"That I kept asking for your steak?"

"No, that you presumed that as a woman, I couldn't finish a steak."

"Well, that's not what I said," Dean replied, getting defensive. You just rolled your eyes, grabbing the wine bottle on the counter.

"Oh, also, insight into women; they lie about how good men actually are in the bedroom," you winked, leaving the room and taking the wine with you. You could almost hear Dean's jaw drop.

"It ain't a lie, princess," he intercepted you, his stupid legs moving much faster than yours. You frowned but didn't say anything. Dean took a breath, locking eyes with you. "Why do you insist on always pushing my buttons?"

"Because it's fun? Because you're both annoying and easy to annoy?" you shrugged, clutching your wine bottle to your chest. You didn't know why you picked on him, besides the fact he could be an absolute ASS sometimes that needed kicking. No, you suppose it goes back to early schoolyard days where instead of 'flirting,' you'd push the person and maybe claim to the entire class that they had cooties. To this day, you still had no idea what cooties exactly were, just that you never wanted to catch them.

"I think you like me," Dean smirked. He had crowded you against the wall leading to the living room. Your wine was an innocent bystander clutched to your chest. Maybe not as tall as Sam, but you still had to look up to see him. "I'm gonna prove it."

"Excuse me?" you breathed any sort of bite to your words caught in your throat as he reached up to your face and stroked your cheek. His hands found purchase holding your neck, tilting your face even higher and infinitely closer. Dean took the wine bottle out of your hands, your last line of defense, and stepped away for a second to put it back on the counter. His hands found your face again.

"Hey princess," he whispered, voice sultry. "Breathe." You couldn't do such a thing even if you wanted to because his lips were on yours, and he tasted like the draft beer in your fridge and apple pie. He was gentle, too gentle, and you wanted more. Your hands, first unsure of what to do, grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. One of his hands moved to your waist, thumb brushing the exposed skin where your shirt rode up. He was everywhere all at once, masculinity encapsulated, and you were drowning in it. He pulled away, letting you breathe, the command you forgot to follow. "I wanted to do that since I saw you."

"Bullshit."

"Honest to god— well, not god, but honest— but then you had to go and be increasingly difficult," Dean scoffed, still holding on to you.

"You don't even remember the first time we met."

"Of course I do; it was a week after my Dad disappeared," Dean responded. "You were wearing pajamas and had a raincoat wrapped around you as you asked Sam not to go so that you could figure it out together. I was curt, and you looked like you wanted to call me a thousand horrible names, but you let it go as we drove away."

You smiled a little at that. "You do remember."

"What can I say? I like pushing your buttons."

You smacked him on the chest, earning a laugh as you fought off your smile. You did finally get your wine and let Dean choose something to watch. About halfway through your movie (and three glasses of pinot noir in), you got distracted by a makeout session that would've made your teenage self swoon, but it didn't progress more than that. Neither of you wanted to go too fast. Most of the time, it was just light conversation, cuddling, and the realization that maybe you two were much more alike than you thought.

Both of you fell asleep like that on the couch, blissfully unaware of the morning light. Sam came home early in the morning, dropping his bags before seeing the both of you entwined on the couch. A smile crossed his face.

"Finally."

taglist: @lover-of-books-and-tea @qardasngan @evasmlp

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #supernatural x reader #dean winchester imagine #jensen ackles #supernatural #spn #supernatural fan fiction #spn fan fiction #my writing

127 notes · View notes

ender-cloud · 12 days ago

Text

Oooo boy man, this update has me excited to talk about

Tgs spoilers under cut

MIND JASPER CHAT, MIND JASPER!!! Also that one evil scientist dude whos name I forgot on accident.

It’s interesting that Jasper is apart of Jekylls self doubt but it also perfectly makes sense! Jekyll is Jaspers mentor, his teacher, someone who took him under his wing after Jasper went through a lot of stuff.

But at the same time, he’s not the perfect mentor. Remeber his reaction to Jasper telling Jekyll he’s trans? It wasnt really the best response he could’ve given him; and that put a strain on their relationship for a while.

Also, Jasper is one of the few people who likes Jekyll and respects him but also isn’t afraid to put him in his place when he needs to, which gives the two this incredibly intresting dynamic.

The “You missed your chance at happiness” is a nod to the conversation Jekyll and Jasper had about Lanyon, and how Jekyll Deep down always thought it was his fault. He wasn’t good enough for Lanyon, or that it was inevitable for it to happen.

Jasper is one of the only people who knows about it and now Jekyll’s mind is using that to play cruel tricks on him, to make him feel even more ashamed, and is also taking in people finding out that he was Hyde.

Jekyll feels Unlovable because he sees Hyde as this monster inside of him, and who would like him for his flaws when he needs to be perfect, now that the secrets out he’s willing to die alone because of it.

This thought of being this monster also leads into the evil scientist dude (sorry im so bad at names 😔) , the self doubt that he is preaching is that because of Jekylls failed experiment, and that because Jekyll had this part of him in the first place he is doomed to end up just like him.

Alone. Feared. Angry and Bitter. But it’s not true in the end because while these thoughts of doubt seem so loud and are pulling him under, Jekyll can still choose who he wants to be and Mend what he has done wrong.

Now while these thoughts are mostly directed at Jekyll, Hyde and Jekyll have similar fears so it makes sense that they would affect Hyde aswell.

Hyde is afraid of being alone, just like Jekyll he’s stuck in this place of uncertainty in himself and he needs Jekyll to guide him which he can’t do alone.

We saw how he crumbled when Jekyll left, how he was so lost and how he was terrified, and now he is acting strong again, his persona he displays is a switch that he can turn on and off at any moment because it’s his self defense mechanism.

Even though he’s talking to the mind people of self doubt with confidence and conviction, even a little poking fun, its not enough to keep him from getting dragged down under by the nightmares just like Jekyll was. Once again being called a monster, when even though Hyde is a manifestation of every bad part pf Jekyll, he is not a monster, but a misguided person.

Hyde can’t stop it, the comments are getting to him more that he could’ve ever guessed, and he has always been afraid by the nightmares that consume him.

When he was the one who had taken in charge they haunted him, and now that he’s all alone they haunt him again, because without Jekyll to tease and make fun of or give him guidance, he’s an easy target to get to, for he loses almost all of his confidence and definitely all of his control.

In a way the mind self doubt has made some good points that they are a little right about, they over exaggerated those points, making is seem more hopeless than it actually is because thats what self doubt is.

It extends from something that has happened but grows it and twists it until its out of hand and it ways down on you.

Most of these extend from wanting to be perfect, failing to find love, and most of all Hyde.

Its tragic how this is what Jekyll is getting pulled under by but it also Perfectly realistic at the same time, if Hyde gets Jekyll back he is going to have to find a way to prove that these things are not true which will be hard because they are apart of his self doubt too

#tgs #the glass scientists #tgs hyde #tgs jekyll #tgs mondays #tgs update #ace rambles #tgs frankenstein #tgs jasper #tgs lanyon #tgs henry jekyll #dr jekyll and mr hyde

42 notes · View notes

drdemonprince · 9 months ago

Text

this will sound like one of those "let men be masculine" level niche internet community brained posts, but i honestly really was embarrassed of how much i like drag for a while. in the circles that i run in, liking drag too much is seen as pretty cringey and for wealthy cis gays. like everybody knows a few cool avante garde local performers that they fuck with who run queer dance parties that are inclusive and the like, but very few people that i know will just go to a drag show at an entertainment or social engagement for their own sake. it's almost seen as a tourist thing, a normie gay thing.

but its one of the few spaces where i can actually recognize a lot of feminine men and nonbinary man-thing-girly-freaks like of the particular type that i am. leather bars are so masc and buff and im often invisible. bear bars are really nice and i do feel welcome there! but people are only feminine in their mannerisms, not presentation very often. the more explicitly gender inclusive trans/queer spaces cater to more of a wlw and adjacent crowd whose relationships to masculinity and femininity are different from mine. circuit gay bars are obviously terrible.

drag is nice. there's guys with weird little haircuts and long earrings who aren't buff and are swishy and dress interestingly but are a little uncomfortable as their regular selves and have to don alternate personas in order to be outgoing. and i even like that it's okay to be bitchy and insulting sometimes in drag world, like sometimes that is just your genuine feedback on the work someone has done and it's not the end of the world. there's lot of open conflict in the drag world that actually works out pretty alright.

it's a local nightlife scene like all the rest, its got its theater kid bullshit and egos and superficiality out the ass and so many people are trying to be famous or make money, but even to this day i forget that i can just be a really weird feminine guy until i'm around some of them and watching them prance about. i worry about how i look or am being read and then even just watching a fucking drag race episode i'll see like 9 different guys who are so fucking androgynous with their weird assymetrical self cut haircuts that they pass less than i do and they're cis men. they have bodies or faces like i do. and in the local scene it's obviously even better because you're looking at real life people. maybe i should be over it by now but im not, i need to see weird little awkward feminine guys with funny outfits playing dress up and crying and fighting with one another because they never got over their last picked in gym class baggage. its meeee i relateee. i even like that its a little toxic! we've got some issues out here, let's joke with them and make a character of them instead of pretending to be nice!!

i tend to be pretty skeptical of "representation matters!" type shit but part of that is probably because i never really feel represented. i know, boo hoo, thin white man doesnt feel depicted on screen, sounds very silly. but then i see kade gottmik on drag race and i swell with emotion and suddenly feel like who i am is POSSIBLE in this world and i realize that even with all my privileges i am starved for representation and that it does benefit you to have it. theres trans guys on screen but thats not close enough to ping that ooh!!! ahh!!! i can love myself!! radar for me. it has to be a very particular kinda person. matt bernstein makes me feel similarly

113 notes · View notes

walnutcookie · 3 months ago

Note

good day fellow rodger fan, i rlly love your art it gives me whimsy and joy. do you have any headcanons ab him and glisten, perhaps toodles as well? (family dynamics my beloved actually) if not either way i think your stuff is still so rad.

AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!! <333 WEEPS TEARS OF JOY.... i do have some headcanons hehehe... in no particular order/organization heres some of my thoughts on them:

- Rodger is a sleepwalker. Very Embarrassed by it.

- Toodles really enjoys drawing !!! She likes to draw with the other toons a lot (especially glisten, but he usually just watches her and then treats her art like the mona lisa so she feels good about herself)

- rodgers reaction to any sort of physical affection is really funny because he doesnt know how to react. He wants to keep his awesome and mysterious persona but also he doesnt want to be rude or anything. does he reciprocate? does he try to get away before it happens??? does he say something or does he keep quiet? Usually it just results in him freezing up and going stiff

- also adding onto above he tends to be paranoid about peoples intentions. bro gets a hug from goob and freezes and hes thinking "is this an attempt to console me does he think im mentally unwell or is he trying to find my weaknesses so he can kill me"

- in general rodger can be a very paranoid person and starts panicking at the slightest threat but hes pretty good at stopping to think and clearing his head. Logically he knows goob wouldnt kill him and doesnt know his secrets but it is a thought that pops up in his head for a brief moment

- toodles is always very quick to jump in and try to help whenever someone is upset. She wants to help people as best she can so ofc she would but the problem is that shes never sure what to say to cheer people up :'] she tries parroting some of the things rodger has told her when she was sad but also from her experience it never works so she tries to distract people instead most of the time. it makes her feel really guilty whenever she doenst try to help or if she fails to make them feel any better

- Toodles is very close with teagan!! teagan is like her fun uncle :] they take care of toodles sometimes if rodger is busy (or cough missing). Tea parties galore!!!!

- glisten is romo-repulsed i know this in my heart ok. [i know ive drawn him doing romantic things i cant explain the nuances to this in a cohesive way im just projecting ontohim as a romo repulsed person in a relationship]

- Glisten is definitely introverted but not in the "ohh hes shy and hates people" way hes just drained when he talks to people even if he likes talking to people. He needs to take breaks from socializing a lot to recharge his social battery especially since hes always so worried about what people think of him but he also dies if hes alone too long

- toodles is actually VERY fascinated with bugs if theres an ant or a beetle or a roach or something in the facility shes gonna beg to keep it and make a house for it so she can "give it a better life" (glisten will not scream or freak out but there WILL be visible discomfort on his face and he will avoid that bug like the plague)

- rodger smokes cigarettes . He knows which employee(s) carry them around and will snatch one from their pocket at the right moment when nobody is looking... he tries covering his tracks and flushing everything down the toilet and covering up the smell but ofc he gets found out when theres a clog LOL.

- There was also suspicion when toodles started pretend-smoking and saying she was doing the thing that rodger did but most everyone else just assumed it was toodles being a silly little kid

okie dokieee thats all ill do for now !!! Thank you so much for this ask GAUH im so happy people are interested in my hcs for them n stuff 🥹

#🎉 asks #glisten dandys world #toodles dandys world #rodger dandys world #tw smoking #smoking #🎉 rambles

44 notes · View notes

girldriveroscar · 16 days ago

Note

"Have had Real conversations w IRLs about my Hopes for lando fumbling next year bc he is gracious to Oscar in a way that's not reciprocated. okokSorry I am getting my racing discourse out of ur horny ask. Nobody want the toxic 2025 MCL crashout like I do. My Bad. My bad."<- you got me here, i think the same thing! it's insane because most landoscar shippers think the opposite. i dont know to what extent lando is gracious with oscar, but it's definitely not reciprocal xd i think thats the reason landoscar is not compelling to me at the end of the day, because even though lando is kinda receptive, it doesnt matter because oscar doesnt care (eg they cant be friends). more than wanting lando to fail this year, i want oscar to improve, i know they're not mutually exclusive things, but the only way for mclaren to crash out is with both drivers fighting for wins, literally the worst management of the team was when they got 1-2 in qualy 😭 i hope you answer this, i mean, i'd like to hear more of your thoughts on this outside of rpf

BIG BRIGHT NEON BANNER. this is not rpf. will be critical of landoscar and mclaren That Does Not Mean send me nonsensical hate about the two I will delete it irdgaf be civil

also you will. Have to begrudgingly understand in Real Guy Life. I am approaching the 2025 season as a Ferrari fan el oh el. sports is for fun I can cheer my fake team on here and have real opinions with the ppl I actually talk srsly to about f1. ok. disclaimers over end of the day its just not that deep I am having fun bashing my ken dolls together yayay.

Honestly. In all of the different media clips written interviews etc. ive gotten the biggest vibe that lando is too hung up on being perceived as mclarens golden boy, to make the split second decision that puts oscars life at risk to be ahead of him. Alternatively Oscar has literally shown he will pull the trigger in a low stakes scenario (monza) (and I use the words putting his life at risk bc I do Genuinely believe a part of it is overcoming the fear of crashing/dying lmfao. ie. lando sounds nearly scared when hes racing max [mexico] while oscar says fair play [ad]) (maybe not a fair analysis cus Oscar doesn't show his temper on the radio sure., but that's deliberate too in not peacocking a big persona to attach to) so put him in a high stakes scenario? yeah.. I think he's going for it with a much smaller margin of safety than lando would.

having spent his entire career at mclaren, lando appears to me like he feels like he owes them All The Time. when its like yeaaa I mean they got you here they're a big part of the success but. at the end of the day you're the guy behind the wheel. I think he tries to undermine his own abilities because he doesn't wanna seem big headed but then it just backfires because how could he justifiably defy the people he owes everything to. if mclaren tell lando to jump lando will jump. whether that's because lando feels he owes it to the people inside. or because its the public image hes built and feels a responsibility to uphold, or both. well. wtv it is its holding him back lmfao

im not just pulling out of my ass too. Points At Hungary. lando was gifted the Perfect Opportunity to defy all expectations and take a selfish win. and he didn't ! kinda hysterical to me how blatant those radio messages were, it was honestly mclarens worst show of cards. totally revealing in Broad Daylight they still think of him as their pawn: neither lando nor mclaren believe lando has any leverage here. (even though he does lol. he has All the leverage) for as long as lando acts as a servant to his team rather viewing his team as the extra crutch needed to dominate, I just don't see him as being selfish enough to win at all costs.

now oscar on the other hand doesn't have this history w mclaren. its not his family in the way it is for lando, its still Just a contract. its the stepping stone to boost his own ability but at the end of the day I think Oscar could confidently move to a new team feeling like mclaren isn't the be all end all of his successes. like. im using so many words but to simplify, im just saying I think the difference in longevity really has a significant part to play in how both react to Andrea and Zack's teamwork gimmick.

its obvious, as of now, landos got the technical advantage over oscar, but Oscar has shown no signs of plateauing on improvement. at the end of the day who comes out on top will really just be a race of lando gaining a mean streak or oscar out-driving him, and Lets Be Honest. if landos been in the game what 6 years and its only now he's gained Real confidence in his ability, well. I would say its quite easier to train a skill and get good than it is to reprogram the way you approach your teammate and team. I do genuinely believe landos got skill. but the challenges they face individually aren't comparable, and well. for any person in the world, not just lando, I think oscars climb is one easier accomplished.

and when he does inevitably qualify better. (this is situational. imagining the car is decent) and they have front row starts, and they're told to play nice. lando will, cus he owes it to everyone to. Oscar though. Oscar doesn't owe anyone anything, and he especially, doesn't feel he owes lando Any kindness. ripping my shirt off. lando feeling like he owed Oscar for the sprints was His biggest card reveal. were the situation reversed I don't think Payback would even be a factor on oscars mind. Its racing. u win and you focus on the next win. why would you risk a 1-2 to even the cards. there are no cards girl. Points back up top, lando feeling like he owes his wins to people. feels hes owes people loyalty and kindness in exchange for winning. the teamwork is viscerally real to him.

think a big part of this stems from his first win being . Lets Be Honest. gifted. the peak of his career and its immediately chased with, he owes the win to luck not skill. holds peach Snapple to landos lips there there girl. its okay.

anyways yeah. hinging on mclaren having a decent car, I think Oscar isn't tied down the way lando is. he's not tied down to a strong public opinion and he's not tied down to mclaren. so if hes a little evil. well. so what. no friends only enemies :D

and when lando is watery eyed realizing he's not Oscar's Carlos and they aren't gonna have dinner together at the end of the day. calamity at mclaren headquarters. (#thisishowlewiswinshis8th)

#tellin u all im a secret Charles fan. then chasing it with lewis prop. you will never know my true feelings...#rewatched a couple highlights for this and actually got so excited I had to lay down flat #I miss racing #oscsense #814 meta #raceblogging #asks

15 notes · View notes

pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 3 months ago

Text

can i BE honest (yes)(i do not possess the ability hold back)

Well actually i did kind of move in silence for 5 months so maybe thats incorrect but it was reall y hard. (Kinda, it was fun in its own way). Basically i am writing to say I finished my EP like it's literally done but now i am in a dilemma because I don't know how to share it. Despite my best efforts to hype myself up i feel nervous and afraid. it makes me feel really sick! And people may think i'm a person who wears their heart on their sleeve I guess in most situations i do But to share something i worked so hard on feels mercilessly daunting and nauseousssss

i don't think i ever worked so hard on (One) complete thing in my life. I have made a lot of art and taken a lot of photos and even recorded a few singles I have finished a lot of projects I am serious about finishing what I start it causes me great turmoil not to finish things. But this is the longest i ever worked on something. And now I don't know what the fuck to do! it's been finished for like a week. I can't even bring myself to re-listen to it because im fucking SICK of hearing it haha even though i like what i did. i find it to be acceptable. But im horrified at the same time.

i think part of my fear is that i feel it does not really exist within the requisites of any pre-existing genre so sometimes i wonder "Who the fuck is this even for". its a limitation within my mindset i want to release. Maybe I shouldn't be sharing these kinds of insecurities but also i don't really like to project the persona of someone who is immune to self-doubt because i don't rly respect one-dimensional caricatures of deluded confidence. No offencseee. I like ~vulnerability~ yeah yeah we all know that, whatever. Plus i am planning on deleting this post when i wake up so who cares. Nightposters trust pact

i like vulnerability but i dont want to be vulnerable in sharing my hard work xD how do i get over this xD i dont like self promo xD i dont even want to be "me" i dont want to be anything i just enjoy making music its really fun i dont know how i would've coped with the past 5 months since Pochita's accident if i didn't bury myself in music and let it take up all my mental space i just want to have fun i don't like the parts i don't like. Hmph. it would be silly not to share it though i know it would be silly. Why do i care....

31 notes · View notes

ravewing · 6 months ago

Text

honestly after rereading arc 2 ive realized that ive come to like the idea of qinter than the actual canon version of it.

like at the end of the day ive been a qinter fan since i was in third grade so of course im going to be biased towards it and itll always hold a special place in my heart but i must say that a lot of their canon interactions were just qibli making jabs at winter to a point where it sort of seemed like he didn't like it anymore?? if that makes sense?? dont get me wrong i love the sunshine x grumpy dynamic but with them idk.

i cant lie i feel like the entire jade winglet completely cut winter off and they were always against him even though literally he was completely justified in pretty much everything he did?? like im sorry but him going to save hailstorm (HIS BROTHER THAT HE THOUGHT WAS DEAD FOR YEARS) rather than going to look for the ancient nightwing who has killed hundreds of his tribe was perfectly reasonable. the vase scene was completely reasonable (could you imagine YOUR best friends defending the man who put you under a spell and wanted to commit genocide on your people and wipe them out entirely?? id be pissed as hell). to an extent, winter being suspicious about moon and the cave explosion was reasonable (i do agree that he came off as very aggressive in that, but at the same time you have to see things from his point of view. how WOULD she have known about the bomb?? not to mention how hes been conditioned and indoctrinated to distrust nightwings).

i feel like qibli especially comes at winter for these things and tells him that hes wrong for it and that hes being toxic even though hes LITERALLY NOT. and the whole thing with him saying that if he had animus magic that he would change winter's personality always rubbed me the wrong way. i feel like toxic is too strong of a word but i dont think that theyd be necessarily healthy together, not until theyve matured a little more and have found better ways to cope with their past traumas instead of repressing it and putting on this charming guy who makes jabs at people persona or taking it out on other people through anger and frustration.

in all honesty i feel like tui shouldve gone with moon not making a choice in the qibli/winter/moon love triangle to sort of show that you dont need to be with someone to be happy and that its okay to stay as just friends– icl, thats how i thought that it was going to end when i first read arc 2. i feel as though moonbli was a little rushed, and i do like the idea of winterwatcher (just like i do with qinter) but i dont think that he's emotionally ready for a relationship. also this is unrelated but when initially reading book 6 i thought that moon was going to end up with turtle; ive always thought that theyd be cute together lol.

im thinking about it now and i really like the idea of turtle and winter but i cant for the life of me remember if theyve ever had any one on one interactions. if theres anything please can someone send in reblogs ..

im getting off topic now so tldr i like the version of qinter that exists in my head but i feel like they shouldnt be together in canon, not at least until they sort out their own issues.

#rave rambles #i feel like this is really incoherent but its ok #wof #wings of fire #qinter #winter wof #qibli wof #qibli x winter

53 notes · View notes

livlocus · 17 days ago

Text

thoughts on killer instinct by jennifer lynn barnes

omg so this was a wild book !! it was so entertaining, and i think that i enjoyed the writing in this book more than the writing in the naturals.

overall i rated it 3.75 stars just because some of the characters were just a wee bit annoying.

spoilers under the cut, warning for all of the random things that i remembered and spewed out about the book lol

this was so entertaining i never wanted this book to stop omg

all of the dean and michael stuff was kind of annoying because i kind of always assumed that cassie would end up with dean anyway

like the entire time cassie is seeking out dean, an dean reciprocates in his own ways, he was really going through a lot in this book so you could tell it was hard for him to let anyone else in to his life

michael on the other hand, was the one seeking cassie out, mostly to vex dean

or at least thats the impression that i got from michael

i think that michael is a pretty fun character, but i dont think that he was ever going to end up with cassie

i really enjoyed meeting sterling, her character is so cool, i liked seeing her development throughout the book

like the whole scene where sterling is trying to take the keys to michaels car away from him is so funny

like "keys."

"spatual... we aren't just saying random nouns?"

THAT WAS TOO GOOD

i need to know more about lia and sloane yesterday

like i need to know so much about them, i need to have read the third book asap

the entire plot of this book was crazy

like the fact that redding orchestrated this from prison and there were THREE unsubs??? it was crazy and pretty cool

lia, michael and cassie going to the college party to talk to people about emerson's murder was such a needed event to happen

TA GEOFFERY WAS SUCH A CRAZY CHARACTER

AS SOMEONE WHO IS IN COLLEGE RN I HAVE MET SO MANY TA GEOFFERYS HOW DID JLB CAPTURE THAT PERSONA SO WELL

learning about sterling and briggs was so interesting

AFTER THE FIRST PRISON VISIT I WAS SO SUSPICIOUS OF THE THE GUARD AFTER HE HAD A LITTLE POWER TRIP WITH STERLING AND CASSIE I WISH THAT I HAD PUT A NOTE IN MY KINDLE WHEN I WAS READING

that way i can prove that i was thinking that before it was revealed and not be one of those "it was obvious" people who say that after it's been revealed haha

i need to know more about judd's daughter right now

like what do you mean nightshade??

like clark being one of the unsubs was kind of sad, like when they were speculating about him, i initially thought that it was a red herring

i think that showing the weird relationship that some women have with serial killers in prison was very eerie

the way that the simms house was described, like all of the figurines and pictures, so so eerie

webber was such a messed up unsub

like jeeeeze it was kind of intense

CAN WE ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE HOW BAD ASS CASSIE IS???

NOT ONLY DID SHE THROW A ROCK AND ACTUALLY HIT WEBBER SHE THEN JUMPED ON TOP OF HIM DIRECTLY FROM THE TREE

like that was amazing

also her scheming with the gps ankle monitor was AMAZING

like dude i really like sterling and i LOVED how sterling and cassie bonded in this book

is it bad of me to want sterling and briggs to get back together...?

im excited to see how the characters are now that there isnt this back and forth from michael to dean to micheal back to dean so hopefully lia will not feel the need to get all up in cassies face about dean...?

i already said this, but omg i NEED to know more about lia, she is such an interesting character, i need more moments with lia that arent just her freaking out to cassie about dean

also the fact that cassie didnt think that sloane would be upset about them not inviting her to sneak out was so sad

like been there done that, sloane you have my heart

I NEED THE THIRD BOOK RN

WAITING FOR LIBBY TO HAVE AN AVAILABLE COPY FOR ME TO BORROW

#jennifer lynn barnes #the naturals #book review #book thoughts #liv locus #cassie hobbes #dean redding #michael townsend #lia zhang #sloane tavish #veronica sterling #tanner briggs #judd hawkins #book tumblr #bookish #booklr #booktok

10 notes · View notes

wolfertinger · 6 days ago

Note

racial delusions happen- its usually a symptom of severe schizophrenia or psychosis. bipolar disorder, which I think is what salem has, isn't really known for delusions of the racial sort, but im also not gonna say its impossible. its one of those messy mental illness things and is famously considered extremely hard to treat. Given how some of puppychan's mental breaks in the past include racial slurs against themselves and other charged comments- I do think its at least fair to consider that an aspect of delusion/bipolarity for him is probably race related inferiority/superiority complexes. Which is understandable for a black guy who was facing a lot of racism along with his more reasonable criticisms. shits messy when your mentally ill so i dont think using his comments about how hes gonna beat his head in as a [string of slurs] is really fair- thats absolutely a mental breakdown that said, puppychans behavior during the kungfuchan phase was not really in line with what I would call a severe racial delusion. they were freely interacting with people and creating artwork while switching their talking style to broken english and their signature to chinese characters. hell, even fucking 'kung fu chan' is just an impressively racist name both in stereotyping and also the fact it combines chinese and japanese like theyre the same thing. when they got caught, they pinned it all on 'too many kung fu movies' when they were one step from practically trying to rebrand as chingchong-chan. and then all it took was telling their alter 'hey thats not okay :/' apparently. what seems way more likely to me is that salem has/had some unaddressed fetishization/fascination with other races (historically, japanese and egyptian) hes never examined because he thinks he couldnt possible be doing that shit as a black guy or that his use of it as a cool aesthetic doesnt count. i have a feeling revvy was salems super cute anime girl alter >.< and thats why they went for the broken english shit. all salem did was learn he couldnt get away with that or argue his way out of how fucking racist it was, so now its just a 'delusion' he had that conveniently manifested in a full alternate art account and persona rather than at minimum an extension of his own racism that he tried to weaponize into a new following.

he also repeatedly changed the story, is the issue, with kungfu revvy. at first. he claimed, "that is just how he spoke" and tried claiming, ableism. when that didnt work. he cowered, and admitted, it "might" have been racist, but he "didnt know better". but INSISTED, on not apologizing, for the broken english. fast forward, years later. he now says, actually, all the racism was my racist alter, who is the exact same as she was 4 years ago. but dont worry, i learned not to be racist on her behalf, and i "taught her" to stop being racist. mysteriously, after this. she PERMANENTLY vanishes. curious, that she fulfills her purpose, of being a racist scapegoat. then fucks off, forever. typical, of salems "apologies".

this, is not a delusion. this, is willful lying. same, with the "miscarriage" he willfully, continued to lie about, until december of 2024, even AFTER admittance, it was a lie.

8 notes · View notes

sharklovingaquarist · 4 months ago

Text

Ok guys so this is gonna be a long one but Im going to talk about

Male apathy during pregnancy and post partum

Post partum mental distress

How the medical system fails women

How men should do their part

So I just saw a post by a man talking about how men downplay the process of reproduction, and yeah, duh - BUT I've come to a conclusion. There are two types of expectant/new father in this world: the type that treats his wife like a toy or the type that treats his wife like a cute pet and claps for her from the sidelines. "Yeah babe ur so strong" while not doing shit. So in this post, the guy is like "errrrr fellow males, did you know that the nutrients actually come from your wife's body?!?!" Like how is that not common knowledge? The uterus doesn't have little claw arms building a fetus. An embryo is created by a male and female, and that embryo attaches to the uterus and LEECHES from the female bloodstream.

He then he goes on to talk about how much blood we can lose during vaginal birth and c-sections, and Imma just say here and now that the medical system sucks ass. Yeah, birth sucks. Pregnancy sucks. But I kinda hate how people pass of a lot of the pain as a fact of life. The fact is that the medical system is vastly male, and males who put their poorly hidden fetishes into practices (I did veterinary science in highschool, and it was even prevalent there... vaginal speculums and artificial insem- 🤢) I'm sure we've all heard humans should stand to deliver a child. The high death statistic for women in childbirth (also explained by more black women dying than white), the lack of knowledge on the female body, and the priority of babies over women all tells me one thing: Birth is certainly painful, but it may be more dangerous than it should be. My honest opinion is that death rates exploded once men infiltrated our care due to their view of us as a vessel. Maybe if the medical system focused on helping us rather than letting a fetus escape its "flesh box", then we'd be somewhere.

And finally... he talked about post partum mental health... so I've been wanting to talk about this. It has recently become noticeable to me that human females have a hard time mentally after the birth of children meanwhile most animal females don't. Sure, there are cases where animals abandon offspring, but I chalk that up to not being prepared to care for offspring. Nature usually prioritizes an adult over a newborn. Also the abandonment of offspring is something I only really hear about in domesticated animals (and animals in zoos so environmental distress or lack of knowledge), of whom we have fucked over in so many ways through selective breeding. Shit even domestic bettas and angelfish, who are usually good parents, have this issue in domestication. But why is it that other animals don't have nearly as many post partum issues as humans. I'll say it, I believe post partum mental distress is largely due to societal dynamics. Sure, hormones are off, but the society we live in only fuels this. It's like when you're on your period. You feel off but it's more a loss of tolerance. The rise in estrogen near and after birth can cause you to already be a bit unbalanced, but let's add some situations onto it. You're going to be the primary caretaker because of modern male incompetence, then you're going to lose sleep which causes more instability, then you're expected to still cook and clean, and men in most countries don't get paternity (ohhhh I wanna tell yall a story about that so baddddd... its in the comments if ur up for it) so youre left alone with a screaming child while trying to heal and getting no sleep and probably not seeing the sun because youre busy and thats a major mood stabilizer (as someone with a mood disorder) all for the father to come home and play with the infant and pass it right back to you. And we haven't even gotten into the culture surrounding it. Women are expected to put on a loving maternal persona while fathers remain the same. For men being a father is prideful and gives you all these positive characteristics like strength... but for mothers your mind is deemed more simplistic, your identity is erased. People see pregnancy and motherhood as a performance and you are the lead actress. Youre treated differently, percieved differently, and thats fueled by bioessentialism. New moms do not feel more "loving" towards an infant than new fathers. Both secrete oxytocin, it comes with the monogamous, biparental animal package dumbass. Why would I be more loving towards something that sucks my boob off and ripped me open. So while I'm not trying to discredit post partum depression, I'm absolutely saying that societal issues are the pushing force. Im also pretty sure post partum statistics fluctuate based on country, and that in countries with paternity and a more equal dynamic have lower cases. But I'm not mentally stable enough myself to look into it, I know "trust me bro" type shit.

In conclusion 🤓 I'm tired of people seeing female pain and not finding ways to help it. The female body is strong, but it also needs care. You wouldn't expect a person with a broken leg to win a marathon. That's the whole reason males stay with females is to. Do. Their. Part. Idc if I'm picky, but literally, any talk on kids or pregnancy leaves me so dissatisfied. Expect men to start acting like an expectant father and partner during pregnancy. Your job is to comfort, provide, learn how to ease pains, provide emotional labor, drive and GO TO appointments (I think if it was even really "about life" they would look into male health too but that's a convo for another day), pay for appointments, be ready to help in case an emergency, so much more. Cuz it's always "don't drink while pregnant!" But how come the baby daddy can be at the bar with his friends? What if I go into labor? He needs to stay sober too I'm not his broodmare! The way men act like it has nothing to do with them because "well uhhhh I not carry a baby 🤷‍♂️" makes me so mad. As a new father too, they think "well man don't feed baby 🤤" like there isn't so much more. Imo, the man should be doing housework, taking care of the infant besides breastfeeding, and caring for a post partum partner. Even with breastfeeding, you can be involved. Take the infant when it's done eating, sit with your partner, provide company, and bond with your family. I've come to the conclusion that men don't want partners they want a collection. Men cannot accept that they have a weaker role while still being involved. Either he's big strong man or it's weak and my business. And the men that cheer from the side see it as "well she does most of it so that obviously means it's all her business but I'll just tell her she's soooooo strong" not like... telling other men how to do their job. Men are pathetic. Want credit for zero effort.

#radical feminism #abortion #feminism #pro choice #womens rights #sorry this shit is so long im so tired of men cumming in a woman and acting like its none of his business

14 notes · View notes

townslore · 1 year ago

Note

if you're comfortable, i would love to know more about the akechi npd headcanon. i think it's a rlly interesting take on his character and i wanna learn more abt npd bc i have bpd and ig im interested in what people experience with the other cluster b personality disorders? i just kinda wanna know why you think he has it and also maybe some of the mental stuff he has to experience with it. doesn't have to be detailed or personal i dont wanna make u uncomfy! i just cant stop thinking abt this hc haha :)

im actually on a mental health break right now, but this ask intrigued me so im answering it anyway. first off thank you for staying kind throughout the whole thing :)

its kind of hard for me to really describe why i think a character has/is something, because things like personality disorders are still a wide spectrum and every person experiences things differently, and i dont wanna make it seem like theres a one-way to have npd, but im gonna try anyway!

there is a site which helped me immensely throughout my self-diagnosis, so if you want to read more about the topic than what im gonna say here, here u go:

lets start simple and the thing that makes it most obvious to me: the engine room dialogue.

people with npd can heavily rely on other people for their self-esteem, because narcissists usually have a very low one. thats why they take on many tasks ("i was extremely particular about my life, my grades, my public image—so someone would want me around!") and might overwork themselves for more praise and acknowledgement ("you wanted to be acknowledged, didn't you? to be loved?") because its what they need to not constantly crash. a crash is something that happens when you dont get enough supply—which can be words of affection, praise, acknowledgement, etc—and you internalize it, doubt yourself, feel disgusting and generally you get to a really low point. this is just speculation, but i can see goro having a ton of those, especially during the time the phantom thieves get popular and he becomes public enemy nr 1. thats also why i drew him thinking "i really need supply rn but i'd rather die than ask for attention" because vulnerability is also a big thing people with npd can struggle with. we dont want to be seen as weak—our narcissism is essentially a shield, so we're seen as tough, when in reality, our egos can be very fragile.

one thing that the engine room makes very clear and also other interactions goro has with akira, is that hes very envious of others who have had it better than him. especially someone like akira, who was thrown away by society just like he was, was able to move past it, found friends and is acknowledged by many people. goro is jealous of it all, and thats the thing; people with npd can feel like they're supposed to be special ( and to me, with goro explaining how he got his personas, and how he often calls others stupid, its clear that he does feel that way about himself to a certain degree ) and anyone who threatens that status, anyone who seems much more special than we are is seen as a legitimate threat. its an ugly feeling and it can make us hate even those we love for some time.

this attributes to dysregulation of our emotions too. people with npd often feel their emotions, especially negative ones, way more intense than they actually should be and have difficulty calming down due to that. negative emotions often linger for a long period of time and its hard to move on so we hold grudges. now this might come to no surprise to anyone that goro is a very angry and sad person. especially in the engine room its clear that even after the others extend their hands out to him, its difficult for him to comprehend and he still acts rather mean and calls them idiots for trying to "save" him. when someone with npd is experiencing a multitude of negative emotions, it may cause them to avoid other people or act aggressive towards them because they feel trapped. theres many explanations as to why goro is the way he is in the 3rd semester, and i dont think only one of them has to be correct, but i do think that with the knowledge of whats happening ( like: being under the control of someone else again, or having to work with people who are unpredictable and who have seen you at your lowest point ) makes him act out to keep all of them, especially akira, at bay.

in the duel against akira—im sorry i cant really quote it, i just have a general idea of it in my head rn—i read what he says in a way that makes it clear that he struggles with a superiority AND inferiority complex, which sounds stupid at first i know, but its fairly easy to explain. like i already said, a narcissist's self-esteem is usually pretty low and we rely on others to know how to feel about ourselves. theres two traits of npd that are necessary traits to have: being self-centered and feeling entitled to good treatment, and seeking admiration from others/liking to be the center of attention. so there is some kind of superiority complex going on, at least thats what i would call it in goro's ( and my ) case. we can feel on top of the world in one moment, but once we have a crash or experience intense negative emotions, its back to being the worst human being on earth. i dont think its ooc to say that goro hates himself, as some like to claim he only ever thinks hes better than everyone else. i think that just attributes to harmful stigma. with everything goro experiences in life, coping with narcissism to hide a fragile sense of being just makes sense to me.

theres more i could probably add here but this thing is long enough as is. please do keep in mind that many of my headcanons for goro are me projecting—but that doesnt mean theres no basis for it in canon as well, as i've tried to explain here. at first i actually thought he could have bpd, but i dont know enough about it to really judge that—so it could still very well be that, or both, i dont really know how it works! im rather new to this as well, and at first i was scared of doing any research because npd is so heavily stigmatized. i wish there were more people like you, anon.

if you have any more questions feel free to ask them :)

#letters #goro akechi #persona 5 #when the towns lore #npd

82 notes · View notes

suffarustuffaru · 10 months ago

Note

Looking at your past art has me really loving your drag king Natsumi, do you have any more thoughts on them? I'd love to hear them. Also just your genderbend ideas in general. They are very interesting!

for future reference, here is where i drew some drag king natsumi + sapphic ottosuba :) i definitely plan on making more genderbend au content in the future thats for sure! :o i have another older art post on this here also (i am. too lazy to find it rn but its there somewhere!!) but i have some in depth thoughts about fembaru for sure yes :3 ty for finding my genderbend ideas interesting!! :D !! id be happy to talk about them more :o

im gonna start with outward design stuff / gender presentation first!! :D bc in my head, afab subaru probably looks almost exactly the same. in general, canon subaru’s most likely at least a little androgynous (and i think he probably is judging off of how much he passes as the opposite sex!!), and we know hes got his dad’s spiky black hair and his mom’s mean eyes and general facial shape, has a long torso, that sort of thing, so i think afab subaru would look similar :o

plus i like to treat fembaru as basically just the mirror/foil/inverse of canon amab subaru anyway, so yep natsumi schwartz is gonna be her male persona!! canon amab subaru was mistaken as a girl when he was a child, and he also went to high school (iirc it was high school but at the very least he was about the same age he is during arc 1) for three days as natsumi yes and passed for three days. iirc he would put on the girl’s uniform and wig and stuff on the way to school and out of his parents’ view and then put on the male uniform and take off the wig before he got home!! plus you know he’d generally practice makeup most likely and wig styling and all sorts of things in private.

so definitely afab subaru is doing similar stuff but in the opposite direction now—looking more masc and presenting as a boy. while amab subaru can put on and take off a wig, in my head, afab subaru would probably have to have shorter hair. so one day she just got a haircut thats short enough to where she could style it masculinely but longer enough to where it could still be kinda considered feminine enough!!

im not 100% sure how to draw her hair yet but in my earlier post and a few of my sketches it kinda looks like either a long mullet/wolfcut or a messy bob :3 i think you could probably say that her hair looks more like a wacky bob when shes more feminine and a wolfcut when shes styling it more masculinely?

(^^ my take on fem wrathbaru is here also LMAO)

i also base my fembaru design off of canon natsumi!! with the side bang (though i sometimes draw it on the wrong side akdnd)!! meanwhile fembaru’s male natsumi would have canon amab subaru’s hair :) (which you can see in my earlier post as well!!)

(i like this illustration actually <3)

i also like to hc that on top of subaru wanting to look and act more like his dad in canon, he did also kinda want to resemble his mom when hes presenting more femininely :o also for genderbend aus it depends on whether you ONLY want to genderbend subaru or if you wanna genderbend everyone along with subaru too, that sort of thing. i like to play with both possibilities :o

but in general, i like the idea of subaru either way trying to honor both her mom and dad. maybe to subaru her mom is what an ideal woman should be perhaps, and her dad is the ideal man, bc subarus parents are her biggest role models, so she tries to emulate both at different points in her life. she tries to be the perfect soft sweet girl like her mom and it doesnt work. she leans into being a bit of a delinquent and it doesnt work. then she cuts her hair and learns to present more masculinely and tries to copy her dad only to fail again. :((( then she gets isekaied……

i feel like afab subaru might get a bit more shit for getting into trouble too :(( or for being too loud. shes not very traditionally ladylike, i think!! boys will be boys and of course your daughter takes after you, kenichi, but dont you think shes a little too rough around the edges now?

anyway otherwise in general, i also like the idea that over the course of each arc in the fantasy world, subaru grows her hair out!! and once its long enough she can put it into a ponytail like her mom again :,)))

(male rem is here too <3)

also i like to give fembaru the maid dress instead of the butler outfit!!! probably not with the garter and stuff but 😭😭 its a pretty dress and fembaru should get to express herself both masculinely and femininely :3 in my head, i think subaru would be shy bc AGHH THIS DRESS IS SO REVEALING THERES NO WAY ID LOOK GOOD IN THIS IM NOT PRETTY AT ALL and rem and ram (genderbent or not) are probably like nonsense just try the dress. its your uniform to work here. and subaru does and huhhhh. maybe i dont look half bad ? :,) (bc of course subaru’s insecurities either present themselves the same or slightly different when genderbended). and of course when rem and ram warm up to subaru eventually ram can be like “you dont look as bad as i thought youd look” or something and rem can be like “subaru-kun youre very beautiful anyways!!!! <3”

and also i do think subaru would cut her hair a bit again or style it different for natsumi adventures later in arc 7 <3 just to have that symmetry again. the situation probably might go a little different but yep this is how id handle it 👍

and of course you can give subaru the canon natsumi hair bow sometimes when shes feeling fancy :3

OKAY and now im gonna talk about more character stuff!! lets talk about subarus whole thing with isekai and genre savviness and all that.

one of canon subaru’s many many Many parts making him up as a character and making up his story in general is a deconstruction of the isekai genre!! power fantasy and characters being cardboard cutouts for the male mc to triumph without a struggle—that sort of thing. but afab subaru is a female lead now, and female isekai is different.

id have to do way more research into this and watch more female isekai and shoujo and stuff (ive been Really wanting to watch im in love with the villainess…… someday i will…..). buuut from what ive noticed so far it seems like for male lead isekai the fantasy here is the Power and Prestige, but female lead isekai’s fantasy seems to be the Romance!! not that you cant have OP abilities in female lead isekais and not that every isekai is 100% the same of course. but that seems to be the common tropes from what ive seen so far? male isekai protags have girls throwing themselves at him as trophies, female lead isekais have their male romantic interests and the evil evil villainesses are defeated somehow and perfectly out of the way <3 the fantasy is that youll be loved by The One—the perfect boy(s) <3

and i think amab subaru is less likely to check out much female lead isekai but i think itd be fun if afab subaru would probably focus on female lead isekai but also a bit on male lead isekai as well!! she wants that absolute path to glory AND love. (and ahahhahahaha please ignore the gazillion ikemen anime figurines in her room hahahahahhahhahahahah AND DEFINITELY IGNORE THE SILVER HAIRED ONES. ESPECIALLY THE ONLY GIRL FIGURINE SHE HAS THATS BEEN GATHERING DUST UNDER HER BED—)

but also bc i think amab subarus more likely to go nah i wont look at girly media while maybe afab subarus like godddddddd i want instant OP abilitiessssssssssss and godddddddd i want hot girls around m—WHAT. WHAT. WHO SAID THAT WHO SAID THAT—

anyway so subaru gets isekaied and shes like SWEEETTT A NEW BEGINNING AWAY FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO MEET EXPECTATIONS HAHAHAHAHA IM THE ISEKAI PROTAG!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! (is about to get her shit rocked). and shes like ooooh do i have any abilities (nope) and oooohhhhhh shit do i have a villainess. AM I THE VILLAINESS???? no way right. anyway lol wheres the ikemen who’ll ill marry one day. the ikemen that falls in love….. with a commoner……… like myself teehee… and they get married…… and the villainess is CONQUERED….

anyway so what im saying is. ………….fembaru is a femcel. AND a pick me. AND a disaster bisexual. you could practically imagine a vine boom after each of those.

i think the biggest most important to me with genderbend aus is keeping the humanity of the characters the same the best i can!! and fembaru is STILL subaru, of course shes fucking cringe!! of course shes got a heart of gold but its under layers of cringe!!! of course shes a nerd who doesnt have any friends at first and trips and stumbles through all the shit being thrown her way!!

also if male subaru is bi then so is fem subaru okay. we’re equal opportunity here. and also amab subaru has issues with his masculinity and uhhhh slight things with women (see: his boob comments in season 1…….. subaru i love you but cmon man). so. afab subaru i think has got a terrible case of internalized misogyny / homophobia / PROBABLY SOME COMPHET TOO LMFAO 😭😭

i think general plot beats (whether its only genderbending subaru or genderbending everyone) goes mostly the same but again, slight differences. im gonna go with only subaru being genderbent atm bc thatd have more differences i think :o

yes ok so subaru’s gonna see reinhard and go GASPPP oh my god. pretty ikemen. ohhhhhh oughhhhh hes so pretty. hes clearly main lead material… ohhhh what do i do ive never talked to people in so long and hes so PRETTY FUUUCKKKKK BUT I DONT WANNA BOTHER HIM EITHER AND PUT HIM IN DANGER. um um um um mmumimimm HE CLOSED THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US TOO???? what the hell what the fuck what the fuck shit shit um think THINK SUBARU THINK YOU HAVE CHARM RIGHT?? YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN CHARM A HOT GUY. ARGGHHH— *explodes*

but also subaru sees emilia and gets that “do i wanna be her or be with her” feeling 😭😭 bc emilias so….. cute…. pretty… and NICE TOO?? WITH A FUN PERSONALITY??? SHIT SHES GOT EVERYTHING!! she went out of her way to save me 🥺🥺 and im just dragging her down 😔😔 BUT FUCKKKK I HATEEEE HOW GOOD SHE IS. and then :,)))) theyre both dying in the warehouse… and the first time subaru feels the touch of another girl in a more intimate light is her and emilia holding hands as they die…………….

SO YEAH THEN SUBARU RBDS :,,)))) so like. do you get what im saying. emisuba and remsuba and satella are subaru’s first sapphic heartbreaks and heartaches. muahahaha!!!! insert more evil laughter here!!!! bc since subarus a girl her relationships with emisuba and remsuba are definitely gonna be perceived (both by other people and rem emilia subaru) more so as friendships first and foremost.

so….. subarus getting the codependent homoerotic teenage friendship bright and early HAH. but i cannot blame her!! i too would go insane if i was put in a new unfamiliar world and i met this cute girl i was both jealous of and a little into and then we both died and the last thing i felt was searing pain and her soft fingertips!!! i too would go insane if i thought this maid was my friend but then she tortured me and—and—

but yeah you know how amab subaru has his whole weird complex bromances with reinhard and julius and otto?? now itll be like that but with emilia (the julius and reinhard…) and rem (the otto….). emilias the girl subaru’s having “do i wanna be her or be with her” weird rivalry shit with (subaru’s internalized misogyny probably also adding to this bc Obviously theyre rivals) and rem’s the girl who brutally betrays subaru personally (worlds worst homoerotic teenage friendship breakup of all time 😭😭) but then she later becomes subaru’s loyal best friend???? crazy shit.

and like emilia and rem are totaaally villainesses in subaru’s way (except emilias sweet af and misjudged by the entire world and subaru doesnt have the heart to fight rem and also shes chugging copium and trying not to think about failed loops. or about her gay feelings). toxic yuri is toxic yuri-ing. subaru doesnt wanna be explicit about it….. emilia isnt sure of her feelings other than stuff like caring a lot abt subaru… and rem is. Rem. so theyre all in gay situationship limbo HAH.

also as an afab person too rip subaru for also having periods while the whole world is ending on repeat 😭😭 LMFAOO. im sure theres medieval fantasy remedies though (and rem is 1000% spoiling subaru on her period)

also no one can tell me that echidna and rem WOULDNT still be into subaru as much as they are in canon. subaru regardless of gender fascinates echidna and her greed. subaru regardless of gender is someone rem will grow very very attached to. and if anything, rem would get way more bold with afab subaru.

bc the thing with female relationships is that i feel like theres a higher level of intimacy that you gotta go to for it to be considered more romantic or homoerotic. with guys it could be like holding hands and other people might be like WOAH THATS GAY, but if girls do the same thing its like aww youre such good friends. i think rem would take advantage of her and subaru being the same sex and she’d probably keep trying like “hey um um wanna cuddle together?? in the same bed?? and bathe together teehee?? i can help do your hair and dress you up? and make lots of cute dresses for you ? :) <3 🥰 and i can even massage your bo—I MEAN YOUR BACK. YOUR BACK!!” or it’ll be like. rem gets a little too happy that her and subaru’s periods get synced up or something 😭😭 shes Not Normal (and unfortunately subarus probably a little too into that)

also unfortunately the other time a girl touched subaru intimately was satella squeezing her heart :(((( and hahahah between that and rem and emilia and later echidna…. ohhhh poor subaru and her terrible toxic yuri 😭😭 her sapphic experiences and experiences with women have not been 1000% great.

but also of course subaru is so very not normal. you have the canon typical “lol every memory is a good one <3 even rem torturing me teehee <33” and also i just think itd be funny if you as an audience is lead to believe subarus jealous of emilia and rem’s boob sizes and no. no shes just gay. shes GAY.

and stuff like everything going on with julius and otto gets recharacterized too. bc subarus a girl and the guys are guys its probably gonna get perceived more both in and out of universe in a more. Quite Literally Straightforward light. esp bc subaru’s still gonna be into reinhard and julius lbr HAH.

i want arc 3 to still be an absolute fucking disaster with fembaru. let fembaru be flawed and ugly!!!! so in my au thoughts here itd be like. subaru feels jealous and threatened by lots of people. emilia, though its subsided a bit after becoming friends and after learning a bit more abt emilia as a person. but also i think subaru could feel so so jealous of the royal candidates!! esp crusch priscilla anastasia even though subaru will 1000% think theyre bitches at first during arc 3. bc theyre such strong determined women who seem way more confident than subaru herself is…. and also im sure there’ll be complex thoughts from her on felix too bc crossdressing… gender presentation… is a complex thing for subaru.

and subaru with julius is like. “get away from emilia!!!! shes mine!!! shes MY best friend that im homoerotically codependent on and obsessive of!!!! and also youre just trying to steal reinhard’s ikemen male lead spot huh!!!!! bastard!!!! (i hate that youre so pretty too)” and everything of course blows up in subaru’s face. im sure at some point in the story subaru might get slutshamed for having all these connections to people and romantic threads (especially since shes afab) but also its like. wow shes such a stupid girl lol causing a racket.

and uh being a man beating up a girl looks a little worse due to gender roles and stuff but lot of the knights are still gonna want to go after subaru and julius is still gonna want to save subaru. :,,)))) arc 3 emisuba breakup….. worlds worst sapphic breakup of all time…. and later rem will be the one that got away also :(((((

but yeah i think in general this subaru’s connections would be a little more. subtexty with the girls bc she’d be more hesitant to be explicit. but a bit more explicit with the guys bc itll be easily perceived as romantic in and out of universe. and of course subaru i think will be flustered in different ways between the girls vs guys—with the girls its OHH GOD I CANT BE GAY I CANT BE GAY NOOOOO I HAVE A RIVALRY!!! IM SO JEALOUS OF THEM!! BUT. BUT I LIKE THEM!! OHH GOD. with the guys its OH NO. GOOD LOOKING GUYS???? FML. FML!!!!! WHERES MY MAIN CHARACTER CHARM??? HOW DO I TALK TO GUYS???? JULIUS STOP MAKING FUNNOF ME!!! >:(((

also brief note on otto bc things are probably gonna go different here qkdnd. like i definitely am of course of the opinion that otto fell in love with subaru. in every damn arc in every damn main route otto side content hes getting unhinged over subaru in a way that i think makes a little less sense if you dont view it as otto just Not Being Normal About Subaru in a perhaps vaguely homoerotic way. Possibly? Maybe? Schrodinger's relationship blues.

but subarus afab now!! and ottos still a guy!!! and reinhard and julius are friendly with subaru right, but at around arc 4 things they dont show explicit romantic interest. (i think arc 5-6+ julisuba and juliemisuba would be 👀👀👀 though.) but otto?? in a universe where subaru is a girl??? well now its more acceptable for him to be grow openly head over heels for subaru. but also its probably also more pathetic bc now its probably gonna be more obviously taken by others as otto having a Romantic crush on subaru. regardless of whatever otto's feelings are.

and subarus had her arc 3 development right. but here its like. you wanted a male character who’d fall in love with you and be loyal to you and do Anything for you???? here you go!!! but also given otto is Like That and gets worse by arc 7-8 i think hes gonna seem a bit more sinister. not that canon otto with canon subaru isnt sinister but theres different connotations to male otto paired with female subaru. bc it sort of follows straight dark romance rules, right, with the cunning possessive male love interest and the female protagonist…

i doubt anything explicit would go on between otto and subaru in an au like this bc 1. otto and his avoidant attachment LMFAO and 2. subaru and her issues also and 3. subaru in main route is Not as into otto to the same extent or degree otto is HAH.

and fembarus probably like. i think itd be funny if she was a little disappointed otto wasnt a girl 😭😭😭 but then later hes weird about crossdressing and shes like why dont you wanna do it huh 👁👁👁👁 why are you weird about it 👁👁👁👁 im staring at your glass closet right now—

and also its like. “WHY ARE YOU THE FIRST BOY TO ACTUALLY BE IN LOVE WITH ME WHAT???” which i think is hilarious but i also think it could be fascinating in terms of playing with gender!! bc otto may want to be in control of things, but hes also so subservient to subaru anyway. otto and subaru are both androgynous; otto can pass as a girl and subaru can pass as a boy. if you wanna simplify things further you could also explain this as—otto is a man who looks like a woman who’s pledged his servitude to a woman who looks like a man. very intriguing imo!!

but of course ottosuba power dynamics are Always shifting over and over like a game of tug of war, but the most common thing is that otto will bow his head to subaru but under the surface ottos trying to be in charge. that sort of thing!! and the idea of male otto servicing female subaru is an idea rezero ao3 seems to like also but :,) lets just say its not fully to my taste haha :,,))

and otto is definitely not gonna beat up subaru’s ass so easily this time around bc itd look so bad and he’d know that lmfao 😭😭

but i think theres a lot of potential to play around with gender roles and such with all of these dynamics!! im very passionate about making my genderbend au ideas as wild and layered as possible :o !!

this is all my main ideas atm (and id love to draw stuff like more drag king natsumi or fem reinsuba :) ) but yes i hope this all makes sense :D !! thanks for reading this far and thanks for the ask!!

#rezero #re:zero #natsuki subaru #uhh should i tag the others….. i guess so #reinhard van astrea #julius juukulius #emilia #rem #otto suwen #ask #gender au #genderbend #save for later #i need to write or draw more stuff on this eventually :<<

40 notes · View notes