#i just wish things were different

[cat-downthestreet]

hey, listen! this is a rant post about neurodivergent characters in Genshin and my frustration with the fandom's reading comprehension skills. if you're in a bad place or just don't like angry rants, please don't force yourself and go read something else instead. <3

Okay, so, I watched this video recently, and let's just say, I have some thoughts.

https://youtu.be/tYK3297p4rk?si=eMaf8NF57HFlUhfd

This isn't just a Xiao problem- the entire fandom is terrible at characterization. The example that makes me the most angry is the mischaracterization of neurodivergent characters.

Take Alhaitham for example. He's often seen as rude and narcissistic by the fandom- which is especially apparent in Haikaveh content, where people portray him as straight up abusive.

You wanna know why this makes me so mad? The supposedly narcissistic and rude traits Alhaitham has are actually just exaggerated symptoms of autism.

Like, come ON, people. Don't skip dialogue. Better yet, go read through his story quest again. He straight up tells someone who sees him as narcissistic that he doesn't see others as less than himself. Also, his voicelines basically confirm this- he's extremely socially inept and he doesn't care. He has difficulty showing emotions as readily as his peers- that doesn't mean he doesn't have them, just that he expresses them differently. He comes across as rude because he doesn't get that people don't like to hear what they're doing wrong, and he probably doesn't care because that's not his problem. If people don't like how blunt he is, that's their problem. At least, that's how I think he views the world.

And like, there are SO many hints that he's autistic. He wears sound-blocking earpieces, for crying out loud. Hell, the ENTIRE REASON why he helped out during the Archon quest was because he didn't want his life to change too much. Preferring routine is an autistic trait.

And the worst part is, when I talk about this outside of neurodivergent groups, people tell me I'm wrong and that he couldn't be autistic DESPITE THOSE PEOPLE NOT BEING AUTISTIC THEMSELVES.

And I'm not saying that every autistic person relates to Alhaitham, but I certainly do. And I'm actually quite friendly because I'm anxious about being rejected. Alhaitham isn't, and I'm so jealous of him for that. He's living his best life.

Finally, back to the Haikaveh thing... Alhaitham isn't abusive. He doesn't say horrible things to Kaveh, and the one example of him doing that I could find, he immediately backtracked and subtly tried to make Kaveh feel better. Hell, Alhaitham doesn't even actually care about making sure Kaveh pays rent. He says it as a joke, but because he's autistic and his tone of voice doesn't give that away as well, he's portrayed as abusive and misunderstood as narcissistic. Y'all just don't like neurodivergent people and it shows.

Yes, neurodivergent includes Xiao. PTSD is often viewed as a form of neurodivergency, and there are many MANY characters in Genshin that have PTSD or some other form of neurodivergence. Yet people refuse to see them as such and mischaracterize them as "edgy," "narcissistic," "unapproachable," "weird," and the like. Yet none of these characters are any of those things.

You wanna know the true narcissists? The true edgelords? The actually rude people? Might I direct your attention to Scaramouche, Childe, and Dottore, whom everyone makes out to be as misunderstood pathetic little meow meows that need love.

Reminder that only two of those three are actually redeemable, and one is STILL an edgelord who is more rude than Alhaitham could ever be, while the other is a certified insane person with a weird set of morals.

(Side note: I love Scaramouche and Childe as characters. I'm just tired of people acting like they aren't worse than the autistic characters. Scaramouche is extremely rude, but he's trying to be better as Wanderer thanks to Nahida's help. He has severe PTSD, and Childe does, too. But both of them are actually messed up and have done horrible things, yet people portray them as better and more in need of love than the characters with unlikable (read: neurodivergent) traits.)

Don't even get me started on how people portray Kokomi, Sucrose, Fischl, Diluc, Zhongli, Cyno, Furina, Neuvillette, and Albedo. Especially that last one- I WILL get mad if one more person tries to tell me he's just emotionless and rude.

Also, if anyone is wondering where I've seen people misunderstanding these characters, it's mostly on Hoyolab site discussions. There's one too many posts talking about how "rude" and "annoying" these characters are.

With Alhaitham especially, I see many people writing him as abusive in Haikaveh content. I see people arguing about the ship being toxic because Alhaitham is "abusive," "unfeeling," and "cruel." Even people who like the ship portray him as such. And I've seen too many people comparing him to Dr. Ratio, who is literally just a narcissist who views others as beneath him. Don't get me wrong, I understand the comparison. It's just... very obvious that people skipped dialogue during Genshin's Archon and story quests.

And it's frustrating because I've been misunderstood in the exact same way. I've been called "rude," "annoying," and "unfeeling" in the past and it's screwed me up. Seeing people do the same thing to a character I so deeply relate to makes me lose confidence in both myself and people around me.

If that's how you view a fictional character with autistic traits, how do you treat real people with the same traits?

Thanks for reading this far. My previous post seemed to get a lot of attention, so I felt more confident about posting my full perspective on this subject. Can any of you think of other characters that have been constantly misunderstood in the fandom? I'd love to hear about it.

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

ok, once more I realize that my own kindness and friendliness has been taken for implied consent, and as always, the troubles that are brewing now are connected to OCs.

So let me be clear and frank one more time, one last time, because I have NO INTENTION of going through what I went through in 2021.

While I am always immensely happy that my Original Characters are enjoyed and that they can serve as source of inspiration, they are NOT however a template for anyone to base their OCs on.

They are not something that you can take in their entirety, change whatever suits you, and then call it your own.

It doesn't work like that, especially because, and allow me to reiterate this once and for all, OCs are *immensely* personal.

They are an extention of the soul of the person that creates them.

So taking whatever suits your fancy and use it for the "aesthetic" or the "vibes" is immensely disrespectful and, dare I say, rather impertinent, especially when both characters happen to belong to the same fandom.

Now, I am not talking about certain tropes and subjects that are typical of certain genre, of course not.

We are all somehow reinveting something that's already there when we work with OCs and stories.

What I am talking about is taking certain specific idiosyncrasies that make a certain character unique, change them to suit your character, and then being SO IMPERTINENT to just call it your own and parading it around without even having the courtesy to quote the person that has inspired you, taking advantage of the fact that I am just a small creator with a small following.

This is a huge No No for me.

Huge.

I appreciate that other creators might have a different opinion or perspective when it comes to OCs, and while I do not share entirely in that, I sure as hell respect it.

But allow me to be crystal clear: if this happens to me, like it had in 2021, that's the *easiest* way to lose all respect I might harbour for you, and I seldomly get mad or angry.

I am always accomodating, always supportive, and I think I have proven it aplenty in the past few years.

But this is something that I cannot condone nor agree with.

And it's not just a matter of ethic, in this sense: it's a matter of also hurting me, and literally put my whole creative process into shamble.

It's a matter of having respect of others.

Now, you might say: who cares if they hurt you? they are characters that do not exist, just move on and have thicker skin!

Well, as I said above, for when it concerns myself, my OCs are an extention of my own soul, a way for me to formulate and explain feelings that sometimes I have a hard time let out; a way for me to actually face, fragmentize and analyze my own trauma through them;

and most important of all, they are OFTEN a love letter to both the world I am exploring with them AND my own husband and child, such as in the case of Jacob and Dorothea,for whom, as I said often in the past 5 years, I have poured A LOT from myself and my husband's own story.

You could say that it probably my fault for having bared my feelings so much and poured so much of myself into a character;

And you might be correct, because I have learned my lesson, and ever since Dorothea and Jacob, no other character has been infused with as much of my own being as they were.

but that doesn't mean that it stings any less when I see it unravels in front of my eyes.

I am tired.

[constant---fear]

God i wish i had just been born a man

[0shewrites0]

LITG & beautiful/artsy/thoughtful tattoos 🧎🏽‍♀️

So I know I’m being delulu but can we not (just once!!!) have a character with tattoos that look like someone’s put some thoughts into them? Also, where are my stylish, artsy, tattooed pretty boys? Will had fr so much potential but I’m sorry, the tattoos are not it.

Like, look at them and then look me in the eye and tell me you don’t think they’re really bloody hot:

Give me a Joel or an Ingram lookwise and give them nail polish, jewelry and stylish clothes. Also, they don’t even need to be muscular or gym buffs! I’m a simple girl, really, but is it too much to ask for someone like that? My soul craves them pretty boys 🥹😭😭

[yomikayomi]

I'm always worried that I come across wrong, especially with my illness.

I got a cane the other day to help with the days where I'm in massive amounts of pain, and even walking is a struggle. Either it being my stomach or my legs are acting up. In fairness I should've probably gotten one years ago because I have had a lot of days where I struggled to walk since I was young.

But now I've gotten so used to the pain that even if it's like the worst case scenario, I can still "manage" without it. I'm really paranoid about people giving me dirty looks for having, but not using a cane.

[aaravaggarwal9]

"From the stars we come

To the stars we shall return"

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

sometimes i wish i could talk about whats going on with my mom and i's relationship and how complicated and upsetting it makes me but i genuinely just don't want to burden anyone or seem vent-y but genuinely i don't think my dad understands that its grief i feel.

[fernisfat]

I’m officially spending Christmas alone (my dad is still in the icu, we’re expecting terrible weather, and my mom doesn’t want to risk coming back home in case the roads get bad and she can’t get back to the hospital) but I’m being very brave about it (I’m taking an edible, having my first shower in like a week, and getting drunk) 🙃

[books-and-cookies]

wow the sads are hitting today, awesome 🫠

[lastnightswritings]

Trash. All Trash. Throw it in the bin.

I am mad. I am sad.

I want to scream. I want to rip and throw something. I want to cry but the tears won't fall.

I am the stupid sick feelings of all my emotions that overcome me and make me numb.

I cannot focus.

I need to throw myself into myself. Into work. Into working on myself. Into everything else but this.

I am fighting finding distractions so much.

I want to fight.

___ _ 3 days later _____

I wrote the above at work, where I have to be on display, be my work self, be my understanding, professional, don't let anyone else see me self. And it works. Too well.

I was full of the sharp edges of emotions as I processed what happened to me, what is happening to me, the choices, the way I am.

The grief and the heartbreak, over and over again.

And I'm trying so very hard to just be, not move, not make any choices. Not make rash decisions based on feelings, not say anything, just be the best version of me as I let myself process, projecting the calm exterior while holding the stormy thoughts and feelings as they ravaged through me.

I cannot be that person anymore who runs and buries feelings and doesn't allow herself to think about it, brushes it off, doesn't want to talk about it.

That person isn't healthy. That person hides and finds distractions and never deals with any trauma.

And yet, here I am hiding my heartaches and grief in the bathroom before bed. Not crying. Just feeling the sadness. And I'm right back where I started.

And all I can think to myself is how I'll do it again. And again. And again. And I'll keep Being this person who embodies the word tranquillity as I take steps to be happier, if only for a little while, whatever heartbreak that may bring.

[xthescarletbitch]

need to let myself enjoy things again

[stoicallyshi]

February 8th

It's not that he doesn't understand but it is that he doesn't want to. He pretends to feel dejected by my thoughts and my deeds, he shows so by that look of unfaithfulness which completely shatters my inner child, a 22 year child which was forced to feel and act like a 25.

He says "it's all a rat race in big cities, I don't like such rushed life, it's not worth it." I say same father I don't either but I don’t explain why. Maybe it's because I like the noise of the sea waves more, maybe because the crowd makes me uncomfortable.

I always look at myself with pity, I sometime don't even appreciate myself much for what I have become for him and behind chasing his dream. I wish I could tell him that this is not I want anymore, I wish I could tell him that my heart belongs somewhere else, beats for a dream which is too far and unapproachable from his pov. I look at him with hope, that one day I might be able to gather the courage and tell him the truth about everything I want to do and everything I want to be. I pray in my mind and make scenarios about how would he react to the far fetched things I would say to him. The silence and the dejected look on his face horrifies me to the core.

The ungrateful look on his face, the pain of not being understood, the weight of his expectations, the non alignment of his thinking and my thoughts, the uttered disbelief in place of "oh do what you like", the folly of wanting him to take pride in me but not receiving enough support from him, it all comes down on me hitting me, tearing me from my very own skin.

I have grown accustomed of not letting him know what I wanna do with my future because I know it will never be a happy thing to know for him. I keep a check on myself for not letting myself flow and blabber out things which I suppress whenever I see him getting a little casual with our conversation. I feel like there are so many things I wanna say to him, I feel a bit overjoyed whenever I feel like am heard but down the brain the only thing that reaches me is the feeling of how ununderstood I still stand.

"Working in one of the metropolitan cities earning 2,3 lakhs can't compare to what you could get from getting into one of these government jobs, do something for the place you were born on". These ain't just words, these are the words that makes me feel doubtful about myself that whatever I'm doing may not be enough for him ever, not today, not in any coming days. Yet he says all he has ever wanted is to see me settled even if it's a low profile job. But this thing in my brain will it ever let me live with peace until I see him being proud for what I did? Will I ever be able to live with the fact that I didn't do enough to satisfy him? It was never enough for the only person I was doing it all for, tell me will I be able to sleep with this constant knock on my body and soul?

How will I ever live knowing that maybe one day if I choose to do things of my own, he might not look at me like his own daughter? Tell me how do want me to survive if the reason for making it out through all doesn't find my reasons apprehensive because of the person he is and not because of the person he could be? Afterall why would anyone want to change his grounds of beliefs and ideals if that has been incorporated for more than the years I have lived my life.

A part of mine screams, cries and yearns to be understood and appreciated, not a part maybe it's all me. I don't blame him for anything, how can I when he is all the reason I still live a life better than those who doesn't have one. Maybe I guess someday it will all change. I imagine turning the long rusted wheels of the turbine between us. I wish the flow of the water to be strong enough to wash down all his insecurities and see me as someone who is at her best and did it all to prove worth being a good daughter.

I wish it all was never just on the paper, wish it all was already contemplated somewhere, anywhere !

[aaravaggarwal9]

"Still stuck in that time

When we called it love

But even the sun sets in paradise"

[peppermintquartz]

drabble from Playroom!verse

Joestafa

*

"I worry about you when you wear that," Joe says when Mustafa is about to leave for the gym. The older man touches the keffiyeh wound around Mustafa's neck. Joe sighs. "I know you won't take this off, not now, but please be careful."

"I will be." Mustafa smiles, wistful and encouraged, and kisses Joe on the cheek. He rests a hand on Joe's broad chest, and Joe covers Mustafa's hand with his palm.

How many of those senselessly killed had had this chance?

Not enough.

Joe sighs and rests his brow against his lover's. "I'll see you at dinner."

[donoteatwingsoutapussy]

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you

[aphoticrebel]

I’m not okay, and I genuinely don’t know if or when I’ll ever be able to be okay. I haven’t had anxiety this bad in YEARS!!! fuck bpd, fuck feelings, fuck people. I’m ready to disappear.