#internet friends are weird
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sometimes i wonder if you think of me the way i think of you. the way i yearn to know the ins and outs of you soul. i want to know if you miss me and if it burns you inside trying to feel if you remember me the same way and wish it was different.
#penpal#spilled words#words#rambles#yearning hours#idk where i was going with this#internet friends are weird#it was my fault#but it is what it is#i know they’re okay#i just wish things were different
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I think what a lot of tumblr-only people are missing about twitter failing, is that it was always a better website when it came to small businesses, instant world event news, fact checking, having users from all over the world, being a source for disaster relief information or warnings, and anything else to keep people up to date with going ons.
Sure, tumblr has many users from all over, but the website is still largely english biased and not nearly as widespread as twitter. I know a lot of news and knowledge comes in on here too. I've learned a lot and see a lot of donation posts in regards to world events, but its nothing like twitter unless you know who to follow. Not to mention, half the news I got here, was days later and from twitter to begin with.
Seeing that being taken away in favor of hate speech and enabling abusers (with the recent potential of getting rid of the block feature over there) and pushing blue user comments to the top (aka elon's weird fans), drowning out anyone else on popular posts, sucks! It sucks for the world and small businesses. because there's really no alternative to it right now.
The site's running rampant with spam and scammers and its becoming more and more unusable by the day. And some people think it's silly to be upset over it or "you shouldn't have all your eggs in one basket" well there only is one basket! This is literally people's livelihoods people seem to be making fun of anytime a change happens that breaks the site and people post all their socials.
And everyone from every country is talking about different websites they're considering, and its splitting up our connection to the world. And surely he knew who this was hurting with every decision.
#idk i see some people being weird about EW TWITTER PEOPLE like well for one they were surely already here too#but you need to understand how small of a community is over here vs twitter essentially being like. world internet hub#people are constantly reminding u of their other socials over there because where are we gonna make our money when its done#starting from scratch sucks. tumblr has been helpful but nothing gets much traction anymore#idk sorry for long post rant but it feels kinda crummy when ppl are downplaying it like this isnt disconnecting friends or communities#or ppls best sources of income
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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)
(but it did inspire me)
on another note
finally!!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#kurogiri#I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static#it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah#I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all#after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters#anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun#it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends#and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume#I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd#and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring#it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201#and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too#since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time#because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them#but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them#and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume#they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18
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play dentist
#caligosto loboto#dr loboto#but specifically wayyy younger#psychonauts#trainofthought#things that will make sense to me specifically and also close friends. i thinj#kind of rough but i dont care#umm 911? my dentist is being Really Fucking Weird 🫣🫣🫣🫣#skirt because it said so. i happened. i was there. i was the dentist#holy crap i forgot the nose bridhe. of the glssses. oh fudge.. ummm… 2 late 😇#i was looking up refference images. Why are they just. selling dental equipment on amazon..???#like. for personal use.#Thats…. Not Okay…. I think.#praying that i got everything labeled right#blood tw#<-kind of..?? its more implied if anything#every day my vintage effects get more and more aggressive#soon you will barely be able to see my artwork it will just be noise /j#the hardest part about posting art is convincing myself to post it…#whavery… the internet has to deal with my sillyness and i will simply not care
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its kind of pissing me off that more and more the internets punishment for being kind of cringe and annoying online is death threats, weird packages in the mail, making it impossible to show yourself online without being harassed by hundreds of both straight up bigots and online leftists who wanna start shit with anyone
#was gonna add this to a friends post but i figure ill post it on its own bc this kind of applies to anyone online#this is related to like. jocat getting run off the internet#bc of a kind of lame parody music video from a stream bit#and ppl are so fucking weird abt bunlith. like i find her kind of annoying i just dont follow her#but ppl are fucking MEAN to her for no reason
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sometimes you really are severely deficient in the Vitamin and that vitamin is HRT
#i love you hrt i love you trans dykes & butches on T i love you weird queers & freaks thanks for helping me allow myself to have the Vitamin#coolest thing about HRT as an adult is I get to fall in love with my body in ways i never ever knew was possible#YIPPE WAHOO#ive only told 2 non-internet ppl i started HRT so beloved friends in my phone u get all my yapping about it.#ur trapped here with me i have locked the doors.#trb.txt#butchposting
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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Meeeeeooooooowwwwww
#cat#cats of tumblr#cute cats#i love cats#kitty cat#cat lovers#cat loves its hooman#cats are cute#cats are the best#cute#cute animals#cats#fluffy cat#cats are life#cats are weird#cat meows#fat cat#cat memes#funny#funny cats#feline friends#meow meow#meow#meme#cat model#cat mom#moodboard#chubby cat#cats of instagram#cats of the internet
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You have made me interested in balloon smp but I feel so old and of touch because I cannot find the past streams on twitch. Cannot figure out where and in which order to watch...can I ask where you've been watching the videos/streams?
ok, so, there’s ~36 people all doing it concurrently, which is a lot. But! Here is the list of players, if you know someone you like on that list pick them and just watch sequentially day 1->finale. if you don’t know Anyone on there and you want a point to start at for just. Getting most of the plot, pick someone from A B or C. Or E. Team F has a really great plot but they stay a bit out of the overarching plot until the last weeks, and I haven’t gotten to team D yet so I don’t know what they know im sorry team d 🥺
Many of the players have VOD channels up on YouTube or playlists of balloon vods specifically, lots of people who don’t have the streams in their twitch archives somewhere (like, “past broadcasts” usually), look for player vod channels. Some don’t have saved archives and some didn’t stream it! I know for certain sophie robby skull kuu gibson buggle and jame have up to date vod channels because I’ve seen them… woops and skullvolver are making edited videos rn but theyre Both team a… and im not sure who else is planning on it!
tldr, pick someone and watch them in order and peek in on other peoples’ vods from time to time when something Happens because sometimes seeing it from another angle is cool. Also, sometimes seeing it from another angle is Important because there’s Lore no one else got to see. Search “playername vods” on YouTube and it should direct you to the right place.
more specifics that kinda get into spoilers:
Here’s some plots of interest that certain people see and others don’t (ONLY BASED ON WHAT I KNOW I am not a lore master I don’t have 36x8x32… uh… good gravy 576 possible hours. of content. I DONT HAVE 576 HOURS TO SIT AND WATCH STREAMS someone was going to put together a lore doc somewhere though):
woops: tries to keep track of lore, goes on ghost knight swordquest
sophiebaybey: unwitting accessory to world murder, sees WAY more of PG and balloons lore than most people on account of The Events.
skullvolver/socksbx: revenant revengequest x2 and soul link plot, also socks is a mod and they get up to some funny business. poke in and watch one of them for the end of day 14 trust me 🫵
robbydude: doomer gnome made me cry but that’s not important. ghostquest continues upon the holy land even if we DONT WANT IT TO. jerry mouse is there
jame7t: sees kind of all of it from a distance, good coverage, citadel time (I like building streams)
shinigamieater: it’s possession clues. What if you were 15 ants of dubious morality in a human body
padabana: instigates the end of the world, once if you’re realistic twice if you’re being pedantic. it’s paranoia clues
kaoiji: there’s time travel, and it gets worse from there but I can’t FIND their vods so im redirecting you to robbydude
renobee: GOD??????????
#blsmp#uh if anyone has plots of interest to add I am also interested so you can put those in here#ask#ALSO I WILL come back and say two things number one.#this is tuoys. they’re playing soap opera. it gets pretty dramatic and intense but if they actually fought we wouldnt know about it#so if you’re a bit sensitive to arguing maybe relax and step back. those are friends on the internet playing characters don’t be weird#One and a half it ALSO gets pretty silly which is why I keep coming back it’s very silly#two this is all improv with Some direction by the mod team SO IF YOU WANT TO APPRECIATE THE MOD TEAM…#THEY HAVE A KOFI… STILL UP……….#to support the devs they made So many custom events and models and sounds it’s cool#https://ko-fi.com/balloonsmp … coughs…#anyways. Anon; I would never say my way of doing it was best but here’s what I did:#woops from day 1->end. robbydude day 1->end. Wildly skip around buggle jame kuu gibson skull socks yoda and ausk#wildly skip back and forth between sophie and Holly because I got end of evangelion’d at the end of gibsons stream and went HEYYYYYY#hooray! Discovery! It’s like digging for clues in here. enrichment for fisher#you don’t get the full story with One perspective and it’s cool!#uhhhmmm im trying to decide who’s best to watch for the finale but. I don’t know. Gibson’s my favorite so far for finale vibes#sorry for yapping it’s early and I have been putting off packing my suitcase for 4 hours. Ehe#I would also say that in the beginning no one contacts each others teams so disparate things happen#but by the end they’re all working together so a lot of things repeat if you watch multiple perspectives
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im making a wedding guest list in order to. uh. destress. from work anxiety. (we are not officially engaged yet in that we are waiting for our rings to arrive sometime this month and also do not even a little have a wedding date and have not figured out a budget yet. so it's a very stupid exercise. but. i can do whatever i want)
anyway im beginning to worry that i only have two friends? i suppose it's actually good because that will cost less but possibly i have some kind of disease or condition
#how many friends are you supposed to have#friend i guess being a term here for. person it would feel fucked up to not try to have at your wedding.#normally i don't worry about this because i have a rich and active social life online and at work and also at knitting#but if i invite my labmates i maybe need to invite the whole lab??#so i have to figure that out#i don't really feel like any of my knitting friends are wedding friends. like i like them a lot but we aren't There#and for the most part i have no idea how to gauge the intimacy level of internet friends. sorry to say that to your collective faces#but you can recognize that it's a weird problem i hope esp since i am BAD AT DMING and mostly just dont do it.#reading each others diaries for 12 years etc etc.#irl i have.... my best friend from kindergarten who is a family member. to me.#and my college roommate hi jack <3 <3 <3#and maybe 5 other people from college. one of whom may still be living in australia whenever this happens#i really shouldn't be concerned about this we have five billion cousins and Family Friends between us. and 🌸 has many friends#due to their superior and highly lovable nature.#but like. what if i forgot about a lifelong friend i care for deeply and don't remember they exist in time to invite them. it could happen.#box opener
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if we are mutuals and think we would get along or you just want to send me posts or whatever you can always message me or send an ask whatever i love interacting with people who share interests with me. and please dont be intimidated or feel bad if you dont talk frequently i sometimes get messages from mutuals i havent talked with for a year and its awesome to see each other again this is what this place if for . if you sometimes reach out to me i love you thank you for being here
#the more i think about how the internet and interacting with people with similar interests had affected me the more thankful i am that im#- still alive. it sounds weird but without slowly forming a friend group over qv in 2020 i wouldnt be alive now for sure#there were bad times and people who made me uncomfortable but theyre not here anymore and i curate this space like its my house its mine
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Hi, it's me again. I decided to follow your advice and try to seek out your 'actually serious' analysis, which led me to your komahina bible, the most easy to find compilation of this supposed analysis. Here are my thoughts-
1) Overview
- Most of this 'analysis' isn't analysis but a summary/overview of the game. It's not so much a 'bible' as a children's book summary of the bible, which at that point it would be better to play the actual game itself. It's clear it was made for a presentation on the 'uninitiated' if you will, but if that's the case, you shouldn't be advertising it as the literal bible on the subject.
- When you are not regurgitating points from the game beat by beat, the screen is halfway filled with either manga panels or fanart. My gripes with manga panels are, that even though they do depict the events of the game, the way they can be depicted by the artist can be pretty subjective due to the freedom of the medium in comparison to sprites, and that the role of one character can differ depending on whose pov manga it is (chiaki vs nagito). Fan art therefore should be scrutinized even more since it fully depicts abstracted and even the fandomified version of events, leading to situations where it's either unclear what is actually happening or betrays your more shallow view of the characters (i talk abt this later.)
- When you do use pictures directly from the game it's either a possible screenshot from a memorable moment or dialog from the wiki, limited almost exclusively to the freetime events. This leads me to believe that you haven't actually played the game(there are other factors hinting towards this) or watched a Let's Play of it, but going off of merely information that's already widely known and circulating within the fandom, and easy to search on the wiki.
2) Incorrect/Questionable information
Here I'll compile a lot of information that's either plainly wrong or baffling to having come to that conclusion , leading more credence to the theory that you either haven't actually played the game or your memory of it isnt as good as you think.
-"if Nagito's plan went off of without a hitch, he would have killed anyone that was closes to him at the time" plainly wrong. Komaeda's goal from the start was to make himself the victim, so by dying this way his death could have meaning and help the others. For somebody that keeps talking about Komaeda's "Martyr complex" this is truly a weird take to have.
-"Nagito...got the nurse for sure sick" is there any proof that specifically points to Komaeda for this? I believe the takeaway should've been that Mikan got sick because she was around all of them AND she overworked herself trying to take care of them. Is this just an awkwardly phrased attempt to make more of a connection between Tsumiki and Komaeda? I don't think you needed more than the ones that already existed.
- "he helps Junko brainwash a bunch of students" Kamukura at neither point in the anime or Danganronpa 0 was ever specifically implicated in the brainwashing. He never 'helps' Junko, especially in that way. If you meant, participates in the student council killing game, you should've said that, but even then his agency and influence is limited.
-"they found the Remnants and captured them!"...no, they didn't. The Remnants presented themselves as survivors and the Foundation took them in. They handed themselves over willingly. It was a pretty big piece of the final part of the game...
3) Komaeda and Komahina
- "Nagito's habit of putting people on pedestals" Where. Sure, he certainly parrots the belief that the "Ultimates" as a unit are at the top of the food chain and should be prioritised, but its clear that doesn't exactly carry over to his classmates like teruteru, Kuzuryu and even Souda sometimes. Just because of a few positive comments refering to them as Ultimates and the trial which he literally breaks down in, this is a hard position to support.
-"Nagito manipulates Hajime into playing the game" How. He literally just told him to play it. How is that manipulation. Also, isn't it a bit unfair to put the blame on Koizumi's death to him as well? I think they were multiple factors playing into this, but sure, how else are you gonna convince people that Komaeda is a twisted fucking cyclepath that loves leading people to their deaths.
-The way that you say the Kuzuryu/Pekoyama relationship mirrors Komahina as 'I will give up my agency for you/ I just want you' is also confusing. Unless of course you mirror Peko's struggle with her agency and harmful beliefs the clan enforced on her with Komaeda's own belief system, in which case, idk man, i feel like you are giving a bit too much credit to the supposed severity of Komaeda's views and trying too hard to make Hinata the 'rational' and 'grounding' one in the relationship.
- Again, the amount of times you refer to Komaeda as a freak for doing something 'weird' or even being drawn weirdly doing it , mostly in the manga, makes me belief this isn't just an affectionate tongue in cheek joke as you claim, but an actual way in which your interpretation of Komaeda is colored.
-"it doesn't excuse his nonchalance towards tragedy and murder but explains it" what needs to be excused here exactly? Komaeda doesn't need to immediately bawl his eyes out when someone gets killed or else he's suspicious and...bad? I am confused with what you mean by this. If you mean that Komeada shouldn't be so nonchalant about murder because he's constantly trying to kill someone else, that is plainly incorrect and i explained above why.
-Posturing about Komaeda's 'black and white thinking' while in the next exact slide you show fanart of him smugly explaining he has Borderline. First, i want you to explain to me the black and white thinking in a way that isn't "oh, the friends and classmates i previously liked turned out to be fucking terrorists". I think that's a pretty justifiable situation for your thinking to go from white to black. Also, if that is enough credence to assign Komaeda BPD, you really don't know how BPD works, especially since you assigned it to the one character you constantly talk about being a freak (and also lust...pseudo lust? after).
- The insistence with Hinata not really understanding Komaeda and running away, even if he wants to understands him is pretty suspect, especially when compared to the game. Hinata is confused and overwhelmed yes, but it's not just that he wants to understand Komaeda but that he still feels fondness for him, he still follows his advice and puts his faith in him and the way he mourns him in Chapter 5 is also pretty indicative of this. It's just another part in the pattern in you making Hinata the confused, rational, 'morally pure' man that's 'tempted' by 'corrupted' manic pixie mentally ill demon Komaeda. Something tells me your priest AU isn't so much playing with dolls as much as...what you actually believe these characters dynamic is.
- The whole page where Servant is basically made into a joke about how hot and sexy and freaky he is doesn't help your point either.
-The most damning evidence of course is a drawing in the second to last slide, wherein Komaeda is supposed to be analogous to 'guy who has something wrong with him' (distorted, freak, mentally ill) and Hinata is analogous to the guy that 'is the only one that understands them' (the rational one, the relationship of understanding doesn't go both ways).
- Your slide with sources is pretty vague and unclear. Also the way that you credit "Your superior mind" before the game itself when all you've been doing is repeating and misinterpreting the plot of the game is ...ironic
So yeah, that's all I got. Feel free to 'debunk' my observations as much as you please, I just want to know if there's actual basis behind everything you just said or I should go digging for 'the actual serious analysis' yet again.
i think you forgot that fandom is meant to be fun
#ask#anon#tw anon hate#i’m not gonna go through each individual point here bc frankly that’d be a waste of my time#so i’m just going to say this:#i am someone who makes jokes. funny haha jokes. i Laugh. i Shitpost. Common Fandom Behavior#‘freak’ is a word i use to refer to myself more often than anyone else#i view it with a positive connotation. and also kmda is objectively weird!! that is part of what makes his character good#i use 2 definitions of ‘freak’: the first is Related To Sex and the second is Strange Or Bizarre#komaeda is a strange and bizarre person who is regularly used for fanservice#you could for sure say maybe i have some sort of bias with calling people ‘freaks’ but for you to assume ill intent is nasty#that presentation was made to give my irl friends an understanding of what i mean when i talk abt kmhn#‘kmhn bible’ is a JOKE title. it’s a BIT. i don’t know if you’ve noticed but i try to have fun around here#anywho. i’m not going to argue semantics with someone who is clearly convinced that i couldn’t possibly know what i’m talking about#that’s not worth my time or energy.#i’m going to continue to have fun on the internet with my friends. i am going to continue making my funny jokes#i am going to continue to make weird bad not-quite-horny art. and i’m going to be happy#you can either block me like an adult and move on with your life. or you can send me another anon#if you do send me that ask know that i will block you. this is a conversation i am done having#because i will not have these conversations with people who refuse fo respect me#it’s clear that you have it in your head that you’re smarter than me. which sure whatever believe what you want idgaf#but regardless of how you view me i am not obligated to prove myself to you. ever#thanks for downloading my funny little powerpoint though ^_^
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Might just be the insomnia talking, but I'm thinking of closing the forum and the rp community I made.
Not sure if it's me or if it's just because of the way the FFXIV community is, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make them live.
And since there's no way to get straight answers, I'm left speculating. Which I honestly hate doing.
So, external reasons I cannot know for sure put aside, what I know is that I've never felt comfortable in the FFXIV community and I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells and that's not a great state of mind to create or animate any community.
Idk if it's because the Internet has changed, or because it's the first time I've joined an English speaking community and there's some cultural barriers I struggle with, or if it's just me and I changed too much. At any rate, it looks like I'm not the right person to foster a community people want to remain in anymore.
Honestly, I feel like I'm doing more for people with @sundered-souls-hub than when I'm offering a common space to meet and talk, so... I might just keep doing that instead.
Idk how to finish this post lmao it's just been on my mind for a while
(Just so we're clear: this blog isn't going anywhere either. I'm not leaving any time soon!)
#ooc#it sounds terribly whiny :/#but it does make me a bit sad tbh#internet used to be where I made friends#now it seems like I can only manage that irl#it's a weird feeling
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Let me bitch and moan before posting positivity for a sec because Derek DLC doesn't make you feel like you're cheating on Cove if you're dating him because Derek is actually yours and Cove's friend so spending time with him and crashing to his place doesn't feel weird if you do a platonic route. Which is not the same for Baxter DLC because WDYM I CRASH TO BAXTER'S PLACE AFTER INTERACTING WITH HIM FOR 3 DAYS AFTER 5 YEARS HE GHOSTED ME WHAT THE FUCK-
#misty talks our life#our life#olba#derek suarez#misty talks baxter#baxter ward#BAXTER DLC SUCKS IF YOU GO ON PLATONIC ROUTE AND YES IT'S AN ISSUE BECAUSE THE GAME ADVERTISE ITSELF TO HAVE PLATONIC ROUTES#AND THAT IS JUST...WEIRD#idk man personally i wont be crashing to my ex friend house after we didnt see each other for 5 years??#like can we all agree that baxter dlc suck if you do the platonic route#and yes i should be to do the platonic route BECAUSE IS IN THE GAME ADVERTISEMENT#edit: HOUSE HOUSE I MEANT HOUSE#someone said to read my tags and then i realized my mistake#to make it clear going into the house of someone to stya for the night after youve seen each other for3 days is still bad#especially if youre dating cove bc why the fuck arent u going to your boyfriend/husband/fiance hotel?? like i get that is last minute and#the hotel didnt count for another guest but if not im sure jude and scott wouldnt mind if you and cove shared the guest room#BUT NO LET'S GO TO BAXTER'S GUEST ROOM IG???#IM JUST#AND AGAIN#YOUVE SEEN BAXTER AFTER 5 YEARS THAT HE GHOSTED YOU AND YOUVE SEEN EACH OTHER FOR A WEEK AT BEST#IS STILL WEIRD I ACCIDENTALLY MADE IT WORSE LMAO#misty spreading misinfo on the internet#oh and mind you cove stays at the hotel while you alone go to baxters apartment#this sounds more and more like a potentional thriller i wont lie
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Just want to say: a, I admire very much that you've figured out a healthy way to work on your fics that allows you to have fun with it. And also b, am very excited to hear that you are getting there with pez! It has fully given me brain rot ever since I read it last year, there is just such a lack of content for the highly specific trope of using time travel as a device to explore extremely unhealthy levels of self loathing.
I just adore everything you're doing in it. Neither midoriya is anywhere approaching okay for any portion of the fic and I love rereading and mining into all the subtle characterization pointing to that. It's a bit like nhtycth in that some really goofy funny stuff is often hiding some really fucking worrying things, but the fact that characters DO do that stuff—that todoroki uses his teaspoon's worth of extremely stunted social skills to bludgeon his friend's door open and help him, that a rpf shipping war is an actual source of drama despite how goofy the sentiment seems on the surface, that about half of what jon says is deeply worrying and the other half is extremely funny and there's a lot of overlap between the two—really lifts the tension and brightens the universe. It's sort of similar to what you did with gerry, in that endless misery isn't nearly as painful as the ups and downs of a life that, when you step back and zoom out, has something deeply and horribly wrong with it.
(jon sort of reminds me of spider-man in that he uses human to deal with trauma and stress, except I don't think he at any point realizes how fucking funny he is. He's just there, in a home depot, gnashing his teeth because he's got so many bodies to dispose of and this cashier sure is taking her time.)
I really, really, really have had trouble finding fics that take everything midoriya has dealt with to task. It's a hell of a thing to live 14 years as a disabled minority, have it heavily shape your existence, and then one day you wake up and you realize you're...not that, or at least, nobody will ever acknowledge you as that again. You've lost all claim to it. Those experiences that shaped who you are? Dust in the wind. 14 years of pain and life might as well be buried in the ground for all the good they do you. Nobody's going to cut you any slack or quarter, you've gotta simply work harder, be better. And now when you do that you get the results you wanted, so that's fine, then. That's good. There was something wrong with the you before, and there's something right with the you now, and if the transition is a little rough, well that doesn't matter, you're the same as everyone else now, so it's your own job to fill in whatever gaps you need to.
I really can't get over how mentally fucked it must be for midoriya to run into quirkless people, run across quirkless issues, and be silently caught between, incapable of speaking his mind and too scared to do so anyway around those he can trust.
Also I should mention, I'm just very excited for bakugou to get back from the gym. He's been there like a year I hope he's getting a good workout in.
Me realizing that it’s been a year since pez dispenser debris:
I feel like there’s just this very specific type of grief that Izuku has to grapple with in the span of pez dispenser debris that I’m just obsessed with. He’s sort of silently mourning who he could have been, when 1) he has to present like there’s nothing lost to maintain his secret and 2) the entire world is constantly inundating him with the message that there was nothing lost.
Like. I don’t want to get too deep into it because it risks spoiling things and I do have major plans to continue it (I’ve loved this story for so many years before I ever even hit publish), but the emotion that Izuku’s feeling right now is so much more complex than “I hate who I used to be and want him to stop existing” or “I just want to keep my secrets.” And I think the way he interacts with Mirio is the biggest evidence of that.
Izuku’s placed himself at the very center of the Quirklessness debate with his support of Mirio. He fights for Quirkless heroes, very publicly, to the point where he’s not even graduated yet but considered to be one of the most prominent voices on the matter. If you took a poll of Quirkless people as to which hero would be most supportive of them pursing their own career in heroics, Izuku would be right at the top of the list. When it comes to Quirklessness itself, he’s nothing but supportive.
But he didn’t tell Mirio the truth of his own Quirklessness.
Out of everyone, Mirio’s the one everyone expects to know, despite him being a relatively newer relationship compared to someone like Iida or Uraraka or Todoroki. And I tried to imply that he’s sort of the one who knows the most about Izuku out of everyone save All Might.
Like, we’ll get into how much exactly Mirio knows soon, so I won’t divulge what, if anything, Izuku has told him. But we know that Mirio knows, weirdly enough, that Izuku is deeply fucking haunted. He knows that boy has many violent ghosts in his bones. He finds it hilarious and will tell their realtor about it. Izuku told him about the discontent spirits who died in a violent passion and live on inside of him before he told him about his Quirklessness.
And I just feel like one of those things is a little bit easier to discuss than the other.
Izuku has decided to keep his own Quirklessness quiet in a way that surpasses secrecy about One for All. If it was just about OfA, he could tell people he didn’t get his quirk until the entrance exam, and it wouldn’t even be a lie. He’s purposefully obscuring his own past as Quirkless even as he takes a forefront of the Quirkless hero debate with his open support of Mirio.
And the fact that he’s at the forefront of this debate in and of itself requires a difficult dichotomy. He is the world’s most vocal proponent for the first Quirkless hero. He is a known figure in the Quirkless community now.
He isn’t considered one of them anymore. He’s an outsider coming in.
It must be such a strange, odd sort of grief to come to the people you were home amongst for most of your life and be greeted as a stranger. To return home, and to be welcomed in for the first time, and to not even be able to tell people that you’ve lived here all your life and don’t need a tour.
It’s a sort of death of self, I think. And I think Izuku never expected to have to grapple with his own ghost.
#there’s just something so haunting to me about the idea of Izuku being considered just a really enthusiastic ally to the Quirkless community#like Izuku canonically did not have friends#he almost definitely was an /incredibly/ avid member of Internet forums#he probably found comfort amongst other Quirkless people for the first time ever online#and then he grew up#got all mights quirk#became a central figure in the Quirklessness debate#and suddenly found himself popping up on those forums that used to be his only solace as a child#that one hero with all the Quirks who supports the Quirkless#I see Izuku as being a semi controversial figure amongst Quirkless#because he obviously supports them#but he’s got quirks to an unprecedented power level and is also used by others against the quirkless community as an example of how far#behind they are in evolution#I feel like he eventually stopped going on those old forums that were his greatest comfort as a child#like I feel like he would feel weird lurking on the forums while they talked about him to him without their knowledge#he would have left to give them privacy away from him#he couldn’t honestly commiserate with them anymore because he was suddenly Quirked anyway#and what must that feel like#that realization that you can never go home again#pez dispenser debris#bnha#update IS incoming im actively working on this fic again#we are so so close people#to this and sgg and nhthcth#god it’s been so close for so long#also if you sent me an ask and I never answered it please know I saw it and loved it and started to answer it#which is why I currently have over 150 asks in a state of partial completeness#we’ll get there one day
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